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See Current contributions.
See Jan 06 contributions.
See Dec 05 contributions.
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Sun Feb 19 00:35:59 2006
F29 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student Psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Mathew, Mark, Luke, John, and Paul
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 47.
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--Death Is:
The person's body is emptied of it's essence leaving just the body
shell behind which we honor and say our farewells to with various
ceromonies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was eight
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people crying and being encredibly sad
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal and let go
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family being there united
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just being with people
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being alone like bed time or at school
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen and hug
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
to feel
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they were just gonefrom us
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't want to laugh but yes I agree emotional fatigue must have
set in
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you one last time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have had her as my mother
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we placed flowers on the casket
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I talk about it with loved ones
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i wouldn't know where to start
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
or how much I want her back
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have them back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
after the funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We took care of my mother and it was fine
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
they can not come to us but we can go to them in Heaven
--Religious Affiliation:
Non denominational Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right we all die
--Regarding MONEY:
we had none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sadness
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her stuff being touched
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
depression
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I felt a peace at the end but I was still sad and didn't want to
let go
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any but if so I talk with my sisters and brother
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just told them I love them so much and I just want them to be aware
of this in heaven
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have dreamed of my mother after my marriage and the birth of my
children that all no visions. I just let her know what was going
on with my life today
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It will happen and I want my kids to be financially taken care of
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
no none just crying and getting use to the absence
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes I looked at old relationships differently I became more pasionate
about all aspects of life
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
My Christian beliefs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
dealing with other issues
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just talking about my mother and crying to and with others
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it is helpful in sorting emotions
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
none
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Fri Feb 17 13:27:20 2006
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
The end to a state of exsistance. No longer able to comunicate or
at on this plain of exsistance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
unsure of why this thing happened
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
A change in my life because of the absence of another
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not the end of life for those of us who are still living and
should not be concidered a BAD thing only a process which all living
things in this exsistance go through
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death does not erase what someone or something has done while
alive. Only stops the first person input of change into my life
or others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
learning that death is not a religious thinkg. it is aomething
dealing with life and not a ethical question but a fact of how life
and death interact
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I have no control over death. it will happen
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont remind them what they are missing out on but what they are
and have givin to those that important to them and others
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
keep his memory alive and his ideas with me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother stop thinking or talking about him.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much his wisdom and thoughts meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak to others on how much he meant to me
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
so many people seem to make money on those that are left after
aomeone close to them dies
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
sending gifts of dead flowers or non-usefull items, to the familly.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i find that i miss his input and veiw of life or i have forgotten
how he would view something
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shocked that it could happen now
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
should be to make life more comfortable and less painfull not to
extend life beyound a "good" life time or to a point were the person
cannot take care of themself or communicate with others.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
one of the best ways to help people in this area of their lives
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
more of a hardship than a help. pushing us to look more on the
religious view then on how the person was and his feelings
--Religious Affiliation:
past: christian present: non-denomination
--Regarding MONEY:
everyone wanted my fathers money more than help the healing process
or continuation of life.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
those that really cared spoke of the times my father affect their
lives and those that were there as "mourners" never smiled or spoke
of the good things in life only on the negative of his death
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
It was a way to for get everything but not deal with it
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Fri Feb 17 07:28:01 2006
M55 in waterford, michigan =united states=
Name: Charlie Lundgren
Email: <cblundgren.at.comcast.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: retired
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More personal info:
The night my wife Betty died was the most gut renching night of
my life!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible,also a friend of mine gave me a book called Grieving
the Loss of Someone You Love
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Wife, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 47.
--Details:
It all started with my Dear wife Betty had a seizere, I have epilepsy
so I really was not to worried.She went to the hospital and they
did an MRI it showed 3 tumors in her brain.They said 2 of them
where deep in her brain and could not be operated on they started
radiation almost right away. They did surgery on one of the tumors
after the surgery they did chemotherapy for about 1 year and there
was still hope. She was even thinking about goin back to work. She
fought it for 2 years and then she had a very bad headache so I took
her to her doctor,on the way there she had a stroke I didn't know
it at the time. They put her back in the hospital again did another
MRI and a CT scan it showed that the tumor was bak again and they
couldn't do anything about it. She also ha what they call Gamma Knife
surgery but it didn't help. On November 5th 2005 she passed at home
surrounded by our family and friends it was the worst day of my life!
