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See Current contributions.
See Nov 06 contributions.
See Oct 06 contributions.
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Thu Dec 28 08:51:00 2006
F24 in West Hartford, Connecticut =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Linked to by some directory of psych surveys
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life 101
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
(I forget the author.)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ALS; Aged: 44.
--Details:
He caught it when I was 5ish, lost the use of 1 arm & then was
basically fine for 6 years afterward. Had to quit his job, but that
turned out for the best because it meant leaving a demanding line
of work he hated for one that gave him satisfaction & lots of time
with his family. Towards the end of that period his doctor swore
to him the condition would get no worse, so based on that my mom
had another baby. And guess what--he was totally paralyzed by the
time that baby was 2. His last sentences came around the time of
her first. Nonetheless he stayed at home near the end, with the
assistance of home health aides, and tried to spend as much time
with us kids as he could (well, my little sister anyhow--I tried
to avoid him, both because it hurt to see him that way and because
at age 12 I lacked the patience to help give the care he needed).
By the time he actually died, he could scarcely breathe and wouldn't
have lasted the week anyhow. But that wasn't what killed him.
My mother offered him a lethal dose of morphine, he blinked yes
and she gave it. They loved each other dearly to the end, so I'm
still a bit awed at what courage she must have drawn on then.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
...mechanical failure. When damaged beyond repair we stop
functioning and are placed in a sort of scrap area to be recycled.
That's one of two facts which explain us completely. The other one:
we so hate being breakable machines that we have entire systems
of thought, feeling and custom for making ourselves and our deaths
into something far greater.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a soft person who hardened inside. My mother went the opposite
way. Yet we were responding to the same event and we ended up
coping about equally well. I'll never understand how that could be.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father came down with ALS when I was in kindergarten & died of
it when I was in 8th grade. He basically couldn't do anything for
himself for the last 2 years. So his actual death was the easiest
part for all involved.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
...standing by my father's freshly-dug grave, listening to the
funeral prayers and biting my tongue hard so I wouldn't scream
"HOW DARE YOU praise my father's murderer!" I'd had no idea before
that a single person, or even a roomful, could manage that intensity
of hatred. And for such a reason!
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
...it's not the disaster you think. Almost everyone panics at
the thought of being dead. But if they only took a close look at
what they actually expect it to be like--I don't care who you are,
9 times in 10 you'll come up with a scenario that if anything is
easier than life is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave me a thorough inventory of my inner strengths at exactly
the age when a girl needs one. (And a better understanding of what
life is--how little is at stake should those strengths fail.)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
laughter. My dad had a terrific sense of humor. He'd even make
jokes about his own physical limitations that would've gotten anyone
else smacked, and certain parts of his final letter to me made me
giggle through my tears. I do know when to act serious, but inwardly
I try to follow his lead--to take even the cruelest tricks the world
plays in good humor, and to laugh hardest when the joke's on me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That it happened to the one person I'm sure I ever really loved.
That he was fully conscious for every one of those months he spent
paralyzed, speechless and starved for breath. That in the end he
had to beg for his own destruction. Next to that my own experiences
don't even register.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Your own pain will probably cause you to be nasty to the person
at least once. Expect that so you can fight the urge and not hate
yourself if you give in to it. Then apologize as soon as possible
and explain that you hope they know they're loved regardless.
Yes, for their sake, but yours too! It's far too easy to give
yourself regrets that last longer and hurt worse than what you did
to earn them.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
...changed. I was such a fragile kid you wouldn't have expected
me to survive a bad hair day. Knowing this made me wonder, at the
start of my father's decline, how on earth I'd endure the full course
of it. Well--by the end of it, the person I'd quite accidentally
become had barely anything in common with the one who had to wonder.
To have known this already would have saved me no end of worry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
...my feelings made no sense. Like the sheer triviality of the
memories that would choke me up. Or the way that even ten years
later I'd still feel somehow cheated at having no way to avenge him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was either laugh or scream, and I know which one the dead man
would've chosen.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
...learn to bear my distress without taking it out on my father.
