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See Current contributions.
See Apr 06 contributions.
See Mar 06 contributions.
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Wed May 31 11:12:41 2006
F29 in Victorville, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Motorcycle accident; Aged: 26.
--Details:
He was hit by a tow truck driver while diving his motorcycle. He
tried to avoid the truck by lying down his motorcycle but the truck
ran over him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a tragedy that happens and there is nothing you can do about it
except be strong for those around you that it has affected.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 23 years old, living on my own thinking that things were
going great.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mom being so affected she was unable to smile and be her self.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to grieve when it happens. I didn't even know what to expect
when it happened or how to grieve.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I still have him in my thoughts daily and I know he is here with
me to kept me going.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being around the family and helping each other get through the
tragedy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Concentrating and making it day by day
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Think of all the positive things that have happened and don't dwell
on what is happening at the moment.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
stayed positive and knew that god took him because it was his time
to go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I kept thinking why did this happen to my brother. Why was he
driving on the street he was on, and why did the truck hit him,
and so on and so on.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was the family being together and and helping each other through
the rough times but thinking about the good times made us laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to him, hug him, tell him I loved him. You see when my brother
passed away him and I were not talking and had not been talking
for about a year.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Go to his grave site and talk to him when I was feeling down and
confused.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw my brother come to me in a dream and tell me that he is happy
and okay. Not to worry
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
his one year anniversay comes up, or when I go to the grave site,
or just sit around and thinking about him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think it would differ much but I would have my brother back.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did god take hin before I was able to say I love you and
I'm sorry.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to him in person and see his smile or hear his jokes.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shock, confused, why
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Well I really don't have much to say on that because my brother
was killed instantly. No medical treatment could of helped.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We didn't visit the church for help.
--Religious Affiliation:
When I was a child very involved. Not very involved as an adult.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Good. I felt a spirit of my brother at the funeral and at the burial.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had no money. We had to borrow money from the bank to pay for
the expenses.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was done very well and all the people helped each of us in our
own ways.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
grieving affects everyone at different times and in different
ways. Take it when it comes and just remember that you are still
alive and you need to live your life to the fulliest.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Was when I seen him come to me in my mothers room and tell me not
to cry or to feel sad. He is very happy and every thing will be okay.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/A
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to say I'm sorry and that I love you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I already expalined. My brother came to me in my mothers room and
told me not to cry that everything was okay. He is happy.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
your life and how you live
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
N/A
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
N/A
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I sat down on the one year anniversary of his death and wrote a
poem. I never write poetry but that day it came so easy and then I
took it to the accident cite and read it out loud and left a copy
of it on his cross.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/A
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I was actually reunited with my childhood friend. We were best
friends and then lost contact. After his death we met up again and
have been the greatest friend since.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Being around the family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just being there for me. I had so many friends and family that were
there for me every day.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
In some ways yes and in some ways no. I Really try not to dwell on
the past but doing this survey made me do this. I had to rethink
everything that happened and I don't like doing that. I think this
survey would be good for those who have just lost someone.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
N/A
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Tue May 30 13:26:44 2006
F20 in victorville, california =usa=
Name: kokitha
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
a term project questionaire from psychology class
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Prof/Studies: administration of justice
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More personal info:
it's okay to post but not the city i live in or state thankyou!
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: TRIPLE HOMICIDE; Aged: 13.
--Details:
THIS DEATH HAS AFFECTED HOW I THINK AND ACT! I CAN'T TRUST ALOT OF
PEOPLE! IT AFFECTED MY OTHER BROTHER BECAUSE HE WAS IN THE HOUSE
WHEN IT HAPPENED! SO JUST THANK GOD MY BABY BROTHER IS IN A BETTER
PLACE AND THAT ONE OF MY BROTHERS MADE IT OUT SAFELY TO GO ON IN
LIFE WITH HIS FAMILY!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A HEART BREAKING INCIDENT! IT BREAKS PEOPLE DOWN TO THE POINT WHERE
THEY ARE WEAK, CAN'T FUNCTION, YOU DON'T WANT TO EAT OR SPEAK TO
ANYONE! IT FEELS LIKE YOUR WHOLE WORLD HAS ENDED. SOME PEOPLE NEED
PSYCHOLOGICAL HELP TO EVEN GET BACK ON TRACK TO COPE IN LIFE!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
WAS 17 IN A HALF YEARS OLD! I HAD JUST GIVEN BIRTH TO A BABY BOY
A MONTH BEFORE MY BABY BROTHER LIFE WAS TAKEN FROM HIM OVER SOME
WEED! SOMETHING HE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT! HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A CHANCE
TO ACTUALLY LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST BECAUSE SOME ASS HOLE WAS UPSET!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
SEEING MY BROTHER IN THAT COFFING AND KNOWING THAT HE WAS REALLY
GONE FOREVER!
