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See Current contributions.
See Dec 03 contributions.
See Nov 03 contributions.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^]x
Sat Jan 31 23:00:20 2004
M24 in plainview, tx =usa=
Name: raymond
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: admission clerk/ nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (impending), Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide attempt
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--Death Is:
The end of all that is known, and The easy answer to all of my
problems
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
tried to kill myself
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness, and depression as well as a sense of relief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
When I tried to kill myself I had no friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Fri Jan 30 13:20:54 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, Years ago.
Cause of Death: greyhound bus; Aged: .
--Details:
dont want to talk about this any more
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and didn't stop for days
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Jan 29 00:56:02 2004
M25 in Hesperia, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
List given by teacher to do a term project in Human Development
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heartattacks; Aged: 64.
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--Death Is:
no longer exsisting, being gone and never coming back and the end
of everything about you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad and scared. Sad because he was dead and because I
never really knew him. And scared because I fear death more than
anything else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how hard it was on my mother.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to find out about my grandfather by talking with my mom.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with my mother and conforting her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no knowing my grandfather better.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Being there for a dying person is comforting for the person because
they know that they are not alone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend sometime with my grandfather so that I could have known him
and he could have known me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
grive and get over his death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how he died.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think that anything different would have happend.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
mixed emotions.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing I was not attending church at that time or since then.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was raised in the Mormon Church but I have not been since I was
14 years old.
--Regarding MONEY:
money did not play a role with us even though my grandfather did
have money it was never expected it would be left to anyone but
my grandmother.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
we had no funeral he wanted to be cremated.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
the only unresolved issue I have is not knowing him. The only one
who has and can continue to help me with this is my mother.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think I would like to know I was dying soon. Death is the
thing that I fear most.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Keeping busy, this helped me because I was able to keep my mind
off it, when time were really hard to bare.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I helped my mother by listening to her and comforting her.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
No, everything that I said I openly say.
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Wed Jan 28 15:42:51 2004
F20 in Silverton , TX =USA=
Name: Tessa
Email: <jesuschick02-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
in our college psyc class we were required to fill out the studides
for a grade
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Prof/Studies: Pre Med
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
God and his apostles
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 41.
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--Death Is:
Something that you will never understand as long as you are on this
earth, however most of the time it is not for us to understand. Death
is something that happens to every one and although you will never
forget about it, you can always, whether you want to or not, learn,
cope, and accept it, in one form or another. It is something that
hits your soul and can break the very person that you are, have
become or ever will be, if you let it. In the same token it can also
make the very person that you are, have become or ever will be. Death
is bruttle but inevitable. It is how the living move on and become
something that would make those that we miss the most proud.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
hated my self for not being their for my mother or her sister. It
hurt like nothing had ever hurt before. It cut so deep that I felt
I would never recover and become a whole person again. So I quickly
devoted my time to other things, and soon the cut went away and left
a bruse, and after that, the bruse heald and I was just left with a
scar. Now that the scar is fadeing I feel like I am just about at the
end of it, and although I miss them terribly I know that they would
want all of us to "buck up" and move on with what we were doing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain, the nonunderstandings, and the questions. I remember the
sleepless nights and all of the early morning cries. I remember
the tempers when there was nothing left to do but think about him,
and all of the "if I's" and "maybees." I remember how we felt that
it would never be the same again, and the reacurrent question "how
will we move on?" But of all of this, the thing that I remember
the most is the light at the end of the tunnle, when you can often
think about something funny that he did and not fall apart. Or
think about when you got mad at him and not feel the guilt. Thats
when I remember being able to take in a breath and not feel like
he deserved it more that we did, but finnaly being able to move on
with out feeling like we wouldn't, couldn't or shouldn't.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not the end. That when you loose that one person or
persons that you thought you could never live with out, you dont
have to stop living. That it is a choice. It can beat the crap out
of you, but you can and will make it if you choose.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that we made it. His death was real, and those thoughts that "it
would never happen to us" vannished. Through all of the crying,
anger, doughts, and questions, at the end we made it. That taught
our family that if we can make it thru that we can make it thru any
thing. It gave us toughness, a toughness that you will never find any
where, a toughness that is so real it climes up your soul and down
your heart to the very being that you are. You learn to cope and not
question, to accepet and not blame and to conqer it for all its worth
and not be beaten down. This was the light at the end of the tunnle.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God. He taught me not to worry or stress, and he gave my mother a
strength that I will never be able to measure up to . He showed us
love, he showed that he was not doing it to be mean or to punnish
us , but he just did it because of his own reasons. Reasons that we
will never understand untill we can talk to him face to face. But
the most significant lesson was that he showed understanding, he
lost a loved one too, he made it and he came out on top, he led by
example . That is the most eye oppening expirence ever!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the anger that I felt. The pain that hits you in every part of
who you are. Death brings emotions to you and your family that
you never knew. These emotions cling to one another like glue. The
denial led to crying, the moarning led to bitterness the bitterness
led to anger the anger led to more crying and then to guilt,
and some where in the mess that you are expirencing, finaly to
acceptance, and moving on. But that pain, the pain that you could
bear physically any day of the week, if they could just come back
for one brief moment. One moment so you could hug them , and say
"I love you", or just something. That begging as a child, something
that you didnt know was impossible, that prayer of one more moment,
just one God please. But then you get older and when you pray for
them you pray for peace, and it comes, and that peace , the feeling
like you know they will be ok, that peace is worth a thousand words.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make them laugh, smile, or be happy. Take the time to read a book
to them, or bring old pictures to show them the "good times." Most
of all pray for and with them. Pray that you and them recieves peace
of mind and heart. Read to them the promises of God, that what they
are expireincing here is important, but to be able to walk with
the savior is the ultimate goal. Let them know that they matter,
they are important, and loved.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that peoples lives here are temporary. We are God's
children. No matter how mad or upset or even jealous that we may get
because they are there instead of here, we always must remember ,
God loaned them to us, they are his and so are we. So while it may
hurt now, we will see them again, as happy as they were on this
earth and even more so.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They told me he had been shot. I wanted to know why God allowed
this to happen, WHY? but it was not for me to understand. And death
isnt for us to understand, we will try untill there is nothing
left to try with. We as humans will wear it out trying to answer
the unanerable. But to find acceptance , true acceptance to aboid
being angry and bitter the rest of our live we must devote our
time not to find all the ansers , but to remember occasionaly and
eventually move on.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
dont belive you, you can take that information and do something else
with it, but dont come at me with that. I did not want to hear it
at all. Then when it sunk in , I fell to the floor, I couldnt speak,
breath, or swallow. There was nothing , I was numb.
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How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I am a christain and God and my mother helped me through it .
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
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Tue Jan 27 09:14:57 2004
F20 in Plainview, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psychology project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 29.
--Details:
Another significant death in my life was that of a friend. She died
4 years ago in a ski accident at the age of 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of life here on earth. It is the moment at which our
earthly bodies cease to exist.
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle, whom I didn't know very well, died about two weeks before
my twelfth birthday. My mother, who was very close to her younger
brother, took it pretty hard. We were all very shocked, because we
had no idea he was suffering from AIDS. When we found out, we all
flew out to his place and held a memorial service for him. It was
a very small ceremony, but beautiful just the same, and allowed for
everyone to finally say goodbye and recieve some closure about the
whole thing.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much sorrow it brought to my family./ the shock of how unexpected
it was and how unprepared we all were.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is only the beginning. It is a link between the past,
present, and future.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that we were able to come together as a family and support
eachother./ that we as a youth group as well as friends were able
to come together and provide peace and comfort to her family.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family./ my friends.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
talking to them, and listening in return. That doesn't necessarily
mean verbal communication, but all forms of nonverbal communication
as well.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
we learned of the death. You see his girlfriend tried to keep
it a secret from his family, so through the entire ordeal of
him dealing with AIDS, we had no idea./ I was told of her death.
It was so sudden and unexpected that I didn't quite understand what
my friend was teling me over the phone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to both people before they went.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they were sooo young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a gathering of people to worship together as well as build each
other up spiritually.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I was a child, around 6 or so, I did not know how to swim
without the aid of a life jacket. My friends and I would go swimming
every once in a while and I would always wear my life jacket and
have a good time. One time we went and were having a grand old
time when the pool announced that it was time to close. We all got
out and I took off my life jacket and we started for the showers.
But I wanted one last dip in the pool. I crept back to the edge and
slipped into the water. The water went way up over my head and I
realized that I couldn't breathe or even think straight. I began
feeling around but could not find the wall of the pool. I began
to panic, by now I had been under water for well over a minute.
Suddenly a peace fell over me and a warm presence was before me.
I heard a voice tell me to reach up. As I did I found the edge of
the pool and was able to pull myself up. I coughed and sputtered
for a little bit then looked around. Noone was there. I quckly
ran to join my friends in the shower but told them nothing of my
experience or supernatural visitor.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew when I was going to die, I would live accordingly.
Meaning if I knew I was going to die very soon, I would quit school
and spend more time with my family and friends doing things that
I've always wanted to do.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Funeral and Rituals
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
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Tue Jan 27 08:41:02 2004
F42 in Brookfield , CT =USA=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
A final gift.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80.
--Details:
Once the follow up scan reports determined that the cancer had spread
vastly, and my father was given the news, he died within 3 days.
