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See Current contributions.
See Jul 04 contributions.
See Jun 04 contributions.
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Tue Aug 31 12:32:42 2004
F50 in NH =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was actually looking for "the bardo" and an explanation of it re
Thibetian theory
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: not sure, but think heart attack; Aged: 87.
--Details:
I am surprised I am having such a hard time dealing with his death,
as he was 87 years old. I think part of it is because he was so
active, and it was a sudden unexpected death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was not prepared even tho my mother had congestive heart failure,
and we had some notice that she would indeed pass away within a
week's time. I think the hardest part of losing a parent to death
is the loss of their unconditional love, and also knowing I am
next in line! So, it becomes two things...grieving for mother,
and grieving for loss of youth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock, and feeling out of control.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we are not all of Christian faith, and we need to address that death
is indeed part of life, in that, it is a progression of the life
cycle and is normal. Also, our culture likes to think there is
an afterlife, or "heaven", when in fact, that is very doubtful if
we look at it from a scientific standpoint - and not an emotional
standpoint.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Knowing, without a doubt, how much my father loved me, and protected
me and even tho I now have the loss of his company, I still have many
wonderful memories of him, throughout my childhood, and my lifetime.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Going out to garden, and since it was ,thankfully summer, I was
able to sit on my deck, and watch the birds, and other wildlife
in my backyard. I think the time I spent alone just observing
nature helped me the most - in fact, I made a point of avoiding
other people during the first few weeks after the death of my dad.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I will never see him again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Although I was not aware my dad was dying, I think just being present
and letting him know that even tho he was aged, he was still one of
the most important persons to me, and that his input on any subject
was indeed most welcome.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to attend my dad's funeral. I thought the ritual would be
a comfort to me, and a closure. But, it left me feeling somewhat
disappointed. I think I would have felt better if I had had a
ceremony of my own - and perhaps planted a memorial tree for him.
That is still something that I can do now, so I probably haven't
experienced any closure yet, and when I do some sort of "memorial"
that I am in control of, then I think that will help.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get to my dad's apartment before died, so that I could have dialed
911 & perhaps saved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself glued together after learning of his death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am not over it yet...it is too soon.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not dream of another alternate life, and I want to accept
that death IS part of life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I was not aware that he would die like that. (still don't know
what caused it - heart attack? But it was a sudden death)
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
OMG...it couldn't be. It was a shock, and I went into an emotional
tailspin.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are pretty lame. I'm afraid that the medical community was
not able to either predict my dad's heart attack, or to remedy it
once it happened. I am not a fan of the medical community anyway,
and think that except for surgeon's, most doctors are not worth much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like nature.
--Regarding MONEY:
there were really no money issues, as it was a sudden death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were mostly family members attending, and it was not a very
fulfilling experience.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
my dad's complaining his breathing was very labored, and his appetite
was not up to par.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no knowledge that my dad experienced any type of visitation,
as he was alone and the death was sudden.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was lucky, in that I didn't have any unresolved issues with me
dad. They had been worked out long before his death. I would tell
others that they should face any issues with parents or other loved
ones, head on, when they happen, as we never know when death will
come and it's easier to process death when there are no unresolved
issues standing in the way.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I guess the only thing I would say would be "I love you".
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When I was driving back home from my dad's house after his death,
I was crying. All of a sudden, I felt a sense of peace, as I
felt a warm comforting caress across my shoulders, and there was
a strange sun shower at the same time. The caress lasted about 2
or 3 minutes, and from that point on; I was able to attend to the
funeral, and cleaning out my dad's place in a relatively peaceful
and purposeful manner.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want everyone to treat me as a whole person even tho I
was dying. This means my wishes would supercede anybody else's.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
That very thing did happen because my dad's death created a thought
of my own mortality. If I knew I was to die very soon I would hope
to be able to accept that knowledge. I did start to plan that I
would want to be cremated, and have my remains put at the foot of
my dad's grave. So, I think I am coming to terms with the fact of
my own death right now.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I made an explict request to my daughter, that I would have only
a death notice in the newspaper, and not an obituary. I think the
reason I don't want an obit, is because I want my death to be a
rather private event with only family present at the memorial.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I guess my best coping ritual was to say "hi" to my dad everyday,
and talk with him when I was alone, or gardening,e tc. This helped
ease me into knowing that I could continue on without his human
presence, and with the knowledge that his love lives on.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I had the wonderful experience of cards & letters from my dad's
army reunion friends. They are a great bunch of people & they
invited me to the next army reunion of theirs.
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I found solace in grieving in private so I didn't reach out
to others. I enjoyed getting letters and reading about how each
person felt about my loved one.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, this questionnaire has helped me to express what I had inside
of me that I could not "put my finger on", such as the fact I was
facing my own mortality and grieving my own youth.
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Mon Aug 30 22:27:56 2004
M57 in Austin, TX =USA=
Name: Gary Simons
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Student in the Funeral Director program at SAC and needed this course
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Prof/Studies: Funeral Director/CPA
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Stroke; Aged: 79.
--Details:
It was very quick. Because he lived in Illinois and I live in Texas,
I was not able to be at his side to say things I wanted to say
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--Death Is:
where someone is no longer a living being with a beating heart and
flowing blood through their bodies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset, confused, and feared it
--That first time, how it happened was
Growing up I only knew my Grandpa Simons as my other grandprents
had passed away before I was born. I knew my Grandpa Simons well
as we visited him almost daily. He had lung cancer and during his
final days of living he stayed with us as he was to sick to take
care of himself. Although he passed away in the hospital, I watched
him as he suffered.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how lost and helpless I felt
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to fear it but understand that it is part of life, just as
birth is
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me appreciate and understand that everyday of life is a
gift. It can go away with the blink of an eye
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being by myself so that I could think and deal with it in my own way
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would never see or talk to him again, it was final
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be there to let the dying person know that it is OK to let go
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize that life goes on and although I think about him often,
time does heal all
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why him and why now
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I am not so sure that I felt this urge but I did laugh when
reflecting on some of the crazy things my Father had done during
his life
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there by his side
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong for my Mother
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something happens that I am proud of or upset about and I can't
tell him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I see myself living closer to my parents and taking care of them
in their senior years as they did me as a child
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why him and why now. I am not ready for this
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wakeup and discover that it was a bad dream
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't believe it. I wasn't ready
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no compassion
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no hospice experience as it was a sudden death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
another support system besides family and friends
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant
--Regarding MONEY:
it was never a thought
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
from the large turnout, it was amazing to know that he touched so
many people lives
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sudden death, 24 hours, so there was nothing to expect in the
final days
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is necessary and natural to pass through the stages of the
grieving process but if you get stuck, don't be afraid to seek
professional help
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not aware of anything of this nature
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
don't know of any such experiences, only what I have seen on TV
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had no issues to resolve.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell them how much I loved them since I didn't get
to do that and to have them tell me that they are OK with the event
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
has never happened to me or anyone I know
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the "Rights & Wishes of the Dying" should be carried out as best
they can. What others present may desire or believe mean nothing. I
want people to be thinking of a celebration of my life, not the
mouring of my death
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am sure that I would proceed through all the stages but remain
strong with some degree of disbelief. My fathers death made me very
aware of my own mortality.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would not want an obit. Just a small gathering of close friends
and family to celebrate my life, not mourn my death
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
having talked to elderly people, they say that they get tired of
living and actually look forward to death. If they are OK with it,
why shouldn't we be also
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
other than I am thankful for each day and I want to make them
count. I have no control over when my life will end and I am OK
with that
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
have not seen any
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Our church Pastor
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I had never experienced death before, not even a pet
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
working in a funeral home I experience many opportunities to reach
out a help others. Many times I share my belief that death is as
part of the life cycle as birth and we will all experience it,
we just don't know when
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I deal with death and dying daily so there wasn't a great deal
of re-thinking overall, but it did make me rethink about my own
personal experience in greater detail. As I have said many times,
it's part of life and it's going to happen to us all
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Mon Aug 30 14:25:12 2004
F19 in buda, texas =usa=
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Prof/Studies: mortuary science student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
--Details:
it was a triple murder-suicide, but made me realize I really wanted
to go into the funeral business
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--Death Is:
often a release from pain and suffering or just and escape from
something which we otherwise think we can't get away from.....it
is departing one world for possibly another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a little but didn't let it bother me, was more worried about
my relatives than myself
--That first time, how it happened was
it was a relative I didn't really know but who I know had been sick
for a long time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone crying and saying how natural the dead person looked,
pretty morbid if you ask me
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
they're dead, they don't care about how much money you spend on
them, and that you shouldn't grieve but rather be thankful you're
still alive and rememember the good times
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen and comfort them....no need to tell them things will
be fine because face it, they're dying but let them know you love
them and that it's ok for them to die
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
death is just as natural as birth, and yes it is sad but life goes on
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him how much I cared for him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stunned and very upset that something like that could happen to
one I cared so much for
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I could not relate to most of the questions on here because I've
never worried about the things covered in them and I deal with it
in my own way......but then death affects us all differently
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Sun Aug 29 12:58:52 2004
F39 in spokane, washington =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: artist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 21 Years ago.
Cause of Death: shot by police; Aged: 43.
--Details:
my father was killed on labor day 1983. He and my stepmother were
arguing after coming home from celebrating a government contract from
work. He was a juvile diabetic. a vice president of his company,
the police were called on a domestic dispute. the first one ever
for them. They were arguing over the corvette keys. My dad also
had a gun dealers liscense. While standing on the porch the police
approach and pulled my step mom off the porch. there were no lights
on. and my dad reached for her with the hand that he hada gun in
that he was carrying into the house and the police fired six rounds
into him killing him. they did not identify themselves as police. he
was hit in the face, chest, and heart..
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--Death Is:
the releasing of the spirit to a higher learning level of existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is confusion and isolation
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to communicate better
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i cant think of any
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
none
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing the person you cared for
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it doesnt matter is you have the right words it just matters that
your there
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
thankful they should be about the time shared no matter how great
or small
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
conflicting information was recieved
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i have never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend more time just being with them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to help a friend
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the togetherness of people
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
memorial service
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
it happens to someone else
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
things would be better and i would be loved
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that there gone
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to make sure the babies were ok
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
unstability
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
pagan
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correcto
--Regarding MONEY:
of added stress
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
where were alls these people when she was alive
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the revisting of her spirit
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have visitations of spirit ususally when i feel i let her down
the most
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont know
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i dont know
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
living will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be glad and i would be sure my babies were taken careof
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just dont cope
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
family or the people i call family are most important and the time
spent with them
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes, deep meaningful friendships
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i put my self aside and make sure there ok
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
sort of
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no they were very well worded
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Sun Aug 29 11:15:13 2004
M19 in san antonio, texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: FUNERAL ASSIT
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70.
