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See Feb 97 contributions.
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See MOST RECENT contributions.
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Mon Mar 31 17:24:52 1997
F15 in Cleveland, Ohio =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 14.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
passing on to another place of existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had alot of trouble dealing with it
--That first time, how it happened was
a freind commited suicide at age 14
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling very confused about what happens to people when they die
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people dont really realize how bad death is until they expereince
some one's death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
This may sound kind of corney.... but it's true. when my freind
killed himself I was really upset because, being catholic, I was raised to
beleive that it is a mortal sin to kill yourself. I thought my freind
would spend the rest of eternity suffering in hell so I prayed to God that
He would take care of him and not send him to hell. i said a special 5-day
prayer and if the prayer worked you were supposed to smell roses. so...I
said the prayer and... sure enough, on the 5th day while I was sitting in
school I smelled the strongest sent of roses, and i knew it wasn't
someone's perfume and I knew I wasn't imagining it. my prayer had been
answered.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to freinds, my relationship with god, and just the passing of
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about what happens after people die.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was a total reck at first and took it very hard but i pulled myslef
together and got on with my normalm life, eben though i thought i never
would.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's ok to laugh about it. i think that my joking about the situation
was just my way of dealing with it since all the other ways of coping that
i tried didnt seem to work.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend time or just talk to my freind. sometimes i think if more
people would have dont that he would still be here.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
finaly stop crying about it and move on with my life
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the night my freind killed himself , i suddenly thought about all the
desparite people in the world who wish they could die and hate thier
lives. this was before i knew he had died, which is why it's so strange
that i thought of it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
not so much as when i think about it, as when others talk about it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"it's just not fair that he didn't get to life his whole life yet. he
was too young to die."
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
it doesn't really get that difficult for me. i think it gets
difficult for others i see trying to deal with death and that's what hurts
me. i wish i could help them all but i cant.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started thinking alot about..well, everything. sometimes i think
maybe i spent too much time thinking and i think sometimes my imagination
got carried away. (images of my freinds death seemed to make it worse and
scare me even more)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i dont think the medical community helped at all. my freind was
taking prozac before the time of his death and sometimes i think that's
what made him mentally ill.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
organized religion wasnt as important as just talking to god by
myslelf. i think in a situation like death, which is not controlled by
people, but i force so much stronger then people, it's logical that we
turn to that something much greater then peo ple which controlls life and
death; God. because after all, no one understands death at all besides
God, who makes it happen.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it links us all together knowing that we will all experience death in
others, and in oursleves.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
there was a point where i had become so confident that there was
absolutly a heaven that we go to after death, and i was so sure that i'd
go there, that i was actually looking forward to death. not that i was
thinking of killing myslef or anything like that, i just wasn't afraid
anymore. i can honestly say that i was not affraid at all of dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i think if some one is going to die, there will be a significant
change in the person. whether it be physical or emotional, i think there
is a change. it may be different in all people, but there is something
that will tell you.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
at first i was shocked, then extreamly depressed for days, then
finnaly i was almost happy about it, and very peaceful about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no one was there with him when he died, but i'm sure there was
someone there from the other side to comfort him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think i'm really not that affraid of dying anymore or people dying.
i think that when i die it will be a happy time because i will finally get
to ask god all my questions and finnaly be able to talk to my lost loved
once again. and i think that if anyone close to me ever dies again i will
be able to handle it alot better now. i wont be upset that the person who
has died is dead because i know that person will probibly be alot happier
in heaven then they ever could be on earth.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
saying a prayer to god everyday.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i think that instead of making me fear death, this has made me alot
more interested in it. it motivated me to find out alot about suicidal
people and how to prevent suicide. i think that's definatly a plus in my
life, especially now, in the teenage y ears of my life when myslef and so
many of my freinds have feelings of wanting to commit suicide. i think in
the long run, i may be able to help someone get through hard times or
maybe even prevent someone from taking their own life because i know alot
ab out suicide warning signs and prevention now. also besides being
changed that way, i think i am alot more closer to god and religious now
then i ever would have been if this wouldnt have happened.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
talking to freinds, thinking by myself, learning more about the
subject, and my relationship with god all helped me deal with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
people not talking about it and avoiding the topic made it worse
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think personally, i have thought so much about death myself that i
didnt really learn anything new, although there were a few questions which
i fell helped me realize somethings. i think this questionaire might be
able to help some people who have very recently experienced death.
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Mon Mar 31 09:54:06 1997
M21 in Washington, DC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
final and absolute
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried...
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a pet died... Before that, my
great-grandfather had died... i perfected denial...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my hatred for my babysitter for letting my pet die
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Mon Mar 31 08:04:15 1997
F40 in New Madrid, Missouri =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 72.
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--Death Is:
the moving on to another plane. This is not a widely held belief of
many in our culture and therefore, often, we must cultivate this as a sort
of second belief. It will never completely overcome that which was taught
to us in childhood.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt guilty, felt sad, and felt alone. I resorted to making believe
that she spoke to me in my head to help me through it. That somehow her
spirit was still there with me as she had always been for me as a child
and as I grew up.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my step-gradnfather died of lung cancer. At
that time we weren't even sure cancer wasn't contagious. I was pretty much
kept away from him for the last few months of his life...which was very
confusing for me as we had been almost constant companions up until then.
Our special bond was discouraged by my mother and grandmother who tried to
"shield" me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how I tried to "be strong" like everyone kept telling me. I am
usually a very strong person but during the time of the funeral and all of
the other preparations I let others take care of me because I simply
couldn't do all I usually can.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural part of life. Those of us left behind must learn to
let ourselves grieve.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me examine why we do the things we do in our culture.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband and that fantasy of my grandmother's spirit still with me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loneliness. I have always pretty much been a "stranger" in my
own family. This was the one person who I enjoyed sharing my life with
(and she with me). This is the only person in the world who gave me
unconditional love.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there for her. She died alone in the hospital. She was in
another state.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something good happens in my life and I want to immediatly pick up
the phone and share it with her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
pick up the phone and call her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
virtually nothing. We had a "preacher" at the funeral, but he didn't
even know her or our family.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more natural
--Regarding MONEY:
there were some hard feelings about who would pay for the funeral.
It even got so petty that one of my cousins snipped at me,"Well that plant
is going home with MY mother." (my grandmother's sister. My reaction was
to look at her stupidly.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
don't rush it. Don't go back to work to "get over it more quickly."
Let yourself have time and cry, cry, cry if you want to!!
--What about Unresolved Issues you still need to deal with?:
This was the woman who loved me more than anything else in the world.
I'm sure whatever unresolved issues we might have had would be forgotten
in an instant when we meet again.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Death used to frighten me (I was taught to be afrid) but as the years
go on I find that I am less and less frightened. Also my newfound belief
in afterlife and reincarnation ease those fears.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
after a particularly long day of planning the funeral, arranging for
the plot and picking out the flowers etc., I found I couldn't sleep. The
only thing that held me together for the days ahead and finlly put me to
sleep that night was to imagine that my grandmother's spirit was speaking
to me in my head. At that time I didn't believe in any sort of afterlife,
the moving from one plane to another, or any of the other beliefs I have
come to believe. All I knew was that it allowed me to go to sleep and kept
me going for the next few days.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I discovered that there were many more beliefs out there than I had
ever been exposed to before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
the death of my grandmother in 1992 spurred me to re-examine my beliefs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am beginning a unit in my classroom (I teach high school) about
death and dying. This questionnaire has helped my relive some of those
important feelings and questions I had at the time of my grandmother's
death. Those experiences will be more fresh in my mind now and I will be
better able to pull on them.
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Sat Mar 29 20:25:01 1997
13 in Minneapolis, Minnesota =USA=
Name: Kevin <blastech-at-winternet.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
More personal info:
IF you have any questions pleasee write me, i'll be happy to help
answer them in any way
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Us humans have this thing called death. It is a point at our life
which we move on to a better life in heaven. Now it depends how good you
have been on earth to diside were you go, Heaven or hell. If you are a
good person you will go to a peacful place in heaven, if not you burn in
hell. You shouldn't be afraid of death cause you know its coming.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't talk for weeks.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mom killed herself when i was 10 and now i'm 13. It was really
hard cause she was GREAT to talk to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everybody being afraid of me
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mom is in a better place now and keeping an eye on me to keep me
safe
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walking in nature. For some reason I always feel welcome there. Its
like there is a loving force that surounds me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That i could never have said goodbye and i'll never see her
the way she was
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be loving, some what understanding, and TALK TO THE PERSON ABOUT
THEIR FEELINGS!!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was wondering why she could do that (kill herself) She
seemed so happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get to know her better. You see her and my dad didn't along very
well and i was the one to break them up when they were fighting
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have known her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw her spirit at her funnerl. I know most of you don't beleive in
that mombo-jombo crap... BUT i did see something
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
be around others!!! People you know, love, and trust!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sat Mar 29 16:30:58 1997
F42 in Houston, TX ==
<Kaztodekaz-at-AOL.com>
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 1/2/yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
wishing that the person died was with you all the time. You miss them
very much.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so tired.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my husband was dianogsed with cancer. I was
the only caregiver for 1 1/2 yr. and had to work while this was all
happening. I never thought he would die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is our life together.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Do not listen to the doctors.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what this person taught me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about them continously.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I felt his soul leave his body. I knew he was no longer in there.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say a few more things to him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him when he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt him leave his body.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
I was working 12 hours days/not by my choice but for insurance
purposes to try to cure my husband from cancer. I was exhausted for a
long, long, time. Even after he died. I am still very tired.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
I really did not believe he would die.
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Sat Mar 29 00:56:37 1997
M29 in Warren, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Auto Accident; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
The End .
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was to young to know what it ment
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Great Grandparents died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I could`nt believe it was true
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Why
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It makes you relize how precous life is
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nowing I was still alive
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I would never see them again
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why them and not me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
change time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Became angry and tried to understand why it had happened
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
The money was more important than the actual fact that a person had died
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It scares the hell out of me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Onthe aniversarry of my friends deaths I take the day off and
remember the good times we had and usually get drunk
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Fri Mar 28 22:07:08 1997
M34 in Columbia, Missouri =US=
Name: Ron Thompson <PallisMorti-at-Hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Los Angeles GRIM Society
Actually, via The Dark Side of the Web.
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Prof/Studies: Psychology/Sociology (Thanatology)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: Unknown causes - Yes, that's what the Coroner said !; Aged: 8 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The permanent cessation of consciousness and molecular biological
regeneration, giving way to bodily decay.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't really remember that much about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A Great-aunt that I liked, when I was about 8
years old....She was close to my mother, and I visited her often. She
died a natural death (not that there's any such thing), or should I say
old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How sad most people get over death, and how little they understand
about death & fear it.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To accept that it comes to everyone, not to fear it, and not to hide
it from our culture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The only thing that I can really think of, is that I remember people
around me who have died....Probably think of them more than when they were
alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have never needed any support. I have always accepted death and
have only been saddened by the prospect of not being able to talk to those
who have died that were close to me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The pain of those around me. I remember thinking how sad they all
looked, and how scared. It was also very hard to deal with their pain,
because I cannot understand the way they felt. There was no way for me to
comfort them, when I didn't know how they felt.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Too many things to list, or think about.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing, I'm Atheist
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I have never been bothered by death, but I'm not really sure why.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Thu Mar 27 18:54:30 1997
F33 in Cumberland, MD =USA=
<jmiller2-at-miworld.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
loss of pets have also been profound.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 64.
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--Death Is:
mysterious, never ending for those who remain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was numb & confused
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..Dad had a heart attack.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
pain & fear
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is natural and acceptable at an appropriate place & time
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
spiritual visitation
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time & meditation
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
anxiety, fear of being alone or helpless.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
sense what they need. Let their needs guide the course.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
survived the loss I feared my entire life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
on life support I wasn't quite sure of the exact moment the soul
released.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
(this never happened to me.)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
relieve her physical suffering faster. Take charge of the
condescending, bungling staff.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the funeral without fainting
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
that my mother looked dignified after her death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
pomp and circumstance of the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
anytime..when I'm ill & exhausted. Needy.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My older sibs had parents to help them through.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time. Or just get a note or sign or phone call from Mom.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was relieved and lost.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They were negligent & condescending.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. Spirituality is within and unique in each of us.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was an inapropriate issue.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling disoriented. My life revolved around Mom for 2 years & I
didn't know what to do with myself.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Cold extremities, death rattle, slowed breathing, rise in temp.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there are no rules
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Mom had visions the previous year. Before she was in hospital. She
"saw" a man in the yard in uniform. On Mike's deathbed he said there were
"others" in his room. A lady I hospiced stared at the ceiling, said they
were here to "shake them out".
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to be afraid or in pain. I want to feel everything is
taken care of in my earthlife so I can return home in peace.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
photo albumn of the dead and my past with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
nice to connect to others who aren't afraid to listen.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
"Do you have unresolved issues w/ this person & how will you put them
to rest now?"
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Thu Mar 27 07:29:52 1997
F12 in Des Moines, IA =USA=
Name: Margot
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searcing for quizzes too learn more about myself such as
personality and IQ quizzes
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Prof/Studies: normal student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Cicken Soup for the Soul books
Authors: Mark victor Hansen
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 89.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When humans pass to another place free from pain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't cry but i get tears every time I think of her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother dies
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the sadness
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the person is going to a better place where they are free from pain
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
well I haven't quite found it yet but I will
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the thought that she will no longer suffer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the pain of losing them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
stay even if they won't be able to tell if you are there or
not the spirit will be happy
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
just remembered the times we spent together and all the happy
memories
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was at the funeral
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her many times be fore she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of her
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she should still be alive.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
:reminders
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Thu Mar 27 04:41:26 1997
F14 in Nashville, Tennessee =USA=
Name: Whitney Reynolds <Zaphod27-at-aol.com>
Web: http://members.aol.com/Zaphod27/reality.html
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a gateway. It restarts the cycle of life... death is only a
physical matter... our body dies, but our spirits live on to be reborn...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad. I was young and didn't understand why he had to die.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died when I was seven or
eight... it was my first funeral... I remember being very sad and crying a
lot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how I felt sorrow for her family, and wished to help them get through
the process of grieving.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
only a step. We will all meet again, no matter what.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learn from death. With every experience, I learn.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing their body, lifeless and cold. It broke my heart.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first comprehended mortality... and it made no sense. I couldn't
understand why life had to end.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
mourned for a while, then realized that they had moved on and I would
meet them again along my journey. I thought of all the good times and
remembered them that way.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. My beliefs are my own.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right... it fits my thoughts on Death
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
telling my mother that she couldn't wear red to the funeral...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not fear death. I accept it... but I want to live my life to
its fullest before I go on to the next one.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I take some time by myself and remember all of the best times I had
with the person..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting...
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Wed Mar 26 14:07:49 1997
M28 in Las Vegas, NV =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing Yahoo, looked interesting.
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Prof/Studies: Undergrad History
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Shouting at the Wolf
Authors: Anderson Reed
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when people stop living with you and you are left with emotions for
that person that you must come to terms with to go on with your life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to know what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...in elementary school a child died in the school
yard. Me an some friends saw that in the paper the family needed help with
expenses so we raised some money and gave it to them.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The fact that I could not go visit my grandfather or his funeral, and
I know that he had told the others in the family that he was coming back
to where I lived be with me again.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It should not be as a commercial time. I object to the high charges
and requirments, and I especialy HATE ministers who use funerals to
convert others to their faith.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It freed my grandfather from living in a nightmare world of where he
was only cognizant for once or twice a day and was paralized.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to talk with my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that my grandfather was very close to me and I would never
be able to say goodbye
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have found that the pain is going to hurt bad, but you will survive
it as long as you accept that you can not stop it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
there was squabbling in the family over posession. I was offended
and mad at relative for fighting over trivial things.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This happened to me at my grandmother death. It was with my cousins.
We all did it was just stress that had to be relieved. you can only cry
for so long then you laugh. It is just natural
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
been at the funeral to help me have closure sooner
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I am thankful only that my grandfather had given me a momento before
the stroke and I didn't have to fight for it. I am so glad that I had
told my grandfather that I loved him many times.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
turning away from the grave. that is the final point.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the preacher at the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It happens to me when think about it. I am not sure if I ever will
get over knowing that my grandparents are all gone now. It just doesn't
seem real.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people who I hate still live, yet ones I love die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just knew from then on that i would have a hole in my heart.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the doctors are in it just for the money. They have no compassion
they just run the bills up. I have no respect for them at all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It was an insult to me. Aunts had brought a preacher in that had not
even bothered to learn my grandmothers name correctly. I was insulted. My
grandfather had told me that he did not want that preacher at his funeral.
If I had been able to be there I would have physically removed that
asshole regaurdless of my other relatives. They betrayed the wishes of my
grandfather and I have not spoken to them since then.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more real than the supposed Christian beliefs.
--Regarding MONEY:
greed showed itself fully. It was disgusting.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that my grandfather was gone, but feeling he was present.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In every case of my relatives they came lucid just prior to dying.
It seem in a non traumatic death they were all calm and accepting.It will
happend, but I don't really fear it as the unknown. It is just part of the
bargain for being alive.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a slow process. I takes years to get over it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It has happened for all my grandparents. Both of my grandmothers had
died and came back. These are real, but I don't think they can ever be
studied.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have more thoughts than most. I have a death threat against me by
a gang I testified against. I know that I am mortal, but with that threat
over my head I know that life can end at any point you must enjoy your
life as it comes for you never know how long you have.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I had to go out into the desert alone and just talk to my departed
loved ones. I need to be alone just to speak with them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none that I can really think of
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
it was my first experience, but it was not personal
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brings the feelings to the surface. Perhaps rewording the first
experience options. They didn't really fit with my experience.
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Wed Mar 26 13:51:43 1997
F44 in Muskogee, Ok =USA=
Name: Janeen Rosenberg <vrcjrose-at-vba.va.gov>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
mental health web
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Prof/Studies: Counseling Psychologist
More personal info:
I lost 3 parents by the age of 5 years old (birth parents and
adoptive mother). I am hoping to write about a daughter raised by a
father.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: kubler-ross's books
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia & parkinson's disease; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a frightening experience for someone who doesn't want to die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't feel the emptional effects until 3 years later in which I just
started crying.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather (who I lived with and admired)
died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how frightened my father was to die, how he hated to leave me behind
alone, his hands, the fact that the VA Hospital really killed him, and the
pain of feeling there was nothing I could do to save him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Jewish people do not believe there is an afterlife.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having my father while I was here.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
all my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the times together and his advice.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to ask forgiveness for anything you may have done. Ask if there are
any questions they have had about you over the years that they wanted to
ask.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
truely loved this adoptive father and how his loved helped me to love
my heavenly Father.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
so much energy put into care while he was alive and then it all
ended. I was lost afterwards.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
there was alot of irony for many people in life felt sorry for me for
I was an only child. It happened to be a real blessing for I had no one
to argue with about all the arrangements.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
put him in a VA Hospital adjacent to a medical school.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have him near me for the last 7 years of his life. What a blessing!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
because my dad accepting Jesus before dying . . . that I will see him
again in heaven.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Money$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$for he was indigent.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I desperately need his advice, or hear a song that reminds me of him,
etc.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that an elderly person is still young in his mind but his body gives
out.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run and scream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
smelled his robe and just cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
deplorable - the nursing homes, the lack of care, etc. It makes me
sick!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
EVERYTHING! Religion didn't matter but a personal relationship with
God.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't understand the question. Sorry!
