^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Oct 02 contributions.
See Sep 02 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 30 19:45:45 2002
F21 in Langeloth, PA =USA=
Name: Monica Winters
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
online experiments are a requirement for my Psych 100 lab.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Pharmacy Technician and History Major with Women's Studies Minor
at Bethany College
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Breakfast at the Victory
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Robert Carse
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 18 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car running over; Aged: 2.
--Details:
My cat Tom was hit by a car we found him and he was still alive.
We drove to the animal hospital at 8o'clock in the evening on a
Sunday night. The whole time I was praying to God to save him.
He died and I lost faith in God as a result. It was a major
transition in my life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Something that is scary because we cannot explain or identify it.
We don't really understand why it happens nor do we really know
what happens after death. So we make up stories about what happens
after death so that we fear it less.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't sure how to react to it and basically went along with how
every one else was acting.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That I couldn't believe it happened after I prayed so hard to God.
Also I didn't want to cry in front of my family so I didn't, but
I cried every night for a good month.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is a part of life you cannot stop it. One cannot will not
exist without the other. Just because you cannot identify it or
what happens after it doesn't mean it should be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I realized the Christian religion is made up by people and that God
is not the God they believe him to be. I also realize that there
is a good chance that God doesn't exist at all. I also realized a
person needs to make their own religion based on beliefs and common
rituals they do to be truly happy in this world.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I thought alot and challenged every belief I ever had and decided
what to keep and what not to. In doing this I supported myself
and had a stronger self identity.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having that person around.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Love them.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Gained a better self identity from the experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
God didn't answer my prayers to save my cat.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Life is about balance and when a person has too much sadness in
their life they need to laugh to balance it out.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Figure out who I am.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I cried.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Letting go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a dead cat along side a road.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not much except that I would be a good little Christian living in
my hometown and probably married like my parents wanted me to.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That God would do this to me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Fix the world.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
God failed me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are only human.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The Southern Lancaster County Brethern Church, but they failed me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Mystic, unknown. My past affiliation was Luthern Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That life cannot occur without death and death cannot occur withour
life. They are linked. People see a common link in Spirit in all
Deaths because humans cannot define death and what happens after
death so they make up religions to compansate for their lack of
knowledge. All deaths have the elemant of the unknown about them
which gives them the link of Spirit so to speak.
--Regarding MONEY:
It really didn't.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We were family and we didn't dwell on the death so much as the life
of the person.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The burial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I don't know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It took a while but I am a better person as a result.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It is not real and it is only a person's way of dealing with the
unknown experience after death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I have no unfinshed business with those who I loved that are dead.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A will because it always causes needless fighting. People are too
money driven.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would live life like I am doing now. Each day to the fullest with
a balance.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
People are not ment to write their own obituaries. A person self
view is always skewed. I want to be remembered for whatever people
will remember for. I will just be happy to make an impression on
a life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Drawing pictures of my loved ones that died to try to capture the
spirit I remember them having.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still draw whenever I am stressed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Several things over time help me deal with death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
My family didn't talk about things this included death.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Any way a person can show love and understanding will help anyone
who is grieving.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel that you questionnare was biased toward the traditional
Christian belief system. Granted the majority of Americans are
Christians but other religions my find it difficult to answer or
relate to many of your questions.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The ones about visions of people in the after life were strange and
seem to prompt people to write particular things. These questions
should be less detailed so that a person can take it where they wish.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 30 13:54:17 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was trying to find out what "Bardo" means in the context of a
song I heard.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 22 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
She was doing well, and then it came back, metastasized before
anyone realized; ate her entirely. When she went into the hospital
the last time they opened her up, and then closed her back again -
they couldn't have cut it out.. there would have been nothing left.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the total absence, in my life, of someone else - even their continued
existence elsewhere; the knowledge that I cannot go to that person,
that I will never see him or her again and that he or she is no
longer corporeal. The believe that I am not entirely sure I will
ever feel that kind of love again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was angry and depressed and hated God.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that her family laughed at the funeral. I was so angry.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to accept it. How to forgive.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I can't think of anything. Even if I said, "that she's not in
pain anymore", since I have faith that God heals, obviously, she
didn't have to suffer pain at all - death was ONE release, but not,
in my opinion, the best one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I suppose, time. Accepting that I can't change it, that I can't
fix it, and that nothing I do will stop it. It's still the enemy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I found and then lost someone I thought loved me as a parent when
I didn't believe my parents did. It was a cruel tease.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I cannot imagine an appropriate answer to this question. I touched
my friend, lightly, to let her know I was there, and she screamed.
My mother tells me she was comforted by my presence, but I can't
forget the scream.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned that God doesn't answer prayers. I have since re-learned
that he does, but I will probably always have a less sure, less
sincere faith since that death than I had before. I don't think I'm
a good example of the positive things to learn at death. I learned
not to rely on anyone, again. I don't mean her, but others - no
one can really comfort you, really understand, or really be there.
Maybe it's like childbirth... you may say you remember it, but
the immediacy is lost and people are self-focused - death is deep,
abiding pain.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why our collective faith didn't cause God
to intervene. I didn't really believe, even then, that my faith
alone was enough, but I thought my family's faith was. I felt
abused by my mother for a long time after that, because maybe she
didn't pray hard enough. At the time, I didn't understand the pain,
the unhappiness, the abandonment. The friend who died had a family,
a husband, grown children, but she stayed with us and died not long
after leaving my bedroom for the last time.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no, no laughter. I got angry when I heard anyone laugh - even
people who didn't know her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not experience it! not make friends with her and then lose her.
not feel guilt. not feel uncomfortable with my bedroom after that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I have no answer for this one.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
nothing about death is fair.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
hid and cried. I wanted to deny it, but I couldn't, so I cried,
but not in front of anyone. I was embarrassed. It was expected by
many... I just thought she'd get a last minute reprieve, or wanted
to think it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
resignation. It was a small town, small hospital. They did the
best they could.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There was no contact with hospice. WE were the hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I had someone to blame, and a whole group of people to hide my
feelings from.
--Religious Affiliation:
protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like an attempt to make it all better, a sophistry, a pretense,
a lie.
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't directly affected by that.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People had been expecting her to die. I was the only one, it seemed,
who was startled by it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching the different ways everyone said goodbye. Her oldest
daughter kissed her forehead in the coffin, and stroked her arm.
Her youngest daughter laughed and told jokes at the reception
afterward. Weirdest was when my brother died. Friends videotaped
the funeral and gave the tape to my parents afterward. A week later
I went to visit my parents and walked in while the tape was playing.
I wanted to throw up.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Oh, I'd STILL like to know the answer to this one!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial takes a long time to get past, but the anger was longer.
Later, when my brother died, it was just grief, little anger,
some guilt... okay, the guilt took the longest. We had a rough
relationship.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mother said that she felt Dolly go, that she told her it was okay,
and that she was sure Dolly was at peace.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel guilt, some anger, resentment, love. My brother and I had
a very adversarial relationship. We were close in age, both middle
children. He would do things to make me "lose status" with parents,
friends, family... I would sometimes retaliate, sometimes crawl
off, self-righteously sure I didn't have to justify myself... I'd
"put-my-foot-down" not long before he died and told him what I
thought of him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
About a month after my brother died, I dreamed his funeral again,
except, about halfway through it, he sat up in his coffin, looked
around at all the sad faces, and laughed... and called us all suckers
for caring enough about him to be sad. I told my dad about it.
He laughed and said that he could well imagine it. It was a lot
like my brother. He would have been gratified/confused, and then
wondered how to make use of the fact that people cared enough to
come to his funeral.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My brother was buried in a little, private, local cemetary not far
from my house. I took a very good friend up to the cemetary late
one night, we spread a blanket near my brother's grave, and drank
a couple of beers and talked about my brother, and the night,
and the stars, and anything else that struck us as interesting.
We stayed until about 4 a.m., and then went home and watched the
sunrise from my porch. It was soothing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
At first I was just angry. I've come to accept, better (but not
yet well) that death happens to us all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I couldn't believe it could happen if we believed enough. There was
a lot of guilt too. Maybe I didn't do enough.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 29 20:59:14 2002
F27 in Raleigh,, NC =USA=
Name: Sharry
Email: <sharebear1210-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: DSS
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: clot to the lungs; Aged: 70.
--Details:
she went to a check up, she was supposed to come home, this wasn't
supposed to happen. she hadn't even got to see the doctor yet.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
you go away and don't come back.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. I couldn't sleep, eat. I just cried. Didn't really know what
else to do.
--That first time, how it happened was
relative, i spent alot of time with
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everybody asking me was i ok.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
you never know when it's going to happen
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I knew my grandmother didn't want to go the her doctors appointment
that morning, so I woke up early and went over a few hours before
I had to go to work. Just to let her know everything was going to
be alright.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Reading other people's stories...to know that other people actually
know who I feel.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I will never be able to see my grandmother again. But I always
have memories.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Grandma went in for a routine Doctor appointment...she was supposed
to come right back home.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take the day off and would have went with my uncle and mom to take
grandma to her appointment.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See her for a few hours before she left.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go visit my uncle's house. (that's where she lived) When I sit in
the chair she used to sit in all the time, or when her dog murphy
greets me at the door. you can tell she is looking for her. :(
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
do something...sometimes all I want to do is sleep.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't want to believe it, my brother and cousin called and said they
were coming to pick me up from work, that grandma collapsed at the
doctor. I had tried to put bad thoughts outta my head, but when I
got in the truck, and we started driving, my cousin say's 'grandma
didn't make it today' I just cried. I couldn't help it. That's all
I could do.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They prob. did the best they could.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
money had no play
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell my grandma i how much i loved her....though she knows.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandmother came back to me in a dream, she gave me a hug...it
was so real.
another friend that had committed , i had a
dream and he was in it too. so real, he said everything is alright,
i am here.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
how might i feel about knowing i might die verysoon? i would live
each day to it's fullest, like i am trying to do now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
everytime i pass the crematorium on the way to work and back home,
i say "goodmorning/night granma"
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
thank you, this questionnaire as given me opportunity to think
about how i really am feeling about the loss of my grandma.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 29 20:45:56 2002
F39 in Big Bear, California =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: nursing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: I was pregnant.
--Details:
We don't know what caused it. It's called a fetal demise.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
No longer existing on this plane of being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
denied it for awhile. Then i was unable to function. I had 3
other children so I ended up in therapy.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the heartache and emptyness I felt. The fact that I was unable to
give anything to my other children, emotionally.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is a natural part of life and is not to be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It gave me a greater appreciation for those people in my life that
are special to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A good therapist and the love of my children.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that it happened, and that it wasn't my fault.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there for them.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt when people tried to console me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people would say that God called him home. that was the most
insesitive and ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold my baby.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hold a baby.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wonder if my baby's father and I would still be together. What my
son would look like?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why is my baby being punished for my sins?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
what did I do wrong?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more comfortable than organized religions, especially Christianity.
--Regarding MONEY:
the baby's death cost more than his birth would have cost. It was
a bitter pill to swallow.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just had to go through it. You can't avoid it or ignore it,
you have to experience the pain and work through it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I lost the baby, I hemorraged. I was very near death, yet it
was warm and comforting. I wasn't scared at all. I felt at home.
I didn't "see" anything, but I felt warmth and cmfort.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my son how much I wanted him and how sad that I am that
I never got to hold him in my arms. I'd also like him to forgive me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Everyone needs a will and a DNR order if that is their desire.