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--Death Is:
Ending one life to begin a better one
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had no idea what happend just they were gone
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The loss and hole in my heart and how lonely I was even thogh I
have 2 children still living at home [both are adults]. Why this
happened to the person I Loved completly for 24 years and looked
forward to growing old with.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
although it is terrible and bad this is only the end of one life
our job on this planet is done
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have gotten much closer with mt children and my faith in God has
grown 10 fold since this has happened.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Hospice has been great and the funeral home has a greif counseling
program I have just joined
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling the life drain from my's body and her become so cold.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell the person how much you love them,and tell them it is ok do go.
--[My Wife's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Treasure the time you have together because it can change in the
blink of an eye.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
She couldn't do the things she used to.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't do that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Been more patient with her changes.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To have been hooked up with Hospice they were angels.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
She was at pease when it happened.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I lose it some times for no reason and am afraid I'am goin crazy.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have had NO dreams so far.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I did far more wrong things in my life then she ever di, She was
kind sweet and never hurt anybody.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Find something to be happy about.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was numb for about 3 weeks, I remember very little of the
funeral. I have it on a cassette tape and one of these days I will
listen to it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice was great they told us every thing in terms we could
understand. We pretty much knew what was going to happen.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Blessed and the best we could have ever got. God Bless them all!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I got great strenght and pease from God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
If your good you live forever if your bad you die when you die.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I remember very little about the funeral.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Hook up with Hospice if the person is terminal.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Pray for them and remember the good times.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I 'am going to a grief group and hope it will help me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That she is OK now.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wish it would happen to me!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope it is as peasefull as my wifes was.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
We go to church weekly now.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I have gone through many other deaths since then and each one
was different.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
Not believing in Gods plan for all that happens.
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Wed Feb 15 01:55:44 2006
F64 in Rio Rancho, New Mexico =United States America=
Name: Doris
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
therapist
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Prof/Studies: caregiver
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 11.
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--Death Is:
the end of consciousness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt frightened, confused, guilty
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother being pregnant and her hiking her dress above her knees
--What I think my (United States America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
education
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the beatings ended and the fighting between my parents
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dont know
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i flunked on my on chance to help my brother
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
show love for them in any way possible
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see that she got some treatment for her mental illness just before
she died
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think what a horrible life my younger brother had to live
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he deserves to die with dignity. Where in the hell is the party
responsible for creation why why why are we here
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die with my husband
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sorrow that i had not been able to be there and comfort my mother
before she died. sorrow that my brother did not give me a second
chance to help him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distrust
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
what good is this something if we don't have a form after we die
--Regarding MONEY:
my brother was mentally ill and he had no money, capitalism is
very evil. there is no reason why anyone should go hungry or die
alone in a park or in the street
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
hopelessness
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i feel i was selfish and self centered and stupid in regards to
how i handled my brother
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would ask my brother for forgiveness.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have breathing problems and may well die soon. i am afraid of
dying,terribly afraid.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i dont believe in that sort of thing. i dont even want a funeral
service tho i might have one considering that i wanted to see
my brother. rituals are for the living so maybe i am selfish.
funerals are a waste of money and emotions.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i stole a lot
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What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Wed Feb 15 00:00:12 2006
F41 in Jackson, Wi =usa=
Name: Mary
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Prof/Studies: college
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More personal info:
This has been very helpful.. I don't like sharing to much with
others, but in this format, it was very helpful
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: murder/suicide; Aged: .
--Details:
My soul mate and best friend left this planet on August 28th, 2004.
We prayed the nite before for hours on the phone, she went missing
the next day, her boyfriend called. Thing is, he never talked to
anyone, ever. Yet, the day she went missing, he called me as soon
as he got home from work. Wanted to know if I had spoken to her.
I knew he wasn't right months b4 she passed away, and told my family
we needed to run a background check on him. The death was made
to appear as a suicide, yet there really is no concrete cause of
death with autopsy. She went missing for 14 days and was rotted,
turned to leather in AZ sun. I knew this woman more than I know my
own self!!! This is not what happend. She was to God believing and
fearing, she would not have taken her own life. Her BF had so many
unbelievable comments after she went missing and when she was found.
