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See Current contributions.
See Nov 05 contributions.
See Oct 05 contributions.
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Sat Dec 31 11:50:02 2005
F44 in =Unknown Locale=
Name: numb trust
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
was looking up "bardo"
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
letting go of the person you used to be
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
lama surya das
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: bone marrow transplant; Aged: 42.
--Details:
He was fighting non-hodkin's lymphoma, and had a bone-marrow
transplant. He got Graft vs host disease, which causes the new
marrow to fight the body. While he was without a doubt the most
special, positive person I have ever known, his attitude couldn't
save him, although he believed , along with the rest of us, that
he was going to make it.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the physical body. Maybe there's an energy that continues
on--I hope so, but no one REALLY knows.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 15. It was my grandmother, and I was angry at God for a while,
but eventually, I accepted it.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother who I was very close to.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his mother crying, "scotty, no!" His breathing, the empitness and
finality of his abscence.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to push it away or deny it. To bring it into the light.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the chance to fully feel all human emotions, and to know that I
loved so deeply that I could hurt so much.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
music, meditation, dreams, my dog
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
silence in my house and noise in my head. Could have beens... that
doesn't help, y'know?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I feel lucky that I could be there with them to help make the
transition a loving one, atleast...?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he died. I had always thought that you could control your helath
by positive thinking and prayer, and yet, he , the most positive,
spiritual person I've ever met, couldn't beat this. I don't
understand, and it has shaken me to the very core of my being and
belief system.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my sense of humor has always been my defense and my salvation.
I know he has a great sense of humor too.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I loved him with all my heart. I have no regrets as far as anything
I had control over. I wish he hadn't gotten sick, I wish I'd met
him 20 years earlier, I wish we'd traveled together, I wish, I wish,
I wish he were still here.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
meet the man who changed my life, made me a better person, believed
in me and was a soul-mate.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see his art or look at pictures.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have learned not to dwell on any of that, as it serves no purpose
but to make me sad and myared in that sadness.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair we didn't get a longer time together. But I don't
really feel it's not fair. I feel I was gyped, maybe, but not that
it's not fair. It's life (ha ha--it's death!) and that's the cycle.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die and be with scotty.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
despair
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
sadness. They can do so little and there's so much to learn about
humand and sould connections. Also, the hopital is such a nasty
place. No peace, and many dangers to the psyche.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
CRAP.
--Religious Affiliation:
had been a member of the Unity Church as a child, then became
involved in new age spiritualism for a while, and now am studying
buddhism and hinduism and yoga--probably no one "truth", just what
settles my soul.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
singular and, again, I refer to the above--perhaps there's no one
truth, not sure what to latch onto.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how wonderfully the comunity banded together. How his memorial
was filled with buddhist teachings, art, nature and humor.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wanting to connect with him so desperately, and always feeling I was
"connected" to him, yet not feeling him at all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none, total shock to me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
everyone experiences it so uniquely that I've learned not to give
my advice or opinions.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was dissapointed that I couldn't feel him or any of his loved ones.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues with my dear one. I loved him very much,
I was very good to him, and he to me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I know he would tell me how much he loved me and how thankful he
was I took care of him those last 4 months; to have no regrets
because he doesn't. He'd say, "clean slate, baby"
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have dreamt of him so much, but he collected bunnies--strange,
distressed, japanese bunnies. The odder, the better. The day he
died I had an encounter with a bunny. Many of my friends have also
seen bunnies in unexpected ways. Another friend has a light that
turns on and off unexpectedly. Sometimes I can feel his prescence.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I realize how difficult it was to override my own wishes, and carry
out his wish. While I knew he'd want to go , I wanted to keep him
alive and pray for a miracle, but it was impractical at the end, and
I had to abide by his wishes, not mine--very painful and difficult.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very happy, as I assume I will get to be with those I've
loved and lost, especially scotty.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
music, music, music. writing also helps.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am not far enough along in my process yet, it hasn't been near a
year yet. But I meditate more now and really love the wild birds
and nature much more.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
jessica
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
music, music, music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been nice to cogently put my feelings down, not stream of
conciousness, like I usually do.
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Fri Dec 30 20:12:08 2005
F40 in san antonio, texas = ?? =
Name: anne graziano
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: mail order pharmacy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: tumors on liver & spleen; Aged: 8.
