^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Mar 97 contributions.
See Feb 97 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 30 20:33:20 1997
F31 in bassett, VA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
http://www.itsfree.com/surveys.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Born too Soon
Authors: ?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: premature birth (twins); Aged: 2 hours.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss of potential. A stopage of live. Movement into a nother
realm
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
found it hard to really grasp.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was Grandmother died of breast bancer when I was 10
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Being completely unable to control the situation There was nothing I
could do to make it better
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To stop hurrying and scurrying around to prepare for the funeral etc.
and to take time to deal with death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
sense of humor
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to stop it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just being there
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am much better at anger than saddness
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it really sank in
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The good things need to be shared
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
try more heroic life saving measures
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend some time with my sons
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the pianist at the funeral played the same tapes I had listened to
when I was pregnant
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
picking out a fancy coffin
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
certain "milestones" occur. The boys would have started kindegarten
this year
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The doctors at the local hospital are sooo incompetient (we settled a
suit) but the other doctors were so helpful and understanding
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
quite a bit
--Regarding MONEY:
we ended up suing the doctors over the death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
our students visiting
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
finding humor in it
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I still think that we should have tried some life saving measures..
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Part of having chilren and watching them grow so quickly is
realizing that I will die soon. Scary
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
we tell my other children about their older brothers
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
The long illness was worse than the death itself
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 30 16:27:42 1997
F38 in saugus, ma =america=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 5 years ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driver; Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we no longer exist and we go in heaven where we become angels
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldnt go to sleep i was to scared
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my step grandfather died. He had an anurism.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
i wouldnt talk to anyone, i wouldnt leave my house untill at least
six months later
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother and sister
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching them bury him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he told me he would never leave me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye and tell him I loved him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i drive by the cemetary, or drive by the road he was on
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was going to pick my mother up from the airport. i could have done
it, but I was in the shower
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself so we can be together
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
screamed, cried, threw things, kept on throwing up, drank a lot
--Regarding MONEY:
for his funeral
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i cant wait
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i read his old love notes to me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
upsetting
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 30 15:40:18 1997
F21 in Monterrey, Nuevo Leon =Mexico=
Name: Martha Hernandez
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was looking for info on Marilyn Manson, and found the Dark side of the
net, then continued navigating til I found you.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: phneumonia; Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a phase we all have to pass through sooner or later, in which weŽll
be flying in the sky as invisible people, taking care of those who are
still in the earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Didnt cried, I just sat in my bed cause I was to shocked to do
anything
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father became very sick, since he smoked a
lot. I couldnt talk to him or even see him, cause it huerted me a lot to
see him like that. So he died and I didnt get a chance to say goodbye or
anything.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not being able to understand why this things happen to people that I
love
--What I think my (Mexico) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That when somebody dies, he/she does not dissappear..he is still with
us, but we cannot see him.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I still have my mom
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself, my friends kept acting as if nothing happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I never sat to talk with him about things that really mattered.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I still can talk to him, maybe even more then when he was here with
me. He is my guardian angel, I feel so secure, cause I know hes watching
me form the heaven above.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It just happened...I was shocked, I didnt understand what had
happened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him and tell him how much I love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Forgive myself.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I feel lonely, when I see other friend with their parents.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why is this happenning to my family
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear from this world
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot and felt very scared. I felt guilty.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was a lot at first, but then my mom had to get a job.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was horribole, I wanted to just run away.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That I didnt felt he was dead, I was sure he was right beside me,
telling me everything would be okay.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I can feel him, but have never seen him.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I think he has forgiven me, cause it was as much my fault as his that
we never talked a lot.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont care if I die as long as nobody else suffers.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I talk to him when I feel lonely or scared.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Im still confused.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It hs helped a lot cause I never really talk about my fathers death
to anyone, It husrt so much I think Ill just burst cryibng. Its easier to
write.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 30 14:47:16 1997
Name: Teisha Hinto
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Political science
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like falling asleep
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
repressed it until finally i became angry with them for dying, but it
was years later
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandmother died of cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother expressed anger with other people to cope, and I did poorly
in schoolq
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
They have to deal with it and not let losing someone you love drive
you crazy
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It frees the person from the disease that is plagueing them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 29 19:21:35 1997
F48 in Boston, MA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, 5 wks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 55.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to our physical life here on earth, but a continuation of our
spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought my Grandmother looked very beautiful in her pink-satin lined
coffin, with all the flowers around. Her cheeks were very pink.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Grandfather died from lung cancer induced
by smoking.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how stunned we all were that John will no longer be with us. He was
such a help with problems, and such a very nice person.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's a beginning, rather than an end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having know the people who died, and having gained, perhaps, a better
appreciation of others because of reflecting on what was "lost".
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to other people, crying with other people, remembering out
loud the person who died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to share things with them anymore.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
become friends with my father before he died. get to know my
husband's mother for a few years before she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I actually saw my father laid out in his coffin. Up until that time,
the whole thing seemed almost unreal.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
my father's will.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
(I don't understand what you're trying to get at here.)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
The wonderful, kind, honest people are the ones who die young. The
GDF Bastards hang around and make everyone's life miserable for years
longer than they should.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt desolate that I would never see him again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation for the caring of the medical people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comforting rituals for certain members of my family, but essentially
nothing to me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like going home to God.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was amazed at the number of people who came to my father's wake. I
had no idea that he was so well regarded in the community. (I had moved
away years before.) Even the state Representative (whom my father
campaigned against) was there, as well as i nnumerable relatives and
friends and neighbors. It was overwhelming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I let myself cry when I had to, even if it seemed to make other
people uncomfortable (although that probably did prevent me from crying as
much as I might have). I tried not to be embarrassed by my grief. Our
culture seems not to want to acknowledge death. Some deaths you never
really "get over". I still cry sometimes, thinking about my father or
grandmother. It took me months not to go to the phone to call my
mother-in-law when I read or heard something in which I thought she would
be interested. Sometimes when I come into work, I look around for John to
say hello, and it takes a few moments to realize that he's not here
anymore.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe we each have our own "resurrection." When we reach our own
spiritual height we will be reunited with God. I am sure this is a very
individual thing. I don't think it will happen to us all en masse.
However, I don't want to dictate what God is going to do. I want to be
cremated. Once I'm gone, I won't be here anymore, and it makes no sense to
me for the people who are left to place unnatural importance on my
leftover physical carcase.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Since John's death was so recent, I've done some of this thinking
very recently. I don't like to go to funerals or wakes, but I do when I
have to. I like to think of the person who has died as merely "not here
right now." Sometimes I'm afraid of death, and sometimes I'm not, although
I would never seek it out.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 29 13:20:08 1997
F28 in Havertown, PA =USA=
Name: Clare Block <cblock-at-mgk.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Elisabeth Kubler Ross, Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The ending of our physical life but a continuation of our spirit and
memory.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
missed them terribly and felt as though there was an immense
emptiness in my life.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother died of old age. I saw her
before she died and went to the viewing, funeral and burial
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The intense sadness at the loss of someone who I should have known
better. A feeling of incompleteness and yet total gratitude for having a
father who made me who I am.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a natural part of living. Just because we've experienced life, it
does not mean that death is going to be better or worse, just different.
Death is often an end to physical suffering and needs to occur in a warm,
loving environment.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I spent a year learning about my father. Prior to his illness, I
never really thought about how much I am like him nor did I think about
what kind of person he was. He was simply Dad. I have learned that my
deep belief in God is directly related to who my father was and how he
lived his life. He lives in my heart now as never before. I now talk to
him everyday and as much as I miss him, I realize that he has given me
strength and endurance and that he is always with me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband. He cared about my father and was willing to listen to my
ramblings, tears and frustration. He never tried to tell me that it would
get better because he knew that it wouldn't. He was honest, loving and
most of all, supportive.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching my father suffer in pain. I still struggle with the idea
that he worked non-stop his whole life and then had to face this terrible
illness. There is a part of me that understands that his dying wasn't so
bad because it was the only way he would ever rest but I feel cheated. I
always wanted to see him go on vacations, enjoy life, spend time with his
grandchildren and most importantly, my mom. I'm still angry about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be gentle. If they have had a serious illness, it is likely that
they have been man-handled by nurses and doctors. A warm soothing touch
and a soft voice gave my father great comfort. Also, pay attention to
their physical movements, my father coul dn't speak but was able to
communicate with his eyes.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to let go. Even though I wanted to hold onto him forever, I
knew he needed to be released from his pain. I was able to honestly tell
him that it was OK to let go and go to God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He was misdiagnosed and then found out that he had lung cancer and a
heart anurysm. In the beginning, I was in a constant state of fear.
Later decisions were easier because the goal was clear, the least amount
of suffering with maximum quality of l ife time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hug him more. When I was little, his hugs felt like they could
protect me from the world. When he got sick he was so frail that he had no
strength. I wanted my hugs to make him feel safe
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Take him to his last chemotherapy appointment. We had a really good
day. We talked sometimes and sometime we just read or watched TV but it
felt very comfortable. I stayed with him the entire day and well into the
evening at home. We watched hock ey and we talked. He was very much my
Daddy that day, not just a cancer patient.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My father patted my hand the day before he died. He was telling me
that everything would be alright.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I know I'm not over it. I never will be. I cried uncontrollably the
other day because it was a perfect Spring day and if he were alive, we
would have sat on the porch together and just watched the cars go by.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He worked his whole life without a break. Always two jobs never just
one. He didn't even get to retire.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hold him again. Curl up in his lap and make him protect me from my
brothers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was able to talk about him without becoming terribly sad. I could
acknowledge how important he was to me without falling apart. This has
only happened within the last week. I even feel happy at times to know
that I had a wonderful father.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude. The oncologist never gave us false hope and didn't try to
pin down Dad's life to "well he has three months." He told us what to
look for and didn't put Dad through unnecessary tests. Before things got
really bad, they provided Hospice c are which made all of the difference.
The doctor always returned phone calls and explained every procedure
numerous times.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Weekly visits from priests who knew my father's lifelong beliefs.
Support from so many different friends regardless of faith. A burial mass
that truly celebrated his life and what he meant to his family.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
inspiring and uplifting. Heaven and who would get in didn't matter.
There is a feeling of being connected to other people who are in pain. I
have begun to suspect that true "Heaven" is an individual state and that
church rules and regulations are irrelevant.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't really matter. We never had any before and we don't have
any now. Money was never a big focus in our lives as a family. Our
biggest worry is our Mom and she seems to be looking forward to making her
own decisions which was always a point
of contention between her and my father.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We were amazed at the impact that our father had. The support from
people who only knew him through his children was deeply appreciated.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The feeling of calm and relief. I expected to be a mess but it was as
if I knew everything would be OK. I don't know why I knew, I just did.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lack of food or even water. Loss of muscle control, particularly in
the face.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I felt every feeling under the sun. Time by myself needed to be
balanced with time with people who would listen. If I didn't talk about
what was going on in my head, I found that I obsessed over things that I
couldn't control. Once I talked about it, I could let go of it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It's hard to tell because it became difficult for my father to speak.
Before he lost his voice altogether, we heard him speak to his mother and
tell her that he was sorry he was late. My sister dreamt that my Uncle
who also died of cancer was the o ne who took him to see his mother and
father.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I don't really have any unresolved issues because I had the
opportunity to see him as regular human who has flaws just like anyone
else. I am going to miss him especially when I have children. I think
I'm just going to end up talking to him more an d more.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My father's dying had made me more determined to live life on my
terms. I have often felt that there was so much more to him than his job.
I know that I'm going to die some day and that doesn't bother me as much
as the thought of dying with so many
things left unsaid and undone. He wasn't very adventurous, I am.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Car rides were for meditation (they still are). I do my best
thinking while driving.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think about my father in the car everyday as I drive to work. We
had some of our best conversations in the car. I've also been saying a
prayer of gratitude each day for having had my father in my life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was able to learn at a very young age (6) that dying is a natural
part of the cycle of life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? People's Stories, etc.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I cried. The entire time I had a knot in my throat. I guess because
my Dad's death is still so knew that everytime I take the time to explore
my feelings, I learn something new. As sad as I am about losing him, I am
so proud to be his daughter. I miss him so much.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 28 13:06:40 1997
M16 in Newville, PA =USA=
Name: Zak Hair <ZackNINfan-at-aol.com>
Web: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Marina/5369/index.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: High School Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a heart attack; Aged: 82.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss of something or someone that, no matter how much time passes,
we can never get back.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot, then hit my inhaler until I went numb, and finally began
drinking after the funeral. Also, I took up smoking after I had quit for a
year.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great-grandma had a heart attack a day
after I had talked to her on the phone. She just dropped over in her home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how my grandfather (his mother was the one that died) let me sit down
and smoke and drink with him (I was 15 at the time).
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to not look forward to Death like is some huge obstical that can be
overcome with the "right deeds." I know many people believe in heaven and
hell, a reward or eternal damnation, but I had always read that the
Christian religion preaches love everyo ne, no matter what they do. If we
are not to punish anyone for their sins, why should we believe in a God
that allows himself the exclusive right? The whole Christian religion is
contradictory...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being able to have talked to my grandma so recently before she died.
I was able to feel like I had truely said goodbye.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
music. If I distracted myself from the immediate pain, I was able to
look away from it. Music allowed me to focus on someone else's tragedy
instead of my own.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the reality that we would never be able to talk again, that I could
never learn anything more than I had already learned from her. Also,
listening to everyone around me speak of her like she was a goddess, like
she had no flaws. I was reminded of Hol den Caulfield in that way, how the
one thing he hated was phony people.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
accepted her death, and moved on with my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
immediately after my dad recieved the phone call from my grandpa, and
told me what had happened.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped, immensly. Laughing was such an incredible relief, it took
the burden off my chest.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her one more time how much I loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept it, and moved on without any depression or regrets.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the pastor was talking about her life, etc., and I could see a few
tears running down his cheeks. I don't know if anyone else even noticed,
but it was really touching.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
during the service, the funeral director's children were unstairs
playing, and could be heard laughing. Everyone thought it was rude, but I
couldn't see where it made a difference. If anything, it lightened the
situation a little.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"why couldn't you have stayed just a little longer?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die so I would never have to deal with any problems again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought of how much I still had, of all the expectations I had yet to
meet, and of everything that she had selflessly given me, asking for
nothing in return.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. To my grandmother, it was fairly important, so we had a
service the way she would have wanted. But to me, I feel I cannot belong
to any Organized Religion, so the service really meant nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
fairly true. There are only two things that every living thing on the
earth shares: birth and death. So it's only natural that many people
believe that death can be a binding factor.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't play a huge part. There was no huge inheritance or
anything, and everything that needed taken care of fell into place.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how "sorry" everyone said they were. It got old really quick.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
accepting all the things that people gave us: food, gifts, etc.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
mental health. How the person says they are doing, what kind of moods
they are in, their outlook on life. I believe mental health is one of the
most signifigant influences on a person's physical health.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't care, really. I could die right now and not give it another
thought. Sure, I know it would affect many people, and I know I have not
nearly met all of my life goals, but still, if I were to die, oh well. . .
