^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Jan 07 contributions.
See Dec 06 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^]x
Sat Feb 10 17:26:06 2007
F37 in Las Vegas, Nevada =USA=
Name: Tina
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Legal Clerk
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Places That Scare You and No Death, No Fear
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hanh
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 30 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Accidental Shooting; Aged: 7.
--Details:
My best friend died during a family argument when I was a young
child. This death occurred shortly after my grandmothers death. I
was very upset that I was not allowed to attend her funeral. Even
as a young child I did not believe the offical "story" surrounding
her death. I believe there was great turmoil in her family and it
has alwasy disturbed me that an innocent child was killed because of
it. I have a greater understanding of the consequences of domestic
violence because of her death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a mysterious ending to life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for a short time but focused on tending to my loved one's
grief.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I had my first premonition before hand.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not frightening and we will always have our loved ones in
our hearts.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I still feel protected by my grandparents despite the fact that they
are dead because of what they had taught me while they were alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
people relating their experiences with death in an empathetic manner
was comforting.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go of their role in my life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to take over their daily responsibilities if they cannot do it
themselves, ie. paying bills or running errands.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still feel her love even though she is gone by cooking recipes that
she created or using her sewing tools that I still own which help
me to feel less abandoned by her untimely death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We found her dead unexpectedly when she was supposed to be sleeping.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
At my "poppy's" (grandfather's) funeral I can recall the spectacular
morning when we buried him: it was sunny and mild and there were
little bunnies running around the cemetary and I realized that he
would have just loved it! Perhaps he even sent that morning to us
as a gift. I just had to laugh because that is something he would
have done for us.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
finish learning to sew, crochet and embroider from my grandmother
as we were in the process of doing so when she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through the roughest time of my life with great pride that I
didn't fall apart or act out despite my very young age.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Poppy and I held hands during my grandmother's funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The pomp and ceremony of a funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I still check on all of my loved ones while they are sleeping because
of how my grandmother died, especially when I think they have been in
bed too long and I know this drives them crazy but I can't help it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would hopefully have more wisdom to rely on as I move through
adulthood.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't have more time with my grandmother and that my poppy
never got to meet my son.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
jump into a time travel machine and ask them questions.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to cry in front of my little brother and had to try and
explain to him that "nanny" had gone to heaven when he was really
too little to begin to understand heaven or death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
coldness.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the nurses that worked with my grandfather were wonderful with us
and seemed to me to be very strong emotionally.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a support group that guided us through the funeral process when it
seemed overwhelming.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity (past) and Buddhism (current)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
death is more difficult for those left behind than for those who
pass on and it is a common human experience that we can use to
relate to one another on a deeper level from a place of empathy
--Regarding MONEY:
the Masonic community really supported my family during the deaths
of both of my grandparents both emotionally and financially and I
will always be grateful for that.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the support of people who seemed like strangers at first but became
friends through a common relationship with the deceased loved one
was extraordinary.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Feeing their presence when my son was born despite the fact that
they had passed on.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
my grandmother was ill and the doctors kept telling us she would
be fine.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is a never ending process that I am still going through by the
pain lessens over time as their legacy supercedes the pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I used to wake up and hear my grandmother breathing after the
bedroom which she died in was converted into my bedroom only it
didn't scare me despite my young age, it comforted me.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a seizure while pregnant with my son due to advance ecclampsia
and the only 'cure' is to remove the fetus by C-section resulting in
his early birth as a mere 29 weeks. I awoke in ICU with a breathing
tube down my throat and restraints on my wrists after being in a
medically induced coma. I thought I had rolled over and gone to
sleep. Naturally I was confused when my husband and mother were
standing over me telling me that my son was downstairs in the NICU
and that he was okay and so was I. Over time I realized that this
near death experienc had changed the way I related to other people. I
became a much less angry person. I became calmer and happier once
my son had recovered and grown to be a healthy infant. My view of
death is no longer tinged with fear. I realized that our lives can
change radically in an instant. This is often talked about but I
now have a more intimate understanding of what this entails. I feel
very blessed just to wake up every day with a healthy body.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am trying to develop a close relationship between my son and his
grandparents because I feel I was jipped out of a number of years
with my grandmother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I wish I could talk to my grandmother about her childhood and her
life before I knew her because I am greatly curious about what it
was like to be a woman during her era. I think this might help me
with my own identity.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother had a nervous breakdown after my grandomothers sudden
death. She came to her in a "dream" or "vision" after her death and
comforted her because she was so healthy and happy. Also, I had an
odd dream after Kurt Cobain's death from apparent suicide in which
he and I sat cross legged across from each other and he told me how
happy he was after his death and he was no longer in pain. I found
this to be strange since I didn't know him personally, only through
his music and I wasn't a huge Nirvana fan. However, the very real
experience of this dream has always stayed wiht me and I considered
it an honor that he would choose to visit me. On the evening of my
Poppy's death, I was in a large crowd which I normally find to an
anxious experience. However, on that night I felt alive, connected,
