^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Current contributions.
See Jan 04 contributions.
See Dec 03 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Feb 29 16:50:26 2004
F57 in Newton, N.J. =united states=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: health care
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passing to another place, to be with our Lord in his kingdom
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
listened to my mother's words, and was comforted
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling I had after my daughter called me and told me her dad
did not make it. Shortly after I felt an exteremly warm feeling
going into my body, and it pushed me down on my bed
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not an ending, irs a beginning, becasue you enter into God's
heaven
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I knew my loved ones were in a better place and with God
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith in God, and a wonderful grief counceller
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I will never see my loved ones again on this earth
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they know we are there, whether we think so or not, our presense
is extremely important to them
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to accept the inevidable, and know she will be in a better
place and with God
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my ex husband/friend passed unexpectably
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not have the urge to laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have spent more time with my mother
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
do all I could to make my mother's last days less painful and
comfortable
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was comforted knowing my loved ones were with our Lord
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how many people attended the funera
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a selection of music that brings it all back
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I dream quite often I am back in the 1050's and see my loved ones
as they were
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that our loved ones get taken away
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew I had lost my best friend.........my Mother
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring and professional
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no cotact with hospice
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything
--Religious Affiliation:
methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
a link with my loved ones then and now
--Regarding MONEY:
my Mom & dad both had prepaid funerals
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
people really cared and were sensitive
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
there were no strange moments
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sleeping alot, memory loss, not eating
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I dissaccoiated myself from my mom, even tho I was with her I had
to emotionally remove myself from what was happening
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I resolved any minor issues before my loved ones passed
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
none
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my friend/ex husband visits me in dreams often my mother visited
me shortly after she died
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the living will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I will accept it knowing i will join my loved ones with God
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
remember Ellen as she would want to be remembered, as a person who
loved life and her family and her closest friends who showed her so
much love and compassion. remember Ellen and her love for music,
and how much joy it brought her. Ellen will live on in the hearts
of all who love her
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I lit candles, and prayed, and mourned for months, and excepted it
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
I have faith in God, and my upbrining helped alot
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
there wasn't anything, I coped
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I received the support I needed
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
none
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 27 18:15:34 2004
M27 in Charlottesville, virginia =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
real search engine
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 55.
--Details:
it was very drawn out and painful for him, he definantly didnt want
to die
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sad, something you have to accept
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in a little bit of shock
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how a lot of people didn't acknowledge the death, and the people
you think would never be there for you rally around
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had no regrets between the person and myself because I know I
love him and he knew that, and I had time to be there to care for
him and help him through to the end
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
some long lost friends and family, people who had been through it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
believing I will never see my dad again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them even if you believe they cannot hear you or see
you. To read to them and let them have around the things they enjoy
weather it be music or pepsi
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
the power of the human mind to do whatever it wants and to battle
with anything until the end
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought it was a peaceful experience, put it seemed painful to
my father and his mind was the very last to go
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
when he was dilusional and was saying things about seeing weird
things and when he was talking about things that happened a long
time ago
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there right the moment it happened
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have close to me family and friends who pulled through at the last
minutes, days and hours who where there just because they loved me
and my dad
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the will or the memorial arrangements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
he didnt want to die, he had so many things he wanted to do
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we would be sharing ideas and I would be asking questions of him,
and I would call and he would answer the phone because he was in
control of answering the phone
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
with so much modern technology why he had to be so restless and in
so much pain
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide under the covers
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I cannot believe this happened, why did this happen, this wasnt
supposed to happen even though we had known for about a year
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
realizing they are just as remedial as 100 years ago
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
hospice was great but it seemed after the fact they were gone and
they acted distant
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something to my father near the end
--Religious Affiliation:
there was a strong bond with church until I was a teenager then
there was none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true!!
--Regarding MONEY:
only after the fact, now my mother is trying to take care of herself
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
solemn, was family and friends gathering after though was nostalgic
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the things he was saying were so true, yet not of this world so
I don't understand how they could seem so real and I knew somehow
they were
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
removing themselves from others and activities
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is definantly nothing you could do to change things and you
should never blame yourself
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were no people per say, but places and ideas and "words
of wisdom"
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was shocked when I was little and I felt removed from myself,
but I could see myself and the light in the house were dimmed and
I was like floating above the room and I was trying to call to my
dad but nothing was coming out.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no issues except for my own personal stuff, like being angry at
myself because I had woken up one hour or so before it happened
and was planning to get the baby ready and go sit with him like I
had been doing for days, but I said aww I will sleep a minute more,
and hour and a half later I got the phone call and I was closer in
distance to him than anyone, and I was too lazy and I am still a
little angry at myself but my mother says maybe if I had been there
it wouldn't have happened because he still wouldn't have let go if
one of us was there
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
He would tell me to check the oil in the car and give me lectures
on how to deal with people around me it would be normal and not
about anything like death or dying and no need to say how much we
love each other
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had several dreams where my dad was alive and have awoken
believing he still was but no visions and no visitations nothing
paranormal
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My dad had a no resucitate order and when he was give oxygen in
the nursing home he said no to that, I am not sure how I would feel
about making that decision for myself....
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I dont care about death of myself, I am not afraid to die, I
only worry about some people in my life that would be so sad and
devistated about it
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Just that I loved my boys, and I tried really hard to do the
right things,
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went through the pictures that day and got one of my dad when he
was younger than when he had me, and it was an old drivers liscense
and I carried it to important places in my back pocket, and it is
now in my bathroom on the mirror I am sure it will move as I need
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well, some old friendship with my ex sister in law she was there and
her mother and now they are both close with me and my mother and they
go visit her often and we speak on the phone these relationships
were dead long ago and now they were they when others we expected
were not
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my brothers werent such assholes....we should have stuck
together and I will never see them the same again especially eric
I think I hate him and that is pitiful for him
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
a little
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
maybe some questions specifically regarding anger toward the person
cause that does happen
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 27 03:37:38 2004
M63 in HOUSTON, TX =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Years ago.
Cause of Death: HEART; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A RELIEF FOR SOME.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
CRIED
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
MATTER OF FACT NOW
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
ACCECPTANCEA
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
A VISIT AFTER DEATH
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
BEING LEFT ALONE
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
PEOPLE
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
LEAVE THEN ALONE, BE THERE TALK, NO PLATITUDES
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
FEEL
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
LIFE IS SUSTAINED WITH HO HOPE. LOSS OF DIGINITY, SEFL RESPECT
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I DIDNT
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
CHANGE FEW THINGSI D
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I DIDNT
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
STUPID SAYINGS THAT MENT NOTHING BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS
APPROPIATE
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
SEE ABOVE
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
NO
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
NO
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
SOME THINGS ARE NOT TO BE QUESTIONED
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
SHOCKED
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
FRUSTRATION.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
GOOD
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A PAIN IN THE ASS
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
ACCECPTANCE
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
GLAD THEY WERE THERE. SHOWED SUPPORT. GLAD THEY STAYED AWAY
FROM ME.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
HERE NOW GONE NEXT
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
DO WHAT CAN BE DONE AND BE HAPPY YOU TRIED. ACCECPT
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
A VISIT AFTER DEATH
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
VISIT FROM FATHER VISION
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
OTHERS PRESENT DO NOT COUNT THEY ARE IN THE WAY PEPOLE ARE PRONE
TO SAY WHAT THEY FEEL THEY ARE EXPECTED TO SAY AND HAVE FEW FEELINGS
FOR THE DYING. S SOCIAL EVENT.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
PRESERVE DIGINITY, SELF RESPECT. DO NOT DWELL ON ASPECT.
NO MEANLESS WORDS OR ACTS, NO MORNING, NO CRYING OR STUPID ACTS
HELP ME DIE WITH RESPECT.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I LIVED, ENJOYED, EXPERIENCED, DID MY BEST. NO REGREATS
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
CHOICE BETWEEN QUANITY- QUALITY
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Knew it was coming
NOTHING BUT WIFE
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
GET OUT. AWAY FROM PEOPLE WITH ONE THAT I AM MOST COMFORTABLE WITH.
