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See Current contributions.
See Nov 02 contributions.
See Oct 02 contributions.
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Mon Dec 30 18:17:32 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 26 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 80.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our human existance and we go on to a better life with God
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and missing my Mom when she died....i didn't want her to
die yet and missed her terribly
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is something better that we go on to
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dreams of the people that have passed on...i love those dreams
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
religion and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
going on with my life...feelings of guilt
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them talk....don't force the conversation...just sit and be
comfortable with them
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped and was able to go on with my life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why must people die young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.....and questioned God
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything to me...just knowing there is a heaven makes dying easier.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
my belief that we will be together again in heaven
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Mon Dec 16 20:01:34 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stomache cancer; Aged: 65?.
--Details:
It was painful for her...I did not see her the last few times before
she died because it was too scary
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an unkown that we hope is supported by an entity known as God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was embarrassed that I was the last to find out.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being yelled at for laughing with my friends in another room during
the service.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens and sueing someone does not change it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the golden light of memories
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with my mom, walking outside, and being with my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she was gone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen with your heart and don't try to stop someone who is ready
to go
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can love deeply and that someone else could love so deeply.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we had the family party after the funeral.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was a kid.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give her one last hug
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the time with my grandmother that I did have...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I knew from the reactions of those around me that my grandmother
had died, even though no one had told me yet.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a wake
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My grandmother could see me and be proud. I could give her a hug
and bring her presents.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we can't keep living
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't remember
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
ambivalence
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I don't remember them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
synagogue
--Religious Affiliation:
Jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
untrue...but a nice thought
--Regarding MONEY:
my piano, that I love, came from the money my grandmother left me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember the funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being left out of it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that the chest really stops moving when someone stops breathing
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I detach and try to be emotionally "strong" for the other person
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I miss her
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream about my grandmother once in a while...it's always a good
dream with love and comfort.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I draw a picture and/or write a letter, then burn it so the message
can be carried up on the smoke.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I draw a lot
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
my friends, watching movies, taking walks outside
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
drugs too
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Sun Dec 15 19:16:40 2002
F40 in ashland, ky =usa=
Name: lee
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: self employed
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More personal info:
I think I have told you enough.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
I really don't think I wanna talk about it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as a human being.....the end of life here on Earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a kid. I remember touching the cold body of a neighborhood
friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mom's funeral.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we have to grieve, then we must get passed it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it was very spiritual.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not really knowing who my mom was deep inside.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them talk, letting them say what they feel needs to be said.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the death was occuring........could I have saved them?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be closer to my mom.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when she left this world.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mom sat up minutes before dying and wanted to make me happy.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that everyone knew how special she was.....my mom.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i really let myself go back to when it all hapened.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do dream of dead people I have known and loved. 90% of the time
the people are alive and happy and healthy tho.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mom has to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was there when my mother took her last breath.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what they could.......i think.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not sure.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it helped.
--Religious Affiliation:
baptised in a babtist church when I was about 10.........
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the spirit is in all of us....
--Regarding MONEY:
it was good they left me money to bury them.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the people who attended mom's funeral seemed genuinly to care,
they seemed to know her almost better than I did.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when your loved one speaks of death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I did the best I could.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have dreams still. 6 years later that my mom is OK, healthy
and happy.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had surgery a couple years after my mom"s death. As I came out
of anethsesia, I thought she was thewre telling me to breath,
that I had to come back.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My mom knows I was a troubled soul....I think she undersstood
and understands.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't know.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
only in dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
whatever the person wants or needs.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I only hope my family and friends remember me with love and know
I did the best I could.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that I was not right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I escaped reality........with drugs, alcohol, etc.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have but I dont care to discuss them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had many people helping me.......I try to help others.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
haven't learned a thing from this questionaire.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Are you OK now?
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Fri Dec 13 10:54:28 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 8 Days ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 15.
