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Tue Apr 7 18:55:50 2009
F29 in Los Angeles, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 49.
--Details:
Cancer was not effectively treated.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the heart no longer beathing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother on my father's side. I did not know at all as
she lived out of the country. It was important because it really
effected my dad.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't think this culture needs to learn anything. Death should be
dealt with however an individual culture would like to and should
not be be told it is wrong or incorrect because it is not being
done by the standards/way of another's.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing at all
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing has helped me deal with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no longer having the person with me. Missing their love and
affection.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not to cry
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I haven't learned anything from her death. It's too painful.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
No it was clear. She's gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
n/a
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I smell lillies or hear a specific song.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have not every thought of an alternative reality. Even when I
dream her, i know in my dreams that she has passed away or that
she is sick.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair that her grandkids will never get to meet her
or see how great she was.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back and change what happened. I wish I could have been there
for her more and had been aggressive about her going to treatment.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt my heart break. I went numb. I could not cry.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that they are useful but that the person want to be helped and is
willing to take the steps necessary to get better.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
disgust. Dying people should not be alone at some cold facility.
They should be taken care of by a loved one.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
I could not bury her in the place I wanted. A close friend donated a
plot in a Catholic Cemetery. If I had the money I would have buried
her somewhere else. Also I would have had more and different kind
of flowers at her service and funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that is important to have a funeral that showcases what personlity
of the person.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I didn't know it was the last days or I was in probably in denial.
I never thought that she would not get better.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
not dealing with it has made it more difficult. I have suppressed
all my feeling and am a mess and completely loss. I just can't
bring myself to deal with it cause it just hurts too much and cause
I am such a private person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't think it was a state of blissful peace. I think I sensed
her a couple of nights after she died. I was making the memory
cards for her service and I swear I heard her take a deep breath
as if in shock at seeing that she had died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My issue is that I should have been there for her more and that I
should have have spoken up. I can't change that and will have to
live with that for the rest of my life. The only way I can see to
make is right is to help other people and try to make up for what
I didn't back then.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It might help deal with dealing with unresolved issues or maybe
just say goodbye and that i'm sorry, one last time.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I don't feel that she has visited in my in a dream or in
broadaylight. When I do dream i know that she is sick or has died.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Make sure that you clearly state your wishes so they could be
understand and carried out.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was going to die, I would make amends and have closure
with things in my life. After that, I would try to see as much of
the world or spend it with those who are most important to me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
How about I deal with one death at a time.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have found that listening to a certain number of songs lets me
get out my sadness and tears.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have volunteered for the American Cancer Society and also
participated in a number of Relay for Life events.
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Tue Apr 28 17:41:58 2009
F19 in Apple Valley, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: motorcycle accident; Aged: 15.
--Details:
It was an accident. he was riding his dirt bike and didn't know where
he was so he went to the edge of the road to see and his clutch
slipped. 2 cars hit him and he flew. The impact caused immediate
brain damage and he died later that night in the hospital. It was
so sudden. So surreal.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person is no longer there in spirit and cognition. It's when
they can't enjoy life and they don't know what is going on. For some
cases that may be that their organs are still functioning but their
brains are no longer active. In others that means that nothing in
their body is functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went numb. I knew I had to be strong for everyone else, but I had
no clue how to handle the sudden loss.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my friend who I had grown up with since first grade. My uncle
was a cop called to the scene of his accident and my best friend's
father was also so we were informed right away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
watching full grown men and boys at school cry their hearts out. Also
the feeling of my class at school during the months after his death.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
If you believe in God then it isn't really them dying. It's them
finally living. Everyone dies. Period. It's just a matter of when
and how.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought everyone close. No matter what had been happening...no
matter what fights we were in, we all came together again.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Helping others cope. Everyone but 2 of us in my grade went to a
counselor for help. But I wanted to be stronger than that so it
helped to focus on their pain as appose to my own.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I would never see him or hug him or hear his crazy laugh
again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't focus on them dying. Focus on funny things and good times.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I would hear or see someone that was exactly like him and for a
split second I would forget and be happy to see him...only to find
out it wasn't him and he was still dead.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Become best friends with him again. A voice in my head kept telling
me to talk to him more and to hang out with him but I just put
it off.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for his mother during the times after.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who hung out with him the most should hurt the most. But there were
some of us who had grown up with him and had known him his whole
life and so we were hurting just the same. But they felt the only
one's who deserved to feel the pain were those who hung out with
him all the time.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I always wondered what it would be like at our reunion. or maybe a
"what if" he were still alive would we have ever been a couple
or best friends again. What would he have become?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was one of the good ones. He was always nice and funny and
sweet and never mean to anyone in his whole life. Why did he have
to be taken away when he could have made the world a better place?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went blank. Disbelief and pain was mixed together so much that I
just didn't feel for a second.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Everything. He was the same religion as I am and so I knew that he
was in the greatest place in the world smiling down on us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How the people their were separated into groups. You knew who was
there out of respect and who was there to say goodbye
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
after his death his cell phone went off and there was no number
saying someone was calling or texting. but on the screen was
his motorcycle number. It was weird and comforting at the same
time. There were a few more instances just like this in the days
following his death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm not sure I could say anything of worth except I love you and
you brightened my day every time I saw you. You inspire me to be
a better person.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Some days I wish I could just go to heaven now and skip this hard
part. Other days I want to live life to the fullest and never want
to die. If I knew I was going to die soon I would have the time of
my life and not dwell on the death that is coming
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
There is a cross on the side of the road where he died and it happens
to be on my way to school. Every morning I would blow a kiss and say
good morning. It helped me feel like I was still in contact with him.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
It helped me become closer to being friends rather than acquaintances
with certain people.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
People always feel like they can talk to me and I had many people
just poring out their hearts. I just needed someone to hug me and
hold me. I had a few friends do that for me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am not sure I ever truly coped with his death and this
questionnaire has helped me to see that I need to in order to move on
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
There are sometimes some surprising learning experiences at times
like this. Even though I may not have known it was possible,
I realize now that I have learned so much from the death of my
that I want others most to know about how I:
this question was a
little confusing
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Wed Apr 29 20:01:45 2009
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 21 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 36.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss of someone or something valuable and meaningful to one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt numb, scared and confused.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the day I found out
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
reacting to it, dealing with it...grieving with dignity
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
causes one to sit and think about the relationship and how valuable
the person was
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to attend the services
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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