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See Current contributions.
See Sep 04 contributions.
See Aug 04 contributions.
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Sun Oct 31 23:24:18 2004
F43 in granbury, texas =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search for psych tests
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: self inflicted gun shot to the head; Aged: 60.
--Details:
when someone close to you committs suicide it leaves you with alot of
"if's" you always wonder "if" somehow you could have stopped them.
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--Death Is:
moving on to the next phase; the next dimension. where we leave
our bodies and exist as spirits. where our souls live on without
the pain of the body. and depending on the higher powers and karma;
this is a good life if we have enriched our souls while in this life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain. for me, it hurt me to know that he was in such pain that
a bullet was his relief. i know and understand that feeling and
wouldn't wish it on anyone; especially someone i care for.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its a part of life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
remembering their life; and that they will always be with you,
in your heart. and most of all that they are no longer in pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wishing i could have stopped his pain.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i think people that are dying need to know that its ok. that they
don't need to hold on for their loved ones, that its ok to let
go. they're loved have to tell them this.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
i had a dream of him in a casket dead a few weeks before he died;
and i thought my dream caused his death.
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Fri Oct 29 19:04:28 2004
F15 in cambridge, cambridgeshire =england=
Name: nadia
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: pupil
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 4.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a stroke; Aged: .
--Details:
my mum died before that when i was seven of breast cancer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life, being able to experience earthly pleasures
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was changed forever - i became shy and let other people bully me
into thinking i am inferior
--That first time, how it happened was
my mum died of breast cancer when i was seven and my dad died of
a stroke when i was eleven
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how cold my father felt when i touched his head
--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we should be able to put pictures up of the people who have passed
away (i am a muslim)
also, it is a sensitive subject, and we should
not talk about it so unsensitivley
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it has taught me the importance of accomplishing our wishes in life,
and that nothing can hold you back
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about it and crying a lot
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing they will not be there to see me grow up, and when i am
doing things taht are important, e.g. my graduation, my wedding,
the birth of my kids
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont be afraid to hug them, they will need it
promise them like
mad that there is a light at the end of the tunnel
dont judge them
for crying or if they become irratable,
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to not to be scared of the dark
learned to be independant
and fight my own battles instead of constantly relying on my father
to fight the bullies off
that people have emotions too
even the
greatest people are really humans like us;emotional, insecure,
pathetic at times
you need to be more empathetic and consider
other peoples feelings
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
who will lookafter me?
who will give me away at my wedding day?
my relatives would not let me kiss my dad
not let me hug him or
touch him, that hurt a lot
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i felt euphoric when my 'fresh start' was finally happening, i was
starting to be able to joke around
i moved away after my fathers
death, and the enviorenment was so different, it was like an escape
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
when he told me he was going to 'go' i wish i neva went to the sleep
ova, cos that nite he died, and it was that nite he didnt want me
to go away, if i didnt go to the sleepova, i would hav been able
to say my last goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
still communicate well
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was able to carry on with life just after a few days after my
fathers death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
he died when i was so young
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i fail in things and i wish he was there to console me
when i feel
stressed
when i remember all their sad times and their struggles
when i am embarrassed
when i am rejected/abandoned
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
sometimes i think taht if we were together, it would b so
different, i would have been ignorant and would have had an arranged
marriage,and would not have learned to question things and adopt
my own view of life
yet i would not have had difficulty making
friends and i would not have difficulty fitting in with my culture
and society
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
im relieved
i feel resentment towards them
shes left me all
alone,shes gone without me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away to a place no one knows me, i can make a fresh start
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
when my mum died, i thought , i neva experienced death before, and
so this is wat its like...
so this is wat the illness was gonna
lead up to,
i was upset and wished my mum would come back, and
i felt abandoned
when my dad died, i was angry and felt suicidal
i just wanted to be with him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i neva took any medication for death
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the nurse was really nice to my mum, and she happend to be my
neighbour so she sent us a 'sympathy' card
i wish the hospice ahd
an area for children
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an explanation of what would happen when they died
--Religious Affiliation:
islam
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that we all have souls and that us humans have more love for
eachother than we usually express
--Regarding MONEY:
we could not afford to eat anymore, or pay the rent, and my family
could not afford to look afterme,
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how wierd it was, that my father was still, i was half expectign
him to be still alive
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realising he will neva come back
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when my mum was vomiting , i looked out of the window, and realised
she was going to die
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time is needed, a lot of time, and even then u are neva completely
healed, death is a curse yet a gift
u need to realise that it was
something that woudl happen sooner or later
cry, and remember the
good and bad times,
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my dad realised he was going to die soon, but i neva asked him how
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i wish i could know wat my mum was like as a person, my mums friends
, i think i can contact
i wish i could have asked my dad what he
felt when i was born, because he told me he wished i wasnt born
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
if they really do love me
wat they always thought of me
wat they
think of me now
wat are they like as a person
could i do sumthing
to fulfill their dreams or help them or my family
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
noope
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
dunno
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
im scared that i wont accomplish the things that i want to when i
die,
evry week, i try to do summin fun, adn when i dont, i feel
annoyed and disheartend
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i dont know wat obituary means
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
thinking of my mother and father as my guardian angel
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i am a better listener, and that i am more empathetic and
sensitive,mostly due to the fact that i lived with other people
all the time , people who i did not know well, and i had to respect
their way of living, and had to obey them
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
with my sister, even though i dont feel close to her at all anymore,
i know that wat she wnet throught was horrible adn ten times worse
for her than me, because she had problems with my parents
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What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
someone who would hold me tight and keep me busy by doing activities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
its made me realise that i feel abandoned, and left me wondering if
my mum and dad was happy of my birth or did they resent it becasue
they already had three kids before that, and they were already
struggling financially
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you should ask questions instead of writing an example thingy,
cos im not sure, sometimes wat ur asking me to talk about
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Fri Oct 29 14:26:07 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 29 Years ago.
Cause of Death: I never knew the cause, most likelt a heart attack; Aged: 79.
--Details:
Since then I have lost both of my parents, a child and 7 weeks ago
my boyfriend. Coping with death has become a way of life.
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--Death Is:
The end of life as we know it. Loss, pain, sadness, anger, denial
and surrender. We don't get a choice, we must accept it and live
or not and die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How the world seemed to go on as if nothing had happened or changed.
The insignificance of the life altering event to me was but a spec
in the sky of the lives of others.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It never ends. Just when you get back into a normal life you lose
someone again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be honest, loving, funny and real.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
God must really hate me, why does he take away the people I love
and who love me and leave me here to suffer. This is more than I
can bear.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Thu Oct 28 09:07:49 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 26.
--Details:
He was killed by a drunk driver. He was on his way home to see
his kids.
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--Death Is:
when your soul seperates from your body and returns to your
maker. Your body is only a shell or a house to support the body. The
soul is what makes you active. When the soul leaves your body,
the body stops working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had nightmares about it
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother who was sick with diabetes
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when I experienced a pre death eperience.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a way of stepping out of this world into another world. You are
never really dead, just your spirit is relocated to another place.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was given a second chance to experience life again and tell people
about what it is like so they wont be afraid.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Prayer
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Bad dreams and not knowing where the soul went
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just to hold their hand until they walk through that door to
another life.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was raised in a good religipus background and how my mother taught
me to believe in the life that comes after death.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
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Mon Oct 25 08:45:35 2004
F Guest in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Do not wish to say
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure as a result of an injury sustained playing hockey;
Aged: 14.