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I drank a lot. I smoked a lot. I did prescription and illegal drugs.
It was probably one of the stupidest things I could have done, but it
helped me get through it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still smoke, but I only drink on a very limited, totally social
basis.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting, to say the least. It made me think about myself,
and reflect on how I really deal with death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 27 22:16:59 1997
F36 in Hamilton, NJ =USA=
Found us by: Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Death and Dying
Authors: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 58.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical body ceases to function.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
confused death and sleep.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My paternal Grandmother died when I was four.
I attended the viewing and funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the alianation between my husband and his birth family because of his
inability to accept his mother's illness and death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
stop viewing death as failure.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I think death is a gift. It is a natural ending, often to
suffering, and a new beginning.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief that our spirits survive and are re-born. Unfinished
business may be finished in another lifetime. We will be re-united again,
many times. Death is a natural point on the circle of life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Sorrow for the loss sooner than expected. Sorrow for my husband's
family distancing themselves from him when he needed them.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
promised my mother-in-law to not let her grandchildren forget her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She decided to discontinue treatment, go home, and die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed when we joked. Especially when the funeral procession got
lost. There was nothing else to do.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Do something about the bad feelings between my husband and his dying
mother.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
give her grandchildren to enjoy.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
She described watching a tomato ripen wondering if she would live to
see it red.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Worrying over too many flowers. Just let people send flowers if they
want to.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think she was too young to die.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the tobacco companies are finally admitting their crimes. Too
late for her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Make people behave themselves.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of trust. More could have and should have been done earlier.
The Oncologist flubbed it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. Our personal spiritual beliefs meant a great deal.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal, natural. It is also pre-Christian European spirituality.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was not much of an issues for us in this death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
none of the logistics went right. Many, many people came. Some of
my husbands family never even spoke to him for all of the three days.
Some of our good friends came and that meant more than family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the smell in the funeral home. Yuck.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I'm more worried about the psychological factors, the process of
grief.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Progress through the stages of grief as if you were sitting on a
beach starting at low tide, waiting for high tide. Let it come wavelet by
wavelet. In and out. Back and forth until it is high tide and you sit in
a sea of grief. Then let the tide go out again.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know nothing of her experience. I know my children claimed to see
her ghost looking at her body in the coffin (they were only 5). I think I
may have felt her presence or perhaps it was my imagination.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel that I have resolved my issues with her. If she had issues
with me, we will deal with them in another life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've thought about my own death quite a lot. I am very comfortable
with it. I find that I am not comfortable at all with the thought of my
children's death before mine.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I placed two roses, one from each of the children in her coffin
before it was closed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I took a course on Death and Dying.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's nice to express myself.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 27 21:44:45 1997
F32 in Parkside, PENNSYLVANIA =USA=
Name: DONNA <dandy13-at-voicenet.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: ADMISSIONS REPRESENTITIVE
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: drug overdose; Aged: 38.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died when i was 9 years old. I remember him being
very ill. He was dying of cancer. My parent's told me he had died, but I
didn't really understand it. I knew I should cry but I didn't really feel
like it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I felt alot of guilt and I still do. Our son is now 5 and helping
him understand he will never see his daddy again is extremely difficult
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was never mean towards my son's father after our breakup.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My current husband.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The way that he died. And the mess he left everyone else to deal
with. The fact that he left a small child without his Daddy. They were
very close.
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
The grief and devastation tend to diminish over time. But when you
least expect it the feelings can come back and flood you. Thy are just
not overwhelming after time has passed
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I would have told him I still loved him and cared about him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be available to my son. and help him through his loss.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of him. Or our son does
something that his father used to do.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He was too young to die. His death was preventable. How could he
have been so selfish to take drugs, and leave the rest of us behind, to
miss him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Be with him.
--Regarding MONEY:
He left a very large sum of money for our son. His family has fought
me for over a year to get htis money. I finally got it put into a secured
trust fund for our son.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
His family would not allow me to attend the funeral.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 26 15:24:08 1997
F14 in winnipeg, manitoba =canada=
Name: Corie Johnston <wojo-at-escape.ca>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: highschool student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A strange hand coming down from the sky, and taking away people you love
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried until i couldn't any more.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... His leg went completely numb then it started shooting
pain. I phoned the ambulance and they took him away. he died not less than an hour
later in hospital.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My mother crying.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's completely natural.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My extended family coming together and being loving.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The awful pain in my stomach.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved him unconditionally and have learned from him to love everything else
unconditionally
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They told me they lost him
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it felt soooo good.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
watch winnipeg sink with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
laugh.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got into his truck and saw all the sunflower seed shells.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
proper grooming.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
claimed all of his stuff as mine.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
uptmost respect.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes very goood
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 25 17:01:24 1997
F40 in Savannah, GA =USA=
Name: S. Pressler <kfan-at-earthlink.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
went through Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 8 months ago ago.
Cause of Death: old age/heart failure; Aged: 92.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the physical existence in this lifetime before you proceed
to the next life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 7 years old and my grandmother mde me kiss the corpse and I have
avoided funerals ever since
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I wished i had gotten to know her earlier in my life (I only met her
in 1986) and how she was such a kind sould to have to suffer so
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there are lives after death and it is cruel to make survivors
stand around at funeral homes and greet people
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brings family together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my belief on reincarnation
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that people exp[ect you to be sociable
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just be there -talk to them- hold their hand
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
always remembered her and stopped in to see her
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
other people avoid the sick and dying
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter heals
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit her more often
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her just a little while before she died and she knew I was there
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I helped her drink and eat
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about what a wonderful person she was
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she had top suffer so before she died
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ease the suffering
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
accepted it after a good cry and silently wished them well on their
journey
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
nursing homes are worthless and uncaring
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having to go through the funeral
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
rightpaying for the funeral and its trapping was exorbitant
--Regarding MONEY:
paying for the funeral and its trappings is way too expensive
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
funerals are cruel and a primitive tradition
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching her die bit by bit
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
breathing - "death rattle"
talking about the past
saying she had seen deceased relatives
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is sad, but a part of life
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she saw her husband and one of her deceased children
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not much - I only hope it is quick and in my sleep
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I silently wish a happy journey to the next life
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
my grandmother made me kiss the corpse
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
interesting
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 25 14:59:17 1997
M25 in juarez city, chihuahua =mexico=
Name: Miguel Angel Torres Ontiveros <sinapsis-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student and janitor
More personal info:
i will like to know more about you and me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 59.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
it is another cicle in all nature
--That first time, how it happened was
well this has been my first death that i seen.it has my mother, she
died in febuary 28.she was sick for more than a week, she had diabeteis
and hi presure.it was about 4:35 am, when my sister toll me that my mother
was geting worts, she toll us that her back was in pain and she could not
breath.she was siting in a sofa, and i laid down her on it.i notice that
her words they become weck,breathless, i was stering at her eyes, when she
only can move her lips.then i realize, she died in frot of my sister and me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
brotherhood, freindship and overall love
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 24 02:35:25 1997
F23 in Eugene, oregon =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
Joel Barber [ed note: Joel is an artist for the Bardo of Death Studies.]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2and a half yrs ago.
Cause of Death: her heart burst unexpectedly due to hardend arteries and
plaque build up from cigarette smoking; Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
as an individual i like to think of death as a part of the cycle of
living. i see alot of humans reacting to death as a finish to their
physical lives. Or the end of the last chance with life .
--That first time, how it happened was
My mothers mother died when I was 13. I came home from school one day
to see suitcases packed in both my parents and my room, i knew we would be
making the drive from Minnesota to Indiana. My mom came home and told me
that her mother had passed away. I only remember seeing my grandmother
once when I was eleven. She and my mother hadn'tspoken for years so it was
like a distant aquantince, although everyone had told me how much my
grandmother had liked me, so I felt I should be concerned that she had d
ied. I later learned she had died of cirohosis of the liver caused by
alcoholism.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The catholic sides of the family were adament about a priest saying
a eulogy at the burial of my grandmothers ashes.Other members of the
family were very critical about the fact that my grandmother wanted to be
cremated and buried with her sister. W e had to answer all kinds of rude
comments about cremation being against the chrstian church and" what a
shame", it was that my grandmother would ask such a thing of her children.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
somewhat accurate: Ifeel that death is a way to return your organic
tools of learning(your body) back to its source(the earth). I also feel
that humans are really one giant collective and our souls will eventually
join together as one giant informa tion bank were souls are refreshed with
new knowledge of life offerd by the souls that are constantly emerging
into the collective. Renewd and eger souls then return,incarnate, eager
for new growth and more expierence.
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasn't really mentioned to much involving my grandmothers
death. I worried briefly about my mother being able to afford my plane
ticket, and my grandfather about worried what he could give give me as a
momento from my grandmother.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone hugged each other and the priest who spoke for my
grandmother really had talked to alot of the family members and had alot
of accurate things to say about my grandmother and her personality. This
helped me feel as though i was there at the f uneral for a reason, instead
of standing around a gravesite only half listening to someone talk about
my grandma as if the bury people five times a day.It helped me to
visualize my grandma and reflect on her and her life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Wondering what it would be like if I were there when my grandma died,
or what it would have felt like if it had been me lying on my bathroom
floor. I can almost visualize it happeningto my grandma and my self at the
same time.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I have heard that our bowels release everything that is held in them
up to the dying point. i haven't heard much else.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I would also have to say that being around relatives I hadn't aeen
for a long time gave me a distraction.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? People's Stories, etc.
I would say that lack of expierence would have more to do with my
ignorance of dealing with death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 24 00:58:46 1997
M29 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Greg
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Browsing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Authors: Ken Ring, Raymond Moody, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: parkinsons disease; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is what happens to us when we have completed what we needed to
complete on this world. it gives us a chance to reasses the highs and lows
of our lives from an outside perspective and use the lessons that we have
learned to do better next time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt jealous that it wasn't me who had died.
--That first time, how it happened was
Friends were killed in an Armoured Personell Carrier
accident,
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was as if the person was only going away for a while, not gone
forever.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death, as one person said, is the final stage of growth.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
for a dying person, it is important that they are helped in their
last moments, by the knowledge that they are a valued i individual.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Visiting the grave of my father after the funeral. I have never been
back after five years.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
They didn't really give a shit about the family of my father, just
about making sure that he had his last rights.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I felt that my mother was insincere in her mourning at the funeral.
It was as if she played a part in a play. It may be harsh, but that was
how it seemed to me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Sadly I have never seen anyone since they died, but then again, I
don't really need to.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am confident that when my time to die arrives, I will face it
calmly, and then turn and run like buggery. I have no fear of death, but
I have to much to do before I go.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
My own experiances with and knowledge of those who have had NDEs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Jealosy. I wished it were me. (I was going through a rough phase...)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 23 15:25:32 1997
Anonymous Guest Dana
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our time with a particular body and social group, and a
move onto something we haven't figured out yet.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was rather indifferent, but sad for those who took it badly
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a good friend died in a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the lines and lines of mourners who barely knew the victim, and
seemed rather overemotional considering their lack of connection.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not necesarily a bad thing, and it happens to everyone. Maybe
we should be happy they don't have to deal with the problems of the world
any longer.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way it forces you to think of the present, for soon enough we all
die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 23 09:03:23 1997
F24 in Springfield, OH =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
www.yahoo.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
More personal info:
i feel a lot better today, after being able to communicate my
thoughts with others
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: gun shot; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of life. We are born from the earth, once we die we are return
to the earth. Its the one thing in life that everyone will experience, we
just don't know when. that's the difficult part.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was five years old. My father's brother was killed in a motorcycle
accident. He was my dad's best friend. I remember seeing the pain on my
father's face at the funeral.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died of lung cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that it was so unexpected. I didn't find out how my brother died
untill I arrived home from college. This is my last year, I have two weeks
left before graduation. I am so behind on my studies, but I am not going
to take an incomplete. My brother wouldn't want that, I want to be able to
feel his presence shining down on me from heaven.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people need a positive way to expression their feelings. I have seen
many times, when negative actions are created from grief stricken
thoughts. People start taking drugs, stealing, more acts of violence
occur.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories that my loved ones have left me with. Whenever someone
passes away in our family, we have a big reception after the funeral. Its
our way of celebrating that person's life. I always feel better afterways,
at least the pain diminishes for a while.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my journal. Most of the really difficult deaths have occurred while I
was in college. I had no family members to talk with in person, and there
are times when talking to your friends just doesn't seem theraputic
anymore. I go down to the park and sit on my favorite rock, with my
journal and special pen. I write till I have nothing more to say.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
waking up and knowing that you can never hug, kiss, or talk to that
person ever again. My heart can feel the pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
When my grandmother was dying, everyone was hovering over her like
she was already dead. It was summer time, and for as long as I can
remember, my grandmother has planted a garden and had flower beds around
the perimeter of her house. Not one person up keep her flowers or gardens
that summer, everyone was so busy arguing over who was going to get what.
But my cousins and I would sometimes sneek my grandmother out onto the
porch and let her look at the beautiful hills in the background. She loved
that, and she would smile. I'll always remember my grandmother's beautiful
smile.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
its ok to cry, its part of the grieving process. talking with others
always help.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was five. I kept calling for my uncle apartment waiting for him to
take me to the park like he did every Saturday. I couldn't understand why
he was answering. I knew he went to heaven, but I figure he would still
get my messages.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
just to tell them, I love them one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see my grandmother one more time before she died. The night before
she passed away, I came home from college. She had been in a comatose
state for the last two days. I sat by her bed and read scriptures from the
Bible. She died early the next afternoon, with a smile on her face.
Everyone came to see her, before they took her away, just to kiss her good
bye one last time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
talking with my mother and just trying to keep my grandmother's
memories alive has helped a lot.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
I guess, I really didn't want to believe she was gone. My grandmother
was my second mother, she took care of me till I was seven. She never
smoked a day in her life, but others did. I blame them for taking her away
from me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 23 03:52:06 1997
F19 in Oregon City, OR =USA=
Name: Melissa Powell <mpowell-at-uofport.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: typist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a closure to life. We become freed of our physical body and are
lifted to heaven in a spiritual body. Depending on one's beliefs, this
spiritual body will live forever, or may choose to come back to earth as a
ghost or reincarnation, or may not eve n exist. Some believe that death
is simply the giving out of our physical body, wherin the body just lies
in the earth and rots after death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot, but mostly because everyone else was crying. My
grandfather had died, and although I didn't get to see him much before he
died, I knew I was going to miss him.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died--of old age, I suppose--and my father was very
upset about it. Whenever someone else gets upset, I get upset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Tim's funeral. It wasn't about mourning, it was about celebrating
life and continuing to live. It was sad that he wasn't there to celebrate
with us, but in a way, I know he was. His spirit was with us, in our
memories, even though his body was not .
