^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Jul 02 contributions.
See Jun 02 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 31 22:53:35 2002
F21 in =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
Mika was in the back seat, he was the only one that died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
end of this life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pain
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to deal with it, not ignore it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
jon and derek
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
not distracting myself talking...jon and derek
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that he was gone, I would never see him again, talk
to him, hang out with him, and that he was so young and talented
and it's all over.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
continued to live, and I didn't ignore it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
everyone kept telling me how sorry they were, and to distract myself
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
You have to laugh, find something to laugh at, a movie or whatnot,
it helps.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with him more, I mean in the end, our friendship was strong,
but it took us a while. and i should have asked him to go to that
Kill hannah concert.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See his work, and hear his ideas. He was either brilliant or insane,
or both
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the funeral, it was just so full of life, like he was, and that
jon came with me
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about any part of my life he impacted, even though it also
can make me smile
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have kind of a different social life. I wouldn't have
stayed home so much, because he would have been there. I would
have someone else to go to the KH concerts with. Who knows, we
may have been together, nah, we were too similar.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young and talented, and smart, seriously one of the best
ppl I've ever known.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back and keep him from that car
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, because I knew it was true, tryed to go back to work, then
just started balling
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not as much as my own beliefs
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we'll all be together again
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that he seemed to help me after it. The ppl and instances
that occured, just seemed kind of contrived.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I couldn't ignore it, I had to stare it right in the face, think
about it, talk about it, about him, and friends really helped,
so much
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
None, i just wish I could still talk with him
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to know what kind of impact I had on him, cuz he had
a huge one on me, just to know if I was as important to him as
he was to me, and just for him to tell me more about his project.
It would just kind of put me in perspective
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
He talked to me from a Ouija board. He told me about his hat that
I still have, and that it's nice there, and he still loves us.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It scares me, to know it can just end, just be over.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
decorated my room, and put up a few pictures of him
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yup, jon and derek, definately we strenghthened our friendships
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Therapy
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my best friend would have been there better.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Well, I'm crying, but like I've said, it's really good not to ignore
death, and I'm not upset really, just slightly sad, yet happy at
the memories.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 31 14:08:49 2002
F29 in Dallas, Houston =U.S.=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Pastor ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
The only thing that I can really remember from this time was that my
sister and I came home from school, and my grandmother who lived in
the garage apt. that was attatched to our house was laying unconcious
on her couch. I remember myself sitting on the front porch, and
the paramedics rolled my grandmother down the front driveway, into
the ambulance. I think that was the last time I ever saw her alive.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
another place in time and space that we, as living humans here on
earth are unable to reach.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried. I don't know though, if it was because I understood, or if
it was simply because I saw my loved ones doing it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my grandmother being taken away in an ambulance.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is only the continuation of another life to lead.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
for me now, it is knowing the pain of my mother not having her
mother to talk to; and the fact that I don't hardly remember anything
about my grandmother.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
communicate with my mother now on this subject. I don't think
that she ever gets to talk about her mother... I like to ask her
questions about her mother, because I know it makes her happy that
someone seems interested in particular things about her childhood,
or how her mother may have reacted to certain things when she was a
child. It gives her an opportunity to reflect on her mother's life.
I think that is good for her, or anyone... to reflect.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I may have a grandmother that accepted me a little better than my
dad's mother who is still alive.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
complete confindence. She was in remission from cancer at one point.
Unfortunatley it had spread. Cancer is an extremely fast spreading
disease in some instances.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Since I was so young, ofcoarse I have no unresolved issues.
My mother on the other hand does not believe that her other had
accepted Christ. And, this bothers my mother alot. Her hope is
that my grandmother had a deathbed conversion to Christianity.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell her that I was sorry that she wasn't around long
enough to see her grandchildren grow up, or to play with her great
grandchildren, but that we did okay, and that even though at times
in my adolescence I was not a very good child, and her daughter was
not the "ideal"mother, that things were okay now. I would tell her
that I wish I would have been old enough to have known her better.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want my life partner to be by my side, and I want her to be able
to make decisions regarding my and my best interest. I would not
want to be a burden to anyone, especially her, and if therefore
there were no chance of my getting better, I would not want to be
kept breathing, or alive for that matter by a machine.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I feel that I am not in control of my own mortality. I do believe
in God, that there is another life waiting for me. I also hope
that we as humans, can come back to wherever it is that we are
in another lifetime to find the one person that I feel that I am
meant to be with. That is probably a very unrealistic hope, but,
it is the afterlife, and who can say what is really to happen.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I don't remember my mother and father ever talking to me, or
explaining anything to me. I don't feel that this has harmed or
hindered me in anyway.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 30 17:14:52 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: ??
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i was pretending that it never happend and i was yelling and
screaming i was out of control i stormed out of the house with out
even telling my parents where i was going
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 28 19:46:58 2002
M36 in Winooski, VT =USA=
Name: Guy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
listing on yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Administrative
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 70 something.