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--Death Is:
when someones body no longer funtions and their sprit is departed
from the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
took it extrememly hard and cried alot until i convinced myself it
wasnt true
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone being sad or ignoring that it happened
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is only the human form of the body dying, not the person
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what the person left in this world. all the happiness he brought
to so many people
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
music
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that the person was actually gone and i couldnt see him everyday
like i was used to
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved him and that no matter if his body was gone, i would have
the memories to remember him and would see him again one day
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he kileed himself, that he didnt leave a reason or excuse.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much i loved him and that he really should have just
talked through it. that he had so much to live for that no matter
how bad things get, they will always get better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell him i trusted him and that he meant alot to me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we shared moments of happiness together. and how much im going to
miss his bright personality
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did he do this? why would he take a life so full of joy and
meaning?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked. i didnt believe it. i cried but wasnt sure why. i
thought it was all a joke
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were so many people there that loved him and cared for
him. there were epeople standing up in the back and through the
back door with over 1200 people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
why he did it
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Dec 12 11:10:58 2002
M21 in athens, =greece=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo search engine
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 47.
--Details:
he s been sick for two years and then he passed away
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--Death Is:
a condition in which you lose contact with the environment and you
stop existing
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt really upset
--That first time, how it happened was
my father died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how i kept away from everyone else
--What I think my (greece) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it s too fake to pretend like everyone is caring
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
not really i cant think of anything i should be grateful about
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nobody i had to deal with it by myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of loneliness
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was left alone and i thought that my life could not go on
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it s been a long time since i last laughed or felt happy
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk more to my father
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
i am not thankful about anything i am just upszet that all these
things happened
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a girl i had never met before came to me and said that she was
sorry about my loss and that made me feel very violated
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i have to talk about it and have to make eye contact with somebody
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would have been better
way much better. fewer problems more
happiness
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to happen to me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could not believe that it has actually happened
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i dont have a genral view about the medical community
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
hope for nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
i m still religious
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no one can help me coz theer is notghin to talk about
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
they say that butterflies represent the souls of the dead
sometimes
when i am sad i see butterflies around especially during the night
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
dont have any
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Tue Dec 10 00:34:39 2002
F38 in Cicero, Illinois =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was looking for Dance of Death images. I do cemetery photography
and generally look for gravestone photos. I saw this questioaire
and decided to try to fill it out.
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Prof/Studies: tech support
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More personal info:
I have this thing for cemeteries......
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 59.
--Details:
Once again, a relative not answering the phone. We had all gone out
on Saturday all day. Uncle Tootsie had not been well, he had had
another heart attack and he seemed suddenly much older. The people
upstairs had called us that morning to say that he had necer turned
off his alarm clock. We tried calling and there was no answer. We
really waited til evening to go to the house. Everyone had been
hoping that he had goten up before the alarm and gone out and
would call soon. He had died in his sleep. His parkeet died the
week before.