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it should not be a time to mourn the passing of an individual,
but to celebrate it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that death has given me a better appreciation for life. I have
learned to live life to the fullest because I have no idea how long I will
have before I have no time left.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer. Reading the Bible. Being more spiritual.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the suffering of my friends and family members. And the feeling of
missing my friend that was no longer with us, knowing that I would never
be able to have a memory with that person, and wishing I had used all the
time that I was with him to make me mories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be there. Don't leave a dying person alone, make memories until the
end, because you will regret it if you don't.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was questioning why God would let this person die, he had so much
more to live for.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Tim would have wanted me to laugh. That was just the kind of person
he was...he would have never wanted me to cry, but to laugh and play.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let them know what they meant to me. Spent more time with them,
especially with my grandparents. I would have liked to know more about
them before they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know Tim at all. He was such a blessing to my life, a breath of
fresh air.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
after Tim's funeral, the sky had been gray and dark all day, but when
I looked up, there was *one* ray of sunshine that was beaming down, strong
and clear through the clouds.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a pair of his red socks in my sock drawer. Tim used to wear
red socks every day, and when he died, his wife gave a pair to every one
of his friends to remember the fun he was.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did he have to die?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
understand it all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
mourned, and then I prayed and told them everything that I wish I had
said before they died...how much they meant to me and how they had touched
my life, because I knew that they could still hear me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
at least they tried. Tim died in Mexico, receiving treatment for his
cancer. But he was where he wanted to be, on the beach, in the sunlight.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
there were so many people there to pray for me and Tim, who were
always there for me, who supported me through everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone who ever knew Tim was there...students from where he taught,
collegues, military people, everyone. There were hundreds of people at
his funeral. And we all knew that Tim wanted us to be there, having fun,
and not mourning his death, but li ving our life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
getting Tim's socks.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I prayed with my family and with my friends. I would talk about my
memories with Tim, but what helped me the most (and yet, what was the most
emotional for me), was listening to how Tim affected the lives of everyone
he met. Everywhere from hunting stories to stories about his red socks,
nobody he knew went away untouched.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The experience for me was thought provoking. I'm glad that I took
the survey, because it helped me to remember Tim, and remember what he did
for me, and how his death affected me, but better still, how his life
affected me. For that, I am grateful.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 23 01:45:48 1997
Contributor Gabriel <gabriel-at-sonoma.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Psychology student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: multiple sclerosis; Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The body quits working, all systems fail, and the indwelling life
force leaves it behind and goes off to seek out and explore new worlds and
new experiences.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
...didn't allow myself to cry. I stuffed my feelings so determinedly
that my throat and jaws tightened and hurt.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great grandmother died of cancer. I
suddenly realized that nobody I'd known had ever died before. And later I
came to realize how much I'd loved and enjoyed my grandmother. I was 20
when she died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
... being so sensitive to my sister's "life force" as it left her
body beginning at the extremities. Just before her heart and breath
stopped, her eyes "focussed" for a millisecond. This affirmed to me my
long-held intuition that when the spirit leaves the body it leaves through
the top of the head, and that there is a place in the brain that is the
last connective site between spirit & body. At the moment that I felt her
body quit & her spirit leave, a greeting card posted above her head fell
off the wall.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
To talk about it, and to prepare for it, and to stop thinking about
it in terms of heaven and hell, sheeps and goats. It's a natural process,
a gateway to something more like ourselves, more like our natural essence.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was able to be there in the presence of that "birth", the
emergence of a soul from its coccoon. And that I was able to be so tuned
in. AND that I got to talk to my sister, who was in a coma, and to cry,
and to tell her how deeply I loved her but had never been able to say
before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 22 14:06:52 1997
F in Venice, CA =USA=
<floresm-at-mail.sdsu.edu>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: psychology major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the physical disappearance of a person whose memory may live on in
the hearts of those who knew them. Death is also moving to another more
abundant life somewhere else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in elementary school. It was one of my grandmother's old
friends. He had known me since I was a baby. When I went to his funeral
I felt this magnewtic pull toward his casket, which I thought was weird
but I didn't get scared.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that although this person gave me life I could not grieve him as did
those who knew him. I was never close to my biological father. All I
really remember is that I didn't quite know how I was supposed to feel.
His death allowed me to meet relative s I had never met before and also
find out that I have a half-sister. I guess the whole death didn't seem
real to me because I read it in the newspaper before I was ever told in
person. He had to be creamated so the whole death didn't seem real.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
God does not intend for death to be a punishment to those living
rather it is the gift of a fuller life for those who have passed on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that death allows you to appreciate and cherrish life more. At each
death of a person you realize that one day it will be you and that you
should lead a better life while you have the chance. Express your
innermost feelings for others before it is too late.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I really can't say because I kind of had to deal with this death
alone. My little cousin wrote me a card telling me she was sorry about my
father which I thought was very nice. I guess I pretty much cried to
myself and avoided really discussing the topic. I don't think I actively
sought any support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I never really got to know this man that was my father. My mother
never really allowed me to be cclose to him so when I would see him I
would hope he didn't see me. I was at a point in my life where I had
decided I wanted to get to know my father a nd just about then my father
was killed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really get to know my father on a personal level. I wish I had taken
the time to thank him for giving me life. I was told about how much he
loved me and I wish I could have heard it from him instead.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a particular son by Reba McIntire called The greatest man I
never knew. Sometimes when I wonder what it would be like to have a
father present in my life. When I hear my boyfriend call his father
daddy. I never had a daddy of my own.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone could kill my father in cold blood and rob me of the
opportunity to get to know him. It's not fair that my half-sister who was
so attatched to him won't ever grow up with a father either.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place to pray about what had happened but nothing else.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that I was chosen to sit in front with all of the family yet no one
really knew who I was. I was always just a name but now I had a face.
The face of a nineteen year old girl that some people thought was only
about twelve.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed filling out the questionairres however I felt that some
questions kind of expected a particular type of answer.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Death of people that are not close to us can affect us just as much
as the death of someone close to us.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 21 23:55:43 1997
F25 in omaha, ne =usa=
Name: Nikki
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking up personality quizzes
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: homemaker
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
confusing. humans want to understand, and cling to many beliefs, but
really no one is sure and that scares people.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so young i didn't grieve.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was my grandmother, and i felt weird
because i'd written her a letter but hadn't mailed it, i felt bad about
that, and felt sorry for her, and hoped it hadn't hurt
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
fascinated because like most teenage girls i'd thought about it.. i
tried to picture him, was completely facinated by the whole thing, cut out
the obit in the paper too, and most of all, i just couldn't believe it had
happened to someone else when I had been thinking about it.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i don't know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i saw how quickly people moved on after the suicide.. and how
everyone called it stupid as well as tragic... it kindof helped me to see
it as not a solution to my own problems
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
it has always been myself plus a belief that there is something
higher out there, and that life is for giving and loving and learning and
not for focussing on death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
guilt that it wasn't me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them that you love them, and listen to them speak or hold them
or whatever else they need
--[My Colleague's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't catch the "suicide bug" instead, it made me realize how stupid
a waste teenage suicide is
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it didn't make sense why someone so young should hve to have gone
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nothing, i laughed by myself
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get past it in my own mind, and not let it push me further into
depression
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not really anything
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i'm not sure
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i didn't know him that well
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it should have been me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know what happens to people's souls when they die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sad, though i didn;t cry, and prayed for him, tried to speak to
him in case there is truth to ghosts.. then i moved on, it was the most
impactive death i've seen but not a very close relative or lover
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
prevention of earlier deaths(life-prolonging)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i'm not sure
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
numbness, the typical heart attack symptoms, or in the case of
stabbing or something sudden, feeling cold and the pain subsiding, not
being able to breathe
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i don;t understand the question
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm afraid of the pain pain of the actual moment of death, as selfish
as that is
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
afraid it will hurt when i die
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
fine, it made me feel like since my friend wasn't a LOVED ONE that
maybe i wasnt' right for the survery
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 20 12:57:29 1997
F20 in Ridgecrest, CA =USA=
Name: Jerri Jenkins <screamer-at-ridgecrest.ca.us>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Graphic Artist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain anyurism; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a physical loss. All that remain are memories and even those can
fade with time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused. I didn't understand the enormity of the situation. I
didn't realize that I would never be able to see that person again. That
person would never be able to do the things that I could. Those things I
realized as I became older.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first death I knew dealt with pets. We had many animals around
my home, some which I had become very attached to. The death itself was
awful, realizing that that particular pet was no longer around. But it
was my moms favorite pet and to see h er upset made me feel 10 times as
bad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I didn't feel bad for myself ... I felt for my dad. I was not very
close to my grandmother, yes he was her only child and she was the only
faamily he had besides my mother and I. I remeber feeling so awful
because I was unable to leave school to go across country to help him with
everything and my mother would not go. I cried because he had to handle
the whole situation by himself and I couldn't get it out of my mind how
miserable he must be. I felt helpless.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Well, I know that everyone has their own way of dealing with death,
so how I can I really suggest that the culture as a whole need to learn
how to deal with it? I don't think a culture can learn something like
that when everyone has such different b eliefs.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to appreciate my own life and live it to the fullest, as
well as appreciating the time I spend with others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am not a person that turns to others for support. I know one day,
I may be in a situation where my thoughts are too overwhelming and I must
have support. But for now, I like to deal with things myself and I always
deal with everything better when I am able to write down my thoughts on
paper. I seem to be able to work everything out that way and that is the
way I support myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the memories that constantly haunted me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
what happens to us when we are gone?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time, get to know them better, fly to Paris with them ...
there are a million "could haves", but you can really dwell on those. I
have to think abotu the things that we did.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see certain things, I am reminded of the loss and wish that she
were still here.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a bit of relief, thinking that maybe they are in a better place
now and that they would not want me to be sad that they had to leave us.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 20 10:49:27 1997
Name: Snickers
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 19yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss,that leaves a void in your life. it can be human or animall
but it leaves you feeling a great loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very sad..but i understood,.since my dad had died when i was a
baby..i knew what death meant
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the finality of it .
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
we do everything else with someone,but are expected to die
alone....i.e. hospitals keep people out of ICU units.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 20 10:49:05 1997
F20 in Taylor, PA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: college-psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 ago.
Cause of Death: ; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of life, but difficult to accept and understand
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and confused
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father died of blod clot problems when I
was 11
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how sad so many people were and how my family was there for me
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
time will make it better, but will not let it go away
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
increase in self-strength
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my sister
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the finality of it and the loss of a parent
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them be sad, listening to them, and loving them
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
went on with my life and am making it worthwhile and important,not
just greiving and doing nothing
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
because I was young
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him what he meant
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the time I did with him and have my mom there with me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my family helped with daily chores and cared for us
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my wedding day and he will not be there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that all other kids have a dad and I do not
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back and have him be here
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wondered how I could handle it and be able to live
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of attention to the patient
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having faith and never-ending support in my life
--Regarding MONEY:
we had more difficult times because it decreased
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time and love are the key
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
mom,sister, friends, counselors,boyfriend
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
attention to schoolwork
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
passage of time, strength
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very good
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 19 09:34:34 1997
M45 in Missoula, Montana =USA=
Name: <reavely-at-myself.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: contractor services manager
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 77.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An ending to one season and beginning of another.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
fell apart.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother passed away from cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How open and honest my father was and how much that helped me
accept the end of his life as I knew it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
acceptance
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father and I came to be very close and caring people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching him go from a very vibrant man to someone who needed
help with the most basic functions of life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To reassure them that you will be okay.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Went through the last year of his life, the lessons I learned
and how much respect I have for him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I knew in my heart he was going to leave us soon and his wife
would not accept it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didn't happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I did everything that I wanted to. My father knew how much I
loved him, when he left.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we called the music group into play the harps for him. Was the
most wonderful hour. He passed on 12 hours later.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what other people thought.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about him everyday. My brother passed away three months
after my father. One third of my family is gone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He shouldn't have to go through this again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice care givers are the most gifted people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not organized religion. One on one relationship with the Lord
got me through this.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Finally arriving at your intended place the Lord has set aside
just for you.
--Regarding MONEY:
my father has kept a promise he gave to my mother. Every thing
was taken care of and he gave us a gift bigger than we could
have ever imagined.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We celebrated his life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My father hands looked like he was 20 years old after he had
gone. I just wanted to hold those hands forever.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
listen to your heart.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
we did it in stages. One acceptance is there, you are free
to be you.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes, and I believe I would handle it the same way my father
did, with diginity.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
You share your emotions, remember the good times and go on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
My belief in the Lord
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Silence & Taboos
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
okay
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 19 05:41:47 1997
F57 in milwaukee, wi =usa=
Name: gloria branch <branchout-at-webtv.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: homemaker
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart-attack; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
natural
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a family friend,and playmate died
from a serious illness.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the love we have for her.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
A start to an everlasting life with God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the effect have on my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith in God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
remembering special days together.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just that you loved them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to value life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when there was so much suffering.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was glad they will not suffer anymore.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time together.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how well loved by friends & family
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
was there any left for anyone.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm feeling blue.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why should it be that person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go in their place
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was hurt.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the best of care was given.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
strenght &faith.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like common bond between mankind.
--Regarding MONEY:
not to much of a burden.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
A beautiful celebration of life's effect on others.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I feel like was still there with me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
take the time & whatever means to grieve.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
did'nt beleive in that.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
to be a better person
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know it come.I hope I have set a fine example for others.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
have family talks remembering them.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
the things I learned on raising my family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
trusting God to strenghten you.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
lack of understanding
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It gave good insight on my true feelings.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 18 21:19:50 1997
F34 in Frederick, Maryland =USA=
Name: <car154-at- webtv.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Hospice ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Human services/Aging
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of physical existance. Our soul, which has
grown with us during our lifetime, leaves the body at
death, and transcends to the next level of existance. When
we are thinking alot about someone, I feel that htey are
with us in spirit, visiting for a few moments.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought about how they were here just a few weeks ago,
teaching me a new talent, and they were gone, just like
that. How could this person look so happy on the outside,
and be so sad on the inside? Didn't she know how much I
enjoyed her????