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--Death Is:
an event that happens in ones life when they lose a lov ed one or
a person that they know. death is sometimes a hard thing to get
over. death is also a very sad event.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 years old. my grandma who had raised me when i was a young
child passed away from breast cancer when i was 12 years old.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how close me and my family came together to get over this very sad
and hard event that had jsut came down on us. we were all there
for each other.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that sometimes death isnt always a sad thing. i say this because
alot of people would rather have their loved one dead instead of
them saying here and suffering from their illness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way my family came together to help eachother out in this time
of need and love.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
that i could talk to my family and my friends if i ever needed to
speak my mind and to tell them how i felt. also just some time alone
to reflect on all the good times me and my grandma had together.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i would never have my grandma here with me to help me out with
my problems and that i would never see my grandma again.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through this tough time by the support of my family and my
friends. i never thought how much the love and support of friends
can really have on me. in the time of need.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me that i would never see my grandma again. the thing
that was also hard or confusing for me when when i viewed the body
and the funeral home.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my granma how much i really loved her and how much i really
appreaciated all that she had done for me when i was growing up.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with the whole process of the death of my grandma. also that
i was able to be apart of the family coming together to help each
other out.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
again, the family wass there for eacother and was helping everyone
with th grieving process
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the few luaghs that we had during this whole safd process
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very shocked and i didnt believe it. when theyt told me i was
very sad and i just bursted out crying. i never would of thought
that she would have p[assed away so soon.
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
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Sat Aug 28 23:10:35 2004
F23 in San Antonio, = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
assignment for Sociology Death and Dying course
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: sudden heart attack; Aged: 65.
--Details:
My first death experince was with the aforementioned family friend
when I was in the thrid grade, but the most signifigant was by far
my grandfater's when I was 17. He had a history of heart problems,
but the night of his death he just had mild chest pain. He went
to the hospital and as they were doing some procedure on him,
he lost oxygen to his brain and didn't speak after that point.
He went into multi system failure and the whole event from onset
to death took 24 hrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the transition of the spirit from this physical world to a perfect
spiritual world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial at the time of the illness, thinking everything
would get better, then cried a lot for a long time after the
death occured. I also began to feel anger at the people coming
"out of the woodwork" to console the family and asking me if I was
OK knowing that I wasn't.
--That first time, how it happened was
A long time friend of the family
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandmother changed so much after his death. it was as if the
piece of her that was the happiest died with him. now that I am
married, I know I would probably react the same.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
As a mortuary science student and a funeral home employee, I think
people, as hard as it is, should realize that the body is just a
shell and after the spirit leaves, it is just biology.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandfather went fast and in fact did die, if he had lived
the would have been an invalid. I am glad he was unconcious most
of the time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and reoccuring dreams in which my grandfater would speak
to me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having my grandfather at my graduation, meet my husband, my
wedding, etc...
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hold their hand, be soothing, tell them you love them, tell them
what time it is (my grandfathers request), try to not make it scary,
don't sob uncontrolably, beg them to stay, etc...
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
over came the fear of the dead and am now a mortuary science student.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
after he had passed we were called into his room. How could he be
dead when he was still warm. So close yet so far.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a great release and what the family needed. We sat on my
grandparent patio as a family and told jokes and stories and laugh
late into the night.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
the usual, tell him I loved him, spend more time with him, do all
the things that are now memories "one more time".
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be at the hospital as he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the nursing and funeral home staff were all friend of the family
and were so considerate
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the people coming to my grandparents house to offer condolences
and food.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go through a major life event (wedding, birth of child...) and
when I have a dream which he is in and I so clearly see his face
and feel his hug and wake up knowing he's not physically here.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My grandmother wouldn't have moved out of their house and taking
care of my great grandmother, I could still call him up to ask him
questions, advice
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was young, they (grandparents) have so much more to do, I need
him in my life...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him, hear him talk to me
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and thought of all the things he would never see me do,
the holidays with out him...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried, the doctor may have made a mistake, but they did all
they could
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
an assurance that he had passed to a better place of no suffering,
disease...
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian/Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
I was not involved with or really aware of the cost/money issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how nice everyone was and everything went so well
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the reoccuring dreams that I have with him in or appearing briefly
in and he speaks to me and I alway say to him "I love you and I miss
you" and sometimes when he speaks to me he brings up currnet events.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were none
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
let yourself grieve, laugh, remeber, be angry
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no knowledge of anything my grandfather experince, since
he was unconcouis and unable to speak, but working in the funeral
home, I have heard many stories from the families I work with of
this occuring.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
It has never happened to me, but it did to my husband. His father
died at the age of 22 when my husband was 1 1/2. When my husband was
20 he had a serious car wreck in which his car flipped. He recalls
as the car was rolling that his dad spoke to him and comforted him.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issues, but I often wonder what he
would say about things I've done and hope he didn't "see that"
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would hope his is proud, that he is excited about the arrival of
my son, hear what he thinks about the family's life and achievments
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As mentioned above, my grandfather appears to me in dreams and speaks
to me, comforts me, hugs me, speaks of things happining in my life
at that time. They seem, to my dismay, to be less frequent as time
goes by. My husband has also experienced this with his father.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want to be "kept" alive. I don't want to suffer, I don't
want to be on a ventilator if there is not chance for recovery.
I do not want to prolong the inevitable.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I wouldn't want to know about my own death. The thought upsets
me most is that as I look at a person being embalmed or a badly
decomposed body is that no matter who you are in life or what
you did, you will ultimatly end up like this, food for millions
of bacteria.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I had to do this as an assignment for one of my classes and it gave
me the creeps, do I didn't do it. I don't think I will here either.
I just hope people remeber me in a good light.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just being with family and talking about my dreams with them.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reach out to others all the time in my work. Sometimes people
just want you to listen and look at pictures with them, sometimes
people don't want any "reaching out". Some react to death with
anger to everyone.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It did help me put in words some of my feelings.
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Sat Aug 28 09:55:36 2004
F21 in san antonio, tx =united states=
Name: nicole benavides
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
assignment for sociology of death and dying
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Prof/Studies: funeral director student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car caccident.; Aged: 21.
--Details:
he was driving a big f350 with a trailer on it and the trailer jack
knifed and caught on fire and he could not get out of the truck.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when a person leaves us and depending on what you believe in that
person can be going to many places, good or bad, happy or sad.
it is all just a matter of who you are and what you believe in.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 6 years old. it was my grandfathers brother, and i just
remember being their and seeing everyone crying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how he was so young and did not deserve to die
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is never a bad thing and that it is a process that is never
ending and is out of our hands to control.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that everyone comes together and that is what is sad and bad about
a death. that it takes someone to die inorder for everyone to
come together.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about it to my family and my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will never see this person again, and how you
never saw them enough when they were alive.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to make sure to listen because you never know what you might
learn from them, even if you dont understand it then it might help
you later
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
just look at as if you know that their is someone in heaven looking
down on you making sure that you are ok
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i realized how young he was and that he was a very good person and
did not deserve to die
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you to him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say i love you to everyone else
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the music was on it was songs that he liked and not regular
funeral music
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what time the funeral is at
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a song comes on and it reminds me of him and i just dont know why
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
if i did not know that it would happen it would all be the same as
it was before taking my family forgranted
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to die at such a young age. and that he was such a
good person he did not deserve it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
think that i am going to faint, because i could not believe it
at all.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just hope that i could tell him that i love him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i would wish to have music i like on and for everyone to ware color
and that it all be on the weekend
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would not want to know specifiacal when because that would jsut
leave me feeling mad and not feeling good at all
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
beibg able to help someone threw it and knowing that i was not the
only one dealing with it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
because you would be amazed at what can remined you of a person
who is gone and you will never see again
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out to my father by just being there and listening to
him talk and remember him in his own way
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Fri Aug 27 08:23:19 2004
M26 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Yvonne Lozano
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Prof/Studies: Mortuary Science
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
--Details:
One day my grandfather was fine, then we found out he had cancer. I
wasnt allowed to go to the hospital to see him because of my age. A
few months passed and then he was gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
For humans, death is both a beginning and an end. Humans often look
at death as a new beginning of life, as most beleive that our soul
or spirit will move into another life form, or place. Humans also
view death as an end. Some humans belive that not only is our ties
to the body of the person who has passed on severed, but that the
person who has passed has ceased to exist for eternity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The first time I ever experienced someones death, I did not
understand the reality of never getting to physically see or speak
with that person again.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandfather. I got off of the school buss, and my parents told
me I needed to sit down and we needed to talk. Being a child, I
thought I had gotten into trouble for something on the buss. The
explained to me that my grandfather had passed on, but I really
didnt understand anything other than my grandfather would not be
seen again until his funeral, and then never again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Thinking now of the most significant death, when I remember how
this death affected me and those around me, the thing I remember
most vividly is the deep mourning and sense of loss felt by all
who were involved.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I sometimes think about the culture I was born into and how it
deals with death. One thing I'm certian this culture needs to learn
about death is how to celebrate the life of the individual who has
passed before us instead of only concentrating on the emotional
and physical loss.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Dealing with death can be tough, difficult and a challenge. Death
may seem as if it comes bearing no gifts, but one thing I recall
which happend and for which I am gratefull is the strenghting of
the family that is left to deal with the loss.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
For me, the most supportive people are my family in dealing with
death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest part of dealing with death is the immediate sense
of loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
One peice of advice I might offer regarding the support of the family
and the dying person would be to comfort, support and console the
family as well as the dying person. You will not have a second chance
to say goodbye to the dying person or to comfort and help the family.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Things in death are not clean, clear, and understandable. For me
the part which was most confusing was the explanation of the last
moments of life as my grandfather began to pass from this world
into his eternal home.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Remembering after my grandfathers death, our family gathered at
the home of my grandfathers and grandmother after the internment
service. First our emotions were bleak and dismal, but soon turned to
joy as we began to look about the house at pictures and belongings
of my grandfathers. Soon our emotions turned to that of joy as we
began to swap stories and memories of my grandfather. Oddly enough,
the jokes my granfather used to tell us were somehow funnier than
before as we tried to recite them aloud.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
One thing that happens during a death is the act of internment,
intombment or inurnment. For me the act of staying with the loved
one until the finality of disposition is completed is extremely
important, however to most this is such a small and overlooked part
of the grief process many seldom think or act upon it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
One thing most people seem to find to be one of the most important
part of death is the hymns during the funeral service. To me, the
music that is played should reflect and pay tribute to the deceased
rather than the image the family members are trying to portray.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Sometimes I think I have dealt with the issues revolving around
the death of a loved one until I have to physically move thier
belongings.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sometimes I dream that a loved one is still alive, and for a while
we talk and go on with life as if the death never occurred.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
There are often confusing thoughts and feelings associated with
death. I recall having thoughts and questions that asked why we
all die, or how is this fair?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Sometimes it's hard to accept the fact that someone hs died. When
I fisrt learned of the death of a school mate, my initial reaction
was was total disbeleif.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
When I look back on the experience, and what the medical communtiy
in general was able to do, my basic view of the medical community
is one of dissapointment.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
In my experience with death one of the sings and mileposts that
reflect and immenent passing of a loved one, would be the signs
of dementia, dissillusion, the failure or failing or the organs of
the body and its functions.