I did get a chance to tell him how I loved him and regretted what
I'd done, but better not to have done it at all.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see the death coming years in advance, and not only feel emotionally
prepared but even be grateful for the peace it brought us all.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
...it occurred to me for the first time in weeks that inside all
this corruptible and failing flesh was someone I'd loved once--and
I hated myself for being surprised.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
remembering. Everyone says that recalling the good times is what
sustains you. I will never understand what I'm supposed to like
about my memory taunting the rest of me with what it has and I don't.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I read that letter he left for me. Which is why I no longer do.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd be what I was before--a soggy heap of estrogen who cries at
happy endings. Who can honestly say that love conquers all, God's
in his heaven and all's right with the world. Can't say as I miss
her; her main accomplishment would probably have been to surprise
her friends by slitting her wrists at 40.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
...that the universe sh!ts all over us while meanwhile those happy
f#cking kidbots on the commercials go through life oblivious.
(Yes, I was 12 at the time, and yes, those are the words I'd have
used--sorry.)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be as far beyond this whole thing as I pretend I am.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It didn't hit me until I saw his body the next day. And even
then all I could do was try making sense of how the man who'd
so recently held my hand and smiled at me could have become this
inert plastic copy of himself. No feeling quite covered it, so I
felt nothing...but did I ever come to know EXACTLY what the love
of another human being is worth.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Contempt. Yes, a human life is SO pweshus that it's nicer to let
its owner curse his miserable existence for the last two years
than slip him a quick consensual dose of morphine & oblivion.
Back when he could, my father wrote this hotshot bioethicist he
knows, to beg approval for exactly that. Denied. HIS OWN WIFE
had to risk her medical license and clean police record by doing
it on the sly at the last possible instant. Anyone who'd call that
"ethical" should be banned from using the word until they've grown
a spine and conscience.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Wasn't any as far as I know. There were visiting nurses and home
health aides and the occasional chaplain--all of them became good
friends of ours and I'm sorry we didn't stay in touch. We couldn't
have done it pragmatically or emotionally w/o them.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
To my mom: nothing, she was more the spiritual sort back then. To my
sister: nothing yet, she was 4 years old. To me: ...decency forbids.
--Religious Affiliation:
None currently. But I was Jewish until right before 7th grade.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
almost unbearably lucid. It's the simple weight and vividness that
any ordinary second's worth of awareness can take on when you don't
expect another one to follow.
--Regarding MONEY:
It didn't, thankfully. My mom kept working and my dad was well
insured, so we had what we needed.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
...how calmly everyone went through the motions; how absurd that
seemed logically and how vital it was emotionally.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
...the three days after the death. It was strange knowing full
well that a major part of our lives was coming apart around us and
yet having no idea how to react.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Breathing trouble, most likely. But that was always present to some
extent. I don't know why it became life-threatening specifically
when it did.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial started it, and then the other 4 took turns. Also there's
no definite supply of grief to work through so that the process
can finish: it will continue always and only so long as I let it.
(If you're at all unlike me, and you probably are, this won't apply
to you--disregard it.)
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Knowing him I'm pretty sure there weren't any--not that he could've
said if there were.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I haven't been critically ill & don't know anyone who has.
The closest thing I can think of is one day when I was 10 years
old, got out of bed too fast & went straight to the void for half
a minute. I only mention this because two things I hadn't yet
realized about death & the afterlife were absolutely clear to me
by the time I'd picked myself off the floor. First, that there's
no way any part of my consciousness is going to survive cardiac
arrest if it can't even ride out a harmless headrush. And second,
that if what had just happened to me is all it's like (or isn't like)
being dead, what are we so afraid of?
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think we covered all the unresolved issues the last time we saw
each other. If I missed one, it's moot now anyhow.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Should I assume I know it's a dream state? Then nothing. I'd rather
not fantasize. Otherwise, I'd HAVE to ask if we'd meet again,
because for all I'd know the possibility would still be open.
And just because he'd deserve it I'd apologize once more for my
cruelty during those last few years.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father actually does come back to me in dreams. Repeatedly.
The only one worth describing--and just about everyone who hears
it is certain it's him and not my own imagination: I'm at recess
at my old middle school, roughly where I was at the hour he died,
when suddenly he shows up bearing this ragged smudgy sheet of lined
paper. He thrusts it into my hand and says something to the effect
of "See! Here's the equations--I know I can't convince you I'm
alive somewhere, but solve these and you'll prove it to yourself."
(Should probably mention his last job was math teacher...) So I
try, I really do, but it's impossible. Whatever magic is in these
figures, it's so powerful that the paper has melted and run down in
drops to cover everything but the plus and minus signs, so in the end
all I can do is hand him the equations back and sing to him sadly:
"I can't."
