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See Apr 97 contributions.
See Mar 97 contributions.
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Fri May 30 07:19:57 1997
F17 in Sydney, N.S.W =Australia=
Name: Meagan <omaeha-at-syd.dragon.net.au>
Web: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/7592/
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Prof/Studies: High School Student
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--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother when I was about 6 years old - she was my only
friend at the time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
I wasn't allowed to talk about her or go to her funeral - my parents
wanted me to make a "Clean break"
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Thu May 29 23:11:23 1997
F20 in Proctor, MN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
through the Yahoo list of polls and surveys
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Prof/Studies: history student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease/old age; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the point at which our bodies have worn out or been damaged to the
point that they won't function in any way, so they quit. Our hearts stop.
Our brains stop working. We decay.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't cry. I just felt like it was the right time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died after a few months of
being in and out of the hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
sitting in the front row of the church at the funeral. I never
touched the body because dead things give me the willies, but I remember
seeing people go by and kissing it and touching it as if grandpa were
still in there.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There are ways to feel comfortable with death. it doesn't have to be
a big question mark.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My parents didn't tell me grandpa died right away. I knew he would
probably die that night, so I told my parents not to tell me so that I
could get through school without being a mess. I know it must have been
hard for them not to tell me, but they
didn't even give any hints. I knew anyway.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family. I was just a kid. Most of my friends hadn't dealt with
much death. I also didn't have many friends at that point. My parents
and my brother taught me all I needed to know about death. They were
great models. I didn't have to forget or cover my emotions, but I didn't
have to fall apart either.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
All the people wanting to hug me. I don't like being touched. I'd
would have preferred if they just told me they cared instead of trying to
show it. I hated the attention.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandmother insisted on an expensive casket. What's the point?
You're just going to bury it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I had talked to grandpa more before he died, to make him more
comfortable. But I was scared. He had so many machines attached to him,
and he couldn't talk, so I didn't know what to say, or if I should say
anything.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I went to school. I knew he had died the night before, but I got
through the entire day of school without crying or causing a scene.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Everyone dressed in almost uniforms. Black suits and black dresses.
I wore the only dress I had, and it was maroon plaid, so I felt like I was
out of uniform or something.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The number of people at the funeral. I don't even know how many were
there. I guess there were a lot. I don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at my brother and see how much he's like grandpa. He looks
like him. He has the same gentle, caring nature. He's just like I wish I
were. That's what grandpa was like.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
retreat into my room and avoid all of humanity.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I haven't really had to acknowledge death so much. I believe in an
eternal soul, so death isn't an end.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the hospital did all they could. His body was determined to die, no
matter how much they did for him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My church doesn't do much for me. None of the people really know how
to relate to me. But I know God is there, even when the church isn't.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I've almost believed in ghosts, or vampires or other types of undead
things. There are creepy things in the universe that I haven't figured
out answers for yet.
--Regarding MONEY:
My dad went into the funeral parlor with his brother and said, "How
much is your cheapest casket?" My family can squeeze the life out of a
dime, even in times of great emotional distress.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone was taller than me. There were huge crowds and I couldn't
see anything past the thighs in front of me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The flowers. My grandma got all excited about who sent flowers and
who didn't. I could never figure out what difference it made. Also, the
kissing and touching of the dead body weirded me out.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In my case, my grandpa being in the hospital for the third time in
two months. Especially when the doctor told my dad that grandpa probably
wouldn't make it through the night. That was a pretty good sign.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My grandma was once very sick and she felt like she floated out of
her body and was looking at herself from above. Then she blacked out and
woke up a short time later.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
No expensive casket. No huge monuments. One thing I want is to make
sure that everyone at my funeral hears what I believed and why I believed
I'd go to heaven.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I'm going to heaven. God promised it. I'm not afraid to take
risks. I have different views of life than some of my friends. My dad's
favorite weapon is the machine gun. He's in favor of shooting people in
the back in the name of survival.
I'm very comfortable with the idea of death (maybe because I have dealt
with clinical depression and near-suicide). My favorite weapon is the
sword. A noble weapon. You have to get close to use a sword. It
requires some valor. No fear of death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I know he's waiting in heaven for me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
I had a "friend" who was manipulative and didn't care about anyone's
problems but her own.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's interesting. I haven't really thought about all the details of
my grandpa's death in a long time. There was so much else going on at
that time that I didn't even realize how much of it I remembered.
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Thu May 29 15:29:22 1997
F21 in Denison, TX =usa=
Name: Amy <tobar-at-impulse.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: in college
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: rhumatoid arthritis; Aged: 60.
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--Death Is:
When your body stops functioning, you stop breathing, your heart
stops, and your soul goes to heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I remember being sad because I knew I would miss them but I knew they
went to heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died when I was about 12. I
know I was really upset because he was great and I loved him. He had lung
cancer and had lost a lot of weight(he was a big man). I remember one
night having a nightmare that I saw him outside his house, he was very
pale, almost stark white,(naturally he was dark, he was Indian) and I
could see his bones. It scared me so much I went and got in bed with my
mother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I was more concerned for my father(it was his mother), because he
didn't meet his father until he was an adult. It was like his only parent
dying.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
What happens after death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The Lord.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Regrets that I didn't share everything I wanted to or should have
shared with them.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
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Tue May 27 19:23:07 1997
F36 in Clifton Springs, New York =USA=
Name: Carolyn <maddog-at-epix.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 59.
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--Death Is:
Nothing to you unless you experiance the loss of someone close. You
can't begin to understand.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was uninvloved because it was a Grandparent who lived far away.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my Grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how bizarre it all feels being without my Dad. I can't believe it is
real yet.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to love what you have while you have. Not to wait until someone
is gone to wish you had said or done things you should have while they
were alive.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The way my friends and co-workers supported me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own faith that everything happens for a reason. God has a time for
all of us.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The final-ness of it. The grim reality. And family.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to accept it so soon because of my relationship with my Dad.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
was told the news.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I acted the way Dad would have expected.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him again how much I loved him but I know he knew. I also wanted
to tell him what a great person he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not totaly lose control during all the services. That I was able to
help my 2 young children through all their questions.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the whole family was called upon to express their wishes.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certian songs on the radio or hear something Dad would have
liked or someone says something to me about Dad. I have many of these
times. When I see something that Dad loved or some of his things.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Dad didn't leave his affairs in order. Dad didn't write down his
verbal wishes. Dad didn't have enough time with his 11 year old Grandson,
Dad didn't take good care of himself. I could go on and on.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back to give him a good cuff up side his head for leaving me!!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt numb.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
he had a great service.
--Regarding MONEY:
Dad's affairs were not as he seemed them to be. He left his kids
nothing and left his wife to pay the funeral bill.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
some people were there because they felt they had to be and other
were there because they wanted to be for the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I could imagine what Dad would look like dead.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
My unresolve issues are that he left me when we were both so young.
It doesn't seem fair that he won't get to see his Grandchildren as adults.
I think acceptance has alot to do with resolving these issues.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think family should do what the person wanted done. Period. This
all ties in with being prepared yourself.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I leave peacefully. I want to have my affairs in order and my
wished known so there will not be any questions for any one to answer. I
hope my passing won't be as painful for my children and my husband as my
Dad's death has been for me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I try to belive that Dad is still here in some form and is watching
over me. It helps to be able to think of what he would say or do.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just keep going on as Dad would have wanted me to. He would have
told me not to let it get the best of me, keep my chin up and do what I
have to do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was painful but I still feel calm about the whole thing. I just
hope it doesn't "hit-me" at a later date.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I feel you should ask about family conflict at the time. My Dad was
remarried and although I love my Step-Mom, I felt left out because the
focus was on her. I really wanted some (her) to tell me how sorry she was
I lost my Father. I also wonder what my relationship will be with her now
that my Dad is gone. I also worry that shewill get influanced by her side
of the falimy of affairs which I feel they have no business. You should
address the Step Parent thing. It is a big issue now that I have never
seen dealt with.
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Tue May 27 14:09:59 1997
F17 in Frankfort, IN =U.S.A.=
Name: Erin Cottrell <erhead-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just surfing and stumbled in
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Prof/Studies: nanny
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Chicken Soup for the Soul
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 1/2 years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 15.
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--Death Is:
what happens eventually to everyone. Your soul leaves your body and
it goes to Heaven or to Hell (depending on how good of a person you were
in life). Your body can't live without a soul and it dies. Then it is
buried.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock. I cried day and night. It really hurt because my g-ma
and I were so close.
--That first time, how it happened was
First, my g-ma died and we were very close. She had cancer and it
took so long for to to die. It almost killed me inside. Then, a friend
killed himself, that was terrible to deal with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how hard my family took it and how my g-ma was so upset that she
sometimes says she wants to kill herself from lonliness. (My g-pa died)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
crying to my stuffed animals
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing them and them not being there when I needed them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Tue May 27 10:14:08 1997
F36 in Fredericksburg, VA =U.S.=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Government
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1/4 yr ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 74.
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--Death Is:
a forever sleep.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My uncle who I liked very much hung himself in
the cow barn close enough to be kicked so badly that the funeral had to be
close-coffin. Shortly after that a friend of both of us died in an auto
accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everyone crying.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to let go.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death provides a release from pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spouse.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the affect on my child/spouse.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them die at home, in their own bed. DO NOT call 911.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
organized the logistics while others were grieving.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person was almost, but not quite dead and relatives began screamin.g
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that laughter and tears are so closely related.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to the funeral and be with family after the death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
leave my work behind and deal with relatives.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people went out of their way to be kind to others.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
people outside of the family attending the wake.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember how scared my son was that his grandmother was going to
leave hime forever.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we are kindest to the dead person after the death instead of
during their lifetime.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not deal with it at all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
focused on good memories.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
pleasant surprise that the hospice personnel were available for
whatever we needed and only at our request. They gave us valuable
information and only came when we asked for something.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me, organized religion is a crutch, but I think for many it
provides comfort and routine.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like something unreal.
--Regarding MONEY:
We purchased a dress for her to be buried that was vastly more
expensive than anything she had ever owned. We buried her with jewelry
which seemed a waste to me, but a comfort to others. I was appalled that
the funeral home tried to take advantage of the situation, charging us
more than the previously agreed on amount. To a certain extent, we gave
in because we were so exhausted with the whole process.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Family took the time to get together on the good side. On the bad
side, the funeral home tried to charge us for things that they had erred
in (putting the obituary in the wrong paper) or more than previously
agreed (wanted us to pay twice for transp ortation, etc.). They then
charged our credit card twice, what a mess!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being the support for my sister-in-laws. I'm not particularly close
to any of them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
That breathing may become irregular for some time before death. That
a sign for us was the extremities turning blue. Also, we had to ask the
Hospice to come explain why we weren't feeding her and giving her much
liquid. It seemed cruel to the men in the family, but the Hospice
explained that she no longer needed the food/water and trying to force
those things on her would cause her pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It appeared to us that she spoke to her dead husband right before dying.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want to suffer at all; give me morphine and let me die. If
I die after my husband, make sure that all of my possessions are earmarked
so people won't fight about them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My husband and I talked at length about our death and what we wanted
for ourselves. I want to be cremated and placed in a nice vase. My
husband wants music by the Doors to be played at his funeral (The End, in
particular). We wanted to make sure that we understood what the other
person wanted.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I got all of the daughters (who bore the brunt of the care, etc for
the mother) an angel pin.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Sun May 25 19:49:31 1997
F29 in Monterey, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo cool links then personality tests
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Saved by the Light
Authors: Dannion Brinkley....also love Dan Millman
"Way of the peaceful Warrior"
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 70's.
