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See Jan 97 contributions.
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See MOST RECENT contributions.
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Fri Feb 28 18:36:28 1997
Name: Dawn M Falk <astaroth-at-ykt0.attnet.or.jp>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Poems from the dark side, other links.
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Prof/Studies: Military wife
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Into the light
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Is Like Losing a part of ones self esspecially if the person who died
was close to you
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 9 and it was very difficult
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Cancer,if you mean Death in the family. But I
had been around the dead for many years because my grandfather is a
minister and I went to alot of stranger's funerals. Im an adult now and
have been considering being a mortician
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is that it felt so unreal and and words of sympathy did not help I
wanted people to just shut up and leave us alone
--What I think my (Japan) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That its just another part of life and we may anayze and think we
know what happens after death but the truth is we only can speculate. But
I do believe its not the end of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
with my first occurance It was my aunt and we were very close she was
my nanny and after her death I became close with my mother and we truly
bonded
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My beliefs helped me the most .I was too busy trying to support
instead of getting supported
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
is the genuine loss , they were gone from this wor
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them not to be afraid hold their hand and let them know you are
there and will stay with them till the time comes and tell them that you
love and will miss them but if the time of death is near and they are
holding on to this world for someone t hen help them pass thru,release
them from whatever bond is holding them
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I say my mother but it was really my grandmother , she raised me so
She was like a mother. I will never forget her and she will always be a
big part of my life but the pain of her passing has eased but never goes
away. And I can live with that. Mostl y I realized the it is just another
stage in life and that we really don't die just our body doesand we live
on in memory and in the next world
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when I was 9 and my aunt died and I felt she left me behind and It
made me mad at her and no one explained it to me because they thought it
would be best not to discuss death with a child
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that we do unrealistic things in unrealsituations
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To know more and do more and spend more quality time with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope and comfort my family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I started to remember things and places that I shared with this
person that had been lost in my memory for years
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The constant overflowing of people telling me how sorry they were and
how wonderful they though she was and if they could hepl to leet them know
...How could they possibly help, why were they sorry and I knew she was
wonderful.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I write the memorial for the paper or when the family gets together
and one chair is empty
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Its not hard its just a feeling of loss that I wish I could make go
away
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I had a feeling of peace and felt that it was meant to be but I felt
honerd to have known them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
atleast she was made as comfortable as possible
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
christianity meant nothing to me, Im a pagan 'Wiccan" So Im not
religious but spiritual and my belief did help
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting
--Regarding MONEY:
We just wanted to have a nice burial which she would have wanted and
thats the only time money was really thought about
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
was still feeling her pressance
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Im just glad it was know she was ill and it wasnt a great suprise or
a shock. I don't know how we would have delt with is if it had been
different
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
like I aready said, its just another stage in life
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had this experiance although I still wonder if it was a dream,
I would gladly be open to the chance of it happening again
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes I have, I dont want a cerimony or a bunch of after death finge
bennifits I just want cremated and thrown back to the earth . And if it is
possible I will come back in some form or another. I guess I will find out
when the time comes. Untill then I just want to live life and and not
watch it happen to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Knowing thatthose I loved whom have died are now without pain and
suffering helps
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
believing it was real and I would never see them again in this world
made difficult
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed it very much
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Fri Feb 28 18:03:41 1997
F43 in Carbondale, Illinois =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychotherapist
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How Could I Not be Among You
Authors: Ted Rosenthal
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 39.
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--Death Is:
a change, like all things are changing all the time, except after
this change we don't see the physical body continuing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was told she was asleep and I wondered when she'd wake up.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandmother died of cancer when I was 4
y/o.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my mother saying that she was glad I wasn't crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not something to hate.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father's death. I was with him the moment he died and that was my
greatest, most profound spiritual experience to date.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends letting me talk and cry.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the family issues that arose as a result.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
touch them.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt that I could communicate with him even though he was on life
support and heavily medicated for pain. I felt an intuitive, cellular
connection.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when my father indicated he wasn't ready to die when the issue first
came up of taking him off life support. I concluded that he was waiting
for me to get there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release of tension.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my sister's body at the funeral home. (she'd died in an accident
and I didn't get there on time for the scheduled visitation, so I called
the funeral director and requested a private visit)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my younger brother went up and threw the first handful of dirt into
my sister's grave. Several of us followed suit. It's important for the
family to bury their own in this symbolic way.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the memorial service, especially when it was clear they didn't really
know my sister and were just reciting the usual stuff.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my tears come when I recognize my family's reaction to my sister's
death was horribly numb, as if it wasn't important.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have someone hold and comfort me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got depressed and lost a sense of direction and purpose.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude during my father's death. The nurses were wonderful in
explaining everything I needed to know and about keeping him as pain-free
as possible.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I was raised Catholic, but now find Buddhism more relevant to my
beliefs.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right.
--Regarding MONEY:
my estranged brother-in-law was going to profit from the insurance,
due to my sister's death in an automobile accident. Some siblings seemed
to resent that.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being right in predicting that a sibling would die in our family and
that would be a wake-up call.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I assume something positive will come out of it, but I can never
predict what that will be.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know if this happened for anyone that I have lost.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
of course. Since I'm 43 years old, I've been considering what's
important and what I want to do with the time I have left.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I needed to talk about this, especially lately, so it was a good
chance to reflect. Thank you.
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Fri Feb 28 14:50:41 1997
F34 in Lockhart, Texas =USA=
Name: Janet Saylor <rlsaylo-at-ibm.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: College Educated Housewife!
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 mos ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure, kidney failure, etc; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a necessary stage in life. Without death, the human race would never be
able to renew itself. The earth would become too crowded with the infirm,
and disease would spread amongst the healthy.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and confused as to why my uncle did not not wake up in
the casket. My grandmother was sobbing loudly, and clutching me hard. It
really scared me, because I had never seen her act this way before.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father was a mortician, and I was exposed to
dead people from the time I was able to remember. I played in the showroom,
and was around the bodies while awaiting a funeral. He never let me in the
embalming room while a body was there, though. But the first person I
actually knew was my grandmother's brother who died when I was around 4.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how little I really new of what to expect when a family member dies. I
had to deal with will probate, and the clerk at the courthouse's answer was
"people usually use a lawyer" when I wanted to do it myself, which is legal
here. I ended up hiring a lawyer, who charged $250 an hour for doing
basically nothing ($1600 so far, and it is not closed). The bank froze my
grandmother's bank account, although I was the only beneficiery, was on the
account. All this was such a great stress having to deal with while
grieving.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
You cannot preserve the dead, only their memory. A steel casket and a
concrete vault along with embalming will not keep the body from
deteriorating. All it does is cost the family a great deal of money for the
body to turn into a slimy mess in the vault. It is better to let the
organisms in the ground take care of the body, which is more healthy for the
condition of the earth!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to care for my grandmother and show her that all would be
okay. I found out that I was able to get through the experience, and I even
got to talk with one of my aunt's whom I had never talked to before! At the
hospital, I by change ran into a distant cousin from my other side of the
family! She lived out of state, and sent me information about my great great
great grandparents I never had before! Even photos of the grave stones! I
have pieced together more of my family history out of complete
"happenstance"! My "cousin" was waiting in the ICU waiting room while her
husband had been admitted for a heart attack he had while down visiting her
mother. She and I live in a town 30 miles from the hospital. While waiting
on visiting time, she said she was staying in the house for families too,
and in the Lockhart room. I said that I was from Lockhart, and wondered what
the significance was. She asked my maiden name, and she said " we are
cousins! My grandmother was your great grandmother's sister..." She wrote
out so much of the family tree that night. Strange how things just happen.
We were in Texas, and she was visiting from Missouri, and our ancestors came
from there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My grandmother's sister called and said she would come help me to clean
out my grandmother's apartment. She lived 500 miles away, and she did more
than local relatives did! My grandmother lived in a govt. subsidized senior
citizens' apartment, and the waiting list was long. I wanted to let someone
else in that was needing it!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The lack of family support. My mother had stopped talking to my
grandmother years before, and she disowned my kids and me because we still
talked to my grandmother. My mother was mentally ill. And since I was not
"the daughter" people did not treat the death as one usually does. No
flowers, no casseroles, etc. My grandmother was cremated and I think people
didn't know what to do.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
support for the living. The dead, if the death was due to illness, is
no longer suffering. But the living needs to be able to talk about happy
memories, and sadness.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to take care of the business aspects of the experience, as
difficult as it was since I had never had experience with lawyers, etc
before!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctors would not say "she is dying." They kept saying she might
pull through. I saw her getting worse, and weaker, and why didn't the
doctors see this? How long will this death process take? It seemed so cruel
to just linger for 9 days in ICU like she did.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is a necessary stress release.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have been more agressive, and insisted that the doctors do more
testing. My grandmother had had stress tests done on her heart a month
before, and was told nothing was wrong. She was so weak she couldn't walk,
but they wouldn't do a heart cath on her because the dye used would possibly
destroy what little kidney function (20%) she had.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I was able to clean out her apartment, and find people to donate things
to, and find a place for what I wanted to keep. I was able to correspond
with the doctors, nurses, and even call relatives although I do not like to
talk on the phone!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurses called me to tell me she was about to expire, and wanted to
know if I wished to donate her organs.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The rules concerning visitation. She was going to die any- way, but my
6 year old could not see her. She WANTED to see my 6 yr old. We could only
visit every 2 hours, during designated hours. I lived out of town, and
having to wait another 2 hours to visit was too much! I had two school aged
kids to get to school, pick up from school, and see they did homework.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am doing something my grandmother would have liked. I bought a new
dining table from Ethan Allen (her favorite) and she would have loved it see
it!
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
See her one more time, to tell her I loved her and how I regret not
visiting her more often.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Was relieved that she was no longer in pain, and that I no longer had
to travel 70 miles round trip each day to see her, without her being able to
correspond much with me! I felt guilty for thinking that, but I was
relieved. I also felt a void deep inside, realizing that I would never be
able to talk to her again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
being human. No matter what people know, death cannot be stopped.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I had been going to a small Baptist church, but not on a
regular basis and I did not join. I had people who knew my grandmother had
died, but no card, no calls, nothing. I have little faith in organized
religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
really mystical. But I think being able to treat death as other
cultures do, the Indians, for example, is much healthier. They pay respects
and burn the body in a ceremony. Some asians (like Thai) have a memorial
for the dead, which they pay respect to with food and drink. It keeps the
mem- ory of the dead alive.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was the only beneficiery of my grandmother's estate. But, I still had
to pay a lawyer to type up a paper to say this. My grandmother owed no one,
but still the lawyer had to put a notice in the paper that cost $45, plus
his hour $250 wage.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Having to view and identify the dead body. Seeing her in a still state,
no breath, and ulcerations from the trachia tubes on her face.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a lack of will to live. My grandmother was weak, because her heart was
not oxygenating her blood. She had 90% blockage of her arteries, requiring a
quad. by-pass. For the last 2 years she was so weak she couldn't hardly
move. It got progressively worse.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Death was welcomed. She was so weak and her body was not able to
recover. She is better off dead than lingering.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The last day she was able to speak (very little) after they took the
trachia tube/feeding tube out, she looked over to the corner of the room and
said "angels!" Then she said "it's cloudy outside". That is the last I heard
from her, and this was about 2 days before she died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I fear passing, not being around people I am always with. Not being
able to see TV, etc. I am young, but have had diabetes for 26 years without
complications. I am always wondering when my condition will change, and will
it result in death? WIll I see my grandmother again?
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
As a child I was exposed to death, and accepted it as a normal part of
life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
At age 4 out of sight, out of mind. After a day or so I got distracted
by other things.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been theraputic to write it all out.
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Fri Feb 28 13:12:10 1997
F23 in bowling green, ohio =usa=
<mhayes-at-bgnet.bgsu.edu>
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
PSYCHOLGICAL TESTS/YAHOOkather
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Prof/Studies: psychology/sociology
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: bridge to terabithia
Authors: katherine paterson
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Aunt, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: mid 70s.
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--Death Is:
the cessation of mortal/physical existance.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt shocked, dazed, and confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
my senior year of high school, a friend from youth group died in a car
accident, my great aunt died, and our cat was put to sleep all in the span
of 4 weeks.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
wondering why i didn't feel or act the same way everyone else did.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how not to get caught up in the desire to die when we've lost someone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i had wonderful, calming dreams about helen a few months after she
died. she said she was happy, and i could smell her baking all around. i
just regret not telling her how much i used to appreciate her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
resting and dreaming. i was in a play also at that time, and while i
had some trouble learning my lines, the director was successful in diverting
my attention. for that i will forever be grateful.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i would never be able to express how much she enriched my
life as i was growing up. she used to bake the best cookies, and always had
some on the stove - even if we just dropped in spontaneously.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to show helen how my life has turned out, since her death. i have
found parts of myself that i never knew existed, and have more friends than
i can count. i just wish i could tell her how happy i am now.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
separate grief into parcels, since i had to deal with 3 deaths at once.
i was able to package my feelings and keep them from interfering with the
rest of my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we sang at the funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the whole funeral rite. as far as i was concerned helen was gone, and
i couldn't see her again. as soon as i realized that, i found only parts of
the service to be functional.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i smell certain kinds of cookies baking fresh in the oven. she used to
make puffy, cloud-like meringue chocolate chip cookies, and whenever my mom
bakes some of those, i think about helen.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
allow myself to admit that i'm not the strongest person in the world.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sadness. unfortunately, my aunt had to die in a nursing home.
sometimes i'm still angry about the conditions, that i never got to see her,
that no one suggested that she stay in either my father's or his cousin's
home. after she was put in the home, i think there was little that the
medical community could have done anyway. i believe that she was too sad to
go on.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a catholic funeral, where we were all absolved of things and only the
priest got to give eulogies. relatives were asked to do readings at the
mass, be eucharistic ministers, but overall, the priest was the one who gave
the eulogy. he said nice things, but i wish it could have been more
personal.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i just don't really believe in these sorts of things. i hope that they
exist, but as a scientist, i can't accept that these things are true.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hope that i am able to live my life to the absolute fullest before it
ends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
was learning lines for a play/director forced concentration on that
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was actually very good to talk these things out, even if it
is only with a computer terminal.
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Fri Feb 28 13:10:09 1997
F23 in Perrysburg & Bowling Green, Ohio =USA=
Name: Christina <ophelia-at-opie.bgsu.edu>
Web: http://ernie.bgsu.edu/~choward
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was looking at the psych tests in a yahoo! directory
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Prof/Studies: Psychology/Sociology student; University Computer Labs Operations Documentation Assistant,
both at Bowling Green State University
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: 1. Bridge to Terabithia 2. Dance On My Grave: A Life And A Death in Four Parts
3. too many other novels to name
Authors: 1. Katherine Paterson 2. Aidan Chambers
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of pet, 2.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 16 years, 2 days.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The cessation of existance on this plane of reality.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went through the 4 stages of grief, although I had not yet studied
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross at the age of 7. When I returned from school, my
father told me that my 11 year old cousin Joey had been killed that morning
on his way to school, when he was hit by a garbage truck that backed up onto
the lawn on which he was standing, waiting to cross the street. The truck
backed onto the lawn because kids were running across the street in front of
it and the driver hadn't enough time to stop. At first, I didn't believe my
father. I became angry that he would say such a thing. Then I bargained
with God, asking God to take me too, because I knew that Joey, who had
always been shy, would need someone as social as myself to go with him to
make sure he didn't get lonely. Even during the funeral, part of me
expected it to be announced as a joke in poor taste. I was angry and afraid
when Joey's body was put into the grave, because that meant that it had to
be true; there was no turning back. It wasn't until a few weeks later that
I accepted Joey's death, and stopped asking God to take me too. During this
time, my 9 year old cousin, Theresa (Joey's sister) and I talked with each
other, but sensed the subject was taboo among the adults. She and I made up
stories in which Joey was always the invincible superhero. At the time, we
just did what was natural expression to us... we made up the stories late at
night and told them to each other. As a Psych major, I now understand more
of what we did and why.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... The first were ones I was not old enough to
fully understand. The first that really affected me was when my 11 year old
cousin was a pedestrian killed in an auto accident when I was 7.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that this was a catalyst for change in my life. Prowler, a seal-point
Siamese cat, had been my father's 5th birthday present to me. We had
literally grown up together. Prowler died two days after his 16th birthday,
on August 28, 1994. This was a month before I turned 21. Until then, I had
not seriously considered moving out on my own, but this was a catalyst for
me to become much more independent. I realized that that chapter of my life
was closed, rather eloquently, and that I was now an adult.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is nothing dirty or shameful that needs to be hidden and
shrouded in mystery and guilt. Death should be considered a natural part of
life, part of the cycle of it all.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how my Uncle Walt (my father's older brother)'s death actually brought
some estranged members of the family back in contact with each other. I did
receive an actual gift from his death as well. The last thing he gave
anyone was his bible which he gave to me 2 weeks before he died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own ruminations. I also loved the Philosophy of Death and Dying
course offered by Dr. Thomas Attig, Bowling Green State University, Bowling
Green, Ohio. (Many of the in-class assignments were a lot like your form.)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that while I still could hold my many memories I could not
longer make new ones with those who had died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the viewing at my Grandpa Mac's funeral. People who barely knew him
and barely knew us were showing up as if it was merely a social event. They
gave a cursory glance at the casket, then proceded to laugh and joke and
have a good time. As an 11 year old deep in mourning (my Grandfather was
one of my closest relatives and he taught me everything I know about
woodworking), I was angry and wished they would just all go away. It seemed
to me like something sacriligious.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am woodworking and think about the things my Grandpa Mac taught me,
or when I am out in the woods remembering how we went berry picking and he
taught me to identify plants.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
His 9 year old sister and I made up superhero stories starring him.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
My cousin (his sister) and I were the only ones in the family who could
talk about it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I liked it. I know that I didn't answer all (or even close to all) of
the questions, but as I mentioned above this reminded me of some of the
homework and in-class exercises for Dr. Thomas Attig's Philosophy of Death &
Dying class at Bowling Green State University.
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Fri Feb 28 08:11:34 1997
M20 in Aberdeen, Grampian =Scotland=
<m.watson-at-ab.sac.ac.uk>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Personnel Assistant
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Embraced by the Light
Authors: Betty Eadie
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
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--Death Is:
when our heart stops and our brain switches off and we are no longer
alive in this world. We hopefully will be alive in a different
world/dimension where we will take on a spiritual form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very sad emotionally and didn't really know how to handle it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my Grandfather(my Mum's Dad)became very ill in
September 1995 and died 1 November 1995 and this obviously involved myself
as in wondering what was happening to him.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is the grieving you feel inside yourself and realising it will be a
while before people come to terms with their own loss.
--What I think my (Scotland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the afterlife, to hope that the person has gone on to better things
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
realising how to handle death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My MUM
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how to deal with it because it was somebody so close to me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I did not want to be at my Grandfather's death
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
tried to forget about it, push it aside and how I only cared for myself
in this very difficult situation and this is not how to handle it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not knowing what was wrong with my Grandfather but knowing his
condition was worsening
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say goodbye to him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept quicker than I thought I would
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of my memories when I was a child and spent a lot of time with
my Grandfather.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wish I could have turned the clock back to when I was a child again.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
some sort of life after death
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good, because we can be hopeful that we will be with or loveed ones
when eventually we die and give us some sort of hope in this life.