It's true--I want this dream to convince me he's alive
somewhere but it can't...too obvious a product of my own wishes &
memories, and too easy an answer.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The living-will issues. Only more so--not just the conditions under
which you don't want to be kept alive, but the conditions under
which you want to be actively killed. To force a person to live,
through action or inaction, violates the same fundamental right as
forcing them to die and should be punished almost as severely.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Non-issue. I'm either about to die or dead already & in both
cases it's not my problem at the moment. The most I plan to do
about it is 1) get it over with while my mind & body still have
some useful function left and 2) try to spend those last 5 seconds
concentrating on what it feels like to be alive. More than that
would be overdoing it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Quickly. The only sincere way I can think of to sum my life
up once it's ended is "Here goes nothing". And even that seems
a bit extravagant since only the survivors themselves will know
how it helps them to remember me--the last thing they'll need is
my interference.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't have one, and in fact it's still a bit hard to be there
for my mom & sister when they do theirs.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/A
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Can't think of any. I have some new friends who remind me of him,
but considering how well we got along, that says more about my
taste in friends than anything else.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I gain strength from my faith in absolutely nothing. Yes really.
It kills the rage and sorrow to remember that the subject of those
feelings no longer exists and was the victim of no power more
malevolent than dumb luck.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
It's also hard to deal with the rest of my family talking & acting as
if he were still real to them. Brings back fond memories I'd rather
erase & also forces me to tread carefully around their feelings.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I don't really know how to help others. All I have to go by are
my own feelings & those tell me that inaction is the one true fix.
(I do wish the people who tried to reach out to me would have taken
my word for that...)
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The experience brought back some emotions I thought I was rid of,
but didn't really affect my thinking--everything I said has been
clear in my own mind for ages.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I didn't really understand the question about the common spirit
of death--are we supposed to think about something supernatural or
psychological or cultural--or just use our own concept of "spirit"?
Because a lot of us would be hard-pressed to come up with one.
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Fri Dec 15 22:33:34 2006
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm; Aged: 8.
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--Death Is:
a final goodbye on earth. your body shuts down you go in the ground,
and
everyone has different ideas on what happens to your spirit.
Death is confusing
and unknown and scary to most people.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand what was happening.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how helpless, scared and out of control I felt when it happened.
I remember
vividly seeing everyone elses pain and not knowing
what to do or how to feel.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that everyone handles it in their own way. There is not right or
wrong and
people should be less judgemental.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i realized how important life is. I decided to conciously
appreciate
everything and everyone in my life more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing in a journal. I still need help, still havent dealt with it
and am planning
to try to get support by talking to a professional.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not understanding.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
I havent really dealt with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Wed Dec 13 23:38:34 2006
F64 in Zinc, Arkansas =USA=
Name: Nan
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Cyber friend asked about good books to help a dying friend - I was
researching that, came across this
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Prof/Studies: teacher/counsellor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Took class in college on Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kubler Ross, Raymond Moody
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 31 Years ago.
Cause of Death: gram negative bacteria acquired while in the hospital; Aged: 3 mos.
--Details:
He was ill in the hospital for 6 weeks - unknown at that time what
the illness was (discovered we all myself, 4 other children) have
a connective tissue disorder about 15 years after his death
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--Death Is:
the cessation of physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unaware what had happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the emotional devestation.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to ignore it or those grieving.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing there is no longer pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having to care for my other children (ages daughter 2 1/2, disabled
son 12, son 15, daughter 16
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
husband couldn't take the stress, left
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to the person if s/he wishes to talk about the experience
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew in my individual faith
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we couldn't find out what was wrong
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
some things are funny, no matter what
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
didn't
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant (liberal)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being able to talk about it, without people becoming uncomfortble
about it - memories, etc. - is important.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he was too young to show any awareness - but I have noticed, not
just with him, but with most children, there seems to be a special
"aura" around those that are terminal.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My heart stopped on two separate occasions, both while having
angiograms. In both cases, I just sort of "wandered" around the
area - checked out the a/c duct work, the manufacturer of the
various things in the area (the lights, things like that), the
wiring that went thru' the ceiling - until the Drs. seemed to be
getting upset that I wasn't "coming back" - so, rather than have
them upset (I liked both of them personally), I went back.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
with the adults that have gone on, I've had those conversations.