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
HOW TO COPE WITH IT WHEN IT HITS THE HOME! I BEEN TO MANY FUNERALS
BUT THE TRAGEDIES NEVER HIT HOME BEFORE! NOW I CAN SAY I KNOW HOW
THEM OTHER PEOPLE ACTUALLY FELT TO LOSE THE ONE THEY LOVE THE MOST!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THAT MY LITTLE BROTHER IS IN A BETTER PALCE WHERE HE HAS NO WORRIES
AND HE'S WAITING ON ME TO COME HOME! ALSO THE FACT THAT THE LORDE
LEFT ME ONE BROTHER!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
HAVING CAR WASHES TO HELP PAY FOR MY BROTHERS FUNERAL! YOU ACTUALLY
SEE WHO HAS A HEART AND WHO DOESN'T CARE AT ALL!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
LOSING MY BABY BROTHER! I WAS IN SHOCK FOR DAYS UNTIL THE FUNERAL
REALITY ACTUALLY HIT MY BROTHER WAS GONE!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
TO SHOW THEM ALOT OF SUPPPORT AND TO LET THEM KNOW THERE ALWAYS IN
YOUR HEART AND WILLL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
FELT AND TO NOT TRUST EVERYONE BECAUSE THE ONES YOU CONSIDER FRIENDS
ARE THE ONES PLOTTING ON HOW TO ADD PAIN TO YOUR LOVE ONES.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
THE MURDERER KILLED THEM OVER SOME WEED! AND ANOTHER CONFUSING
PART WAS HE WAS CONVICTED ON 3 FIRST DEGREE MURDERS AND GOT LIFE
IN JAIL INSTEAD OF THE DEATH PENALTY. THREE FAMILIES SAT IN COURT
FOR OUR LOVED ONES TO SEE THERE MURDERER REAP WHAT HE SOW AND HE
GOT OFF EASY AS HELL! WE WANTED HIM TO DIE! why should he live and
the ones we lost can never take a breath or reach the goals they
had set for themselves. we can't even see there face or hug them
any more! he gets to live and still have his family!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I WISH MY BROTHER WAS HERE!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
TO HUG MY BROTHER AND TELL HIM I'M SORRY THAT WE HAD THE FIGHT WE
HAD BEFORE HE DIED AND I DO LOVE HIM WITH ALL OF MY HEART!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
SEND MY BROTHER TO THE HOMELAND OF PEACE AND THAT HEAVEN!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
MY BROTHER WAS ABLE TO GET ON STAGE AT THE FUNERAL AND SPEAK ON
HOW HE FEALT ABOUT HIS LITTLE BROTHER!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
HOW THEY LOOKED FOR THE FUNERAL I DIDN'T GIVE A CARE I JUST WANTE
TO HOLD MY BROTEHR ONE LAST TIME!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I LOOK AT HIS OBITUARY OR WHEN I SEE A PICTURE OR EVEN WHEN I JUST
THINK ABOUT SOMETHING WE DID TOGETHER THAT WAS FUNNY OR EVEN WHEN
I HEAR MY LITTLE BROTHERS SONG ON THE RADIO!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i always think what if this hadn't happened will i be the person
i am today! but i do think about what we would be doing today!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
THAT MY BROTEHR HAD TO BE DEAD!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see my brothers face and hug him atleast one time! even just to
talk with him sometimes!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
WAS IN TOTLA SHOCK I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING! I WAS JUST ON THE PHONE
WITH MY BROTHER AND THEN I HEAR HE'S BEEN SHOT TO DEATH! THAT
DESTROYED TO THE FULLEST!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they couldn't do anything because he was shot in the head and neck
he died instantly!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
dosn't apply
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a time for the family to get together and show that we have to put
things aside and still love one another! life is to short to live
in hatred!
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding MONEY:
we made sure that he ahd everything he needed to look nice and to
make sure people remebered him peacefully!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my brother was dead and thats all i worried about!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that it took my for my little brother to die for me to realize that
i needed to change my life style because if my baby brother life
can easily be taken my can too!
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when a person say there going to do a murder believe them and take
head don't just brush it off!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
life wasn't even worth living any more until i remember i have a
son i have to love and ake care of!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have dreams about me ahnging out with my brother and it feels as
if nothing has ever changed!
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i can actually say i got to apoplogize to my brother before he died
but there was still more that i was sorry for that i thought about
more after his death!
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i think i am at peace, but my other borther who is living might be
able to cope with life alot better knowing he could apologize to
his baby brother about some things! he never got to apologize or
tell his brother he still loves him!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
it was wonderful because my brother let me know he was at peace
and i din't have to cry anymore and that he's proud of me in what
i have accomplished!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
take care of my children and love them like your own! and remember
to love not hate!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wolud be very sad! i would just tell eveyone i love the m and
don't cry because i will be in a better place soon!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i would want people to remember me as being kind hearted! i tried
to help everyone! that i am with the lord waiting on them to come
home too!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
to just talk about it to family and another is try not to talk
about it as much because others are not as far along in there
healing process as i am!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i still communicate with some of my old friends from when i was in
a gang but i keep them distant!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I TRY NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT BUT ITS VERY HARD! BUT I HAVE TO BE
STONG FOR MY PARENTS AND MY OTHER BROTHERS AND SISTERS!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
WHEN I SAW MY BROTHER IN THAT COFFING IT KILLED ME! I WAS IN DENAIL
FOR A LONG TIME UNTIL I SAW HIM!