--Regarding MONEY:
it is expensive but it has to be done and at the end of the day does it
really matter after all that has gone on?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a sense of peace, joy and no more worries.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
There must be more to life than this. This death is only a transitional
period where we will go in the next world in a different form and depending
on what we did in this life, good or bad will depend on where we end up in
the afterlife.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Spiritulism
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
At the time not knowing if my Granda had gone onto another life or not.
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Fri Feb 28 06:28:11 1997
F42 in Sudbury, Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 68.
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--Death Is:
a great loss and final rest and peace for the one who died
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
convinced myself that it was a cruel joke and she wasn't dead, just
gone away.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... the death of my grandmother who practicaaly
raised me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the hipocracy of the relatives
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to think of it as a loss, but a new beginning.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the yearning and missing of that person. HOw I wish she could have met
my children and get to know them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
lean on others, they will help you.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
resent it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the open casket and "viewing".
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I do it all the time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend some of the last days with her, even though she was very ill and
in the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
just get through the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
others felt the same way I did.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how "GOOD" she looked in her coffin.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at photos or visit the gravesites.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
pretend it isn't real.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
grieved.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not much anyone else can do for you.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an intrusion.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the open coffin and being forced to kiss the person in it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is very personal and everyone deals with it in their own way.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have been "Visited".
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do think about it, since I became a mother. I fear for my children.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
better than I thought it would be.
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Thu Feb 27 13:19:06 1997
M24 in Natick, Massachusetts =USA=
Name: <jaknapp-at-amherst.edu>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
Yahoo Entertainment
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: health problems; Aged: 59.
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--Death Is:
Death is the cessation of life functions within the body. It is the
time when the soul, or spirit, of a person is either gathered up to Heaven
or banished to Hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was unsure where he had gone (Heaven or Hell) but knew that I had to
help make sure more people went to Heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father's father past away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I remember the reconciliation between people who had been upset with
one another, but were brought back together because of their love of the
deceased.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The religious aspect of needing to be the best we can be in this life,
so as to assure ourselves of reaching Heaven.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I'll always be thankful that is has taught me to love those around me
the best that I can, so that when they pass away I'll know that they know
that I love them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The Bible was the most support for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not letting the person know how much I would miss him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not present.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I was able to use that time with family to help people reconcile
themselves with each other and give them hope for the future.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
No point was more or less can confusing that any other.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never felt that way.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I'd been able to tell him that I love and respect him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I'm thankful I was able to get back home safely amidst the terrible
weather.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My family asked me to pray to close the calling hours.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
There is nothing like that which I remember.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a person telling their father how much she/he loves him.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Go back in time and let him know that I love and respect him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I prayed that my father had been holy in his life and had been closer
to God than I had known him to be.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Good will. They did all that they could to take care of him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Christianity played the biggest role in my family's ability to get
through this.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe that we are all linked in death. Death will come upon us
all. And through death we all see our future. All people are given a new
chance at life when they see that future and some turn their lives around
and others don't.
--Regarding MONEY:
My mother was faced with the reality that my father had not taken care
to make sure that his death would not be a burden on us.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
There was no weird part that I recall.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
There are no mileposts to watch for. Some people die very young and
others very old.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You must always be prepared for death to come.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He had nothing like this occur.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, it's made me think more about keeping myself healthy
and trying to let those around me know how much I love them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Faith in God has helped me most.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
I felt like I hadn't been a good grandson to him while he was alive.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was only slightly helpful. I'd thought about this a lot. It was a
good reminder, though, since it has been a while since my father's death.
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Wed Feb 26 19:50:18 1997
M23 in Halifax, Nova Scotia =Canada=
Name: Gregory C.
Web: http://home.istar.ca/~gconron
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Wed Feb 26 19:50:18 1997
M23 in Halifax, Nova Scotia =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
search on Psychology in Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: BA in Psychology
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: metastatic disease (breast cancer); Aged: 54.
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--Death Is:
The end of biological functioning of the human organism.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...two friends drowned in a canoe accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
cuts in healthcare for the ill. My mother had to wait for 4 days in
the OPD ward of the hospital before a bed became available.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
acceptance of death as the end result of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
belief and concept of death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the effect it had on those still alive-father and sisters.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to make the decision to leave my dying mother and return to
studies at university.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
return to my apartment and get out of that depressing atmosphere.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that the physicians and oncologists did all that was possible, given
the circumstances.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a pain in the ass. The pastor continued to pester us with the giving
of last rights, even after it was made clear that such a service was not
desired.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a sad attempt at immortality.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dealing with the depressed.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
simply did not happen when I was present.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no. death will affect us all, and one has to accept that or continue
to delude themselves with visions of immortality.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
simply allowed me to once again show how I feel about death.
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Wed Feb 26 16:16:46 1997
F19 in Alexandria, VA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, Five months ago.
Cause of Death: a rare heart condition; Aged: 17.
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--Death Is:
the end of being. A wall at the end of life through which there is no
door.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was mercifully to young to care or comprehend.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather, I was in junior high and he passed away due to heart
disease. I was somewhat distanced from it, as he lived in another state.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the lack of control I had over the situation and my reaction to it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the mourning period lasts more that those weeks up to the
funeral, and more than the next few years. Mourning is a life-long
process.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the swift movement of time and the overwhelming pressure in my
academic life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
people underestimating the devastion it caused to me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral was over, everyone went back to college--and things were
over. Do we discuss it? Do we ignore it? What do we do for the rest of
lives with this hovering around us?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This never happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
make the last year of high school last forever.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep going.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked for the obituary in the paper. It was a sad feeling. Do I
cut it out? Should I even look at it?
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the prescence of others. Only my three best friend's prescences were
neccessary to me. Teachers, parents, acquitances--the number of people who
offered assistance just didn't matter.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize things can never ever be the same. There is a permanent
void.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have never met her. Never become her friend. I think I would
sacrifice the memories for never having to feel this pain.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was finally able to cry. I couldn't grieve until the funeral and I
saw that there was a coffin. It was time to deal with reality.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction. I don't feel there was anymore that could have been
done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. I profess no religion, and have no firm feelings about the
existence of a higher being.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like nothing.
--Regarding MONEY:
it made no difference. I can only hope it was no burden on her parents.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying not to fail my classes by going home for the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it came so slowly. For so long, there was nothing but a desire to
make plane arrangements and take care of details. It all comes much later.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I still do not fear death. It will come, and when it does I accept
it as the price for my time here.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Distance and youthful lack of understanding.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me realize there's a lot of wounds left that I was not aware of.
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Tue Feb 25 20:27:35 1997
F36 in Richmond, Va =USa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
playing on web search engine polls
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying
Authors: Kubler-Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: head trauma; Aged: 36.
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--Death Is:
the end of concious thought on this plane of existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a girl in my fourth grade class and a fellow
member of my girl scout troop died from inhaling a cold medicine that was
sprayed on pillows...looking back now it was a very suspicious death
(which my mother said at the time). I was quite uninvolved and callous
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how awful I felt for her daughter (6mos old) and how cheated I felt
of the friendship also the irony of her death when her husband had just
come safely back from war
--What I think my (USa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the worst thing that can happen to you
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way my workplace pulled together when Sharon died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loss of companionship
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them...no one really knows what they hear and it is
therapeutic for both of you
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she lingered on and on
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a natural human response to sadness....i see death a lot and we
frequently laugh and joke not as disrespect but as a mood lightener
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
women friends don't tell each other how they feel often enough for
whatever reason, I wish I had told her how important she was to me and how
much I loved her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her husband several years later, it had a closure for
me
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Tue Feb 25 19:43:38 1997
F31 in New Orleans, LA =USA=
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 85.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother of 85 died. We were not very
close since we lived so far apart. She died suddenly... within a few days.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling connected to distant family that I didn't know I had. The
sadness I felt for my grandfather and my aunt who were much closer to my
grandmother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to a close friend. Crying alone. Writing a letter to my
grandfather.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Trying to understand why I was so sad when I wasn't the closest to
her. I feed guilty for being sad when I know my Aunt lost her mother and
my grandfather lost his wife of 63.5 years.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned of her accomplishments and her values by what was said at the
funeral and visitation.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my grandmother the way her friends did. They spoke so
kindly of her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my grandmother in her casket. She looked just like I had
remembered her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandfather was still cracking jokes and trying to keep us all
going, although I know he was sad inside.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my grandfather and what he must be going thru. Or when I
think of losing other loved ones.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
tell my grandfather I love him and that I feel for him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
recognition of her life as a servant of God.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how it lingers for so long, and how the sadness comes and goes.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I can just imagine that she was happy to see her two deceased sons in
heaven.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My feelings have centered around losing loved ones mostly. The only
feeling I sometimes have is that I wish I could go before them so I don't
have to go thru the grief anymore. I'm not afraid, but I am uneasy about
not knowing what it will be like.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
the sadness comes and goes, and I don't know what triggers it exactly.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It did help me re-think things, and it made me cry again. One thing
that came to mind that didn't seem to fit any questions was how it created
a bond between those family members who attended the funeral, and created
some distance between those who attended and those who couldn't attend. It
seems like those who weren't there really haven't experienced it.
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Tue Feb 25 16:06:22 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Prof/Studies: Bereavement Counslor
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Praying Our Goodbyes
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 6.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing over into another stage of life, so to speak. It can be a
scary experience for some people.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt really ill at ease and didn't know what to say. looking at the
casket seemed very unreal to meMatt
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... an uncle died and I went to the viewing
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Lynn left her children here and how I would feel and handle my
impending death.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to explain or really how to help children cope with death and NOT
by not telling them about it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people who are dying, if they allow you to talk to them, many times
as they near death, they are very calm and not fearful at all.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with freinds and family, my faith and books I've read
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching my dad slowly die and my mom's suffering afterwards
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was grateful and thankful when God finally took dad home, so to
speak, because his suffering was over.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Dad realized he was dying and became very angry.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was stress releasing itself
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell Dad one last time how much simple life wisdom and strength he
gave me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the wake
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Dad told me about how to make a sandbox for Kateri. I knew it was his
way of saying goodbye
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and raged at heaven
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Tue Feb 25 13:14:04 1997
F28 in Flemington, NJ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Self employed/student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Embraced by the Light
Authors: Beatty
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A part of life, when the soul has completed the tasks meant to be
performed during this lifetime, and moves on to the next life, and is
reborn to experience the cycle all over again. it is hardest on those
left behind, for it is us who feel the pain and loss of the absence of the
loved one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little girl and didnt really grasp the brevity of the
situation. As an adult, it was much harder for me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was about 7 years old, and my grandmother
died. I dont remember really having a clear understanding of what was
going on, i was sad, and missed her, but i dont remember being terribly
upset, i think I just figured she was in heaven, and that was that.
(wierd, huh)! As an adult, I had a really rough time when my other
Grandmother died. I couldnt seem to stop crying for days. I still havent
been able to return to visit her grave. I miss her terribly. My fiance
was a very strong support for me, and my sprituality helped me, but mostly
the passage of time is the real healer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i still dont like to think about it, but when I do, I just remember
the emotional pain involved, and how it felt as if the whole world had
collapsed, and I couldnt breathe. in short - it sucks.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is only a sad event for those of us left behind, it should really
be a celebration for those who have died. I wish the religious ceremonies
werent so solumn, there should be more participation by the family, maybe
talking a bit about fun happy memories, or something like that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I saw a side of my fiance (then boyfriend) that was so warm and
supportive, and i probably wouldnt have seen that depth in him for a long
time otherwise. He was absolutely wonderful to me, there for me in a way
I had never seen in my family before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My spritual beliefs, and my boyfriend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the inevitable guilt of feeling as if I could have done things
differently while my Grandma was alive, spent even more time with her, had
more patience with her, etc. Not seeing her every week was the hardest,
Missing her is the worst.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her more, get her to have told more stories of "back then",
just sat and waqtched those soap operas with her more often or the game
shows. Written down all her recipies, written down all the wisdom she had
in her. But my biggest regret is leaving the hospital room that last
night unable to stop crying, and, not wanting to have her see me cry, I
never said goodbye that night. and that's a tough one to get over.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there with her, and hold her and rub her back and tell her I loved
her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I really allow myself to think about it. Which isnt often.
(which also makes me feel guilty!)
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Dream about her very vividly, and have her communicate with my
subconscious somehow, so that I can see that she's ok, and happy, and to
hold her once again and tell her that I love her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community is one big power struggle between what the
caring people would like to do for you, versus the insurance companies.
they line their pockets while they just take you for every penny.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I dont follow an "organized" religion, As an ex-catholic, I found the
funeral service to be impersonal, and depressing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
...feels right, it makes sense to me.
--Regarding MONEY:
Grandma lives with my folks, and my mother took very good care of
her, right up untill the end, when she was almost total care. but god
help us if she had needed a nursing home - they would have taken all her
assets, (which werent much, she wanted to leave a little to the kids you
know, ) and gone through my parents assets ( which are considerable)
before medicaid would have kicked in, and she would have gone to a dump
where no one spoke english, etc.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Talking to people incessantly, and crying whenever I needed to, this
allowed me to get it all out of my system, and allowed me to "heal" faster
than other family members, who kept everything all botled up.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
i sometimes felt that it was innapropriate to cry, or that people
were losing patience with me (my family) at the viewing because I was
visibly upset, which really annoyed me. There was a mantra of "be strong,
dont cry, etc.." what a bunch of hogwash. do whatever you need to.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me to get a little closer to being able to really think
about my Grandma for more than a minute without "turning it off". sooner
or later i will chip away unitll I can remember her with no pain.
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Tue Feb 25 12:50:36 1997
F26 in Bangkok, =Thailand=
<zpr10-at-pegasus.acs.ttu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical systems stop functioning
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt death was closer to me than I was aware of.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my class mate was hit by a motorcycle and died
in hospital in few days later.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it stopped my grandfather's years of suffering from last stage
cancer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's just my way of coping with difficulties. I always make fun of
the situations and really laugh at them.I think it makes me detached from
my suffering self.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still couldn't believe it to this day that those people don't exist
any more.I want to believe that they are living somewhere else.
--Regarding MONEY:
we didn't have enough money to make big rituals despite the belief
that big rituals will ensure good life-after-death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of death itself. My closed friends and relative might
be sad, but they'll get over it. It's just a way of life. Actually, I
want to know what it's like to die, if there is heave and hell, or
life-after-death. I just hope that I'll die easily without much pain.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It makes me realize that I never take death seriously as other people
might. I somewhat don't think that death is the end of the journey. There
must be something beyond that that I don't know. So to me it's like the
person graduate from a college and move somewhere else. The only part that
makes me sad is that I can't talk to or see him/her anymore.
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Tue Feb 25 08:00:00 1997
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 1 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: emphysemia; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going from one plain to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I did not understand because I was too young. It scared me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my cousins grandfather on the other
side of her family.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I thought my father would never die. I knew he was dying, but he had
been sick for so long that it was unreal when it happened. I had just
left to go get some medical supplies and when I came back he had died and
was already gone. There was no closure and I suffered very badly for along
time and I still miss him and talk to him.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. I learned from the bible. Mourning and suffering is a part
of life, just as being born and living and dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father asked God to forgive his sins for he knew he was dying.
His last hours he did not suffer. My mother told me that she got up on
his bed and told him it was ok to go and he only took one or two breathes
after that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time is the only answer. I don't feel that anyone can really
understand someones grief or suffering. When they say I am sorry, it
doesn't help, but it makes you thankful that they care. Only time heals.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was afraid that I would forget them, what they meant to me and how
much I loved them and all my memories of those precious moments.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touch them regularly and tell them you love them. If they wish, pray
for them. My father wanted much prayer.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had trouble dealing with how long it took to die. It seems longer
than it is and the suffering seems worse than it is probably because we
are focused on the fact that we will be without them. Be patient and focus
on their needs, not your grief. you will have plenty of time to grieve
after they have left. They do not want to leave knowing you are suffering
a broken heart. We need to assure them they can go and we will be ok.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
What to do, to feel, or handle the time while waiting for the end of
the dying process. What to say, whether to feed your hunger or to laugh or
to cry or to speak naturally to the rest of your family and friends when
you want to hide and cry or go nunb until it is over.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this did not happen to me. I never laughed that I can recall. I was
relieved that daddy finally was not suffering for his every breath.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I was with my father alot. But you always wonder if it could have
been more. Maybe I should have given more time or support, even if I
don't know how I could have..
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my mother.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was not there, at the time of death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
viewing times and letting everyone know and making arrangements.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a phrase my father used or a song he played on his guitar or
fiddle or I see an article of clothing he wore alot. Or a memory of him
telling me he loved me pops up in my head.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see him now that he is not suffering or sick or hindered by his
disease
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I freaked. I was not there to say goodbye so I cried so hard and
could not hide my suffering and dispair even for embarassment.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There is good, but there is so much more this country needs to
acomplish for the elderly that is sick and dying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not as much to me as to some. I have only one trinity God. there
are so many denominations but only one God. Thankfully, my father knew to
ask forgivness for his sins and we were relieved to know he is not dead
but on a higher plain.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
strange but somehow sometimes related, sometimes totally different.
--Regarding MONEY:
Because of my fathers long term illnesses and my mothers also, there
of course was not much insurance. It was awful we had to worry that she
could support herself.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that my father could not talk to us or acknowledge us in his last
hours of death, but he could hear us and know our presence, (according to
hospice), and that he was not in pain and suffering like we were so afraid
of for a person suffocating to death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The last hours when they do not respond to you, you need to know that
hearing and touch are the last things to go, so you should not talk of
anything you would not want them to hear, but to assure them you love them
when touching them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I want to be alone in my suffering. Let the grieving person let you
know what they want. If they want to talk, they will be receptive. If
not, they will try to convey this.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none, that I know of.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I would like to die in my sleep so that those around that love
me would be spared the long hours of waiting for the end to come. Visit
the sick and let them know you love them before the end time comes
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Bad dreams
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a little longer than I anticipated and sadness came while
reflections were happening. Sometimes it takes a long time to heal.
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Tue Feb 25 06:22:02 1997
M30 in London, =UK=
Name: Stuart Hume
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: BA Third World Studies
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to consciousness. permanently and physically departing from
society
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot!