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... the first person that I remember
dying a tragic death, and it was also my first death, was
my baton teacher. She had a problem with depression, and
overdosed on pills in her car outside of the hospital where
she had treatment. They found her weeks later, partially
decomposed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
how my Grandmother, laying in the ICU bed, with monitors
and oxygen hooked up to her. I was trying to locate my
older cousin, to tell him that Nannie was dying, and I
finally got a messagethrough by emergency operator to his
Mother in Law. I walked into the room, where my other
cousins were with Nannie, and said I found Greg but he was
far away. Nannie woke up, or so it seemed, and looked
right at me. Then she closed her eyes. It was like, "OKay,
now I can die." She did, later on that night.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To not be so afaid of it. We need to talk more about
death, ad really, to celebrate life more as well. When
people are dying, we avoid them, feeling like we are
intruding on their last moments. We need to let that
person know that we love them, and that we apppreciate
them, and help them on into their next life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The closer relationship I have with myGrandfather, and also
my Mother. I have learned to sppreciate them both much,
much more through the loss of my Grandmother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband was the greatest support, as he knew how close I
was to my Grandmother.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my Mother lose her Mother. She held on to her hand
so tight, and I was afraid that she would die from her
loss, that is how emotional she was.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be prepared to have the most stongest of your emotions
surface during your stay . All the demons in the world
will surface to take you away from what you are doing
(keeping your loved one company in his departure) However,
try to remember that time is very precious, and these last
moments will be forever ingrained in your memory. Finish
unfinished business, let them know how you really feel, and
let them go in peace and love.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I handled much of my emotions and pain with drugs and
alcohol, which robbed me of the chance to truly put things
back in perspective. However, time has a strange way of
turning things around, and now I FEEL GREAT JOY when I
think of my grandmother.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
All the monitors were going off, when her blood pressure
was dropping. I finally told the nurse to turn them off,
and give me enough time before her death to make phone
calls.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
lI didn't know how else to release the pain.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my Nannie just once more, that i love her very much,
and to thank her for raising me and putting up with my
sorry self !!!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her two nights before, when she first went into the
hospital. She was confused and disoriented, as she thought
I was my Mother. I stayed with her, and came back in the
next morning to giveher a bath and put on her nice nightie
set. I fixed her hair, and she said "Than you so much. I
love you!"
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the nurse gave me a hug
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My uncle asked my grandfather about her will 2 hours after
her death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something I think my Nannie would like, and realize
that she is not here to give it to. Or when i want to call
her and tell her about school, her dog, et cetera.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my Grandfather is hurting so bad from his loss.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
HUG HIM HARD
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
though about all the good memories, and realized that other
people hurt just as bad if not worse. i try to find
strength in the signs that Nannie gives me from above, like
the first spring, when I was in rehab, and pansies bloomed
wildly all over her grave, like she was happy that I was
getting my life together.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They still have alot to learn about taking care of confused
people in the hospital......However, the doctor wrote me a
very nice note when my Grandma died.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not so much for me, but i knew it was an important part of
my Nannies life.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
did not understsnd question. s orry
--Regarding MONEY:
my greedy uncle asking about her will
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how my Mom and I put something in my Grandmas casket that
represented each of the grandchildren and great
grandchildren Even the pets. She also had her glasses,
and some money. Must be the Egyptian in us
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how I really didn't think it was happenening at all, like
it was a strange dream.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When my Mom called me from the hospital(Penna.) and I was
in MD. to come home quick, I was in denial and didn't come
right away. When the medical team tells you to gather
family, listen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the hardest part is the funeral, as it is very very final.
There is no more looking at them, no more thinking about
the smiles or tears that once graced that beautiful face,
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I feel their prescence often, and know when they are
around. Just like the ray of sunshine that BURSTS out of
the sky onto the road ahead, or when I dream about her and
I feel her arms holding me like she did when iwas a child.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I have a therapist tha I talk to. I have much guilt about
using the drugs and alcohol to deal with my life, and I
missed out on the best and the last years with my Nannie
because of them!!!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am just exploring life, and have not given much thought
to death. One thing I do know, It is a sure bet!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Little Nannie chores, like passing the perfume counter and
seeing her favorite"Estee Lauder", or finding a photo nd
talking to it. I also burn candles in rememberance, making
it her special time. Talking to my Grandfather is also a
ritual, because it also makes me feel close to her.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Visiting her grave, which is nestled in the beautiful hills
of the Penna, Dutch country. I pull the weeds around her
grave, talk to her, and visit neighboring graves that look
like no one comes to.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
not allowing myself to feel my own feelings
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that evwen though I am very aware of my feelings,
that this questionare might be a very good start to
ahealing process for those that have denied themselves the
chance to heal.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Shall We Share Your Comments?: Feel free to share
Identify You?: Ok to show email address only
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 17 23:52:30 1997
M23 in Camden, TN =USA=
Name: Jason Tippitt <jasrtipp-at-mars.utm.edu>
Web: http://mars.utm.edu/~jasrtipp/
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Found it on Yahoo.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Pre-Law
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Authors: C.S. Lewis, Robert Fulghum, Harlan Ellison
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 0 ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the machine winds down and won't work any more.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared it would get me next, and that I'd burn in hell for
some stupid something like stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was the kid down the street. He was
run over by a woman who always drove dangerously. He died, she
didn't even go to jail. I'd been playing with the kid just a couple
of days before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
a sense of loss, of hurting because I knew I'd never hear him speak to
me again, never laugh with him, never learn from his wisdom.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't hinge all your bets on an afterlife; live for this one, the one
that's a sure bet, because if there's nothing more after this world, you'd
better make the most of your time on it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
going to his grave, talking to him inside my head, saying all the
things I needed to say to him, and hearing a little bit of him living
on in me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to get to the hospital when he was sick, or to the
funeral after he died.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love all of them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my skepticism about an afterlife collided with my strong desire to
see him again, which I've still not totally resolved.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes you have to laugh at life, if only to keep from crying
about it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him at the hospital, which I didn't because I assumed he'd be
better, and I was terrified he wouldn't.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my aunt gave me a pack of my uncle's favorite chewing gum.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
attending the funeral; I made my peace with him alone, and that
seemed to do the job more profoundly than in a large group of
well-wishers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm with a girl and I wish he was there to give me a thumbs-up or
thumbs-down; I never realized how much I depended on his insights into
people until he was gone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he should die twenty years younger than his father was at his
death; that he should manage to outlive two Presidents he hated but not
the third; that he should die while a lot of worthless people are still
alive and well.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know for sure whether there is another life after this one.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sat down and wrote out what I remembered about him and what I'd
learned in the time that I knew him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing for me, a lot for my family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
this feeling that he's living on in me in some way; I've started to
say and do thinks like he did, almost as though I'm seeing the world
through his eyes. Not that it's a bad thing; he was the wisest man I've
ever known.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
pushing yourself to feel better is pointless, absolutely pointless.
It's an organic process that can't be turned on and off like a
lightswitch.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none, at least none I heard about. All of which reinforces
my theory that all that stuff is in the brain, not reality.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
He and I, thank goodness, didn't leave any unsettled business that I
can think of. He knew I loved him, I knew he loved me -- and he knew I
respected him more than anyone else I knew.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I figure it'll happen sooner or later, but stressing out will only
speed it up. As for an afterlife, I think a field of daisies feeding off
me would be good enough for me; anything more will be an added bonus.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just going to his grave and having this inner conversation with him
about my life and what I want to do with it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
His widow gave me a pack of his favorite gum. The first week or two,
whenever I was in stress, I'd chew a piece out of that pack. And now it's
the only gum I chew. I do it in his memory.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I was also pretty young; I didn't really grasp all of it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
Hellfire-n-brimstone religion really warps kids' minds; I used to lie
under the sheets at night crying in terror.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very soul-stirring. I didn't realize until I took this survey that
I've gotten quite so far along in recovering as I have.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
ThuApr 17 19:50:32 1997 F39 in Eldersburg, MD =USA=
but grew up in Silver Spring
<sulor-at-erols.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Child and Family Psychiatric Clinical Nurse Specialist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Coping With the Loss of a Sibling
(or something like that), Necessary Losses
Authors: Kubler-Ross, Judith Viorst, ?other
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 24 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 8 1/2 yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
different to different people. My belief is that death is the
transition from life as we are experiencing it now in this (the human)
form to a dimension unimaginable to me at this time. This dimension is a
different 'way' of being, not a 'non' being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was almost 15 years old. I expected intellectually that my brother
was going to die and I had a premonition the morning of the evening he
died
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... When I was 10 I learned that my youngest
brother (then 4 years old) had leukemia. He died 4 years later 11/30/72
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feelings of numbness, emptiness, not being able to touch my brother
ever again. This is not my most recent death, it is my most significant
loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Different people grieve differently. There are no 'normals' although
there are grief reactions that hinder functioning with daily living that
may go on so long that it is destructive to a person's life and others
lives who share theirs with this pers on that can be considered
"abnormally" long and/or unresolved. I think some people need to learn
not to say "I know how you are feeling" when they really do not; or to
avoid saying things like "He's better off now" or to a parent "at least
you have other child(ren)", etc. Also, children need to be recognized for
their own grieving/grieving styles. The most horrible thing anyone ever
said to me and my surviving brother was (my paternal uncle): "just
remember, your parents are feeling worse than you are , so take care of
them." Or something like that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother was out of pain. Also, I developed into a very empathic
person with a lot of skill and tolerance of high emotion. This has given
me the opportunity to help a lot of people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Eventually, the time I spent with myself and my memories of my
brother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching my parents grieve and experiencing the loss of them over the
years during my brother's illness and then after his death. We were all
robbed of a large piece of our lives
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
FYI - my parents decided that it was best for my other brother and I
not to be there. This was a terrible decision. In spite of my age when
my brother died, I still had fantasies for years (even though I knew it
was not possible) that he was really still alive. There was no objective
finality
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I'm not sure I understand the above statement. However, my response
is to say I don't and didn't 'need' others to know anything about what I
was/am capable of
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't sure when it was "OK" to live and enjoy life again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this did not happen to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye to my brother and talk with him about how he felt and
what he was going through
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
eventually use my experience to help other
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had a premonition/message that my brother was going to die that
night
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I have a sense there was something(s) like this but I don't remember
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the anniversary of his death comes around or his birthday or when a
brother or nephew reaches certain ages
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my brother had to be sick, uncomfortable, in pain, ...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
this does not happen anymore. In the past I would have completed this
statement by saying ... I wish I could be with my brother somehow; but I
never really wanted to be dead
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stayed numb and felt very empty and lonely
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there was a severe lack of support for me, my other brother, and my
parents re: specific people to help us with our feelings and grief. EG:
their are now counselors, social workers, Child Life Specialists, etc.
that are readily available
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a structure and tradition that provided stability, order, specific
things that were to be done at certain times, in certain places, in
certain ways, and with certain people
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
this is what I call G-d. The living force/energy that I feel connects
all living things; including humans, animals, plants, trees, etc.
--Regarding MONEY:
I don't remember anything about this
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I know there were many people there but I remember very few
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my severely ambivalent feelings about wanting my brother to 'contact'
me somehow. I was both terrified of this idea as well as desparately
hoping it would happen
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
this was not important to me. I have been with and/or around many
people dying because of my profession and I think that what is most
important frequently is when the individual is ready to die
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you already said it: everyone has their own process
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I wish I knew enough back then to ask him about this. With my
grandmother, I believe she was talking with her husband, my paternal
grandfather, and others who have died. She was reluctant to admit this but
hinted at it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I don't think I have any unresolved issues WITH my brother. But
sometimes I think I have unresolved issues ABOUT my brother, his illness,
and his death. I at times work things out by myself, and at other times
with friends, relatives, or a therapist
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I frequently think about this. I am not afraid of death. I think I
still have a lot to do in this life/dimension but in some ways I look
forward to seeing and experiencing what it's like after death. I don't
want to die anytime soon though.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing letters to my brother whenever I felt like it - more in the
form of journal entries than letters at times
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No rituals. But my 'practices' etc. have to do with trying to
experience even life's difficulties as learning opportunities and I think
about how lucky I am to be whole and healthy. I also use my attitude and
empathy to help others every day as I sta ted above
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Other = Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
What I mean here is that I didn't want to speak w/my parents about
this fearing I would cause them more grief - so this would best be titled,
"family's grief" or "concern about family's feelings"
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am very glad you are doing this research. I did get a little teary
about my feelings a little which I feel is good for me albeit a little bit
of a surprise. It was interesting to me that for the questions that did
not apply to me, I felt frustrated with the questions/the person who may
have written them. The feeling of 'who do you think you are. you don't
know/understand how I/we feel/felt.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 17 18:22:16 1997
Anonymous Guest in London, KY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 year ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 89.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a terrible loss. An empty void that will never be filled. Losing
something close to you that you loved.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8. It was very hard for me, especially because it was so sudden
and it happened to a person my age. It really made me ponder death
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a boy in my 4th grade class developed a tumor
in his brain.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was Christmastime, and he had sent our gifts in advance. When I
opened it, it was a collage of all the things we had done together.
Needless to say, I bawled.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not wonderful that a person died and went to heaven. It is
great, but it is a loss to the rest of us who knew and loved them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I knew my Uncle would be with his wife again
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and the thought of how happy he was with his wife.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to ever see them agai.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't cry
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a way of dealing with it I still don't quite understand
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I'm sorry I can't finish this. Bye!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
My other classmates went through it with me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 17 09:11:43 1997
F36 in ROCKFORD, IL. =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: LPN,RETAIL
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: A GIFT OF HOPE,WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Authors: ROBERT L. VENINGA
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 1 mo ago.
Cause of Death: CAR ACCIDENT; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Would say hes with God and in heaven.. And is at peace with
himself..Its ok to cry and be sad..We will miss him, but he is with us
spiritually.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was confused and told nothing........
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... When I was 8yrs old I lost my mother I thought
even though I seen her in the casket she would come back home...Wasn't
explained to me..wasnt suppose to cry (BE STRONG)My mother died from
cancer and at the age of 4-5 she was in and out of the Hosp. so I just
thought she was coming home again..Then as I grew up and realized she was
coming home I was Angry..At what I didnt know. Until I was 17 met the man
who became my husband of 14yrs had a Son in 1979. Got pregnat with our
2nd boy which was born 3 months early. and he lived 6months before
he passed away..due to heart problems and 2 surgerys..I was Sad but at
peace knowing my boy did not suffer anymore..
Then March 10th of 1997 My first born 18yrs old was Coming home
from work and bang! he lost control of his car and passed away..This death
has struck me the hardest ever! Parents are suppose to outlive there
children...I have come to believe that my Sons were recieved by God.