I don't want to be kept alive by machines, running up medical bills
for my family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would live life to the fullest and let people know what they mean
to me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Loving and caring mom
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My family and I had a small private service on the top of a favorite
mountain that we hiked all the time. We wrote letters to the baby
and left him some toys and buried them in a safe and beautiful place.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to appreciate my children every day in some small way. I let
them know EVERYDAY just how much I love them and how much they mean
to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Someome just to let me mourn.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that it reinforced what i learned from the whole experience,
which is to always tell the people in your life what they mean
to you.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The questionnaire was very good.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 29 04:19:39 2002
F18 in n/a, state of ... =the united states of america=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
yahoo>psychology>research
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student, otherwise, unemployed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
n/a
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
n/a
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
n/a
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 5 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 2.5 years.
--Details:
n/a
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
my best friend's dad died in a car accident due to a massive brain
aneurysm.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the aftermath of the death.
--What I think my (the united states of america) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not caused by your sins.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dog was loved.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my loved ones.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that the one you loved died w/o knowing you appreciated
and loved them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
never stop telling or showing them that they are loved and will
always be loved.
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped w/ the death of my dog by changing the way how i interact
w/ others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my dog died of unknown causes.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show more affection and appreciation to my dog.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
give my dog a good life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
only the body remains after death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see my dog's grave.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would show my dog more love and affection than before. let him
know that i really did love him and i still do.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
life fucking sucks.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time. it's always wishing that i could turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. i am atheist.
--Religious Affiliation:
none. i am atheist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death is apart of the way of life.
--Regarding MONEY:
money was not a hinderance in the burial of my dog.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it rained. it's irnoic how death is apart of the nature of life,
yet mother nature "weeped" at the funeral of my dog. pathetic
fallacy is a strange occurance.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
knowing that my dog had passed away, the burial, viewing/touching
my dog's stiff body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
death is always unexpected.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving is the best medicine for death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i thought i saw my dog in my dreams as i rested after he passed away.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i only wished that i showed more love and affection to him [my dog.]
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
yes. i am fine.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i thought i saw my dog in my dreams on the day we buried him. i
was petting him and he seemed happy.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
n/a
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
hmm... thinking about death is depressing, so i tend to avoid the
issue until it has passed. the only thing i can say about death
is that it is apart of natural life. it is only normal to grieve
about the loss of a loved one.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i loved and was loved in return.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
participating in the burial of my dog and burying him in my
boyfriend's backyard.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my boyfriend and i will always have a stronger bond that holds us
together through tough times thanks to my dog.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
friend's sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
n/a
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i guess it has. it seemed interesting to partake in due to the fact
that my dog had recently died.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
re-word all of your quesions. get to the point, as your questions
are too verbose and wordy.
[Ed. Note: Spoken like a true fire sign... some folks are more patient than others? ;-]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 28 16:36:14 2002
F38 in LaPorte, Indiana =USA=
Name: Nancy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Social Sciences
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 26 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a heart attack; Aged: 52.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
peace. Another jacket of life to wear, as you go into the after
life. You get a visualization of your life and big moments that
affected you or that you have done that affected someone else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died in a hospital after suffering a heart attack when
I was 12. No one in my family told me when it happened. I found
out from a neighbor who came by in the morning crying saying how
sorry she was. I had no idea what she was talking about. My parents
were divorced at the time and I remember hating my mother when she
told me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the hatred and blame I wanted to give to people around me. I was 12,
so I lashed out and started to act out, because I never received
any help in dealing with the death of my father.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
everything you do in your life comes back to you in death. Whether
good or bad, you have to somewhat re-live your life you lead.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people teaching me all along that death is nothing to be afraid of.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
living and learning as I grew up, I'm still not certain I dealt
with it right or if I even had yet.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing very close people to me and knowing I will have to wait
until I can hopefully see them when I die. I miss talking, laughing
and just seeing some of the people I have lost. It's quite heart
breaking.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To make sure they have nothing to fear, to make sure they are at
peace with themselves.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was so very young. No one really knew how to help me with my
loss. I grieved, and still do, and I'm not sure if I will ever not
feel the pain of losing my dad.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell them how much I love them. Not being a openly affectionate
person, I sometimes miss important opportunities in life and don't
know it until it's too late.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I find myself missing that person terribly.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think I would have had a stable balance of love I got from my
father. I problably wouldn't have screwed my life up as much. He
would have been my guidance, when I had none.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to them again. One more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
hated evryone around me. I totally shut down. I still feel that
somewhere deep down, the pain of the little girl will always exist
within my soul.
--Regarding MONEY:
my mother did not follow my fathers dying wishes. She was very
greedy.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone looking at me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
numbness.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had dreams in which practally everyone I knew who had died,
had come to me in dreams. Every night it was someone else. They were
very pleasant dreams, where I was laughing and actually talking in my
sleep. When I woke, I wanted to go back to that dream and continue
on. When certain people wouldn't come back, I tried to will them
back by talking to them before I fell asleep. This worked for awhile.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think about my death. When I do, I feel I should prepare
my kids and family. Tell my kids evrything! I would be the most
honest I could be. I would make peace with anything in my life
which I felt needed to be taken care of.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
nothing
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel that my father and my husbands father, both deceased, set
us up together. We have learned that we were in many of the same
places in our lives, at the same time. I always prayed to my father
to send me someone who could and would love me. He answered that
prayer after many, many failed relationships. My husband even says
he prayed for the same thing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think at the age of 12, no one in my family really knew how to
deal with me. I felt they kind of avoided me.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think all these questions were clearly thought out. Even though
some made me go to places and feeling I have buried for some time,
and others I wouldn't even touch, for fear of the pain I might have
if I went too deep. Sorry.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 25 10:48:08 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 78.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
no longer living in human flesh.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
In the beginning of the summer of 1994, the doctors had discovered
that my grandpa had lung cancer. They spent basically the whole
summer helping him and putting him through medicine. It didn't work.
In August he passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
going up to my aunt after the funeral and crying it all out.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the effects it has on us and what we can do to lessen the effects.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having my friends there for me at the time of death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
how I dealt with it. My family and friends was mostly the ones
that helped me get through it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that it was my grandpa who died, and we were really close.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just being for a person who is in a death or dying situation I'm
sure is really helpful to them. You are showing how much you care
and love them and they are seeing and realizing it.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
overcame it and got through it, with the help of my family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandfather did die. I wanted to know why he died and exactly
how.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did laught, it made me feel so much better, and relieved a lot
of the tension around me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him right now beacuse i'm older.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend many summers with my grandpa.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my aunt sang at the funeral. She can't really sing, so it was funny.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
when he died, the people that came to the funeral, the family
members that weren't that close to him, that were there.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone else I know has just had a loved one die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock. We knew he was going to die sometime that die because
the doctors had told us. When it actually happened, I didn't cry,
I was watching everyone around my cry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 24 14:40:12 2002
M18 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems.; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end. There is nothing else after it. Its like, ou die, and
then you just there.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was extremely scared. The realization occured that it could happen
to me or someone I loved.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the time. The fact that my whole family knew it was going to happen,
however, we didn't want to realize it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the reality of it. Some parents/families dont even inform their
children that someone in the family is actually dying or sick,
until the person has already died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family grew closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of my family and true friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to speak to my grandmother anymore. Knowing she
was actually gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
call the person. Let them know how you feel about them, and only
allow positive things to come in contact with them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to communicate and keep in touch with family and relatives.
I never really spoke to my relatives unless my mother was on the
phoen first or whatever. Now that I know anyone can die at any
moment, I try to keep in close contact with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father wouldnt cry. I dont know if he did when he was alone,
but he would not cry in front of me or my brother.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grand,other more. I couldnt even tell you what the last
thing I said to her was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep my head up. My girlfriend at the time was very comforting
and my family is a very open and supportive one.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i cut my self off to everyone but my family and my girl.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the crying. I cried and cried, but it didnt solve anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone talks about their own experiences with their grandmothers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldnt understand. I knew she was sick, but didnt want to let go.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 24 14:32:17 2002
F40 in whitesboro, ny =us=
Name: linda Findlay
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: early infant death; Aged: .
--Details:
she was born with congenital defects incompatible with life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of a human life, loss of bodily function on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what had happened and why.
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend, louis, died. we were only 10 or 11 at the time. we were
very close friends and played often.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my life had changed dramatically. I began a journey of self
discovery, spiritual discovery, and life discovery.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to really support grieving individuals.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have been able to support other people who experience the loss
of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of the founder of the national share organization.
Sister Jane Marie Lamb. She wrote me and stayed in contact with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the reality of not being able to change it...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
allow them to share their lifes story with me.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
we all will learn from our experiences in a way which is unique to
who we are and what our relationship was with the person who died.
We can share our experiences, however, we will each have our
very own.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the death occured.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember being able to laugh for a very long time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See and hold my baby...I will go to my grave wishing I had done that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
my experience left nothing to be thankful about that would aid me
in the resolution of my loss. Only the gift of time and my ablity
to embark on a journey of self discovery.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the funeral director offered me pictures of my baby and a chance
to finally view her body.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
does not apply, i had no support.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
so many times during the past 13 years I have felt as though my
baby died just yesturday. I still ask why, I still think and relive
all the same issues.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
one child would be added to my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a baby could die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just scream out to people that I have lost a child and it matters,
it is why I am who I am...it hurts and it will always hurt.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
in total shock and denial, disbelief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of understanding and ability to help.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I revisited all of my prior religious beliefs...
--Religious Affiliation:
I was brought up Maronite Catholic, my husband is roman catholic
and this is what we bring up our daughter with. I personally am
not affiliated with any denomination in my own right.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we will all grieve
--Regarding MONEY:
not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we did not have friends or family attend the viewing of our baby.
I was the only one to see her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
for years I smelled my baby, at different times and with no
anticipation of it happening again.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This has happened to me many time with my daughter. I have also
heard many stories as well. It is such an comforting experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have all of my wishes clearly stated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
nothing out of the ordinary, i don't need to be honored or remembered
for anything.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I created a place in my mind to visit with my baby. I allowed myself
to go there often and talk to her. It was very comforting to me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 24 14:40:12 2002
M18 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems.; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end. There is nothing else after it. Its like, ou die, and
then you just there.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was extremely scared. The realization occured that it could happen
to me or someone I loved.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the time. The fact that my whole family knew it was going to happen,
however, we didn't want to realize it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the reality of it. Some parents/families dont even inform their
children that someone in the family is actually dying or sick,
until the person has already died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family grew closer together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of my family and true friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to speak to my grandmother anymore. Knowing she
was actually gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
call the person. Let them know how you feel about them, and only
allow positive things to come in contact with them.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to communicate and keep in touch with family and relatives.
I never really spoke to my relatives unless my mother was on the
phoen first or whatever. Now that I know anyone can die at any
moment, I try to keep in close contact with them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my father wouldnt cry. I dont know if he did when he was alone,
but he would not cry in front of me or my brother.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grand,other more. I couldnt even tell you what the last
thing I said to her was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep my head up. My girlfriend at the time was very comforting
and my family is a very open and supportive one.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i cut my self off to everyone but my family and my girl.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the crying. I cried and cried, but it didnt solve anything.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone talks about their own experiences with their grandmothers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldnt understand. I knew she was sick, but didnt want to let go.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 24 14:32:17 2002
F40 in whitesboro, ny =us=
Name: linda Findlay
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: early infant death; Aged: .
--Details:
she was born with congenital defects incompatible with life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the loss of a human life, loss of bodily function on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what had happened and why.
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend, louis, died. we were only 10 or 11 at the time. we were
very close friends and played often.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my life had changed dramatically. I began a journey of self
discovery, spiritual discovery, and life discovery.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to really support grieving individuals.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have been able to support other people who experience the loss
of a loved one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of the founder of the national share organization.