--Details:
She died in her sleep. I thought how lucky she was to go that way,
and how she deserved to go so peacefully.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our physical body stops working. The heart and brain both
stop completely.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was curious. Neighbor died on corner waiting for carpool. I showed
up at the same time ambulance arrived.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother died unexpectedly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The life lessons my father had taught me during his illness. It
brought us very close together emotionally and I felt priviledged
to have helped him during his illness.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The body is just a shell...why put so much fuss over it. I think
spending heaps of money on funerals is such a waste.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The lessons learned from watching my father live, get sick and die
were priceless. I have a very positive view on death(although i'm
still don't want to die!)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking about the death and life of the person with others.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing how much you relied on that person for various things in
your life. Also, there have been times when I would like to have my
dads help with stuff he was very good at. Or sharing my successes
and failures with him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just hold their hand, or touch them anywhere and tell them to let
go. That they can go whenever they'd like.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that being successful has nothing to do with money or
possesions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I've never been confused about it. It happens and we can't stop it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My family laughs alot, father was always telling jokes and being
silly...his last words were laughter. So it was just natural to
us. Being bedbound the last few weeks he spent lots of money on
products from QVC and others. For the next few weeks after he died,
UPS delivered all this stuff he had ordered. We laughed alot about
some of the stuff he ordered.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my grandmother how much I loved her and how funny she was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Take care of my father as he got sicker and sicker. How we got all
of our emotional baggage taken care of. Wrote him a letter before
he died, just to let him know how good of a person he was(he had
a lot of regrets at the time) That letter made such a difference
in his life, and mine also, cause he climbed out of his depression
about dying and spent his last days being himself.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
That at the end, my dad was very peacful. I put him to bed with
him being silly and laughing and he never woke up.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
That we kept the sofa he died on. Many people wouldn't sit on it
for a long time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I keep thinking he just barely died, but it's been nine years.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't dwell on stuff like that. I do think my dad has been
reincarnated as a crow. I see him alot and he(usually its one by
itself)Seem to be crowing and watching me. Makes me feel good,
like he's still around.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Never.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Doesn't ever really hit me hard. I might cry once in awhile, but
nothing major.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried hard when my grandmother died(first immediate family members
death for me)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Dad died at home, was not impressed with visiting nurse. I have a
general distrust of the medical establishment, because it's really
only about money.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not to positive. Visiting nurse couldn't get the feeding machine
to work...I ended up reading the instructions that came with it
and getting it to work myself while she watched.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not much to me at the time...brought some peace to my dad though.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We are just energy trapped in a physical body, to be released from
that body must be heavenly.
--Regarding MONEY:
Dad had everything paid for. We even planned the party at a hotel
together before he died. Fought about the music to play(my argument
was he would be dead, so why did I have to play just the music
he liked!)
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How the "traditionalists" in attendance were put off by the way we
celebrated my dads death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Putting my fathers ashes in the closet until we decided what to do
with them. About a month went by before we finally dealt with them.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Swelling of legs, shiny skin, was supposed to go on morphine 2
days later...which i've been told is something that signals the
end is near.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Being honest towards the person, to get all the emotions you have
about that person out in the open, be they good or bad.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Didn't seem to happen.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues here.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
NOne
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't think the deceased really care what happens. They're dead. If
you want something specific about your funeral etc. then plan it
and put it in writing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to know exactly. I try to live my life so at the end
there won't be any regrets or unsaid words.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I dealt with his death as we planned my dad's funeral. Went shopping
for urns at Pier 1(got it on sale!). Planning menu for party,
picking menu, putting together a "memory table".
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
They view death as an ending...I see it as a beginning of the next
incarnation of our energy.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had a pretty good grip on things. Others who weren't as close to
Dad, had a hard time. I offered words of comfort and that was all
I could do. Death/dying is something I think most people have to
deal with on their own.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Not a big help because I feel very comfortable and accepting about
my opinions on death. I hate the way people dramatize it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 28 14:02:20 2002
F24 in New York, New York =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Search for surveys on Yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your body and mind stop functioning and supporting themselves
(eventually decaying)therefore stopping all awareness, reasoning,
movement, or all other actions and thoughts that are life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried without thinking about it or feeling it coming, like I had
never cried before and rarely since.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The look of the my dead friend's face in the coffin at the wake
which looked like plastic and scary and not really and disgusting.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal, accept, and talk about it instead of mystifing it and
surrounding it with meaningless religous rituals.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Thinking, crying
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing the person and reconcilling them not being there anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not sure, but i wouldn't want to leave someone alone.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
not sure
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
not sure
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that didnt happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him before he died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
dont know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what happens after death
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
not applicable
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Didnt have that thought
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not applicable
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was confused and then just starting crying without really knowing
why.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. it is ridiculous and harmful
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like bullshit. you die and then are dead
--Regarding MONEY:
not applicable
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how akward it was and how forced. wakes are horrible.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no way
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The dying person should always be able to decide what happens to
them and it should always be respected. I would say, plan ahead.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Not really understanding/crying/time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
The wake/funeral, it was awful
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 28 05:37:46 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Aged: 76
--Details:
It was actually quite fast. He went to the hospital in the morning
and was pronounced that evening
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on earth but, a journey to a whole new begining
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very little.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was with my great grandmother when her daughter passed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the great time si had with my grandfather
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
wording and using dead and passed away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the joy we shared
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it is hard, but they are still always there for you. Just in
another place.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
said "Damn, thats not true.!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 27 18:51:24 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
just help me
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 27 18:30:00 2002
F37 in Buffalo, NY =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Must complete for class and write a paper about it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Health Services Major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 28 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 54.
--Details:
I was nine when my father died and the youngest of 9 siblings. My
grieving was not important to anyone at that time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of living, moving to another time in our life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was to young to understand were my father went and no one really
was honest with me.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my father, his death happened fast. He had cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Sadness.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
They need to tone down the screaming emotions.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I think I will see my father again when I pass.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Because I was nine years old, growing and forgetting.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling abandonment
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Being there for a dying person is gratifing. I found my father in
law dying in the living room floor and I was there when he took
his last breath and it was comforting.
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was terrified of death until I found my father in law.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
A person is around one moment and not the next, never to be spoken
to or looked at again.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye to my father and tell him I Love him But most of all
did he love me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my father in law and experience how death happens
without fear.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
none
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The wake.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how much I miss my father and I really didn't even
know him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think what impact my father would have had on my life, would I
be married to the my husband.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why does God take good people from our lives?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
My Father was Shock then lonleniess.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
None
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
There was no Hospice at that time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me it was scary and not comforting
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It does not feel spiritual thing.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was no issue, until the will.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It comforting when your friends and family are there for you.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The unknown
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
none
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no experience of that kind happened.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
my family could help me by letting me know my father did love me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
To my father in law- I would say I'm sorry I didn't get to him
sooner.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It has never happened to me but my sister says it happens to her
all the time with my father, thats why I question his love for me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Telling my children how much I love them over and over again
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not want to know.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
have none
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my family would have reached out to me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 26 00:25:42 2002
F43 in DAGGETT, CA =USA=
Name: CARMEN
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: ANALYST
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 27 Days ago.
