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See Current contributions.
See Jun 02 contributions.
See May 02 contributions.
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Tue Jul 23 16:33:58 2002
F24 in =united states=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
My professor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Sickle Cell Anemia; Aged: 33.
--Details:
She lived with it for years, and suddenly she died from coplications
from Sickle Cell Anemia.
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--Death Is:
not being in your body. Having no heartbeat or blood pumping. Not
being able to talk, breath, smell or use any senses or parts of
your body. Death is very scary for some because they don't know
when it's coming.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and cried because I knew I would never see my grandfather
again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
finding a poem that my sister had wrote.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not a bad thing it's a home going to heaven.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my sister is no longer in pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my daddy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I always expected her to be there. She was so strong.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't talk about what you would do or how you feel because your
situation is totally different from another's. So just listen and
be helpful.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctore said she had brain damage.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my sister how much I appreciated her. How I loved her voice
and her musical ability.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Know her and love her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture or hear her favorite artist.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have someone else to talk to and relate to and ask questions.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That she suffered for so many years only to eventually die from
this Anemia.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am not awake.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Anger
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
That they didn't do enough.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
free
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I neede to be around a lot of family.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
The actual casket closing.
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Tue Jul 23 10:32:38 2002
F19 in Toledo, Oh =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
My class has to participate in three experiments and write a paper
about them.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Heart attack; Aged: 46.
--Details:
When I was away at basic training is when it happened, but I didnt
find out until I got home because they said. That they didn't want
me mess up my concetration.
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--Death Is:
when someone life ends and begins in another place better than
before.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
just cryied all day.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how people reacts to death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be afraid of death but celebrate when someone has
died. Celebrate the wonderful life the person lived and accomplished.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing everybody sad.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just letting that person know how much I cared for him/her.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt when i finally found out. I felt like I could of been there
for the ceremony, but my family trying to look out for the good of
me messed it up
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to actually be there at the memorial.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make it through it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was asking what happened and why and just yelling at everybody.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a must
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like that is when you praise him the most, why i dont know.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was no issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a good turn out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Understanding it at first.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I guess my family friends and loved ones helped me. Along with our
Master Jesus Christ.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I didnt change at all.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
NO not really
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Mon Jul 22 19:26:47 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: .
--Details:
she was very weak and not all together there towards the end. she
saw things that were not there, talked to people of past events in
her life as if there were happening in the present and forgot who
people were
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--Death Is:
the process that occurs when our bodies become too old, diseased,
or hurt to the point where it can no longer support our life systems
anymore. most people believe in the existence of a soul which is a
life force in all of us that still exists after our physical body
is gone. depending on belief, this soul could go to a spiritual
plane called "heaven" or to an eternity of damnation in "hell"
if the person led a horrible life. some people believe the soul
is reincarnated back into another living body after we die, and
some people don't believe in an after life at all. nobody knows
what truely happens though.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was very shocked about it. the whole affair seemed very surreal
to me. it took a while for it to sink in completely. the mother of
my friend had died. it made me think real hard for the first time
how it could be if someone in my own family died. it made me very
upset to think about it. this happened when i was in fourth grade.
--That first time, how it happened was
my best friend's mother died in a car accident by a drunk driver
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way my grandmother looked when she died. it didn't seem like
she was really dead. the way they had her laid out she looked like
she was peacefully sleeping. in my child's mind i even thought
she looked like she was still breathing with her chest rising up
and down. for some reason it freaked me out when people went up
to the casket to touch her hand and kiss her forehead. i was too
afraid to touch her.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my grandmother was dying, she would talk to people who had
long ago died as if they were with her in the room. it kind of
made me feel better, as if she were going through the process with
people and wasn't alone. it made it seem more likely that there
was an after life. months later my sister said she visited her in
the night.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to my family about my feelings about it. when i would get
scared and paniced about it, my mom would usually say something to
me that would make me feel better about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the panic attacks about it. it's the most intense
terror i have ever felt in my life. the thought of possifbly not
existing anymore terrified me
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just being with that person in the last moment is sort of a
comfort. you can say the things you never got around to saying to
them and express how deeply you care for them. just listen to them,
don't be all sad and depressed in front of them. try to make the
last moments as special and personal as possible
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't see them anymore. they were completely gone, there were
no more opportunities to talk to them. it's really depressing and
sad when you finally realize the definiteness of their absense
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandmother talked to long dead loved ones as if they were in
the room in the moments before her death. it seemed like she really
believed that they were there.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would like to tell them how much i love them and miss them and
ask them questions about the process of dying and the after life
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
a couple weeks after the death of my great grandmother, all
the family had gone to my grandmother's house for christmas.
on christmas eve my sister was visited by my dead grandmother
while she was sitting in the living room downstair in the middle
of the night when she couldn't sleep. my grandmother was asking
her questions about what I and her widower had talked about that
evening. I had been talking to my grandfather about how he was feeling.