Sister Jane Marie Lamb. She wrote me and stayed in contact with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the reality of not being able to change it...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
allow them to share their lifes story with me.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
we all will learn from our experiences in a way which is unique to
who we are and what our relationship was with the person who died.
We can share our experiences, however, we will each have our
very own.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the death occured.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember being able to laugh for a very long time.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See and hold my baby...I will go to my grave wishing I had done that.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
my experience left nothing to be thankful about that would aid me
in the resolution of my loss. Only the gift of time and my ablity
to embark on a journey of self discovery.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the funeral director offered me pictures of my baby and a chance
to finally view her body.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
does not apply, i had no support.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
so many times during the past 13 years I have felt as though my
baby died just yesturday. I still ask why, I still think and relive
all the same issues.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
one child would be added to my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a baby could die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just scream out to people that I have lost a child and it matters,
it is why I am who I am...it hurts and it will always hurt.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
in total shock and denial, disbelief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of understanding and ability to help.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I revisited all of my prior religious beliefs...
--Religious Affiliation:
I was brought up Maronite Catholic, my husband is roman catholic
and this is what we bring up our daughter with. I personally am
not affiliated with any denomination in my own right.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we will all grieve
--Regarding MONEY:
not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we did not have friends or family attend the viewing of our baby.
I was the only one to see her.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
for years I smelled my baby, at different times and with no
anticipation of it happening again.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This has happened to me many time with my daughter. I have also
heard many stories as well. It is such an comforting experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have all of my wishes clearly stated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
nothing out of the ordinary, i don't need to be honored or remembered
for anything.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I created a place in my mind to visit with my baby. I allowed myself
to go there often and talk to her. It was very comforting to me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 23 19:09:14 2002
M52 in Virginia = ?? =
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: sports teacher/massage therapist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Robert Monroe, Raymond Moody
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lukimia; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death of the biological and transfer of the soul or essance of that
person to a different energy level
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and it was a family member. It was just something that
happened and we had big family wakes and open casket so it seemed
a bit natural.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I had an obe and had a very strong sense of her near the end of
the obe
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I was brought up protestant. They need to get over the loss concept
and understand that heaven is not the end of it all. God intends
us to go on to new adventures
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My family and there healthy approach to death, there openess to
grief and celebration of ones life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and my openess to realize there are options in how we look
at things. That we are 23 million light years from the center of
our gallaxy, which makes me think on a much bigger scale than just
the idea that we just go to heaven and that is it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not getting to hang out with that person anymore on the earth.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To let them know that it was wonderful knowing them and how
important it was to me that I had this opportunity share part of
our lives together
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That life goes pretty fast and it is important to let people know
how you feel about them and to find out more about how they felt
about you and their own life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Nothing
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get to know my fathers thoughts
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be part of my families life on this earth
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss the moments that I could of found out more about that person.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be a lot more attentive to everyone that is closre to me
that influenced my life
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
no, because death is something that will happen to everyone
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I am going to miss htem
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion is totally off the mark. God did not mean for
us to have different religions, We are all part of gods exsistance
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a person of gods spirit. I was a protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
More confirmed of our ties here on this biological energy exsistance
--Regarding MONEY:
We would trade the money in if we could just have the people back
that died
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to thank them fo having the chance to know them
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would think rats I am not ready because I love this life on earth
but it will be excitingg to see what God has planned for me next
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Not that important as long as the memories of those I affectd were
good to them
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I think I cope buy finding a way to find out more about my spiritual
self through OBE and meditation.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it is great to get people to talk about death. It can help
many who have a tough time with it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 23 13:46:07 2002
F19 in Buffalo, New York =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: still an undergraduate in college
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1989 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When someone ceases to be able to hear, understand,or communicate
with you. they are no longer thinking, can no longer move,
and can no longer feel. What makes them human does not exist.
What is left, is an empty body, a sort of vessel. some people
believe that their soul goes on to an after life of happiness, or
torture, depending on the type of life they lived here on earth.
Many find this idea to be comforting.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Had nightmares, cried, and withdrew from many important people in
my life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Having a dream that he could come back to life if my mother
married him, but my mother told me that she couldn't because she
was already married. I told her, she could just pretend to marry
him so he could come bacl, but she said no.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It can happen to anyone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Other teachers in my school
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing at a young age the transience of life, and the
inevitability, and the permanance oef death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i love you, and many people love you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people seemed to forget about him faster than me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him how much I loved him. And how important he was in my life,
and how great he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have the relationship with him that I did.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my school went outside and planted a tree in his name.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
he told me never to worry, gave me a little charm bracelet, and
said I would grow up to be a wonderful person.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
maybe I would be better adjusted. i would be able to let people
be, and wouldn't be so clingly and scared to let poeple live their
own lives. Maybe i would be more normal all together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I was too young. And he was too important to me. he was like a
father, and my own parents didn't even know how important he was
to me. THey didn't understand that confusion, the fear, the terror,
and the sense of abandonment that i went through.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stared at the ground
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Sometimes they save lives, and sometimes their don't. There doesn't
appear to be much order.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it was another way of getting back into normalcy. However, I felt
betrayed by God, and I felt that he hadn't really payed attention
to my needs and prayers at all.
--Religious Affiliation:
protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good. It's comforting to think that spirit exists and that so many
people can be united by it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how sad everyone was, and how much i fought crying in front of
people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying to understand the reality of the whole situation.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of weight
loss of apetite
withdrawal from life and family
and friends in general
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
getting back into the pattern of life was more important.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I am not aware of any
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i would visit the grave and talk aloud. Pray to them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope they would tell me they were proud of me, and that
they knew that even when we didn't see each other very often, that
I loved them and thought about them. I hope they would say that
i grew up well.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Whether they person wanted to be buried in a christian cemetary.
Whether they wanted to be buried at all, or cremated. How the
person wanted his money and property to be distributed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought about my death a lot, but it hasn't really brought
me to any real conclusions about it. I would hope that I could
become part of everything, and encompass the world with my spirit.
I hope that my friends and family would be able to cope and move on.
And that I die without pain.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't give up easily, I was passionate to a fault, I loved
as much as I hated, even though the latter was more frequently
brought up. And i hoped to accomplish much more than I was able to.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Gathering objects that reminded me of him, and lighting candles
and trying to imagine his spirit, wherever it is.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to think about the importance of each life. how precious
and how transient all our time is here.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Abandonment
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
It is still a problem for me to this day.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i wish that people would understand what I"m going through better.
I wish they would just sit with me, even if i don't feel like
talking. but people are always nervous, and try to say the one
right thing, and then want to get as far away from you as possible.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been a nice way of organizing my thoughts
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 22 07:14:27 2002
F54 in Sugar Hill, New Hampshire =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: psych tec/RN student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: motor vehicle accident; Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my dad explained it to me
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
thoughts, feelings the stages of grief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
spiritual help from friends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer, meditation, reading, attending memorial or funeral services,
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
going through the stages of grief
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just say "I'm sorry" don't give advice
--[My Patient's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to do post mortem care for patients that I had cared for
when alive
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother died because I'd been thinking, I hope she doesn't die
b-4 my broken foot heals
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's not so strange
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a memorial service
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried a lot
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
research + study
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 21 22:03:38 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psycology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
When Bad Things Happen To Good People
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
--That first time, how it happened was
At the age of 12 I lost My Dad,the reason because of drinking half
of his body paralizy.I had lost uncles,aunts
but what really hurt
me that I to lost my only son when I was 10 days over due.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
had the protention of others relatives.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
think about someday I will be there too.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 21 17:58:32 2002
F21 in las vegas, nevada =usa=
Name: susan
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student of psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
God
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 9 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 22.
--Details:
He was drunk and passed out behind the wheel and hit a tree at 60mph.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the passing of the human body. The soul goes on to live
in another place. The body cannot be a vessel forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was not suprised by the news of my grandfather's death. I knew he
was going to die. I had a dream of his death a few weeks before
he died. It prepared me for his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Putting myself in my father's shoes, and how I would feel if my
father died. The sense of emptiness and lonlieness I felt for my
father hurt me more than loosing my grandfather.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The person's life should be celebrated in a more cheerfull way.
Like an Irish wake. Wakes in the U.S., at least where I'm from,
are very somber and dwell on the negative emotions such as fear,
sadness and despair. We should focus more on the good feelings
that the dead person gave us celebrate the fact that we have known
that person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to tell my best friend Matt that I loved him and always have
thought of him as a soul mate.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I know I will see Matt again in Heaven. For now though, when I
think of him and all of the memories we had made, he will be with
me always.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Losing someone who was my age. He had his whole life to live.
He wasn't old. He was only 23. I felt like Matt was cheated out
of his life and taken too early.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them you will see them again soon, and tell them it is ok
if they die, and not to feel guilt for their loved ones who are
still living.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I realized that you can never really hold on to anyone. I also
realized how truly temporary life is. You have to grab life by
the balls before it gets away from you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't understand why Matt had to die, he was such a sweet man.
I didn't understand why such a gentle man had to die in such a
horrible way.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I only laughed when I would hear Matt's voice in my head telling
jokes or remembering things we had done in the past.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I could have spent more time with Matt before he died. I
wish I could have talked and joked and reminised with him more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I was glad that I was able to know and love such a great man.
I consider myself blessed because I knew Matt.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I let go of trying deny Matt was going to die. I accepted his death
before he actually died. This let me down easier when he passed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember being in the car when Matt turned 18 and bought his first
pack of cigarettes that night at 12 midnight. I remember his laugh,
and that brings back more memories of our high school years together.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Matt would not have died if I was there. I would have driven him
home that night and he would still be alive.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought that it wasn't fair that it had to be Matt that died and
not me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was confused and upset that God takes the good people and leaves
the bad ones to live.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Great trust. They did the best they could for Matt. After all,
there was really nothing they could do for him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I was comforted by my belief in God and heaven. Also, the process
of life. Where there is a beginning, there is an end. Some ends
come sooner than others.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death is something on one can escape. It is something every living
has in common.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
vital signs weakening and then riving, then weakening again. This
happened several times with Matt just days before he died, I felt
that his body was trying to die, the machines he was hooked up to
just wouldn't let him.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Don't suppress it by keeping busy or forgeting about it. Deal with
your grief immediately.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I came to terms with myself and found peace in my heart. I was no
longer angry at the world for taking him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Matt did visit me two days after is accident and he was still in
the hospital. I heard his voice in my head, and I saw is face in
a cloud above my head. He asked me, "What should I do?" I said
to him, "Do what you have to do Matt, I won't tell you to stay or
to go." And he said, "Thanks Sue." and was gone. I believe that
he was seeking my approval for him to die. I told him that I did
not have the authority to beg him to stay or to live. That was his
decision and God's. Whatever he decided was ok with me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I said outloud to myself : "Its ok for you to die Matt, dont' stay
here for us, we will see eachother soon, go and be with God." Doing
this helped me consciously state that I was accepting Matt's passing
and I would be ok.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I always remember Matt when I see a penny. He would always throw
pennies into his driveway because he had so many of them and wanted
to get rid of them. Now when I see a penny on the ground I pick
it up and say its from Matt. He's saying hello to me in his own way.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My now husband was with me when Matt died. We became closer from
our grieving experience together. We got married 6 months later.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
my mother told me that it was nothing to be afraid of , it was only
a part of life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Death Vigil
Waiting for someone to die is the worst part. It feels like you
are wishing someone dead because you want the healing to start
right away.
F21 in las vegas, nevada =usa=
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 21 02:14:38 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Playboy
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
My sugar daddy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 6 Mins ago.
Cause of Death: extreme radiation (microwave), 1st degree burns, internal burning,
ruptured head, haemorages, resulting in explosion and fire.......;
Aged: 7.