--Regarding MONEY:
He was penniless which ended up being a blessing. I just wrote
"Indigent" on all the bills. That is also my goal in life . . . to be
indigent.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fear my dad had about dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the quality of life just goes. At that point, death is better than
suffering.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
vent all the emotions and do a lot of writing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
God was with me through the entire experience . . .from the hosptial,
to sending friends, to his funeral. I could write a book just on the
signs I received.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes, time is so precious to me and I hate wasting a single moment.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went back to the home of my childhood to remember where it all
began.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Get all the answers to all the questions you want to ask the person
before they pass away.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
a couple of questions I didn't understand.
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Wed Mar 26 06:03:44 1997
F22 in Hudson, New York =USA=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 103.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
is physically the end of life, mentally very hard to describe because
everyone has their own perceptions about what it really is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was curious at the funeral, but when I returned home the shock of it
hit me and I cried because it was scary to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A friend of my sister was hit by a drunk
driver, she died on the way to the hospital, I did not know her very well.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it a lot, I do not want to die young. I want to be
able to grow old with my husband and to see my son grow up.
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Tue Mar 25 18:44:35 1997
M47 in Alta Loma, Calif. =USA=
Name: Ed Aguilar <ednsusan-at-earthlink.net>
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Found us by: [ UseNet posting ]
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Prof/Studies: teacher
More personal info:
death is not the end of love,forgetting is...
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: bible
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical time on earth. it is not thought of the end
of our spiritual being, which we belive goes on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not afaid, i asked granma about it and she explained what had
happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... at the age of five i saw a man die of a
oveerdose. he fell out on the side walk in front of our house.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my dad was more ready to go than any one was ready to let him. he
was tired and just wanted to die in his own bed at home , he was taken
home and died two days later.
--What I think my (us ofa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing, we deal with death every well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the closeness i developed with my dad at the end of his life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my understanding the peace my dad had, told me he had made his peace
with god and was ready.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having him to talk to any more.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they know you are giving time, which has become very important.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
let him go,gave him permission to leave me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
no confusion.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i laughed with dad. telling jokes, even about death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with dad.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
dad told those with him that he had no worries about me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
tiptoing around the dying person.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i just smile, istill miss him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
no, hen is gone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
spent a month visiting dad everyday. i told him i would be there for
him and i kept my word.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
let people go home to die.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i didn't need a building.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nothing, it is not a time to debate religion. i ran interferance for
dad with religous people who wanted to take coup on dad.
--Regarding MONEY:
didn't, mom and i split costs.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that others thought i should be sad and weepy.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a wasting, a quick decline of the person. dad lost so much weight.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i had given dad into god's hands long, years before the final round.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he spoke to people who were not among the living, my granma, aunts,
and my brother.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
my hand is steady and my soul is ready, i have no fear of death, it's
the dying part, i've seen people die in pain and so doped up that they
were dead to the world.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
as time went on, i came to understand that death is part of life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
as people in the family passed on, we showed respect, but not
superstition.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i didn't mind talking about it at all.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
do people think they're being cheated by the dying person?
(Ed. Note: Added one called [Sometimes I get the feeling "It's not fair..."] )
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Tue Mar 25 13:23:08 1997
F23 in Egg Harbor Twp., NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: nursing
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial at first.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my grandfather. He was very ill so it was
expected.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
realizing I would never see him again.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
what actually happens when you die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandfather didn't have to suffer trying to breathe any more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend at the time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
looking at the body at the funeral.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
fulfill any wishes they have no matter what they are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he would talk about his funeral.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let him talk about his death more, I would always change the subject when
he would try.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him the last day he was feeling good.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he told me what type of flowers he wanted at the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at pictures of him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him one last time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was trying to go to sleep the night of the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the person just seems to give up and seems ready to die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Mon Mar 24 22:19:19 1997
F15 in Virginia =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of pet, 2 days ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure (?-not sure); Aged: 2 yrs..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body ceaces to support brain function/conciousness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 2 and i didn't know him very well (uncle)
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
it was abrupt and unexplainable
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not the end of your life too, life just changes
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i learned to move on. that's the clostest i can get here.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
remembering and realizing that they're won't be any more
opportunities to be w/them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just let them know you won't forget
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i realized that this was it, and afterwards when i realized
everything was going to be o.k.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i didn't have that urge
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time w/them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on and remember
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something reminds me of it
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
i'm o.k.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt better, like it was going to be all right
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contentment. they did what THEY could at the time, and you have to
accept that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i don't believe
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it exists, but that we don't really know of it nor can pass
judgement upon what form it takes or what type of reality it exists in.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't really matter. it was just an issue for disposal
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when i realized the death might never be explained
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a certain sad look in the eyes
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have had none other then i dreams
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
hell yeah, but it's way too long to go into here...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
certainly not painful, but it didn't do anything theraputic for me.
it just is.
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Mon Mar 24 19:15:55 1997
F46 in Coleman, Alberta =Canada=
<hilde-at-canuck.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Daughters web page
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Prof/Studies: House-wife
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: I've read several books but mostly books about the
afterlife and angels ,I was curious to find out about what happened to my
children I couldn't believe that it just ended.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our physical life and the beginning of our spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt rejected ,that he could leave me when I wasn't ready for it ,I
was suppose to die first .
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...mostly older people
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is the pain and disbelief ,the pain was so bad that I could
physically feel my broken heart .
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
no one knows what to say ,so they say stupid things ,like "hes in a
better place " or "you still have two kids left " or they don't talk to
you at all .
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it has brought my two other children closer to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I believe there is more after death ,it is not the end but the
beginning of an eternal life ,where there is no pain and suffering but
more love than we can imagine as mortals on this earth .
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Mar 24 12:08:47 1997
M39 in ,
<www.dacs39i4u.aol.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
by accident
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Prof/Studies: minister
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Resources for Ministry in Death and Dying
Authors: Larry A. Platt and Roger G. Branch
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60-70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is fearful for healthy people and freedom for those who are
sick. Sick people generally want the freedom of dying and healthy people
don't see or understand that kind of thought process, because they do not
see dying or death as freedom from t he world or illness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
It was very frightening, I saw first hand how one could be gone from
this life that we value so highly.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... by best friend oldest sister died. She would
always drive us around to differnet places so I knew very well. She had
an blood clot and it travel to her brain.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How unexpected this death was, and a loved one was gone and a friend,
wife, mother would now be alone.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Increase awarness on death and dying
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That for some death is a gift, especially for those who suffer long
and no longer resemble what they once were.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walking and talking to God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them and wondering where they were.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I love you and it is okay to go ......we will be alright
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Just tried to be their physiaclly and spiritually
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
help spiritually.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 23 21:22:12 1997
F34 in Brooklyn, NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
following a trail of interesting links
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Prof/Studies: Computer graphic artist
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: autopsy not conclusive; Aged: 7-month stillbirth.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ceasing of a body's physical functioning. It can no longer house
the soul, which leaves the body and returns to our Creator.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt the sad finality of never being able to see him or speak to him
again.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandparent - heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the horrible uncontrollable emptiness and loneliness at never having
been able to touch, hold, and give motherly love to my infant son. Plus,
intense powerlessness because of my inability to protect him, or even know
he was dying. It undermined my co nfidence as a future mother. And the
injustice of not having been given a medical reason for his death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we all need to have our own "living will" which tells medical staff
and our families what we wish for ourselves in terms of medical
intervention.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My stillborn child reminds me that life is a GIFT from GOD. It's not
something we can expect to have or that anyone "deserves." God gave me
another son, for whom I am thankful. I value my life and those of my
family, and am aware that these lives are not guaranteed. I try to share
my love for them now, in the "living years" instead of having something to
regret.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The trust that God knew what was necessary and right, and chose to
take my child for valid reasons, which were OK for me not to know.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
NEVER EVEN KNOWING HIM!
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
received the feeling that God is "holding" my life in his hands, and
how comforting this is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the sonogram and heart monitor revealed that my son was already dead
and I hadn't even been aware of it happening within my own body!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's a stress-reliever.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
name the baby and bury him in a real grave with a headstone. My
doctor and family pressured me to sign a form permitting him to be treated
as "medical waste" because a pre-term child isn't considered a human
being. They didn't want to spend more grief and money than was necessary.
Nobody supported my wishes and I caved in.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a healthy child.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
(referring to the death of an older person) relationships between
family members realign, filling in the functions the deceased would have
done, so that life begins to continue without that person, and people see
that it's going to be OK.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
(for an older person) the quality of the funeral home, the casket,
etc.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear stories, read books, see movies, etc. about orphans, lost or
abducted children. The helplessness and loneliness is overwhelming.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know for sure that I will meet my child (in heaven?) someday. And,
that I could put aside the insecurity I feel about my current pregnancy. I
wish I could allow myself to love it and trust that it will actually be
born alive.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt an intense need to get that horrible dead thing (my precious
beautiful baby!) out of my healthy body for fear of contamination by it.
Then, relief that it was out. Then, grief from the loss, and loneliness
from the need to hold and love a live b aby. Later, anger. Later,
acceptance and hope.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of confidence in medicine to help anyone if God does not will it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. My belief grew afterward, as a result of the loss.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?
--Regarding MONEY:
my baby, whom I had loved in my womb, would not get a decent burial
befitting of a human being. He's "medical waste."
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when my husband said about our stillborn child, "It's like a farmer
planting a crop which doesn't grow. Next season he tries again." Such a
brave statement, and a good philosophy for couples with fertility
problems.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Life's a ride over which we have little control. I take it as it
comes, and that's how I expect to take death as well.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
a feeling that some future day I will see them again. And God knows
best what is right for us.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
a feeling of avoidance of the issue. I learned that these things must
be dealt with or they will keep coming back.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Useful in dealing with the anxiety of carrying my current pregnancy.
I am reminded of the real issues which hold me back from feeling excited
about the coming birth.
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Sun Mar 23 18:17:05 1997
F30 in Washington DC metro area, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Guided by the Light
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: an insulin overdose; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life in this form. A moving on to another form of being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had no idea how the death of someone really close to you could affect
you and for how long it affected you.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my family's next door neighbor and we
were so close to him that we called him Uncle Fred. One year he went into
the hospital for some tests only to find out he had colon cancer. Within
two months he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how I suddenly went from the family member in the background to the
person who stood up and handled everything. I remember never crying in
front of my parents, carrying their telephone around in my pocket so that
they didn't have to deal with all the calls, dealing with the police who
came to the house, making the decisions on his arrangements and just
generally turning to stone in front of people so that I could make all the
decisions that had to be made and totally losing it when I was alone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to learn how to deal with the survivors. People all stand around you
and look at you and don't know what to say and when you mention something
about the person who died, people all squirm like they are uncomfortable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it strengthed my belief in Jesus Christ and brought my family
closer together. It also devistated me so much I was put into therapy and
it has been very helpful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
going into therapy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that all my life my brother and I never really got along very well
and I never approved of how he lived his life. The last nine months of
his life, he spent six months of it in jail during which time I visited
him alot and then when he went into the Pre-Release program, I would pick
him up and drive him places like his AA meetings and in the course of this
he convince me that I too was an alcohlic and needed to attend AA. So we
went to two to three meetings a week together where I found out that I was
just like my brother but I never got caught and that's why I didn't
approve of him. During this time he and I became best friends. In the 22
years he lived, we only truly discovered each other and how much we loved
each other in the last nine months. When he died so suddenly without any
warning or signs, I had not only lost my brother but my best friend as
well.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned about my self and my family and how much more we appreciate
each other and life in general.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when it first happened. I had no idea how I would be able to go on.
I wanted to die to and living just seemed impossible.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
prevent his death totally. They're are just too many things I wished
I could have done or said.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my faith in Jesus Christ to guide me through.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the funeral was over and everyone left to go back to their lives how
unbelieveably hard it was go back to our lives.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I pull out my box of his stuff I have and I start looking through it.
I just lose it all over again just like he died yesterday.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have been the one who died.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
found myself in a terrible depression and had to ask for help to get
out of it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
total disgust. The Maryland Medical Examiners office is full of
totally incompotent and inept people. To get any real answers we had to
wait six weeks to get a copy of their report so that our personal doctor
could tell us what really happened.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing really. I learned that what I read in the Bible is generally
not in line with what organized religion teaches. I found comfort in just
reading and learning the Bible
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
close by.
--Regarding MONEY:
my brother never had any money in his whole life but when he died we
learned while he was at the Pre Release Center that he had saved all of
his work money which Mom and Dad decided to give to me and our other
brother.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how strong I was the first couple of weeks after it happened.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know what my brother exprienced because he died in his sleep
and no one discovered he was dead for twelve hours. But I know of three
things that happened to me after his death that I thought was from the
"other side." First was two days after Jerry died I was in the back yard
washing my car to forget when I started to think about things and just as
I started to lose control I heard my brother yell my name like he was just
right there in the back yard with me. When I looked up there was no one
anywhere around and I regained control over myself. The second thing that
happened was when we planted a tree for Jerry in the backyard right after
his funeral, some friends loaded brand new film in their instant camera
and snapped a couple of pictures of me and my brother's fiance sitting
next to the tree. When the pictures began to become clearer we noticed
there were strange marks all over the pictures. Our friends said it must
have been a bad roll of film. I decided to keep one of the pictures
anyway and I set it aside. When I looked at the picture again in a couple
of days I noticed the one spot on the picture looked exactly like a hand
holding onto my brother's fiance's leg. The third thing was for several
weeks I felt extremly guilty that I was not able to tell that my brother
was abusing insulin to lose weight and that he didn't confide in me about
it. I went to sleep one night and had a dream that my brother was in a
coma and I sat next to him the whole time feeling that it was my fault he
was in the coma. He suddenly comes out of the coma and says to me, "Thank
you. You did everything you could and I am grateful." Then I woke up.
That dream helped me so much with my guilt and I believe it was my
brother's way of communicating to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe the Lord has put us here to learn and to help others and to
accomplish certain tasks in our lives. When we have finished these tasks
then our time is up.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was pretty young and since my parents would not let me see him
because they said the cancer ate him up, it was hard to believe it was
real.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
not being able to see him at the funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought up some interesting feelings.
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Sun Mar 23 12:47:59 1997
F59 in Texas =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Sister, 3 mo ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a physical being with a ceremony to help the living
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was overwhelmed and curious
--That first time, how it happened was
i was about 6 and a cousin shot himself in the head and i remember
all the relatives talking about the blood and guts part of it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i had lost my 2nd mother and it made me feel much older and
vulnerable
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that too much sadness and too much money are associated with it. i
would like more of a celebration of the accomplishments of the person who
died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
communication re-established with some family members
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
telephone and e-mail contact with family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
beliving she was really dead
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk about good times, fond shared memories
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
want my funeral to be loving and sharing remembering
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
try to picture some type of spiritual continuaces of the deceased
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughture is a healing process and she would have been pleased with
our pleasure
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her one more time, to tell her thanks and to tell her goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
visit with my family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a service group(Eastern Star) fussed at my niece for not having them
as part of the formal funeral and having the funeral before that
organization's network got the word out. it was like we had done
something wrong.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
wanting to be sure the family had enough food and the traditional
"church luncheon" after the funeral was done
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
like now i'm crying. i cry when i try to be supportive of another
person's recent loss
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream and go away
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to be with my family of origin
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
often doing too much and not letting quality of life matter more
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it was important to the people of the church that they did something
for us, even though we could have done ok without their help. it made
them feel good about themselves.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a posibility. i think that everyone affects everyone else in
some manner
--Regarding MONEY:
my niece went out of her way to be "fair" to try to hold onto the
thread of caring her brother might have for her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how we find time to gather but never find the time when there isn't a
death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
physical deteration, sleeping more, talk of beign sure business is
attended to
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
most pfeople are ready to die when they do, if there is a long time
to prepare for it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
again, the bright light, dreams of deceased close family members
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have to trust a higher power and let Him take care of me I am glad
i don't know for certain what lies ahead for me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
possible relationship with non-christians
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
sad because i lost my sister and a classmate in the past month. I was
suicidal myself in Dec. so this has been good for me to be able to put
this down in print.i guess the main thing is that i want my family to
laugh and tell funny family stories when i die
see people you care about NOW, not the family after they die.
Encourage families to reminice with the dying person if there is time.
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Sat Mar 22 03:01:29 1997
F28 in Vancouver, British Columbia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How to cope with grief and get on with your life:
Giving Sorrow Words
Authors: C Lightner and N Hathaway
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ultimate loss...the realization of how fragile life is-our own
mortality. it is f oreverness...makes one ponder this..frightening...the
end
Note: almost two years ago one of my best friends was also
murdered, he was 34, killed by a juvenile, and the case was
deemed accidental---that is questionable to friends/family
{there was not 2 response categories to the question on most
recent death,,,didn't know if I should include this account too}
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was saddened, but probably more because I saw the pain in others
around me, not so much due to my own sense of sorrrow.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Relative, grandparent, however they lived in
Europe, thus I really did not know them well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Tears...
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to teach individuals to help others to cope with a loss, help
others to know that they do not necessarily have to say anything, simply
make themselves available and listen to the bereaved indiv. Need to be
more open about death, I think it's somewhat of a taboo subject
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love and help I received from friends.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the circumstances surrounding the death, and the tremendous amont of
quilt I felt, both because I questioned whether I could have done
something to prevent it, and because I was in a fight and not speaking to
my mom at the time of her murder.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a coping strategy...perhaps ones body becomes overwhelmed with
the feeling of sorrow, and somehow the laugh response comes into play?? I
don't know... Someone informed me that they overheard another person state
that I must have not cared about my mom because they saw me laughing!!!!
Such ignorance needs to be dispelled.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my mom I loved her one last time, it is a regret... I would
give anything to have the opportunity to see her just one more time...It
angers me when I hear about people quarreling and not speaking to loved
ones...life is too short to remain angry
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
???It was a sudden death, therefore, i had no opportunity to do what
now I wish I had
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see other mothers and daughters interacting.., during holidays, her
b-day, especially mother's day (which happens to be the day she was
murdered). Weddings are always bitter sweet for me, the thought of having
children...and my mom (who adored kids) will never have the experience of
being a grandma.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wipe the entire memory out of my mind...obviously, I wish I could
change the past but I can not.... In my situation, I feel like I have not
dealt with the death I wish I could take 6mths or so off, and simply
reflect, regroup, and try to somehow come to terms with the death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started asking questions of WHY?? I played the events leading up to
the death and tried to make some sense out of he madness. I wanted
answers, I wanted a rationale, for something so inconceivable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Although, I was raised in a Roman Catholic home, I have not practiced
any religion for years. I wish I had the faith that would perhaps make it
easier to deal with death... wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a life
after death, seems like an illogical fantasy, created because of human
fear of death and non-existence
--Regarding MONEY:
It was awful...my mom had a small insurance policy $5000. that went
to our lawyer. My brother and I could not afford to pay for anyhting. As
a matter of fact we took years to pay the bill off which was appx $10,000.