my sister had no idea we had ever had the conversation so she didn't
know what to tell her. my sister couldn't have been dreaming because
she told me about things she wouldn't have had any knowledge about
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
a person should always have a proper will made out so people won't
go against your final wishes after death
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wouldn't want to know for the reason that my last days would be
tense and full of fear with the intended day approaching. but one
reason i would want to know would be so i could see the people i
haven't seen in a while. spend a lot of time with loved ones, settle
my affairs, go to places i had never seen, do things i had never
experienced. when i look at it this way it seems better to know.
that way i wouldn't have any things i would have to leave unfinished
or things still left to say. this would also give me time to set
myself right with the idea of death, come to terms with it and come
to a proper understanding about the whole thing
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting the grave site of the loved one with family, talking of
her life and saying a prayer for her
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
talking to my mother about it, and sharing my feelings about it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
my intense fear of it. sometimes i would wake up with panic attacks
about it in the middle of the night. just the thought of the unkown,
that possibility that i might not exist anymore created the panic
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Mon Jul 22 17:46:50 2002
F23 in Maumee, = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 68.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Sun Jul 21 11:29:13 2002
M20 in Toledo, ohio =USA=
Name: Scott
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, few Years ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failar old age; Aged: 68.
--Details:
She was not feeling well went into the hospital walking and talking
and one thing lead to another and she never came out
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
For the ones who do not believe in god feared people do not want to
die because they feel like they will be in a bad place after death
and for the ones who do believe in god only feel pain over people
dieing for a moment then they relize that that person is going to
a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed and felt all kinds of emotions like i a was mad sad felt
guilty. Then happy becuase she had no more pain and she always said
she was blessed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how the family did not come togater the family events kind of became
a separet family not everyone came.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
comming together and being happy understanding that we all cannot
live forever.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for the ones i have now in my life and the love my grandma gave me
when she was here on earth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother so family and the nature i took long walks in the dark
looking up at the stars hoping she was looking back down with me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
looking at her pictures and not feeling sad.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Try to think about it in a good way they are free of pain and sin
and should be wiht god now
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she went into the hospital it was because she had gain green in
her toe and after she got there she never came out i felt like that
hospital killed her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i tryed to laugh to cover up the way i felt. did not want other to
see me sad.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my grandmother over my anties house with her
when she first got sick she ask me to spend the noght a couple
of times, but i wanted to party because i did not think it was
that serouse
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to her funural i hate going to funiorls and giving her a kiss
in the coffen made me feel good
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
How well my little brother took it they were cool untill the funurol
and then they broke down
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
her last words
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
yes i have not felt this way in a long time i thought i was ok,
but i think i just put int in the back of my mind and i can never
get this crying mod out
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i feel i will be in the same place but happyer because she was
my motavator in sports she loved to see me play football and
baseball. for a year i lost that heart of playing and if she was
still here i would have never slowed down
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she did not get to get out the hospital one last time to
see everyone
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
did not believe i did not cry at that moment but later it hit me
when i started to tell friends
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
is a bad one i feel like they put her to sleep
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot we had her funural in the church she grew up in and i felt
like religion help us threw this time.
--Regarding MONEY:
After she died i am one out of like thirty grand children and she
left me the most impotant thing she had that was money valueable
and that was her car. this made a lot of my family member say she
really loved me because of it and i felt like she loved everone the
same, but just understood that i needed it more than everyone else
at the time and i would take care of it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
their was people i never seen in my life and this made me feel like
she was a all around person because everyone who new her loved her
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not able to take her to the store and not see her at my football
games and baseball games anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
my ex girl felt bad and guilty because i felt bad so she was sad
because i was sad and started crying
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not want to know and if i died right know i would not have
any regreats in my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just talking out load in bed and letting her know how i feel
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
took a death and dieing class in college
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
should have spent more time
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i just reach out to my family after i took my death and dying class
and shared what i know about dieing
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i thought i was cool about it which with other death in my family
i am but when talking about my grandmother i still get choke up
about it
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Sat Jul 20 01:49:56 2002
F32 in california =usa=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
on a web search
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
lessons from the light
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
kenneth ring
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: fatal dog attack; Aged: 5.
--Details:
Tragic and uncomprehensible shes so young, not my baby, why?