Cause of Death: Multiple organ failure; Aged: 47.
--Details:
He had a thyroid disorder and I believe he was misdiagnosed in the
emergency room. He walked in and an hour later i was told that
he's not going to make it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother had cancer and slowly died.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
did he know i was there and loved him?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he squeezed my hand unexpectedly after i've bben asking him for 16
days. he died the next day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
don't know what to do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i was 8 month pregnant
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 25 16:39:03 2002
F47 in New Site, Alabama =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just browsing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Nurse and school teacher
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: brain hemorrhage; Aged: .
--Details:
the doctor gave him a drug after his first hemorrhage in May that
I feel caused his second episode that caused his death
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most painful thing anyone can go thru with a loved one
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 12 yrs old..
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and asking "why"?
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there are no words to say or hear that make it any easier
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
after daddy's first hemorrhage, he made it and I spent lots of time
with him because he had medical needs in which I am trained to do
and I spend lots of precious moments with him
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing has helped me so far
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I lost my best friend, my daddy, the Rock of my life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them, sing to them, read the Bible to them, and tell
them not to be afraid as I did with my dad
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
There is nothing I learned from my fathers death except how much
it hurts inside every minute of every day
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why he had to go
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
question the doctor more on starting the medication back on my daddy
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
stay with him his last night and be by his bed when he took his
last breath
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see things that remind me of him.. Or when I look at his picture,
or go over to mom's house, and he's not there
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream of being with my dad, and yearn to go to him soon
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I think that all the time
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die to be with him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to die to be with him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they could have done more for my dad
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a believer in God
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that my daughter didnt come sit with the family nor come up and
say a thing during the whole funeral....
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
coldness of their legs, blueness, change in appearance
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is not getting any better for me after 3 weeks now
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think it can happen, just waiting on daddy to show himself to me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grand father came back to me when my first child was born. He
was from a distance from me, yet I saw his face and he smiled at me,
when I ran to him he vanished
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont fear death like I used to, because I know dad experienced
it and so can I
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
the fact that he was so important in my life
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
NOthing is helping me right now
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 24 11:31:09 2002
M54 in RACINE, WV =US=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: SECURITY, COLLEGE GRAD.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 34 Years ago.
Cause of Death: war; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
end of time
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
uncle
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
vietnam war june 1, 68
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
war
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was spared combat
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
accepting it in vietnam
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't go to war
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
war is hugly
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the vietnam war started
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
strong urge to kill politicians
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to fight in the vietnam, war and kill the emeny
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i buried one of friends do to war
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
no one cared
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am reminded of war
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
if it had not been for vietnan i would still have my friends
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
this world f*ks
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
dye
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
anger toward politicans
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
sad,anger
--Regarding MONEY:
nothing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sad
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
letting go
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
emontional scares
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
very difficult
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i can sometimes see him
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no one,
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i love and miss you. where are you at. i want to be with you.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
leave me alone i want to dye or take my own life
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
killing my self
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope
drinking beer
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
dreams.intruisve thoughts, drinking beer
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
relief from pain of war.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
hell no
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
f*k death and war
M54 in RACINE, WV =US=
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 23 14:28:04 2002
F21 in New York
Name: Elizabeth
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Embraced By the Light The Spiral Dance
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
cant remeber who wrote the first book. The second book is by Starhawk
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 15 years old.
--Details:
It just happened so quickly. I left town for the evening and when
I got back she was gone. She went out with some friends to a party
and the guy driving was drunk and he lost control of the car and
she was thrown from the vehicle and was killed on impact. For the
longest time I was mad because she was the only one in a car full
of kids that actually got hurt. I didn't know why it had to be her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the spirit leaves the body to go on to a different adventure
in order to learn and experience as much as possible.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe it. All I felt was "WHY can't we hang out
anymore...I don't understand."
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How it brought all of my friends together. I also remember realizing
how many people loved her and missed here...there were so many.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it really actually happens. It happens to everyone and there
is nothing you can do about it. I also wish this culture realized
that youth is not eternal. Someday all those pretty, smooth faces
will be old and covered with wrinkles and there is nothing wrong
with that. Don't fight it...let it happen.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The bonds that I formed with people after my friend died that
probably wouldn't have been formed if she hadn't passed away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books. contemplation with myself. family and friends. John Edward's
TV show
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that it is going to happen to me too. I still don't think
I realize that completely yet.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That death is not the end...it's the beginning of a great
adventure. Death is also a release from all the pain and sickness
of having a physical body. When you die, you get to kick back,
relax and reflect on the life you just led.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
never take life for granted anymore
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My friend couldn't hang out with me anymore. It was like "She's
gone? What do you mean she's gone? Who says I can't see her anymore?"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the way we as teenages mourned her death was more of like a
celebration. Like the way that her grave was decorated. It was the
most colorful grave in the graveyard. Everytime we went to visit
it we would always leave toys and trinkets that we know she would
have liked. I can also remember bringing a picnic lunch to her
grave with one of my friends and eating it at the gravesite and
just talking about how cool she was.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say sorry for all those feelings of jelousy that I harbored in the
beginning. Instead of worrying about who was the prettiest or who
was gonna catch the eye of that guy, I wish I would have realized
how special she was before it was too late.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See her face everyday in math class. Even though it was just one
class during the day...it's because of that that certain expressions
she used to make will be forever etched in my memory
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
We would all just go up to her grave from time to time just to see
the toys that other people had left and to pay a quick respect.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The fact that everyone said she was so young. But we were all the
same age as her, and at the time...we didn't feel so young.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Just thinking about the feelings and beliefs that I had about life
at that point in my development. A lot has changed since then,
and sometimes i wish I could just go back to that innocence.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My life would probably be a lot different because it was because
of her death that I met my high school sweet heart. If I hadn't of
had that relationship in the first place who knows where I would
be right now. I mean, yes, I am married to someone other than that
high school sweet heart...but it is because of the relationship
that I had with my high school sweet heart that I met my current
husband. And it is because of my husband that I have my son. It is
like a domino effect. Who knows what would have happened had they
had fallen in a different direction.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I remeber thinking that it just wasn't fair that it had to be
her. Everyone else in the car was fine, and she was the only one
who got hurt.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back to that time when life was a little more simple.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't believe it was happening to me. I saw movies and TV shows
and heard stories of people losing someone real special to them,
but I never thought that I was one of those people.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect. there was really nothing they could have done. She was
dead before the ambulence even got there.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That death wasn't the end...that there was an afterlife. even
though my religious beliefs have changed since I was 15, I still
believe that.
