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See Current contributions.
See Mar 03 contributions.
See Feb 03 contributions.
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Wed Apr 30 16:18:57 2003
M47 in Adelanto, Ca. =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psych 10 Victorvalley College
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Hobbit , The lord of the rings
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
J.R.R.Tolkian
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 28 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Brain tumor; Aged: 15.
--Details:
Sudden,he was mentally retarded yet an hour before he died he had
the faculties of a teen his age.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A severing of an emotional bond between the deceased and the people
they bonded with.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was in denial.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How we became emotionally numb to other people and thier needs.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Give the grieving people time and space to grieve.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Walks on the beach.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Admitting it happened.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Prescense not purpose is required.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Dealt with it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't see the signs the day he died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The irony was a type of medicine.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
To say how I felt.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Move on.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
People mistook shock for grief.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
You have to cry.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Not really.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
This no longer matters to me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Life isn't fair; but I got over it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not an option.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Should have known.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Assurance.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
The part of God you carry within you.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Temporary.
--Regarding MONEY:
We had more.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I paid little attention to it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I found it hard that I hadn't died first.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
His increased awareness;nothing though could have been done.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Time heals all wounds.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dreampt about them for a few years but now I can't even picture
them.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Out of body experiences but no significant changes.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
N/A
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Simple reasurances.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
N/A
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
About Time!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Loving Father.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Fishing.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
N/A
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
N/A
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Religion
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
No
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No I am over all the emotional ties.
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Wed Apr 30 15:25:53 2003
F36 in Hesperia, Ca =USA=
Email: <charper-at-dslextreme.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Prof Previte VVC
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 73.
--Details:
She was sick for a long time. She did not know, or was in denial
about it. We heard she was going into the hospital on Thursday "for
some tests". The Dr told us she had cancer on Saturday. She died
on Monday. She was the "glue" that held my entire family together,
yet no one was there with her when she died (except me). Everyone
else was to busy arguing about how and why she died (was sick),
blaming each other etc. It was absurd for the family of a woman
who smoked 2 paks of Chesterfield King Cigarettes a day for over 50
years to be shocked that she would die of cancer, and then to blame
each other for her illness? I'll never understand it. Being alone
with her when she died was the most difficult thing I have ever done.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The complete shut down of all biological functions.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was numb
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shock and confusion
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is a part of the life cycle. A time to celebrate all a person
has contributed and to reflect on their lives.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my paternal grandfather died, he was in hospice and more than
a dozen relatives converged on my grandmother^Òs house from all over
the world. The last few weeks of his life were bittersweet as we
said goodbye to him, supported our grandmother, and renewed our
bonds with each other. My father put it best in the Eulogy when he
said that my grandfather^Òs final gift to us all was "bringing us
together, and solidifying our family ties"
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
When my maternal grandmother died, there really was no source
of comfort or support. When my paternal grandfather died, I was
comforted (much to my surprise) by the knowledge that he had lead a
wonderful life, made my grandmother happy, and most of all, that he
would live on in the values and influence he had on my 14 cousins
and all of our children.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Trying to console the surviving spouses of both my maternal
grandmother and paternal grandfather. I love both of these
grandparents very much and wish I could say or do something for them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Give them peace; let them know you will take care of their loved
ones, pets, whatever they leave behind. Tell them how important
they are, and that there life mattered and touched yours.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Reconnected with my family. Shared our grief and memories. We put
together a slide show to play at my grandfather^Òs funeral and I was
amazed at how important they all were to me (cousins, aunt^Òs etc).
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My six-year-old son realized that he would never see his grandfather
again. He asked me "why do people have to die?"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Sometime you just have to release the stress, and crying gets a
little tedious after a while:)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with both Grandparents before they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Stop by the hospital on my way to work. When I realized how sick
she was, and that she would not make it through the end of the day,
I called work and told them I would not be able to make it. Had
I not stopped that morning instead of waiting until the afternoon
like I had planned, she would have died all-alone.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
N/A
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
N/A
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I do not often cry
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I try and live this life to it's fullest, richest potential.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I know how unfair life can be, I tend not to dwell on this subject
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I have been very involved in the dying process of both the loved
ones that I lost. I was present and held my grandmother^Òs hand
when she died. That was a good strong dose of reality. When my
grandfather died I knew weeks in advance that he was terminal.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I try and live this life to it's fullest, richest
potential. disappointment, for both grandparents. Don^Òt get me
started on the HMO's
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The hospice we had for my grandfather was terrific. (Of course the
fact that my cousin, who is a hospice nurse, is the one who picked
them, and then moved in with my grandparents, helped a bunch)
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We had a service before my grandfather was buried. My family is
large and varies from agnostics to pastors. We all love one another
and accept each other's beliefs without judgement.
--Religious Affiliation:
Born and raised Catholic. Have no current religious beliefs.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I pretty much got the impression from both my grandparents^Ò death's
that when you die your gone. I think if people see this "spirit"
it is because they do not wish to see death.
--Regarding MONEY:
In the case of my grandfather, money was no object and over $30,000
was spent (wasteful). In the case of my grandmother, money was of
critical importance and $900 was the cost of the cremation. She was
put into the plastic box and my grandfather picked up her ashes. They
are in the guest bedroom in a cardboard box on top of the dresser
(creepy) I told my husband that when I die he should donate my body
to science. Maybe they could use the parts to help other people,
or maybe a medical school would want me. Take the $30,000 and throw
a big party, everyone can remember me and rejoice at all the great
things in my life.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
They (my family) fought at my grandmother^Òs wake. Italians can be
so emotional
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The viewing- what is the point of looking at an empty shell that
only vaguely resembles the person I knew and loved.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
For both my grandparents, a decrease in awareness and increase in
agitation seemed to precede their deaths.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It was best to think of my grandparents in terms of how they enriched
and influenced my life, and how their kids and grandkids enriched
theirs. Better to focus on the part of them that you get to keep
forever and pass on to your kids, then to dwell on the part that
you are losing.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I saw nothing, but then I was not looking for anything.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had dreams about my grandmother for months after she died. She
kept telling me it was a mistake. (If it really was her she was
defiantly not ready to go). Nothing from my grandfather. However,
when I was a child, we had a friend who had died in her apartment
(Kelly). This woman's landlord knew that my grandmother was a friend
of hers, and asked if my grandmother would come over and go into
Kelly's apartment with the landlord. He had not seen her, her car
had not moved, and she was late on the rent. All very unusual for
Kelly. We went over and the landlord opened the front door. The
smell was something I could never forget. My grandmother made me go
wait downstairs as soon as the front door was opened. She knew what
the smell was and did not want me to see the body.
Several weeks
later, I got up in the middle of the night. I heard my grandmother
talking in the living room. I peeked around the corner, and the
smell, the same one from Kelly's apartment hit me. My grandmother
was talking to no one that I could see. I said nothing to her about
this.
Almost a year later, my grandmother and I were up late one
night in the summer. We were alone in the living room. A cold gust
of air, once again with the same smell swept through the living
room. My grandmother called out to Kelly, which surprised me. No
answer. My grandmother said that she felt her presence sometimes,
and spoke with her on occasion, but would not elaborate. The next
day we got a phone call from Kelly's son, who we had not heard from
since her death. Kelly' mother had past away the night before. There
were other people who my grandmother claimed to have seen after they
died, but this was the only one I had and first hand knowledge of.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Both my grandparents signed the "do not recessitate clause" We must
respect their wishes. Weather they agree with our own beliefs or
not. I think it is deplorable to rob someone of control of their
lives simply because they are sick and week and impose your own
values on them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Don't blow $30,000 on my funeral, and don't plant me in the
ground. Scatter my ashes. I have lead a good life, had wonderful
friends and family, a terrific husband and son. I am only 35 and
hope that I live a little longer. It would be nice to know my
grandchildren.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Yikes too creepy for me to do
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
N/A
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My family fell apart when my grandmother died. someone needed to
take charge. I just wish it did not have to be me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Most of my thoughts on this subject were thought out at the time
of my loss.
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Wed Apr 30 11:50:58 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 36 Years ago.
Cause of Death: hunting accident; Aged: 46.
--Details:
his best friend tripped and shot him
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the completion of a unit of alloted time for a specific
person or
animal or living thing
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was startled
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the loss, the emptiness, the echoing ache and the
supreme change
of all we were and had and did
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the words, the how are you doing---weeks after the loss
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I made it through
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not getting to say goodbye or allowing myself to grieve
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
letting them go when it is time
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
let go
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my own response
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
but maybe goodbyes make it harder??
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the others and their words
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
food
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to the cemetary
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
no--things are as they are
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we dont get to claim what is "fair"
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
ran to them--had to see it to believe it
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
the aging of elderly--is very hard to watch and very
beneficial
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
my personal relationship with Jesus meant everything
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we each are made of spirit
--Regarding MONEY:
we didnt have any for years
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was unreal just unreal
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the sense of separation from everyone else
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
birthdays!! after 90 years---stuff happens!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
time matters
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Grandpa saw my dad, my Grandmother saw Grandpa
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
it was what it was
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I cant do that
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was told in a dream that my dad would not be around
I asked him
at the breakfast table the next day---why he
would leave and he
said it was a dream and he would never
leave. but he did.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It wont matter what I want!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
yes---I am ok when I am supposed to go.
I go home. I go to a better
place. peace
total peace
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I finished a couple of degrees for my dad--he wanted us
in
college---so I went
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I do as much as I can because I know life is only for a
significant
amount of time.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
talk and talk and talk
time and time given
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
opened old doors which usually stay closed
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Wed Apr 30 07:57:10 2003
F20 yrs in CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
one of the choices for class project in psychology class- I chose
this one because it is of interest since I have recently drawn up
a will
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Prof/Studies: college student (nursing degree)
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More personal info:
single mother of 1 yr old son
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke/old age; Aged: 91.