My boyfriend was in a motorcycle wreck 9 monts before her. We had
a bad fight alot of unanswered questions. My best friend had a
heart attack at age 31. 7 months before my boyfriend. They were
all sudden and have all rocked my life so hard i cant believe im
here to do this questionaire
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--Death Is:
hard for us physical humans to accept and understand but in time
we we will reunite and be one
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
around 9
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how the community pulled together and how many people were affected
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
compassion and understanding
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i had her for almost 6 years, to have loved unconditionaly and be
loved unconditionaly
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
grief busters through hospice and friends support, mostley books
on near death and on the after life
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
is not holding my baby. not having the physical presence that
confirms they exist. feeling like your losing your mind and your
will to move forward. knowing you have to spend the rest of your
life with out them. complete devastation
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
anything
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have to endure,how precious life is. dont take anyone or anything
for granted. always say goodbye with i love you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they kept happening.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes you have to
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go back in time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love her,love them all and that they are and always will be a part
of me forever.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i got out of bed
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going back to work
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i know that i will never get over losing them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it wouldnt, how would we know to do things any differently if we
never knew of them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why my baby why why why why
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time and know then what i know now and prevent it all
from happening.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cant i cant do this again. this cant be real.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
which some things are not fixable no matter how educated. it was
hard even for professionals.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
my father died of aids 6 years ago . Hospice has been helpful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
keeping faith to go on
--Religious Affiliation:
God and faith
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
awakened
--Regarding MONEY:
people pulled together to help
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people attended that i didnt know or havnt seen in years
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
ive experienced 3 of them all within a few months of
eachother. Though this one is about my daugter . My best friend
of 22 yrs passed away nov.00. 7 months later my boyfriend on July
5,01. Then 9 months after him another tragedy of my sweet angel,
my daughter in April,19,02.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time and love only can ease never mend
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know they are with me to help me get through. I feel them every day
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
forgive them and yourself
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
very painful because it involves acceptance but the reality is
overwhelming. It can help ease the wondering of if ther o.k.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My boyfriend came to make sure i was going to be o.k. and tell
me that i was right and that he should of listened to me about
the motorcycle. He was waiting for me at our special place, he
wanted to hold me before he met his maker. My little girl said Hi
Mommy. Tell grandma not to be sad. Bachus knows he was a bad dog
and she is going to beat him up when he gets there. My daddy sent
his words of concern and my best friend said Dude, get it together
its beautiful here but not your time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You cant take it with you. Its just stuff. Things of sentiment are
worth more , what you have in your heart they cant take away.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Im more afraid to live than i am to die. Death is a graduation not
something to fear. A temperary seperation.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i talk to them all the time. I dont use past tense when refering
to them. I talk to them out loud.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
gardening beautiful flowers wathing them grow is very rewarding in
the heart
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
a friend like my best friend
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
the feeling of being alone and wondering why
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
if my family would of listened instead of judge.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
my feelings are mine. Everyones grief is there own and everyones
grief is the worst grief. Do what you feel you need to do to get
through it. Ask for help if you dont have family support. There
are people who care and understand.
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Fri Jul 19 13:55:00 2002
F20 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: college student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 18.
--Details:
Because of her religion, certain things that could have been done
to prevent her death were not done.
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--Death Is:
a state at which our spirit no longer exist on earth and our body
remains but is no longer seen.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and didn't quite have an understanding that this
person was gone and not coming back, EVER.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first person I can remember dying was my grandfather, I can
only remember some things about the event but I was very young like
maybe 2 or 3.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is the hurt and pain in the eyes of their closest friends and
relatives.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is forever and that once someone is gone it's too late
to say your I'm sorries and I love you's.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that the death of people makes me feel grateful to have the people
that I still have, it tought me to never leave a person without
saying a kind word or a goodbye hug.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family. Ihave a very supportive family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Getting on like nothing happend that person is gone but the things
that occur around you such as school and work still need to be
completed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not to worry about the things going on around them but to focus
on them selves and know that if they excepted God as their Saviour
that everything will be better soon.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I coped very well, I was able to hold it together and be there for
those who took it harder then I. I learned that I am not the only
one hurting and if I come together with others in my position it
makes it easier.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i understand death fully
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was just me remembering the good times instead of dwelling on
the bad ones and what I should have said or done.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell them that I loved them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Make peace with them and be a friend while I still had the time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something that reminds me of him/her or something they used
to say or do, or if I see someone who looks like them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was too young/
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe it happend, I'm really never going to see this person
again, I can never hold another conversation or hold this person
in my arms again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they aren't good, they did what they could.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I don't like it and don't like to see people in pain.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything, if it was for my religion I would truly be lost as too
knowing why death happends.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian,(BAPTIST)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it's ok I believe we are all linked in some way.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone didn't mourn at several funerals I saw people laughing
and taling to each other while others were crying it just didn't
seem right.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
You have to come to grasp with the fact that what is done is done
and you can't change it, I would just pray aboutit.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to know that that person knows how I felt and how they affected
my life would make me feel so much better.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think everyone should right a will I have seen families broken
up over the belonging of their dead family memebers.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am certain about my life after life on Earth and so I would want
to tell my family and friend not to be too sad for too long because
I am in a better place and that I hope that they will join me when
it is their time to go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My spiritual beliefs
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Always leave you loved ones and friend with a kind word and hug to
let them know that you love them cause you never know they could
be gone tomorrow.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my ex when his grandmother died and he told me it
helped a great deal, I offered to go to the funeral and I called
very often to see how he was doing or to see if he needed anything,
you never know how much the litte things you do for people help.
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Thu Jul 18 19:58:59 2002
M54 in Louisville, Kentucky =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Pancreatic cancer; Aged: 73.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandmother who lived with us died.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little to nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
We gave many of mom's possessions to people in need of them.