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--Death Is:
Loss and grief. There is a feeling that you will never see this
person that you hold dear again. You have memories and some people
have unfinished things. They should have said something, seen the
person more often. Not been sngry about something stupid. I think
that if they are in a better place, and I hope that they are, they
are probably not thinking badly of you. That would be very petty
indeed and our loved ones are never petty. I think that's why I
like headstones. It's a person putting up a memorial to someone
that they loved and you can see how the view on passing has changed.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Understood that they were gone. I was raised Catholic and life is
a preparation for death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
In some the total denial that it is possible that they are gone
(Uncle Tootsie, Gramma Irene). When Gramma Harriet died in the
hospital, they revived her and ket us in to see her and she had
another heart attack and she looked terrified. She was trying to
say all the things she had wanted to I think, I was teling her that
I loved her too and mom stopped me. If you don't say these thing
the person can't die, I suspect she was thinking.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It may be the end. What if this is all there is. All the pettiess,
all the squabbling, isn't that a waste of time? You don't know
how long you have. We thought Uncle Tootsie was dying and his wife
did instead. Don't bother holding grudges.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
In my dad's case, it seemed a release. He had cancer after an
industrial accident (fell in a tank of acid, serious burns on his
leg) and had lost a lot of weight as he could not hold down food. He
had become religious, after all the "death is like sleeping, only
you don't dream" to a fairly good Catholic (he was a convert). I
could never decide if he was tryinfg to make a deal or if he
suddenly understood.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Work, hard physical labor. Talking to friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THey are maybe gone. I hope to see them again, but I lack a strong
beleif that there is an afterlife. As a side note, my father died
in 1974, mom had 3 strokes and a quadruple bypass.I was living in
California and I had a vivid dream of dad saying "Johnny, what's
important, that family. Take care of the family." and I moved
home. I don't know if that was dad. But, It was his voice. He died
27 years ago....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there. Do you want to die alone? My grandmother looked terrified,
I like to think that our being there helped. I also think she would
have prefered to avoid all the hospital stuff and die at home like
Uncle Tootsie. She (I was 14) forbade me from calling anyone when
she was very ill.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Think you should do and say something nice for everyone that touches
your life. My Cousin Steve (Uncle Tootsie's son) too me to lunch
and was very upset he had not taken his dad to get a tree. He
had wanted a tree to plant in front of the house, and he had been
putting it off. I still may plant a tre for Uncle Tootsie. He was
a wonderful man.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Gramma Harriet died and was revived. The priest was already praying
with us outside the room. She seemed terrified. She was not a
bad person. Dad had a peaceful passing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My sister does that. I did however see a woman who looked like
gramma Harriet walk out onto an elevator and smile at us. It was
very odd and I bnever mentioned it. One old Polish lady looks a
bit like another and it was a patient I am sure. But I had this
urge to say, it's okay. There she is!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See my dad more. He was in the hospital for nearly a year, I was
9. He worked nights, I really never knew the man.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
??????????????????
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
This sounds silly. Being alloe=wed to be a pall bearer. Carrying
the person's body, it is an honor.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
THe funeral parlor, all the flowers and the visitation.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Writting this, I have not really thought hard about Uncle
Tootsie. When his Son, Stve passed away we got oxes of famil
photos. Seeing picturesof Uncle Tootsie at 9 in school.... his
first communion
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We'd still ave family gatherings at the holidays. The family has
drifted apart. When the connections are gone, people drift away. Foe
that resaon I want to have a party for mom's 75th. Get the rest
together, and eat and talk.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Steve (Tootsie's son) also took photographs. When he died the family
threw most of them away, and sold all his stauff at a garage sale. I
wonder what will happen to my photos, it seems pointless. If it
you can't eat it or spend it.....
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I never really feel they are dead until the casket is being carried
out of the funeral home (Gramma Irene is the exception) I can't
explain why.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hatred. My father had esophogus (spelling) cancer and could not
hold down food, the "doctor" at the VA said 'You can stand to lose
some weight, come back when you have a rel problem'... my gramma
Harriet took nitro glyscerin and they would not give them to her
in the hospital. They said that she did not need them......
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Little to me, but it seemed to mean a lot to them. Always be
respectful.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
release, despite Gramma Harriet's look of terror.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It's the only time you see some relatives. Sad but true. My ncle
Joe's funeral was wonderfaul. Lots of photos of the wediing, him
with family. It was more a celebration of his life. It was moving.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Dealing with the funeral director. We had this religious service
for Steve and he was never religious. Priest charged like $500,
never knew any of us and got lunch.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When my cousin Steve died, I had called him at the hospital and
he was surprised that I had called as "I had been there all night
with him, talking and cheering him up" I wasn't I lived in another
state. Gramma yelled my name in the hosptal during her heart attack
(the first one I was not there for, when they would not give her
the nitro glycerin) Dad lost weight. They all seemed to know and
behaved differently.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
THey ae concerned with being a burden, either economically (my
aunt is 78 and won't go to a nursing home as it costs a lot. She
could afford it, but does not want to spend that) or physically,
mom is upset that we have to do things for her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Mom dreams about dad a lot these days. She's 74 and dad died 27
year s ago.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No one. Either they are gone, or they are in a better place. In this
better place we hope to see them again. O can't think my grandmother
is concerned that I hated her nagging when I was 12.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
They talk in these dreams, I think it is the brain healing a loss. I
do not know if it prooves anything. Yes. dad said take care of mom,
but it was the right thing to do.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
After my Gramma Harriet passed i dreamt she was in the house and I
would say to someone "She's dead" and they would say "don't tell
her". She also used to check that the doors were locked several
times a night. After she passed away (my room was below hers)
I swear I could hear her walking from her room to the front and
back door and back to her room. I never diod go up to investigate.