--Details:
i was going thru a period in my life where i felt like there was
absolutely nothing in this life that would satisfy me as much as
being with God..yet I was here (i wasn't suicidal just aware that
this life has nothing to offer my soul). I don't know if my cat
picked up on it but it was like he knew where my heart was (and
wasn't) & didn't want me to leave w/out him...in the end, he died &
I came to accept the fact that I'm here for a reason....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
our destiny.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being afraid to die because I was afraid to go to a bad place.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its a part of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandma died on my birthday....the day i was born into this life,
she was born into the next.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Jesus.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering if my cat was safe...guilt that it was my fault because
i didn't take good enough care of him & that i didn't play with
him more or give him more attention.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
pray for them.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grieved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i wanted to know where he is at but don't and can't know.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i haven't experienced this.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
play with my cat more....given him a perch so that he could have
sat and looked out the window & bought him a tower to play on....he
deserved it..
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
sit with him the day before he died and told him i didn't want him to
die but telling him to go to Jesus. in my minds eye, i saw him run &
jump into Jesus' arms. He hadn't slept in days....i sat with him
and placed my hand on him and prayed for him...he looked up over
my shoulder as if he were looking at someone behind me..then fell
asleep for the first time in days. for as much pain as he must
have been in, he actuall purred and "groomed" my hand.....
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i came home from where i was....i found the string that was holding
the collar on my cats neck (to protect his neck from him scratching
it) lying neatly on the floor in a straight line..i cant imagine
how he could have gotten it off himself. made me think that some
"ministering angel" or jesus himself had come to help him to be
more comfortable.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
can't think of anything.....
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see other cats....
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
no pain...no tears...no sadness....with God....
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
nothing comes to mind....
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
nothing comes to mind.....
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was curious and scared and sad.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the vet was very kind and gentle and considerate...so was the
nurse.....
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. God/Jesus meant everything...
--Religious Affiliation:
I seek to follow the man(God)....Jesus
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
familiar.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter....do the surgery if it will help him....
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was no funeral for my cat..
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling like even though my cat was gone and not here
physically..that he was in fact....somewhere else....
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
stopped eating food.....started eating his litter....
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
allowing it to happen is important.....
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when i was sitting and praying for him and telling him that he
could go....he seemed to look behind and over my head....
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i never had a near-death experience however i came to a point in
my life where i realized that the only thing separating me from the
other side is my physical body..that was extremely profound for me...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
guilt...that i didn't do enough to help him...that i didn't take
good care of him....that i didn't provide him with comforts that
would make his life more pleasant...
i'll continue to help as may
animals that i can and show them kindness...
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would say "i hope you're happy and safe with Jesus..."
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i was feeling a lot of grief and during a period of about 3 or 4
days I found about 6 or 7 of my cat's whiskers on the floor....hadn't
found any previous to that 6 or 7 days and haven't found any since.
Sometimes i talk to him & this may sound weird but i sometimes
think i "see" him move in the room..its weird...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
life insurance.
living will.
instructions for wake and funeral.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'm so aware of it and have often wondered if i'm being prepared
to die...sooner or, later. i want to go there...wherever "there"
is but i'm know i'm not worthy to go "there".....
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
amen.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i feed ferel cats & visit cats waiting to be adopted at the pet
store. I spread his ashes in Kerrville tx....a place that has sun
for him to sunbathe....shade to find relief from the heat....water
to drink....ducks to play with...birds to talk to and sqirrels to
play with and lots of people around to keep him company.....trees
to climb....
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i'm so much more aware of animals & almost respect them more that
people....even though humans are supposed to be "higher" beings, i
can't imagine animals "offending" God. We're supposed to be higher
beings yet we separate ourselves from God by our choices....by our
very being...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my love and respect for animals....all animals...they're special
beings....
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
not much sharing in my family; every man/woman for him/herself
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
feed feral cats....talk to them....feed squirrels, birds, stray
dogs....talk to cows as i drive by....appreciate them & give thanks
for them.....
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
some of the answers to the questions were things i had already
thought through but it was nice to apply them to questions....
F40 in san antonio, texas = ?? =
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Fri Dec 23 01:55:36 2005
F43 in Las Vegas, NV =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
bookmarked from long ago
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
We don't Die
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
George Anderson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: COPD; Aged: 67.
--Details:
He thought he had a cold, one morning, he seemed very confused.
I called an ambulance, he was put on a respirator, after three weeks,
they removed it, he had slight brain damage due to lack of oxygen.
I thought he would be ok, I planned to take him home, then he
suddenly went the other way, and passed on about a week after he
was taken off the respirator. At least I had time to talk to him,
and call my siblings for a last visit before he died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was six, and my friend was run over by an automobile and killed,
but I was kept from the funeral etc..