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--Death Is:
another life form, evolving,moving on to experience life but not in
this time or space
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
freaked out! Only because she was the first person whom I was close
with who died a long and painful death as I watched. And there wasn't
anything I could do for her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..boyfriend at time, his mother committed suicide
by jumping off a cliff. She left no note. She and I were not friends so
I hurt for him, his sorrows, not mine as I had none..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everyone being sad,guilt ridden, greed from other relatives waiting
for the $$$$$, angry, hurt,hopeless.....
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is no heaven and hell.There is only what you have created.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading the book saved by the light, by Dannion Brinkley
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching helplessly...nothing I could do to comfort her or her pain.
Also watching the hospital staff abuse her...I wanted to kill those nurses
who abused my aunt..instead we moved her to another hospital.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there for them...bring in their pet to see them,we did and it
cheered her up.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
no comment
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when the doctors were wrong.they didn't know their ass from a whole
in the ground and they second guessed her "condition" at all times.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I loved her, spent more time with her prior to her being sick
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Just be there....
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
calling in the pastor,preacher,whoever to read the last rights
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to accept it...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community is a cess pool! They are maggots to the core!
(99.9%)anyways. I know doctors are in it for the money, have you seen the
care people get in community hospitals? Or people on medicaid? The care
level is appaling.Nurses don't care because the're over worked and
underpaid.Doctors are too caught up in the $ end. Who's left to care for
your sick ones? The 1/2% that is in the medical community because they
care is too few and far between.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NOTHING! Churches are only there to get their tidings. They don't
give a shit what hapens to your loved one. Organized religion is as
corrupt as our government.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
exactly
--Regarding MONEY:
I could care less...for other family members it was their only
concernand that really bothered me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
no funeral was held....a graveside service with family members only,
and they excluded family they didn't like which I thought was
inappropriate.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
ask questions, watch how long the doctor DOESN"T show up.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She was surrounded by her dead husband of 20+ years and her best
friend whom died 1 year earlier. It was very clear to all of us that it
was the only peaceful time for her.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Have a living will, keep it updated.Do I want to be "brought back?"
Do I want to spend my life on a respirator?Is my will current? We don't
like to think about those things yet we must....if anything for the
family's benefit so they don't have to dec ide for you, it can be very
heartbreaking for the family
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not afraid to die...have done it before, I'm sure...and will do it
again
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
write in a daily journal how you feel at that moment.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
my memories of that person,knowing that they "evolving"
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
My favorite aunt died last year and I felt horribly guilty for not
spending time with her.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu May 22 22:07:02 1997
F40 in Montana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When someone leaves and is no longer here physically but remains in
memories and things that spur your memory to think about them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so young that it didn't have a great impact on me although I did
see the impact on the people who were still living.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died after suffering a stroke.
I remember him being unable to speak and being sick after the initial
stroke and helping my grandmother care for him and attempts to reabilitate
him. Specifically helping him ide ntify common everyday items which was
frustrating to him. I remember these things more so than his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How much stronger I was than I thought I could ever be.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was raised a Catholic and Catholics believe death is a joyful and
wonderful event that we "celebrate". Baloney!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned how petty some little disagreements can be. Some things
just don't matter and need to be forgotten about.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Support and understanding from co-workers was important. My immediate
family just holds each other together.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That my father knew he was going to die and didn't leave some kind of
letter or personal momento for me although before he died his actions and
courage were very special.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Carry on and do special things that the person wants as happily as
possible.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I was able to help my mother care for my father up to and through his
death, make necessary arrangements and continue making financial decisions
to the best of my ability.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was most confused when I heard stories that other people had
survived this unsurvivable cancer through holistic cures or prayer and no
matter what we did or how hard we prayed my dad died anyway.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My dad would have liked the jokes we told and laughed along with us.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I took every opportunity and have no regrets. My mother regrets
certain treatments she subjected my father to but I know that we only made
the best decisions we could with the information we had.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be strong and make it through the funeral and the horrible
entertaining you are forced to do when someone dies.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Something happens that I know my dad would have strong feelings
about. Especially when his grandson has somthing happen that I feel he
has "missed".
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Period. It's just not fair. Some people with less of a will to live
do and he died.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They don't know what to do either. They are unable to speak of death
and speak in ridiculous analogies and want the other guy to tell you the
bad news and in the long run no one tells you the bad news even though you
know it already.
--Regarding MONEY:
It is unbelievable how expensive it is to bury someone. Money or
inheritance was not a problem.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone thinks it is one big old party and they get together and eat
and talk not realizing that the family is left cleaning up the mess and
putting food away and making sure people get there pie plates and salad
bowls back. I don't think people ha ve any idea what it's like to be so
tired and to look out at a sea of cold cuts and dirty plates and have to
take care of all that.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Looking at the faux marble (plastic) container his ashes were in on
the little faux grass platform in the cemetary and seeing a fly land on it
while the priest spoke and thinking how absurd it all was.
During my grandmothers funeral I remember the funeral director wanting to
lead us by the open casket one more time and we had all had it and walked
out to the hearse. All except for my aunt who sobbed and sobbed even
though she had said at one time years ago that she wanted to put a pillow
over my grandmothers head and suffocate her in her sleep. Not a
convincing performance.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My father died of lung cancer and I thought I was prepared for death
until I saw my grandmother die of liver cancer. I couldn't tell you a
milestone because when I thought that it was over in my grandmothers
instance she still lasted for days in ter rible agony.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think he was young again and with his mother who had passed away
when he was young.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My father had always told us about what his wishes were for his
funeral and we carried them out. His relatives and my mothers relatives
were very critical of these decisions and made my mothers grief worse
because of their insensitive comments. I t hink people need to keep their
comments about cremation etc. to themselves.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
The death itself was so secondary to the care of him during his
illness.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
No one spoke of the funeral or death since I was only 5 when it
happened and later when I was questioned about memories of my grandfather
I was very uncomfortable about it because the only things I remembered was
the pain of his being a stroke victim .
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
We had some interesting phenomenon happen right after my fathers
death. I know it sounds hokey but a clock stopped at approximately the
time of his death and a shelf that he had put up fell off the wall. I
think there were about seven weird things that happened that day. I also
think he visited my ten year old nephew in his sleep that night to say
goodbye. Some of these phenomenon might be interesting to hear.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu May 22 14:21:32 1997
F23 in Maplewood, MN =USA=
Name: <mads0005-at-metnet.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Registered Nursing Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, two yrs ago.
Cause of Death: inherited emphysema; Aged: 60?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A passage into another form of life with no pain or worries
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't convinced they were dead. It took me a long time to go
through the grieving process
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my cousing that I wasn't real close but
anyways he shot himself after spending Christmas at my grandma's house.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I got to sit and talk with her a month before her death and I felt
good about it. She was in a lot of pain and suffering
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Well, I am part native american and their funerals are quite
different from "white" people's. I think that anglo saxons are more
distant and view it as an ending instead of a beginning of a better life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Memories of the person, that you can never lose
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Memories and reflecting of both the person who died and myself and my
feelings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The suffering of that person.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be supportive and just listen to the person. Let them vent anything
they want to.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's great because it was a laugh from a memory that popped up into
my mind.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend some time with her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see or talk to someone that looks, acts, even sounds like
my aunt.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and pondered why this happened, or I just was silent. Depended
on what the death was.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Pride. I felt they did all they could do.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me it's much easier to see the "light" of things. Coping is much
easier too.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How not many cried during the funeral yet here I was just sobbing
away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Kussmal's breathing, which are irregular breaths both deep and
shallow with irregular rhythym
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I just hope I don't go through too much suffering but I'm not afraid
of death
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Meditating and reflection
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that this was a great survey. I'd hope that some of the
answered questions will help other people look at death in other's point
of view
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu May 22 14:12:05 1997
M58 in gardnerville, nv =usa=
Name: nick <nick-at-bodie.gardnerville.nv.us>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: middle mangement
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was my unclle, i was 10 years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my uncle died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a big loss in my life, when my father died
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
remember my parents, with love and admiration, for the both of them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Wed May 21 19:01:09 1997
F32 in Houston, Texas, =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Mental Helath Net
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
good bye
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
froze (emotionally)
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... baby brother, I was five or six.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
crying and crying and crying and crying
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
no matter how you look at it it still hurts
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it didn't happen until I accepted that it was going to happen
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
free time to think, exercise etc. time to feel alive myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
good bye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend my mom's last month near her, visit her oftn during her health
problems
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect for their efforts, compassion
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
love, reaching out, daily visits, physical help
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I wanted it to just be people I knew, not a bunch of strangers my
mother knew a long time ago lingering around forever like there was
something they could do for me when I felt no connection to them. A
funeral isn't time to build a connection. If yo u want to help the
survivors, you have to already have a connection to them before you go.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel lonely.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think I'd mind dying as much as i did before mom died.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Making something, anything. Counteract destruction with creation. I
made a dress the minute I found out my mother had died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed May 21 18:21:21 1997
F19 in Reno, NV =USA=
Name: Amethyst Stettler <tourette-at-intercomm.com>
Web: http://www.intercomm.com/users/tourette
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
search on quizzes
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Prof/Studies: Musician
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 90.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like shedding out body, as a snake sheds it's skin, which allows our
souls to be freed, in order to restart the cycle of dying and being born
into a new body (reincarnation)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
just sat in my room, and talked out loud as if talking to them,
asking them questions about why things happened, and basically studying my
own thoughts and feelings about their death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Great Grandmother died of cancer. and i
had to go to her funeral, I saw her and held her had the day before she
died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
people become hateful to those who leave them to death, like they
were supposed to stick around forever, when in all actuallity if we were
supposed to stick around forever, then death wouldn't exist.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is going to happen to them soon enough, and when it happens, they
too will be forgotten in time...Memories last forever.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When the people around me died, I became stronger, knowing which
direction in life i wanted to take, and getting my priorities straight.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to sit by myself, and think things through, without the
thoughts of others interupting mine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to accept their was no soul in their lifeless bodies....they were no
longer there. incoherent to everything around them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them, because what they have to say to you, might prove to
be valuable to you later.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have grown, myself, I would like to become a mortician, so as to
understand Death/Dying/and the deceased better, being around death will
help you to understand it better, so don't put your personal feelings for
the deceased in front of your curiousity and need to understand and learn.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
at the funeral, and looking and touching the deceased.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing at death, is a way of coping with the reality of the absence
of the ones you love...Laughing is the soul, helping itself, to help you
cope with the pain of losing the ones loved by you.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to the people whom died around me, and listened to what they had
to say....what they saw, for their future, and for mine.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept that these things happen. and move on with life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw the deceased lying in the casket, cold, and lifeless. I
understood everything at that moment, and I was happy she had died,
instead of living with the pain of disease, and suffering.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what i was going to get from the will. Material possessions aren't as
important to me as the memories, and the understanding of that person
before they died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how it would have turned out if they wouldn't have
died. to look at their future if things were well. I feel there would have
been a 10 fold of suffering later on in life. an unpleasant death, a
struggle, without peace.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to blame a person for dying, when it's something they could/or
couldn't control, they left, and blaming them is not going to bring them
back.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in the past, and stop things from happening, so that they
people who died, had the knowledge they were going to die, but had enough
time to talk to me, to tell me how they felt, and how they thought things
were going to happen when they were gone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
studied death, and dying, and was able there to find something that
truely interested me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