--Details:
I just killed the other one
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
fun
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
smoked crack and laughed
--That first time, how it happened was
my cat,
i put it in the microwave after it ate my testicles while
i slept.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The wallpaper
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
if it happens to people u dont like it is good.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my pet hamster
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
alcohol
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
concrete
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
get drunk first
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
killed it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
alcohol, violence
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
my (ex) cat's sister (cat) guilt trippin' me
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 20 17:36:38 2002
F49 in Apple Valley, CA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psych 10
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student/nursing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 21/15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung/heart disease ; Aged: 70/69.
--Details:
Mom's death was sudden & unexpected.Dad had been ill for a long
time.What made my dad's death so sad for me was that I discovered
I was expecting my 1st on the same day he died.I was not able to
tell him he'd finally be a grandfather.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural process. We're born, we love and are hopefully loved in
return & then we leave forever waiting to see those we loved again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
watched my mom kiss her mom good-bye on the forehead as she laid
in her coffin.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
as my mother & father laid in their own coffins, I kissed them
good-bye too.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not to be feared. It is healthier to know that it is a
natural process; it is a continuum. It can't be faught or resisted.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
as my last remaining parent left this world (my father), I will
always feel their love in their absence. I can love others deeply
as they loved me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my siblings, friends, faith in God and my memories of them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to talk to them just for the sake of idle chatter if
that's what we wanted at the moment. I miss hearing their voices
very much.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
before they go, tell them how much they mattered & how much they
loved and were loved.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
will never stop missing them. I don't cry for them as I used to
but I long to see them again. Meanwhile, I will do all I can for
my own two children and love them all I can while I'm alive.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to see them suffer. I didn't want to see them die but in
dying they would have releif.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a nervous reaction on one occasion. The other was a
humorous story my father told me about a date he was on before he
met my mother.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take my parents on trips they had hoped to complete before they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept their passing as a natural thing. It was what they wanted.
Because of their commitment to teaching me about death, I came to
terms with theirs
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the freedom I felt in kissing my parents good-bye for the last time.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
both my parents wish for very simple services and coffins.
I completely understood why.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear them in my mind and all the terms of endearment they had
for me & their favorite songs & food. Although they divoced when
I was young, they reunited several years before my mom died; that
makes me teary.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
This concept would appeal to me since neither of my parents were
able to see my children. I father really wanted me to have children.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when good people die & the worst of the worst continue to do what
they want in good health.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have my parents for support while I am going through a nasty divorce.
I'd love to have their arms around my children and me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't know whose long hair I could brush (I am refering to my
grandmothers long hair that she would let me trangle in a brush
for her. I thought I was helping) .
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect and the utmost appreciation.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice care is the most dignified way a person can die. It is
exactly what I would hope for in the same situation.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having a priest give the sacrament of "Last Rights". A last chance
to ask for forgiveness and to maintain the hope that God will have
us afterward.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Mostly like an unbelievable love for those we leave behind and the
hope to see them again.
--Regarding MONEY:
After it was all said and done, money ultimately doesn't matter.
The fact that some have more or less than others doesn't change
what will happen to us all.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The many people who loved my parents as I did. They all came to
say good-bye.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
picking out they clothes my parents would have on while in their
caskets.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the need for ill person to maintain their dignity as much as
possible, that there be as little discomfort as is managable for
them and that there be loved ones around.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's okay to cry, even out loud. There's nothing wrong with missing
your loved one for a long time afterward.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know that if it is possible for my parents to come back and visit,
they'll find a way.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
While suffering from an acute asthma attack, I truly felt like I
was dying. I was angry because I have young children and they still
need me. I felt myself refusing to go.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no regrets about my relationship with my parents.We had a
tremendous life together.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell my parents that they did a good job of making
me strong & independent.I would like to know if I'm doing a good
job in their eyes for my own children.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I used to smell my mothers perfume for the first several years after
her death. I feel at times that my dad is looking over my shoulder
or just in the room with me. I dream of them quite often.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I definately do not want to be kept on live-support.I don't want
to leave it up to my children to say when enough is enough.It must
be done leagally for them.All salvagable parts must be donate if
possible to others in need.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Of course,no one wants to die & neither do I.If I were told I was to
die soon,I would be very angry.My children are still fairly young &
so my work isn't done yet.In the end,I would like my children by
my side when I close my eyes.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I didn't need much beyond the love of my kids.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't want closure,I want to continue as many of my family's
traditions as I can.To cope with their passing,I remember them;
I play the music of their day & I'm raising my children in much
the same way as they raised me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Food was a celebration & culture (i.e. art, music & dance) a must.
We love life & I teach my children to love all these things too
and more.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My brother & I became even closer than before.He is much older
than I & very ill.I'll soon be helping my sister-in-law to make
arraignments for his passing too.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
Parents were very open re: "circle of life" explanation & made it
a natural thing.
I am fine with death.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to sit with me and let me ramble on about how much I loved
them and miss them already or perhaps to just sit quietly together.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has reminded me that life is short so we must live it well if
it is to have real meaning.I am also remembered that I must set up
a directive for my death so that my children are not burdened in
any way.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
A question such as "How much of an greater of an impact for a
parent would it be to leave behind minor children as opposed to
grown children?" Also, I found your survey to be bittersweet.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 20 13:14:06 2002
F18 in Flint, Michigan =USA=
Name: Rachel
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Pharmacy Tech., full time student (physical therapy)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 67.
--Details:
She was at work (at a hospital) when they sent her to the ER to
get checked out, they thought she had a stroke. But it turned out
to be a brain tumor on her left parietal lobe. Seven months later,
she died. It's so sad, and still unbelievable.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical body breaks down beyond repair, but our spirit
lives on through those who we truly loved.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt so guilty. I was 3 or 4 and went to the hospital to visit my
great aunt. She wanted to touch my hand, and I had never met her
before and was extremely shy, and nervous, and just hid in the
corner behind my mom. My aunt died just a few minutes later. I
still hate the fact that I wouldn't go up and talk to her.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Aunt died of breast cancer when I was 12.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I had to care for her day after day, getting up several times in
the night to make her comfortable towards the very end. These task
would normally be extremely tiring, but for her, it was nothing. I
didn't mind doing it for her. Not one bit.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
This culture is extremely fearful of death. They need to learn how
to accept and deal with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My aunt(s), and grandma(s) all were taken away from there suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I had to learn to accept it. Music and meditation were very useful.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing the people that were gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Making all there days left the best days of thier life. Make them
comfortable, make them feel loved, and especially this: Do not make
them feel as if they are a burden to you.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I do often, but I think it is okay to cry every once in a while. That
is healthy.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
One of my Grandmas died as I was heading to the meeting place to load
the buses leaving to Canada for a Karate competetion. It always hurt
me the most, because my parents didn't tell me until after I got
home. I spent all weekend saying how I am sure she's doing better,
she'll be fine, etc. They thought just because I was 13 I couldn't
handle it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We had a few Hospice Ladies come into our home. The best one was
Reba. She genuwinley cared. She tried. This other lady, Theresa,
seemed really uptight, like she hated doing her job. I think she
may have been mean to my grandma, who often made it clear that she
did not like Theresa. Hospice care providers cannot have a negative
additude like that. Their patients need positives around them for
an improved quality of life.
--Religious Affiliation:
None
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to remember me as a dedicated person, who loved
to have fun, and one who loved her family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
My family don't talk about sensitivities like that, so I had to
deal with everything on my own for the most part.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 20 02:29:35 2002
F18 in San Diego, California =USA=
Name: Heather Orum
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student studying Media Communications
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
I recently purchased a guitar. It is named Alpha Dawn 13 to symbolize
a new life and era for me. 13 because it was purchased on the 13th
week anniversary of my mom's death. This is a huge step for me
because I am symbolizing to the world that I will move on without
my best friend.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
Knowing that God took my mother out of her pain here on earth. She
had really bad arthritis for the last 5 years, and I rmember praying
to God the day b4 to heal her legs, or do His will with them. I
was tired of seeing my mother in pain; it hurt too much.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
I was stuck with an older brother and sister who were so concerned
with the loss of our mom, that they never got over that selfishness
of THEIR loss. They sort of forgot that I was in college, and needed
that emotional support as well. I felt really abandoned by them.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 19 20:27:15 2002
M27 in Buffalo, Ny =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology Class
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Holy Bible !
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
God!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
In the natural sense, the period in life where all metaobolic /
physiolocial functions in the ceases.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was as a child. I don't even believe that I was 5 years old yet.
It was my great grandmother who had passed away. At that time,
while I knew she wasn't coming back, I still didn't understand what
death was so it really didn't affect me emotionally.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Eulogizing my grandfather's funeral, and than my grandmother's,
his wife, 6 month's later!!!!
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
While the body is temopral, the soul is eternal. Thus, you will
spend eternity somewhere! It can be with the Lord Jesus Christ or
in eternal hell fire!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that, as a Christian believer, "...To live is Christ,
and to die is gain..."
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Spiritaully - Faith in God, the leading of His Spirit, the stability
of His word, and naturally, the shoulder of my brother.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
....letting my grandparents go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
.....show them SINCERE AFFECTIONATE love until the last beat and
the last breath.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
....trusted God through it all and relied on the fact that He
doesn't make any mistakes
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandparents died 6 months within each other
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
....n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my grandfather b4 he passed away
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Preach his eulogy!!!!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
...n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
????
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
...my tear are generated my good memories...kind of like a sad,
yet joyful feeling....
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
....just more good times, laughs, pains, and experiences
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...I believe God was fair!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
.....it doesn't get difficult for me
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I just walked out of my house in tears with my father follwing
behind me calling my name as I ignored him. I got in my car and
drove around the city in tears.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
.....they can only do so much. In that much is a lot, but they
can't be GOD!!!!!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
......n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Stablity and understanding the ways of God. There's a saying that
God moves in mysterious way. In my opinion he doesn't. He's only
a mystery to those who don't truely know Him!!!!!!!1
--Religious Affiliation:
Holiness / Pentacostal
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
In way I feel that death transcends religion and culture is that it
doesn't discriminate!!!!!! I don't believe that there is a common
link of spirit in all death
--Regarding MONEY:
....everyone chipped in and did what they had to do
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It wasn't hard to get through
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
....the reality of them being gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
.....n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
....n/a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
.....my grandmother alluded to a visit from my grandfather not to
long b4 she died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
......n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
....there are no unresolved issues with my grandparents. They loved
me dearly and loved them dearly. I just whish I knew more about
the family history that only the could have told me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
.....although it would be nice and beautiful to have, I can't really
say that I would need such a thing. If I could ask them anything
it would be: "...so what's it like up there?"
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
.....while neither one of my grandparents have come back to visit me,
nor do I believe they will, however they are more than welcome to
if such an event can occur, I did have a dream that my grandfather
was very upset about somthing. Come to find out, when I told my
mother about the dream, she explained to me how one of my cousins
had done some damaging things to my deceased grandparents house. Of
course my mother belived my dream was a message or a sign.......I
don't know....perhaps???????
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
.....to have all my affairs in order so that my death doesn't leave
additional responsibilities for the ones I leave behind
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Initially, it would be a bit unerving or disturbing, Yet I don't
belive it would take me long to come to grips with it. Once again,
because of my beliefs I know that to live is Christ, but to die
is gain!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
1) That I had this testimony: "He pleased the Lord!"