--That first time, how it happened was
my father, whom I had been living with for several years, had
diabetes and copd. He became ill, as he was not breathing right,
went to the hospital, and died within three weeks. It was rather
quick and very unexpected at the time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to have better understanding and time for our elderly, so no
one dies lonely.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He no longer was in any pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A dream I had, where my father came to tell me that he was OK and
I should not worry about him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It was very painful for me to deal with the funeral arrangements
alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there, and try and let them know you love them, even if
they cannot communicate back.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He seemed to loose touch with his surroundings for the two days
before death. He didn't even know I was there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have him die at home instead of in a hospital
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have some communication with him and brought my sister to town to
see him before he died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I fill out surveys like this one and start thinking about it,
I still cry. Sometimes a song will set me off.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be quite different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
More like, It was too soon. He should have had more time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go away somewhere alone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cried for days and realized that he would not be there for me like
he always had been in the past. He was the best father anywhere.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect, yet unsure they did everything they could
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were ok, but they could've treated him better I think
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
past christian, currently do not practice a religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
??
--Regarding MONEY:
The cost of a funeral is ridiculous, as is the cost of medical care
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the whole family was together.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
that they quit eating and interacting with the surroundings, almost
like they are letting go because they know they are dying
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It takes time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a dream that my dad was there and told me that he is fine
and not to worry about him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
no
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
n/a
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How'd I do? Adequate
Nothing really helped except the memories I had of before he died
I had to deal with all of the funeral planning myself, etc...
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Tue Dec 13 15:05:39 2005
F55 in San Diego, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: semi-retired
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More personal info:
I would be amazed if anyone contacted me. Please do not post.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I believe most of the books are an intentional bastardization of
the focus of Kubler-Ross' purpose.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: metastatic thyroid cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
I have thought about writing a book. It would start with being told
that the goiter could be removed whenever she felt ready and fully
recovered from the hysterectomy done to remove a giant ovarian cyst.
It would end with the farce of mortuary arrangements and friends
who lied about home much "they cared" about her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
For the dying it has become a denial by everyone around you that
your problems and concerns are valid.
For the survivor(s) it is
a denial of the need for money and time. And the guilt when that
need supercedes the needs of the person dying.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became so confused I spent years trying to understand what had
happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
becoming so terribly disappointed in their behavior and comments.
I cannot remember the author who stated that evil is banal. I agree.
So is death. Which is why pain and fear become so prominent.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there are many people who enjoy the pain and fear of others and are,
in fact, invigorated by death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Spending money wontonly during the few 'good' months. I relearned
to recognize an opportunity for a 'perfect moment' and embed it in
my brain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
While I was able to keep believing in overcoming the disease,
she lived. I now can only believe in the complete lack of support
available. I could begin to hate people. Two co-workers were
very 'caring' and sincere in their concern as to whether or not I
'understood that she is going to die'.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
No one believed, or believes now, in how many acts of cruelty we
had to survive.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To just physically be there. And avoid presenting your itemized
bill for how much your presence has cost you. You are glad they
are still with you and will miss them terribly when the time comes
that they are not.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
do not have the taste for vengeance that I thought I had.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when my boss told me how 'wonderful' the coming year would be for me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Didn't happen. I just went from one exasperatingly stupid event
to the next.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell my aunt how very much she had meant to me as a child and that
I wished we had had the chance to know each other as adults.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Accept those few months of unexpected opportunities during my
sister's illness.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Didn't happen.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Everything, no matter how big or small was, and still it, important
to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am crying. I have dealt with things well enough, but that does
not mitigate the loss.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be optimistic, have energy, and look forward to sharing
life without the ongoing disappointment of current reality.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the value place on a human life is always classified as 'not
fair' from the moment of birth.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Think of something that would truly make it easier.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
, as per usual, had not even been told she was ill.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Anger, contempt, disdain. Egocentric at every level.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Sorry, I know many have had good experiences. I was not impressed.
I believe most fault can be place on the 'Medical Community'.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Unbelievable arrogance with absolutely nothing substantive to offer.
--Religious Affiliation:
My own.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like a cheap excuse for the things we fail to do for others while
they live.