I think this is ridiculous!! Even in death there is a profit
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving is not a linear process, one goes back and forth from total
sorrow one day, to mild sadness the next. There is no time limit on
bereavement..in some ways the loss of loved ones effects us for
ever...it's ongoing, and only becomes less intense
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
??
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I think I'm more neurotic about death than most. Even prior to
my mom's death, as young as 4, I remember sitting on the couch pondering
foreverness, wanting to be buried alongside my family and wanting my
stuffed bunny to be with me. I often think about death, and foreverness
... it terrifies me and always has, the thought of not being...always
makes me get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I only hope I
can live a long and happy life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought the questions were interesting, and made me rethink some of
the feelings I had. Yet, my situation is not the norm though, so I think
my experiences with death and the repercussions are a lot more complex.
Futures questionnaires of this sort I think should be developed for
various causes of death, so to more deeply explore the dynamics
surrounding these various causes along with people's experiences and
feelings.
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Sat Mar 22 00:01:23 1997
M38 in Los Angeles, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Sister, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..my only sister was murdered.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
she was gone forever, questions, questions......
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
sensitivity,dealing with grief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
gifts of food
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to say thanks for everything, not being able to say
goodby
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why someone took her life
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
people giving their condolences
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I read or see something in the media about a celebrity murder
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
yhay she may still be here in spirit
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The procession from the church to the cemetary
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
a good hug helps
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not known
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I could go at any time
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Support Group
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought back memories and feelings I haven't felt in a while
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Fri Mar 21 22:50:14 1997
F27 in Texas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
surfed under psychology... and there you were... :)
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Prof/Studies: mother/housewife
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: homicide; Aged: mid 20's (guess).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A transition period where our human shell dies and the spark of life
within is said to ascend to a higher existance. It comes in many forms,
and most are afraid in the final moments before the ascention into the
unknown.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so young that I found it very confusing. I understood that I
would never see my Granny again. I wouldn't see her when I next ran into
her kitchen to smell and sample all the delicious food that grandma's
make. I wish I had had a chance to know her as I could know her now... :/
--That first time, how it happened was
Nephew... died at four days old... deformities would not allow him
to live without assistance... and would have been "a vegetable"... I was
anxious for his birth, being the first child of my only brother (and
closest sib) ... I should have sought help (or my parents should have
sought it for me... I was only hrmm a freshman in highschool at the
time)...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the fear of hrmmm... closure didn't seem like it was going to be an
option. I remember feeling in a state of limbo... praying for him to
simply appear and say "I was just on a lil'sabatical/vacation out of
town...sorry everyone worried" was so obv iously futile once all the facts
that lead up to the time of his disappearance was known... Knew something
was amiss, but really knew nothing at all... that is the most vivid
memory.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if everyone celebrated death
as a true state of transition... a joyous occassion...like they do in New
Orleans (though that's after the fact) when I mean the whole Death and
Dying thing...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my nephew died... my brother and I were the most visibly
affected. The only gift I can recall from any death was a moment when,
after burying his son, my brother held me as I cried...while his wife
walked out the door for the last time from my mothers house. My brother
actually kissed me (on the forehead).... That 's the only time he's ever
shown me any affection. For that I will always be grateful.. And wish
that we could somehow be close again... the death estranged him from the
rest of the family, for the most part. Me, too, but not to such an
extreme... which is almost understandible... at least to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The only real support I had was in my own head. I told friends what
had happened...but what does one truely say, especially at that age
(14-15ish). Death became a curiosity. I read any FICTIONAL book that
dealt with it. I even still use a nickname I got from reading so much
about death... Thanatos :) that's me... cold hands of death (I have
poor circulation) :) heh...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
With my nephew, it's that I will never know him the way I wanted to
know him. I can imagine what he might look like now, should he have
lived... that causes me pain. As far as the friend who was a victim of
homicide... knowing that I will never s ee him again... I see things
that remind me of him all the time... from a commercial about camping in
the colorado mountains to seeing a lil'sparkling blond girl and thinking
of the daughter he left behind that he loved so much. I feel for him as a
fri end and a father.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I was told that there was "nothing that can be done further"
(nephew)... That is when I realised and truely understood the limits of
man. I was also confused at this same time as to how God could take an
innocent like him. It had to be for a specific and very important purpose
for him to even endure such pain as he must have felt simply existing...
never feeling the warmth of and ungloved human hand... or seeing the
sun... or the bright colors that the world has in it, rather than that ug
ly green and white that the hospitals use
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was hysterical.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To know my Granny E. To know my nephew J. To convince M. to move
to keep from being robbed, rather than confronting those who he thought
might be stealing from him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To pull myself out of the depression that the nervous breakdown threw
me into. I'm thankful that it waited until after the actual service to
hit... I would have been so embarrassed! It was truely crazed...at least
for me it was...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I used to go to the cemetary as a teen and talk out my problems with
his headstone. Sound weird? *nod* Thought so... :) heh It was probably
more of a "I need someone to just listen to me" thing though.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I pass the cemetary. Everyone else is buried too far away. J is the
only one near... and really the only one I'd go see more than once or
twice, really.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I still respect them... yeT wary all the same. They are not God.
They might can perform some miraculous things, but nothing that can make
them a diety.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Support through the ceremony... and somewhat through the aftermath
(reception?) at the house. They were in and out quickly and quietly.
Being a child...I was mostly ignored until it was all overwith. It would
have helped if I had not been. It mig ht have helped my religious views as
well (tho' I think I have recovered rather well).
--Regarding MONEY:
Minimal. I remember a vague mention when a casket was chosen for the
baby.... other than that... money isn't a matter that ever came close to
my ears.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing my former sister-in-law in the baby's room cuddling the baby's
heartbeat bear (psuedo heartbeat...battery powered...sounds similiar to
what it sounds like inside the womb)... cryin'... wanting to reach out
to her, for my own comfort and hers ... and being afraid it would be
wrong... I suppose since no one reached out to me...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
a mutual friend of mine and the homicide victim has 'felt' and 'seen'
him near her on her birthday (she got really smashed...admittedly...but
she had dreamed of him the night before doing the same exact thing...
watching over her that day... with mild amusement )
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not wish to be embalmed. :) If it isn't natural, it doesn't go
into this body. I hope to ascend to a higher existance. If there is
re-incarnation...I don't want to come back. I hope it's peaceful (but
doesn't everyone really... ?? ) I fear the pain. I fear the fear that I
know I'll experience for at least a few moments before leaving. I dread
showing that fear, since I think it's unnecessary... I would be showing
my own weakness at a time when I would want to be strong and set an
example... That death can be faced with love and readiness... almost
eagerly...but not ghoulishly. With dignity and grace.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
For a long time I thought I had dealt with it, until recently passing
the cemetary where he was put under. :/ I haven't cried so hard in years.
I miss him as if I knew him like my own children.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
Mostly my parents denial that I was nervous breakdown over it and the
things it surrounded in our lives (the death spawned a divorce for my
brother). I lost two years worth of memory to this Death. Only now am I
getting pieces of the memories back.
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Fri Mar 21 20:05:14 1997
F27 in St. Louis, MO =USA=
Name: Sid <SidAndrska-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searching for info. on death
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Prof/Studies: Program Director, homeless shelter, MBA
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 11 years ago.
Cause of Death: brain hemmorhage; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a life...a seemingly eternal sentence of punsihment for
the living...for the living must find a way to continue life without a
loved one...saying that "Life goes on" after death is just an excuse made
by those who have not found an accepta ble way of dealing with such a
loss...for life is never the same after death comes 'round....
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I tried to prove to myself that her spirit was with me by asking the
"dead loved one" to show me a sign that she was still here...that she had
never went away...
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my aunt stella - who was very close to me died
of a heart attack in her sleep...she had been suffering from
tobacco-related illnesses for awhile - she had lost a few toes and had
developed breathing problems...but to me she was very beautiful to
me...and she appeared to love me very much...my mother became very angry
at the funeral because I would not cry...I didn't want anyone to see how
hurt I was...I also don't think that I fully understood the scope of death
at the age of 7 ...I just knew it was a terrible thing...I had no idea I
would still be yearning for her love 20 years later...I know that I have
imitated her look, her life...things she use to do...it's as if she has
never left - because I have become her in many ways.. .at least that's
what my family says...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the complete and utter suffering I experienced...the sense that I had
taken a "life" for granted...assuming that my dad would always be there
for me....I kept thinking, after his death, what a disappointment I was to
him, for he died during a rough time in our relationship...I was 16 and
rebellious...I didn't need a father...what the hell did I know?
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
"Life does not go on"
Typically - I have found that people who use this insensitive phrase
have never experienced the death of a loved one...I am evil....and so
angry at these kind of people that I start having thoughts..."...maybe
someone they love should die...so they can feel how I feel; then they
would know such pain."
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I began to appreciate the people in my life...trying hard never to
take anyone for granted...realizing that they could die tommorrow...it has
also left me fearful...that more of my loved ones will leave me...and the
pain I presently suffer will deepen.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Finding out everthing I could about my father and his life...tracing
his family...saving every photo of him...somehow, it made me feel closer
to him...and it also made me miss him more...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I would never see this person again...who know what the
after-life will bring...I felt robbed of my childhood - to be without a
father----who will give me away at my wedding - who will be at my
graduation??? Well, my mother was always there for such occasions...my
father was missed...it was obvious at such occasions...so obvious that the
family would usually break down and cry...a celebration was usually turned
into a brief moment of morning for dad..I can't seem to celebrate special
moments wit hout wishing my father was there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To look at that person - straight in the eyes - as they are looking
at you and say "I love you - with all my heart and my entire being...when
you leave, my life will never be the same." I wish I would have said that
to dad.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
will my father/relatives watch over me
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I shouldn't have smoked som much pot back then
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to show my father what I have become...that I'm not a loser --I have
developed into a successful business women at an early age....I have many
interests and hobbies...and I am so much like *him* ---I would have really
wanted to get to know him...I always thought there was time for that kind
of talk later...I was wrong.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live my life the way I was raised - even though at the time of my
dad's death - I appeared to be a troubled teenager - I have since changed
and developed into something bigger and better - something no one thought
I'd become...however, I think my father had a tremendous amount of faith
in me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I didn't want to donate any of my father's organs - I called the
organ donor reps "cannibals" - and stated that I didn't want to help
anyone - because no one helped my dad - why should anyone else live, I
thought. To this day - I have never forgiven my mother and brother for
slicing up my father to help people who probably didn't deserve such help.
I am still very angry that they did not listen to me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
being a hostess at the funeral - our family was expected to mingle
and chat - all I could think was "fuck these people - I want them all to
leave"
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at the frame pictures on the wall of family members who have
died - those pix take me back to a time when life was good - a time when I
felt loved.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized how quickly life passes us by - it's so strange how we take
the days and nights for granted...and that one day I too will die
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didn't do enough - everything was so secretive - they gave us
false hopes that my father would survive
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't an issue
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when I placed my class ring on my father finger before they closed
the casket for burial...just thinking that the ring would be with him -
forever....
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the doctor won't see you or answer your questions
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I pray that I am not killed in a plane or car crash and that my death
be quick...and most importantly that I meet my loved ones again.
I am not afraid to die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Taking on traits of that person who has died has helped me...somehow
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
I was always taught NEVER EVER to forget a loved one who has
died...it's like I must suffer and mourn my entire life for my loved
ones...I wouldn't have it any other way, unfortunately
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I felt it very theraputic - I was able to get a little aggression out
- and I do feel better right now. Thanks.
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Fri Mar 21 15:52:43 1997
Anon Guest in Indianapolis, IN =USA=
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Catherine Marshall
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 24 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke/Parkinsons; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to exist
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a family member, my father
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
hating the funeral home and shallow/innocuous statements by family
and friends
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to accept it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i didn't have to watch my father fall any or deteriorate further physically
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the funeral home
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he would have laughed so i would
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i have no regrets
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend his last 3 days with him alone
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
looking at the corpse
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
we had to go through the barbaric funeral home ritual
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see an American flag go down the street in a parade
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
it doesn't get THAT difficult
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
generosity of their time, advice and counsel (small town people cared
more)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it makes more sense
--Regarding MONEY:
i did what i thought he'd want me to do, regardless of the expense
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
facing the inevitable. that i was going to have to make my own
decisions without benefit of my father's counsel
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
gradual lowering of blood pressure, slowing of heartbeat,but my son
is a physician and told me what to expect
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
acceptance was enhanced by the knowledge of what he'd been through
with Parkinson's for fifteen years. i rejoiced in his death
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was in a coma
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am not afraid of death. i don't particularly want to go through the
process. i have given instructions that i am to be cremated wherever i
die. there is to be no acknowledgment of the death and the undertaker can
dispose of my ashes. i don't believ e in families being put through
enormous emotional experiences. i feel particularly strongly about this
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
how useful have my responses been to you??
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Thu Mar 20 20:31:07 1997
F24 in Flint, Michigan =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Alta Vista
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 days ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 91.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that happens to us all, and occurs when our minds and
bodies no longer function and our souls leave our bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, and didn't know the person well, so it didn't affect
me. I remember being scared to look at the body.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... grand uncle had heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I never realized how much I loved my grand-father. As this
death only occured 2 days ago, I remember everything vividly. My life is
never going to be the same though. I'm going to miss my grandfather
greatly.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
USA- we need to learn to better appreciate those we love and let them
know this, because eventually we all die. We also need to better our
children's understanding of what's happening.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
support of friends and family, and the realization that I'd been
taking certain people for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my beliefs... Catholic upbrining.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that they were gone... and going to be gone forever.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them... even if they can't hear you, see you, or respond to you.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Since this death just occured, I don't think that I have completely
handled it. Actually this questionaire is helping me a little to realize
what I'm thinking.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, but my urge to be strong for my mother, father, uncle and
cousin who were all present as well kicked in. It hit me most when I saw
my dad start crying. I cried with him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
peace of mind in where my grand-father was going in the next life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think that towards the end, my grandfather was visited by my
grandmother who had been deceased for 25 years. My grandfather was
smiling and kind of laughing about 15-20 minutes before he passed, and
since he couldn't talk, we will never know exactly what it was. But I
think it was Grandma coming to take him to his new home.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was only 10 when my first experience with death... It didn't really
affect me... i didn't know the grand-uncle.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Since this most recent experience with Death and Dying has been over
the last few days, this questionnaire is actually helping me realize what
I'm thinking, and made me realize that I have a lot of healing left to do.
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Thu Mar 20 17:33:56 1997
M53 in Clarksville, Tennessee =USA=
Name: Leonard J. Boyett <jack-at-compu.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Manager, Aviation, MS Psy
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: BIBLE
Authors: I beleive in predeterminism.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Colleague, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 48.
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--Death Is:
the end of being on this physical plane. Dying is allowing a person
who believes in God, to go home to him.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered if they were going to heaven to be with the Lord. I then
focused on the hardship of the loved ones left behind.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my twin brother shot and killed my father. He
was going to shoot me first, then changed his mind for some unknown
reason.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the inability of my collegues to focus on what was on hand, in the
process of teaching dangerous methods of survival, to help the students
first, then in another forum to work out their own personal grief. Only
two of us reacted in order to resolve all the issues at hand. In private,
I broke down in tears and anquish morning my friend.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that living must go on for the survivors, and they could use a little
assistance. I think our society is quite selfish, and if we were a more
giving people, the help provided to others would manifest in our own
healing from sadness and or grief.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I have witnessed death many times, sometimes fearing for my own
safety. I am a retired soldier, who served for two years in South
Vietnam. I was in a firefight one night in Vietnam, and saw no way out.
I realized at that point that if it is G ods time for me to go, then I
will. If he is not ready to call me home, then I will survive. Fear left
me and I have had no problem dealing with the thought of death since.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer to God, and him providing me extra strength.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
did I represent God in such a way that I might have influenced that
individual to beleive in, and accept Christ as their savior.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be empathetic. Put yourself in their shoes, and help them as you
think you would like to be helped. Absolutely don't feel sorry for them.
Pity is not love.....
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how each of us is vulnerable, and we must make the most of
each day. We may be next, at any time, under any circumstances.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought about the suffering of the dead one's loved ones.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
at no time through the many times I have been involved in the death
scene did I ever have any urge to laugh or find comedy in the event.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be a better witness for God, to them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
maintain poise and bearing, to help my mother when dad died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the American soldiers fired the volley of fire at a military funeral.
Respect....
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who got what of the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about it, I wonder if I am cold, since death doesn't have
such an adverse effect on me. I trust fully in the Lord, and don't bother
to questions his will.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
This doesn't apply to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
questioned why them, but regained focus on the eventuality of each
one of us dying when it is time, according to Gods will.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
each institution did their best, and that is all that can be
rendered. For this I am grateful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
being a Christian, in other words, accepting Christ as my personal
savior, and doing this, trusting in his will.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
uncomfortable, as throughout the world, people believe different,
about after death. I personally believe their are one of two ways to go.
Either to heaven, or to hell. It to me is quite simple, based on my
beliefs. People have had, and will cont inue to search for this truth
forever.
--Regarding MONEY:
we did not let this be a factor. I have insured that I am covered
quite well with insurance in the event I were to die and my loved one was
left behind.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the ceremonial aspects. I don't care for all this, and want just a
farewell and cremation and it is over. Simple, and short. At the funeral
homes and churches they always talk about the kind, fine person. Bunk, I
would rather the truth be told.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
health symptoms, ie fraility, mental alertness, attitude, and
breathing problems.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving is based on one's belief of what happened to the dead, or
for themself. Because of the way I believe, I think death will be a
beautiful thing for a Christian. For a non believer, then my heart would
ache, if I knew.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
prior to my fathers death, he had told mom that he felt God was going
to call him home soon, but other than that, I am unaware of any.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not going to rush it, but I look forward to dying. I am tired,
and I know that heaven will be so beautiful and peaceful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Too many events distracted much of pain. Was jailed for two weeks as
a material witness, the police thought I might flee (I was only 13).
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire had no effect on me, but I think it is good to
clarify ones position on death on occassion.
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Thu Mar 20 10:56:43 1997
Anonymous Guest in Bloomsburg, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heroin overdose; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
irrevocably entering into a world we know nothing about, yet forever
try to understand.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt lonely, because I was losing my grandfather.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died when I was 7. I remember
going to the viewing and placing a clothespin doll I had made in the
coffing because I thought he might get lonely.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that her close friend said that it was expected; that some people saw
it coming; that it was irrevocably fated.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that no one knows what happens after we die, no matter what religion
they are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I could not say goodbye the way I wanted to.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
I don't really know. I don't remember not being able to deal with it.