healthy beyond reason, empathetic toward everone I saw and a sense
of complete happiness that I had never experienced before. An hour
after returning home we got the call that my Poppy had passed
away. In retrospect, I now see that this was his gift to me and
that this was how he felt after death. When I told my brother about
my experience the next day (which we calculated to have occurred
at the time of Poppy's death) he said he felt the same thing at
the same time I did. I knew then that death is an extraordinary
experience of wonderous beauty. An odd occurrence happened to me
just prior to learning of the death of a beloved pet as well. She
was at the vet and I was at work. Although I knew she may be dying,
I was hoping they could save her or at least that she could hang
on until I could be with her. She ended up passing on while I was
at work and I couldn't leave. I could actually smell her at the
exact time of her passing. I looked at the clock when I realized
that this was her smell because I just knew that was her message
to me that she was no longer in her body. That was when I received
the phone call from my husband who was at the vet's office, telling
me she was gone. I had two dreams about her after her death. One of
which I vividly recall actually telling her she couldn't be with me
because she was dead but being extremely happy that she was visiting
me. When I awoke, I was surprised because the dream seemed so real.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think it is important to have a will that details your wishes so
that the family who is grieving will not bear any unecessary details
or monetary obligations. I have often thought about the details of
my own death and hope that my loved ones will throw a party in my
honor instead of a funeral. I want to celebrate the adventure of the
mystery of death. I feel that this is merely the next step we take
into a new life and that is a time of celebration, not sorrow. I hope
they will drink, eat, play music and dance to feel alive and blessed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of dying. I am afraid for my loved ones and how
they would cope without me. I hope that somehow I might be able to
guide them even after death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was kind, gentle and giving. She had an old soul and imparted
that wisdom to everyone she met. She had a close, extended family
of relations and friends throughout her life. She is survived by
many beautiful and healthy grandchildren!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have a cassette recording of my grandfather in which my mother
and I interviewed him about his life. We taped this a few months
before his death. I find myself listening to it around his birthday,
Memorial Day. My mother cannot bring herself to listen to it at
all but I find it comforting.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I find myself cooking more often to honor my grandmother or singing
to honor my grandfather who was a wonderful singer.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel a great sense of wisdom from my elders and a renewed respect
because of my grandparents.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out by touching my loved ones frequently: holding hands,
hugging, etc to feel their presence and for them to feel mine.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has been helpful because death is as important as birth.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 7 02:08:40 2007
F39 in Madera, California =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Homemaker
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: an accidental overdose; Aged: 15.
--Details:
He came home from school and everything was normal. Before he went
to bed we made plans to go shopping the next afternoon, he kissed
me goodnight, said "goodnight momma, I love you and I'll see you in
the morning". When I went to get him up for school, he wouldn't wake
up, I yelled for his stepdad to help me and in the 30 seconds it took
for him to come into the bedroom and for me to try and make Garrett
standup, he quit breathing. My husband started cpr and continued
until the ambulance arrived. Life saving efforts were continued at
both our local hospital and at Valley Childrens for over four and
a half hours befor we had to let him go. He never woke up. Except
for the transfer between hospitals I was with him the whole time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of this physical life and all of it's pains, and the begining
of a new spiritual life on a different plane.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried for two days, and then as all teenagers do went on with my
life and tried to remember only what my uncle meant to me and not
how he died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sense that what was happening couldn't be real, I went through
all the motions, and made the decisions I had to, but I kept feeling
like it had to be a dream. Even now, two months later I still feel
like it can't be real.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens so suddenly and unpredictably, and we need to realize
that it can and will happen to you and when it does the person who
dies won't be who you expect, of the four significant deaths I've
experienced only one was someone I was prepared to lose.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the impact my son made on the people he touched, we had over
five hundred teenagers and young adults at his funeral and I will
always be grateful for thier decorum and self control, if there
were "gawkers" they were discreet, and although there were tears
everywhere there was no hysterics and no drama, that showed me that
my son was not only a gift to me but to all he touched.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband,of course,(I wouldn't have remained sane without him),
but unexpectedly my son's friends and aquaintences, the letters and
cards and stories and all of the messages they left for me and for
him on his myspace gave me so much comfort and really helped my deal.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
it was the last thing I ever expected, (I never have been one to say
"not my child"), but never would I have imagined that it would be
this one.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just that "be there", hold thier hand, talk to them and don't let
go until they do.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I needed to laugh, to know that I was still able to laugh, to let
a little bit of joy for his life show, not just sorrow for his death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really hug him one last time, not just what I could manage while he
lay on the hospital bed, but one huge full body bear hug, like the
ones he gave me every night before he went to bed. He has always
given the best hugs from the time he was a baby, he never held back
and really hugged.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get through all of the arrangements, the funeral and the memorial
we had at his school with grace and dignity, I cried but never got
hysterical (even though there were times I was screaming inside)
or out of control.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my granddaughters ask me to go to the angel's house and bring
him home.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't, I can't it still hurts to much.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he really hasn't had time to live, he had so many plans for his
future, so much left to do, it's not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
curl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head and hide from
the pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude, the doctors continued to work to save my son until they
knew there was no hope left. The doctor that finally ended the
life saving efforts actually told us that he had seven children of
his own and he has to face them each night with a clean concience,
he would have worked to bring Garrett back for days if there had
been even a glimmer of hope he'd wake up.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that there was someone at the hospital to pray with me and with
Garrett, it meant no matter how alone we felt someone was there.