trying to Cure and care for someone with terminal cancer is just
creating more pain for the patients and their families. it's better to
tell them they are going to die, and give them time to talk to their loved
ones and tie ends off, and don't treat them to cure them, sure, stop the
pain, but don't try to stop nature from taking it's course.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as if the soul leaves the body and stays around the people
who care the most, and guide them in their lives.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter how much it cost to bury them as long as
they were buried where they wanted to be.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was feeling different, I didn't mourn, I didn't cry, I was truley
happy, with a smile on my face, and it was just another day. but the
difference was, there was no suffering.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I liked it, it didn't bother me, I wanted to study it, to learn it,
to basically without dying, experience the last moments of life, just to
learn, to see, how life is when it is about to come to a screeching halt.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
an acceptance of death and dying. Once someone is told they are
terminally ill, they can either fight it, or they can accept it. Either
way, they are all still going to die in the end.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just sit back, watched it happened, and tried to learn as
much as i could, in what little time i had with my loved ones
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My greatgrand father (her husband) came to her, and told her it was
okay, and to come with him, she refused, about a week later she stopped
refusing and died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
just sit alone in a dark secluded room, and talk to that person, as
if they were in front of you, vision them, their looks, their voice, how
you remember them, and talk to them, the answers will come to you and the
issues will be resolved, I guarantee it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
try, within your best capabilities, to accomplish the wishes, of the
deceased. if you don't, your own personal guilt will prevail in the end.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I am going to die, so be it, and if there is a spiritual world,
which i believe in, I will stay near the ones I love, and I will answer
their questions and feelings about anything I would be a guardian angel in
a way. i would make my spiritual presence be known to all.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I am a musician, and when things like death happen near me, I tend to
write poems/songs about my feelings, and about the deceased.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am pursuing a career in Music, and trying to go to college to Study
Mortuary Science, so hopefully I can become a mortician, and learn more
about death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
I just kept to myself, no need to discuss what happened with anyone
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was great, it just reconfirmed my thoughts in myself, and in
dying. I hope what i said will help others in the future with how they
perceive death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed May 21 17:49:27 1997
F17 in Folsom , Louisiana =USA=
Name: Bobbie Sharp <csharp-at-neosoft.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
I'm interested in questionairs
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Prof/Studies: High Schol student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 13yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
it is an ending of a beings fleshly life, in some religions DEATH is
the gate way to godliness. death is when the body of that being no longer
functions in other words it "DIES" willingly or not willingly
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was first confused but knew i could no longer enjoy their loving self
any more, but kept the memory of them always in my heart. it saddens me
still that i couldn't grow up with my grandmother then.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died when i was 5, she committed
suicide of drug abuse and liquor...of my unage and the way i was brought
up i already had the strengh to handle a death from any sort of nature
with out breaking apart.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I nothing of a depressing nature just pity on all of our souls
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Their lives need not be focus on the purity of their death and the
righteous way they will go to their religions ideal place but to live life
to the fulliest and not to burden themselves with issues that will brig
their liveliness down
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Is that i was chosen to be born.....and then i will be choosed to
die....and that my life and others is like a patteren happiness when born
happiness when the time to die.(no matter what was the cause of
death...because if death came unexpected their life that was spent on
earth impacted us all in a great way or made us learn from themistakes
made to better ourselves.)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
most support i get is from close friends and the advice i get from
myself...this is always the way that tends to heal me faster durning
troubled times
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The depression that lured me to a stand still state....and the
thought that i've just lost the most inspirational thing in my life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I basically believe that if would buried my self with troubles,
worries, sorrows, i am not accomplishing nothing but self inflicted pain
to my self...but i keep those wonderful memories inside
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue May 20 19:01:49 1997
M19 in Scotland =United Kingdom=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sleeping for ever
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't really grasp it
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandfather died in his sleep
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
nothing
--What I think my (United Kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be afraid, it comes to us all :)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandfather died in his sleep
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realised that it's just one of those things, he'd been lucky til now,
and it was his time
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I didn't really feel very emotional about it
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it happens to everyone sometime, so I'm making the best of my life
that i can, and you can't take it with you!! :)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
odd - certainly the first questionnaire of this type i've filled out
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Tue May 20 15:12:12 1997
F16 in Kingsport, TN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: high school student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 mos. ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the time for a human to leave the earth. He/she goes to a much
better place to live, called Heaven, and is taken care of by a remarkable
man named God. Also, God chooses when it is your time to come and live
with him eternally, not yourself.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about to turn 16. My father called me and said that my
grandfather had a heart attack when he was getting ready to go home from
the hospital. He had lived an hour and then passed on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather had a heart attack and died an
hour later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how everyone was out of class all day, crying with their friends.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death isn't something to be afraid of. Also, killing yourself
doesn't solve your problems.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how my friends and I all grew closer to one another after the
accident and how alot of people who weren't getting along finally made up.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the caring words of family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing how badly hurt my friends were by his death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know how you really feel about them, for they may be gone
tomorrow.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have become a much stronger person and have also matured alot.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my friend was killed in a car accident. He was only 17 and a senior
in high school. All he ever talked about was graduating, and he didn't
get to do that. He died 2 days before his 18th birthday. I just couldn't
(and still can't) understand why God wouldn't let him live some of his
dreams before he went.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandfather how much I loved him before he died. Also, I
wish I could have gotten to know my friend better before he passed on.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through it and mature by the deaths.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I pass by the crash site and see all the flowers, candles, and other
memorablilia all of us left for my friends when he died.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it once and for all, or better yet, have them come back
to earth to live again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still was in shock. I knew it was real but in a way it still seemed
like a dream.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how so many people came to my friend's funeral to pay their respects.
There were 3000 people at the funeral alone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Tue May 20 13:56:03 1997
F32 in Teaneck, NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of being able to interact with a physical person
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in elementry scool. Nobdy explained to me about wakes and
funnerals and what I was *supposed* to do.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not feeling ANYTHING for the person that died, only for their family.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Its not an excuse to stop living. Life itself is fatal.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Finding out who my father really was.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the relationship with my fatehr changing when my mother died He
became the child, I became the parent.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
At the very least -- you will feel guilty if you are not.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to do everything, carry on, take charge of the family.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its okay to react however you want... even in front of the funeral
director.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
convince my brother and sister to visit my mother before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Take care of everything and allow my Dad to go right back to work.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Wondering if all the treatment is worth it -- sometimes they can't
offer you a quality of life... you are better off to just give up.
--Regarding MONEY:
We finally had some... My mother never maintained a family savings
account. Her small life insurance provided my dad with some emergency
savings. Its lucky that he didn't count on her salary to work and that I
was done with college.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
packing my mother's things.... You really learn about a woman when
you go through her pocket book!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother's best friend had a pact with her -- that they would give
each other "a sign" that everything was okay on the other side. She had a
Xmas angel, that had been hanging on the door for about a year fall off at
the exact time my mother died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I ws lucky, I was home, taking care of my mother and I didn't feel
that there was anything left unsaid.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My mother wanted to be creamated and have no service. This offended
many of her co-workers (friends). I don't think they stopped to think
that we were only doing what she asked.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Constantly -- No woman in our family has survived to age 50. Doesn't
bode too well for making it to retirement.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Hopefully --- people that aren't all broken up about the death of a
loved one will take some solace in the fact that everyone reacts
differently to death and that there is no "right" way to behave
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue May 20 13:30:15 1997
F15 in Brandon, Manitoba =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
she said "try surveys" I said "okay"
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Prof/Studies: student
More personal info:
your questionair is way to long and uninteresting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, two ago.
Cause of Death: asthma attack; Aged: seventeen.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Leaving your life behind, going to places that are
not known until one's time comes.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didn't cry, hardly felt bad, hated the funeral.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my great grand father. I raraely seen him, and always had
diffuculty talking to him. He began to have re-occuring nightmares about
the war, shortly after he died naturally in his sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how three different girls at his funeral claimed to be his
girlfriend. Dropping the phone and crying as soon as I heard the news.
Wishing that I knew him better than I did. Feeling very sorryfor friends
of mine who were very close to him and his family.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
my family has no beliefs. Sorry.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I actually began to believe there is a heaven, because I felt like
someone as good as him couldn't be just finished.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My bestfriend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to understand it all
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding thier hand and talking
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wondered wherehe could be now
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
It didn't bother me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Tue May 20 08:26:08 1997
F53 in Traverse City, Michigan =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
search to establish topical links for course work and seminar development
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Prof/Studies: Gerontologiy Consultant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 12/7/96.
Cause of Death: died in sleep; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a separation of the soul from the body. The body ceases to be alive.
the soul journeys on to other learning s and adventures.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was four years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was four, It was a foster grandmother whom I
did not know very well
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
being stunned: I rejoyced for Barbara; she had done all that she
wanted to be doing. She lived fully. I grieved for a special person was
in another dimension which I felt separated from.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is natural. It needs to be honoured. Ritual of compassion must
be part of the Song of Loving.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Barbara was and is still a model for living life fully. It is a
precious adventure to be honoured by our embracing each moment in joy and
awareness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing I was part of a covenanted community and being able to breath
freely the fresh air of MY FATHER'S WORLD.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sense of abandonment whcih is stored in my muscle memory from
infancy and prior to six years. Given up by an ambivolent mother and
three foster homes and 2 ophanages prior to six.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand if they are comfortable. Hold your heart in Light of
the Spirit, be one of the conduit continum which moves the Soul from one
dimension to another.
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
There is no one: I was with my mom and pop each; I have been a
hospice care-giver. I have been with my pets I've worked in a nursing
home setting. Life is precious: All Is One; All Is to be Honored
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not been confused
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didn't laugh, but smiled at the bon voyage of Soul
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak before coma drew a veil of unresponsiveness
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
do little things, like touch a hand, offer a piece of fresh sweet
fruit Say something gentle
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I become silent and tell myself there is a Big Picture which I have
not yet seen fully. I have to trust the Heart of Heaven.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
walked the Dromeon
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they sometimes retreat into technology and do not wish to see or
acknowledge the other dimensions of the dying process which to make the
Journey of Life complete.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a covenanted community of spoken and unspoken support
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right; in relish in discovering and walking with the universal
acknowledgement of Spirit in death and exploring the processes different
spiritual communities express the Journey.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
most people's inability to express themselves in the face or death.
Even at funerals often people are shallow, distancing themselves.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Listen to the patient. Acknowledge their need to talk about death,
be present in heart, mind and spirit to their journey, and yours too.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't judge. Be present, listen. Let each person move through this
grieving at their own pace. For most now the grief process can last up to
28 months of continual work.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Tis true tis true
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Good, Barbara was a good teacher and friend. I will pass it on.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
See Above
My experience is that unresolved communication in co dependent family
relationships usually are the source of refusal to abide by the wishes of
the dying person.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I am mortal. Am not in any hurry to shuffle off this mortal
coil, but am in the process of exploring the appointment of a durable
power of attorney for health care. I want to be in charge of what kind of
technology will be used or not used to support my life if I were
incapacitated.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Walked my Dromenon
Write poetry
Dance the Enos Mythos
Will light candle in church service on Memorial Day Weekend
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Have had to link death with abandonment and go through grief process
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
As a young child one is not equiped neurologically or emotionaly to
deal. It is a process of recognizing these early memory links to later
dealth encounters which must be dealt with on many levels to heal and
continue the journey.
rs
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good. Not change any thoughts I have on the issue
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
How has the memory of past deaths influenced your ability or
inability to deal with this most recent death experience?