A blessing.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a permanent,physical separation from one another. The result of
which is unknown.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in 5th grde. My grandmother, who lived in another state and we
visited a few times a year, died. It was mysterious and frightening
to me, but those feelings were stronger than a sense of loss.
she was not a favorite, like my live in grandfather was. I guess
I never really knew her well. There was nothing specifically bad
about her. -
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Need to be there. Wanting to help my father through this experience.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To respect the wishes of the dying. Engage in discussions that don't
revolve around hospitals, emergency rooms and endless treatments
that diminish the quality of life. Obviously, if there is a chance
of extending life that would result in quality, do anything and
everything that the patient requests. Final decision is patient's
and family must support that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The courage of my father. The comfort from the hospice nurses,
only there 3 days, yet a powerful connection. The love my dad and
I shared, often without specific references to death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being with my father. Talking about it with friends and my
therapist.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing the unique bond that my dad and I shared. Als9 the physical
changes he endured the last month of his life, the fear we felt on
some occasions.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Stay with them throughout the night. My dad couldn't sleep and we
shared special times together in the middle of those long nights.
The fear would be overwhelming for each of us if we were alone.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to participate in his care in ways I never thought I could.
Chemo. Bathing. Bathroom. Delivering the final news to him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The discovery of a large mass in his throat and wondering how the
doctor might have missed it or thinking something that awful could
occur so quickly.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Humor was what my father gave to me, what he naturally exuded.
Laughter was always a part of his illness and the moments we all
were able to laugh, were never questioned.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Had I known he was so close to death, I wouldn't have taken my
mother to the hairdresser. In that hour, he went from coherent
conciousness to in and out awareness.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Remain at his side for the entire time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my family gathers and the natural warmth just isn't there
without him. I think about missed opportunities in his life.
Unrealized potentials. How he settled for things.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
never had such feelings.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
can't think of anything.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be sure my emotions aren't leaving me. Scared I don't think about
him enough, or that somehow, my life seems to be going on without
feeling more lost.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Wasn't like that. His death was a relief to all. The actual event
could have been quite horrific, but thankfully he passed without
anything like that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
appreciation for the patience of some. Disdain for those who treat
the elderly or the sick like children, using sing-song voices etc.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The only thing that kept me together once the magnitude of the cancer
was explained. The anxiety of what could physically happen was more
than I could have dealt with alone. Their presence comforted us all.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Our church was extremely supportive throughout my father's
illness. My mother gained the most from this. When I was more
active I could appreciate the support without guilt. My father was
fairly uncomfortable with organized religion but felt warmth toward
the ministers who visited.
--Religious Affiliation:
Congregational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Not something I've really thought about. Generally think in terms
of family and friends.
--Regarding MONEY:
My parents saved oney throughout their lives. Money itself wasn't
a major factor in decision making ( ie whatever the cost of
treatment, whether covered by medicare or not, it would be done. )
The fact that hospice care was free was so comforting for us and
to think about others who are less fortunate. Dealing with bills
and insurance companies are the last things one wants to be doing
at this time.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We had no funeral. Dad was cremated and in the Spring the immediated
family will gather to scatter his ashes. Nothing formal at all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Breathing changes. Fingernail discoloration.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
My relief was the strongest, most lasting emotion I felt. Having
someone ( for me, a therapist especially ) reassure me that my
"distancing" of the emotions was common. Though I still wrestle
with that one.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My father didn't seem to have any such experiences. My best
friend's mother, like a mother to me as well, did experience visits.
Religion played an enormous role in her life.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My dad's illness was quite extended. At first we thought death would
be in 3 months. Happily he survived 9 years. Throughout that time,
he and I managed to convey our feelings quite well. Never had any
unresolved issues anyway. I just needed to tell him how much I loved
him.. Wanted him to know that, know that, know that! And he did.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would only want to know that my father was at peace and reunited
with loved ones, including pets.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I need a will drawn up! Want to die with dignity, preferably at
home, or some hospice type setting, with loved ones around me.
No life support if the prognosis is dire.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I believe I would be terrified and anxious. It would be nice
to rise above that, as my father did, but I question my ability.
I just want people to remember me with love and a smile.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Lifelong lover of animals, especially cats. Newly acquainted with
the powerful love of a dog! Good sense of humor. Compassionate,
particularly towards the elderly. Loved her nephews with all of
her heart, so proud of them. Grateful for the powerful friendships
she shared with a few. Appreciated her husband's sense of adventure.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
nothing to report.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It satisfied my need to learn more about death and dying.
The
answers didn't reveal anything new to me. Had thought about most
of it before.
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Mon Jan 26 10:02:55 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
going on with life
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Sat Jan 24 17:01:29 2004
F19 in San Antonio , Texas =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Funeral Attendant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the heart, which is the contorl unit of the body is no longer
works the body is useless. When the body is no longer useful we bury
the body in the ground, and living begin to morun for the loss of
that person that they knew
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was too young to Understand, i thought that the person was asleep,
like we were going to see them later
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much the death affected my father
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we can not stop living our lives just because someone has
died. I understand that we are going to be a little sad for a little
while but then after that we can't hold ourselves up. Its okay to
remeber but not to drag it on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
N/A
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family which was around me that helped me understand the death and
how that person dying wasn't such a bad thing after all.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that the person was never going to come back to me ... that we
never got that last good bye just between me and that person.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make them happy while they are still alive, you don't want some
one to die with the last feeling that they had was saddness.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to over come such atramatic experience. And live life the
same as it was before. even though i never forgot about that person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everyone was able to move on so much more quicker than me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was all the mixed emotions releasing themselves.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was able to cry in front of everyone about the death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The Small talk between everyone.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I find something that i can Physically touch ( a belonging for ex)
of theres
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd be sad all the time, there really wouldn't be a reality i would
just sit in my own little world all day. I would probably just be
at home all the time, sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That they took him away for me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not care, Forget about it forever, not remeber
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i didn't believe it, it never really hits you until the funeral at
the Cemetery. ANd that is when it hit me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They try there best and thats all that they can do. We can't blame
them for anything that goes wrong, when we take a person to the
doctors, or the er its because something is already wrong with that
person and it isn't the doctors fault.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That the services were going to be very long
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
LIke it is true. Every one understands to some extent how the other
people feel, everyone knows what it is to lose someone.
--Regarding MONEY:
We never knew how much it cost to bury some one. everything was o
expensive, it was a Pocket pincher.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How at that moment the whole family no matter who it was were
getting along so good.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How everything came back to normal.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just moped around, i didn;t feel there was anything else that i
could do.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
They didn't tell me that they saw anything, but my grand mother
was a real religous woman, i guess she might have seen something,
and just not said anything, but you never no.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I worry about woho is going to get footed with bill when i
die. this has made me want to get a pre arranged funeral contract,
you know you pay for your funeral in installments while you are
still alive... This way when i am a lot older everything will be
okay and taken care of....
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
well its just the typical i wish that i wouldn't have been a
jerk stuff
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You should pay great attention to your will.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Everyday i would devote 20-30 minutes just to thinking of how happy
that other person made me feel... And after while i didn;t need
that time anymore... I just felt bettter.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Tiffany Age 79 Left us during her sleep. She was survied by her
husband, 3 children, 9 grand children, and numerous friends.She
will be greatly missed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Well I've decided that i didn't want to be a jerk to people any
more, so that has let me make alot more friends than i had before. I
don't know if that counts.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I would have said sorry. And that i Loved them.,
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My brother was in a worlk related accident at work and he got burnt,
almost died. He was real close, he said that he saw a light but he
heard some say that it wasn;t his time .. so he didn't go towards
the light... It might have been the truth or all the morphine that
he had to be taking... i don't know if that counts...
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think more about the funeral aspect, and who was going
to be hurt when i died.
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Sat Jan 24 15:05:42 2004
F18 in Plainview , Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: emphazema; Aged: 92.
--Details:
Since I was a child I have always been a "Daddy's Girl." I watched
my father idolize his grandfather so I did the same. There is still
nothing I would enjoy more than to sit in my great grandfather's
lap and listen to the amazingly truthful and funny stories he would
tell. He is the reason that our family has the faith that we have
and he, being the founder of our faith, left an enormous void in
my life and my father's especially. Everyday I wish I could have
spent more time with him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the only way we know but the beginning of something much
greater than we can imagine.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand what had happened or why it happened and
consequently wasn't really affected by it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great grandmother died when I was in the 5th grade on a family
vacation. It was the first and last vacation that we took where
all the grandparents, parents, grandkids, cousins, aunts and uncles
went. We had only been there 4 days out of the 10 we meant to spend
when the aweful call came. We left at 7:00am the next morning and
drove 13 hours to where her funeral would be held. I wasn't very
close to her but my mother and definately my grandmother were
devistated for quite awhile afterwards.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when it finally hit me that Grandaddy wouldn't be here anymore and
that life continued on without him. It was almost unbearable.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is not an end. God has just sent us here so He has time to
make Heaven greater for us!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I at least got to spend a little bit of time with him before
he died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being so young and so busy. I couldn't cry if I had class to go to.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the empty chair at family dinners and the missing name on the
birthday cards.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
people that died want to be missed but when they are talked about
they want people to remember all the fun stuff they did. Laughing
is just fine to do.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let him know that I wasn't just another kid that he told his stories
to, that they really did mean a lot to me and set a foundation that
will guide me through the rest of my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my name was mentioned in the ceremony and the paper as one of his
survivors. That was when I actually realized that there was and
would always be a concrete connection between us.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the flowers. I just had to throw them away in a week.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear the song "My Daddy's Hands" My Granddaddy had amazingly huge
and strong hands. They were well worn from decades of farming but
they were always soft as a teddy bear when he hugged my cheeks.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
the best upstanding man I have ever met, suffered for many years
while rotten hearted people live longer and die easier than he did.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they try to help but they have almost become hardned by death and
aren't affected by it anymore.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to Church and Sunday School every Sunday and attending youth
events. I was raised and am still involved in Church.