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... father (aged 70) died suddenly of lung cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being prepared
--What I think my (UK) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to distinguish mourning from being selfish. also how to deal/cope
with recently breaved people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself. reflection. self-punishment. optimism
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to "show off" my achievements
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them see you being optimistic
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a much more sensitive person
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say "I love you"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye (not literally..!)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see other people lose loved ones (reality or fiction, death or hostage)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing I'm afraid. I have never been religious and I felt that the
service (comforting though it was) detracted from my fathers memory. It
was like everyone was praising the vicar for helping us come to terms with
it as opposed to people remembering my father. (I should add that I can
understand and subsequently respect peoples reasons for religious beliefs
- to the extent an 'outsider' can)
--Regarding MONEY:
my dad had struggled all his life to try to provide us with material
objects and then he died. I guess it woke me up to the futility of
accumulating things
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never happened
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
still don't know whether I'd like to go out with a bang or slip away
after saying "See ya" Me dying isn't as much a problem (I will, after
all, be dead) as those I will leave behind. Which is better - closure or
hope?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
got to say goodbye (although I'm not sure I believed it was goodbye
at the time)
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
didn't tell him I loved him. felt bad not really thinking he was that ill
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Mon Feb 24 17:39:24 1997
F46 in NORWALK , OHIO =USA=
Name: ALICE STUCKEY <poet-at-accnorwalk.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: PHARM TECH & BOOKKEEPER
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 32 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cesation of life as we know it. Time of judgement. No more chances to
try for heaven. if you are right with God, then you'll have a reward. If
not, you will be in hell eternally
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really couldn't tell if I remember, or if it was the stories of my
mother's death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mother had cancer when I was 1 1/2 and died
when I was three. I was always aware of death, as I was told how my aunt
died when I was 1, grandpa when I was 2, mom when I was 3 and my great
grandma when I was 4 The hardest to get over was that of my grandma who
raised me and died when I was 15.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The house seem to live with the ghost of my father in law. It was
his house and I felt we were invading his area and still have nightmares
that he is back and wants to know why we changed things and where they are
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
our need to live for God while we have a chance
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was raised by my grandma and not my mother. I do not like the way
her family is so cruel and outspoken
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Don't know
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Never seeing her again. Not knowing if she was saved. I love to
dream I am with her and she is really alive
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Not holding on to them if they want to go. Assuring them you will
see them when you pass on.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Spend the time with the living and show them you care now before it
is too late.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
all the survivors couldn't wait to get what she had and didn't grieve
her loss
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn more about grandma's life and to have some physical momentos of
her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wake up from my dreams and realize it was just a dream and Grandma
isn't with me anymore.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Bring her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Grandma lingered 4 years with cancer and I thought she would live
forever. My heart just ached. I tried to put on a brave front, but when
they closed the casket, I couldn't stop crying
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no one was there for a 15 year old
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hope for the future
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I worry daily if I am truly living for Christ. I want to go to
heaven, but fear I will grow cold and loose my soul
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Prayer and knowing this life is not all there is
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
lonliness and loss of the only person I really loved, Grandma
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Brought back feelings thoughts and memories
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Enhancements: try finding web sites on topics that help people deal with
death I'm sure that while reading through this that it triggers thoughts
and emotions for people, many people want answers.
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Mon Feb 24 14:55:28 1997
M23 in Logan, Utah =USA=
Name: Jeremy <slwx8-at-cc.usu.edu>
Web: http://cc.usu.edu/~slwx8/index.html
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Computer Science
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Book of Mormon
Authors: Mormon
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: chronic illness; Aged: ~82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an experience that we all must go through and it is part of our
purpose of our creation we. We came to this earth to gain a body. We
have not always lived here. We lived with our Father in Heaven as spirit
children. Our spirits are like our bodies only the matter which creates
it is less tangible. Our bodies at birth house our spirits throughout our
lives, until we die. When our our body dies our spirit which continues to
live outside of our body. A good example of this is the glove-hand
relationship. Moving our hand into the inside of the glove represents our
birth. Moving our hand while inside the glove represents our life as we
know it. When the glove is seperated from our hand this represents death.
The glove can no longer move and function, yet our bodies can still move
and we are alive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was five or six years old when my Grandfather died of a sudden
heart-attack. I remember my mother asking me to pray for my grandpa as
they had heard of his heart-attack and serious condition. (He was still
alive before I prayed). That night as I knelt at my bedside I prayed to
my Heavenly Father. In my mind I heard a voice speak to me saying, "What
if he dies? Will you still believe in God?" In my mind I answered yes
and I was well aware of what would happen, as I had been taught the same
thing I mentioned in my above statment. When my mom, announced the next
the death of my Grandfather I was not surprized at all and very
comfortable knowing. That his death was not ending but his spirit would
continue. I do not believe I relized completely the even that had
happened at that time. However since that time I have had several pets,
friends, aquantainces, and my grandmother all die. All of which I
remember the glove-hand relationship, and firmly believe they are still
alive. I do not believe their state without a body is eternal, but I also
believe in a resurrection made possible through Jesus Christ. Someday
their bodies and spirits will reunite, just as miraculous as life as we
know it starts, so will the resurrection come to pass. Then they must be
judged according to their works in this life, the second purpose of our
existance(to be tested), if we have passed all of the requirements we may
live with our heavenly father, if not there are other kingdoms in which we
will be assign, something that is merciful, and just according to our
deeds we have done while wondering on this earth searching for our
happiness, someday all of us will know these things to be true, wheather
it is in the life we are living now or after our life on earht has ended.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died when I was about 5 or six
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
relized there is a God in Heaven and he has a plan for us to return
to him. Through his Son Jesus Christ he prepared the way for us to return
to Him, and there is life after death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
reconfirming the believes and teachings that I have been
taught all of my life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have sometimes thought about my own death, when, where and how it
might occur. To say I am not wouldn't be completely honest. I do feel
scared at times and wonder about these questions: Am I prepared? Have I
done all that I could? Is there anything in my life that would make me
feel like I'm not prepared? All of these questions are hard to answer
especially when nothing in this world can ever be exactly perfect. But I
reflect and view my state and remember that I have a hope, a hope in
Christ and with faith I can overcome whatever my task is, death, my
homework, whatever it is I feel if I listen to my Heavenly father and do
what he asks I can be comforted.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I prayed to my Heavenly Father and received an answer.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I like the questions I felt calm and relaxed throughout the
questionnaire. There were a few questions that would not pertain to my
belief and I chose to leave those out. I feel I'm probably an exception
in the world with a view that not everybody has. Some people may view my
beliefs as irrational or even absurd. But to me my blief means something
I can not change it because in my mind I know it's true, just as others my
have their own personal belief.
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Mon Feb 24 10:06:01 1997
F29 in Worland, Wyoming =USA=
Name: Michelle Palu <mpalu-at-trib.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Enhancements: I think your doing a great job.
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Prof/Studies: Sports sales executive
More personal info:
I'm a christain saved sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost, who
isn't afraid of death and dying any more.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying by Mary Kubler Ross
( I think Its been too long.)
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 4 1|2 months ago ago.
Cause of Death: conjestive heart failure and reno dialysis he'd been on dialysis
for 19 years.; Aged: 53 years old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
One breath away form a healing if your sick, its just goodnight here,
and good morning up there, in heaven, Death is a vehicle God uses to
transport us from earth to him. Death is not a big ugly monster its just a
part of life and is as natural as being born.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was scared and frightend, I did'nt quite understand it I was only 5
years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I had an uncle who had a heart attack and
died. I didn't know him very well. I was too young.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How I was able to be so strong and keep myself from falling apart .It
was as though I was on the outside looking in on some one elses life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't have an answer for that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The Lord spoke to me in my sprirt when I finally accepted the fact
that my dad was going to die he said to me Here you say goodbye temporarly
in heaven you will never say goodbye, I will not suffer thy foot to be
moved, I will perfect that which concerneth thee, I will give you strength
if you will but trust me, let me be your strength, I will give you peace
which passeth all understanding. And from that moment on the Lord has
given me a peace and a strenght above and beyond meassure.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My dad, my mom, and the most important one the Lord,when you let go
and let God have his way, you begin to look at death a whole diffrent way.
I loved my father so much, I wanted him to have the best life he could
ever have, but you see the Lord loved him even more and here we think
earth is great and it is, but heaven is best the Lord loved my dady more
then I could ever love him he took him home and gave him the very best he
had to give, a complete healing in his body and heaven what more could a
person ask for?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
To watch him suffer or when he would fall down, I did'nt want to live
any more, not die, but like not have fun with my children and husband if
my dad could'nt I didn't think it was fair that I could and he could'nt
but the Lord opened my eyes one day and said your dad has had a good life,
he reminded me of all the things dad got to do and the wonderful places he
got to see. I think another hard part for me was knowing that he knew he
was going to die, what was he feeling?. I would ask him if he was afraid
and he would say no I did'nt want him to die, but he was getting so tried
of the struggle at the end just to live.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Love them no matter how hard it gets for you. Be strong infront of
them and when its time for them to go, Please let them go, they will hold
on if they know you are up set about them going. Spend as much time as you
can, thank God for the time he has allowed you to do that, take lots of
pictures and videos you will appreciate it later. Trust me...
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
If I can do it you can too, Its going to happen and there isn't
anything we can to about it its like hitting a brick wall going 100mph and
hitting it you can't stop it you just brace yourself for the impact,
collect yourself when its over and be strong enough to get back up and go
on.I was younger .
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I was younger, I don't have a problem now with it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The joy of the Lord is my strenght! Except I did'nt laugh, I just
felt a sense of peace and the presence of the Lord. The Holy Ghost helps
us when we really need to lifted up.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just spend more time all though I spent hours upon hours there
sometimes as much as 14-17 hours a day. All in all I think I did okay with
what time the Lord had given me I decieded to take advantage of it instead
of feeling sorry for myself and so thats exactly what I did.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get thru and be a support to my mom and the rest of the family. I
helped with the arrangements and I was even present when they came to take
him to the morg.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
We were able to talk about it with dad and not be ashamed of death,we
were able to cry and comfort each other.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I can't think of any thing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It is natural to feel like crying there is nothing wrong with that it
needs to come out and when I get that way the Lord comes on the scene and
gives reassurence that everything is just fine and it wont be long and we
will be home too.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Just see him again or tell him the things that are happening in our
lives, when I feel that way I just pray and I tell God to give him the
message, and then I get out the pictures and videos and soon I'm smiling
again I go to the cemetary alot too that helps.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Think I did most of my greiving the whole summer, so I was realy read
for him to go home and be with the Lord, for I know one day I will see him
again. It does get a little hard around birthdays or holidays but I just
remind myself it wont be long and we will all be together again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
How privledged we are to have the caring and support of the medical
field they are there to help comfort and give a helping hand, You make
some neat freinds and share a close bond.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The most important thing in our time of sorrow I thought that this
death would either make or brake me, I chose to let it make me. It makes
me want to work for heaven that much harder.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like no ohter feeling. If you don't know Jesus as your personal
savior, then your really missing what the purpose of life ia all about. I
would not want to go through a death and not have Jesus and the Holy Ghost
to lead and guide and give strenght when we need it the most.
--Regarding MONEY:
Every thing was covered under his burial insurance we did'nt have to
worry.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Having a joy and a peace that passeth all understanding.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Color changes, apperances, smell, mental state and feelings, listen
to your feelings.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Do what comes natural if you need to grieve and they are still alive
do it not everyone is the same we are all diffrent.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't have an answer, I don't know what they see, I would like to
think that the last tear my daddy shed was on of joy as he looked all over
heaven and there stood Jesus and that tear was as if to say "Oh Jesus
there you are!"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes when I die I will be ready to go and see Jesus, to see God the
creater of my soul, I will just be going back to the source from which I
came.It helps to talk about
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
It wasn't until October 1996, that I learned to deal with death, my
father died.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
I refused to deal with it not knowing how to deal with it. I no
longer feel that way.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helps to talk about it, to think about it. I thank you for having
this for the many others who will come after me and for those who have
already been here. It takes caring people like you to help those who need
someone to care that they are hurting. Thank You!
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Mon Feb 24 09:06:12 1997
F26 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Aimee <aimee-at-punchmedia.com>
Web: http://WWW.punchmedia.com
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Administration, self-employed
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death & Dying; Motherless Daughters
Authors: Kubler-Ross; ??
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurism; Aged: 51.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a mystery. The idea that a living, breathing entity could have its
flame extinguished like a candles fire.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 14 years old...it was my mother and I ran from the room where she
lay dying, thinking that if I didn't watch her die, she couldn't.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mother died as the result of a brain
aneurism
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
being scared. Lost and alone. Despite the fact that we have a large
supportive family unit, the death was an individual "thing" which had to
be conquered.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to communicate our feelings.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that in some way, her dying freed me from a life that I knew I could
have been trapped in -- Small town, simple life. As well, her death
brought my sister and I closer together. For that, I'm thankful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone and writing about her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to believe that I was no longer going to have my mother around for
high school grad, college grad, engagement, wedding, birth of my children.
Most of all, as I look into the eyes of my 3 year old neice, it makes me
angry that my mother was never able to hold her first grandchild in her
arms.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them maintain their dignity. Dying has got to be one of
hardest things to deal with in this world. When you're the one dying,
many people are feeling sorry for you and want to show their support in
different ways but there is no support like holding someones hand and just
being there.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
appreciate living.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was told that she had died. She wasn't suppose to leave us.
Parents are supposed to be invincible, right? They're the ones who are
suppose to sit by a childs bedside and wait for the fever to go away.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember laughing for about a year.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
appreciate the sacrifices which she made for our family, the love
that she gave us.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her over and over again that I loved her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mothers good friend would come and wash and set her hair for her.
It was a sign that she still loved herself enough to look and feel human
beyond the radiation treatments and pills.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the flowers and gifts.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think that I should be planning my wedding. I can't bring myself
to plan something which is suppose to bring friends and relatives
together, yet the most important person in my world won't be there for me
to lean on.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
bring her back ... even for a second. I want to hold her in my arms,
smell her perfume and tell her all about my life. I want to hear her
approval -- that I've grown into a woman who she would like to know she
created.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I cried for 12 years.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
support. About as much support that doctors and nurses can give to a
person who had no chance of survival.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to hold a funeral. I'm not religious. I grew up being able
to attend church with relatives but when this death occurred, I realized
that the only way someone can get through this time on earth is to believe
in yourself. A mystical figure can be comforting but if I can't conquer
things with belief in myself, how can I believe in someone else?
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good. I like to believe that she's watching us and she's with all of
the others who have passed on.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had a comfortable life and a beautiful funeral for her.
Unfortunately, all the money in the world couldn't bring her back.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying to find comfort in her illness. It had to be happening for a
reason, right?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
signs of "giving up". My mother faught the entire 5 months that she
was bed ridden but near the end -- in her last two weeks -- she gave up
the fight. She did her best but she was tired. It was hard for us to
watch because she had always been a firey-red-headed wonder but it was all
too much.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time was the only help that could make me overcome this tragedy.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think that she knew that she was going to be okay once her body was
finished its' fight. She always had a certain "psychic" connection to
things around her so I feel that she was just going to a comfortable
place.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm afraid about having children and dying when they're at the age
that my mother died. I don't want to have anyone go through that.
Otherwise, my dying is not something I'm scared of. It woudl mean that
I'd be seeing all of the others who had already passed on again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
Trying to understand how someone could be here one minute and the
next lying lifeless in a coma.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire opened a door that I had had closed for about a
year now. It took me 12 years to get over her death and for a year I was
calmed. I felt like I had finally made peace with myself about her loss.
I didn't blame anyone for her death but I missed her every second I was
awake. This questionnaire made me remember her death again, versus her
dying. Her death was very difficult and upsetting.
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Mon Feb 24 07:12:35 1997
F50 in Sault Ste. Marie, MI =US=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: How to Survive the Loss of a Love
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 25yrs ago.
Cause of Death: auto accident; Aged: 45.
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--Death Is:
losing the physical presence of a loved one forever. It is
mysterious, sad, filled with uncertainties....
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not really comprehend what was going on. I did not know my
grandmother, spent little time with her, she lived far away...so I did not
experience a sense of loss
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I went to Chicago with my mother who attended
her mother's funeral. I did not know my grandmother well, actually,
hardly at all, so I was not emotionally impacted by her death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the State trooper coming to the door to tell us Marlow was dead.
Earlier in the evening, my sister came to the house worried because Marlow
wasn't home...and she didn't usually worry...it was like she had this
foreboding feeling that she couldn't shake. He as the man of this
extended family.. always knew what to do or how to fix things. We felt
lost.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to find a better way to honor the dead than with expensive coffins
and tombstones.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
by writing in my journal
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to come to grips with the complete loss of the presence of
that person in my life...knowing I could not turn to him any more, go
fising with him any more,....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
simply be present, listening, touching them in some way.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed, conjured up memories of our last time together, slept
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sun Feb 23 19:11:19 1997
F28 in Chicago, Illinois =USA=
Name: Susan
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Deaf Education/Mental Health
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 10 years old....I don't remember alot about the experience.
My grandmother died in her sleep. Her death was a shock to the family.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother died. I don't remember being
actively involved...just kind of went with the flow
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The affect it has on me is that I had to grow up with out a father. I
often wonder what my life would be like if he had not died. I often wonder
what he would have said or done in situations that occur in my life now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The thing that helped me most was knowing I wasn't in it alone .....
my mother, sister, and brother were also feeling my pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The permanitcy of it. The fact that I will never see my father again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I was first told of his death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that I now realize that is normal....it is a way to releave stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To explain to my grandmother that it was harmful to me and my
siblings to tell us that we had to be there for our mother ... that we had
to protect her and support her. I felt like it took away some of our
grieving, and forced us to take on a more adult role.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it was that so many people showed up at the funeral....that fact that
so many people thought so much of him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I still after 15 yrs still will cry when I think about him. It
bothers me around the holidays
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
I just wish I had some sort of closure
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was scared. I didn't know what was going to happen to my family, to
our house, to our lives.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Religion was a major factor in dealing with the grief. I would say
that it helped as far as having many people there for support.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was scarey at first..not knowing what would happen. But as it
turned out there was enough insurace money and additional support coming
in that our family was able to survive without the breadwinner
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I never experienced it but I can only imagine that it would be
helpful.....maybe provide some sort of closure.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Sun Feb 23 10:41:10 1997
M26 in Nashville, TN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
stumbled across it
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 3 mos ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 26.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an absolute loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't old enough to understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... seeing a bunch of dead animals because my
father was a fearless hunter.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being in town when he died.
--What I think my (davidson) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it will come to every living thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the death of others makes me accept the entire concept easier
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
Strength in my own psyche
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
Growing up in a Catholic background
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Sat Feb 22 19:04:22 1997
Anonymou Guest
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: saved by the light
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 2.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition from a physical existance to a spiritual life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was devastated by actions taken by adults
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father suddenly died of a cereb. hemorage
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the physical pain I experienced from the hole put in my heart
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a natural part of life. There is no need to deny its
existence. We would be better off if we could openly discuss death from
an early age. Then we wouldn't be caught so off guard, as I feel we are
now.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My son's death has given me the knowledge of the pain of losing a
child and I can use this knowledge to help others through the grieving
process
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief and faith in a higher power
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having my son with me in the physical world. Not being able to
see ir talk to him in person
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye and tell him I loved him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
his father could not afford to pay for half of the funeral
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I had more thoughts about the possibility of losing my other son than
my mortality
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
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Sat Feb 22 18:25:26 1997
Anonymous Guest in Alaska
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Final Gifts
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: CA; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
mourned
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... father died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
grief
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is natural
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
awareness
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
loss finality
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hearing is the last sense to leave and touch is important
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
faced reality of death
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
hope vs despair
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that didn't happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
none
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
TPN
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a reminder cimes up
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have time heal more quickly
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
grieved
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice care is essential
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something different than spirituality
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal and comforting
--Regarding MONEY:
It costs a lot to treat cancer
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
It is natural, not wierd what kind of a wierd question is that?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Breathing changes, mottling, coolness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Time is a friend
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
This is common and can be a special time
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
We are all going to die and I would like to have Hospice care
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Elementary but adequate
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Sat Feb 22 17:11:42 1997
F14 in Santa Fe, NM =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
on Yahoo
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Colleague, 4mo. ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 40s.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our lives
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a hard time dealing with it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my cat died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
anger
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not scary
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
support
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never seeing them again
--[My CoWorker's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that there are sick people out there
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
peaceful rest
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
scream
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
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Fri Feb 21 20:00:59 1997
F21 in Sacramento living in St. John, Missouri =USA=
Name: Valjean Elander <s1020285-at-jinx.umsl.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo - death and dying - net search
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Prof/Studies: math major, physics minor
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To not hide it. To deal with it without becoming a morbid culture.