--Religious Affiliation:
I used to be Mormon. Now I am Pagan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Everything. It doesn't matter what you believe or what kind of life
you lead...death is never the end. I believe that when you die,
all possibilities are endless.
--Regarding MONEY:
Money wasn't important. when my friend died her dad didn't have
enough money for a funeral. I know a lot of people chipped in and
made the funeral beautiful. Money was not an issue because everyone
knew that even if there wasn't a lot of money involved...she still
deserved the very best, and there were people who really did the
very best to make it perfect.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That there were so many people there who truly loved her. She was
a girl who was loved by many.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When I realized that she really was dead and not just gone on a
long vacation or something like that.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
When they start talking to people in the room who arent there, or
they start talking about seeing lights at the end of tunnels...I
think you'll know!!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The more you talk about it, the more it starts becomming a
celebration of that person's life. I can remember times when me
and my friend were sitting around crying about it and at the end of
the conversation we would be laughing because we were remembering
all the good times.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I didn't have any. it would have been nice but I have never been
visited by a dead loved one or relative. i have heard beautiful
stories of people who hav been visited by loved ones though.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have never had a near death experience
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that there are things that i would have liked to have told
her and things I would have liked to have done before she died,
but for the most part I am at peace.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think I would just say that i was sorry and I think she would
know what i meant by that.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think If I died before my son was able to take care of himself
I would want him to be with good people. I would want him to be
with people who knew the real me so that my memory would never be
lost. I would just want my son to know who I was.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
At first I cried every night about it. that's how scared i was. Now
I have accepted it, and even embraced it. Now my only fear is going
to soon. I don't want to die any time soon and leave behind a young
child. every day I remind myself of my mortality and because of
that i try not to take life for granted.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I think it was all those little picnics that me and my friend had
at her gravesite.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I cant think of any
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
LIke I said, I met my high school sweet heart at the funeral, and
all of the relationships I had with my friends at the time were
definitly made stronger after she died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
I completely ignored the problem until I started getting older and
then it hit me one day that I am really going to die someday. It
was hard to deak with at first.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
We all just pretty much joined together and got through it. there was
one boy who was a friend that was in the car with her when my friend
died who never got over it and who never opened up and talked about
it. It was hard for him and hard for us to watch his life change so
drastically. But I think that in the end he changed for the better.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Made me remember feelings that I had long forgotten.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 20 11:47:31 2002
M51 in Tallahessee, FL =32311=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Failure; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical life and the beginning of the spiritual life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Accepted it as the way life is.
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother. Taken to church service and grave site service.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not beibg able to say the things I wanted to say before the death.
--What I think my (32311) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to help my father die with dignity
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own personal belief system
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The finality of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be strong, let them keep their self respect.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I miss the opportunities to be closer to him during his life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Mother's extended mourning and how it affected her health.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The good memories make you laugh, go ahead remember them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To be as proud of my father as he was of me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there to say I love you
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The Doctor disconnected the life support and gave me time alone to
stay until the end.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The final church service
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see him in my son!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be closer to the ones I love!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life is not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Never have that feeling.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
At least he is not suffering
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Respect.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Little
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
More right than other explainations
--Regarding MONEY:
it was not an issue!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Military Funeral and how proud he was of his service to his country!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The suddeness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Problems with the mind and body in general.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was comfortable to know I did what I could
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I visited his grave alone and said the thing I should have said
before he died!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
You were right, why didn't I listen to you instead of doing
everything my way...I Love You!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Never happened to me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living wills, regular wills and better communication with your
loved ones about you death...just in case!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
death is part of life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Getting his American Flag from the Army.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
None
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My wife and I became much closer.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Helped my Mothe grieve.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
reaffirmedmy feelings
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
none
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 19 20:57:45 2002
M48 in Coatbridge, =Scotland=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
non-existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was hysterical which was surprising - I didn't realize how much I
loved him
--What I think my (Scotland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
t
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he feeling of emptiness whenever I thought of him
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My work
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of lonliness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
reassurance and being as attentive as possible
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cannot remember - I seem to have blocked out everything
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
trying for and finally achieving a promotion at work
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 16 15:49:03 2002
F21 in Wheeling, WV =US=
Name: Lori
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student (Computers and Info. Proc.)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying (used in a high school Abnormal Psych class_
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a change from the physical plane to a new realm of spiritual
existence. Some believe that where you go depends on whether
you were good or bad in life. Others believe that your spirit is
recycled and you start a new physical existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was saddened. I was young at the time, and had never experienced
death before.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
lots of crying and feeling confused.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to handle it with less grief. Not to think that the person is
lost to you forever, but that one day you will join them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the realization that our time is limited and we must spend it being
the best we can be.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she was so close to us when we grew up. SHe was also there
when my father grew up. She became a 2nd mom for him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
help to keep their mind on the good things. DOn't let them close
out the world, help remind them how important their life was.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was there for the rest of my family, even though I was a young child.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my parents (especially my father)were crying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh, but we did dance at the luncheon after the funeral.