--Details:
She had a stroke and survived, but she graually deteriorated
afterwards, only living for another 2 months.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The time when your body physiologically stops functioning and your
spirit moves to either heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, so I really didn't understand, but I remember being
very sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mother and grandmother being very sad. I was more upset by them
hurting than the actual death itself because I knew it was comming.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that once you die your spirit will go to heaven or hell and we need
to accept that as reality. Also, we should be prepared for those
who we leave behind at all times, no matter how young we are.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that someone is done suffering and has gone to be with
the Lord.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I will never see that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just for them to feel like someone cares
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
She was a senior in high school and died from an unexplained heart
attack and she was acticve and healthy. Death can happen anytime,
so be prepared.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why it happened to her?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with great grandma before she died
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not really be there to be directly affected by her passing... i
was not affected as much
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
?
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think about going back home and she will not be there
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
she would be suffering and I would not want that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone could die so young and so unexpectidly (aquaintance)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
what? i could not accept that that person was gone and that I would
never see him again. (friend's dad)
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect, but they cannot stop death from happening
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it was important because we knew she was going to a better place
--Religious Affiliation:
christian- baptist or non-denominational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
the spirit is released ffrom the body and goes to either heaven
or hell
--Regarding MONEY:
there was some greediness involved, but the ones who were really
close to her were more affcted by her passing than what they were
going to get... and they wanted things with sentimental value,
not so much monetary value
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
was not there
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
bodily functions are no longer working like they once were in general
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
n/a
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i was never visited by a passed loved one, but i do beleive in
angels and demons. I have felt the presence of spiritual beings
both good and bad before
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
closure
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
n/a
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i don't know, i just want people to miss me when I die
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not want to die, because I have so much life to live. I want to
be there for my son. I want to be stronger in Christ before I die.
However, I have drawn up a basic will for the protection of my son
and I know my spirit will go to be with the Lord, so if it happens
at least I am semi-prepared.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i don't know- ask my mom, she has a lot of good things to say!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer has always made me feel better
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
always try to live each moment according to what god wants
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
n/a
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
she lived far away so I did not see/talk to her regularly
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
it felt weird that next time I go back home to visit, she would
not be there
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
?
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think your questions are too braod, narrow them down and be
specific
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
no just don't ask three or four things for one answer blank because
what am i supposed to adress in the answer
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Wed Apr 30 00:01:29 2003
F20 in =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: almost 7.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the releasing of the soul to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and withdrew from the family and didn't talk about it
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I never got to say goodbye
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i know there is a better place i will go when i die
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dealing with myself or my selfishness
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
saying goodbye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just think what is ahead of you. dying is like being born again
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to overcome my pain by accepting that he still is with me
even though he is not here physically
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they first tell you that someone is gone
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was all i could do at the time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye in person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
find peace within myself
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i felt my grandfather's presence
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that they will always look after us
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'm filling out this survey..:)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't know the answer to this statement
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i don't understand
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know everything about the afterlife
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
stayed quiet..i didn't know what to think
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
pride
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
someone trying to pursuade their opinion is better, not really
helping you grow spiritually
--Religious Affiliation:
n/a
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all the same
--Regarding MONEY:
money doesn't matter at the time of one's death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
crying...lots of crying
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying goodbye
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
upcoming events, such as birthdays or holidays
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's the hardest to say goodbye, but a relieve to know that they
are going someone where better
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Tue Apr 29 21:05:27 2003
F20 in =Unknown Locale=
Name: Christa Mortimore
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psych 10 class for Victor Valley College
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Prof/Studies: studying nursing in college
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Word of God
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heartbreak from his wife's death (never recovered;
only worsened)/ old age.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
For me, death is being born. it is a time to celebrate in the
new birth in Heaven if that person had a relationship with the
one true God. Though it is hard for us to understand and accept,
we must not be merely selfish. Our flesh yurns for them, but if you
too believe in God, you will be with them again in an eternal place
where there is no death, worry, or things of this world. Death is
life- you recieve a new heavenly body, this one is only temporary;
and your spirit ascends to Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not like the feeling and hated seeing everyone upset and saddened
by the event
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how close my family bonded and came together in those last few
weeks. We sang praise songs and prayed. it really made a difference
because both my great grandfather and great grandmother were so
ready to go be with the Lord. It was almost as though they had
waited their whole lives for this. i believe they tasted a bit
of Heaven while still vaguely on earth, and new God was real. It
proved to us all there is nothing to fear.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is imperitive that you know who God is and that you have
a personal relationship with him. This will bring you to a peace
and knowledge that death is life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That person when they left this world, left a legacy. They did
everything God set out for them to do and made the biggest difference
in the world. Lives were changed by them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The peace Christ provided me with through the power of prayer
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling fear tries to captivate you with. Satan tries to tell
you lies.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Dont talk about what physically is going on, but rather your love,
memories, things going on in your life, and just hold them.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
there is nothing to doubt when it comes to God and Heaven
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the suffering
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with them. they always tried to get everyone in
the family to always visit them, but it was hard to find time. i
also need to remember to take their words of advice. they were the
smartest people and knew the answer to any question. Their loving
and open arms of prayer and knowledge is so amazing and will always
be remembered because it made differences.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
there wwere things said and done that displayed Christ through them
as they lay dying.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to look at their bodies and mourn over them. Their bodies did not
make them it was thier heart and spirit. That spirit ascended and
it no longer lives in the body, thus, why mourn over an empty nest
when the very thing that made that body live here on earth now
lives in heaven.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my grandfather died because of love. Wow!
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i can dream about living in heaven with them because it i will be
there oneday and they will be there to greet me - i believe. There
is nothing to feel "what if"
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i did not know how to react - sad
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
very proud of the hospices and all they have to deal with. they
are much appreciated!
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
"
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and assurance
--Religious Affiliation:
I have a personal relationship with God- born again Christian. i
go to Faith Community Church
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i believe it is simply the Holy spirit or a evil spirit that
lingeres. You decide - it will make a difference in the way things
occur and are handled
--Regarding MONEY:
i do not know - i do not care. i recieved a very special quilt
my grandmother made and i could not have asked for somithing more
special.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how we sang the praise song that he/she passed away to
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
cleaning them, and feeding them
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
they kept reaching out towards God and would say they saw faces
of family in Heaven. My grandfather saw seven spots on the wall
that he said was an analogy of needing paint. It happened to be
the number of days left in his journey/ work on earth.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
As hard as it would be i would just need the constant support and
reminder that God formed me in my mothers womb and new before i
was even born that his work in me was only to go until that point
in my life. i lived my whole life according to God. i hope i live
to have a family, even though i know if i were in Heaven or could
comprehend how awesome it is i would not care to leave now.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i lived my life and i hope i made a difference. there is no reason
to worry, i will see you soon. live for God - Please! He is the
only true way to happiness. i love all my family and friends and
can't wait to be with you again.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayer. Pray with others and talk about your feelings. Do not
mourn alone.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Prayer is there for anything- hardship, praise, or just talking
to God. Make it apart of daily life. Remember your president and
those that need love and Christ in thier life.there is an abundant
number of requests and praises to be in constant prayer about.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Keeping self busy. Sometimes it really does not hit me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just letting them know you are there is not enough- take the extra
step to actually do something for them without their asking. Show
love and do not feel scared and confused at what to say- a hug
will do.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i feel good to be able to reflect and share with others my
experiences and heart in coping with death. i only hope it could
become of some encouragement or assistance to another.
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Mon Apr 28 22:06:22 2003
F19 in Victorville, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Aged: 70
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone or something goes away and never comes back.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and felt very scared
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandpa from my dad's side passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone's emotions.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you have to get over it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I will always remember the good old times.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support from family and friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to know that he/she will never be physically there.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
never forget the memorable times.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
felt0- scared and empty.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a few days later, my grandpa really wasn't there.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it feels good to know that life does go on after death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know my grandpa better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to my grandpa at least a few times before he passed away.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wondered "why?" and "how?"
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
My grandpa and I were not very close.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Going to the cemetary
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Sun Apr 27 17:03:57 2003
F17 in apple valley, ca =usa=
Name: randa
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
It is for my Psychology class project
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Prof/Studies: clerk
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 80's.
--Details:
he was gardening in the yard and he had a heart attack. they said
that he didn't suffer. he was facing the ground when he was found.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is a new beginning everytime someone passes away a new life
comes. it is a cycle the goes through in human life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was a child i remember just going to school and people were at
the wake, and when it was time for the service i cried the hardest
i flet guilty that she was gone and how i was pretty mean everytime
she used my slippers and my spoon. i just kept crying i even made
people to cry.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my step grandmother it happened at dawn and she was going
to go in the bathroom she just slipped and died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i received the phone call at 9 at night and it was my uncle i told
him that its me and he told me that he wanted to talk to my mom an
said that my grandfather died. i went in side the room in the end of
the house and i gave the phone to my mom she took the phone and we
were both crying and just fell to the floor crying and i went to me
and my sisters room and told her what happened and cried and cried.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i dont think we have to learn anything i mean we are still going
to cry you cant stop that we do understand that it means that the
person died because it was his or her time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Even though i had a rough time when my grandfather died i was grate
full to know that my grandfather is a great man and another gift
was a dream that i cannot forget it was like is good bye and it
was saying that he loves us always and forever.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the most dealing with death was just as time went by it didnt hurt
as much anymore the most important one i cant forget was a different
level with my grandfathers death when i has my dream with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the hardest part is not saying goodbye and they cannot be touched
anymore you cannot feel or say hi or hugg or kiss them talk to them
or even say i love you. you want just have another time with them
but you can't you want to have another moment but you cant you have
to understand that they are gone in the physical way you can say
that you can always reach them on a spiritual level but its hard
to know that you can always reach that with them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you know that everyone will miss you and wish to be with you to
just eat with you again to have another smile with you ill miss
you and ill help you be ready for this and you help me be ready for
you ill say good bye and show allthe emotions that i can for them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I know that people can just come and go and leave you but its not
really leaving its just another was of saying there needs to be
someone to pass away for someone to begin a new life.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it is confusing why people say they died for a reason its not a
reason why they died they were physically decapitated and the were
not emotionally handicapped i dont understand that it was a reason
and this is how they say that it was a reason to die.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never thought to laugh but i did think of things that i experience
with them and was laughing about that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say i love them and for them to know that we do love them and to
have time to talk for more and more time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
talk to my friend vincent before he passed away. if i only knew i
would have said how i feltif he ever went away.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandmother died i felt like i should have been so much nicer
when my grandfather died it was significant that two of my cousins
had their babies. when my step brother died the family got a little
closer when my friend vincent died it was significant that people
that didnt really talk to him was there to see him and to respect
him passing away.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
nothing everything mattered.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my doing a death survey it gets to you knowing that talking about
will hurt and will open up feelings that you had i just feel this
everytime im by my self i think of them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i always dream that and i always think that it will happen like
that again were i can get that certain laugh when i see my friend
how i can have another talk with my grandfather.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why does he die and why theres a thought that saddam hussein could
still be alive plotting a new chemical warfare attack with osama
bin ladin
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to them everytime i think of them
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i remembered everything that i experienced with them and evertything
that i should have done and everything that we could be doing.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
this is with my step brother and i think that the medical community
failed on me.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i would be a little heartbroken why disease would kill them
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i dont really put god in his decision on this i just say that there
was more space needed for new life.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i think that it is true that we will see each other again and i
will be closer and closer to them as time goes on.