People rely too much on looks nowadays and hide death by removing natural
things from our bodies like vericose veins, wrinkles, gray hair, etc...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe that most people don't think about it. They think, "It
happened to them, not to me." But they don't realize that today they
could die at any second or month. We have the AIDS virus. I though I had
it for a while. Of course, I don't; and I'm glad. I haven't ever seen a
dead person in person, but I have witnessed a lot of animals dying.
That's the closest thing that I have been exposed to. I had a grandmother
that I wasn't close to and didn't know. She died; I wasn't affected at
all, although she was blood related. Now I do have a grandmother who I
grew up with who pretty much raised me. She's been smoking all her life
and she's 84 now. I'm now living 2000 miles away from her and I'm afraid
she'll die when I'm not there. I need to witness death, so that I can
have a better understanding. It may help the way I feel now or it may
hurt me severly. Either way, I need to know. I have not had anyone close
to me die, ever. I'm afraid of death. I get so afraid of just
non-existence. I can think about it and see my whole life flash before me
at any time: while I'm driving, watching a sitcom, even watching a funny
sitcom. I get butterflies in my stomach and I will just burst into tears.
I have spells like this and can become extremely depressed because of
this. I don't know what to do. I'd rather be shot than grow old, but
then, I'd rather live a long life. I want to live forever. What makes it
worse is I don't believe in God, so I'm not looking forward to the made up
place called heaven or hell. I believe in ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
The earth made us and we are born, then we die, contributing to the earth
to keep it healthy. I'm not spiritual in any way, either. I am hoping
for reincarnation, though. I somewhat believe in that, although that is a
truly spiritual thing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it was going to be more of a detailed questionnaire that
includes questions like: what do you believe? Are you scared? etc..
more things that might relate to me or help me. Maybe a place to put my
email address to get free help and advise from someone.
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Fri Feb 21 16:26:23 1997
F31 in Fort Worth, TX =76120=
<steann-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: journalism student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: Congestive heart failure; Aged: 100.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
withdrew into myself and never came out.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother, who I perceived as my mother,
passed away when I was 9. We lived in Germany, and she was in the States.
I had been removed from her care against my will four years earlier.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the fighting that took place afterwards concerning the posessions - I
just wanted to hide my head and ignore everything.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
paying attention to how children are affected by death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
ending suffering.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
family infighting.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit her more often.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things are quiet and I have no distractions.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
die myself and end the pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It doesn't bother me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
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Thu Feb 20 19:45:31 1997
F22 in Milltown, NJ =USA=
<nine321-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications from a routine procedure; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an ending of the life we have on the earth. Our spirits then leave
our human bodies and go to an unknown place. I like to think that our
spirits go to a place like heavan, but I would also be happy if we all
became one with the earth and nature.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not face it. I pretended it didn't exist and that it didn't
matter. This led to many bad feelings once I became aware of this many
years later. I felt guilt for not having mourned the loss properly, and
even now whenever I have to deal with death I mourn the loss of this
person again and again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my parakeet died when i was about 8 years old.
The first person that I knew who died was my grandfather when I was 9 or
10.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my family was in shambles. My mother and grandmother were broken
(their spirits were, that is) they just cracked and I with them.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is normal. I know that sounds strange, but it's true. Also that
commemorating someones death vs celebrating their life is a sad thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
At my grandfather's funeral, at one point my cousin, who I was never
that close to, grabbed my hand as we sat in the limo and they carried the
coffin out. That moment was incredibly sad, yet special to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends were really there for me. Also, music helped me a lot.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering if he ever knew how much we all love him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My grandfather died after being released from the hospital with a
clean bill of health. I was most confused by what appeared to us as
carelessness by the doctors. We thought it impossible that they did not
know this was coming, and we blamed them for a while.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him that I love him. I hadn't told him that in many years.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make it through the after burial lunch the family had.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was getting ready to leave the lunch at the restaurant and I was
saying my goodbyes to the family and I almost asked my mother where my
grandpa was so I could kiss him goodbye. I guess that was really the
moment that it all hit me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear this certain tape that I happened to have bought just before
the death and played a lot.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I guess I still partly blame them for his death. I feel they were
quite irresponsible.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Two things: 1. My grandpa would be in heaven IF he believed... 2.
I didn't know if he believed, so he may be in hell (according to my
religion).
--Regarding MONEY:
We paid for a nice funeral home but there was a lot of construction
going on and a lot of noise so my family wanted some of our money back or
something. I can't exactly remember.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My cousins wanting to put a picture of the family in his coffin. And
also how his death day is this morbid ceremonial thing. Same with my other
grandfather.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Even though he was not conscious, I was able to say things to him.
This was comforting.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm basically just afraid I'll die before I do all the things I want
to do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
This helped me at the time but put off my coming to terms with my
grandfather's death for years.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think about some things I hadn't thought about in a while.
But I'm glad because I don't ever want to forget the whole experience. It
sounds strange but it is precious to me.
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Thu Feb 20 15:08:04 1997
F18 in Minneota, Minnesota =USA=
Name: Starr C <Starr444-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: the history of Vampires
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A rebirth to the unknown. an awaking of reality.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Had a natural reaction. I cryed for about 5 mn. then I wen't for a
walk. called a few people and then went on my merry way.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my daddy shot my puppyies when they ate the
neighbors chickens.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the funeral was beautiful. Liked the Hearse. people cried thats
about it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a Beautiful thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The time we had together when he was alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Walks, getting out in the open. My best friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
All the sadness from everyone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Keep it funny.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned to acept things when they come.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I denied that he was dead
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was really rude to laugh at the prayer service.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say I loved him more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live with him for 11 years of my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My best friend came and sat by me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that my classmates came to the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I would do something that ticked him off and no one was there to yell
at me.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
say that i missed him and love him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Got really DRUNK!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
give me straight facts.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NO! i went on a religious expedition. Still haven't found the truth I
don't think i ever will.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i belive in rebirth and the calmness of death.
--Regarding MONEY:
I got to pick out the coffin.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I crawled into the caskets before I chose one for my dad.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
rigamortis.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Denial was not fun.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Dreams are my gateway.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Hell ya! I was born. I will die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I just dealt with it. its a natral thing.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was FUN!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Feb 20 14:39:02 1997
F28 in Dallas, Texas =USA=
<lcrowder-at-csw.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: HR Analyst
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: I'm currently reading, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People"
Authors: Kushner
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: cancer/chemo treatment; Aged: 44.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The shutting down of all biological, living functions which make us
human beings...the "quieting" of a body, the end of awareness
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was the death of my father's business partner from
cancer. I remember going over to his house just before his death, he was
in the bedroom and I didn't see him, but I was wondering if the disease
was contagious or not and being scared!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Denial...I couldn't believe it...and I picture the last time I saw my
friend, struggling for life, and I have wondered for the last week, "What
was she thinking at that moment when I held her hand? How did she feel,
knowing she was dying? Could I have said anything to her to make her feel
better or give her some peace?"
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People who have experienced a loss don't want you to IGNORE their
loss...just an "I'm Sorry" will suffice, but people have avoided me like
the plague this week at work because they don't know what to say, and I
think they're scared that I'll break into tears. I would just like
someone to acknowledge that I've lost my best friend.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
She was not left to suffer long.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband just letting me go off on my own and write down my
memories and feelings, and he lets me talk about our friend as often and
as long as I need to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of opportunities, of things we hadn't done, of things we
hadn't yet talked about or gone through together.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there. Hold hands, say I love you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why can't they do anything? Why are they giving up on her life?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Show her my wedding pictures. I forgot them the last time I saw her
at the hospital, and because I was forgetful, she never saw them and she
wanted to. I would also have told her how much her friendship meant to
me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Visit with her three days before her death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Work acquaintances hugging me after the service. I was just so
detached; didn't care; wanted to hold my husband or be alone.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of her, I do things we used to do
together, or I think of how young she was.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
turn back the clock and help her with her illness, thinking I could
have found out something from the doctors.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Had trouble moving on, but slowly can perform every day tasks without
thinking of my friend every second...but I need to DO something special in
her memory, to reconnect myself with her almost.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Judgment calls is all it is. Not an exact science.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A home to go to, a refuge, comfort.
--Regarding MONEY:
She was worried about bills to the end, and I kept reminding her how
unimportant that is. I hope I eventually got through to her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Doing things you've always wanted to do, creating a will, being
wistful and faraway, telling her loved ones that she loved us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's just one day at a time. I'll do it my own way, cry when I want,
laugh when I want, remember her when I want, and someday it won't be so
painful anymore.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She probabaly saw her mother, I expect that she did.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am much more aware of the fragility of life and the importance of
living every day as if it were your last.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Was not close to him, so just the finality of it all scared me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Distractions
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Therapeutic. It's only been a week since my best friend's death...I
feel like I've been able to share something.
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Thu Feb 20 12:57:06 1997
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: the bible
Authors: god
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life on this earth. For those of us who believe in Christ
and are saved it will not be the end of life for we will be resurrected to
fullness of life in heaven with our Savior. Those who do not believe and
are not saved will spend eternity,out of the presence of our lord,in hell.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my great-uncle.I was very young
approximately 4 years old.My grandfather also died at approximately this
same time. I'm not real sure which one died first, but I still remember
the funerals to this day.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Relief that my grandmothers suffering had ended and happiness at the
thought that she is in heaven with Jesus Christ, where there is no pain or
suffering, no tears, no sin.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not the end. It is ony a passing from one life to
another. That it is a natural process caused by the sin nature we are all
born with. The good and bad will be resurrected to stand before God to
answer for the things we have done or not done in our lives and that we
will be judged and will ultimately go to either heaven or hell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That the pain and suffering is over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The studies I've done on death and dying, and my relationship with
Christ.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The memories and guilt for things I should have done or could have
done.I think the very hardest part is the realization that from one minute
to the next you never know if you will ever see that person again.It is
so,so important to make the most of every minute we have with
someone---Seize the Day! It might be the last chance you have to make a
difference in that persons life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
For so many people death is the unknown. Anything unknown is
frightening. If it is spent alone then this only adds to the fear and
anxiety. We can ease a persons passing by just being there to comfort them
and support them as they leave this life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person was no longer around. You still look for that person to
come over or call but they no longer are there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Most of the time there should be joy and happiness in dying and death
not the mourning and sadness. It is said in the bible that we should be
joyous at the death of a loved one and we should cry at the birth of a
child.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell them how much I loved them and how much their lives had meant
to me. The things they had taught me and the time they spent with me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community needs to change their ways of dealing with
death. Life at any cost or lack of quality is not the ultimate.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I was so young that the family probably helped most at that time. But
i would have to say that now it would by my belief system.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Thu Feb 20 04:45:59 1997
F63 in Glen Burnie, Maryland =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Licensed Clinical Socisl Wrkr.
More personal info:
I have a friend who has had some extraoridary death experiences. I
will ask her to do this.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
It's a loss and sadness to those left behind. However for the person
dying, it may be painful and very fearful, and sad leaving ones you love
and the things you are familiar with. ButI believe death is like being
born. As a baby in your mother's womb, you have all you need. Your
awareness is adequate for the situation. There is no way to compre- hend
what is ahead of us as we become alive the world. Having a strong belief
in God, I feel we have no way of knowing what his plan for us will be
after this life. Death is a passage from here to whatever is next. I feel
it is a positive experience.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I have never been with someone who was dying. My experience has been
after the fact. I have experienced only 3 losses by death, my mother, my
father and my friend.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My father who lived in another state, died of
heart problems. His death was not expected. He had been in and out of
the hospital but, in my mind I just thought he would be around for a long
time, in and out of the hospital. I had been to visit him during his last
hospitalization and came home thinking he was recovering. Two days later
I got a call that he had taken a turn for the worse. By the time I got
there he had died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I believe my mother (who died 5 years ago) willed herself to die.
She really willed herself to die. This was the easiest loss for me,
because she had alzheimers and I felt I had been losing her. She did not
suffer.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not fatal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Friends - I have so many friends. Friendship is so precious and
supportive. After a period of time, good memories be- come so meaningful
and comforting and warm.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Kindnesses and cards from friends, immediately after. Time alone to
really cry, and not have to be strong or appro- priate, to talk to the
person I had lost, by myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The death of a very close friend, requires that I be strong and
available for her family. The grief continues today, after 7 years.
There is a cultural understanding of the grief for a family member, but
not for the loss of a friend. I feel that my grief for my friend is
unresolved. She was closer to me than anyone except my husband. And we
had hopes and plans for our future. We had spent alot of time together.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My stepmother and I had to make funeral plans. We depended on the
funeral director, who misled us. It was also hard at that time to
understand how everything in the world goes on as if the world was normal.
To me it wasn't.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be with my friend when she died. I got there about 10 minutes after
she died. Helped my mother to feel more loved.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I first saw them in the funeral home. The body was so peaceful, and I
knew that was not my mother or my father, that they had gone on. There was
no viewing for my friend, but I had seen her right after she died in the
hospital. I don't want a viewing myself, but if my family needs to, I
want them to be able to see me to have some closure.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The flowers. Cards that I could look at in private moments, nice,
but the flowers, a lot of money that could do some good somewhere else.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my friend. My mom and dad - that's all resolved.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
With my friend - there was a lot of denial, becuase I had to be there
for her family. My energy was focused on doing for the family and I
really knew what happened, but couldn't allow myself to grieve.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My attitude and feelings about death, as I mentioned above, is that
it is not fatal. I grieve my own loss, not the loss to the person who
died. I believe God is present during the dying process.
--Regarding MONEY:
In my father's case, the funeral director wanted his money. My
father had never discussed what he wanted as far as a funeral. My mother
had. And it was very inexpensive and just what she wanted. Money played
no issue here.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother use to talk about being with her mother and father. I
don't know if that was the dying experience or her Alzheimers and confused
mind. Her death was quick and pain- less. However, my friends mother saw
all of her dead relatives and talked about it. They were lined up and she
could describe them. It was very interesting. She also described the
presence of Jesus.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. As I said above, I feel death is a re-birth. I would miss my
loved ones, but I feel that I love new adventures, and my search for
knowledge is never ending. I have a truly wonderful life, very full, very
healthy, very satisfying. I think I would be ready today if it was my
time. I am curious and trusting that what God has in store for me will be
exciting, and more awesome that what this life is. Thats hard to imagine.
However, I hope that is what I feel when my own death comes. I don't want
a big deal made over my death, unless it's a celebration.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Seeing him at peace and resting in the funeral home. And, time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it helped to talk about my deep grief I still feel about the
loss of my good friend. I need to deal with this and I'm realizing that
as I have filled this out. I hadn't thought about how well I dealt with
the grief over the loss of my Mom and Dad. Also, I've experienced very few
deaths of friends for a person my age, and if they all affect me as my one
friend's death did, I better deal with it.
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Wed Feb 19 08:45:36 1997
F23 in Alexandria, V.A. =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: self employed
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Many lives, many masters
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the point where life as we know it ends.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt like a little child.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died of cancer after a two year battle with the disease.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
crying and screaming.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is not the peaceful exit people pretend it is, it never helped
me to hear "she's not in pain anymore" or anything of the sort. It feels
like it shouldn't happen, and that should be acknowledged.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother became a softer person when she was ill, and I will always
be grateful for those close moments.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
enough room to choose when I needed comfort and when I needed
solitude.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being powerless to stop it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them have their peace.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
created a brand new value system for myself after this experience and
feel like my life will never be the same.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was begining to really experience the loss, about two or three
months later, after everyone is gone, and you are alone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was right before her death (when she was in a coma) and I went out
and bought what I was going to wear for the funeral, and showed it to her
(even though she couldn't see me).
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak to my mother about an issue between us that I had never brought
up out of fear.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find people who were willing to take me in and take care of me when I
was in need.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People who hadn't seen her in years showed up to her funeral, from
many different countries, and genuinely wept.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
seeing the body.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
thinking about touching her, hugging her.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
hug her one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got very sick and had to be hospitalized. No one ever figured out
what caused my illness, but I believe it was grief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a bunch of Charlatans. My mother wouldn't have died had it not been
for a chronic mis-diagnosis. Once, she was diagnosed, they fed her false
hopes, and when that wasn't even possible anymore, a couple doctors simply
disappeared without even saying goodbye.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me it meant nothing, except in it's bearing on her family and her
ritual expectations. The priest helped her find peace before her death,
and helped her parents find it afterwards.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
a hope, or knowledge that when it's my time to go, there will be
someone waiting for me.
--Regarding MONEY:
her will was being contested before the body was cold and law suits
have eaten up half my inheritence and two years of my life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being alone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
accept anything that person does, don't try to make them feel better,
it belittles the magnitude of the event.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none, however, towards the end she did seem to think that she was a
young girl back in her native country. She even forgot how to speak
English.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel that I am finally at a point where I am not afraid to die, but
I want to live.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
When you watch someone that close to you die, nothing helps.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Her husband at the time immediately began a process of contesting her
will, which included locking us out of the house minutes after her death,
not allowing the body to be buried before demanding money, and other
horrible things.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it brought up some feelings that I often feel about this death.
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Tue Feb 18 23:54:25 1997
F49 in Applegate, ca =usa=
<tallyho-at-garlic.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Up From Grief
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 3 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Murder; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of living for one, the beginning of grief for another.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My grandfather was old.. he had cancer. It seemed appropriate that
the time had come to die. A blessing.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... death by cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the horrible pain pulling at my chest. I thought it would never go
away. Each morning when I woke, the event and memories of the blood, and
the murder scene was vivid in my mind... each day, I experienced the
shock, again and again and again. I still am in shock. I only learned to
live with it. To cope. Only because I have allowed the memories of it to
dim.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That no matter what troubles the family has had, those things need to
be put aside, and total support should be had and given by all members. I
think that people need to not send a Sorrow card, or make the sorrow phone
call and then that's it. I think people don't know what to say, so they
stay away. Those of us who are left to deal with this sorrow for the rest of our lives, are left alone after the cards and phone calls..... what about tomorrow, and the next day or next year..... Where did everyone go?
We need to learn to support the one's who are left to grieve.
Just be there with hugs and just be there so we are not alone to pull
through all by ourselves. Don't preach religion, don't say 'eat
something'. Don't say anything. Just be there to hold me when I cry. I
think so many people want us to hurry up and get over it, because it's
interrupting their life. My husband said after a few weeks, "get a grip".
He is no longer my husband. Be the rock that we need. How many times
have some of us been a rock for someone else.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I felt a great sense of urgency to do somethings I was waiting until
I was older to do. One of them was to finish some unfinished business
from 27 years ago with a guy I fell in love with. I found him, we met we
talked... we finished our business.
