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See Current contributions.
See Jan 03 contributions.
See Dec 02 contributions.
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Wed Feb 26 01:00:51 2003
F37 in Victorville, ca. =usa=
Email: <levet3-at-aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psych 10 class research paper
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Prof/Studies: nrsing student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 23.
--Details:
only that we still at this pint do not know what was bothering him,
why he did it, or why he chose to d it in front of us, (me and
my sistre).
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
dying on tis earth, becoming non existence.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
The first death that really touched me was my cousin who played
pro football. he drowned trying to save tree litle boys. He had a
good heart and died a hero, but at tha particular time i thought his
death was so unfair. My heart hurt for his own three little girls.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing him on th floor for 45 minutes before paramedics arrived
and all that blood.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My cusin commited suicide. Three days before he did it he said he
was going to kill all of us in the house and then himself. Of course
we didn't believe him, but after his suicide I just kept thanking
God that he didn't hurt me, my child, my sister, or my niece.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My paster, who made himself available to me 24hrs. a day with prayer
and daily scriptures for me to read.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to have the closure I needed....not knowing why,
and beating myself up because I couldn't prevent it or stop it.
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
God is able to get you through anything and everything.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
find out wat ws bothering my cousin and maybe get h some professional
help or just someone to talk to maybe our pastor
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
eve his birthdy or death day is aproaching
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief, shock
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something to cast my troubles on ....something to lean on for
strength.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
when my cousin died that played pro football I was outraged by how
insensitive the media was at his funeral. i guess anything for a
story regardless of how much pain people are in.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My mother had a near death expeience - she almnost drowned. She was
under water for a "Long" time. I won't say how long because it's
so unbelievable, and the doctors could'nt explain it, except that
maybe she fainted and stopped taking water into her lungs. She says
she saw her siblings at her funeral, and she said waht they all
were wearing. She also says she was in this beautiful garden and
she just felt at peace.
I was only a little girl at the time, but
I remember my grandmother getting the call that they couldn't find
my mother, that she went under in a suck hole and my grandfather
had been looking for her for a long time, but couldn't find her.
I remember crying and sitting on my grandmother's porch and praying
to God not to take my mother away from me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just like for him to tell me why he took his life without
letting us try to help him
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to make sure my family know my wishes pertaing to life
support.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
My undying love for my children, and always willing to help anyone
even a stranger.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I married my lifelong friend that emerged from the death of
my cousin. My husband was just an aquaintance, and we were at a
party, but not together. i asked him to go home with me because I
didn't like being in the house by myself, knowing that he died there.
So he did, and well lets just say we became more than just friends,
and three months later we were married, and next month we celebrate
our 9th anniversary.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
a psych professor knew i was having difficulties because of som
of the journals and papes i turned in, and he gave me extra "talk"
time after class.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I couldn't believe it because he was so young and had such a
promising future. It just didn' seem fair.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
When my couin killed himself....NO ONE offered to help me or
my sister. We weren't even offered to spend a night out of the
house he committed the act in. we had to return that night and
clean up everything.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
these deaths I spoke of happened a long time ago, and through God's
grace I am over them, and now hold on to the fond memories.
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Tue Feb 25 22:28:13 2003
F44 in Apple Valley, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
taking psycology, class projct
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2002 Months ago.
Cause of Death: conjective heart failure; Aged: 75.
--Details:
He was full of life. I loved him very much he was a wonderful father.
I'm having a very hard time now dealing with it. I'm having my most
diffcult time seeing my mother suffer. They were married almost
50yr and were never apart from each other. She cries all the time
and won't sleep alone in her house. Myself I miss his smiling face.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
sad, scary, heartfelt, lonely. For some of us it is comforting to
know our loved ones are no longer suffering. Other are mad that
they left so soon. Death is something some of wish we never have
to experience but know it will happen one day.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was in high school. It was a friend. I remember when I went to
the funeral I bent down and kiss his face. It was cold and hard.
It was a death that was unexpected a freak accident. I wasn't
affraid only sad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Watching my father die. Being in the room and crying so hard I
couldn't stop. I bent over him and started kissing his legs and
feet. The crying lasted forever. I didn't want to say goodbye,
but I was happy I was with him for his last moments in this world
and with all of my family.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is going to happen eventually. Noone is to blame. We need to
get on with our lives and not let it consume us everyday.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my brother and I were in the room with him when he realized he
was going to die. He told us to take care of each other. That is
the most significant moment in my life today.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having my family to talk too. We are a very close family and we all
needed each other and we were their for one another. Also keeping
busy in school.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing I was never going to see him again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
That it was o.k. to go. That we would all be o.k. Not to worry
about us. Don't be afraid. We would see each other again.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
dealt with his death was that he embrassed life and tought me
the same. He wasn't afraid to die. To live life to it's fullest now.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to deal with never seeing him again. It is still hard for
me to believe he is gone and I will never see him again.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that didn't happen to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be around him more during his last few months.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell him what a wonderful father he was and how very very much I
loved him. How much I appreciated the kind of Grandfather her was
to my children and the kind of father he was to me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
all of my father's friends showed up to the funeral. He had so
many friends. They traveled from all over. It just confirmed what
a great man he was to everyone he ever met.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't really know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I still cry, I'm still not over it. I think about every single day.
I think I will for the rest of my life. Hearing certain music,
seeing his face in my sons face. Looking at pictures of him and
him with me and family.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that we would always be smiling. That when we think of him
we wouldn't cry or be sad.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he had to go so soon. That he had to be sick. He didn't deserve
to suffer.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wish him back alive. See him one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried. I didn't want it to be true. That it happend to
fast to soon.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Content. They made him very comfortable in his last hours.