NOT NECESSARY TO HOLD BACK AND BE POLITE
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
NO
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Feb 26 16:38:48 2004
F18 in Hesperia , CA =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
developmental psychology
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Nursing Major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 79.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to everything about someone. its as if they never existed. all
that's left of them is your grief.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very empty.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
never saying goodbye. there was no closure.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to place expectations about heavens and hells.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how much she loved me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my mom was too affected to want to comfort me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try to reflect on good memories.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she refused to let us see or talk to her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have her in my life as a major member of the family.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
people talk about their grandmothers
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would feel more content and loved, maybe even more important.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
broke down and just cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
why couldn't they find it? I'm so confused as to why they found it
so late.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting. i beleive she sends signs to let us know she is safe.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel as if our relationship was positive and caring. i have
no regrets.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to hear her say she can still go on long walks,
collect sily cards, and tell others her hilarious jokes.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i would see things in stores she used to love to collect or hear
someone laugh just like her. it was odd but at the same time it
was comforting.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Personal possessions should always be taken care of first. I hope
mine are given to the one person who I know truly loves me-my
boyfriend.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I haad to die today, I would be okay. Life is a beautiful thing
and i've lived it up so far.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Krista died to go beyond what the world could offer. She laughed,
cried, and tried her best while she was here, but now she must
offer her kind words and actions to another world. She will not
be forgotten.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
i never got to speak to her or see her after she found out she had
cancer. she didn't want us to see her like that.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped me sort out how I feel afterwards; how it has affected
me. Four years later I find I am not afraid of death, and if not
anything else, that is a huge positive.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 25 20:38:52 2004
F31 in cincinnati, ohio =usa=
Name: Tammy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Office assistant
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
More personal info:
I just hope I am not alone in this world feeling the way I do about
God, religion, and death. you can post this
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elisabeth Ross, Dr. James Dobson,
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes,gangrene, ; Aged: 72.
--Details:
I stated before that my Grandma didn't believe in going to doctors
b/c she was in a religion that didnt allow her to be treated
medically for any reason.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
different from person to person, depending on what you grew up
with as an idea about what death was. For me in particular, death
is a very scary hard thing to go through, and we cant know until
it happens to us for sure what it is really going to be like when
we die.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and scared, I was 4 yrs old at a Grandmothers funeral,
and I saw everyone in dark clothes, and crying and bellowing and
I saw my grandma in her casket wearing alot of weird makeup, and
she looked like she was sleeping, and she was very cold to the touch.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sick feeling we all got from seeing the gangrene rot her body,
and all of the terrible pain that she went through. The fear
that was associated was worse than any nightmare I had ever had
as a child. None of us who didnt go to my grandmas church could
understand why she would want to die the way she did.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
alot of other people I have read about and talked to think of death
as the opposite as I do, to them, it isnt scary or bad, and there
are plenty of rewards on the other side.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I wish I could answer this statement positively, but, i cant.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I havent found anything that sticks with me so that I can deal with
death. I have such a hard time with it. I have done many things
to deal with it, and while I am reading, I feel better about it,
or while I am watching a movie, I may feel a little less scared,
but, as soon as the movie or the book is over, I am just as scared
as I was before I started reading or watching about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest part about dealing with death for me IS: the uncertainty,
that I may or may not be o.k. when I die, and by ok I mean, loved,
safe, cared for, happy, warm, not lonely or depressed. I have no
idea of what may come, and at the same time, I have no control over
what could happen to me. I feel helpless when I think about my death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that they need you to be very loving and caring to them at that time,
that they need to be heard, and to be taken care of just like you
would take care of a new born baby.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My Grandma said that she was a christian, and she said she had to die
like Jesus,a nd she wanted to die like Jesus, I felt like if Jesus
was so loving, and caring, why would he let her die like he did?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Oh my god, me and my twin sister did laugh when we got the call,
we were 11 years old, and the first reaction was laughter, we made
each other laugh for some reason. I just thought that was the way
my mind handled the sadness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Get a doctor to my grandmas house to treat her wounds so she didnt
hurt as much as she did before she died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to her funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see elderly people who remind me of my grandma, or sometimes when
I see christian church shows on t.v. i get mad and sad,
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would know more about humanity, about people, about love, about
quilting and crocheting, I would be happier, feel safer, I would
have a best friend that would help me out,
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
We dont get to know what happens to us while we are still alive,
it is not fair we dont get to see the person anymore, it isnt fair
that people need people and they get taken away, it isnt fair that
people use religion to scare other people to make them act how they
want them to act, its not fair to have to hurt like this from death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make her come out of her grave and go to a doctor and a doctor
could erase the death process, and she would still be here with me,
and helping me get through lifes problems.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am not in my right mind anymore, I am not really alive, this has
to be a dream and I will wake up soon. This is too much pain to
bare for a child.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect, but, they didnt get a chance to help my Grandma,
so, i have no resentment at medicine.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it means total fucking bullshit, it means that someone wants to
control your mind, your thoughts, your life.
--Religious Affiliation:
I used to be a christian, now i have no specific religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
my aunt that lived with my grandma made sure she got grandmas bank
account cleaned out before anyone else knew about it existing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
pain
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
one minute she was here, one minute she was gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
my grandma saw people that were already dead, and she would talk
to them
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i just want people that love me to be with me when i die
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandma saw people that died before her, and she seemed happy
to see them
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Well, I was still friends with my exhusband, but, he did steal some
jewelry from my mom the summer before he died, If I could tell
him now that I forgive him and I still love him, and I miss him,
i would really want him to know it.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say to my grandma, i hate what you chose in this life,
as a way to live and think and feel with the church you went to,
it caused me great pain to see you die the way you did,,,,,,,and
to my exhusband i would say, damnit, why didnt you get help and
why did you do this to yourself? and i would ask him how it is if
there is a heaven or not.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
In 2003, my exhusband died at the age of 33. He died of a drug
overdose, I didnt even know he had a drug problem. It was a big shock
to me. We were still friends before he died. He liked camoflage items
when he was alive, clothes, and bandanas....so, at his layout,,
i dried my tears with a camoflage bandana, and i put it in his
hands in the casket,,,,the day of the funeral, i came back to my
mothers house( we had lived there together when we married) and i
saw on her front porch in front of her front door, a bandana, just
like the one i put in his casket, and it was dirty,and torn,,,,,,,
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to make sure my son is going to be cared for, I want a party
at my funeral, i want people to put some of my favorite thigns in
my casket, i want people to write in a book for me the funniest
times we had together, i want my son to know how much i love him,
and that i am so sorry i had to die, that i really didnt want to
die, but, i had no control over if i die or not..that i hope i get
to see him again, and that i love mark and i want him to know i
want him to be happy even though i know how hard it will be , but,
he can be happy and love again.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am so afraid to die, I dont want to die, I worry about who will
care for my son if i die, i worry about my mother and father dying
and how can I deal with this, I worry about what will happen to me
when I die, if I will be ok or not.....