--Regarding MONEY:
we had donations and it was needed to get everything ready for the
funeral to wake and it was needed but not important.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
remembering and coping.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i know that i can try to tlak to them in my dreams
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
you would just look for how they talk because they know and how
they would say anything or how they moved and what they are doing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
and i would just give comfort for the ones that are closely affected
by it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
and they will feel that they will go ahead and meet with their
creator.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no not a close encounter
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
yes i will go on and i will have in me what they have left and will
continue to keep it and not to forget i know that they are not here
but i know that the knowledge that they have given me will always
be part of me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just want to hear that nothing will be forgotten and there
is no worries for more cries to shed just change it into another
way of looking at things this time look at the glass half way full.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
this has happened to me and gave me assurance and it still does it
hasnt happened again but i know that my grandfather and i was talking
to each other and telling each other that we loved each other this
was when i slept and he visited me i really think so because it
was just not some ordinary dream. it was so vivid and so memorable.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
if the decisions are correct and if there are consequences
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i have thought of my own death and i dont think that i have
accomplished enough and i think that in some weird way were the
ones that planned when we leave because i know people know that
they are going to pass away from us.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i wouldnt know really something very good i bet.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i talk to them when im by myslef and tell them how i feel and how
i miss them
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
my sister made a paper mache or my grandfathers head its watching
over us when we sleep
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
it is true that you create new friends when they pass away you get
to even know people that they knew and you were not close to them
you can get close that way you have something in common lost someone
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
having someone there to be by your side
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has made me re-think and try to see if my views are correct
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Sun Apr 27 05:48:27 2003
M17 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 13.
--Details:
depression, took an overdose
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end for some, the beggining of the end for others
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood what had happened
--That first time, how it happened was
Knew well, Dad's best friend helicopter crash
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a letter i received from her
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's inevitable
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death does not bother me in the slightest
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
helping other people
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
suddeness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do what they want
--[My GirlFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
got used to the fact that people die, no exceptions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i recieved a letter from my girlfriend
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
death happens, no reason to stop you from having a laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop her killing herself
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
deal with it
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a dying person smiles and you can joke with them about death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to be sensible and not mention death
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i read her letter
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
probably the same way
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she died young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
it doesn't get difficult
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shook my head and went on
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
remaining admiration. they had nothing to do with it, DOA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
what it meant to the person
--Religious Affiliation:
Anglican
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
united
--Regarding MONEY:
it had no effect
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i was not able to attend the funeral, in another state
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
i came about relatively unaffected, i had learnt things, but i was
not hurt or scarred
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
eccessive mentioning of a premmature death
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i deal with it because i know there is nothing you can do
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i have no awareness of it
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i have nearly died qutie a few times, in car crashes, surfing
accidents (unconcious after hitting reef), other road accidents,
i don't care about death and i do not fear it in the slightest.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no important unressolved issues, you don't really have them at 13
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just have a conversation, find out why she was depressed
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no returnings
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
do what the person wants to do, it's their life
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i don't care about it, when it happens i won't mind or be afraid,
it's only death
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
good bloke, helped people, patriot, loyal
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just moving on
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
being more carefree
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
nothing really
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
good survey, hasn't brought out anything new, but i think that it
could help a lot of people
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Thu Apr 24 21:50:20 2003
F22 in Apple Valley, California =USA=
Name: Michelle
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Community College Term Project
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Prof/Studies: McDonald's while attending college
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
"What Dreams May Come" I'm not sure who wrote it.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: complications from diabetes, stroke, heart attack; Aged: 53.
--Details:
I was very close to my grandmother. She was visiting us when she
fell ill. I had never had her in my house before, she lived a couple
of states away.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
completion of this life for our souls.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
fell into a time where I didn't know how to react, or what to say.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother died. I was very close to her. I closed myself
off and actually wouldn't cry or face what had happened until my
mother told me that it was alright to do so. I didn't want to cry
in front of my mom, because she had just lost her mom. I held onto
keepsakes and when I lost one just recently, it felt like I had
lost my grandmother all over again.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
buying her a plush bunny to give to her once she was "better",
and making wishes on pennies that I threw into a well.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It isn't the end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I understood then that not all people are good. Not all people mean
to help you through your tought spots. It made me stronger.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Solitude. I hated people trying to talk to me about it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Figuring out my personal beliefs about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Make sure that you greive, but don't hold onto their soul. Let them
go to wherever it is they need to.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Eventually became stronger.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the adults around me could offer me no clear explination that all
of them agreed upon.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get a photo of her with my little brother.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have her at my house when she fell ill.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who was going to "pull the plug" once she had fallen into a coma.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I lose something that she gave to me, or see a wishing fountain
with pennies in it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think she would not be with my step grandfather, and she would
be in California with us. She was thinking of leaving him when she
was visiting and became ill. I think she would have been closer to
us geographically.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die before her time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just have her back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shoudn't cry because my mom was hurting too, and I didn't want her
to hurt more.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Ignorance. She might have been saved if she hadn't been sent home
with the "flu" instead of them detecting her silent heart attack.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to church on Sundays.
--Religious Affiliation:
Mormon, now I'm Pagan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a soul moving on.
--Regarding MONEY:
my grandmother's estate was fought for and never was awarded to
those she was closest to.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was in the basement with my brother at some time during the
service. I remember vaguely that it was in the same church that she
was married to my step grandfather in. Her photos were on a board
in the front of the pews.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Going to another state to see the memorial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sudden illness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the process isn't complete. I will always feel like I can't handle
what happened.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I never had any of these experiences.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We got along very well. The onyl unresolved issue is that I miss
her terribly.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
No, my grandmother is content where she is, and doesn't dwell in
the past. I'm sure she is busy with my grandfather, wherever she is.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I try not to think about it. I would not want to know about dying
very soon. I would want to live my life like I live everyday.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Creative and resourceful.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went every day that I visited her in the hospital, and threw a
penny in the fountain, and wished that she would get better.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became conciderably closer to my mother.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Fear of Death
I don't feel like I've "dealt" with death at all. I keep "putting
it off".
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
I didn't want anyone's comfort.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I know that I still have unresolved issues. I'm not sure how to
pursue closure with them.
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Thu Apr 24 15:23:52 2003
F25 in Hesperia, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 54.
--Details:
It was two days after Christmas and I was about 2 hours away. Hearing
everybody cry on the way in complete silence was the worst. Nobody
talked, we just cried
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our physical life.We either get buried or
creamated.Families gather together to remember the good times,
but it's still a sad occasion.Families usually have cemtery plots
for each member as a place to go visit and talk to the ones they
have lost.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was nine years old.My step-grandma lost her battle with lung
cancer.Istill think about her but have yet to visit her grave
site.She never treated me or my brother like outcasts.She never
had a daughter, so in a sense I was the closest thing.We were very
close and I loved her very much.I think she was the one person who
kept my parents together for such a long time.She was buried on my
brother's birthday, so we weren't in a very celebrating mood.
