^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Aug 02 contributions. See Jul 02 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Sep 29 03:53:33 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] im what you`d call a link phreak.i prefersites that fit my interests and aren`t mainstream. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 19 Years ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 26. --Details: mental problems - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the next place of activity for us --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was heart-broken by my loss. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the people left either pimped [exploited] the whole pity part.or were vultures ,wanting their stuff. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: mail and phone calls --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: get the mail and phone, log all calls with info and put cards away for when they wil /can deal with them, they only comfort later. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I anger,rage --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: uncaring or unable to do anything --Regarding MONEY: fucked,the ones who loaned ma and pa the money were the worse ones in the whole family - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities Still hurts but knew why, not getting what it was all about. Their only seeing things from their perceptions instead of from his. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Sep 28 15:39:03 2002 M25 in orange county, ca =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: none that have helped - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the abscence of actual existence and contact with others on earth. the human body ceases to function and decomposes to what it had originally came from. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was awestruck and perhaps confused and sad. i did not know how to deal with the loss and unexplainable emotions i was experiencing. i felt sad for my mom and my grandma. i began to wonder about dying and i am aware now that i am quite afraid to die. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: an empty feeling because the person who had died was no longer with us --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: i do not have any contributions to this --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the memories i have and the dreams i have of my deceased grandpa. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: time to ponder death and dying --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: tha abscense of that person and the reality that it will happen to me and my loved ones --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: i am so happy to have you as a friend, lover, family, etc... --[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: n/a for me --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was my sad confused feelings tied together with trying to maintain myself w/the loss --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: n/a i was too young --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i realize i will never see this person again --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was really confused --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: mild respect --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: there is hope that an alternative ending exists --Religious Affiliation: christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: that we are all the same regardless of race/culture and we will all be together on day with our maker --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was bleak and depressing but purposeful because of closure and people talking about the loss --The weirdest part of it all to me was: i touched my dead grandpa's face in the casket --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : mental breakdown in attitude --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': i do not know what to think --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i dreamed that my fiancee,Heather, and i were at a table with my deceased grandpa. Heather and my grandpa were talking and laughing and we were all enjoying ourselves. when i awoke, i felt that my grandpa really loved and supported my decision and that he was wishing he could be there for our wedding day and life thereafter. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time acceptance that life does come to an end What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death once dead, we will never be able to react to the earth - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it was some what useful but the survey seems to be more applicable to those who lost a spouse or parent ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Sep 28 10:16:10 2002 F21 in Van, Texas =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Just looking around the site and this one looked interesting - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Sales - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: This Too Will Pass; The Bible Recommended Reading-- Writers: ? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 Years ago. Cause of Death: falling 50 feet from an overpass; Aged: 15. --Details: My brother was with a friend late one night. They were walking to another friends house around one in the morning when supposedly they were chased by some man with a gun. They started to run away and ran to an overpass. My brother's friend then said my brother had found a shortcut to where they were going and accidentaly fell from the bridge. The story is very odd since my brother's friend has already told three different stories to me. And the police have not investigated it enough and just ruled it out an accident. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When your body breaks down and can no longer be used anymore by the soul. Like when the light bulb goes out or when batteries loose their power. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was shocked at first. It was scary looking at my grandfather dead on a hospital bed, but the machine still on breathing in him. Then seeing him in a casket made me fearful of death, knowing now it would happen to me one day. As a child that is a very scary tought. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: was when my brother died. I was eighteen years old with an eighteen month old daughter at the time. My parents were divorced and lived in different cities, and did and still don't get along. I had to be the one to tell my dad his son was dead. As soon as those words left my lips, my dad nose started bleeding. And the night after my brother died, I was sleeping on the floor in my mom's room,(there were alot of people staying there that night because of my brother's death), when in the middle of the night she woke the whole house up screaming and screaming. Thinking about that send chills up my spine. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: numbing the pain with drugs and alcohol does not help. A lot of people in our society does just that. Something happens that remind us of a death in the family that we expierenced and we pop a pill, or have a drink to relax, maybe to even forget. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my brother came into the livingroom before leaving to go to his friends house and I was sleeping on the couch. I woke up and saw him standing in the middle of the room. I asked him where he was going and he said him and his friend were going to a homeboys house. I told him to be careful. Then, I told him goodnight and that I loved him. He told me he loved me too. Those were our last words to each other. I am very thankful that God me a chance to tell him good-bye before I knew he was even leaving. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I got into writing poems. Whenever I felt like I was going down in the dumps, I would get out my pen and paper, and just pour my feelings out. Afterwards, I felt much better and could go to sleep at night. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: realizing that I was never going to see my brother again and there was nothing I could do , no matter how hard I tried, to change that. That feeling of helplessness was sometimes hard to bear. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I was a child when my grandfather died and I don't know if he knew I was there since he was on life support. But, my brother died all alone on a railroad track in the rain. That bothers me when I think about it. I hate to think if he was scared or if he was in pain, because he did not die instantly. At the same time I'm glad I did not see him in that state. I don't have to remember him that way. I don't know if I would be much help to a dying person. --[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: always let the last words you tell your loved ones is I love you. You never know if that meeting is going to be the last one. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: not knowing the events that took part just before my brother's death. It leaves alot of questions unanswered. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was okay. You are not going to be sad forever. Right before the funeral, me and my family were all talking about stuff my brother did. And my brother was a goofball. Some of the things he said and did were funny. At the time we did not laugh when he did them, but when you think in your head how he looked doing it you can't help but laugh. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: I had a really good relationship with my brother and I feel that everything was right between us when he passed. Other than just have him around longer so he could see his niece grow up and see his new niece, I am happy with the way things were between us. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: tell him I loved him before he died. I was the last one in the family to speak to him. I thank God every day that I had that opportunity to have that conversation with him. His last words to me were that he loved me too. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I go to my brother's grave or the site where he died. Being at either one of those places reminds me that my brother is dead. I don't go to either of those places very often. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Who knows how life would be. My brother would be eighteen, the age I was when he died. He would probably have a kid of his own, or could be living with mom and going to school. Or he always wanted to live with me and my husband, he could've been living with us. There are so many routes he could've chosen in life that there are a hundred different lifestyles he could've had. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why did my brother have to die so young? I also had the what if thoughts. Since I was the last one in the family to see my brother and I knew he was leaving and it was so late. I should have stopped him from leaving because he had no business walking the streets at fifteen at one in the morning. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could make it all go away, or just wave a magic wand that would make it easier to handle. I pretty much handle it okay, but when those hard times do hit me , I have no choice but to deal with it and work through it , because I know it will pass. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I just sat on my couch and realized I would never hear my brother's voice again. I have to think hard sometimes just to remember what it would sound like because I have not heard it in so long. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The Medical community did not do anything. By the time the ambulance got there, my brother had a pulse but it faded fast. He never made it to the hospital. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: when you die you are either going to heaven or hell. How you acted when you were alive does not determine that, what does is whether you were saved by God or not. He is the one that will take you there. I like to think my brother is in heaven with Jesus. I think he was saved two weeks before he died, so if he was, he is with God right now. --Regarding MONEY: it was expensive of course, and it was a fight between my parents, who do not get along anyway. They were supposed to half the cost of the funeral arrangements, but my father has yet to pay anything. He does not have much money whereas my mom has a little more. She is not rich, but she is more stable than my dad. And she is mad at my dad for not paying anything. My dad is mad that she did not involve him in any of the decisions as in picking out the casket and the headstone and all that stuff. Just a big mess. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the funeral directors allowed me to be alone with my brother for about twenty minutes. They would not allow anyone else in there untill I was done talking with my brother. I thought that was a very nice gesture. They also fixed my brother's hair wrong and let us fix it how he always wore it. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: it's all weird to me. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': the only dream that I have had about my brother that have not been a nightmare was, dreaming about when we were little kids with my other brother playing. I would dream about things we really did as kids and it seemed so real that when I woke up I was suprised I was dreaming. I wanted to go right back to sleep and have that dream again and pick it up where it had left off. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: No unresolved issuses --If we were to visit one last conversation... n/a --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Me, my brother, and my living brother were little kids were playing in the yard,(my parents were together as well) , it was the backyard. We were dirty and barefoot and having a good time. This was something that we really did, I was reliving a memory in my dreams, and it was so real. I could touch him, and really hear his voice. I remember being so happy in my dream that we were small again, and nothing could hurt us. It was so vivid, I swear I could feel the wind on my face and smell the grass because it was just cut. It wasn't hot outside, but cool and getting warm like it was springtime or fall, with the genle breeze that felt so good. I could feel the grass on my feet as we all ran through the yard. I even heard my brother's laugh. He let me touch his face because I was in such disbelief. Then he giggled and turned around and began running again. Then I woke up. That dream made me cry. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The only thing that would be important to me is the money situation. Whatever my family wants to do with my body when I am dead is fine, I won't feel it. I want to have everything paid for and not worry my family with the finacial part of it. --Any thoughts about your own death?: After my brother died, my own mortality was a big issue. I am afraid of dying , and knowing it will be here one day is a scary thought for me. I hope that when I do die , it will be peaceful and not vicious. I don't want to die slowly and painfully. I would rather be in a state that I did't even know I was dying until I was dead. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: writing my poetry, reading the bible, and lots and lots of praying --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I still write poems sometimes but not as often as I used to. The one thing that I do that gets frustrating is I am a little overprotective of my kids now. At nighttime, I check and make sure they are breathing about five or six times a night. Three years later, it is a little aggravating to not be able to go to sleep until I have done so. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? Not many friends - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time I stayed with my grandma on weekends and played Nintendo with her and kept her company, and that helped me as well as her. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying If I thought about it too much, I would get kind of depressed. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I remember some things I had forgotten like my dream. But my feelings on dying and death are still the same. I like to say I am coping pretty well. I know my brother is gone and he is not coming back, and I am fine with that now. I have dealt with the fact that he is dead. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Sep 27 17:53:53 2002 M50 in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Years of Rice and Salt, Stranger In A Strange Land, Death Be Not Proud - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 12 Years ago. Cause of Death: Bone Cancer; Aged: 78. --Details: Dad's Dying was a long affair (slightly over two years from diagnosis to the time he succumbed). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the shedding of this corporeal existence into one of pure thought or spirit.Into a realm of communion among souls. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was taken by shock. The experience being totally new and my being so young(less than five years old). --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: My first view of my aunt's body in her coffin. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: no single institution, whether religious, scholarly or socio-political has a fix on what Death is about. For them to claim to understand it better than the next group or person is foolish in the extreme. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the courage I have seen grieving parents, spouses, siblings, relatives and friends display in dealing with their own grief and yet still reaching out to comfort those about them. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my own belief in Death as something not final but simply a moment of transition. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: realizing how much I will miss the friendship and counsel of the deceased. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to not try to "ride herd" on your emotions. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: came to sincerely believe Dad had simply gone on to prepare a place for our arrival on the other side of Death's veil. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: feelings I thought I had long since come to grips with came upon me so strongly. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: the laughter was natural, so it is not a cause for concern. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: enjoy their company more fully. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: eventually come to grips with the sense of loss I felt. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about them or speak with others about them. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt empty. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: satisfaction with their efforts on the deceased's behalf. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: very positive. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: a sense of continuity. --Religious Affiliation: Unitarian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like a thread that binds all living creatures throughout all time. --Regarding MONEY: it should not matter, but it did. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the calming influence it had on us all. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the breathing pattern of the dying. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: it has been different each time and people should accept that it is diferent each time --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': there were none. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Me. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have plans for this life. But the best laid plans of mice and men... --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? No. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I have come to embrace the idea of Death as a passage to a different reality where all knowledge is extracted from our consciousness and added to a totality of knowledge and experience from all living beings What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial My Dad had been dead for a year and I attended a memorial service at his church for families who had relatives die within that year. I was surprised at how strong my feelings of sorrow were during and after the service. I realized then that grief and grieving are not to be ignored, but embraced to provide a better understanding of Death and its natural place in the universe - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Very much so. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Sep 27 13:27:00 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 35. --Details: she was very depressed - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of ones life cycle, they no longer exist --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didnt feel like it really happened --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: when i was told about it --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: its ok to die --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: i forgave my mom before she died --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: helping my family helped me not hurt so much --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: i dont have a mom, my son will never know he had a grandmother, i never got to know her, or show her the person i have become, my youngest brother never got a chance to know the good side of her --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: remind them of all the good they did and everyone who loves them --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: forgave her for the pain she put me through, and thats the greatest thing i could have ever done --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i dont know why she couldnt ask for help, swallow her pride --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: its a good way to relieve any kind of emotion with out it being in a negitave manner --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell her i love her --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: forgive her and talk to her. i've never met someone so much like me...it's amazing --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my son was born, and he calls MY grandma "grandma" instead of my mother. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see other people who have a close relationship with thier mother, or even just the opposite, i feel like thier taking advantage of a gift --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... she would be my best friend --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she deserved to have a better life and didnt do any worse than alot of others, but seemed to be the one who was punished or "got caught" --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could erase time and not believe the things my family told me and give her that second chance alot sooner --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I wished i had a better relationship with her, maybe she would have felt like she could turn to me --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: shit. they could have helped her or given her assistance somehow, but refused --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: its hard to say...some people say she is in hell for committing the ultimate sin, others say she had a good heart and ment well in life so she is in heaven. i will always believe she is in heaven --Religious Affiliation: catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: all her pain has been erased and she was set free --Regarding MONEY: she didnt have any and couldnt get assistance. i know it was because of her own actions in the past, but i feel like some financial help could have made a difference --Regarding the FUNERAL: some people must have felt bad for all the bad they said and did to her --The weirdest part of it all to me was: if i just pretend she is still just in another state and --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : i didnt get to go to a funeral, she didnt have one, the state did for her what they would do for a bum on the street...gave an hour for viewing her body, and had her crememated. her ashes and belongings were sent to me, it helps me in an odd way, because i feel like she is always there --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: im still not over it and if i would have let myself grieve then, it would be alot easier for me now --RE: Near Death Experiences: my grandma said she was in a comma and expceted to die. she said she saw a tunnel of light and at the end of the tunnel were two beautiful, singing angels. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: she knows i love her and is my angel on my shoulder...everyday! --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: she came to me and others in my family in our dreams as an angel --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i'm not to that piont yet --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? i will always forgive, and try to help as much as i can when someone is in a time of need --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? i forgave my cousin for a stupid argument - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything i didnt live with her What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Sep 27 04:11:58 2002 F26 in Mumbai, Maharashtra =India= Name: samindara - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Psychologist - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Bhagwad Gita Recommended Reading-- Writers: It is the holy scripture of Hindus, and a source of all possible questions nd doubts aout life and death. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 22 Years ago. Cause of Death: road accident; Aged: . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of you present life, and the beginning of another phase. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I went into shock --That first time, how it happened was It was my father, and he died in a road accident when I was 3 1/2 years old. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how people later regret having said or done things to the now dead person that they now cant take away, no matter what. --What I think my (India) culture needs to better learn about death is: Nothing. I think I'm very lucky to be born and raised a Hindu, because it tells you about life beyond death, reincarnation, and hte eternity of soul and this can provide a small bit of consolation. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: It brought me closer to God. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My faith in God, and the knowledge that the soul of my loved hadn't died; just his body. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not being able to see the person before he died. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Understanding htat there are no words required. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: learnt to count my blessings. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: your emotions just go haywire. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Be there for him in more ways --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Cope with it ultimately --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I some trivial thing reminds me of him --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would have been a completely different person........... --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could run away from it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I just couldn't beleive it --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: impotence --Religious Affiliation: Hindu --Regarding MONEY: Pepole started laying claims on his things days after his death --Regarding the FUNERAL: the unnecessary rituals --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the person giving up hope of recovery. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Even though I am a Hindu and believe in reincarnation, death is still very much scary. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget A very supportive and loving mother who coped with it bravely. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 26 16:17:24 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 Years ago. Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 72. --Details: She had been sick a long time and had several small strokes. She had gone into a nursing home to get some help because I wasn't able to stay with her 24/7, and she had a massive stroke from which she never regained consciousness. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: advancing to the next stage of existance. We leave this world and body, and transform into a less corporeal form. In the process, we advance in skills and knowledge. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was numb for a long time. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being lonely to see and talk to her. I saw her every day and her not being there seemed to leave a gap in my life. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: it's a natural process, not something to be fought off at all costs. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: how my family banded together and helped each other cope with each individual loss. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my husband, children, brother, sister and extended family. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: feeling so lonely to see her. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Don't be afraid to touch them just because they are dying. Hold their hand, touch their face, give them some contact. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: wouldn't accept the fact that I might need some professional help. Talking to a psychologist about finding ways to cope with grief is a real help to a lot of people and I wouldn't do that. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: we started trying to settle her estate. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was a natural response to the situation. I wasn't laughing about anything having to do with the death, I was laughing at other things entirely, they just happened to be happening at the funeral home. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: get all of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren together at one time to see her again. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there with her when she made the transition. I was holding one hand and my brother was holding the other and she knew that she was not alone. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: one of my children does something that I know would make her proud, and on May Day because I always made her a May basket. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I don't go there. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could sleep. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I didn't want her to go yet, I still had too many things I wanted to share with her. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disgust. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing. --Religious Affiliation: my own. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: right, it is the common denominator amoung all peoples. No body gets out alive. --Regarding MONEY: there was none. We're still trying to pay off the funeral expenses and the estate probate. --Regarding the FUNERAL: I don't remember that much about the funeral. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: losing self control in my grief. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : an advancing weakness and irritability. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: it's not nearly over, even after four years. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I don't know that she had any, but I would like to think that she did. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I don't think there were any unresolved issues with either of my parents. We got along well, and were able to talk openly about anything that arose between us. I just wish I had been able to tell them both that I loved them one more time. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: After the death of my father (25 years ago), I saw him twice within the first year. Once he was walking across the back yard. The other was in a dream, right after my daughter was born (six months after his death) he came to see her. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I hope to get my funeral planned and payed for because I want to be cremated and I have some family members who don't like that idea. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm not afraid of death, I just want to stay around long enough to see my children all grown, and grandchildren would be nice. If I knew I were going to die, I would quit my job and spend more time with my family. I'm looking forward to see what is on the other side after we make the transition, but it can wait a while. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I became much closer to my grandmother (my mother's mother) after my mother's death. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I am always there for my children and can talk about death (mine, their grandparents, or their own) openly and honestly with them. I think that is a key, openness and honesty. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I really didn't get much out of it, I hope it helped you. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 25 17:28:56 2002 F16 in Nebraska =USA= Name: Justine N. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago. Aged: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When a person's body shuts down and they no longer possess life. --That first time, how it happened was My mother had a miscarriage --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Feeling like an outsider. The death affected my parents' life more than it affected mine and I felt worse for them than I did for myself or the baby. I felt extremely guilty for not grieving as much as my parents did and I was afraid to try to support them or have them support me in that grief. I kind of detached myself from the family. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Some things about death are coincidence and out of our hands. My mother did nothing to cause her child to die. The approximate date of death was my birthday- I was very convinced for awhile that God had caused the death on that day for a significant reason. It was wrong for me to suffer that way. Neither my Mom or I had any control over the situation and we probably could have handled our grief better if we didn't feel so guilty. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: bawling my eyes out on my best friend's shoulder. He was very supportive and listened to me ramble on about how confused and hurt I was by the situation. He didn't try to give me advice or cheer me up by telling jokes. The most wonderful thing he did for me was not act alarmed at how hysterical I was acting. He just hugged me and listened to me and let me vent. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I learned that my unborn sibling had died on my birthday. I couldn't imagine myself ever being able to celebrate on the day of his death and I was convinced that there was a deeper meaning to that coincidence. It took me a long time to accept that it was JUST a coincidence and when I did I felt a lot more secure. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would be a big sister! My parents would be preoccupied and stressed but in a good way. I'd be changing diapers and warming up milk bottles. This little piece of life would change my life forever and I would have been so blessed. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that my parents' can't have another child. It was my stepdad's first baby and my mom's first chance to raise a child with a complete family. They didn't deserve to have this happen to them. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I couldn't cry. I couldn't think or comprehend anything. Everything that this ment for my life and my parents' lives was too overwhelming for me to think about and my mind and heart just kind of shut down for a few hours. --Religious Affiliation: I believe in the GOd who wrote the Bible. I don't consider myself a part of any specific Christian religion because i believe that religions were formed by peole and therfore are based on the human interpretation of the Bible and God and not neccessarily God's true spirit of grace. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm ready. Whenever it is time for me to go I'll go with acceptance. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: writing in my journal. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I have definitely been brought closer to my best friend since his wonderful support during my time of grief. He has seen me at my worst and he loves me anyway. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying I had two very special friends to talk about it with What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen Being with my mother and father and seeing how they suffered the loss was difficult ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 25 05:26:08 2002 F19 in Niagara Falls, NY =USA= Name: Kim - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Nursing Major - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 Years ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: approx 73. --Details: As a long term smoker, though it was gradual and we all knew it'd happen, the actual fact when we were told was like hitting a brick wall. She died a few weeks after we had been told by a doctor. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The final stage of life. That which is wrought, is taken away. We must complete the actual "circle of life" (to form a cliche), but even though it's a necessity, doesn't make it any easier to go through. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried for a few days straight. Even knowing that she/he is in a better place now doesn't do anything for the fact that you feel a loneliness... an uncomplete feeling deep down where you know she/he should be alive and joking with you like old times. It doesn't happen like that. --That first time, how it happened was In 9th grade, my grandmothers best friend (who I was very close with) was diagnosed with lung cancer. She died at the end of that school year, and I refused to attend the funeral or wake. It wasn't that I was in denial, I just didn't want to see her in that state. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The melancholy air around everyone. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: It's not a bad thing. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: She died a happy, peaceful, "I'm-ready-to-go" type of death. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Being alone. Being able to go to a secluded area and just being able to think about it, and cry. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The fact that she was gone... that I'd never be able to hear her laugh, hear her stories, see how happy she was just to see me and my family. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Even though you feel as they might not be listening to you, or think you aren't there... they do. Just being there for this person is gift enough before they go. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: As her last breath escaped her, she wanted just another puff on a cigarette... which they gave her. To me it was confusing as to why she'd want it, and why they'd actually give it to her. Of course I'm not that naive now, final wishes to a dying man/woman means everything to them. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It was a certain way of coping. Before you hit the stage of crying and fear of your own life, you feel to be at a stage where everything is funny. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Be there more for her. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Final wishes are a big thing, grant them whenever you can. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: A funeral. I knew she was gone, I didn't want to have to see her like that. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... It wasn't her time to go. Why her, why not me? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Crawl into a hole and forget about everything. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Hoped she was in a better place. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Pretty good people. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I was grateful that there are people like them, it makes the process of Death much more easier on the actual patient. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Almost nothing. Our family is not a big religious one, although we believed she went to a better place and that was good enough for us. --Religious Affiliation: Lutheran --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: True. We are one people, no matter what you believe in. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : An eerie calmness. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Don't push the feelings away, if you do they'll come back harder than ever later in life and you'll feel pity for yourself. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': She seemed quite at peace at her final stage. She had accepted her fate and was ready, though if from readiness or "visitations" I am not aware. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: We were very open with each other, she knew more about me than even my parents at that time. I don't feel as though I had any unresolved issues. --If we were to visit one last conversation... If I could just say I'm sorry for not being there more for her, I'd be happy. Even though I know she's say right back "You did more than enough". I dont know how it'd help with my own feelings. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My grandmother has preminition dreams, one of them being sent by her late husband. She watched him in their room, and all she knows is that he told her not to worry. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Whatever a dying persons last wishes are, do your best to make sure they're met. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If I knew, I'd probably live life alittle more livelier. Wouldn't hold so much back, wouldn't be as shy. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I just found a secluded area in my backyard and not so much meditated, but just sat quietly and listened. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold Many memories that I hold of her bring back the pain that I went through the first time. Though sometimes it's best just to forget, it does occasionally rear its' ugly head. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Sep 21 10:58:21 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] I GOND IT ON WWW.YAHOO.COM - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 75 Years ago. Cause of Death: CANCER; Aged: 75. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Books & Films ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Sep 20 17:34:22 2002 Anon Guest in oregon =us= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Friend ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: painter, legal asst. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago. Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: . --Details: she hated going to doctors. had very severe cancer in her breasts which had spread to her bones. her neck broke from the weakened bone structure and died shortly afterwards. i was with her in the hospital. very surreal experience. my step - dad died 5 years ago from esophogeal cancer - i was with him for the last two weeks in the hospital. when his doctor showed him the photograph of the cancer, he knew that he was going to die soon, and seemed to let go from this world. he always knew when i entered or left the room. and again i was there when he died. my 22 year old cousin died from asphixiation after od'ing on GHB - 5 years ago. i wasn't told about the funeral and wake until afterwards. i still resent being left out - the rest of the family thought that i would tell my mom (who is mentally ill) and this would make her condition worse after the other recent deaths. so both of us were left out, and i don't feel like i said good bye to him. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an unknown process that each of us experiences differently, at different times in our life, for different reasons. It is the transition of our living, breathing, thinking being to an unknown reality - if any - but the body is no longer "conciously alive", and decays into matter that is alive for other dependant creatures. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a young girl - and knew that that person was never coming back. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how busy i was afterwards, and i didn't really get to sit and talk with people the way i wanted to. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope knowing that death is better than suffering. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment my family not wanting to commemorate the dead persons life. they just wanted to get it all behind them, and didn't include me. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - yes - wish i could spend more time on it. i wish that it was easier to talk to people about my experiences with death - most people my age (31) don't quite know what it's like. i think people in other countries would understand better, say africa or israel, etc. Anon Guest in oregon =us= ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Sep 20 06:49:05 2002 F20 in Long Island, NY =USA= Name: Jen - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Business Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: you can post this information. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4 Years ago. Cause of Death: SUDDEN massive heart attack; Aged: 41. --Details: the relationship i had w/ my father had only become very stable within the last 4 years of his life and then he literally dropped dead - there was no warning. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: physically when your body stops functioning properly and your spirit is no longer inside it... but among other spirits. i really dont know. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried and cried and got mad at my mother for not letting me go to the funeral because she didnt want me to see my aunt after her sickness had killed her. i still wish i had gone tho. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being stuck in my mind for months and months... the months following my fathers death are all very blurry. i cant remember anything specific happening aside from me finding private time to cry and putting on my best happy-hyper act at school and around my family. i counted every anniversary i could possibly remember... months from when he died, the lsat time i saw him, the last time we spoke... all that type of stuff. i tortured myself with it. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: to not make it such a private issue. people feel the need to immediately pretend nothing is wrong. i remeber thinkig just a month after my father died that i should be fine and not still upset adn that i was being childish. points like that need to be made clearer. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: i dont know... maybe i havent seen the good to it yet... its only been 4 years --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my friends... they were great. they sent cards and talked to me and kept me occupied. they took off school to come to the wakes and funeral. my family was obviously offering to be there too, but i didnt want them to see how upset i was... it would upset them more. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: coming to terms with it. it was so completely out of nowhere i just couldnt comprehend it...sometimes i think i still dont believe it. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: letting them know how loved they are and that you dont want them to suffer any more so its ok for them to give up. even if its not a long term illness - if they are in pain and close to dying, they should know youll forgive them for dying. --[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: one of hte first major deaths i dealt with was my great aunt. i didnt hold any emotions in. i told my mom how mad i was that i wasnt allowed to visit her in the hospital and then not go to the funeral and i cried and cried for days and really let my emotions go. it really helped. i wish i would ve remembered that years later when my father died because its been almost 4 years and im still no where close to be over it as i was with my aunt just months later... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye. tell him one more time that i love him. because of our disfunctional family style, he was always very insecure about how much we really cared about him adn i wish i couldve told him that again... --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i watch a movie or show with a situation that i can in any way relate to my own... it still upsets me and part of me thinks it always will --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that he was taken from me so soon after he was given back to me. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just start over from when he first died and deal with it properly and just cry and cry...maybe i would be past the point im at now. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I dropped to the floor hysterical crying and was only able to get up when i remembered that my grandmother (my fathers mom) was waiting for me to bring her something from the basement (my fathers apartment) and i didnt want her to know i just lost it, so i regained my composure. --Regarding the FUNERAL: my fathers brother was devastated... they didnt get along very well ever. and my grandfather and aunt maintained their composure best - i never saw either one of them cry knowing they were hurt more than i. but then again, they didnt see me cry either... --RE: Near Death Experiences: i went to a medium just after the 3 year anniv of my fathers death adn it helped me alot. i felt that i was reconnecting with him for the first time and was reassured that he really is still with me... --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i hung alot of pics and the rosaries from the funeral in a designated spot on my wall. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold my father taught me to write down every memory i could think of to remember any time i spent with them and then cry when i wanted to. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 19 13:08:11 2002 F Guest in il =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Years ago. Cause of Death: brain injury in train accident; Aged: 18. --Details: he was train hopping with his friends. he was killed jumping off the train - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: like a catapillar becoming a butterfly. the person sheds their skin and their spirit becomes the new them. this new form is freer and more beautiful then their previous self. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I i was 11 years old. my cousin was killed in a car accident. he was older than i, and i really did not know him --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: is the emptiness of the house after my brother was gone --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: is hiding it in hospitals and nursing homes. everyone thinks that grieving ends when the funeral is over --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: is that all the simplier things in life to on a huge importance --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: was writing a journal --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: no one can really understand the hurt and how it will never go away --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: just listening to them and providing no false hopes --The most confusing point of death for me was when: you realize you will never hear, see, touch, or talk to that person again --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to stay at the hospital until his body died --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i got engaged and i can't share that happiness with my brother --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... my brother will not see me get married, not be an uncle, ect --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I disbelief --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: poor organization. we tried to donate organs but found out later that we could not because the hospital forgot to get key signatures from my parent - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Denial What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 18 20:02:27 2002 F23 in Ventura, ca =USA= Name: Dorothy Email: <virgil30=at=juno.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Psychology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Motherless Daughters - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 Years ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 58. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: change in form, in which we leave this type of existence and move on to a better one in heaven with God. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I freaked out. Then I blocked the experience out of my mind, unable through pride and sadness to deal with the issue. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: holding her hand in those last moments and screaming. It was very surreal to me and still is. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is ok to talk about it. You should not be embarrassed by emotion. Crying should be encouraged as well as talking about the person. It is very cathartic. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the peace that my mom, dad and family gained knowing that life and love are the most important things, all the rest is just small stuff. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: nothing thus far. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: letting the thought that she might actually be gone enter my head. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: let them feel your love and acceptance, thank them for the gift of being themselves. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: have realized that all that matters at the end of your life is how much you have loved. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell her a hundred times I love her. Ask her endless questions about life and her advice for me. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see her and tell her I loved her before she died. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: anything that she loved or said, did or wore. So many things remind me of her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... It would be wonderful to have her back even for a moment. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I am too young, I still need her. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could call her and ask her about what ever is on my mind. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I disbelief --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: postive regard. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: that they do a great service for families like ours, helping us in our most difficult time. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that my mom was going to be with God. I was very relieved that she was out of pain. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I believe that our loved ones are all around us, looking out for us. --Regarding MONEY: not at all. --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people had been touched by her life. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: watching her deteriorate. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I have none --RE: Near Death Experiences: none --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: When I am really sad I try to talk to her, but it still hard to believe that she is gone. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I just want to tell her I love her, I know she did her best and I think she is amazing. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Sometimes I feel like she is around. She has come to me in only one dream that I can remember. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The rights and wishes are vital, my mom made a point of planning everything out including give money to the doctors office staff because they had been so kind for so many years. --Any thoughts about your own death?: The only thing that occurs to me is that I need to be a really good person right NOW I don't know how long I have I just want to live it to the fullest. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I am still looking --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I feel a bond with a school friend of mine whose father passed away less that an year after mine. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Denial What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything I avoid even thinking about the idea that she is gone. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I tried and try to be there for friends who are going through loss. I know that a good listener can be the most help. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It is very hard for me but I need to let myself grieve or I will never feel better. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 18 18:24:27 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago. Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: 70. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: loosing the life force of someone --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was too young to understand the full implications --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: regret. Regret at not thinking before hand what this death would mean. The denial when my grandfather was sick, that stopped me saying the things I wanted to say to him. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: absolute. There is no heaven, no reincarnation. You cannot fix things 'later'. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the focus it gives you on a person's worth. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: the process and ritual of grieving --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the pain --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: helping them create closure in their life, so they can die peacefully. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: learned to keep his love in my heart, but not the pain of his passing. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I tried to deal with the individual nature of grief all my family was experiencing, which kept us apart from each other. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: a moment of clinging to life. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: acknowledge he was dying, and help him have closure. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: enjoy the sunshine at his funeral --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that people die out of turn. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I went numb --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing more than a comforting ritual --Religious Affiliation: non-religous but my extended family is catholic --Regarding the FUNERAL: it is hard to listen to a stranger talk about your loved one. Harder still to try and say anything yourself. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Feeling that my grandfather lives in my heart now, in a way he didn't in life. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the patient's anxious need to clear things up, get things of the chest, say everything that needs to be said. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: denial at a time of dying created regret after death. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Sometimes I wonder if he would approve of my lifestyle. I discuss this with my grandmother, who thinks of him and prays for him everyday, and her answers are comforting, because she loved him for a lifetime, and so speaks on his behalf. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My mother's best-friend died of cancer at age 40. She came to me in a dream the next night and she was wearing the clothes she was buried in (i did not know what she was to be buried in until the funeral). She let me know she was going away and she would not be returning for a long time (the dream was at the airport), but she looked young and free and, while melancholic, quite peaceful. It was a very comforting dream. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I talk to my grandfather when I am alone at the ocean. He was a fisherman and loved the ocean, and I feel a conection to him when i am there. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? I became closer to my grandmother after my grandfather's death. Partly because she is so sad and lonely and longs to join him (which I can't stand to hear) and partly because she is my link to him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals also time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 18 17:01:22 2002 M18 in pittsburgh, pa =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Years ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76. --Details: she died at home... the family brought her from the hospital because she wanted to be home .... she was on hospus care... when she died i was on the front porch untying my left spike because i had a baseball game as soon as i slipped it off my mom came out and told me my gram just died ... like right at that moment and i'll never forgive myself for not being able to say goodbye to her... she was like my second mom - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: ceasing to exist in a body but the soul is still alive --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was 12 when my gram died --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: crying.... i took it so hard but i dont remember crying once --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: that most people fear death but there is no reason to --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my grandmother is out of pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: alchohol... i got drunk to try to forget about it because i wouldnt talk to anyone about what had happend --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: dealing with losing someone you love --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: just be there and let them know that you are there for them --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: will never take anything or anyone for granted again --The most confusing point of death for me was when: she died... she was just there but she wasnt... like i have no idea what happened to her after she died --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i never laughed... i couldnt --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be with my grandmother for the 12 years i could because she was an unbelievable person --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: just some of my friends who never even met her came to her wake to pay their respects... --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: nothin because everything that happend during that tjime was needed not only for me but also for my family --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see a picture of her --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... alot because she would be here and i wouldnt have had to deal with a loss like that yet in my life --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why did it happen to her --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could forget about it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I believed it because we were there for the whole week she was dying. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: gratefulness.... they did everything they could to make the way she went as easy as possible --Regarding HOSPICE etc: they took care of my grandmother and thats all i could have asked for --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothin to me... for a few years i blamed GOD for what happened --Religious Affiliation: roman catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: i honestly cant remember --Regarding MONEY: how to pay for the funeral --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people my grandmother knew and how many people cared about her --The weirdest part of it all to me was: not crying --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : i have no idea --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: just do what u have to do to get over it --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': she kept seeing elvis presley the whole week she was at home - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 18 10:36:05 2002 F18 in Buffalo, New York =U>S= Name: Nicole - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 Years ago. Cause of Death: Alzthimers; Aged: 73. --Details: She didnt get the rght medical treatment when the first signs develpoed some people dont even know if this is what she really had. some think she had a nervous breakdown and just never recovered because of the lack of medical care or some say she had deminsia. i think the nervous breakdown would probably be the closest to what happened but then again i was only 13 so im not sure. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is a time when we leave our bodies behind but our soul goes on living. It is a time of peace and a time to spend eternity with god. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I the first time i experinced death was when i was 4 when my first grandmother died but that really didnt affect me much. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I remember people crying alot and it was the first time i saw my dad cry so it was a little strange for me. --What I think my (U>S) culture needs to better learn about death is: that death isnt always a bad thing --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My dads side of the family is huge b/c my grandmother had 15 brothers adn sisters so there were people that i had never met before that i got a chance to finally meet. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My mother abd my sister --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing that she is gone and i would never see her again was so hard. still do this day i cry sometimes b/c i miss her so much. she was such a big part of my life b/c she baby sat me everyday when i was little. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I would dream about her and it was so real like she was in my room with me some of them i dont even know if they were dreams .. i dont know if she was actually there or not. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: when my grandmother was really sick like the week before she died i had a really serious surgery to remove a cancerous tumor. so i couldnt spend as much time with her as i would have liked. i wish i could go back and change that. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Say goodbye before she actually died --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: how my extended family who wasnt really close came together to support each other and how they all helped out my grandfather after my grandmother died. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: we didnt have a funeral mass for her. i guess they just didnt see it was important i would of liked to have one just for closure on the whole deal. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: When i watch home videos and hear her voice b/c she was the only person who said my name a certain way. or i look at others who still have thier grandmothers around and miss mine so much. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... its just not fair that other girls in my class can go out with thier grandmas and i cant. i know it seems so petty but thats one hting that bothered me adn still does to this day. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could bring her back to life --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I It didnt fully hit me until after the whole deal was over with but then i cried and cried for hours. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they sucked b/c she would of never been so sick if they had her on the right medicine to begin with. but hospice was really great when she was home. her only wish was to die at home and not in the hospital so when she lost the ability to eat or drink or speak my grandpa decided it was time. he decided not to put the feeding tube in her cuz that would be the only thing keeping her alive and we all knew she would want that kind of life. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: The nurses that came to the house were so nice and so supportive of all us. even my little cousins i dont think it would of been as easy without them there. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Well since i am christian i believe that she is in heaven with god and having a wonderlife after life. she is no longer suffering and is always watching over me and never leaves my side. this gives me great comfort. if i didnt believe in anything like that then i think my life would feel so empty. i really encourage people to get into some kind of religon to help them deal with death. not just christianity but any other type of religon. --Religious Affiliation: Catholic --Regarding MONEY: I didnt really know about the whole money deal because i was only 13 --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Seeing all the people at the funeral home. alot of them were just joking around and laughing b/c they hadnt seen each other in so long. it was kind of like is this a funeral or a family picnic. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I know the day my grandmother had a bad sezuir my grandfather was holding her hand and said its ok u can let go now. go and see the angels and at that second she took herlast breath. when i think about that now it amazing b/c it was like she was waiting for permission to let go of life. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I dont feel like i have any unresolved issues. i am very happy b/c i got to know her alot better then my other cousins b/c we lived around the corner and she baby sat me everyday. I loved being around her and i know she had a great life so i know she is at peace and therefor so am i. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I was sleeping and i woke up in the middle of the night to someone calling my name. It was my grandmother she was the only person to say my name the way she did. And i opened my eyes and she was standing there. I dont knwo if it was a dream but i swear it was real. --Any thoughts about your own death?: well i have tried to take my own life 3 times. i think when the time comes for me to die it will be very peaceful b/c those were the experices i had when i tried to take my own life. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i wish i would of had someone to talk to more. like my mother to talk to cuz she avoided the whole thing kind of.. i also wsh i had my friends but cuz it was during easter break i didnt have them either. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 17 19:17:19 2002 F39 in Westlake Village, California =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] instructor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago. Aged: - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities The fact that he had what I consider a peaceful death. Died in his sleep. seeing his wife's pain and feeling of abandonment ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 17 06:20:14 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Years ago. Cause of Death: a brain tumour; Aged: 51. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: numbness, no physical pain is felt by the person dying although it leaves a large, empty hole in the hearts of their friends and relatives which never really heals, it just doesnt dog their lifes every minite of every day. grief and anger turn to missing the person --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I went numb, couldnt cope. I began to hate people. I believed that if i allowed someone to become close to me, i would lose them and get hurt. I went on like this for nearly two years, making enemy after enemy until one day i realised that my dad wouldnt want me to be like that --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the atmosphere nearly every where i went. people didnt no what to say...neither did i. i remember having moments were i thought i'd gone deaf because the silence in the house and school was almost... painful. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: it's not a loss, it's a passport to freedom. maybe the person they love dearly has left them but they are at peace. it's like walking out of one room into another and leaving your coat behind. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the last thing my dad saw was me and my mum by his side. he knew that we were with him. he knew we loved him. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my mum. She was my rock and i clinged to her like my life depended on it (maybe it did.) she was (and still is) the most supportive and influencial person in my life and i love her more than life itself. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the longing for the person to be back with you.you want it all to be a dream. Missing is the longest and hardest part. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: love. You are upset but dont let them know that. Your time for crying is later, they need your support, they're scared. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: life is so precious and short. you need to live every moment. dont be afraid of the unknown, nothing can hurt you. go for it, you cant be scared. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the only confusing part of death is the question:- "why them? what had they done?they didnt need to die" i just learnt to accept fate. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: different people have different ways of coping. If you dont laugh...you'll cry. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: no regrets. lifes too short. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: WE were able to bring the family together. support. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: the way his eyes opened quickly then shut slowly as he passed away. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: important moments in my life. passing my exams, learning to drive....when i get married (who's going to walk me down the aisle?) --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/ --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that other people have both parents and a stable home and i dont anymore --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see him, know he is ok and at peace. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cryed and cryed and cryed until my eyes were burning and i had no tears left, no energy,no nothing. empty and numb. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: very brave men and women. i couldnt do the job they do. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: beautiful, beautiful people. warm hearted, selfless. angels in human form --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: i dont believe. --Religious Affiliation: none --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: how would i know????? --Regarding MONEY: we were left very financially unstable. --Regarding the FUNERAL: i was in my own world. i bearly remember the funneral. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: ?????????? --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : unanswerable....sorry, --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: again, unanswerable. everyone's different. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions my mum was fantastic...she was a rock. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Sep 16 09:15:02 2002 F22 in london , england =uk= Name: kirsten cooke - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: i have manic depression - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago. Aged: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when the machine that is the human body breaks down and expires --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was curious --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how perversely curious i was --What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it isn't always such a terrible thing - it can be a release. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that i shall die --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: myself and my complete detachment. i was very pragmatic and unafraid --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that i didn't suceed --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to make them happy --[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: am not afraid --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my family we're devastated --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it is a nervous reaction to stress - the need to do something inapropiate --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ask them to wait for me --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: know them --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i don't cry about it --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... so what? you can't change or stop death --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... life's not fair --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could stop thinking about it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I understanding --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: irritating - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Sep 15 11:17:10 2002 F19 in Wheeling, West Virginia =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago. Cause of Death: altzheimers; Aged: 74. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A graduation day. Moving on to something higher and better, but at the same time leaving those people you love behind. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was two and half and it was my (first)grandfathers funeral. It's ironically the first memory I have in my life. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that my mom, my aunt and my grandmother couldn't function for several months. He was their rock and did everything for them. --What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is: thatit's painful, but the longer you think about how it should have been, the longer it will be painful. Except life as it is and feel comfort that one day you'll see your loved one again. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that it made me start to write poetry. I wrote one for his funeral and I have continued to for five years. It's now seventy some poems. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: writing and praying. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not so much the death, but the road to death. Altzheimers disease makes you forget. I think I would have rather seen him die than have him talk to me as if he had no clue as to who I was. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to freeze a second in your mind. Then every time you looked back at your loved one you could see the difference between how their dying self was and who they really were. It would help you see that they were ready to go. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: am not sorry. It was his time to go. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I realized that death was permanent, and that it changed my life so drastically that I could hardly even recognize it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: understand him better. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: deal with it. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: How many days he should have been shown. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about how easily he could have fix one of problems. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I wouldn't be able to deal with things. I would push everything on to him and say fix it. I would be more loved but I never would have found who I truly am and what I stand for if he had been standing in front of me all the way. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... The only thing I think was unfair was the fact that we were so alike. I never got to have an adult conversation with him, and because most of the things he found interesting I found also, it would have been a fun discussion. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I o.k. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: lack of knowledge in this particular field. But their not God, they perform miracles. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: hospice helped my grandmother alot, but my mother and grandmother basically did it all. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that I knew he would be in heaven if I needed him. --Religious Affiliation: Lutheran --Regarding MONEY: he didn't really have that much money. But I do remember that he promised to give me and my sister all his wood carvings when he died and my aunt objected and took some. I would have given some to her if she had asked. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that most people didn't cry, including me. Like I said he looked so much more at peace in a casket than laying in a bed with a diaper and being fed by his wife. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Crying. I can only do it now if I think of him when I already upset. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: The good thing about having your loved one be sick before they die is that you know their going. I got to say everything I wanted to. I got to tell him how much I loved him. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My grandpa killed two Germans face to face in world war two and he was deathly afraid that God would never let him go to heaven. In one dream I had he specifically said that he was there. Another dream I had I picked up the phone and all he said was that he would always be here to watch over me. But the next day at school we got those forms in home room that says in case of emergency you should call, and it said his name. He'd been dead for three years and sick for almost six. No one would have wanted to contact him in case of emergency. It was weird. And then finally I had one where half his face was covered in blood and half was not harmed at all. I don't know what that meant, he didn't talk to me in that dream. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I just wish that all my things could be given away so my mother wouldn't keep my room as museum for her dead child. Which I know she would do if I died before her, because she'd miss me so much. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm scared to death of it. I don't think about it that often,but I think subconsciously I might because I have terrible dreams. I never have good ones, I only have the kind where someone is dying or being murdered or being chased or being pushed from the top floor of a thirteen story house. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Poetry. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Other: Writing poetry helped me What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: My cousin and I went to a youth retreat a couple years ago to prepare a presentation for a youth gather in St.Louis. It was so emotional that after our first session we went back to our rooms and proceeded to tell each other about the death of a loved one. I'd never thought that she had had any pain in her life, she was so perfect. I mean she really was the nicest person I knew. But her telling me about how she felt helped us both to heal. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Sep 15 01:01:11 2002 F22 in Decatur, GA =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Weeks ago. Cause of Death: complications from blood clots/brain surgery/pneumonia; Aged: 52. --Details: My father had a history of strokes, though he had only told us about one of them. My parents are divorced, so I only talked to him intermittently. He went into the hospital after blacking out and they found blood clots about to pass into his lungs. They gave him drugs to thin his blood, but it caused excessive bleeding in his brain. They performed surgery to drain the blood, and say that during surgery he suffered another stroke. He never regained consciousness, but held on for about 2 more weeks. He eventually contracted pneumonia from hospital infection and was not strong enough to fight it off. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when a person's body can no longer support its functions and completely and permanently shuts down. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't know how to react. --That first time, how it happened was The first major death in my life that I recall significantly was that of my grandfather. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how it brought out the best in some people and the worst in others. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my father was conscious for one day before he had the major problems that eventually lead to his death, so I was able to see him as he was one last time. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my brother and mother. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: feeling like I had to be strong for others. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: go on a vacation with my father. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that my dad won't be able to walk me down the aisle when I get married one day. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: our priest and church members came to the hospital to pray with us and support us. But it also raised the question of who my father would have been comfortable with seeing him that way (he was unconscious, had staples in his head from brain surgery, and had a tracheostomy). --Religious Affiliation: roman catholic --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I had a dream the night before my father passed away that his sisters and I were all in his hospital room as we had been for the past 2 weeks. His sisters were doing something to him - perhaps putting lotion on him or wiping sweat from his face (he was unconscious and unresponsive). All of a sudden, he opened his eyes, sat up and looked around. He told his sisters, "Y'all leave me alone! I'm fine!" Then he got out of bed, leaned down, and kissed me on the cheek like he did everytime he saw me and said his usual greeting using his nickname for me, "Hey, Lady." Then he turned around and walked out of the hospital room door. The next morning we received word that he had passed away. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? Before my father's illness and death, neither me nor my mother was close to my brother's wife and step children. Since then, we have been getting along great and spend more time with them. My father had been extremely close to my brother's family before his passing. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Perhaps you should ask if any family dynamics had changed since the death or if a family rift developed afterward. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Sep 14 04:50:58 2002 M15 in London, I dont want to diclose this information =England= Name: Max - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] i searched for questionnaires - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: I study in yr 11 at school - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: Plz change your backround! [ Ed note: done :-) ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago. Cause of Death: Breast Cancer; Aged: . --Details: She was ill for a long time, as long as i can remember, i got used to it, but when she died it was all so sudden. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When somone you know can no longer stay becuase of the frial human condition. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Was shocked. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: My mother on her bed at home, unconcious and waiting to die. Silent. --What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is: No one can be quite prepared for death...no matter what you fo it wont go away. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: That we moved to england from Hong Kong and made a fresh new start --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: A councillor and our family in england --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The feeling of my life changing and never quite getting back on track. It affected me a great deal still to this day. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I love you. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I have learned alot about life and different cultures. My experience at 15 is far greater than any other peron i know. Its as if i have had two lifetimes. Here in England and before in Hong Kong. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I stuggled to cope afterwards, things fell apart and i didnt know what was happening. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: none --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Tell her how much i REALLY loved her and how much she has affected the family, without her we are nothing. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Move to england --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: How silent everyone one was, but it almost seemed like they carried on, missing something. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: how emotionless i felt for the next coming years. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i think i have got over the initail death but there are still feelings brought up when i think about it. The death caused me to change. The death seems like a distant memory in a past lifetime. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I think about that sometimes. I think what would it be like to have my mother here in england. But things have changed so much that i cant imagine her here at all. She belongs in Hong Kong. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I recall having the thought that my life had somehow been picked on. All my friends were getting on with their life while i was stuck in the mudd dealing with this death --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could forget about it and move on --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I i knew she was dying a few days before it happened. Those days were the emptyess and strangest moments in my life. I woke up in the middle of the night to find out she had passed away. Relatives gathered around the bed, weeping and i went over and kissed on the forehead. Thinking of it now makes me shiver with emotion --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community is one of tying to help but not quite doing enough. They can help in the hospital but they cant help when im at home --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I'm not sure what the questions asking but i tihnk it means what are your feelings towards the recipient of the diesease? I got used to cancer. I obtained knowledge and now i think of cancer as the death word. Cancer seems the key to end all life --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing at all and it still means nothing --Religious Affiliation: None --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I feel that memories last forever but thats it --Regarding MONEY: We ran out of money and we had to move countires. We came to england without a penny. We got stabalised and now my dad hasnt got a job...its hard to have money as a single parent. We used to be quite well off in HK and its quite the oppiste now. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How i cried when i came out. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: How people treated me afterwards and how people acted. I also now know that it changed me --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : My mum was always sick, the last few days i could really tell she was ill. Unconcious and hooked up to a breathing machine, it was an ugly sight and one ill never forget --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: It would've helped if i had a frined i could talk to. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I did not experience this, but memories might be some form of that --RE: Near Death Experiences: none --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I loved my mother and i didnt have any issues with her. She left perfectly. She knew how much i loved her without m actually telling her --If we were to visit one last conversation... none --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: none --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: If i die id like a small memorial built in hong kong in memory of me so i never get forgotten --Any thoughts about your own death?: I do not want to die. I cant imagine a non life. Id like to stay alive and if not, i really hope there is something after death, even though i dont belive in it, i still hope there is. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I didnt have any, our family bottled up our feelings and still do. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I used to help my mother cook and i enjoyed it, i still sometime help now... --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? None - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy Therapy helped a bit What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything not dealing with particular feelings, denial --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I wish someone would've helped me, someone who could take me out, have fun and someone who's easy to talk to - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It has been helpful, it conjured up some sidtant memories and realised that im not alone in the world with this experience - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? You should include the question, "After the death what dramtic changes occured?" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 12 12:47:58 2002 F28 in marianna, florida =usa= Name: angela - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, Years ago. Cause of Death: car ran him over; Aged: four months. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a end to start a begining. because even though we have lost someone or something we have learned by emotions and feelings what kind of person we are inside deep inside therfore there is a begining, to understanding life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I i was in shock i never really believed it could happen --That first time, how it happened was when i was seven years old my puppy was ran over by a car. i begged go to bring him back to me, i cried for several hours straight and then on/off for several days. My father buried him in the place i wanted him buried so i could go visit him. I was very disappointed when he never came back. but i finally realized these things happen i went on and found another puppy, but i still love frisky very much. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the pain i thought i felt in my heart, that made me cry so much, unbelievable pain, that i never wanted to feel again --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is not your fault you did nothing to make it happen sometimes it just happens,, and it is a fact of life,,for the elderly,, a fact that they must be emotionally ready for. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it made be understand unconditional love --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: nature --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the fact i would never see him again --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: always show them love and respect --[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: can move on and still have as much love --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: love him more --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: love him --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... he never did anything to deserve it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I i should have been more responsible not let him outside alone --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: great respect - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying knowing i could love something else but that it would not replace my love for the one i lost. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen that god did not bring him back,,i though he would ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 12 10:31:21 2002 F19 in chipley, florida =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: waitress, ultrasound tech. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, Years ago. Cause of Death: four wheeler accident; Aged: 13. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when you no longer are on this earth and you are not able to be physically seen or touched be anyone. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt empty. It was hard to deal with some of the deaths that has occured to me b/c of one of the deaths being that a close friend (same age) died. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: wondering if he went to heaven or hell and thinking about if that was me it happened to. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: that the people can not be brought back from the dead and that they cannot believe that everyone is going to the good place. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that I believe in God and I know where i will be going when i die. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: talking about how we remembered the person that died by telling stories,etc. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: accepting the fact that you can no longer talk to them and see them. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to assure them that there is a better place than what's on earth. --[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: feel about this person. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: talk to them more about God --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be a part of this persons life --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i get to talking to someone about this person it gives me chills. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would hope that me and this person would have become closer and even loved eath other as a couple. i could have done some things differently when i was younger and not some of the mistakes that i have made. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... "I can't believe this happened or how did this happen" --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could not think about it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I can't believe it happened --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: there wasn't too much that they could do for him b/c he died instantly. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that i knew where i would go when i die. --Religious Affiliation: i am a baptist and i am still going to church --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: i do believe that there is a spirit but the spirit is whether or not you are going to heaven or hell --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many people had showed up. there was an unbelievable amount of people there --The weirdest part of it all to me was: people who i didnt like and they didnt like me came together at that time. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': he didnt have any --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: that it was left as being good --If we were to visit one last conversation... i hope they would say that they would want me to be there with them forever and that they cared for me but never got the chance to experience it with me. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If i knew that i was about to die i would make sure that everyone who is important to me knew i loved them. i would also like to take time to pray with my family and friends. i try the best way to deal with knowing i was dying and im not too sure how i would go about it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - yes it has. i have tried to put the past behind me but now it has gotten brought back up and i have realized some of the things that i had tried to forget ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 12 06:45:53 2002 F39 in Wintersville, Ohio =US= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] Research credit for Psychology Lab - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Student/Elementary Education - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 Years ago. Cause of Death: emphysema; Aged: 60. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an end to a life, but a beginning to understand what is on the other side. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was upset because it was my grandfather and I felt terribly bad for my father, uncle, aunt and grandmother. --That first time, how it happened was My grandfather died from emphysema. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how it affected my family. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: support from family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: knowing that I wouldn't see my grandfather again. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: keep his memories in my heart and never forget him. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I was trying not to cry. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: while growing up, my brother & I spent 2 weeks every summer with my grandparents in Pittsburgh. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I'm having a bad day. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that God would take extra special care of my grandfather. --Religious Affiliation: Strong...Episcopal --Regarding the FUNERAL: the family (all my cousins) was together. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: The viewing --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Shortly after my grandfather passed away, my parents and aunt and grandmother were sitting in my grandparents dining room. The candleabra that is powered electrically was turned off, but came on by itself. Also, when I was in college the first time, my grandfather (in my dream) sat on the edge of my bed. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I hope I don't die anytime soon. I want to see my 3 children grow up and have grandchildren. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It brought up subjects I never thought about. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 10 17:14:52 2002 M19 in Pa =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] using this site for a psych project - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 9 Years ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: not sure. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when a person not longer can move talk or breathe --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was saddened but not really sure what death was --That first time, how it happened was It was my great grand mother she died when I was in fourth grade --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being at the funeral and my uncle asking me if I understood what was going on. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: not sure --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that I will have life after death --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being around my family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the fact of not being able to see the person anymore --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: just make sure they know you love them and will see them again --The most confusing point of death for me was when: she was barried --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was appropriate --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be around her more --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see her one last time --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: pictures --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: coffins --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: thinking about the person --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... yes --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see her --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I why --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: how great they are --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: comfort --Religious Affiliation: I go to chruch weekly --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: i believe all spirits are linked --Regarding MONEY: no problem --Regarding the FUNERAL: how many friends she had --The weirdest part of it all to me was: seeing her in the casket --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : nothing --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': i didn't notice that - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 5 18:24:25 2002 M36 in Toronto, ON =(originally from Greece)= Name: Mass Email: <mass10=at=hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Project Manager - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Republic Recommended Reading-- Writers: Plato - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 10 Years ago. Cause of Death: incurable disease; Aged: 65. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a passage from one state of being to another --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I did not feel any pain or loss; too young. --That first time, how it happened was Grandmother --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: my mother visiting me in a dream telling me she was cured - the dream occured on the morning I received a call with the news from overseas. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the message from my mother in my dream --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my belief in immortality --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: my own personal need to have my mother around --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I don't know; I was not present. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: have a more solid conviction that death is not an end --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I actually partied that night to celebrate her release from disease. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: live as a mortal and not as an immortal --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: tell her I love her a few days before. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I cannot communicate with her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I don't believe my mother would still be in that "form" of being in any dimension. Her state has changed. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Not at all. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I did not live the moments with my mother fully. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: helplessness and compassion. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: helplessness. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing. --Religious Affiliation: None. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like the transformation of a dead star into a nursery of stars or to a spiritless dead rock depending on the education of the spirit in this life. --Regarding MONEY: I did not have to worry about that. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I believe we have resolved everything - that my mother left with a forgiving and peaceful attitude. --If we were to visit one last conversation... Even though I believe strongly that she is no longer aware or cares for this dimension, I still have conversations with her and that helps ME. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: As above, my mother visited me in a dream, was restored into health and very happy. I was surprised (in my dream) that she was cured and noticed that behind her stood a solemn old man (like a Nobba-Daddy) who did not speak but appeared to be waiting for her to finish her conversation with me. I woke up remembering the dream and it so impressed me I recounted it to my partner. About half an hour later the phone rang and I was told my mother was dead. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I don't care what they'll think --Any thoughts about your own death?: Death is the epitomy of life. Death should be our companion but not in a morbid way. More as a destination. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Sep 5 03:54:54 2002 F35 in Metford, NEW SOUTH WALES =Australia= Name: WENDY SHEPHARD - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Read About it: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: HOME DUTIES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 8 Months ago. Cause of Death: neumonia and enlarged heart; Aged: 37. --Details: overdosed also on painkillers by accident also - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: pain hurt emptiness emotional what happens next... --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I said to myself that she is not there and i will see her again tomorrow. and horror that someone i knew and loved was gone. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: people asking questions and why and what happened. --What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is: i think that when having a viewing that people need to know more about the shock of what to expect at a viewing. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that my husband passed away peacefully and in no pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my neighbours patience and having a 15 year old son who was stronger than me. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: i had lost my husband of 15 years and i had to cope with becoming a single parent to 2 teenage children, i had to move as i couldn't go back into the house and this was a stress on top of everything else. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: i don't know as my husband died suddenly. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i never felt like that. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell him that i love him and that i wish that i had more time with him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: say my last goodbye. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: i was making sure that his clothes and shoes were clean for them to dress him and to make sure that everything he wore was black as that was what he wanted. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: how i was feeling at the time. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see a tv show or hear a song that we both loved. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... life would have been a alot easier because we wouldn't have to go through the pain and suffering. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... its not fair that he died of a young age and that it shouldn't of happened to a young family and that there wasn't enough time to do the things we wanted. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could be with my husband. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I dumfounded why how when and what do i do now that i have found him like this. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they suck!!!!! --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: NOT SURE WHAT YOU MEAN --Regarding MONEY: I WAS LEFT WITH A GREAT EXPENSE IN HIS PASSING WITH THE COST OF THE FUNERAL AND THE PLAQUE ETC. --Regarding the FUNERAL: THE WAY THAT WHITE LADY FUNERALS WERE THERE RIGHT TO THE END AND AFTERWARDS CHECKING UP ON ME AND THE KIDS. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: THAT I WISH IT WAS ME INSTEAD OF HIM. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : DRUG ABUSE --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: MY BEST FRIEND AND NEIGHBOUR AND MY 15 YEAR OLD SON. --If we were to visit one last conversation... SORRY LIFE WASN'T ALL UPS BUT I LOVED YOU THROUGH THICK AND THIN AND I STILL LOVE YOU NOW WHEN I MEET WITH YOU AGAIN PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I WAS SOUND ASLEEP ONE NIGHT WHEN I HEARD HIS VOICE ASKING ME FOR A CUP OF COFFEE.AND IT FREAKED ME OUT AND I DIDN'T GO BACK TO SLEEP THAT NIGHT. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: MY WISHES ARE TO BE BURIED WITH MY HUSBAND AND TO GO THROUGH THE SAME PLACES ETC. --Any thoughts about your own death?: YEAH! BRING IT ON!!! BUT I WANT TO SEE MY KIDS GROW UP FIRST... --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I HAVE MADE A CABINET WITH ALL OF HIS PERSONAL THINGS IN IT AND GOT AN OSTRICH EGG PAINTED WITH HIS NAME DATE OF BIRTH AND DEATH ETC. AND I GAVE A PART OF HIS BELONGINGS TO PEOPLE THAT KNEW HIM AND PEOPLE THAT DIDN'T KNOW HIM BUT WOULD APPRECIATE SOMETHING FROM HIM. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? OFTEN I WILL SIT DOWN AND HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE AND SAY THIS IS FOR YOU TOO. AND I PICK OUT A STAR EVERY NIGHT AND SAY HELLO STEVE. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? THE HOUSE THAT I MOVED INTO HAD A LADY THAT I HAVE EVERYTHING IN COMMON WITH AND WE HAVE BECOME THE BEST OF FRIENDS AND WE CAN TALK TO EACH OTHER ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IT IS AS IF STEVE PUT US TOGETHER SO THAT I WOULD HAVE SOMEONE THERE FOR ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. WE ARE INSEPERABLE AND GO SHOPPING ETC TOGETHER IT HAS HELPED ME GET ON WITH MY LIFE. LIFE WITHOUT LIZ WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE AND OUR NEW NICKNAMES ARE YOUME AND MEYOU. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold having friends and family around and talking has helped alot What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities not knowing what was happening and confusion. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: TO LET PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THINGS IN THIER OWN TIME AND NOT TO PUSH PEOPLE. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - IT HAS HELPED ME TO THINK AND TO EXPRESS FEELINGS THAT I SHOULD HAVE EXPRESSED SOONER.THANKYOU FOR THIS QUESTIONARE... - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? SOME OF YOUR QUESTIONS SEEM REALLY LONG AND HARD TO UNDERSTAND TO A GRIEVING PERSON AS I NEEDED HELP FROM MY BEST FRIEND TO RE-ASK THE QUESTION IN AN EASIER FORM. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 4 23:39:14 2002 F34 in Friedberg, =Germany= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Other: ] Looking for some links concerned with "Trauer" (grief in German) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: "Auch Du lebst ewig" from Bernard Jakoby, "Wenn ein Kind gestorben" ist from Juliet Cassuto Rothman, "Wenn Mütter trauern" from Ursula Goldmann-Posch, Books from Dr. Raymond A. Moody and Bill and Judy Gugggenheim - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Children, 10 Weeks ago. Cause of Death: an Accident whille playing; Aged: 6. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: to let go of the body and live forever in another world. Our essential self, or soul never dies. She is with God and all the souls of all the other people who died. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very sad about all the risks I did not take, the things I did not do. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the terrible feeling of emptiness, of horrible longing to see my children just once again, hold them, hear them --What I think my (Germany) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is part of life, and therefor has to be talked about, thought about --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that feeling I felt when we lay out the empty bodies of my children in the parlor as we had them at home for their final goodbyes. I felt it as they sent me all their power and love from the other side, and I had to smile then, thinking of them and knowing they were near. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: the help of my husband and about 10 women, who are caring for my everyday life --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the thinking, what could/would not have been, if...... --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... they had to go so young. There were so many things for them to see, to do,, to live - with me, with us, their Mama and their Papa --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could be with them --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I shouted and cried. I could not stop. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: very good. I think that all people belong together, that there is one final reality, where we all go. And there would be peace and love forever. --Regarding MONEY: I would not have dreamt that a funeral and a grave are so expensive --Regarding the FUNERAL: the happiness with which the children of Julia's Kindergarten and all the other children were painting the coffin. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: About 2 weeks after the death of my children I was cleaning the bathroom, when I felt an enormous warmth on my right arm, just as big as a childs head. This feeling stayed about 20 or 30 seconds, then it was gone. I am sure, that one of my children visited me. They always like to assist me while doing my housework. Just one week ago (9 weeks after the death) my husband and I were watching TV and eating chips & salsa. We then left the room a bit to smoke in front of the house. When we returned, 2 Taco chips were stuck in the sauce. Neither of us put them there. Again, we were certain that our children wanted to assure us they were near. --Any thoughts about your own death?: After the death of my children, death has nothing horrible for me. I will be together with them, that is all I want. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I have placed pictures of Julia and Tobias on a special place in the living room, where I always have two candles burning. I talk to them in my thoughts many times a day, and especially in the evening, before I fall asleep. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife Viewing the dead bodies of my children was essential to me to be able to believe that they would never come back. The help of many friends, their patience in hearing my thoughts and memories over and over again was very helpful. But most of all the love of my husband helps me to live. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 4 20:24:51 2002 F43 in Port Richey , fl =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: full time student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago. Cause of Death: ingnorance on behalf of the hospital; Aged: 83. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: hopefully, a continuation of life but in a different dimention. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I was four and totally unnerved. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The guilt I felt --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: How to accept it and celebrate it. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I was with my paternal grandmother when she passed and saw she entered heavens gates with all the dignity she lived on earth with. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like I have no choice, I need to accept and go on. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Not being able to speak to my loved one ever again. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': When my aunt was dying, she saw her sister and father. My grandmother saw her husband ( my grandfather) --RE: Near Death Experiences: I was driving home late one evening, and fell asleep at the wheel of my car on the parkway, my cousing ( who was recently killed in a hit and run) walked in front of my car and woke me up. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I love you grandpa and I'll see you in heaven. Please watch over us. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My cousins saving me on the parkway. I have not dreamed of my maternal grandfather since his passing, 13 years ago and wish that I could. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Dignity --Any thoughts about your own death?: I hope I see my loved ones again. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I cry and speak out loud. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt I was not there for my grandfather. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I volunteer in a nursing home and confront, on an almost daily basis dying. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Healing, in a way. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Sep 4 11:20:37 2002 M35 in Phoenix, Arizona =united states= Name: Gino Madrid Email: <Madgino2=at=aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] curiosity - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Psychology major - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Religious Leader, Years ago. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: merely the end of this particular existence. From here we move into a higher plain of being. Although our bodies cease to live in this life, our spirits move on to the afterlife. Death is simply a doorway to the next realm. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't understand it. --That first time, how it happened was It was the pastor of my church. I was on a field trip to the Grand Canyon with my sophomore class. On our way back, we passed an accident. A truck hauling pipes lost part of its load and one of the pipes went through the windshield of the car behind it. It was minutes after the accident when our bus drove by, and they had not yet cleared the area, therefore, we all got a first hand look at the body of the driver with half his head taken off. When I got home, I turned on the news to see if there was any information about the accident. That's when I found out that it was the pastor whom I had grown to love. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: lashing out at those around me who tried to comfort me. --What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it not to be feared. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: when my grandfather made the decision to refuse treatment which would have kept him alive. He had suffered from his third stroke, and was already paralyzed on the entire left side of his body. He was in great pain and could no longer do anything for himself, so he said that he could no longer live life that way. He made his choice, and I respect him for it. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: knowing that his pain was over. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: those who didn't know how to handle it. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: be strong. let them go in peace, without guilt. Don't make them feel as if they are letting you down by going. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: realize that he did what he felt he needed to do. It wasn't for the family to decide. He left this life on his own terms. I'm proud of him for that. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the Dr's tried to get the family to force him to receive treatment. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was his way of saying goodbye. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ... --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: accept his death for what it was. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: my grandfather had made his mind up to die. Once he did that, he didn't want to see anyone. Whether it was due to him not wanting to feel sad about it, or the fact that he was stubborn as a mule, he stuck to his guns. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: those who didn't get to say goodbye. It was as though he had deprived them of something. Hell, HE was the one dying, not them. They have the rest of their lives to work it out. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was angry that god would take that person away from me. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Rage not sure if this question is asking about the death which I listed above or just death in general. For the above listed death. It took several years of anger and questioning God before I finally realized that God has a plan for all of us, and perhaps His plans called for Father Joe to be with him. As far as death in general, I suppose that the answer is the same. However, I am a recovering drug addict and I read about or hear about friends of mine dying more than I'd like to. I guess that the sheer quantity of people I've known dying has also forced me to have to deal with it in a manner that is not detrimental to my own well being. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System I found that my own selfishness hindered my ability to deal with death. I did not think that I deserved to have people taken away from me, therefore I blamed God for a long time. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 3 12:34:08 2002 F19 in dothan, al =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 Years ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when you leave your mortal and corrutible body and go to either heaven or hell. If heaven you receive an incorrutible body and if hell you burn there forever. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a teen, very confused, sad , and had disbelief --That first time, how it happened was it was my grandmother who died from cancer she and i had become prett close because before she got really bad she moved in with my dad so she was there when i came to spend the weekends --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: we became a closer family b/c that was what my grandma wanted most was for us to be really close. she said family is the most imported thing in life --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to know where you will end up after death (heaven or hell) --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my family becoming closer and drawing together --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my family and my boyfriend they were there anytime i wanted to talk and ask questions or if i just needed to cry --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: we all expected b/c it was cancer but it was just so hard to believe that it had actually happened --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: hold their hand, let them know how much you love them and what they mean to you and that you will always remember them --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: it is important to spend time with them and get to know them to have a close relationship with them over the years instead of trying to fit it all in, in such a short time --The most confusing point of death for me was when: we went to her viewing and funeral service. she was catholic and they did a lot of different things from what i'm used to . I didn't understand why they wouldn't open her casket at the funeral nothing was wrong with her that you could see --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was okay because that helped me deal with it and i was just remembering the old times --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell her goodbye one last time --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be close to her before the end --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: i don't know --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: what everyone thought --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see other people with their grandmothers --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... i'd spend a lot more time with her talking and just having fun --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that she went so quickly other people live for years with cancer --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could completely get over it --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I already, did i tell her everything i needed to, did she know how much i loved her --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: tankfullness for making her comfortable and be so kind and gentle to her as well as us --Regarding HOSPICE etc: it was ok --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: friends to count on a different type of family to rely on and know they were praying for you and her --Religious Affiliation: christiain (assembly of God) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: right if they belive in heaven and hell and how you have to live to get to each one --Regarding MONEY: i didn't deal with that --Regarding the FUNERAL: all the people whose lives she touched and they cared about her --The weirdest part of it all to me was: waking up the next morning and realizing it was real and not a dream and knnowing i had to face all over again --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : different things with cancer --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: it was terrible --If we were to visit one last conversation... i love you, you made no mistakes with me, you did the best you could and i thank you for that, i will never forget you and when i have kids i will tell them all about you --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: just let myself think about the way she was before she was sick --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? some with people who experienced the same loss - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: they did great helping me - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it was ok pretty long ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 3 12:03:44 2002 F20 in Buffalo, New York =US= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Teacher - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 10 Years ago. Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 50. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: something that is meant to be. I firmly believe that you have a number and when that number is pulled your time on this earth is done. It is always hard to deal with and usually unexplainable. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in shock. You never think something like this can happen to your family. But since my first experience with someones death I have had many more to deal with and all but two were tragic deaths. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How bitter a family can get when it is time to give out money and belongings that belonged to deceased. People become greedy and deceitful. It is a terrible thing. --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: It is not a chance to get free money or a free car or something of value that you always admired on the the deceased dining room table. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I learned that death is something that only time heals and that the true inner person can come out of people and it isn't someting you always want to witness. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The funeral and seeing the person peaceful in their coffin and at peace in heaven. There are no more worries for the deceased. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Seeing how horrible other people acted. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: You learn how to charish life and what you have a thousand times more. --[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Charish my friends and family more. I drive safely all the time, wear my seatbelt and make others wear theirs. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: My uncles death brought my father and my other uncle to not talk anymore. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I have always had the urge to laugh at funerals. I think it is just a way for my body to let out stress and to not make it such a sad event. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Go to his house and hang out with him and his 10 or more dogs that he loved so much. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: save the last Christmas card that he gave to me with a gift. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: i don't know, nothing really impressed me --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: don't know --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i go and visit grave sites i think of all things that I have done and accomplished that I know that I would have like my uncle to have been there. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I dream that my father would have his brother/best friend back in his life and he would be much happier. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that all of his dogs were put to sleep by his stupid son. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could bring my uncle ron back to life so my father wouldn't feel so lonely sometimes like I know he does. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I can't believe this happened. He was only two miles from his house. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: My uncle died instantly so there was never a medical community involved. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: NOTHING. My priest at our church that we all attended refused to bury my uncle because he didn't donate enough money to the church. --Regarding MONEY: it tore our family even more apart --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was a short, quiet ceremony since the priest was only at the funeral home for 5 minutes. I hate to even call him a priest. I would call him money hungry. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: The situations that happened after his death made me more angry that him actually passing away --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: just knowing that they are in heaven, and at peace, and with me all the time, let me grieve easier and accept it faster. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell him that my father is doing good, and that I now have 2 dogs. It would make me feel good to tell him that i am doing good and so is the family. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I would want all of my organs donated and that is something that I would make very clear to my husband and family. Which they already know that I want everything donated. --Any thoughts about your own death?: If I knew i were going to die soon I would not work or go to school. I would spend all of my time with my loved ones and have a good time. I would not like knowing it but I hope my death would be very peaceful. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? To be careful and aware at all times. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? no - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals The way the family fought over belonging of my uncle and the way his children dealt with it. Family bickering made it harder than neccessary. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I think if problems to arise the family I think a couselor of some sort should be brought in to deal with things the right way. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It has been nice to vent to something that doesn't talk back but just listens. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 3 10:25:58 2002 F19 in Blounstown, Florida =USA= Name: Marissa Email: <marissa7_17=at=yahoo.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] My teacher requires this project - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago. Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 68. --Details: She was very special to me. I spent at least 2 hours every day with her my whole life. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: something everyone will experience. Going to be with God. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt very uncomfortable about it. --That first time, how it happened was Really the first death I remember well was my aunt. She died from cancer. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that my grandma was never coming back. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that can be a positive thing. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: getting to spend the time that I did with that person. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being with people that I love and people that cared for the person I am grieving. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The permenance of it --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: it's okay to let go, God's waiting for you. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: believe that I will be reunited with her. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: a close friend of mine was killed last year in a car accident and he was only 18 years old. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: that was my grandma making me laugh. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: let my grandma know how much she did for me even though she was sick. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be with her for 15 years. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: everyone just surrounded me and supported me through such a hard time. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i see something that reminds me of my grandma. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... In that dream it's just like it used to be. Me and my grandma are in her room talking, watching tv. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that i had to lose my grandma. I felt that I was the only person to ever lose someone. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could have one more day with her. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I thought why him he didn't even get a chance to have a family, career, or experience college with us. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they were terrific. Hospice was awesome they made her comfortable right up til the end. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: they were great. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: believing in a christian God, being a good person. --Religious Affiliation: Baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: if you are more good than bad than you have the chance to go to be with God. --Regarding MONEY: that wasnt an issue. --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was a nice group of people that all cared about my grandma and our family. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: putting the body in the ground forever. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : reverting back to a past state, drifting in and out of consciencenous. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: what helped me was just feeling that she was out of pain and in a better place. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': hearing my grandma's voice at the funeral. --RE: Near Death Experiences: When my boyfriend's father died he seen him in his bedroom that night. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: we were on very good terms --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: their living will should always be carryed out and respected --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: praying. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? just knowing that my grandma wouldn't want me to sit around and sulk she would want me to be making good grades and making her proud. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? nope - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i couldn't reach out i had to settle it with myself - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - this is a very good and emotional survey - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? some of the questions were too long but other than that everything is good ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Sep 3 07:38:32 2002 F25 in Florida =Usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] just a paper we have to do for our teacher - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The BIBLE Recommended Reading-- Writers: JESUS HIMSELF - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Years ago. Cause of Death: natural death; Aged: 80. --Details: It wasn't only my grandmother that died that year. Both my grandparents on my dad side died, too. they all died within a six months period. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: like a sequence in life that nobody can excape from. everybody had to go through that. it is a sad experience for those that are left behind but all good things must come to an end someday. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in denial at first, then it hit me that they weren't coming back. I will never get to see them. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that everybody thought of her just going to heaven. that she is alot better where she is at. that there will be no pain and no suffering where she is at. they were almost in denial. they probably thought that it will ease there pain if they knew she would be fine. --What I think my (Usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: that they have to overcome grief before they can get to the next step, which is acceptance. we all have to go through the stages of life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my family came closer than ever before. my dad's family came closer also. they all haven't spoken to each other for years, then when my grandparents died the became closer. i was very grateful for that. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My family and especialy the Bible has helped me alot. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: MY GRANDPARENTS ARE NO LONGER WITH US!!! --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: That there presence does matter to everybody not just for the family. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: experienced a closer family relationship than before! --The most confusing point of death for me was when: My grandmother almost died about two weeks before then. She went into cardiac arrest and they had to revive her. Why did she die when she did? It is very confusing for me also that all my grandparents died so close together! --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i'm glad that my whole family was able to laugh out loud because my grandmother was always able to make us laugh even if we didn't feel like it. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to spend more time with them!!! --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: to with them all right before they died! i got to tell of them by-e and will miss them so much! --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: to be serious and not be having fun. Grandma was always having fun!! --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: things that remind me of her and my other grandparents. They all mean't alot to me --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... we would all get along better! --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that i won't be able to see them again. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could See them again. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was no longer going to see them again! --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they really couldn't do much for my grandparents. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: they were very good people. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: so much for to know that my granparents are being taken care. --Religious Affiliation: Mennonite/Christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: comforting --Regarding MONEY: we had to pay alot for there burial. even though some of them had already paid their lots, there were still alot of other things. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that all were good people there. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: the part that they are still with us and that they are okay no more pain or suffering. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : a change in behavior --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: don't go into denial --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My nephew had a vision last week of my grandmother. It was kinda scary, yet it was exciting that my grandmother is still among us. she is an angel and always had been one even when she was alive. She will take good care of us. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Never has happenend to me or anyone else i know. except my grandmother, but she is gone now and she never talked about it. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: i think i resolved those issues before they died. i really do miss all of them. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i miss you and love you so much. i wish you could of stayed and seen my children grow up. realived(sp) --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i have had many dreams that my grandmother has been with me. i know she is watching over us. i also had told you the situation with my nephew. that was an assurance situtation for me. i know now that she is watching out for us. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: that you have a short life live to the fullest./ --Any thoughts about your own death?: very sad. i don't want anyone to cry for me. i want to live so that i can see my children grow up and have thier kids. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i just prayed and asked God to help me with this. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? not really! --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? not really! - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i reached out to my family. that my family would be closer and dealing with the situation. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it helped me to think of my granparents and how wonderful they were. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? How did they feel about that person and thier past situations? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Sep 2 18:30:03 2002 Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] just looking thourgh on death and dying things and found this - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: chicken soup books - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago. Cause of Death: heart and kidney problems also strokes; Aged: . --Details: he suffered for one year really really bad - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: death is when someone you know or do not know from earth moves on into another world. My beleife is heavean. Because their time here is done. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I couldnt beleive it and to this day i still have night mares --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how everyone was crying and very sad and for once i couldnt make people feel anybetter or stop the hurt and i had to deal with this my self. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: you cant bring them back but we must move on not that i am saying we must fortet but we should not always live in the past --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: knowing that you cant speak to them whenever you want. You cant just go to the next room and they will be there --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i realized that HEY! they are really gone --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i regret doing it or not thinking about reality but yet blocking it out by laughing or doing something rebbellous or stupid so that i could stop facing the truth that my dad was sick and was going to die --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell my dad that i loved him more --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see him before he died --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... no for me i hated the fact why couldnt got take anyone but him --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could punch something --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I dont know what i am going to do without them --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: that there are many good nurses and doctors who do care and do all that they can but then again there are many people in the medical community who dont --Regarding HOSPICE etc: wasnt my dads problem though i sympathize because i am aware that you watch maby - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Rage alchol, and not thinking about it What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: The fact that i always didnt have the support system i needed to over come my promblem with his death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Sep 1 14:51:17 2002 F20 in Crandall, Tx =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Class Project ] It is apart of a class project we have to do - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Student...Nursing - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I am a Christian - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Living Bible Recommended Reading-- Writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke John, etc.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago. Cause of Death: Brain Tumor; Aged: 55. --Details: She worked with my mom for 12 years..Friend of the family...She was my mom's right hand man at work...She had a stroke and then discovered a brain tumor...She slowly went downhill and died 2 years later...I took over her position at my mom's business and it made us closer! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an end to the physical body God gave us and a beginning of an awesome spiritual life in Heaven with Jesus --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in high school and my cousin died. We weren't close at all, but it just makes you think about your own life. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how much closer it brought us together. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it can happen any second of any day. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the memories those people leave behind that makes you smile and remember them in a positive way. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Going on with my life, but making a conscience effort to tell the people most important in my life how much I loved them. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Knowing that the immediate family was in so much pain and misery of losing the baby boy out of 5 boys...Their holidays would be missing something important...etc.. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Witness to them and make sure their name is written in the book of life. Hold their hand and promise them you won't leave their side and that you are there for them. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: am ready to go and be with my Father in Heaven and if anything ever happened to me, take comfort in knowing I am with my Heavenly Father. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: We prayed so hard for her recovery and it never came. It was just her time to go be with the Lord --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughter is the soul's best medicine --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: go and visit her more just to get insight on how she felt about the terminal illness and death --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: contribute to her memorial by singing a solo about being "Home Free" in Heaven --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Christians came together to rejoice in the fact that she had gone to be with the Lord --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: that she donated her body to science --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I recall some memories we shared together --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would definately spend more time with her and acknowledge the pain she was going through --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that she had to go when she was so lovable honest and fun --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could trade places with her --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I hope my mother is ok and her family is doing ok --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: encouragement and hope --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: everything...it was the only thing --Religious Affiliation: Baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: I don't understand this question --Regarding MONEY: she had planned to donate her body to science so her family wouldn't be financially hurt --Regarding the FUNERAL: her daughters and husband never shed a tear --The weirdest part of it all to me was: watching her slowly but surely deteriorate physically and mentally --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : declining health and bodily functions --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: prayer and knowledge of the Lord's grace and mercy are vital in coping with death --RE: Near Death Experiences: I have been Carbon Monoxide Poisoned in my house and I was 30 minutes away from death --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell them how awesome it was to be so close to going "HOME" to Heaven with the Lord and she will be sorely missed, but she will never want to come back --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I don't believe this..once people get into Heaven, they don't want to come back to earth --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Tell your family and the people you love, just how much you love them everyday...Don't take those relationships for granted and get right with the Lord --Any thoughts about your own death?: I have thought about what I would want my funeral to be like and I am ready...My name is written in the book of life and whenever my time with the Lord comes, I'll be ready --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: prayer for her family and friends --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I pray everyday for the lost so when they die, they won't go to a sinner's hell for eternity - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I was able to reach out to her family by song during the memorial - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It is repetitive and some questions were not understandable - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? the ones that I wrote I don't understand or none ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Sep 1 05:34:01 2002 F47 in Jacksonville, Florida =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago. Aged: - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time And talking about the person, memories What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold Knowing the death was not natural, when one dies in an accident or murder. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Aug 02 contributions. See Jul 02 contributions. See Current contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^