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Tammy tried hard to be a good person, she loved people, and she loved
to help them, she had a great sense of humor, and she liked to have
fun. She was a hard worker, and she devoted her life to humanity,
and to getting closer to a God she could live with.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I talk to the people that I know that have died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
thinking somehow I will see the person who died again
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
I saw my grandparents die at home due to cancer, diabetes and
gangrene, and one had mulitiple strokes, they didnt believe in
going to a doctor.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
someone not bringing up anything about hell would be good, preachers
not saying that if i dont believe in jesus the way my grandma did,
then i am never gonna see her again, not only that, but, i am going
to hell if i dont follow her beliefs,,,
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me sad, and it made me want a relationship with a higher
power, and it made me want to search harder for a deeper meaning
to life, and to help me find a way to be less afraid of dying
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
ask people if they could be open minded about what could happen to
them after they die, ask them to be open minded that there could
only be goodness on the other side
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 25 19:48:20 2004
F23 in layton, utah =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
paul schvandeveldt
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: social work
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain cancer; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
remember the dead body and how clod it was, looked like plastic
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the physical hurt in my heart
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i am still the same person
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
what came after and how it never would have happened had he been
alive
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being mad at Ggive lots of hugsod
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
give lots of hugs
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
our culture focuses to much on the negative part of death
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him more and tell him i loved him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my dad couldnt see me get married or see my first child
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him again, just once
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
negative
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were slackers
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
resurrection, life after death
--Religious Affiliation:
LDS
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
tons of people came and most all of them cried, mainly they felt bad
for the children (5) and the poor wife that had to now do it alone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
chainstokes breathing
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my dad kept saying that he had his tickets and was ready to go
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my husband says that he saw my dad in the temple when we got married
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
going to the cemetary
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
your questions are too long
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 25 03:48:21 2004
F17 in Pittsgrove, NJ =United States=
Name: Rebekah L. Egan
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Told us to search for experiments to do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 57.
--Details:
She was getting ready for work and fell.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A thing that occurs when God decides he needs another angel in
heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was frustraited, scared, alone, but most of all deeply saddened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people crying, my parents being upset.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
an understanding of God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she is in no more pain, and I will see her again in Heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and family, I was 11 years old when it happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that it could be forever before you see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be strong for them, let them know you care.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealed with her death and how I overcame the grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first found out she died and couldn't get the answers to why?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it made the heartache a little lighter for that moment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you one more time, get one last hug.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the time I had with her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she was burried a dove flew up into a tree and there was a rainbow,
it was as if she was saying it's all right.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that it's not taken lightly.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I just miss having her hugs and love.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might not have the dreams that I do now, but I'd have her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why couldn't it have been some one else?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with her in heaven.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kept asking why it happened to her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I admire them for trying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we had a higher power to look to for help.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The spirit is always there.
--Regarding MONEY:
paying for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the crowd that showed were very helpful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing that she was gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
tell people to eat healtheir.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just being around people helped.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there wasn't any.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
God is in control.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think there was any issues, I just never said goodbye.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I expect to hear that they are okay and that they remember me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Where they want the person burried, how the seremony will go.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would honestly be scared, but then again, it's in God's hands
when he wants me off this earth.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Rebekah L. Egan 17 of Pittsgrove, NJ died early Friday morning
in her sleep of natural causes. She is survived by her parents,
brother, grandmother, aunts and uncles. She was a real thinker
with big dreams. A listener who let people vent their anger out on
her. She will be greatly missed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking to friends and family.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
God is the only true friend a person can have.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
People whohave lost someone close often stick with others who have
lost some one because they understand the feelings.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Trusting in God
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Missing her
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just having hugs from family and friends, and crying when I had too.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionaire is a good way to cope and really think of how
you acted with it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 25 03:47:14 2004
F17 in Pittsgrove, NJ =u=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Told us to search for experiments to do.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 57.
--Details:
She was getting ready for work and fell.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A thing that occurs when God decides he needs another angel in
heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was frustraited, scared, alone, but most of all deeply saddened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people crying, my parents being upset.
--What I think my (u) culture needs to better learn about death is:
an understanding of God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
she is in no more pain, and I will see her again in Heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends and family, I was 11 years old when it happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that it could be forever before you see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be strong for them, let them know you care.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealed with her death and how I overcame the grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I first found out she died and couldn't get the answers to why?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it made the heartache a little lighter for that moment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you one more time, get one last hug.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the time I had with her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she was burried a dove flew up into a tree and there was a rainbow,
it was as if she was saying it's all right.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that it's not taken lightly.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I just miss having her hugs and love.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might not have the dreams that I do now, but I'd have her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why couldn't it have been some one else?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with her in heaven.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kept asking why it happened to her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I admire them for trying.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we had a higher power to look to for help.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The spirit is always there.
--Regarding MONEY:
paying for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the crowd that showed were very helpful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing that she was gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
tell people to eat healtheir.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just being around people helped.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there wasn't any.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
God is in control.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't think there was any issues, I just never said goodbye.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I expect to hear that they are okay and that they remember me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Where they want the person burried, how the seremony will go.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would honestly be scared, but then again, it's in God's hands
when he wants me off this earth.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Rebekah L. Egan 17 of Pittsgrove, NJ died early Friday morning
in her sleep of natural causes. She is survived by her parents,
brother, grandmother, aunts and uncles. She was a real thinker
with big dreams. A listener who let people vent their anger out on
her. She will be greatly missed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talking to friends and family.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
God is the only true friend a person can have.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
People whohave lost someone close often stick with others who have
lost some one because they understand the feelings.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Trusting in God
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
Missing her
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just having hugs from family and friends, and crying when I had too.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionaire is a good way to cope and really think of how
you acted with it.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Feb 22 22:09:37 2004
F33 in bozeman, mt =usa=
Email: <kristinlynch369-at-hotmail.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: psychology major
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: blunt head trauma; Aged: 22.
--Details:
we're still waiting for the perpatrators to be caught and prosecuted.
it's hard to know they are out there, enjoying their day to day
stuff when my family and i miss jeremy so much
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the spirit which allows us to physically act and react and
when the body ceases to function in an observable way, and fails
to continue to thrive...this is death
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was always shocked. hearing about others dying seemed just
that...something that happened to others. thinking,"thank god,
i have never been very close to THAT before"
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the crying, the confusion, the unanswered questions, the numbness,
yet the hypersensativity, all at once. my other brothers and
i all handled jeremys death so differently, but just looking at
each other, we ALL shared the same pain. i've never felt so alone,
yet so joined together at the same time
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i really don't know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
his smile and laughter. my little brother had a wicked sense
of humor, lived everyday as if his last and truly took all he
could.i've learned from that.i've also learned that control is only
an illusion.might as well loosen the grip and enjoy the ride
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my significant other walked with me through the darkness, the light,
the silent and the noisy.the bumpy path of grief was cetainly much
more level with him by my side. i also have been in weekly therapy,
one on one for the past 7 months
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was? there is no WAS when dealing with death. it's a daily,
sometimes hourly, process that i suspect will continue in one way
or another until the day I die
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
touch. touch them. hold their hand. speak normally, if possible,
not down to them. try to laugh. i liked to sing my little brothers
favorite songs to him. tell them you love them and they are not alone
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found out first hand that a simple "brawl" between boys can be
deadly. that a punch can kill. that anger, if given the chance, can
destroy in seconds. and that luck sometimes is the only difference
between me being here and someone else not
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i never got to say goodbye.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
we were telling stories about jeremy and growing up. he loved to
laugh and joke, so in a weird way, we were sort of paying homage
to him
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak at his funeral and sing a song to "him" when i viewed his body.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the end of the funeral service, the pastor asked all of us
to stand up and give jeremy a round of applause for a life well
done. he would have loved that
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
almost at anytime. music can bring out alot. so can pictures,
or if i see a kid that reminds me of jeremy
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i can't do that. i HAVE had those dreams in my sleep, only to wake
up to feel the pain freah again. it hurts to much to dream
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was too young. he didn't deserve it. none of it was fair...NONE
of it
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream out loud, tell my story to the world, demand justice, insist
on someone fixing this
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried "no" in denial. i felt completely out of body..couldn't cry,
scream..nothing. then after it started to sink in, right about the
time the sun started to rise,i began to cry and didn't stop for hours
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
deep appreciation. they were great with my family and they took
wonderful care of my little brother. i know they did everything
they could for him
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. i had, or so i thought, great faith in the lord before
this. now. i'm questioning everything
--Religious Affiliation:
christian with agnostic tendencies
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more comfortable than the boxed in ideas of the bible
--Regarding MONEY:
it's only a means to an end
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people loved my little brother. how many lives he made
brighter. and the applause we all gave him at the end of the service.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
although i didn't know it at the time, at the same time he was
pronounced dead, i also lost my breath. i thought i was having
an asthama attack, couldn't breathe.i live 1200 miles away and
had no idea at the time what was happening to jeremy
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
i don't know. everything was a surprise to us. there was a point
when i remember WISHING he would die, because the hanging on and
the slow process was like dying with him
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
be patient with yourself. find somebody to talk to, even if it's
just to hear yourself speak. sometimes just hearing myself say
something helped me to better understand.cry when you need to and
don't offer apologies
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
about 2 months after jeremy died, my watch stopped..no big deal?