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Wed Mar 19 17:03:43 1997
F45 in Camden, Arkansas =U.S.A.=
<sbelt-at-cei.net>
Web: http://WWW.cei.net
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer and diabetes; Aged: 63when .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the complete exhaustion of all bodily functions.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
took it pretty well. I was 15 and still at the "invincable" age.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..it was my grandmother. She had a heart attack..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the total hoplessness and despair I felt. There is nothing as
totally "out of my controll" as the death of a loved one. You are so
helpless. I can remember thinking that my life would never be the same
again. I was right.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it comes us all. We need to prepare{teach} our children not to fear
death, so they can maybe deal with it better than we do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my Mom drew her last breath,my knees were weak and I thought "I
can't do this." I was almost hyperventilating. But suddenly I had the
most peaceful feeling. It was not just a feeling, I felt it physically
inside my body. I became totally cal m and very strong, while everyone
else in the room was fallg apart.When my Mom died it was coming a
thunderstorm. The moment she passedon the storm subsided. When we left
the hospital and started home , there appeared in the sky the biggest
rainbow I ha ve ever seen. I had never been a religious person before.
But with the feeling of peace I had at my Mom's exact moment of death and
then the rainboe, I felt not as if God had comforted so much, but as
though it was a sign from my Mom that all was good a nd not to worry. I
am still not a religious person, in so far as going to church,etc. I
would call my experences my spiritual than religious.fr
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with friends who had also lost their Mothers.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization of no more physical contact with that person ever
again. Also the fact that I would live the rest of my life without the
one person who had always stood by me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to the person until the very end. Even if that person is in a
coma. Reassure them that it's O.K. to let go and tell them that you'll
all be fine, and that you'll take good care of everyone they are leaving
behind. Say everything that's in yo ur heart.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
held myself together in order to care for the rest of my family. My
Mom was sick and an invalid for 10 years. My Dad and I were the primary
care-givers. I felt I had to be strong and continue to "take care" of my
Mom through it all. I had taken over so many of my Mom's "chores" in the
last few years, that I felt I was the support for my entire family, and
that's what my Mom would have wanted.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my Mom was in a coma, and it was so emotional that I actually thought
"God, take her home now. She's taken all she can take." I think it was
true, but now I think that I, too, Had come to the end of my strength.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have talked and laughed more with Mom before she went. My Mom's
"mind" left her for the last 2 years she lived.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
just sit through the funeral without screaming or running away.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my Mom died I felt like it had nothing to do with me. I felt like I
was no longer in my body, but was standing back and observing everything.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
sometimes I smell my Mother's "scent". I have no explanation as to
whar sets this off, but when it happens I just sit down and cry.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wipe it all from my memory.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sometimes I still "forget" my Mom's gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation and thankfulness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
had no impact. You retreat into your own little world..
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very peaceful. I know I will meet my Mother again someday, and that
she watches me now.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were well prepared.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
all the people around all the time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Sleeping a lot. My Mom's mind would come and go, but when it was
good she would tell things she wanted when she was gone---who was to get
what, songs to play at her funeral.etc. She started this about 2 months
before she died. I think she knew when it was good she would tell me
things--who was to get what, funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Time alone to reflect and happy memories.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hate what my death will do to my children. I know what my Mom's
death did to me. We won't be there to console our kids.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Talking to someone who has walked the same path helps.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped to speak of some things.
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Wed Mar 19 16:12:33 1997
F21 in Seattle, WA =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 years ago.
Cause of Death: ?; Aged: 13.
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--Death Is:
when both the body and the mind stop functioning altogether.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Got angry
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Great-Grandfather died of old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The sadness of her mother
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to explain it to the young and how to comfort the grieving
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
from my mother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sense of loss of a friend
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she didn't seem sad or angry, just resigned
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much we all missed her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see her younger sister
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a comforting explaination aobut what would happen to her later
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting but foreign
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
non-existent
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to live a long life and die in my bed
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
I was very young
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
OK
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Mar 19 15:36:48 1997
F19 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
<savannajoe-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Webcrawler searching
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Everett Anderson's Goodbye
a childrens' book which is also good for adults.
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
an end of life as we all know it and the beginning of something we
here know little about
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt numb and disoriented
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died when I was born, but it wasn't until a classmate died
when I was in high school that I really dealt with death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
everything seemed to move slowly and quietly
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is part of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought us survivors together and made us closer and stronger
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time alone and with my best friend just talking about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the immidiate loss
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell him what he meant in my life
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was sad and angry not just for our loss of a friend but for his loss
of a life not yet lived
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Wed Mar 19 06:04:22 1997
Anonymous F in Burnsville, MN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Yahoo survey listing
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 2 mos. ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 81.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Losing our biological shell and moving on to another place
spiritually.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very young, and I was very close to my Grandfather when he died.
I was heart broken.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Actually Iam still dealing with it. I had
Hodgekins Disease. I went through the normal chemo, that didn't work. I
just had a stem cell transplant and am awaiting testing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I have kind of worked up a callus to death. I automatically think of
other things. So what I noticed is that I didn't feel much at all.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Self awareness, the answers are all inside.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My son.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowing God is right here with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Dealing with other and thier feelings.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
When my grandmother died the whole family was there, and I think it
helped in someways, but I know how hard it is when you are suffering and
you have a crowd.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Know he is with God, and know that he'll help to welcome me into
heaven
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I feel like I am commiting sacralidge, but I would rather live now so
my son has a mother.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Tue Mar 18 16:50:44 1997
F15 in Dover, DE =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
hard to watch and hard to let go of life, but someone calls to you
and you must go, it feels right to go.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried, then realized they were gone and I'd never see them
again so I tried to be happy and remember all that I could.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandparents died 5 days apart and it was
unsuspecting of my grandfather. I wasn't ready to let go of them. I sat
by my grandmother's bed two days before she died and held her hand and
sang. It was over (the death) quicker than I suspected and i was sad
many days and months afterwards. Even now I get sad because sometimes I
forget she is gone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I wanted attention, I wanted people to see the hurt in me and I
wanted people to look at their life and love it.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
healing takes time
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
their suffering ended
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that they were really gone and I'd never be able to hold
their hands or touch their cheek ever again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them, don't talk, just catch all their last words and
remember the scene forever, take note of everything about the person and
don't let it go
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a few weeks later when I realized I couldn't go visit even though a
visit was due, they weren't there
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it felt so much better, I laughed for her
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
kiss her and tell her how much I loved her and tried to find out more
about my ancestors and what it was like for her growing up
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk about things and let her go, eventually
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i watched her lips move before she died and thought of that all the
time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling her it was alright to let go
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go and kill myself so that I could see her once more
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and tried to remember everything playing through my head
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the bed being provided
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a help to heal a help to know God was with her as well as us
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
awesome
--Regarding MONEY:
we fought over how it was divided, even though it was done equally,
over eight people it gets confusing
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that she was dead, even now I forget sometimes and whn it
hits me I cry
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
getting weaker, giving away possesions, and forgetting things
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was just hard to accept
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
had angels who helped clean, walked through walls, kissed my
grandfather right before he died and helped my grandmother accept death
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am afraid to live, I hate the bad things people go through but I
wouldn't die because I don't want to have people sad and I have so many
dreams to accomplish now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
my family and friends were a big help
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
i was scared of how they felt dying-suffering
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
good
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Tue Mar 18 14:02:48 1997
F21 in Flint, Michigan =USA=
Name: Lisa <34npg7a-at-cmich.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just browsing
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Prof/Studies: English Education
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 7 years ago.
Cause of Death: amaloidosis (rare blood disease); Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable. We all must die after a period of time, some lasting
longer than others. I guess...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 5 years old and it was my grandpa. I didn't know what was going
on until I realized he was never coming back.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandpa died of natural causes. He and my
grandma lived just down the street, so I knew them well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
his impact on everyone he knew. He made a difference in everyones'
lives that he came in contact with. At the funeral, everone, young and
old, male and female, cried.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's nothing to be afraid of. (Unless you're a really bad person, of
course).
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my uncle died, my dad (his brother) got closer to everyone
including his parents, his nephews, and his own children.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My cousin, the uncle who died's son, was very supportive. I saw how
well he was able to take it, and it helped me get through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that he wouldn't be there anymore to sing any more of his
crazy songs, or make jokes. He made everyone happy.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was sick for so long. I didn't understand why he was being made
to suffer.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my Uncle would have wanted us to laugh. He was so happy and
loving all the time, and he would have tried to make us
laugh if he were there.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much he changed my life and my outlook on life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the first day of the funeral home.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I placed the "Uncle" pillow next to his head. It meant so
much to me that he was in my life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember he's gone, and there is no one else I would rather talk
to.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it, but not gracefully. I still miss him terribly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much. He was Catholic, but I'm not. I'm sure it was important
to his family, but I didn't understand the customs.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more natural. Like the whole reincarnation thing. I believe in it,
though most people around me don't.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a loss of hope. When one gives up, they die. My uncle held on for
two years before letting go, and it was only after members of my family
told him it was okay.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
know they are in a better place. He's up in heaven fishing with his
uncle and having a grand time.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
When I die, I know I'll be in good hands. God will protect me, even
though I don't attend church, I have my own beliefs about God and I know
there is an afterlife and a heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Tue Mar 18 13:36:20 1997
F27 in =Britain=
Name: Mandy
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 74.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving the life we know. no longer physically existing and
comunicating. the end of an exsistence that we know, and a passage onto
something or somewhere that i know nothing about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked, totally disbelieving, it was an experience of intense
confusion and fear
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...i opened a letter which was addressed to my
mother which said my sisters boyfriend had been found dead in bed. i had
known him well, but he had gone away to university and i had not seen him
for a while. a postmortum could not find a cause of death. it was a
terrible experience as he was so young. until then i had thought that only
'old' people died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the way in which we all stuck together, provided for my grandmother
regardless of our own needs. most importantly the lack of embaressment in
being able to cry, and discuss or often irrational feelings.
--What I think my (britan) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it should be a time of coming together, of mutual support, it should
be an experience which teaches us or allows us to be open to cry discuss
or even laugh, we should be more open to express what we feel, and not act
in ways we think are appropriate
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
in my case, with my grandmother, we knew that she was dying i am
eternally grateful for having the opportunity to tell her how much she
meant to me and the positive affects she had had on my life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the ability to be myself. to be allowed to laugh with my family
without fear of being seen as unpassionate
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of loss. the toatl emptiness i felt afterwards. looking
after my grandmother in the months before she died, took up almost every
hour of every day, my life seemed empty once she had died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to treat them with the respect they deserve.in my experience my
grandmother was often talked about as if she was not there. often she was
spoken to as if she were a child. i think the most important piece of
advice is to remember that the dying still have feelings and should be
treated with dignity
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped. i learned that the things i said i could never deal with, such
as vomit, mucus, toileting, became a matter of course. you can deal with
almost anything once you are in that position.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was most confused, at the point of her death. the actual moment of
her death although we knew it was going to happen at this point i could
not understand that she had died. it did not seem to be the right time
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that you should not be ashamed, when my grandmother was taken from
the house and put into a bag i laughed like i hae never done before. i
felt so guiltyafter this as if it were disrespectful. however, since ten i
feel as if it were just a release of pent up emotions which had to come
out
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear a song that does not remind me of her, but the time period in
which she was so ill
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
i now realised that even i could die, before i got 'old'
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Tue Mar 18 10:56:33 1997
F30 in Omaha, NE =USA=
Name: Peg <elfworks-at-juno.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was looking for personality tests online to share with my students
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Prof/Studies: Sr. High Teacher
More personal info:
open to e-mail conversations
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Books about the afterlife although
I can't think of any in particular
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 50ish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical existence on earth. It can be a painful
separation for the ones left behind who are not able to share and
communicate with the deceased in a familiar, comfortable manner. The
deceased, however, is able to observe the loved o nes left behind and
becomes part of something greater.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood what had happened, was unafraid and learned how to say a
final goodbye.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It's hard for me to remember which came first.
My maternal grandmother and two neighbors died around the same time. My
grandmother died after a long diabetes-complicated illness. One neighbor
was killed in Vietnam -- his fat her had to identify him by his feet. The
other neighbor -- oh this must have been a couple years after -- anyway,
she was the soldier's Mom and she committed suicide in the house next
door. I knew my grandmother about as well as someone under the age of
five who lives in another town can. We visited her almost every weekend.
The female neighbor was someone I saw everyday and played with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
pain and anger. I couldn't stop crying. It's one of the few
occasions where I cried for myself over a loss. I'm usually able to
reconcile loss with the gain of another life. This time I was angry at
Lowell and his choice of suicide. If he would have been there, I would
have killed him (so to speak :) ). I felt his presence for days.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its inevitability. We need to remember how petty some things are in
the whole scheme of things.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the sense of presence after several deaths. I felt the presence of
my paternal grandmother and Lowell. I am also grateful that I had
premonitory episodes before my uncle's death and at the point of my
grandmother's death. It reemphasized the inter connectedness of all life
for me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being held and being understood.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that we were separated by a physical distance when he died.
I wasn't able to see him and say goodbye. Also, not seeing my deceased
loved ones in their old familiar places consistently pains me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
holding their hand, physical affection.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's OK to laugh. We humans are not capable of maintaining such
intense concentration on one topic -- especially one so somber. We are
alive and able to laugh -- and we should. Moreover, the people I lost
loved to laugh anyway. It felt perfectly natural.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
offer Lowell my support, offered to let him move in. I didn't
realize the extent of his financial troubles. I also didn't realize how
fragile he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be one of the few who received a letter from him a few days after his
death in which he expressed his affection.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went to the person's house a couple weeks after the funeral and
realized they no longer lived there, would never open that door or mow the
lawn.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the casket.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I allow myself to remember the fun we had *and* remember it will
never be again.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
reach through the veil and speak to them one to one.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was amazed once again at how tenuous is our hold on the thread of
life -- the instantaneous nature of the actual dying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sympathy for a difficult job.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
only a place and way to organize the ceremony.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
natural and more real.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was the catalyst for the suicide.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
explaining why I was so upset.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a distance in the eyes, a discomfort with this world, acceptance &
perhaps even cheer.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was better able to cope with the loss because I was so aware of the
pain and fatigue of the deceased.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know nothing of it. I know only of my own visitations.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes I would welcome death, but Lowell's suicide taught me much
about the cowardice of that action. At other times I feel so much is left
for me to do. On the other hand, sometimes I yearn to be reunited with
the Spirit. I feel empty and at a loss and wish for the comfort of the
Eternal. In terms of practical matters, when I die, I wish my organs to
be donated and the rest of my body given to science. A small memorial
service in a beautiful place is preferable to any other ceremony. I
understand the comfort of a gravestone. The Vietnam Wall is resonant of
that. If this is necessary, donate a statue, bell or something in my
name. Use that as my gravestone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Certainly my belief system and memories have helped.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Most recently, I have had to be concerned with the survivors.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Writing down what I've thought about for some time helps me to
clarify what it is I really think and believe.
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Tue Mar 18 10:08:59 1997
F26 in LAS VEGAS, NEVADA =U.S.A.=
Name: DIANNA BETTS, COMMUNITY COLLEGE OF SOUTHERN NEVADA
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing through the greif net
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Prof/Studies: CRIMINAL JUSTICE MAJOR
More personal info:
WORKING ON OBTAINING AN E-MAIL ADDRESS
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, one month ago.
Cause of Death: alzehimers, which may have caused the terminal cancer,
which quickly took her life; Aged: 83
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like having a part of you die with that person and with death you
loose a part of your soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
blocked out the memory and pain of death
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... great grandmother who was about nintey or so
passed away and my mother made me go to the viewing and funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i felt so guilty about putting off visting my grandmother for the
past three and a half years because of finacial reasons and then thinking
to myself, sure i get to see her now, in a box. and hating myself for not
seeing her while she was still alive
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to find healthy ways to cope with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother will be at peace and has a end to her extreme and
painful suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
freinds who would take the time to listen and hold me in their arms
as i wept profusely
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how i am going to cope with out her without taking my life or using
alcohol as a way to escape from the pain of loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just to let them know how much you love them and to let them know
that you will see them once again
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
use religon as a way to find peace and comfort during this time of
great sadness
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was going through so much pain why i for selfish reason wanted
her to keep living even though she was really suffering
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is a way i use to cope with death in public
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have had the opprtunity to say goodbye and hold her in my arms one
last time before she passed away
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have freinds who could cry with me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i looked upon my grandmother and she looked so peaceful and calm and
seemed almost as if she was smiling as she was free at last from the pains
of her earthly suffering
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
touching her hand to say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at the pictures and the memories come flooding back when i
remember the vibrance and light of this beautiful women who was filled
with so much life and love
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
drink to temporally escape from the pain of my great loss or take my
life so i could be with her once again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still refused to accept that it really had happened
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
even though i havent used the medical community yet to help me with
this loss i'm sure that they can help many people greatly and help those
greiving individals find better and healthy ways on how to cope and help
them through their grieving processe s avoiding the unhealthy and tragic
ways of coping with loss
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i had a better understanding of death and the knollodge that i would
see her and be with her once again. i also found people with in the church
embracing me often in love and offering their support and it helped to
know that people really cared
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death is not the end but a new beginning in your eternal spirtual
progresson which is yet another step in the salvation of your soul
--Regarding MONEY:
when my grandmother passed away she left a substational amount of
money which she left behind for us grandkids to inherit unfortuantly she
didn't have a living will or leave behind a will so now we will have to go
to probate court and fight it out
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
at the time i just could cry at the funeral
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
being better educated on what diseases your love ones have. learn and
read about them. know the signs. that way you will be more knollageable
about their condition and be somewhat prepared when they pass away
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i never have fully greived over the losses now or in the past
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my great aunt who was at her bedside when she died said that my
grandmother open her eyes and looked twords the window and then closed
them and passed away almost as if my grandfather who had passed away
twelve years earlier was there to take her ba ck home
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
death does not scare me. in fact, i almost welcome it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
no one in the family talked about death after the funeral was over
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helped me to relize that i still have many issues to deal with and
that i need to learn how to properly greive and go through some grief work
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Tue Mar 18 09:06:24 1997
F22 in Windsor, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Tigra <romayne-at-mnsi.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Warehouse Mngt
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sometimes painful and sometime pleasurful depending on the
circumstances of death, it is to humans as we believe a time of rest for
our souls to rejuvinate themselves and feel renewed for whatever comes
after.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was frozen, I didnt know how or what to feel, i know i felt numb
and realized at that instant that it was possible to miss someone
instantly I was stunned...and crushed i had never dealt with a loss before
and i wasnt sure how to make somekind of closure and 2 yrs later i'm still
not sure i have.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mother dated a man named Gary whose
daughter was my age, we were best friends for 2 yrs...like sisters when
our parents broke up we kinda lost touch with eachother but we ran into
eachother about a yr before she died. and it was like we never lost a
moment. On Sept 30, 1994 Andrea and her suicidal boyfriend ended there
lives with a gun in a supposid double suicide...which i'm not sure i
believe. but i guess i'll only find out when i someday die!!!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Why didnt i stay in touch with her, wondering if i could have
prevented it somehow and i remeber being very confused.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a natural part of our lives and we should try to better
concole the person who has lost to help them better understand that its
all in gods plan.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I realized just how precious life was when i found out she had killed
herself.My
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself I keep things to myself sometimes and i think i got myself
through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Understanding why it had to happen at all to such a beautiful
talented young womyn in the prime of her early life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Was that WHY question again.was
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have stayed in contact and been the friend she so obviously
needed.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I wrote her a message on a balloon and sent it to the heavens for
her...i swear i felt her presence with me that day in the breeze i felt
such an inner peace like i had closed that chapter somehow and was easier
able to move on.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I cant cry anymore so i just hold her picture in my head and heart
and hope she is in a better place
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was at her tree planting memorial on the 1 yr anniversary of her
death and it was like i was saying goodbye to her for the first time after
that it was a little easier.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Just when the time comes i will try from this moment foward to better
myself and prepare for whats out there afterward.....whatever it may be!!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
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MonMar 17 23:19:43 1997
F27 in cincinnati, ohio =usa=
Name: Tiffany
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Painter (artist)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: being shot; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the biggest mystery there is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really think about it much because I wasn't that close to the
person, even though it was a relative. That's why it came as such a shock
to me, years later, when someone's death hit me hard.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my Grandmother who lived in another state
died. My mom was with her, but we just got the news over the phone.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a sense of disbelief that I was really never going to see him again.