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Help came from the stability present in my relationship with God!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
.....my relationship with God was brought even closer
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
......na
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
Watching the casket being lowered into the ground in a snow covered
cemetary
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Being strong for my family
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
questions relating to losing loves at the same time or more than
one love one in a short time period ( ie- 2 parents, grandparents,
friends, etc.)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 18 21:45:11 2002
F18 in Rochester, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
For a class
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SIDS; Aged: 9 months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of one life, the beginning of another in another world
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared and confused
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of lose
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how differently it can effect people
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
to appreciate life, death can happen to anyone at anytime, when
you least expect it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support of my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the death of the person at such a young age, his life was not lived.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
So that person how much you love them, and care about them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Understand how death can take the innocent.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
A child so young could die so suddenly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Something reminds me of the funeral, or if someone has the same name.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The life of the family would be happier.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Change what happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Shocked, scared, in disbelief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There was nothing they could do.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not involved.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that there was a reason or plan for his death.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Everyone goes somewhere based on their life.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The sadness of everyone around me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I could not stop thinking about it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Let me die a natural death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i knew i was going to die, i would tell everyone around me how
much they meant to me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That i loved everyone. That i was kind to people, and i enjoyed life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
That he was in a better place.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think more about he value of a life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
TO realize that everyone dies for a reason, and although we might
not know what that is, there is a plan.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Nov 17 12:42:09 2002
M34 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cessation of biological life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
utter sorrow and grief
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it should be taken more seriously.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
later being told that she was given inner peace, free of her
agonizing physical pain of cancer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family support and moments of self-reflection being alone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that I was never going to see her again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there to comfort and to listen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my parents forced me into the funeral home to view my grandmother
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
No lauhfing occurred.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my grandmother in the hospital, despite my parents' wishes.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal w/the funeral home "wake" services
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I reflect upon childhood memories w/her
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when societal "role-models" die prematurely
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ask questions about her death to my parents w/o upsetting them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief, shock.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect and admiration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
insightful and grateful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
spiritual life
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful and everlasting
--Regarding MONEY:
no issues
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
more of a "disrespective" social gathering.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
hearing people reminiecse about their lives and laughing, and
conversing in the funeral home as if they were at a bar
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I'm accustomed since being a medical professional
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
feelings expressing gratitude and gratefulness for being a terrific
grandparent
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
respect
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting places w/the fondest memories.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
perhaps a closer bond between my parents and grandfather
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
family support
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
being their for support and to listen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Could have compared first and last experiences w/death and how life
processes have influenced such viewpoints.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 15 07:18:47 2002
F31 in Skippack, Pennsylvania =USA=
Name: Christina Miller
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: English teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
I learned that he was on his way to see a concert with a friend.
The friend was known for his reckless driving. Alcohol was involved,
but the person I am grieving over was not the driver. Somehow, at
90 MPH, the driver lost control of the vehicle, hitting a concrete
pillar beneath an overpass. Both were killed instantly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something you cannot comprehend through logic, something you can
only accept over time, something which affects you profoundly for
the rest of you life, something which frazzles your emotions, and
something which leaves you with a profound longing for a physical
form you will never have again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was extremely young, and don't remember it very well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock of hearing about it for the first time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we need to support each other throughout the grieving process
which follows. It isn't over when the funeral ends.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that death allowed me to reflect upon my actions and the way I
treat people. It made me rethink my ideals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to someone who knew the deceased similarly to the way I did,
and talking to my sister, who was willing to listen.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I can never see or talk to this person ever again.
I miss him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
finding ways to comfort and soothe them.
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have reformed my thinking about certain things. I've made the
decision to make some changes, and I've resolved to implement
those changes.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how a life could be snuffed out so quickly and violently.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
speak to this person and ascertain that he did not harbor any
resentment toward me over the way the relationship ended. I wanted
to hear him say that he was happy in hi slife.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
contact the person he was married to at he time he died. She has
answered all of my questions with such sensitivity and honesty.
I feel we have already established a bond.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If we were still together, I'm not sure it would be as a couple,
although it might. If we were, would not be as well off financially
as I am now, and I know basically the types of problems we'd be
dealing with.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young, he was married, he wanted to have a nice life,
he loved to talk to people, he knew how to enjoy things, and he
had a lot of love to give.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wish it all out of my head. Permanently.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was so shocked that I panicked. I began o cry, and then I went
into a daze. I couldn't sleep,and few days later I cried profusely.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right to me. I want so badly to believe that this person still
exists on some level. I want to feel his presence in my life.
I am very certain that he will always be with me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
grieving for someone I knew a long time ago. I'm grieving for him
as though we were never separated by time and space.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
This is what I torture myself about. I'm not happy with the way
our relationship ended, and I'm even less proud of the words I
used to end it. I don't recall them specifically, but I know they
were harsh. He didn't deserve that, and I feel extremely guilty.
I still don't know how I'm going to work through this. A colleague
suggested that I examine the ways this experience has changed me
for the better, and I've already done this. I've promised myself
I would not let issues in my life go unresolved in the future, and
that I would stop treating people as if they'll be around forever.
My colleague advised me that if I could just stick to that, then
I can let go. I feel that he is right, although it will still
take time.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to hear that he harbored no ill-will or resentment
toward me. Through my correspondence with his wife, I'm beginning
to sense that he had no negative feelings toward me at all.
I say this because she remarked that he showed her pictures of me
from a Christmas we spent together. That means that he held onto
them even after the breakup, and actually showed them to his wife.
Also, he was stationed in Germany, then moved to Texas, where he met
the person he married. That the pictures made the trip says alot.
It is this one detail that is really going to help me find closure.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I began trying to locate the deceased about 2 years ago. This all
began with a dream. (I had never had a dream about this person
prior.) In the dream, there was a huge wave that came crashing down.
Immediately after, I and the deceased emerged from underneath the
water. We looked at each other. He was dressed in black, and had
a very solemn look on his face. He reached out to me with his arm.
Then the dream ended. I immediately, upon waking, had the profound
urge to try to locate him. I knew something was very wrong, that
maybe he needed me somehow. I found a listing for his parents,
but not him. Then, for no apparent reason, I abandoned my search.
Then, about a month ago, I started to look again. I used everything
I had known about him to try find him. Eventually, I found a death
record that matched his first, middle, and last name. My resolve
intensified, and I managed to find the woman he was married to at the
time of his death. She confirmed my suspicions right away. I feel
that none of this would have happened if I had not had that dream.
I strongly believe that the deceased somehow influenced my having
that dream. I feel there is a purpose to all of this--yet to come.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I die in an instant. Death doesn't scare me; the dying
process terrifies me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I truly loved animals.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
no event--this will only subside over time. I feel I may, for the
sake of closure, need to contact his parents and possibly visit
the grave.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel that the wife of the deceased is someone I could form a
lasting friendship with. I felt an immediate connection with her,
aside from the obvious one. I told my sister that, as strange as
it sounds, I feel like I'm corresponding with myself. She just
seems like someone I'd really like. I am hoping to continue the
correspondence via email, and eventually meet her face to face
one day.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Not dismissing my emotions as ridiculous or somehow invalid, just
because I hadn't seen or talked to the deceased in a long time,
and because I'm married and living a different life now.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped me process my thoughts, and realize that what I'm going
through is, for the most part, normal.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 14 18:55:30 2002
F18 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Elementary Education Student/ Teacher's Aide
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Eric
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Doris Lund
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: health problems; Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
mysterious
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to think much of it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
finding out about it from my mom and her reaction.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not always such a bad thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my great aunt's pain was ended.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my mom's reactions
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 14 18:55:30 2002
F18 in Buffalo, NY =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Elementary Education Student/ Teacher's Aide
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Eric
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Doris Lund
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: health problems; Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
mysterious
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to think much of it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
finding out about it from my mom and her reaction.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not always such a bad thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my great aunt's pain was ended.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my mom's reactions
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them how much you love them and how much they mean to you.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Nov 14 14:35:39 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 19.
--Details:
a lump was found in the axillary region which had spread over
the years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the cellular components of the body,which compose humans as
a whole, cease to function any longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
never have had to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a feeling of emptiness and saddness.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to respect and remember those who have died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the memories and their wonderful qualitites that I can only hold
as memories, hoping not to forget details with time.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she seemed so lively and happy just two years prior...she had just
had her second child...and then, she was gone forever.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much I appreciated her friendship and hopefully have
been just as nice and considerate as she had been to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I come across places, events, people, music...different situations
that I may have been in with her, that bring back thoughts of when
she was alive.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that death often takes the best of people.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
in shock. I knew that the time would come one day soon...but it
came sooner than anticipated.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very heartbreaking. To have seen her with beautiful long blonde
hair, and her million dollar smile, she was beautiful. After the
cancer and treatment started taking affect on her body, she lost
all of her hair, her cheeks puffed out as a result of the steroids,
and she lost a lot of weight. Her eyes had darkend circles and it
was saddening seeing her experience this helplessness, knowing that
she was going to soon be leaving her daughters and her family.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that if the dying person was actively involved in the church and
sought forgiveness and reconciliation with God, although we would
be sad of the loss, but there would also be a sense of ease knowing
that they are being taken care of by God in heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when they dying member wants to do things he/she wouldn't ordinarily
care to experience if they didn't have the disease. Giving away
personal belongings and asking those she/he gives them to, to always
remember her, etc.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 13 23:18:48 2002
F22 in Phelan, Ca =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: waitress, student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
She was my sisters best friend and was staying with me at the time
because her and my sister just moved back from Washington. She was
with another girl named Tiffany that everyone knew was a bad driver.
Tiffany pulled out in front of a F250 on Julie's road. They got T
boned and both girls died. Tiffany was mangled and Julie had her
neck broke and cut.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone leaves us. They can no longer talk to you or see you.
They are buried or creamated.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young but hardly remember it. It was my uncle who I do
not remember very well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my sister, mom, and Julie's family. The looks on there faces and
watching them cry.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It was that persons time to go. No matter how much we grieve,
hate or suing somone does not bring a person back. That person
does not want us to be miserable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
To have at least had the chance to know that person. They enlightend
me and we had many good times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Hanging out with my sister. We hardly fight since her best friend
died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Her not being there. Having her clothes at my house and having
the car repair shop calling me asking for Julie to come pick up her
car before they charge a store fee. She was the last one who did
my dishes that were in the sink and was in the middle of painting
my moms kitchen to help pay off her car. Julie and Tiffany were
painting at my moms just hours before they died. Juliealways said
Tiffany was going to kill her in that car.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
don't regret being a friend to someone and letting someone into my
heart and home.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out she was dead. Her mother had called me a few hours
before that and asked if she was with me because we were supposed
to meet up that night. I had just seen her earlier that day.
We were supposed to go out for her twenty first bierthday.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was healthy. Somethings are still funny. A few days after
she died one of the guys that new my friend said, " I still don't
understand how she fit into those small shirts." It was very funny
to me and my sister because we are all the same size but she could
fit into small shirts. Some people did not find it as amusing as us.
Julie always laughed at everything.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go straight o hger house to pick her up so that she would not have
left with the girl that was driving.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be as strong as I was. I was there for my sister and still am.
I still hang out with her family too.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we actually had to pick out her clothes and make up she wore in
the casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the man at the funeral place talking about our dead friend. He got
a lot of facts and peoples names mixeed up.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wasnt to tell her something or want her to do something with me.
She would go anywhere with me and have fun doing it. Sometimes I
can't find someone who will do things with me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Me and my sister would still have a full crew of friends thet
all hung out together. there are five of us that all look like
sisters, well everyone thinks so, that all hang out. We are all
very different. My mom said that we were all probably sisters in
the cave man days. I think we will all be together again.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we were all supposed to hang out when her and my sister finally
turned 21. My sister just turned 21 yrsterday and Julie would have
been 21 in lasdt september.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
do a thousand things different that could have changed what happened.
Maybe just talk to her one more time, although ido that anyways.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just seen her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there was nothing they could have done. They died quick.