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Fri Aug 27 05:36:36 2004
M38 in San Antonio, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
An assignment
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Prof/Studies: Laboratory Technician
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Multiple scerosis(sp); Aged: 58.
--Details:
She out lived the doctor's prediction by 8 years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the event in which a person leaves their body and go to an unknown
place some where good or bad. This depends on their beliefs as
well as the life they lived here on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was ten years old and it was my aunt. She went in the hospital
for routine surgery and died. It was totally unexpected.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I wasn't afraid. My mother suffer from a terminal illness,
and I felt like she's better off now.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a celebrate of a person's life, not the end of it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was able to spend a great deal of time with my mother and
we really got to know eachother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Helping my family and being there for them. This enabled me to
deal with it much better.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I would not be able to see my mother anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Once they are gone, you can't bring them back. My mother use to
always say, "Give me my flowers while I'm living." They can't
enjoy the flowers at their funeral.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can do anything I put my mind to. You have to believe in yourself,
before anyone else can.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
At the time I was just getting to know my mother is when she was
taken away from me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Tell my mother that I loved her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Now I have to step up to the challenge and be the head of this
family.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Superstition
I was afraid of death because of what other had told me. There was
an attitude of ghostly spirits.
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Wed Aug 25 19:41:56 2004
F40 in cleveland, ohio =usa=
Name: jones, t
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
gerontolgy teacher at san antonio college
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Prof/Studies: military
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mentor, four Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 62.
--Details:
She was my god-mother and she had a stroke. What was most painful
was she did not follow her diabetic diet and I believe it contributed
to her death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the physical body and the ability to communicate being taken away.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became afraid. Wished it didn't have to happen so soon.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my soul hearting deep inside.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
grieve does not go away in a day.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I heard so many good things about her that reaffirmed my
thoughts.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able t share new moments.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make the environment pleasant not gloomy.
--[My Mentor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was encouraged to keep my health in good condition.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she left me or understanding why she had to go so soon.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didn't happen for me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to hug her, remind her how much I loved her and let her know she
always made a difference in my life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for her in life and at the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I watched them lower her casket and that was one step of the
closure process.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
good things happen that I can not share with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Where would I be residing today? Where would I be during my
vacations?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she went so early.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have her back for day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't want to hear it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
no assistance in this death situation
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
stability in the comunity and a since of purpose.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
skip
--Regarding MONEY:
the family became seperated over the assets,.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the reflections that people offered during the funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
na
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weightloss
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
sharing your fears with others help sort out the grief process.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none that I know of
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
na
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i would diary my issues and resolve them through prayer
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it would help a great deal if I could tell her what she meant to me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
na
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
my wishes for the land or home
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to know, so I could freely discuss my life
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
who I loved
if I found my purpose
my hope for the future
apologies
for past mistakes
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I kiss the air when I remember her
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
anger at my older half-brother for not talking to me about the death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
if her relatives would have reached out to me after the funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me cry and help to look at my life goals
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
reword the Spirit feeling question... To me and my experience,
this broader view of Spirit feels:
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Wed Aug 25 15:07:03 2004
F26 in Jonesboro, AR =US=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: SIDS; Aged: 5 months.
--Details:
N/A
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A very painful experience that we all endure.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in a state of shock
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a lot of sadness
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is unpredictable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother died in peace
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I was young.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the sadness of everyone around me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them grieve.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally got over something I thought I would never get over.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
earlier that day my brother was just fine.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
cope with my loss
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
N/A
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
My brother was buried in another town.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear certain songs.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
NA
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my brother was taken at such a young age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget about it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
confusion. denial
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
NA
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
NA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
somewhere we had to go worship on Sunday's and Wednesday's
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
NA
--Regarding MONEY:
Money is something you need in life and death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was small
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
getting back to normal way of living
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
NA
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
funeral's make it harder on the person grieving
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
NA
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
NA
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
NA
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I miss you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
NA
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My children
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like for my kids to be taken care of.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
how understanding and caring I was. How free-spirited a person I am.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Thinking about the good times.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
NA
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
NA
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My family not being so secretive.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Just made me think about it more
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
NA
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Wed Aug 25 07:35:38 2004
F27 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
Name: Regina
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: nurse
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bibile
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of In-Law, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 72.
--Details:
She was very ill for years prior to the heart attack.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of someones life journey. It is the end of "living" as
we know it. Those that have pass are not of the physical world
any more. We can no longer see them, touch them, or talk to them
face to face. Death has many avenues. It can happen by accident,
illness, by others, etc. It is how we remember those that have
died which brings peace and acceptance to the loved ones that were
left behind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 24 years old and not fully prepared for what I was about to
encounter. It was my husband's grandmother and they were very close.
I was not prepared to see my husband and his family in such sorrow.
I was not prepared when I saw her in an open casket as well.
That must have been the most disturbing and unsettling thing about
the experience. It seemed unreal to see her laying there; it looked
as if she was just resting. It didn't seem real. When the burial
ceremony took place, death seemed very permanent and hard to accept
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being able to say goodbye forever. When her casket was being
lowered to the ground, death seemed permenant. It was hard for me
as well for my husband's family to let go and say goodbye forever.
It was hard to imagine that we would no longer be able to see her
or talk to her again.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is not permenant, it's just another journey that we have
to go through. I believe that our spirit has not died, but lives
on in the after life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having the opportunity to have known such a kind and wonderful
person. I have learned a great deal from her and my husband is
the person he is because of her. She has surely touched the hearts
of many.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband. We were very close before the death, but have become
even closer after it. We leaned on each other for love and support.
We talked about her and reminisced about the memories he has
from her. Remembering the good times has made dealing with this
death easier.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I would never be able to see or talk to her again.
It was also hard to see my husband sad for so long. Although we
supported each other through this, it was hard for him to let go.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just the presence of a familiar face to a person who is dying is
very comforting. Actions speak more than words. You do not have
to say anything, but just by being by their side and smiling can
make such a big difference.
--[My In-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I realized that life is so precious and we should live each day as
it were going to be our last.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
We were not able to say good-bye before she past. It was sudden
and unexpected.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It is the stories my husband tells of her that makes me laugh.
She was a funny and easy going person.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To say thank you for being so nice to me and for accepting me so
opening to the family.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be part of her family. I am glad that I was able to participate
and speak in the funeral ceremony.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The importance of an open casket. It gives all family members a
chance to say good-bye and to see their loved one for one last time.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having a get-together after the rosery. Instead of getting together
and having food and drinks, it would have been more appropriate if
we all sat and talked about her and her life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see my daughter and to realize that she never had a chance or will
ever get to know her greatgrandmother. She was only a year old
when she past. I will however show her pictures and tell stories
about her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If she were still in our lives, she would be so proud of how her
grandchildren and greatgrand children have really grown up.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life is not always fair, but I have to remember that I must learn
from this and live my life to the fullest.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just give and receive a big hug from her and ask her for adivse.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't have a chance to tell her that I loved her and didn't have
a chance to say thank you for being so good to me. I wish I had
said a lot to her before she past away.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am very greatful because I know they did the best they could.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
NA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praising our loved one for all the joy and happiness they have
brought into our lives. God is good, and he will help us through
this time of need and we will all be able to get through this with
our faith.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
NA
--Regarding MONEY:
The funeral expenses were very expensive and she did not have
life insurance. We all had to donate money in order to pay the
funeral expences.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were so many people at her funeral. The church was full of
family and friends, it showed us how much she was loved by a lot
of people.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Our lives changed a lot after her death. She was survived by
her husband and after her death we all spent more time with him.
We appreciated him more and we did not take his life for granted.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Her quietness and her sense of peace. She seemed okay even though
she was very ill.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Although it may seem very hard and unbearable, remembering them
can bring peace.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
After her rosery we all met at my brother-in-laws house. During this
time, there was a loud knock on the door, but when we answered it,
no one was there. It was as if she wanted to give us a sign that
she was still with us.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I've never or had known anybody personally who has had a near
death experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I do not have any unresolved issues with her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would expect to hear her say that she is very proud of us.
My husband has a real good job and I finished nursing school,
I think she would be so proud and happy.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Beside the knocking incidence after the rosary, I have not heard
of anything else happening to anyone in the family.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want people to know that death is inevitable and I do not want
people to be sad for me. I want people to remember me and my
memories, but do not be sad and be happy that we knew and loved
each other..
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of death, I just don't think I'm ready. I have a
little daughter who loves me and needs me in her life right now.
I am afraid to leave her in such a vunerable time of her life.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Regina soliz truely loved her family and friends. She loved life
and will hopefully live on in your hearts. She would want you to
remember the good times that we've shared together.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying helped me get through this. I would pray for strength
to get over this and to help my husband find peace in himself.
Prayer was my main way of coping.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I found myself more open to new things. I think that life is
precious and we should enjoy it. I find myself traveling more and
going on walks with my family.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I noticed that after her death, my father-in-law began to be closer
to his father. It was nice to see the both of them get a long and
love each other more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
My faith in God and knowing she still lives on in spirit.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish that the family would have been more open about their feelings
about the experince and lean on each other more.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
A lot of the questions has helped by rethink my feelings of death
and has helped me express my inner feelings that I had never
expressed before.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
NA
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Wed Aug 25 06:59:36 2004
F46 in San Antonio, Tx =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Mourning Handbook
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Helen Fitzgerald
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
My mother was initially diagnosed with brain cancer, but soon it
was found to have started as lung cancer. She died almost 8 months
after the diagnosis.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the body's life ending. The end of the physical being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 6 and not really understanding what death was, just that the
person I grew to love and play with was now gone forever.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The arrival of the end of the fights and battles. My mother was
very much living for herself and not caring what effect she had
on others. She had effectively alienated herself from her family
and what few friends she had ever had. I hope that she has found
the peace in her death that she was never able to find while she
was alive.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
natural, and in some cases, something to look forward to with
bittersweet happiness.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that the person will always live in your heart and mind.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Long walks and loud music
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
In regards to the many ladies who died in my family from breast
cancer; not having them around to talk with and be with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Holding their hand, reading to them, playing their favorite music.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
from the many aunts/cousins who died..never give up learning
and living.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a wonderfully supportive family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the dying went home to die. They were in their own bed,in the room.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The funeral...all my family was cremated and put in special
containers symbolic of them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
certain songs are played, see a book/movie they saw. Go somewhere
that a special memory is attached
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Don't think about it
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a family's mothers, sisters, daughters are killed by cancer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go climb a tall mountain
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for days
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
general caring, but one who doesn't have all the answers, because
they don't what questions to ask
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My mother was the only one is died in the US and had hospice. I was
quite impressed with the hospice care given. They were in contact
with family daily.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My mother was faithful churchgoing catholic.