--Religious Affiliation:
United Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
wierd. As soon as the person dies, his spirit goes to either Heaven
or Hell for all eternity.
--Regarding MONEY:
I don't know. I was young and the money wasn't really an issue,
I don't think.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There wasn't a soul there that could say one bad thing about my
great grandfather. He was loved by everyone.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
there wasn't really.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Taking advantage of every visit as if it were the last. Take rolls
and rolls of pictures at times like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Those
pictures are what get you through it all.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
acceptance was the hardest to overcome.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
if he saw anyone, it was Jesus holding open the gates of Heaven
saying,"Well done my good and faithful servant."
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I know he loved me and he always knew that I loved him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't want to see him again or talk to him. I know he watches
everything I do and is proud of me for what I have accomplished. We
will have all eternity to chit chat.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Family is always most important.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not scared of dieing. But sometimes I do scare myself by doing
things that endanger my life. My time has already been set. My job
is to live my life to the fullest everyday.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
The young-at-heart couple, Mr. and Mrs. _____ (whatever my married
name is) died in their sleep lastnight. They own and run Up and At
'Em, a prominant rehabilitation clinc here in town. They had just
returned from a 6 weeks long European vacation last weekend. They
are survived by their 3 sons an daughter-in-laws ____, ____, ____;
6 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I just sat in my room alone and cried myself to sleep too many
nights to count. And then the night I fell asleep with out crying,
I knew I was going to be ok.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Books & Films
There are certain books, movies or songs that bring back all the
sorrow I felt on the day that very important people died.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had to be strong for the rest of my family, most importantly
my sisters.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
A lot of the questions are pretty long. Try to cut to the chase a
little bit better.
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Sat Jan 24 01:37:28 2004
F29 in =Australia=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
www.grief.org.au
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS; Aged: 30.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 10 years old
--That first time, how it happened was
My ex boyfrien, AIDS
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I was no where to be seen in his life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The fact I've beenlied to by a so calld friend who told he died
before, this time I have no way of knowing if it's true.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wicca
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
nearly half of the above list
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Fri Jan 23 20:38:53 2004
F19 in San Antonio, Texas =Usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
this was a class project
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Prof/Studies: Funeral Attendant
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More personal info:
i had to do this for a class assignment but i really enjoyed doing it
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 13.
--Details:
He was real sick and ther was nothing that any one could do for
him any more and then he just died
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the human body runs out of energy and can no longer function
on its own, then it is dead. Technically when the heart stop beating
that is when the human is dead.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Couldn't understan, i thought htat the person was asleep. Like we
were going to see them later or something.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much the death affected my father i had never seen him hurt
that much
--What I think my (Usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That we can not sit around and stop our lives because some one has
dies, its okay to remember but not to drag it on forever.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
N/A
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family which was around me that helped understand that the death
wasn't such a bad thing.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that the person was never going to come back tha we were going to
have to leave her in the ground( buried)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make them remeber all the good things, Make the persom happy before
they die.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Was able to over come such a tramatic experience and live my life
the same as before but i never forgot about that person
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everyone was able to move on so much more faster than i was able to
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was all the mixed emotions releasing them selves.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Not to be as big of a jerk to that person but that is a real
typical answer.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Move on.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was a bke to cry in front of everyone about the death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The Small talk between everyone.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I find something that i can physically touch ( a belonging)
of theres.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd be sad all the time there would be no reality, I'd just be
sitting at the house, sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That they took him away from me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not care, forget about it forever, not remeber
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I din;t believe it it never really hits you until the Funeral
the cemetery. And thats when it hit me
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They try there best and that is all that they can do, and nothing
that happens can really be b;lamed on them, we know that when they
do something there is always going to be a risk involved. They do
there best and that is all that they can do.,
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
That the services were going to be longer
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like it is true, Every one understands to some extent How the other
people feel.
--Regarding MONEY:
We never realized how much it cost to bury some one. It was a
pocket Pincher.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How at the moment the whole family no matter who it was were getting
a long.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How every think came to be back to normal.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
N/A
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I just moped around, I didn't feel there was anything else i
could do.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
The didn't tell me that they saw anything, but she was really
into god and heaven so i bet she did see something she just never
said anything
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When my brother was real sick he said that he saw a light. But he
stayed he heard some one say it wasn't his tiem.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Well its just the typicla I wish that i wasn't such a big juerk to
that person.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have said sorry And thar i loved them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
N/A
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Your will should be very carefully taken care of.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I worry about wois going to be footed with the bill. I am going to
set up my owm pre paid funeral , and i hope that when i am older
that no one is hurt by my death, i hope i die when i am very old.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Tiffany age 79 left us during her sleep. she leaves a husband,
3 children, and 9 greand children. And numerous friends.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Every day I would Devote 20-30 minutes just thinking of how happy
that other person made me feel. And After a while it just got better,
and then everything was okay.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/A
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Well i've decided that i didn't want to be as mean of a person
anymore, I just didn;t want to be a jerk. and since i have done
this change i have notice that many people have been nicer to me
and i have made mayn more friends, i don'tt know if that counts.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think more about the funeral aspect, and how death hurts
the living then the dying....
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Fri Jan 23 07:55:18 2004
F38 in Bramtpon, Ontario =Canada=
Name: Ann
Email: <annfurtado-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
MSN search, on I miss my friend (I think)
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Prof/Studies: Information Analyst
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 38.
--Details:
Very sad loss. We were friends since 10. He was devestated by the
loss of his family through separation, and the denial of his ex to
allow him to be the large part of his children's lives that he was.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we stop breathing, forever. Our physical being is gone, but
the spirit lives on forever and adds to the knowledge and love in
the world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quite young so it didn't really affect me. I knew my grandfather
was gone, and it was the first time I saw my father cry - that was
odd, but not something I understood until I got older and realized
how sad losing a loved one can make you.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience was my grandfather, but he was ill and I accepted
that he was gone. I was 7 so I don't think it hit me what this was.
First significant experience was my friend that was hit by a car,
aged 13. It was a horrible experience because it was so sudden,
unexpected and sad.
I couldn't believe she was gone. We had
spent the summer together, good friends. I think it bothered me,
all of the people that took the day off school to go to her funeral,
which I didn't attend - couldn't face it. None of these people
"knew" her, she was shy. It didn't bring me comfort to know how
many people attended, because I didn't feel it was a sincere emotion.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wishing it was not true. I was shocked and in total disbelief.
I had talked to him the day he died, and had being trying to contact
him since. I remember I wished I was pregnant so that I would have
had something to hold onto of his. It wasn't possible, we weren't
intimate, but that was my wish first and foremost.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we can't control it. Sickness, pain, circumstance - we need
to understand that death is a natural part of life, and even if
it is unexpected or tragic circumstance, we have to accept that
it is part of our being here. We don't live forever, and need to
appreciate the time we do have with each other, and be considerate
of those in our lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I had him, for whatever time, in my life. I know the
circumstance of his death has changed the way I will deal with
people forever. One cannot only consider themselves in what they
want (kids, money), they need to consider their partner that shared
in those children's lives. I will always remember how heartbroken
he was and due to the actions of someone he loved.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking about it. I poured out my emotions to friends and
co-workers, and received a lot of support from them. I was on a
business trip so I couldn't be alone for 4 days like I wanted to.
I felt better following a weekend in bed, crying and remembering
and sleeping.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My loss of a very dear friend. OUR loss of a decent, loving,
devoted and caring individual. The senselessness of it all.
What he wanted was so little. The heartlessness of others to
recognize the suffering their actions caused.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't leave them alone. Suicidal people need care and attention
and medical help. Don't believe they are better because they tell
you they are better. Look for signs and seek help for yourself,
if not for them.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am thankful to have known him. I am thankful to have had this
experience with separation through him, to be more considerate in
my actions on others. I am thankful to remember him as a wonderful
human being, and to cherish our special moments together. Life is
short, make it memorable.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I thought he was doing better. We had a great conversation about
comedians and laughed for two hours back and forth. I saw this as
a sign he was moving on, forgetting all his troubles. I was very
encouraged that he was going to be fine. I should have not wanted
it so much, and ASKED how he was feeling, truly. I just wanted to
believe he could cope like I cope and that wasn't him.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is good. I didn't laugh. There was nothing to laugh about
that I found, and I'm an extremely happy person. I lost my reason
I giggled and smiled so much.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him. Convince him that he needed people around
that cared about him, not to be alone. He wasn't alone in this,
and had great support from family and friends, he just shouldn't
have been alone. He needed medical care.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the times he needed me. Talk for ten hours on the
phone, show him emotionally and physically that I truly cared
for him.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
sending flowers. I didn't. I know they are a sign of respect
and love, but they didn't seem enough. I would rather put my arms
around the family and my loved one and show them how much I cared
and comfort them knowing how very much he was loved.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of what might have been. I know we had such a strong bond,
and wished for a future when he was ready to think about one.