--Religious Affiliation:
Current Mennonite Bretheren, past catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are not alone in our experiences and our grief every person deal
with death.
--Regarding MONEY:
we weren't really prepared for the expenses, we have life insurance
on the children, but it actually went into effect the day our
son died.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the number of people who were in attendance, friends of mine I
hadn't seen in years were there for support.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
waking up the morning after he died and realizing that it really
wasn't a dream.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none, he just slipped away.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Several of his friends have reported having dreams where Garrett
tells them he's ok or just lets them know he's there. The only time
I've had any dreams of him was the night we scattered his ashes,
it's the only time since his death that I have really been able to
sleep well and I dreamt of his life, visions of him as an infant
all the way until the end with no visions of his death and I woke
up that morning at peace.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Garrett's death made us face issues we really hadn't dealt with,
our own wishes, guardianship of the little ones etc
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I send him messages on his myspace, whenever I'm having a bad day
I write him a letter to let him know how I feel and what's going on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? News Coverage
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 6 18:54:14 2007
F67 in Dale, Wi =Us=
Name: Lucille Meisenhelder
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looking for a memoral site
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: retired
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
whow.. that was long
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Jan 30th Days ago.
Cause of Death: Illness; Aged: 76.
--Details:
He was a diabetic. who developed stomach cancer, Which we thought was
taken care of. but after a long hospital stay. and then a nursing
home, he just gave up.He had been in a wheel chair for 13 years,
and was always so self sufficent. it was difficult to see him
finally not care anymore.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our life force' which none of us can substain forever,
There are some of us who believe in a soul, that after death lives
on. and there are some of us that believe death is the end to all
that we are.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was a teen, and my young brother-in-law was killed in a auto
accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My son Kevin.coming home to live out his last year of life with
aids. And how courageous he was. And the love he had for what
life he had left. And my ex-husband his father holding him when he
passed away.
--What I think my (Us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's as nessary as living. And the person should be in the care
of a loving, family when they pass on. not stuck in the care of
hospitals and hursing facilities.Because we tell ourselves they
will get better treatment there,
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The courage those without hope show.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writting my grief down in a book. as if I were telling it to my son.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing his life was too short, for someone who was so lovng,
and thinking it so unfair.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them see you cry, and don't be afraid to acknowledge the fact
they are dying. let them talk about it..perhaps even encourage them.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Don't understand this question ..
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I guess it makes me wonder. why that moment death come's. why not
sooner.. or perhaps hours later?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a time my son and I went shopping and he insisted on buying
me a gaudy pitcher' he said I could pour ice tea from, when he was
gone and remember him. I told him it was so heavy' I'd kill myself
trying to lift it let alone pour anything from it.. It still stands
on my corner shelf. And I always remember his words. plus how upset
I was at the expense at the time. and he just laught.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Speak more to him of his illness, and let him see I was afraid of
losing him, and loved him too much to want to remind him he was
dying, and tryed to hard to be strong. And went to the movie's and
Bingo more with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have him home, and have his father back in his life. before he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My son wanted to be cremated. and told one of my son's what to
do with his ashes. which he did. Close friend's requested small
amounts that were places in little indian painted jugs. and the
rest scattered from his favorite. climbing rock.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
A church service.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear music he used to sing to. or a movie, he wanted me to see
when he was alive. Or just sitting thinking how life would be if
he were still with us. and wanting to share them with him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wonder how life would be,if my son Kevin was still alive, but
don't dwell on the impossible.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life isn't fair. nor is Death. Just don't leave it. with regrets/
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to the other children about him. wihout bringing more pain
to them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Perhaps it was just a coma. perhaps one is never sure
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Mixed feeings.. some good some not.. he had a wonderful hospice
nurse near the end. for that I'll be forever grateful
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very helpful,
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
Non practing Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
unreal
--Regarding MONEY:
it was planned. and the least amount spent. was my son's wish..