... we got married.... it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The Book "Up From Grief", walking an hour in the a.m and an hour in
the p.m., petting my cats, reading the Bible...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how could someone do this to my father. There was no justification.
Plus the case is still open. No one was ever arrested. There was no
closure. I had to do closure myself so I could go on with my life. I've
also found that seeing other members of my family only brings back the
faded memories of dealing with it all. I don't see them very often.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I can't offer anything here.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't screw around with your life thinking it's a dress rehearsal for
the real thing. It is the real thing. Go forward to accomplish your
dreams; listen to no other voices telling you why you shouldn't do this or
that. It's the now that determines what the rest of your life will be.
Make heartfelt choices that have real meaning.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was shocked at how important the estate issues were before my
father's body was even released from the morgue. I couldn't understand
how anyone could be thinking of that. I still don't.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not have a strong urge to laugh. After a few months, I had a
real need to give love more than I ever had before. I felt kinder, I felt
more patient, I felt quieter, I walked ever so softly into my new life....
not knowing it would be my new life. But I never felt the strong urge to
laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have liked to kiss my father goodbye. No one even knew about
the murder until the next day when we were notified by the coroner.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Meet my current husband and go on with a brand new life.. leaving as
much of the 'other stuff' behind me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I prayed for strength to get through each day. I hurt so bad. All I
ever said was "God, please help me." I feel He did, or I wouldn't be here
today.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The memorial service and the gathering for remembering the happy
moments about the lost one after the service. No members of my family
could attend. How could we sit and laugh about some good memories, when
my Dad was murdered? And only a few days before.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see once more, on t.v., the news, that someone else is murdered and
I see the grief on the faces of those left behind. That's when I go
through it all over again. For several days.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Be hypnotized and never remember anything about it ever again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I felt as though I were in a fog. For months. I felt as though I
were floating all of the time. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I felt
very different from how I used to feel as a human being. I didn't feel
normal anymore. I still don't. I feel very different from everyone else.
I can relate very well to other people who have lost someone in a murder.
When I hear of them, I wish I could just sit with them and hold them as
they grieve.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am angry at the caretakers in emergency when attending my father.
He was babbling the name of his attacker... he knew who it was.... and the
attendees couldn't remember.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I went to church a few times. It only made me sadder and cry more.
I read my Bible in private.... where I could cry easily whenever I needed
to, which was often. It was a comfort to me to read the bible. Any part
of it .... no particular part. Sometimes just holding it against my heart
helped me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I did not feel this....
--Regarding MONEY:
of disgust. As I wrote previously, the estate became all
consuming...within hours of the death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I felt my father's presence over my left shoulder for months. I
think because I wanted and needed it, I made it so.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Know what those stages are..... let those stages do their work and go
with the flow. Try to stay somewhat busy, but not so busy that you don't
allow yourself to experience the stages. Allow the setbacks and don't be
discouraged. It took me 2 1/2 years to finally believe I was 90% well. I
will never be any better than that and I accept that. But, after a year I
thought I was well, and 6 months after that I looked back and saw that I
was no where near well then..... But I was a little better.
It's a long process. Allow it to happen.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Cannot comment on this.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I was slapped in the face with my own mortality and I bull-dozed
ahead with all the strength I could muster up, to clean up my own life,
and make it as right and happy the way I wanted it. And it is.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? What was it
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was hard to do this questionnaire. It did stir up my tears.. But,
more importantly, I want people to know that there are so many of us out
there that have lost loved ones to a murder. And there is never any
justification for it. What about us?
How come there aren't a bunch of support groups for us. How come
there aren't any therapist that specialize in this area, with all the
murders out there. When you talk to them about your loss, they treat it
the same as a death by cancer or heartattack. I'm here to tell you, it is
not the same. We have two things to deal with in a murder. The loss of a
loved one to death, the normal grieving. And then the dealing with the
murder part. We never get through dealing with that. Ever. Convicition
or not. There's is never any closure. Ever. It becomes denial after
awhile. It 's the only way we can cope. I think that your questions were
good ones for the average death. I think a whole series of questions
should be given for specifically those who have lost someone in a murder,
and a whole series for accidental deaths. I think you are trying to
connect all deaths to the same type of grief. It's not the same.
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Mon Feb 17 20:19:05 1997
F45 in Ft. Loudon, Pa. =USA=
Name: Sharon Gilman <sgilman-at-cvn.net>
Web: http://WWW.cvn.net
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
typed in death and dying
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Prof/Studies: Full time student Human Services
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying, On Life after death
Authors: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 22yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 46.
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--Death Is:
a transition into another world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and frightened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... grandmother became ill and died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Her acceptance at the end, and that I had the privilage of holding
her in my arms as she took her last breath
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a beginning, not an end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
faith can get you through all the difficulty that life has to offer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
very little support. My ideas about death now are fairly recent
(5yrs) I was very angry at my mother at first. She and I never had a good
relationship untill 16 months before she died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss. I had finally discovered my mother, and then I lost her.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Offer support, validate their feelings and concerns. Offer aid and
comfort in any way possible
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have finally realized that death is as natural as being born.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my mom go through all the different stages of dying and I did
not understand at the time what she was experiencing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never experienced that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her. Telling her how I felt about her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her at the end.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I could not remain in the church when the coffin was sealed, I think
that was my way of rejecting death
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize the older I get, the more deaths I will have to accept.
May this is why I want to specialize in death and dying.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
spent quite a few years angry and upset. taking my repressed
feelings out in many different ways
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
make sure you see a specialist, not a general surgeon
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that our faith was strong and helped me to endure
--Regarding MONEY:
there was enough to cover expenses
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
after her death, she came to me in a dream and told me that she could
not describe for me the place she was at. she looked radiant
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss, skin color, appetite
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
at the end she awoke from coma 10 minutes before she died, she stared
at the foot of her bed and said "hold me" over and over. We were not
convinced she was talking to us.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I pray that my death is long in the future, I have much to do yet,
but should the Lord decide to take me early, so be it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
I was 9-10 I remember kissing my grandmother and she was sooo cold.
I can picture that scene to this day.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was extremely interesting.
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Mon Feb 17 20:02:51 1997
F24 in from Fort Collins, live in Denver, CO =USA=
<tdp-3-at-pcisys.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I used the Search Engine Yahoo. I was looking up questionnaires.
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Prof/Studies: Desktop Publisher/Artist
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide.; Aged: 24.
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--Death Is:
Death is the journey our spiritual beings take upon the final use of
our physical bodies. Death is where we go from the journey of this
physical life, to begin the journey of our spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only seven years old. So I really had no idea what Death really
meant. I mean, I didn't understand the finality of Death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A friend of the family's baby died of crib
death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The absolute shock and guilt I felt. Here was my best friend of 5
years, that felt he could not go on at all. And I had no warning. One
day he was here, the next, he was gone. The part that still affects me
the most is that because of the way he died (he shot himself in the head
with a shotgun), I was not able to actually view his body. So, sometimes
I still expect him to walk in the door or call me up on the phone.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is FINAL. I believe that the teenagers of today must really
start to learn that Death is final. That you can not just shoot someone
and ten minutes later expect that person to be okay again, like in a
cartoon.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The death of my friend brought me and my other friends closer
together. We are now more aware of how we all feel towards each other.
And we talk more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friend Greg, he was feeling the same way that I was. Some of our
other friends were very angry. We were in shock, and tried to not be
angry. That we knew Nick was in a better place and was now happy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that we were so close, yet he didn't tell me how much this life was
hurting him to live. That he didn't try to call me for help. To talk.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
forgive him for putting me through a hell like I had never before
experienced. That his dying, actually helped me to put into perspective,
how I am living my life. How some things are more important than other
things. Not to fret the petty things in life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was raised to believe that if you commit suicide, you automatically
go to hell. However, now I believe that God forgave Nick for doing what
he did, because he was in so much pain.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
in my heart, I know Nick was enjoying watching me laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him one more time that I loved him and thought he was a really
great person. That I very much enjoyed his company.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my other friends. That I was able to help them in their
grief.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Nick's new wife bent over the casket and kissed it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the fact that he had killed himself, rather than have died by an
accident or illness.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the holidays came. I was very upset because all of us were having a
happy time, but all I could think about was how lonely his wife was
feeling.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Go back to the night before he died and call him like I was going to.
Instead, I decided I would clean my house. At the time I thought "there
is always tomorrow night." Only this time, there wasn't.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
absolutely broke down and went into shock. I was really bad off for
a couple of weeks.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That we all had a gathering place to say our final goodbyes, before
Nick was buried.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like now I have a True Guardian Angel. That no matter what I will do
or think in the future, Nick will be watching over me.
--Regarding MONEY:
even though Nick was dead, the credit card company still kept calling
his wife asking for the next payment. I thought this was VERY insensitive
of the company.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the feeling that I am still able to talk to Nick. That I can say
anything to him, whether out loud or in my head, and he will understand
what I am saying. And I still write letters to him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the signs of suicide. Watch your friends for sudden mood changes or
the giving away of their prize possessions. This is usually a big sign.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you don't want to dwell on HOW that person died, but rather how they
may be now. How they may be happier wherever they are after Death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a very intense dream about him a few nights after he died. And
I dreamed that we were in the mountains having one of our regular
conversations, only I knew, and he knew, that he was actually dead. I
still dream about having talks with him.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my own mortality a lot. If I watch the news and a sad
story comes on regarding a murder, or an accident, I think to myself, oh
no, how much longer do I have? I better make the most out of the time I
do have left.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was only seven years old. I think that helped. But I still
remember the event rather well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it has helped me to deal with some of the feelings I still
need to express. It has helped me a lot to actually sit and write out my
feelings.
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Sun Feb 16 19:34:46 1997
F27 in Mississippi =US=
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Sun Feb 16 19:34:46 1997
F27 in Mississippi =US=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 19.
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--Death Is:
the total shutdown of our body. However, our spirits continue to live for eternity either in
hell, a place of misery and condemnation, or heaven, a place of perfection where God dwells.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quite young and a little confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... when I was in kindergarten, a close neighbor died. I remember being quite
sad, but accepting my mother's explanation that he was in heaven.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I at first thought it was unfair to lose my baby brother at such a young age.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is only the beginning of a greater life if you know Jesus.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it drew me closer to my parents and made me appreciate my children more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith in God and the peace He provided.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
God intends for us to find joy in life, even in the midst of great heartache.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have spent more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
recall a specific time that I had told him that I loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I prayed and told God that He was in control and my brother's life was in His hands. I later
found that he died at almost the exact same time as that prayer.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
remaining solemn (especially the children) at the funeral home and during that whole process.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
holidays come and he's not there.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
tell him again that I love him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and wondered how his death could have come so suddenly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a support group to pray for me and encourage me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
This sounds like a bunch of crap. Death is a soul's release to heaven or hell. Therefore, it is
a time of either great grieving or great rejoicing.
--Regarding MONEY:
my parents were able to set aside a nest egg for retirement through the insurance benefits.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how silly it is that the world places so much emphasis on the funeral itself.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am secure in the fact that I will immediately be with God at the time of my death.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
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Sun Feb 16 14:01:55 1997
Anonymous M30 in Trinidad
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Lover, 15yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 19.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Grandfather died of cacer
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
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Sat Feb 15 12:36:57 1997
F21 in Homosassa, Florida =USA=
Name: Linda <Linda1FL-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I typed in "tests" on the web browser I use.
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Prof/Studies: Homemaker
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 years and 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 42 years and 2 months old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a part of you dying inside emotionally. You feel that without
that person there you can't live on without them. Death is like a shadow
hiding in the bushes waiting to attach it's prey, and in the process not
realizing how it will effect the pe ople closest to that person.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
shut the whole world out and blamed it all on God, thinking why
couldn't he have stopped it from happening. Constantly thinking I was in
a nightmare and I would wake up.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I got a phone call at 7:30 a.m. telling me that
my mother was in the ICU room because she had been in a terrible car
accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much my mother loves me and will always be watching over my
family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
you can mourn for the lost of a loved one, but also remember that you
your self need to move on and do what you feel is right for you. You only
need to remember the memories you shared with that loved one.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that my mother has been watching over my children.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the love and friendship my best friend gave me. If it weren't for my
husband being there for me I wouldn't have made it threw.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing my mother was gone and there was no chance of me hearing
her say I love you, kissing me good night, hugging me, and or ever seeing
me in the physical sense.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That dying person knows your there and knows you love them. Don't be
afraid to show how much you care for that person because when they die you
can't go back and change it. Just be yourself and that's all that
matters.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am able to go on with my life and be there for other people, and not
be afraid that their going to die too. Also, just because I've finally
decided to go on with my life it doesn't mean that I have forgotten my
mother, I haven't. I keep on the memo ries in my heart and mind.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I read the accident report and trying to figure out how it could have
happened, but because I was so hurt and confused of course I couldn't see
how she could have got into that accident.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it felt really good to laugh outload and not be afraid to show my
emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I don't have any regrets or wish I did anything because it was done
before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be able to love again and not be afraid of losing another loved one.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
talking about my mother without crying uncontrolably.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how everyone else had regrets and wished they could have said and
done to make things right between my mother and them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a movie about a mother and daughter finding a that love between
them they thought they had lost forever.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
hear her voice reassuring me everything will work out right.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
let go of all her belongings and only kept the personal stuff. I
also realized my life will go on with or without her here on earth. To
remember how much I love her and she loves me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
how everyone pitched in to try to save my mother's life. And try not
to cover up the fact that she might not make it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very much to all of us. They were all very supportive and helped
shed some light on what we were all going through.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
was that I can see a part of my mother in each of my children.
--Regarding MONEY:
we got an accidental death suite and won and that my mother had
accidental death policy, plus an estate. Then when all was done everyone
got greedy.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
if you have gotten into a fight with a loved one don't wait until
it's to late to say your sorry and how you really feel. Because then
you'll feel even worse then you already do. don't take advantage of what
you've got, live life to it's fullest
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it wasn't easy but I grieved, denied, blamed, & moved on with my
life, and kept the memory of her alive.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when my son and daughter were born they would look up toward the
ceiling and just smile and laugh, that's how I knew my mom was there.
When my son told me that my mom was outside and that she looked like me, I
also knew then that she was there, anot her times was when I would hear
her call my name.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have given my death much thought and this is what I have come up
with. I will live life to it's fullest and not dwell on whether I will
die today or tomorrow or a year from now. I'm not going to dwell on how
I'm going to die, I will die when it i s my time to go. If I dwell on
that I will be missing out on my life and what is going on in my families
life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
My best friend, the man I'm married to giving me the support I needed
and telling me what he went through when he lost his father
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped by sharing my feelings with other people.
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Fri Feb 14 22:44:27 1997
Name: Jonathan <KierThomp-at-netscape.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Thompson
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Poems, short works
Authors: edgar allen poe
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natrual causes; Aged: 67.
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--Death Is:
to become free from the fast pace of the world. To beable to roam the
earth with out hasule or blam. To die is to be born in a new life of
freedom true freedom. Peace
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
nothing About death do I remember
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How it frees your soul to do everything to become immortal.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
For cause me to love death for what it is. A new life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Passage of Time
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Fri Feb 14 22:14:02 1997
Name: Pat Dixon <Psdix-at-AOL.com>
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
Looking for death & dying info
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Prof/Studies: RN with AIDS patients
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 39.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my twin sister drowned when we were 5. We
followed our teenage brothers to a neighborhood pond. Since we weren't
supposed to be there, we went to the other side where we were hidden by
weeds and such. We walked out in the wa ter and the bottom dropped away
from under our feet. Somehow I was able to fight my way back up to the
surface. My sister never did.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it happens to everyone. It is a part of life. It should not be
a taboo subject that people are afraid to talk about. Facing up to the
fact that you will die lessons the fear of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Since I've been told that my own cancer is in the terminal stages,
I've been grateful for time. The time to learn to love life. The time to
realize who my true friends are. The time to let my loved ones know that
they are truly special.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Support from the other members of my living with dying support group.
Everyone in the group has been told they are terminally ill.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
No longer being able to share with them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just that. Just be there. You don't need to do anything.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My friend also needed to laugh while she was dying. We laughed and
cried together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Let my sister know how much I loved her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Guilt
Never really dealt with it. Too guilty. Family acted like she never
existed. Just now starting to deal with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Since I myself am in the process of dying, I would like to have seen
questions about how I am facing death, spirtual issues, etc., as relates
to my death.
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Thu Feb 13 18:03:53 1997
F29 in Nashville, TN =USA=
<JacksBelle-at-aol.com>
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Prof/Studies: Financial Analyst
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying, A Grievance Observed
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
separation....separation of body and spirit....separation from loved
ones. Some say it is a new beginning, it is unknown to me. You begin
existing on another plain....but no one alive knows what that plain is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young. It was a disorienting experience to see my mother and
father grieve. I remained virtually untouched by sadness, just confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died when I was five. I went
to the wake but did not go to the funeral. I really didnt care that he
had died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the great feeling of being alone, as if I had been left. It felt
like being homesick. The desparation of wanting my father back and my
willingness to do anything to save him from dying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It takes more than a couple of months to grieve. It lasts years. A
study of grief should be required in school! Just because its been a year
or four years doesnt mean the pain is gone. I still am an individual who
lost a parent and that hurts.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having time to say things which would have otherwise gone unsaid. I
didnt say all, but I did have the chance to realize the value of a
conversation.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Friends...although none had gone through what I was dealing with they
always had a shoulder to cry on and a smile and words of encouragemnt.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching the cancer take my father a bit at a time over two years.
It is a merciless situation when you cant give up hope but you know there
is no hope. At the end, you expect to be prepared, instead you are just
that much more tired. Your endurance is that much weaker.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Being there hurts like hell but you dont want them to be alone.
Sometimes being there is as much for you as for the person dying Its a
time to say goodbye.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
survived. Thats the best we can hope for. With survival comes the
peace of knowing you can handle most anything. Somewhere inside you there
is a well of strength from which you can draw.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the pain was so bad....no one tells you about that part
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a baby in the family is born or at a wedding or since I have met my
fiance or the holidays (which is anniversary of death)
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
talk to him one more time. Ask him about things. Receive assurance
that he exists in some form.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disbelief! One little tumor the size of a dime could not be stopped.
We hold docs up to be gods....they are just people...trying to save all
the patients they can. Medicine has its place and leaving a person to die
with dignity also has its place.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I really havent....isnt that odd.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
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Thu Feb 13 11:06:56 1997
Anonymous in Iowa, =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies:
More personal info:
I didn't get to finish this survey. Please let me finish it.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: A Bridge to Terebithia
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Sister, yrs 2 ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 48.
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--Death Is:
Going away Forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died of a emphysema and I did't
really understand what was going on.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was a very tragic death. My sister, brother-in-law, and nephew
died in a house fire. I am dealing with these deaths. My mother still
hasn't come to terms, yet.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to deal with it?!?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Kevin was there for me every step of the way. I also grew closer
to sister's other children, my neice and nephew.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friend Kevin and alcohol.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It was so sudden and tradgic that It was hard for me to belive.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am the guardian the guardian of her chidren
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Thu Feb 13 09:26:25 1997
F23 in Oakville, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Mona Cummins <falcor-at-netcom.ca>
Web: http://WWW.netcom.ca/~falcor/links.html
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Correctional Work
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
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--Death Is:
A new beginning to something different. You may leave this world but
your soul and your memories will live eternally.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt an incerdible shock. Since it was self-inflicted death, I had a
hard time figuring out why. I went through the normal phase of; "If I had
only..."