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Tue May 20 02:58:36 1997
F20 in tulsa, ok =usa=
Name: Angela
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: theatre major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
tried to visualize what it would be like not to exist anymore, and
discovered I couldn't.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I had several pets dy as a small child, but my
first experience with a human's death was when my great-grandmother, to
whom I was quite close, died. I was about seven. She died of cancer. I
attended her funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the guilt I felt at not having seen it coming, or done anything to
prevent it, and the incredible pain of missing someone that much.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. I think we have accepted death overwhelmingly well into our
culture. I think we would be better off if we were as open about sex and
ideas as we are about death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the many, many drugs I took for the next couple of years, and all the
pain that is associated with it. If I hadn't made myself so numb
afterwards, I don't think I could have gone on either.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loneliness.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
should have listened more closely! I can't emphasize enough how
important it is that we all watch our loved ones closely when they are
going through difficult times. Be there for them, listen to them, and
watch for any possible warning signs. It could make all the difference.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song that we would listen to, or a poem he used to
recite...there are a lot of little things like that which still make me
miss him horribly.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
took drugs.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
accepting the fact that we cease to exist. To this day, I have never
been able to visualize just stopping someday.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm afraid
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Mon May 19 09:29:02 1997
M49 in Bryan, Ohio =USA=
Name: Lynn Hickman <djonaros-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Survey Says [http://www.cris.com/~webstr/survey.shtml]
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Prof/Studies: retired on disability (ordained minister)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 70 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
moving from one plane of existence to another.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
mourned quietly and celebrated his life by reviewing pleasant
memories of life experiences we shared.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a former roommate died of AIDS
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the suddeness and the fact that he chose to die quickly rather than
suffer for the 6 months to a year the doctors gave him. (He will himself
to die. The doctor told me he had 6 months to a year, then I went into
his room to see him. He told me he had 3 weeks to live. He died 3 weeks
to the day later.)
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
less emphasis on the death itself and more on the celebration of the
deceased person”s life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He had a very good life and he chose to leave it rather than live a
much diminished life-style.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
1] the support of certain friends, not always the ones most expected.
2] his attitude toward his own death.
3] my personal belief system
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
1] the lack of consideration and support of certain friends,
especially a few from whom I particularly looked for support 2] being
purposely left out (so far as they could get away with it) from the
family. 3] the suddenness of the death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
1] Your actual physical presence is IMPORTANT, whether or not the
person is able to respond. He/she IS aware that you care enough to be
there and that is a comfort. 2] Be honest with the person. Little polite
lies (like: You”re looking better. When the person is not looking
better.) that the person knows are lies will make the person feel worse
not better. Also they will destroy the trust you have built up with hi
m/her. 3] Be honest about your feelings and the person”s coming death. A
dying person very much appreciates honesty from those whom he/she loves.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The severe symtoms of the cancer, then death, came so quickly.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
{I tried to develope our relationship so there would be no regrets.
There were mistakes and things I would rather have done differently, of
course, but I do not feel I could or should have done anything
differently.}
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. Personal beliefs meant much. For the most part the church
is not helpful. {{I am an ordained minister.}}
--Regarding MONEY:
My stepmother made sure I would be disinherited in favor of her and
her children.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The great esteem in which he was held and the number of people (very
few local) who came to mourn his passing and celebrate his existence
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there was none.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have been near death, but have not had such an experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
In recent years our conflicts and misunderstandings were mostly
resolved. I am very thankful that this happened.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I feel that as far as is physically possible, the dying persons
wishes for his funeral and the way people mourn him should be respected
and followed. This was done with my father (even though a few people
thought some of things were strange). The fact that this was done has
been a great comfort.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I no longer have any family who cares. I fear that I will outlive
everyone who care about me and no one will mourn me. Worse yet, I am
afraid no one will really care whether I die or not.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
young age of deceased
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Sun May 18 02:41:24 1997
Anonymous Guest in Seattle, WA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
painful
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt understand fully
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was....my grandfather died. He was my father figure.
I saw him....touched him right after he expired in the ER. That was the
first time I touched a dead person. I had been to funerals before though.
I was 8 yrs old. I "examined" him at the wake.... He brought me home
from school and said, "Tell Rose [grandmother] Ill be in when I feel
better" I thought nothing of it and went into the house and began to eat
dinner and watch TV. About 10 min (I really dont know), my grandmother
walked out onto the porch and screamed. He was lying on the porch....still
alive....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
complete anguish
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandfather's wake.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
counseling
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting go
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Couseling has been key, though I am still in the process of dealing
with it today.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
I thought it was my fault
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri May 16 22:49:16 1997
F27 in Elk Grove Village, Illinois =usa=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of breathing, thinking, speaking...everything.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know any better really...I was about 6yrs. old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my Grandmother died in her sleep. I came home
from being out with my dad and she was dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the pain it causes. I remember everything from the hospital to the
funeral. I can't forget that's my problem...I can't go on.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's forever...love while you can.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother and I have a special relationship now
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends...they listened for hours while I talked about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that my father was really gone...I couldn't believe it. I just saw
the man 5 min earlier and then he was having a heart attack and died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listening to what they have to say and telling them you love them.
My fathers last words to my mother were, "I can't hold on anymore...I love
you"
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that life is short and love is precious
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I asked God why he took my dad...it was a hard experience to go
through.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father I loved him...one more time or given him a
nytro-glycerene pill under his tounge..might have saved his life
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when it happened..to help my mother
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had to take the role of the leader...I'm the youngest of 6. At the
hospital...the doctor came in and announced my dad was dead. Everyone
turned away but me who thanked the doctor and said we dont' need to hear
what happened...thank you.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my upcomming marrige, or hear a father/daughter dance
announced at another's wedding. It breaks my heart my father will not be
there to walk me down the aisle.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he quit smoking 9 years b-4 he died...he should have been ok.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get him back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to escape...I started drinking and going to bars to pick-up
guys...I really wanted to do anything but think of that
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hopelesness...nothing could have been done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a comfort
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone kept telling me how great my dad was...I got so irritated I
snapped at one person saying "yea...don't you think I know that?"
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
numbness...fear...strength...avoidance...grief
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I dont' know...I wish I did
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am SCARED TO DEATH about dying...don't know what will happen
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to my dad and friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You may want to ask if you've had any dreams about you're loved one
after they've gone and what happened in those dreams.
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Fri May 16 17:08:06 1997
F14 in seattle, washington =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 37.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
handeled it badly.
--That first time, how it happened was
a dog...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
his clothing and smile..
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens..
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my memory.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
MY MOM.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped with it?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was told by my mother.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say something.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
understand.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried more...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
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Thu May 15 23:22:02 1997
F26 in West Lafayette, Indiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 51.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
tried to pretend that it wasn't real. It was my grandfathers death
when I was in 7th grade. I went to the viewing but didn't go to the
actual funeral. I didn't want to face it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was one of my family's dogs, a labrador
retriever named King. He was accidentally shot in a hunting accident and
was subsequently paralyzed in his rear end. He got progressively worse
and had to be put to sleep. He was my Dad's dog and it was strange for me
to actually see my Dad cry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
watching my mom die before my eyes. My dad left the house to go let
the ambulance in the gate and I was left alone with my mom not responding
to my attempts at CPR that the 911 operator was instructing me to do.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
be respectful to people who have recently lost someone and not impose
their beliefs as to when a person should be over the loss on another
person. Realize that everyone deals with death differently. Also, don't
be afraid to talk about the person that died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my mom didn't die alone and that I had spent the previous day
with her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my dog who never asks questions but is always there to listen to me
jabber on and on and who loves me no matter what. He also made me feel
safe because I knew he was there.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that my mom will not be there when I graduate from college or
when I finally get married. I feel cheated.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them that you love them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with my mom when she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs on the radio or when I'm driving home from
college and have nothing to really think about.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why has so many people close to me died in such a short period of
time. In 1993, my grandfather died on Easter Sunday, my sister and
brother-in-law were in a car accident two days later and my brother-in-law
died, and my grandmother died two months later. Three years later, my mom
is taken away from me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to my mom and ask her if she's doing o.k. and if she's happy.
I'd also ask her if she's proud of me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
when my brother-in-law was killed in a car accident, I remember
waking up the next morning (after 2-3 hrs sleep)and thinking it was a
dream. When I felt the ache in my stomach I knew it was true.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great satisfaction. With both my mom and brother-in-law, the people
that informed my family of their deaths were caring and kind in a very
difficult situation. I have no doubt that everything possible was done
for both of them.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people my mom knew and cared about her so much. She knew so
many people and was liked by most everyone. This was important to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Wed May 14 16:39:37 1997
M14 Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
YAHOO!
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Prof/Studies: I am a student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Lou Gehrigs; Aged: 52.
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--Death Is:
moving onto heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 14.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My best friends father died of ALS (amyotropic
Lateral Screolsis). It was ver hard on her and me. This disease is also
known as Lou Gherigs disease. It is a very slow death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the support we gave each other.
--What I think my (do not wish to state) culture needs to better learn about death is:
GOD.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
our friends support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my best friend talk about how her father would not be able to
be at her wedding.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
faith in god.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was first diagnosed.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
( I never laughed)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
thank him for everything he had done for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help my friend out so well.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
We went to a party and heard Our best friends father's favorite song.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how our best friend hung in there, knowing that her father would soon
die. She was so strong.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I here his favorite song.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a doctor that had saved so many lifes and was a great father had
to die. When he was around his family and friends he always had a smile on
his face. He was never "bummed" out arround us. He never showed us, and
was very strong.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
gave support to my friend.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
how much support they offered. The medical community could do nothing
because no cures are known. They offered great support. They were very
supportive because they had worked with this doctor for many years. They
were friends and co-workers.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Christianity gave us and him hope.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
"no comment"
--Regarding MONEY:
he had supported his family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all where very sad. No one was suprised because it had
been expected of his death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that he was creamated.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
droping things, tripping and falling, studdering in speech.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
( do not understand question)
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
do not know of any
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
no issues
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I say just live, don't think of it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking in groups
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no, none...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Guilt
I was in 8th grade and many of felt bad and we talked with each other
because this girls father died when she was only 14.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was informative.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed May 14 11:18:22 1997
F53 in Watertown, NY =US=
Name: Deanna Lantier Smith <dms48-at-cce.cornell.edu>
Web: http://WWW.cce.cornell.edu
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Receptionist
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Embraced By the Light - Death & Dying - We Don'T Die - Love Beyond Life
Authors: Betty Eadie - Elizabeth Kubler Ross- Joel Martin, Patrricia Romanowski
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 17years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 59 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
another pleateau a transition, another part of our existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child and didn't know much about death at all. I remember my
Dad told me to touch he and remember balking but touching her arm was cold
and hard and had creepy feelings when I was alone in the house or in the
dark
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... paternal grandfather died when I was 6 years
old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
When my Dad died I just remember thinking he now has no more pain
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
should be nothing to fear, no secrets. Should be allowed to be at
home with hospice and loved ones near.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
just having family and friends that came to call and share their
sympathy
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I currently have a husband dying from terminal cancer, diagnosed
almost four years ago and I have foud a great deal of comfort in the NDE
found in books. It has given me a tremendous boost. I just wish I could
share it with him. He's the quiet, no ta lking type.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the suddeness of it, no time to reaffirm the love I had for him or to
say goodbye
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laugh, I didn't but I have cried, I've had a nervous break down and a
bout of depression with my husbands prolonged illness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say how much I loved him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A priest told me not to feel bad for the just deceased person but for
those who are left hear on earth
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
where the deceased is to be buried or if they are an amputee that the
amputated part be buried with them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
our children are all together and the grand children are there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why can't the Lord take those who are in prisons and spare my loved one
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die myself
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
money was everything to my husband but the closer to death he gets
the less important it is
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
very professional, caring
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
personality changes Taste, sight, hearing, memory, circulation
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
grief counseling with Hospice minister
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it will happen, we can't avoid it and just to know that we will be
reunited with loved ones, friends etc and no pain, just the loving,
blessed atmosphere of the Lord and all his Saints is enough for me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
As explained earlier, my husband has had a lingering illness and in
coping I have had a nervous breakdown and a bout of depression and I would
offer others just to live one day at a time, grieve in your own way, cry
if you want to and remember we wil l be united when our final day comes.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was o.k but it took me from childhood to now and I didn't know how
to answer some of the questions. There is a wide range of what I knew then
and what I know now. At times it was kind of confusing, should I be
answering what I felt then or now that I'm older.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue May 13 11:04:01 1997
F40 Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 18yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cardiac history; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical being is taken from us, but our memories remain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought of all the things I used to enjoy doing with them, and
realized how I wouldn't be able to do that any more.