dad came in a dream and basically said to take care of mom. My uncle
Jimmy said that Aunt Irene had murdered him slowly with rich food and
to beware her cooking..... he did have a heart attack! In another he
said that he would answer three questions (this is a silly dream)
I said "Is it really you" he said " Yes, that is one question"
then my alarm clock went off.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
YES! Steve who was never religious, had a weird priest. Uncle Jimmy
hated expensive funerals and got one amyway. What was the point?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It does cross my mind. Men in my family die in their 50's an d I
am pushing 40. I hope it is not painful.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I have no spouse or children. Does it matter?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have tought of planting a tree for my Uncle Tootsie. I thought
I might write his name on a piece of paper and place it by the
roots. Perhaps a photo.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Try not to hold a grudge.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I never got along with my cousin Marie, cousin Steve did. After he
passed... we started to get along.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Later I started to use work to deal with the grief. When Uncle
tootsie died, pehaps 12 years later. I could not stop crying. It
snowed nd it was a sparce funeral which upset me as he was a great
man. I shoveled snow for hours. I shoveled the paio, the alley,
the neighbors snow. I shoveled the street. I still look at well
shoveled places in the winter and think.... The people who live
here are not happy.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
I have to think of my dad laughing about what the nuns told us in
school, he said death is like sleeping, only you don't dream. Nothing
to be afraid of. The clergy always want to tell they arte in a
better place and I like the idea, but that does not make it so. I
like to think I will see Dad and Uncle Tootsie again. But now I
just have memories of them.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Talk. People have to talk about it, it's very hard to deal with
and there are always little things. A friends dad had a heart atack
putting dishes away.... he kept saying that if he had put them away.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really made me remember my Uncle Tootsie, he was awonderful
man. He taught me to tie my shoes and use a knife and fork. He
always had time to listen and was always patient, I never saw him
lose his temper. The man was a saint!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I have a thing for gravestones. I would ask what is important to them
about memorials? After they put them up, do they ever visit them? Do
they help them with closure? Is it important to have a specific place
they can go to to, well maybe say hello to their loved ones, or just
think about them? Do they think that the place is conducive to that?
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Mon Dec 9 19:52:54 2002
F20 in milwaukee area, Wisconsin =United states=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i was doing research for my thanatology paper
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Prof/Studies: forensic psychology student
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More personal info:
you can post this if you'd like
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor and heart attack; Aged: in his late 60s early 70s.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving your family and friends with only memories of you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and didnt quite understand what all was happening
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the damn airplane ride across the country. that i think was harder
than the funeral
--What I think my (United states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i dont understand why our culture buries our dead. i also dont see
why our culture cant see it as part of the cycle of life. we start
to die the moment we are born.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the greiving process is a necessary component of death. the funeral
helps one to say goodbye.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact my grandfather was so far away
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hug them and let them cry and talk and share what they feel they
must with you. cherish that time.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel as though he is my angel.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we went to the house after the funeral and it had not quite sunk
in he was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when you start to laugh tell the people around you why youre
laughing. i found i laughed as i recalled good memories of my
grandfather and everyone liked to hear what a great guy he was.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to him while he was still alive
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be at the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i graduated from high school, i stopped by my grandfathers grave
to tell him i was off to the graduation ceremony. i felt like he
was with me and that i was making him proud.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
will not have anyone to show me how to fix cars, to take me to the
park, to do all the things a grandfather does. he had to go so soon.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt really matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people showed up and the stories everyone told about how
much he would be missed. i remember people lined up all down the
street to pay their respect.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing the body in the casket, just lying there for such a long time
(through the funeral and such).