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to just be hugged and to know that i am loved dearly!
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this was a very difficult subject for me to trlak about but i made
it through. yes it has helped me rethink alot of things!
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Tue May 30 10:26:39 2006
F42 in ronkonkoma suffolf, = ?? =
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
when someone you love is suddenly gone.you never have the blessing
to see or talk with that person again
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 9 and it was my grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is how shocking violent it was and how the justice system failed
my brother
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is happening way too often unnesscessarily
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
can not think of a single reponse for this
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Mon May 29 13:45:10 2006
F16 in Kingsville, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Nikkie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for a survey about death and this came up and I
said what the hell, I'll do it.
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Prof/Studies: Highschool Student
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More personal info:
I had to stop, I don't havetime to do the whole survey. Sorry!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
N/A
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
N/A
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1.1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 15.
--Details:
Suidide.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When someone stops existing in soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was unsure of what was happening. I knew I would never see my
grandfather again, yet I wasn't sure of what was going on, and why
everyone was so sad if he was supposed to be in heaven, living a
better life.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my friend, the same age as me, who committed suicide. We
had been very close in grade school, although we didn't even attend
the same school. When we went to highschool we promised to be best
friends, but that didn't happen, but we still hung out outside of
school. In grade 10 we had grown quite far apart, and on May 24th
she killed herself outside of our school with a belt.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much no one else even asked if I was okay. It was as if I
was supposed to get over it like that, because we had grown apart
that year.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to respect when someone is hurting, and how to stop getting
people looking for sympathy when someone close to them dies.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Don't have one.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My parents were awful, making jokes and such, thinking I would think
it was funny. Time was the best thing, and friends helped somewhat.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I knew I would never get to grow up with Alyssa. We
had many so many plans for the future, like room together when
we graduated highschool, and live in a house where we could buy a
cat. Now this can never happen.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Life is precious, and you never know when someone close to you
will be gone. Always be honest, truthful and loving to everyone
around you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She actually did it. I couldn't understand why, she never told
anyone why. She never said why she killed herself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Was in complete shock. I was at schooland the guys came in and I
heard and thought people were kidding. They kept us in class for
a good time before letting us go, and I didn't know what to do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
It was tough to deal, and I still am not really over it, and I
don't think I ever will be.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I feel horrible, like I should have known. Should have stayed close
with her and not let us grow apart so I could've helped her.
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Sun May 28 19:39:13 2006
M18 in Victorville, CA =USA=
Name: Ryan Stanfield
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: College student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Fight Club
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Chuck Palahnick
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes ; Aged: 50.
--Details:
I think my grandfather died of a heart attack, but it was because
of the complications from being diabetic.
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--Death Is:
disengagement from reality. When a person dies, their consciousness
fades to oblivion, as our bodies cease to function. Death is a
point of no return, there is only a short period of time in which
modern technology can revive a clinically dead person (usually 4
minuets). After this period, cellular decay happens throughout
the body at a rapid rate and a person is no longer capable of
being revived.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was about 5 years of age. I was confused by the ordeal and didn't
quite know how to react.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died from the effects of diabetes at around the age
of 50. Being his only grandchild, my grandparents also focused a
lot of attention upon me. As a result, I grew rather fond of my
grandparents at an early age, but because of the young age, I did
not fully grasp the full implications of a death and didn't quite
understand the passing of my grandfather, other than he wasn't
going to be around anymore.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pouring of my Grandfather's ashes upon his grave. When passing
his grave at the cemetery, everyone in the car with me wept.
I wasn't quite sure how to deal with all of it, so I wept as well.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is the reason life is sacred. Without death, life
could not be cherished and nourished. Many people believe they
can exasperate the limits of their bodies and never think twice
about since it's so obvious to them that there is an "afterlife" in
which their physical mal-adaptions will have no bearing. I believe
people need to end the notion of there being an afterlife and
start coping with the fact that this might be their only shot in
the realm of existance and that they better make the most of it.
Think about for a moment, if Islamic extremists believed that
there will be no virgins waiting for them in their "heaven"
if they were to blow themselves apart in a suicide bombing.
Not again would a fundamentalist Christian try to kill an abortion
doctor if he knew there were no god to reward him in the afterlife.
No more would religion tear apart the foundations of society's by
confusing people in regards to what lies past the postmark of death.
Having differing views on what lies after death should be tolerated,
but when people kill one another because what they feel regarding
their particular afterlife, it is a telltale sign that there are
serious psychological issues that have to be dealt with.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that you can always come out strong after a tragic event occurs
such as death. The death of another can inspire memories of why
the person who died was so important and revered. A death also
sharpens the idea that life is sacred and must be treated as such
in years to come.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family members most helped me through the death of my grandfather.