My loss saddens me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Yes, I often think of what could have been. How I could have
changed this outcome, that is guilt. I don't think I could have
done more except to push him to get more help than I could provide.
I miss him, wishing and dreaming isn't going to make me better in
dealing with this, it will only keep me sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to do this. That he won't be there for his children.
That his ex gets to benefit from his death in every way.
That she showed so little respect for him while he was alive,
and even through his death. She threw out all of his things a
week following his death. She asked no one if they wanted them,
I would have kept them all.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be alone. I am not suicidal, not depressed, just sad and need to
think about what happened. I need to understand that it is a loss
to us all, and that I need to focus on my future...but I want to
grieve and be sad when the feeling overtakes me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought it wasn't true. I swore. I couldn't accept it and
asked WHY? It was awful, it was on the phone. I didn't cry,
for near an hour, my body shut down in disbelief.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt. He was under the care of his doctor. He had an
evaluation. Everyone said he was fine. I guess he was good at
saying the right things to get out of needing further care, but he
so needed it.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good. That they will go on, that they are still here, watching
and helping to guide us in life. That they will be there, in our
hearts and minds and in our dreams to keep them alive within.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was a motivation for the ex not to cooperate in letting him
see his kids more. Money is a terrible motivation for anything.
His life was worth a lot more.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't attend, couldn't. I was away on business, and emotionally
couldn't fly back to face it. I am sad that I didn't go, but out
of respect for his children I think it was best.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
He was sad, again. He said that he couldn't get over these feelings,
and it was true. He had also become more reserved in the two weeks
prior to his death. He was alone more and talked less.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The only unresolved issue would be making love. I don't think
anyone can help me with that. It wasn't meant to be.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, I dreamt of him a couple of nights after his death. I was
having dinner with his parents and laughing (I haven't met them).
There was white wine poured in glasses on the table, and a red
tablecloth. I looked to my left, and my friend was sitting beside
me, smiling. I took great comfort in knowing I dreamt of him.
I have also had visions of him in my hotel room, standing beside
my bed, more than once. I know I wasn't dreaming, I was in bed,
but I also know he was there.
And the day I found out he died,
all day I had the feeling someone was holding my arm. A warm
spot above my elbow, as though a hand gripped on to comfort me.
None of this scared me, I welcome it all. Just to know he is here
is a great comfort.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Insurance plans. Through separation you should change your will and
your beneficiary immediately - it is a disgrace to his memory that
his ex gets to benefit. Everything should have gone to his children.
I know that is what he wanted, but he didn't take those steps.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I were about to die soon, I think I would be happy knowing I had
a friend that I would see again shortly. I have 3 children, and not
something I want to leave or consider, but I'm not afraid of death.
I can accept that there is more than this life, but know I have to
continue on my path for as long as it takes me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, his best male friend and his family. I have plans to meet
them all when I come back. I expect to continue a relationship
with those that loved him because it is a comfort to me to share
how much we all cared for him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
I think it will always stick with me that we are not in control
of death. She made a choice to run and the driver made the same
choice to swerve in the same direction she ran. It was no one's
fault, they both made bad choices.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
As mentioned before, I didn't attend. I think the process happens
so fast that we don't have time to consider how we will feel
saying goodbye. I knew at 13 I was not ready to face this.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have reached out to his friends and family, and will meet them
on my return. I am very happy to offer any knowledge he passed on
to me, and share every experience we had with them. Knowing what
he said about me, to them, would be a comfort to me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think it helped me to realize how I am coping. I am still in
shock, but healing. I realize his death was sudden, tragic and
unexpected, but also that I cannot change it. I'm glad to have
thought through what I did, what I could do, and what I couldn't.
I can accept that I was not responsible and could not change his
mind, but will always want to have done more.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jan 22 06:48:33 2004
M40 in San Antonio, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Mortuary Science
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Diabetes, heart failure; Aged: 63.
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--Death Is:
The body and all of its normal functions ceasing operation
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was nine years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The loss that members of the family felt when the realization hit
that the person who had died will no longer be able to support them
and carry the living persons responsibilities
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is inevitable and we all are going to answer the call of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Once a person passes from this mortal existence then all of the pain,
sickness, stress and troubles are lifted as we know
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Christian Faith, Prayer and talking...Time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I knew that life as I had known it was changed forever because the
most special person in the world to me had just been taken away and
there was nothing that I could do to change it. I also realized
that this was for the best for her period of sickness and suffering
had ended
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that it is okay to die and there is a better place
and that hopefully you will all be reunited on the distant shore
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am reminded of something that she would do, say or show even
a stranger as she passed along. This doesn't mean that I am sad
because my tears are of joy just having known such a special woman
that I wish other had the opportunity that was given to me
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not realistic because she had prepared me for the time that she would
be absent from my life. In a letter shortly before she died she
told me that she would not be there when I came home for vacation
but not to worry for she would always be there for me whenever I
truly needed her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Not realistic because she taught me that this day would come
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
It only has certain limitations and if a person gives up the will
to live then there is nothing that the medical community can do
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Very little. It is really one individuals personal walk with
the Master. When church people have returned to their everyday
routine and the calls stop coming then it is then that your journey
must continue in earnest
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The holy trinity. We all worship the same God. Many may call him
something different because of language but when despair is present
we are all calling on the same God, Lord and Saviour
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jan 21 14:56:37 2004
F45 in Cottonwood, CA =USA=
Name: Lisa Miller
Email: <giantgiantsfan1-at-yahoo.com>
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Prof/Studies: Irrigation Tech.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: her heart stopping while she was sleeping; Aged: .
--Details:
The same night my mother died, my big sister died unexpectedly.
The two pillars in my life went away at the same time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
not real, an illusion
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I miss them, and feel bad for us remaining.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I am not afraid to die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
sitting and thinking, watching the stars at night
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It blew a big hole in the rest of our family
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I learned that my sister died the same night my mother died. It was
like my sister stopped to bring my mother with her on her way out.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say good-bye to both of them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
started sobbing loud.
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Wed Jan 21 14:44:05 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Mary Baker Eddy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: her heart stopping while sleeping; Aged: .
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Tue Jan 20 21:37:44 2004
M23 in San Antonio, Tx =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
I was told to fill this out for my Death & Dying class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: approx. 10.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
My best friend died of old age. She was my dog. Her name was Lady.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I cried by myself. I dealt with it myself.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The Finality of it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
well, not particularly for dealing with death, but in general I
get comfort from taking a drive in my car. A long drive with the
convertible top down just listening to all the world around me has
to offer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not having my friend anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I have none.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter helps.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there more for her the way she always was there for me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not think about it until now.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I havent thought about it until now
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I am glad that I dont do that. simply becasue I didnt then nor do
i now have the ability to be there like I should. In a way it is
better that she die peacefully.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yet I know that it is inevitable. No one can escape the cold hands
of death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God could not and did not bring my friend back.
--Regarding MONEY:
I payed for her cremation.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was in a room with my dog and I said goodbye looking at her
wrapped up in a plastic bag.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to cope.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nothing that i know of
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
not sure
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say I am sorry for failing to be there for her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nothing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would like people to let go. and not worry about me as I would
be DEAD.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it would not be very nice. I dont like it, but I dont really have
a choice.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Alexander Hernandez.
A man of few words.
Live and Let die.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I like to drive my car.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still like to drive my car to clear my mind.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none at all. sorry
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
I dont really think about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was in a unique situation
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I only did it because I had to for a class assignment. Now that
I have competed it I know y i dont think about what took place.
There is no need to. I have my memories and thats all I care to
remember.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nothing at all. looks good to me
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Sun Jan 18 10:37:24 2004
F30 in san antonio, Texas =USA=
Email: <mconstancio-at-satx.rr.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Sociology
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Prof/Studies: Student intern and a Funeral Home
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More personal info:
Yes please post
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a tragic accident; Aged: 18.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when God has a place for you elsewhere...sometimes death
can leave a affect in our lives. Depending on the situation. For
instance, my family changed, we got closer and we were never
close. Not that my brother had to die but it change each one of
us. When someone close to you dies it really does affect you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe until I saw him in the casket.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
He had just clean his room and had candles lighted in his room. Just
like he knew he was going. He never cleans his room and the night
before he told that I was a great big sister and he never had said
anything like that before.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Our family became closer and we turn his memories into wonderful
memories and blessed that he did not suffer much he died instantly.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Be able to talk with my parents now.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my brothers and Dad cry while I was the only girl and not
crying.. I could not cry I kept everything in. I think my brothers
cried and Dad cried cause they were so hard on my brother and I
was very close to him. So I was happy for the times we had together.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why him was the only thing and why at home.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
you need to have some kind of funds or insurance You want your
family to have the best funera.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Always tell your love ones that you love them and never go to sleep
mad. because you never know and you will end feeling guilty and
only you have to live with yourself.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
How close we were and how he confiding in me and that he came to
be for anything and when I had dreams about him he tells me in his
dream that he is fine and I will be to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think eventually he would of been a great kid and he was full of
life a little on the daring side but he would been a great kid.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I did not believe it til my brother was flown across the world to
come home. My older brother was in the Marines in Hawaii and he
came like within 24 hrs.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They tried to bring the helicopter down on my street and could not
because we were on a cul-de-sac and there were cars blocking the
area. But I feel they could have saved hime because he came back
to live for about 5 mins.