--That first time, how it happened was
My step-grandmother died of lung cancer when I was nine years old. I
didn't get to see her in the hospital or even say goodbye.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the house where it all took place.My grandfather shot himself in
the mouth, in his bedroom at about 2 in the morning, two days after
Christmas.My uncle heard the shot but didn't know what it was (he
was 12).My grandmother was the first person to see him.To this day we
don't know why he did it.I was 15 when it happened and had to kick a
friend of the family out of the house the day it happened.She told
my uncle that if he would have opened the door then my grandfather
wopuld still be alive.I almost hit her because I was so angry.I
dare she say that.My cousin and his family live in the house now,
but his 2 yr.old sees our grandfather in the house.When my aunt
lived there her son also saw our grandfather.It's just wierd,we
don't know what to do.Nobody in the family wants to sell the house.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that no matter what energy drugs you take or herbal medicine you
try, everybody dies.Nobody lives forever.No amount of plastic
surgery is going to save you.Death knows no color, race, or sex,
it happens when it happens.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how it brings families together.Families who have been fighting or
distant come together to help and be there for each other
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother and her support.My aunts and grandmother were always
there for me and my mom.I can alwys count on my family to be there
for me whenever I need them
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing the person you love, admire, and idolise in that smelly
coffin.Seeing the coffin shut while they are lowered into the ground
forever never to be seen again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that they don't want to be alone.They want someone there holding
their hand knowing that they were loved.Having someone care for
them so much that they came to say goodbye.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
knew what was going on.Just because you were young when someone died
doesn't mean that you should be shut out.I wanted to know what she
was going to wear and how her hair was done or what make-up she
had on.Explain to your children what happened.Don't try to hide
the truth because later when they find out, they'll be mad at you.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop my grandmother from smoking.Tell her to always wear socks on
cold floors.Tell my grandfather that we still loved him no matter
if he and my grandmother got a divorce.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
for my grandfathers birthday,all his children threw a party for
him.Even though he killed himself, they still loved him
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who's going to take care of the house, bills, and car now that
so-and-so has died.They act like their spouse is a moron who can't
manage on their own
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my mom isn't home whwn she's supposed to be.Or when my husband
isn't back from the store as quickly as I think he should be.I
would seriously be destroyed if my mother, spouse, or children
died today.There is an unwritten rule with mothers and their
children.Mothers should never bury their children.And when it comes
to your spouse, you both want to die old, gray and with each other.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My parents might not be separating right now if my step-grandma
was stil alive.My relationship with my step-dad might be better
than what it is now.Maybe if my grandfather hadn't killed himself,
my uncle wouldn't be so lost.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did he have to die. It wasn't supposed to be like this.I wanted
my step-grandma to see me grow up and I wanted my grandpa to see
me get married.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back the hands of time and warn people or help them with
their problems.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to know why.I had just seen them and they were fine.They
had gotten better.It's not fair,why did she have to die.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect.With the growing technology futur families won't have
to suffer as bad with their sick loved ones
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
anger.I wanted them to make my grandma comfortable instead of them
treating her as if she was a burden.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having a place to go to and talk about how you felt
inside. Expressing you feelings and having people understand what
you were going through.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the people who have died, aren't really gone. You feel them
all around you. When you feel lost, you can call on them for help
and they will be right there
--Regarding MONEY:
There is never enough to go around.Everything costs money and
nothing is for free.But evryone pitches in.If we can't buy it then
we'll make it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was very beautiful and pleasant.Flowers were everywhere and the
music was very comforting
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
reduced activity.Never getting over that little cold.Constant
discomfort.Lack of eating.Depression
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Remembering their face, their favorite food , their favorite movie,
or the way they laughed, smiled, and they way they treated other
people.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never experienced it
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
never happened to be
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with most of the people who have passed
away.The only one is the suicide of my grandpa.I just want to know
why and could it have been prevented.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that they are proud of me and that they were sorry for leaving the
way they did.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
After the death of my grandpa, my little cousin saw him in the house
where he died.My aunt was afraid because she couldn't see him, but
her son could.He was 2 yrs.old when he started to see my ghrandpa.He
wasn't scared or anything and would tell his mom that he was going
to go play with papa.Now that my other cousin is in the house,
his 2 yr.old has seen my grandpa.It scares her because she tells
us that a scary man is the house with a big boo-boo on his head.My
mom seems to think that someone in the family hasn't forgiven my
grandpa for killing himself, and that's why he is still being seen.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Everyone is different when it comes to death.Just because you want
to be buried doesn't mean that everybody should be buried.Respect
the wishes of your loved ones even if they are not what you want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared of dying.I don't want to leave my family.If I knew
that I had a short time to live then I would spend my time with
my family and friends and write a journal.Every body would have
their own page in which I would write something that I loved about
them.Whenever they missed me all they would have to do is see my
picture or read my journal,
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Laura Bayless, survived by her loving and devoted husband, and three
very beautiful daughters.Strong, idependent person who tried her
best to protect and support her family.
A loving mother and wife
who made sure that her family always came first.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
sitting down and looking at family photos.Looking at all the good
times we shared and how much fun we had together.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have a big issue with smoking.I try to persuade my mother-in-law
to stop smoking.I remind her that I was only nine when my
step-grandmother died, and how would she feel seeing my daughters
at her funeral at that age.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
my biological grandmother still being alive
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Talk.People need someone to talk to.Someone who they could share
their feelings with.A shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a hug
for comfort.Nobody wants to be alone during a time like this.Just
being there as support is good.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes.I know that death comes to us all, but talking about it makes
it easier to deal with death.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
not really
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Thu Apr 24 14:22:20 2003
F22 in AppleValley, Ca =USA=
Name: MIchelle WOodlle
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Developmental Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 13 Years ago.
Cause of Death: terminal illness, I think; Aged: 32.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of one's life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
nine years old. We knew she was sick. She was in the hospital for
5 days before she passed.
--That first time, how it happened was
My aunt died when I was nine. SHe had really bad artheritis. She had
26 operations in her life. My dad said it was her time. I remember
she use to take us to target, when we where very young. We use
to have to do things for her, things she had a hard time doing,
but we didn't care we just wanted to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My dad was the one who had the everlasting effect. I realized at
that moment that family was eveything to him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing that she'd never be back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
try to understand but find reasons to leave the house and take to
do somwething nice
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she passed away. We were waitng at home for like a week. My dad
was forsure she was coming home.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That was God's way of bridging my feelings of angry and the content
he wanted me to feel, allowing me to feel as though I could go on
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
SPend more time with my aunt. I didn't know too much about her when
I was young, but I remember feeling so sad when she left.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get the opportunity to spend the time with her that I did
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had happy thoughts of my aunt. My dad didn't want me to feel the
hurt and anxiety so he always talked about the good things she did
and how strong she was to have made it as far as she did.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't really remember
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we get close to the date of wer death. I feel more sorry for my
parents then I feel the lost
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't understand why she had gotton so sick. Later my dad explain
to me that she had undergone over 26 operations in her life and
that she wasn't suppose to live past 10 years old.She had always
seem to take good care of us when my parents went to work or when
we went with her somewhere. I thought she was healthy when all
along it was just a matter of time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Why did this have to appen to me?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They kept my aunt alive for 20 years. I'm grateful for that.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I find this to be more of a personal deal rather than that of a
community gather.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was no money. My grandparents put themselves in debt paying
for the funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The vivid picture I have in my memory of what she looked like laying
in the casket.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
there wans't anything to starng to me
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I was far too young to have undergone a serious long term state
of depression.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my dad told me that she died peacefully. I had visions of what
she might have gone through. I was happy to see her in my dreams,
but I wasn't sad, she wasn't sad. I though it wa sbetter than her
being in the hosopital.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It's closure in a way but you'll still deal with the pain. I think
I would have been thankful for the oppotunity but I think it would
have left me wanting more.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I did in the last question I answered
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd tell people around me that I was going to die. I'd let them know
that I would like to spend as much time with them as I could. I'd
want them to remember me as a happy person and someone who would
have done much to make others happy.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My dad didn't allow us to know what was going on. He wanted us to
be kids
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I think for along time I was nicer to people. I didn't see the piont
of getting mad. I just wanted people to be happy. sometimes I would
think about my aunt and be really nice to others in hopes of confort.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I began to realize how much family members mean to me. I became
alot closer to my dad and twin brother.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
I was young and it was the first time
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Thu Apr 24 00:53:51 2003
F21 in Denton, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a heartattack; Aged: ?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When someone leaves us physically and will never return to the earth,
but they are still with us spritualy and mentally
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
When I was like five my great grandfather passed away. I was so
young that I barley recall anything. I just remember lots of people
with sad faces and I couldn't figure out why everyone was so sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Probably the most significant was when a friend of the family died.
His name was Carl. I have known him since birth. He was like a
second father to me. I had real hard time coping with his death.
He died from Cancer. I basically said my goodbyes to him early
and pushed it out of my mind and stayed busy.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Sometimes Death can be a rejoicing moment. If they are sick and in
pain, then we should be greatful that they are no longer suffering.
Death should be a celebration of the wonderful life they have lived.
But it is hard to accept that because of the cultue I live in.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That Carl is no longer in pain and we have wonderful memories of him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend, because she know how I handle death. I don't want
to talk about it, unless I bring it up. And she is really good
about keeping me busy and happy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Going to the memorial services. I am a very happy person, and I
can't stand to see others sad. It makes me angry. I would rather
not go, but I know it is important for me attend those things.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To keep them with good spirits.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am able to cope with death eaiser, but it is still a challenge
for me.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why them and not me
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Well, I do remember when my grandfather died me and my cousin(whom I
am real close too) were sitting around just being silly and laughing
and we felt bad at the time, but it was necessary, so that we could
show "the adults" that everything in the end would work out.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have wonderful friend to support me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
not sure
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't understand why it is so improtant to view the body. That is
not how I want to remember that person. That is why I have memories.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I stumble across a picture that I have not seen of that person in
a long time.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I actually don't do that, because it makes it harder to deal with
the death and then I will never get over it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That he was so health last time I saw him and now he is dead.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have no heart. If I didn't have feelings, then I wouldn't feel a
thing, but I know that is wrong.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Shit. I think they could have done something else to help
my grandfather. His doctor was out of town that week and they
were afarid to do anything without the consent of the doctor.
My grandfather got worse and now he is dead
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
When my friend Carl died, hopice was involved and they did a
wonderful job of keeping us all in good spirits and updating us on
his condition.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Church didn't help, but my personal relationship with God did.
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I agree with the above statement there is a common link with the
spirit an death. I believe everyone has a spirit and it is released
when the body dies
--Regarding MONEY:
money wasen't and issue
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I liked when my friends were there for support
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to show emotion to my family members, I didn't want them to
see me cry
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
change in physical apperance
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I'm not sure about the above statement, because I have never had
any experience with that. I have heard stories, but only on TV.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have never had a near death experience, not do I know anyone
who has.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
The night before Carl died everyone sat around his house with him
and listened to music and talked. I could not bare to see him
that way, and I did not want to be in that situation, so I went
to my best friends house and played video games all night long.
I kind of regret not being there and saying goodbye, but in a way
I had already told him goodbye the last time I saw him. I feel a
little guilty, but in time, I think I will beging to feel better
about that situation.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If I could see Carl one more time I would just tell him how much
I appreciated him for just being himself. He was such a good
character to be around. He always gave me a hard time, but that
was our relationship. I would want him to give me some last advice
for the future, that would help me deal with the situation better.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Actally a couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that involved Carl.
In my dream I was outside of my house searching for him and I kept
asking everyone if they had seen him. They told me no, until I
asked this one lady who I had never seen before. She told me that
I would find him under the honey tree. I had no idea what she was
talking about, until I came to a tree that had a bee hive in it.