it stopped at the exact time that jeremy went into cardiac arrest
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
jeremy and i were very close. we never fought and had an
understanding amoung us. he was my favorite out of 4 brothers and i
was his big sister. no unresolved issues.other then not being able
to say goodbye, i have no regrets
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would hug him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
jeremy has visited me in my dreams several times. he has told me
that he's happy. we have actually "played" together and went to a
hot tub party on a snowy mountain. my other brother said jeremy came
to him in a dream to tell him that he is happy where he is at now,
we shouldn't worry about him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
jeremy was so young, he never prepared for this, so the burden of all
the choices fell on my mom and us kids. it was really hard to try
to think of waht "jeremy would have wanted" i need to take care of
leagalities so my loved ones don't have to go through the same thing
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am so much more accepting and less afraid to die. i figure if my
little brother can do it, why should i be afraid?
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she loved and laughed. she smiled and cried. always passionate, never
apathetic. held on to the reins and rode with joy. full of life.
remember her this way
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i let myself cry when i need to
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
having somebody around to just LISTEN
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
first experience with death happened to be someone closest to me
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i would like to eventually speak at schools about the dangers of
ANY kind of violence, even a simple fist fight can lead to tragedy.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it's nice for people to be interested in this process of greif.it can
be so lonely sometimes and after the funeral and things settle back
down for OTHER people, the family still has a long road ahead.it's
nice to be acknowledge for the work it takes to endure this process
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you should ask not just about the people who helped in the process,
but also of people who took advantage of it, or hurt you, or
abandanded you because THEY didn't know how to deal with it
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 17 12:20:56 2004
M40 in Dallas, Texas =USA=
Name: Todd E. Simpson III
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
My major in school, a few moments to browse.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Mortgage Underwriter
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 29.
--Details:
We always went to the local annual high school football game
between our greastest rival, afterwards we all went to the club,
my friend saw this girl looking at me, pointed her out, I went over
to her and eventually left with her that night and left my buddy
with another dude, they were robbed and shot after the other guy
led my friend into a drug house to buy drugs and in the morning the
police knocked on our door to make sure I wasn't with him, I wasn't,
and then I had to tell his parents he was dead, we were roommates
and had been for several years, he introduced me to my wife that I
married 7 years after he died although he introduced us far earlier,
like when we were in college, he also named my only daughter. Anyway
he's dead and thats that. We had been friends since the 3rd grade.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Peace, awaiting the great day of judgement from GOD.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very sad from a selfish point of view, but happy that the
injustice of this life was over for that person.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How large the procession was, it extended for some 4 to 5 miles.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's just a stage of creation, humans are not the center or most
important beings in the universe.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have had true friendship in my life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Since both my parents are still with us, their support, knowing my
buddy personally, helped alot.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
No longer seeing the individual.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comforting as the experience of death is an unknown for us all.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cope with adversity in regards to relationship development.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Lifeless eyes look into the beyond.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell his little sisters how good of a brother he was.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Handle things for his mom such as prepare for the multitude of
people that came from all over.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The lid closed for the last time at the wake.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The formality of it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember everything.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Does not happen to me, as I am fully aware of reality.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
No, only sadness for the dude who set him up and lived and now has
to live with it with everyone knowing he is a liar and not worthy
of freindship of any kind..
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I have moved on somewhat.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Sitting in the livingroom and the phone rang but there was no one
on the other end.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
He was DOA.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Comfort for the family.
--Religious Affiliation:
Islam since 1993, prior to that, my family raised me Methodist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The connection and the unity of our creator.
--Regarding MONEY:
Typically american of us.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Pleasant as could be.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Giving away the personal items that his parents/family did not want.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The fond memories will sustain thru the tough days.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
N/A....DOA in this case.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We were cool.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Dream only and only after a conversation with my wife about my
roommate.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
When my grandmother died her every wish was fulfilled.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not fear death at all, I look forward to it as a part of the
gift of life.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Obedient son, loving husband and father, good big brother, faithful
friend, leaves behind a wife, a daughter and numerous family members
and friends.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I drive by the place where he succumbed to death, I do this about
a dozen times a year.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I beleive I was somewhat hesitate prior to the death, but now I
take full advantage of every opportunity I get.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I think my wife and I getting together has alot to do with this
concept.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
My grandmother passed way after a long illness 3 months after.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I believe grief is a personal thing and when someone offers
condolences it really does not help much other than their presence.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Very thought provoking.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nothing I can point to right off, plus the thoughts are enough.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 17 09:57:18 2004
F30 in Flint, Texas =United States=
Name: Cher Isbell
Email: <heavenlytexasgirl-at-yahoo.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Exceptions Handler Workers Comp
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 65.
--Details:
he was living with me and my husband when he passed away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it. No more pain. We go to a better
place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried and talked to my family and friends about my feelings
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how hard it was to deal with my father being gone
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to say I'm Sorry when someone passes away. Nobody should
be sorry for someone else's death unless they are the ones that
caused it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I got to spend the time I had with those that I loved and lost.
I know they are not suffering and I will see them again someday.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to my family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would never get to talk to my father about my problems
or laugh with him again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't say anything, just hold them and support them with your
presence
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that death of a close family member can bring family back
together that has separated for one reason or another.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they keep hanging on like they are not done with something in
this lifetime
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release of several different emotions rolled into one
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my loved ones and told and showed them more
that I loved them
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help my father in his last days and to help my family take care of
my grandfather.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandfather looked at me and smiled for the last time
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
when he slept so much
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear certain songs on the radio
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I just sometimes wish that I could talk to my loved ones again just
to tell them that I love them and miss them so much and that I will
never forget them.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that God would want to take someone as good as my father or
grandfather and leave someone here on earth that is so evil
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ask God why
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very mad
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried everything that they could do.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
hospice was a godsend to my family for my grandfather. They were
there anytime we needed them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the Pastor was there to comfort the family in our time of need.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i feel we all have one type of spirit and that is the spirit that
God gave us. We are all made in his image.
--Regarding MONEY:
we seemed to get exactly how much we needed
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was very nice and didn't last long
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i felt God put his hand on me and hold me near while I cried
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sleeping more, not eating as much, always hurting
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying is the best medicine. Getting mad does nothing to change the
way you feel except that you get even more mad the more you think
about it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandfather kept talking to his brother who has been dead for
several years.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was in a very bad car accident when I was 18. I should by all
accounts be dead right now, but when I went to put my seatbelt on
the seatbelt broke so I couldn't put it on before we started going.
We then ran into the back of an eighteen wheeler where my best friend
died instantly. I was thrown from the car, which everyone is saying
is virtually impossible the way the car was wedged under the truck.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with anyone that has passed on
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just let them know how much i love them and I would want
them to let me know how it truly is on the other side
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father comes to visit me alot. He lets me know when I am about
to do something that is not wise and he lets me know when I have
done something that he is proud of.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I do not want to be buried
I do not want everybody upset and crying
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would live life to the fullest and make sure I got done everything
that I have ever wanted to get done. I don't want to die but I
really don't want to die with unresolved issues
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Cher Victoria Isbell age -- died on 1/1/01 in her home. She is
survived by her husband from Flint, four children, several
grandchildren and two great grandchildren. She was a very active
member in Lane's Chapel Methodist Church for over -- years and was
deeply loved by everyone she came into contact with. She will be
sorely missed but never forgotten.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i would sit in my bedroom with candles lit and cry
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i find myself if i'm in a bad mood going into a quiet room and
lighting candles.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My family has gotten closer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
i talk to people about the good times we had together
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I made sure i was there for anyone that wanted to talk and i always
had a free shoulder for them to cry on.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel it could be very helpful to some people. It made me think
about how I reacted to the deaths of my loved ones.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Feb 15 18:09:58 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 38 Years ago.
