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See Current contributions.
See Mar 07 contributions.
See Feb 07 contributions.
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Tue Apr 17 14:55:03 2007
F26 in Pinon Hills, ca =usa=
Name: Jennifer Tourula
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
A suggustion for a term project related to on-going studies
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Prof/Studies: Pychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Pnemiona; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
different for each person. We all have different idea's about
what death is. Some believe our spirits are sent to an after-life
in a hevan or hell. Some believe that our engery is recycled.
And some believe that death is the end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed because everybody else cryed. I was sad for the living
people that were closely connected to the death, like my mother,
but i was not sad for the person that died, (my great grandma).
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandpa died when i was 10 (i think). He had been sick for
as long as i could remember with some kind of degenerate nerve
disease and Alzhiemers. For years my grandma worked, took care
of my grandfather, and also had to take care of my anut who was
deaf and had the mantality of a 10 year old. It finally became to
much for her and she sent my grandfather to live in a nursing home.
His health declined and he died within 6 months.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I saw my dad cry for the first time and that made me cry.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
unavoidable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the lesson that everything has an ending, or death. And every child
must learn to deal with it in his or her own way and it is better
to learn early in life when your coping ablitlies arnt distracted
by social normalicies.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the saddness everybody feels.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them like they werent dying, a normal conversation.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that men could cry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't cry for my grandfather's death but for the people around
him, i cryed for, and nobody told me that was ok.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was 10. of course i laughed, especially when my mom explained
what happened during rigamortis.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have a real conversation with him and ask him what my dad was like
as a kid.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
look back and smile at past vacations with my grandparents.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i cant recall
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many tears were shed. It seemed the sadder you were, the more
you loved the person that died and i didnt agree with that at all.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of losing somebody close to me right now
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be like the tv shows from the 1950's
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for my grandma to have to live without him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
it wasnt difficult for me
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
would have to see my family sad.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did what they could
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the building smelt like urine, my grandpa lost a lot of weight in
a short time, (depression they said), it was depressing to go there.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we dont go to church
--Religious Affiliation:
i was baptized catholic but do not worship at any church presently
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
almost like the reality but still with religious overtones.
We are energy. So i guess you could say "spirit" as another name
for the complex energy networks that make up a person.
--Regarding MONEY:
dont recall
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everybody came for the closure that they would get from attending the
funeral and letting my grandma know that she was in their prayers,
just like they were supose to do.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the secret relief that ever body felt when my grandfathers suffering
was over, but nobody had the guts to say
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
definiantly the weight loss
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a part of life
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
dont know
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
dont know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i just want to know what my dad was like as a child from my
grandfathers point of view.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
dont know
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
dont know
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would feel cheated out of seening my kids grow up. But once i
am dead, i wont feel that cheated feeling anymore.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Jennifer Tourula died today while skydiving out of a plane on her
60th birthday. She is survived by her two children, Dylan and Ryan
tourula, and her husband Army Sergent Philip Tourula. There will be
no funeral and she chose to be cremated and her ashes spread over
the ocean like her grandmother before her. She sends her thanks
and is sorry if her death has made you sad, but as she always said,
"life goes on, and so shall you". She asks that you do what you
need to do, cry, write, break something, whatever, and then move on.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i still write
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i "saw" my dad a person with sad feelings. It sounds horrible but
i never saw him cry before, life always went on no matter what the
crisis was, and he believed that crying was useless.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
it would have been nice to know i wasnt cold hearted for not crying.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has shown me that i dont deal well with death and make jokes to
compensate for my unconfortable feeling.