I still sometimes don't believe it, 14 months later.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's inevitable. Everyone seems to be trying to immortalize
themself, through having kids or writing the timeless novel or physical
fitness. It doesn't matter what you do. You still die. Death is about
the only fair thing that I can think of. I mean truly fair. It gets
everybody.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to name my firstborn son after my Grandfather shortly before he
died; and although my Grandfather never got to meet the baby, he knew that
I had named my son after him. This makes me feel like I got a chance to
let him know how much of an infl uence on me he was. I also feel that
part of my Grandfather lives on in my now-toddler son, even if only his
name.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
holding my infant son, and realizing that there is a natural course
to a life, with death as the completion of that course.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
just the loss. I see something and I think, "I'll have to tell him
the next time I see him." And then I remember and it hits me all over
again. I just miss having him in my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be honest about what is going on. Don't say everything's okay if
it's not. Realize that you may be spending your last moments with someone
that you love. Think about what you want those moments to be like. Don't
leave anything unsaid.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that my son would never get to meet his Great-Grandfather;
after whom he was named and who was so important in my own life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the human psyche needs to release pressure, just like a steam engine.
Laughter is, as they say, the best medicine. When I had my (admittedly
hysterical) laughing fit, I recall feeling relief and the knowledge that I
was still ABLE to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
attend the funeral. My Grandfather died two days before my sister's
wedding. The wedding and the funeral were in different states, and I was
in the wedding party. Everyone else in the family flew to Boston for the
funeral, and I felt like my Grand father would have wanted me to be there
for my sister on such an important day. He wouldn't have wanted his death
to overshadow her wedding, and I wanted to be true to what he would have
wanted, not my own wishes in the matter. Truth be told, I really d idn't
and don't approve of my sister's marriage to the abusive loser that she
married, so I was even more conflicted in the situation. In the end, I
just went to the wedding and stuffed my grief until after. And it really
sucked.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through that wedding and maintain my duties as a new mother and
at my job. Looking back, I have no idea how I did that. Probably my
husband.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back or forget him entirely.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't stop crying. I felt, for days, like I had cried all my
tears, and I was getting a grip on my grief, but I cried and cried and
thought repeatedly that I would never be able to stop. I remember
thinking at the time that I had never actually understood despair until
then.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more natural than one would be led to believe.
--Regarding MONEY:
the rest of the family got into conflicts about his (sizeable)
estate. To this day, I am waiting to receive some small personal item to
pass down to my son. I doubt that I will ever see anything; and my aunts'
and uncles' behavior (and even my moth er's) makes me not like those
people as much and feel embarrassed for my Grandfather's name, which is
being completely disrespected over something as stupid as his money. If
he's watching over us, he's probably very disappointed.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling like nobody could relate to how I was feeling at the time,
although they could. And feeling also uncomfortable talking about it,
because everything that anyone would say would sound trite or contrived.
I didn't want to burden my friends or even my husband with how I was
feeling, because what can anyone say?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I keep waiting, but nothing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It's not really something that you can think about with any
rationality, since noone can relate to what it actually feels like to die.
There's no way to find out for sure what happens. I've thought about my
own death a lot. Part of me is really cu rious, because I really want to
know what happens. I wonder if I'm going to get all the answers to my
questions about life, such as, "What was really the deal with crop
circles?" etc. I feel very strongly that I know how I am going to die,
which may sou nd corny. But I have such a strong fear of firearms and
particularly handguns, and I've had so many nightmares about being shot,
that I really think that this is how I am going to die. I hope that I am
outside when it happens, so that I can look at the sky. And I hope that
there is actually something next, but I'm not really counting on it. Part
of me doesn't really mind the thought of death, because life can be such
hard work and so painful. Death seems to be my guarantee of a long nap
with no errands to run.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I didn't really think of anything that I hadn't thought of before
this, but I thought the questions were well-worded and thought out; and I
also like the format which allows for open-ended comments and greater
details.
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Mon Mar 17 16:22:11 1997
F in Littlerock, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Computer Engineering
More personal info:
Talking to someone can be a good way of dealing with Death. You can
find good friends in the strangest of places... <:3 )---
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: a brain stem stroke; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone leaves you in physical form, yet their memory and
spiritual presence remains true to you in everyday life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was rather depressed, but refused to cry for death, because I figured
he was happier, yet- I admit to blaming myself for many years, do to the
fact that I didn't say goodbye when I had the chance. As I have found most
recently with the death of my gr andmother, I knew she was going to die
before she did, and still, I shunned the chance of saying goodbye.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather had alzheimers, and got very
sick after he was put into a convelesant hospital. He managed to get
gang-green in one of his legs, and right before they were supposed to
amputate it, he died. I don't recall quite w hat he died of, yet, I
remember he had heart problems and pnuemonia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my mother pretending that she was struck down by it. Her face was so
false, that it sent me into rage at the funeral. I suppose this is bad of
me, but, falsifying loss, is not the way to deal with it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
once someone is dead, that doesn't give you the right to back stab
them, and talk down about them. Some people still love them dearly, and
would like to hold the good memories that there was and is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my spiritual awareness was intensified.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my fiance, because, though we are 2547 miles apart, he was still
there in essance to hold me and tell me it was going to be alright.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the bitter stories about the party in mind that tried to change my
opinion of the person that had died. Backstabbers are the worst people to
be around after a death of someone you care for deeply.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give myself the courage to say goodbye to those I have lost, other
people are not given the chance, and that pains them. In every instance
that I have been faced with death, I had the chance to say goodbye, and
didn't take it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone says something bad about them, I get aggitated and even angry.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
disappear. ( that refers to life overall )
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
strong. Death and spirituality go together in my life, they guide
you, and tell you what is right. If it was meant to commit suicide over
someones life, I believe that you would in fact do it if you had a
spiritual connection telling you to do so. I would.
--Regarding MONEY:
the burial and the trust's and things had to be organized and pay
for. It can be agonizing if you want to give someone a special funeral,
and haven't the money, and or the time.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being able to stand there at the funeral and watch the person being
burried without flinching.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sadness in the persons eyes.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
small visions while sitting. I was on the phone the morning that my
grandmother died. Before she was even taken to the hospital I saw a
picture of her in my mind, laying there with IV tubes in her arm, then.. I
watched her go. About an hour later my sister called me to tell me they
were in the ER. They were in there for stomach problems, but I knew she
was going to die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe that when I die, those who matter will feel my presence.
But then again, I also believe I shall be murdered.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Helping other people deal with their problems, causing me to have
more knowledge of my own.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
Memories of how much I loved him, and being able to ignore the bad
stories that people told of him.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's easy for me to discuss the deaths of loved one's as long as I
don't have to get into absolute specifics.
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Mon Mar 17 15:55:49 1997
F17 in Lancaster, California =USA=
Name: Angela <Dreamer-at-over-the-rainbow.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
saw y'all in Yahoo!
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2weeks ago.
Cause of Death: brain stem stroke; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that accepts us as we are and ends pain, or moves us to a
higher level
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
tried to kill myself. I never knew how much I loved them
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Grandpa'd been in the Home for a month or so,
he had Alzheimers and gangrene. They were going to operate the next day,
but he died first from pnuemonia.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
her in the hospital, hugging me in the bathroom, before she went into
the er
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to plan ahead
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
they were no longer ill
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself, my 'little world' as afriend puts it. I have been able to
escape into my writing, cooking, etc
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
actually losing her
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
offering words of love. Every day, even if they are healthy. because
no matter how many times you tell them, you'll always wish you could've
said it just one more time
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved her. But mostly I want my friends to know that it is NEVER too
early to start planning, to save your family from problems after you're
gone. List in detail, your debts, loans, etc. and put it in a place where
your family can get to it after you die. Have a living trust, escape
probate, pay for your funeral in advance, have insurance on EVERYTHING and
most important......LIFE INSURANCE. your family will need it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't confused so much as shocked, One moment she was ready and
willing to face the world, and the next she was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a hysterical release
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I loved her one more time, and feel her arms around me one
more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i took her oxygen mask offafter she had passed. The nurse saw no
reason to do so, but I did. It had pressed into her skin, making a dent,
and it just seemed wierd
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
saying "If I can do Anything to help......."
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we fought the day before
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
crawl under a rock with a big bottle of anything.....unfortunately
there aren't any rocks that big, and I'm not allowed to drink. That little
age limit thing......
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
haven't gotten there yet
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
indifferance. All it did was prolong her death. She stopped breathing
nearly 30 min. prior to when her heart stopped, because of her pace maker
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, really
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comfortable.
--Regarding MONEY:
now we owe nearly $30,000.00 in unpaid bills, and second mortgages
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being at home, waiting for news on the hospital. I looked at the
dishes in the sink figuring, "I'll do these after dinner.... Maybe I
should get a soup going, Grandma'd like that." Then after the funeral, the
first thing I said after we got home was, "Can I call Grandma and tell her
we're back?" When the phone rang later I thought, "It's probably
Grandma..."
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
There aren't any. But listen to your subconcious.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I've yet to get there and deal with it, and really don't want to.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wouldn't know. However, I can attest to dreaming of it far ahead of
when it actually happened. In late November I started having Nightmares
that Grandma would die. In each of them I knew she was dead, but then saw
her. My grandpa, who died 4 years ago, is still around my house though. So
will grandma be.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to be creamated, I want a coffin, made of simple pine.
Services would be nice, but not much. My one request in that respect is
that there be flowers put on all my dead loved ones graves as well that
day.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
nope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was quite insightful, and it helped a little. I doubt I would've
visited if Grandma hadn't died two weeks ago, or if it wasn't the four
year anniversary of Grandpa's death. I still feel the same, though, just
more aware of my need to curl up and cry
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Mon Mar 17 10:02:25 1997
F32 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide (gunshot in head); Aged: 35.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My favorite grandmother was dying in a hospital and we all
went to Iowa
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the abruptness of it, wishing we could have done something to help
him. I felt sorry for his small daughter who would never know what a warm
and talented person he was except through what we tell her.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
talk with him, so he could tell me why he killed himself. And also to
tell him we still love him.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was difficult to watch my sister-in-law deal with the money issues
dealing with the burial when she was still coming to grips with the death
itself.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My main fear of death comes more with the act of dying. I don't want
it to be painful, to be physically hurting. Once it's done, I know I will
be at peace and no Earthly problems will matter anymore. I also don't like
to think of the pain my death might cause my family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
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Mon Mar 17 08:43:02 1997
F24 in San Jose, CA. =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Mourning Handbook
Authors: Helen Fitgerald
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: freak accident; Aged: 46.
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--Death Is:
The end of the "physical" being/ begining of the spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13 years old, it was my Great Grandfather. I hardly knew him. He
died of cancer. It was also my first open casket AND funeral.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandfather died of cancer. My
Mother was just recently killed in a freak accident on 3/17/97.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The thought that she wasn't really gone. I keep thinking she is away
somewhere, and that she'll be home soon. I keep having trouble with the
way she died, the pain she may have felt.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The after life, not the a religous point of view, but the afterlife
no matter what faith you follow. Also about how the spirit leaves the
body.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
?
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The need to talk and cry if I need to. Also the understanding from my
work for time off during this time. Now I need to tend to my Dad & he's
not doing so well. I needed more time off from work than "normal" because
of the way my Mom was killed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reality of how she died and dealing with never seeing her again
(physically). She won't see me marry, or play with my children . . . .
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to talk about it and let myself be mad, upset, afraid, alone
and in shock.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She was taken so young, such a freak occurence.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laugh if I need to. I know if the situation would permit it. If it
didn't I removed myself and did it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with Mom and resolved some difference.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be surrounded by so many wonderful people that cared and wanted to be
there for us, to pitch in.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Talking to the deceased, like their spirit.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear music, smell her perfume, see her things around the house.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It hasn't hit me yet.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
uncertainty (?)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A bit of understanding
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a second chance to be with her & talk to her, see her
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the services and bills that stacked up
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
ME comforting others, just sort of weird. I was telling them "oh it's
OK, don't worry" or whatever!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you NEED to be upset, you need to be angry and deal with whatever it
is that makes you feel mad about the sit
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had my experiences . . .. I believe
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have been in contact with the Neptune Society, it's handled.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? What was it
No body present (due to the way she died).
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Knowing that my answers may help someone else is reason enough.
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Sat Mar 15 19:09:34 1997
F48 in Lees Summit, Missouri =USA=
<pujari-at-kcnet.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Writer
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Daughter, 25 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Aged: 1-1/2.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time when our physical bodies shutdown and our soul moves to
another plane
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unaware what was going on
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was about six, my grandfather's mother died.
Nobodytold me, I thought we were just going to church, and there on the
front pew was my grandfather, with his face in his hands, crying and
sobbing. I thought something was terr ibly wrong for my strong
grandfather to weep like that. I saw his mother in a black coffin. I
figured things out on my own, and I was angry that my family had not told
me what had happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
disbelief--this couldnot be real. the nurses were playing a joke on
me. the funeral directors call to me for an appointment was to let me
know that the hospital had made a mistake. I could not believe it was
true.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the facade of embalming, cosmetizing the body, is to mask the
realness of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a moment to be able to forgive my father for all of his
transgressions.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spirituality
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
disbelief
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
show love, remind the dying person of his value to this life, and how
many people care so very much, mention the pots of beans, the pans of
cornbread...whatever
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally, after twenty years, forgave myself for her death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was expected to go on living, eating, excreting, breathing...when I
just wanted to die myself
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i have never forgotten the laughter, and how surprised (and relieved,
too I think) my relatives were
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say more soothing things to her as she must have been so afraid, I
would have held her during her death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take care of my living children.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I picked up the pieces of her hair that lay on her pillow and put
them in my pocket. I wanted a blanket on top of her so she wouldn't be
cold in the ground under the snow
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
she comes to me in a dream, is ill and frail, but I am allowed to
have more time with her, and hold her
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see her now
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went through the motions of life like a robot
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
incompetence, cold, uncaring
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little then
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real, I am able to communicate with the spirit
--Regarding MONEY:
did not enter into it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
embarassment, people stared at me, fantasizing about what if they
lost their own daughter
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
my daughter's onset was rapid. I had no preparation for the outcome
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
death is nothing to fear
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am certain that these spirits exist, come, and help the dying along
the path. I felt that my daughter was helped by my grandfather
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am ready. I want my body cremated, and I want to leave a message
to my grieving survivors
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
I don't think that I have grown to adulthood with a good
understanding of the value of life and the permanence of the end of life.
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Fri Mar 14 16:12:23 1997
F39 in St. Charles, Missouri =USA=
Name: Michele Owens <dowens-at-primary.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for info on grief for a Deathand Dying Class I am in
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Prof/Studies: Student of Fine Arts & Religion
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Last Dance & The Path Ahead
Authors: DeSpelder/Strickland also my religion professor
Dr. Dennis Klass, Phd, Webster University, St. Louis, Mo.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: a virus; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
just another chapter
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pictured them rising from the coffin
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died when I was 8 but my most
recent experience was when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer 3 years ago.
I had been a fine arts major and still am except I have added a minor in
Religion
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how shocked everyone was
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it will come and to take care of business today
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I recall watching a 92 year old woman die once, it was very peaceful
and I remeber being relieved at that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a great compassion that feeds us all
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope to bring peace of mind to as many people as possible
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
studying how other cultures view death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
didn't want to upset my family by forcing them to talk about my
death, I got the feeling that they thought it would somehow jinx my
recovery
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it seemed better suited for those who have experienced a significant
death, I am studying death/dying and my questions are of another view
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Thu Mar 13 23:41:38 1997
F28 in miami, fl =usa=
<dubvynyl-at-bellsouth.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Rimbaud, Cioran, Celine, Fitzgerald.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 36.
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--Death Is:
Death is the end of a natural cycle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt empty
--That first time, how it happened was
This old lady was my nanny for many years and she died in the
hospital from cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the feeling of emptiness
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is part of the life cycle
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the gathering of friends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my personal beliefs, my friends, talking agout the person
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the sight of a dead body on a national road
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to go with the flow
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
- My grandma had a heart attack and was paralized on one side
- I saw the body of a dead person on the road
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
- talk more to both of my grand parents
- be more helpful for the other relatives
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
-talk about it with other friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
interesting but not enough specific
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Thu Mar 13 20:51:02 1997
F18 in San Jose, CA =USA=
Name: Nicole
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: college student/future lawyer/political science and philosophy major
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: n/a
Authors: n/a
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of pet, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 10.
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--Death Is:
the cessation of being; of experiencing things such as seeing,
hearing, feeling, etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8; sitting on a couch and my mother and father told me that my
grandmother passed away and we wouldn't see her anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... TECHNICALLY my first experience with death was
when my goldfish died, but after that, when I was about 8 my paternal
grandmother died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Missing him. Although it was my cat, out of all the people who I
knew and who passed away, I felt closest to him. It was hard not seeing
him on the bed, on the couch, etc.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
acceptance. We do anything we can to prevent death, prevent aging.
We need to learn that death is a part of life and not pretend like it
doesn't exist or that it's this HORRIBLE thing that can't happen to us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
realizing that I am mortal and that I have a finite amount of time on
this earth and I should spend my time doing things I want and try to be
happy and make others happy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time. No one person or thing really eased the pain--crying and time
passing helped me move on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to tell people that he died. Maybe I'm not FULLY over it, but
it sucks to have to "relive" his passing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how to console my friend who is still not over the death of her
mother who died over 2 years ago--she's still VERY depressed and doesn't
like going to therapy because she cries so much and gets sinus infections.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
erase the month in my life where he died.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to move on. I tried to tell myself that no one would want me
to mourn forever and that my life is limited and I need to try to get on
with things.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me; I'm not religious at all
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking about my cat's Christmas stocking and getting a new kitten
and giving him a new stocking. I felt like I was replacing my cat.