Cause of Death: alcohol accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a cease to exist time.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shock and scared.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the blame everyone placed on everyone else
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's never the end. we pass from one place to the next.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my brliefs, i'm an druid. I have special rites for death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you're not alone. you'll never be alone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i knew she was not hurting. it was better that way.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
another one dies.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbeleif
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i've dealt with them in other deaths and they are wonderful. I
believe in the quality over quantity.
--Religious Affiliation:
druidism
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Feb 15 15:55:49 2004
F33 in Hebron, North Dakota =United States of America=
Name: Tracy
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
yahoo
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: unemployed
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart failure; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the soul no longer needs the body to carry it on its journey,
for it has reached its destination
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
turned to my family and my faith in God for answers
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling badly for my mother because she now had no parents
--What I think my (United States of America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i think that people need to get more in touch with religion and
once you have faith in God, death isn't so scary
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i live in a town with a population of just under 1000, the
out-pouring of support, even from the people you don't quit know
is very inspiring
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i have a very large extended family that is very supportive in
every way
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of a loved one and seeing the ones closest to the deceased
having to cope
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just to do whatever makes them happy and comfortable regardless of
what you might believe
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 13 07:05:24 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
complex and cruel
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died of lung cancer on 12/24/04 and my father is under
Hospice care currently and has days/hours to live.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not believing it happened although I was with my mother when
she passed
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
all the kisses my father wants to give me as he fades away
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best friend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
living with the knowledge that I would never see my parents in this
world again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
sharing love
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to cope
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the lack of definites
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was good and very much needed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
share more time with my parents before they became ill
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
share my home with them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
she's just in the hospital and will be back
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 10 15:11:15 2004
F22 in ogden, utah =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: early childhood
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister-in-Law, 2 Months ago.
Cause of Death: unknown virus that took over her heart ; Aged: 14.
--Details:
She was a healthy, energetic, involved, happy girl. She was nice
to everyone and had no enemies. She was perfect in all areas. She
wasn't very outspoken but not shy either, she got sick on a monday
and on tuesday she was taken to the hospital in the ambulence and
wednesday morning around 5:00 or 6:00 they knew that she had died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the body stops functioning in a way that it cannot survive on
its own and many of the main body organs shut down forcing the rest
of the body to also shut down.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't really understand the finality of it. It's hard especially
when you're young because you haven't been on the aerth for very
long so to say you wont see them for the rest of your living life,
it doesn't seem that long. I knew what people were telling me but
didn't understand the pain of death until later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Everyone was so positive that she would be o.k. we had come to a
conclusion that nothing bad was going to happen and that the doctors
would be able to fix the problem so when we found ou that she had
died, it was so tragic and just seemed wrong almost. Everyone was
crying, even my husband who I had never seen cry before. Also,
seeing the pain that was in the parents was enough to make you cry,
they looked so weak and tired.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not the end but also to celebrate life better and not take
it for grantite. Life in this culture is so fast based and sometimes
we need to slow down and take time to appreciate those around us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It happened during the christmas break and so all the family could
get together. We all stayed at my parent-in-laws for a week or so
and I think that it helped them the most to be surrounded by people.
If it had happened during school time, there wouldn't habve had that
time together to heal and be o.k. We would had to drop everything
because we wouldn't want to see anyone or do anything. Also, we
ahd three babies born in the family and they helped to distract us
and help us feel happy and give us something to care for.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family most of all. Then friends. Then co-workers. The family
was the biggest support, they are the ones that could understand
the most what you might be going through. ALso, there were firends
that had a similar situation happen that werea big help, especially
to the parents.
I would also have to say that my religion would be
the biggest help because the beliefs that I have put my mind a peace
with what has happened because I know that I will see her again.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The regret of things that I didn't get to do with that person
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make the effort to say what you want to say to that person before
they leave because it will be a long time before you can see
them again
--[My Sister-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have learned that you can't take family for grantite and to get
close to them because you never know when something might happen
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctors couldn't figure out what the problem was
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
There are so many strong emotions that all of them seemed to come
out at once. Me an another sister-in-law would be saying something
about the experience and start to laugh and just act stupid but
we knew that it was because we were still in shock and didn't know
what to feel and also I think that after you have cried for so long,
you get a little crazy and almost start to laugh just at dumb things
because your heads is such a mess
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I didn't take her to that play that she wanted me to, and I didn't
get to teach her the dances that I was going to. We were both
so excited to teach them to the other cheerleaders so they could
perform them at a game.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be in the family for at least a year and to get to know her better
and also that I could help her with her cheerleading tryouts
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
She got her cheerleading pictures taken a month or so before and
they were so pretty and she looked gorgeous and we got to use one of
those for the obituary and also to display at the funeral. Also,
all the food that people brought over was really great.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The fact that we didn't know what she died from. We had comfort
in the fact that it was her time to go and that there was nothing
else we could have done to prevent it.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember the things she did and see that she's not there to
do them anymore. Or when I think about the things that I was so
excited about doing wtih her and now can't
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would definately already have taught those dumb dances and I
would have taken her to that play, and I would have tried to get
closer to her and tell her how much I love her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's not fair that she died on her birthday and that she died right
before christmas, before I could giver her her present that I had
bought and planned for so long in advance.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
pretend it didn't happen
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't get to do the things with her that I wanted to and also
that this couldn't have happened that it was all a big joke and
that I would go up to the house and she would be sitting there and
everyone would laugh at me for believing such a joke
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect, they tried everything that they possibly could and were
so determined to save her that they needed counseling themselves
after she died so I am very appreciative towards their efforts
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The staff was very supportive. They even let the parents stay in
the room the whole time.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
All the peace that I feel and that my family memebr feel is based
on our religion and the beliefs that it happened for a purpose and
that we will see her again
--Religious Affiliation:
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I think that people generally feel more at peace when they feel
that their loved ones are watching ove them
--Regarding MONEY:
it wasn't a factor really. The only time I remember it being said
was when we were throwing away the dead flowers and my father-in-law
said, "Well there goes a hundred dollars, what a waste."
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We made it a tribute to her and everything was in a positive tone,
even though there was a lot of crying. People seemed to be very
respectful and her school even got money to get bagpipe player to
play at the burial site.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Two or three of the sibling had a thought earlier that day that
she would die
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was shocked and in denial and still somemes find myself think
that it couldn't have happened. Then I think of what all has gone
on since then and I am at peace but I still miss her very much
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
We felt that she might have been with us on Christmas and also at
her funeral
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I hope that she knew how much I loved her and how much I miss her
and also that I was sorry for the things that we didn't get to do
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I know that if I said sorry about not doing these things with you,
she would've said that it wasn't a big deal and that she didn't
even care about it and that she knew that I wanted to and that we
just didn't ahve time. Also, I think that she would've remembered
the things that we did do like play soccer and helping with tryouts.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If I want something to go to someone, then I better tell somebody
and also let people know what I would like them to do if I did die.
Especially if I had kids, I would want them to be good people
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would make sure to tell my loved one s that I loved and appreciated
them and to tell my husband especially what he meant to me and how
much I appreciated him. I don't think I would go to school anymore!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
ThatI didn't have any enemies and that I was nice to people and
that I was a good example to people around me and that I helped
people to be better.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The mother and sisters and sister-in-laws went through her clothing
an took a couple of things that might fit us to wear. We said that
we were to remember her when we wore the clothing. I think that
it has helped because it reminds me of how she was whenshe was alive.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I try not to take my family for grantite, I have noticed that I
try to be much more grateful and give more hugs than I used to.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I think that our family has become really close and also there have
been many people that have come out to share theri feelings with us
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I think that it was good to have distractions every once in a while
like seeing a movie or playing sports
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
it was so sudden that it was hard to accept that it had actually
happened and nobody wanted it to happen because she was so young
and we all said things that we regretted not doing with her
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would like to reach out to those that have gone through a death
experience because I know of the things that were helpful to me
and the things that were meant to be good but didn't help at all.