--Details:
What can a person say about the death of someone so young? He highly
competetive hockey, which I was against. A common injury is a slash
to the back of the leg. Unfortunately, this time around, the slash
ended up hitting him between the layers of pads. It caused a blood
clot that extended from his knee to his abdomen. I was out of the
country at the time, and his father did not take him to see a medical
practitioner until the point that they wanted to amputate. I feel
tremendous levels of guilt because I was not there to monitor. I
realize on a rational level that I am not at fault, but on an
emotional level, I was not there for him. Though he did not lose
his leg, there were many complications with clotting. Emboli were
lodging in his lungs, but even with an umbrella, they were unable
to stop the flow. There was no reason for it that the doctors could
find. After the last 'cocktail' I was told that his body was shutting
down (liver failure). He was put on a transplant list, but only made
it until the morning. Obviously, I am sad, and angry at times. I feel
cheated, and there is no way of righting this 'wrong.' All I can say
is that everyone has a time, and that was his time. I dont believe
in God, per se, as I do not need to invent ways of making myself
feel better (the thought of an after life makes death 'ok' for a
lot of people). His death with never be 'ok,' and I dont spend time
looking for silver linings. It is what it is, and I am grateful for
the time that I did have him...though I cant help wishing for more...
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death: a biological process that invole stopage of the life support
systems in human beings. After that, the body begins to break
down into base elements. Some people believe there is a binary or
dichotomy that is part of being human; spirit/body. At the point of
the biological death, they claim the soul is freed from its bodily
constraints (and of course you have to be a 'good' human in order to
get into the luxury death hotel in the after life;). I dont believe
in 'religion' but I do believe that the memories live on as the
'soul'
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused as to why they needed to die (it was my grandmothing
and I was young). I was not particularily bothered by it, just
somewhat disenchanted that she wouldnt be around anymore, and that
I didnt have a say in it all.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone's lives changed. Nothing is the same anymore...and
nor should it be I suspect
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there doesnt always have to be a silver lining. My auntie, while
speaking to her on the phone one day, asked about how I was doing
after the death of my son, Ryley, 5 years ago. She then proceded to
tell me how grateful we should be because he missed out on all of the
bad stuff in the world. I do not feel that I need to go looking for a
silver lining, and I am offended by this cultural norm. He may have
missed out on the bad things, be he also missed out on all of the
good things. Death is death, and it doesnt have to be bastardized
into something 'pretty' or 'positive.' There, often times, is not
silver lining. Though this is not true for all deaths as some are
positive because they release the person from pain, for example.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Grrr--this is exactly what I was talking about in the previous
question. There is nothing to be grateful for in every single
death. My mother's death was a 'gift' simply because she was
suffering so much. There is no gift analogy for my son because I
dont need to rely on such pathetic ploys in order to 'make things
ok.' His death will never be 'ok' to me, but I understand that it
is something that is beyond me to control, and therefore, I need
to find some sort of compromise.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I did not really have much support because I refused to go looking
for it. Most people are uncomfortable with the concept of death; they
tend to avoid you. They tell you how sorry they are, and tell you
to call anytime you need, but it is empty promises because in order
to help, they must then accept their own, and loved ones mortality.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having his hear to touch...to love...to make him feel loved...to
watch him grow up...to hear his voice...to hold him...
I mean
really, what is the harest part about death? Death is the hardest
part--the reality of never being able to express and recieve love
from that person ever again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
spend time with them--it is scary because you dont want to deal with
the reality of death, but the time you spend before death will be
all you will have of the person for a life time. Make it count.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
lessons? Oh right we are right back to getting at the heart of those
'silver linings' cultural norms. Lesson of the day" death is not
fun to watch. The body is transformed and mutated by it. Afterwards,
you will learn that everything about life has changed for you. This
is not positive or negative, it is just your reality. A lesson you
ask? Death hurts--death is ugly and painful for most people
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I dont find anything unclear or confusing. Death is death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I felt no such urge...if I would have, I would have laughed and
felt no guilt in it. Death shouldnt have parameters drawn around
it for all to walk within. If something strikes you as funny, then
you should be free of judgement if you laugh out loud. It makes me
sad when I see these sorts of 'death norms' perpetuated
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him one last time how much I adored, and loved him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
back to those silver lining stereo types--I have no answer for
this question because I am not thankful for anything surrounding
his death. I am thankful to have had him for the 14 years that I
did though
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I dont know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I dont know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I never think I am "over it." That would be delusional and
self-defeating. I feel like crying when I am overcome by the loss,
and there are no rules governing when or where.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dont do that. My reality is that all of those people are dead and
I will never again have them directly in my life. They are always
there on some level because I remember them. Dreaming is for people
who look for some sort of 'bandaid' and who am I to say that is
wrong...it just is not right for me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
This is a poorly worded question. It does not allow for proper
exploration. You should consider re-vamping it. I have nothing to
say as a result (sorry about that because I realize the statistical
implications of the several questions I have missed, however,
you need to look at your design flaws in order to decrease your
non-response rates. sorry.)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
rip my heart out and stomp it into the floor
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was overcome with a profound sadness that will never go away
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caution--but it has always been that way. I believe they do what they
think they can do, but it is often times not enough. I dont expect
anything more or less from the medical community (because after all,
they are all just human beings as well) than from my automechanic.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My mother died of cancer, but it was in such a small, and remote
area that there really was not a 'hospice'
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
my dad was catholic, my mom was a christian...I attended church on
and off with a friend when I was young, but I am not a religiously
inclined individual, though I may believe that there are forces at
work that are larger than myself
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a lie invented to make the death of a loved one easier--if there
is a mind/body or spirit/body dichotomy, I have yet to experience it
--Regarding MONEY:
With the death of my son--two weeks out of town was a huge expense,
not only for rooms/food etc, but also because of missed time
from work (no pay cheque). Thank goodness for Ronald McDonald
houses. People were quite generous in trying to help out with
expenses.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I threw a huge outdoor party for Ryley. I hate conventional funerals
as they are designed only to make people feel like crap, and not
to really say good bye. I chose his favourite place to go camping
and put up huge pavillions. There was a huge BBQ with tonnes of
food. People camped out for the weekend and remembered him, or
they came only for the service and then left. I did break down and
do some of the more conventional stuff for the sake of my older
relatives, namely my dad. I had my friend who is an accomplished
vocalist, sing the song I sang to him almost every single night of
the younger part of his life, "amazing grace" I dont hold the same
religious conatations with this song as some people do, I sang it
because it has a lovely melody and fluidity.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I dont have strange parts
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I do not have a frame of reference for this question because all of