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... During High School I can into conact with
death at least once a year. Most were suicides, but one was a train
accident. I was very close to 2 of the people who commited suicide, and
the train accident was my cousin. Whom I'd
spend many an hour hanging out with as well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Somehow his death (suicide) forced me to see the greatness in living.
This of course came after a period of anger at him, for not thinking of
his loved ones.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To acknowledge teen suicide, or sucide at any age. Suicide is so
taboo in my culture, it's never talked about, nor understood.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The realization that live was beautiful. That no matter how alone
you felt there are always people who feel the same and are willing to
listen and do what they can to help. But mostly I am grateful to have
learned that suicide is not an end, it's a beginning to a new sort of
problem.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I found comfort in my friends, and through my memories. The greatest
load was lifted by just being able to release all the pain and anger
through writing and crying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The question why?
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Feel that suicide is not the answer. But in dealing with a suicide
it is better to get all feelings out, whether this to friends, family, a
counselor or yourself. Healing can only begin once the emotions have been
opened. Most of all never blame y ourself. In regards to why they
did-they just weren't happy here on earth. This is not your fault, it is
their choice. Just remember everything that made you love them, remember
them always.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't cry about it, but I knew I had been deeply affected.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Being able to laugh, although nothing is funny is normal. It can
help you get through it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him before.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get through the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Meeting with his parents, and discussing with them how we all had
differnt representations of who he was.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Having a material possession of his.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk about all the emotions involved.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Sit down with him and have a coffe and a smile.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Couldn't feel anything.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Many people are ignorant of suicide and why it happens.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I'm not a part of organized religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I feel the same as that which is written above.
--Regarding MONEY:
No issue of money.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being able to cry.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Nobody knows, when suicide will occur unless they tell you. He
seemed happy.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It all just happened, even though I was unaware of most of the stages
as they were happening.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I see him in dreams sometimes, but it is as if he never died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I will die. I am very aware of my own motality. I just to have done
my part before I die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
I found that in order to best deal with death I would write poety or
prose.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
The suicides were not allowed to be discussed at school, nor where
they recognized.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helps to talk about it, even though it's been 4 years. This kind
of thing helps me to remember him, and keep him near.
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Thu Feb 13 08:07:49 1997
F35 in Wallingford, KY =USA=
Name: Cyndy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: housewife/farmer
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Son, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: genetic defects; Aged: 5 days.
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--Death Is:
finally at peace
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wanted to die too
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grammy had cancer and died,had nervuos
breakdown at funeral home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
wanting to die too
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to fear it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
remembering
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emptiness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you will finally be free
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
all the happy memories
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
burial
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to create more happy memories
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know them
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many cars were in the procession
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
kill myself
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was happy for them and a little bit jealous
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
felling her body
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
can't wait till i die!!!!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
wanting to die myself
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ok.
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Wed Feb 12 22:56:27 1997
Anonymous in Twin Lakes, WI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: Freak accident; Aged: 43.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Wed Feb 12 14:05:18 1997
F49 in Overland Park, Kansas =USA=
Name: Penny Sue Johnson <PJohn40522-at-aol.com>
Web: http://WWW.member.aol.com/PJohn40522/Advocacy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: President & Executive Director
More personal info:
I am up for governors appointment here in Kansas and need letters of
love to him, I might have MS and Diabetes Insipidness, I want to continue
to keep my house, and live to the ripe good active age of 80 or so!
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Kubler Ross, Death and Dying; points out dignity and need
to listen on part of others.
Authors:
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like birth, its becoming to the God in all of us; God is the ebb of
our universe and reality. Death is not to be feared, perhaps it could be
described as recycling the earth over and over again, and through the
recyling new knowledge and life is bet tered for future generations.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 7 years old, and my uncle they took me to see him, lay
asleep in a box in what they called a funeral home.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first experience of death was my uncle, my family took me to the
funeral home and there was my uncle just laying there like sleeping, and
they told me he was in heaven now, but then at the age of 7 or 8 I
wondered why then was he laying in a box?
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I was resolved, my mom had cancer. People around me were hysterical
and absurd
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That when a dying person or person with long term disability speaks,
they better listen and do accordingly!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My family came together a bit, and I was able to ulagize about what
my mom meant to me in later years, and how we had become friends, not just
mother and daughter in our relationship!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Was the silence, and sunshine, a park, and tearful moment,and a
couple of days later able to move on and beyond grief in a very healthy
way, that those cues from my mother still are alive in me and about my
life everyday.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was the hospital staff fighting over the right to die and the need to
grieve themselves, for they did all they could do.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen, the dying really do not ask for pie in the sky!
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
this moment is none of their business, that god and family business.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
One knows all the stages as Kubler describes, and sometimes they hit
you again and again all at once, and one just needs space to sort and move
on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing at others reaction sometimes, really was healing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wished I could have traveled back to England with my folks and
shown them the country of our history I learned to appreciate and the
culture.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to lead a hospital, and community thru my folks passing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
was the interspect of family and my mother and our strength together.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
social workers wanted to interfere, we did not let them, a team of
doctors, and nurses, and this advocate and the pastoral staff at moments,
but really the social workers really needed to back off.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there will always be moments when loss of the person right here will
hit that tender spot, but strength is in the memory and moving on
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
death is a part of life, we live and we die!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
this question has no meaning to me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
home as long as one can be, or like with my father he was at home and
that was ok too!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a mob crowd to deal with, except for pastor and songs sang and
organist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
calm and awsome in a single glance.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were devastated economically, but did survive on own, thanks.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
was medical staff reaction at times, almost mean that the person was
leaving this world and mad at family for supporting the passing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
more muscle loss, less gate, more pain in limbs, and swimming in the
head, and visual loss, and hightened senses.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
there is a high scheme in all of what we experience, and we will be
stronger for what we do live through.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my dad said in about six weeks he would be gone, my mom never said,
and personally the other side i have known several times, its profound
musical, calm, not to be feared, but preparation.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I have lived a full and rich life, and hopefully will pass at
home, and not in the hands of consumer anything.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been good, to see how far and deep my faith really is.
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Wed Feb 12 08:48:49 1997
M20 from Bluefield, WV =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Praying Our Goodbye's
Authors: Joyce Rupp, OSM
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of mortal life and the beginning of an eternal travel through
the unknown. It's a rebirth where we are freed of Earthly bounds.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I dind't know what to do. I wasn't sad that they died, only that I
would miss them. I put in the back of my mind not to think about the
person. Because they were gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my gradnfather died of old age in his sleep
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I was/am still in partial denial. I haven't let totally go yet.
I just choose not to think about it. It wasn't a surprise death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not necessarily a bad thing. Death is only part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love and memories of hope and joy that I have when I remember the
live those I've lost have had.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting go. It's something that I still deal with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to sit with them, be with them, show your caring through your smiles
and eyes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
as far back as I recall I always remembering knowing what death was
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never really allowed myself to think of the death. I just tend to
put things like that out of my mind and not think about them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell them one more time that I loved them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to have known them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
have to fully master this. I know I the death occured and understand
and acknowledge it. However I still have trouble or I refuse to accept
it's legitimacy...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a foundation for my faith and a safehaven to think.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
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Tue Feb 11 06:57:27 1997
Anonymous F in Concord, NH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychiatric nurse
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 13 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease - diabetes; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to exist. All bodily finctions stop and everything just
fades to black.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very confused and upset and afraid.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father died from a heart attack when I was
11 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
being left out and not considered an important part of the process.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to express feelings about it and learn not to fear it so much.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the feeling of relief that someone was released from pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being by myself and coming to terms with the death and accepting it.
Being able to grieve without anyone telling me not to cry!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting go of that person and what he/she represented.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? What was it
none of the above fit - I was more or less left on my own - most were
concerned with my mother
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting - allowed some reflection on feelings that normally don't
get touched.
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Mon Feb 10 19:59:08 1997
F26 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: <ker4irish-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: R.N.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: after the light
Authors: ????
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Lover, 7months ago.
Cause of Death: himself; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most painful experience in your life. Something that is
inevitable and we all know it but whan it happens you'd do anything to
give the pain to someone else!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought I was dreaming. I didn't think that this could really be
happening.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my fiance killed himself
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I found out who my true friends are.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
expressing our feelings about death. We have to talk about death
more
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i met Michael that he chose me to be his wife and in a weird way
I'm glad he died first because I wouldn't want him to be going thru this
pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
hardest part?????? it is all the hardest part but if I had to choose
i guess it would be living without him, waking up every morning and having
ro reorient my self that he is dead that and that he isn't comming back.
EVER
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
the last sence to leave the body is hearing they can hear us up to
the very last second so talk to them like they are sitting up listening
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
will NEVER sweat the small stuff again!!!!!!!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i'm a nurse i see people die all the time i'm not confused by the
death process it is facinating to me. I can tell if a pt is going to die
on my shift or not. When they are about to die 3-6hrs you can smell
flowers in their room (well I can smell t he flowers.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take back the last moment when we kissed. I went to work and if i
only knew that was the last kiss and hug I'd ever get from him..... I
would of held on for dear life!!!!!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be at the hospital when they bought him in before he was dead and i
told him how much i loved him and that i wish he would of told me what was
going on. I told him I would forgive him , some day , for leaving me but
that I'll probably be angry for a long time.. I aslo told him when I die
be prepared for a fist fight at the golden gaits
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when ever!!!!! a song on the radio , our truck anything that reminds
me of him
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
takl to him for 5 minutes and ask him why!!!! just 5 minutes thats
all
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
told the trauma doc to call Kidney One so I could donate his organs,
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not a thing
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the days leading up to the funeral and the specific times i "knew" he
was with me and even after that. If you can understand.. Once I felt his
hand on me while I was laying next to him in the hospital bed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes of course i thought about it or even think about it. I'm not
afraid to die i've seen so many people die and it is a peaceful process
even those who are dying of cancer. I'm especially not afraid because I
know Michael is waiting for me even if I'm 102years old I know he'll still
love me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
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Mon Feb 10 14:22:25 1997
F21 in Salem, Oregon =USA=
Name: Lisa
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Prof/Studies: Music Major
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Learning to Say Goodbye When A Parent Dies. You Shouldn't Have to Say Goodbye
Authors: Edna LeShan. Patricia Hermes
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A permanent loss of another being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was spanked because i didn't want to dress up for the funeral
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my mother had melenoma and died of it when I was
five
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Feeling numb and emotionless about the whole thing.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a real part of life and needs to not be a taboo subject.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I am a more independant person and a deeper person because of it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading books and the bible because both offered support and
encouragement.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to talk about it openly with my family.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listening to them and offering them hope.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I made it without having a mother and even though certain events of
my life have been hard to go through without her I have managed. Even
when I had to deal with a stepmother who was a very unhappy person I
managed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Know my mother as an adult.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep a close relationship with her parents.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Whose fault it was.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm going through a big change or i've reached a major milestone such
as graduation ect.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
It has limitations.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Hope for the future and a place to take our sorrows and questions.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Check things like moles.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know of none.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting.
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Mon Feb 10 13:49:22 1997
Anonymous in Atlanta, GA =USA=
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Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
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More personal info:
I have gone as far as I can go with this questionnaire; it has
affected me deeply and I did not think that it would.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack - husband; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
comforting because the person suffered and there is life after death
where there is no pain and suffering; sad when unexpected and we are
unprepared for one's passing; but we know that someday we shall meet again
in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered why they were gone forever. I was too young to understand
death or the fact that when we are born again Christians, we will one day
see our loved ones who have died before us if, infact, they were
born-again CHristians. Only God knows for sure about others; we can
certainly have that assurance before we die.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father was killed in an airplane crash while
serving in the Navy stateside on a routine flight.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how supportive friends and loved ones were, and how much I depended
on the Lord Jesus Christ to give me strength to get through it.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is sure and final and it behooves us all to live as close to the
Lord as we can so that one day we can all be together again. "We shall
know as we are known."
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought me much closer to the Lord with a determination to live a
more prayerful, forgiving and meaningful life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My prayer life with Jesus Christ.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
What I should've, could've, would've done, said or not said
differently
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
A special song they enjoyed; reading the Bible as a comfort; holding
their hand; praying that the Lord would encamp His angels around the
person and that the person would be aware of their presence.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't regret staying by her side for the last two weeks of her life;
that the last thing I did for her personally was clip her nails and tell
her how much I loved her and what a good mother she was to me all of my
life, before she slipped into a coma .
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to make decisions about markers and what to have etched on them
and what the person would have wanted.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was when my grandmother died. She was a jewel and had said an
done so many precious things over the years, and we all sat around (the
family) and remenisced and laughed about how much joy she brought to all
of us. My sister and I have done the s ame about our mother. My sons and
I have done the same about my husband and their father.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my mother that I loved her one more time. Tell my husband that
I loved him once more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
SPend the last days with my mother before she went into a coma.
Spend a month with my husband and a wonderful last day before he died so
unexpectantly in a restaurant where we had gone to have dinner.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was allowed to visit my husband alone after his death, while
waiting for the ambulance to come to the hospital.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Someone says or uses an expression that my mother used to use; when
something exciting or important happens in my life and I reach for the
phone to call her.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Go back prior to their death and do things differently, especially in
my husband's case.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
returned to my home and faced the loneliness; I opened closets and
drawers and everything was as they had left it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Respect.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Everything: the songs we sang, the words that were read from the
Bible, andknowing that the person who died was a CHristian and was in
Heaven with the Lord.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think this "spirituality" is more mystery of not knowing than a
"spiritual" experience.
--Regarding MONEY:
We had enough to bury them properly and appropriately.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Going back to visit the grave site for the first time after they had
been gone for weeks or months.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Hindsight is 20/20 vision. The signs and milestones for me will be
entirely different for someone else; a word or a deed - it depends on the
people involved.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Finally going back to my husband's grave months after his death was a
"spritual" experience: I actually felt his presence as if he said, "you
have finally come; I have been waiting for you to come."
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I was too young to really understand death and permanent loss.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
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Sun Feb 9 18:19:18 1997
F18 in Minneapolis, MN =USA=
Name: Emily <fing0017-at-maroon.tc.umn.edu>
Web: http://www.tc.umn.edu/nlhome/m527/fing0017/
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: student in Counseling Psychology
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: medical complications; Aged: 39.
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--Death Is:
the transition from our existence as humans to a higher state of
existence (the specifics of this state depends on an individual's
beliefs).
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A great-aunt had cancer. I was about 5.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
noticing how, despite my and my family's pain and suffering, the
world kept turning.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I think this culture needs to get more in touch with religious
interpretations of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother had multiple sclerosis and was confined to a wheelchair. I
am now thankful that her suffering is over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the way that my family and church helped me to deal with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with other people's unconsciously disrespectful comments.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to turn grief into gratefulness that now my mother was very
happy with God.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye, and tell her that I love her just one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
concentrate on my schoolwork despite what happened (it was my
freshman year of college during midterms).
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the support of people I didn't even know astounded me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral was not the most difficult part of the process.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of anyway that my mother has touched my life, and all the
ways that she can't anymore.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have her back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just cried as hard as i could.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community had a very small role in my mother's death, but
I remember how supportive the ER staff was.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. Our pastor and fellow laypeople took care of all funeral
arrangements, and was extremely supportive of my family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am naturally worried about my own death. I hope that I can live a
long and full life, but I am also willing to go when my time has come,
because I believe that what lays beyond this world for me is much better.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
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Sun Feb 9 16:43:40 1997
F14 in Georgia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Neighbor, 2months ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driving; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the shock and realization of having to say goodbye. it is often very
painful and hard to get through. for some, it is a wake up call to change
their lifestyle
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was having to cope with the loss when my aunt was murdered. i was
very frightened and upset for a long time
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... aunt was murdered
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how I felt to turn on the news and see my friend/neighbor's picture
there and i just wanted to melt away. I remember going to school the next
day and his little brother, who is in my grade, was there crying. He
wrapped his arms around me and we just cryed for him...hoping he was happy
wherever he was.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death makes you appreciate all the little things in life so much more
than you already do
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i would never see them again
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
will always be there for my friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Sat Feb 8 23:00:19 1997
M39 in West Virginia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 22 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not handle it well
--That first time, how it happened was
an older brother was killed in an accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the pain and sorrow
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my remaining family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to accept that i would not see them again
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am glad to have had that relationship,even though it was very hard to
loose him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was first told of it,i could not understand or accept it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
family and friends gathered around the grave the day he was buried.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to live again,although not with out pain for some time
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
helplessness
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Fri Feb 7 21:07:32 1997
F43 in Versailles, Missouri =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Special-Ed Paraprofessional
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying
Authors: Kubler Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: Liver Disease; Aged: 67 yrs old.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like playing a game. Everyone gets a turn. Some people have long
turns and some people have short turns but, every one gets to play until
their turn is up.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became aware of the value of the quality of the life we must live in
relationship to those we meet. We might as well play fair and give it our
best shot.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...schoolmate who was often teased about her thick
glasses drowned over the weekend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the sense of childhood passing from me and being thrown into the
adult world. There would be no more traditional family gatherings as
there had always been. Talking about death is never as real as when it
happens.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
life is temporary and isn't all the "stuff" they try to sell us into
becoming or us through the media. Life is a message that we are more and
deeper than those things. We are eternal souls here for a- while to
experience and make a difference in this world.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I saw my own lack of insight and understanding concerning the
deceased. In listening to others speak of her I saw for the first time
the reasons for some of the things she said and did.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my personal relationship with God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the passing of my own childhood with it. A world where I had always
went home for the holidays as the child was now gone. We had laughed as a
family, played games together, and now it's gone. We still have good times
but it's not the same.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there at the moment of death but having worked in hospitals
and having heard my own father's account I would say, stay by their side.
Death can be fearful for the dying and for the loved ones being there
eases any guilt later.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have learned how very precious life is and that a day will come when
we or they won't be here. So, try to measure life for what it really
is--relationships.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
some family members were angry with God.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never experienced this.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
follow my "gut" feeling to kiss her one more time before I left the
ICU unit, where last I saw her and to have had the understanding of her
while she was alive that I now have after her death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her still alive and feeling so well in the ICU unit. She was
doing so well and being transferred out of ICU. It was a beautiful
gathering, all the family made it in from out of state. She died 3 days
later in hospice.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
shortly before her diognosis and death (it was all within a very
brief time period) she was very laid back. She and my father came to visit
me and she was so peaceful and calm and told me she just didn't feel like
doing anything anymore
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothing noted
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I view family holiday videos. But for the most part even in doing
this questionaire it doesn't seem to bother me in that way.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
It's not really that hard but there are times I really wish I could
just sit down and talk to her about just anything. I miss her laugh a
lot.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went off by myself and cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
confusion. When we called from another state 3 1/2 hrs. away, they
were very reluctant to come right out and say she was dying. I was told
by the nurse,"Well, all I can say is, I'm trying to get a no-code status
confirmed by the doctor".