And sitting under the tree was Carl. I just looked at him and he
said hi and that he was glad that I found him...and then I woke up.
Kind of wierd...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I really don't like to think about my own death. It literaly
scare me to death(no pun indtended) If I found out that I had
only six months to live, I would probably not handle it to well.
I love my life and I am not ready to give that up.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I don't think I would want a long obituary. The only thing that I
would want it to say would be my favorite quote. "Forget regret
or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day
but today." (Rent-- Jonathan Larson).
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have none
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
I pushed it to the back of my mind
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One of my friends grandfathers died around the same time mine did,
so I was able to help him throughout it, because I had been through
the same experience recently.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I was realy shakey about doing this survey, but it looked so
intresting. And it was kind of a sign that I do this survey,
because I had a great aunt who passed away today from cancer.
I really think doing this survey helped me cope with her death.
I wasen't extremly close to her, but she was family and I did
know her. I learned a lot about myself through this survey.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 22 18:19:45 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
bible,echoes of valor,masonic funeral lectures.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
you know em.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Unknown Person, 30 Years ago.
Cause of Death: pol pot; Aged: .
--Details:
temples of angor wat,6 miles due south.1 million corpses.
killed
all who were left by retreating khmer rouge.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood it.i knew it would come to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
stench.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
embrace it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
listen my chidren give a smile,shed no tear,the fun parts over and,
dying times here.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
others weeping for the dead.making a mockery of their supposed
belief in the afterlife.
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Tue Apr 22 10:25:26 2003
F23 in =Unknown Locale=
Email: <kishae-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
project of psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart failure; Aged: 65.
--Details:
n/a
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing on to a better place
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
ran away crying
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
was how I could not believe that this happened
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
people need grievence
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time that I spent with the people before they passed, and the
support I have with my family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that the person is no longer here
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them how thankful you are and how they have impacted your life
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Even though they are not physically with you, but they can always
be with you in your heart
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
sometimes laughter helps
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time, or allow him to see my graduation
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live on with myself
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people supported me, but yet left me alone
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the money or will
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see the funeral program or go in the house that he lived
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would have more support
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that they have to go
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
leave this earth also
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
denied the fact, then I cried my eyes out
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the best, they can only do what they are able. They do not make
the final judgements
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
friends, family, ones to support and help you
--Religious Affiliation:
missionary baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
with me, nothing. But to other family members it played a major role
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
all the people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually seeing the body
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
deteration of the body and general ailement
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that I would avoid the denial stage because until yu get out of
denail, you cannot fully grieve
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
skip-
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
skip-
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues, I feel like I did everything that was in
my power
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
skip-
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
skip-
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
since money is the root of all evil, I would make a fair obituary
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
skip-
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
skip-
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
writing poems
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
talking to myslef as if they were there
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
closer relationship with my family
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
denial, prayer
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
no
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really, brings back the sad memories
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions get too deep
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Mon Apr 21 18:57:42 2003
F20 in California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
It is part of a research project in my Developmental Psychology class
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Brown
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: induced heartattack; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a mere stepping stone into the other side where our real home is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief because we were so young.
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend Melissa died when we were in 11th grade. She was induced
into a coma for a brain procedure and didn't come back.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how guilty I felt about still being alive and being able to do all
the things that Melissa would never do.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we aren't just around for this lifetime. We will reincarnate
into other lifes as many as it takes for our soul to reach its full
circle with God.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I am glad that God gave me the opportunity to meet Melissa and to
have her in my life, even if it was for a short time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support I receiced was from Melissa's younger sister. Just
seeing how well her sister was coping with it gave me strength.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that she wasn't coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
opening your heart
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my mind and heart were just going nuts and the only thing that my
body felt would keep me sane was to laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have had a stronger bond with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have her friendship and all those good times we both shared. The
stupid things that made us laugh.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
exactly
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think it would differ because we would still be in eachothers
life, I am not saying that we would be intertwined in eachothers
life but we would definately still be friends.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she was taken so young and that everyone else(meaning all the
other kids our age) were going to live long care-free lives.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
remember exactly all the things, the memories we expreienced.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just froze. I learned during school when others were gossiping
about it and it just froze me up. It didn't sink in all the way
until the end of the day then I just cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
incompetence, at least with her situation.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, I simply prayed and talked to God.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
as though it is infinite that everyone will at one point or another
have to experience it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that many people are hypocrites
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
just realizing that even though we are young we are not invincible.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I wish I could talk to her simply to tell her that I was truly a
friend to her. That I would never hurt her as she thought all of
her other "friends" had. I would hope to hear her say thank you for
all those good times because thats another thing i'd say to her. I
would probably feel less guilty about still being alive while she
is dead if this conversation were to have happened.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I sometimes think about death and how I am ready for it. even though
I am only 20 years old I feel that if I were to die right now I
would be going HOME and that is where I want to be. I strongly
believe in what Sylvia Brown has to say so I think that when my
time comes I will be more than pleased to go.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
when i got back from her funeral I played happy pop music and stared
at her picture, this helped me not only then but now when i hear
any of the songs i played during that time i remember her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has made me re-think a lot about the death of my friend. I
never realized that I felt guilty until I saw that it was one of
the options.
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Sat Apr 19 10:15:18 2003
F30 in bucharest, =romania=
Name: madalina amarie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
two years ago i ran into it
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Prof/Studies: resident psychiatry/master's student
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More personal info:
post it
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the black source
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
i can't remember the author, but it had a chapter on kubler-ross
and her work with dying people.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age/cancer (perhaps); Aged: 82.
--Details:
it was rather fast, considering his aparently good state of
health. it was surprising. he got sick, nobody ever found out why,
one month later he was gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a natural process, the moment when, whatever the cause, the
heart beatting and the breathing stop and the boby no longer
functions. also, our religious systems add the fact that this
cessation is due to the spirit leaving the body and passind to a
different dimension. the spirit belongs to this other nonphysical
dimension and continues to live there. so, according to this view,
death would be merely a passing between realities.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little scared and a litlle fascinated by the images in my
mind about how the whole event might have been occured. i didn't
understand. it was magical.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i have fresh memories about it. i remember i surprised myself being
so fervor to do all i thought i had to do.
--What I think my (romania) culture needs to better learn about death is:
rediscover mourning and grieving. we used to cry and shout in our
tradition. we lost that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i rediscovered my church/religion.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
taking responsibilities, helping others, seeing my family closer,
therapy.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not letting go, anger.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do whatever you think and feel you should do for that person,
listen carefully, see his/her needs in dying and try to help,
show your affection in any way possible.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found out how strongly i was believing in modern medicine that
it was allmighty and how my broken pride taught me to let go. i
wanted to understand everything and i didn't accept the fact that
some things are not in our powers. now i'm more relaxed about these
things and i have more faith in mystery.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't understand why there could be no clear diagnosis so i
could know for sure WHY my grandpa was dying.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i had no such feeling, but i remember the serene athmosphere and the
joy in my family right after the funeral. it was a real celebration
and quite surprising.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
go to the church and do a proper service for his soul.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
come closer to my family and revive all the relationships, especially
those with my parents.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i didn't accept i didn't know the cause of his death although
everybody kept saying it was unimportant.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
in a particular moment of the funeral other people were trying
to distract us from our grieving in order to take care of the
ceremony. they wouldn't give us a few minutes.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i pray sometimes or when i go to church, when i remember scenes from
the hospital how helpless and scared he was and how i couldn't do
more for him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't know... i don't dream this way. i guess that was meant to
be... this reality is okay and it offered me so much...
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i try not to think this way. it doesn't help. i try to find a meaning
in all this and even if i don't find it i'm still confident there
is one.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have more faith and determination.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i was already expecting it. i was at peace because i had time to
accept it through the whole month while he was in the hospital and
then home agonizing.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack. it lacks many things. they did what they had to do only because
i am one of their colleagues. still they did it without energy and
interest. there are exceptions, of course.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
sometimes i felt humiliated by their arrogance, sometimes i was
angry they didn't do thier job properly, sometimes i was confident
and comforted by some good people i met, at the end i was giving
up and accepting there was nothing more to do. even i decided to
stop all the investigation because it was more hurting than helpful.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support. it was the begining of me going to church. it was the reason
why i stepped foot in a church and stayed there for the first time.
--Religious Affiliation:
eastern orthodox christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i believe there is something, only i don't know in which form.
--Regarding MONEY:
others took care of that.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the nice peaceful and serene athmosphere after the burial, everybody
remembering good things about my grandpa and even laughing about
funny situations in his life on earth.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that i was able to be there for the others. i surprised myself
with that.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
in my grandfather's case it was the progressive deterioration of
his counsciousness, the increasing rigidity of his body and finally
his agonizing breathing.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
much of the grieving process took place in advance when i realized he
will go eventually. at first i was very energetic to help and i took
him from hospital to hospital. i felt ok to do something. his state
was improving. but then it grew worse and i didn't understand anymore
what was going on. all the doctors were lifting their shoulders. i
got angry and had little fights with my parents. they wanted to
take him home, to let him die in his house. i was convinced there
were some more things to do before that. at least a diagnosis could
be establish so we could know if it was over or not. i was angry
even at my grandpa because he was not doing well inspite of all the
good results of the investigations. this great mystery was killing
me. then i stayed by his side and i watched him deteriorating. i
guess i began to let go when i couldn't talk to him anymore,
when he stopped answering. i felt so sorry and helpless but also
i detached myself. i guess i couldn't handle it anymore. my mother
took it over. for the next two weeks i talked to my parents on the
phone. everybody was waiting for the end. when i found out he was
gone i felt releaved he was not suffering anymore and i was glad
the suffering was not too long.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i don't know what grandpa experienced because he was slowly slipping
into a coma, but i noticed some strange gestures he had, like
protecting his shut eyes with his forearm and rubbing gently his
forehead, and i thought about those kinds of visitations he might
had. i never found out as he was unable to speak.
but before
my grandma died, she was also slipping into a coma and she said
about her mother and her brother (both dead) waiting for her. she
complained about the fact that they wouldn't come to her and were
just looking at her. then she fainted but those who were present
brought her back and all she said with much sadness and regret in
her voice was, "why did you bring me back?". a few hours later she
passed away.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i've read about it, i was fascinated by it, i heard people talking
about experiencing it, but i don't know how to take it anymore. i
prefer not to discuss it. big mystery...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i should have cared more for him while he was still alive, i
should have visited him more, talked to him more often. he was an
introverted man, difficult to communicate with, but not a bad person
and he loved me so much. he had a strange way to show his love but so
do i, and i could have done more. sometimes i felt that, but it was
too aukward. now all i can do is pray for him, light candles for his
soul and do all the religion rituals that our church "prescribed"
for the dead. i chose to answer to this questionnaire on this day
because is one of our day of the dead before the easter. i consider
it an homage to all my grandparents who are no longer with us.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
grandpa, don't worry! i'll be fine. i'll take care of myself,
i'll do whatever will be good for me and eventually i'll marry and
have kids...