Doesn't take the pain away..I pray each day that God help me thru this
all moment by moment..I did have another child a girl in 1986 she is
healthy and I do fear alittle about her..God recieving her too! I think
its a normal thought and I continue to pray for Gods will to be carried
out..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
The last phone call we had together and our last words were I LOVE
YOU. Affected me a great deal alot of pain and alot of saddness. He was a
great boy honoroll student to go to college in the fall.very responsible
and always helping others in there t ime of crisis.That was my boy! A
delight to be around..His father and I have divorced now of 8yrs and As we
stood before our Son at his funeral we shared the memories. He our Son was
the best baby, youngman and Man. Watching him grow up inspired me to Gr ow
and Love him unconditionally. My Siblings of course 5 sisters 5 brothers
were all there I was quiet and calm.. They didnt know me at all.I have
stayed away from my family..because my disease of alcohol gets a close
look therefore I stay away and live m y life the way God would want me
to...I Love my Family dearly but from a distance I Love them. My daughter
is afraid and confused and seeing a theripist know and I hope she will
grieve her brother in a healthy way.It is sad for her now. she was told
around the age of kindergarden she had a brother that passed away..and she
asked alot of queations about it.I choose to not keep any secrets with my
children. They new alot.We remained open, Honest, And caring thru my
Sobriety.A real loving relationship we h ad no false pretense..We layed
are cards on the table and discussed what ever it was...Didnt hide
anything.And know my Fiance which we were suppose to be married April 12th
this year and my Son that recently past away was giving me away..We
cancelled for now..My relationship with my Fiance has been up and down at
times frustration on both of us..However we do talk and share our feelings
with each other we have become much stronger as time passes.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Allowing others to grieve in there own way..Feel ther feelings and
allow them just to be...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Sobriety and the love I gave to my boy. without any expectations
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God and Recovery
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having to say goodbye physically
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I LOVE YOU,
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dont have a son there...Can cry grieve and still love..
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went to a head dr. and they loaded me up on medication. Since I
have been off. It just masked my feelings. I dont go see the dr. anymore
and believe God will help thru this time of loss.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
IT WAS A DEFENSE ON MY PART COULDNT LAUGH AND STILL HAVENT
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
BE THERE WHEN HE PASSED AWAY.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
HAVE AWARNESS AND CONCEPTION OF GOD.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i HEAR A SONG AT THE STORE OR AT HOME AND CERTAIN PEOPLE YOUNG MEN
TRIGGER ME TO THINK ABOUT MY SON.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Yes, and why my boy? You already have one, why both? For me that's
a fighting battle and I give it back to God each day.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Sleep, Sleep, sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried and Cried and I am still crying. Get angry at God and IN
know he understands that. Even bargained with God. So I choose to
believe he is in a wonderful, peaceful place today, watching over his mom
and sister.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Bull... I'm upset that my boy was not body scanned and that had
that been done, we would have seen his problem-- the left pulminary was
ruptured.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing... I go to recover and pray to my God each day all day at
times.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Warm, Loving, Kind, Caring and Peaceful.
--Regarding MONEY:
Didn't matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My ex-husband's girlfriend trying to make scenes which happened,
and tried to appear like she was Mom. But she is young enough to be
my son's girlfriend. She caused a lot of bad situations and I am grateful
that I didnt' feed into her unhealthy behavior.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Acknowledging him there in the casket.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Don't wish to shrae, but have seen both of my boys, Easter Sunday
1997.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
God, felt a lot of love from my son, and had no unresolved issues.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
When God takes me, it will be in his time, and not mine. No fear
of death.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My Mother's Day card from last year: a lot of meaning, it tells
me a lot about how he wants me to be happy and he respects me for me as a
mom and as a person.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Recovering Alcoholic since 1990 no drugs or alcohol!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
Unless someone has been here where I have, I choose not to talk
about it. Tired of the remarks of others. God needed him, and it will be
okay.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Can you put daughter and son on the questionnaire? It wasn't on
there.
[Ed. Note: It actually is on there already; but you have to move the
scroll bar down to select some of the choices which are not shown.]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 17 00:06:32 1997
F45 in Albuquerque, New Mexico =USA=
Name: Mary Ellen Holmen
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Counselor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles:
Authors: Stephen Levine's books
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer w/brain metastasis; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My aunt (Mom's only sib) died, leaving a
daughter about my age, who came to live with us. Although I was not
personally grief-stricken, dealing with the devastation of my Mother and
cousin was difficult, especially as direct communication about feelings
was verboten. Many years later I discovered that her death was probably a
suicide, a fact that my Mother never disclosed to me or my cousin. Their
unnamed, murky grief was exacerbated and prolonged by the secrets.
Helping people with their grief has come to be a very important part of my
life. I am a therapist. I remember feeling desperate (age 12) to TALK
about what was really happening and deeply frustrated that I could not. I
decided that communication about difficult feelings was of the utmost
importance.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How disoriented and frightened she became at the end. My attempts to
soothe her with foot massages, sweet aromas, special music. I remember
how exhausted I became towards the end.(she died at my home, with me
holding her hand) My regrets were (still are) that perhaps I was too tired
to address a need or a feeling she might have had; did I do all that was
needed? Thank God for my husband and Hospice, otherwise, she would have
been consigned to a hospital for her last weeks.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
...to TURN OFF THE TV!! The thought of some poor schmuck lying in a
hospital bed and drawing his last breath to the dulcet strains of "Wheel
of Fortune" drives me to distraction.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Both my Father and my Mother honored me by dying at home (11 years
apart, thank God) It is a great privilege "being there" , breathing in and
out with them for several days, and then really KNOWING that last breath.
In the deep quiet that followed,I felt them leave. My deep sigh or maybe
prayer...It Is Over. Attending their deaths is the greatest honor and the
greatest trial of my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE HOSPICE
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The exhaustion from caring for them. The terminally ill don't sleep
well at night and constant attention.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You don't have to talk. Much is communicated in the silence. Touch
is of paramount importance. Many folks are afraid of touching dying
people, and it is one of the most important needs of the dying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the closest I can come to a description is "Battle Fatigue". I was
just so tired that I would break into hysterical laughter.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My Mother reported a dream she had about her brother (long dead), she
reported that in the dream she kept calling to him "Bud, wait up-wait up!"
She was so clear about this dream, I felt sure that it was more than a
dream.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
an important occasion happens and I think how much they would have
enjoyed being there.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...putting all this effort into life, just to have it taken away.
Boy, there better be an after-life, or it's just not worth it. (being
born, that is)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
More focus is needed in Medical School on palliative care and
providing folks with a "good death". The Aids tragedy and the
concommitant rise of the Hospice Movement has brought spirituality and
humanity back to the dying process in our country.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nearly nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like Home...Yet it is also rather frightening.
--Regarding MONEY:
Hospice helped us greatly by providing free pain meds. That expense
would have too great for us to bear.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how simplified we had made it by planning everything well in advance.
It was as low-stress as possible.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Cheynes-Stokes breathing...Death will probably happen within 48
hours.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
JUST FEEL THE WAY YOU FEEL...DON'T TRY TO CHANGE IT was the most
important advice I received. Not so easy to accomplish, however; I kept
trying to jump out of my feelings and move through the process quicker.
What a laugh...grief has its own way with you, regardless of how you feel
about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When my Father breathed his last, I immediately felt a strong grip on
my left forearm, seeming to say to me "Don't raise the alarm, just let him
go." This grip on me stayed strong for about 15 minutes. When it let up,
I knew it was okay to tell my Mother that he had died. I somehow got the
idea that his leaving would have been harder for him if we had begun to
grieve over his body too soon. When my Mother died, I also felt that I
shouldn't move from her side for about 20 minutes. My feeling at t he
time was that it took her that long to really leave her body. And maybe
it was all my imagination, who knows?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am still afraid to die. Still unconvinced about an after-life.
For me there is no more important question in life. If we are born into
this life only to cease living, then there's no point.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My closure happened with both my parents' deaths in the same way.
After about 8 months, I had a dream in which they were unaccountably
'alive' and so I sent them away to be dead again. I think this was my way
of accepting their deaths.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Moody, Morse and other writers' works re: NDEs, building belief in
after-life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I very much liked doing this. I feel slightly embarrassed, as though
my answers might seem silly to others.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 16 12:20:53 1997
Anonymous Guest in US Military
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
found it hard to believe that I would never see them again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... grandparent - old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
visiting with my aunt and uncle (both deceased) when I was a teenager
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
dignity in dying
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I have not experienced a real significant death but if I did I would
probably tend to deal with it alone or in nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
reflecting on my own mortality and those of people around me much
closer to me than the one(s) who died
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
seeing someone who was once so strong now so weak
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I had to laugh because it seemed like the most inappropriate thing to do
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my grandparents
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't help but be saddened by the loss
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
nothing more could have been done
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
another means of emotional support
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
meaningless
--Regarding MONEY:
I was not involved
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is a business
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
viewing the body at the funeral home
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I just want to be sure my daughter will be taken care of.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
some questions are too leading
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 15 16:54:45 1997
F35 in Baltimore, MD =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Office Manager, Property Manager
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Massive Heart Attavk; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our time on this planet as physically whole beings
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was stunned by my father's grief. He never showed that sort of
emotion. The only way I knew he was upset was that I got yelled at for
playing the stereo, when in his words "I should have some respect for the
dead. Hey, I was 9."
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... We had known each other since 1st grade. We
were now in middle school - 7th grade. She was riding her bike after
school and stopped on a median strip while crossing a fairly busy street.
An Drunk driver jumped the median, drug her and her bike a few hundred
feet before she fell off. He kept going, on three wheels (he lost one in
the collision with my friend) and drove on about 1/2 mile. Unbelievably,
another friend was getting out of her car when she saw him careening down
her street. He swerved to keep from hitting her car door and slammed into
a parked car.
My friend on the bike remained in a coma for 3-4 days before
sucumbing to serious internal injuries, including brain damage. It was my
first look at a friend that was so beaten to death that she was hardly
recognizable even with mortician's magic.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
See above.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
No matter how well you plan for itor wait for an impending death...
some people will never be ready to accept another's dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father-in-law, the 52 year old mentioned above, was the type who
died leaving a slew of credit card debts and his wife who had no idea
where they came from, and who worried and still does, about every nickel.
When he died, he never had to worry about that debt again. I live, each
and every day knowing that the debt will still be there tomorrow, even if
I die. Someone else can worry about the debt then. Whoever gets my home
will carry that responsibility. However, I will never again fret over
debt.
The worst case is that I'd die and the debt would be left for another...
not too bad, as I see i. Live today. Enjoy today. Worry about
money...nagh!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Helping others who wre more affected than I, with simple tasks that
were too troublesome to tend to in their greif. Feeling useful. Making
funeral arrangements, etc..
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The euology. I never do well at hearing someone talk about the deceased.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It felt good. It relived me some.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be strong, when my in-laws couldn't.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The personal effects of the deceased and how they are given back to
the family.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Who was riding with who to the cemetary. Who cares?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
the good die young and the wicked remain to taunt us.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to God, if there is one, and ask why?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
found myself talking out loud to the person who had died. I figured
that they might be able to hear me. I believe in spirits.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust. They did not take into consideration the health of the
spouse when they dropped the death bomb. Even after we requested special
consideration in this matter. Then they sent bills for major life saving
efforts, in the deceased name, to the wi fe; even though he was dead when
the ambulance arrived. He died at work.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. The priest knew the deceased so little that he couldn't
pronounce his name.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Empty.
--Regarding MONEY:
He died extremely in debt. He died very young. His wife wasn't
employed and was mentally not ready to get a job after the death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The people we didn't know that were extremely upset. Who were they?
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The wake.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I remain angry more than sad for a good while.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know he's been around. Mostly in the year following his death.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
This person's death and my strength through it all, solved a great
many personal issues between my in-laws and myself. They believed in
keeping things to yourself, and I've never been that way. I vent. I
express. I seek help. I get over things. They wished they had. They now
have found that they should have and can. So.. I am finally accepted after
more than 10 years in the family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
When my times comes I'll go. Where I'm not certain.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking out loud to the dead. Telling them my thoughts.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
Others that were having a really rough time. Seeing their pain.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
OK. Remember I've already voiced these opinions. I vent frequently.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 13 23:04:06 1997
F23 in Philadelphia, PA =USA=
Name: <thegirlie-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
just hap'd upon it
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Editor
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 53.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of a person's life, or the end of their time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into shock, lost a chunk of memory for several weeks, and
withdrew.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my father...I was 11. he'd had a massive heart attack when I
was 10, and I watched him have the one that killed him. While he was
announced dead at the hospital, he died in front of my sister's and my
eyes.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that I didn't cry for 8 years. When I found out my father died at
the hospital, my sister and my nieces (who are a year older than me)
screamed and went into crying fits, and huddled together away from the
adults. I just sat on the couch, and my mind went blank. I remember my
mother trying to hug me, and begging me to look at her, and telling me
that I needed to cry. That's all I remember.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know how to quite define my culture, except poor, "lower
class", white, Roman Catholic upbringing. I don't know what others in
this specific group know about death, and I feel that each individual from
any culture deals with death in his or her own way. So, I'm not certain
about what anyone needs to learn.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me better understand, from my experiences with people who
haven't experienced a death of a close loved one, the value of life, and
to try to be good to those we are close to. I try not to take other
people for granted now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I don't remember much from soon after the event. But in general, the
understanding and patience of my friends and family and my own writing
helps me a lot.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing out on having a father, not getting to know my own father,
feeling envious of friends who have fathers, a strong sense of neediness
that I developed, and watching my father in the process of dying. Those
memories are still very vivid for me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
When someone suddenly falls into the process of dying--ie from a
heart attack, do everything you can to get immediate help--from neighbors,
relatives, friends, and obviously the medical community. Do what you can
to make them comfortable, and stay with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I saw my father lying helpless on the couch, vomiting, and unable to
move or talk.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a natural response, and is akin to crying. For some people,
it's the only way they are able to react to such extreme circumastances.
But I didn't laugh. My niece did, and this is the way she dealt with her
grief for a long time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have talked more with my father that night, as he had asked me
to...to tell him I loved him, to thank him for his extreme efforts in
trying to make us more comfortable, and to have gotten to know him better.