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, except that it gave me access to other people I knew would
pray. Organized Religion doesn't mean a real relationship with God. That
is an individual thing just like life and death is.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more in tune with living than in dying. I honestly believe that
living is what is meant to link us all together not death. Death is the
door out just like the womb is the door in. Birth is the beginning, death
is the end thats all.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't an issue. My father got all the money from the
sale of the house and as always just gave each of us some.
As always,I mean that he and my mother (stepmother) always
gave all of us the same things or the same amounts.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
All of us (as the family) walking around viewing caskets to choose
from in the funeral home.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
chain-sroke breathing and a calming where there had been a struggle
before.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I withdrew into my own private mourning yet assumed the role as
strong and steady in public. Especially, around my family and especially
during the funeral period. I did cried in public but, nothing like I did
in private.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wasn't there at the moment of death but my sister said our
mother(stepmother) did speak of "daddy" which the family thought may have
been her own father. It could also have been a pet name for my own father,
her husband. Who knows?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not that concerned with my own death at this time. I am more
concerned with the way I am living out my life. I am conviced that I am
here for a reason and no matter how great or how small it may be in the
eyes of men, it's my role.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I usually look for a lesson in either the life or the death of the
deceased
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
Knowledge that I'd lacked insight and could have done more had I had it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me fulfill a need in me to share a little of my own
experience so that maybe it can be used as a tool to help others. I really
believe life has so much to teach and we all have so much to learn. Thank
you.
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Fri Feb 7 21:06:58 1997
F40 in Beatrice, Nebraska =United States=
Name: Loree Crouse <BC12610-at-navix.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Human Services
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Nephew, two months ago.
Cause of Death: accidental gun shot to the head; Aged: 14 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of time with someone you care about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared and did not know what to do.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother passed away. My were
vacationing in Minnesota. I was at work. I worked with my cousin, on the
maternal side of my family. My fraternal uncle called to tell my cousin
that my grandmother had passed away, and asked her to tell me. My cousin
took me into a small room and told me that my grandmother had died. She
took me to my grandma and grandpa's house, where my uncle was, so that we
could contact my parents. It seemed like forever until my parents
returned.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much it hurts, and the awful devastation felt by my
children.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can be a tragic event, and the one lost can not be forgotten.
Life does go on, but it is extremely difficult. Most importantly,
employers need to understand that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the look of absolute peace of my nephew's face. I was terrified to
see him in the casket, but when I saw the peace on his face, I knew
without doubt that spiritual life after death with Jesus is indeed a fact.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
understanding by people around me that this tragic death was indeed
substantial in my life -- there is no such thing as not being close or
affected by the death of someone who is not in the immediate family (i.e.,
mother, father, sister, brother, child).
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching the intent heartache of the parents of my nephew,
knowing there was nothing I could do to ease their pain.
--[My Nephew's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that although I can find no reason, cause, or need for this
death, and as long as I live I will not find reason, cause, or need, but I
have found that family is indeed very important, and one must never take
them for granted, forget they are there due to business. I can thank my
nephew for teaching that to me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my nephew was buried. It was so hard to leave him at the cemetary,
even though I realize that it is just his body, not him. I knew this, but
it was still one of the hardest things I have ever endured.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I am glad I was able to laugh because it did lighten the environment,
even for just a moment. No one was offended, and it seemed that it was
appreciated.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my teenage nephew that I loved him, that I was proud of him, and
I was glad to have had him a part of my life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the wonderful support, comfort, and caring from so many people,
even individuals who I never would have dreamed would have expressed
sympathy.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my children were able to touch my nephew as he lay in the casket.
This opportunity to realize that a dead person is just that, and not
something to be frightened of.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what my nephew would wear when he was buried. We felt it should be
something that he would be comfortable in (jeans and a t-shirt), while
others felt the attire should be much more formal.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the day seems so bright, and I remember, or when one of my children
have a moment of sadness. It hurts me to see them hurting.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
totally forget about it and feel okay again for a while.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt an immense ache in the pit of my stomache. My heart actually
physically hurt.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
We did not have to deal with the medical community.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having someone to answer questions, having someone who understand the
intense pain and anger, having someone who wanted what was best for our
family.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Unknown. I know how I feel, and what others feel does not have an
impact on me.
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the funeral was enormous. Thank goodness there was
insurance so that the cost would not be something that would be an
additional burden.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
learning the facts about embalming, etc., when my children asked and
the funeral director was understanding and explained procedures with
understanding.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
This did not apply with my nephew's death, although it did when my
grandfather passed away. At the age of 91, we watched him physically
deteriorate.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it has been a roller coaster.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My nephew died violentely, and thankfully, immediately. This does
not apply.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
At this point the pain is so deep, and my children's pain is so deep,
we choose not to talk about our own immortality as it is extremely
frightening, especially when this death was the result of carelessness and
violence.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am fascinated with the concept of grief therapy, and even before my
nephew's death have chosen this field. The death of my nephew is still
new and extremely painful, so this questionnare was painful. However, I
appreciate the opportunity in that someday I may need to conduct something
on this order, so I consider this a learning experience.
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Fri Feb 7 14:29:57 1997
M14 in Eugene, OR =USA=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: Old age; Aged: 98.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable, and is the most feared thing in our world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandmother died from old age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much everone in the family cried.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can happen any time and to take life with enthusiasm.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it let my grandmother rest in peace because she was very ill and the
family would not let here die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Loud, Hard, Rock N' Roll.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how the pain wouldn't go away.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was hurt... and to spend every minute you can with your elders.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The death was first announced.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
huh?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to her more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend some time with her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was sad, but at the same time happy that my grandmother was gone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Games
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Thu Feb 6 22:15:28 1997
M19 in Los Angeles (South Central), CA =USA=
Name: DeQuincy A. Lezine <quix-at-mad.scientist.com>
Web: http://bootp-37.wayland.brown.edu/span/
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Mental Health Net
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Prof/Studies: Student, Psych. Major
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 4-5 years ago.
Cause of Death: bullet wound to the shoulder; Aged: about 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you cease to exist and function.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really care honestly.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great-grandmother died. Since she hardly came to visit it wasn't
that disturbing to me. However, my mom was close to her so we had to
attend funeral services and "talk about the death" which I didn't want to
do.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
my dad's reaction to his youngest brother getting murdered.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to stop causing it needlessly and bringing on ourselves.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it taught me not to fear it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just walking and being alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how others dealt with it.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about his suicide and the prevention of others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was thinking about ending my own life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's just my way of dealing with things, I laugh all the
time...sometimes when it's not appropriate. Hey, it keeps me sane.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know my cousin and uncle better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stop myself from committing suicide like my cousin did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realized that I'd never fully get over being somewhat suicidal.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how my being bipolar has changed my life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize how close to death I've been.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
cry because I can't.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew how real it was and got pissed off at the way the system deals
with people.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration at the injustices of a system and the inadequacies that
still exist in the medical profession.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
my belief system, how I felt about death, and the way I lived my
life.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nonexistent, I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had none, couldn't bury anybody, and got shafted by the Police
Dept. when my uncle got shot.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking at my own death and just standing there and staring it in the
eyes for such a long time...wondering.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
increasing mood instability for me, but I guess it would be slowing
of movements, retardation, and a general heading downhill for others.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is best to accept the death and try to deal with it on terms that
are most comfortable for you, not for other people because we're all so
different.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yea, I've thought about it a lot. I've thought about ending my own
life, maybe for the control. I've stared down the other end of a gun
barrel and wondered if it would all be over right there. I've been in
some pretty crazy situations: gang territory, robbery, suicide, and even
at birth I was a "blue baby" and was considered a likely death. It's like
a part of my life now...it's there and it's like waiting for me, and one
day maybe it'll take me one way or another.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting, but I guess I'm kind of different in not having such
strongly overt feelings about the deaths of others. Maybe that's because
I haven't had the opportunity to be close to any of them. Maybe it's
because the society I grew up in was so driven by death and violence that
I'm used to it...I don't know...maybe it's because I've thought about mine
so often...
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Thu Feb 6 17:10:39 1997
F32 in Taunton, Massachusetts =USA=
Name: Maureen
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 28.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a wound that never completely heals. Like you've lost a part of
your body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was numb with grief, I couldn't believe that my best friend, my
lover, my soul mate was gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my best friend was killed in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
All the things that we said in grief that we'd like to go back and
change. I also vividly remember wanting desperately to turn back the
clock and to see my friend one last time. I made deals with God, if only,
if only, I kept saying. I also vividly remember the feeling I had that the
rest of my life would be shaped by this event. What would my life have
been like if my friend had survived the accident?
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to expect everything to be back to normal after a certain amount
of time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned about my capacity to love. I didn't realize how much I
loved until I lost.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being alone with my memories. Also I cross-stitched a memorial to my
friend- that was very cathartic. I think I cried a tear with each stitch.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I felt like no one really understood what i was going through. I felt
very much alone.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
appreciate what you have when you have it, you never know what's
going to happen.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I was first told.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never felt the urge to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell his mom how sorry I am for the way I acted.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Say goodbye to my best buddy.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw my friend's ashes in an urn on the coffee table. That kind of
made it final for me, told me that he wasn't coming back. That this
gorgeous 6 foot tall man was reduced to the contents of an urn.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How many flowers there were.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a certain song on the radio.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
Bring him back. I look forward to sleeping, hoping I'll dream about
him, it's the only way I can have him back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried and cried. I went through some of his things, just
wanting to find a piece of him. I also took loose hair out of his brush.
I still have it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
No particular feeling, my friend was dead on arrival.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A process or vehicle for grieving.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
unclear.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money wasn't an issue, although I did have to go to our college and
get a deposit for the next semester back.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How surreal it felt, like it couldn't be happening. How could the
same comedy shows be on, how could everyone outside be acting like all was
normal when I was dying inside?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Not applicable.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Not applicable.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I once was half asleep and I swear I could feel his presence in my
room. I was petrified to move, lest the feeling go away.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
That we never know when we're going to go. Don't waste time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it was helpful, although now I'm all sad again. But feeling
sadness makes me aware that I am still alive and affected by my friend's
death. His death matured me practically overnight.
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Thu Feb 6 01:44:49 1997
F25 in Helsinki, =Finland=
Enhancements: I'd like to thank you for the eye-pleasing colors and the
big font, it makes reading on the screen SO much easier!
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
through a link from "Menadel/Noche de Sol" (http://www.ctv.es/USERS/marianne/soldii.htm
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Prof/Studies: student of Economics
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: Sogyan Rinponche: The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 18yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
about going away. About moving on to a different kind of life.
However, it is a transition that is so great that most of us are very much
afraid of it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried and cried, feeling extremely sad. (But it was a kind
of "pure" sadness, a "cleaning" way of crying.)
--That first time, how it happened was
I was 5 when my grandmother died. I remember crying and crying and
crying, although I suppose I could not really understand what it meant
that she was dead. I was 7 when my father committed suicide. No one told
me how he died. I remember "not feeling much of anything", I suppose it
was something too big to be dealt with.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
...the night when my mother told me that my father had died and was
never coming back home. I remember the candles she lit that night. When
my Grandmother died (the most RECENT death, 5 years ago) I remember the
way my niece told me about it, and excited 5 year old who didn't really no
WHAT was happening but knew that it was IMPORTANT somehow. The way I
kissed Granma's forehead wishing her a good journey and telling her I
loved her. My cousins kid's question of whether my mother what now become
"a Mami". Mami is how we all called Grandma.
--What I think my (Finland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it does not end Life!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it has "forced" me to learn about a reality that goes beyond
this life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A friend who made me "see" and FEEL that life does not end with
death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that no one would talk with me about my fathers absence, no one would
explain why or say ANYTHING about him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
...I think of having a family of my own and I feel that it can never
work, because I never have had a family, since father was never there;
...when I see people as happy couples, fathers showing how much their
daughters mean to them, giving them love and support.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
...jusr forget about it all. Quit "needing" anything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the only thing that explains anything, brings meaning to
anything. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me from sharing my
father faith, commiting suicide.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it might have helped to be able to just talk about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dream of my Grandmother (the one that died 5 years ago) every now
and then and feel that she is still alive, sometimes she is with us here
and that she definitely continues to love us like before and more.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, I've given it a LOT of thought... but I don't know if I can /
really want to say much about it right now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Have I "dealt with it"? I still don't know...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
It took my mother 15 years to find the strength to tell me how my
father died. During that time (or after it) his "dissapearance" has never
been mentioned.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Reminds me that I am not the only one who has hed to face the loss of
a loved one, brings tears to my eyes but without the usual self-pity.
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Thu Feb 6 01:24:14 1997
F21 in Brussels =Belgium=
Name: Barbara Beken <hw56559-at-vub.ac.be>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
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Prof/Studies: student archeology
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 91.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the spirit leaves the body and moves on, while the body is left
to wither and decompose, because it is an empty shell that the spirit
doesn't need anymore.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really realise it because i was too young, I was only angry
because I couldn't go to the funral.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was.. my granfather on my mothers side died after a
heartattack, when I was five.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How relieved we were when he died.
--What I think my (belgium) culture needs to better learn about death is:
They should get rid of the taboos surrounding death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He got to move on and start a new life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It hurt but it was hard to cry. Also, when my grandfather lay dying,
my grandmother suffered a depression and behaved in the most hideous way
towards him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there, help him the best you can, always tell the truth and try to
comfort them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Death is deliverance.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
6 months after my grandfather, my uncle died. Both were cremated, a
process that disturbed me very much.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you need to get rid of the pressure anyway, and laughing is the best
way to do it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my uncle even better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him( my grandfather)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Altough nobody told him and he didn't say it, I am sure my
grandfather knew he was going to die.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Getting him cured.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am in a hospital again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did the only thing you can do, cry.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
neutral. The doctors can't cure everything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I strongly believe in reincarnation. I know my grandfather and uncle
have moved on.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
acceptance. At the moment you accept you're dying, you stop fighting
and relax.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it Was hard, but accept death and stop being afraid of it. Dying
isn't scary it's the way you die that is.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
None
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am absolutely not afraid to die, i expect it and accept it. I know
i'll move on once i'm gone I'll get another shot at living. It's just a
cicle. You die and are reborn, every time again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting to put my thougts to paper.
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Wed Feb 5 19:18:59 1997
F23 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Curious to see studies on web. Searched Yahoo under Science
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Prof/Studies: MSW grad student
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Recommended Reading:
Authors: Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A school friend and her mother were killed in
a car crash. My father told me about the accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My strong reaction to the music played at the funeral and a continued
response to traditional Irish music. Also, I re member my mothers keen
interest in the physical consequences of death and what happened at the
mortuary.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is part of the life cycle.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
A death forced my family to re-connect after several years of no
contact.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Remembering the deceased with someone who knew them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It seemed like a reminder of how fleeting things could be.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell the person what they meant to me before they were sick.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt very sad and cried for a while.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
To complete some ritual to feel closure with the the person deceased.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
My own lack of spriritual development has hindered.
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Wed Feb 5 07:41:10 1997
F18 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: Karen Mcguire <kmm219-at-psu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just surfing
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Aunt, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life ceases to continue.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a nervous breakdown.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... tried to kill myself when i was 10, 11, 15,
and 16.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
no one would talk to me about it.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not always bad.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my great grandmom's death...she was suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was being alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just saying i love you.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think how important your life is to others around you and things
aren't always as bad as they might seem.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was told she was in heaven.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i lost my mind.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to stop her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
regain sanity.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we put flowers on the coffin.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the mass.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'm sitting in my room thinking about how shitty the world has become
and why she did what she did.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
die too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stopped associating with all people and completely withdrew into myself.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a brainwashing cult. faith should lie within the individual ...not
in a organized cult.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was pointless..the person was dead. money should be obsolete.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
pretending i was dead to see how it was.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
listlessness and regression.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it proabaly wouldn't be as hard.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my neighbor saw angels before she passed away.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i believe in myself. i believe in a god. i believe i am truly a good
person. i am not worried. i don't fear death...i'm curious. possibly
it's better than life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
my friends really care
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
was uncomfortable w/ people who had done it to me...
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i wouldn't say useful...somewhat thought provoking, i suppose.
but not really anything new.
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Wed Feb 5 06:33:32 1997
F26 in Cleveland, Ohio =USA=
Name: Angel Email: <slatman-at-coil.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: mom, culinary art student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Raymond Moody
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Brother, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident, drunk, speeding; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to physical existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young, and could not relate to everyone's pain
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... A classmate, her mother, father, and brother
were in a car accident. The father and brother were killed. The mother was
paralyzed. The classmate, a girl, had a broken arm, I think. We went to
catholic school, and I think the whole class went to the wake. I was 8 or
9. I couldn't imagine having my family torn apart like that at that age.
It was very sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the disbelief of it all, the shock, the horrible sadness
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to expect and prepare for it, not fear it and pass the fear down to
their children
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the expression of love between my family, it's a shame that it takes
the death of someone you love dearly to bring a family close. I wish my
brother could share it with us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother. And I was and still am a support to her. She's strong and
spiritual. I'm not very religious, but she's given me some sort of hope
that there is a heaven, because she believes so much that there is.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Wanting to take my mom's pain away. She identified his body. He was
her only son of 6 children. I know her heart just ripped out of her chest
when he died.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
believe in letting the people you love know you love them. Don't
waste your days pining or brooding, enjoy just being alive, full of senses
and feelings.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was in shock. I was like a zombie, I couldn't focus on anything.
Then it all became just so sad.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My mom and sister and I were standing by the coffin, saying how the
make-up was too dark, he would have hated it. So they decided to rub it
off. They rubbed too much off and you could see the skin underneath was
almost black in spots, and you could see where he was banged up. It looked
worse than the make-up in a reality sort of way, but we all just start- ed
laughing. Maybe we were laughing because we always meant well by him. Poor
guy surrounded by women trying to take care of him, maybe doing too much
for him, but meaning well.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have hung out and been my brother's friend, the way it used to be.
But I grew up first(I'm 5 years older), and had kids. He was still busy
being a guy. He moved with my mom and I stayed with my dad when I was 14.
I wish I had gone with my mom, so I can have more memories.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend my brother's last birthday with him. My brother and sister have
the same birthday, Sept.29. My sister was born a year earlier. My dad
became estranged from them(my dad and I both live in Cleveland, my mom and
sisters in Chicago) He hadn't seen them in 7 years. My dad brought up the
idea of driving out there for the day to celebrate their birthday, but
tried to back out at the last minute. I talked him into it, and we spent
the day there. I raced my brother on the swings, he played with my kids. 9
days later he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone let my mother know he had touched their lives, how much they
loved him, too.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that he wasn't dressed in a suit. He was wearing something he would
have worn when he was alive. Denim shirt, Levi's, Gratful Dead necklaces.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear songs that remind me of him, or movies or tv shows. When I
talk to my mom, or my sister, I usually start think- ing about him.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
dig him up, so he's not covered by all that dark, heavy dirt. Or let
his spirit live inside of me so that he can still experience life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to know every detail. I saw (and smelled) the clothes they cut
off of him(a Grateful Dead t-shirt and Levi's). I visited the accident
site several times. I hung out with his friends. I read the accident
report. I spliced together some pieces of a cassette my mom retrieved from
the car(Simple Man, Lynyrd Skynyrd) I wanted to know exactly who he was
and how he spent the last few minutes of his life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The other boy lived, pulled through from critical condition. It was
his car. They were able to save him. My brother was DOA.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It wasn't so much organized religion as it was spirituality that
pulled my mom through. Her faith gave me strength.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
My family(me included) swear my brother was communicating through
ladybugs. Ladybugs were flying on our clothes, in our houses. My aunt had
a nest in her house. My sister lives in an apartment and they are still
appearing out of nowhere there(and this is February). My dad brought some
pictures of my brother that his friends took on the day he died. As I was
looking through them a ladybug landed on my leg, as if to look at them,
too. After the funeral, there was at least one ladybug in my house every
day for almost 2 months. I'd be sad and look up, and there would be a
ladybug on the cei- ling. It was almost freaky, but uplifting.