Though I did not fully understand his death, they helped me
understand this difficult life concept.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that the person isn't coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Recollect memories of better times for the person. Most importantly,
listening is the most important thing you can do while at the side
of a dying person. Someone who is dying needs the opportunity to
expel any and every last thought they posses. By doing this, the
person's spirt will carry on in the form of memory and legacy and can
grow as a source of inspiration and guidance for future generations.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Death affects you differently depending on what age you have to
deal with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
People were happy to talk about memories of my grandfather but then
suddenly started crying in the middle of their speech. At my age,
I was a bit confused, since they were saying such nice things about
him, but then their moods instantly changed to sorrow so quickly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was just a way to help cope with the intense emotions regarding
death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Sit down with my grandfather and have a meaningful talk about life
in general. This of course wouldn't have been possible because of
my age.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Not take the death really hard.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The awkwardness of not knowing how to feel in a situation such as
a funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Grieving constantly.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't really think of the death of a loved one when I think about
death and dying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My experiences certainly would have changed. I wouldn't know my
step grandfather nearly as well as I do now and I may have had to
opportunity to have a close relationship with my grandfather.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a person should die without me being able to understand why
people have to die. This was probably the question running through
my mind at the time of my grandfathers death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
relive the past so I could understand how and why I felt.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Didn't quite know what to think of it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did the best they could, but I really wasn't old enough to
know what medical techniques they could have used.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It meant a place to have funeral service. My family was Christian,
but the family never really stressed religious ideas upon me.
For me, religion plays no part in death, other than for me, it
cheapens death because of the idea of an afterlife
--Religious Affiliation:
.I am a pessimistic Agnostic. This meaning I think that in all
likelihood, there is no such thing as any God in the Muslim,
Christian or Buddhist sense. I think if anything, there may be
beings in the universe that may wield Godlike powers, but I don't
believe in a being that innately had omnipotent and omniscient
powers.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Everyone know's what it's like to grieve. Personnel views on
religion and spirituality can shape our grieving, but we all grieve.
--Regarding MONEY:
No effect since grandfathers income wasn't tied in to mine and
my families. It may have effected us as far as having to help pay
for the funeral service, but that was the extent to the financial
damages.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
People were predominantly grief stricken.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Finding out what exactly death was.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The death was very sudden for me. I had know idea that my
grandfather was about to pass.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The quicker you can get over the grief, the better the process will
go and the fonder you will become of the person who passed away.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was to young to be brainwashed by religious non-sense.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
At the time, I had no issues with my grandfather. It would have
been nice for him to live long enough for us to go through trails
and tribulations, but things just didn't work out that way.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to have talked to my grandfather just about stories
of his life. What was important to him? What life events really
mattered to him? What hardships he had to go through and how he
dealt with these hardships. Questions like those I would have
liked to discussed if I was old enough to understand.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Only in dreams was this ever prevalent for me. This was only in
my dreams when I was young however.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The most important thing is the observe the wishes of the dying,
no matter how alien it may seem. As long as the person isn't
severally depressed or experiencing a psychological disorder, the
wishes of the dying party should be observed. I also believe that
the issue of dying has no place in government and should be left
up to the family members and the dying party only.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have come to the conclusion that death is an enviable aspect
of life. I have also found that I do not believe in any afterlife
and that this most likely is my one shot at existance. I do not
look forward to death, but feel I must prepare for it properly.
Preparing for it, as in understanding and learning from others,
then passing down this knowledge to others in a way in which it
will be useful to them. Though I don't believe in an afterlife, I
do believe you can touch other peoples lives in such a way to make
your persona immortal through the words of stories and through the
vivid recollections of memory.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I want people to remember how strong of a will I had. I want people
to know that despite what other people felt, I never hesitated
to let other people know how I felt on a particular issue, no
matter how much I would be looked down upon for having expressing
my beliefs. I also want to be recognized as someone who was
a teacher. A teacher as far as life in general, not necessarily
a teacher of the classroom. I want to positively affect others
live's through the value of knowledge. I also want to teach
the importance of listening and cooperating with others. Without
cooperation and respect, one would not learn anything in this life.
When you listen to other people's points of view you can learn and
also sharpen and identify more your own beliefs. I don't want
others to view me as a quitter or someone who always lost hope.
I am pessimistic on many issues, but optimistic on many others
and I want people to see me as an optimist overall. I would like
to send the message that even in the darkest times in one's life,
there is always hope to escape to better times.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Getting on with life is probably the best way to cope with death.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Don't have any.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Very much so. After my grandfathers death, my grandmother remarried
to one of my grandfathers best friends. I have grown quite fond
of my step grandfather as he is wise and kind. He's always helped
my family get through difficult times and never hesitates to assist
us in any way he can.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was not mentally developed enough at age 5 to fully comprehend
the implications of a death.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
I remembered when my grandfathers ashes were poured upon his grave,
everyone else was crying. I did not know what I should do, so I did
as everyone else and cried as well. I didn't feel like being sad,
but I didn't think it would be right not to cry.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think maybe reaching out to my grandmother a bit more may have
helped her, but I think I was a bit to young to come up with anything
wise or comforting to say.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire has been helpful in assessing how exactly I feel
about the dying process and how I feel about death when the time
comes for me to go.