Infant was too young.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Generally, in a dream - sometimes a nice chat, sometimes (especially
with my father), arguing with him (not spitefully - just a debate
type argument). I've visited with aunts and both parents.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I worry about those left behind - rather looking forward to a
new experience for myself (I believe that our spirit/soul/essence
continues on)- a new adventure, new learning.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just kept busy. Returned to college and finished my degree.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none in particular.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
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How'd I do? Well
Don't remember
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to be there to listen (To Have someone do it for me at the
time - I do it for others, now)
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Mon Dec 11 20:42:10 2006
M18 in Hesperia, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident; Aged: 93.
--Details:
I just wanted to know what she was doing crossing the streett
all by herself, and how could whoever hit her not know she was
crossing. From what I was told, the car was going 15 MPH and i'm
surprised that it killed my grandma
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--Death Is:
when you rest forever. It's like going to sleep and never waking
up. There are many ways death occurs, but when you die you will be
missed. Death is a natural part of life. It's the opposite of birth,
and I think that whenever someone is born, somebody has to die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little child and I didn't know much about it. All i knew is
that if you died, you would never come back.
--That first time, how it happened was
I was close to my grandmother. She was fun to be around with and I
always had fun whenever I visited her house. One day, I heard she
ended up in the hospital when I came home from school. She was in
the hospital and we heard that she got hit by a fancy red car while
crossing the street. Her funeral was in Hawaii and I couldn't go
because I was afraid of death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I just thought nothing of it. It's sad, I loved my grandmother
but I was not sad that she died. I guess it's because I accepted
the fact that people have to die because nothing lasts forever.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to accept dying. Your loved ones will eventually die and it's
going to be a great burden to deal with. I think that getting over
a loved one is the hardest thing to do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
in some instances, it's good to die. Not literally, but I've seen
stories and shows on TV that portray people who want to die. I've
seen people on TV in hell and begging to die so that they can end
their misery.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
continuing with my everyday activities. At the time, I was a little
child going to school. I loved school, so I guess that's what kept
me going.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting that your loved one will never come back. All you have
of that person is their belongings and memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
death is natural, and even though it's sad, I think the greatest
thing you can do for someone who is dying is to be there by their
side. Being able to rest peacefully is a great feeling, and though
I know nothing about dying, I think of it as an eternal sleep.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about death. I may not act like I don't care about death, but
that doesn't mean I'm heartless. Yeah, I'll cry and sob for days
and weeks, but you have to move on. Life is short, so you must live
it to the fullest.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
undestanding why people kill eachother. It's not fair and I can
understand why people get punished for killing someone else.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I really don't know why I laugh about death. Dying is a very
sensitive subject to people, so I don't know why I laughed all
those times. Maybe it's just me, but watching people getting hurt
on TV is funny, but dying isn't.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there when my grandmother got hit. I wish I could've called
her out to watch out or something. But then again, I don't think
I could live with the guilt that I may have been the reason that
she died if I couldn't save her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
love her and show her a good time while she was alive. I know she's
doing okay and that's good for me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I get images in my mind about my loved ones dying. I know we're
all going to die one day, but still the thought about your loved
ones dying is very scary.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's not fair that death is the end for everyone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
will never be able to see that person again. It hurts, it really
does. I'm more afraid of my girlfriend dying because she means
everything to me and I would do anything for her.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing that death is like a test that you must face if you want
to enjoy eternal happiness.
--Regarding MONEY:
money was used to pay for food which we all need to live. Water is
also important and we all need to learn that you need money to live.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with my grandmother.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell them that I'm sorry that you died and that I hope you
find happiness wherever you go. I would also ask if there really
is a Heaven and Hell.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamed about my grandmother coming back from the death to visit
us. I've also dreamed of my loved ones dying. That was a long time
ago, but now that I remember it, I was a child and I wonder why I
don't get those same dreams anymore.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I also think about dying when seeing someone get brutally murdered
on TV. I keep asking myself what would my last thoughts be before
I died?
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just went on with everyday life. I had no private ritual or such,
I just went to school and continued doing what I was before my
grandmother died.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think experiencing death (watching it or having someone die)
is a new way of learning. It opens your eyes to the world around
you and you start to realize that nothing in life is fair.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I had no new friends or intimacies when my grandmother died. I was
still a young boy.