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
our culture is full of these things and it is considered normal to
have dreams and visions of the dead. me and my parents dream about
our defunct loved ones often. i have dreams with my grandparents
coming home to visit us. usually these are significant dreams,
full of messages, and these messages help me in various ways. i feel
there really is a connection between us. the things we do here have
consequences there. i felt it many times.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
there was no last will, but my family tried to be considerate and
not to have issues from this situation. as for me, i don't think
my rights and wishes would matter when i'm dead but who knows...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i've thought about my death and i realize i'm afraid of it. if i was
to die very soon? hopefully not! i wouldn't know what to do best,
but i would surely try to find the answer in my religious belief.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she was happy with all things life gave to her. she knew how to
receive them as gifts.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
nothing more than religious rituals, going to church every sunday
and praying.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i've changed a lot as i discovered the beauty of our religion. i
see it in a different light now, i understand it better. i know i
was rejecting it before only because of my ignorance. now i have
a goal and a meaning in life.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my family came closer and i regained my emotional connection
with them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Upbringing
it was not really a problem for me at that time.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
i was impressed because i iamgined how the whole scene might look
but i was too yound to understand fully.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
it was helpful a lot. i proved myself i was able to reach out. and
of course there were others who reached out to me. it was a wonderful
experience.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was good to remember because i consider this event of my life very
important for my development. i have learned a lot and it brought
the spiritual dimension into my life. i hope it will be helpful
for other people who will ever read this. maybe what happened to me
will inspire some of them to find a way to learn from their painful
experiences too. it could be absolutely wonderful.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
i can't think of anything right now, but i will think a lot in
future. thank you.
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Thu Apr 17 08:58:08 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psyche 100
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 89.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
simply when the body shuts down and stops working
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
took it quite well, I think.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Apr 15 22:12:01 2003
F56 in Victorville, CA =USA=
Email: <jarvisleen-at-earthlink.net>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Jesus Christ , King of Kings and Lord of Lords
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, Months ago.
Cause of Death: complications of pneumonia; Aged: 78.
--Details:
He had accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior when he was
sixteen and his face was glowing and shining at the last few hours
I was at his bedside. He face looks like he was just sleeping and
very anxious to meet his Lord anytime.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Being a christian and had a personal relationship with the Lord
15 years ago, I am not afraid of death because of what the bible
teach. Absent in the body and present with the Lord. Death to me
is going to meet my Savior and a beginning of a new life with God.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I knew that new opportunities will result from the loss of my dad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
God was with me every step of the way and He took care of all my
finances and a footprint was left with the loss of my husband.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death is eminent and we need to be prepare for it. This is the
biggest trial that the Lord had broken me but he feels all my
emptiness everystep of the way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Brothers and sisters in Christ was there for me as well as my
pastors. What an encouragement to see all the support of those
sisters and brothers in Christ. The focus had to be in Christ and
nothing else.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Same as the previous answers.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I missed my husband so much. We've been married for 20 years and
it's not easy but God fills those emptyness each step of the way.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Since the hearing was the last sense that goes away, I constantly
talk to my husband and I know he hears me. I could see tears in
his eyes but he was not able to respond.
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
would handle and shared the experiences I had with him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not confused because the Lord took care of everything for me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
God planned it all.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
I was able to share testimony with his daughters who were not born
again christian regarding the loss of their dad.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Being a born again christian makes a lot of difference dealing with
death than not being a born again christian.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
New opportunities came for the better because someone very close
to go was gone.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
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Sun Apr 13 15:53:52 2003
M22 in swansea, =united kingdom=
Name: gareth jones
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
just found you
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Prof/Studies: student
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More personal info:
i don't give fuck- you eat, you shit, you die
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 81.
--Details:
just slipped away and never came back
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the physical and psychical loss of that person, meaning no
more contact and holding only an implanted memory of what he or
she was like- but missing him or her like it will never stop-
or paradoxically not caring anymore- bing set free. From the
psychologigal pain you always wanted to say but never had the courage
or need to say as they were going away never to seen found again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
held his head and wept like a child in a playground who lost his
favourite football in someones back yard
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing the change go instntly- they were there and thn they went!
--What I think my (united kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its the end- nothing after or since
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
seeing her die in a sick way, just showed me hoe shit life is
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
alcohol
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
hangovers
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
pointless, you are born alone and that show you die
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
also died a little bit metaphorically
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
nothing
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
fuck it, you laugh or cry and she is not there to judge so bollocks
to it- shes dead- worm fodder- no god- no rest
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her she was wrong in her estimations on people and life
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get free food and talk
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i saw her die and the life just went
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
saying how great she was
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
not at all- who gives a fuck
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
not one jot
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
bollocks to that- i treated her well and vice versa
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have a beer
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
needed a beer
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
seeing them doing a job, they think they're good, but fuck 'em
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all- if you are speaking logotherapeuically- its all crap
--Religious Affiliation:
gnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like those you drink fun for a while, but ultimately pointless
--Regarding MONEY:
i had none and she leant me some
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
her ashes covering us all
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking so this is death- it seems a piece of piss
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dying- and looking ill- you just know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
each to his own
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
crap, misjudgements of real life
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i died for ten minutes on an alcoholic session and vomited in my
mouth, but it won't stop me
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
alcohol
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it wouldn't
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
memories play tricks, there is no royal road to the unconscious,
just a collection of houghts- no hidden meaning, no experience
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
dunno
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
why be afraid, it is what philosophers term fate
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
had it. Got on one and made some freinds along the way.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
drinking alcohol
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
drinking alcohol
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
alcohol has ruined me for too long
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i just listen and offer bullshit advice- namely; what they want to
hear
for me i know the truth- death is death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
little bit
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
nope
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Fri Apr 11 18:46:53 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 59.
--Details:
My parents are divorced and it was my mom's dad. He died right
after Christmas. My mom thought me and my 5 year old sister should
be there to watch him die. Dad felt it was better for us not to
see this. Was she right or was he right?
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Going to heaven to be with Pappaw William
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 2 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Papaw having trouble breathing and being on an oxygen tank
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My dad
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being there when he died to help my mom take care of my 3 month
old brother
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't get to watch him die
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Daddy wouldn't let us go watch him die
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Watch him die
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend time with him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That I didn't get to watch him die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have watch hum die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Started crying and said I wanted to go with Pappaw William
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sad
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Fri Apr 11 06:19:40 2003
F23 in =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Edgar Cayce
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
He was driving in the country late at night and fell asleep at
the wheel
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition into a new, non-physical state where the body is
discarded and the people who cared about you are left behind to
miss you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died after a long illness. This was particularly
significant to me because before he died he appealed to me to make
it go away, or make him believe it was just his imagination.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying alot and feeling that the world had lost something important
that it would never understand
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that our loved ones are not lost to us after they have died
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
dreaming of my friend comforting me after he had died. it was a
vivid experience and I still believe it was really him in some form
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my spiritual beliefs
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge of his aspirations and how much he would never have
the opportunity to give to the world
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be honest but kind
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I feel that it is important to be kind to others, always, accept them
and be optimistic about plans for the future (your own and others')
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't understand why someone with so much to teach us could
have been taken from the world so soon in his life.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this didn't happen
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him what he meant to me, and get to know him more closely
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help him deal with some problems in his life
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
we went to see his family after we'd heard
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going to see the spot where he crashed - I couldn't understand
why they would want to do that and why the location would have any
significance at all - it was the person that mattered
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see ads warning people of various driving mistakes that feature
crashed cars or dead people
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
... he had so much to do"
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shock, I could barely speak for hours
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a bit of hurt. his family are devout christians and it made me feel
hurt and saddened to listen to the christian sermons at his funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
my own, individual spirituality
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
incorrect
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the incredible sadness of everyone there - it was far deeper than
anything I had expected or experienced before
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
his dog was so happy having everyone there at his parents house,
mourning. the dog kept trying to get people to throw a ball for
him but no one would.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i don't know of any, and he was such a strict christian that he
likely would not have believed in or trusted any that did show... he
tended to think that such things were tricks of the devil
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I know of someone who had a drug overdose and saw himself from
outside his body. this may have been a near death experience,
or just an effect of the drug on his unconscious mind.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that there is nothing to resolve. I did wish I had time to
become closer to him in life and tell him how much he inspired me,
but I believe that the dead understand our feelings and thoughts
about them completely so there is nothing left unresolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I think I have done that in the above-mentioned dream. It helped
me feel that I could accept this and move on.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
he spoke to me in a dream. he and I were in a pool, and we swam
together to meet in the middle. he told me not to be sad because
he had left without any negativity surrounding his life or death,
and comforted me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of dying, but I am afraid of dying afraid. I want
time - even just a few seconds - to foresee it and accept it first.