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Glad there was none.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Don't understand this question fully
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The need for more medication, and how it distorts a persons mind. and
I believe morphine always hastens a persons last days
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Have no regrets, Because you will always wish you would have.. could
have.. done more or done it different.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
For me, I have, and my sons have felt. some unexplained
happenings. we credit to my my son Kevin. Most happened withina
year of his passing. this also happened after my Mother died,
and went on for a short while.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have put the I wish "I would have and could have feelings away//.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask the if I could have done things different towards
them. and what it would have been. And if there really is a here
after
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My oldest son said he had spoken to his dead brother. His little
daughter had seen and spoken to her great grandmother, when she was
only 3 and had never even seen her, but when shown a picture told
them thats who she was talking to. There are many unexplainable
stories one can tell. But it can be hard to credit them all to a
persons passing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Get it all in writting..
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have been aware of it. since I was a teenager. and knowing someday
I too would face it, has caused me many difficult days and sleepless
night's. But I believe as we age, we come to terms concerning,our own
death. plus we see so very much more of it. as the years pass. we
have lost family, friends, neighbor's and I guess we know it has
no escape.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Lucille died with all her friends and family gathered around. Knowing
here last wishes were carried out. she left the world happy. and
hopefully a better place, She will be remembered as a lover of
nature, and its creatures. And anyone who has known her, has a place
in their heart, for the person she was, Her last word's were.. Damn,
I hope there's a here after. life was too short..
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I filled a small bottle with colored sand and said I would throw
away a grain of it a day, and when the bottle was empty. my grief
would be bearable. That little bottle was small as my little finger,
its been almost 12 years, and not even 1/2 gone
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try not to involve other's in my health issues. to much, And to
care about other's more.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, a friend of 50 years died 3 years ago in Oct. I got an email
from someone who got me off a site guest list. We have become the
very best of friends yup you guessed it 3 years ago in Oct.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Never did deal with it very well, but at 67 have come to my own
terms with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
Turning to alchol to numb the pain. Or maybe I'll think about it
when it's less painful
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just saying if you ever want to talk. I'll be here.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Just it's pretty long, But it also made me remember the very many
people I have lost over the years since my son's death. Plus maybe
more aware of my own impending one'.. Death has never been a great
topic. but then neither has politics for me..
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
A couple questions I didn't quite understand. Maybe the question,
who do you miss the most, and what impact, did the death of this
person do, to change you as a person.. Hummm or did you ask that?..
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 6 02:53:31 2007
F25 in Spokane , washington =United States=
Name: Marti Mantifel
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Domestic Goddess
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, Years ago.
Cause of Death: gun shot wound; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
forever good bye. Hope, sorrow, pain, fear of forgetting, lonliness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child. My best friend was killed by her father. He
shot her, her mother, and then himself spareing the life of her
seven month old brother at the river within walking didtance of
where we lived. She had been my neighbor and we had played every
day for as long back as I could remember. Can remember the local
news lady interviewing me for the news that was to aire that night.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Pain, anger, disbelief, tears, cries of why, and being numb. When
my mother passed I was a freshman in high school and I lost
it. Literally. I pushed every single person that I cared about
away. Got caught up in drugs and drinking. I did everything in my
power to make any sensation or emotion in my body nonexistant. I
did not know how to deal and or accept this tragedy. Only two years
and four days earlier I had to deal with my father dying too. I
was young and did not have a stable foundation.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to take it for granted
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
grateful is pushing the line a little but yes there are things
to be Thankful for in the event of any death or tragic occurance
for that matter. In my situation concerning this person (mother) I
learned that you must not take any one for Granted. I also learned
that with any negative or hard time that you run into in life you
must always find a possitive from the negative. Much easier said
then done but it is achievable. If you can not find and or create
something good from the situation then you are doomed to become
a part of the negative and it will live with you always right by
your side. Changing your life, beliefs, and morals intell you lose
everything. Point being that everything happens for a reason. You
just have to look for, and find the purpose, no matter how painful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support? would have to say that at the time it happened drugs were
the only support there for me. Everybody else had others to worry
about which is ok because I didn't need anybody anyways. I made
it through on my own. Not saying that things are exactly "right"
inside. But I still made it. Isnt that what counts?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that I will NEVER get to see hear talk or be with that
person ever again. NEVER
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That these will be the last moments to "have them" so just set the
saddness and pain aside for a while and enjoy the time and add to
the "good times" memory box. Dont see the situation through angry
eyes for it is inevitable instead try to see it through an accepting
kind of way, if you dont then you might loose out on something and
someone very dear to you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
...is the raw emotions envolved and how they can take you and change
so many things. Your life, your views, your future, etc...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
so many emotions mixed in together at one time after building up
need and will exert themselves in any way and or form that they
can. Even laughter.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make things right with my mother before she passed. I lashed out
after many many years of holding all kinds of unreleased anger and
resentment towards her for not being a very good mother. I wish
that I could of told her good bye, instead of telling her I hated
her and wished she would die and go to hell the last time that I
saw her. I wish that I would not have hated her the way I did when
it happened. Or like I do, in a way, even now, because she took her
own life and is not and will Never be here of any of her children.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the destructive path that it shot me down and muster enough
strength to make it back to a semi right path.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Saddness over comes me for no aparent reason and the world looks
so grey. Things that once did now do not matter as much, etc..