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What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
I don't know why, but her dying didn't really bother me. I loved
her and all, but it felt like she just moved away.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I talked about death to my friends following my grandmother's
death. They all told me that it was a new thing and that you
shouldn't think about it because only old people die anyways.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire was helpful to me. It made me rethink my thoughts
on life and make me feel that I have to appreciate what I have
because it can be gone in any minute.
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Thu Dec 7 10:55:46 2006
M30 in Barstow, California =United States Of America=
Name: Michael Thompson
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Emergency Medical Technician
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
The Profits
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2004 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cardiorespiratory arrest; Aged: .
--Details:
My father went to bed on September 15, 2004 and was dead the morning
of September 16, 2004.
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--Death Is:
Eternal. How you live your life determines where you will be in
death. Good or Bad.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Made a decision to never be in the situation I was in and not know
what to do. I an going to school for my RN.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother, sister and Grandmother being in the room watching me try
to help my step-father and losing him anyway. I felt like a failure.
--What I think my (United States Of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's unpredictable and inevitable and to not take people for granted.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My relationship with Christ.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mothers strength and forgiveness and prayer. Strengthining my
relationship with the Lord.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Eddie is gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there. There is nothing we can say that will make dying
easier for anyone, but our presence sometimes is enough.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had a hard relationship with my father, but I do love him very much.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The rest of the family started fighting over what was left.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed nor would I with the regret that I still carry
with me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him that I love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Give it all to God and let him handle it. Things went so much
smoother after I let go.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I don't recall anything that impressed me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The material things.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I try and think about a good time we shared and not dwell on
his death.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
That would be a perfect world and there is no such thing. I have
used this experience to change my way of dealing with people.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I feel like there are issues that still need to be resolved and it's
unfortunate that I will never have that chance. Life is not fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Start over.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Didn't understand why and what was going to happen to us after he
was gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
There is only so much we can do as people. If after we have done
everything the books have taught us to do and we still lose the
person, well then it was their time to go. If you have your hand on
their left shoulder and God has his hand on their right shoulder,
you are going to lose.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Support and availability. They're there when we need them.
--Religious Affiliation:
My mother and my personal relationship with God.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Universal. No matter what race, religion, or culture, death comes
for us all.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everyone wanted some.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My grandfathers style of grievance. Then again, you're not supposed
to out live your children.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Sick. I still had much to do.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My experience was un-expected.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
when all hope seems lost, realize that God is your hope and to
seek him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He died suddenly.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My daughter drowned in our pool and was dead for 26 minutes. Today
she is alive and well with no residual effects. I believe in miracles
and take no one for granted.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It will be resolved when I see him again.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have closure.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wish I could see him again. Hasn't happened though.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Honor their wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I could die while doing this study! I don't focus on when it might
happen, I just do what I can while I'm here.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Mikey was not perfect, but he made us laugh. He always found a way
to make a bad situation good. He might not have been really good
at returning phone calls and remembering important dates, but we
felt better and safe when he was around. We miss him but we know
he has um in stiches up there in Heaven.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I visit him every year on his birthday.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Don't take people for granted.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I lost relationships with family members.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I'm becoming a nurse.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful in expressing my feelings.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no
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Wed Dec 6 11:00:22 2006
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old -age; Aged: 84.
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--Death Is:
unavoidable
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 7 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my brother dying of cancer
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
nature thing
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What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
cry and cry
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Dec 5 09:19:32 2006
F29 in Paramount, California =United States =
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Sociology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 32.
--Details:
He had went on a weekend vacation and took my cousin also.
After they got to there destination they went on there own ways.
When my cousin was returning to the little town where they where
staying she noticed the road was closed due to a horrible accident.
As everyone got of to see she noticed my uncle had flew out of the
car and was on the other side of the road. She ran and holded his
head up until the ambulance got there. He was dead since she was
holding him. All her clothers and shoes where full of blood.
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--Death Is:
Something very sad and not that understanding, you always wonder
why that happens to your family. It comes with alot of greif.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was small, and just noticed everyone was crying so I contined to
cry my self but since I didn't understand life yet, it did not
really hurt me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Why him, and why didn't he do things differently, why didn't he
stay home and this accident would have not happend.
--What I think my (United States ) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens and life continues, you can not stop doing your normal
things or stop what you are doing because of someone death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Are family had money ton bury my uncle. We did not have to ask
for money or worry about buring him.
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How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
My uncles death due to a car accident and how he left innocent
children without a father figure.
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See Nov 06 contributions.
See Oct 06 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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