My work schedule
prevents me from attending church like I wish.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
very straightforward. My siblings went to a lawyer to finalize
the will.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My mother had a memorial service, since she was creamated. I was
not in attendance of that memorial service. I was told that less
than 20 people were there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite, dying people don't need to eat nearly as much.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
allow yourself time to go through the stages. Realize that it is
not written in stone how long you take or in what order. It is your
grief not theirs
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The wishes of the dying are protected by law. The families need to
realize that this is not their death and to respect the rights of
the dying person
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to go to sleep and never wake up
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved nature and kids and worked to bring the two together.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
In my profession, I deal with death often. I am always willing to
offer kleenix, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, a quiet room. Whatever.
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Tue Aug 24 19:54:42 2004
F34 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
Name: Cassandra
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: multiple organ failer; Aged: 88.
--Details:
My grandmother became blind, her kidneys were failing and she was
on dialysis.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the opposite of living. The physical body shuts down (turns off). A
person stops breathing, all organs stop working and there is no
brain activity.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared. I did not understand that my grandfather would never
wake up, speak to me, or interact again with me ever. My parents
conforted me by saying that he went to heaven and that we would
one day all be reunited there.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was my grandmother's death that was most significant to me. This
death affected me deeply because I really missed her. Since this
was my mom's mom she was very sad. The thing I remember most vividly
was the outfit we picked for her. It was a pink dress with a white
sweater that had little pink roses all over it. We choose that one
since her name was Rosa.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my love ones are in a better place. In death on earth is the
beginning of that person's life with the Lord forever.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Prayer, my faith beliefs, and my family closeness.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing the person and wishing you had one more day to say what
you wanted to them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to reassure them not to be afraid and to let them know it is ok
for them to go.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother died, my grandfather (her spouse) lived in a nursing
home and he already knew she died before we (my mom and I) went
to tell him. He told us that a nurse had visited him early in the
morning and told him. However this was not true no one had knowledge
of her death until we notified them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
as you begin to reflect on the memories of the relationship you
had with that person you do find joy which can cause you to laugh
about a particular memory.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let her know that I loved her so much. I know she knew that already
but it would have been nice to say it one last time>
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know that she (my grandmother) passed away very peacefully.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I saw my grandmother in the cofin for the first time. She looked so
beautiful! They (the funeral home) did a wonderful job. She looked
at peace which gave me peace about the whole thing.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wish I could ask her (grandmother) a question or eat one of her
home cooked meals. Or if I think how much she loved me and how much
I loved her I still want to cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't believe it. I just saw and talked to her (my grandmother)
yesterday in the hospital.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
being able to prolong someone's life through all it's advancements
compared to the past.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
knowing that my relatives were in a better place, at peace and that
I would one day see them again.
--Religious Affiliation:
My current religious affiliation is Non-denominational Christian. My
pas religious affiliation is Roman Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral was already prepaid and we did not have to deal with
that headache.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no knowledge.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have never experienced it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
It is a fact of life that we will all have to go through at some
time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Not understanding at a young age
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Tue Aug 24 11:55:37 2004
F24 in San antonio, Texas =United States=
Name: Alexis Marlow
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
SAC Gerontology
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Prof/Studies: Program Manager / Gerontology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother-in-Law, 1.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Helicopter Training Mission Crash; Aged: 21.
--Details:
My sister had just had a baby in November and he died in March.
My fiance's best friend also died in this crash and his wife was
pregnant.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a new begining. A movement from human form to be more divine.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was happy grandma went to live with the angels
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother passed away when I was 3.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shock
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to cherish moments with people while they are alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sympathy for those affected more greatly.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen
--[My Neighbor's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned so much from her life and I admired the simple happiness
she posessed. I was able to make her last years more joyful and
she made me more joyful.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I expect someone to be there or someone looks like the dead person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be strong for my family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They did the 21 gun salute and the flyover
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the calling hours
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see others handling similar situationd
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My sister and I probably still wouldn't be talking and I wouldn't
have been home in 2 years
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
My niece doesn't get to know her father
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Be part of another family
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Didn't believe it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
indifference
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a structure in the grieving process
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
greatful the boys were happy with their lives when they died
--Regarding MONEY:
My sister recieved some to care for her family
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people who did not pay their respects to my sister were confronted
and explained proper procedure to.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the time span that occured between the death , the autopsy andthe
actual service
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Support of family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
It is hard to deal with something when you are being strong for
others
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Mon Aug 23 16:54:29 2004
F18 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
I am enrolled in class entitled "Death and Dying"
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Prof/Studies: Service Coordinatior for an animal hospital
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: mid 60s.
--Details:
I don't remember to many details about his death, What I really
remember is how upset my Father was when it happend. I remember
going to the church where they had the funeral service but I also
remember that we were not allowed to go into the main hall where
it was taking place. I would see little as the doors of the room
where being opened and seeing the faces of the people I loved,
seeing them so sad with grief, made me sad as well, even though I
did not know my Great Grandfather.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 13. I was in school and I was called to the office over the
intercom.
My uncle had been really sick with cancer. We had gone
to Detroit a few weeks prior to see him, and he tried so hard to
not to look painful. I had never been around sickness like that
before and I didn't know how to react, all I knew was that my
uncle was hurting and there was nothing I could do to relieve his
pain.
On my way down to the office I had this sick feeling in my
stomach that something was very wrong. The receptionist said that
my mother was on the phone and that she would like to speak with
me. When I picked up the receiver I could hear her crying, she
choked back her tears and told me my uncle had died, and that she
was flying out to the funeral. I didn't cry, at first. I told her
that I loved her and that I was sorry. The principle was standing
next to me when I got off the phone. He asked me if everything was
all right, I told him my uncle had died. The words were new to me;
he was my first real death. I took my time going back to class,
thinking about how great my uncle was, I was actually smiling. I
reached my classroom and opened the door, and all these faces were
looking at me, wondering why I got called to the office. I sat
down. My friend asked me if everything was okay, and this time my
response was different, I burst into tears
--That first time, how it happened was
Well it wasn't a person that my first experience with death occured,
it was my dog, my best friend. I was 6 or 7 at time, my family and
I went on vacation and we had a good friend of ours house sit while
we were away. Our dog, Coco, was notorious for escaping when anyone
would open the door, it was something that my family had becomed very
skilled at avoiding, and maybe something we should have explained
to the house sitter. Anyway, the worst happend on the day before
out return home, Coco escaped and was hit by a car. I didn't have
a memory before that with out Coco, and I didn't understand why I
couln't have more. My parents tried explain as best as they could,
but I was so sad that I became really sick for about a week.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how comforting my family is.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just letting my self cry until there were no more tears to cry.
It feels so good to cry when your hurting.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I will never see my uncle again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not allowed to attend his funeral. Understandably it was in
Detroit and I was In D.C., but the drive is not that far, and deaths
in school are excuseable. I wanted so badly to be there, I wanted
to see him one last time even if he is laying lifeless in a box.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know my uncle better. I spent a few day with him when he was alive
and healthy, when I was still really young. He was the most kind
and gentle soul. To have more days with him would have made me happy.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Although it is something that is said when someone that you love
dies, you also can't help but think if they are not better off. For
instance my Uncle was in a lot of pain from the cancer, I wanted it
all to go away. I wanted to relieve him of any further pain. At the
stage that my Uncle was in, there was no getting better. When he
died, I was of course saddend, but also relieved for him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't cry. Be strong for your mother and sisters. Surprisingly when
death occurs in my family, I will not be one to cry in public. I
will not let my family see me cry. Not that I'm trying to be a hard
ass but so that I may be the strong shoulder to cry on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My uncle was in one of the best hospitals in Detroit. Everyone was
so kind and informative about the status of my uncle, I don't think
I could have asked for more.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do think it is important to respect the wishes of those who are
dying. If I want something done after my death I expect it to be
done because I know that the people I love would want what I want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not scared of death. It is inevitable. I would hate to know
when I was going to die, because I would feel as if I didn't have
any time, but if I did know, I would spend every waking minute with
the people I love.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have not had that many experiences to compare ways of coping.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I think a combination of everything, music is great to cry to,
and memories are great to hold on to, and also the belief that
maybe you'll see them again some day.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It really had my thinking. I have experienced 3 death in my life. My
best dog, Coco, my Uncle, and my Great Grandmother. I was not that
close to my Uncle or my Great Grandmother, and although I was saddend
by their deaths, I have never felt as horrible as when my dog died.
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Mon Aug 23 14:22:10 2004
F22 in San Antonio, Texas =America=
Name: Amanda
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Phlebotomist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes, heart failure, old age.; Aged: 83.
--Details:
She lived with us for over 10 years before her death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When our body functions cease.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried and cried.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my grandmother died (she lived with my family the 10 years
prior to her death) I didn't even cry for about 6 months.
--What I think my (America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we need to get on with our lives, crying and carrying on is
pointless. We should celebrate their life not mourn their death.
If they were believers of Jesus than they are in a far better place
than we are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I only took one day off from work to help my father with the funeral
arrangements. It was important for me to keep my routine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The change in the dynamic of the household.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold there hand.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am stronger than I thought and able to funtion well in stressful
situations.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I guess some people laugh in stressful situations.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I was nicer to my grandmother.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Take charge of getting things handled for my grandmother becasue
my father was so upset.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People always say nice things about the person, even if it is
not true. No one wants to say how mean someone was.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If my grandmother was still alive, my mother would probably have
to quit work to care for her and we would have to move to a smaller
house.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
The people that have died in my life were old or sick, so it was
expected.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
As a nursing student I am biased on this question.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The staff was very nice but the conditions of the facility were
horrible. Unsanitary.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think the knowledge that you will no longer have contact with
someone you care about while on this earth evokes similar reactions
from all cultures.
--Regarding MONEY:
The cost of the funeral was ridiculous, and it caused some tension
between my dad and his brothers.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was mostly my fathers friends
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Treat everyday as the last, always, enjoy life to the fullest.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just blocked it out, in my family we were raised to believe that we
will see them again, so it's just see you later in stead of goodbye.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do not believe in such a thing as visitations from the other side.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My grandmother moved in with us after my grandfathers death.
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Mon Aug 23 11:33:45 2004
F35 in San Antonio, Texaws =United States=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
The Director of Mortuary Science
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 84.
--Details:
no
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--Death Is:
a permanent state of sleep in which the body ceases to function and
in time goes through several processes of deterioration. The body
no longer suffers however, diseases may still live in/on the body
until complete deterioration. Skeletal remains are the end result
of someone who was and is no more.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried at my loss
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I don't remember anyone else being at the funeral. I was in my
own little world.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a peaceful end to ones good/bad life and the end of
suffering.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I can't recall anything like that
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
not thinking about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I would never hear his voice again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
people who are dying usually feel all alone and that noone
understands how they feel. What they need is support, love and
understanding through words as well as touch.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
is that death comes at every age and we should appreciate our loved
ones/friends/people we care about all the time because it can happen
when we least expect it. If you love someone, let them know it
before it's too late.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
People cause other peoples death purposely.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandfather I love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pass final exams the same week of his passing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the peace on ones face after they have left the body behind.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I try not to have that much time on my hands.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't have enough time on my hands to think about this either
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people are not given the death penalty for killing without
reason and not put to death in a timely manner for the horrid
murders they commit mentally ill or not.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go on a cruise and relax in the sun with my son.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was shocked and could not move or speak
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
doubt
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support of one another and knowing you are not alone.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
?