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Thu May 25 16:46:44 2006
F49 in Apple Valley, CA =US=
Name: Sue McCray
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: water aerobics instructor/mom/student studying for medical
asst. certificate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 74.
--Details:
He died at the VA hospital. I was an adult but the details are
fuzzy like I have blotted out some to the harder ones. I recall
the funeral a lot better...the bugle playing taps
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--Death Is:
N0 longer living on this planet. We will sleep until Jesus
returns
and if we know him... and you can find out how by going to a cool
Christian church than you are parked with him in heaven now. If you
did not know him when you died and you were not a child or mentally
incapable then you are just waiting or your soul is for the end and
since you apparently rejected Him you won't end up in a great place.
If you live in a remote area on the planet and never heard of this
Jesus in your lifetime then as i UNDERSTAND IT YOU GET A FREE PASS.
I believe this and if you are thinking about death, it will be worth
your while to check out religion for answers, mainly I recommend
the Bible and some knowledgable Christian people. Not all of us
are capable of explainning it all.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
told you above, at granny's funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That I was going to miss dad, and it did not seem fair since his
1st grandchild was only a year old but happy that he was able to
see both boys before he died unlike my father n law whom I have
never met because he died at 52
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I was not strong in my faith as I am now. I have gone to many bible
studies and have become involved in Chuch and have learned so much.
Before it was just my husband and my early church going in youth
during which I did not glean much.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not knowing the facts like I do now.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To make sure he knows I believe there is life after death as outlined
in the Bible and hopefully he's agree to believe and if so I could
happily say I'd seem him later!
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was ignorant...there is such peace in knowing your are part of
a family under one God who loves you and that this is not the end
here on this earth!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I cannot relate to a lot of these questions. Dad's death was 17
years ago and all that I have learned since will help me when I face
the next one if it's not my own 1st. I just wanted to add here
since dreams were mentioned that I still dream about dad often.
I'm 49 and I dream about him as my dad when I was single, mainly
a teen. I'm glad my subconscious mind still has a re run movies
of him and me. Even with new story lines. Funny nothing about my
age now...guess cause he's not here. Although I have always had
strong feelings that he is watching down. I* know he always had a
Bible by his bed so I know he believed as I do now...and I'll see
him again. So I am never sad.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It's faith in the bible and what it says. It's not a religion
you need. It only helps to have wonderful loving Christian
people around you explainning what they know and believing what
you believe. At our church...it's big, we have all kinds of help
and grieving groups. You need support, there's a group that can
help you. We have a terminally ill care group and one to help with
the grieving process after your loved one dies. If you live in So
Cal in the High Desert then the place to be to be utterly happy and
involved with helping people and learning about the truth and how to
strenghten your faith is at High Desert Church in Victorville, CA.
You can even download all the sermon from 2 different age group
services, young adult and older ..www.highdesertchurch.com
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of dying. Maybe it's because of my faith that
it's not the end and I'll get to seem some really cool people like
Abraham and my dad etc. I'm 49 and it would take some getting used
to if I was given so much time to live but I could handle that so
much better than one of my teens dying and they're new drivers now.
I know they would still be in heaven waiting for me. I just want
them to get to live a full life. I pray every day that they will
be able to.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
S.M. was always there if you needed her. She was positive and
always made you laugh. She really listend to what you had to say.
She really hoped you would learn about the God she loves and his son
Jesus who died so your sins could be forgiven and you would live
"eternally" with him and all the many Christian family members.
She' always invited you to Church but she wasn't preachy. She loved
her family and animals and all the people she came in contact with!
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
none at that time
i did not and do not have a problem dealing with death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I can see how it would be an enormous help to those who are facing
death or recently lost someone. So many people with so many ideas.
I have not had any recent experience with death. I was given a
list of about 30 surveys for a psych. class and we had to pick
only 4. Because of my feelings about death, ie not afraid of it,
I had no qualms joining in your survey. I am sorry I could not be
more helpful. Except for the part about checking into the Christian
lifestyle, it is a lifesaver and deathsaver!!!
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Tue May 23 17:39:59 2006
F29 in CA = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: organ failure.; Aged: 75.
--Details:
My grandmother was more like my own mother because she raised me
from birth. I still hold some guilt because in the week before her
death, she was in the hospital and even though her condition was
worsening, and I could see it, I never talked with the doctors to
find out really why. I felt very alone dealing with her illness.
The last time I saw her was the night before she aspirated and before
I left, I could tell she was scared and I asked her if she would
be okay, she shook her head no but I still left her there alone.
Seven years have passed and I still get upset at that thought.