--Regarding MONEY:
For me the need to acknowledge and resolve money issues was a
primary source of guilt.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Most would not have understood or accepted the ceremony I
decided upon. Why should I pay to be an unwilling performer in
their theatrics? I couldn't slap them, but I could deny them
their entertainment.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
There was more than one time over several years when I was terrified
to go home because something might happen while I was gone. On at
least three occasions I felt as though the world had jerked. I knew
each time that I was still on the path of survival. Nothing happened
on the last day.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Family and patient both have periods of hope and energy and periods
of tiredness and despair. It is when family and patient are both
down that death enters.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
If you have the audacity to deviate from the published process,
you are on your own.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She expected them and was very disappointed when nothing happened.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Utter peace. No pain, no fear, no doubt. Just darkness and the
question, stay or go? No pressure, just an obvious requirement
for the truth. I thought -stay- and so I did.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I know why I did and said everything before. I just can't share
new things so they hold no great interest for me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I ask continually for them to just show me what is real and really
needed.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Two dreams, but so very very real. It felt so wonderful that
the notion it was a dream was irrelevant. I began apologizing
for things I had done and hadn't done since her death. She said
"That's my job".
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My own exit strategy. Please don't leave me in limbo for days or
weeks or years.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Must I fight? Who? How? How strongly?
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Insufficient information.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Trying to make good on the promises I made. Trying to participate
in activities we enjoyed. I don't enjoy them.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Oh no.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Don't talk about it, don't explain it, and if someone misunderstand
or receives false information, that is THEIR problem.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
No thank you. Too late.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Nobody wanted to hear most of the things I have said.
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Sun Dec 11 18:53:40 2005
F46 in laas vegas, nv =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 Days ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
not at this time
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
moving to another plane of being. what that is i am not sure but
i am sure its there.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a teenager and though it hurt to see my uncle so upset over
the loss of his wife,the fact that she died did not really hurt to
bad. she was my aunt by marriage.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the death of my mother has by far been the hardest. i was asleep
in bed when the phone rang. she died at 1040pm after a 6month
illness with cancer. after the news my stomach stayed in notts for
2 days,and still sometimes i cry sometimes i am fine but there is
always a void in the pit of my stomach. this death is still very
fresh as i write this i am hoping with time i will feel whole again.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
all members of the family should be involved in the dying process
with the ill family member,for me i was my mothers only child
and not alot of help came from other family members. her sisiters
and brothers.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mothers pain was over and i found i had people her cared for me
that i was not aware of untill her death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my co-workers and family,friends. also the internet has been very
comforting for there i find people who have had to endure far worse
losses such as there child. at least for me my mothers death is
the natural order of things.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing the one person in this world who loved me with no
reservations.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
spending time with this person even if you are doing nothing else
but sitting there .
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned i was stronger than i thought. there was a time in my life
that i felt i could never live without her now i know i can.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was in hospice the last 6 months of her life. towards
the end i was called many time and told she was at the end just
for her to still live.when the phone call finally came i was just
not prepared,because i had become use to rushing over and sometimes
staying the night,trying to be there when she passed. so in a strange
way that just became a routine for me and somehow i forgot the fact
that one day it would be for real and the end would finally come.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes thats how we cope.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
keep my mother home with me through her ilness and death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
preplan her furnal with her help and know just how she wanted to
be remebered.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
being able to have closure,seeing her in her coffin and knowing
this was finale.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
others coming to view her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone i walk by smells like she did or looks like her in some way.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i never had that thought,because i understand death comes to all. we
just dont know the hour of our deaths.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
after the phone call i wanted to puke and run my fist through the
wall,neither of which i did but thats it,my first reaction.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
wonderment my mother was treated very well.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
wonderful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
prtostant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
peaceful and true.
--Regarding MONEY:
everything was prepaid before she passed and in my opioun that is
the best way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
talking with dead members of the family. i went to visit one day
and she had an entire conversation with her father who had passed
15 years ago. 2 weeks later she passed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i cry when the tears come feel sad when that emotin pops up and
otherwise carry on the best i can.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
yes that did happen with my mother see above.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
any issues i had with my mother were resolved long ago.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
how your posessions are given out also respect for the ones closest
to the person who died. and respect for how the person died lived
there lives and wished to be rembered.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think that in losing a parent i sometimes fell afraid because i
know one day it will be my turn.i dear say i am not ready.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
i have just lost my mother and this death is much different. at
times i feel lost forever and other times i feel everything is ok
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes i am not ready to write my orbit even if its only for a survy.
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Sat Dec 10 08:25:53 2005
F31 in California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Yahoo directory
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying, Who Dies?, A Course in Miracles
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler Ross, Stephen Levine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accidental drug overdose; Aged: 32.
--Details:
He called me and was very upset about something. I sympathized,
but after a while I realized nothing was going to "fix it" for
him, except maybe time. Later that night, he overdosed when he was
alone. I found out when the coroner's office called me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss. something that makes us confront our own death, makes us
consider the death of our loved ones.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't even know him very well, but was strongly impacted.