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Sat Apr 21 21:20:03 2007
F38 in victorville, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
human development victor valley community college
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Prof/Studies: Nursing Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
the ending of this physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
remember feeling a profound sense of loss. I felt that my friend
had been robbed to have died so young.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Being one of the only young people to be at the wake and funeral.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is natural and a transition for the spirit.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I knew Liz. I still was lucky enough to be blessed with her
presence in my life for years and years before she died. I will
never forget her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having my sister with me, who was close to Liz.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having no one else there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
when people did not show up, Liz did not hold a grudge
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still miss her smile and laugh the most.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt understand how just being there was important... but
apparently, this is so.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
call friends to tell them to visit her... that i would've come to
see her more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for her mom
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
her mom was attentive to her needs.... like she might have been at
her birth..... so she was at her death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
getting the right dress for Liz for her funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see her mother and father, I wonder if they carry sadness in
their hearts, I feel bad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I know I will see Liz again.... I can't wait.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that Liz was taken so soon.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe it! She looked alive! She was still young and
beautiful! ... it just didnt seem real
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
thankfulness.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a very important healing tool in helping me heal
--Religious Affiliation:
catholicism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
light, loving, transcendent, and all encompassing
--Regarding MONEY:
it allowed liz' dad to stay home more
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
older people attended more than younger
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
most 18 year olds don't die. a lot of her friends didnt show up
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
no eating or drinking for 3 days
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a death process. you do not go through each of the stages one
by one as in a formula. be nice to yourself. it takes time. time
heals.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she experienced loving visitors that helped her with her journey
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i'd talk to a counselor most likely
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
n/a
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
she did not visit me. my sister reported a visit.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
we must plan ahead and talk about our dying and deaths to our loved
ones before we are ill.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i've had cancer. i was diagnosed 4 years ago with stage 4 cervical
cancer that had gone to the uterus. i was lucky. i had a hysterectomy
and was able to have it all removed. however, i did have to face
my own mortality.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
crazed woman. loved by her children and by her exhusband. died while
laughing in her living room, choked on ice cream. in lieu of flowers,
send starbucks and muffins to family. (maybe a pizza)
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i didnt have any
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
talked with my sister
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not useful; worked through this a long time ago
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no. the survey is great
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Sat Apr 7 00:29:35 2007
F37 in Cleveland, Ohio =USA=
Name: Lisa
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
link from rockies.net
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
He was about the same age as me. He was diagnosed with cancer and
died 10 months later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is part of our life cycle. On earth everything is created,has
growth and then stops. Its a return to which we dont see the end. We
experience the last stage and to our culture it nomal and natural
to see something not substain life. We are creatures of seasons
and human have stages of growth and then at somepoint we cease to
grow any further. Our physcial forms slowly deteriot , wheras out
mental and emotional form adapts to the death. Human, typically,
have the most difficulty with death. We attach a great number of
feelings and emotions to a persons death.
We are reminded of our
own mortality and since we are programmed since birth to grown and
then die, which is our cycle, we dont want to be reminded of it. Its
a final part of human nature that happens everyday but is not felt
until its happens to your human circle, or tribe, so to speak.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was about 6 when I saw my mother ironing her dress for the funeral
of my great-great grandother. I dont have any memories of her,
but I do remember my mother crying about her death.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather, then a close friend in age then about a year later my
grandmother passed away. I had my daughter about 15 months earlier
before these events.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The most sigificant death was my grandfather then immediatly
my friend. My grandfathers death was quick and suddent and my
friend was about the same. While my grandfathers was weeks,
my friends was within months.
I was thinking what would happen
to me and my daughter if someone else dies. I became aware of my
own mortality. I became scared of my own death and life. It wasnt
merely a death,anymore, but a real occurance that does happen to
people close to me and to those who are my age.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that eventhough we are thought of having a dispoable cutlure. That
we honor death and realize the impact it has to on our society. We
need to remind ourselves that death is natural cycle. We are
programmed for death and our nature is to try to push death as far
as possible. But eventually it will come and the acceptance isnt
that easy. we need to allow our culture to grieve more openly and
allow for it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to learn about someone and i still remember everything
they taught me good and bad. I was lucky to have learned what I
did. Without them I would not be the person I am today and for that
I am grateful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with someone about it. Listening to how they felt and
identifying with them while I was feeling those same feelings. I
felt I wasnt alone and that it was very important to have those
feelings recognized and not ignored. I needed to talk about the
unpleasant things.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the emotions I felt long afterward the death happened. How long it
took to finally come to acceptance of my own mortality.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
other people reacted to the death and how they acted and re-acted
during the most crucial times. People wanted to offer lots of help
but didnt take the time months afterwards when the feelings really
began to set in and you really needed someone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
record that person so I could show them to my daughter or future
husband. I should have gone down to see my grandmother one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
remember that while my grandmother was dying I talked to her on
the phone. I was lucky that she thought of me and told me things
when I she was able to.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was recently presented with a close friends brothers death. He
asked me how I dealth with death and I had no other answer but to
let yourself feel and talk about it whenever you want. Allow your
emotions to flow and dont try to hold them back because it wont help
you. I also told him that the hurt will never go away.. it will just
get duller at time passes on and it will always be a part of you.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how they were buryied.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something that reminds me of that person. I see someone who
has the same manerisms or the same smile or laugh or they talk or
look like that person. Its small little things that remind me of
the subtle things I have forgotten about that person. But then I
remember them all over again and I get sad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dont know if I would be the same person I am today.I know that
if didnt happen would my life be the same. I know the answer is
no and I wouldnt change it. The cycle at that point needed to be
complete and I am not able to change what nature is.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they didnt get to meet my daughter as she is now. That they
should have stayed for on for a longer time. That they didnt get
a chance to do more things.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I didnt think it would be so soon. I knew it was going to happen
but not that soon. I wasnt ready.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are there to help and give as much as they can but sometimes
its more complex than what they can do to substain life. They
understand where life ends.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
they feeling of that persons imprint on the people they touched. What
they did or how they were a part of peoples lives.