They
helped us to deal with was was to come.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
none
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
beliving in Jesus, God and knowing how much my father loved the
lord helped me very much. It meant the world to me because I know
I will see him again one day.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Wonderful. I know that his spirit is around me everyday in everything
I do. I often feel him around me.
--Regarding MONEY:
My brother paid for the whole service and everything else. He was
wonderful. We didn't have to worry about anything. He took over
the whole thing and we let him.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All of his friend who attended. How everyone had wonderful things to
say about him. Everyone had wonderful memories for us about or dad.
That was so great.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
There really wasn't anything weird. I know that there was one
person there that I didn't want there, so we made him leave.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not sure. we knew what was going to happen and what to expect.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Saying goodbye or I'll see you another time was the most important
part of my grieving.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I really believe my father was meet by his mother, my brother and
all of his other friend. I truly believe that.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I know no one who has experienced this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had no unresolved issues with my father. I told him everything
I wanted him to know. I said everything I had to say to him.
The only thing that I regret and am having a hard time with is that
he will not be able to see me graduate from Medical Assisting School.
He was my number one fan. Of course the fact that I will never see
his face on this earth again or hear him tell me how much he loves
me. He always told us how much he loved us and every time we left
him he always blessed us. I will miss that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would love for my father to tell me how it is in heaven. I love
him to tell me how my brother is. How beautiful it is in heaven.
I would love to know he is o.k. and so is my brother and mother in
law and other friends.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream that my father didn't die. It was all a mistake.
That was when it first happened. I think he was trying to tell me
he will always be around for me he will live forever in my heart
and in my memories.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Making sure I have a will and that my children and husband know
exactly what I want and how I want it done so that they carry out
my wishes no matter what anyone else says or thinks.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would like to know if I were going to die. This way I can leave
good advise for my children. Say goodbye to all of my family and
friends. And enjoy what time I have left doing things I have always
wanted to do. I am not afraid of dying just afraid that I will not
see my children grow and have a family of there own. Something I
have always wanted to experience.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I would want people to remember that I was a loving, caring
mother that my children were the most important people in my life.
That I enjoyed life. That I was always trying to help in anyway
I could. That I loved my husband from the age of 18 and still do
to this day. That my mother and my sisters were my inspiration as
far as women in my life. That I cherished my friendship with the
few friend I had.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I'm still doing it. I light a candle and have his picture by it on
a table in a corner in the living room. I often go by and say hi.
I pray to him. It makes me feel better.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I'm now attending Medical Assisting school. I'm doing my clinical
in an office which the doctor practices internal medicine. I see
several older sick people. I tend to be much more patient with
them. I try and be as kind as I can I try to keep them smiling.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have a sister in law that I am now a little closer to her because
we have both lost one of our parents. She has really been a great
support.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
a lot of us knew him and each other. We all helped each other.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
It wasn't hard all of our friends helped each other
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I did this with my sister in law. All I did was call her all
the time. Let her know that I was here for her and whatever she
needed I would try and do. I have done this with my own family as
well and my husband.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This has been very useful to me. I was able to feel and relive the
day my father passed and that was a wonderful experience for me.
I needed to remember the things that went on during those few days.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you just about cover it all.
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Tue Feb 25 16:43:02 2003
F20 in Houston, TX =USA=
Name: Cara
Email: <noneya-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Class project for dev psych class
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 17.
--Details:
his kidneys and liver failed then his heart, he had been feeling
fluish and we had talked briefly the morning he died. his mom
called on the way to the hospital and he was in cardiac arrest
before i could get there
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of life, we stop breathing, our heart stops beating and
our soul leaves our body. all that is left is a shell of who we were
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was more upset by the reactions of those around me than by the
actual death
--That first time, how it happened was
a great grandparent i barely knew i was only u[set bc i saw an
uncle cry for teh first time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to get past it teh feeling that i was trying to walk
through quicksand as i went about daily activities, the hallowness
of laughter
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not everyon reacts in the same way and you can't force people
to react to death in the same way. people need the oppurtunity
to grieve
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i realized who the real friends were in my life--the ones that
didn't try to minimalize or change the way i was feeling
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying to get back to normal, i didn't give myself enough to grieve
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let the person cry, sooth but don't minimalize the pain, don't
continuously tell them everything will be ok, just say i'm here
for you, i'm listening, i know it hurts
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
managed to move on. i thought things would never be normal again.
they aren't the same and i still think about him often but i have
moved on and i am happy
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people forcfed me to visit the grave. it didn't help me and it
only made things worse
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i had no desire to laugh, when i was forced to laugh it sounded
hollow and it was physically painful to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, he knew how much i loved him but i didn't get a chance
to say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live to have the joy that i have today
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i was at the memorial sevices ans about to lose it. simultaneously a
friend on either side of me covered my hand with theirs. it was
so comforting it was almost surreal
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
going to the graveside. i was forced many times to visit his grave
and i hated it every time.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i smell his cologne
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i often have nightmares that my current bf wil die suddenly, vivid
dreams of his funeral, his death and even visiting his family after
he dies. i wake up in a cold sweaat adn cannot calm down until i
hear his voice. this means that i call him repeatedly at two and
three in the morning untel he wakes up and answers the phone
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he meant so much to so many people, to me, he was too young to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep and sleep forever
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was watching a favorite tv show. i had been numb until that point
but i just started crying for the first time and didn't stop until
i had to be taken to the er for an asthma attack
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
overmedication, they tried to force meds on me to keep me from
feeling what i needed to feel. they said they were tying to prevent
another possible fatal asthma attack but the drugs did nothing but
defer and strengthen my pain
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support, people were there that would listen, but they were also
guilty of minimalizing the pain. one even went to the point of
saying greiving was almost selfish bc travis was in a better place
and was happier than he was on earth, while that was a comfoting
thought that helped me several times it didn't stop the pain and
briefly increased my pain by making me feel guilty
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding MONEY:
na
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the sterility of it all, it was approached by the view that we
should be happy that travis was in paradise, personal pain was not
adressed and almost seemed to be dismissed
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
wanting to touch travis's body to feel for myself that he was
actually dead. he just seemed like he was sleeping
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
na
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
na
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he died in a er emergency room with electric shocks and medical
personell
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i was in a serious car crash and thought i was going to die.