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--Death Is:
The end of living. Moving on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I cried. I was shocked that someone I knew actually had been killed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The last time I saw my grandmother alive.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I knew, or chose to hope that my grandmother is in a better place
with no more pain and suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to see that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To just be there for them. You really feel alone when you lose
someone so special to you.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't actually be in the room when they removed life support
from her. Even though they said brain activity was gone, she was
gone, I couldn't watch her go.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend the night with her, and hold her hand. Say good bye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My grandmother was on support for most of the day, and as soon as
my mother, her ex-daughter in-law got to the hospital, she finally
let go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I almost don't know, mit been seven years since I've seen her,
and I'm grown and have my own child now. I would have loved for
him to know her though.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt numb at first and almost like a peice of my life was gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Distrust
--Regarding MONEY:
My grandmother's son, my father, stepped up and dealt with that part.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You learn to cope with it and sadly, you do think of the person
less frequently as time passes.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know but when I die it would be nice to see her again.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I still dream of her sometimes but they are dreams about my life now.
She knows my son, and sees him in my dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Who will raise my son up to be a caring, strong person? Who will
be able to love him as I did?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared right now. I don't think I'm scared really for me but
for my son. I can't imagine having to leave him without his mommy.
He needs me and I need him.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Not sure but it would say that my greatest accomplishment was my
son and that I will love him straight into eternity.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Fri May 12 03:42:21 2006
M57 in Toronto, Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Copernic search
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stopped eating; Aged: 90.
--Details:
My father put her in a home, she had become incontinent and needed
nursing care.
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--Death Is:
leaving our material state.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
weeped silently.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
she lost hope.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's another aspect of cause and effect.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being with my grandmother to say goodbye.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
meditation
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to interact with them if I felt the urge.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Remember them at their best.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel for the moment and accept the impermanence of all experience.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The body afterwards appeared inanamate and I was not ready for that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there at the end.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
true...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empty.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect...
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
respect...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
last rites...
--Religious Affiliation:
Nichiren Shoshu Buddhist/Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true..
--Regarding MONEY:
some behavior of those involved was shameful.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just resigned myself to the inevitable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I realized some time ago I was no longer afraid of death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Father of son Aubrey Cottle
good friend to all
a practician of
value creation
an honest man
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
The distance made it seem unreal even though I felt deep lose.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
Distance away.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
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Fri May 12 00:32:42 2006
F50 in apple valley, california =USA=
Email: <mdc153&msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: MFT student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 25 Years ago.
Cause of Death: surgical complications; Aged: 4.
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--Death Is:
the cessation of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about five years old. My god mother's husband died after being
hit by a bus. My mother had had a premonition that he was going
to die, so told my god mother to take out an insurance policy on
him. She heeded her advice.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
excrutiating and agonizing internal pain. Disbelief; the pain was
like an unscratchable itch, or like the phantom pain one feels from
an amputaed limb:There is no way to sooth it...My husband became
weakened and silent...my parents and siblings wanted to console me
yet could not because they were themselves in need of consoling.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is no time line or time limit to grief: some people will
forever grieve the death of their loved ones. This "lifelong grief"
process, (as I chose to call it), is not a debilitating type of grief
that can inhibit the day to day life functioning process. No,.. but
it is a sadness that crops up sometimes, un-expectantly.
My son
died 25 years ago, yet there are still some days when it feels as
though it happened only yesterday. It aches... Like, at this very
moment...as I write about it. However, it is a fleeting sadness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that through the experience of loosing my first son I gained a
greater compassion for others. Also,after the death of my second
son (he was anacephalic), I was able to donate his skin, and
corneas...for that I am also grateful.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family,friends and church. I had one friend (who had lost a
child also)that came to my house about a week after the funeral and
just sat in my living room as I went about the house trying to be
'normal'...doing household chores, and things. She just sat there
because she knew that there would be times throughout the day when
I would not want to be alone.
I had another friend that would
let me talk to and with her about my son. We would go out to lunch
and she would cry and laugh with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My son died on his father's birthday. I was not with him because
I had gone home to make my husband a cake for his birthday.
My son was in ICU for two months;The hospital was an hour drive
away from my home so I 'lived' in the ICU waiting room all of that
time. There was no Ronald McDonald's house at that time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them talk about whatever it is that they want to talk about. If
they want to talk about their death let them;if they want to
reminisce, let them; If they want to impart their wisdom, let
them. If they want to be quiet, let them.
My sister died four
months ago.......
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have learned that professional counseling and support groups can
be very helpful. The church that I was attending at the time
of my first son's death, did not advocate or support the need
for professional help. I basically had to be my own counselor: I
read books on grief and prayed. After the death of my second son,
I became severely depressed and knew, from my previous readings,
that I was in desperate of professional counseling. I also, attended
a local church support group for parents who had lost children.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
People expected me to be "normal" again. What I know realize is that
after the death of a loved one, what we once considered "normal"
will...can... no longer be. Before my son died, "normal" was being
the mother of a living four year old son. My idenity changed in a
split second.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good bye to both of my sons and my sister
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
use my experiences to help someone else
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the family spent time to look at the family photo albums the days
leading up to the funeral
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the traditional funeral proceedings...my sister's and son's funeral
were somewhat non-traditional. The "order of service" was planned
according to what we wanted.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for someone who has purposely caused no ill will to others to die
such painful deaths
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time and prevent the deaths
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
when I first learned about the death of my sister my initial reaction
was that I had not finished growing old with her yet.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disillusionment; mistrust
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that I had the needed support and strength to get through the
grief. Although my faith believes that we will again see our dead
loved ones in heaven some day, that knowledge was really of no solace
for me. That 'some day' had no real significance to my 'today'.