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Thu Jul 18 07:03:25 2002
F21 in san antonio, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: surgery accident; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body ceases to move of its own accord.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terrified
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how unhappy I was and how unfair life is.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Wed Jul 17 19:46:07 2002
F18 in wabash, in =usa=
Email: <thugqueen55=at=HOTMAIL.COM>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driving accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
i honestly can't say i knew this guy too well but it definalty
affected me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is the end. the end of what we're not exactly sure. i guess
it is the end of this life as we know it. we cease to be "alive"
in the physcial world. the greatest mystery is what happens
after death. there are many theories but no one knows for sure.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really experiencing death..my best friends father died when i was
like 14 and that's when i really came face to face with death.
--That first time, how it happened was
at first i was pondering the idea of death itself..i had my first
real experience with death when i was about 10 or so. an aquaintance
passed away in an auto accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the most significant death...the loss of my daughter. that haunts
me everyday. the thing i remember most vividly is the fear..the
loss of hope.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is not the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
even tho i lost my daughter..i am grateful for the presence in the
small amount of time that i got to know her and thanks to her my
life is what it is today and for the most part i am happy with that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i had nobody for a long time. my fiancee become a really good help,
however, i didn't like to bother him too much with it. i guess i
basically dealt with it myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone and not really having anybody to talk about it with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
treasure that moment. don't think how its going to be the last time
that you see that person..it won't be. there is defintly a life
after this one. treasure the moment. don't think about the bad.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
somethings DO happen for a reason and there is somebody who has the
real control and we can't do much about that but take the lessons
in life but what they're worth and move on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i had no real closure. when my life seemed to come to a huge
massive explosion of confusion and feelings of failure.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i can't remember a moment like that..but i'm sure there was.
i would just say now that i'm only human..even thru grieve we can
still laugh and love.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take better care of myself and told the people that i needed to
what i needed to say
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong thru out the situation
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
feeling a presence of the soul that passed away...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the idea of the funeral..people act like its a big deal for the
dead person when it is really for the people who lost that person.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
definantily when i really think about it..which a rarely do..reading
the poetry i wrote to my daughter and her father and really putting
myself into the emotions that i was feeling when i wrote it gets me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
answering this question could get me teary eyed..heh..sometimes
thinking about it..trying to imagine what it would be like..i just
can't do it. i can't really imagine. cuz i'm so set on things
are meant to be the way they are otherwise they'd be something
different..that its hard for me to imagine a world otherwise.
if me and my daughter were still together? things would be so
different...i'm not even sure if i wanna imagine.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yeah..its not fair has crossed my mind a lot. but i believe in
the end everything happens for a reason so i try not to dwell on
it that much.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
CRY CRY CRY! let it ALL out. every single ounce of it.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i can't really remember what my initial reaction
was... i guess that it finally happened..i knew it was
coming...grief..depression..recognition...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i understand there was nothing they could do. it was nature.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not really applicable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i don't believe in organized religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
i hold a basic belief in God..however follow no organized
religion...tho i would say the affiliantion i am closest to is Hindu
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
oh yes, i defintly believe that. everybody has their own idea
of the afterlife but i believe in the end we are all going to the
same place.
--Regarding MONEY:
in my own personal experiences, nothing. in others tho..i have
seen how the role of money plays out. it truly saddens me to see
people fighting over a deceased loved one's money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
in one situation imparticular...how unfocused it was.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
putting the deceased in the ground. realizing that you will never
see them again in this lifetime.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the detachment from spirit from body
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i have defintly grown as a person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when my great grandfather died my father and several other family
members were in the room with him. he began talking to his wife, who
had died many years previously. he asked those in the room to tell
her hi.
a few years ago when my great grandmother died, i was
there before she passed and she saw floating things above our heads.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nah
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i just hope my daughter realizes how much i love her and how much
i wanted her here with me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell my daughter that i loved her immensly. and i would
love to hear her say that she loved me too and she knew how much
i loved her and wanted her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i especially see my daughter a lot in my dreams..not a lot, but
there could never be too many times for that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i really don't know. i guess you should just consider everyone's
feelings.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
the thought of death right now scares me very much. i am very not
ready for death. doing this survey invokes an odd feeling inside
of me. if i knew i was gonna die very soon i would probably freak
out. i honestly don't know what i would do. but the fact is is
that we live with that reality each and every passing day. any
day could be the last for us.
i try not to fear death..i know its
natural i know its how its supposed to be. i hope i am remembered
long after my passing.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i try to do something everyday to honor my daughter..my life is
honoring what she could've been.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
remembering to be the person i would've been had she been here.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
thru the many deaths i've went thru in my life i have seen that
the people i went thru them with..we have become closer. it has
given us a very special bond. after my daughter passed away i also
became a lot closer with her father it seemed almost that i loved
him more after that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
eventually crying helped..i held it all in...alcohol also helped
in the beginning..drinking made me finally cry about the deaths
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out to a friend, when her dad and daughter died.
it defintly brought us closer together and it showed her that she
had support and that she wasn't alone.
when my daughter died
i wish i would've had more people there for me and i also wish that
i would've reached out to more people for support when i needed it.
my fiancee was there for me tho and he definlty helped me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
mos def helpful in helping me express some of my thoughts and made
me think a lil bit too.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nah i feel like it asked a lot of good questions and it kind've
felt good answering them too.