the deaths I have experienced have not been longer than 8 months
long. I didnt waste my time looking for death, I tried to embrace
the life they had left
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I will probably never get past the anger stage, and to be blunt,
that is ok with me. I dont feel that I have to accept the death,
I have accept my own life
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
*ahem* Yet again, back to cultural norms here. I did not experience
this phenomena, but I have had other people report that they
did/have. I dont pay much attention to it. If it is 'real' then I
am happy for them, but I suspect that it is simply a fabrication
invented to aid in the loss process
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have not had a near death experience, though through the death
of my son, I elieve whole chunks of who I was died
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No one will help with them because they can not 'fix' them,
unless there is a god and they are him/her so that they canbring
my kid back. Resolution is not my goal. I dont need to make it ok,
because it is not. What I do need to do is not to waste my own
life and make a mockery of his in the process. Life and health is
a valuable commodity.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you with all of heart
I love you with all of my being
You
are valuable to me
I cherish you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Nothing like this has happened to me, but one incident that
I remember that was told to me was my cousin. She claims that my
mother came to her in a dream and told her everything was ok and that
Ryley (son) was there with her, and she would look after him. In my
heart of hearts, I dont believe inthe 'reality' of such experiences,
but I wish that I did sometimes because perhaps through it, I would
get to visit with my baby, my son again
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
This is another one of those questions that needs work--along with
several others. The point of the question is unclear. It is too
long...and respondent fatigue is starting. You need to re-design
this questionnaire to maximize and increase your confidence levels
for this study!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
we are all going to die 'soon.' Time is a relative thing. What
is soon to me may not be for you. My own death, I hope that there
is enough time to say the things I want to to the people who are
important to me, but not too long as to make them suffer unduly.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I dont like announcements of death because no one reads them
(except me it seems sometimes) and I feel that it is an affront
to the person's life as a result. Publishing their name etc seems
meaningless to me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
coping...well I hav one strategy that I use faithfully. I allow
myself exactly 15 minutes to feel bad, cry, scream etc. At the end
of those 15 minutes, I force myself to think f something good about
my life in the here and now (re-centering and re-embedding myself in
the 'current' reality) The trick is that I can never use the same
'good thing' twice. It gets very challenging. Part of why it works
is not because you re-focus on the good things, but because it forces
your brain to work and to not shut down like it wants to do thinking
up new good things. It is really more of a distraction tactic than
anything else, but it is effective. Coping has to play a part in all
of this, or a person just falls to a billion bloody painful pieces
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still perform the same 'habit' detailed above. One of the more
significant changes I have made, and kept is that I keep in better
contact with my loved ones, and tell them ona regular basis how
much I care, and appreciate them.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have a friend who I only know through online. We were friends
and remained friends through the years, even though our life
circumstances have changed. Last year he lost his tiny son (Matthew)
to SIDS. We try to support one another the best way we can from
such a distance. I wish I could be closer to him some days...or
just be able to visit once in awhile
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
Refusal to give in to my own depression
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
I do not believe that I am 'hindered.' Death happens, I dont have
to like it, but it is part of my reality.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am there for them. I encourage them to talk about it, and not
feel guilty to. I love them unconditionally
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Now onto the question--the questionnaire is hard because it
hurts to think about my son, in particular. Towards the end, I
cried because I miss him so much. I dont -re-think' things because
I have already done that at least a million times over, and I am
now pretty entrenched in my way of thinking (and gratefully so as
it allows me to shut my brain off sometimes).
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
The questionnaire, as I have indicated, has some issues. There are
too many open-ended questions resulting in respondent fatigue (and
subsequent low response results I assume). Many of the questions
are worded poorly, and are unclear. The flow of the questions
seems pretty on the money, though you may want to consider doing
demographics at the end of the questionnaire simply because it is
a such a tough thing you ask of people, and it gives them a bit of
brainless, and easy 'closure.' The graphic presentation is adequate,
but not particularily pleasing on most levels. The background color
choice is great, as is the text color. I would consider re-working
the questionnaire to include some close-ended questions to decrease
respondent fatigue. You can still offer open-ened answers as an
option. Also, your drop down menus of options is too long. Perhaps
you need to scale back the list (I realize you are trying to
exhaust all options, but it is tedious to go through them all)
and offer up an 'other' and explain option. I do not like the
rainbow bars between questions; they are distracting.
Ohh, look demographics! See, I am a well behaved respondent
who does not look ahead to read all of the questions, and thus,
have them, potentially, affect how I answer prior questions;)
Ohh ookie! There is another one. Not everyone fits into tidy boxes
marked male or female. You should consider revising to include,
at the least, an "other" box
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Oct 24 20:17:47 2004
F49 in RR#1 STONEY POINT, ON.CANADA = ?? =
Name: Dale E. Seguin
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
????
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
EDGAR CASEY
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 21 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SHOT MURDERD; Aged: 33.
--Details:
PRE METITATED,VIOLENT,UNNESSARY,BRUTEL.I INTRODUCED HIM TO MY
FRIENDS AND HE KILLED THREE OF THEM OVER CLUB BUSSNESS
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
THE BEGINING OF THE END.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
FELT A SENCE OF LOSS,UNCERTIAN,DISBELIFE
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MY ANGER
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
THE TRUTH,NOT WHAT THEY CONCIEVE AS "THE TRUTH"
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
MY OPEN MIND
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
READ ALOT OF BOOKS
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
THE LOSS
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
UNDERSTANDING,CONFORT,JEST LISTEN,TELL THEM YOU WON'T LEAVE THEM,STAY
HOLD THERE HAND AND PRAY THAT SOMONE WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN
ITS YOUR TIME TO LEAVE
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
FEEL.I THINK OF IT LIKE THIS:I HEAR THE RADIO,BUT I CAN'T SEE
THE RADIO WAVES,BUT I KNOW ITS THERE BECAUSE I CAN HEAR AND ENJOY
IT,SO IS MY FRIEND.JEST BECAUSE I CAN'T SEE HIM DOESN'T MEAN HES
NOT THERE,YOU CAN FEEL HIM IF YOU TRY HARD ENOUGH.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
IT FIRST HAPPEN!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SAY GOOD BYE TELL HIM I WOULD MISS HIM,BUT LATTER I FOUND OUT HE
ALREADY KNEW
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
OPEN MY MIND AND SEE THING FOR WHAT THEY ARE
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
NOT SO MUCH ANY MORE BECAUSE I FOUND OUT THERE IS NOTHING TO CRY
OVER,HES THE ONE HAVING A GOOD TIME
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
WHO KNOWS
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
NOT NO MORE
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
CURL UP AND JOIN HIM
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
SHOULD OF BEEN WITH HIM
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
GAVE IT THERE BEST SHOT
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
CONFORT
--Religious Affiliation:
R.C.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
THE WHOLE THING WAS SUREAL
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
AWAKENING
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
IS THE BEING OF THE END
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
YES BUT THE STORY IS TO LONG
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
HIM,AND I KNOW I WILL SEE HIM SOON,SO I WILL ENJOY IT WHILE I'M HERE
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I WILL ASK HIM IF IS ALRIGHT AND THEN I WILL ASK HIM IF ITS AS
COOL AS SOME PEOPLE SAY IT IS?ARE YOU HAPPY?WHO ELSE IS HERE I
KNOW?LETS PARTY!