--Regarding MONEY:
n/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I don't remember looking at anyone else there as I tend to block
unpleasantness out.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
nothing strange for me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
skin discoloration and very thin skin easily torn as with old
aged individuals.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
forgetting about what I want and seeing how at peace that person
is now will almost always help me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no idea
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I no longer have any issues with the people I have lost. I have
accepted what I cannot change.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my grand-father I always loved and still do love him
and I would ask my best friend why she lied to me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When I was younger, I thought my great-grandmother was standing in
our dining room but I think I was just really tired and missed her.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
to make sure to spend as little money as possible on my body being
put away so that my son will have the majority of the insurance
policies for school and whatever else he may need/want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Not really, I'm fully prepared for my own death. I have several
insurance policies on myself in my sons name and have made a living
will as well as discussed with my parents the wishes I have for my
son and so on.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't want one.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
n/a
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nope
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
keep busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reach out when others want me to reach out to them.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I guess it's normal not wanting to pull painful things up from the
past to relive. This is the present...let's move forward.
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Sun Aug 22 23:47:28 2004
F25 in Florida =United States=
Name: Sara
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Recreation
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Motherless Daughters Series, Chicken Soup for the grieving soul
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Multiple Sclerosis, breast cancer, brain tumor, seizure disorder
and complications from all of the above; Aged: 56.
--Details:
She was sick for around 10 years. Fought all her diseases for a
long time before finally going on hospice, slipping into a coma
one week later and dying in the coma less a week after that.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The physical end of our bodies. A permanent change in ones
realtionships with others. Once you die you lose them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Ignoring the death of the dog, the first death was a grandfather at
age 8. I remember my younger cousin trying to "wake grandaddy up"
from his coffin. He didn't understand, I'm not sure I did either.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The vibrations sounds and hissing from the oxygen machine that
suddenly seemed so loud when there was no more breaths for my mom
to take.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That as much as it hurts us it's a neccessary part of the world
continuing and hopefully is not the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
With my mother we knew that the end was coming. Hospice advised us
to make our peace and say our goodbyes. We all did so, the night
before she slipped in to the coma. Looking back now there is so
much more that I want to tell her, but I certainly had more time
than many people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My dad. It's just the two of us now and we have formed an een
tighter bond then the one we had before. We leaned on each other,
read books and took walks. We also allow ourselves and each other
times just to cry or be angry, we're okay with the emotions.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My mother is gone. I'm 25. She will miss some of the biggest
events and my life, and I just have to be okay with that. There's
no alternative.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Give them permission to go. Grant them the peace of mind to know
that you will survive without them. One common mistake I think people
make is elevating the person who is dying to a level of perfection,
and the realtionships that you share to a level of perfection. My
mother was not perfect she could be mean and harsh. We also didn't
have a perfect mother daughter bond. We fought sometimes and it got
headted. When she died I forgot some of the bad things and made her
this perfect angel in my mind. That's not fair to her or me. You need
to remember the good with the bad. She may have been mean sometimes
but she was also always ready to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry
on. She may have been harsh sometimes but it was usually because I
need to hear it, and no matter what she never gave up on me. There's
always alittle good and bad. Let them both stay in your memories.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am stronger than I ever realized. And I learned to try not to
take experiences for granted.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The day before she died, she had been in a coma for a week. My dad
and I were sitting by her bedside just holding her hands and talking
to each other and to her as well. Suddenly her eyes flew open and
her arms became active and reached up and she gasped audibly. Then
she was back under the coma again just as quickly. I thought maybe
she was going to wake up and fight her disease like she had done
all the times before, but I later learned that what happened was
just a part of the bodies final stages.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When the minister who was to do the ceremony was sitting with me and
asking questions I remember just laughing out loud at a story I was
telling about a particularly nasty fight we had during my teenage
years. The kind where I thought she was too old to understand and
she thought I was just too young, and as I was telling the story I
realized how much I was like her and that was really probably why
we were fighting. I laughed long and hard.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I'd told her I loved her even one more time. Even though we
said it alot, just once more...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
She had been in and out of hospitals for years batteling for her
life, although she never lost her grace and patience she did lose
her dignity. But her death was a dignified as one could wish for. She
was in a deep sleep, made comfortable with morphine, in her own bed,
in her own home with my father and I each sitting next to her bed
when she took her lsat breath.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we call it ebb and flow days. Somedays your fine and laughing and
your emotions are ebbed, other times you can't get the tears to
stop flowing. Her death is too recent for me to pinpoint just one
thing. Smells, pictures, sounds, articles of clothing, things that
come out of my mouth that she used to say. Yesterday it was just
the rain. I stood in the rain and sobbed hard for about an hour.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I haven't had those dreams yet. Maybe someday
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she will not see me graduate...get married...have children of
my own...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Crawl in bed, pull the covers over my head and stay there for a
very long time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cried and screamed and threw myself on the floor. Begging my dad
to call 911 to come "fix her" even though she was a hospice patient,
had a DNR in place for 5 years. I just wanted her to not be gone. I
just lost it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Good. The doctors always seemed to do the best they could. There
were definetly times, situatuions or specific doctors that I
had a problem with, but overall they helped. Emergency rooms were
frustrating because even though we were there every couple of weeks,
we were always admitted, our ER stays averaged around 9 hours from
arrival to getting a room upstairs.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We held of enacting Hospice for a long time, we actually only had
them about two weeks, but they made all the difference. We got the
support we needed at the hardest time. I support them 150%
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Food support, lots of people brought groceries and meals, other than
that it was mostly a place to have a funeral. Through her illness
and being bedridden we stopped really attending church. But she
never missed watching the Crystal Cathderal on sunday mornings. It
meant more to her than any of us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Too long and complicted to get in to. I believe in God, but I
don't understand him, or always agree with him. Not a real fan of
"organized" religion. My father is a retired minister.
--Regarding MONEY:
The hospice nurse told us before the coma that even though we had
said our goddbyes something was holding her here. When we pressed
we learned that my mother was hanging on because she wasn't sure we
would be able to pay for her funeral. Once we assured her we were
in no trouble she entered her coma sometime that night. Money was
evidently a big factor for her.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The turnout. People we hadn't seen in years made long journeys to pay
tribute. It was a sad way to reconnect with some great old friends.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I have no mother...it's weird. I have no mother.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My mother knew and tried to prepare us emotionaly, but in terms
of her physcial body there were things like lack of appetite,
lack bathroom bodily functions, fevers, chills.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I'm still in the angry, sad, avoidance phase that has moments of
remembering good times, accepting her imperfections and making her
a martyr all at once. Which stage is that??
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother didn't really see other people, but she saw herself in
"heaven". She hadn't had use of her legs in a few years but she
told me a week or so before she died that God was waiting to dance
with her in heaven. She saw herself able to run and dance and use
her legs.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think I will always have unresolved issues with my mother. What
daughter doesn't? I think that I will come to grips with them with
my dad and other family members, but I think the biggest resolve
will come when I have my own daughter someday and I get to dee the
issues fro the other point of view.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I want her to tell me she'll always be with me in spirit and that
somehow she'll be there to help me through important or difficult
days.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I mentioned above my crying jag in the rain yesterday, and I really
feel that my mother had someting to do with it. I was just standing
in my kitchen when it started to rain. I decided that I just had
to go and "play in the rain" as soon as I got outside I began to
cry. I felt sad and angry. I shouted at the sky and sobbed. It
seamed that the low grumbling thunder was timed perfectly as a
response to my shouts. It just the way my mom would have responed
in life. Low mumbling responses to my fits. It was the first time
I had felt any sort of beyond the grave thing. I went out later in
the afternoon and bought some flowers to put in a vase next to a
table of pictures we have of her. When I explained what had happened
to my dad he asked if I felt like she was trying to communicate or
talk with me. I told him that it wasn't anything as cut and dry as
that. She was just sort of making herself known. Then today a song
I haven't heard in years come on the radio, called "holes in the
floor of heaven". When I listened to the words it really punctuated
my experience. She was just watching over me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
People who are terminally ill shoud absolutely have the athority and
means to live their life oe end it exactly as they see fit. There
the one's suffering. Let them decide.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know that if I ever become terminally ill, I will sign a DNR and
go as quickly as I can. Death is murder on your loved ones. I want
to live as long as i've got some worth, then just let me go on. I'm
not really afraid of what's next.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Hopefull it will say that I lived to the best of my ability. Enough
said.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I still got her mothers day flowers and I baked her a cake on her
birthday. I'm not ready to let go of those rituals yet. Someday I
will, but it will be on my own time.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I catch myself talking about her in the present tense. I'll say
something like "well my mom and I..." " or "my mom is...". It always
takes the wind out of me. I have to learn to say my mom was, not is.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mother made sure the bond between my dad and I was strong before
she left. I hope though that maybe there is somebody she is sending
me, they just haven't got here yet.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I was very young, and we eventually got another dog.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm not sure why I even started this questionaire, but It really has
helped me put in to words some thoughts I've had. I went though it
fast, wrote sort of free form and didn't really edit my thoughts. I'm
sure there are sentences that don't really make sense and words that
aren't spelled right, but it's exactly how it came of my brian and
that's the best part.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
One thing that was hard was choosing the first death experience,
since it was my dog I wasn't really sure how relevant it
was. Obiviously the death of my mother was the most pressing issue,
but in my short life I've lost three grandparents, a parent,
a peer who died of a drug overdose, another who died a year ago
from cancer, and another 6 months ago from a rare illness. I've
been a pallbarer several times and been to more funerals than I can
count. I am only twenty five and feel like I've definetly experinced
more death than some people my age or even older. I wish there was
somewhere to exspress that. Oh wait I guess I just did! I plan to
pass this website on to my dad and some others that I think will
find it useful.
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Sun Aug 22 02:12:05 2004
F41 in Wheat Ridge, , Colorado =usa=
Name: Pam
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Legal
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: COPD AFTER TEN YEARS OF OXYGEN; Aged: 60.