--That first time, how it happened was
grandmother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the fact that the last time I saw him, I had no idea he would die,
and I didn't kiss him good bye.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is inevitable. if you want to do something for someone before
they die, do it now... don't put it off.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my memories
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Mon May 12 20:49:46 1997
Name: Brad Rosse <Bedford_Group-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Business Owner
More personal info:
Kimberle Marie Rosse ( my loved sister )
Help! I'm crushed right now.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: That elve Kebler-Ross woman..... and all the stages.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, not yet - cancer (terminal) diagnosed today...... ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
THE mystery. The end . It is the saddest most bone crushing-bad
moment a living person can experience. For the dying person..... only
they know. For the surviving brother, only the long long rides in the
laundy basket screem out at my deficient memory. I love my sister Kim.
And tonight I found out that see will most definatley die. She is 38.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried behind my mom's blue sofa-couch.
My mom came and sat with me.
--That first time, how it happened was
Suzy Mulligan drown - Tommy Mulligan, my close friend's sister died
and it was very close to my house. I cried violently for a long time. It
was my first sense that I would acutually die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
na........ it just started happening......
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
acceptance.
I mean who the fuck knows what happens after death. Only the dying do -
they are the ones thinking about it - knowing it WILL ahppane tp them
RIGHT NOW and then what????? My sweet sister Kim will meet GOD or god or
whatever. she will KNOW. - and I DOOO O not want her to die and leave us.
But she will. And Iwill morn her deaply.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Purpose in Kim's life.
focusing my life
focusing my mom's
etc etc...............
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the finality
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
?
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cried alot
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was diadgnosed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mom held me. I remember that clearly.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Mon May 12 11:38:50 1997
F30 in Scottsdale, AZ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for mental health jobs...got distracted again!
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Prof/Studies: nurse/counselor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, yrs2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
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--Death Is:
Mother Nature,s way of recycling
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I felt shocked but with my Mum's help I learned to put it in its place
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Mum is a (UK) Rn and I accompanied her to
her workplace...I saw a gentleman who past away in front of my eyes
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The last time I saw my grandpa
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
EVERYTHING
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandpa visiting me in a dream
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My extensive training in this area
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I miss my grandpa
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just to hold their hand...and for your final goodbyes
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Life continues
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I am a specialist in this area...confusing training with personnal
experiences...you can't possible know until you are faced with it...I feel
I shall be more sensitive in future
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Attend his funeral
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
How close my family were...are
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The Pomp and circumstance
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see people with their grandpa's now...on TV or in real life...
getting mixed up and think of something I'd tell him...forgetting he isn't
here
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my grandma (his wife) said some unkind things to me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Just talk to him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Still haven't fully
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community in UK were wonderful...the funeral was
lovely...he would be happy, but think it was all a waste of money!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not a great dealllexcept in my own quiet way
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Its there...life goes on as do souls...I have witnessed enough deaths
to know there is something more for us all...wether it be an after life or
a second chance...loved ones who have passed are with us all the time
--Regarding MONEY:
It was unimportant
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was very dignified
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeling a little closer to adulthood
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
general deterioration of health, lack of physical strengh, need to
talk more, getting affairs in order
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It differs greatly from one person to the next...we all grief in our
own way
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have literally seen it 100,s of times...I don't know about my
grandfather however
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I went through a grotty divorce as my grandpa was dying...I didn't
want to upset him so I never wrote...he'd have known something was wrong
if I had....I wish I had of...I wish I'd have been there to support my
family...I arrived back in UK 3 days af ter his death. I wish I could
explain these to my grandma who is still angry with me for not wrting in
that last year.. My Mum is a constant source of help
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It doesn't scare me...I'm looking forward to the day when I see
people who've died again...I do worry about my kids...and legal matters
concerning my daughter's custody
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking to him....listening to his answers...I know exactly what he'd
tell me anyway...trying to remember his voice..
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
All of the above
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My Mum who explained to me very well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
None really
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Its interesting to think about these issues...my interest was
intially professional...but on a personal basis...its helpful to try to
interpret your own actions
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Mon May 12 08:10:13 1997
M39 in Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 6 months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a state of being asleep with no resp, heartbeating
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... all i rember is being at a funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
when it happen in your family or to you it's diffrent than from when
one take care of someone dying
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
na
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having the oppurnuity to hold my son without tubes, etc...
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and support group
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold my son
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
confusion because I knew death was occuring and that the medical
community could have done more. At the same time as a nurse I knew there
was not much that could have been done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I personal turned away form my religion or should I say church
because at the time of need I personaly belive that the priest of the
church I attended was non caring and did not have time for us.
--Regarding MONEY:
we got behind on our bill,
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the people we meet at he hospital who attended the services.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
you still hear see things, that remind you of your love one.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
if they have been ill for a long time and all of a sudden one day
they fell better and lood good. Death usally occurs sometime afterwards.
they talk about dying, they give things away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
everybody if diffrent and we all grieve our own way and at our own
pace.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
sometime the musical toys would play with no reason. at one point we
saw a child that looked like ours?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope that when i die, that my death will be sudden (masive heart
attack) and quick, not prolong like cancer patinets.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
having family support and attending a support group. talking about
the person that has died helps.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Support Group
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no problems
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you need to ask about how people react to you love ones death.
how one feels about say weather you have one or two children.
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Mon May 12 01:40:15 1997
F44 in Hammond, IN =USA=
Name: Patch
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
free samples news
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 30yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke due to mugging; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passage of our bodies. Our spirits shed the weight, that binds
us to this Earth, and are free at last. We take with us, all the emotions
we feel, and more importantly the love.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt totally devistated. I felt robbed of the time I felt I had
needed to complete the relationship that might have exhisted between us.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother was killed in a car accident on
Thanksgiving day.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The things that were left undone, and the words left unspoken. Each
time I faced something new or special, I felt the loss of their not being
able to be there with me to enjoy it. It made for a bitter/sweet taste to
even the most wonderful of event s.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not the end of life, merely the exchange of one form for
another. Death isnt the end, it is a passage. They speak of the change
of life now as a passage. Women evolve into a new phase of their being.
They are no less women, nor have they be come someone different, but their
body has changed, and usually without their consent. Just as in death,
some women welcome it, others view it with horror, yet it will come to all
women, just as death comes to all people. At one time it too was viewed a
s an end. Death, is rather like the catapillar that shuts itself up into
the cocoon, only to awake as a butterfly, no longer trapped by gravity, or
sluggish in it's pursuit of life, but able to reach heights never dared to
dream of.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father had been taken down to surgery to try to relieve the
pressure on his brain. His stroke had been a result of being hit on the
back of the head by a gun butt, and a clot from that hit had broken loose.
Our family crowded around in a semi dark dismal hallway, in dispair, and
pain, that none of us had ever experienced to that extent before. So many
emotions, anger at loosing someone you loved, shock that it could happen
in the first place, just a rioting of all the worst passing from one to
another. A few minutes after they had taken Dad down stairs, and should
have been in surgery, I felt his passing. It was as if his spirit had held
me for just a brief second before going on. It was 10 minutes before the
hour, on the clock next to my siste r-in-law. I registed this because I
looked up at her as she was the closest to me, and told her Dad had just
died. She of course told me no, that he was going to be ok. I tried to
explain, but I was just 14, and didnt have to words to impart to her. Ho
w t o you explain peace of the soul and freedom of the spirit that for
just a moment let you experience a joy that have no comparison. For that
oh so brief moment, all dispair was gone, all stress, pressure, hate,
fear, worry, pain, all the emotions that han g us up in life, and instead,
a sense of lightness of the spirit that has no comparison. The only thing
that I can explain that even comes close yet may seem odd to others was
once I had gone skating with my friends. We stayed for hour after hour,
enjoy ing ourselves, not wanting it to end. As the hours passed, I had
grown accustomed to the weight of the skates, not even paying attention to
the extra exertion I was putting out to carry that added weight. We
stayed in the rink until the very last moment grabbing every second, then
it was time to remove the skates, and once off, the shear lightness of my
body made me feel like I could almost float (rather like being boyant in
water) His passing was like that only a hundred fold. Nearly half an
hour pas sed before the surgeon called our family into a room to inform us
of his passing. The time of death had been exactly 10 minutes of the
hour.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief that death isnt the end. The belief that not only does an
afterlife exhist, but in someways intermingles from time to time with our
weary exhistance, and that the pain that we feel is our own need for that
person, and though our grief is r eal, and needs to be felt, and faced, it
is almost selfish, knowing that the person that has passed over is now
totally free. That they have perhaps become in truth the angelic beings
mentioned in religious texts, for their spirits really do soar.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would miss them and have to be without their comfort,
physical touch, sound and pressense until I had earned my right to soar
beside them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I once held a stranger in my arms as she lay waiting for an
ambulance. She was having a stroke, and bit by bit, her life force was
being taken from her as we waited. I didnt know I would be the last
person to hold her in an embrace, or have the cha nce to really give her
anything of value, but as I gazed at her and the fear in her eyes, I just
in my mind traded her for my mother, and acted accordingly. I am not sure
exactly what I said, or perhaps that didnt matter, maybe it was the tone
it was sai d in, but for that brief moment I loved her, and I must have
looked at her that way. From being frantic and almost terrorized by what
was happening to her, she calmed, and was able to struggle thru speach
enough to ask me to do a few things for her for h er family who wasnt
present. Perhaps for the moment just as I was substituting her for my
mother, she was doing the same with my face to that of someone she loved,
I dont know, but I do know that she did seem to take on a peace somehow as
I talked. Perh aps it was exceptance, but my goal was to not leave her to
that moment feeling alone, and maybe to give her something to hold on to.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I came to the conclusion that death isnt the sinister word of dark
shadows, and terror, that our absorbtion in life seems to deem it. It is
rather like the award we must earn for a life hopefully filled with
learning, loving, and caring for others. My father wasnt a perfect
person, and he had his share of faults, but he was an honorable man, who
did the best he could, loved us dearly, and would have sacrificed even his
own life for us. I dont know if others passing is the same, but that
brief seco nd I felt his spirit and knew that the joy he was feeling, the
lightness of soul, and the true beauty that was his life force when all
the cares of this world were removed I realized that our place here in
this life is really very brief. We are here for a reason. We are here to
grow, to learn to love, and to learn to forgive. No matter how hard or
easy our lives appear to others, we each have a part to play, a destiny to
fulfill. When our work is done, we are allowed to enter the next phase of
our lives. ..we dont just die..we go on we are eternal.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Knowing that the person I loved was going to die, and I could do
nothing to stop it. I couldnt will them better, I couldnt demand they
recover. I had no control over their death, and no matter how much I loved
them, they were going to leave me even if they didnt want to.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father how very proud I was to have him for my dad. How much
I appreciated all those extra things that he did to make my life easier.