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
There is absolutly no telling what it would have been like, and
it is not good for ones mental health to derive such dellusion
because it can never be and so there for you are lying to yourself
and making the pain linger and grow stronger. One must accept the
REALITY of the situation in order to move on with life. It will
always be painful, you must decide then how painful, and how much
more of your life are you going to let it disrupt.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
ummm I had and still to this day have the thought "Its just not
fair." Then must remind myself that, no its not, but, it is what
it is, accept it, move on because whining will get you no where
but behind.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sheer denial
--Religious Affiliation:
jehovahs witness, christian churches
--Regarding MONEY:
there was none, but a bill was needing to be paid. Stress would
describe as the money situation at the time of planning the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that she really was very adored and loved by many people.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none, they were all taken from me like a flash of light across the
sky. There one moment and gone the next.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
only thing I can think of is at my momthers funeral we had a viewing
and I swear to this day that her chest was moving up and down like
she was breathing. This happened the whole time that I stood there
watching her and didnt say anything to anybody for a long time
because I was convinced that it was my imagination. Then one day me
and my three other sisters were talking and one of them mentioned how
they had seen exactly what I had seen as the rest of us all chimed
in with the same high pitched teary eyed confessions of seeing the
same thing. Brings chills to still to this day when I think about it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are many unresolved issues, I have been trying to come up
with ways to help resolve them for many years, but it seems that I
am missing something because I just can't seem to figure it out. I
am the only one who is capable of the actual resolving.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't think that I have the strength to even begin the process of
answering this question right now. I appologize, but at this moment
just the thought of having them back and what would be envolved if
that were to happen would do no more then make it hurt that much
worse when I had to return to reality and empty arms and an even
emptier heart.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I can sometimes feel a presence in the room and or house with
me. Then things will start dinging, ticking, clicking, power shutting
off etc unexplainable events. Have had one dream after my father
died of him and have had a couple dimented dreams of my mother. My
grandmother has claimed a couple of dreams since her passing also.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I honestly don't know for sure. Depends on how I would die. How
much time is envolved, and other circumstances, etc..
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Marti was a very kind and loving person with a heart big enough
that if she had the ability would have vanished pain, saddness,
and anything of the nature from every single person that was in
jeopardy of these dark emotions. Even if that meant that instead she
would be the one to suffer. She was loved and hated by many because
of her one of a kind personality. She gave it to you like it was,
in a manner that got straight to the point. Her smile could warm
a grey sky when happiness flowed through body. She was kind and
loving. She lived to help and I can't help but to grant her life
request that to smile even if it is at her expense. To forever have
happiness in our hearts for that means we will have happiness for
our lives. May she finally rest in peace. (((CHEESEY!!)))
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting her grave
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
forged or set up? Reflect the lost loved one(as in "spitting image")
or reminds you of them in many ways? Like the things they say, act,
etc...
Forgive me and the way I think but this seems contradicting..
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I have a great tendency to stuff and deny any emotions that
surface untill they all build up and relase themselves on their
own(uncontrolable sobbing.)
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
Denial had a huge part in hindering the healing process too.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
For someone to be there for me and never give up on me no matter
how hard I pushed in my heart of hearts I was praying that just one
would tell me that they were not going anywhere, that they loved
me and that was that.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Jan 07 contributions.
See Dec 06 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