And, ideally, an extended time to help my loved ones accept it and
adjust before it happened.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I'd want it to say that I always tried to follow my purpose, and
acheive the furthest and truest version of my dreams as I could.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Thu Apr 10 17:03:49 2003
M19 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Pastor ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 8 Months ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 23.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of our lives on earth with our bodies and the begining of
a new one in heaven with our souls
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
totally and completely shocked and unreal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
People and how they can comfort you during times of need
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
everyone i knew being there for me, when i needed them.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering what caused it, and what the person went through in the
last minutes
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
delt with the whole thing
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the time it happened
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this did not happen to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
handle myself how i did
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
coming to the wake
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i am by myself, thinking about the past
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have one more conversation with her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i cant believe it, it is unbeleiveable,
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
it gave me strength
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
it didnt matter
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone was respectful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing the body at the viewing
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my sister came to me in a dream and told me she was OK, this was
very comforting
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wish i knew the time and the place
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talked to myself, alot
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i enjoy answering questions about what happens, it helps me mentally
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Thu Apr 10 16:44:40 2003
F36 in Burnley, lancashire =england=
Name: Nikki
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing through search engine
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Prof/Studies: Mental Health Nurse
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Raymond Moody
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 59.
--Details:
I went to her house to ask her to babysit my kids, and I found her
in bed, already gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our journey on earth, and the return to the spiritual
plane from whence we came.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went on automatic pilot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing everyone else around me crying and weeping for my mother, and
feeling very strange myself for having no emotions whatsoever on the
subject. (I was very close to my mum and saw her 2 - 3 times a week.)
--What I think my (england) culture needs to better learn about death is:
You shouldn't judge other people in life, because everyone is
here for their own unique purpose. When it's someone's time to die,
no-one judges you; you judge yourself on how you feel you have lived,
and whether you have accomplished whatever it was you set out to do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
everyone being very forgiving of me for being forgetful/clumsy, etc.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Sorting her house out with my sister.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My partner's reaction of feeling rejected by me when I need some
space.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
could actually shelve all my feelings because others around me were
crumbling when I wasn't. Also, life around goes on, and you have
to remember the people left behind who may have depended on that
person for support.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
life went on and my mum didn't, and I had to somehow go on too.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Under times of extreme crisis, people's emotions are all over the
place. My boss sent my friend round to my house to see if I was
okay, as I'd just 'jokily' told her on the phone that my mum had
died so I couldn't come in to work the following day. She said they
were worried as I was laughing as though it happens everyday. It's
like the old saying - you have to laugh, or else you'll cry. And if
you know once you start crying you might never stop, and you have
responsibilities to others (kids, relatives, etc.) laughing helps
you cope.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
help my mum reach the end of a legal battle she was in (which was
very near success before she died.)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Keep my 89 year-old aunt's weekly routine going as much as I
could. And that I could carry on working.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I lost my mum's house key the day after she died. We were in her
house (me, my brother and sister) and my sister suggested she put
it in her pocket, as I'm well known for being forgetful. I said "Oh,
it's ok, I'll put it on my keyring straight away." But didn't! When
we were going, we realised I'd lost it, and looked everywhere in
the house. I found it after about 20 minutes - on the floor, in a
place where we had all looked about 3 - 4 times already. As my mum
always seemed to organise me and stop me being clumsy, I felt it was
a small sign to let me and my siblings know she was still around us.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Receiving cards off people (although it was a kind gesture - it
just didn't really seem important at the time.)
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I go to a spot where I used to go with my mum, and sit there in
quiet on my own. With no-one to talk to like I did with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My little Lucy (now 11 months old) would be so, so happy knowing
she was so loved by Grandma, and my little boy wouldn't look so
distant from time to time, when he's pretending to be 'grandma',
but can't really remember her mannerisms any more.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I just had a baby 6 months before she died, and she loved my 3
year - old son so much, but neither of them will truly know what
a wonderful person she was.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have some time on my own in my house, to just sit and wallow in
self pity!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
It still hasn't properly hit me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
very professional (although I'm a nurse myself, so I would say
that!)
However, had I found my mum on the brink of death, the
telephone conversation took too long at the onset, which may have
wasted precious seconds/minutes.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Quite an affair! The funeral was organised by the undertaker who was
a family friend, and also the executor of her will! The service was
taken by a vicar who travelled many miles to do it, as again he was
a family friend!
The funeral made it clear that it was no joke,
and that it had indeed happened - there was no going back. Also,
it was a blessing from God to her and the people she left behind.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
wonderful. Whatever the race, culture or religion, we are all a
part of the human race, and we all go through the Death process
when it's our time to go. It's lovely sometimes when I can smell a
smell that I recognise as her, and it makes me know even more that
life doesn't end with Death.
--Regarding MONEY:
My mum was always very organised with her finances. Whether or not
we are, we made sure that every single account was paid in full
(even a 61p bill!), then she ended her life the same way that she
had lived it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
We buried her in a memorial park. Me and my partner decided we wanted
my 3 year - old to be there, and had told him about the funeral
service, that we would be saying 'bye - bye' to Grandma. But all we
told him about the burial was that we were going to the park.
We
arrived at the spot for her burial, about 40 of us. Ben (my son)
picked a moment when it was quiet and said "I don't like this
park!"
Then, in the way only small children can, he pointed and
said (loudly) "Grandma is down that big hole!"
This made everyone
either laugh or cry, but no-one could deny their emotions after
that! Although I cringed with embarrassment at the time, several
people said that it helped them to deal with the day!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Going to her house and getting used to her not being there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
feelings of anger, bitterness, jealousy of others who haven't
gone through it, are all very ordinary and necessary feelings to
work through.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Four days before she died (suddenly and unexpectedly), my sister
and I went to a clairvoyant. The clairvoyant described in great
detail my mum's mum, aunt and uncle, who she said were all there,
happily chatting away about my mum. In fact, after our reading,
we even jokingly phoned our mum up and told her she owed us some
money as the reading was all about her (although it said nothing
of her future).
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like her to comment on my little girl, as she was only
a few months old when my mum died, and she's now got her own
personality. It would be reassuring to know that even if Lucy can't
know my mum, at least my mum was watching her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamt I saw my mum and asked her to come to a car boot sale
with me (which we always did together). But then in my dream,
realised how impossible that would be as she was dead and it would
freak everyone out. In my dream, she said "Oh, I'm sure the Gods
can work something out."
The morning after, I went to the car
boot sale to buy some things for my antique stall. As I was late,
I expected all the 'bargains' to be gone (as they normally would be
at this time). But instead, it was as though no-one had been and I'd
got the 'first pick'. I felt again as though she was still there
in spirit.
Also, a few times on returning from her house, I've
got a big waft of her scent (a lovely, pot-pourri kind of smell)
when I've got home (and believe you me, my house smells more of
baby sick and dirty nappies than pot pourri!)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My sister in-law has cut herself off from the rest of my family,
due to a silly misunderstanding that took place between me and
my brother (who is talking to us all). she considers herself to
have been very close to my mum, and in a way she was. As such,
it's heartbreaking to think that my mum can look down on this and
see her family split in two. Because of this, my 89 year-old aunt
has written down, and paid for, every detail of her funeral - how
many cars, who's invited, who's doing what, etc., as she says she
doesn't want any more falling out. I think you ought to consider
the thoughts of the dying person, and consider how they would feel.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I should give up smoking (I'm coughing even as I write),
as I'd hate to leave this world before my kids grow up.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Here was someone who always had time to spare if people were feeling
down. She could always find some good in people and knew how to
make people happy.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I found a tin in her drawer, and in it I put a few choice items that
reminded me of her; a bottle of her perfume, a key to her beloved
car, a plastic 'tickly' fingernail that my little boy used to wear
when 'being Grandma', one of her cigarettes.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
When I go to the Car boot sale on my own, there's a tree in the
car park that I look at to think about her.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have several close family friend links miles away, which my mum
always kept on top of. As the eldest child, this responsibility,
I feel, falls to me. It's hard, as I'm a terrible letter - writer,
but I must ensure that these family ties remain. Also I've kept in
touch and grown closer to two of my mum's closest friends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
sharing experience with my family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I wasn't at home when it happened.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I am a mental health nurse, and this has helped me get through
tremendously. 6 weeks after my mother's death, someone hanged
himself on my ward while I was at work. I don't think I would've
dealt with this as well had I not been in the process of grieving
for someone else at the time.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Definitely. This has given me valuable time on my own to reflect
on my feelings of my mum's death.
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Thu Apr 10 13:42:54 2003
M27 in Livonia, MI =USA=
Name: Tera Long
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: ADMIN
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When your life is over.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed for a moment then realization hit me that everyone must die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I hated seeing him sick more than him dieing.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is a natural process of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That when a person is in excruciating pain death comes as a relief.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own thoughts.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Never seeing the person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be fearless and help them die without fear.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Wrote a book about his sickness all the way through to his death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My mother told me he saw something she could'nt see when he was
actually dieing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is healing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hug him one last time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be close to him while he was alive.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Everybodys strenth, especially my mothers
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
was when my grandmother ws super concerned about people visiting
my grandfather while he was dieing, when they couldnt make time
for him when he was living.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him, or her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think about that.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so wonderful has to suffer and be in pain.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they overmedicate people and try to keep people alive even if they
don't want to live.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
the eye in me
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone tried to talk about his life an smile and laugh and
remember.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
complete disinigration of their former physical self.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
death doesnt have to be scary.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He pointed out the window, smiled and gave the okay sign then died.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
aMy mother almost died in a car accident and she saw something she
won't discuss, but it was peaceful.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother saw her grandmother in the mall and followed her she
disapeared into thin air.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You showld alwaysgo along with what the dying person wants, no
matter how you feel about it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about my own death often. I am not scared I am curious.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Tera E. Long died at the young age of 29. she was giving loving
and most peoples favorate person. We will miss her but we know
that if it is att all possible, she will be haunting our homes.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a book
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
I am not afraid of it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
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Tue Apr 8 07:20:49 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
it was a great loss but it healed through supporting those who were
actually involved for instance my cousins and my aunty.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
it was difficult to see my aunty who was facing the death with alot
of pain because she was herself very weak.
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Tue Apr 8 00:56:27 2003
F32 in Portland, Oregon =USA=
Name: V.