I know that he knows how I feel, but I wish I had just once foreseen his
passing so that I might have squee zed a bit more into those last few
days.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have known my father for as long as I did. He gave me so much in
just those few years that I have memories enough to have lasted me 30
years or more. He gave me my roots, but he also gave me my wings.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When my daughter was born, I gazed into her beautiful face, held onto
her perfect hand, and cried. She would never have the joy of having my
dad love her and hug her, and call her princess.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I guess it is a normal enough reaction, especially when you are 14,
but I became totally self centered and cried for my loss, and not theirs.
What was "I" to do without them. How could this happen to "me". How could
"my" parent be taken from "me". I felt it wasnt fair. None of my friends
had lost a parent. Why "me". Of all the fathers, my dad was the best, the
most loving, the most tolerant, caring, and giving of them all. Yet he
had been taken and their dads remained. One of them was an alcoholi c,
who beat his family, why not him. Then in the midst of the "my" pain,
while I wallowed silently in it, a friend made a comment about their
parent, much as any teenager might, putting their parent down.
Remembering my own regrets for the things I hadn t said to him while my
dad was alive, and the guilt I felt over my selfish attitude even while I
lived it, I lashed out at all of them. I learned later, I not only
brought the party to a screaching hault, but for the first time a couple
of them realized that it could have been their dad or mom or someone else
they cared about.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
my mother convinced me that my grandmother had gone on to be my guardian
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
unresolved issues, or things that were left undone
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Mon May 12 00:26:03 1997
M48 in Sausalito, Calif. =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
FAMA website link
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Prof/Studies: researcher for Investment Firm
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Tibetian Book of the Dead, various preChristian Celtic
writings on death,such as descriptions of the dying visions or journey in
the Tain Bo Cualgne, and Leiber Gabhala
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 35 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the stopping of the material body's functions, and its beginning
dissolution(or disassembly, if you are a mechanical alien) and the
releasing of the consciousness or spirit or directing agent to a state of
pure consciousness. Here it may join the con- sciousness of the Universe,
Nature, or go to some other experience. We really don't know.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I have never been present at another human being's death. I have
always heard of it second hand. I feel sorry about this, and that it has
left me ill-prepared to die. The medical profession and the taboos of this
society make it hard for even relatives to be present.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..Father killed in WWII. a Year later my uncle was
killed in a car accident. I was a very young child, and was largely
witness to my Mother and others in the family handling the occurences.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Anger at the medical profession that: 1. this death was unnecessary.
2. That friends and relatives were kept away. 3.The accentuated sense of
loss because I was not with her when it happened 4. Feeling I missed
something important and that I failed, somehow in my duty.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the psychological needs of the dying person and her
family/significant people are as important more important than medical
needs as last attempts to prolong life or try new "cures" or thanthe
convience of the medical and medical research personnel/institutions.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a near death experience I had myself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that we had shared a common belief system, and that I
could make sure that she got the kind of funeral she wanted, and that her
will was administered,with the help of the family's attorney, in the way
she had wanted. Knowing I was carrying out her wishes was a great comfort.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The medical profession's rules (most with no legal basis, I founded
out later) regulations, remissness, indifferent to hostile attitude and
the difficulties they put in our way, first by not notifying us of her
eminent death, and second, by hassling us with miles of red-tape about
releasing the body.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wish I had known about her approaching death and been able to help
her change treatment choices and if death had then occured anyway to have
been able to bring her home to die, which she wanted. I wiah I had been
there and been able to get an adult family member to take controlon her
behalf.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was told that she had been taken to thehospital ten days
previously, and had now died there. I did not know why neither I nor her
sister nor brother were informed of the crisis.(I was away at school in
another city)but my uncle, her brother, was right in the same town. It
took me a long time to piece the story together as to why my stepfather
and his docter decided to handle it them selves.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not have this reaction, so I can't say anything.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have been present and of enough influence to help her have her wishes
carried out.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
influence our family clergyman and my uncle to have her wishes for
her funeral and the settling of her estate carried out. I am also glad
that we had been open with eachother and that she had talked to me and
shared her views on life and death with me all through my, and my sister's
childhoods.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I found out that she didn't get where she wanted to be(home) when
she died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the American idea of turning the dying person over to the med ical
profession, and following their requests instead of the wishes of the
dying person and her family. In this case, this all-too-common practice
was counter-productive.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
True, the regrets have not gone away. And for years afterward, when
I'd awaken in the morning, I'd have an instant of thinking that it had all
been a bad dream, and that she was alive and our family's life would now
take up where it had left off. I only put this in here as it is an "odd"
reaction and I thought it might help anyone else who has this reaction to
know s/he is not alone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that this should have happened to a good person, when so many harmful
people lead long lives and have better circumstances around their deaths.
It got me started mulling on "What good is being good? and What is good
and evil, and have they any effect on what happens to one here and now?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be somebody else. Or start over again in a different lifetime.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that this grossly changed my plans for the (my) future, and
I also started thinking of how I could avoid the bad mistakes happening to
me or any one I loved when any of us dies.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
outrage.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a great deal. I probably helped me keep my sanity. I know it helped
me and my uncle carry out the funeral as my Mother would have wished.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the true-ist. It is probably the core around which religions and the
"religious impulse"in humans forms. It erases the differences and and
fueds between different religions.
--Regarding MONEY:
the fact that my maternal family,uncle, aunt, grandmother, hadmoney
made it possible to confront the hospital, regain "custody" of the body
and transfer the funeral arrangements to our clergyman/church and out of
the hands of the hospital and mortuaries. It's too bad it is this way,
everyone should have these rights,but it's true in America today"Money
doesn't only talk,it gets results"
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how good it was to be able, after quite a bit of struggle, to carry
it out and see it done the was she wished it to be. I learned that
funerals can help the living as much as (supposedly) the dead.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How long it took for my deep mind, subconscious, whatever you want to
call it, to accept the fact and the FINALITY of death. That it will not
"reverse", that she will not come back. This may be because I was still a
young teen at the time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
according to my uncle, increasing vagueness and silence from the
attending physician,and reluctance to let relatives visit or know what is
happening. That is when you'd better push the med-boys hard, or get
anattorney and transfer your loved one to a new doctor. Don't let
yourselves be brushed aside.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being left uninformed and not being present, made things worse and ,I
think, derailed the grieving process, and the "letting go."
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
For years I visited her grave on the aniversary of her death and
took along a Cappacino and some fried chicken, her two favorite foods, to
eat there. No one knows about this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel I have done all that I can by her. I still contribute to two
of her favorite charities. But at some non-rational emotional level, I
still wiah I could talk to her one more time.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have become much more "spiritually inclined" especially after my
own close brush with death a few years ago. and I spend time in
contemplation and work on preparing my state of mind so that I won't
"panic" and will get the trueist /most beneficial experience possible.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
It started me thinking about getting my own emotions and mindset
prepared for my own death, and also started me reading and studying things
both legalities and spiritual matters, that might help me to help another
person at the time of theirdeath, or me at my own.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
our family's belief system helped me, and all of us to handle it
calmly, I mean for the extreme occasions these were.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
I had a worse time dealing with other kids around this than with the
losses themselves. Lots of kids shunned me. They were embarressed or
something.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I found this questionaire helpful in leting me air all my feelings
together,, in a short time interval, aand so see them all at once, and how
they fit without having to worry about getting an adverse reaction from
anyone else, yet knowing I am communicating. I also have the hope that
something I said here may help somebody.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Ask people if they know what rights they or any dying person has, and
if they have given thought to how they can get their wishes for the
circumstances around their deaths, or those of their significant other,
respected and carried out.
[ Ed Note: Added 5.15.97 ]
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Sun May 11 22:23:42 1997
F38 from Freehold, New Jersey / (now in Cincinnati, Ohio) =USA=
Name: Vicki Gaudreau <Vkgaudreau-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Link on Social Psychology Sudies Page
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Prof/Studies: Counselor for victims/survivors of sexual abuse/incest
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 19yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
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--Death Is:
an experience that encompasses many feelings. It can be sad, yet
hopeful. It is sad because we lose contact with someone we love, except
through memories. Hopeful for those who believe there is life after
death, relieving if the one who died was experiencing great pain. When we
die, our body ceases to function ~ it becomes inanimate. For those of us
who are Christians, our soul, or our inner being, then goes to be with
God/Christ. The place where God is, is often called Heaven. Whether
Heaven is an actual place or a symbol depends on what a person believes.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt confused & scared.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a close "uncle" (maternal grandfather's
brother) Died from a heart attack. My cousins & I were close I remember
going to the funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the pain, loss & sadness.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not only okay to grieve, i.e., cry, feel sadness
but it helps to heal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Whoa! I'm not sure about this one. It allowed me to cry. There. As
soon as I said I couldn't thinkof anything, I did.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
At the time(s) that I experienced most of the deaths, most of the
support I received was from my reduced or lack of ability to experience
feelings. I had little, if any support most of the time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that they were gone. Because even as blocked as my feelings were,
the pain was intense
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that you love them (if you do) Don't be afraid to talk
about death
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to forgive myself & accept not being there
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I felt most frightened because I was helpless to do anything about
death or it's process
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When my infant brother died, I was 15, I decided not to go to the
funeral. When my grandfather (paternal) was leaving with my parents, I
automatically said, "Have a good time." I was startled that I had said
that but I know it was protection from the pain
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
return to visit the next night as I said I would. But maybe a Higher
Power, God, knew it was best that I not be there. Had I returned the next
night, I would have been there when she died
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Experience my grandma's love for me & mine for her. And for both of
us to know & to be able to tell each other so
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When I sobbed loudly & uncontrollably at my grandma's funeral, my
father finally put his hand or arm on my shoulder. My uncle or next door
neighbor later remarked that he had wondered when my dad or someone in my
family was going to comfort me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Another one I really don't know how to answer. Although I can change
it to: what was important to me was being able to comfort each other,
which they weren't able to do & were very uncomfortable with
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Sometimes, I still cry when I think about those I love who have died.
But the tears are cleansing and with the sadness are memories & love
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That some people die before having the opportunity to live
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not feel the pain when it's there
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was so overwhelmed with pain & sadness that I shut down
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude, because especially those from hospice care were very
caring & supportive
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I can't speak for the "us", other than my grandma & me, my family
doesn't discuss religion or God, or Jesus or anything that may cause
feelings. My grandma believed in God & that she would be with Him when
she died. She wasn't as involved with the church after my grandpa died.
I was still searching. My grandparents had given me the beginnings of a
connection my parents had neglected.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't know
--Regarding MONEY:
When my grandma died, it was sickening the way relatives squabbled
over her things. Not mementos as much as just to have the "most" or most
valuable. And the jealousy when one got something another didn't
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The isolation in the midst of so many people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Her death hit me the hardest when I thought about the casket being
closed & that I'd never see her again. I will not have a closed casket
when I die. I think it's harder to say goodbye & to have closure without
being able to "say" goodbye while seeing for the last time & knowing &
expecting it as the last time
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
There isn't any guaranteed way to predict death. Sometimes, it comes
suddenly. It's most important to live while you can & to make sure that
those you love know that you do
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was only able to grieve the loss of my grandma after I began
grieving the loss of my own childhood
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't remember. (This was a difficult sentence to read because it
was so long.)