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
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Sun Dec 8 17:24:52 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Months ago.
Aged: 60
--Details:
He had pancreatic cancer. He lived with us for a while and then
my aunt took care of him. He passed away at her house during
the summer. My mom would not let me go to the funeral; however,
she let my sisters go. She told my I needed to work and take care
of ther house.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
were a individual goes to sleep for a long time and there soul goes
to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and became angry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not knowing when one could die. everyone takes life for granted and
everyone should be nice because they do not know what could happen.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
why it happens, and not just blow it off. Some people wonder why
some people cry and theymake fun of them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
you learn from all these people and how they did in life. It helps
you reflect and change your life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
their belongings
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that everything will be taken care of and it wont hurt, and how
much you care about them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
going to church, and talking to friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Sun Dec 8 14:49:29 2002
F47 in Sealy, Tx =USA=
Email: <ritaliandro-at-mybluelight.com>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
I am researching cremation as my choice of remins disposal.
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Prof/Studies: Manufacturing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 70.
--Details:
The day of my mothers funeral my oldest sister made everything
worse by taking everything she could get her hands on that she
thought belonged to our mother. She did this without my stepfathers
permission. To this day I cannot have a relationship with her. I
know that she was hurting, but no more than the rest of us. Her
actions only caused more pain and sense of loss to my stepfather
and the rest of the family.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a nataural process of life. As the Bible teaches, we are
made of the earth and must return to it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very sad and did not fully understand the meaning of death
or why we must die at all.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The overwhelming sense of loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not to be feared, at least if you are a believer
in God. Also, that we can make choices about our own deaths and
how we want thigs to be handled by making arrangements ourselves
before we die. This will greatly releive our loved ones of making
decisions they are not prepared to have to make. It will also make
sure that our loved ones are not overcharged by unethical methods
of funeral homes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother was a Christian woman and always taught us that we would
see each other again after we die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The beleif that I would see my mother again and that she is happy
where she is and no longer in any pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I could not call or go to see my mother anymore. My
mother loved Christmas and always decorated the house and had
all kinds of good things to eat. All the family would go to there
for the holiday. The hardest part of losing my mom was the first
Christmas without her. My brothers and sisters and I were basicly
lost. We met at our oldest brothers house that year and everything
was ok but eventhough no said it aloud we were all thinking of our
mother and wishing we were with her at her home.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Holding thier hand and smiling, letting them know that they are
loved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The way my husband made me feel that I was supposed to bury my
mother and forget that she meant more than a family pet. He seemed
to think that it was that simple, that I was supposed to be able
to smile and laugh as though nothing had changed. He even told me
one day and I quote " Your mother is dead and gone, get over it
and get on with your life". We were divorced 6 months later.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have been there to help her around the house and nurse her when
she was sick.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Two of my friends showed up at the moment I was headed back down from
my mothers hospital room after we had taken her off life support,
I was so distraught I could hardly walk. They don't know how much
that meant to me. They had driven about 60 miles to be there and
showed up at the perfect time as my other family members were just
as distraught as I was and unable to give comfort or support.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see people taking their loved ones for granted, or their own
lives for granted. None of us knows when our time will come.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
A combination of disbelief, shock, guilt and confusion. Why did I
not know how serious my mothers health problems were? Why hadn't
I gone to see her more often, or at least called her?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A very important part of the healing process. I don't how I could
have handled the loss otherwise, I think maybe I would be in a
mental ward now.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Natural. The Bible is the tool that we use to find our way to peace
of heart and each of us must take that journey alone.