--Religious Affiliation:
current is Christian and past is Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
If you have a relationship with God then you are good to go.
--Regarding MONEY:
We were fortunate enough to have insurance and have the money
availabe on our credit card until the insurance came in.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were alot if teenagers it seems when a young adult dies it
really hits home.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Always remind them that you love them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Yes, shortly after my brother died, he came to me in my dream and
told me to stop crying and that he was fine and that he loved me
and that he will always watch over me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Have a relationship with God. It does not matter if you go to church
but you must talk to God.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fri Jan 16 18:53:29 2004
F33 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1991 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
for us humans death is a tragic and hurtful event. many of the
freinds or family members either bereve the tragic event and move
on through help of rituals or other hospice help. it is a time of
great pain.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
the first time i ever experienced someones death i was 21. it was
a painful a dreadful situation that i thought i never wanted to
endure again. i hate the fact of death especialy when it is endured
by someone close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the thing that i remembered most vividly is asking myself "why".
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the cost.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
hoping that my brothe went to a better place and that he no longer
had to suffer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my husband and brothers and sisters were all together to endure
this tragic event.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that he no longer was going to be here for the early mornig
breakfast.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
giving all the support needed.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
hated the day the tragic event happened and for everyday that goes
by i wish he were still here with us.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he took upon his own decsicion to do this hateful thing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i loved my brother to death and i miss him so much.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
grow up together to share more memories
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
obtain many wonderful memories.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he was no longer with us.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how unwealthy we were and everything seemed like we could never
get out of the misery hole we were in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i know that my daughters and family will one day go and the misery
will hit again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i wonder how many children he would have. i also wonder if our
lives would be any different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i did't get to talk to him to give him some advice.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him once more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
hated not being their for his hard times.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great understanding.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
lots of support and great faith
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that he is in a better place.
--Regarding MONEY:
the community stuck together and their was great help in getting
him to rest.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
his freinds and family support
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to see him just lying thier asleep
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
leting my feelings out was a gr4eat help.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
was frightning
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would say that i loved him dearly and that any problem that he
is facing i would be their to guide him through it.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
the issues of a will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would want my family not to suffer and to deal with it as a happy
day that i will see my brother once more.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that i was a hard working person that loved her family dearly. that
i also liked to work hard to accomplish my goals.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
carryinf his picture around
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
other brothers and sisters
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
for someone just to be thier holding your hand.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i know that dying is an ongoing tragic event and that even if we
mourn the situation it comes to everyone in one time or other. it
is a painful situation but just receive all the help and sympathy
that is out their for we all need it.
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Fri Jan 16 00:23:43 2004
M36 in San Antonio, Texas =USA=
Name: Larry Fausnacht
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
assignment for web-based course on death & dying
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Prof/Studies: Mortuary Science
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Lou Gehrig's disease (ALS); Aged: 52.
--Details:
I watched my mother slide away over several years, getting to
the point where she needed a lot of assistance. I left home after
enlisting in the military and found out my father had placed her in a
nursing home to give better care and be closer to medical facilities.
She died while I was in technical training in Mississippi. I did not
want to return for the funeral due to the intense area of training
I was in, but was convinced to return by my commanding officer.
My mother would have understood if I visited later, at a more
opportune time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our biological functioning, preventing us from continued
physical existence. The dead individual is typically memorialized
to honor their memory and provide a natural progression of grief
for those who will miss that person's presence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to truly understand, but my first direct experience
(as mentioned above) was a shaking experience to how I viewed the
future and planning for that future.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I buried my emotions to help my siblings grieve, and waited
until I was ready to openly grieve much later.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death is a new beginning for the survivors, and that the loss of
a loved one should celebrate their life, not focus on their absence.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
hwo my mother's funeral laid the seeds for my decision to become
a funeral director and assist others in their most difficult times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my own resolve to accept and integrate the loss into my daily life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing my mother's direct guidance and counsel.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my siblings began dividing the household possessions as if our
mother had never even been there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a healthy response to the death and should not have embarassed
me or anyone. I naturally felt some joy at my mother being relieved
of her pain and crippling illness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have said goodbye one last time, despite the distance between us.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how ostentatious the funeral was: flowers, nice casket, etc.
When our mother was not a flashy person by nature. Sonehow I always
felt she might have been a little embarassed.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all.
--Religious Affiliation:
Current: alternative/pagan
Past: Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like tt has some validity, but people must always try to label and
categorize such things which removes their mystery until we face
it personally.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was not involved in that part.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not present
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have read a bit on this subject and find some compelling case
studies that seem to merit "belief" but have always been concerned
about the seemingly few "negative" NDEs reported. No correlation
between lifestyle/beliefs/etc can seem to account for these cases.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just an understanding that I was not there at her side when she died,
but starting on my own life path.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
never experienced
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Make sure you clearly state your wishes BEFORE you are not
in a position to do so; i.e. a pre-planned or pre-paid funeral
arrangement. Even a letter to be opened at death with your wishes
should be prepared.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have long accepted my own death and mortality, and do not fear it
(consciously) at all. Life is too short to live in fear of its end
when we touch so many lives around us. Those lives keep us alive
to some extent in memory and speech.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Ugh, pretty boring...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Years after my mother's death, my father had remarried and was
gettign rid of boxes of old photos, etc. I kept them from the trash
bin and found a photo of my mother shortly before she married my
father and I kept it in view for some time, occasionally stopping
by to try and use it as a focus for my memories of her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is always good to express some feeling about death & dying
since many people never fully work through the grieving process.
Bottling emotions can get you back "in the swing" of things, but
they are always lruking in the back ground.
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Thu Jan 15 18:21:01 2004
F44 in TX =US=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like the end of what we know
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the days seemed to stop and the serives went on
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is part of life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
faith, friends and Good Grief
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the reality that things are forever changed
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
telling them how their life made an impact on you
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
angels are among us and we should be kind and helpful to all
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was emotions coming out.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
there at the time of my dad's death
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
positivie feelings. Most physicians, especially oncologists,
want to keep people living at all costs.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
GREAT!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and help
--Religious Affiliation:
Marionite Catholic
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Prior to my father's death, I had a vision that he would be healed.
At first, I thought it was a physical healing. Since his death,
I have come to believe it to have had a spiritual healing.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Discuss verbally and put in writting all your end of life wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I have made an impact on this world, in my families' lives
and followed my call
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was a follower of Christ, a good wife, mother and daughter who
lived, loved and laughted
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
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Thu Jan 15 15:45:41 2004
F30 in San Antonio, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Kristen
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: she fell down basement stairs; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing of ones soul to a higher destination
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was whwn I was 6 yrs old in kindergarden
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember all the grieving, and the feeling of loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I'm comfortable with how my culture deals with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that while my grandmother was alive she did live a good and happy
life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
looking at old pictures and the memories that would resurface.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will never be able to speak to them again, or see
them. or even touch them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to know that the people around the dying person would be ok after
they pass.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
truely cherish the memories I had with her growing up
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
since there would be no reason for her to have to go into the
basement, what was she doing going down there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes laughing seems to be a release
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my grandmother more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend as much time with her as I did
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I arrived in New Jersey and we drove up to my grandmothers house
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The flowers
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
her birthday comes around
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i have no answer for this
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to talk to her right before she died
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring her back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I felt numb and couldn't stop crying
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
grateful
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no answer
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
peacefulness
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasn't involved with that
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
just to look around at all the people that were there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
no answer
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the death was unexpected
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
take it one day at time
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the death was unexpected
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
never has happened to me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
to be ablr to tell them that I love them and appreciate all that
they did for me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no answer
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She was strong willed better know as the DEBATOR
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
looking through pictures
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was more withdrawn
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me remember somethings that one easily forgets
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I wouldn't change anything
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Thu Jan 15 11:34:48 2004
F54 in Roswell, NM =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: vocational rehab
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: acute, chronic alcoholism; Aged: 48.
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--Death Is:
about leaving your presence to join those who passed before
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand how the birth of a child replaced a dying child
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
after visiting my parents, I boarded the plane to go home. When I
looked at my father, I knew it was the last time I'd see him.