Another weird thing was that my password for my computer was my old cat's
name and I switched it to my new cats name which also made me feel like I
was replacing him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Call me cynical, but I think those are hallucinations due to the lack
of blood to the brain.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have and I'm not fearful or it at all. I'm scared of physical
pain, but not of dying itself. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross articulated my
feelings about death when she said, "Death is simply a shedding of the
physical body, like a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. It is a
transition into a higher state of consciousness where you continue to
perceive, to understand, to laugh, to be able to grow and the only thing
you lose is something you don't need anymore...your physical body. It's
like putting away your winter coat when spring comes."
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
talking about similar experiences with other people
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Well, I'm fairly young and although all my grandparents have died, I
wasn't close to any of them really. My closest grandparent died first,
and the closest person/thing that has died was my cat, which seems not as
important as a real person, but the feelings are very real.
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Thu Mar 13 15:11:46 1997
F19 in Madison, Wisconsin =US=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How We Die
Authors: Sherwin B. Nuland
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: am not sure; Aged: 85.
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--Death Is:
when a person's body fails to function any more.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't seem to show much emotion. I was about 10, and my grandmother
had just died. At the funeral I felt guilty for not crying like everybody
else.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandmother died from basically old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the funeral.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
???
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother was getting very senile, to the point she couldn't
remember who we were. I am grateful it put her out of her "misery" and it
made it easier on us (so we wouldn't have to deal with the way she had
changed).
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that I could remember all of the good times we had shared. Now,
though, I am forgetting her and those memories and it makes me sad and
upset.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having her not be there anymore.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her before she died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that I felt that it was necessary for me to cry.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see her once more, now that I'm older, and learn more about who she
really was.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to watch my father deal with his mother's death and this was very
hard on me.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't really money, but possessions that were extremely important
to her that got passed down to me.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Thu Mar 13 14:49:40 1997
F19 in Bodo =Norway=
Name: Siw
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
when the human body loses its life functions, and the human loses
conciousness never to be wakened again. Many of us believes that death is
a transition to some other state or world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
first heard of the accident on the radio and sat down crying, because
i knew who it was, even if the radio man didn't tell
--That first time, how it happened was
A friend of mine, her boyfriend, and their unborn child died in an
accident 2 years ago.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the day after the accident at school....laughing and crying...we were
never so close friends as then
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that I realised I wouldn't break completely apart even if
someone died. We are much stronger than we believe.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the way all us friends stood together during the days after the death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to watch the coffin being lifted into the grave. That scene made me
realise she was really gone
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cried for weeks but remained sane; I've always believed myself to
fall apart if someone died. I even had a speech in her funeral. I've never
believed myself strong enough to do something like that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laugh is therapy. All of her friends gathered at school the day after
the accident to laugh and cry over good and bad memories.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we were handed red roses to throw into the grave..I still can't stand
red roses.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
when I saw her dead body in the coffin. All I felt was a kind of peace.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm crying now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
..oh no...now I'm crying in the computer lab...I became a workaholic
for some days to get the fact further away. It didn't help much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The funeral.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a comfort sometimes..who knows, death could actually be
a time of joy for the person dying...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've had some dreams about my dead friend giving me advice, often
turning out being useful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
She was victim of some rumors which I did nothing to stop. It took me
quite some time to realise it was NOT suicide.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me to recall a lot. I'm actually crying as I'm writing this.
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Wed Mar 12 17:00:31 1997
M61 in Pepperell, MA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: self employed
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 6 mo ago.
Cause of Death: still unkown; Aged: 38.
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--Death Is:
a big question
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...aquaintance
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
sorrow guilt
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
wife
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being there
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
would like to have the chance to spend more time with my son .didnt do so
when i should have
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him i loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep my feelings to myself so i wouldnt cause more sorrow to the rest of
the family
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
could die
--Regarding MONEY:
not at all
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
just wonder if i will be with my loved ones
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
feel the same as before
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Wed Mar 12 08:38:57 1997
M19 in Barquisimeto, Lara =Venezuela=
Name: Eduardo Santana <esantana-at-sa.omnes.net>
Web: http://WWW.hostme.com/terranob
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Cartas a Nicomano, Thus spoke Zarathustra, On Suicide
Authors: Seneca, Nietzche, David Hume
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 84.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Nothingness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt alone
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a friend of my mother. I considered her as my grandmother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being able to feel sorry or sad, although I loved him
--What I think my (Venezuela) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I cease to exist
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
silence
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the impossibility to call him or seeing him again. His dissapearence
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You have lived. It was an experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't understand how could a person cease to exist
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
play the guitar for him for the last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was sleepy and melancholic. I felt like air.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how he was going to be buried
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at the picture when he was younger
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
write something about him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
saw myself reflected in an inner mirror
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not feeling his death. I don't know if he's dead.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
they start losing the capacity to comunicate.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
One of my loved one's saw his dead father and talked to him
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die if it offers me a new life. I wouldn't like to go
to this same process of learning things. Maybe, I would like to come back
as a woman, as a dumb woman.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's fine. Although, you could use new questions
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Wed Mar 12 00:47:06 1997
M51 in Amarillo, TX ==
Name: Bill <wfbiv-at-netjava.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Scientist
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Daughter, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 16.
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--Death Is:
very disturbing - a stressor even if the death is viewed as "the best
thing".
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt it released my father fr.om suffering
--That first time, how it happened was
My father smoked two pcks of Camels a day for as long as I knew him.
He contracted lung cancer, which matastisized to the brain. The brain
tumor was the final cause of death. When my father became very ill, my
parents were divorced, and daddy's new wife was not equipped to deal with
the disease alone; so I assumed a large part of the responsibility for
daily care and decision makeing. My father died when I was a senior in
high school; He was 42.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The crushing sense of loss.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to help each other deal with it. Presently we tend to isolate
the bereved after a short time, probably in an effort to insulate
ourselves from their grief.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my daughter Katy knew how much I loved and admired her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support of others when it was available
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I will never see my beautiful and wonderful daughter finish growing
up, go to college, marry, and I'll never know my grandchildren.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When my marridge failed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See Katy again. I would give anything I have for this, including my
life - gladly.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My besy friend from college and later flew 700 miles to be with me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The memorial service.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It hits me several times a day. It's like being hit by a medicine
ball.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
come to more peace.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I never weant through denial. I knew Katy was gone from the first
time I was told.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a psycologist has helped some.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little. Statements by otherslike "you have a beautiful angel" were a
little irritating, but I view them in the context of their belief system.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I often "speak" to Katy; but I'm fairly sure her responses are
reconstructions in my mind. I knew her very well; She was "Daddy's
Girl".
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear my own death. I've faced potentially deadly episodes in
my life many times.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I am a strong person. I've dealt with my own dissability (CP) and
been successful in life. Until the recent death of my 16 yr. old
daughter, this strength has been enough.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
my imagination, and the horrible feeling of loss after my daughter's
death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting, but these were mostly questions I'd asked myself
before.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 11 17:48:21 1997
Name: Jill
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing
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Prof/Studies: study political science
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The scarface letters
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
from the livings point of view, the end of a person.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a close girlfriend died in car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the times I spent with the person before their death
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
what it really means, that it hurts the living more than the deceased
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
NOTHING
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself--- time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I always wondered what was going through his head before he committed
suicide. Could I have someway prevented it?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him that he truly was a real friend
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have another close friend with me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i have dreams with him in them
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
speak with him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was confused as to why he killed himself
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
the funeral really helped
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
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Tue Mar 11 16:34:29 1997
F20's Billings, MT =USA=
Name: Jacky <jacky-at-mcn.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: student, Human Service/medicine
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: medical problems ; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... She was my best friend. And she had a number
of medical problems. Finally she became so severe that she was put on a
ventilator but kept getting worse. Her family finally decided to turn off
the ventilator and let her go. They asked me if I wanted to be back there
with her through the whole process. I did and I am very glad. As hard as
it was to watch her die, it would have been harder to come home to a
message.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
It was during finals week. I was so busy that I didn't allow myself
to think about what had happend. And my grandfather had died a month
before she did.
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Tue Mar 11 15:43:55 1997
F14 in Boise, Idaho =USA=
Name: *Crystal* <flower-at-micron.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
going through a search results on tests/experiments of psychology
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, about one month ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure; Aged: 70's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that happens to everyone. You are no longer alive and
breathing. Your soul will remain on Earth until Jesus Christ comes back
to Earth. Then, if you believe(d) in Him, then you would go to heaven for
one thousand years. After that time, human souls will be cast into the
lake of fire for all of eternity. They will burn and be tormented as long
as they are there, forever can be a long time to burn.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and a bit upset that I could not go to her funeral.
She was my great-grandma and I was only about six at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
his wife crying and missing him. I remember the rain and bitter
coldness as well as the pain in my teeth from getting my wisdom teeth.
Esther was glad that he was in capable and loving hands. She is also glad
that we will see him again in heaven.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
going back to believing in spiritual things instead of false gods,
greed, and material items. If every man, woman, and child believed in the
Lord God, there would be peace and knowledge that when they died they
would be with the Father in heaven, and that is the best thing that could
happen to them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the knowledge that any Christian friends and believers I have, will,
or do know(n) will be with me in heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer and reading my bible.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting them go.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I'll see you soon in heaven.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
trust.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
life forever.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
wonder and exciting.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
things that aren't normal, but you can't always tell.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I AM going to heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Still has not
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Mar 10 21:52:49 199
F18 in Fullerton, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Theatre Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the spirit leaves the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and prayed a lot.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Papa was in a convalescent hospital for months
and finally went into a coma and died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the way he died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We'll see our loved ones again.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he wasn't in pain anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting how and why he died at such a young age.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Love and accept them, period.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
supported him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his mother told me how he died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
(never felt that way)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him again that i loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i went to the funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
an open casket.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
scream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
learned to move on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distaste.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
wonderful.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
no idea..i didn't even know he was infected.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
anger passed instantly.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i had none.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My health is very poor and I'm not expected to have long left. I'm
ok with that and have decided to live as long as I'm alive.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
OK!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Feb 7 03:59:08 2036
MTeen in Dyer, IN =USA=
Name: Aaron Johnson <bud-at-jorsm.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 7 days ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
promised myself i would not cry to be strong for my mother
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was five years old and my grandfather had
just died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
All of us siitng around talking about the memories of the departed
person
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my girlfriend always being there for me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never being able to see that person again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to actually go back and tell him i loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when they buried him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
listening to certain songs
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 9 18:19:39 1997
F30 in Newark, DE =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60s.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
release from our physical bodies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused and upset
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I don't remember too much. I do know it was
my uncle, but I was quite young. My Mom was quite upset, but I was more
confused than anything else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the terrible pain she must have gone through, and how much I miss her
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we need to talk about it more
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
mercy for those who are suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone to think
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I smell lilacs ( her favorite flower ) or during the holidays
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I wasn't able to cry until nearly a year after her death
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid and haven't been for a long time. I hear that is
odd for someone who is only 30 years old
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Mar 9 13:42:58 1997
M23 in Grand Island, NY =USA=
Name: Bob Mesmer <buster-at-ns.moran.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was board and thought I'd do this, no reason really.
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Prof/Studies: Cook
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, about 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: about 80-85.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Well since I don't beleave in any God I'd say it would be like going
to sleep for a long time (a real long time). And after this life I just
may need an afterlife of sleep.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I cryed alot but came to terms with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my Grandmother, we were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Everyone said that "He was in a better place." i'm not sure how
everyone knows it's so much better, but that'swhat they say.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we are going to die oneway or another, but just let time
do it not guns,or drugs.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Grandfather and Grandmother aren't in pain anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mind.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing everyone else so unhappy.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't think about the person dieing.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Delt with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought why did it have to him (or her).
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Do even more with him (if that's possable).
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know him, abd be a part of his life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the last time I saw him he said goodbye and some how I knew
that he ment goodbye for ever.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
telling him that I loved him alot.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
well sure that's normal but it was a long time ago.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
end it now (but I know I won't)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cry uncontrolably.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Praying, and church (though i don't beleave in a God I did it for
everyone else.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I'm not sure.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
The way I see it is that we are all going to die sometime, why worry
about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Well I think all the time (not about death, but I think) I'm in no
hurry but I'm ready.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Mar 8 19:40:04 1997
F30 in Lake County, IL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychologist
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person no longer breathes or moves, or interacts with anyone
ever again. People remaining alive never form new memories with that
person, and old memories are all that is left.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't beleive that life would go on with that person gone. I
thought I could never be happy again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... boyfriend was murdered.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that he must have been so horribly sad or desperate to want to die.
I thought I could never commit suicide after that because of how it
affected others.
--What I think my (Lake) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to support mourning people better - we have predetermined notions
of when people should "be over it" and if they recover too quickly, they
are looked down on for that too.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my friends and family were very supportive and patient with me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to people I trust.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
little things that reminded me of that person - a song on the radio,
someone who looked like him/her, going somewhere we had gone together.
--[My boyfriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
returned to college after my boyfriend's death and became a serious
student rather than the party animal I was my first year.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to learn how to exist in a world without a person I loved, and
to reorganize what we used to do together so I could do those things
alone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
apologize for the last fight we were in.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to my parents without censoring what I said, and having them
just listen.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father told a friend of mine that he sees me as a stong person
because of my determination to return to college. I felt he was really on
my side and hoping for me to be ok.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the cemetary. I have no idea where the body is and do not care. My
boyfriend is not in the grave or his body anymore and I have no intention
to ever visit the site.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have contact with a mutual friend, when I see someone who reminds
me of him, or when I look through old pictures and he and I look so happy
together.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
know what happens after death, so I would know he was not in pain and
is with God.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
developed a stronger belief in God and began exploring and
questioning my religious beliefs.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
support. I had contact with paramedics who showed up after he was
found dead in his yard, and they were very kind. The police on the other
hand, were gruff and insensitive.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a source of comfort but also a confusing entity. My beliefs changed
a lot as a result of my experiences with death.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
human. I never felt more vulnerable, temporary, humble as when I've
had to deal with death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the type of dreams I had afterward, and the calming effect of being
able to talk to my loved ones in my dreams.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I could often smell his cologne at times when I was very upset about
something. This was a comfort at the time. It stopped after a few
months.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am more afraid of my loved ones dying than I fear my own death. It
is so hard to deal with that loss that I cannot imagine death being worse.
If I die first, I want my husband and family to know that I loved them, so
I try not to miss opportuniti es to tell them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
friends allowing e to talk; going to college
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
knowing someone hurt a person I loved and I would never see him again
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I hope someone can benefit from my input.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Mar 8 13:51:03 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: on death and dying
Authors:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a final conclusion, a completeness of life a part of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was curious and scared at the same time
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... an elderly relative-great grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the anger that i felt and still feel, the void left behind
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
time is the only healer. god has no reasons
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother and i became closer than we had ever been in 20 years
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
listening to people who were close, people who knew when it was
important to be quiet at times and talk at times and could read my mind to
know when was which time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
why why why
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't feel the need to talk, just being there
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
at the wake it was more of a get together atmosphere than a sad one.
I felt like crying and my grandmother wanted me to introduce her to all my
friends and relay a family history of them
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father, the period of denial upon his
diagnosis was great. wasted too much time pretending it wasn't happening
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
write the poem that i did for my dad
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cry
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
greatfullness. all people treated my father and our family as an
individual case,, not just another one
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
made me angry and lose alot of faith in the why's
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is ongoing you never stop grieving.... i deal with it with a sense
of humor about it all, which friends and family seeem to deem
inappropriate, but i think it is the only way to cope for me
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not so much a visit from a friend , but he knew that it would be all
over in a weeks time and he was right on the money.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have always lived day to day much to the shagrin of family and
friends. you can not live your life foolishly but you cannot be worried
about things you cannot control
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
they let me do as i felt comfortable with and answered all ?? i had
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it brought about some anger that i have to repress in dealing with my
father's death, i find religion to be of no help, so i cannot go around
mad at which i cannot control
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Fri Mar 7 16:39:16 1997
F12 in Annville, PA =USA=
Name: Shanna Hollich
Web: http://members.wbs.net/homepages/i/m/w/imweird.html
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Fri Mar 7 16:39:16 1997
F12 in Annville, PA =USA=
Name: Shanna Hollich <Shadow123-at-hotmail.com>
Web: http://members.wbs.net/homepages/i/m/w/imweird.html
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo!
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2-3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a blood clot in his leg breaking free and entering his
heart or brain or something like that; Aged: 40 something ??.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our hearts stop beating, and therefore the blood/oxygen cannot
flow throughout our bodies; have no way of getting energy to live. Some
believe that when you die, you go either to Heaven or Hell, depending on
how good or bad a person you were while living. If you were good, you
went up to Heaven, which is believed to be a very rewarding place, where
you can have whatever you want and walk among the Gods. Hell is believed
to be a bad place, some picture it as a fiery pit of hopelessness and
despair. Some say that in Hell, you're put through all kinds of torture.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 8 or 9, wasn't afraid. Actually, I think I was the only
one that wasn't really sad or afraid. Sure, I would never see my uncle
again and I loved him, but he was going to a better place, and I was happy
for him.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great-uncle died, and I handled it pretty
well, even though I loved him. I said goodbye, paid my respects and felt
better. Then my other great-uncle died within days of the first, and I
was not allowed to attend the funeral. I was very upset, and at first
felt unresolved about the whole thing; like I had no way to say goodbye.
I then realized I could say goodbye any way I could, and pictured my
great-uncle up in Heaven, watching over us, and I told him that I was glad
he was in a better place. I said goodbye, paid my respects, and felt a
lot better.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
exactly what I said above, although I was kind of hurt because I
couldn't attend the wake and I couldn't attend my second uncle's funeral,
who died days after the first.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people who die are going to a better place, where they may walk among
the Gods. We may feel sad that they left us, but think of the wonderful
things that await them in Heaven.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I became a Christian and now know more about Death, Life, and
God than I ever did before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I wasn't sure how to say goodbye, felt guilty that I never said
goodbye, but eventually I said goodbye and felt a lot better.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
God will help you deal with the death, think about the wonderful
things awaiting him in Heaven and remember the good times you had together
on life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept my uncle's death, and therefore was able to help my aunt deal
with it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Well, my family doesn't go to church, for we all have different
beliefs. But I am a Christian and read the Bible and am now happy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know. At one point I hated my life so much, I wanted to
commit suicide, but the Lord helped me through that and I know that if I
should die, the Lord will take care of me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
I felt guilty at first, when I couldn't figure out how to say
goodbye.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Same old, same old. I've already talked to people about this,
because a lot of people didn't know how I would react to death.
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Fri Mar 7 13:04:57 1997
F28 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Nora Cassidy <nora_cassidy-at-mckinsey.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Browsing in Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Administrative Assistant
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: "On Death and Dying" - I forget the author's name
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 10 ago.