My Aunt would have wanted us to be happy, not sitting around
in tears.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how important she was to all of us.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hug my Dad, and remind him that we loved him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the funeral, there were SO many people. we had no idea of how
many lives she touched.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the flowers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I"m reminded of her, someone that has the same laugh, etc.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I probably wouldn't smoke cigarettes.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did she have to die a painful death?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was happy she was out of pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
positivity. They kept her comfortable in the end. They had her
on drugs to reduce the pain, but that's as much as they could do.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was too young to notice. SHe was in a hospital, which was always
a scary thing to me when I was a kid. Hospitals meant pain.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the Catholic Church.
--Religious Affiliation:
past (Roman Catholic Church)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
almost calming. Just knowing that it wasn't just a waste of time
to live, that your spirit goes on helps to make life worth living.
--Regarding MONEY:
everything was taken care of. She had prearranged everyting.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I couldn't believe how many people she touched.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Final Acceptance. I felt guilty not mourning.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I almost drowned in a wave pool once. I didn't feel anything
but fear.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Grandmother has had visits twice. After the death of an old
man who had lived upstairs, she went to the funeral and was the
only mourner. THat night, she was visted by his ghost (they
heard him walk upstairs every night when he got home from work.
on that night, she heard him again, but he came to their apartment.)
She wasn't afraid, she knew he was just saying thank you.
MY
Grandfather also visted her once after he died. She was sleeping
and woke to find him carressing her arm.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Aug 15 18:41:01 2002
F39 in friendship, tennessee =united states=
Email: <hunt972002=at=yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: housewife
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
do not post my name
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our mortal bodies stop working and our immortal souls are
released to heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really had no feeling because i was so young
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
dying. the fear of dying and the pain of death of someone i loved.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
nothing. i suffer with death until it is with me nomore.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
saying goodbye to someone i love.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to make sure they have asked for forgivness from god so that they
will be at peace.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell them i loved them more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Religious Affiliation:
church of god.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandfather comes to me in my dreams to comfort me. my sister sees
relatives when she is awake and they always have messages for her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think about death every day and what it might bring.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 11 15:53:07 2002
F65 in B.C. = ?? =
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 43.
--Details:
she had a chronic mental illness. She took her life in her own
apartment.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a process whereby one's spirit leaves the body, which becomes inert
and subject to decay, while the spirit goes on to another place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was frightenedm confused and griefstricken
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when the police -- two women and a man -- came to tell me about it.
The whole scene is etched into my memory, and I can recall it as
if it just happened
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it needs to be talked about, explained, argued about -- anything
that will take it out from the place where it's been hidden away
like it's some kind of disgrace to mention it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love, support, and understanding I got from my co-workers
when my daughter died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my surviving daughter
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my terrible feelings of guilt and responsibility for my daughter's
death
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be honest -- don't pretend they're getting well if they're not and
they know they're not. If they have they desire to talk about their
dying -- encourage it, don't stifle it with dishonest platitudes.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
about how amazed I am at the depth of agony one can undergo and
still go on living and functioning, and the wonder I feel at how
people survive this unbearable pain.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when your child ends her life -- NOTHING is clean, clear,
or understandable!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
no
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Yes I CAN really call it a regret. If only I had been there for
her when she needed me; failing that, if only I could have told
her I loved her, and said "goodbye."
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
no
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear music that makes me think of her; when I see something
beautiful I know she liked; when I miss her unbearably at family
gatherings, on her birthday, on the anniversary of her death,
etc. etc.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have the dreams. I've had a vision. It differs from this life
in that there is an absence of the pain I feel here, not just from
her death but from the vagaries of living in an imperfect body in
an imperfect world among imperfect others.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it WASNT fair. It still isn't!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
yes, I've wanted to join her many times
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was unable to speak. I felt like I had been punched hard in the
solar plexus.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
anger, disgust, a sense of betrayal, a sense of loathing!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
more betrayal
--Religious Affiliation:
no affiliation at this time
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
yes. There is Spirit, and we are linked.
--Regarding MONEY:
she might still be with us had she been granted the Disability
Pension she desperately needed, and was refused.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
none of the people she thought were her friends attended
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
whatever is left to resolve, she and I will meet again and work
them out.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, she returned to me many times in my dreams. We talked about
the problems between us, and resolved them all. She also appeared
in a vision to bring a warning to our family.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
- for me: no heroic measures, no resuscitation -- my family know
this. Also -- details of funeral such as a desire for cremation --
also known to my family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
much thought given about my own dying. I would have left to find
and protect my daughter, had it not been for my other children and my
husband. It's possible I might die soon -- none of us really know.
I don't mind, but I want to take care of loose ends and unfinished
business here first -- I don't want my children to have to "tidy up"
after I go. When I die, it's my hope that I will be able to return
to my husband and children and reassure them that I still exist,
and that they will too, when they die.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
little or no help
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
family's probable belief that I was too young to understand or grieve
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
had I not had my job as a counsellor I would have found it
extremely difficult to get through my days. But every hour I spent
with a client was an hour I didn't spend in my grief.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no.Not really. I've spent hours, weeks, days, months, years
thinking about death and dying.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 9 13:04:50 2002
F38 in ks =usa=
Email: <spankyt=at=lycos.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: malpractice; Aged: 34.
--Details:
bm transplant that caused his total paralysis and his eventual
death....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people forget about it two days after the funeral- my family doen't
think I suffered at all.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
talk is helpful for the survivors
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
1.a delivery to the house of peach colored sweet heart roses from my
moms best friend. 2. The funeral home director who price shopped
for me as I was young and broke.
3. a COUSIN WHO SAID AT THE
VISITATION he was so sorry and he didn't know what to say to me,
but he knew he would be desistated if his life were lost in the
same was. He is my age.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My gay friendswere always there where as my straight married friends
wanted nothing to do with a single female that was now a huge threat
to them and not a friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Loosing my best friend, a pregnancy and a home within the span of
6 months
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
All say I love you and mean it when ever you leave and get out all
the old peas from under the mattress so you won't be sorry for all
you didn't say when they are gone.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You are soooo much stronger than you think. Things will never be
normal again. Living well is the best revenge.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my inlaws left my a phone message telling me I was a bitch, never
part of his family and never loved my husband after he died. Then
they wanted all his posessions back.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Never happened to me Sorry
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get him to write the letters he had planned to write to each member
of the familyt before he went into the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I held out and buried him at sea per his request It took about 3
1/2 months
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The doctor came in to turn off the respirator and didn't know how
I said I did and I turned it off. It was truely the end.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
an open casket
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
some one says something about I should marry again....blah, blah blah
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't do that to myself. I won't allow it Things will never be
different so there is no wishing it away.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My mom says I said "it just wasn't supposed to turn out this way."