Yes, I do believe in heaven but that belief does not ease my pain,
in any way.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
After my son's death, my husband and I had a $60,000 hospital to pay.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how impossible it is to fully pre-prepare for a funeral. During the
time of the actual funeral preparations, the unexpected emotions of
others come into play. It is the emotions that one cannot prepare
for.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in my sister's case, it was her acceptance of her approaching death
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I found that regarding the stages of the grieving process, it is
easier to follow the dictates of my body, and emotions.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my sister said that she heard children singing
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I loved my sons and my sister. I am thankful that I had them in
my life
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
during the time of my sister's death,my adult niece saw her in a
vision telling her goodbye.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Do I want to die in a hospital or at home?; do I want to be placed
on life support? If so for how long?;do I want to be cremated?;
do I want my organs donated?
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? My Belief System
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to parents who had lost children. Sometimes I will
respond to an obituary in the newspaper by sending a card to a
grieving parent.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it was useful in getting me to re-think and to express my
feelings regarding the death of my loved ones. But it was a bit
long................. I found that I had become weary from thinking
about the deaths. It would have been helpful if there was a provision
for stopping and resuming the questionaire process.
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Wed May 10 16:09:13 2006
F32 in Marble Falls, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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More personal info:
Thank you
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
He lost control of his vehicle, the vehicle flipped and he was
ejected. He was then struck by another vehicle as he lay in the
roadway. The driver that struck him did not stop. My brother was
pronounced dead at the scene.
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--Death Is:
the saddest most confusing thing we know. How can we comprehend when
someone is here, everything that makes them what and who they are and
their relationship to us and others, that they simply are gone? Just
like that?
I think the worst part is not hearing their voice again
or seeing their smile or feeling the warmth of their touch.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Unable to comprehend how it could happen, just like that,
when I was with him just a few hours before hand. It was so
final. Non-negotiable.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Grieving and helping families and friends grieve together.
I did
not want to put my little brother in the ground in a box, never to
see his face again. It was and still is the hardest thing I have
had to face. I am 32 now, I was 23 when it happened.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the finality
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see someone who resembles him in appearance, or voice.
Or I look
at photographs of him, or sometimes just talking about him and what
happened to him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have him back
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I was dissapointed only because I was hoping Life Flight could have
made a difference.
--Religious Affiliation:
i beleive in somekind of everlasting life. But I can't explain what
it would look like.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
foreign to me
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
becoming an only child to my mother, and when I speak about him
me having to say that he was killed, that he is gone, seems so odd
still to this day. "never thought it could happen to me."
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to know that he did not suffer, and that he is
happy now.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream of him often, but I don't think it is actually him there,
just me and my dreams.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes it is so bizzare, I can't imagine the feeling. I would tend
to think it would be quite different for the person dying than the
person left behind.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I dread seeing my husband leave the home every day. I am so fearful
that I will get another awful phone call telling me that he has died,
and I was not there with/for him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Mon May 8 05:54:47 2006
F35 in hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh =India=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: technical writer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes; Aged: 5.
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--Death Is:
a feeling like going permanently away out of touch from the ones
you love and want to be with. It's like being out in the space
where you know nobody, are scared of what might happen next, none
to share your feelings with and craving to come back home...it
doesn't matter even if you had to come back to an enemy's house.
It is as though friends/enemies differentiation ceases and you want
to come home to Mother.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I felt neutral, completely in balance, with an odd feeling of
how a person whom I had known had all of a sudden left me with no
intentions of getting in touch with me again. It was as though the
person who died was liberated from bonds and was actually happy to
have died...it seemed more like a huge relief to die and to stop
to exist physically.
