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Sun May 3 21:54:14 2009
F21 in Moreno Valley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
It is required t part take in questionaires of our own choosing
for developmental pstchology class.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: medical complication; Aged: .
--Details:
My brother went in for what should have been his last major heart
surgery. The doctors gave him a blood thinner to avoid clotting,
and in doing so it thinned his blood too much, causing him to get
blood on the brain, and go brain dead. We kept him on life support
for weeks, until we came to the realization that he was brain dead,
and needed to be taken off life support.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone doesn't have a soul anymore? they are no longer in
control of their body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Did not know it was death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the day my mom told me. I saw my parents were crying along with
my older sister, so I did the same not knowing why.To this day,
I don't really cry when others close to me have died, I cry more
in movies than I do for real deaths.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is something that needs to be embraced more.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my brother isn't suffering anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
What helps me deal with death is not thinking about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that person isn't here to make new memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You can give all the advice in the world, but every person has
their own way of coping, so I don't force them to do anything,
Just being there for them is all I let them know.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Try to make sense of it, but still have yet to come to an answer.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We have to go to a funeral. I don't understand the ceremony.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is a mysterious medication
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say hold him one last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
others came to support
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the color clothes everyone was supposed to wear. There is no coping
process. There is instant planning.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Others talk about it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would mean I wouldn't have to hesitate when people ask me how
many brothers I have.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That it has to happen to someone who never had a chance at life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Become a doctor to help to save more lives
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't understand I wouldn't see him again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
mistrust.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The same it did before. I have beliefs that don't involve a specific
title or name
--Religious Affiliation:
Never had one.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct. Never had I heard about spirits and angels from my parents
until after his death.
--Regarding MONEY:
I see now, it was the downfall of our family both emotionally
and economically
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I thought it was a coincidence my family was there, and no one
really wanted to talk with us.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Our constant search for signs that he is in a better place. Doves
were considered visitors, and mysterious lights going on and off were
"visits"
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
emptiness of the eyes. Like they aren't there anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I find ways to not think about it. Take a day a year to reflect
and get it all out then hide it away in the corners of my mind.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
WE believe he still finds a way to visit. I am slowly starting to
believe he's moved on
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I trust my family knows what I want. All I ask is they bury my
dressed in a flappers dress.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I live like I will live to eighty, putting off improving
relationships so as to build a future for myself. If I knew I was
going to die, I would stop living for money, and more for enjoying
my family and friends,
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
when I was a preteen I would sleep with his photo above my bed,
and every night before I went to bed, I would put my headphones on
and play song three of a Collective Soul album. I think the song was
"the world I know" I would stare at his photo and reflect and thin
about him, think about his short life, and the music video to the
song. I saw it only once but remember in it this man was about to
commit suicide over loosing his job, but stopped when he saw how
we looked like ants. I reminded me how people get so caught up in
this reality we make. It reminded me to think of things beyond this
reality like where my brother is.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I look back on it and always say to myself: "ignorance is bliss"
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
I remember my parents kept taking us to places like Disneyland,
and Chuck E Cheese a lot
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
It has happened to me, and I found I was not a person for
consolation.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I know I am a closed off person, and in all it really helped me
to take a look at my life, and realize that it is possible that
because I didn't have much understanding of my brothers death I
have closed off myself to living while trying to close myself off
from his death. It did something I didn't think it would, it made
me feel a little angry and agitated, which caused me to ask why. I
honestly thought I would fly through this, but for some reason it
brought to the surface things I never knew were there.
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