Cause of Death: Pancreatic cancer; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of physical and mental processes that make up our
tangible existence on Earth. The spirit, or sould, however, lives on, both
in a religious sense, and in an esoteric one, in all that the person
touched while alive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt an enormous sense of frustration and anger. My mother called me
at school to tell me that the doctor had estimated that my uncle had about
2 weeks left to live, and that my aunt had gone to the funeral home to
make funeral arrangements. I remember being so angry that arrangements
for a funeral were being made - not because I denied the imminent nature
of my uncle's death, but because the mundane details of funeral and burial
were being organized, and the death itself had yet to take place.
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle, to whom I was very close, was diagnosed with pancreatic
cancer when I was in high school. He gradually became sicker and sicker,
fading from the tall, imposing figure I knew to a shrunked version of his
old self. Even his sense of humour, usually very dry and full of fun,
seemed to mellow as the disease took its course. He died on April 4, 1987,
while I was in university. The only member of his immediate family who was
not in the room with him when he passed away was me – a difficult memory
for me to process. I later wrote a poem about my uncle and his death –
one of the best pieces I have ever penned. I read from the Bible at his
funeral Mass, and have missed him greatly ever since, especially at
special times, like my university graduation, and now, as I plan my Fall
wedding.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My aunt (my uncle's wife) was incredibly stoical and strong. My
father was devastated (my uncle had been arguably his closest friend). My
mother seemed to be somewhat angry at me for not being at the hospital
when my uncle died, but no one called me to go, and the ambivalence I feel
regarding that is
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that, regardless of the circumstances, Death is not something to be
fear, per se. Regardless of one's belief systems, I think it is true that
one's spirit lives on after death, in the people and the contributions
that one was involved in during life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My personal faith, which tells me that Death is not the end, but a
beginning, where the soul returns to Heaven, to be reunited with the body
on the Day of Judgement. This is comforting, since it implies that we do
not merely return to dust forevermore, but have a future life which,
although completely unknown, is still preferable than fading into
nothingness when one was once a living, thinking, feeling being.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching the gradual and slow deterioration of that person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my relatives were preparing the logistics of the funeral, the burial,
the will, etc. and my uncle was still living.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my uncle in the months prior to his death. The
last time I saw him was just after Valentine's Day in 1987 and he died 2
months later.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
express my feelings in words though poetry and, in that way, offer a
tribute to the life (and death) of my uncle. This was also a way to
comfort my aunt.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember showing my uncle a ring I had just received from my
then-boyfriend. I was so happy and proud of it, and he smiled and looked
happy for me. It was a completely different interaction that the one we
would normally have had (my uncle loved to tease me), and it was the
result of his illness nearing its completion. It was, I later realized,
the last time I saw him alive.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
throw my arms around him and tell him how much I love him, and how
important he has always been in my life, and how much I miss him. I'd like
to tell him that he was one of only a very few men in my life whom I can
honestly say I have trusted completely.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
concern and skepticism. My uncle's doctor, it might be argued, did
not diagnose my uncle's cancer properly or on time. We will never know
whether this made a difference or not, but...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
knowing that our loved one had not "ceased to exist" in a spiritual
way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When the personality of the person "softens" i.e. when the sense of
humour gives way to sentimentality, when the zest for life and will to
live seem to give way to a resignation in the face of dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
My own remembrance does not recall much in the way of denial. Anger,
and acceptance I do recall. There was no bargaining for me, since I am a
realist and have always known that, in the face of something physically
tangible, such as death, it is useless to bargain.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not consciously afraid of Death, although I am certainly not
ready to stop living. I find it difficult to imagine the final moments,
when one knows one is dying, and life has only minutes left. The
experience is all the more frustrating because there is really no way to
know until it happens.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My aunt (his wife) was unbelievably strong, which really gave me a
role model for coping.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
Remembering the fact that I was not with my uncle when he died still
brings back the painful feelings of that time.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed the opportunity to reflect on death in general, and on an
important event in my life, in particular.
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Fri Mar 7 11:16:51 1997
F24 in Indianapolis, IN =USA=
<ericah-at-unforgettable.com>
Web: http://netdirect.net/~vii/vein/index.html
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
http://www.itsfree.com/
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Prof/Studies: writer
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 13.
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--Death Is:
And end to an existance. The corpse's humanity and life moved on to
inhabit another corpse at another time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was stunned and silent. . . and never really got over the silent
part.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather had been ill for a while, and he died when in the
hospital. I wasn't involved at all, and I don't remember if my parents let
me go to the funeral or not. I don't believe they did.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How i could have helped had i judged the situation better, but was
too angry to see the appropriate signs.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
A body is a body is a body. Wailing over an empty shell is pointless.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
A lack of suffering? Getting to start over? Death in and of itself is
fairly neutral, it just happens. It's how people react to the death that's
strange.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being left alone and allowed to grieve my way.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Guilt.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that dredging it up constantly doesn't help you feel better.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we were making arrangements. I don't understand how you learn to make
arrangements for something like that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know that he had taken pills, and wasn't just passed out.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i saw the body, covered in ridiculous make up. It made me realise
that a corpse is just a corpse, no one's home anymore.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the pomp and circumstance of the funeral, and showings.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i start to regret my actions.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
undo it, change the past.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
curled inside myself, and tried to be strong for others.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
jack nada. They didn't do anything. They couldn't do anything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
absolutely nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right.
--Regarding MONEY:
we couldnt even afford a plot or a tombstone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the traditional "bringing of many casseroles so people who aren't
even hungry can look at them" get together after the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there are too many signs. Depends on if we're looking for an illness
or a natural death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
death is just a moving on, not to be grieved, but celebrated.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i hope it comforts them, but I think it's just the mind's way of
easing into the death process.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It never used to scare me, but lately it terrifies me. I don't want
my son to have to bury me someday, but he will have to, and that upsets
me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I just had to get over it myself. I mulled over it until I wasn't as
upset anymore.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Not knowing WHY he died (I didn't find out until I was an adult)
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I felt like I was giving feedback, but I think it was a little too
general in some places, or assumed too much (which you've acknowledged)
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Fri Mar 7 00:25:59 1997
F45 in Northbend, Washington =USA=
Name: <childsprit-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer/surgery; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of a very long hard journey.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt fear, anger, pain.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother was dying of cancer. We lived
several hundred miles away so my father and I would travel there every
other week-end so that I could stay with my grandmother while my dad took
my grandfather shopping during the day and out for a few beers in the
evenings. I was thirteen years old and my grandmother (who by the way
always hated me) thought I was my sister (the one she liked). She was
getting very senile. I was terrified that she would die while they were
gone. She didn't. She died during the week while we were at home. The
hardest part of dealing with her death was not dealing with it at all.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the helpless feeling. Having to be strong. Trying to stop the tears
and feeling like I was trying to dam a river that is twelve feet about
flood stage.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
learning to feel the feelings.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the numbness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
work, work, and more work.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the lonliness. Not being able to talk about the pain and the loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there for yourself first. Recognize what you are feeling, or you
won't be able to be there for anyone.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned about myself. The denial of what I felt. How I felt I had to
be strong for everyone and ended up failing everyone instead. I wish that
as an adult I had taken the time to learn about myself and had been able
to accept and share my feelings of loss and grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The day my father died, he had been unconcious all day. He had not
moved or twitched a single muscle. At the moment of his death his eyes
flew open and I saw only fear. I was terrified and confused.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him. Just to talk to him.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
let go and grieve for all of the loved ones I've lost but have never
been able to grieve for.
--Regarding MONEY:
we helped my mom with funeral costs since there was no insurance and
none of my other brothers or sisters could afford to help.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there wasn't any.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes it feels like it will be soon. I have always prayed that I
would die before my parents and all of my loved ones so that I would not
have to go through the pain of losing them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death?
I have found that I do not have a way to deal with death. Just bury
the pain and lock it inside.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
We were not supposed to cry. Seeing my parent cry terrified me
because it was something that they hated.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
writing it out has made me see how dysfunctional my parents and
probably their parents were when it came to expressing their grief. It has
made me see that all of the feelings of loss, anger, pain have been stored
inside where they could fester. I see that I have alot of work to do. I
need to find a way to deal with the grief that is not so toxic for me.
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Thu Mar 6 19:26:27 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Minister
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Neice, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of life within the body. It is the departure of the
human spirit from the human body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused. I thought the individual was asleep and had a
fancy new bed.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father died following a surgery.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the pain of the loss. Suicide always causes tremendous feelings of
guilt and "what ifs".
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is a part of life. It is not to be kept behind a curtain and
avoided at all cost.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned the value of a strong faith and support system from those
within the church.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my inner faith and concern from friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the unnecessary death. Suicide always leaves unanswered questions.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
always continue to converse with the dying individual.
--[My Neice's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found strength in sharing my inner feelings with others. To talk
about the death was most helpful to me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
in suicide there is not time for the process of death. It simply
occurs.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my niece about the things that were burdening her so deeply.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the memorial service.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the medical community stayed with us.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
bringing food to the house.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
her birthday and the anniversary date of her death arrives.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
stop the pain that still exists in many of the family members.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew I had to be with the other members of the family and work at
helping them work through the grieving process.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion, concern and staying with us as long as we needed them.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
brothers and sisters in Christ surrounding us and being there with us.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful and comforting.
--Regarding MONEY:
the death brought on additional unexpected expenses.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the way many who came to the funeral home behaved as if the death had
not ocurred.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
one must give himself time to grief. You cannot expect to tidy the
process up quickly.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not aware of such a phenomena.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I have thought about my death. Death is not something fearful
to me, but the dying process brings many concerns.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? People's Stories, etc.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good to be able to once again look at the process of death and
the grieving process we must go through.
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Thu Mar 6 08:02:32 1997
F45 in Oxford, MI =USA=
Thu Mar 6 08:02:32 1997
Name: abby <aikollin-at-oakland.edu>
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Prof/Studies: human services student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: A Silent Sorrow: Pregnancy Loss
Authors: Ingrid Kohn,MSW and Perry-Lynn Moffitt
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 43.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going alone into the unknown
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Ir was my grandmother and I did not come home from college for the
funeral. I guess it was denial. I just kept thinking of her still living
in Miami Bch.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was probably in 5th grade and a friend
classmate died of a cerebral hemmhorage in her sleep. I went to her
funeral and they had a viewing. I was so nervous that I started laughing
uncontrollably up at the casket and all I could say to her mother, still
laughing, was I'm sorry as I left.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
She would not be able to attend her daughter's wedding.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
therapy
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I would never see them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
touch them and talk to them even if they don't seem responsive.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
all of it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a nervous reaction
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her that we would be there for her children
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of her attached to all the tubes and looking like a little
old lady
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Deal with it better
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For her it was important - I do not believe in a God who could allow
such sadness and cruelty in the world.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't know but I tend to think if there is any spiritual truth it
is more like the Eastern thought
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that she couldn't eat any solid food for a year! We took her out for
her last meal before her surgery.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is just to keep loving that person
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes.. I read books, I plan to work with hospice and I'm doing a
research paper now on death and dying. Maybe if I can be more comfortable
with the concept it won't be so frightening. Not only in respect to my
own death but also to that of my parents.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I am planning to work with hospice. I think this may help in a good
way.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
leaving friends and family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Good questions.
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Wed Mar 5 17:17:55 1997
<nursejulie-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: death and dying
Authors: kuhbler ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When you no longer see the person physically but you will always have
them in your spirits and your heart. Sometimes you can feel their
presence because something or someone will remind you of a certain feeling
you had with a memory, kind of like referred pain when you lose a leg.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was mad that the whole family would not let it go that I did not want
to see my grandma in the morgue. I wanted to remember her just how my
memory held.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandmother died suddenly - wasn't even sick
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The closeness and togetherness of my family he had left behind. I
think when you are dying opposed to just all of the sudden dead you have
time to be a part of the support system the family will need after you are
gone. I thank him for that!!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
as I said before - the unity of my family afterwards.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My memories and how I remember how he celebrated life and taught me
to do the same.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing the ability to talk to and hold that person.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can keep his memory alive. My grandmother of course did not want her
child to die before her and he was my mother's only sibling and I get
angry when they don't want to talk about him. However, they both have
alot of pictures of him around the house and so I know they just have a
different way of coping then I do.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The memorial. I wasn't sure whether to be sad or to celebrate the
life he did have per his request.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never did happen to me. I always laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I have no regrets. I took every opportunity to make our time
together quality towards the end.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through it all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
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Wed Mar 5 09:15:12 1997
M20 in Toledo, Ohio =United States=
Name: Brandyn Riffle
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Student, History Major
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Earlynne Chayney (spelling? probably not accurate)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: early 70s.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather fell into a coma while I was in
elementary school.. why I was away on a school trip he died, and I had a
vision of him saying goodbye; I found out a few hours later that he had
died around that time... my parents still havent decided how they feel
about my vision
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is a natural process, and a blessing. Being born sounds MUCH
more disturbing than blending back into creation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The sudden vacuum of their influence... the silence
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when I found out that my grandfather HAD died, I was relieved and
happy for him, and really enjoyed the rest of the day with a quiet
lightness... I dont consider it innappropriate, although at the time I was
twelve and really questioned myself over it for a while
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was almost envious, because they had either moved on to someplace
higher, or had the comfort of non-existance...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
misguided concern... they were so busy keeping him breathing and
keeping his heart beating that they missed the point; he had left.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A helpful social group for others, but nothing truly meaningful for
me... I've always been very individualistic about my religious beliefs,
even as a child
--Regarding MONEY:
in my paternal Grandmother's death (which didnt affect me as I didnt
know her well at all), her money sundered the family, and the unity that
was there was forgotten because everyone was bickering over who got what.
That affected me more than her death itself.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
unexpected envy... almost like watching a much older friend graduate
and move away while you are just beginning school...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when I had the vision of my grandfather, he wasnt alone.. I saw
another relative who died when I was very young next to him.. and there
were other entities, but they were vaporous, like fog.. they had lost
cohesion and I couldnt tell who they were, just that they were there
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope that when I finally die I feel that I've earned whatever
happens, whether rest or further spiritual progress.. if I look back with
regret, then it will probably be a terrible experience, but if I can look
at my life as a worthwhile progression , then it'll be a welcome blessing
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
the idea of oblivion was terrifying until I realized that even if I
became nothing I wouldnt really be all that concerned with the change of
events
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
actually very helpful... realized that I have some things to do now.. ;>
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Wed Mar 5 05:31:27 1997
M28 in Utrecht, =Netherlands=
<v_raijmakers-at-mail.dotcom.fr>
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
magazine
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Prof/Studies: Software developer
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 20.
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- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Wed Mar 5 04:24:44 1997
F26 in TOOWOOMBA, QUEENSLAND =AUSTRALIA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 3 mos ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 65.
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very young and it made me feel confused. My grandfather died
and I felt cheated because I was not asked how I felt. I did not fully
understand to totalness of the situation. Now it feels that I was on the
outside looking in.
--This last time, how it happened was
How it happened was... The day after Christmas 1996 my father died
suddenly of a heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It felt like a huge kick in the butt. It made me realise how short
life is and how the people you love are so very precious and unique in
your life. Don't take life for granted.
--What I think my (AUSTRALIA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The talking of the deep inner feelings. The feelings that come from
the heart, the feelings that can destroy people if they are not released.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brought my family together. My sisters and my brother are
gathering in a protective barrier around each other and in the centre of
that barrier is our mother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband!!!!!!!!!!! and the support and understanding of friends
and co-workers who have lost a parent.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The total and absolute finalness, and trying to accept the fact that
I would NEVER see my father again and the sadness I felt for my mother.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
After the funeral was over and I had returned home. I had a few days
off work but my husband had to return to work. When he had left I felt a
strange numbness. There was no family around me, no friends, only quiet.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him more. Get to know him as a person. There were always
some stories about my grandparents and my father as a child. Stories of
60 years ago growing up in a country town in Australia. The history seems
lost to me now. Appreciating him more as the peaceful, intelligent
gentleman that he was.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It has only been two and a half months since my father died, so every
day I still fight to keep the tears away and battling with the depression.
I am also having difficulties visiting my husbands parents. They are
about the same age as mine and come from very similar backgrounds. The
thought of being in the presence of a "happy family" makes me feel ripped
off.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Crawl under a rock for a few months. Express my true inner feelings
to everyone I know. Have the ability to remember the last 26 years of my
life in pure crisp images, never forgetting anything. Hold on to the
"kick in the butt" feeling that made me so very aware that life is very
short.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Going to see my father in the morgue. The fact that he was dead
seemed to surreal. For me to see his body was the confirmation that he
had died. One of my sisters saw him not long after he had died, and she
held his hand and kissed him. When I saw him, which was about six hours
after he had died it was such a shock. I knew that it was not him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When leaving to return home the day after Christmas the family
tradition was to kiss each other. When I was saying goodbye to my father
I had this remenous urge to hug him. This was completely out of character
and unfortunately I did not act on my emotions.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Tue Mar 4 16:14:54 1997
F45 in London, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Joanne Bobier <jbobier-at-wwdc.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
The WEBster, Death, Dying & Grief Resources
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Prof/Studies: Emerg Room Communication Clerk
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: 1)Death 2)The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying
Authors: 1)Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 2)Sogyal Rinpoche
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: Infarcted cervical spine; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A solitary journey. For the most part not spoken about and feared. It
can be looked at as the end of one life or the beginning of a new life
depending on one's spiritual views or beliefs. We know we are all suject
to birth, old age, sickness and death but we seem to think it happens to
every one else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really understand that it would happen to the people who gave
me life (my parents). I thought they were always going to be here.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Paternal Grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The lessons that my Father taught me while he was dying. Of all the
love we shared as father and daughter.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To not be so afraid. To live life fully & openly in the moment and
live with an expansive heart full of love so if one should die suddenly
there is nothing left unsaid or undone with the people most important to
us. To see Death as a natural part of being born and to have compassion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The gift of love from family and friends. Finding out about the
Living/Dying Project out of S.F and going for a workshop down there 2
years ago. I met incredible, beautiful people that weekend who shared and
felt many of the same feelings that we all deal with in these times of
loss. I still main tain contact with the Director and get their
newsletters which are so helpful to me. Also the fact that I try to make
other people more aware of living in the moment. I work in and Emergency
Dept and have for many years so I see how transitory this fragile human
existance can be. How quickly things can change.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
That very thing..support from family and friends. Also I was given a
daily Buddhist practise which has given me great joy and comfort to do.