--Religious Affiliation:
I just started going to the Calvery Chapel(Christian church) about
six weeks ago. Before that, had not gone to church in years.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The family of the girl who pulled in front of the truck came to
the funeral. She also wore a dress that my mom had made and wore
for her viewing.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling like julie was going to walk in the door or call any second.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Out loud at night I talk to her and tell her how good of a friend
and person seh was and that she was very special.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I always wonder how other people would feel if i died. I can feel
comftorble saying that I am loved and I would be missed greatly.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to have learned something from me because
I have a good outlook ona lot of things and overcome them with
some of mt theories. I live my life always putting myself in
other peoples shoes so I am very nice and sympathetic to people.
This does make it easier for people to take advantage of me but i
also stand up for myself and get other people to do the same.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I value other peoples lives that are in a car with me, they are
my resposibility.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
music and rage
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A lot of my thoughts are actually more clear and it refrshed my
memory of things that I do not want to forget. All the memories
of my friend I want to keep.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 13 20:32:05 2002
F20 in Brooklyn, Ny =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 2.5 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: train accident; Aged: 22.
--Details:
He was train surfing and hit a pole. He fell of and suffered severe
trauma. He held on in the ICU for 2 weeks and finally passed due
to kidney failure and heart failure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body leaves this earth but your soul and spirit live
on forever. You will not be forgotten by the ones you love so you
basically live on forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young. It didn't really effect be because I was so young.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandfather.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying. I cryed for days and still continue to cry. I couldn't
believe it was happening. I thought it was a bad dream. A lot of
my friends dealt with it much better then me but I had/have a hard
time with it. I still don't deal with it but it hasn't even been
3 weeks yet.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is no joke. People make stupid mistakes that could cost them
their lives and they don't value their lives very much.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I had with him. I will never forget all that he gave me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and my boyfriend now. He was so supportive during
it all even though it was my ex-boyfriend who had passed away.
Without him I don't think I would have gotten through it at all.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it's final. There is no going back in time. I will never see him
again or hear his voice or feel his touch.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you love them and it's going to be ok.
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I just learned how precious life is and not to take it for granted.
Enjoy every day you have because you never know when it can be
your last.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he actually passed away. I was surprised. They said he was doing
so well and was going to pull through.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that never happened for me. I was miserable.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I did love him and he meant the world to me. He wasn't
a loser like he thought and he had so much going for him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak to him everyday even after I moved 3000 miles away. He always
kept a smile on my face.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to see his mother and hug her. She was more concerned about
my feelings then her own.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of him. Anything as simple as even
a color.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be in NYC still. I would have treated him better. I would
have spent more time with him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young. He had so much life to live. I don't understand
why he had to go.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him one more time. Even if it's just for a minute. I want
just one more look in the eyes, one more kiss and one more hug.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought it was a sike joke. I thought my bestfriend was lieing
to me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
doubt. They should have saved him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing honestly. I'm mad at god right now.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
fake.
--Regarding MONEY:
I helped his mom as much as I could. It wasn't much but I did what
I could.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people showed up. He was loved by many.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
coming to the realization that it is ok to laugh and smile.
He wouldn't want me to be so down all the time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think he didnt know how much I cared about him and I'm sorry for
that. Everyone else knows and tells me that deep down he did know.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want to tell him I loved him and he meant the world to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
The day after he passed I kept getting cold chills and I thought
it was him. And when I went to NYC for the funeral I felt like he
kept forcing me to smile and laugh.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've thought about it a lot. This is the 3rd death in three years.
If I knew I was going to die I would make sure to tie up any loose
ends and make sure everyone close to me knew how much they mean
to me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want them to remember how real I was. What a good friend
I was, that I was a good listener, intellegent.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My new boyfriend. We got so close so quickly. I think Alex made it
happen because he knew I needed someone. And for that I am thankful.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I leaned on my friends and family a lot. They did all the right
things at the right times.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Honestly it has brought up things I didn't want to think about.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Nov 13 14:46:00 2002
F20 in Hesperia, Ca =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Nurses Aid
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 42.
--Details:
diagnosed with cancer, received chemotherapy, and died 10 months
later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical body dies and our souls move into the afterlife.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I worked at a convalescent hospital and I was at the bedside of my
favorite patients when she passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
With the cancer, the shock. He was my parents age and it seemed
to shake them up a bit. It was so quick. Here one day and gone
the next.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the acceptance of death. We need to accept that it can and does
happen to us. We tend to think that it never will, and then our
shocked when reality hits.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
No matter how much chemotherapy my friend went through he always
tried to smile and be happy. He held on to his sense of humor
through it all.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
holding on to the good memories. When you think of that person
you remember the smiles and laughter, not the illness.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting it. Not wanting to believe it was really happening.
This was not supposed to happen to the good people.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to hold their hand and let them know you care and are .there. They
know even if they can not respond
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was diagnosed with the cancer. Why did God have to pick such
a good man to go through such an awful experience?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no that can't be. He was doing so well with chemo and looking so
much better.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
at least they gave him another 10 months to day his goodbyes.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
believing that he is now in a place where there is no suffering.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Nov 12 23:01:51 2002
F19 in Denmark, Wisconsin =USA=
Name: Melissa
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: College student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: A motorcycle accident; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your soul leaves your body and ends up in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was eight. My grandpa died of a heart attack.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Holding on to the belief that if I could only find the right words
to say to God, that I would wake up and find out that it had only
been a dream.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That there is no set time for someone to get over losing their
loved one.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my great grandma died it was because she was old. She was in
a lot of pain and my family didn't want her to suffer anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to talk to my mom about all the things I loved about my
boyfriend, and anything else that came to my mind.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling guilty about all the things I would have done differently
if I had known we didn't have much time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That you don't always have to say anything to them, it really is
about just being there for them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when I did laught it had to do with remembering something funny we
had done together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him I loved him, even though he already knew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the whole day with him, the day before he died. We went
swimming, and shopping and had ice cream. At the end of the
day before he left, we held on to eachother for about 3 or 4 min.
I didn't understand then why we did that, but I think now that it was
because some how we knew it was the last time we would see eachother.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with
is gone, and now I'll spend the rest of my life with someone else.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In my dreams and in my imagination I can picture our wedding day,
our kids, what it would be like to come home after work and have
him there.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that everything he wanted to do with his life, he'll never get the
chance to do, and I won't get to do those things with him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
move on. I want to stop feeling this pain inside my chest that
never seems to go away.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I broke down crying and begged God to change anything in my life
that he wanted to, if it meant that I would wake up and realize
that it had only been a nightmare.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude. I know that everything that could have been done was.
My boyfriend's sister is a nurse and she was there when he crashed,
and I know no one could have worked harder to save him then she did.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to church on Sun., praying every day and following God's laws.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't important. If we thought about money it was how to spend
it in ways to honor his memory.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that there were so many people there. It blew me away how many
people loved him. That may sound shallow but there were nearly
1,300 people packed into the church.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that the person in the coffin really did'nt look all that
much like him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was'nt there when he died so I don't know.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I'm gratfull not to have any unresolved issues. I know exactly
how he felt about me, and any fight we had was solved long before
he died.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
The only thing I would want him to know is how much I love and
miss him, and I would expect him to say the same things. These are
things I already know, and I'm sure he does too, so I don't think
it would help me very much.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A few days after he died I dreamed that he came back some how.
I remember that in my dream I knew he was dead, but I didn't want
to ruin it, so I just let myself be happy. When I woke up I could
still feel him holding me, and I could feel my arms around him.
I stayed that way for several minutes, then my alarm went off,
and without realizing it I reached over to shut it off, and the
feeling was gone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I would die soon I would probably feel pretty indifferent.
I don't want to leave my family and friends, but at the same time
I believe that I will be going to heaven, where I will also be with
my friends and family who have already passed away.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I loved my family and friends and would do anything to help
them. That my faith in God is strong and that I'm in heaven.
And that the most important thing to me are children, especially
my cousins, who I have always been very close to.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I live out in the country and wild flowers grow all along to road.
When someone close to me dies, I walk down to the corner and back,
which is about a mile, and pick flowers and think about that person,
and the things we did togther. When I get back to my house there
is a creek next to it that I throw the flowers into, and watch
float away. I do this as a way to honor the person who died and
as a way to let go of some of the pain.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I thought it was very useful in helping me to just talk about what
happened and how I feel.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 11 18:59:33 2002
F41 in California =USA=
Name: Karen
Email: <Takeme1015-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
A class project for Developmental Psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Mommy and college student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 73 yrs.
--Details:
My step-mom died in the car from the accident and my dad died 12 days
later. I had him declared brain dead and removed from life-support.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our body ceases to exist. When breathing and circulation are
no longer present.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13 yrs old and my grandmother had died. I wasn't at the hospital
when she died, so I felt removed from the death process. I did
not view her body at the funeral, but I got a sense of sereneness
at her funeral when she told me that everything was alright. Yes,
my dead grandmother spoke to me (or at least I thought she did).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I didn't get a chance to tell my dad I loved him or to say
good-bye.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my dad's funeral was four days before Christmas, so I had a lot of
family support around the holidays.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was so unexpected since it resulted from a car accident
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand. Death is not contagious. Be there for them,
let them know it's ok to die.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had the strength and courage to have my father removed from life
support. I know I made the right decision for him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the person who caused the accident got a ticket for an "improper left
hand turn" and that he was responsible for the death of 2 people,
but was not sited for that.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is a way of relieving stress. If you feel like laughing
then just do it. Who cares what other people think. Everyone deals
with death in their own way!!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my dad more often that I loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong. I was the strong one for everyone else to lean on.
Two yrs after my father's death and father-in-law died and everyone
looked to me for guidance and strength.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who cares if the hospital paperwork gets signed!!!! They (the
hosp.) would not let me see my dad until I went to admitting.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I really miss my dad. He would be so proud of how his grandkids
have turned out.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
What if... what if... what if... I don't dwell on "what if's?"
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair that my dad was supposed to be ok. The day he
was to come home from the hospital he collapsed and two days later
he was declared brain dead. I honestly believe he didn't want to
go home alone. His wife had died 10 days previously. He had told
me a week earlier that he was dying. I believe if a person feels
that way, they will die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
No difficulties, anymore.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
when I got the phone call telling me about the accident I just
dropped the phone and started screaming (I was on my way out the
door to a Christmas party). By the time I got to the hospital I
had talked to a nurse and had calmed down.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
When I had them stop CPR on my dad I asked about organ donating
and was told he had to be brain dead. Two days later he was brain
dead and no one asked me about this request again. I had forgotten
about it and I feel bad that I couldn't/didn't donate his organs.
--Regarding MONEY:
the mortuary asked me on the day of the funeral when I'd be paying
the balance. NOT!! The step-sister and half-sister are another
questionnaire (probate lasted 3 yrs). Make sure loved ones have
a will or living trust!!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how easy it was for me to accept. Maybe because I had worked in a
hospital and had seen death and how other families coped, it made
it easier for me to accept.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I would like to know why my step-mom hated me so much.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I put this somewhere else. My grandmother spoke to me at her
funeral. I did not "see" her, I just heard her tell me everything
was ok. I was 13 and I was also her favorite.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
This question is exactly why I did my living trust and medical
directives. I've made my own decisions, so others don't have to
second guess what I want done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not ready to die. I want to see my unborn grandkids. I know
that someday I will die, but I don't think about it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I'm a great friend, my friends know they can relie on me. That
I love my kids more than anything!! That I've made a few mistakes,
but I've learned from them and it's made me a better person.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Silly me, my dad's funeral was on Dec 21. I had a wreath at his
funeral, which hung on my front door until his birthday on Feb 22.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I made a living trust, medical directive and gaurdians for my
children. I tells those closest to me how much I love them.
You never know when death will happen!