I also wish I didn't freeze when it happened, and could have been more
active in tryingto get help.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear about other's fathers, or when I hear a certain song that my
father loved, or see television shows from my childhood that we'd watched
together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I did have that thought, and I thought "why me?" "My father deserved
so much more--there are some fathers who don't seem to care about their
children, why did my dad have to die?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him once more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it was 8 years later, and I cried for the first time. To acknowledge
the death was a slow process, and will always be a process. But I began
to talk about the death, and of my father, and my relationship with
him--more openly to myself and to my close friends and boyfriend. And I
began to write about the experience, my father, my childhood, and to
assess the emptiness I felt inside.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I'm not sure, but they were very slow in getting to our house. my
sister had to call a number of times, and I sometimes wonder if they had
gotten there earlier, would he have lived.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The Roman Catholic faith was very important to my parents, and was an
integral part of my upbringing. Although I no longer ascribe to the RC
church, at the time, my beliefs helped me to think that my father might go
to heaven, and gave me a visualization for where he might have gone. It
also gave me hope that he was happy and taken care of. My mother belives
they will meet in heaven one day. My father was given Last Rites before
he died at the hospital.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
strange, but I do like to think that my father and I still maintain a
relationship, and are still connected. but this confuses me.
--Regarding MONEY:
I don't know. I wasn't involved in that aspect of the death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that my 6th grade class was there, as well as my sister's 8th grade
class. It was good to know that my peers were "with" me, but I also felt
as though they along with others outside of my family were invading.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
People whom you're very close with suddenly wanting to be around you
more than usual, and a noticeable (yet subtle) change in the way they
relate with you. They may also be apt to become more contemplative, try
to close up "loose ends" in their live s, and may seem to have a certain
distance in their eyes for at least a week beofre the death. Physical
signs, I think, would depend on the type of death--if it is even a
sickness or disease.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is something I always carry with me. It is a continual process,
and is not something one can or should push aside. It affects me in
subtle ways and also directly. But it is always, somehow, there.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my sister, my niece, and I were all in my sister's and my bedroom.
After the lights went out (the night before the funeral) we all, at the
same time, saw an almost neon blue light appear from directly under my
bureau. We all watched it--it just glo wed, out of the blue. it was a
very bright light, and then it was gone. We believ this to have been my
father saying goodbye.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I just want to be able to have a father, and to have gotten to know
my own father as a person...I don't think anyone can help me with that.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. My own as well as others'. I have a difficult time think about
the fact that people I am close to will someday die. I fear for their
health, and sometimes butt in to their lives when I shouldn't. I also
sometimes visualize people I am close to dying, I think as a way to
prepare myself for the event, since I wasn't prepared with my father. I
am afraid that I may share the same fate as my father, and worry often
about my health. I also try to always remember that life can always be
gone with out warning, and that people should try to be good to one
another. I'm worried that I'll die or someone else will die without our
having resolved something together. I worry about dying and leaving
things undone, such as dreams, etc.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I'm still searching for closure, and for me I don't think there
really can be a closure because I never got to say goodbye to my father.
But writing helps me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I still grieve...at times it strikes out of the blue
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
I have anguish about my father dying at a time when I'd just begun to
really form a bond with him, and it's difficult for me that he's missed
and will miss the major events of my life.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me rethink my own experiences, and my thoughts on the subject
of death, life, and human relationships.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 11 11:56:57 1997
F21 in Searcy, AR =US=
Name: <SCWRIGHT>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 12 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was four and my best friend died of a
disease that the doctor's could not cure or did not recognize
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
was that my sister had written my parents a letter stating that she
was happier than she had ever been in her life and that her relationship
with God was better than ever. I know that she is in heaven now, not
having to deal with this world anymore, and that gives me comfort.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
our church. Our church took care of us. When my mother had to be
hospitalized for depression following my sister and brother-in-law's
deaths, ladies in the church would fix me and my dad dinner or invite me
over to play with their children. One lady took me shopping for my fall
school clothes when my mother expressed concern to her that I didn't have
any. They cleaned the house for us, prayed for us, and hurt with us.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting the separation. It wasn't even until this last year that I
realized how much my sister's death had affected me as a small child. Her
death has made me fearful of losing others close to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I wrote a letter to my sister telling her what I was feeling. It was
one of the most healthy things I could do, but my mother saw what I was
doing and thought that I didn't understand that she was dead.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk with someone who is dealing with death. I think that that can
be a healthy thing, though, and one way that we can minister to others--by
empathizing. It means more to someone if they can cry with someone who
understands.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have given a lot of thought to my own death. I think that I am
still fearful of the pain of death and the pain that my death will inflict
on others, but I am ready at any point to go to be with God. That doesn't
mean that I live looking forward to my actual death, but I live with a
purpose, and it excites me to think that one day I will live with Him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 10 21:48:48 1997
F38 in monroe, michigan =usa=
Name: carol <stoddart-at-foxberry.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ How did you hear ]
motherloss web site
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: clerical
More personal info:
if anyone else is dealing with death from cjd, please respond!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: when god doesn't make sense
Authors: dabson
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: cjd; Aged: sixty.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
am emotional roller coaster
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
prayed a lot
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...the younger sister of a friend died of a heart
condition at the age of seven. i was eight.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
feeling that anything i did was not helping my mother who was dying
or any of my family members or myself.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
each individual needs to experience the feelings without someone else
telling them how they should or should not feel or for how long
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i will see my mom again one day in heaven
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my youngest sister because we became extremely close and could share
the feelings without holding back.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i was powerless to help her feel any better
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be there for the dying individual and your family members no
matter how hard it is to deal with because you really need to support each
other and not shove it off on those who are supposedly stronger.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
fed, cleaned and changed my mom when she was reduced down to being
totally helpless as a baby. im proud to be able to say i did those things
for her when my sisters claimed it hurt too much to be able to do that for
her.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we were unsure of how aware she was about what was happening to her.
we never knew because she lost the ability to communicate with us.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the shock of the reality sinking in caused all of my emotions to
whirl like a tornado and i never knew which one would come blowing in.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her and show her just how much i loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
kiss her and comb her hair and change her gown before they came to
take her body away. im thankful god gave me the stregnth to be there for
her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the pastor would come over to pray with us and she would have a tear
rolling down her cheek.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who gets what after the funeral. that is so annoying to see families
tear each other up over material bullshit.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i spend time with my mother-in-law and i wish they could have known
each other.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that other moms who are much meaner than mine get to stay on earth
and make their childrens life miserable and my mom, who always made my
life brighter, had to go away
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just be off the emotional elevator and take the steps one at a time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was the one who found her in the morning after sleeping on the couch
in the same room with mom. it took me a couple of minutes to accept what
my brain knew. she was gone and i could not move for a full minute and
when i did, i still had to touch he r and listen for her breath even
though it was so obvious that she had already departed.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they have so much to learn about this disease, i just wish there
would have been more research done and a possible treatment plan would
have been there for mom.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hope and promise of much better things for mom and the chance for us
to see her again.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the arm of the almighty slung across my shoulder letting me know
that he will never leave me by myself
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn;t.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people who quit coming over because they couldn't stand to see her as
she was came out of guilt.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how i felt i owed it to my mom to be mad at god
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that is a silly question as no two deaths are exactly alike so no two
peoples signs will be exactly the same.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you do the best you can dealing with the emotions and dont let others
try to tell you that its been long enough or you should let go of any one
feeling. you have to deal with each one fully or youre just going to deal
with it again later.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i can only hope that the angels were there to help her on her final
walk home.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
i have none with her but if i did i think that hospice would be my
first choice.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
im ready whenever the big guy says come home now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i wrote her a letter last night telling her all the things i wasnt
allowed to show during her dying, i had to be strong for my father and
sisters and children and rarely showed any type of feelings. so i wrote
them all out and im starting to feel a s if i might come out whole on the
other side.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
unfortunately, i carried over the bad habit of stuffing my feelings
in lieu of someone else's.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
the whole process of grieving takes a long time and a lot of soul
searching and things like this are a great emotional release.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
i thought it was very complete.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 10 13:30:01 1997
F27 in San Jose, CA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo, searching polls, Test, etc.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Ultrasound/Sonogram Technician
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for hours until I fell asleep. Didn't eat , get dressed, go to
school or leave my house for 2 days.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my boyfriend and 3 of his friends left to go
snow sking at 4:30 in the morning. They had been at a party the night
before until Midnight. They were all suppose to take shifts to stay awake
with the driver, but didn't. He fel l asleep and ran into a tree. 2 guys
died, the other 2 survived w/minor injuries.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the shock of the way he died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Some of my family that had been estranged for years came to pay their
respects, but ended up patching up differences with other family members
and ended up making becoming closer than ever before and still are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that everytime I visited with or talked on the phone with my
grandfather, when I left or hung up, I always told him I loved him. He
died knowing that I loved him dearly.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
How he actually died. I always expected his health to deteriate
slowly and we would know it was coming. To have him die in a car accident
just was a big shock.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my Uncle, who was born on my grandfather's birthday and named after
him, walked up to the casket and took my granfather's old hat that he wore
every where out of a bag and put on my grandfather's head.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
drive through the intersection that he was killed at and see the tree
I planted in the center divide with the purple ribbon still tied around
it.
--Regarding MONEY:
After the dust had settled, everyone (especially his fellow Jehovia's
Witness') wanted to know if he had left them any money, and why he left
some of us a lot more than others.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
even though our family wanted a more traditional percession geared
toward our family's memories and comforting our grief, he was a Jehovia's
Witness and the witness did his funeral as I believe he wanted
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
my friends and family talked w/me about good memories and I focused
on those.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
the fact that he was so young, and other students always telling my
how sorry they were
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
the Question Re: something small to everyone else, and my uncle
placed my grandfather's old hat on his head, gave me a flash back to a
childhood memory of me and grandpa and he put his had on me and it was so
big it covered my face. I started to cry but a smile emerged from
underneath my tears. I hadn't thought about that is a very long time.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 10 13:07:59 1997
F46 in Eugene, Oregon =USA=
Name: Kathy Leighton <esprso-at-coffeecorner.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
Jerral told me!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: corporate president
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS Aged: 37.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I believe it is a continuation of our natural process, sad to lose
people we care about, but natural. Our physical body wears-out and
deteriorates until it can no longer contain our spirit.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt confused and sad for my mother.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mother's mother died in Minnesota. We had
only seen her a few times when we were young children. I didn't know her
well and had never been to Minnesota. I did not know any of my other
relatives, so it was sort of dream like.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was awful to watch his physical deterioration and inability to do
what he wished.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It really is not something to fear. It is the end process. We do not
need to feel as though there is a need to give ourselves more of a purpose
to exist.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The oportunity to have know so many wonderful people. We really are
each unique and different. What magic.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
An internal feeling of being a part of nature, a part of it all. This
really is a marvelous experience.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having had more time. Not having been able to have gotten closer.
Not having been able to make it easier to go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Look into their eyes, hold their hand, smile and make sure they know
you see them and they had impact on you. They were important for just
having been.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I heard my father-in-law whistling outside the night of his death, he
died at 1 am this was at 7 pm. He used to whistle whan he would approach
my house so I would know he was coming. I told his wife and children that
I had heard him at my house whistling and the kids scoffed and the wife
was jealous and I thought that was just so silly. It is too bad they
didn't feel as close to him as I did. It made me feel validated for some
reason.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Hug them and tell them I cared. Say goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was holding the hand of an elderly woman once as she died and she
smiled at me, I smiled at her and there was a very tangible thing that
happened as she died. I could feel and see her spirit leave her body. Then
her body was so clearly just an empt y shell.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I feel whatever people feel they need is important at a time like
this.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I gave a speech last night and brought-up my first mentor, a woman
who sent me to the U of O to go to college, because she felt if I didn't
get out of Medford I would never go anywhere with my life. She saw
potential in me. She died in 1973 at 97. I still become emotional, because
she was the first person to see so much more in me than others ever had.
She helped me see more in myself.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Sometimes children die far too young. I wish they could experience
more living.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew I would always miss them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
This is a joke, right?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Important for some people's ability to say goodbye.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Seems right to me.
--Regarding MONEY:
Sometimes, with families,the greed comes out. In the death of my
grandmother, my aunt, the oldest child, took everything, even the
pictures. I will never have anything of her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I wouldn't want anyone there who hadn't known me. I don't need the
rituals.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I think many times the person knows. You just have to pay attention
and listen.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It would be the greatest tragedy if I had never touched anyone by
living.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had instances of this. I appreciated them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was more concerned with my mother and what she was going through.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was useful to solidify my thoughts.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 10 12:50:26 1997
F16 in Lima, Ohio =usa=
Name: Catrina Ivante <buddhababy-at-hotmail.com>
Web: http://members.wbs.net/homepages/b/u/d/buddhababy.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: ???.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the beginning of the soul's journey once the mind has ceased to live.