He died a month later. Now, as my mother is dying, I have seen my
father's face, clear as day, while I showered. I know he is here.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
don't know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I've had to spend with my mother.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends, mother in law
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
waiting and not knowing what she is trying to say with her body.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
if they hold their arms up like a child, they need to be held. DO IT
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
read the eyes, it may be the only way they can say "I'm sorry,
or I love you"
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
health care pros (doctor) would not give me a clear indication that
death was near.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
no regrets
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
care for my mother
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
in sleep, my mother's eyes were watching something of a dream,
she would hold her hands up, as if to ask to be taken
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
health care pros actually tried to push 9 weeks of PT, OT and speech
therapy - as if there was going to be an improvement
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How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
too young to understand
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Wed Jan 14 16:53:29 2004
M21 in San Antonio, TX =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: arterial disease; Aged: 10?.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
is a time when a a body ceases to function and has no vital signs. it
is a stage that we humans must all go through. no one really knows
what happens after that but it happens.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quiet young and vaguely remember it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mom having a very hard time dealing with it
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its going to happen, grieve, and move on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i really cant recall i guess my interest in the funeral business
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having to support others. in the past since my grandpa past away
there has been more deaths and i have tried to help others and be
their support so thats how i deal with it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
youre one step ahead of all of us.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got through it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was too young to remember
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its good let go and give in to your emotions whether it be sadness
or laughter
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be older, i guess, and have spent more quality time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my mom talks about it and cries
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i wasnt older or spent enough time
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have a word with God to where we dont have to die or atleast know
whats after death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didnt believe it even when i viewed him, not until the closing of
the casket did it hit me
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
some were very helpful and caring
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt matter
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
accepting it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when they say theyre ready
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
praying and truly putting things in Gods hands help
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i cant recall
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
id want him to tell me what he saw me doing with my life
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my grandfather would calll mu uncle every morning on saturdayto see
how he was. the saturday after he died the phone rang and when he
answered no one was on the line
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i hope it comes while im asleep and everyone i love can deal with it
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
... died last night at the age of 21. he was a great guy with a
big heart. his services will be held on....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
helping others`
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my relationship with my grandma
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
it was my age
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Wed Jan 14 15:47:30 2004
F23 in san antonio, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
class project for Sociology - death & dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Neice, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a long seizure; Aged: 2.
--Details:
we were by her side every moment. i went to school then directly
to the hospital. i was usually the last one to leave at 2am,
or whenever i finally got too tired to stay. she never woke-up,
i was very sad, but the worst part was seeing my brother cry for
the first time in his life - it was very heartbreaking.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your brain stops working, it's sadness for the people left
behind, and an eternal, peaceful, sleep for the person who died.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried so hard since i knew she would be disconnected from the life
support, but by the time the funeral came along i was still very sad,
but no more tears would roll out.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my brother holding his baby, telling her it was going to be okay,
the doctor's had already declared her brain dead, but he knew that
she could hear and understand. it was like he was trying to relieve
her fear of dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the nurses and doctors who worked with our family while she was
in the hospital. one of the nurses made hand prints of her - the
kind that most kids make in kindergarden to give to their parents -
and even cried with us until the very end. my brother has a poem
along with the hand prints framed in his home.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
one family member who is devoted the the catholic church was the
strongest one out of all of us. she always knew the right thing
to say and made us all feel more comfortable.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that my niece had a twin brother who also has cerebral
palsy, he sometimes get seizures too and knowing that his life is
just as pecious as hers, he along with everyone on earth can die
any day.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it still surprises me... my sister and i actually got the the funeral
home early (for the rosary), and there she was, in her white little
dress, laying beautifully, i kept going up every few minutes to be
with her and say a prayer, or just look at her, but then i'd go
back to sit down and my sister and i were actually telling jokes
and were laughing. at one point i felt kinda bad cause i thought
that was disrespectful, but i just couldn't help it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her more often. my brother lives out of town.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there from the time she entered the hospital, it was ironic that
she died when my brother was visiting san antonio, so i was there
for the entire thing
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
while my niece was still in the hospital, her physical therapist
heard she was in the hospital, she called down to san antonio and
had sandwiches and sodas and stuff delivered to the hospital. we all
were drained and tired of being there all day everyday, so it helped
lift our spirits. it seems food is a big part of the death process
in our culture and it sure did make a difference in that instance.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am at church praying, or when i hear a particular song, or at
times like this when i really start thinking about the entire event
in detail again, i still cry.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i never had this thought. my niece was never going to be able to
walk on her own, take care of herself, speak, etc. - to that i always
used to say it wasn't fair, but for her death i never felt like that.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
dissapointment. while the doctors here in san antonio were the best,
there were many little things that they knew were wrong when she was
first taken to the hospital where the doctors in the city my brother
lives in kept saying it was normal. for example, she couldn't
breath when she was on her back - she had a lot of trouble but her
doctor kept insisting there was nothing that could be done and the
doctors here said that there could be something done. i feel her
time on earth could have been just a little more comfortable for her.
--Religious Affiliation:
born a catholic. i wasn't active in the church until my niece died.
i am now more active however it is not in the catholic religion.
--Regarding MONEY:
fortunately my family and my sister-in-law's family are blessed
when it comes to money. we are not rich by any means but money
was not an issue. i have had experiences since this one where a
distant family has died and the entire family was having to have
a fund raiser just to have a funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
to be so young, she was blessed with many people who cared for her.
from doctors, to therapists, family members, and close friends.
the funeral home was full of people, people were even standing up
all around the room. it was amazing.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have dreamed of my niece once that i can remember. she was able
to walk and talk, laugh and play just like a normal kid. it was
beautiful. my mom says that she is able to do all those things
in heaven.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i have let my family know exactly what kind of funeral i want,
down to the type of flowers, etc. again, at age 23 a little weird
but it will be better in case something happens to me. turns out
what my family wanted and what i wanted were completely different
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
since my niece's death i am almosed obsessed with death, the fear
of death, wondering how it will happen, and when. i am a 23yr old
girl that has a $100k life insurance policy - somewhat strange for
the typical person my age i would say.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
the more i think about this, the more i realize that i need to
change things in my life. if a truthful obit were placed today,
i would not like what it had to say
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
thought of afterlife reminded me of the religion i had left behind
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
ever since then i cannot stop thinking about death, at age 23 i am
told that is not normal
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Wed Jan 14 07:05:04 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
unplanned at times and sudden at other times. it is something that
you can not get over by the next morning, it takes time to heal.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not believe this was happening to us that my grandmother was
coming home. that no matter what the doctors said i knew that God
was going to heal my grandmother.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how we just knew that she was coming home that she will still be
with us a while longer.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I know that my grandmother is in no more pain that she is
resting, and that God does not make mistakes.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that she was not hurting anymore and being able to put more
attention into my schooling and seeing that God took her because
he new what was best for her.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she was not going to be sitting on the couch in her usual
place when I go over to visit my parents. she was not going to be
walking out from her room anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know that you love them and that it is okay for them to
take their rest and that you will be okay with God's help.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
did all this sickness start and how long had it been going on and
why didn't the doctor's see.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to tell my grandmother good-bye and that i love her and for her to
take her rest.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her before she went to the hospital and after. did
not get to see her that much at the hopital.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see the place where she always sat in the house or passing by
the graveyard or looking on the calender at her birthday.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just dreaming this or what? this is not happening!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Jan 13 19:57:12 2004
F61 in Austin, Texas =United States=
Email: <Anniehue-at-texas.net>
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Prof/Studies: Family Services/ Funeral Director
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More personal info:
I am a Baptist Missionary with the desire to make the funeral
business friendly.
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--Regarding MONEY:
There were not enough insurance, all the children had to come up
with the balance to pay for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The amount of people that love my love one also and took off their
job to attend the services.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I dream about my love one and they seem so real.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My Mother kept talking about the wonderful place where she will
be living.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Not at all
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that dad and I had some very good yers together and now he
is in a better place.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would make dure they know that I love them.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It seem when I had done a good job at something, mother appears in
my dream, letting me know she is proud of me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to spend all day letting my family and friends give remarks
on how I help them at my Funeral Service
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I plan to outline my own funeral services.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Annie Hue Williams, Robertson, 62 years old was born to Rev. and
Sis. Huland Williams. Annie is a 1961 High School graduate, 1998
retiree from IRS after 30 years. She is a Mortuary Science Student
that will graduate May 8, 2004
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I am a praying missionary, I pray to the Lord to take the hurt away
from me.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
My Dad would always have prayer when guest was leaving his house. I
have pray with my visiting guests.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
The people that that call weeks after too check on me are the best
friend a person could have.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I enjoyed the time spent talking to my friends about my love-one. I
plan to be a better listener for my family and friends.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this questionnaire was very helpful to me by letting me
realize how I have deal with death in my family.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I have notice that most people have a peaceful look on their face
when they die.Why?
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Tue Jan 13 19:00:57 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
Name: Michelle Ferguson
Email: <tyme2o-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
my sociology teacher told us about this website
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Prof/Studies: mortuary Science student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 21 Years ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer; Aged: 70.
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--Death Is:
I would explain that death is a part of everyone's life. The minute
oyu are born in this world is the day you start to die. Whether its
is of natural causes, unexplained murder/homicide/suicides.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought that this was a part of life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone was so sad and they were arguing. I expected that my
grandfather wanted everyone to be happy.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
discussions of death should not be avoided. everyone dies.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
memories of anyones passing would always ember in their minds.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking about death. The person who is grieving or expierencing
death should be open for discussion
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that the person os gone and will never come back in a
physical aspect. Yet, one of the most challanging obstacles about
death is many people see me morbid about is because my major is
mortuary science. Morticians have just has much feelings as any
human being. We just have to keep comportment when it is needed.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be yourself, yet respect all aspects and beliefs each party
that is currently there.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Drink and be merry, for tommorrow you may die...
eupicarean
belief...
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the body begans to decompose at the time of living as well.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its normal. The grieving are upset and expierencing emotions that
are rather peculiar.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be older.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have him in the short period in my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he died on the way to the hospital and was declared dead by the
medical examiner the minute he arrived at the emergency room.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
To leave everything as is and do not touch any of the decease
personal belongings.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear Juan Gabriel (mariachi singer) singing his famous songs.