i was not afraid of death at all
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved issues except that i didn't get to day goodbye
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
goodbye i only wish i could have said goodbye
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
na
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
na
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would like to have time to say goodbye to loved ones but i am
not afraid of death, at least not since the wreck
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
i would want it to say the i was a freind to everyone and an emeny
to no one. that i did everything in my poower to help ppl whenever
possible
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i threw myself into my school work, becoming obsessed with details
and only dealing with the pain a little at a time
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
taking 20 min al to myself every day no matter what's going on
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my current bf--he was my rock and my best friend during the
ordeal--he was the only one that would let me just cry
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Abandonment
i was too little to really realize what was happening a hug and
an ice cream cured me
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
i didn't really have a hard time dealing with it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
hugs lots and lots of j=hugs and shoulders to cry on. john being
there and just leting me cry.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this question was helpful in making me think about hte time and
appreciate those who helped me. i feel more able to be of help to
those who go through similar experiences
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
i had to re-read the following question several times before i was
able to understand what it was asking:
There are sometimes some
surprising learning experiences at times like this. Even though
I may not have known it was possible, I realize now that I have
learned so much from the death of my --specify--that I want others
most to know about how I:
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Tue Feb 25 10:31:52 2003
F50 in riverside, california =usa=
Name: c kelley
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searching for closure
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Prof/Studies: instruc. aide with special eduaction
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More personal info:
This is my 4th death of a very close person.
1 my best friend
2
my husband
3 my father on hospice
4. my boyfriend
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart I believe; Aged: 40.
--Details:
He was super intelligent, degrees in math and physics also played
bass in symphony orchestra. I was a widow and went back to college
and he was my algebra teacher. I found down the line that he had
a few mental problems that progressively got worse. In the five
years we have known one another, I had stayed with him thru thick
and thin. He went on a downhill trend losing everything financially
and mentally, I tried to help him as much as I could even though
it was very difficult at times and I was treated quite poorly,
I still cared, because I knew he had mental illness. He became
homeless and moved into my home for a year and 3 months, with the
promise he was to try and help himself and get back on his feet,
unfortunately that did not happen and I had to ask him to leave,
which hurt, made me filled with quilt( which I was told by everyone
that I should not feel this way because I already had gone above
and beyond and done much more than any normal person would have done
and put up with. He moved and 3 months later he died. We had just
met with each other right before he died and it was to my surprise
a pleasant visit like old times, he presented me with film of him
playing a symphony and told me of his plans to move again for
he was not happy where he was. He called me the night before he
died and left a message on my answering machine, I never got the
chance to return his call. He died the next day. I did not know
his family, knew his so called friends, whom I hadnt seen in over
a year. They took over the funeral arrangements never contacting
me about anything. I wanted to view the body for closure and hug
him,but had to have permission from who was handling the service,
the mortuary called me and said they were sorry but they had already
cremated the body. I am displeased about this, but I feel good to
know that I was the last one that he confided in and spoke with,
for I was the only one he trusted and he knew and always thanked
me when he was of normal mind for all I had done for him and how
he would repay me someday, of course I told him I dont want to be
repaid I just want to see you get yourself together again.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
losing a piece of your heart, or a deep pang in your body that acts
like it will never heal, losing part of your make up of everyday
life for if you spent a lot of time together everything you did
was connected.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went into a severe shock, but I held strong and was much stronger
than I thought I could be. But as time goes on I find that each
death is different and feelings are different and I do believe they
seem to get more difficult.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how evil the people were that took over the funeral and eveything
else. They were cruel and thoughtless.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
I kept strong and had great support from husband and family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
everyday things that always included the person and now you are
by yourself
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Tue Feb 25 02:50:28 2003
F33 in Tooele, Utah =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: killed himself; Aged: 13.
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--Death Is:
The end of the persons life they are gone and we will never see
them again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Felt numb and was not sure how to deal with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
a friend killed himself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
His family and the blame that they put on themselves.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We are all going to die sometime.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned that my actions could effect other people in ways that
I might not ever know.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mom and Dad.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
It should not have happened.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen.
--[My Acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Feel about them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It was more why.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It helps you deal with it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say Good-by.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get over it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My mom and dad spent hours with me talking about it and letting me
cry. They let me know it was OK.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I haer of another young kid doing the same thing.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would not be much diffrent for me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It was a stupid thing to do.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Stunned.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They could not have done anything.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Creepy
--Regarding MONEY:
N/A
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The sadness.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Here today gone tomarrow.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
its like a chill.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was mad and always will be.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that it was selfish. I would also like to know if
he has seen what it did to his family and friends.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If they have asked for something to be done do it. Don't do something
diffrent so you will feel better.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Noone gets out alive!
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I want them to know how or what I deid of. And please say I worked
at McDonald's. I don't want lies about the type of person I was.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Support of family and friends.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I had support. The family could have used more.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think of things that I have not thought about for years
and remember things that had been important at the time.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
You might want to put it in as the most important death instead of
the first important death experience.
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Mon Feb 24 10:42:41 2003
F22 in Orlando, FL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mentor, 2 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: infected feeding tube; Aged: 60.