--That first time, how it happened was
A casual acquaintance committed suicide.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shock. a sense of unreality.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to mitigate fears of death so that it can be incorporated more
constructively into our daily lives instead of being an event we
fear and avoid talking about.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it really clarified my feelings for the person I had lost. When
I went to identify his body at the coroner's office, I remember
saying to him "You are so beautiful. You are perfect just the way
you are. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you, I will always love
you." It was a blessing to know that even in the face of death and
viewing his body, the strongest impression I had was not of fear or
revulsion at seeing his body, but rather of how much I loved him,
how precious he was to me, how beautiful he was, even in death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family, my friends, my therapist. Writing letters to the deceased,
listening to music.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Work. My work was relatively unsympathetic. After allowing me to
take a week off, there was no further sympathy or understanding of
what I was going through.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them talk as much or as little as they need to. let them cry,
hold their hand, just BE there, without trying to "fix" it.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Believe he is still with me. Believe that our bodies may die,
but the love we give and receive lives on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Because we weren't yet married, it was hard to allow his family to
step in and make so many decisions from funeral arrangements, burial,
and taking care of his things. I really felt it was my duty, the last
thing I could do for him, but I had to share it with his mother and
his cousin, who each had very different ways of coping with the loss.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
so many little things happened in the time preparing for the funeral,
going through his things, etc etc... and sometimes I would just
laugh and laugh, then cry a little, and laugh some more through
the tears. It's just that some of the things that happened were
so ridiculous and I imagined how he would have reacted if he had
been there, and thinking about how we would have laughed about this
together in spite of our tears.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save him. It breaks my heart that he died alone, and even more to
think that if he hadn't been alone, this wouldn't have happened. I
wish I could have held him, kissed him, told him I love him just
one more time. Of course, one more time would never be enough. I
wish he hadn't died and that we could have spent many more years
together. I wish he hadn't left me all alone here without him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep it all together when notifying his friends and family of his
death. Don't know where I got the strength... maybe knowing that it
had to be done and that I could do it is what gave me the strength.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
little things happened that made me think he was sending me a sign
that he was still with me, that he was ok, that I would be ok,
too. Like the dream I had where he came to me, and said "I have
to go. And you have to go on." I woke up so mad at him for saying
that, almost like he was pushing me to move on when what I really
wanted to do was hold on to him forever. But at the same time, I'm
thankful that he loves me enough to tell me something like that,
even though it's painful to hear it. More than that, though, are
little things, like finding feathers in places where there are no
birds, having a meaningful song come on the radio at just the moment
when I was thinking of him... little things that most people might
discount as coincidence or just assigning meaning to random events,
but that give me hope that he is still with me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
everyone thinks it's so important to be very somber and serious. and
sometimes I just want to talk about him and remember without everyone
getting all sensitive. It would be nice to talk about him as if
he had just moved to another country that I can't visit. It's a
serious loss, but that doesn't mean I want to be serious about it
all the time. Sometimes I just want to remember the silly goofy
romantic things, and share them without everyone worrying that I'm
bringing myself down. Having his picture around. My boss asked me
once if perhaps it was too upsetting for me to have his photo on my
desk. Another friend once asked me when I was going to get rid of
the "Shrines" in my home. They didn't understand that having his
image around reminds me that he is still in my heart, and that is
comforting, not upsetting at all.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something reminds me of how totally avoidable his death was. or
something makes me realize that I'm alone now, without my best
friend, something of a recluse at times, and I miss the kind of
companionship and bliss we shared. it's hard to hear about people
getting engaged, or people deciding to move in with their significant
others... or something reminds me of how much he struggled and how
alone he felt in the hours leading up to his death.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In my dreams after his death, at first we would talk and I would
tell him about everything that had happened since he died, what
everyone was doing to help settle his estate, etc etc. And then I had
dreams where he was there and was telling me, "But I wasn't really
dead! And I'm back now, and we can pick up where we left off," and
I'm replying, "My God, you're not dead! But you have to understand,
for X amount of time, you were dead to me!" And then in a more
recent dream, he came to me and said "I have to go. And you have
to go on." I was both angry and grateful for that dream. Because
somehow, in my mind, going on is like one more way of losing him,
even though I know I'm already going on.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
confusing thoughts and feelings... feeling like I should have saved
him, like I should have could have prevented his death. And then
there were times when I Was struggling to keep it all "together"
at work when I thought, "I'd kill him myself for doing this, if he
weren't dead already." I don't really mean it, but it felt good to
think it, and be angry at him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
pulled over to the side of the road, parked, and called my brother to
come get me. I knew I was in shock, was torn apart, and even though
part of me felt very calm, part of me wanted to scream and tear at
my hair and cry and scream some more. I knew I should not be alone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to formally deal with the loss in a ritualized tradition. but
it certainly wasn't the most important way.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm protestant. He was a non-practicing Catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true.