He liked them a lot.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I find that rather odd. It is very difficult for me to answer
this because I am very analytical, but I guess I can say one time
I thought I felt his presence at when I went 5 years ago to visit
his grave in Laredo, Texas.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I really do not have that thought.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just see him once more.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
asking to go fishing with my grandfather.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hey, the medical community has many lives to save everyday. Yet, my
grandfather was one of the fortunate ones that went to heaven... at
least I believe there is a heaven.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
confused. I was so young.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
just going to church every Sunday. Or when always have communion
when someone died or got married.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
similar yet differnt. In the hispanic culture, we have mere tales
of supersition, purgatory, the inferno, and heaven.
--Regarding MONEY:
money does not matter when you are dead. (At least not to the
deceased anyways.) Money can be a big deal to the one who has to
pay for pre-need arrangements, assignments, rites of selpechure.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the comportment of the funeral personal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
denial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
still talk to the person as if they were not dying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
just let it all out. If emotions were suppressed, there can be
possiblities of denial to the one that may be grieving.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
if it happens and gives them serenity, then that is a great thing.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My mother in law stated she saw a man with bright light. It looked
like the holy trinity when she was dying in at the hospial in the
year 1980 when she gave birth to twins. She prayed that she did not
want to to die because who would take care of her newborn babies.
That afternoon, she claimed that she felt so warm and she saw
the light, she spoke to the man which she thought had been Jesus
Christ himself in spanish that she did not want to die. she said
she felt like she was floating out of her body and she was so warm.
How could she be warm in the cold hospital room! Then when she spoke
she felt a heavy drop and a sharp pain on her side. It was 3am in
the morning when she woke up. She stated she had been praying to
the Virgin Mary and promised if she and her babies would live, she
would go visit her going on her knees to the chapel where every year
in December almost everyone who is Catholic pays their respects.
Two years later she went to that place and fulfilled her promise
when she nearly died at the hospital.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I just wished he could have been there when I graduted from high
school.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I sometimes practice astral projection. That may help.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
none as of yet.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
respect the wishes od the loved ones and deceased.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. I excepted that I am going to die any minute, anytime any day.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I rather say death notice, not obit. Ha-Ha. I would say something
humanistic. I dont want to say that I went with the Lord. How will
I know that. I just want something simplistc and economical.
Obituaries these days do not run cheap.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just keep on living and hold on to the memories.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Ever since I got in the Mortuary science program, i felt that
evrything in life big or small should not be taken for granted.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
It does not matter what you tell the person that is grieving,
it matters that you are there when they need someone the most.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
have soomeone speak to me about death.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I felt some questions were personal, but I am doing this fro a
grade from my teacher.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
everything seemed fine.
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Tue Jan 13 14:07:55 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 15 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 71.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Completion of one's existance on earth
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and unaware of the events taking place
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when my Grandmother was removed from her home by the funeral director
they covered her body in a crimson red sheet
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they don't need your pity they want your companionship
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the laughter came at a time when I needed it most. I don't regret
laughing
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
learn more life lessons from my Grandmother and spent more time
knowing her as a person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend her last moments together as a family
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I touched her body and I knew she was gone
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shock how quickly the body became so lifeless
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
nothing short of a blessing
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
sharing our loss with friends who were comforting
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
funeral services were not prearranged causing a financial and
emotional burden
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Grandmother often comes to me in my dreams during times of stress
or trouble. She offers advice that is reassuring and calming
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
a family friend sang songs of joy to me when I needed them most
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Tue Jan 13 13:54:17 2004
F36 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 57.
--Details:
She went to sleep and didn't wake up. There were no symptoms, no
signs, no nothing. I had spoken with her the day before and all
was well. It was 3 weeks before my sister's wedding. When we got
back from the funeral, my sister's shower presents from my mom were
waiting for her at her house.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of their life on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid that their ghost would show up at my house.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The unbelieveable pain I felt. I literally felt like my heart
was broken. Nothing could fill that void.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Forget about all the rituals that go with death and focus on the
families grief and loss.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The first night at the funeral home was only open to immediate
family. It was the worst night of my life. When we got home,
totally drained, we turned on the TV. There was a Howie Mandell
comedy special on HBO. I sure didn't think I would be able to
laugh at anything. We all watched it and I don't think any of
us ever laughed so hard in our lives. I think it helped us get
through the night. I never did send him a thank you letter.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
No one at first. I kept everything inside for about 2 years.
Then it all came out at once. I really didn't want it to, but
it was either that or a nervous break down. Then my family and
friends were my greatest support team.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I missed my mom more than anything in the world. I never thought
anything would be able to fill the void in my heart. My daughter
did.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold their hand and let them know it's okay. That you're okay.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cherish them always. Pass their memories and sayings on to your
children. NEVER LET THEM DIE
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I needed my mom. I couldn't just pick up the phone and ask her
advice. She was the one I always turned to.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was manic. Holy rollercoaster ride Batman!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Just to say goodbye. I know she knew that I loved her, but I would
have liked to tell her once more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to be left alone.....but not really alone
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Christmas comes around and I decorate my tree, or my daughter does
something that I know my mom would have loved to see. I'm crying as
I typed this and it's been 14 years. You never totally get over it.
You can't if you love someone. They'll always be part of your heart.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't have done half of the self destructive stupid things that
I did in my twenties. But then again, I may not have my daughter
today if it hadn't been for those same reasons. I think my mom
played a part in that. I think she said "Look at her God, she needs
help, she's being stupid again.....can we give Ricki to her now?"
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my dad is such a bastard and he's still living. Why would God take
mom, she was such a wonderful person.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I sat down on the floor of my office, I didn't realize how loud I
was speaking into the phone, but apparently, I was yelling at my
sister that it wasn't funny. Then I threw up.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing. It still means nothing to me today....but I am more
spiritual today.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
I didn't experience this.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was crap. My mother never wanted all of that, but for some
reason, it made us feel better. I regret and would fight for her
wishes today.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother has visited me twice in my dreams. That's all I'll say
about that. Its very personal to me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
When my mother died, it was totally unexpected. She was only 57
and she died in her sleep. I was only 22 and I was mad as hell.
I lost my belief in everything. I still, 14 years later have some
issues, but I've done a lot of healing . But anger and denial were
the biggest hurdles for me to jump
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Tue Jan 13 12:31:34 2004
Anon 26 in san antonio, texas =us=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
for sociology class on death and dying
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
Death is a state of deep sleep.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 11 years old
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the bible and family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
my mother and family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
nothing got in the way, i understand what death means and is
satisfied with it
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Tue Jan 13 10:49:29 2004
M41 in SAN ANTONIO, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
SAC Course - Sociology of Death & Dying- required reading
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Prof/Studies: Mortuary Science Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
The family tribute at the services was very emotional. I haven't
cried that much - EVER.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of life in its physical form. Celebration of the life of
the dead and rememberance.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand the entire grief process. I was about
5 yrs old and remember funerl home visitation.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
acceptance his important.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Hispanics have a traditional "La Gritona" or the cryer. Someone who
is obligated to provide a very vocal outburst of grief. Stating
things like "why him, why not me?" "He was so young (even at 80 yrs
old) with so much more to give", "God! Why?, why?!"... This outburst
is done at interment and always brings the gathering to tears.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The end of pain for those suffering with terminal illnesses.
The end of the family enduring torture as they watch their loved
ones die before thire eyes.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family discussions and remeberamce of the deceased.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The unexpected death of a loved one. Accidental deaths.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there! No exact words of wisdom will ease all the pain of
grief. Your presence is remembered more than anything you can say.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
People may die alone, but they have years of past friendships, loves,
and family members that can offer you details of the deceased person
that you may not have known about (both good & bad)>
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The funeral services varied from my traditional past Catholic
funerals. I was not sure how to respond or participate in the
celebration.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This did not happen. ALthough, we ofetn laugh at these times as
we remember life events with those attnding the services.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Show more restraint in my public sobbing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
ATtend the services for this loved one. I will remember the love
that was shared wiotahh all in attendance.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The ability of each adult child of the deceased was capapble of
standing in front of a group of relatives, friends, and strangers,
and recite tales of special rememberances.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The appearance and demeanor of the immediate family (less casual)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
The tales of love shared during those services.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Really, I didn't know she was ill!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Structured liturgical services are necessary for the grief process.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The after life is available to all that ask forgiveness of sins.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was expensive - but necessary.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
great funeral staff & services - they knew how to keep everything
going
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
too young to understand
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Fond memories are recalled.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
** plz show a status bar or number of questions remaining in the
questionaire.
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Mon Jan 12 20:55:53 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
My son taught several lessons at our church on the computer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 50 Years ago.
Cause of Death: nature causes; Aged: 75 yrs.
--Details:
Grandmother, was very over weight and had heart trouble for years.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of one life and the begining of a new life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 12 years old, and all the adults was so, so sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How everybody think that food will make you feel better.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
As a missionary, death is the only was to a new life with Jesus,
where there is no more sorrow or any trouble of this world. There
will be joy forever more.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the comfort I get from the Reading the Bible. Matthew 5:4 "Blessed
are those that mourn For they shall be comforted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I held unto my faith in the Lord. The hurt of death was removed
from me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The absent of the person, especially on hoildays.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always remember that God can help you through this time of
sorrow. and think on the good times that you had.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
prayer to God for giving her so many beautiful years and so many
beautiful memories.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The preacher said that we thank God for being here. What did he mean?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When I Thought how grandmother, if she is looking down would say
Anniehue, get on with your life, I have lived my
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
write the stories that was told to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have good memories that I can share with my children and
grandchildren.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people blame the hospital for losing their love-ones
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what color would grandmother like her casket..
