^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Jan 10 contributions.
See Dec 09 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 22 09:32:17 2010
F74 in Miami, FL =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching for psychoogy of death and dying for a research paper
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Adjunct Professor/working on DMin
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
I'm pleased to see
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Too many to list...
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Doka, Rando,Worden, Reeves, Rupp, DeSpelder, Neimeyer, Klass, etc.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, Years ago.
Cause of Death: Deep brain stem stroke; Aged: 62.
--Details:
My husband's immune system was comprimised due to a five year
struggle with chronic leukemia. The deep brain stem stroke was the
consequence of many infections and chemo. He lived for five days
in the hospital's hospice wing with his 5 chldren, 5 siblings,
many nieces and nephews, and friends surrounding him. He was put
on a morphine drip to make him comfortable until the end of his life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of my life as you know life to be.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was amazed a the number of people in my family. The knowledge that
I belonged to a larger caring and compassion group of people gave
me confidence and a sense of well being.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how my husband's death affected me physically. I felt the emptiness
in my stomach, that soon related to my life. I was most effective
as a we not a me. My support systems, extended family, children,
colleagues, and, faith family gave me the courage and strength to
reachout to others, particularly my five children and six year-old
grandson. The 3 month old twin girls were also a disraction and
comfort.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
thet it is a part of life and it is an incidivual and cummunal
experience where one doesn't forget the deceased loved one and
move on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love and support of family, friends, faith community and
colleagues.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
physical activity and learning about death and dying & loss and
healing.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The lack of physical andemotional intimacy with the one I loved
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to have life review conversations with the dying person and let
them know their life was meaningful to you and others.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
took charge of my life, stepped out for the new life by integratiang
my husband's legacy of integrity and persistnece by learning how
to handle all the "stuff" he handled. Most of all it was through
the death of my husband that I grew and expanded my reach into the
community and in a new direction.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to contend with the financial affairs. I was innocent and
was duped by our fianancial Smith Barny advisor
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It wasn't laughter, however there was smiling as we did pull off
using my husband's favorite song by Frank Sinatra at the funeral
Mass and played the Notre Dame fight song at the cemetary and buried
him in his PanAm pilot suit.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
there was nothing we could have done. I had his five years of
illness and his five days of dying to take care of my and his body,
mind and soul,
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be present with my children and extended family when my husband
took his last breath.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
For five days in the hospital we all recived communion from a
Eucharistic Minister from a neighboring parish that was a senior
colleague to my husband at PanAm Airways before it went out of
business.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Can't think of a thing that was not thought of or was not important
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Yes, indeed I did not forget and move on. Songs, stories, and
situations still bring tears to or eyes or smiles to our lips.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do not dream of how life would be if he had lived. My dreams of
my husband have to do with the relationship we had. I interpretate
them as a strength to draw upon for the life I have now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my husband died just as he should be retiring and enjoying his
grandchildren and life without the responsibilities of a job.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
The difficulty is not with my husband's death or his not being
physically present. I have estblish a continuing bond and rely on
the legacy of integrity and presistence he left me and our children.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
needed to pull out my inner strength for me and my family
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are in the practice of medicine. They did what they could do.
ThankGod for palliative care.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
my admiration for the staff and doctors who assisted my husband
inhis dying and comfortng us, his famiy.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
funeral rituals, bereavement follow up for those grieving, and the
support of a faith community
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting and allows me to feel interconnected with others
regardless of age, faith tradition, gender, and all the possible
variables.
--Regarding MONEY:
I needed to be resonsible for the expenses occurred and how to
best take care of the financial affairs of our estate, meager,
though adequate.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how much the sense of community played in the bonding and comfort
at my usband's death
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I felt the presence of my husband long after he died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
It's different for individuals dying and the famiy as well as
the caregivers
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Being present to the moment and the person dying is most important.
The rest follows...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My husband's last five days and moments of life, he was unable to
speak or move. There is no indication of his experience other than
his struggle to breath and therefor put on a morphine drip to give
him comfort.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No comment
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
An issue not resolved became apparent a few years ago when I changed
lawyers for my own estate. It's something I must take care of
without the help of others as I do not want to damage the image of
my husband with his family and friends. This is the first time I
mentioned it outside my journels and prayer life. I have resolved
his indiscretion in my own life through forgiveness and knowing
it's not about me. I had brief indications during the last few
years of my husband's illness that something was bothering him. At
first, I thought his distancing from me was due to his illness
and the closeness to death as well as the disapointments in his
life regarding work and untimely illness. When I approached him
about his distancing, he replied I was not the woman he married.
When I asked how I had changed, I realized it was not me who had
changed and something was inside him. I told him it was something
himside of him not me. The next day he did not speak aobut it,
but he gave me the biggest hug he had given me since his illness.
This questionaire is a help for I see more clearly as I learn
the origin of unresolved issues is a lack of communication.
My mother has advanced Alzheimer and I beleive someof the causes
of Alz is due to unresaolved trauma. I've shared with my sisters
and famiy, we must resolve our issues so as not to make ourselves
sick or develop dementia. My issue is with my husband, I do nt
need to bring my family into it. I can learn from the issue and
use thelessons learned and integrate them into my life.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think I'd bring up the unresolved issue. I believe it would
be helpful to let my loved one know I would accept responsibility
for the part I may have played or not played in the indiscretion.