--Regarding MONEY:
My step-dad payed for the funeral(most he's ever done for him) also
my mom received $3000 from various family members. My dad feels bad that
he didn't pay for the funeral, but he really doesn't have any money.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wanting to know every detail, wanting to know what was going through
his head just before the accident, if it hurt him, if he was scared, if he
knew he was dying, what the last images in his head were.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Live, love, and love life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I was too young to understand the whole thing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
also society's view of death, sudden death, esp. when young or
violent are hard to accept in our society
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
pretty well, thanks
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Tue Feb 4 19:08:06 1997
M24 in Huntington, Indiana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I am doing research on Adults and Death/Dying
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Prof/Studies: factory/ Psych Major
More personal info:
I am doing a report on Adult Development:Death. I am just starting.
Would you consider letting me have permission to use your questionair or
other information in my report? E-mail a response.
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of friend, .1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 62yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a very sad time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother died when I was five yrs old.
She died of cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
seeing him in his cascet and his wife standing beside him crying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
getting help if it seems like to much.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother and my friend stoped hurting.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom, and daughter.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do what they ask you to. Don't cause them anymore grief and pain
than what they are already feeling.
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to "cry the pain out"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
did not
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my grandmother how much I loved her. I was young and my parents
would not let me see her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
(for friend) be there if she (his wife) needed anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel that my grandmother would be the one that would be able to
understand/help.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
make her come back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very saddened.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disapproval.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not a whole lot at that time.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?
--Regarding MONEY:
did not.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going to the viewing (friend)
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
how the person is handling it themselves. How they feel and how they
look compared to normal.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being able to cry and have someone to talk to when I needed to was best.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
didn't happen.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I am able to not die before I raise my daughter.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It covered most every topic that a person might go through or think
about at one point or another.
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Tue Feb 4 15:21:13 1997
F33 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Catherine Skillin Email: <CanMFT-at-POBoxes.com>
Web: http://WWW.echo-on.net/~skillin/
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Marriage and Family Therapist
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person stops living in human form and goes to the life eternal.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... an aunt who I barely knew died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
tremendous sense of lonliness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting to say goodbye
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
therapist
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
pain and sadness
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was very moved by our relationship.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw her suffering so much and couldn't help her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her about her impending death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her before she died and say goodbye
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
when she held my hand and wouldn't let go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I dream about her or when I hear about someone else who is dying or
has died.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
see her again.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to cope.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
belonging to someone greater than ourselves.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dreaming about her after her death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss and increase of other symptoms.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was important to be there.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
had my own brush with death two years ago. I am very aware of my
mortality and how lucky I was then.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Mon Feb 3 20:00:01 1997
F50's in Spokane, WA =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Office Assistant
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A quiet passing. Soul leaves the body which becomes a empty shell. We go to a
better place, no pain, no hurt, only sunshine and happiness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was lost.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my daughter has terminal cancer and I don't know how to
deal with her or my own self.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Emptiness that person filled. Left me with a void.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we all will experience it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Memories, and time spent together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Never being with them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touching them and reassuring them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Coped.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everything stopped.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say:
why?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with the person when times were good.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My mother lay so still, so white, so at peace.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Her makeup, her hair, her nails.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of things I could have said nicer, or done nicer to make her feel special.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
have had more time, more preparation.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt so lost, so small, so alone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
bewilderment.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
prayers and the knowlodge of going to heaven.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful.
--Regarding MONEY:
funeral and burial was an expense.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going in the cold ground.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
color, breathing, congestion, inability to move.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
gave me peace.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: MidLife
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
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Mon Feb 3 14:46:25 1997
M65 in San Francisco, CA =USA=
Name: Email: <>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia; Aged: 91.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life, the time at which all body and mind functions cease.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not clear as to what it meant but understood that I would not see that person
again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died and was told about it by my mother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how it was a real blessing, ending the suffering of a life with little or nothing
left to continue with.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is the natural ending to life and, if it occurs naturally, is to be
accpted as a part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my mom wanted to die because she was very aware of the extremely low quality
of life that she was experiencing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
accepting it as a natural occurance, as a part of life, just as being born is the
beginning, death is the ending.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having spent more time with them, getting to know them better and sharing more
of myself with them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to keep close physical contact such as holding hands, not speaking unless spoken
to and just being there.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
accepted it as a blessing to end the suffering and how it was really her wish to
have life end.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there more and share more of myself and learn more about the other person.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept death as a natural progession in the life cycle.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all becuase I do not accept or believe in organized religion, although
I DO believe in a power beyond myself and something called a "spirit"
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct. I do believe that there is a link that binds all life together and that
death is a part of that link.
--Regarding MONEY:
It is a reality that must be dealt with. It is important that the wishes of the
person dying be carried out.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have never experienced anything like this and don't expect to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, since I am now 65, I know that I probably have somewhere between 15 and 30
years of life left to live. My major concern is that I do not endure a long lingering
death. I don't want to suffer a lot of pain. I don't want to loose my ability to
communicate and be aware of my surroundings. I do not want to reach that point where
there is little else left but the last threads of life. I want my life ended well
before that stage occurs... in other words I am very much in favor of euthenasia for my
self and anyone who wants it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a way to write down those things about death that have been on my mind all
along and to have a chance to solidify them.
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Mon Feb 3 13:09:19 1997
F14 in Greenville, Kentucky =USA=
Name: Andrea Hyravy Email: <boo_doggie-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Bell Jar
Authors: Sylvia Plath
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, three months ago.
Cause of Death: committing suicide; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a human no longer exists, and when their body stops functioning completely.
Death is when the human goes away and never comes back, no matter what. Basically, the
human is removed from our planet, but we don't forget them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went through a deep depressed state, and I couldn't believe she was gone. I
blamed myself for a long time, and I kept hoping she would come back.
--That first time, how it happened was
My best friend since kindergarten committed suicide in October of 1996. We knew
everything about each other, and we shared a lot. I never thought she would go away
from me. There were a lot of rumors circulating, such as that the two of us had a
suicide pact, that it was my fault, etc. I tried to kill myself twice afterward, and I
am now undergoing professional counseling.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
talking to my friend less than two hours before it happened. She told me she felt
really good, and I told her to call me if she needed me. I was watching the World
Series and messing with my computer so I didn't really want to talk. I never spoke to
her again, and I kept thinking if I had stayed on the phone with her she would still be
here.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people need more time to recover from the death of someone close to them. You
can't expect them to bounce right back and be normal again.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my friend's death brought our community closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My friends. They have called me, come to visit, checked on me, sent cards, and
spent time talking about whatever I wanted to talk about.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I have to go through the rest of my live without my best friend.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my friend how important she was to me, and get her the help she needed.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go back to school and resume a somewhat normal life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
all of my classmates came to me and tried to console me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
why she killed herself.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go somewhere we used to go, or listen to music we both enjoyed.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
go to sleep for a few years and wake up to find that everything is okay again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted no one but my ex-boyfriend. He couldn't come at the time, but I wanted the
security of seeing him and knowing he cared.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disdain. I have been on Prozac ever since the death, and the doctors have not
been understanding at all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place of comfort. I can go to church and feel better about everything that
bothers me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the dreams I have had where I talk to my friend about events surrounding her suicide.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have often wished I would die so that I could see my friend again, but I think I
will die when I turn 23.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Prescription Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was slightly helpful, but some of the questions were difficult to understand.
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Mon Feb 3 10:51:00 1997
F22 in Platteville, Wisconsin =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search
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Prof/Studies: Industrial Engineering
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: bone cancer, diabetes; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ending of life, leaving the earthly world to never retrun.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for days and days. I went into a deep depression for about 2.5 years.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... Very good friend was struck and killed by a car.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being able to attend the funeral. Also the last time I did see my aunt.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to help people cope and adjust to life without that person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
learning to deal with the pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
none. Because I was of such a young age at the time of the first death, everyone
around me assumed I would just bounce back and everything would be fine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I will never see or talk to them again.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold their hand as they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get away from people to really cry.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
closing the eyelids after death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
everyone's condolances and pity.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear songs on the radio. Or I speak to the person in a dream. Or during PMS
depressions.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
kill myself.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that they tried to do too much. My aunt with cancer had given up on life long
before the doctors gave up on her body.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I felt suffocated, trapped, etc. As a result of my early experiences, I am
now an athiest.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
eerie.
--Regarding MONEY:
I needed the money from the will to pay tuition for the upcomming semester.
Otherwise I would have had to take out another loan.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
waiting for the ghosts to come back and visit me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the person no longer wants to live.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
acceptance of what will happen and accepting that there is nothing more that can
be done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have wished to be dead too many times to worry about when or what might happen
to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was kinda depressing but on the other hand it allowed me to get some things off
of my mind.
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Sun Feb 2 19:33:39 1997
Anonymous Contribution
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Father, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurism; Aged: 44.
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My father had a brain aneurism, suddenly. He
was 44 years old.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
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Sun Feb 2 17:03:43 1997
F24 in St. Louis, MO =USA=
Name: Melinda Email: <merikmoe-at-sprintmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Faust
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Ex-, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
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--Death Is:
the pysicall part of you ceases to exsist
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child, and didn't really feel anything. Some sadness, I guess,
but just because everyone else was sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandfather died in his sleep. I didn't really feel close to him,
and don't think I cried at his funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Not believing that was him lying in the coffin.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not to be mourned. The end of our time on the pysical plain is
the begining of a journey to higher knowledge.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that my loss was not as great as the loss of family members
of the desceased.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Wanting to replay the last time I saw him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me that he had shot himself in the head. I could not
understand why HE would even contemplate death. Even though i had
previously considered sucide, and have since then.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See him again. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a while, but we
broke up about 2 months before he shot himself. I wish I would have known
him then, because the Bryan I knew would not have done that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him. He was my first, and is still very special to me. It has
been many years, but I never forget him. Alot of things in my life remind
me of him. Including the fact that I often have to drive by his grave.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember things that we used to do, or his face, or my friends from
that time in my life, or when I am not feeling good about my life.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
understand what caused him to kill himself
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
refused to believe it. Even when I saw him in the coffin, I said
that it couldn't be him. He looked so powerless. It wasn't like I
remembered him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I was the one that all of his friends were concerened about,
even though I already had a new boyfriend.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I attended a meeting in which others we had only met a few times were
going to channel one of our dead relatives. I chose my Grandfather. I
asked what it was that he had built his Grandchildren in the basement of
his house. He said, "It looks like a string with some sort of wood
attached to the bottom, and it is swinging." Our Grandfather had built us
a swing that was attached to the steel posts in the basement. There is no
way the guy who channeled my Grandfather would have known that.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid. I have seen some of the things that I will
experience once I am released from my phsyical body, and am actually
looking forward to them. I know that there is a reason I have been put on
this earth, and once i fulfill that expectati on, I will move on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought this questionairre was great. It brought back alot of good
and bad memories. i almost cried a couple of times. Good questions.
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Sun Feb 2 14:00:44 1997
F49 in Melbourne, Victoria =AUSTRALIA=
Name: Heather Email: <peterv-at-aardvark.apana.org.au>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: housewife
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Mother, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: collasped lung/smoking; Aged: 69.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
handled it very badly, the way i found that person played on my mind
for weeks i experienced bad dreams and had to keep my light on at night
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father went into hospital to have an
operation for an ulcer and they found out he had stomach cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i was told my mother was getting better, that was two days before she
died and then the phonecall came to tell me she had passed away i had had
an argument with her a week before this and had not been to the hospital,
because i was uquite sick myself
at the time
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to fear the person that is dying, you cant catch it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my mother died she gave me the greatest gift of all,life. i am a
sober alcoholic and a member of 'AA' and 8 years sober it was not until 4
weeks after my mother had died that i wanted to live that is very special,
and the gift of life to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my emediate family, husband, daughter.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt, not having been close enough to my mother, maybe not
appreciating her as much as i should, not having her around to talk out
problems with.don
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont let there be any conflict between you and the person that is
dying,make up with them , otherwise you wont have peace of mind.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say how much i loved her, and sorry for all the pain i had caused
with my drinking.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stop drinking
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
apparently my mother got up out of bed 2 hours before she died, in
the early hours of that morning, and was told to go back to bed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
yes i still cry a lot, i didnt realise how much my mother really
meant to me, until it was too late.
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
talk to her ,and see her, i know i would have no fear.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
spent many hours blaiming myself, because i was still drinking then,
and i know that i could have done more if i had been sober.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
basic confusion, they said she was getting better, and 2 days later
she was dead.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i did a lot of praying and soul searching.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was no money.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i was reborn
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i cannot answer this, except to say that my mother had a kind of
strange look in her eyes.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i was comforted to know that my mother was given everlasting peace,
also that she was with dad again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father was close by, mum was talking to hem.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hope that if i am dying from some disease of which there is no cure
that i will be allowed to go in peace, death does not frighten me now,
only what causes me to be dying. i believe there is a life after death and
that living on earth is a preperat ion for the real life in the kingdom of
heaven.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has helped, but it also has stirred up a lot of emotions that i
thought that i had dealt with.
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Sun Feb 2 12:03:30 1997
F28 in Orlando, FL 32821 =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 30.
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--Death Is:
a transition to a better place,but sheding your physical being
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
took it very poorly,i just had alot of questions that could not be
answered
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my 19 year old cousin(like my sister) was
killed by a drunk driver
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
is that she left 3 young children and i felt the need to raise
them,and my anger i was furious
--What I think my (32821) culture needs to better learn about death is:
accepting suicide
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting closer to my aunt
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief in god and heaven
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never being able to say goodbye
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the hospital was prolonging my 76 yr old grandfathers cancer riden
body with chemo that could not help
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my friend about her depression and her wish as to her kids
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take care of her children so her family could attend her wake and
funeral-act like everything is ok 2 of the kids were toddlers
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the holidays,birthdays or the birth of my child-wish they were here
to see her
--It's sometimes so very hard. I just wish I could
visit them or talk for just a few minutes
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
stop prolong the inevitable and giving false hopr
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a bunch of bull-it all comes down to cash
--Regarding MONEY:
we received 100,000 for my cousin dying from the state-like that
makes it better
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the wake-i think there hidous i am not having one-my dying wish has
been made known since i'm 14.no wake,no embalming no cemtery
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the family member usually will talk about it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
lots of dreams
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have and like i said my plans for my body are writen out and have
been for 14 years
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
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Sat Feb 1 20:21:00 1997
F18 in Berwyn, IL =US=
Name: Heather Email: <martlock-at-rhf.bradley.edu>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Engineering Student
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 68.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to exist. The body stops functioning, the mind stops working,
and whatever it is in us that causes "live" goes away. As for where that
person goes or what happens to them after this event, no one is really
sure.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't really know what death was. I was only four and my mom said
that my dad had died and it basically meant nothing to me. All I
understood was that it meant I wouldn't see him anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
My dad died when I was four. I didn't know him very well at all, but
it was nevertheless a close family member which still affects me today.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how much more it affected my mom than it affected me when my father
died. My mom knew her mom much better than I knew my dad, and honestly,
the death of my grandmother had no real impact on me. Granted, I knew that
it meant I wouldn't see her anymore , but that really didn't concern me
because she wasn't a very important figure in my life in the first place.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be so afraid of it. There is basically nothing you can do
about it, so why fear it. People should approach it with more of a curious
attitude - as in, what happens now?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the death of my father showed me that it is absolutely possible for a
single mother without a college degree to raise three wonderful people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time and ignorance (in dealing with the death of my father). As for
more recent deaths (my grandmother), it was probably easier to deal with
her death simply because I did not know her very well and she was not a
very important figure in my life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering (once again, in reference to my father's death). I still
wonder what my life would have been like had I been raised with two
parents. His death occurred fourteen years ago, but that curiosity still
plagues me. I wonder how similar to him I am, I wonder how different my
life would be, I wonder how different I would be, had he lived longer.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just talk to them. I don't even think it really matters what you say,
but make your presence known.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
gotten to know the person better.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my friends talk about their fathers and their families and it just
hits me: that doesn't exist in my life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went on with life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
incompetence on the part of medical practitioners. My grandmother
died of cancer, and by the time it was caught, the cancer was so
widespread through her body that the chance of survival was basically
nonexistent, but the doctors still performed chem otherapy, which caused
my grandmother to die in much more pain than necessary.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how little it truly affected me. There are people who mourn for
months over the death of a family member and I never really did that.
Granted, it made me sad, but there was no real overwhelming depression.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not as afraid of death as most people I know. I believe that
people are put here to accomplish something, and if they fail to
accomplish it, they are given a second chance. However, once that task is
completed, you die. When you truly die, I basi cally think that you just
cease to exist.
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1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
The curiosity as to "what could have been" and how him being alive
could've affected my life.
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Sat Feb 1 19:27:29 1997
M35 in Columbia, SC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
My surprise at finding psychometric devices on the web. Just surfin' Dude.
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Recommended Reading:
Titles: On Death and Dying, The Prophet, Freddy the Leaf?, Star Trek,
Michael (the movie), Brians Song (the movie) And all Books by Kurt
Vonnegut
Authors: Kuebler-Ross, Kahlil Gibran, unknown, Bradberry,
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Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 97.
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--Death Is:
When our physical bodies stop working and our soul leaves the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was able to avoid dealing with it by telling my parents that I
would take care of the house while they traveled out of state. From that
point until about two years ago I avoided funerals of relatives, (mainly
grandparents). I would make up excuses on why I could not go. Classic
avoidant personality in action.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a lady who worked for my family gave me a
rabbit for my birth day. I was five years old. I set out water & food and
he lived in tent in our back yard. Two days later I went to feed the
rabbit and he was just laying on his side and not moving. I cried for
hours. I saw my dad pick him up and place him in the garbage can. I cried
even more...
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Teaching children how to cope with death, explaining the greivivg
process and not being silent or saying children cannot "handle it" and
leaving them out of the loop.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My wife teaching me how to greive, how to accept comfort from those
around us, and how to support others, and how the family relies on each
other to get by. I accompanied her to grandmother's funeral. A southern
funeral where the community comes in and feeds and sits with the family.
Being from New Jersey this was a very new experience for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having had the chance to fully grieve my grand parents passing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
I have never gone to a funeral for any of my family members (grand
parents). My grand parents passed away in my teens and early twenties. I
was too into partying to get involved. I volunteered to take care of the
house while my parents went away to t he funeral.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
Now in my thirties, I see my ability to grieve and process grief has
been under developed.
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Copyright 1997 by The Bardo of Death Studies