Some people say the dumbest things
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that it has been helpful in seeing the things that I am
still hanging on to and the things that I am o.k. with.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I know that My mother-in-law has had soem crazy thoughts and another
mother that had a death expresses having those same thoughts such
as the thought to want to hit somebody or to not move anything that
the person has touched so you could ask about what crazy thought
that they might have had
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sun Feb 8 15:10:37 2004
M16 in NE, SD =usa=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: age/abuse; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end, not a joyous beginning for the dead
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was distraught
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
her suffering
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not make it a public ordeal that it is painful and greusome
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end of her suffering
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Feb 6 13:48:08 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car crash; Aged: .
--That first time, how it happened was
it happened was...it was my mum
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Feb 4 15:16:40 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 10 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a motorcycle accident; Aged: 51.
--Details:
the woman that hit him wasn't charged with anything.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
awful, numbing, a true life experience that sucks and hurts more
than anything else imaginable.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
we never printed information in the paper and had the funeral at
my house, but on the day, from word of mouth we had 450 people here.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
from what doctors have said, he suffered no pain.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctor said my father had passed and if we would give him a
few minutes to clean him up we could see him. 2 HOURS later, we
saw him and he looked exactly like he did right after the accident.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 3 21:25:16 2004
F18 in Sunset, Texas =USA=
Name: Jenifer
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psychology Project
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Cheer/ Gymnastics Coach?Student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident ; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Actually talking to the mother of the victim. She was so strong in
all that had happened that after I let go of my grief she actually
ended up comforting my pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that they would never be there again. That he would not be
back. no one would get to experience the pressence of Billy.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That we will be ok. We will miss them and grieve for them but that
it is not the'r fault and that alll in all we love them and always
will.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My cousin Macy died. She was three and was reported to be seeing
Angels before she died. She drowned in a pool that was no deeper
than ten inches full of water with her two year old sister with
her who didn't die.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell her how much I loved her. and hug her one more time, and let
her eat more candy.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See her before at a party for christmas ahe was so beautiful.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
We were at the barrial site and her sister Brooke let go of the
last Butterfly balloon and it hovered around the family twice then
it went on its way.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
What songs were played at the funerall. They played her fave songs
witch were all up beat songs.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
like my earth was ripped out from under me. Everything just kinda
stopped.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
alot. they helped with the support of everyone.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian and Methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
N/a
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My mother didnt go cause her mother would be there.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My friend heather, her little brother died many years ago. She
tells me of the times her brother would come and visit her in her
sleep and try to wake her up so that they could play. ALso Her mom
Terri tells me that there were times when she would be driving and
she would see him in her rear view mirror and he would be laughing
and playing, while other times she would be lying ion bed and she
would hear a creak in the floor and wake up and there he would be
standing asking her if he could sleep with her and his daddy cause
he was scared and cold. There are other things but thats just to
akward for me the friend to describe.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Finaces
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yea, I have the songs I want played already picked out, I have what
type of casket I want And I want all my friends to sign it.I hope
people would go to my funeral. I think I have had an impact on some
lives so I think a lot of people would mourn.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Jenifer Ryan Metcalf (March 7,1985-0000)
Survivors Her mother Robin
Haney, Father Roger Metcalf, Step Father Terry Haney , Sister Peyton
Metcalf, and many other family members.
Jenifer was loved by many,
admired by others, and very ambitious. She had her lifes plan all
mapped out. She was to be a Cheerleading Gymnastics caoch. It was
her lifes passion. She loved children and working with them. She
loved to cheer. She has been a cheerleader at heart since she was
born. She went to high school at Alvord High in texas, though she
moved around alot in elemtary and Jr. High. She had established
friends in Burleson , Boyd , Decatur, Bridgeprt, Paradise, And many
toher places. She was in love with life and in love with love. Her
heart had already been claimed by a man who was her good friend,
His name was Jonathan Cox. She loved her sister very much. She was
athletic too. She was a Daddy's girl, and a Homeboddy. She was all
for the family. and willbe greatly missed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Drawing a picture of them
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
I guess I was to young to really understand.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Have you ever sat and planned your very own funeral. If so what
were some of the dtails you wanted to be perfect for it. ( songs,
casket color, place of barrial.)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 3 19:00:05 2004
F45 in Boiling Springs, North Carolina =United States=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother-in-Law, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 54.
--Details:
He died while dancing with his wife, my sister, at our other sister's
wedding reception.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a door to the place for which we were created where we will spend
eternity with God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was distant from the situation. I was young and only knew death
to be ane inevitable part of life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Snap shots in my memory.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is ok to feel sad or angry. That it is best to go through
the grieving process and not get stuck in the middle of it unable
to continue.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I saw the bond of sisterhood may stretch us in different directions,
but it stays strong bringing us back together when tragedy strikes.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Accepting the reality of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my sister.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It's not true. I'll wake up tomorrow and find out it was just
a dream.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are only people and they do all that is within their power to
save lives.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
every thing.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
normal
--Regarding MONEY:
wer were con erned with the medical bills from the emergency room.
Funeral expenses. And how my sister would support herself and
her daughter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the celebration of life.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Issues such as no resusitation, cremation, burial site, care of small
children left behind and the dispersment of material pocessions
should be expressed before someone dies. Those decisions can tear
a family apart. A death should bring people together.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing it out in story form was a good release.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 3 16:08:37 2004
F27 in =Unknown Locale=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure/diabites; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time for the deceased person to rest in our eternal home.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad, but i knew that they would not be suffering anymore and
it was for the best.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how hard it was for my mother.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to have self-control with their own emotions.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it rained the day we buried my grandmother, i felt as if God and
the angles were sad for us and they were opening thier arms to
accept my grandmother, and then the sun came out and I felt releved
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being strong for the ones who couldn't deal with it as easily.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't forget that other people have been in the same situation and
they were ok in the end
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was strong for everyone else
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the people left behind become so depressed and even think of suidcide
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was nervouse
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn more about my family history.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
no one talked after the funeral
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
everyone felt they had to be sad and have long faces
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think oneday I will be the one to lose my mother and my children
will be the ones to lose their grandmother and I hope I can be
stronger than my mother was, for them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be happy to have my grandmother see me as the women I am
today and have her there to give me advise and help me
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I couldn't say goodbye
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it ever happened
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cryed and i was scared for how my mom would deal with it
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they suck!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they weren't there
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
faith
--Regarding MONEY:
money was short for the funeral expense and the medical bills that
were left
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how well dressed everyone was
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i could feel her presence years after she was gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
she could see other dead family members
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just think of them being happy in their eternal home.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she was being called by other dead relatives to come and rest
with them
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I want to know more about our family history and I would like to
verify stories from the past. I have an aunt whom I don't really
know that I think would be able to help me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to tell her I love her and I would still like to hear
some stories of the past.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
after I gave birth to my first child, and I was home alone, I was
feeling very stressed and tired and I remember I was washing the
dishes and it was early spring and I had the windows open, I was
crying from just being so fustrated and I remember feeling a warm
hand on my shoulder near the back of my neck and I could smell her. I
dropped the glass I was washing and I was so happy and I turned and I
wanted to reach out and touch her but there was nothing there and the
wind was blowing in so softlty from one window and I cried because I
knew she of all people understood how I was feeling and I think she
came to let me know that I would be ok because she was there for me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be sad for my own children because they would be left alone
and I would be angry for not having a lifetime with them. I would
want everyone to know that if I ever caused anyone in anyway any
kind of harm or saddness, that i am sorry. I would pray alot.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I find myself think and wondering what she would do in certain
situations
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 3 14:09:25 2004
F43 in Salt Lake City, Utah =USA=
Name: Susan
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: I.T.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age/dehydration; Aged: 87.