--Regarding MONEY:
since we hadn't married yet, we had not merged our finances... and
since we hadn't married yet, his mother took care of the financial
aspect of his funeral/burial arrangements. Maybe I was lucky
that way...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how good it was to be able to spend time with his body, to talk to
him, to touch him one last time.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was all strange. it's hard to say what was strangest, because
different things seemed like the strangest thing at different times.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was like, ok, stage one, done... stage two, almost done... wait,
back to stage one... denial, denial, anger, bargaining, more
denial, bargaining, more anger, depression, more denial, more
anger, depression again, bargain a little, more anger, acceptance,
more denial... it wasn't a linear process by any stretch of the
imagination!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had many dreams of him, where we talked, held each other, expressed
love, or just did ordinary things as if he had never died. But my
dreams of trying to reach the ocean, as if that was where I would
find him were the only hints I got of what his experience of being
dead might be.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that whatever issues we had have been resolved. I believe he
knows I love him, that I would have given anything to save him. I
feel that all the unresolved issues from when he was alive have
been laid to rest, and all that remains is the love.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Yes. He came to me in a dream and said "I have to go, and you have
to go on," which, in a way, helped absolve me of some of the guilt
of going on without him. But I also have dreams where he comes to
tell me, "See? I'm not really dead!" and that is so comforting,
to think that he survives in some sense, that his body may be dead,
but his spirit still goes on.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes. As I wrote before, he has come to me in dreams. They
were comforting dreams, and he would tell me "I wasn't really
dead! See? I'm still here!" and I would be mad at him for not
telling me sooner, but also relieved beyond words. And then the
dream where he told me "I have to go, and you have to go on,"
made me angry but grateful at the same time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Since he died, I've given a lot of thought to all the work and labor
that would go into dealing with all the things I have accumulated
throughout my life. Even though I haven't made but a small dent in
simplifying these "things" I have this greater awareness that someone
I love will have to take care of the "stuff" I have accumulated after
I die. It has, in moments, forced me to be ruthless in discarding
the meaningless things I have accumulated.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought more about my own death more since he died than at
any time before in my life. My father once told me, "The more people
I love who have died, the less afraid I am to die myself." And I
think this is true. And after all, if he can die and still survive
in my heart, then maybe my own death won't be so tragic if I'll
survive in the hearts of others.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She struggled long and hard in her life, had moments of despair and
moments of total bliss. Preceded in death by beloved grandparents
and her significant other. Her favorite flavor was "bittersweet"
because nothing in life that is sweet is separate from the bitterness
of loss.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote letters to him, some of them I tucked into his casket,
some of them I've saved in a special journal for just that
purpose. Sometimes I light a candle for him. Or play music that we
listened to together. I even talk to him sometimes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Finding meaning in music, since music was a passion of his. Creating
anthologies of music that illuminate the entire experience, from
what he must have been experiencing to what I am experiencing now
that he is gone.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have become closer to his mother than I ever was when he was
alive. When he was alive, she didn't think I was good enough for
him. Now that he is dead, I am just one more way of holding on to
him. I am grateful for that relationship. Also, one of the friends
he most admired has been there for me, and we have now forged our
own friendship, and I think he would be happy about that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
Because I didn't know him very well, family and school couldn't
understand why I was so upset.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out, and found some very bonding experiences with
others. But as it turns out, people come out in droves after someone
dies, but six or eight months or a year later, most of them just
quietly disappear. Everyone comes to a funeral. It's the people
who stay in touch a year later that really make me feel cared for.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes. I wish I could print out the questions and my responses to
paste them into my journal, to remind me of how I felt about each
question at this time a year and three months after his death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I can't think of anything. I just answered the questions in a kind
of spontaneous free assocation sort of way without analyzing how
I would rephrase the questions.
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Thu Dec 8 12:28:09 2005
M23 in victorville, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 9 Months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 22.