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looked up "bardo" to see what it meant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Seth books, a lot of them
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Jane Roberts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2.5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: accidental overdose; Aged: 32.
--Details:
He had a broken hand, and I was away that week. That was his excuse
to shoot up heroin. He hadn't done that ....definetely not since we
had gone out, and to my knowledge, not for at least 6 or 7 years.
We had been friends for over 10 years, and I always knew about
his prior addiction. For the record I have never tried heroin.
SO I made sure that the doctor prescribed some good strong pain
pills, so that he wouldn't be tempted to do heroin anymore. 2 days
later, on a Friday night, he did something he had never done to
me before: he said "it's Friday night, and I'm going out", and he
didn't tell me where he was going. I called some of his friends,
but none of them said they were with him---which turned out to
be true. He had invited them to do drugs but nobody wanted to,
so he died alone in a motel room, with all the drugs to himself.
I couldn't sleep much because I was so upset at him. I was awoken by
the Medical Examiner at about 11 am, who informed me of his death.
At first I thought, 'oh well you don't know how hard it is to wake
him up from a deep sleep!' But the man looked so gravely serious.
The medical examiner was very nice, stayed to comfort some friends,
and waited until my father came to pick me up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
somebody going away and never, ever coming back, even if everybody
wanted them to.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little kid & didn't know why everybody was so sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
We were in love and that's all that matters.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nobody "owns" anyone
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He loved me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Dealing with it directly: talking, crying & screaming, writing,
thinking about it. No wait...I'm still in pain, so maybe that
didn't help?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Tension from other significant people
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You're great
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
um this question is very wordy & rambling. I don't know what you
people want here.
"that I want others to most to know about
how I"...dwelled on that person's death. How's that?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
where are they now?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Well he was funny, give me a break! When remembering him, of course
I would sometimes laugh!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop him from falling down the stairs & breaking his hand.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend his last 6 months of his life being the closest person to him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Nobody recognized me as the most important person in his life,
looking back at the months before his death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
his wife. She had left him.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I return to a place where I recall, "oh the last time I was here
I was with...."
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would still be together, because we would not have gone to that
party where he fell down the stairs & broke his hand! We would
have stayed home.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
WE WERE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER (oops sorry
about caps lock)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Oh my god it's my fault!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hey, great
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N.A.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A required, stifling, annoying formality.
--Religious Affiliation:
spiritually questioning
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Hmmm, very wordy/vague question. Anyway, I'm convinced that all
life, consciousness is (unfortunately) connected. All of life's
existences only SEEM separate. There is a larger picture which
includes the totality of everything, all at once.
--Regarding MONEY:
I didn't get nothin'
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was a big lie. Recreation of history.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Keeping his dirty underwear in my underwear drawer.
I Buried
some treasured mementoes under a seedling I had dug up just a day
before he died. That seedling is now planted in my parents yard,
with the mementoes buried underneath. ....So that means the weirdest
part is ME.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Dreams that someone is going to "leave" you, even though the
person denies it when you awaken & tell them about your dream.
I had those dreams repeatedly.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
N.A.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My ex-boyfriend's father: I saw his apparition in his house,
but only in the corner of my eye, very soon after his death.
I felt his presence strongly.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N.A.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
We were madly in love. He said that I was the "love of his life".
Unfortunately, with all these ******* budget cuts, I will have
to wait until I get insurance that covers counseling. (I live in
Oregon).
Fortunately I have friends who love both me and the
"late" one, and we help each other deal with our shared grief.
I have unresolved issues with his wife. I suppose that's
something I need to approach myself, but maybe not yet.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
He already knew that I loved him. I suppose that's what a lot of
people in his life wished they could have said the day he died,
if they had known.
I know that he loves me, or at least he
loved me dearly the day he died.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Well I dream about my deceased boyfriend all the time but I suppose
that's because I still think about him all the time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Let's be considerate of the deceased's preferences. The loved ones"
need to yield.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Everybody thinks that it is all about themselves... "oh that person
died just to punish me"..."oh that person died and now I am in such
pain"...
I wish I could die soon.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
My friends would know. This isn't how the obit. would read, but
certain specific music would have to be played, and no compromises.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
alcohol makes me stop crying....for a while, but then I just
cry more. Crying in itself is probably healthy.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No, I am still reeling from the terrible loss.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No. I guess that's because I'm the "other woman".
I don't
think so. Not in ANY of the deaths I have experienced. Most people
are turned off by sad people, unless they are sad themselves.
Death is not a feather in anyone's cap.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Hearing music that he played a lot...recognizing it when I heard it &
remembering him
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
Not feeling comfortable talking with family, as a child
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings & telling my sad tale to
approx. 100 people, total. Hopefully no one else will do what he
did (OD) and hurt everyone's feelings in the process.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I just appreciate expressing my feelings. Thank you!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I already have :)
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Mon Apr 7 20:25:40 2003
F41 in california =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
death and dying/tiebetian book of the dead
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1984 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: .
--Details:
the morning he passed, I awoke feeling that someone hugged me and
said good bye. I called my grandmother at 5:30 am I asked her if
she was alright. At age 84 she was. I called the hospital and the
head nurse, said Art has had such a ruff night let me go check on
him stay on the phone. She got back on the phone and told me that
Art had just expired.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an awareness of another plain of consciousness. Depending on your
awareness you can cross with full awareness or not.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young and I was told that this is all part of life.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Wishing I would die because of the seperation of my love ones were
extremely difficult
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is just another journey. Actually when it come time for me to
die I have to say I look forward and pray i do take that step with
full awareness. The seperation from my love ones will only be a
short time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I actually became more spiritual.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
saying prayers for the dead.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Entering a room in my home and smelling that person. They are
visiting but I wish I could see them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
It is important that a person feels loved. When they do pass they
are guided by love so the steps of love are very important.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
above...loved ones...
Have had experiences of the near dead visiting
me making my TV change channels repeatedly, to smelling them, to
having light bulbs pop, to having my phone ring tracing it back to
their homes.I know there is more to this life than meets the eye.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was feeling horribly lonely and was having a pitty party when I
decided not! I started to pray for the dead soon I found myself in
a tunnel of light very intense. two guides me me. I was scared and
asked to be taken back. As soon as they put me back in my bed I felt
waht I was lying on and said to the beings If you want to take me
up take me up slowly. Which thay did. What an Amazing experience!!!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell them how much I love them
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the person dying is ready to go and has told the ones they love
what they need to
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I expected them to walk trough the door, call me...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
not very good. They like to experiment on those that are dying
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Great loving experience
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a calmness comes over their faces.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Read books, write , join a grief group
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
they visit
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
mother friend lover wife writer
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
write my loved one letters
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
talking with my grandmother
Being left behind
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Mon Apr 7 15:07:01 2003
F44 in madision, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i was looking for information on lukiemia
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Prof/Studies: CPA
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 38.
--Details:
i am not sure what happened in this death,an autopsy was
performed,cause of death,probable ,whatever that is
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving our body behind,travleing to anotherplane ,space &
time,relief,like a snake comming out of it's skin
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into shock for a week
--That first time, how it happened was
THERE WAS THIS LADY WHO LIVED ACROSS THE STREET FROM MY GRANDMOTHER,I
LIKED HER ,SHE WAS NICE TO ME HOWEVER VERY OLD,I THINK I WAS 6
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how i realized your life can change all aspects in one move,in one
minute,and thing's will never be the same again,never
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural thing,the moment you take your first breath ,you
begin to die,would it have been better not to have been born at all?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
thhe death of my sister in 1996 enhanced my being ,i was visited
by a spirit,my life drastically changed
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
god
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to see the person again,missing their presence
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
compassion and happiness
--[My Self (near death)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
we can all go at any given moment ,be ready,death waits for
all.do not fear,peace,serinnety,love,warmth, all the above and
not explainable
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you could see your body but knew you were not in it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
I HAVE DELT WITH MANY DEATHS ,FAMILY AND FRIENDS
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Dissociation
I have learned to deal with it
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Wed Apr 2 08:34:32 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Let Nothing be Wasted , I do not know the author it is a small book
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 23 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer of the Esophegus; Aged: .
--Details:
during the wake I can still remember on the left side of the casket,
there were double doors and In walked my G-grandmother's nephew,
in shackles escorted by police officers, he was in Angola State
Penitentery at the time. The intensity of emotion was thick in
awe. It seemed as though I was watching a movie.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a time of tests, trials, love as we know it, it is our
next phase of life into an everlasting life, free of death and
pain and suffering. I believe that death is where I learn what
my motives were, why God allowed to go through the things that I
have endured. What kind of impact did I have on others around me,
sigificant others and people that I was not even aware of.I believe
that I will be judged for the things that I did and did not do. I
believe thatI will stand before God Almighty , that Christ will be my
Judge that all who has accepted his death and ressurection and that
he died so that I might live, that he has allowed me to go through
trials to turn to him and trust in him to help me get through those
trials and to learn to forgive the people that have hurt me, not
that I was able to do it or even wanted to, but asking him to do it
through Him, He has enabled me to release and be set free of pain,
and also allowed the people that hurt me, to witness His power in
me. So, I believe the death can be rewarding experiance, I believe
that it is a reward to those who choose "Life", Life in Jesus Christ.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how I felt inside. empty. alone. wanting something to make me feel
happy something so that I did not feel so scared of what was going
to happen next. I believe today that it had alot to do with the fact
that my mom and dad left me at the age of 3. My grandparents raised
me.I dont remember, but I know that I grew up feeling disconnected
and feeling not a part of.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Well that death is a part of everyone's life, sooner or later we
will die. I believe that it is avoided because it is scary to face
the unknown. Death is a fact, it is final, what is there after,
thats what everyone wants to know, what's Next? if you are not sure
or don't know,is that all, why are we here and how does what I do
effect my destination? I believe that is is what people should know
more about.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that God gave me the ability to still be able to not so much about
just my pain but to console those who were also hurting
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
I did not know that there are stages to grief, or what to do with
the feelings of loneliness
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See Mar 03 contributions.
See Feb 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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