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Tue Jul 16 16:52:28 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 33 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 54.
--Details:
she was a nurse, addicted to perscription drugs and an
alcoholic. doctors were really quick to give women drugs for their
nerves, and nobody talked about women having drinking problems. we
also didn't know alot about self-medicating. it was a different
time. the pain an emotionaly troubled person causes their family
often causes them to just turn away to keep from getting swept up in
the termoil themselves. her children could not become her parents,
and her husband was ill and soon died himself. grandpas illness
was also a catalist toward her eventual suicide. He had always
been her parent to and I think she saw that ending, rather than
face life without her no.1 enabler she chose to end it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The natural ending of a phase of existence. A moving on. A going
forward. A thing that happens as much for those still here as it
is about the individual moving to the next phase.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was in shock, and at the same time thought maybe this is a good
thing, everybody won't have to cry and fight all the time with
grandma anymore.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How dark everything looked. and how grandma looked like an angel
inthe casket. She never looked like an angel to me before. But she
did when she was dead. I knew even at 8 yrs. old that she wasn't
there though. I was mad that she left and made everybody cry again.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not something that is to be afraid of and held far away from
us. It is natural and often a chance for healing and love one
last time for people. To hold a parents hand and care for them
as they get ready to leave this life can be a significant and
life-changing thing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It makes me think about what really is important, and maybe not be
so uptight about some things that aren't. We just don't have any
guarentees and we all only have so much time, why waste any of it
fighting.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
hospice worker, not treating me like I was stupid. they were honest,
but kind. tolerant but frank. there but not pushy. they let me do
as much as I needed to and did as much as I needed them to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
redefining the relationships after someone has gone. it changes
everything.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talk to them, its hard. let them talk about what their afraid of, let
them be frank even if it makes you uncomfortable. realize that they
are in the here and now, not tomorrow. talk about now, talk about
before, don't argue about it. don't be afraid to say anything as long
as its loving. don't let them go without knowing that they mattered.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
came to realize that he was my best friend, and biggest fan. how
much his life really stood for something, if only to his family
and friends. the ripples of his existence are evident in hundreds
of people. and that that is true of all of us, we all need to make
all the ripples we can.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
after dad died, everybody got mad. hurt. it was like the center had
gone. you just don't know where the loss of one persons influence
is going to lead you.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I know they have to try to instill confidence in themselves
and what their trying to do. but it sucks pretty bad when they
can't do any more and then they act like you should feel sorry for
them. They act like they know so much, when all they are is a bunch
of witch-doctors/shaman working most of their majic through your
beleif more than any science.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
wonderful, they get all my praises
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic, christian science
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
blood-pooling, shallow breathing, less urine output, cool extemities.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
seeing how my mom delt with it, both good and bad
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
not thinking i was old enough to talk about it in depth
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Fri Jul 12 23:48:14 2002
F45 in omaha, ne =usa=
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Prof/Studies: psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
it
the end of what we know
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
(experienced??, not a very precise word)
wept
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my father waled and wept and paced and grieved for the loss of
his son, my brother
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how would I presume to know something like this?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold him, touch him, give him strength to face the end
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
life is precious
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
having a community of people with which to share grief. watchng
others, more mature cope with the tragedy
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Fri Jul 12 20:49:02 2002
F16 in Geelong, Victoria =Australia=
Name: Georgina
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
--Details:
He had been battling several types of cancer over about 7 years. When
he was diagnosed with his last cancer he was told nothing much
could be done, so he decided not to go into treatment. A few
months later he caught pnuemonia and after a few days of treatment
he decided to stop the treatment. He died a day later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when an individual's body is old, sick, or fatally injured and can
no longer continue to provide the body with all the neccesary things
to keep it working. So the body shuts itself down and doesnt work
anymore, resulting in the person to become unable to live.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, about 5 years old. The only thing i remember was
going to the funeral and being held in my mums arms.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
walking into his house for the first time after his death and seeing
his jacket on the table, his hat on the stand and the newspaper
on the table. everything looked exactly as it always looked, at it
seemed unnatural regarding the circumstances.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It affects many people differently. people react to death is
different ways and other people have to understand not to change
the way the person is dealing with the death. Most people in my
culture believe it is good to talk about the person who died, as
soon as he died. some people dont like talking about it so soon,
and everyone else has to realise and respect that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The fact that my grandfather didnt have to go through pain and that
he was now with my grandmother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I havent recieved any help from the deaths of people i was close
to. nobody knows how much it has affected me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to realise that i was never going to see him again and that
his house was going to be sold and i was never going to be able to go
in there again, after having so many memories in the house. The fact
that a whole generation also died with him, becuase i now have no
grandparents and the oldest relative i have is an uncle. Also a very
stressful thing that prevented most of us from dealing was conflict
within the family, which involved soliciters and the whole of my
uncles immediate family not wishing to ever see any of us again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not hiding how you feel. telling them exactly how much they meant
to you and not trying to hide your emotions. by forcing yourself
not to cry in front of them, you may make them think that they
didnt mean much to you.