This would be helpful for me now in not having the incident popping
up and being a distraction. I beleive I need as much to be forgiven
and to forgive.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My husband's presence is always felt. We were married 39 years
and much of who I am today is from our relationship. Our five
children and three grandchildren as well as friends who admired him
for his integrity, leadership qualities, grit and musical talents
all bring his presence in our daily life. This continuing bond
brings us comfort and joy. I have a ritual of when I see a penny,
I think of God and my husband as watching me and letting me know
they are taking care of me. I have found many pennies in the most
peculiar places. The finding of pennies brings pleasure and comfort
to me and those who know of the ritual.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want those attending me to be in denial about my impending
death. I want to be able to live until I die, so there are to be no
secrets. We can talk about my death and how it might affect others
and I am to be included in the dealing of my end of life issues.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death... I was once told by a favorite nun while in Japan
during the 1960's, that a long illness is not the perfect way to
prepare for death. She said one must always be prepared as if this
was your last day on earth. I took her advice seriously and I try
to be present to every moment. My most important is stepping into
eternal life and recoginizing Jesus is there to greet me. At this
time, I need to know the voice of Jesus so I'll be sure I am aware
of his presence.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Joan... Wife, mother, grandmother, friend,religious studies and
death & dying professor, grief facilitator loved life and those who
were in her life and those who were to be in her life. She prepared
for eternal life and helped others to celebrate the entering of
eternal life. Her motto was to show mercy, love justice and walk
humbly before God.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I shared in the preceding question. However, we celebtrate the
lives of those who died before us with a candle lighting on holidays,
anniversaries, and special occasions.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have shared them throughout the questionaire
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes. My husband was a NotreDame graduate and he would have celebrated
his 50th year reunion. The widows were invited. I and oneother
widow attended. It was a wonderful experience and from it bonds
with our present ND friends stengthened and new ones ere forged.
I now hear formmany of his former classmates via email. Some of
them were not close friends and relate to my life as it is now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Believing in eternal life as well as deaeth is a part of life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Missing the physical presence of a loved one is the hinderance for
me to deal with deathl.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Listen, listen, listen... Let the dying person tell their story;
help in their life review if necessary. Let me tell my own story.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good and it is an excellent strategy to help others share
their grief and other death related issues.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You did an excellent job.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 24 13:42:29 2010
F Guest in =uk=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 0.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
terrified me,
shock that someone could cease to exist.
and what
happened to them once they parted.
i regretted the things i said
to that person in anger, not knowing that was the last time i would
see them.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
what could have been, and my life, and experience with the person
if they had lived.
--What I think my (uk) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is certain there is after life.
people need to learn this life
is only temporary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i lived, my life, what i did accomplish and the
relationships i formed. the people i helped.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, friends, internet, books,
talking and expressing myself,
crying.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
getting on with your life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
yes talking to them, holding them and giving them a hug.
making them
feel reassured that they will go to a nicer place.
making them pray.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it happened to me, it was probably meant to be.......
the sudden death and my baby taken away from me before being given
a chance to live.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
experience the pleasure of pregnancy and this very short time with
my unborn child.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
time to heal
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about it and contemplate what could have been and what
should have been the best things of my life turned out to be the
worst day of my life when i lost my loved one.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
there isnt another reality
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it happened to me at the particular time it did and the
circumstances surrounding it, it was just too soon, unexpected.
why did it happened. are things going to get better
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just focus
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was numb.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
bad experience
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very important
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was all new to me..it happened so quickly and hurriedly and
ritualistic -
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing the dead body of a child and close ones telling me the soul
has gone and having to contemplate this and convincing myself that
what i was looking at just flesh and bones and something had gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
was being around people in time of the need and people giving
you time on your own, to yourself on your own to reflect and
get stronger.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to hold them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
looking at photos, items of my lost child, even though there isnt
many things i have.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to stop avoiding the person and reach out and asked them if they
wanted to talk or go out with them than simply assuming other
things.
just being there for them and talking normally and not
being on egg shells with them.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 24 22:52:55 2010
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I understand that life and death are necessary cycles, but I
internally over the subject
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self, Mins ago.
Cause of Death: ?; Aged: 42.
--Details:
It's my own death that I think about, not with apprehension but with
a strange kind of anticipation. I don't want to hasten the process,
I just want to know the answers.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the abandonment of our physical forms and the emergence of our
kinetic forms. This matter-energy cycle repeats endlessly with all
living things (or so I believe).
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a combat medic working in a German hospital. I befriended an
old retired soldier who died of cancer. It was the first time I was
ever in the same room as a deceased person, and it felt very sacred
and solemn to me, but I don't remember feeling sad or distressed.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great grandfather passed away when I was eight, and I idolized
him. Nobody had really explained death to me at that point, and I
couldn't wrap my mind around it. How was I never going to see my
grandfather again?
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it must be significant, or it wouldn't happen to everything
in the universe.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
people always come together and the best part of themselves is
revealed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I read a lot of theolgy and study world religions as a hobby.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I can rationalize death, but I can't justify it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Jan 10 contributions.
See Dec 09 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