It is the only thing that is a truth in life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and went into shock. I lost touch with my family and became
extremely withdrawn. I was extremely depressed and angry. It took weeks
before i was able to approach reality again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died of heart trouble. He had
it for a while. It probably was a result of smoking. My mom and dad
decided it would be best to leave my younger brother and I at my aunt's
house and they would go to the funeral. They didn't tell us what had
happened. It was not until they returned that they told us, but I knew it
before then. I just knew.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
hopelessness and a sense of guilt.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not an end, but a beginning. Embrace death, don't hide from
it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned to deal with emotions and learned to enjoy what life gives
me before it's gone.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and inner transformation and meditation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
grief, confusion, and anger.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Apr 10 11:12:12 1997
F50 in St. Augustine, Florida =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Hospital Lab Supervior
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: accute illness; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Birth and death are part of life, every day we have births and deaths
and it is a part of the circle of life as we know it. We feel sorrow for
our self and our loss, and we feel joy for others when there is a birth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When I was 12 years old I found my brother fighting for air in his
bed, knowing there wasa something wrong I went to inform my mother. With
in 24 hours he had passed away. I was the one who answered the phone call
from the hospital as my mother wa s drugged by Dr.s orders at the time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My boithers death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I see death ever day as I work in a hospital lab and work very close
with pathology and assisting with the patients after their passing. I
have delt with strangers and close friends. I have learned at a very
early age that the body of a person is just their shell and the person
themself is who they are not what we see on the out side. These people
will alway be with my by the impact that they have made on my life. I
will hear my fathers voice in my mind when I feel that he would have a
comment about something that I am involved in. He passed 20 years ago and
I still feel his presents about me in the times that I would need his help
the most.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is the advance into our next state of being, from one plain to
the next. It is an adventure that everone will take part in.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I believe that there will will be no more pain for the person passing
( that I am aware of)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Myself and my beliefs. Seeing a smile on my fathers face that could
not be removered. I made me feel that he was in a better place
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
nowing that I would never have the physical interaction with them
again that is so impoetant in the relationships
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
My best friend died on my birthday, she was only 30 years old in June
of her death. It only took three months from the time she was informed of
her condiction to the night she passed. I stayed with her 18 hours a day
at the families request becau se they could not deal with death. and I
had promised her that she would not be alone when her time came. I was
introduced to all the members of her family that had passed before her. I
could not see them or feel their presants in the room but for her sake I
greated each one with a warm welcome and let her know that if she wished
to leave with them that I understood and that it was o,k. Then the time
came that we said our last workds and she departed with her father and a
close friend who had passed just a few months earlier. Always let the
person know that it is alright to depart, that everything is alright
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel and am happy for the departed that thier pain is over
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Never
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is o.k. and you need tom express your self and let the feels out
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Deal with life and death as one
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I said it was o.k. to go
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The exact time of death
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I want to share something important and reach for the phone to call,
then realize they are not there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for people to get mad and take it personal that they havbe done
something wrong.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just take a deep breath and go on because I know I can not change
the past but I can make the best of the feature
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little because I have my oun thoughts on religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very personal andd I did not wish to share until a time later after
I delt with my own thoughts
--Regarding MONEY:
There were no questions about money , what, when , where or who would
benift from the passing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the love that was in the room
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Knowing that some day It would be me and I want to be remembered for
my good deeds and not my faults.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Going from pain to comfort and accepting it all
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was not troubled by it and felt the peace of the passing person
with thier visits.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not affraid of passing and when it is my time I hope I will be
strong for the others who will have deal with it
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Being aware that you can not turn death away at the door, and saying
your good bys and foregiveness
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I just live everyday as perfect as poss. and have no regrets for my
past and look foreward to my next task
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Friends' Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I had no problems with it I may I know I got off the question
subjects at times but it was my dealing with the question
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 9 22:59:45 1997
F25 in Richbooro, PA =18954=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: sickness; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terrified
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
sense of loss. crying, not beliving it, missing her
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
sensitivity
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i had with her
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
psychologist, family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never seeing that person again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remember her always
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
miss her everyday
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helps
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell her how much i loved her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her and love her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she wasn't suffering anymore
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
seeing her room in our house or just a memory
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was a good person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
nothing else could be done at that point should have been done ealier
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the care and understanding
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
she would not be around anymore
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes a long time
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talk to her
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
marry someone of the same religion and have children and name after her
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
distractions, my grandmother moving in
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ok
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 8 23:03:17 1997
M26 in collinsville, IL =USA=
Name: Matt Maguire <mattdog-at-ezl.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
links that came allready bookmarked with purchace
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Casino dealer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: obeisity; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving our body to go to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and i guess i didnt realize i would never see them again
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Aunt Dollie died in Kansas City where a
all our realitive are from
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
sometimes i cry about it when i am alone thinking or dreaming about Dad
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
during the funeral the pastor made a joke about Dad that had me and
my sister laugh so hard! you see dad was way over wieght and there was not
much to get in his way of food. So the pastor made a joke about the food
line and how you were not to get in his way. It was a much needed laugh
but the wasn't many people laughing and we felt out of place cause we
could not stop laughing
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
buying flowers
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Dad wanted to be a preacher and he allways blamed mom for the divorce
and that he could never be ordained. The truth of it was i seen a few of
his sermons and he was lucky he could not. He had no chance to be honest
because he was not a story teller but he was allways pushing for us kids
to be saved and all that I was never interested is there life after death?
not sure it is worth my short time on earth to tell people or listen to
anyone talk about something that nobody can put their finger on and say
yes this will happen this is the truth ,i have decided that it is for
entertainment and if you enjoy that lifestyle go for it
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we might just be a ball of energy
--Regarding MONEY:
money is for the living
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am scared to die because there is so much i havent done
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Illicit Drugs
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 8 21:44:40 1997
F41 in San Jacinto, Ca =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: retired law enforcement
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure; Aged: 54.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
It's just a process we go through.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very young and had a difficult time trying to understand the
whole concept.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...A family friend was killed in a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How unconnected to anything earthly I felt after the loss of my
mother. There didn't seem to be any purpose or reasoning to life without
her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I have no answer for this.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God has promised that we will only be apart for a short time. One
day I will see my mom again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I haven't found anything yet that brings relief from the pain of
loss. After 14yrs of not having my mom, It still feels like yesterday and
the pain has not changed from the day of her death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The inability to feel connected to anything in life.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned the importance of sharing your thoughts and love with someone
before the time comes that that person is no longer here.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I returned home and had to go back to work. I had no ability to
concentrate.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Help my mother with her problems.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
attend her funeral and provide the services needed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it gets close to the time of year of her death.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did she have to go.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just seee her or talk to her sometimes. Most of all sometimes I wish
she could hold me and comfort me like a mother does.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was standing inside of the morturary. A cousin and myself had
volunteered to do my mothers makeup. I thought that the morturary people
wouldn't know how she looked in life and I wanted her to look like
herself. It also gave me time to spend with her for the last time.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the spirit is and will be alive always.
--Regarding MONEY:
there were no issues
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
A great deal of the people were my mother's high school friends that
she hadn't seen in years. I'm sure she would be happy to know they still
thought about her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Buying the outfit my mother was to wear.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
useless. I thought I had prepaired for my mom's death years in
advance. When it finally happened, I was totally devastated.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I'm not sure if I've ever completed the process or if I ever will.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think that the life on earth was so painfull for my mom, she
doesn't want to come back.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I think there are a lot of things I would like to know about her
childhood and teen years. I would like to share my thoughts and feelings
with her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
when God decides it's my time to go then I'm prepaired for that.
I can even say I'm looking forward to it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I haven't found one yet.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It felt somewhat therapeutic.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 8 19:18:27 1997
F21 in Sydney, NSW =Australia=
Name: Carrie
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looked up Papyrus of Ani.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Overdose; Aged: 22.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending to a new begining.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand what was going on.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... friend from school was hit by a car
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
not wanting to go on living and never wanting to love or depend on
anyone again.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Energy never dies it just changes form.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
making me stronger for the experiance
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I would survive and grow from what happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
A part of yourself dies with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know him before it happend
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Upbringing
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 8 14:33:23 1997
F23 in Omaha, NE =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11yrs ago.
Cause of Death: ??; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life in it's most simple form. You no longer exist in the
human form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't really aware of what happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my grandfather.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
lack of acceptance.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens to EVERYONE.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
sometimes others benefit from the passing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
everyone around me was crying.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
better express my feelings to the people around me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 8 00:29:44 1997
F50 in Livingston, NY =USA=
Name: <bell-at-epix.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Looking for genealogy info
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Self employed-Psychology-Social work
More personal info:
You can post anything if you wish.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Massive heart attack; Aged: 73.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the passage of life. It means your body no longer possesses
the ability to perform life sustaining functions (eating,breathing,etc.).
You go back to the earth from which you came.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to realize how final it was. I attended the funeral,
but inside the loss was not a permanent thing to me. I understood the
concrete aspects of it, but not the abstract.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Godfather died of a heart attack at an early
age.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
It was like loosing a part of myself. The hugh empty void that I
thought would never leave. It has gotten easier over the years, but it
never leaves. I actually felt like my father's spirit did not leave this
earth. It was not until the birth of my f irst grandchild 3 yrs later that
I actually let go and allowed his spirit to rest. I don't know the
connection for this, but it helped somehow to come to terms with the loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't think that people of today memorialize their loved ones
enough. They don't seem to try to keep the soul of their loved ones alive
within the family.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the thoughtful references from relatives about my being so much like
him. It makes me feel that a part of him will always be with me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My memories of the time I was able to spend with him. It was of great
comfort and something no one can take away.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I don't think I told him enough how great a dad he was and how much I
loved him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't avoid the subject. Share with them their feelings. Surround
them with love and comfort.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to come to terms with something I though I could never
accept. The grieving comes from within, no matter how much comfort is
provided from others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I'm not sure.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember ever laughing. He traveled through 2 states to
attend his granddaughters graduation from the State Police Academy. He
died one block away from our house in an automobile accident brought on by
the heart attack. It was the second such accident on that road withing 1
hr of each other. We tried to keep his passing from my daughter, but
someone read of the accident in the paper and showed her the article the
next morning, only hours before graduation. Too many things happened in
those tw o days. Maybe I did not follow the usual path to healing, but I
don't recall any stress related laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak with him before he died. To have one more time to let him know
how much he meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be of great comfort to my stepmother.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my stepmother (when we met her at the hospital right after the
accident) said, "I'm so sorry". I couldn't understand why she was thinking
of us so soon after what had happened to her. Not only did she loose a
husband, but she was in the out of contro l car that came to rest in a
swamp. She is quite a women and my dad was to lucky to have had TWO
wonderful women in his life.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the car placement at the funeral, and many other trivial things.
Maybe its just the tension of the whole thing, but I could never seem to
understand the importance of any of that stuff.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at the new life that has entered the family and wish that he
could see it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Yes, this is true of anyone I think. That seems to be an initial
defensive reaction to the situation. The process of grieving eliminate
these thoughts for me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
The difficulty of it all is what make you strong enough to handle the
situation.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt a lot of the same things, but I came to terms with these
feelings. I knew he would always be alive within me. I could no longer
physically be with him, but I could spiritually be with him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
His medical situation was a direct error from the medical community.
Documented by associates of the hospital. My stepmother wished to just get
on with things. We abided with her wishes.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The spiritual church is what gave me the inner strength.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
should be felt in this part of the world.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money played no role.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
No weird parts.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loved ones should be treated with love and respect throughout their
lives. With or without signs and mileposts.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
same as above.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
was never told of such experiences.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
There is always the need to tell your lost loved one something "one
more time", but as time goes on, one realizes that it is what was said
previous to the event that counts. I now know that he knew already what I
thought I needed to say.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Ten years ago I was told that I had cancer. It was a shock at first.
Denial, the whole story. Soon afterwards though, I got this strange
feeling of acceptance. I was a very peaceful feeling of acceptance. I was
not afraid like I thought I would be. I f or when it happened I had peace
with it. About a week later, after surgery, I was told that the cells were
precancerous, and everything should be okey. The acceptance I was able
achieve when confronted with the inital news made me realize that the
thing I had always been most afraid of was something that I now knew I
could handle with ease.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Going over the family albums and reliving the life's events.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I keep my father alive within the family by relating current events
with past events. Now everyone else relates to past events of others who
have left us. It seems to bring a closeness between us and those that we
have lost.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Missed him more, years later, when I fully realized what death was.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
Too young to encompass full finality.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that I finally put the links of the process together. Before
this I never thought about the whole process from beginning to end.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I would like to know if everyone was satisfied with how they were
treated during the funerals. By the medical personnel, mortuary,
relatives, friends, etc. Sometimes I think that it would be easier without
so many "well meaning" people around. That they really don't know how you
feel, or overdo the condolences. Do they really mean it, or is it just the
thing to do. I know they are trying to help, for the most part, but I
think it would be easier without some of the shallow wishes.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Apr 7 04:35:49 1997
F47 in Blanchaard, Michigan =USA=
Name: Linda Summey
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
Reader's Digest
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Dairy farmer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: None
Authors:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1 yr. ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 88.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Leaving our body (to rot) and our inner soul then moves to another
form of world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a great loss and I cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My brother died when he was 15 years old from
heart failure. He had Muscular Dystrophy and I was told earlier by my
mother that he wouldn't live as long as the rest of us. I was 10 when he
died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
Sadness for her and her family, but she looked forward to death
because her health was failing and she was a very religious person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that person is far better off now that their suffering is
over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling alone and never seeing them again.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with that person and show them that I cared.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Everyone should live forever. It's especially bad when a young person
dies and doesn't have the same chance at life as the rest do.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everlasting life for the person who died.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the thought of our bodies lying in a coffin under the cold, cold
ground and eventually rotting away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time heals all wounds!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know of none.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that someday death will come to me and that its inevitable,
but I tend to look at it as a far off thing and so far have made no plans
for my family. I have no cemetary plot purchased or no will made out yet.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just didn't think about the end. That's why I never ended up
spending the time I should have with them. That I regret.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I'm just thankful for every day of life I have, and that my family
and I have together.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I have lost quite a few people from death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
The loss of the loved one. Not being able to ever see that person
again in this life.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think about things that I don't usually think about , and
that maybe I'd ought to get busy and do some planning to help my family
out when I do pass on.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Apr 6 14:16:09 1997
F56 in North Kingstown, Rhode Island =USA=
<RIharpist-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
On Yahoo in researching death & dying
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: College Prof
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Care Notes given to me through Hospice
Authors:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 months ago.
Cause of Death: Emphysema; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an incredible loss of someone close to us. It takes an extended
period of time to adjust to life without that person, no latter how old
one may be.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was amazed at how peaceful and beautiful it was.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I cared for my mother for four years and then
in a hospice program here at our home
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
holding Mom and telling her that I would not leave her until she had
begun her journey onward. She was in a coma, but I know she heard me. I
played my harp for her. It helped me too.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it must be discussed. In my family, there were no rituals.
There was no closure. People just disappeared. Feelings need to be
permitted -- freely -- with no judgement.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I could be there.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to let go and just cry in her room whenever I needed to
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to come home and share my day with her. This still
brings me much pain..... I feel myself "losing it" as I type this.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Touch them and talk with them. It is new for them too.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to handle things professionally with the people who had to
deal with the arrangements. I stayed together. I also was able to be
"present" to her totally.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't certain whether or not she was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't experience this
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wouldn't have changed anything, except to play harp for her more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there and help us both through this
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Mom becamwe aware that someone had come for her. I knew when that
moment came.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How she appeared physically as she began t lose control of her body
(strokes kept coming on in waves)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see her things and the little sentimental things that I gave her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I just got so close to her and she is gone. I lost my wisdom
figure
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sit with her a while
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became just frozen -- numb. It was just too much to process all at
once. I had to take it very slowly, for the pain was so great. She was
my best friend
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
being very pleased with her care and their respect for us
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that my small circle of prayer friends (not the organized church)
surrounded me with love. Our meetings were held here, so they all knew
Mom.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
interesting......
--Regarding MONEY:
everything was pre-paid by Mom. This was not an issue
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
experiencing the arrival of whoever came to get her. Even the dogs
barked......