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I know aleast one person disn't get the chance to see me grow up.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I belive that the other life is much better, and I have manys
memories, grandmother has peace and happiness and she is not
in pains.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that grandmother didn't seem to fight to stay here a little longer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I haven't experience difficult times.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
didn't do all the things I wanted to do for them, or tell them
how much I loved them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I don't think that the Medical Community can do much to stop death
if God don't permit it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Never experience
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
There are members that are praying that God help you through these
times of grieving.
--Religious Affiliation:
Primitive Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
This is a feeling of closeness to the loveone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when the love-one start talking about going home/heaven
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I enjoyed friends just listening to me talk about my love-one.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
My father being very sad
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Mon Jan 12 19:45:16 2004
F61 yrs in Austin, Texas =United States=
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Prof/Studies: Family Service/Funeral Director
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More personal info:
I am a 61 years old grandmother, I married my High School sweetheart
Oct. 21, 1961,the same year I graduated from High School. I retired frmo
IRS. after 30 years in 1998. I am a Baptist Missionary from Rehoboth
Primitive Baptist Church, Austin. I will Graduate May 8, 2004
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
I start talking about the good memories I experienced with this
person.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
My siblings, they didn't try to handle their emotions
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Mon Jan 12 18:02:10 2004
M52 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 64.
--Details:
Grandfather died fishing of a corany occlusion.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The absolute end of consiciousness
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad, but disconnected due to war
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My moms cold face when I kissed her corpse
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
quit believeing in the life after death, heaven, reincarnation...ect
BS
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
distraction of combat
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not seeing the person again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to Grandfather, forgive Mom
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That some died when I didnt
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
no beliefs
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dont believe in any of this
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no way I would believe this could happen
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
He was kind, He spoke Dog, He was loved by some
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Mon Jan 12 12:03:57 2004
F19 in Seguin, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
This is apart of the assignment this week and this is the link that
was provided.
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Prof/Studies: Deputy CLerk, Mortuary Science
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: double homiside, suicide; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of earth life and the begining of something amazing,
when we go to heaven and spend the rest of our great life with all
that we've lost and our families
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried, I really didn't know how to react, I didn't know the person
that well, but everyone else seemed so sad
--That first time, how it happened was
My uncle, my mom's older brother had killed his wife, her mother,
and then turned the gun on himself. It was hard because it was my
birthday and because I heard about it on the news.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
why was everyone crying. He did bad things, yet people still cared
about him and cried
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is an ending of life here on earth yet it continues in
heaven and that there is another life, the after life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brought my family closer together, and I met people who I would
have never met, had the person not died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
trying to stay busy. At the time I had sports and was always at
practice I just stayed busy. Now I have two jobs and school so I
don't think about death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that it is so final. you can't say I love you anymore, they can't
talk to you anymore, you can't say no go the other way. There is
just more that I would want to say to prepare and comfort them,
than I did.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To relax and remind them that there time here is done, and that
they did have a good life while they were here, and to let them
know that I'll be here till the end.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
matured, it was really a turning point in my life. Some people
get driver's license as their bridge to adulthood, I got death and
everything that came with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did it happen, why today, why couldn't they work problems out,
why couldn't it be someother way. I would have been able to deal
with it much better had it been a car reck but not suicide.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release of pressure and not being able to cry in front
of others
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my uncle and try to show him the better side of things
rather than what he saw
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hear so many stories about my uncle and what he was like when he
was a kid
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how the lives of us all were changed that day. Death affected all
of us in one way or another.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how the service was, people always want thigns so perfect. We (the
family) didn;t care about the service because we knew what was
happening afterwards.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I'm driving and I'm alone, I start to cry because I hate to feel
alone and I can only imagine how he felt being and dying alone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think my family would be better off if he was still alive,
a lot of problems were caused by his death and his children.
They've managed to split the family down the middle which is
something that he would never stand for.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
because it was my birthday, which is never celebrated anymore, why
did he have to be taken and in that way, he was only 40 he had so
much to live for.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
leave and drive forever away from everything and everyone, it would
be nice to escape everything and have no worries
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
no, that can't be right, because I just saw them last night, he
was fine, he never said anything, nor would he ever hurt anybody.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they try and do all they can
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, my family does not attend church and the minister who
preformed the funeral service said my unlce would rot in hell
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist, until I grew older and realized the church going was not for
me, I believe in god, but I think church is more ofa joke these days
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I can understand this theory because we may practice and believe
different things, however there isn't one religion that outlives
the other we all die, it's a fact of life.
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral had to be paid for, and since it was unexpected my
grandparents had to take out money in savings. Other bills and
the house were paid for the kids are well provided for.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
his wifes family hated my uncle, however there wasn't and empty
spot on the wall or a dry eye in the house, that was how much people
loved and cared for him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing that he wasn't coming over next weekend, we would never
go hunting again and things just weren't going to be the same
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
it was a total suprise and shock the suicide was not planned
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's easier when you know someone is going to die because it gives
you time to adjust, but car accidents, suicicdes and others give
you absolutely no warning
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I thought I saw my uncle lots of times, and even his wife a few
times but they weren't there it was just my head wishing.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I would tell them that he's caused a great deal of trouble and left
everyone to clean up the mess, but taht we still love him
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
no I never had any dreams or dreamstate conversations
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
anything the person wants that they should have because it is their
last rights they are entitled to at least that
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I always thought I would die young because my life has been unfair
and that just seems to be the unfair thing to do is to take life
so young
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she was loved by all who knew her, was the sweetest person ever
and would do anything for others. Leaves behind a LOving MOther,
Caring Father, Tearful sister, and the Love of her life her husband.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just to put it aside and visit his grave when ever possible and
talk to him and let him know that I still need him
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I stay very busy as to not create relationships with others so that
I can not be hurt again.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no I didn't make any friends afterwards
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just people talking to me woul dhave helped and letting me know
what woul dhappen afterwards
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has been useful to talk about it is much easier now taht it has
been seven years, it gets easier
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Try to keep the questions short and to the point people lose interest
when they have to read paragraphs
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Mon Jan 12 11:36:34 2004
F27 in san antonio, texas =usa=
Name: emily
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: about 80.
--Details:
strangely i was hardly affected. i think because i was not close to
him because of the language barrier or maybe because it was expected.
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--Death Is:
an end, like the end of a sentence, a dead end street where the road
stops and never goes on again, the lights turning our, eternal sleep.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt obligated--as if i could have stopped it by becomming his
friend or talking to him, there were signs we all ignored.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how selfish and self-centered people are.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to take the gloomyness out of it and celebrate one's life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories that that person leaves behind for all of us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just talking about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that this person was permanently gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they will will not be forgotten and forever be loved.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned from it and will never ignore or judge a person because
they're different.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i try to comprehend the finality of it. what happened at that moment?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happenened.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be his friend or at least made an effort to talk to him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on and see it as an opportunity to learn from.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the funeral brought everyone together.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the fact that there were hardly any tears shed.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i drive by the school and see the spot where he killed himself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
He would be succesful having not let the people around him bother
or upset him so. He would have grown up. finish college and "showed
them all".
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
people so young should not die (choose to).
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
are they sure? and Why?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a positive look.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
knowing that this was not really the end for him.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
secure.
--Regarding MONEY:
na
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
in my grandfathers death, no one really cried because his death had
been ecpected and we knew that in passing, his suffering was over.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the christmas gatherings or not attended by all the family as before,
as if he is what kept everyone comming.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the signs one gives off when contemplating suicide. what you read
about in books and phamplets, they were all there--the signs.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
reflecting on the good times helps the most.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have none.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am at peace.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have "taken him under my wing", befriended him, talked to
hime when I saw him--not make my faces I did before.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my mother, grandmother, and aunt have had odd things happen in the
house where my grandfather lived since his death. An example is
the electric shaver turning on without being plugged in.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
about life support, when to stop.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be open with all my feelings and tell my loved ones that
I would watch over them.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
It would have a picture
It would say my drams and ambitions
my
successes
my family
where i went to school
how i died
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i wrote a lot about it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I don't disassociate myself now from people that are different.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
just simply moving on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
by being there for family.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very in depth.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
na
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Mon Jan 12 03:04:42 2004
F18 in holywell, whitley bay =united kingdom=
Name: debra burton
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: play worker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 71.
--Details:
was a smoker and worked down the mines at young age.
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--Death Is:
a passage out of this lesson to learn other lessons
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and didn't understand fully. i had no feelings about
it which upset me more than if i felt something
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the loss and the routine which i held had to change due to the death
--What I think my (united kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to talk about it more and think about other ideas
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How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Thu Jan 8 11:45:50 2004
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 Days ago.
Cause of Death: massive heart attack; Aged: .
--Details:
I do not know how his death happened, it was a shock
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I couldn't deal with it the way I wanted to because I had to attend
college the day after the service.
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See Dec 03 contributions.
See Nov 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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