--Details:
I wasnt working in the months preceeding my fathers death, and he
usually went to Mich for the summers, and he drove a motorhome, to
where his family was and I got talked into going for a month summer
of 02, by my mom and husband and sister, well the motorhome was brand
new and he either didnt or the company who sold him the home, didnt
make sure the antifreeze they put in motorhomes for the winter when
stored, ws out of the lines, well the kids who were seven and two at
the time began throwing up and my dad ws saying they were faking,
and tried to make me drink this poison as well which I responded
I am a big girl now, and purchased my own water and pop, but he
was insistant the children, could and when we got to Mich a mere
six days later he went into the hospital and put on life support,
and I had to go two hours each day to go and see him in intensive
care, and
I didnt know any of these relatives from squat, I leaned
over and told him to fight as this was a shit situation and he was
released from the hostpl the day me and the kids left and we cried
and laughted and I and the kids went home and two wks later he was
dead in the motor home, and my mom wouldnt go there to get him and
his stuff. she sent us four kids.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going back to your true self within gods world and its a vision of
what your fondest memory is
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock over the way people's behavior was not kept in check
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how Aunt Jane's body and back of head was open and she ws limp and
total lifeless and the men were fighting over her
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that the burial isnt important and all of us should be offered one
plan as god has no notice of your wealth nor is he concerned bout it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the gift of ability to have a chance at life and the experiences
I was given
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
what dreams may come w robin williams and Joyce Myers
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that my son who adored my father would be losing an important persoon
in his life. and now hes even told me he's forgettin his papa !!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
there is no more pain, from anything, and you have the chance at
a second chance perhaps
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to say goodbye, and feel his presents around me
continually
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how god could allow us to feel so much despair, and loneliness and
the sadness can over come one
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my dad would have wanted laughter not tears anyhow
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father how thankful I was and am that he gave me such a
privledged childhood and how much he meant to me and my son
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
kiss his face touch his hands and say goodbye tearfully and
wholeheartedly
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
had to put his dog down as the rescue team took his meds and he
became arabit out of control dog, that we decided to put him down
and have cremated w my dad
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what my dad was to wear in the funeral home viewing
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear my dads favorite tunes on the radio, or when My son makes
a statement like momma I am forgetting what my papa's
voice
sounded like
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have alot of dreams that eventually end up happening, but
I often have dreams of people I know in different senarios in
foreign countries or in miltary situations, as I was raised in
miltary family.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when your twenty yr old neighbor gets shoot a close range w a high
powered hunting rifle by her estranged fourty year old broken off
with idiot old boyfriend in front of her kids and then he shoots
himself in front of her siser.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ask god for a pardon and a pass to heaven
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no no hes not dead, I was just there no way, crying uncontrollable
and unable to accpt the fact he was gone
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
of you have money your care is different then if you dont
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that you were automatic shoe in
--Religious Affiliation:
luthern
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that you may call your god by a differnt name but there is higher
being, and he has no control over desitny or fate and thats why
there is karma
--Regarding MONEY:
my mom had to lie to us four children about how much money she
actually got and how she is squandering it away by bailing one
brother out of jail and keeping my sisters and her sisters habits
in tach by bailin each of out of numerous expensive problems
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the smoking room in the basement in small closet size room and how
it was a complete smoke screen in ther e
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
acceptance over them being here no longer no longer being able to
smell my dads aftershave etc
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there isnt anything to be afraid of except you will no longer be
having excressions, emotion, or pain
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
dont understand this one
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he had askd for gods forgiveness and ws tired of being sick and
tired and askd gods help to relieve it
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
me myself and I and we have done this as well
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I have had exp. svl times where I could feel a touch or presence
of my neighbor and my father
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
we had our neighbors personal items her and her jewerly amore ws a
passage way for her to come and go we finally made her sister take
it out of our home along wth other items and the first thing happen
to sister ws she could hear stacy on the phone in her home
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
will and testament
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
at first I would be scared then I would overcome that by gods hand
of loving trust and he w soothe the calm over us
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Pam died today, happy, but not content with her husband and son, who
are both selfcentered and merely only worried bout what they get.
She never was the attny she wanted to be, but boy she took the law
and enforcement to serious applications and she loved her cockers
and kitties and all other living breathing things on the earth,
but most of all she loved to see god looking down upon earth durning
cloud formations or storms
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
gods tender touch and loving understanding of the event and hushes
a quite calm over all
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no more hate or the use of the word as well a vengence and
unforgiveness
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
I have rediscovered my relationship with god and changed my attitudes
and lifestyle
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
when I was young I would lie in bed and hold my breath as long as
i poss could and pretend to be dead, it scared me alot back then,
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Joyce Meyers
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes, gets you to truely think bout death and dying
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Sun Aug 22 00:24:01 2004
F53 in California =USA=
Name: Judy
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just looking for information .
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Prof/Studies: School bus driver/photograhper
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Embraced by the light-Never say good-bye
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 3 Months ago.
Cause of Death: salt water drowning ; Aged: 33.
--Details:
He was diving with a friend for abalone, and something happend to
his friend and he went to help him. He was bringing him back in
and became exhausted and drowned.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
for the person that died, it is re-birth. For those left behind,
it is a living hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Tried to wish it away, thinking it must be a mistake. I thought
someone was playing a very dirty trick on me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
aching. terrible aching all over. Some people forget very easily
those that have passed on. I don't think a Mother ever recovers
from the loss. The season is changing into fall, how can it?
Everything goes on the same but my loved one is not here to witness
it physically.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Is death final? Or is it just the beginning?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have reaccessed my own life. I am making changes that I wanted to
make years ago but didn't have the nerve to do. Now, I'm thinking
if I don't make those changes now, I may never get the opportunity.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband,(not my sons father). And my Aunt who lost her 22 year
old son in an automible accident 8 years ago.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I keep repeating myself, "Not knowing the answers is the hardest
part". Is he OK?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there and touch them and let them know they aren't alone.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Thats funny. I just said to a friend "I have learned so much from
my sons death. He has opened my eyes to what is important and
what is not important in life". I have worked at a job for 23
years that I really don't want to do any longer but have put off
quiting and starting the business I have always wanted to start.
I have now started my business and hopefully by this time next
year I can quit my "other" job all together. I thought about my
sons sudden death and thought "If I don't do this now, I may never
get the chance". I learned not to put off the important things.
I have learned to always say "I love you" when my loved ones leave
my home. I have leaned to say "I'm here if you need me".
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out my son had drowned. I'm still confused about it.
How could it happen? He was a excellent swimmer, and had been
diving in that spot for years.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I didn't laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say "I love you". To patch up any and all differences we had.
To hug him and hold him just one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Live through this, and be here for my older son. I never thought
I could live through losing one of my children.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have not even begun to get over it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have not dreamed one time since his death, I hardly sleep
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
parents are supposed to die before their children.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make it go away. I don't want to feel like this, it hurts to much.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I don't think this is funny. My ex husband called and told my
current husband. When he relayed the message to me my first
thought was "He is a liar". "This isn't true". "Prove it to me".
My family finally had the coroner call me and tell me it was true.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect. They tried everything to revive him. A park ranger
swam out and retrieved my sons body and the body of his friend.
The ranger said "he had been in the water, face down for to long,
there ws nothing more they could do".
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist Church
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't an issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Friends and foes united on that day.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't feel his spirit is gone, it's still here.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I could just say "I love you" and know that he heard it, that
would be all I want.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a very rough day, thinking of my son all day long. That
evening I went to the cemetery and took flowers and stayed for
a while. I was wanting so very badly to see my son. When I got
home and walked into my house I could have sworn he was sitting
at my computer. For a split second I saw him then he was gone.
Was it because I was tired and was wanting to see him so badly that
I thought I did? Or did I really see him?
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If I'm going to die and they can't fix whats broken don't bring me
back only to let me die again.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think when a person reaches a certain stage in life, death isn't
something they fear. I don't fear death because I truly believe I
will be together with my son and my Mother on the day I leave this
physical form.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved to laugh. She loved her family, she was creative and
very self confident. She never met a stranger. She was caring
and loved life but did not fear death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
I feel that my son is still with me. He was a part of me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
I can not believe my son is gone. There are issues to many to list
here that all have to do with his death. His Dad (my ex) was there
when it happened and saw it happen and did nothing to help. He was
afraid that he would drown also. I always believed and still do,
that a parent does what they have to do to help their children
and keep them from harm. I would have gladly given my life to
save my son. How could anyone just stand there and do nothing.
Isn't that a parents responsiblity? I need to know what my son's
last thoughts were, what did he see, what was he thinking, was
he afraid. Did he feel pain? There are no answers as only he can
answer these questions. If I could just see through his eyes for
that last final minute and see what he saw and feel what he felt,
maybe I could handle this better than I am.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to "Grieving Parents" group, and to my husband who
has sat and listened to me for hours. Listening is what a person
needs, just a good listener.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has, but I still don't have my answers to my questions.
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Thu Aug 19 10:41:40 2004
F17 in bristol, tennessee =USA=
Name: whitney
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
psychology experiments
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: sickness in old age; Aged: 80's..
--Details:
He was my step-grandfather, my granmma had re-married to him before
i was born.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical and emotional life. Like going to sleep forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I did not really react at first or when i saw the body or even at
the funeral. The first time i really cried was when i came back to
school and talked to my teacher about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My step-grandfather that I was close to, died a few years after my
family and I had moved away to another state.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not reacting just wanting to leave and go back to my grammas
and play.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens and you cannot stop that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i did not cry when i saw my grampa dead and i thought i probably
was supposed to cry.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do not show too much sadness or fear for them.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is emotions being confused.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him more and learn more about him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mom was happy and sad at the same time to talk to people at
the viewing.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
dont know what to do...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
good peopld doing their job to help people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholicism
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
alot of nice people knew my grampa and had good things to say.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
I never really reacted and I only cried a little.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I am more afraid of loved ones and close friends dying than myself
dying.
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Mon Aug 16 17:18:13 2004
F32 in Daytona Beach, Florida =USA=
Name: Rachel Vaslowski
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse/Orthopedics
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
stages of grief and bad things happen to good people
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
kubler/ross and kushner
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 35.
--Details:
ruled a suicide by self inflicted wounds
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
frightening, makes you feel angry and abandoned, lonely, sad
and weepy.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had found my mom in the bathtub
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and crying!
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is just another stage of life and it's inevitable.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how much closer I became with my father.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books and books! About death and dying, grief, loss and depression
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing why it happened!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to never end a conversation by being angry or upset, you never know
when it may be your last.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
spent time grieving but also grew as a person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found my mother in the bathtub covered with bloody water.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think that laughing was just a release of stored up stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be kinder, sweeter, told her I loved her more often and been
around more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I got to pick out what clothes my mother would be buried in.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
having enough chairs at the service.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
don't let my self think about it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why did she do it, why couldn't she tell me goodbue first?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
lock myself in a dark room and withdraw from society.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in denial. Couldn't believe she was gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
awe.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not applicable.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Sitting shiva for seven days.
--Religious Affiliation:
Jewish.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
non existent.
--Regarding MONEY:
my dad took care of everything.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the crying and tears.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
lowering my mom's casket into her grave at the cemetery.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not applicable.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was important to go through the whole funeral process.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I've never experienced any of this, but would like too.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
not applicable.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
It's been 15 years and I think I've resolved most issues with
therapy.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd ask my mom why she did it, was she mad at me, did she plan it
and if so, for how long, could anything have changed your mind and
did she love us?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
not applicable.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
not familiar with this.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think about it too much.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Rachel Vaslowski, wife of John and mother of Kyle, Levi and Jacob
passed away at home from a long illness surrounded by friends
and family. Rachel loved the beach, sailing, waterskiing and her
parrots. She'll be missed by many.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
lookinf through family albums and reading books.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing really.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
just got a stronger relationship with my father.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
was angry FOREVER!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would have liked some family friends to just sit and listen to me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was helpful but did bring up sad memories from long ago.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No changes. Keep up the good work!!