--Details:
Spring Break in Cancun, Mexico can be dangerous if one is not careful
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--Death Is:
When your life is over. YOur body stops functioning and your time
in this world is finished. Hopefully your spirit continues on
somewhere else
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was completely caught off guard. My cousin and I were so close and
it happened completely unexpectedly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone's reactions to the death. In the beginning people were in
disbelief and in a constant state of greif. Sooner than I thought
though, people got on with their lives.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the afterlife will hopefully allow us to see the people we
lost eventually.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that my cousins death allowed everyone else to appreciate
certain things in life that they had previously teken for gtanted
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sharing memories of my cousin with friends and family and having
him a part of me wherever I am
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to be there when it all happened. I was in California
and he lived in New Jersey
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i cant relate to this idea because my cousins death was not a
process, it happened instantly and i wasnt present
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think life is fragile and the actions you take dictate your
outcomes. Everyone i know needs to slow down a little and think
things through better
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we still dont know the exact circumstances of how he died. No one
was ever held accountable and the majority of what happened to my
cousin remains a mystery.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I cannot relate to this
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more quality time with him rather than just "hanging out"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend a lot of time with him shortly before he died. We spent a
good 3 months together almost side by side.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I couldnt believe it had happened and that I wouldnt be
seeing him or speaking with him again
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Thu Dec 8 06:48:47 2005
F23 in Victorville, ca =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 21 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life an the begininng to some as the unknown,to others
a better life of heaven or torture of hell
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad and confused on how to act
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
no one really talked about it after
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a part of life.Unknown to when it will fall upon you it is always
there,no matter who you are
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that people remembered him for the good he brought into this word
and what type of person he really was
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and just myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the unbelievable sadness that follows right after or many years
to follow
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try to make them smile, to remmber the good times and if they want
to resolve anything before it happens, now is the time.How much
they are loved and going to be missed
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel that you should just be there for the immediate family and
sometimes there are no words to help comfort
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
trying to figure out why, how could this happen?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no there are jsut sleeping
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Dec 7 16:51:00 2005
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life on earth and the beginning of life in the
hereafter. Our bodies our shells that house our souls, when the
shells die our souls leave and travel to their destinations in
the hereafter.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very shocked and deeply saddened at the thought of never seeing
that person again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the unexpectedness of the death
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
death can also be seen as a time of celebration, as it is with some
other cultures, when people go to heaven and live in peace.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
remembering the good times you had with that person
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the thought of never seeing that person on earth again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Some people seemed to not care at all
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with my grandmother more....about her life before I was born
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my grandfather
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the good times with my grandmother
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
just spend more time with her
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she died
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
cr y
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried hysterically
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
approval
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having faith that she went to a better place
--Religious Affiliation:
non denominational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very true
--Regarding MONEY:
thankfully was not an issue, grandfather had already arranged
everything for both of them
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the relatives I had never seen before
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being able to talk about her
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not want to know when i'm going to die. I want to live my
life to the fullest as if each day were my last.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She leaves behind her most precious treasures, her three sons and a
beautiful granddaughter. She lived, she loved, and she was unafraid.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Dec 6 12:54:19 2005
F67 in yuma, az =usa=
Name: mary
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: retired
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandSon, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: aspiration; Aged: 420days old.
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--Death Is:
leaving loved ones
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and did not talk about it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when my grandson died and felt so helpless and how it affected my
son who has not delt with it still after 20 yrs.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
needs to be talked about
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
never discussed by parents
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Sun Dec 4 23:10:23 2005
Anon 56 in Phoenix, AZ =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
In the Service of Life: A Wiccan Perspective on Death. Handbook for
Mortals.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
ITSOL written by Ashleen O'Gaea. I don't recall who wrote Handbook
for Mortals.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of CoWorker, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: metastatic breast cancer; Aged: 40ish.
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--Death Is:
Letting go of everything and sinking into (or floating up into)
an undifferentiated pool of being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad, but also curious to see and understand what had happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
A neighbor who would sometimes care for me when my parents went out
was one of my favorite people. She lived across the landing from us,
and I enjoyed visiting her. One day my mother got a phone call about
our neighbor. From my mom's manner I could tell the news was grim.
After the call my mom told me that our neighbor had died of a heart
attack. Tho I was only 5 or 6 years old, I wanted to attend the
wake with my parents. My parents understood and took me with them.
It was important to me to see the remains of our neighbor who had
been such a good friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how angry I felt that the person had to suffer so much before dying.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how people's hearts can open as they approach death and how the
hearts of those close to them also open.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
meditation and talking directly with those near the end of life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that our culture doesn't provide enough care for those at the
opposite ends of life: the very young and those near death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen. Even if the dying person is demented or unconscious,
just be with them. Listen with your heart.
--[My CoWorker's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Admire how she lived as fully as possible. This included a trip
to Paris with her mother and sister shortly before she died.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought about all the years of suffering my coworker endured.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I haven't experienced a laughter urge.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Speak more frankly with someone facing death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my coworker who died of metastatic breast cancer. It wasn't
her death that defined her -- it was her life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Regarding suffering, I've had the thought, "What's the point?"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be dead, too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
This is very grim and final.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not too smart, but beginning to learn.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable. I didn't have experience w/hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
oppression, humiliation and negation of my inherent spirtuality.