I know in all my heart and soul, he killed my beautiful sister.
t
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--Death Is:
only known to us until it happens, then it is alien.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 5, my grandfather's death, I threw up all over the
funeral home.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Her rotting body in a car, like a pumkin head 2 wks after Halloween.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Families need to grieve together for this persons soul.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My beautiful sister's love, she loved me the best.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I haven't really had any, my husband has tried.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not having a support system, and never seeing her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always remind them of how much you love them, it means alot to you
also, after they have died.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Still believe IN GOD!!! I know I will see her again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
How our family could act like it wasn't true. They left me, as
well as her. I never existed after she died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
She made me laugh as much dead as she did alive.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Keep her on the phone longer.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Tell her I loved her just hours b4 she went missing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Every song, especially love songs remind me of her, I'm a girl and
so is she. I find her love everywhere.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Conversations of the phone with certain people.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how we grew up.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
She would be living with me, or me with her. We needed each
other deeply.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she died like this and no one in our family even seems to care,
even the ones that meant the most to us.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
BE WITH HER
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
fell on the floor.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
GO BACK TO SCHOOL, YOU ARE WAY TO UNEDUCATED TO DEAL WITH THIS.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Her and I both deeply believed in GOD. We didn't have a religion,
just a belief.
--Religious Affiliation:
same as above, I love GOD the same as B4
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
foreign. Most people I have encountered since her death do not
believe in anything, I feel left out.
--Regarding MONEY:
I walked away for millions, cut out of the will. My family acted
like she should burn in hell, and I had my own service for her.
I went against them, and I would do it again. Fuck the money,
give me her.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Her.. My family had maybe 20 family members, no friends of her
were allowed. I didn't attend, my memorial service for her had
all her friends from high school and mine in support of me. It was
so special. Only for her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Having her visit every couple of months or so, even my husband
experiences her at the same time, so does our dog.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
There is much to learn above, it is like going back to k-12.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no cause of death, who did this. I also can't forgive our
parents and brother for their actions against her when she died.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Why would you leave me, I thought we would ride this life out
together, yet you are leaving without me, why???
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Like I said earlier every couple of months, out of the blue.
She knocks over stuff. Also she came to me in dreams and has talked
to me. I haven't seen her, but the dog has.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Leaving my request to my husband. Making sure there is none of the
above and I am cremated. If you know what someone wanted alive,
take care of that when they die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
GOODBYE> No, I would like to be with her.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
NO obituary. I don't want anyone to know anything. No one really
cares anyways.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Wearing her pj's to bed and being in touch with other things she
owned. Also, playing her music.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I mimic her smart ass comments to others, and they laugh. They have
no clue I got them from her.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, Mimi!!! She is as close to sister without being her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
remembering the loved one daily
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
Others not understanding, or maybe asking about it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Including me and her in the funeral process. I wasnt' asked to go
and her last wished were not asked about or granted.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped to bring out a lot of what I think about but, can't
verbalize. Very good, I feel better. Thank you.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Not sure right now.
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Thu Feb 9 22:18:51 2006
F19 in Colorado =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 19.
--Details:
My exboyfriend, with whom I was trying to build a friendship,
died in a car accident on Christmas Eve. He was driving his
girlfriend home. She lived, but doesn't remember the accident,
so no one knows what happened.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our bodies no longer support life. I don't know if there is a
"soul" but I believe that there is something to us that lives on.
There is too much energy to just be smothered by death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought long and hard about my belief in God. I realize now that it
had a big impact on me, because I stopped seeing God a benevolent
father figure. For a while I really hated Him, and then it became
easier not to believe in Him at all.
--That first time, how it happened was
A girl in my Girl Scout troop lost her father. He disappeared, and
they found his body a few days later. He had committed suicide.
I was baffled and sorry, but the effect it had on me was that my
father's father and brother had both committed suicide before I
was born. It was watching my father relive those painful memories
that impacted me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
no one is going to recover from this. My exboyfriend was a real
force- he was everyone's favorite. You could see that everyone
was going to carry him around with them for the rest of their lives.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
talking about it. After the funeral, my exboyfriend's little sister
called me because no one would talk about him anymore.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
getting to say goodbye at the viewing. I have always been opposed
to open caskets, because it never looks like the person. It is
like an ugly porceline doll. But seeing my ex gave me a chance to
reconcile my considerable guilt, and give him a present to take with
him- a keychain that I'd given him when we were younger- as a token.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing poetry. I wrote more poetry in the two month's following
the funeral than I'd written the the previous year.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt of things I hadn't said, appologies I hadn't made.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
learn to listen to the silence. What they don't say can give you
the best idea of how they are feeling.