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Mon Aug 16 04:46:17 2004
F24 in -, - =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo Entertainment - Psychological tests section
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Prof/Studies: -
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More personal info:
-
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
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Recommended Reading-- Writers:
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: miscarriage; Aged: 4 months gestation.
--Details:
I was pregnant with my 2nd child, and discovered when I was 4
months along that he had died for unknown causes. I found out via
an ultrasound.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your physical body stops functioning completely, leaving just
a shell behind, while the soul which is invisible moves out of the
world and crosses a barrier into another world. When someone dies
the people in the first world never see them again, not until they
die too and cross over into the next world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was sad because I would never get to see them again.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a close family friend. He was known as "Uncle Clarrie"
even though he wasn't really my uncle. He was 92 when he died of
natural causes. I'd visited him regularly as a child, and my mom
and grandma were close to him, so I was saddened by his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The feeling of emptiness and loss that my child had died before I
got a chance to meet him, hold him, or raise him like parents are
supposed to do.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is common and inevitable, adn that you need to spend more
time focusing on the afterlife instead of just focusing on this
world as though you're never going to leave it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me more empathetic; it helped me to understand how death
and loss affects other people, and it made me realise how precious
children are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Counseling
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Insensitivity of other people, who didn't see a miscarriage as a
legitimate reason to mourn, and who didn't even view my baby as
being real.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen to everything they say without judging or without trying
to offer empty platitudes or cliches, like "It's God's will" and
things like that which don't always help.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Consider family to be more important than ever; and that other things
like careers and money are superficial and not really important in
the grand scheme of things.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't know the cause of death.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Grief makes you more vulnerable and the emotions you feel are very
raw and intense. I think this can spread to your other emotions
too, like humor. Because your emotions are so potent, suddenly your
sense of humor can become more potent too.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See the baby.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get counseling and meet other women who had gone through the
same thing.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The counselor gave me the name of the cemetary where the hospital
spreads the ashes of miscarried babies, and also a name-giving
certificate for the baby, which was suddenly made the baby feel so
much more real.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Spending time with friends and getting your mind off things. I
didn't want to spend time with anyone, and I certainly didn't want
to focus my mind on anything other than the loss.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear songs that remind me of the baby
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't value my children as much as I do; I'd take them more
for granted. I wouldn't fully appreciate the miracle of life. Yet,
I would have spared myself a lot of sadness.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"It's just not fair that I lost my second baby, while other people
can have babies one after another without losing any."
"It's not
fair that my kids were going to be 3.5 years apart, which is a
decent age gap, yet I lost my baby, while others have their babies
much closer together and don't lose them."
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Turn back time so that I never conceived the baby I lost.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I can't believe this would happen to ME.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
-
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Believing that it was God's will, and that the baby had gone onto
an afterlife
--Religious Affiliation:
Islam
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
scary
--Regarding MONEY:
I felt like people might be looking at me and saying that it was good
that I lost the baby because I don't have much money and therefore
wouldn't be able to give the baby as priveleged an upbringing as
children of richer parents.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
-
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How I became like a stranger to myself. It was like the world had
completely changed, taken on a darker hue. I was feeling emotions
and having thoughts that I'd never had before. I felt morbid and
possessed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
-
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
-
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
-
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My grandpa was once very ill, and he was taken to the hospital by
ambulance. When he was in the hospital unconscious, he saw himself
travelling through a tunnel with a light at the end of it. He could
hear the doctors saying "We're losing him." Then the doctors managed
to save him and the tunnel disappeared.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
-
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would simply say that I love him and hope that he would say the
same back.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When my husband's grandma died, my mother-in-law was very upset and
was always crying. Then my husband's brother had a dream, where
his grandma was speaking to him and saying "Tell your mother not
to cry. I'm very happy here." I think she appeared to my husband's
brother twice in his dreams, with the same message. My husband's
brother was scared when he was having the dreams.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Religious beliefs. I have a different religion to my family, and
would want them to have me buried in the Islamic way, and have my
funeral conducted by a mosque, rather that doing it in a Christian
or other way. You need a will that states things clearly.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
-
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
-
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Joined a support forum on the internet; planted a tree.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am still part of the support forum on the internet.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have become closer to an older friend of mine. We never had a
great deal in common, but she has had miscarriages and stillbirths
and this common experience bound us together. I also made friends
with people on the internet. And I starting volunteer work which
involves visiting an isolated elderly person, because the loss made
me more empathetic of other people's suffering.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Telling myself that at least he'd be able to join his deceased wife
in Heaven
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to the sister of a friend who lost a baby around the
time I lost mine. I asked her how she was doing and listened to
what she had to say, because I knew from my experience what things
are best to say and what things not to say. I wish people had been
willing to listen to me, without judging or saying cliched things
that trivialised the loss and made me angry.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
-
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You had a question about whether the death helped you to become
closer to people or to forge new friendships. You could have included
a question about whether it destroyed friendships, or drove you
apart from people, because that was something that happened to
me. You could also ask whether the bereaved person experienced any
disturbing thoughts, like suicide or wanting to harm someone.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Aug 16 03:06:33 2004
F49 in Duncansville, Pa =USA=
Name: Deb
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: muscle diease; Aged: 59.
--Details:
Been ill for a number of years due to lung problems in and out of
hospitals not known he had this muscle diease untill he was put in
a nursing home due to being on the ventalator and on the feeding
tube. Due to his wishes he wanted to die not to be kept alive by
tubes and machines. Went off the vent he was hoping he would die
within a day or two but was able to survive after all without the
vent laid there in bed for another two weeks and then he decided
to have the feeding tube removed again went about another week and
a half without food untill he finally passed away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Not seeing the person anymore
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The first time incounted someone's death was my father-In law I
cried and cried not even knowing him very well and first time I
seen a person in a casket felt really sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Was my husband watching die of a very slow death it really hurt
even though were not living together due to seperation but spent
alot of time with him and wanted to be there for the children
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
For his love kindness and compassion
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Was spending time alone and going for long walks
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I won't be able too see him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
helps you come to realize that we show our love and surport with them
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was that we were not together anymore but found out that I still
loved him and needed to be with him while he was dying
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Never of hurt him the way I did by leaving him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To be with him and let him know that I still loved him and to let
him know that I was going to miss him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sat Aug 14 07:48:37 2004
F24 in Newark, Delaware =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searching web for psych questionnaires
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Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: punctured lung; Aged: 17.
--Details:
My uncle stabbed and killed him. My sister and I witnessed his death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone's time on earth has expired. It is an uncertainty that
we deal with by turning to God and having faith that the person is
content at the time of death. We perform rituals to help us deal
with our loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unsure about what it really meant. I didn't know how to feel.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain of losing someone so unexpectedly and the anger for the
persons involved. This was the first death I had experienced that
was not of natural causes.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the spiritual aspects of death and the comfort we need to provide
for the dying as well as for the survivors.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when I first experienced the death of someone that had been waiting
for it to come. Death can be a relief for some people in that it
ends their pain. I am grateful for that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God and introspection. I had to understand that everything happens
for a reason and He has allowed me to see things that may not have
taken place had I not have gone through or experienced what I have.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that it could have easily been me instead of him dying. We were the
same age and we both had ambitions, except that his were cut short.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold their hand, tell them it will be okay, and listen to them. Make
sure they are comfortable.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
used his death to motivate me in my life, in that I try not to take
anything for granted. I strive for the best because he didn't get
a chance to.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't deal with his death like I had dealt with others before.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was just a way of avoiding the tears. I was just remembering
how he would make me laugh even when I didn't want to.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him more and tell him how proud of him I was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hear him express his last thoughts and feelings.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had to see him at the funeral. It was my way of really accepting
what happened.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I have a dream about him and then wake up, realizing that it was
just a dream and he is dead.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back in time and warn him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was responsible for it. I remember thinking "If only I had known CPR,
or if I had been faster in calling 911 . . ."
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
At the time, I thought "They are so incompetent . . .they should have
gotten here sooner . . ." But I am now apart of the Medical Community
and understand that some people were just not meant to be saved.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Comfort and understanding.
--Religious Affiliation:
Pentacostal
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
real. There is definitely something in Death that is unexplained
by physical means.
--Regarding MONEY:
It hindered the grieving process.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone, no matter how they may have felt about him in life,
wanted to show how close they were to him and his family. This was
disturbing at times.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The person becomes more reclusive and it seems like they're always
deep in thought. Their appetite is often gone. They start to pull
away more and want to be left alone sometimes.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
At first there was hysteria, then disbelief, followed by crying
and anger, guilt, acceptance, and finally, motivation.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think our issues are resolved in that he probably understands
now more than he would have ever understood before how people felt
about him and about the world in general.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I just hope that my family will take something beneficial from
my life and my death. I wish for spiritual growth in my friends
and family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not like to know that. If I did, I would try to live life
to the fullest and not take anyone or anything for granted. I am
always grateful for what God has done for me and for the things He
has blessed me with.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't know. I think obituraries are for the survivors. It would
have to be things they they are proud of in me. I just want to be
sure that I am okay with God and that my life has been one that He
is able to see as being good and helpful to mankind.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My friends and I would gather around and reminisce about different
things that he would do or say when he was alive and joke about
different situations.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have since met many new friends and have sometimes found myself
thinking that some people in my life may be taking over the part
of my life that he fulfilled. But, it's still differnt. There can
never be someone exactly like he was to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Was a very young child ad don't think I really grasped the whole
thing
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to the mother of his unborn son. I was there for her
at the appointments, the delivery, throughout the babie's life and
at his death. I tried to give her as much support as I could.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was a very valuable questionnaire. I think everyone needs an
oppotunity such as this one to self-evaluate and re-evaluate their
feelings about death, dying, and life.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe a question about how death defines/redefines life.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Aug 13 12:41:40 2004
F33 in daytona beach, fl =usa=
Name: rachel
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: RN
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a feeling of loss and abandonment.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wished i was dead too.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
all the blood and brain matter on the wall.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
more knowledge.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
learning about death wheni was young.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading boks.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not understanding why.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
grew up.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't know why.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it seemed so funny to see my brother in a suit.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn about death when i was young.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i found the note.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the gun.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see it in a movie.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
what kind of a person would i be.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
kill myself.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought it was a mistake.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
awe.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
shit!
--Religious Affiliation:
jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a joke
--Regarding MONEY:
i don't remember
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how fake itwas
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the irony of it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the signs of de[ressin.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i was so angry!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
are nothing
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
none
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
none
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that i loved and lived life
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
thinking of my brother
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
none
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
none
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
none
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Aug 11 16:57:21 2004
F49 in Kalamazoo, Michigan =USA=
Name: Wanda Argo
Email: <lapisamythest-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: health care {psychiatric care my favorite}
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Life after Life , Passing Visions
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Raymond Moody,?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 5 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: pulmonary embollism; Aged: 52.