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I THINK THAT WHEN MAN FIRST CAME TO THIS PLACE THEY WOULDN'T HAVE
SURVIED IF THEY COULDN'T SENCE DANGER AROUND THE CORNER.I THINK
THAT OVER TIME MAN HAS LOST THAT ABILTIY AND WHEN WE ARE TOLD ALL
OUR LIVES THAT THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THIS OR THAT,WELL ITS HARD
TO PRESEVE ANYTHING WHEN YOU ARE TOLD YOU ARE NUTS,OR MY PERSONAL
FAVORT,NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T DO THAT!IT IS WHAT IT IS.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I THINK THAT WE MADE A DEAL WITH OUR MAKER BEFORE WE EVEN WERE
BORN.I THINK THAT THERE IS A REASON WHY EVERY THING HAPPENS,I LIVE
RELIGIOUSLY WITH THE BELIEF(WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND,YOU HAVE
TO LOOK TO SEE
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I AM OK WITH THAT,I THINK I KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT,OF COURSE I AM
HUMAN AND NATURLY DON'T WANT TO DIE,BUT I AM ALSO SMART ENOUGH TO
MAKE AMENDS AND DO THE BEST I CAN TO HELP PEOPLE,AND BE THE BEST
I CAN .THAT IS WHAT IS IMPORANT
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
THANK YOU FOR SHARING WITH ME THE TIMES WE SHARED ON OUR JOURNEY
HOME,UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I TURNED THE PLACE INTO A SHRINE,PICTURES OF HIM EVEYWHERE,COULD'NT
STOP YALKING ABOUT HIM,SURPRISED I HAVE FRIENDS LEFT
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I PRAY EVERY DAY.I ASK THE WHITE LIGHT TO PROTECT MY FAMILY AND
FRIENDS,FOR THE WISDOM I NEED TO FULFIL MY SHORT STAY HERE,AND TO
DO IT PEACABLY ,HONESTLY,THE BEST I CAN
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
TIME
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
THE VIOLENCE
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I WOULD CONVERSE WITH WHAT EVER THEY WANTED TO TALK ABOUT AND BE
AS OPEN AND HONEST AS POSSIBLE,TRY TO CONFORT
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I THINK FREELY OF THIS SUBJECT AND OTHERS OF THIS NATURE ALL THE
TIME AND NEVER FORGET WHERE I CAME FROM
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Fri Oct 22 17:03:57 2004
F36 in Kailua, Hawaii =USA=
Name: KM
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Prof/Studies: Business Owner
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: drunk driving accident; Aged: 29.
--Details:
it was a single car accident in which he was a passenger.
The vehicle was driven by his best friend. They were on their way
home from a bar that we all used to hang out at. And apparently they
took the back road home to avoid cops. They were on a road called
Winding Way which is very appropriately named. There is one spot
in the road that has a flashing yellow caution light, warning of
an "S" turn ahead that is followed by a bridge. There is another
warning that says caution reduced speed limit 25 mph. The police
estimate the turn was taken at 70 mph+ The vehicle they were in was
a brand new v-8 Dodge truck, but if you didn't know that before,
you wouldn't have known it after. The first thing that was hit
was a telephone pole on the passenger side of the truck... it was
completely sheared off. The next thing that was hit was a power
pole w/transformer on the passenger side of the truck... it was
completely sheared off too, with the passenger side door wrapped
around it, that hit apparently caved in the roof of the truck except
for about a foot on the drivers side. The last thing that was hit
was the bridge embankment, on the passenger side. The driver got
out and apparently tried to revive him for awhile before he just
walked away and left him there. He turned himself in 24 hours later,
too late to test him for alcohol. And to this day maintains that it
was my fiancee who stepped on the accelerator and pulled the steering
wheel, even though evidence shows that wasn't possible.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of all physical contact with the person who dies. They just
disappear from your life and all you have left are memories and
photo's.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
don't remember. I was very young.
--That first time, how it happened was
He was my first real love that I had met 3 years prior on a company
camping trip (both our parents worked for the same company). I
lived in No. Calif & he lived in So. Calif but we wrote letters,
spoke by phone and visited each other frequently.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sense of everything being unreal. Going thru the motions almost
as if i was on auto-pilot. Hoping it was a nightmare i could wake
up from.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to respect that people deal with death in their own way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Having the granny that i had, she was untouchable, and she loved
me unconditionally... no matter what.
My fiancee... That we
met... we had some of the best times of my life together... and I
will always be grateful for the wonderful daughter that we brought
into this world.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Crown Royal! Crying. Crown Royal! Talking about it. Crown Royal!
Denial when it was too difficult. Crown Royal! Two years of that,
and then I climbed out of the bottle and dealt with it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Acceptance. For the longest time I just wanted to make myself
believe that he had gone on a trip that he wasn't coming back from.
Acceptance (during the criminal trial of the driver) that I wasn't
ever going to know the truth about what happened that night.
Acceptance that my daughter was never going to know her father
the way she deserved to. Accepting that it was not my fault in
some way. Because after the acceptance part, came the guilt...
This was the love of my life, the father of my daughter. We had
been seperated for awhile, but he had asked me to marry him and
we were working things out. However we had been in an argument
(over drinking and driving, and him riding his motorcycle), and he
told me that I had to be home by thanksgiving day or we were thru.
He died on thanksgiving day at 1:55 am. I didn't arrive until
8 pm that night. (the guilt of what if i had been home sooner)
The driver of the vehicle they were in was his best friend,
whom I had introduced him too. My bestfriends husband, whom she
was seperated from. The guy I encouraged him to hang out with,
because he was a "good guy" not from the "fast crowd" he used to run
with. (the guilt of having introduced them)
And the worst guilt
of all... me telling my mom, after we had gotten into the drinking
driving argument... he needs to think about the fact we have a four
year old daughter... I don't want to get a call someday and have
them tell me they are scraping him up off the road... fearing a
motorcycle accident... (the guilt of did i jinx him...)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to treat them as normally as possible. Try not to let the sadness
you are going to feel losing them show. Let their final moments be
of happiness. You don't want them to feel sadness or guilt that
they are leaving you. I remember my grandmother, when she died.
I was 12 hours away by plane... and worried she would be gone
by the time i got there. She was more of a mother to me than
my mother could ever be. And I loved her more than anything.
I was terrified about losing her and in a matter of 5 days it
had gone from her having another year, to another month to now.
Anyway... she "waited" for me to get there. And when i walked
into her room, i started to cry... and she looked at me, grabbed
my hand and said: "Don't you cry!" And I gave her that. I held
myself together and didn't cry. Because I knew that she wanted to
know that I was going to be okay. And I also knew she didn't want
to cry herself. Because that was only going to make me more upset.
It was a good thing. I understood and I was amazed that I was able
to control my emotions. Shortly after that she went into a coma,
but I was okay, because I knew she went there peacefully.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't think I wasn't ready to let her go. But after seeing the
pain she was in, knowing that her final wish of seeing and talking to
me had been granted... I wanted to let her go. I prayed for god to
take her, because I couldn't bear to see her like that, in that pain
and basically brain dead... and I knew she would hate for me too.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Regarding my grandmother:When at first they said that she had
a year to live. Then it was a few months. Then it was a week.
This was over the course of 5 days. By the time I got to her,
I only had a few hours with her before she was gone.
Regarding
my fiancee: The driver of the vehicle called me about 12 hours
after the accident to ask me how my fiancee was... I guess he was
hoping that he had been wrong. Then after telling him he was dead,
he refused to see me or talk to me. Still to this day, he won't
tell me what happened that night. We all know he lied in court,
but he has been tried and convicted, there is no double jeopardy.
So I don't understand why he can't tell me the truth. And this is
the guy that used to babysit our daughter, she called him her uncle.
I know he has to live with this the rest of his life, but so do we.
Even more confusing to me is the fact that his father knows, but
his mother doesn't, because she wouldn't be able to deal with it.
Well, what about my fiancee's mother???
Another very confusing
and horrifying thing happened the first time that i was going to take
our daughter to visit her daddy's grave. We were getting ready to
leave and she tells me wait she forgot something and goes running
into her room... i go in there and she's grabbing her shovel and
a bucket... and ask her what she's doing with those...and she says
she's taking them with her...so i ask what for... and she says so she
can dig up her daddy... (and i can't breathe, my heart is pounding
hard) and I tell her no sweetie you can't do that... and then she
says why not? Why can't I dig him up and hang him on the wall?
and I almost lose my lunch, because for one, i have a mental image in
my head (that isn't pretty) and for two... I'm thinking that there is
something seriously wrong with my daughter. I remember thinking of
"chucky" and wondering why is she having these morbid thoughts???
come to find out that as a four year old who's seen hunting trophy's
on the wall why can't her dad be like that? it was the longest
hour of my life it seemed as the child psychologist explained to
me how a child thinks and assured me she was normal.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Shit happens. At the graveside service I felt like I was in that
movie Burt Reynolds did "The man who loved, women" In fact i laughed
out loud there, flanked by my two best friends, and said I think
everyone that he ever flirted with is here. And where that once
would have made me jealous, for some reason it was amusing. That was
the first laugh.