--Details:
she had throat cancer, died unexpectedly from an infected feeding
tube.
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--Death Is:
our physical body shutting down, and our spirit/conciousness moving
on to the after-life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to grieve, was in complete shock, went through/am
going through a deep depression.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my brother breaking down crying durring the funeral... he didn't
even cry at our friend Lynette's funeral a few months prior.
We had to comfort each other through the services.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support from my boyfriend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having so many people to grieve for all at once. Some times I
don't even know who I am grieving for, I just feel very depressed.
It makes every other part of life seem that much more difficult.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't wait to visit someone who you know is very ill with a disease
that they could potentially die from. Just a couple of weeks
before my mentor died from the infection, I went to her house and
took her flowers, even though she was too sick to have visitors.
At least I was able to see her one last time. And at least she
knew I was thinking about her and cared.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
beat myself up over "what I could have done" to make a difference.
My friend killed himself, we had hung out just a week or two
prior... I kept thinking that if I had called him, or done something
differently that maybe he wouldn't have done this, maybe he would
still be with us. What I learned was that it is pointless to beat
myself up over what I should have/could have done... instead I need
to just move on and try to be there for my friends who are living.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I heard about how my friend had killed himself. He had called a
mutual friend of ours the night before asking to borrow money... I
didn't understand why he would ask to borrow money and then kill
himself. It didn't make sense. And I wondered why he didn't call
me... why he didn't feel he could talk to me about his problems.
We were so close.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Let Jim know how much we loved him, how much we wanted him
around... how much he meant to us. That he could have come to us
for anything at all.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
visit Lynette in the hospital the day before she died.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take a long leave from work, sit at home, and let myself get through
this... I feel like I have to hold it all in because of society,
and it's outlook on having friends die... it's like it's only
acceptable to grieve for immediate family members, even if your
friends are just like family, if not closer.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I could have done something to change what had happened.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
not quite sure how to answer this one... but I remember the
viewing of my friend who killed himself, and it didn't even look
like him... it was just an empty shell, the essence of who he was,
was gone. I believe the spirit or conciousness must go some where.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing my friend at the viewing. I looked, and then had an anxiety
attack and had to go sit down. I couldn't decide at the start
if I was going to look at him or not... a friend dragged me up,
and I just couldn't handle it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I have no clue
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I have had to go to therapy a lot, and have been put on medications
to help deal with the anxiety... but the most important thing is
to have people you can turn to, and cry on their shoulder if you
need to.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to know why he killed himself... why we couldn't
help him. What I could have done differently?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
when I went to the memorial service for my friend who died of cancer,
I could swear that I saw a shadowy figure appear behind the pulpit,
and after a few people went up and spoke, the figure slowly ascended
and then disappeared completely. I thought that maybe it was her
spirit making sure that everyone was okay before moving on.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I was a person who cared about her friends and loved ones
above herself. That I made a difference in their lives in any way
be it great or small... and more importantly that I did something
to try and change the world.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The day that I found out that my friend had killed himself, my
boyfriend and I went to the bar that I used to go to with him all
the time. We sat at the table we all used to sit at together, and
I bought him a beer and set it in the place that he would have sat.
Then along with one of the waitresses that knew him, we carved his
name and the date of his death into the table as a memorial.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
A girl that I hadn't spoken to in a very long time... we started
talking again just before our friend died. She has been my biggest
source of support since his death.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I'm still trying to find those answers myself.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it's been helpful in getting some of my thoughts and feelings
out there.
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Sun Feb 23 14:32:00 2003
F19 in Toronto, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Psychology class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 6 Months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 16.
--Details:
he hit gravel, the car rolled, and his neck snapped
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--Death Is:
when someone or something loses it's life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried in my room by myslf for weeks
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
going to the funeral home and looking at Jason...he just looked
asleep.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
their is life after
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how the ENTIRE town was there for everyone when Jason died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and old memories
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that he was gone and never coming back
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont act like they are dying, the last thing they want is to
be reminded
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wasn't embarrassed or affraid to just cry like a little baby,
it helps
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
jason died becuase the ONE part in his neck snapped, but his brother
(14) walked away alive
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was just remember how great jason was and how he was always
trying to make peope laugh. he wouldnt want me to be sad
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
habg out more and get closer
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be around everyone that cared
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his mother hugged me, and she had to comfort me!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what to wear
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i have to take surverys like this one
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would try to be his friend more
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was so young, he had jst turned 16 a week before he died
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it had to be a mistake
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there was nothing they could do
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
nothing
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nothing to me
--Regarding MONEY:
the funeral and showing was realyl expensive. but with what the
community gave back...it was amazing
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was the largest funeral my town had ever seen. there was a 2
and half hour line to see him at the showing
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing he was gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
tiredness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its too hard to visit
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i never had one
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
my friends
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
this is a very morbid question i wish to skip
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking about him and all the memories
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this is way to personal and its bringing back a lot of sad memeories
that i wish it hadnt
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Sun Feb 23 12:20:15 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 80.
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--Death Is:
when someone you love very dearly leaves you and part of your own
soul dies with them.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt understand why
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wanting to die
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
afterlife
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the end to suffering
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my highschool guidance counselor
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact i couldnt go with her, and that i would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
there is no time for should have, could haves, or would haves....you
only have now...and in a split second it could be over and that
person may have to experience death alone.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can move on in my life and help others to die with dignity
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she awoke from her coma, smiled, said a few words, than layed down
and died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never experienced that
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say just one more time. I love you.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend as much time with her as i did.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see a picture of her. it all comes back
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do we have to die?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die too
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it cant be true, she cant be gone.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
optimism and hope
--Religious Affiliation:
roman catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i felt i couldnt cry because people were looking at me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
cheyne stokes breathing, and sudden energy boosts
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
some therapy before her death might have helped
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Sat Feb 22 23:15:42 2003
F25 in Portland, Oregon =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Portland State University offers weekend courses on "Grief and Loss"
that I found helpful for myself and also for helping others going
through a loss.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
David Capuzzi
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 20 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide, gunshot; Aged: 24.