--Details:
Becky had surgery for a benign brain tumor, out entire family was
scared to death. She recovered and was doing well at my parents home,
getting ready to return to own apartment in a few days. She called
to my father when he passed her bedroom, asking for our Mother. Becky
said, call911, laid her head on my Mom's shoulder, and died
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
moving to another, happier place, for the one who dies, but leaving
the living in shock, pain, grief, even tho we feel our loved one
is in a better place.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I am in shock about my sister. I relive the death and funeral
constantly, but I still don't really beleve it could have happened.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That our souls live on forever. our time on earth is just a very
short part of the journey
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
We had a month of my sister being ill, and thinking"We almost lost
her". She was showered with love from friends and family and had
the chance to find out how much she was loved before she left.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with the sister I have left
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
If I could lose my sister, I could lose anybody.Also, looking
at my Mother's face, thinking how she must feel, now that I am a
mother myself.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Human touch means very much. Also, I don't think a spirit leaves
the area immediately, so I send out loving thoughts to them. I do
this as a health care worker.
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
When you love someone, tell them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It is still so new, I am surprised though at how little reminders
can set me off and make me cry and howl like it just happened. But
of course there is the part of me that says, "That didn't happen..."
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I have always dealt with stress with humor, and this was no
different.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I had meant to call her earlier on the day she died but I got busy
and thought, I'll do it tomorrow....
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Do the eulogy, and have such wonderful funeral directors. I planned
the entire service so my parents wouldn't have to, and because
I felt I wanted the service to be about what Becky was like, not
based only on religeon. And I wanted to speak and hoped that she
could hear me say what an honor it had been to have her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
reading her death certificate
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
being solumn and sad at the visitation and funeral.We all shared
so many funny memories.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I never know when I will have a really bad day. I am spending my
days off wallowing in self pity.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be just love and happiness, and when I die, Beckywill be
one of the people waiting to help me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for us, this just was not the proper order of things. My sisters
and I had made plans together for when my would die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sleep
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I was very calm, I planned her funeral and did her eulogy , I
helped my other sister clear out her apartment,but I still have
mostly a feeling of disbelief. Seeing her in the coffin made me
really break down for the first time, and we were there when it was
closed, and I broke down again then. The funeral directors were so
kind and it was good for me to be there, to "Tuck her in"
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
My sister worked in the hospital where she had the surgery, and
the outpouring of love from every departnmet of the hospital made
us so happy.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Becky was an avid church goer, and I am not. But I still love God,
and I believe I will be with her again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Church of Christ
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that the many near death experiences people have written told are
true.We all go toward the light.
--Regarding MONEY:
She left her life insurance to my younger sister and me. I feel
guilty about being excited about planning how to spend that money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We were in cotrol...it was a celebration of her life, and every
person who came or sent a card confirmed to us how special she
really was.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Picking up that book, "Parting Visions" and reading it cover to
cover literally hours before she died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The day Becky died I spent the day reading "Passing visions" That
was no coincidence. Reading about near death experiences has always
been interesting to me, too.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have only just begun.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have seen her in dreams and she said she is in a garden, and she
looked radiant. In my dream, I wasn't able to go to where she was
and hug her.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My Uncle had a NDE many years ago, and I read about them a lot.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was lucky, when she was sick I stayed at the hospital with her,
held her hand, went through an MRI with her, and hugged and loved
her every day.It was a gift.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just more I love you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Dream, as I stated above. Also, I could feel her spirit very near
in my parent's home for a few days after the death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
those wishes should be found out anf followed
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope, feeling the way I do, that I will be fine, but worried
about who I leave behind.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Wanda took care of the people no one wanted to take care of. She
loved them and they loved her.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I think this is helping. Also, everyone I see, I say, My sister died"
as if to say it enough it might be real.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I am going to pray more
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I know who has checked in on me to see how I'm doing, and I know
who wishes I would "Just get through it"
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I don't think the adults around me had any idea what an impact the
death had on me, or the fear of losing my own Mother that it raised.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
too soon
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Like telling everyone I see about the death, I hope this helps
confirm it for me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Aug 10 20:25:25 2004
F44 in centralia, washington =usa=
Name: Tami
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
not sure yet
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Prof/Studies: retail
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: end stage liver failure; Aged: 51.
--Details:
it could have been prevented. he knew he was ill. he should have
been on a transplant list 1 year ago.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our living, breathing bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
fell on the floor with the dry heaves, and i cried, a primal cry...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how will I go on? how will i live with the void.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to avoid it, and if you can't, how to prepare for it. how to
understand the stages of death in the dying person, to understand
what they are going through.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned I loved him even more than i thought i did. I got to meet
his family, whom i never had, and fell in love with his little
grandaughter. I will never underestimate a persons illness, nor
take a lax attitude about it...read between the lines.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to his friends. talking to god, and praying, knowing he
was with his maker and happy. counseling.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no matter what you think, say or do, they won't come back to
you....knowing you have to go on, and not wanting to. the fear of
the next day, the next week...your whole life without them...period!
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
forgive them!!!!!!Relieve them of any guilt they may feel for
putting you through this process. Let them know you want them to
live, to fight., but its Ok if they cant...that you still love them.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned the true meaning of love.....to do all you can for that
person, purely out of love and respect. as I was not family, i
had no rights, i was not in the will, or left nothing, but i did
everything according to what he would have wanted....
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I learned of the hepatitis, learned he had gotten married once
when we had been broken up. learned about other female friends. The
immediate family attacked me verbally.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I do laugh when very upset...but not this time...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
actually tell him, with his eyes open and alert, that i knew all
the secrets, and it was still ok. I would have married him when he
asked, and given up my pride.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there when he passed...he was crying...I told him i couldn't love
him more than I did at that moment...he passed away 1 hour later.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
dont talk about "comfort care" or the length iof their time, within
hearing range, no ,atter how out of it they are.....
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
everything makes me sad
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
yes...I do that. I have real dreams where we talk about the things
that confuse me....
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he worked so hard to get his life straight,wanted to be married
and have a real family...suffered so much lonliness, and then he
was gone.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep forever
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went numb, and then got sick
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
do the best if theres a chance...don't take it too seriously if
the odds are not good....kinda give up too easily.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
ok, but Im a fighter....its hard to talk about ending life support,
when you see signs of life in the person you love.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am more spiritual, not religious, but I believe in god...I
believe that those who do believe, even if it were just a crock,
make their own heaven somewhere, in some way. and there is more
than this physical body.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
life cannot be just a hunk of flesh...there has to be a greater
purpose. I hold on to this.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was not directly involved, but i did not let money stand in the
way of helping....It would have been unforgiveable of me to put a
price on him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was so low key....I wanted everyone he knew there....I wanted
to be a part of it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
my very vivid dreams
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I didnt see any of them
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
dont hold back...cry, scream, get mad, admit your feelings...its
not about what othere will think of you...its your body, your mind,
your heart, and your soul...and its what THEY need to do. come to
terms with your relationship with that person...forgive, openly
express your love for that person, and be true to them, even in
death. If they believe in the lord, take comfort that they are happy,
and you will see them again someday.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
dont know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I want to know why he kept these secrets from me, and i wonder if
there are others as well....Im hurt he didn't give me a true chance
to help him...i offered to give half my liver...i could have saved
him. but as far as love...mine is unconditional, for i knew his
heart, ans i know he loved me, but because oof that love, he(we)
sometimes make selfish and poor choices.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him I wamted to marry him, that i loved him...to come
back to me, and i would want to hear that he always loved me and
he was sorry.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
he came to me in a dream...I told him all the things that hurt
me. I asked all these questions...he gently laughed at me and then
he was gone. the next day i got a letter from his son and daughter
in kaw...it answewered almost all the question. another time,
i dreamt he never died, someone at the hospital made a mistake,
they drugged him to lok dead, and moved him. i found him, although
he was still ill...he told me when he saw mw again, he would love
me like he should have before.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
always have a will, and how to find it....DNR, power of attorney.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Im not sure right now.I know i would live life to the fullest.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I was a quiet, hard to get to know, get close to, but when i did,
and the friendships I had were deep and committed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote him a poem...i copied all his emails onto a disc and printed
them...I asked many questions of friends and family. I made peace
with some i did not get along with. i made donations to charities
in his behalf.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have been change, but mostly inside,,,about my life, where i want
to go, relationships....I talk to him everyday...try to make him
proud, that he had such influence on me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
his son and daughter in law and grandbaby....his minister, almost
all those who visited him while he was ill, were strangers to me, and
most were people i would have liked and enjoyed spending time with.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
knowing he loved me despite his errors, and doing my best to show
my love for him, by doing the right things
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
no warning...guilt that I couldnt help or save him. pure hurt
and lonliness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to all his family and friends, noone really reached
out much for me...i wish i would have had more support. spiritually,
emotionally and physically.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really
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Tue Aug 10 18:48:57 2004
M48 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Tue Aug 3 01:29:47 2004
M39 in Redondo Beach, Ca. =USA=
Email: <oikrat-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: client/server systems analyst.. unemployed
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 17 Months ago.
Cause of Death: enphasema; Aged: 72.
--Details:
Mom had to have surgery for divertrichulitus. In doing entry through
the diaphram her breathing was severly hindered. She chose to go
and when the breathing assistance was removed she made it clear
that it was not to be replaced to assist.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the abandonment of the current form of flesh and moving on to
another existance/task.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how alone I felt after she had passed... even with 'family' present.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is final... don't let anything go unsaid or undone today that will
make another feel good/loved.. you may not get the chance tomorrow.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
there was none.. my life unraveled about me until recently when I
'snapped to' an realized that I had not dealt with it at all ..
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
finding someone that I trusted to talk to.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
the face an touch of a loved one can ease the fear of
passing... knowing that you were loved and needed.. knowing that
you had an impace on someones life...
just be there... what needs
to be done will come naturally and will be exactly right.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my mother when she passed... she loved me and was proud of
me.. her adopted only son.. I wish I could have done more.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my moms eyes lost the clarity.. the vividness.. it was very
noticeable when it happened.. I think that is when she actually
left.. the rest of the process was the passing of her shell.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a 21 gun salute on film or in person... mom and pop both
received them for honorable service of their country.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it ever happend.. return to when life was easy and everything
had a place.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distaste
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
only child ... no other benificiary.. still in probate court...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I missed my mom.. and the morticians and funeral directors are
killing us with their fees...
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I should not have run off my support group.. I alienated everyone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have thought much about death of late and am in no hurry to pass
on.. I am uncertain about what it will bring.... if anything.. . I
hope that I will get to see my parents again.... When my time comes
I will expire.. I pray that there is not much (if any) pain.. and
that in my passing someone will know that I loved them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to try to pull me out... ask me questions about how I feel.. did
I get to say everything I wanted to .. etc..
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See Jul 04 contributions.
See Jun 04 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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