--Regarding MONEY:
My mother left a will and it was good thing she did. It is somthing
we all need to do to lessen the confusion after our deaths. My
parents did not have a lot of money and nothing in reserve for
funeral expenses. This made my stepfather have to go to the bank and
borrow money to pay for the funeral. This has taughe me a valuable
lesson, I now know that I need a will and a savings account just
for the expenses that will come at my own death. I do not want my
family to have the added worry of paying a loan on top of everything
else they will have to deal with.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everything seemed to happen so fast, I suppose it was because I
was still suffering so much shock and disbelief.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
On the evening of the second day that my mother was in a coma I had
stayed with her until about 10 pm then left to go to my motel room
nearby for some rest. She looked as good as could be expected. At
about 2 am that morning I woke up for no apparent reason and felt
my mother was in the room with me, I had the sense that she was
saying good-by. I shook it off as nerves and went back to sleep. The
next morning when I walked into her room and saw her I knew she was
gone. She was still lying ther as she was the night before but now
her face seemed to be drawn in and seemed empty of life as if she
was deflated. That is the only way I can describe the difference
in her apperance. I also felt she was no longer in presence in the
room. It just seemed empty. Later that morning the doctors told us
that there was no hope left for her and that we should let her go.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Being able to talk about the person and the times we had together
and be able to smile and even laugh about them.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If a person has made it known that they have certin wishes
they should be honored no matter how anyone else feels about it
personaly. Each person has their own reasons for what they ask and
I would not want to do anything that that that person did not want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I was diagnosed with breast cancer about a year after my mothers
death. I was forced to think of my own mortality and possible
death. (I am presently in remission )The loss of my mother and
my illness made me look at how I was living my life and what I
could do to make the most of the time I have left. Having seen the
turmoil surrounding an unexpected death I decided to make a will
and make as many arrangements as I can now so that my family will
not have to be making these decisions for me. Also, I realized
I must treat all people with respect and caring. We can't walk
around thinking that there is always tommorow to apologize or do
something nice for someone. I learned that I must control my anger
and be forgiving. When someone says something rude to me I remind
myself that being rude back is not what I should do. In a nutshell
I try to be a better person no matter what I encounter each day.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I am a lover of all life. Children and animals are a blessing and
I am very adamant about protecting them. I also love gardening and
being in the outdoors with the sunshine and sounds of the wind in
the trees and birds singing. Orchids and irises are my favorite
flowers. I love my family and friends and spending time with them. I
enjoy all kinds of music excluding rapp.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
At first I felt totally empty, I couldn't even pray at first. When I
felt I was able and began to pray I began to feel I was healing. I
have been praying ever since and am now be at peace knowing my
mother is fine. I have a new understanding of death now and no
longer fear it. Pray to God to help you understand and give you
peace, read your Bible and trust what Jesus says.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Death Vigil
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Mon Dec 2 19:47:54 2002
M18 in wheeling, wv =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
praying our goodbyes
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical existance on this planet
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed alot, at first i went through denial but as time past i cried
alot, i was young, and eventually came to terms with it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being very shocked and upset, all my friends were
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
more focus on dealing and community after the death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
therapy, books, talking, taaking walks
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my relationship to the person, his young age made me think of my
own mortality
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be the same friend you have always been to them
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through the experience
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i questioned religion over it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i didnt laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my friend and visited frequently while he was
in the hospital
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know him as well as i did before he died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i thought i was going to die
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that everyone dies
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things in life get stressful
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would have got to know him much better
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back to when he was not sick
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked and upset, i wasnot expecting how sudden it was
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
indifference
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
indifference
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having a strong body of support and faith
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i feel all persons spirits leave this existance to another regardless
of religion on earth
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was a very nice service
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i felt a peace in the church
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i never noticed any it happened very unexpectedly he was doing okay
then suddenly got very sick, he had told his mother he knew he was
going to die soon and sure enough he did
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was very hard to deal with
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was aware he was going to die soon
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
na
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
still questions about religion and afterlife
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
how good of a friend they had been to me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
whatever
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it frightens me that i might die befor i acomplish all i like
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i dont know really i would entrust the writer
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing, reading
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
more awareness of world around me
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
therapy, priest, family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
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Mon Dec 2 14:17:35 2002
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: wreck; Aged: 17.