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My dad had been given a walker to go home with him from the hospital.
The hospital wouldn't keep it so I donated it to the local senior
center.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was very therapeutic. So many people fear talking about death
that being able to tell your experiences is a great way to deal
with grief and the grieving process.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 11 14:31:15 2002
F44 in Lake Charles, LA =USA=
Name: Lisa Monsour
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Secretary; BA in music
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 weeks ago Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer, small cell carcinoma; Aged: 73.
--Details:
I saw the symptoms of superior vena cava, but was afraid to mention
the actual term because they would have thought I was stupid.
I kept calling their attention to her physical symptoms--they
ignored me anyway. The physician knew my mom's death was imminent,
but refused to turn off the ventilator. Thirty minutes later my
gentle mother passed away. My dad kept asking me to go home, that
there was nothing we could do for her sitting in her room. I told
my sister-in-law that Mom had seen me through marriage/divorce,
breast lumps being discovered, death of a friend, grandparents, and
co-workers and that I would not leave her during this difficult hour.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
where the physical body (heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, brain) ceases
to function. Some believe that there is a soul which survives and
moves on to another life or goes to a better place which some call
heaven. Heaven is supposed to be a place where joy, good health,
and faith are in abundance. Hopefully, you will meet up with other
loved ones at some point.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My sister-in-law and I were alone with my mom. My brother was
busy working, Daddy was on his way home after telling me to
go home that there was nothing I could do to help her anymore.
I knew my sister-in-law had lost her own mom a few years earlier
and was familiar with the loneliness I now feel.
I can remember
asking my nieces to come in to see their Maw Maw and trying to pull
the sheet up so they wouldn't notice the discoloration in my Mom's
hands and shoulders. Then my Mom started foaming at the mouth so I
had to explain that that was a normal process of the body releasing
itself to death. I couldn't take away the pain or my own sorrow.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Being left alone with a father and brother that would rather
avoid sorrow than face it or the paper trail after my Mom's death.
My best friend is no longer here to walk and talk with me through
life's journey.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Fear of Death
I often warn those who will listen--don't drink & drive, call for
a ride. Always, always wear your seatbelt!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 8 18:52:58 2002
M19 in ashville, ny =usa=
Email: <ruger_23-atyahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: studying to be a physical therapist
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 26.
--Details:
atv accident
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of a biological being, and cannot return from this
state of death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 2
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
ii vaguely remember people crying, and telling me everything was
going to be alright but i was to young to comprehend what was
going on.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death can be an experience to treasure , about how it brings people
closer together, and that there is such thing as dying well.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how it brought our family closer together, people were right there
reaching out for us, let us come stay with them, and hepled us
get our mind off of what had just happened and how to egt through
it alright.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my doctor was always there for me and my mom whether it was on the
weekends when he was off, he still was happy to have us call him
up on the weekends and he would help us through with whatever we
were dealing with,
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing you are never ever going to be able to see or interact
with that person again, its very tough.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
take them out to take their minds off of things, invite them over
just so they are never alone, because when you are alone this is
when u think about death the most.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can openly talk about it, even though it hurts i think getting the
thoughts of this death can help yourself out tremendously
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why thisa had to happen to him, what were the reasaons he had to
die at such a young age.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
mee t my father at an older age just so i could at least have some
memories of him other than pictures. i know it would be a lot
easier to deal with that hes gone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
if this hadnt happened i know things would have been different,
he owned his own business, and im sure if he was still around i
would be right there with him working for him, and i could have
taken over for him when his time came to retire.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its not fair that he was taken away from me and my mom so early,
he didnt have his chance to see me grow up and see me become what
i have become today, he didnt get to see me graduate from high
school, to see me at all my sporting events, he will nevber get
to see me graduate from college which i will only hte second one
in my family to do, and even the little things he will never see,
raising my own family, getting married
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him once again , just so he couls see what i have become
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
although this death was not accompanied with any of these
organizations, i am studying to go into the health care system so
i am familiar with hospice. i feel that this organization is a
crutial part of a dying person and his families life.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
idk what i woudl write about me but i definitely know what i would
write about my mom
she had to raise me as a single mother and
did a really good job if u ask me, i mean im enrolled at college,
training to be a physical therapist, my life is heading forward
not backwards, and it is all because of her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i was only 2 so i was really too young to know what was going on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think this survey is very good it helps u recall memories maybe
u would have not remembered if tehse questions were not brought up.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 8 15:01:01 2002
F22 in gainesville, florida =usa=
Name: natalya
Email: <nemoht-at-lycos.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: film & media studies -at- the university of florida
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Easy Death
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sri Da Avabhasa
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cystic fibrosis; Aged: 25.
--Details:
Greg was more than my "best friend". he just lost all his energy
after years of purifying his body from the constant inadequate
therapies western medicine offered. this time last year, Greg was
as fine as can be with his condition. winter was always tough b/c
of the temperature's effects on his lungs and respiration. in the
spring it was obvious he was weaker than the years before at the
same time. he moved into hospice; in the 2nd month of living there
they began to increase his medication of morphine and morphine
substitues. his health rapidly declined, and in the week before he
passed away all he could do was sleep all day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition. we are born into humanity to purify our tendencies
to separate ourselves from the source of All life, from God or
Truth. Light generates multitudes of forms, and every manifestation
of Light arises and apparently dissolves or changes form. our
human bodies burn through life with our desire to love, and when
they have been used to their potential or exhausted, they return to
the elements. who we are is not just this manifestation of matter,
but individual souls. both the "matter" and the "soul" are being
"generated" by light or "god". though the matter is inevitably
temporal, the soul is eternal as it is ultimately light without
differentiation. until this is realized or remembered by the
individual, it will continue to be reborn to purify the tendency
to separate from light.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and realized that i had to figure out why i cried or why i
felt a loss. if everyone must die, then why is it so hard to accept?
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i could still feel the love "between" us. the relationship
had not ended.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not what we think it is. capitalism is structured on
fear of dying. we try to do everything our heart desires before
we go, fearing it's the end of life. it is just a transition,
a transformation of energy.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the lesson in it. Before my best friend passed away, he said to me,
"I only have energy to love and forgive everyone," --and i saw that
only 'til we truly face death or our body's mortality do we finally
accept what should be done all along: to Love & to forgive all the
apparent wounds or offenses. it is so simple, yet such a discipline
dependent on the acceptance that you are going to die, and it may
be in an hour or in years to come, but when does not matter. in
other words, we should live our life just loving and forgiving the
avoidance of relationship or the denial of love, instead of living
like there is no tomorrow by doing all the material things we think
are important.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my devotion to my Sadguru Sri Adi Da Avabhasa Hridayam
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling separate from my loved one. not being able to embrace him any
more, not being able to realize that we eternally reside in the Heart
and the only separation is concoted by my separate point of view.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them express their emotions, and to remind them that real
love does not die, cannot die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his family didn't honor his wishes to be cremated because they
wanted a physical location to visit.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the suffering or difficulty we were experiencing surrounding greg's
death was more for our selves than for him. and it seemed absurd
to mourn the "end" of his life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
helped him sign legal papers. to have been allowed to spend more
time with him, to tell him again and again that i love him--not
just once or twice.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
surrender to god
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i remember how genuinely loving he is and how i haven't met any
one like him before or since.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did we have to be separated? why can't i die too?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be happy
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
he is no longer suffering in his weak body. and he really is
"gone"-i can't talk to him but in dreams.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
utter stupidity and material attachment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
separation from real god
--Religious Affiliation:
advaitayana buddhism
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the goats in the near the plot were enjoying the laid out flower
arrangements, and it was definitely something greg was laughing at
watching it "from above"
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
now i realize that we are more than our ever changing, temporary
body-minds and that our "deeper personality" or "soul" arises from
the indestructible "ultimate personality" or "love-bliss" or "God"
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
avoiding the reality that terminally ill loved ones are about to
die, or being naive about being able to "get over it" just because i
mentally understand that death is not an end to anything but the body
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
teh computer lab is closing so i cannot finish or edit this. may
everyone be graced with the ability to realize that death is not
an end to anything. it only hurts because we miss the one who has
transitioned.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 8 14:32:35 2002
M44 in essen, nrw =germany=
Name: hoetger
Email: <hoetger-at-cityweb,de>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
By Chance
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: engineer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
Still trying to find out whether life will be worth living AFTER HER.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: traffic accident; Aged: 43.
--Details:
A chance in a billion. Luck was against us.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
pain
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
managed by keeping my distance
--That first time, how it happened was
Just an accident I happened to witness
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the differenece
--What I think my (germany) culture needs to better learn about death is:
talk about it and its consequences
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
found out where my real friends are
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and her family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being reduced to just one human being, from my previous state as
part of a superior union
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
1/10 of a second reaction time in a traffic accident isn't enough
to start thinking about that. If I were superhuman wit no reaction
time whatsoever, I might have had a chance...
--[My Wife's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Life goes on. Just don't ask me how, or on what kind of level.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
There are such a lot of assholes in the world. They are still alive,
whereas SHE is dead; and she was so much more valuable as a human
being than any of them. Who throws the dice?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sorry, this feeling must have passed me by
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to her for some passing words or at least to hold her hand
and make her feel I was there
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
ever having known her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
This was all way too large for me to fully comprehend
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Whenever I lower my guard
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
For the short time we had together I was allowed to have 'life in
a state of permanent bliss', and I am totally sure that it would
have continued and even (if possible ) become better.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why her? ( Why me?)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time, or at least stop it altogether
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was standing three feet beside her at the moment. I could
understand what was going on, I did comprehend she was dying;
but being thrown from human 'top' to 'bottom' in a fraction of a
second is too much for anyone to comprehend
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Well, they did help with some tranquilizers to keep me functioning
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Having to endure the ordeal of a church funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
There is no different death for Christian, Islamic, Hindu or Buddhist
people. Those who know better will not tell.
--Regarding MONEY:
FORTUNATELY, no issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the feeling of thankfulness for all these people sharing my/our grief
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was all just too far out of my comprehension to to think
about that
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The eyes of a dead person will, fairly immediately, glaze over. If
you haven't noticed before, then you'll know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Didn't have time for proper reflection
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
we simply didn't have the time; maybe she has seen some thing in
that fraction of a second before impact. I do hope so. I just whish
she died happy.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
FORTUNATELY, we didn't have any major unresolved issues. We just had
major plans, and some of them I will still try to push through with
my own little limited strength. The rest of them, together with
the rest of my life, I will just quietly bury and try to forget
about them.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love
youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI
love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love youI love
youI love youI love youI love you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Sometimes, I imagine I have felt her touch during my sleep. I wake
up and wonder; and wish....
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Once you're dead, whatever on earth will concern you? She surely
didn't mind the stupid prayers of the priests during her memorial
service although she didn't care before and she surely knows better
now; but it was a consolidation for her old parents and she surely
would have liked that, wouldn't she?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Why should I care about my own mortality? SHE was the valuable
person in our relationship. Now she is dead, why should I care
about me
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
He lived, he tried, he loved, he still hopes
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
There are a lot of ways:You can visit your friends every evening,
you can get drunk every other evening, you can try to cope on your
own, you can try to start a new life,
..at the end of the day,
you'll be alone with your memories
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have been lucky enough to share the life of a truly 'good person'
for some years. How could I not change?