The second laugh was a couple hours after my
fiancee had been buried, i went back to the graveside, my daughter
wanted me to get pictures of the flowers there. When I got there
all the flowers were lying on top of the grave, so I walked over
to stand them up a little. Still wearing the dress and heels i
had worn at the service I made the mistake of stepping directly
onto the grave... and of course i started to sink immediately in
the soft dirt... which startled me at first but then i couldn't
keep my balance and so i just collapsed in a heap and started
laughing... laughing hard! And I know that people that were around
visiting other gravesites were staring at me, but i couldn't stop,
because mostly what was going thru my mind, was that he would be
laughing at me about the whole scene... and that was comforting.
Like we were sharing some secret. Well anyway, what i would say
is... the mind is a beautiful thing, because just when you think
you can't handle anymore, you find out you can.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
well regarding my grandmother's death. I wish that I hadn't listened
to my mother and that I had left the first day I heard she was ill.
Just so I could have spent some more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get up in front of everyone at my granny's memorial service and
share what i loved about her and recall some of the wonderful times
we shared together.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i actually saw my grandmother die in the hospital, i was relieved
for her. But when I saw her right before the cremation... I was
really glad that I took that opportunity, because she looked so much
more peaceful there than she had in the hospital. I also know that
I was the last person that got to see her & I think she would have
wanted that way, although noone but me & her know that.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
with my granny... making apologies for past transgressions.
I guess I just didn't feel any guilt about things I might or might
not have done wrong. I was okay completely with my relationship
with her she knew what she meant to me and I to her. No apologies
were necessary for anything. Now some people... well some people
had a lot to feel guilty for... but at the end, what's the point?
To make themselves feel better?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my daughter graduated from 8th grade and she was valedictorian,
i thought he should have been there to see it... and then when she
was giving her speech (it was outside and it was so hot!) I looked up
and right above her was this cloud that looked like an angel... his
mom was right next to me and i poked her and said look up. And then
both of us just smiled thru the tears. ( and took a picture )
I think of the day I arrived at my parents for vacation & my granny
was sick and had been staying with my parents for quite some time.
It was my daughters b-day party that night... and my mom wanted to go
have glamour shots done and i wanted the four of us to go... a four
generations picture... and she said no, next time all 4 of us, but
just the 3 of us this time, it's gonna be a surprise for mothers day.
(this was the end of march) and so i went to tell my granny i would
be back in a few hours... and she almost cried (this woman whom
i had never seen cry) and i was feeling a little irritated, first
with my mom... and now with this... and i snapped at her and said
i'll be back... i have to go take care of something... and she said
something that stopped me cold... "How many times do you take a bath
a day?" i said what? she asked again... and i said "at least once
usually twice... why?" and she said "because i haven't had a bath
in 4 days... and by the time you get back from where you are going,
im not going to have time, because it tires me out and i will need to
rest for awhile" and i remember just getting bolistic with my mother.
And then my granny... telling me... "lets just take care of it when
you get back." (so as to not upset my mother!) but everytime i
think about that i feel so sad. I wonder what kind of things I
never did hear about. ANd i find myself hating my mother just
a little bit more for the way she treated her. And that mother's
day surprise? Well, my granny died on mothers day. And I don't
believe she ever saw those pictures. And I hate to look at them.
And I always cry on Thanksgiving & Mothers day, and wonder why
the two closest people to me had to die on holidays.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't even go there!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my mother wouldn't let my grandmothers ashes be scattered during
an annual horseriding event that she founded and is now a memorial
ride to her. A close friend offered to ride my grandmother's horse
and take her dog along (just as she would have ridden) and scatter
her ashes on the trail which would have been completely appropriate.
But my mom wanted to have her friend who has a pilots license scatter
her ashes, and I couldn't be present so i said no. So since may
of 1996 my mother keeps my grandmothers ashes in her closet on
a shelf! My mom didn't like her mother and treated her badly,
and I can't help but wonder if this is a way at her getting back
at my grandmother... a control thing. I dunno. I mean why would
someone do that?????
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it was my fiancee, my daughters father and it was thanksgiving day
and my mom called to tell me some 'bad news' she said he had been
killed in a car accident...the first thing i said was his last name
in a questioning way... hoping by some miracle she was going to tell
me it was someone else that had the same first name... when she said
yes i remember screaming "FUCK! GodDammit!" and i hung up on her.
Then thinking to myself i knew this was going to happen... and then
just getting hysterical, screaming... and thinking what am i going
to tell my daughter?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing really. I don't believe in organized religion. I do
believe in God though. And I pray to god. But I look at organized
religion somewhat as a crutch for people. They aren't happy with
their life and they need something to believe in. Then there are the
hypocrites who go around wreaking havoc on peoples lives all week and
go to church on sunday to pray for forgiveness. There are so many
different religions and they all think they are right. Well who
is right? I believe in God, I believe i am a good person, and if
there is a heaven, i believe i will get there. And if there isn't,
well then I didn't waste my time following someone else's rules
or giving a percentage of my paycheck to buy my way into nothing.
I'd much rather donate to a charity of my choice anyway... than to
the good of any church.
--Religious Affiliation:
I attended catholic school. And have seen more than i care to of
the mormon religion.
--Regarding MONEY:
For my grandmother my mom did everything as cheaply as she could,
it was disgusting! For my fiancee, I was completely comfortable
with the way that everything was handled.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Well for one, I don't remember a thing about the funeral itself
except for walking in behind the casket and then the priest saying
his sisters name incorrectly during the service. The other thing
that stood out was that it was like a huge reunion. Just not a
happy one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
regarding my fiancee: being around our friends. I wasn't sure how
to act and they weren't really sure either. Should we talk about
him or not? I always wanted to, but i think it made some people
uncomfortable. I had to talk about him though.
Regarding my
granny: I think the strangest thing was watching my mother "fake
grieving" i mean maybe she had some sort of emotions, but none of
it seemed real to me at all.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I'm not sure if this is where i should put this, but about two
weeks before my fiancee died, I was watching an episode of ER.
And normally i don't get bothered by anything from a show like that.
However in this show there were two guys in a car and they were
involved in an accident where the driver had ran a stop sign and the
car was broadsided. Apparently both had been ejected from the car,
and they were taken by ambulance to the er. When they got to the
hospital, it showed them working frantically trying to save one of
them... and the friend is being wheeled in and sees this and he is
screaming is he okay is he okay? They take him away to another room.
And then they pronounce the guy dead, cover him with the white sheet
and go tell the friend that they are sorry there was nothing they
could do. And then there is a cop asking the surviving guy about the
accident, and he all of a sudden says, it was the other guy that was
driving (when in fact it had been him) I don't recall there being
anything particularly gory in this episode, but I remember almost
passing out. I felt like I was going to throw up, and I had the
cold sweats and i was standing there getting dizzy when my friend
grabbed me and told me that i looked green. It was a good 10-15
minutes before I lost the feeling of nausea and stopped sweating.