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had my life put into perspective for me. I know that is normal.
Facing guilt over my relationship with my ex made me re-examine my
current relationship and realize that it was very destructive.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to meet his new girlfriend- and she looked just like me.
People even confused us at the funeral. It was really hard, because
she was recieving all this comfort. My fiance didn't support
me at all. He was totally callous and angry that I even cared.
People would go to comfort me, thinking I was her, then leave when
they realized who I was. It was hurtful.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him that I was sorry, and how much he meant to me. We were
childhood sweethearts, and I went through a brief period of imagining
if we hadn't broken up, wishing we hadn't, then realizing that we
broke up for a reason. But there were a lot of hurt feelings we
never mended.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go down and see his family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to sit in his car with his friends, and feel like I had a
glimpse into the life I didn't get to have with him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the prayers.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wish he could have been around to graduate with me. Graduation was
really hard. So was my birthday; ours were only two days apart.
I wanted to celebrate life with him. I wanted to maybe give him
one last kiss.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I am here, and he is gone. That I will get to have a family,
and he never even slept with anyone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
crawl in bed and never get back out.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked. On Christmas? It wasn't possible.
--Religious Affiliation:
none. I avoid religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting, because I still can call up his laugh, and his smile.
I feel like he has to be out there somewhere, and I think he
isn't bitter. I just feel like it isn't THE END.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the anger over the people who came that didn't love him or know him
or treat him well. There was a lot of resentment that they would
dare to come and give condolences.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing him in the casket, and touching his flesh. He was cold and
hard, and suddenly I knew that he could be just gone because he
was more than this shell.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think he would be proud. I have become a stronger person, got
out of my destructive engagement, and it is really thanks to him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I still love you, I want you to know that I am dating a girl,
and I want you to accept that and love me anyway. No one else's
opinion could mean as much, because you knew me better than anyone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I definately wrote letters to everyone near and dear, telling them
how much they meant to me. Because that was what I really needed.
I don't fear death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Daughter, generous lover, an avid volunteer who cared deeply about
humanity as a whole.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I carried around a pendent I had given to my ex when we were
together, and I would rub it like a worry stone whenever I was sad.
Then I would tell whoever I saw next something good about my ex,
like a fond memory or one of his favorite jokes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I mention him a lot in daily converstation, which makes some people
really uncomfortable. But for me, it helps me to remember him as
a part of my life, instead of a corpse.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
While I was struggling in my engagement, I became really close to
one of my friends. She carried me through the death, and through
the breakup. Now we are lovers, and I find that they are important
to me, but that for the first time my life doesn't depend on them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Suicide is a hard thing to come to grips with when you are young.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I just needed someone to recognize my pain. It was so horrible
that my fiance didn't seem to, and worse, that he resented my grief.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is a nice evaluation of how I am doing now, which is much better.
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Tue Feb 7 20:36:17 2006
F46 in Beavercreek, OH =USA=
Name: Sally
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: College Dean
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age (91), cancer surgery & respiratory failure; Aged: 91.
--Details:
She had success fiul cancer surgery on 11/29/05. Was talking 2
hours after surgery, walking 2 days later - then got pneumonia. Was
in ICU a month..better...then worse...then on a respirator...then
off. Rallied on Christmas Eve - off respirator, talking & smiling -
died 3 days later....
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--Death Is:
the end of life...lungs stop breathing, heart stops beating..and
a huge hole opens in the hearts of the loved ones...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was pretty callous. My grandmother dieed when I was 16. I didn't
care. She never cared about me, never spoke to me, never called me
by name. I had to visit her and give her a kiss on orders from my
father for as long as I remembered. She had dementia the last 8 or
9 years. I hated visiting her in the nursing hime. When she died my
parents went (6 hour drive) to the funeral - I refused. Told them I
did not want to miss school. My father was very hurt & disappointed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how peaceful it was. My mother klooked so beautiful & peaceful. My
3 sisters, brothers-in-law, husband, son & niece were all touching
her. The priest just finished prayers and she took her last breath. I
hated to lose her, but that was the way she would want to go. And
the way I would, too..