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Make people who have never experienced my pain trade places with
me permantly.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was only half a person now. How could I ever be whole again
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Disgust, lies coverups
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little
--Religious Affiliation:
non demoninational/agnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the feeling of loss is the same. I have never met another widow or
widower when I didn't feel we weren't speaking a language no one
else knew or comprehended
--Regarding MONEY:
I lost my home within a month
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The funeral home people we kind, caring and sensitive. His family was
rude and wanted his posessions back at the reception. The reception
after was one he would have been proud of and it celebrated the
life he lived and didn't more the death he died.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
After he died I heard a helicopter start outside the hospital window
and I had a mental image of him sitting in the rear door of the
copeter and I felt him leave as it lifted off.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A huge unexpected improvement and the next day they die. Don't get
your hopes up
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am proud I stayed and experienced his death first hand and as much
as it hurt, I gave him his dignity and filled his needs until the end
with out question. That was all I could do, what more was left?...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a man claiming to be a minister come to see him the day
before he died. He asked me what I wanted for my husband and
I said die and end this suffering or make a major improvement,
but I couldn't pray for a miracle sonce I didn't really have that
kind of expectation. Danny died the next day. That man did not
exist as a minister in any of the churches I dealt with at that
time.
Secondly, as Danny died I felt levitated and it seemed I
was watching the entire thing play out from an upper corner of the
room. I was surreal.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Fine, he knew he was loved. At this point no one can reassure me
of that
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That he was proud of what I had accomplished and to tell him about
my life now.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have an aunt who died and she returns to me in dreams. First
time she was with my uncle who died before I ever really knew his
and she was young, thin, happy and leaving but wanted everyone to
know she was fine. My second dream I was telling her her daughter
had a baby and she was happy. Strangly her daughter never have any
of this stuff. I found it comforting.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A will and carry out their wishes if it kills you. You will have
piece of mind.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I don't suffer, but I am ready, emotionally, physically
and financially
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Lots, of sleep and long baths, lots of baths....
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Only one a friend from college. He has always been there for me
and I for him
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
a support group, but there weren't many suport groups for 23 yr
old widows 14 yrs ago.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
just made me cry again.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 9 12:29:08 2002
F65 in Los Angeles, California = ?? =
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
yahoo search
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death & Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisabeth Kbler-Ross
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 39 Years ago.
Cause of Death: metastatic carcinoma; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the most terrifying thing there is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid of the crying adults, which I'd never seen before.
--That first time, how it happened was
My cat and my grandfather, when I was 8. I barely knew my grandfather
so I didn't feel much. It was my first expreience with crying adults,
which was scary.
I was sad about my cat, but I didn't cry, because
big girls didn't.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the moment my fatehr stopped breathing; his chest didn't rise &
fall ny more.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it wasn't me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
booze. (I'm a recovering alcoholic, nor sober 29 years.)
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to uproot myself from the life I'd made in another country.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't want anybody there when I die. Watching my father die was
a nightmare. I can't imagine anybody's presence would be helpful
to me, except professionals providing palliative care.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
All I learned is how horrible death is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Nothing was confusing. Everything was obvious.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father I loved him. We didn't talk about feelings in our
family, so I lurked in his hospital room for over two months without
talking about anything significant.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I'm not thankful for a damned thing. Where DO you get these
questions, anyhow?
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his chest didn't rise with anotehr breath.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
don't undrstand the question.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't do "what-ifs."
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I;m getting a good idea of how YOU react to death, but so many of
these questions are irrelevant for me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
live forever.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didn't react to my father's death for months. Then, when I was
drunk and reading about the Kennedy assassination I suddenly burst
into tears.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
competence and professionalism.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no hospice. this was 1963.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
organized religion is not a part of my life.
--Religious Affiliation:
grew up protestant, then rejected it. Now i believe in a power
greater than myself.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I'm not sure I believe this.
--Regarding MONEY:
no problem. There was enoug to meet the expenses.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I hate funerals! This experience was useless for me. I couldn't
even hire an organist who would play what I wanted. The funeral
home had its own organist, who couldn't even play any Bach.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know if it sounds strange. I still come back to not seeing
my father's chest rise in another breath.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
huh?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't think I went through the five stages.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Nothing was ever said.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It's been 39 years. Anything unresolved will stay that way.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Oh, PUH-LEEZE!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
N/A
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My wishes to donate body parts. But I'm lucky to have no next of
kin who can impede this.