And when I looked back, I often wondered if that had been a sign.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Even though the driver was not convicted of Drinking and driving,
I know that's what caused this accident. It was an accident that
was completely preventable. So I have volunteered and spoken to
convicted drunk drivers in a mandatory class they must attend at
the courthouse. It helps me cope and I figure if it helps just one
person, it's worth it. Ten years later, though and i still choke
up sometimes. But it's getting easier.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream about my fiancee a few months later. Where he was
at the foot of my bed, i was saying his name and i was so happy
to see him and i kept reaching for him and telling him how much
i missed him... He kept telling me that everything was going to
be okay. And i kept telling him but i miss you so much and i was
crying and i think he was touching my face and he told me don't
worry, everything will be okay, I promise. And it seemed so real.
Of course everything was not okay it never will be. But it gave me
some comfort.
And I have had dreams about him since then, but
we are always doing something... but always in my dream I somehow
become conscious that he is dead, i think it is right before I
wake up. Except for just the other night I had a dream about
him and I don't remember that happening. It was kind of weird,
because I remembered the dream so vividly and usually it's just
bits and pieces.
I have had dreams about my granny, all good,
but i never remember them really... just that i had them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Well my daughter had an issue with the fact that she didn't get
to say "goodbye" to her daddy before god took him. So everynight
she would look out the window after saying her prayers and look up
into the sky and tell him goodnight daddy, I love you. Blow him a
kiss and throw him a hug.
And for me, just playing music that
we used to listen to together was my way of communicating.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
We shared a love affair with the Raiders and our daughter and I
carry on that tradition, even though it hurts that I will never
go to another game with him, I know he's there with us somehow,
someway... win or lose.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sun Oct 17 00:01:42 2004
M62 in Lakewood, WA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after life; Closer to the light: Learning from the near-death
experiences of children; On death and dying; The Tibetan Book of
Living and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Moody, R. ; Morse, M. with Perry, P. ; Kübler-Ross, E.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: an unusual lung disease; Aged: nearly 81.
--Details:
My father was an exceptionally healthy and energetic man throughout
his life, even up to the age of 75. At that age, he contracted a
fungus in his lungs, which nearly killed him outright. Because of
his exceptional health, he survived the initial onset of the disease,
however, he slowly deteriorated to the point that his lungs were 2/3
destroyed and he was unable to live without oxygen. At the end, he
was pretty much a shrivelled shell compared to his normal appearance.
Surprisingly, as he physically deteriorated, he seemed to grow
in sweetness and generosity. As you might expect, he was looking
forward to what lay ahead, and although previously he did not allow
discussion of religion, now we reviewed his favorite scriptures
and hymns. At the end, as he lay dying in his favorite easy chair
(he refused to lie down to die), and as he drifted in and out of
consciousness, he was the personification of kindness and patience.
Finally, he just quietly passed away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was confused about its meaning and significance.
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle, my father's brother, was killed in a motorcycle accident
when the braking chain failed and he ran broadside into a car.
My father was especially guilt-ridden, since he had given the
motorcycle to his younger brother. There was a tremendous amount
of expressed grief during the viewing, and I was swept up in
the emotion. It was an odd experience, because on the one hand
I really didn't have the slightest concept of what I should feel,
and on the other hand I joined in with the corporate grief.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How natural it was.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to deal with the process of death, the moment of death, and
the moments after death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
In viewing the process of death of my father and younger sister,
both of whom I loved dearly, I came to view death as a bridge that
we pass over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My Christian faith and a broad and extensive background in world
religions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss, the absence of the loved one.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Treat the process of death and a natural event, certainly the end
of one adventure, but the beginning of another. Avoid becoming
emotional or grief-stricken; it serves no good purpose and may
increase the anxiety of the dying person.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Can grieve in the loss, but rejoice in the gain. The barrier between
the worlds is gone and it is just process, only process.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that my grief was only for a moment.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Joy comes in the morning.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To repay the kindness and remove the unappreciativeness.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To see the hand of God at work.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Someone remembered a very small, almost insignificant act of kindness
my father had done. Yet, how big that act was in its recounting!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
It is all important, yet at the same time only relatively so.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize the absence.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't dream those dreams. I try to live that life now. Each small
act of kindness, each word fitly chosen, each gesture has consequence
now, at the present time. We don't need to drift and dream, but
we can act AS IF right now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It seems at whatever age (my father at 81, my sister at 55), it is
just so soon, so early.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Reach up and touch the face of God.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Missed being able to call and chat for a minute or two.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude for the efforts; frustration for the lack.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
How generous and helpful the hospice volunteers and staff were.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A form to relate to. A tried path to walk. A procedure to turn to.
A comfort in the knowledge that millions of others had walked this
path before.
--Religious Affiliation:
Raised a Methodist; several years of study in world religions,
particularly Daoism and Zen; a return to the Christian church of
power and purpose and joy.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Self-evident.
--Regarding MONEY:
And inordinate amount of money was spent to satisfy perceptions of
what a "normal" funeral should be like.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How kind people how, how generous in offering words of comfort,
in sharing a moment of grief.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How important our ties, even if brief and tenuous, become at the
time of death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
A looking onward, past the physical present. A desire to set things
right with those left behind. A renewed interest in matters of
faith and religion.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It helped to freely discuss the process of death with the dying
loved ones. Sharing a common faith and confidence in the basic
goodness of life, and the absolute normality of death was comforting
for me and them.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My sister, soon after praying Jesus' prayer in Gethsemane (not
my will, but your will be done), saw Jesus enter into her room.
He stood there a moment just gazing at her, then left as he came.
He appeared a few moments later through the ceiling of the room,
accompanied by an angel. As before, they only stood and gazed
at her. However, after they had gone, she had such a sense of
confidence and comfort, that she was able to write of the joy of
her coming death.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have experienced several episodes of changing perceptions when
I passed through momentarily to other consciousness, and I became
aware that this ain't al there is.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
More than anything, I feel regret for times of self-absorbed
unappreciativeness. The regret is useful to remind me to be
appreciative in the present.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say, "Thank you." I try to express gratitude for any act
of kindness, large or small. It all matters.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Dying is for the dying. Death is for the living. Pay attention
to the needs of both. Allow dying with dignity; celebrate death
with care and with joy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The logical mind answers, "Death is the natural end of life."
There is no emotion, only understanding. The emotional mind,
reaches out, watching for clues--looking for stepping stones to
the other side. As with anything new, there is a tenuousness as
we search out the path.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Good man, good husband, good father, good son. Useful servant,
productive worker. Curious and adventurous, wise and careful.
Generous, free, incautious. Joyous, humorous, deadly serious.
Fully human.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't know that I have ever found coping with death to be
difficult. Times of grief and loss, yes. But that is normal.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am constantly, every moment, reaching up to touch the face of God.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
More an anything, I feel gratitude for those who expressed sympathy
following the deaths.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
In reality, there was no "dealing with" death at that time.
I expressed grief with other family at the time, but found afterwards
that there was nothing more to deal with.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have reached out many times since the deaths of my father and
sister, primarily with emotional support and comfort, sometimes
with spiritual counsel.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am not certain that anything important was elicited. It is
always interesting and educational to go over familiar ground;
occasionally we discover new bits.
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Fri Oct 15 06:54:07 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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hopiceweb
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Mourning Handbook. Final Gifts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: 92 y.o. Liver CA with Brain mets; Aged: 92.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Mother at age 10. She was a divorced nurse with 2 kids. I took
care of her.