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not scary. It is better than languishing in the ICU...It is
good to be there with a loved one when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how peacefully my mother left the earth and that I was right there
with her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
thinking about my mother's contributions. Thinking about how I stayed
with her - I was at the hospital every day...just like she was with
her mother in her final illness. I promised my mother that I would
never put her in a nursing home - and I kept that promise. And I
kept all the other promised in planning her funeral & dealings with
my siblings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I will never see Mother again - and I miss her every day. I wish
that I had been more patient with her, done more things with her
that she wanted - but I am not perfect.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there - don't avoid them. Tell the person that you love him/her,
that he/she is beautiful. That you are proud of them and hope
they are proud of you. Thank them for all the good things, and
apologise for the times when you failed them. Tell the person
everything that you wish you had. Share a beautiful memory. Hold
their hand. Stroke their forehead or rub their feet. Make them feel
loved and appreciated.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I was not scared when death hppened. I celebrated my mother's
life. I will not fear death or dying people again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to figure out when she really started dying. When should
I have given up hope? Why didn't the doctors let me know what was
really happening?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
My mother wasvery beautiful. No one ever saw her without her
teeth. She took them out right before surgery, and I gave them back
right after...When they put her on a ventilator they took out her
teeth & she died without them. I forgot to take them to the funeral
home, and remembered - almost too late! I called my husband to take
her teeth to the funeral home - he said "what does it matter - it
will be a closed casket." I said "It matters to her." As it wasd,
we had to open the casket at the funeral home. A half dozen of us
were there - and she looked beautiful! It mattered. She is smiling
in her afterlife!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Know that my mother was going to die - a few days in advance,
at least - so I could let her know what was going on...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with her - and with my family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My mother nodded when I asked if she wanted out of ICU. I got her
to Hospice & she died peacefully.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My sisters wanted an open casket. I followed my mother's orders
(closed). I think one sister is still angry with me...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
People talk about my mother...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought she would be coming back home to us...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was there. I accepted the fact.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment...If she was terminal they should have let me know
so I couyld get her to the comfortable environment at hospice
sooner. (She was there less than 3 hours). The surgeon kept telling
me "She's getting better slowly...she'll probably be going home
soon." She was actively dying!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were wonderful! Honest & caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A beautiful death scene with the priest and a comforting funeral
mass.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Comforting. I do not fear death, just miss my mother.
--Regarding MONEY:
I wanted to distribute my mother's money the way she wished -
and I did.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was beautiful how many relatives, friends, neighbors & co-workers
turned out! I felt the love of hundreds of people! Business
acquaintances from my town hugged me & told me they loved me! I
have felt so loved ever since!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Nothing strange.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Cold extremities...rattling breathing...lots of sleeping...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You need to grieve. Cry a little every day just to release it!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother's best friend (for 86 years) died 2 weeks later. Her
daughters said they never told Mary of Mother's death, but she knew
about it! Was agitated the day of my mother's funeral and was mad
at them for not taking her!
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We resolved our issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would justtell my mother what a great impact she had on so many
people - as evidenced by her funeral - but especially on me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Make your wishes be known - in writing
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to die quietly and painlessly. Like my mother did.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Sally was a scholar - a lover of learning. She loved to travel and
loved to speak the language of the country when she did. Her life
revolved around art. She deeply loved her husband & son and family
and friends and students and pets. She would like to be emembered
entertaining friends by her pool.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I spend lots of time in my mother's room. I use her sewing maching &
feed her fish & water her plants. I feel like I am keeping her room
nice - the way she wanted it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try to be kinder.
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What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Be truthful about a patient's real condition...
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This hasben a good way for me to release my feelings - a catharsis
of sorts!
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Sat Feb 4 14:50:03 2006
M71 in Ohio = ?? =
Name: Mike Snider
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Prof/Studies: salesperson
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More personal info:
I have a great fear of death and dying. I wish there was someway
I could learn to feel more comfortable about. I woory also how I
will handle dying when it comes my turn
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 76.
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--Death Is:
ending of our life here on earth. We will no longer be able to
hear or tlk to other human beings.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was very frightned looking at my grandmothers corpse. I was only
5 years old and it was very disturbing.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it ispart of life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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See Jan 06 contributions.
See Dec 05 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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