--Details:
My sister and I advocated to bring him home from a nursing home
6 months prior to his death. My two brothers were against this.
Since I was the only daughter living in my father's city, I took
charge. My sister and I sat vigil by his bed for his final week.
I had never seen a person die before and my dad was the first.
It seemed very natural and I'm incredibily grateful that I was
there 24X7 for his last week.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a time when we separate from our physical container (body) and move
on in spirit to our next adventure.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sorry for myself because I was going to miss them.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling relief that my father was no longer struggling to breath
in a body that had been failing him for years.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death isn't as mysterious and scary as it at first seems. I was
apprehensive to actually see my father die, but also very curious
about it. Now that I've watched the dying process, I think it
will be a tiny bit less scary when my time (or another one of my
loved ones' time) comes. As a society, I think we need to be more
involved in the death of people we care about, rather than turning
it over to "professionals." We need to utilize Hospice more.
Hospice workers are amazing.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Having the opportunity to care for my father's comfort and needs
in his final days/hours. Being able to tell him I love him and
that it is OK to go.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my mother lose the man she loved and was married to for over
55 years.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be a strong advocate for the dying person. Don't let a difficult
physician prevent you from getting what you need to help the dying
person be comfortable in the end. Hold the dying person's hand
and tell them how you feel/love them. Have no regrets.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was necessary. And I don't think my father would have minded.
My sister and I were remembering funny stories at my father's death
bed and it helped pass the time. Hopefully, it helped my father
pass the time too. We really laughed hard when my sister was
swabbing my father's mouth with a currette (sp?), and he chomped
down on it and wouldn't let go. My sister finally pulled out just
a stick with no pink spongey thing attached. We panicked when
we realized my father might swallow it and die from choking on a
sponge in the end. We finally retrieved the sponge from his mouth
and had a big relieving laugh later.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my father about whether or not he feared dying. I think
he did and that may be why it took him so long to do it. I wish
I had explored this more before he got slightly demented.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
manage to keep a very loving and caring, hired health care aide
in the home to take care of my mother and father for the last six
months of my father's life. There were obstacles to overcome but
we managed to keep my father out of nursing home in the end and
I'm soooo grateful for that!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Hospice stressed the importance of telling the dying person it is
OK to go. Most of us did. My mother had a hard time doing this
and actually refused to until the evening that my father died.
One of my brother's was very skeptical and said he thinks it makes
little difference since it is really up to nature. (Sheesh) Anyway,
I do believe it is critical to let the dying person know that you
have no unfinished business with him/her. That you love him/her
and are prepared for them to go.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It seems like I get most teary when I'm alone and driving in my
car and just thinking about my father's last 4-5 weeks. It is the
realization that I won't seem him for the rest of my life that hits
me hard.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
INCREDIBLY gratefull to Hospice. Their knowledge about what signs
to look for, what is normal and OK, how to keep him comfortable,
etc., was such a help. Also, when my father's regular Dr. was
difficult when we requested pain relief medication, it was a huge
relief to be able to turn to the Hospice medical director and get
the medications we needed to help my father.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion is big for my siblings. While I consider
myself spiritual, I do not devote myself to organized religion.
When my siblings decided to have a fast and prayer meditation to
speed my father's relief, I participated because I believe there is
an afterlife. I just don't believe any one organized religion has a
perfect picture of how it will be. I also believed it may benefit
my father to hear us pray at his bedside as a family and request
that his suffering end. Sort of a more formal way of letting him
know it was OK to leave us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Past: Latter Day Saints.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right on.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was less expensive to keep my father at home rather than in a
nursing home because my mother has Alzheimer's and requires an in
home aide anyway. To pay for a nursing home and an in home aide
for my mom would have been cost prohibitive. Ultimately the less
expensive option of having my dad at home for his death, was also
the most natural and spiritually healing way of losing him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My father had a large and loving extended family. It was wonderful
to see so many people and old friends and neighbors at the funeral
of such an old guy (87 years old).
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How the last 7 days that my father was alive sort of blended into
one long day. Part of this was because we didn't sleep much since
we were medicating him nearly every hour. Now when I think back,
even though it has only been a month since he died, my memory is
already fading.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the fact that when the dying person starts refusing food and then
water, that they no longer need it. Don't feel bad about not
forcing it. We thought dehydration was a horrible, painful part of
dying but then learned from the hospice nurse that it dehydration
actually speeds the process and is not a terrible thing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my father didn't communicate for the last couple of weeks. If this
was going on, he didn't tell us about it. On the other hand, he
was always a very quiet man and probably wouldn't have told us if
he could.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had an opportunity to spend plenty of time with my father in
the last 3-4 years preceding his death. We never ended a visit or
telephone call without expressing our love. I know he knew how much
I loved him so I'm very content with our state of affairs. My only
regret was that I hadn't responded sort of jokingly when he told me
5 weeks prior to his death that he was "on his way out." I think
this may have been his way of bringing his death up and wanting to
talk about it. I wish I had given him more opportunity to expand
on his feelings about it. Instead, I asked him "What makes you
say that?" and he just shrugged and said "That's the way it is."
And I said "Yeah, yeah, we've heard that before. Don't say it
unless you mean it." We chuckled and that was all we said about it.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd ask my father if he was afraid of death and if so, why?
I'd also ask him if he had any regrets of the course of his life.
I'd also ask him why he always thought I was his younger sister
in the last year or so of his life. Just demetia, or did I remind
him of her or what.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
About 15 years ago, I had a friend commit suicide. She had had
a history of depression and she hated being overweight. We were
supposed to go out in a group for drinks/dinner in the evening
of the day that she killed herself. I called her several times
during the day attempting to firm up the time that night when I
finally got an answer from a strange man who answered the phone
at her apartment (police). Her mother had her cremated and held
a memorial a couple of days after her death. No body, no ashes,
no real evidence that she was really dead. The whole thing seemed
unreal and some of her other friends and I actually mused that maybe
she was really just taking a long vacation at a weight loss clinic.
After about a week of serious grieving, I had a dream. My friend
visited me and we both acknowledged that she was dead in the dream.
She explained that she was OK and in fact, for the first time in
years, much happier. We said our goodbyes and she left.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Even though my mother and father had completed a "living will" they
had NOT completed a detailed advance directive. As the child with
the Durable Power of Attorney and Medical Decisions, I found it a
little difficult to separate what I would have wanted from what I
thought my dad would have wanted. Hopefully, I made the appropriate
decisions and obviously it helps that my father trusted me to be able
to do so. This experience has underlined the necessity to have a
very specific and detailed advance directive available to my partner.
I'll be taking care of this paperwork within the next 2-3 months.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I'd want people to remember me as being kind, unselfish, honest.
But most of all, I'd want them to remember me as being humorous
and fun. I want them to have a bunch of stories to tell about some
of the stupidest or funniest things they've seen me say or do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Feb 3 10:02:30 2004
F19 in Mooresboro, North Carolina =United States=
Name: Alaina Humphries
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
this is for extra credit
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: cashier/part-time student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 74.
--Details:
I was somewhat close to him but really didn't get t know him like
I wanted
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a person existance on the earth, but a new beginning in
heaven....if you are saved
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't cry
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
no one but my mom and grandmother cried
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is no coming back after your gone. (i.e. recarnation, we are
all gods etc.)
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
avoiding what happened
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that they will never come back and that when your dead you
will be forgotten
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
sing to them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the nurses kept drugging him to keep him alive when he had a
DNR order.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was to either laugh or have a complete nervous breakdown
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to get to know my grandfather better. To really get to know him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the funeral they played taps (army burial song)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see in a movie about someone dying
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we will be forgotten when we die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
yell, scream, rant and rave
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
its not true
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they never actually do anything except take the money and laugh.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they are worthless and have no idea what the hell they are doing.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that one day we'll be together in heaven
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding MONEY:
just what it takes to make the funeral "nice"
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
that so much was left to do with this person
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that they were happy
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
that I want my organs to be donated so that others can live
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it every day, I can't escape it. If I were to die
soon I would more than likely be angry.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
not anything special just that I want to be remembered.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
just got to work throught the pain
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
never think about what happened a.k.a denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
still just another way to think about death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think that this questionnaire pretty much covers everything and
then some.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 2 18:06:45 2004
F19 in Plainview, Texas =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
i have to do a report about this survey for myDeveliomental
Psychology course.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: work accident; Aged: 35.