--Details:
speed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a way to move on to a better place in life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in sixth grade
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my friend brought a smile to everyones face
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i got to spend many great memories with the loved ones that
i lost in life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i will never see her again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to look back at all the happy times you spent wiht the person and
now know that he or she is in a better place
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved him
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i did not understand why death happens to the nicest people
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i didnt care that i laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hug and love them
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
crying
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear a song that reminds me of that person
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that shehad to go so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
live for ever
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it was not true
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
its normal...there is not alwyas a cure
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i wish they could find a cure for cancer
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying for sick ones might help
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was so nice that everyone showed there sympthay
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my mom cry
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
tiredness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its ok to cry
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
nothing
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no commet
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
family and friends
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would get to say goodbye and tell them i lvoed them one last time
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nothing
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would like to see how peopel would grive over me
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
my happienes for life and that i loved me family and friedns dearly
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
being with my family
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just hugging me and me knwohing that theyare there for me
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
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Mon Dec 2 06:50:51 2002
F24 in Victorville, Ca =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies are no longer able to function on their own due to
an illness or tradgic injury
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and didn't know how to react because it was my uncle
who i wasn't very close to
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I put myself in my cousins place and imagined how it would feel if
i lost my father that way
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
faith and religion
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the little signs that my dead relatives send us to let us know
that they are always with us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and my belief in God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
why it actually happens to peeople's fathers mothers, sisters,
brothers, etc.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they are with God now
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped with death through God
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why did it have to be in my family, why did he have to leave his
young children behind too be reared with no father.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that my funneral arrangements be previously prepared and that i
have a sufficient amount of life insurance to help my grieving family
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want to spend every waking second with my children and
family. I think it would only be to my benefit to know ahead of
time when i would die. I could do all the tings i always wanted to
do before i died.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I was a Kind and caring person, loving mother and daughter
aand very well liked among friends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out by helping the grieving family with everyday things
so that they would not have to worry about other things such as
daaily chores
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Sun Dec 1 23:14:32 2002
F25 in apple valley, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Term project
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Prof/Studies: FIREFIGHTER/PARAMEDIC
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More personal info:
This was done for a project in a college class
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Misery
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Steven King
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Leukemia; Aged: 80.
--Details:
He was very sick the last year he was alive
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--Death Is:
There is always someone that loved that person, so grief will come,
becuse of their lose or absence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was on a ride-a-long with my mom and the pt. on a 911 had passed
a way.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My Great Grandfather was very proud of me and he requested in his
will to have my picture with him next to his heart. When I saw
his open casscet my picture was in his front jacket pocket and he
wrote me a letter on how life should be lived, which I still have.
My family was very upset because I was very distrot to lose him,
and they saw that.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need to learn to deal with it, becuse it happens to us all.
But remember to always show respect for those that have past away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know how much he loved me. Also with my career I see death within
other families alot and I have sympathy for their lose
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family, we seem to always stick together. Talking about all
the good times about him and listening to stories of what he did
before i was born.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing the first man that really loved me....
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Showing your love..
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned that you can always make someone proud alive or dead.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Great Grandmother went on a date with someone 5 years later.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I needed that
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Not see him when he was sick
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know him...And listen to his stories.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My Great Grandmother wouldn't let my hand go.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How weak he looked, he was the back bone with our family (the
strong one)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a family that has lost a loved one.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
He would be almost 90 now and I would be taking care of him.
Which would have ben hard on me and my family.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he could not see me get married, or graduate high school.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Numb, and then I was sick, I was not able to eat.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Respect, thats another reason why I got into this feild.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't know what that was back then, but knowing what I know now
I would have had him on hospice care.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
N/A
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe their around, it gives you comfort.