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realised that your pets are a very important friend to you. you
should never take them for granted and you have to realise that
you have to give them the best life they could possibly have. you
have to realise that you are their carer, they couldnt live without
you. you have to give them love as well as food and shelter and you
have to make sure they know how much you loved them before they died,
so they died knowing they were loved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
everyone seemed to get over the death of my grandparents so quickly,
especially my cousins and my sister. It confused me that they could
be fully functioning again less than a week after they died, while
i was still hiding in my dark corner and feeling depressed and angry
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i've never felt the urge to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be with my grandparents more while they were sick.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
i'm not thankful for anything. i wasnt able to see either of my
grandparents while they were sick and i didnt get to say how i felt
before they died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at photos of me and the deceased person togethor, having a
good time. or sometimes when i'm listening to, or singing a song
that suddenly reminds me of them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we have had so much death and trauma in the family in such
a short time. as soon as we start to repair ourselves, something
else comes along that throws us back down again.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die as well.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked becuase i was supposed to visit him the next day,
and i felt angry that i was robbed of that privelige.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not trying hard enough. they could have tried harder to save my
grandparents, especially my nannas life. my nanna was so scared of
dying, that they didnt even tell her they were turning the machines
off. i hate them for that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i dont believe in god. i dont have a religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
i was a anglo-celtic but became athiest.
--Regarding MONEY:
the inheritence money my mum recieved allowed us to buy a lot of
desperately needed things. i feel it is a last, very big gift from
my grandparents to my mum. the money we got has allowed us to live
more comfortably and be able to finally own our house. it meant a
lot to my family.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the beautiful picture of my pa that was projected up on the wall. and
the way people i didnt even know would come up and comfort me and
support us all.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
when i found out my pa had died, i was painting a picture of Ariel
from The Little Mermaid. I was halfway through painting her hair
when i was told and since then the picture has remained unfinished
and will remain unfinished. what is weird is the picture showed
Ariel in a pose of shock and surprise, as if she had just heard
some bad news.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont have unresolved issues, i just wish they were still here.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would want to sit with my pa and talk about tractors and vintage
machinery, and hear him just talk about what he was passionate
about. i would want to hear his jokes again and just listen to him
tell stories of his past.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i remember when my first dog died, i was in bed and felt something
jump onto my bed. when i looked at what it was i saw my dog standing
on the end of the bed. i sat up and came closer to him and he reached
his head up so it was close to mine. i never touched him and soon
after he disapeered. in the same night my sister said the same thing
happened to her. my sister and i were on a camp when he died, so we
did not find out until two weeks later when we got back. it seemed
like he was saying goodbye to both of us and letting us know that
he knew we loved him even though we werent there when he died.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wouldnt want a big fuss over it. i would want the people i know
who truly cared to be with me and i wouldnt want to see people
who i hadnt talked to or heard from in many years becuase their
friendship obviously wasnt strong. i would want to die, knowing
that i'd had a good run.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i havent really been able to cope with what happened.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have changed. i've become more quiet and withdrawn, but i've also
been able to realise that sometimes its too late, and you have to
hold on to things while you have them, and not take advantage of
them or take them for granted.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this questionarre has made me think of things i've refused to think
about in a long time. its made me realise some thoughts i've had
that i didnt know i had, and it has made me think about getting
some help in dealing with the death of my grandparents.
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Fri Jul 12 07:56:12 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: war; Aged: 25.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of an incarnation. Physically, respiration & cell
regeneration cease. Spiritually, the soul leaves the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and frightened by the reactions of the adults around me,
as they are not emotionally demonstrative people.
--That first time, how it happened was
Memorial service for uncle who served in Vietnam, when classification
was changed from MIA to KIA.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how frightening it was to see my stoic mother fall apart.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it should not inspire vengeance.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
since we had no real evidence of his death, I was able to develop a
fantasy in my head where he lived happily ever after in Asia. As an
adult, I recognize it as a fantasy, but it helped when I was young.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
all internal. No external support offered or requested.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the lack of finality. We still don't really know, and it's hard not
to hope for the infinitesimal possibility that my fantasy is true.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to just be there. Physical presence is more important than anything
you might say.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
find war atrocious, inexcusable and utterly ineffective.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother and grandparents were crying. They just don't do that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him, but he was in Vietnam already by the time I
was born.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember that my grandparents signed for him to go when he was 17.
He didn't have to die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Actually, it didn't hit me until the memorial service, and even then,
it was just confusing.
--Religious Affiliation:
agnostic, Hindu, Buddhist/Lutheran, Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more logical than religion or culture.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the crying again.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just that I wish to be cremated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't worry about my own death. I'm sure it will occur in
accordance with some big scheme of things, and be influenced by
my own karma. I do worry about my parents' deaths. I do not know
how I will handle that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Thu Jul 11 12:59:58 2002
F35 in wakefield, west yorkshire =england=
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Prof/Studies: teacher
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the tibetan book of living and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , 24 Years ago.