--Religious Affiliation:
no religion. As my yogic spiritual teacher said, each person has
to have her/his own glow.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
beyond words.
--Regarding MONEY:
there's never enough.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it's expected there should be tears, if not hysteria.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
grace. When my dad died I felt grace. My years-long anger at
him seemed irrelevant in the richness of grace that surrounded his
last moments.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
each process differs. When my uncle died his children put rolls of
photo film in his coffin to acknowledge his love of photography.
This process was very important to my cousins, and tho I hadn't
previously known this about my uncle, learning about his love for
photography helped me understand the importance of my cousins'
placing the film in his coffin.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
was the sense of grace I felt when my dad died.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Regarding my dad, I've bucked off the shadow of his demons.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My dad was an avid smoker who died of emphysema. After his death I
experienced a first-time-ever (at the age of 38) impulse to smoke.
I smoked 2-8 cigarettes a day for two years after my dad's death.
Then I stopped with little difficulty. Funny.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The dying person may know better than their loved ones when it's
time to go. When my coworker was dying her daughter and boyfriend
urged her to get up and around every day. A day came when she
didn't want to get up, and it it was a stretch for her daughter
and boyfriend to accept this and let her stay in bed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I die quickly, but not too quickly to say goodbye, but not
so slowly that a year can pass. I don't care what people think
or if they remember me, but I want there to be a party. My sister
came up with the idea of a Fun-eral. I've already begun selecting
the music....
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She came, she saw, she wondered.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
No ritual, but a dream. Shortly after my coworker's death from
metatstatic breast cancer, on Thanksgiving Day morning, I dreamed
of her. She looked as she did before her illness, but brilliant,
like a cloud full of light. We were happy to see one another.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I participated in the Komen breast cancer race/walk. I became a
hospice volunteer.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Becoming a hospice volunteer was the best thing I could do.
I've learned so much.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire has been helpful. It helped me put into words
things I haven't expressed before. It also reminded me of some
things I haven't thought about for a long time.
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Thu Dec 1 15:31:51 2005
M55 in Currently' OLD CROW, Yukon territory =Canada=
Name: Iain D. McDonald
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Professional Inquiry/research
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Prof/Studies: Thanatologist
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More personal info:
there are 2000 of us on the face of this planet, post this if
you wish
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
the termination of life, as we know and accept it
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
accepted it and dealt with it in a detatched,professional and
medical way
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the grief of bystanders
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens to us all. It is the way it happens that we can influence
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it removes us from the morass of human society and totally disproves
the mediocrity of so called religious faiths
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being honest
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the over inflated pricing of undertakers
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be honest and not the tearful social inadequate most of seem to
turn into
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why it happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
life as we accept it today is just an illusion
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be honest
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the facade of "life" was removed and only honesty remained
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the dressing up of a corpse that society seems to expect
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Not applicable
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we find out these answers when we reach there ourselves, until then
it is a total waste of time and effort daydreaming
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Not applicable
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
N/A
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Contempt
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
full time support of this movement originating with the Knights
Hospitaller and resurrected by Dr.E Kubler-Ross in Soho, London,
UK in 1961.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
banal platitudes by the self-seeking and egotism of the uninformed
--Religious Affiliation:
in the trash-bucket since age 13
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
once you go through the "door",the real truth is revealed
--Regarding MONEY:
only the living bother about that venality
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it is a complete waste of time, it is a pantomime for the living
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I waste time even reflecting on that type of rubbish
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the acceptance and honesty of the dying person
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
death is just a door that we all have to go through
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
they are totally irrelevant
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I know where I am going,I know where my friends have gone to and
I know that 98% of what I read, see and hear is total trash.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we will meet up again and outstanding issues will be resolved
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
there IS a life after death
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make sure the coffin is properly sealed if not there is a health
hazard
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope that it is quick and clean
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
don't waste your money to pay for this crap and don't waste your
time reading a pack of lies
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
look forward to it instead of living in denial
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing is sacred and every belief we have been "force-fed" on this
earth is false
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
happens all the time
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How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
Natural ability to cope with "third section" of life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
Societies general 'denial' that life is terminal
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Standards of the Knights Hospitaller
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it is a good way to interact with others who seem to know what they
are talking about instead of the platitudes of "sky-pilots"
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
keep up the good work
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See Nov 05 contributions.
See Oct 05 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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