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--Death Is:
the inability to communicate with or contact someone we care about
for as long as we are alive.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
with a person: I was curious
with a pet: I cried and cried
--That first time, how it happened was
When I was a child my parents best friend used to come over every
night. He helped me learn to read and was my best adult friend. He
gave my parents a few of his things and committed suicide that
night. I didn't really understand what it meant, only that he
wouldn't be coming over anymore. I remember seeing a clip on the
news of a body being removed from a house and asking if that was
our friend which illicited a very angry 'no' from my mom.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the anger and guilt of my parents
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I feel like the dominant religion in this culture causes the people
who don't participate in that religion to question their decisions
about the afterlife. My husband does not completely believe in the
religion he was raised in, yet he can't shake it completely. He
is scared to die because there is a small part of him that is
still convinced that he is going to hell for not following that
particular religion.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a dream I had after a pet of mine died. I often remember it in
times of stress and use the memory to comfort myself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief in what happens after we die.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the permanence of it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen. don't offer advise, don't change, be who you've always
been and listen.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It was incredibly comforting and took the edge off of my grief. I
use the memory as a comfort in times of stress.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes. I would be okay if I died tomorrow. The only thing/person I
would worry about would be my husband. Everyone else in my life
would be able to grieve and move on, but I could see my husband
giving up, getting stuck in the grieving. Although I love my life
here, and the learning experiences that I am having, I am looking
forward to leaving earthly necessities behind when the time comes.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I was a kind person. That I lived by the motto of 'Do no harm'
and that every person I met never felt worse for meeting me, and
maybe sometimes felt a little better.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I have attended a class on greif and loss. Hopefully it will help
me when I need it to.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My parents inability to discuss with me what death meant and their
anger made it a situation that I just didn't bring up again.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel good getting to talk a little bit about death. My husband
is scared of dying, so it isn't something we can process and talk
about much.
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Sat Feb 22 15:39:42 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
time
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Sat Feb 22 07:49:38 2003
F36 in phelan, ca =usa=
Name: cheryl
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
class assignment for pysch 10 development pysch
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Prof/Studies: elementary teacher
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More personal info:
you may post whatever is helpful to others
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
philip mc graw
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain aneurysm; Aged: 49.
--Details:
Shelby was a happy go lucky kid there were no warning signs. She
collapsed when the aneursym burst and two days later she was gone,
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--Death Is:
real. There is no hiding from it. It happens to us all and as you
age it happens more and more often.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was to little to understand. Then after I gave birth to my son and
I lost my Mom 4 weeks later. I was very angry with her for leaving
me and my children. It was to soon. She was 49 when an aneurysm
burst she held on for 4 days.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain and isolation you go thru. Then people tend to want to
sweep it under the carpet and you really find out who your true
friends are.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a fact of life and just because you lose a child that does
not mean you forget about that child. She is still on your mind
everyday. It gets easier as time goes on but it doesn't go away.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The support of our church family and friends. We had very little
money to bury our daughter but yet by the time it was time to pay
for everything our community had raised the money and a little bit
extra. The support was tremendous even from complete strangers.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books and a wonderful counselor.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
acceptance. I still wanted my little girl to come back. I know that
wasn't realistic. But it was very hard to accept she was gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Take them meals talk about the person that has died especially in
the case of a child. It is very hard for a mother when people just
stop talking about her child in fear they will hurt the person.
--[My Daughter's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
After losing a child you can deal with most anything. I think you
learn to accept death and have more compassion for others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The doctor that pronounced our daughter dead, He was so scared
to tell us. Me and my husband already knew our Shelby was gone
the night before and they just kept prolonging it. I wanted the
organ team to come in and start harvesting but they were unable to
approach us because there was a trace of a brain wave.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release of all the tension.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hold her more without the machines they had her hooked up to.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my sisterinlaw at the funeral place when they were trying to
sell us so much stuff.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
a family came and cleaned our whole house while we were at the
hospital.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a birthday, a holiday comes I get weepy
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Our family would be more complete. There feels like something is
missing at family functions and of course it is our daughter.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't have but two children and now our son is an only child her
on Earth.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring her back but I know that is not reality. God only gives you
as much as you can handle. He knew how severe the disabilities
would of been had she lived.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
already knew we had a spritual experience the night before and our
daughter told us goodbye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I admire them for trying but on the other hand I really wonder what
would of happened if there hadn't been 2 hosptials involved
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and help understanding that we would see our daughter again.