[Ed note: Thanks for the comment; revised now. ]
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Sometimes old stuff comes up & I write, talk to a friend or to my
therapist. Because of my history, I know this will happen from time to
time. But it's okay because it passes & I know where it comes from & how
to deal with it
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes it's scary. I don't give a lot of thought about feelings
about dying. My biggest concern is my son (13) & how it would effect him &
how his emotional well-being will be cared for. Also, it's very important
to me that, in my death, my life be celebrated. Although I know that
people will mourn & be sad & I don't want to take that away from anyone, I
don't want my death/funeral to be a morbid affair. One of the things I
have put in my will is instructions for my funeral. I want there to be
music that I love(d), as well as some of my own, my favorite colors ~
purple & pink.... I guess, some happiness with the sadness. Kind of like
an Irish wake ;o) ~ even though I'm not Irish
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a song for/about my grandma about 10 years after she died.
After finishing it, in collaboration with another writer, It helped me
experience closure, yet also enables me to feel connected when I sing it
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have changed much, if not most, of the ways I deal with or
experience things in my life. for the better. One of the most significant,
I believe, is my ability to experience feelings (even if I don't always
like what I'm feeling :o) It has opened up much more in my life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
As a victim of sexual abuse as a child, due to suppressed feelings, I
didn't have to "deal" much with death & grief. I worked through grief as
an adult survivor in therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
See above
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It didn't really change my feelings about death & dying. It just
brought some of them up. And some memories & some tears. But it was okay.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I'm impressed with the way this questionnnaire was presented. While
it was thought & emotion provoking, it was also gentle & considerate. I
don't remember if it was mentioned but my only concern would be for those
who may have intense feelings stirred up & be left feeling raw & not
knowing or thinking where they could go for support.
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Sat May 10 18:46:08 1997
F27 in Overland Park, Kansas =usa=
Name: Catherine
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
finality personalized
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father had cancer... Ihad to watch him
struggle for 9 months.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the quietness of the affair
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
respect.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the pain was over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
slow and methodical wasting away of the body and mind.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let the person express anything to you without offense and with a lot
of understanding.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
saw that life goes on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he started to slip into hallucinations and delirium.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be calm most of the time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the rain stopped falling. The death occured during the 1993 flood.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
wearing black to the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see someone who reminds me of my father.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I want him to stay with me forever.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him once more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wept with relief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
sadness.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
subdued.
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing was too expensive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that people did really care about my father and the whole family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the calmness felt when informed of his death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
inward reflection.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father saw his childhood friend.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feerl that my father knows I love him. But, Iwish I could have
told him that more often.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I cope by remembering to 'talk' to my father. He used to call me at
the first snowflake of the season. Sometimes he would call at 3 in the
morning. Now, I tell my father that it is snowing here.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was kind of painful. It has been four years, but the wound is
still fresh.
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Fri May 9 17:16:16 1997
F40's in Bryant, Texas =USA=
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Prof/Studies: teacher
More personal info:
I teach psychology and provide home care for my husband
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 47 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
letting go
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand it - i have only just started to - 40 years later
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That grief is normal and necessary - Catholocism doesn't much allow
for this
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
An ongoing void which is up to me to fill
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Yesterday I helped to place someone very close to me in a hospice.
Whether it helped him or me I may never know; but I held his hand and
told him how much I have always loved him - and then we laughed together
about old memories.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have become a very special person because of his death - a person
that I know he would be proud of.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know him better
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a particular McDonalds commercial shown at Christmas time.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That anyone needs to suffer
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
"fix" it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried - thirty yearsafter he died I grieved for days on end and that
was good.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
When I consider the world of medicine and my husband's treatment 9who
hasn't physically dies but has suffered a massive stroke) I consider that
most were uncaring, clinical and downright arrogant.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
There is life after this one
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Fri May 9 11:30:32 1997
F19 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
Name: Annie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Student, Political Science
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Bible
Authors: God...
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: a horrible accident; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your physical body shuts down, and then your soul goes to either
heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was too young to remember very well. I do remember that it was the
1st time I had ever seen my father cry, and that was scary.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... when my grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How everyone came together to cope.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is life after death, and our physical death is really just the
start.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I got to see my friend before he passed, and he knew that I love
him. I am grateful that I will see him again someday in heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading the bible, and being with people from my church.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How sad I feel for his mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
The hope of eternal life with Jesus Christ.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have faith.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No regrets.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Give Mark a big hug and tell him I loved him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Thankfullness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Mark went home to be with the Lord.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money!?!?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people came... 800!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Having hope and peace
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Fri May 9 10:25:00 1997
Name: Heather Hawksford <sw8301-at-slc.shorelin.wednet.edu>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
search engine (yahoo)
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Prof/Studies: Senior in high school
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
...usually saddening to humans. Some people are afraid of dying
because of many different reasons. Some think that everything is over
when they die. Some feel afraid because they don't know what happens
after they die. Some people are afraid that they haven't accomplished
everything that they wanted to, and therefore don't want to die before
they get around to doing these things. Death can also be a celebration
because some feel that one's soul moves on to a better place. It is the
most mysteri ous part of life, so almost everyone has a differnt idea of
what it will be like.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... When I was twelve, both my cat and my
grandmother died. My relationship with my cat was closer than that with
my grandmother. I only saw her at family reunions, and because of my
gigantic family, I didn't talk to her much. She was a very conservative
woman who didn't come off as very warm or willing to share much of
herself. Of course, I was heart-broken, but more for my grandfather's
loss than mine. My cat, on the other hand slept with me every night. I
was twelve and she was thirteen (in human years). My mother and my
sister and I went to the vet to put her to sleep. She was very sick with
leukemia, and she could hardly function anymore. This was very hard for
me, but my mother helped me deal with it, but I'll talk about that below.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I felt devastated that my friend could've been so sad before he died
that he felt he had to end his life. I couldn't believe that he was gone
before he had the chance to be really happy. I was furious with his
friends that aggravated him. They wer e cruel and manipulative friends,
but I don't think he knew how to leave them. I blamed them and wanted to
kill them.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
...part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It helps me appreciate my life more. I am grateful for loving
families who accept death and celebrate. I love going to funerals where I
am surrounded by people who can openly talk about the person's death. I
remember going to one of my friend's fu neral. THe chuch was packed with
teary-eyed, smiling people. At the end of the service, they played a tape
recording of him singing kareoke with his wife.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
They've moved on to a better place.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mother has a great, positive attitude about death. We all believe
that you go some place wonderful after death... or at least that something
happens to your soul. So, you could say it was both religion and family.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
I just missed my cat and I was sad for my grandmother. I could talk
about my cat with my family, but no one ever mentioned my grandmother
after she died. I think they were afraid of making somebody cry! What
kind of a family is that?!
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Fri May 9 07:11:31 1997
F42 in Knoxville, Tn =usa=
Name: Kathi <Katji42-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Search critieria "terminally ill"
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Prof/Studies: librarian
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 10 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was most worried about the survivors (my mother).
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died when I was about 6-8 yrs. old. I went with my
parents to the state where she lived. I remember looking at her in the
casket. I thought her legs had been cut off because the casket was
partially closed. My mother was very upset and that concerned me. My
father took me out in the country to a train tunnel during the funeral. I
can remember yelling and listening to my echo i in the tunnel. It seemed
so strange that my father had taken me somewhere as he never paid any
attention to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling numb. I felt confused that my reaction was not more intense.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way that my older daughters made themselves so available to help
me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my children.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the overwhelming tasks associated with funeral/cemetary/gravestone
arrangements.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that my mother is dying also and I always thought my
brother and I would help each other through that process.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't think I have done this yet
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I wish I was more clear on what I believe about life after death. I
just couldn't tell the kids the "heaven" version when I didn't know that I
believed it myself.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my mother was pleased that so many people came. It seemed to make
her feel better. Therefore, I was glad for the large attendance.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Sadness that I had not resolved an issue that resulted from lack of
communication over him renting our house. Perhaps his girlfriend could
tell me how he really felt, but I am angry at her for taking his
belongings from the hospital and not returning them to the family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have gone into a full scale midl-life crisis in terms of the need
to do adventuresome things before I die. I think the death pushed me into
this.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at:
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
was not closely attached to grandmother
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
Didn't feel comfortable asking about her legs being cut off.
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Thu May 8 21:23:35 1997
F19 in jacksonville, florida =us of a=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: witch
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer and liver failure; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body is no longer conscious, sentient, or functioning. some
believe it is a doorway to a higher existance or at least a new existance.
others believe that it is simply the end of being.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great grandmother died in the hospital.
she was nearly ninety years old and in a lot of pain. we all felt that
she was better off.
--What I think my (us of a) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is natural. it is part of the process of life. we need
not fear it, and ignoring it won't make it go away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Thu May 8 19:42:02 1997
M26 in Utrecht, Utrecht =The Netherlands=
Name: Hans Baas <s307891-at-stud.tue.nl>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
through Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Thinker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 0.5 ago.
Cause of Death: natural death; Aged: ca. 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the reason we're able to enjoy life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
stepped over it. Later on in life I accepted all people I've ever
known that died, in fact have eternal life for me as long as I'll live.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the acceptance I felt about the loss of my mother.
--What I think my (The Netherlands) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its inevitability.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it shapes my personality.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my social life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I'll never be able to tell the one who died certain things.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have been older.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
telling eachother how much you love one another.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling me how much they loved the one who died (it's obvious...).
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm feeling all alone and on days like christmas.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a void for a long time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that I didn't need the condolances from people I didn't know; in fact
it put me off somehow.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Certain things a did as a teenager, I would never do again to my
loved ones, or if I did, I'd resolve them as quickly as possible.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've gained the strong believe that I -to myself- really am immortal,
as I think there's only the time between birth and death; with this
believe I've lost most of my fears to 'lose'.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
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Wed May 7 21:28:24 1997
F25 in Norcross, GA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo...
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Prof/Studies: Graphic Designer
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death And Dying and WE Are Not Forgotten
Authors: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and Martin/Romanowski
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our souls leave our body and we travel to another plane of
existence...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had trouble believing the person was really gone...
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My first experience with Death was my great
grandma...we weren't very close, so it didnt affect me very much, but I
saw the effects on my mother and grandmother and that was difficult... A
couple years later my father died...a nd that was extremely difficult on
me. He was 42 years old and I had seen him the night before and
everything was fine...the shock of it happening really overwhelmed
me....very difficult...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
it took a couple of weeks before everything really sank in - then I
couldnt stop crying for 2 days...
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not the end....its just a different phase of life...I fully
believe in Life after Death and Reincarnation...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When someone is really sick, (not my father) sometimes a quick and
painless death can be a blessing for all....
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband....I couldnt have gotten through it without him..
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My husband....I couldnt have gotten through it without him..
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didnt laugh....I just didnt know what to do, and neither did anyone
else...so we went out to see a movie...Lethal Weapon 3....just hours after
my dad died, I was in a movie theater and yes, I guess I was
laughing...but at the movie... I havent tol d anyone else about that...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father...we were just beginning to get our
relationship straightened out...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
for some reason, the day before my dad dies, I wrote him a letter
telling him how I felt about our relationship and how much I loved
him...he was coming for dinner and I just had to write the letter...I said
everything that I ever wanted to say in th at letter...when I heard that
he died the next morning of a sudden heart attack, the first thing I asked
was whether he read the letter.... He did and I think that made things a
little easier, because I said everything I wanted to say...not like most
peo ple who wish they could have had time to say things...I was able to do
that and I am really glad...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
especially when I hear the song Tears in Heaven by Eric
Clapton...that was a favorite song and always makes me cry...also, other
times too...something will remind me of my dad and I'll just start to get
tears in my eyes..