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I knew what to watch for. Hospice had taught me
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am in great saddess and vulnerability. I have to teach about this
tomorrow in college, and I am feeling insecure about my ability to cope
with the challenge.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
There was definitely a presence there. My husband also knew this, as
did the dogs. Mom welcomed him/her/them. She could not respond when I
asked her who it was.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
Mom and I worked hard on this for months before she died. We were
fine by the time she left us.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am prepared. I know where I am going, and I feel a sense of hope
of seeing those who have gone before me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I sit in her room and talk with her sometimes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I feel wiser an I am more open about sharing my personal feelings on
this -- otherwise I would not be responding to you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
I am also a very spiritual person, and Mom and I discussed this a
great deal
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Other:
I didn't want her to go
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a pleasure to assist you, and it helped me focus for
tomorrow's lecture that I have to give at the college. :-)
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you have done a wonderful job.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Apr 5 20:34:34 1997
F40's in Santa Barbara, CA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Did a websearch on caregivers
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: The Bible
Authors: God
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 23 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our lives in this physical world and the beginning of our
lives in the strictly spiritual realm, which continues into eternity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very fearful and couldn't imagine what it would be like to stop
living. I bargained with God to keep them from dying and was crushed when
He didn't answer my prayer.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...our next door neighbors were good friends of
our family and the husband died of a heart attack when I was about 7 or 8.
I had no understanding of death or God. He was in the hospital for a few
days before he passed away and I spent a lot of that time praying and
bargaining with God to let him live in return for my being good, doing
good deeds, etc. He died anyway and I was crushed. I was fearful that my
parents could die if one of their friends could die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How self-centered I was about my mother's death. I felt I should
have been more concerned with her needs, but instead was almost
exclusively focused on how everything affected me. I was pretty young and
losing her seemed like losing the whole foundation for my security. I
also remember being more fearful that she would live and not be herself
(after a stroke) than that she would die. I didn't think I could handle
her not being herself.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is inevitable. We seem to want to live in total denial that we
will ever die. We all will. We need to come to grips with what that
means instead of running away from the absolute fact of the inevitability
of our own death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Losing my mom was one of the things that eventually led me to
discover Christ and a deep faith in God and eternal life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriend who was enough outside of the grief of my family to just
focus on my needs, without dealing with his own grief. He was able to get
me outside of my grief and have some respite from the heaviness of my loss
by laughing and doing something that had nothing to do with my grieving.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I felt so alone. My family didn't deal well with their grief and I
was the youngest. Instead of supporting me, they splintered and went each
to their own way. I was left with most of the responsibility and it was
overwhelming.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't feel as if you have to say some magic words. Your physical
presence is a wonderful gift. Just being available to them to hug, sit
and listen or run and get some food is an incredible blessing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
My Christianity now later in life has helped me the most, but at that
time I didn't believe.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
I was very uninformed. It was never talked about in my family.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
F18 in New Jersey =USA=
<casey21144-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: biology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: arotic anynsm; Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural passing toheaven
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my father died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was natural
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say amore private good bye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
when i relize how things would be if he was still here
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were slow in responing to call they were insensitive at hospital
they did listen to symptoms so only had to do a mini autopsy which made
the funeral more natural
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
saying a prayer for the departed and not having church bulls shoved
in my face
--Regarding MONEY:
we have no money to cover funeral expenses that should not be some
thing a grieving family should deal with
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
nothing it was sudden
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
when i go i want no pain i would like to go to sleep or if i die
early i want it fast as of right now i am not against assisted suicide for
me i believe it is a personal choice and the best way to do it would be to
leave an open bottle of morphine with the dying person and let them decide
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 4 15:58:51 1997
F27 Anon Guest =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, two weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Liver cancer; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a mystery
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 27
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I took care of My 50 year old Mom in a Home
Hospice Situation, She just died on March 25, 1997.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
My love for my Mom, seeing her face finally peaceful
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
putting guilt on others concerning the deceased
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the beautiful experience in that I was able to be there and let my
mom know everything was going to be fine. We will never forget her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Guilt
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 4 12:20:22 1997
F39 in Tucson, AZ =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: hairstylist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: ?
Authors: Elizabeth kubler-ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a finality of existance on this plane of life. Also, a finality of
life as it was for those left behind that have to continue on in this
journey without the loved one (ones)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was about 6 years old.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My uncle died of lung cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
solititude. The feeling of being totally alone . I felt left behind
and could not see how I could go on. Was enbarking on a whole new life,
could'nt live as I had., normal felt very awkward and strange. Had to
totally begin again..
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
worry about $. people in western sociaty worry too much about
displaying their love for the deceased by costly funerals a(caskets plots
mausleums etc...) Would be much better to remember the loved one by
loving one another.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Him coming to me whole and healthy, telling me to go on in good
health(was conteplating suicide) That we will meet again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time. only time along with understanding and support from friends and
family. Death is a "living" experience. One has to live through it to
fully understand.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Like I said, solitude. Was left alone , people shyed away from
me.Also, realizing that everyday for the rest of my life would be without
him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there , but if I were I would let him go with love and
acceptance, would'nt want to instill fear or panic.
--[My Lover's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew spiriutally from this experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wasn't able to view the body, therefore it made it unrealistic to
me. I realize he was'nt (viewable) but to just touch is hand would have
been enough.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Can't relate, didn't happen to me.wait.. there was a incident that
brought a smile to my face during the graveside services, A aquaintence of
his (he did'nt like) tripped and fell at the cemitary, I felt he ( my
fiance) would have liked that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
insist on spending time with his body. alone.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
relay his burial information to his mother, thus avoiding costly
funeral arrangements.(He and I had discussed this topic a week before his
death)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I unexpainably awoke in the middle of the night preciding his death
to get to a phone( we did'nt have one at the time lived about a mile to
nearest one) I got up and walked in the rain and mud(unpaved road) to call
him just to say "I love you" ( He was working out of town on a
construction site)
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize I still love him, and miss him....
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
especially when I look back and realize he knew somehow what his fate
was. ( He was afraid to make future plans. He had told me he was going to
die, but did'nt know know how or when, was fanitic about his health, ate
healthy and was a bodybuilder. T ried to prepare me, but I would'nt
listen...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Screamed and screamed, until I was totally numb from shock. I then
spent along period of denial. Then abandoned, then anger... I Then
seriously conteplated sucide.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
can't apply that to my experience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
did not apply
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that loves transends life , If it ever was , it will alway's BE.
--Regarding MONEY:
I'm thankful I knew of his wishes to avoid that burden and heartbreak.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I did'nt know myself anymore. I was thrown in another whole form of
exsistance screaming and kicking all the way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
intuition, somehow we both knew( our days together were limited) in
the week preceding his death we did everything he enjoyed (camping,
fishing) The day he left to go out of town, he left and returned 3 times
to hold me and tell me he loved me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that the sins of omission are greater than past deeds that have been
done. I am so thank-ful I was able to make his last days happy. ( I really
did not want to go on that spur of the moment camping trip) it was raining
and cold. But I did without complaint and now am very comforted by that.
Also, by my trudging to the phone to call in in the middle of the night.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He did come to me, some of what I already related here, some of what
I consider private. But I KNOW he EXSISTS.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
I feel there are no unresolved Issues, We knew each other totally and
spiritually. We were very "connected"
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of death, But at this time am not ready, have 2 small
children depending on me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
respect for life, and the need to go on there's a saying I don't
recall who said it but it goes like this "death whispers into my ear,
Live, for I am coming"
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still talk to him and others I knew that have gone on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Iwas very young,grandparents bought me a superball to distract me at
funeral home (true)Iplayed with it during service with younger sister,
bounced it on uncle freds head (by accident) was made to wait in car until
service ended.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Lack of Awareness
At the time I really did'nt know what death was. Wasn't a insensitive
child , just was'nt prepared. felt nervous and awkward
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think these topics are something essential for all to be aware of,
because they will come up in all our lives at some point.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
can't think of any, questions very through.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Apr 4 07:30:53 1997
M20's in Jaring, =Malaysia=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 20yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Old Age; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scary
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt hopeless
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...someone got drowned
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 2 17:26:57 1997
F18 in Amsterdam, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of your time here on Earth or the taking away of another
person.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was a guy that I knew from school and through friends
was in a car accident...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
the funeral.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
worrying about others.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Family's Insensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 2 13:17:22 1997
F19 in Orem, Ut =USA=
Name: Heather(Sheryl)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Sociology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old; Aged: 87.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my great-grandmother died and I could have
cared less.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was under a lot of pressure.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
somethings triggers a memory that reminds me of what things used to
be like
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I wanted it to happen to someone else-who wants your fiance to die?
the most important person to me in my life, the person I wanted, still
want, to have my children with...just isn't there.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
this is just a graduation, and I'll be there with him soon, but I
can't help but think that maybe we weren't meant to be. My church teaches
that we will live forever if we do the things that Christ taught us.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I moved, changed my name, and began again...alone.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm sorry, it just doesn't help, I'm still alone and I don't want
anyone else.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 2 13:16:19 1997
M37 in Vallejo, CA =USA=
Name: John R. Sanford II
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Engineer Technician
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, 22 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 13.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a discontinuance of existing as you are at this moment.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt it was a normal event. I knew I would miss that person but felt
happy having known that person.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
How relatives thought I wasn't dealing with the death. I had to
explain in terms I wasn't familiar with (at the time) and failed to
express my feelings adequately. I have since cleared this confusion for
others.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to "require" reactions considered normal by people with
preconceived ethno/theocentric values.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
An immediate ability to grasp what had happened. There was no
confusion or conflicting emotions. Time, however, became more measured for
me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The meaningless waste of someone being pushed into shallow water as a
prank.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there and share as much of the experience as possible.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
despise animals that take life for a cheap moments thrill or deal out
death because it's "neccesary."
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Nervousness in uncomfortable circumstances can take on bizzare
characteristics.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
NA Second guessing the past seems overly morbid to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Deal with it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Death should not be forced.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Shake sense into people?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cut my birthday party short.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Wierd rituals that shroud death in a comfortable web of indifference.
Deal with it!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeling like I was the only one that understood what it was all about.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
denial, anger, acceptance.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issuses from a death?:
A psychtherapist 1st. A psychiatrist if there is also physiological
concerns involved.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope it's not soon. I have much to do. When I do go. I expect there
to be a party where close-ones can get together and reflect on the good
and the bad things *I've* done.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Having a drink and toasting the departed and reflect on the good and
the bad things they've done.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I don't have any.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I knew death was a natural occurance at that age.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting. More pointed questions could have been asked, but I
believe that is not what you're trying to acomplish here. :-)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Apr 2 09:25:23 1997
F30 in New Haven, CT =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Search Engine ]
yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading:
Titles: Reincarnation books
Authors:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of relative, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age; Aged: 95.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to this life and learning experience. Others lives will follow
until we reach a certian state of mind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
said, "Well, it's probably for the best. I'll miss her."
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my gerbil died while I was away for Christmas
vacation. My mother found it dead and disposed of it before I got home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
that most people were there because they had to be. Also, I was
diturbed by the fact that my great grandmother looked better in the casket
than she had looked in 20 years. I almost didn't recognize her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
This Christian culture needs to learn about reincarnation.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death has gifts for the person who has died, unless there is a large
inheritence. The person who died has finished there work (hopefully) and
gets to move on.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reincarnation books and walks in nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I could not talk to them
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is a release
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know them better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have known her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I read these questions
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my Grandfather has to be so sad about losing his mother.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
fix everthing for the people that are hurt the most.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt better
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that I don't think terminal patients, especially old ones should live
on life support if they don't want to.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I better be perfect so I will go to heaven. I chose to believe
that we have many chances to learn what we need.
--Regarding MONEY:
The relatives in the state that my greatgrandmother lived in snagged
all her belongings without asking the rest of us.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I did not want to be with everyone at the funeral, I wanted to
be alone. The whole funeral process in general seems so fake.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
constant aches and pains or what most people call "Alzheimer's"
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
accept, cry, move on, memories
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have not experienced anything, but I will talk to them through my
thoughts when I am troubled.
--What about Unresolved Issues you still need to deal with?:
I will meet her again if it is needed
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I will be reincarnated. I am not worried.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking to them in my thoughts and imagining their amswers
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I wanted to get to know myself and others more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
that I did not see the gerbil dead
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionaire reminded me of the people I miss and of the ones
that are very old and will soon die. I felt like crying.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 1 21:20:30 1997
F19 in Philadelphia, PA =United States=
Name: Courtney Miller <milldew-at-msn.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was looking for info on telekeneis and came across psychological tests
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Sociology Major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Recent Relevant Death Exp was death of Friend, less than one year ago.
Cause of Death: a waterskiing accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A frightful, sobering experience. It causes great sadness and a
feelng of emptiness and anger. It is a realization of what we are
destined to and it is not a pleasurable thought. It leaves you angry and
hurt as if to keep asking, "Why?"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very confused. I wasn't sad but I wasn't happy. I felt very
lost for words.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...A friend of mine was involved in a water
accident and we had ben best friends for most of my chldhood. We weren't
real close when it happened, but it brought back a lot of memories of our
friendsgip prior to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this death is:
I remember how upset all my friends were. I couldn't believe that
this one thing could bring so much sadness to so many people at one time.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
They need to learn that there is happiness in death. We are letting
the deceased enter a world of complete utopia. This culture is very
negative, it needs to focus on the full half of the glass.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It enabled me to see life in a more appreciated way. I will never
take my life for granted again. Also, I am grateful for the good memories
I had forgotten of our friendship.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The most support I had was myself. I dealt with the situation very
quietly and it helped. I found the most joy in it through acceptance once
you have come to that point everything gets a lot easier.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss of that person ever being around me ever again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I went to the viewing and actually saw someone I was such good
friends with dead in front of me. I did not understand at that point that
this could ever happen to anyone at anytime. I just could not understand
why it had to happen.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was thoughts of all the crazy things we had experienced together
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just make sure everything was okay between us and apologize for
anything I did.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Talk to her parents and let them know that I was there for them, I
got a great response from them and I felt a lot better.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I knew that I had someone watching over me from that place beyond
death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Crying. People think that if you don't cry you don't care but I feel
better not crying but I cared very much.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I come acros Nostalgic feelings that remind me of us just haging out
and having fun
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
The thought of the unanswered question, "Why did it happen?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her one last time and know she is okay
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cried for many hours. I regretted not have trying harder to remain
as good as friends.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did thier best.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am Wicca and so I had a ritual to give healing to all surrounding
the daeth. The family was Roman catholic and the service was beautiful so
that helped a lot.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I feel that she has passed on to a btter place and that now she is
truly happy
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It scared the hell out of me. It made me realize that one day I
would have to return to that blackness I recall was there before my first
memory.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
When we were close we hung out with a certain group of freinds and
after the death, we gathered everyone together and hung out one last time
like we did before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occured in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
I dealt with it on a very personal level not allowing any of my
surroundings to help.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with things? Fear of Death
The fact that someone my age could die, when you are young you think
you are invincible.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A very good questionarre. Not too general. not too personal
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Mar 97 contributions.
See Feb 97 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
End of Recent Responses...
Copyright 1997 by The Bardo of Death Studies