--Regarding MONEY:
The true face of greed came out in some of our relatives, because
grandpa is rich.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The knot I had in my stomache, and that my grandma (his daughter)
was the only one not crying.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Why we needed to see him dead...The viewing, I never understood that.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When someone tells you they are going to die today..Believe it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Take each day and hear one funny, interesting, etc. story about
that person that will make you smile.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
N/A
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Well as a paramedic I have seen different death experiences.
One I think is weird, I had a full-arrest with a 35 year old women
who overdosed. While I was treating her I guess I was chating
to her, not to die for her daughter, and other little things.
Well anyways it was a full-arrest save, we got pulses back at the
doors of the hospital. A week later I went to the hospital to visit
to see how she was doing, and when I came in she said she remembers
me, before I even introduced myself. She was able to tell me some
of the things that even said in the back of the ambulance. How is
this possible when she was dead, until the very end of the call.
This made me think twice about what you do or say on calls like this,
because you never know.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Most of my issues are resolved. The only one that I would talk to
about my Great Grandfather about is my Great Grandmother
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I was able to tell me Great Grandfather what I wanted to because
we know he was going to pass away. I remember him explaining to
me what was going on because I was young and didn't understand.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I know that my Great Grandma had dreams of him, for the first
few weeks.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Money, is always an issue.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Well I hope that I was able to love and be loved, and when its my
time then I hope I'm perpared. I love life to really think of my
own death right now.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I love my family with all my heart!!!!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just listening to stories about him that would make me smile.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Well on calls that show death, I clear childern away for the scene
so they don't see their loved ones in a state of death, and sometimes
adults depending on how they are handling the situation.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My Family have become more like friends instead of relatives.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Really nothing that I didn't already receive
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, I haven't thought about this experience for quite some time now.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
N/A
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Sun Dec 1 21:11:06 2002
M23 in Little Rock, Arkansas =USA=
Name: Joe Riley
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Prof/Studies: Waiter
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: rare form of streptococcus; Aged: 41.
--Details:
She suddenly lapsed into coma, lived for a month, then died.
Doubly hard because my father vanished when I was small.
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--Death Is:
the end of existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into shock and withdrew from everything around me. Still
looking for a foundation over a decade later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sitting and staring at my aunt's blinds after I heard (not crying).
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how hard it hits children.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I became very self-reliant at an early age.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being shuffled from relative to relative during the following years.
Also, feeling out of place when at family gatherings.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I didn't cry until two months later, when my aunt decided to get
rid of the dog we had, then I broke down.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral. It was just strange, and the body didn't really even
look like her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
other people talk nonchalantly about their parents
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd have graduated college, and I never would have started drinking
or smoking weed. I'd be a nerd, but I'd be a lot happier and more
comfortable with myself.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a little kid should lose both parents.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
end it all.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
tried to be strong and not show how it affected me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
apathy. They didn't determine what was wrong with her until after
she was dead.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I wasn't allowed to visit.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me at the time
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian: first Baptist, now Non-Denominational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It's just an unknown. It's the most basic human entity
--Regarding MONEY:
my sister and I were supported from the Social Security checks my
guardians received.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't know many of the mourners.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there was none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Too many to mention. We didn't realize she was sick, then one day I
came home and she was at the hospital. I never saw her alive again.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamt that my mother returned, and rejoined the circle of people
in my life. Everyone was glad she was back, and tried to make her
at ease, but she didn't quite fit anymore. It was liking becoming
re-acquainted with someone you knew a long time ago; things didn't
come as easily as they used to, though they did between she and I.
She was almost like a stranger to the rest, and she wasn't happy
here, so I let her go away again. That's the only time I ever
dreamt of her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've begun to try to live healthier in an attempt to have a longer
life. I'm terribly afraid of dying, mostly the idea that once I'm
dead I am wiped out of existence forever. I hope it never happens.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
Alcohol and Drugs
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See Nov 02 contributions.
See Oct 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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