Aged: 72
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--Death Is:
a moving out of this physical world into a new dimension
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered what all the fuss was about
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wondering why we felt like something had happened to us, rather
than them
--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens all the time and to everyone
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
beiong able to appreciate the good in someone which is usually
overshadowed by all the nonsense
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
realising that you could come back
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing how to communicate this to those who were suffering
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they need to be able to acknowledge that they will always be loved
even though this is inevitable
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt helpless
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
i knew it was ok even as a young child
nothing
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Thu Jul 11 12:49:47 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the tibetan book of living and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
i knew it was ok even as a young child
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Thu Jul 11 12:08:57 2002
F17 in Leeds, Yorkshire =England=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Business student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, six Years ago.
Cause of Death: being run over; Aged: eleven.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
ceasing to live. i imagine it to be like sleeping for eternity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't even in the same country. the day i returned almost everone
i knew rang or stopped by to let me know, but it wouldn't sink in.
--That first time, how it happened was
a friend from junior school died. i was on holiday at the time
and missed the funeral. he was riding his bike without a helmet,
got knocked down by a car and damaged his head severely.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
visiting the grave for the first time. i was with one of my friends
and we decided to go visit him. it was a very sad and moving moment.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that i had so many people who knew how i was feeling
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing id never see him again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i had to realise that this was it, he was gone and wouldn't be back.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not go on holiday. id have felt so much better being there at the
time and attending the funeral
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
let me feeling out and cry amongst my friends
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
im talking about the past with friends who were around at the time.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
would he be happy? would we still see each other at all or would
it be like so many other relationships where people just drift apart?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him again, even just once. have him let me know that he's fine,
wherever he is now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
must be hearing this wrong. ive only been away for a week, he can't
have died.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i don't know the extent of his injuries but i wish there had been
more they could have done in an attempt to save him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the rememberance assembly and planting of a rose bush at school. it
was strange seeing his friends and family gathered in one place,
grieving all at once.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i have no idea what we'd talk about really. i guess i'd just like it
to be like a normal conversation really; a discussion about music or
movies or something normal, so i could remember him for his opinions
on the simple issues. i dont think that makes sense but never mind.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the only things i can think of are the fact that i wouldn't wanted
to be cremated (dont know why) and that id like my friends and
family to just feel free to take any of my belongings to have as
their own - whether it be to actually use or just for a memory.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
ive always wanted to die peacfully, in my sleep. But ive also
wanted some sort of warning so that for the given period i can
really appreciate what's left of my life. but you never know when
the end is going to come, my house could burn down tonight with me
trapped inside it. all id want is for my friends and family to know
what they mean to me and always remember the good things.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
the whole year had gone through the experience and so could help
each other cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
its often easy to take the gift of life for granted, even though
we constantly witness death all around us. this questionnaire has
helped remind me that every day should be lived fully and happily;
let the bad things go and enjoy your life, whilst remembering those
who don't have the chance to do so.
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Wed Jul 10 13:58:58 2002
M Guest in telford shropshire, =united kingdom=
Name: martin
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: unemployed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 12 Months ago.
Cause of Death: bowel cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
he was diagnosed last year of having incurable cancer and he was
adventually put in a hospice in which he lasted for 5 weeks
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural part of nature we are born then we die as we age and
grow older
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
in my late 20s and i viewed her in a coffin days before her funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is life is very precious and that i should injoy my own life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my wife who helped me understand that all good things come to an
end and that my life goes on
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
when i had to say good bye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
caring and support and totally being there for them
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i have learned to love my family more and not to hold grudges to
family members as life is to short
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i saw my brother a week before he died that he was suffering by
being unable to breathe and to see him look like an old man and to
see is dignity taken away from him
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
been able to been more friends than being distant
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
when we spoke to each other over the phone and relived our past
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
was that the funeral was over the top all that at the time was my
brother whom i was missingi
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am watching something that was something that happened to my
brother the same way
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would change the way i was and live a better life
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why should god take away people who are good and never ever did
anyone any harm
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream or shout out loud and ask why
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
oh my god this cant be true he cant die he is to young no he cant
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i dont feel they helped a great deal if he had been sorted out
sooner instead of messing about he would be stilll here
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i thought the hospice was great they helped and cared for my brother
and my family
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an understanding why things happen the way they do
--Religious Affiliation:
my past religion still feels the same way
--Regarding MONEY:
money to me doesnt come into it all i hope is that they havethe
best till the last
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
every body came together and showed there love ans surport
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
what happens when the time is to die
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the breathing slowing down and pnumonia taking over but mostly
just sleeping
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i turned to my wife for comfort and surport and the fact that i
talked about him endlasly
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my wife heard her name being called when my brother passed over
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i now no how much he meant to me and that he was the best brother
i had and loved even though i couldnt really show it
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would like to tell him how much i loved him even though we were
never close and hoping that he felt the same way about me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
only to my wife voices and a feeling of coldness around her
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that my family should be taken care of and that they should stand
together
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be frightened and afraid and in deep shock i would proberly
not cope at all just fall apart
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
the only way i found is to keep his memory alive andto keep talking
about him
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
only to enjoy my life with my family and to cherish each day i am
a live
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
seeing my brother 2weeks before he died
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
being there by talking and listening and trying to help them
throgh it
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it as been useful and it makes you more aware of things that
you have not thought of
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Fri Jul 5 18:12:35 2002
F19 in Pasig, NCR =Philippines=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: college student, BS Psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the raven? or something like that
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
edgar allan poe
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 53.