--Religious Affiliation:
the Church of Latter Day Saints(Mormon)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting knowing people regardless of faith will come together
in a time of need.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was very little you expect your children to outlive you you
do not plan for there deaths.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
comforting and overwhelming amount of support
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
there were no signs.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
You can thru them all and slide back to the begginning many times
in the road of grief.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know her grandmother and a dear aunt were waiting for her to
welcome her HOME.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just tell our daughter how much she was loved and cherised.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
We often feel her presence in the house. The night before she died
we felt her leave this Earth. She came in the waitng room and did
not physically tell us goodbye but mentally we could feel it. It
was quiet only me and my husband were in the room. Then she visited
several of her friends and her brother. For months after I could
hear my son talking to someone in his bedroom but when I would go in
all was quiet. He was very young only 2 1/2 when we lost his sister.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Respect the wishes of the dying if there is no hope of living let
them go graciously without heroic measures. Machines should not
keep the dying alive.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I will welcome it when it comes there is nothing to fear when you
know there will be family friends on the other side to welcome
you HOME.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I hope they would remember that I loved them all and tried to ease
the pain and sufferings of others if only in a small way. And my
volunteer work at the school. If you only make a difference in one
childs life you have succeeded.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote often in a journal. And friends would call just to talk
sometimes I could talk for long periods other times I didn't feel
like talking. Also we plant a tree every year since the first
anniversary of her Heaven Day. And we celebrate Shelby's life on
her birthday and Heaven Day with a small family party.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I find I am more compasionate to others. I always try to smile at
all I pass. You don't what kind of day they may have had.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
There is an organization for grieving parents. I met many thru there
and we still keep in touch thru emails. Like the saying goes until
you have walked in my shoes. You cannot really appreciate death
until it has happened to you. especially in the case of a child's
death. I continue to go to the chat rooms for those that are new
to grief. For it was someone that was later in their grief that
helped me many a nights.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
helping others and going back to school
not being able to accept that a child could die so young at 7 years
of age
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just talking and being there. Calling remembering birthdays,
anniversaries.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I try not to be a negative person. So this was not upsetting.
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Sat Feb 22 06:49:20 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
class assignment for pysch 10 development pysch
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
to young to really understand
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Fri Feb 21 13:21:37 2003
F29 in dallas, TX =usa=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: RN
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: smoking; Aged: 64.
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--Death Is:
when you leave your physical body behind and your true self ventures
somewhere. I do not know where
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried a lot. Then I found ways to remember them and keep them a
part of my daily life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the color red because her name was ruby and her favorite color
was ruby red. she always wore ruby red finger nail polish and lip
stick and now so do I
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing. I believe native americans have a very healthy and
realistic approach to dealing with death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned from their mistakes in life. I know if I am to repeat
these mistakes their lives would have been in vain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, yoga, anything in nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the person and not telling them everthing you should have
said before they died
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can love and miss someone who was not an active member in my daily
life, but still was one of my heros
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why do the best ( morally) people seem to die first.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I love you, one more time. and maybe thank you for everything
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with them before they left
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
words spoken by a love one
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the funeral
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a certain song and on some holidays
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such a good man could die so young. and how could god let an
infant burn to death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to them one more time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in denial
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
complete ignorance
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
my belief and love of god has nothing to do with organized religion
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
one I like to believe in
--Regarding MONEY:
too many people got caught up in money when they should have been
morning the death
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how one life can affect so many people
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
they told me before dieing that they knew if was close
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
broken spirit
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
is that their always with us
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
how much i appreciated them being in my life
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i want to be cremated
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know it is inevitable
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
that i tried to be good to all people and animals. i took pride in
being apart of nature
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I keep something living associated with the lost love one for example
a plant or an animal or continue something they left unfinished
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my family seems closer and more affectionate
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it asked some good questions, but not enough on how others death
affect our perspective on our own death or others to come
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Fri Feb 21 12:46:06 2003
M29 in Denton, TX =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
developmental psychology
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Prof/Studies: Nursing student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: disaster at work; Aged: 50.
--Details:
Hydraulic equipment moved while he was working on it crushing
his head.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
natural
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandfather died of cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my desire to call him several days before it happened and not
doing so.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to focus on it. death is ok.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how the extended family came together to help everyone through
the situation
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Dad and extended family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
pain of loss
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
think he would want me to live my life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
His daughter had died the year before.
His wife and children
has quit talking to my side of the family
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was while I was remembering the best experiences with him
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him on the phone the week before
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have learned so much from him while he was alive.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
my immediate life would be about the same, his families life would
be much better
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I need him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
shut down the factory he worked at
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in disbelief then broke down and cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they could not do anything
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a lot
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
overplayed
--Regarding MONEY:
It messed his family up. They receive settlement money with which
they have attempted to spen away all their pain.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
close friends and relatives
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The rain during the service then it stopped when we went to the
graveside
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
It was a sudden death
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
no opportunity to know in advance, he went to work and never
came back
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He went to Heaven
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish I could be as close to his family as I was when he was alive.
It is their deciscion as to when that will happen.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to hear from him an example or life experience that
would help me deal with everyday life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I am not on any medications
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Hopefully I will have had time to take care of all the arrangements
while I was alive.
prepare a will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am ok with dying, I just do not expect it very soon
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
honesty, good morals
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went deer hunting 2 years later and shot a deer and then drove
by the gravesite to show my uncle who would have been proud.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
came closer to an extended cousin
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Parent's care
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
to young to understand
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Wed Feb 19 14:26:25 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 20.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Apart of life everyone has there time to go . but it is very hard
to deal with someone dying.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 18 years old my cousin died of a heartattack he was only 23.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his face when i saw him in the caket i wanted to die. because he was
killed they shoot him in the face and when i saw it it was horrible
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal; with it
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the memories that we have.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend was there for me through it all.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will never see them again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just care for somrone and tell them how you feel because tomorrow
is not promised.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
to pass out and die with him.
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Tue Feb 18 04:19:28 2003
F36 in west hartford, connecticut =usa=
Name: melissa sebastiao
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Prof/Studies: home maker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
knowing they are at peace
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
not knowing he was so sick
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Mon Feb 17 19:26:03 2003
F20 in Hesperia, CA =92345=
Name: Jen
Email: <blucatwitch13-at-msn.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
It is part of an assignment for Developmental Psychology
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Prof/Studies: Tutor, going to be a teacher
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More personal info:
You can post me.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: AIDS complications; Aged: 50.
--Details:
He was one of the most beautiful people ever and when he died it
seemed to affect those I cared about worse than it affected me.