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How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
My mom prepared us for it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Having to deal with my Dad and our new "family" Remarried with
2 kids.
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Wed Oct 13 19:00:38 2004
F21 in Wichita, KS =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology undergraduate
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suffocation; Aged: 5.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
usually considered the end of someone's life as a physical being
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to truly understand but still felt the sorrows that
are associated with losing someone. I had to watch my family's pain.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died of complications from strokes, on the day of his
funeral, my 5 yr old cousin suffocated in an abandoned refrigerator.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sharing stories of how are teacher had changed our lives
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to celebrate it as the beginning of a new life for that person
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt of thinking i could have stopped it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand and let them know that it is okay for them to go
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I was really too young to understand the whole concept of death
and dying. I just knew that they weren't coming back.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Tue Oct 12 23:43:27 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no time for goodbyes
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: road accident; Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inconceivable. A common occurance for which no-one is prepared,
and no-one is educated on how to handle.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt in unfamiliar territory
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
what to say to others
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk about it. To not feel scared of those in grief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
someone saying they couldn't know how I felt, but they were always
there to talk.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a support group
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being/living alone.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have learnt to be more independant. To stand up for myself and to
know what is and isn't important.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his family contested the estate and were angry that he was an
organ donor
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
for my husband to tell his family his wishes in the event of his
death. They didn't believe me...it may have helped to hear it
from him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
survive.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the world seemed a different place. How altered my state of mind was.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realise I am aging without him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't punish myself with the thought.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a lovely man can die. He still had so much he wanted to do.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was in a fog. Nothing was real. My brain wasn't functioning
and I was on automatic pilot
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
empathy
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little
--Religious Affiliation:
non practising catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the same for all
--Regarding MONEY:
his family wanted his estate
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I couldn't imagine a moment past the funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being so young and widowed...coping with his family on top of that
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the way the colour drained from him
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being allowed to express emotion. Not feeling like you have to be
strong for everyone
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
ghe has shown me in many ways that he's still around
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
many events
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
a donation on his behalf each year to differing charities
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Sun Oct 10 14:14:52 2004
F30 in Nashville, Tennessee =United States=
Name: Kristen
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I am taking a psychology class where we have to participate in 3
research projects.
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Course
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: rapid deterioration.; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I don't know how to answer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very mad. I did not want anyone hugging on me or touching me.
I was mad that I would not be able to see her any more. I was not
going to be able to give her all the hugs and kisses that we used to
exchange and I would miss all of her stories and just being around
such a life loving person.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The emptyness I had of not being able to see her anymore. I felt,
kind of lonely, even though I had many family around me.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Being able to let go easier. I don't like viewing bodies. I believe
this is a morbid thing. I believe creamation is a more finality
and helps people get over the death more quicker.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the relief from the pain my grandmother was suffering when she
passed away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family!!!!!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Going to see my grandfather at their home and expecting her to walk
around the corner or to hear her voice somewhere and it not happen!!!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know. I was not able to be there for my grandmother while
she was in her last days and this saddens me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We had to view my grandmother's body in the casket. I hated it.
That was not her and I can't handle seeing that. I think this is
a morbid tradition. I like cremation.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was very helpful and releaving.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her that I loved her one more time and hug and kiss her and
tell her I will always remember the things she taught me and the
ocean that she loved do much!!!!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
catholics do not bury the person with their jewelry. They took my
grandmothers wedding bands off and gave them to the family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to call her and then realize she is gone and I can't talk to
her or write her a letter.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
madness. I was mad that she was gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great help!! They have been nothing but supportive for my family
and I.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Wonderful!!! My grandfather really needed someone to talk to and
they were always there and avaiable for him. I recommend hospice
to anyone.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Everything to my grandfather and grandmother.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I strongly feel that I will see my grandmother again and that she
will be there immediatly when I pass away and that she is always
watching me. I feel that she is my guardian angel!!!
--Regarding MONEY:
no money was involved. My grandmother and grandfather had already
planned and paid for their funerals.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
most of my father's family was their. This was the death of my
mothers mother.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
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Thu Oct 7 11:47:02 2004
F28 in Apple Valley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Medical assisting
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart collapsed in her sleep due to a clot lodging in the heart.;
Aged: 49.
--Details:
She said her right arm hurt, and was tired from the six hour drive
from a weekend get away. She said she did not need to go to the
hospital that she would call the doctor in the morning, she never
woke up again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
one of the most painful experiences that the loved ones of the
deceased will ever go through, and that it is an ongoing process
that never ends when the deceased is a very close loved one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 14, but the death that most bothers me and I have to deal
with every day is the death of my mother (BEST FRIEND).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is finding her lifeless body and having to give her CPR. The
emptyness in her eyes, the sound and smell of my breath comming
back out of her body. There is more, but I can't.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
One is never completely over the loss.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My Mom will never hurt again, and she can now rest.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Faith, family, and caring for my young son.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Everything!
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally realized that there is no time limit on griefand it can
be ongoing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It was so sudden that I just couldn't understand why did she have to
go so young and when she had just only gotten to be a grandmother for
a short time and she took such joy in that why take it away so soon.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I LOVE YOU just one more time and mostly GOOD BYE.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take care of alot of the funeral plans. And to lessen the burden
of her loss on my father by taking care of the house etc.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realized that there is no limit on how long or how you grieve.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
My son starts yelling at the sky at Jesus saying give my Ganny
back you can't have her. Or when he lies in bed crying wanting to
know when she is comming back, or when he wants to be Superman for
Halloween so he can fly to heaven and get his Ganny back. Or when
it's her birthday or anniversary (marrage), or the anniversary of
her death. And sometimes just because.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
GIVE HER BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk about it with someone!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For me it was mainly just prayer and the knowledge that she had
gone to a better place.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
The cost of her service we felt was ridiculous.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My Mom touched so many that we didn't seem to know half of those
in attendance and we ended up having two viewings.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
just the simple fact that she was gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
her memory is the most comforting to me, just reflecting on the
times together and such.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are to many I just go on day by day knowing that she is
watching over me and my family.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My son says that he talks to his ganny all the time and even says
that he can see her at times.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Someone must take care of my son and protect him. That's all I
care about.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I now think about it all the time, not only mine but my father as
well. I am terrified of dying or experiencing another loss that
significant.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just talk to her and recall memories.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
like i said I just talk to her and recall memories.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, I've become very close to my Aunt since the loss of my
mother. It does help.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Also faith in God, and family.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
She was not ill, we did not see it comming. And she was still
realatively young.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I found it to be helpfull, but yes some of the questions were most
definately too personal for me.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
To write your own obituary is a bit too much for me, some people
fear their own death too much.
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Thu Oct 7 01:06:35 2004
M18 in Carmichael, California =USA=
Name: Gidget Hancock
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 80ish.
--Details:
I remember everybody at the funeral was in alot of pain it seems
like.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was amazed/ in awe.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Alot of people were in pain, and I felt it, and I didn't know why.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens to everyone, it's not always fair, and it's inevitable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The comfort I felt when I just came to terms with the fact that it
will eventually happen, and I got over it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Constant contemplation on mortality and the transcience of it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That it's not fair.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
"Keep thoughts of impermanace. Understand what this person might
be feeling. Above all, come to terms with death."
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Came to terms and lost my fear.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
So many people told me their version of what death is and what
happens afterwords, I couldn't make sence of it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was when I realized the university of death. How it's all
inevitable to EVERYONE. Even me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To know him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Come to terms with Death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
When I also relaized how small we are compared to other planets
and other organisms and other minds.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where do we go afterwards?