--Details:
gradual death but it was a surprise that he died at all when i
thought the cancer was at its mildest stage but it turned out it
was already terminal. he died right after his birthday
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a fact of life. Every human will die.. everything will die on
earth. it makes life as precious as it is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
my friend's dad died who was very close to me but i was grieving
because of i emphatize with my friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way he looked when he was in his casket.
--What I think my (Philippines) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a part of the natural order of things.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how everything healed itself after the death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go of the departed
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
everything will be okay... and meaning it.
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
loved the person even though he's no family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he knew he was going to die the day he died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was denial.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my friend and see him for the last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his presence the day he died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothing in particular.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i imagine my parents dying or any of loved ones.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
then i would appreciate his presence better and allowed him to be
closer to me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Something else should have been done to prolong his life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
absolutely help out my friend to ease her pain.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
good things never last.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
needs many more research in the field of cancer... at times,
almost inadequate
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
desperate to cure him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying
--Religious Affiliation:
christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
so real and i believe it.
--Regarding MONEY:
easy no big problems involved except after the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people loved him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how happy we sometimes were during the wake.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
hallucination,unconscious
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the grieving process involves a lot of time.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my friend feels his presence in their home and often felt things
move even though it never happened before.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my mom had a near-death experience of sorts. she was sleeping and
she saw herself sleeping in the bed and she was moving away from
the bed and was shouting for someone to help her get back to her
body and when she went downstairs, she saw a man in a black cloak
and asked him to help her but she hesistated and went back upstairs
because she felt that if she left her body she couldnt get back
to it anymore. then when she got back to her body she woke up.
the same day, my sister in law who was in canada at the time,
called us to tell us that she saw my mother floating in her window
wearing a white lacey dress. and we were in the philippines.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
my friend and i got even closer than what were already were because
of her father's death
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
nothing substantial but something intangible as memories should be
take care of.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes, i would like to know when i would die so i can do stuff i
wouldnt normally do. but i wouldnt tell anyone else about it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
went to church and prayed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
accepting that it was what reality is
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
be there for my friend even though i was really busy.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
i noticed the euphemisms and the way the questions are made to
make the test taker comfortable instead of using loaded words which
could be hurtful for others.
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Fri Jul 5 01:46:12 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1997 Years ago.
Cause of Death: strokes; Aged: 60.
--Details:
she had 5 strokes and died on the 5th
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
retirement for the good and hard work for the rest of us
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and found it hard to cope
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the truneral
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how 2 cope with death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i happeneds 2 every one
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the person who was no longer there
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to make them happy
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i seen her coffin
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a shoulder to cry on and make my gran happy before she died
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
distraught
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Mon Jul 1 11:54:02 2002
F13 in New Market, Tennessee =USA=
Name: Jessica
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: 8th grade
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More personal info:
I live far from all of my extend family. I have my sister and
parents.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Burst Vessel in brain; Aged: 60-something.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The cease of all function in body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was unsure of why I could never see Grandpa again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Grandma's children, my dad, aunt, and uncle, feuded with each
other because there was no referee. I haven't seen my aunt, uncle,
or their children since grandma died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not the end of your life, it is the end of your family's
life with you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I cannot be alone with my aunt anymore; my dad won't let us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The fact that they were happy in heaven.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fighting afterward.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comfort them and let them have their way.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I have to be nicer to my sister in order to be happy in the end.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandpa died, I didn't know what death was.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I feel really embarrassed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
try grandma's sweet carrots.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
appreciate her life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i don't understand the question
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be closer to my family.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
She never saw the 21st century.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Silently paid tribute, by using stuff she gave me, and dressing nice.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
neutral thoughts. she was dead before anyone could do anything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Huh?
--Regarding MONEY:
daddy had to pay for everything. his siblings didnt want to.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is more about life than death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I could feel that she had died before I was told.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i dont understand the question.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm sorry I hated coming to your house. I would know that she knows
how I felt.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to do things that I would be afraid to do, because of
danger. if i am dying, i cannot fear for my life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Finding a special song. It could be his/her favorite, a song that
describes him/her, or a song played during the funeral. everytime
you hear it on the radio, you think of him/her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
My Dad said I would see my grandfather when I die.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I didn't know what death was.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
On a lighter note, was anything funny, or coincidental about
his/her death?
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See Jun 02 contributions.
See May 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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