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have forged only few and selected friendship bonds during the
last decades and during the last year I was relieved to find out
that I made the right decisions here.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
Didn't think too much about it at that time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
Was too young to reflect
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
You can reach out only ever so often. There comes a time when
everyone expects you to be able to 'cope on your own' and get along
with your life.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
After the initial period of mourning is over, most people try to
'help' by simply avoiding the subject. They don't understand how
important it is for you to talk about it; to talk about her.(to
keep her alive )
Thanks for giving me this opportunity, even if
nobody's ever gonna read it.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Everything I was able to read through my tears was carefully phrased
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Nov 4 18:28:37 2002
F35 yrs in Hesperia, California =U.S.A.=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 5.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of an individual's life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and did not know how to act while others around
were mourning. Being at such a young age I remember thinking is
it a good time to go ouside ad play or was it proper for a child
to sit in the living room with the adults as they spoke of death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that my mother took it so hard.She had taken care of my
cousin at times while my aunt was at work. My immediate family
had just moved across country and my father was one of the elder
brothers of fourteen children. I could remember vividly my parents
feeling guilty for being so far away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I believe, coming from a religious background that I, along with
my family members, depended on spiritual guidance to get us thrugh
this crisis.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that although I mourned I did not get clsure from this I feel because
I did not attend the funeral services because they were so far away.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
treaure my own children. I realize how fragile our bodies can be.
At any time my life as I know it can be taken out from under me.
Do all that is possible to appreciate what you have, who you have
to love, and all that you experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My aunt did not completely get over my cousins death. To this day,
after 25 years, my aunt still has my cousin's room as it was along
with the clothing she had on the time of her death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to have seen my cousin again.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...she was only five years old.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started to cry.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a time to celebrate someone's joining God up in heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
Pentecostal
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing my cousin's room still the same after so many years.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my mother claimed to have seen my cousin as she was in a white dress
floating/flying upward angelically soon after my cousin's death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I am sure that I if I had one more conversation with my cousin
it would be a message for her parents. Maybe it would help me to
understand my aunt and uncle's form of mourning, keeping her room
a shrine of her death.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was dying I would spend y time with my children and
travel, making the most of the time spent with them..
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I believe I would like them to remember me as a loving mother
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I believe that among anything that it reminded that we need to
appreciate all we have, loved ones before one it taken away from
them or they are taken away.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Nov 2 17:46:42 2002
F43 in lady lake, florida =united states=
Email: <kwhitehead29-at-comcast.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
i was looking for hospice subjects
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: nail tech
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 8 Days ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 68.
--Details:
This was my second really hard experience w/ death. the first one was
my 15 yr. old son 11 yrs. ago. He died from cancer also.(different
kind)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end. You go to sleep and never wake up.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Knew i would never see them again. It was very sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The sadness. The greatest feeling of loss. I also felt relief for
my son and my mom. They are no longer suffering. I have always
felt guilty for that feeling even though it is supposed to be
normal. I guess I have the feeling of relief because i was the
primary caregiver for both of them.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death shouldnt be so dark. If the person has had a long illness
then be happy that it is over for them. Dont you think the person
who is ill is tired too?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The time i got to spend w/ my son and mom. My aunts son died in an
accident,she never got to tell him goodbye.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Just knowing people cared and were there for me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing i would never see them again.I will miss my mom very much.My
mom and I had a close relationship.I could tell my mom things that
I cant tell anyone else.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen to them. If you have something you need to say to this person
say it now. You may not ever get another chance.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Never leave unfinished business,things that need to be said for
another time. Always let that person know how you feel. Let them
know you love them. Everyday if possible.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mom was dying. I wish i knew what she was thinking and if she
knew she was dying at that moment.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Right after my son died i was cracking jokes.At the time of my moms
death we were talking to her and we were laughing and crying. She and
i had a kind of comical relationship throughout the whole illness.I
think it was more of a positive attitude to help get us thru.I
handle stress w/ humor most of the time.Some people think im nuts.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be a little closer to my son. Also not have been so bitchy w/
my son or my mom.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for them at the time of death and before.Also to let my
mom know it was o.k. to let go.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
It was like the person just went to sleep.It was really kind of
peaceful.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
With terminally ill people other people just dont seem to understand
that we are trying to make the person as comfortable as possible
not trying to save thier life.After a certain amount of time there
is no saving them.They dont have to eat or drink if they dont want
to.My cousin just didnt get it.She was trying to figure out ways
to save her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Ihear certain songs,reminisce,look at pictures or get that deja-vu
feeling.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My son would be grown and on his own by now.Hopefully happy. I
havent gotten that far w/ my mom yet.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my son had to die so young and that my mom had to suffer after
having had such a shitty life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Run from my feelings and emotions.I used to drink alcohol.That
doesnt help.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cant let go.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They arent in control as much as they would like to think.It is
still left up to God.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They are great but sometimes a little too nosy.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
What we believe in our hearts about God.Knowing that God will take
care of things in His own time.
--Religious Affiliation:
pentecostal w/ baptist raised
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe death & religion go hand in hand.If you read your bible
it talks about these things.Especially heaven & hell.
--Regarding MONEY:
I got stuck taking care of most of this part. It is very stressful.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My mom wanted it short & sweet but to me it drug out. I just wanted
it over with. Everyone said what a nice service it was and i thought
it sucked. The same w/ my son. I guess it was just me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How when you die,youre just gone. Its like no one is there inside
you anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Change from the normal behavior or activities.Sleep apnea and the
death rattle are very important signs.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Staying busy helps me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mom was talking to her brother who has been dead for about 20
yrs. She also saw her cat who has been gone for 11 yrs.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I walk around talking to her. My son too. I feel like they can hear
me. I feel if I really forgot something they already know it.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I really do love you to my mom & to my son i still miss you and love
you. But then i still do say this out loud to them.I feel like this
still connects me to them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
A couple of nights after my son died he came and gave me a hug to
let me know he was o.k. I was having a really hard time. After he
died you could still feel his spirit here.With my mom when she died
it was like when she went her spirit left immediately too. I havent
felt her presence at all.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Make sure the people closest to you know your wishes & you should
put it in writing.Have all your affairs in order and try to make
it easy on those you leave behind.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I say you only live once. You better be as happy as you can and do
everything you can that might not pass this way again.Dont put off
living life to the fullest.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
nothing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Listening to music that you listened to together.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Maybe w/ hospice.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
knowing that death is part of the cycle of life. Staying busy.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
knowing i would never see this person again.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Someone to help me better w/ caregiving
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I still am kind of numb from my moms death.It hasnt hit me yet.Maybe
this will help.I dont understand my feelings right now.Why arent
I grieving?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 1 19:54:28 2002
F20 in Saskatchewan =Canada=
Name: K
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: English major preparing for an M.A. in theatre
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Matthew Goulish's 39 Microlectures
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we can't even really conceive of. We understand the world
through presence -- our own, & that of other people and things --
so absolute absence . . . seems like it should be . . . impossible.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great-grandmother died, essentially of starvation, in January
of 1998. She had been suffering with advanced Alzheimer's for six
or seven years at that point, & was no longer able to really respond
to the outside world. She wouldn't eat, and the nursing home staff
didn't see the point of continuing to feed her through the IV.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the people working in the palliative care program were kind, and
well intentioned, and ultimately useless.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how surreal it was. I felt like I was on autopilot.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
writing up the thank-you cards after my grandmother's funeral.
Our family's never been good at being prompt with those kinds of
things, but we'd finished 130 cards in two days, & when we were done
I can remember thinking, "Gram will be proud that we got these out
on time." Not would be -- will be.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
A friend of mine was seriously ill with cancer, & has told me that
when she was feeling her worst, she concentrated on the simple
things. Breathing. The angle of the sunlight. The knowledge that
she'd been able to inspire and support her friends and students,
who would carry her with them if she did die. After that last
realisation, she wasn't frightened of it anymore, and now sees both
living and dying as simple things.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel, now, that I didn't pay enough attention to my grandmother's
enthusiasms & hopes when she was alive. I wish I'd taken more time,
been more interested. I wasn't; I don't know what will help,
though theatre or writing might.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have always been afraid of being left -- never of leaving. The
thoughht of my own death isn't one that causes fear or concern.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I hope that I would be remembered as having been a good friend.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I took a theatre class with some wonderful people. The professor was
a friend of the friend of mine I mentioned above, and he encouraged
me to find a performative way of dealing with my reactions to her
illness. I wrote down 500 pages' worth of letters to, conversations
with, and memories of the dead. My ghosts, and other people's.
Out of that 500 pages, I developed a particular ritual. I staged a
funeral whose focus was not comfort but the expression of the fear
and pain felt by both the dying and the people they leave behind.
After it was over, I felt cleansed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
The small kindnesses of friends have counted for more than it's
possible to articulate, and have helped me deal with the immediate
aftershocks of death. In later stages of the grief process,
I've found that addressing my ghosts through creative writing and
theatre practice has been the best way for me to come to terms
with things.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Along with my aunt, I made sure to take care of many of the
practical tasks that popped up after my grandmother's death so
that my grandfather and mother wouldn't need to deal with them on
top ofeverything else. We made arrangements for the hospital bed,
oxygen tank, etc to be picked up before people came into the house,
and helped sort through clothes, letters, jewelry, etc.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Nov 1 14:09:48 2002
F19 in orchard Park, New York =USA=
Name: Jen
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Dr Todd Walter, D'youville College
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chicken soup books
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
dont know
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: hit by a semi truck while riding his bike; Aged: 15.
--Details:
his parents buried him with his baseball glove and ball so he would
have something to do
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt know the impact it really had until the end of everythign
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my great unlce and the sob he let out during the mass when we were
quite. It sent chills down my spine. Later he told me how he hated
god bc he took Josh and his two other sons.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we will see them again....time....thats the word we need to
learn....time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it can take away pain. and lonliness
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
music...i like the lryics....words get me though knowing that other
people think the same way i do...strangers.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the memories...the hurt knowing that i wouldnt make anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i really have no idea...just being there to hold their hand i guess.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his little sister was smiling and givng hugs to other people and
supporting them at his wake....shouldnt she be the one hurting. she
wasnt that yougn. she understood death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never had that feeling
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be more of a friend to his siblings.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through that song without breaking down...and to get through
my daily life without totally having a nrevous breakdown.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his little brother went up to the coffin and whispered why didnt
you wait? mom always said it wasnt a race
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
at a different funeral....my father is a navy seal and one of fellow
seals died and they did a 21 gun salute... every one was flipping out
bc it was sooo nice and blah blah blah...but josh was the only other
funeral that didnt have the 21 gun salute...so it didnt matter to me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i did this survery or when i pass his school or see his piture. or
see his friends
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
would i stil be close with josh? would he have gone to colleg? would
he have stayed around here?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was soo young...or for mr webster(my dads friend)he didnt do
anything wrong he had already been in two wars. why did he get
shipped off. I know my father felt like it should have been him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him once! hug him have him tell me its ok it didnt hurt him he
didnt feel a thing.... he wasnt scared
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Holy shit your kidding....then i thought maybe uncle mike and aunt
wendy killed him bc they had to pull the plug. i thought if they
just waited longer
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it sucked
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
iwo uld have had more time to say good bye
i woulda done more
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing...
--Religious Affiliation:
was catholic...but i dont go to church anymore
--Regarding MONEY:
?
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all of his freinds...the school support
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
all the crying....who knew that even four years later i could go
into convulsive crying
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time....
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i just told him that i loved him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i went to a psychic fair once and she told me josh was me guardian
angel and then described him to a T
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hope it has nothing to do with what i think it does...i hope i
beat this.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i dont wanna think about it
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
his picture and the one speical
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
On his graduation day....agian i was asked to sing and the
valivictorian was one of his friends that was with him. the speech
was about josh and how he shoudl of been here. There was a two page
dedication to him and a tree planted in memory of him in front of
the school that some fucks decided to tear down his brother looks
like him, his birthday,everytime i do something, its one more thing
he cant do
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i wished my mom would have realized that this was the first death
i had gone through
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Oct 02 contributions.
See Sep 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