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Its just not fair that someone so young and vibrant had to die so
soon, especially when there was somuch left for the two of us to explore
in our new relationship...my father and I were never close when I was
growing up...and we had just started to f orm a father-daughter
relationship and it was great...and then it all ended....its just not
fair..
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I am not a religious person...I am a very spiritual person though and
this helped me in my coping with my fathers death...I KNOW that I will see
my father again and that he is watching over me...
--Regarding MONEY:
MY father left me about $200,000 in bank accounts and insurance
monies...I have been chronically ill for some time now and especially now
that I am divorced and living on my own, this money has made the
difference between life and welfare for me... Its funny the way things
work out sometimes..
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we didnt do a regular funeral...we had a gathering in Yosemite, my
fathers favorite spot and we just related stories and pictures and
remembered the good times...I dont believe that regular funerals are good
for anyone....I prefer alternative remembe rances....
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
really accepting that my father is dead...I never saw his body or
even his ashes...he could just be in France for all I know...(although I
know he's dead...its just always a thought in the back of my mind)
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Very much so....I have Lupus and have been close to death a couple of
times...I am not scare of death at all...for a while I actually invited
it...but I guess it just wasnt my time to go...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
the gathering in Yosemite was a great way to say good bye to my
father....that day there was this terrible lightning storm which started a
massive forest fire...some of us believe it was my fathers frustration
that caused this... :O)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I am not a religious person, but I am very spiritual...and I really
believe my father is in a better place and that he watches over me...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
very difficult to believe that my father actually died, I never saw
his body or his ashes...I still have dreams that he comes back and I look
at him and say, "But youre supposed to be dead..."
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was a really good questionairre...It helped me verbalize things
that I havent said for a long time... thanks....
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Wed May 7 10:10:34 1997
M44 in Milwaukee, WI ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
under "psychology" in "Yahoo"
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Prof/Studies: Software consultant
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Embraced by the Light; Life After Life
Authors: Betty Eadie; Raymond Moody
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: old age/disease; Aged: 10.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
simply a door through which we pass back to the real life
we had
before coming here.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the moment when I knew that the "spirit" was no longer in
the body.
It was quite apparent.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It isn't anything to be afraid of, and it certainly doesn't
represent
an end to being alive. It more closely resembles
the feeling of going on
vacation after having worked very
hard for several years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading of people who had near-death experiences.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them once they were gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When I was young and my second grandmother died, I did laugh
during
the funeral service. It seemed like such a show was
being put on, and it
was humorous in the exageration of it
all.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when he (my dog) died.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they aren't much help spiritually, only medically, and even
then they
seem to lose respect for individual wishes and
choose instead to play God
by trying to go to heroic ends
to keep people alive.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've never known anyone personally to have this experience,
but have
heard it from others and read of it. I expect it's
very common, and in my
view, quite natural.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Oh sure, I've thought at length about my own death. I'm
looking
forward to it, though I would be happier if it weren't
painful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
It didn't seem strange to me at all that someone should die.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
You ask good questions.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You should ask about people who have had near-death experiences. Did
the person filling out the questionare have a near-death experience, or
someone close to them perhaps. If so, how did it affect their lives and
views of death?
[Ed Note: Added as of 5.14.97]
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Wed May 7 08:25:32 1997
F16 in Birmingham, West Midlands =UK=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
filling in all the questionnaires
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: road accident; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of everything - we leave existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and had not yet come to terms with the idea of death.
I could not cope with the duality of death - its complexity and simplicity
all at once. I lost my faith in God.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my friend was in a collision on a motorbike -
he died in hospital later
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a sense of everything being different
--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens to everyone and cannot be avoided
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have learnt to accept death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the time in hospital when it was uncertain what would happen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i lost my religion
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i laughed, i screamed, i cried - i just needed to release the tension
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him one more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him again
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something similar has happpened to someone of around the same
age, perhaps in the newspaper
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why now?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away from everyone and live by myself so that no one i know will
ever die again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for hours and could not concentrate
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little anymore
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
its futility - he wasn't coming back afterwards - what was the point?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
afterwards i thought for months about death - i would wake in the
night in a cold sweat - i was petrified. I would imagine what death would
be like, and not be able to. I would constantly think about the ways in
which i could be killed. Eventually i realised that nothing can be done
and we have to accept death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i wrote a poem, and then i burnt it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
Also my own fear of death and guilt for thinking of that
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Just filling in this questionnaire made me emotional about my friend.
Sometimes I feel that perhaps I will never fully deal with it - because
everytime something like this comes along i get upset.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue May 6 18:46:34 1997
F17 in winnipeg, manitoba =canada=
Name: kris olafson
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: high school student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr. ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
nothing. when a person dies, they cease to exist...only memories.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for a long time, felt guilt for not spending enough time with
her...talked with my parents.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a very good friend died of cancer when I was
ten years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how his death could have been me, or a close friend or relative.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to accept it. We die; we're human. It's called mortality.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my friend died from cancer she felt no more pain. I'm still
thankful for that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
I was hitting the time of my life when I was becoming popular...so
much going on...
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
peachy, thanks.
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Tue May 6 18:46:04 1997
F23 in greenbrier, arkansas =usa=
Name: alana mahaffey <alamo2000-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: editor
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Transformations of Myth through Time / Patrimony
Authors: Joseph Campbell / Phillip Roth
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: decapitation; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the separation of our minds from our bodies. A shedding of skin.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
see story below
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great-grandad, an Irish-American, died of
old age. I went to the Catholic funeral, which in many ways is very somber
and symbolic. Afterwards, there was the wake and my mother played the
piano very angrily while everyone ate and talked. Three weeks lat er, in
bed one night, it settled in just exactly what had happened. I began to
cry and went to my mother, who hugged me and cried, too.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not necessarily a one-way ticket to hell or heaven
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Once when my father helped me dig the hole at dusk in which my dog
would be buried
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing they suffered tremendously before dying
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I dream of dead people visiting/haunting me
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that women live longer than men. that animals have such short life
spans.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
said 'no' over and again
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when my brother, who is 8 years younger than I but just taller,
sobbed on me. The others just stared and then cried, too.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't care when I die. As long as I don't lose my mind beforehand
(ie Alzheimers)
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I started this when my first dog died (age 8) I would imagine God
above me in bed, just hovering on the ceiling, my dog to the left and my
'guardian angel' to the right. I'd talk to all three at once.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to dead people, at least once a week.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
I feared not being able to have clear memories: remembering how dead
people talked and acted. Forgetting 'who' they were.
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Tue May 6 15:23:28 1997
F20's in England =UK=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
surfing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: opiate drugs; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
final
empty
cold
lonely
blank
depressing
sad
very sad
brings an overwhelming rush of emotions
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock ....because it was sudden althought kindof expected
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my recentlt ex partner (6months split
previous to death)was killed by drug overdose of diconal was addicted
through abuse died 5th Oct 96 i have his 5 year old son.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the sadness
--What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is:
dont know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the dead person was at peace at last(drug addict) with no real
friends and was living in poverty
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dont know
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i would never see him again never speak to him and tell him how
much i loved him
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
keeping busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
finding personal things by accident around the home
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Tue May 6 08:44:18 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a moving-on... Difficult for those left behind, but a passing-on to
another stage of existence for those who die.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... relative...grandmother...died of lung cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how upset my family members were. we don't share the same religious
beliefs, and I could see that they didn't understand what had happened, or
why it wasn't something about which to be devastated.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not the end-all, be-all of our existence! It's not over! :)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith in God and the eternal nature of all creation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I didn't know her as well as I wanted to have gotten
to know her...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sun May 4 23:31:06 1997
M16 in WI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became silent, I didn't socilaize. I prefered to be alone, and most
of the time I thought.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father. I wrote a poem it should explain it.
Where my hell began,
I leapt from my bed in at 1:42 am for no reason,
I am uneasy and feeling a great gap is gone in my heart,
almost by instinct I dressed and ran 1/4 mile to that dark gray building,
I saw my mothers car, I became worried and tried to enter,
It was locked,
With all the force I ever had I kicked the door and the deadbolt holding it,
A chunk of wall flew across the dark black room,
My mother was crying, there he was my father lying there on the floor,
There lay his body; blue, pale, and cold.
I did not have time to mourn, I yelled for my mother told her to call 911,
I leapt to my fathers side and took a pulse,
nothing,
I proceeded to pound his chest with the cpr I had learned,
soon the paleness of his skin faded, yet he did not move,
I kept pounding,
I kept and kept and then the lights arrived after what seemed an eternity,
Yet I pounded, one of the men asked me to move,
I did not,
It took 3 paramedics to remove me from my fathers side,
I watched as they shocked my fathers body,
yet I did not mourn,
soon they forced me from the room because I was furious,
two men held me down as they injected something into my furious body,
It calmed me down and made me tired,
They took me into the ambulance and I sat at my fathers side and next to my mother,
they continued with their work,
I soon again became furious but not as before as I was dizzy,
Again a man grabbed me and jammed that needle to my arm,
they had injected me with a sleeping agent,
they tried it earlier but it did not work,
it took two times to put me under,
I awoke that morning staring out a window looking at the gray clouds,
then I heard the voice,
the voice of the of the man standing there,
the man who said "son, your dad is dead",
I laid there in sorrow,
The guilt, anger and depression had set in,
now I finally mourn,
it worsens everyday,
I wait in anticipation for the day when the man says "son, your dad is dead",
to my next of kin
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Pain.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Hell, as I said before. It's a living hell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Teachers didn't make me make up my work.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You had a good life.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Never really cried after the first day, I was just and still am deep
in thought.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It first happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To see the body, I turned down the chance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I have nothing to be thankful for.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Nothing.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Nothing.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Did not have any wish whatsoever to socialize.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Satisfaction, I think they did all that they could.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing to me. I have no religion. Religion is irrelivent.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Nothing.
--Regarding MONEY:
We got more.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the people I disliked the attention.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Burial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Weight Gain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Nothing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had none, though, I wish I did/do.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Nothing.Nothing.Nothing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to be buried with my father.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
meditation, pure thought.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It didn't help me re-think, it depressed me yet more than I was.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Why?
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Sun May 4 18:27:11 1997
F39 in Ft. Worth, Texas =USA=
Name: Rhonda "Sekhet" Burns <sekhet-at-flash.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
http://www.tezcat.com/~nurse/home.shtml
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Prof/Studies: Registered nurse
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How to Overcome the Loss of a Lave
Authors:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 monthes ago.
Cause of Death: unknown/natural; Aged: 48.
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--Death Is:
The end of our experiences on Earth. Ceasation of THIS physiacla
experience and the return to the purely spiritual existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Shocked, numb. I was only a child.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was the death of my Aunt Shirley of cancer. I was 4-5 yrs. old and
my mother helped nurse her through that last year or so of her life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that it taught me the value of a life. I once attempted suicide,
because I truly belived that it would be best for everyone. Shally was a
friend who was as close to my heart as my sister. She was the first person
to die that was a positive part of my life. And it hurts like hell. What
it has taught me is that it isn't, sometimes, the value I put on myself
and my life that determines my true value in this world, but, rather, the
value of the ones who love me. In other words, while I might feel/percieve
that I bring/cause more pain and sorrow than I relieve, it isn't up to me
to decide. When I attempted suicide, some pe