I loved him, but I accepted that it was his time to move on and
that I would see him again on the Other Side.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a temporary break from the Cycle of Life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a step aunt who was fairly young, but sick her whole life
I knew she was sick and in the hospital then she was dead.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness of those around me.
--What I think my (92345) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not final.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the closeness it brings to those who are still alive.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
nothing.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't be afraid for them.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Dead people only lose their bodies not their souls, their souls
continue on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
is not the when but the why.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is just a simple release of emotion it is cleansing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with the deceased.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know this person.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was able to console those around me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
seeing the body.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember the good times, tears of joy.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't do that.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that great people who help others should die so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt overwhelming sadness.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are cold heartless money-grubbers.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
didn't go.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing, but Spirituality means everything.
--Religious Affiliation:
Buddhist/Pagan.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that death is just part of the Reincarnation cycle.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that some people were very fake in their mourning.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I was angry at the people running the memorial.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Sometimes I will be somewhere and in the middle of whatever is going
on I will feel Dave's presence. It is fleeting, but enough to put
a smile on my face.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I do not fear where I will go when I die, but I fear not being
able to enjoy the love of my life and have children with him in
this life-time.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
That I was a good listener, an animal lover, and a truly great
teacher and Spiritual human being.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Honoring Dave in a ritual for the holiday of Samhain (day of
the dead).
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
Pagan religion
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I liked it I think it was broad and in-depth enough for anyone to
be able to relate to it.
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Mon Feb 17 17:58:37 2003
F50 in Apple Valley, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 1/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: bone cancer; Aged: 78.
--Details:
My mother suffered a great deal of pain but showed a great deal
of bravery. She was undiagnosed until just a few weeks before
her death. Hospice had only been arranged for a week before she
died. Her six children all gave her a lot of love and support. I
was with her as much as possible and I was holding her hands as she
took her last breath. I had a hard time letting her go that day and
sat for a long time holding her hand while family gathered around.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end to this physical life and body. We can hope or believe, but
know one knows what lays beyond. Most people here on earth like
to think that our spirit, or psychic energy remains, and we are
recycled into new beings to live life once again to grow beyond
that which we achieved in our present life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
My aunt was the first person I was with when they died. It happened
so quickly, I was caught off guard. I knew she was dying but I
didn't know it would happen so fast. I was with while other family
memebers had gone to the airport to meet her sister. I kept telling
my aunt to hang on, that her sister was coming, she would be there by
midnight and come straight to the hospital. The plane was delayed;
my aunt held on until midnight and then died. Her sister arrived
about 15 minutes later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I think my mothers death affected memore than my 5 brothers
and sisters. I was the oldest of 4 girls and mom and I were very
close. Mom died on a hospital bed in her living room with me holding
her hands. I felt that she knew I wanted to be there with her when
she died and that she waited until I woke up that morning. She
waited until I got up and tended to her by changing her and giving
her morphine. After she died I held her hand for hours until they
took her away. There were lots of people around but everyone was
very quiet.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Not to be angry with the dying person. Everyone has to face their
death in their own way. It is much more important that you be there
with someone, supporting them as much as you can. Also important
for the living to take of their needs also. Don't be afraid to tell
someone that you love them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The bravery my mom showed me when she was in so much pain was the
greatest lesson/gift she gave me. Never once did she want or ask
for pity or sympathy, she just kept on until she was gone. She
didn't give up, she kept trying.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My best friend had already lost both of her parents; her mother
about 15 years before I lost mine. She also was very close to her
mother. When my tears wouldn't stop, and the missing my mom wouldn't
stop, my girlfriend assured me this was normal. She said she cried
every day for a year. This seems unbelievable to actually think about
and react the same way to the same event for such a long time. I
didn't cry every single day; probably only about 360 days that
first year. 2 1/2 years later I still miss her and feel an empty
(physical) space where she once was and the tears flow. I know I will
always have my memories of her and the specialness we shared that
can never be taken away from me as long as I hold on to them. The
fact that I had absolutely no regrets about my relationship with my
mother helped a great deal. That thought has always been a great
deal of support to me. I gave her unconditional love and support
and that is what she gave me for which I am very grateful for.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Missing her and missing her. Just wishing she could still be here
with me. Another hard part was seeing the needless suffering she
went thru due to her doctor's incompetence or perceived lack of
concern. I came away from that female doctor feeling that she had
never experienced the suffering or death of her mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talking about whatever they want to talk about. This is about
them. Let them know you are there for them, give them the security
and comfort of knowing that youy will be there for them and with
them. Give them as much dignity and respect as the situation allows.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am not afraid to be with someone when they are dying. It is a very
intimate experience and we don't really know how scary it is. I
don't think I am afraid of dying since I have witnessed it myself,
twice now, but I do know that I would much prefer to go quickly
and not suffer pain.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I sometimes wanted to ask my mother questions about what she was
thinking about during those last few weeks, after she knew she was
dying and she would just stare into space. But she was dopey and it
was hard for her to communicate both physicaly and emotionally. I
think she almost felt a bit betrayed or shocked to realize she
was dying. Although we were together, I wish we could of done
more talking.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I think sometime you laugh just to be sure you still can, you
laugh just to be sure the sound of laughfter wasn't a fantasy,
you laugh just to be sure htat you don't lose the ability to laugh
(for the future) even if you don't feel like laughing at this time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
No regrets with either of my parents because they both knew I loved
them and I knew they loved me and that is the most important to me. I
do wish, however, that I had learned more from them and about them,