I have a terrible, irrational fear of
being buried.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm terrified of the whole idea. At 65, I'm still not entirely
emotionally convinced of my own mortality. My mother dropped dead
in her own kitchen when she wasn't even sick. I hope I die like that.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
N/A
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I haven't a clue what you mean.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
I didn't know there was anything to deal with.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
I was only 8. Children react differently, I think.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Nobody reached out to me, and I wouldn't have wanted them to. I
didn't show emotion in those days. My mother was there, but she
and I never cried in front of each other.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
No, it hasn't been at all helpful.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Many of your questions are worded in a way that presumes agreement
with them. You don't consider the people like me, who don't want
friends remembering how they looked when dying, who want only
professionals doing the necessary care.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 6 08:42:55 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 9 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The completeion of being alive
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was moved profoundly into a new way of appreciating life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The love, concern and respect given to one another for support
beacuse of our loss
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Natural and teaches us su much about oursleves
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The love I was able to give and recieve during my hubby's illness
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The thought of never touching him or seeing him or hearing his
voice ever again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To listen and to give love and make them feel so important. To
question them everyday about how they are feeling. Sahre words,
memories that make you smile together.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
As mush as I helped him to the end of his life...he helped bring mt
to the beginning of my new one without him. He told me good things
were to come out of this...the sacrifices he was making by leaving
the world so young would bring many good things to others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I would wonder how long he would be with us....especially in the
last days of transition....I wish I would have let go and just let
it happen. I spent alot of time trying to figure out when the moment
of death would occur.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Help him die with dignity and grace at home
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him..and am thankful for the words of wisdom ge gave me. He
told me how I would be and what to be careful about. I am going
to make him very proud of me and my life will go on beacuse of him
and what we had together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He is so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Our dreams and fture were going to be taken away. I felt so sad
for all that he was not going to be able to do - success, parent,
build things in his shop, be with me, our dogs,,,his life was going
to end...and he loved living and lived life to the fullest....I
was saddened for his loss...when he was diagnosed with only months
to live
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are amazing. They were very supportive. They came every morning
to check in and let us lead the way. They were never inrtusive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We celebrated him and how he loved and was loved. He was taken away
in his best friends 1957 Chev truck to the graveside. I have the
service and walk to the graveside on video. It is breathtaiking to
watch over and over again. I amvery happy to have this tape.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Nothing was wierd to me it was a bitter sweet experience...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Detachment. The dying person starts to detach and it is very sad..but
if you can know this happens you wont take it so personally.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 5 21:48:33 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book of the Dead
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 30 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wanted to experience it myself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling abandoned.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I will die many times.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I would tell them that I loved them.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Realized that I had a unconditional love from my cat.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Kiss my grandma
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are useless
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
diffuse
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 4 23:15:53 2002
F40 in lexington, ky =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student-psychology & english
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book of Living and Dieing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stillbirth-full term; Aged: pre-birth-full term.
--Details:
while the baby was not yet born, he was very much a person to me
and had been "living" in my womb
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving our bodies to go to another place, having usually fulfilled
our purpose in this life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
and my friend found her stepfather dead of a self-inflicted gunshot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
emptiness, the world seemed to go on uncaringly while i suffered
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural process, most of the time. possibly a holy time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to hold my dead baby and the fact that he had a heart
defect and would have had to undergo many surgeries, which all
would have put him at risk, I could see some grace in his passing
peacefully just prior to the birth process
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the compassion of the doctors and nurse, the compassion of my
teachers, my dog, and the grieving process-alowing myself to grieve
in my own way
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
while I knew of the heart defect, i had much hope that my son
would live. the finality of it was hard and all of the lost hopes
and dreams of this child. never getting to know him beyond the
time I carried him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
pray for the dieing person and loved ones. don't be afraid to talk
of old memories. say everything good that you have held back from
this person
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am extemely grateful for the time i had with him, even though he
was never "alive: in the scientific or medical sense of the word.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I held him after he was stillborn and despite the fact that he
was not alive, i felt great wonder and some sort of joy. A very
bittersweet, holy experience.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him with his eyes open, hear his voice, felt him squeeze my
finger like babies do. Also, had I known he was going to slip
away, i would have spent some time really tuning in to who he was,
i would have talked to him, and cried at his upcoming departure.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see the few momentos that i have of this child. When iremeber
the weight of his body in my arms.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If I hadn't lost that child, i might not have had the child I
have now, his 6 year old brother. Sometimes i think that they
are the same child, but the first body couldn't handle the spirit.
I learned a lot from my lost son.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him in a dream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had a breakdown in the car, about five days later, felt like i was
an iota from really "losing it"
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
extreme compassion. I'll never forget my doctors and nurses,
they were wonderful, they even cried with me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the truth. A spirit as old and as knowing as all time.
--Regarding MONEY:
don't remember
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
no one really knew that child but me. I had him cremated and took
him home with me. I was selfish in my grief, but i don't regret it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how Holy my unliving child was, how peaceful looking.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i did not want the time to pass so quickly. in a way, I cherished
the grief because it was a way to remain close to my lost child.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I miss him. I'm grteful for the time I had him, it was worth it.
I wonder if an unborn child is on the other side? I know he had a
soul and life even before he was born. I remember him as if he was
what other people call "alive". I had a card reading from a very
spiritual woman-she said this child came to "wake me up" and that
i would not have had the courage to leave my marriage or the gifts
that I need for my second son, if it hadn't been for this baby.
He came to help me-what an awesome thought. I really hope to see
him again someday in another place.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My godmother died when I was a child. She was a harsh woman, i
think, but she loved me and I loved her. Shortly after her death,
I was asleep on the couch in her house where she died and someone
saying my name woke me up. I turned around and it was Irene; she
looked sort of "foggy" or misty. I thought that I was asleep, so i
turned back over, dug my nails into my palms until i was certain that
I was awake, then looked again. Unfortunately, I was frightened and
began calling for my mother. I wish that I knew what she wanted.