--That first time, how it happened was
I had no idea of religion, gods, life or death. At that age - 4
yrs. I didn't know anything about death. It was a neighbour. An old
woman's body lay ready for cremation. I saw it accidentally. The
moment I saw the old woman's body, I felt myself up high in the
sky several metres high looking down at the body. I felt a strange
sensation of detachment to the world, I felt that the old woman who
expired was myself, she didn't seem different from me. I felt it
was one of my bodily forms that had expired. There was no sorrow, no
joy...I was in a neutral state. I felt that the grieving relatives
of the old woman were grieving for me. And, I felt that grieving
for a dead body is futile, in fact I felt that the relatives could
have remained nuutral..as though nothing of importance or unnatural
had happened. Does one ever cry when clothes are worn out and you
throw them away without any attachment to it? It was the same kind
of feeling that I encountered. All this experience happened very
quickly and in a slow motion in a few seconds and then after taking
a look at the old woman's dead body from the sky, I felt descending
into my own current body as a child in wonder. And, I felt a quick
shiver, I felt some indescribable strange feeling, and not being
well-equipped to handle the feeling I rushed into home to escape it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how the person was nearing death and had no inkling of when he/she
would die..the exact time and venue.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that one cannot escape from the truth of life and death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about the dead person and talking to the dead person as
though he/she was alive and sharing my feelings with them. Saluting,
praying and paying homage to the dead.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
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Sun May 7 13:54:13 2006
F50 in Harlem, Montana =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
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--Death Is:
something that happens when God feels it is time for you to be
with him.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought it was a way for my mother not to have anymore pain and to
be in a better place.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how torn the whole family was and how no one stuck together, they
all blamed each other.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not something to be feared.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when my son soon after his death came to check on me to make sure
everything was fine and how apparent his visits were.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I would not see them on this Earth alive again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them that it is alritght to go that the people here are
going to be alright and that we will see them again someday.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why him and not me, he was young and had so much to live for and
I was his mother I should not outlive my child.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
Feeling of loneliness
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Sat May 6 19:15:15 2006
F20 in Hesperia, Ca =USa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 39.
--Details:
He was stabbed infront of a liquor store. To this day if I pass the
store I refuse to look at it. I was with my mom at work the day it
happened. When we came home the cops where there with there cones
errected. We stared and showed our simpathy to the individual,
never realizing that it was own family that lay bloody on the ground.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person is lost. By lost, this person may (God-willig) grow
old seeing the world age with them until there time has come. There
body can no longer function as it once did and it fails to meet the
needs of daily life. In some cases life is taken away in an accident
or on purpose and the person is no longer with us. For those that
have the body, death ends with the body being placed into the ground.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't understand why. I was young and the world seemed so perfect,
that day i realized that it was far from it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone was brought to there knees, not just me. Grown men weeped
and comfort was coming from a bottle. Nothing was making sense
to anyone.
--What I think my (USa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is such a difficult topic, and it never just fades away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I can't say that I am grateful for anything yet.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family was my number one support. even though it was my dad's
brother that past, he was the first one to let my cry on his
shoulder.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being in a quiet room with just my thoughts was the worst thing
for me to do.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It varies so much from person to person, I don't have the
answer. some people may want to laugh, others to talk, but I don't
think tears would be benefitial.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
need help. I am not as strong as I seem, and do need to cry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
that person had to go, everyone always says why them, and that part
will never be clear.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never once felt like laughing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my uncle just one more time, and let him know that he
was loved.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I don't have an answer.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I huged my grandmother infront of the coffin, I hoped that the love
everone had for my uncle could make it easier on her.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't have an answer.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the day of the murder passes, today is May 6th, and May 5th hard
to see come and go.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The world would be a better place with him here, and now i have to
resort to my dreams to see him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i think that says it all, it's just not fair, the end.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to someone, more importantly, if i could just talk to him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
why, and then i fell to the ground.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
concern, they were able to do nothing, and i hope another family
doesn't have to go through the sense of helplessness that I and so
many other families go through.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that we could have our time to grieve, and not have to worry that
the world was still going on. We could morn and live in our little
world so that we dealt with our issues.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a heavy curtain, that all cultures and languages can understand.
--Regarding MONEY:
at first it wasn't thought about, then his money was brought up as
well as the money of the funeral. Some people got ugly when money
came into play.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the mourners and the sadness, in the case of my grandfathers death,
the 21 gun salute stands out the most.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
still continuing with my days knowing that that person was no longer
with us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
No signs where present, he was murdered out of the blue.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
having to see a person die befor my eyes on a daily basis would be
so hard for me, I don't think i could handle it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I haven't seen visions, but I know of people who have been conforted
by them.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I know i nearly died, but it didn't give me any clarity.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i don't have any issues, but I feel that my uncle died not knowing
how much he was loved. There is no one that can help me with that,
but when i go to bed I make sure that I let him know that we
love him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would let him knoe he was loved, no one was upset with him,
and I think that he might have benifited from hearing that.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother prayed that she could have some reassurance that
her husband was safe. In a dream she saw him in Heaven singing,
and she felt better about her loss.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The fact that I want to be a donor, not be put in a coffin, and have
my porperty given to my parnets must always be made clear. On topics
of assisted living, I would have to give more thought, like years.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want everyone to know I loved them, I would want to make my
wishes known regarding my funeral, and that I was in a good state
of mind and at peace.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved God, her family/friends, and life.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking about that person helped to cope, but sometime it made
matters worse.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I don't have a new freindship, but i know that my grandmother and
I have gotten closure through this time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I will always remember the way our church came to our help, and
cooked us dinners so that we could just focus on our situation.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
Seeing a once active individual, just being static in a box made
no sence to me.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was helped and it worked. I was not in a good state of mind to
help others.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It re-opened my eyes, to the day in question. I think that the
experiance didn't have many possitives for me to focus on, so it
was hard to think of responses to those questions. I haven't come
to a profound understanding of death, but I do understand the way
it has effected my life.
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See Apr 06 contributions.
See Mar 06 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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