The very fact that in Tibetan Buddhism we are born in one set of elements
and die in the reverse and those very elements (earth, wind, fire, air)
are within our very bodies and in nature around us. That has also given me
great comfort.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being an only child (now almost 46) with family outside of the city a
incredible sense of lonliness. I still have times where I grieve for both
my parents.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there when either of my parents died but I was there prior
to that. I would just say to be fully present and surround them with love,
if they have a religious belief read to them from their favourite passage
or if you had a mediation from one of Steven Levine's books. Don't be
afraid to hold a hand or offer a prayer for their journey
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have grown on so many levels. I've learned, with the help of
wonderful teachers in my Spiritual and Martial Arts paths to 'return
home'. That place of home being my heart. Finding out more about myself
and my strengths
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When my Father was telling me things that I didn't under stand. Now
after reading Sogyal Rinpoche's book (shortly after he died) I realized
had I known and understood what my Dad was telling me I would have
realized the process of his death was beginning. It was only after reading
that book I realized what he had been saying to me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Gosh, that statement fills me with emotion! I still think at times
I've forgotten how to laugh. Right now I'm crying! But it's so TRUE how
important laughter is..how wonderful and full of life it is and how
healing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be with both my parents when they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Find a way (in my own case Buddhist practise) that has helped me
immeasureably in coming to terms with death in general, my own parents
deaths and ultimately my own death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The fact that friends and family were just there..so present for me
and with me during those days and really ever since.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see families confronting the sudden or tragic death of a loved one
who's been brought into Emerg where I work. Or when I look at my parent's
belongings which I now have around me. If I think a thought that I should
have been a 'better' daughter or 'done more'.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Just let go of all the guilt I sometimes feel.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to realize that I was going to face this one day. It forced me
to see where I was in life, see where I am and set some goals to where I
want to be (and that's to become a Buddhist nun). I think I always lived
fairly well but now I now I live in total GRATITUDE for everything I have.
How can we not live in gratitude for the very gift of life itself!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude for the most part and wishing I could have kept my Mother
at home to die. The most incredible people where the people from
Palliative Care involved in my Mother's care. They are amazing
individuals.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Finding Buddhism. It gave me the answers Chistianity for me never
addressed. It has given me liberation.
--Regarding MONEY:
My Father never told me about his Will or what it involved with me as
an only child.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Unresponsiveness, change in breathing. Things a person says in those
final days. There are many clues. It's just to know and be aware.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware of any with my parents.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Big time!! I think of a phrase a friend said to me which was 'in
every moment we are living and dying'. I still tend to think I'll be
around forever (who am I kidding!!). But even as a child I had a 'knowing'
that all things were born and eventually died. That nothing lasted
forever.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
When I found this survey I couldn't believe it. I just thought 'how
wonderful' that you have provided this opportunity for people to share
from their experiences. So may experiences so different yet I'm sure
sharing a common thread so I want to express my gratitude to you for
allowing me to share, to laugh a couple times when I remember as write, to
have some tears, to remember how precious life is and the people who are
in our lives.
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Tue Mar 4 14:43:06 1997
F20 in Clinton, Iowa =United States=
Name: Jennie <jterrock.eiccd.cc.ia.us>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
More personal info:
If there is any pen pals I can write to?
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying
Authors: I can't remember the author.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart complications; Aged: 18 yrs..
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a very sad experience. My best friend died and I did not want to
acccept it. It takes a long time to heal from a loved one's death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very alone at times. But, being around my other friends that
cared, helped me accept it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my best friend that had died. She had
problems with her heart. She was only 18 years old. It happened about 3
years ago, and I am just starting to accept it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I had a terrible time in school. Because I went to school with my
best friend. It was hard but, I excepted it.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That you shouldn't be afraid to talk about death. So many people are
scared to talk about it. I like to talk about it, because I would like to
know where I am going after I die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my best friend has gone to a good place and that she is safe
with God. I am not scared to die anymore, because I know I will be with
God and with my best friend.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being with my other friends that really care about me. I went to a
youth group also that really helped me. I just glad I have the friends I
do.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The funeral. Because that is the last time you will see the person.
The was the worst part.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just being there for my best friend Jennifer, helped her a little
before she died. I let her know that she was loved, and that I cared
about her. Just being there is very important.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through her death. It is very hard at first, but eventually you
except it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The most confusing part is that I didn't understand why God has to
take innocent people away from loved ones. It is still hard to
understand.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my best friend Jennifer that I loved her. I never got to talk
to her before she died either. I just wish I could of said I love you and
goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for her and just be a good friend while she was here with
me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went to my best friend's house before the funeral. Her family
treated me like I was part of the family. They really made me feel
comfortable.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am around my other friends. No friend I have now, will ever
compare to Jennifer. She will always be my best friend.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
be in heaven with my best friend Jennifer. I hate the pain
sometimes.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started going nuts. I threw things around, and just went nuts. I
didn't know what to do. I couldn't control myself at all.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The hospital could of done more. I don't think the doctors knew what
they were doing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That I might have a chance to be closer to God and my best friend. I
feel more closer anyway.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money didn't matter at this time. No amount of money could replace
her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The part when I found out. The world just stopped or it was in slow
motion.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just being there helped me out a little.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have never seen any visions of any type. I would like it though,
to see how Jennifer is doing up there.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am kind of scared to die. I just want to know where I am going. I
want to know what heaven is like. I am very curious about that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
My youth group and just being aroung my other friends has helped me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It worked really good. I am glad I found it. I like to talk about
death, and I don't think anyone should be afraid to talk about it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Mar 4 10:40:00 1997
M38 in Central, SC =USA=
<SONNY-at-clemson.campus.mci.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies:
More personal info:
When you are born again death holds no fear.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Traffic accident; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passage of our soul into Heaven or Hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Thought it was just sleeping for a long time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Grandfather died from heart problems when I
was 6 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The way that my spiritual stength helped myself and others around me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Why we should KNOW where we go after death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Others seen my strength and asked what they could do to accept the death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My walk with Jesus Christ. I leaned on him. He had been on the
other side of death and back. Only HE could truely help me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Helping others deal with death.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
When you are strong in faith death holds no fear.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Insist that the funeral be coducted inside his Church.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Lean on my faith in Jesus and help others.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Got alone and prayed that God would give us all strength and grace to
get over it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Learning just HOW Jesus really can help us through trying times.
--Regarding MONEY:
The funeral and casket cost more than it should have.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The fact is that I will pass from this world one day to enter the
next. I ask Jesus to give me grace to show others that death should not
be feared. I look for them in Heaven where I will be forever.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My family and my religion both helped me deal with the great loss.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Some questions would have led me to repeat answers and so I skipped
them. Some simply did not apply to me.
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Tue Mar 4 07:31:47 1997
F36 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: Liz <ohshunn-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Researching NDE's
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Prof/Studies: Mother/Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 5 1/2 yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
For me, I kept it to myself. By doing this it ws easier for people to
feel comfortable around me. People don't want to be around you when
something like this has happened. So it is easier for them to pretend it
didn't happen. And when you act like th ey want you to, the next thing you
will hear is "you handled your son's death so well". You want to scream
how would you know !? So if you are depressed and let people know it, they
don't want to be around you. On the other hand if you keep it inside, you
are considered cold hearted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading and going to the cemetary.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Was, that my son was all alone.And I could no longer hear his voise
or feel his touch. Thinking that he was terrified and that I could not
help him. At the accident seen they would not let me near him, and I know
that if they would have he would have known that I was there. That would
have hekped me a great deal, to be with him and hold him while he was
still alive. And going to the cemetary and the things I would make for him
were stolen,and the flowres and plantings I would leave.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
My dad was in a coma for a week in the hospital before he died. I
stayed with him the last 48 of his life. My dad was terrified of dying and
i hope me being there at the time when he died i believe helped him
through it. I know even though he was in a coma he knew I was with him.I
felt better knowing I was there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did and it was a funeral mass, and I know that Mel understood and i
don't feel bad about it at all. I do remember thinking at the time I hope
people than I am hysterical crying and not hysterical laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I spent alot of time with my children, i love them and haave always
let them know it. I have no regrets from that aspect. That day was the one
and only time he did not have on his seat belt. And that is unforgivable.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I had my son for five years and given the choice to have him five
years or not at all, I would take the five years everytime.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I never think that I am over out it, but I think that I can deal with
it in a more possitive way. But you never know what will trigger it off.
Everytime it does I am surprised at how strong the loss still is.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
The obvious, have him back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It wasd a few days after the accident, and I got his sneakers (my
son's). It hit me that I am never going to se my son again, and I
completely fell apart. I acknowledged but to this day I don't understand
it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are human too. I was shocked at how emotional eveyone was,
especially the doctor when he told me.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the Priest actualy enjoyed the whole process, it made him feel like
he was center stage. He played that public part very well. When it to me
and my family he was very standoffish about eveything, kind of non
challant about it.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everyone we talked to from the church to the funeral palor money was
the number one topic. My daughter went to Catholic aschool and the nuns
there were exceptional,they helped me the most.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
They seem to get a last burst of life. They talk about getting better
and what they are going to do, they even appear healthier. I have seen
this many times, and I am always right about what is happenint to them at
the time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You do whatever makes you feel better. Don't worry about what people
will think, because no matter what you do someone will have some negative
input. Worry about how you feel and your immediate family, and what will
make you feel beter able to cope.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My son always would say "I love you from Tenn and back, is that far".
we live in PA. I would say "yes". The summer before he died he starting
saying, "I love you all the way to heaven, is that far"?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It actually terrifies me sometimes. Then I feel guilty about it out,
because of my son's death. .
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me feel alot better answering questions that I would like to,
but no one ever asked.
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Sun Mar 2 16:31:28 1997
F23 in Dallas, TX =USA=
Name: Jennifer Lyle <jennlyle-at-ix.netcom.com>
Web: http://WWW2.netcom.com/~jennlyle/
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Assistant Administrator
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications/diabetes; Aged: 60-70??.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when humans stop functioning. It is, in most cases, a time of sorrow
for those who are still functioning because they will miss their loved
one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought about my own mortality.
--That first time, how it happened was
I don't really remember. Probably a relative or friend of the
family, possibly something I saw on TV. I do remember, however, thinking
about death and how it must feel from the age of four. I just don't
remember what sparked the thought.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how it hurt my mother, and all of the things she wished she had done
with him (my grandfather)/took time for.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's a part of life. It needs to be accepted. People need more time
to mourn if it is necessary for them. Each person, as sentient as he may
seem, has a life cycle that ends. Once everyone can learn that, accept
that, and move on, I think that the world would be a happier place. More
people could then relish their own mortality, lead fuller lives with the
limited time given, and place higher value on other people's lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My time here is limited. I'm going to take the time to enjoy life
for all its worth: for all I make it worth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My decision to accept death as a part of life. I'm really at peace
with the whole idea.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The pain the other people around me, who I loved, felt.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Show them that you will always love them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I had made my peace about death, I knew he would die soon, so I
didn't have any problem about it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wanted to know what was after.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know grandfather more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I'm going to skip through the next few questions, because this is
getting a little repetitive. In grief, I don't grieve over death, I
grieve over missing that person. I don't tend to grieve over death for
very long because it's inevidetable, irrevocable, and it's nothing over
which I would ever have control. I've accepted this- it's really okay.
I'm not the only one having to suffer the death of loved ones.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Never had a hard time accepting death. It happens to everyone, part
of our shared human experience. Everyone seems to classify it like it's
unnatural, or as something that shouldn't happen. On the contrary, it's
vital.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I realize that medicine is not an exact science. What works for one
will not work for all. I think the medical community does what it can in
each circumstance, based on judgements of the moment derived from the
available data/technology. I would, however, like to see an increase in
sympathy for those who are in pain, and an increase in the use of drugs to
ease their passing, including the use of medical marijuana- especially for
termimal cancer patients. My GrandFather was an MD, and he felt the same.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. I'm agnostic, if not atheist. I wish that there could be
an after-life, but I have no proof that I can physically perceive,
therefore, I'm not counting on it.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I used to believe in all spirits being connected, and feeling as if I
was part of a bigger picture. I don't hold those values any longer.
--Regarding MONEY:
My relatives are greedy. They were, in my opinion, too obviously,
over-concerned with the cost of the funeral and it's effect on the rest of
my GrandFather's estate. I lost a lot of respect for those relatives in
that case (my parents, among them).
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My ability to accept it and be at peace with it in comparison to
other people. Matter of fact, much of this questionaire is geared towards
playing (bad choice of words) on those feelings. I do realize how
society, as a whole, views death and as such, this quesionaire would be
geared towards that sort of thinking. I, however, whole-heartedly
disagree with society's view. Though death is a common human experience,
the route to which each individual takes to dealing with it widely varies.
I am still compassionate towards those who feel such pain to it, as I can
empathize. I do not, however, subscribe to grieving as much or for as
long as others may need to.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
It depends on the ailment. Most deaths are caused by accidents which
the victim wouldn't have too many symptoms (unless you count intoxication
and staggering to the car to drive home, or something). For sicknesses,
I'd imagine it would by the victim's general feeling or outlook. For
physical signs, smell, color, temperature.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Not any, besides daydreams of a revisit. I believe that those
visitations are actually manifestations of what the person wants to
perceive. If they really, really, really, sub-consciously want to
believe/see their dead loved one, they will have a tendancy to attribute
sightings, feelings, and events to that dead person.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think I've said quite a bit, already about how I feel about
mortality. I will die. That's all there is to it. Now, I'm going to go
research something else on the net. Death to me is a slumber. Try
remembering the time before your first memory. That's what I interpret
death as feeling like. I won't even know I'm dead. That ignorance is
bliss, because if I was sentient in death, I know I'd miss all of the
things I get to do here.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Thinking about it on my own, and deciding on how to view it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Lack of knowledge on how it feels or what's after (if anything)
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really didn't have to re-think anything. I know where I stand and
where society stands on death are two different modes of thinking. I wish
people could be a little more enlightened or a little bit more in tune
with my thinking on the subject. I'd just rather LIVE than worry about
DEATH.
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Sat Mar 1 23:24:39 1997
M29 in Denver, CO =USA= in a Cyber Cafe
Name: Daniel J. Murphy, II
here's my address: 901 Sherman Street #1119, Denver, CO 80203
Prof/Studies: Supervisor, Digital Publishing
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
"more like this" search from "bardo" search in exxcite
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Tibetian Book of the Dead
Authors: W.Evans-Wentz, Oxford University Press
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS complications; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Some say an end. Some say a transformation. Some say a journey.
. . . it's a mysterious and wonderful and sometimes difficult topic.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
prayed for their peace.
--That first time, how it happened was
I've been a Type I Diabetic since I was four.
I almost died from Diabetes complications many times.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the things that I had never done and expressed with this person.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not as far away as they can think.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my current, corporeal existence
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer, contemplation, and finally personal activities
that honor their memory
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The thought of all the things that we never did together
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
When I was near death, expressions of love,
stories that remind me of the wonderful life I've lived,
and someone holding my hand have been very comforting
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I guess from my own apparent resurrections. Every day is now very
valuable. Every day is wonderful. The day that my body no longer
breathes is not so much a mystery. I try to remind others of their
approaching death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The loss of consciousness.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Maybe smile, but not laugh. No, no laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No. No regrets. Time is one-way. There are many opportunities today
with the living. I'm making certain to get the important stuff done while
we're all still alive.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Accept death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
You keep asking about "the death process" as if you we're speaking to
a witness, an observer, not a death participant. I don't know what your
asking about. (???)
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Live every day as if it is your last (and everyone else's last too).
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, no crying anymoe. I set a time-limit for the "greiving" -- and I
greive very hard. If you still need to cry, you haven't cried hard enough
yet. Cry hard. Cry like it was your last chance to cry. Do it. Get it
done with. Greive with focus and passion -- and then get on with your
life.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
It is not hard. Death is a process. If your mind is open. If your
heart is open. If your body and speach and eyes and ears are open. You
can accomplish the process, either as an observer, or a participant very
well. Death, as life, is like a test in school -- prepare yourself. sit
down. do it well.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Greived and cried and mourned for a short while. Honored the person
with stories of the joy that they had brought me while they were alive.
Got on with my activities, always remembering how wonderful it was to have
participated in life with the person.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Humility. Death is unavoidable. It can be postponed, but not
avoided. Life is a wonderful gift. But we must be ready for the death of
ourselves and others.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Well, the church focused my brotherhood, my relationship with the
living, but somehow I think that the dead are somehow different than the
living (you know?). Religion, for me, is for the living. Death (my
death) is the frame that puts my beleifs in perspective. I can't speak
for my dead friends.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have no idea what you're talking about.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money and posessions has not entered my experiences with death. I've
specified benficiaries for my posessions.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That I shit all over myself and had an unbeleivable headache. I met
"someone" or more like "something" -- the "thing" challenged me and
laughed at me. Time meant nothing -- I had no concept of days, or months,
or years when I came back.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know, I haven't participated at the actual time of death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I already mentioned the importance of grieving, Do it hard. Do it
well. Get it done with. Set a time limit
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Yes, In order to prepare for this I trying to explore this while I'm
alive. I don't want to be decived at the time of death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, it's all in the responses to the other questions.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
Tibetian Book of the Dead is great
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
Life can be obsessive. Sometimes, instead of a means, it seems an end
in itself.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's good to know that others are thinking about their pending death.
Hopefully, these thoughts will increase the peace and thankful musings
toward our living days.
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Sat Mar 1 10:30:55 1997
F21 in Visalia, CA =USA=
<no13baby-at-earthlink.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Looked up "online psych experiments"
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandfather but he had been bedridden for a long time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I never got to say goodbye.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I'm still looking for an answer to that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I never said goodbye.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never felt that
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
call her like I felt I was supposed to. At the time, it would have
been an hour before she died. I don;t know why I didn't do as I felt I
should.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
hey, I'm crying right now. Every time I see a picture of her, I
begin it all over again.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see her again...or get out all these feelings. I think maybe not
having a service has kept me from ahving closure.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still am having difficulty getting any closure.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
no comment
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I don't know yet
--Regarding MONEY:
No, it was a big deal. My mother and her siblings actually aren't on
the best of terms now because of the money.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i honestly don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
n/a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I haven't had any visions but she comes to my mother quite a bit in
dreams and I believe her. Before my grandma died, she'd had surgery about
10 yeras before and nearly died then. She saw the "light" and I feel she
is safe now although I don't have any strong religious beliefs.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I still have not gotten over the death of my grandmother who died
last summer. We were very close and there was no memorial service.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
Not being able to talk about things without upsetting a family member
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I need to get over this. I can't speak of her without crying.
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Sat Mar 1 07:17:37 1997
F39 in Altus, OK . =U.S.A.=
Name: Patty Ruzicka <ruzicka-at-intellisys,net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: unemployed
More personal info:
sure
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father,
about 10 yrs ago maybe I`m not sure ago.
Cause of Death: anuerisim ?; Aged: not sure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sometimes I like to think of it as a release , a long and
restful time .
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was withdrawn
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my first experience with death was either when
my grandmother or father died I`m not able to remember , isn`t that
strange .
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
it seemed like everyone , everywhere should have been mourning with
us .
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my seeming ability to just get on with it .
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
A great feeling of LOSS .
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I think I have learned the most from myself .
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
That would be just right after they passed I tend to be very
uncomfortable , and very unsure as to how I should act or feel .
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it , as a part of life .
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
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See Current contributions.
See Feb 97 contributions.
See Jan 97 contributions.
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End of Recent Responses...
Copyright 1997 by The Bardo of Death Studies