--Regarding MONEY:
how costly a funeral is and the burial.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people come for the family not for the deceased. They have accepted
it to a certain degree and for them to see the body being buried is
a courtsey for the family and friends to signify the greif process.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the vivid dreams I have had of that person over the years. some
place they are still in my mind.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
have someone or something they culd reference to actually absorb the
information when they are ready.. and withut having to ask for it..
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that listening and giving them alot of understanding. Remind them
that what they are feeling is normal and to understand that life
has more in store for them. Its natural to feel up and down and
that I will be there for you if your happy or sad.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I knew my grandmother had died because the night she passed away
I smelled her scent in my room and I had a dream that she was bird
talking to me and then flew away. I found out the next morning she
died in the middle of the night.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish I could have shown my grandparents my daughter. I wish I
would have taken my friend to the doctor when he told me about his
backache and not shrugged it off.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to ask my grandmother how she was able to cope with
certain life things.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The rights of the dead are important because they had a purpose and
even though they arent here to fullfill it they should be honored.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont have any definitive thoughts. I guess I want to know that my
daughter will be cared for when I passaway. I want to be creamated. I
want my daughter to remember me in a good way.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was strong and loving person. She liked to be with people who
shared all kinds of things. She liked new adventures and learning new
things. She was kind and loved to learn. She loved to teach others
and had a great sense of passiion for what she did. She was gentle
and loved to experience deep and close relationships. She loved
herself and loved her daughyer even more. She was able to forgive and
love unconditionally. She was the best friend. lover, mother,sister,
daughter anyone could have had. Her life was meaningful to us and
to those she shared it with. She loved and she grew and now she is
gone. She will miss us like we miss her.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My great aunt came into my life and began helping care for my
daughter and myself. I was able to reconnect briefly with an old
friend who was a mutual friend between us.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Having a regular time to spend with the person and hear them and
hug them when they needed it.
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Fri Apr 6 12:15:01 2007
M35 in Richmond, Virginia =USA=
Name: Tim Ford
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Googled 'Psychology Death Dying" Hit #7
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Prof/Studies: Chaplain
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More personal info:
Posting is fine
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Psychology of Religion & Coping; Tibetan Book of Living & Dying;
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Pargament; Sogyal Rinpoche; Stroebe, Parkes, Neimeyer, Doka,
Kubler-Ross, Bonanno, Breitbart, Chochinov
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death itself is not a problem. Sad, lonely sometimes, but the process
is perfectly natural and often painless. Grief is letting go of
what has been and is experienced every time we catch ourselves awake
again. Loss is constant, death is merely a loss that is impossible to
ignore or smooth over. In all grief there is an opportunity to both
test and/or strengthen our tools for coping and, more importantly,
a chance to transform our rigid sense of ourselves into a more
fluid, participatory spiritual being. Death therefore requires
those who love to embrace the ever-changing nature of their world
(and theirselves) or else abandon love altogether.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I attended the death of young patient - dying fully awake and talking
as his heart slowly stopped. The family was circled around him
and I joined the circle wordlessly after being introduced as 'the
chaplain'. I sat with them as he died and for 30-40 minutes after
before I spoke a single word and even then it was to indicate where
the phone was or to inquire if I could get someone a cup of water. I
said no prayers, prattled no advice, and yet the family was effusive
in their gratitude. 'We couldn't have done this without you'. The
symbolism and authority of a person who chooses to be a caregiver is
usually more than enough, words are only extra and often extraneous.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Happens often to families, I could tell a hundred stories I have
heard. Latest one was a slightly confused patient talking very
clearly about a 'Man coming to get me soon' and she had to 'pack
her bags' and 'get ready to go'. Same 'Man' visited several times a
day each time saying she didn't 'have to go yet' until the morning
she died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Ritual - We buried him in the garden, I got to pick out the stone...
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I killed him.
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See Mar 07 contributions.
See Feb 07 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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