Thiry-five years later I can still visualize her standing there.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not so afraid of dieing but i can't imagine how my six year
old would make it without me. I couldn't bear to think of his
loss and suffering.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
wrote a poem about it, attended funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
no one taked to my friend and myself (age 15) about death and suidide
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One of my teachers had a daughter who was having a baby that was not
going to live. Upon his request, I visited her at the hospital while
she was in labor, I din't know what I would say, but it was a very
healing, comforting thing for both Vicki and myself. I also wrote
her a letter. A couple of months later I saw her agian and we looked
a pictures of her deceased daughter. We understood each other's joy,
wonder, and loss. we laughed and we cried. It helped both of us.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm glad for the venue to remember, recognize, and celebrate my
lost baby. I hope whoever reads this understands that even though
my son never breathed air, he was very much a life.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 6 08:42:55 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 9 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The completeion of being alive
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was moved profoundly into a new way of appreciating life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The love, concern and respect given to one another for support
beacuse of our loss
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Natural and teaches us su much about oursleves
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The love I was able to give and recieve during my hubby's illness
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The thought of never touching him or seeing him or hearing his
voice ever again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To listen and to give love and make them feel so important. To
question them everyday about how they are feeling. Sahre words,
memories that make you smile together.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
As mush as I helped him to the end of his life...he helped bring mt
to the beginning of my new one without him. He told me good things
were to come out of this...the sacrifices he was making by leaving
the world so young would bring many good things to others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I would wonder how long he would be with us....especially in the
last days of transition....I wish I would have let go and just let
it happen. I spent alot of time trying to figure out when the moment
of death would occur.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Help him die with dignity and grace at home
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him..and am thankful for the words of wisdom ge gave me. He
told me how I would be and what to be careful about. I am going
to make him very proud of me and my life will go on beacuse of him
and what we had together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He is so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Our dreams and fture were going to be taken away. I felt so sad
for all that he was not going to be able to do - success, parent,
build things in his shop, be with me, our dogs,,,his life was going
to end...and he loved living and lived life to the fullest....I
was saddened for his loss...when he was diagnosed with only months
to live
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are amazing. They were very supportive. They came every morning
to check in and let us lead the way. They were never inrtusive.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We celebrated him and how he loved and was loved. He was taken away
in his best friends 1957 Chev truck to the graveside. I have the
service and walk to the graveside on video. It is breathtaiking to
watch over and over again. I amvery happy to have this tape.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Nothing was wierd to me it was a bitter sweet experience...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Detachment. The dying person starts to detach and it is very sad..but
if you can know this happens you wont take it so personally.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 5 21:48:33 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Read About it: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book of the Dead
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 30 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 86.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wanted to experience it myself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Feeling abandoned.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I will die many times.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I would tell them that I loved them.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Realized that I had a unconditional love from my cat.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Kiss my grandma
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are useless
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
diffuse
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Aug 4 23:15:53 2002
F40 in lexington, ky =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student-psychology & english
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tibetan Book of Living and Dieing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stillbirth-full term; Aged: pre-birth-full term.
--Details:
while the baby was not yet born, he was very much a person to me
and had been "living" in my womb
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving our bodies to go to another place, having usually fulfilled
our purpose in this life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
and my friend found her stepfather dead of a self-inflicted gunshot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
emptiness, the world seemed to go on uncaringly while i suffered
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural process, most of the time. possibly a holy time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to hold my dead baby and the fact that he had a heart
defect and would have had to undergo many surgeries, which all
would have put him at risk, I could see some grace in his passing
peacefully just prior to the birth process
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the compassion of the doctors and nurse, the compassion of my
teachers, my dog, and the grieving process-alowing myself to grieve
in my own way
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
while I knew of the heart defect, i had much hope that my son
would live. the finality of it was hard and all of the lost hopes
and dreams of this child. never getting to know him beyond the
time I carried him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
pray for the dieing person and loved ones. don't be afraid to talk
of old memories. say everything good that you have held back from
this person
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am extemely grateful for the time i had with him, even though he
was never "alive: in the scientific or medical sense of the word.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I held him after he was stillborn and despite the fact that he
was not alive, i felt great wonder and some sort of joy. A very
bittersweet, holy experience.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him with his eyes open, hear his voice, felt him squeeze my
finger like babies do. Also, had I known he was going to slip
away, i would have spent some time really tuning in to who he was,
i would have talked to him, and cried at his upcoming departure.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see the few momentos that i have of this child. When iremeber
the weight of his body in my arms.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If I hadn't lost that child, i might not have had the child I
have now, his 6 year old brother. Sometimes i think that they
are the same child, but the first body couldn't handle the spirit.
I learned a lot from my lost son.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him in a dream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had a breakdown in the car, about five days later, felt like i was
an iota from really "losing it"
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
extreme compassion. I'll never forget my doctors and nurses,
they were wonderful, they even cried with me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the truth. A spirit as old and as knowing as all time.
--Regarding MONEY:
don't remember
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
no one really knew that child but me. I had him cremated and took
him home with me. I was selfish in my grief, but i don't regret it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how Holy my unliving child was, how peaceful looking.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i did not want the time to pass so quickly. in a way, I cherished
the grief because it was a way to remain close to my lost child.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I miss him. I'm grteful for the time I had him, it was worth it.
I wonder if an unborn child is on the other side? I know he had a
soul and life even before he was born. I remember him as if he was
what other people call "alive". I had a card reading from a very
spiritual woman-she said this child came to "wake me up" and that
i would not have had the courage to leave my marriage or the gifts
that I need for my second son, if it hadn't been for this baby.
He came to help me-what an awesome thought. I really hope to see
him again someday in another place.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My godmother died when I was a child. She was a harsh woman, i
think, but she loved me and I loved her. Shortly after her death,
I was asleep on the couch in her house where she died and someone
saying my name woke me up. I turned around and it was Irene; she
looked sort of "foggy" or misty. I thought that I was asleep, so i
turned back over, dug my nails into my palms until i was certain that
I was awake, then looked again. Unfortunately, I was frightened and
began calling for my mother. I wish that I knew what she wanted.
Thiry-five years later I can still visualize her standing there.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not so afraid of dieing but i can't imagine how my six year
old would make it without me. I couldn't bear to think of his
loss and suffering.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
wrote a poem about it, attended funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
no one taked to my friend and myself (age 15) about death and suidide
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One of my teachers had a daughter who was having a baby that was not
going to live. Upon his request, I visited her at the hospital while
she was in labor, I din't know what I would say, but it was a very
healing, comforting thing for both Vicki and myself. I also wrote
her a letter. A couple of months later I saw her agian and we looked
a pictures of her deceased daughter. We understood each other's joy,
wonder, and loss. we laughed and we cried. It helped both of us.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm glad for the venue to remember, recognize, and celebrate my
lost baby. I hope whoever reads this understands that even though
my son never breathed air, he was very much a life.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Jul 02 contributions.
See Jun 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