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't have the same veiw on death as I do now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Then I remember, "Death is not fair. Death just is. It's the
universal balance. It just happens."
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Nothing. I didn't understand it untill the funeral was under
way. Then all of a sudden I just felt all this pain.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Soemtimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was amazed on what little stick of tobacco can do.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Dogma. Telling me what happens. No matter what.
--Religious Affiliation:
I am currently an ecclectic Buddhist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Comfortable. But still, alot of people fear it. It is natural for
us to miss something we've lost and know we won't and can't get back.
--Regarding MONEY:
I really never considered it at that age.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
kept generally pleasant.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The questioning of where we go afterwords. After the funeral,
I began to look for a version of death that I agreed on. I wanted
to know what everybody else, and not just christians thought.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The suddenly start to get better.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I always knew greif would pass. But I was in touch with the greif
when it happened and I didn't hold it in.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I never got to see it.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have none.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have wanted to know his life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've herad many storeis of family hauntings. I think I have
experienced something, but I can't tell for sure.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would always respect and comply with the wishes and requests of
the dead and dying.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I'll die. I expect it.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
HE HAD A LOT TO SAY
TRIED HARD AS HE COULD
BELEIVED IN LOYALTY
STOOD UP FOR HIS BELEIFS
WENT OUT OF HIS WAY
THOUGHT FOR HIMSELF
QUESTIONED AUTHORITY
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I studied death, and the process of, medically and very relegiously
as well. For a while, it became a hobbie.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I feel more appreciative of life.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
After the funeral, I was closer to my aunt Dharla then ever before.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Mystical Studies
It always happens. It will eventually. Doesn't matter how, Death
doesn't consider how. It just is.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
People always said what Death IS, what it just HAS to be, and whats
after it. I've always questioned "What happens? and Why does it
happen that way?"
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it questioned very intelligently.
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Sun Oct 3 20:24:39 2004
M19 in Felton, DE =19943=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo, Science, Psychology, Research, Tests and Experiments
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Prof/Studies: Psychology major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Teacher, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 57.
--Details:
He was my coach in high school for 3 years and he was a personal
man that encouraged others all the time and put everybody else
in front of himself at all times. He was a great man. He battled
cancer for 1 year before losing the battle.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing away or ending of a physical life on Earth, but a
beginning of an eternal, spiritual life in either Heaven or Hell,
depending on a particular choice made in the physical life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and upset.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I got an energy and focus that I never had before. It renewed me
and changed my life.
--What I think my (19943) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to get to Heaven after death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my coach professed that he was a Christian and I hope to see
him in Heaven someday.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
running. My coach was my Cross Country and Track coach, so I started
to run, after a few months of laziness, when he died. It brings me
a peace and another focus in my life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
he was such a great man and he blessed this world so greatly,
he will be missed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
going to Heaven, being saved, or the wonderful legacy the person
will leave in this life.
--[My Teacher's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had a renewing and regeneration after his death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
...everything was understandable. Everything happens for a reason
and I accept everything that does happen in life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the great memories of my coach will not be forgotten, he was a
fun-loving and fun-giving man.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to known him even better, spend more time with him because
after high school, everybody and everything just drifted away.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the viewing and the funeral, they were amazing tributes
to an amazing man.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
somebody mentioned that the cancer did not control my coach,
he continued his life even when he knew that he was going to
die soon. The cancer simply defeated his body, it never defeated
his spirit.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
everything was so important and so worthy.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
he was being himself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream that I will be with him in Heaven...that is all.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
never had the thought, to be honest.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him in Heaven.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried uncontrollably for quite a few minutes.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
professionalism.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
well taken care of, looked after, and a calm, happy atmosphere.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an assurance that I really needed.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist (Christianity)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
well...if a person gets saved then they feel the Spirit of God
within them, anybody can be saved.
--Regarding MONEY:
i didn't give enough.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we were united as one group that loved a great man.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
whenever he wasn't able to do his job...he never quit.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not have any resolved issues. I just wish that I could get to
know him and his family better.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope to talk about his relationship with God and talk about
the years that we spent together.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My wishes would include getting the friends of mine that were not
saved to see me so that I can witness to them before I pass, plus,
a lot of Dr. Pepper.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope to live a full life including getting married, having
children and buying my own house. But I am not in charge of that,
only God is and I am ready whenever my time is up. I try to live
each day eventfully and focusing on God.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
It would simply mention how I loved God and that I loved everybody. I
care about everybody's feelings and if they have a problem, I want to
help them. I am an aspiring musician (playing guitar) and I desire
to honor and worship God in all that I do. I am a smart man that
lives biblically and not by what the world wants.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
running on the cross country course that my coach trained me on.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
running.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I did not know her well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mom cried
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I helped a couple people understand why many people were happy
at the viewing of my coach. He was a Christian and they believe
(as I do) that he is in Heaven now.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was an appropriate questionnaire that allowed me to say a couple
things that I haven't told anyone else.
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Sat Oct 2 13:34:33 2004
F34 in St. Paul, MInnesota =USA=
Name: Terea
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
doing homework for abnormal psychology looking up subjetive tests
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Prof/Studies: computers, psycology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown cause; Aged: 35.
--Details:
My first love/friend, we always talked aobut getting to together
again someday. But he was an addict and when I moved from the area,
we lost touch. Out last contact wasn't the best, I felt guilty
about the harsh words I said. I often would tell people if he
ever sobered up and came looking for me, I would go. I ended up
getting married a couple of time, hence name changed several times.
So finally after several years had past, 15, I started to look
for him. I found him, but couldn't work up the nerve to call
him. Then I left the job that I had where I could find him easily.
Earlier this year, I began the search again, via regular search
means, and located him. But it wasn't what I wanted to find, he
had passed away in his sleep 2 years earlier. I wrote his sister
and asked her what happened and she hasn't replied. Even though he
passed away two years ago, my grief is new and I have always felt
lost without him. Now I feel alone and hollow. I try to remind
myself everyday that if I say something I regret, make it right as
soon as possible. I waited too long.
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--Death Is:
a when the inner spirit inside you continues on it's journey.
You leave behind a physical shell of human flesh, what make a person
aware and alive is no longer part of that flesh.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The anger and resentment I felt for being left behind.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a cycle.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
show them you care and love them, comfort them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When it happens to children.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much I really loved him and that I'm sorry for the
words that I said the last time we spoke.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
remebering all the time and long hours we would spend talking about
life and death. How I will never hear his voice again. It hard
to think about it, when you care for someone so deeply that after
18 years you still remember his face, the way he walked, his voice,
his smile. The certain way he talked, his fears and dreams.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he left me behind and without saying good bye.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
shut off my brain for awhile and make all the pain go away.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
this is not real, NO.
--Religious Affiliation:
Native American-Cherokee traditional
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm sorry for al that could have been if I had not been so stubborn.
I realize that you might not have loved the woman I became, or I
might have not loved the man you became. But I miss you so much I
would give anything to hear you voice once more, to feel your arms
around me and to know that what we had was special.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
wild bird feathers left on my pillow
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
living will, trust fund, funeral ritual. Don'[t want to be embalmed.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd rejoice for myself, my journey is comign to an end. I woud be
remorseful for my children, so young that they wouldn't understand.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
exercise, ritual dances
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I felt extremely guilty and would cry of days on end, talk to the
spirit of the kitten and said I'm sorry.
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See Sep 04 contributions.
See Aug 04 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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