--Details:
he was crushed by the crane of a diesel oil rig, while repairing
the motor on the rig, when the crane fell and crushed his rib and
suffocated him instantly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of this life as we know it. The moving on to a better
place and leaving of this shell of flesh behind. The moving on to
a heavenly peace.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wanted to die too, so that I could be with this person. I was
unsure of what to think and in denial that it really happened,
until after the veiwing at the funeral home.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father was killed in a work-related accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The love and care that my friends and family poured out onto myself,
my siblings, and my mom.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is not the end of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my family came closer together to help heal and they helped
us through the worst time of our lives.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family support.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
was the harsh reality that my dad wasn't coming home that night.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
use this set back to push farther than I thought possible with my
life goals and accomplishments.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why he couldn't just come home to me and make
Mama quit crying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was pent up emotion looking for a way out.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye one more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get throught it all with my family's help.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my cousin pulled me into a seperate room than everyone else and
started playing games with me to try and cheer me up.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
his aniversery or birthday comes around, i just want to cry.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be a totally different person, living in a totally different
town, with a totally different personality, and a totally different
value on life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that this is happening to me and not some bad person out there.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just escape this reality for even just 10 minutes.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't believe them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they couldn'f do anything for him. He died instantly, before the
medical community could get to the scene.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that one day I will see my dad again in Heaven.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist!
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't make any differences.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the huge amount of people there, and all the flowers, and putting
one last kiss on his cheek on the way out the door as I placed my
flower in his hands before they closed the lid on the casket.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issues with my dad, but if I did the
only way to reslove them would be to wait til I got to Heaven to
talk them over with him. But at that point the only thing I will
want to do is praise the Lord, so these unresolved issues would be
dropped for all eternity.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe when I die it will be the best thing that has ever happened
to me. As I will be going to a better place than I can ever imagine
while still here on this earth.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't even want to think about it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to him in hard times and times of confusion.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My mom and I have become very close in the past years, due to the
loss we both indured.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my family's outstretched and waiting arms for a
great physical and emotional hug.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 2 13:32:59 2004
M21 in Andrews, Tx =USA=
Name: Alan Yarbrough
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Teacher ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Student, Musician
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Many people
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumors; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when our spirits leave our mortal bodies. As a Christian,
death is not at all scary or something to be fearful of. Christians
just get to go home and see their Father.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When first experiencing death i was young nad did not understand,
but now as an adult i truly find a peace with death.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience with the loss of a relative was my grandpa,
at the age of 6. As a child i would always go over and stay with
my grandparents, so we had a good realtionship. I think that, as a
child, i did not understand the severity of his death. I was sad
but i think that if it would have happened later in life i would
have been more affected.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Death has always been a part of my life. I have had to sing and help
at many funerals. As a young child i do not think that i understood
what was happening, but now as an adult i find a peace in death.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Our culture needs to learn to master their communication with
themselves. We need to learn to stop communicating the absolute
worst about every situation.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the love of family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the actual thought of not seeing that person again, but there
was a comfort knowing that they did not hvae to deal with this
world anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
spend quality time with that person, Never let the day to day
activities rob you from having some great time with this person
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Master your internal communication
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
do it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know my grandfather more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
learn from the death with my family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
hugs
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
mourning for extended amounts of time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
what i could have learned form them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
life should be lived in the present
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I guess God has called them home
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thanks
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a support system
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when a person looses a passion and a purpose, then their body will
begin to shut down
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
when dealing with death i just go to the Word of God
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would want people to be touched by the life i led, and to be happy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would go out and finish what God has called me to do, and run the
race to the fullest. I would refuse to jsut sit back and take it,
I would go out with a bang.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would talk about leaving a legacy. I was a man that lived each
day with passion, and enthusiasm. He was a man of character and
integrity. He would not want us to sit here today mourning and sad,
he would want us out on the streets celebrating that God has called
home His son. He wants today to be a joyful celebration of life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
Those comments seem to be was is helpful when dealing with death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I felt that this questionnaire was too long, but useful to a person
trying to deal with a death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
on the more morbed questions you might word them less abrasive. ask
them in a more compassionate way that caters to the individual
recieving the questions. this will give you a more truthful response
and more accurate research.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 2 13:26:27 2004
F19 in Plainview, Texas =USA=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: pneumonia; Aged: 2 weeks.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing on of your spirit either to Heaven or Hell (in reference
to humans) and the disappearing of life in the body (also applicable
to animals
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried my eyes out and felt guilty and helpless that I couldn't do
anything to stop it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the encouragement of my family
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the truth of afterlife
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it was not a family member close to me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen and let the get it all out. tell them the positive
things when they're ready to listen.
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I'm thankful it was not my family
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to think about the suffering
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold it more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend the last moments with her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it knew my voice
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
surveys continue to ask personal, painful questions
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to struggle so much
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget it
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried hysterically
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
For anyone with God as their hope, death has a happy ending.
And not only a happy ending, the process is easier. The Bible
says that we can cry and mourn with hope of a wonderful ending.
People who do not have the hope that God the Father offers....I
don't know how they live after the death.
--Religious Affiliation:
A Christian family
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
see above answer
--Regarding MONEY:
it caused more problems
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
private funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking about what went through the mind of the person dying
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
preparation
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
none
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes. I would live life even fuller than I do now. I would try to
show the joy of God in the situation and spend every moment with
the people that I love the most. I'm not scared to be dead, just
a little afraid of HOW I might die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to remember me as caring, fun-loving, always
kind and interested in others. She always showed the love of Christ
in her speech and her actions and she always had and encouraging,
uplifting thing to say to everyone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
take deep breaths and think happy thoughts
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my mother began to understand me more. our relationship deepened
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just to pray for them and be a comfort to them
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think that the questions got a little extreme and was too long.
As you can see, the questionerre did not really apply to me.
Thank the Lord, I have not had to experience an extreme death.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Feb 2 08:44:50 2004
M41 in San Antonio, Tx =U.S.=
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Morturary science student
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
urgent whispers: care of dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Jerral Sapienza
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Kidney Infection; Aged: 24.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Final.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
realized how much we need to treat every one with dignity and
respect.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Love and caring.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to continue to treat people good.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It brings you to a level of appreciation of what people have done
in the past.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Prayers to GOD.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That these family members and people that were living and breathing
at one time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Caring and dignity
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cared for him during his final days.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Financial reg. payment of funeral services
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was good, it relieved stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Change some of the things that I may have said or done.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To pray about my situation.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The family member in the casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The unspoken words of the deceased.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I liten to music that we bothuse to listen to while at work and
at play.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
what if he were alive today.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my brother died so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Why?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Questions regarding life saving procedures.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
That it takes a very special person to work there.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A way to reach a higher source.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That all life comes from GOD and we must respect all religions
and cultures.
--Regarding MONEY:
Toward the funeral costs.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The various reactions of people at the wake and / or funeral
services.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Saying " Good Bye "
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
health deterioration.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
To face it as best you can and to know that you are not alone.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do believe that My brother is in a place of eternal bliss.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I do know that I have been through some near death experiences and
that GOD has pulled me out of them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Yes, issues were all resolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
No.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
No, I have never experience that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Treating all people good.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If that were to happen, I would want people to remember the good
that I have been doing.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I am the servant, and just GOD's humble servant.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My main coping ritual was to be prayerful and surround myself with
caring people.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Prayer to GOD
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, it depends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Tell them to talk about it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it has made me very reflective.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
See Jan 04 contributions.
See Dec 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