their feelings and thoughts.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be a major caretaker for my mom. I do think I was only able to do
this because it was for a short time (months) rather than years. I'm
thankful my brothers and sisters and I were all gathered for a
family meal at my mom's place the night before she died. Mom laid
in her hospital bed in the LR and looked on while we sat at the
table and talked and ate. Mom knew we were all around and she felt
at peace and safe.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
WE buried my mom's ashes at sea near the same place we burind my
dad's. As the boat took us back to shore, I looked up and saw two
birds following along for a long time. Birds were special to my
mom and watching those two birds I felt that dad had met mom and
they were together again. This was very comforting to me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a certain song comes on, or when the holidays come, I see dislays
in stores for Mother's Day.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I am more grown-up, I've lost the dimension of being my mother's
daughter. I am more in control of my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I was given this wonderful man, my father, only to have his
taken away.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back to being a child.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
When I first learned about the death of my dad. He died quickly of
a heart attack while on vacation at my brother's house on the other
side of the US. I had called several times in the few days prior to
his death but they were out busy sightseeing in Boston. Dad seemed
to be having a wonderful time and once again enjoying good health
after dealing a hard year of health problems. He seemed to be back on
track after nearly losing him 6 months prior to his actual dying. I
knew what my brother was going to tell me before the words were out
of his mouth because his call came so late in the evening. I kept
saying no...this can't be...no. I paced back and forth across my
kitchen. A part ofmy mind was hearing the words and trying to let
it sink in but another part of me found it too horrendous to accept
and deal with. My pre-teen sons instantly knew something was wrong
by the tone of my voice and came to me right away wanting to know
what had happened. That is when the reality hit me and I knew
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt. I, a total layman, had to diagnose my mother's condition to
the doctor, tell the doctor what I thought needed to be done, that
the pain she was having was not normal. The doctor (a female)seemed
cold, almost callous.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We only had hospice for a short time before mother died but knowing
it was there gave us a great feeling of security. We knew they were
there to help us, to guide us, to answer questions. They dealed
with things in a very straight forward, honest way
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
all or nothing, os something in between. Different for all of
us. But everyone has some type of belief, spirituality, religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
Luthern, Moravian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that we are all humans, no matter what our differences.
--Regarding MONEY:
My parents had both made prior death arrangements thru the Neptune
Society. We knew exactely what they wanted, and who to call. As far
as the estate goes, our family is lucky that one brother has a strong
financial background and a very sharp mind. He was the executator of
the estate and handled everything beautifully. Each child received
the same amount and there was never any bickering over money.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that is was a very small private family affair for my mother, but
twice as large for my dad. At each one, we children were the only
people that spoke at the services for each parent. Each service
was very touching, sincere, appropriate, and beautiful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
making the baskets with my parents ashes. I prepared the baskets for
both, three years apart. I walked around the neighborhood they lived
in and found rocks to weigh the basket down. I opened their urns and
emptied their ashes into the paper bag for the basket. In California
all materials for the basket had to be natural, biodegradeable. I
decorated the baskets with flowers and raffia. I know it sounds
awful, but when the boarded the boat with my mom's ashes in the
basket, I said, "Alright everyone, Grandma's here now."
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
breaths per minute drops, goes slower.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am glad I didn't try to deny the grief I felt over losing my
mother.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I saw my dad one time, felt his presence, while I was asleep/awake in
bed. I knew instantly that I needn't be afraid. My mother reported
my dad visiting her twice while she was asleep in bed. He showed
up and just stood before her bed. The first time this happened and
she told me about it she said it freightened her. I talked it out
with her and reasoned that there was no reason for her to be afraid,
she knew that dad would never hurt her. She agreed and wasn't afraid
the second time.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
To make sure the family and doctor are aware of and thoroughly
understand your wishes. My parents both made their wishes known
to all.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know it would make me feel sad, very sad I think.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Good friend to many, strong lady. Loved her family, cooking and
gardening best.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Walking around gathering the stones to weight down their ashes
basket for burial sea was a ritual for me. The whole time I felt
I was communning with them, feeling their presence, saying goodbye
while I was looking for the rocks.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still like to walk alone and think about problems or life events.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
feeling the loss and letting the tears flow whenever they come on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
It took me a full year to realize that I had anger inside me after
my dad died. I did not have anger at him for dying, but rather just
anger that this wonderful that I loved so much was taken from me,
that he was gone. I felt like it was very cruel for me to have
to love and then for him to be gone. Oddly enough, as soon as I
acknowledged that anger, I dealt with it and I was fine. Also I was
very involved in helping my mother when my father died. I had to
be strong for her and take care of her and I think that may have
delayed me in dealing with my dad's death and the anger.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My son's adoptive father died within a few days of my mom. His
funeral was arranged quicker than mom's because we had to wait for
her ashes. I drove from California to Arizona to support my son
in his loss. I drove and cried all the way to Phoenix, then a few
days later I cried and drove back home to help make arrangements
for my mother.
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Mon Feb 17 13:20:46 2003
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 1/2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: bone cancer; Aged: 78.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
feeling the loss and letting the tears flow whenever they come on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
It took me a full year to realize that I had anger inside me after
my dad died. I did not have anger at him for dying, but rather just
anger that this wonderful that I loved so much was taken from me,
that he was gone. I felt like it was very cruel for me to have
to love and then for him to be gone. Oddly enough, as soon as I
acknowledged that anger, I dealt with it and I was fine. Also I was
very involved in helping my mother when my father died. I had to
be strong for her and take care of her and I think that may have
delayed me in dealing with my dad's death and the anger.
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Mon Feb 17 10:50:25 2003
F20 in Hesperia, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
From a list given by my Psych 10 professor for our Research
Participation Term Project
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A loss. A loneliness. A life changing experience. Something
difficult to get over. Possibly devastating.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in disbelief. Felt heartbroken and betrayed beyond belief.
Felt alone and knew that my life would be forever changed by the
experience.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather had a chemical imbalance. It was hard to tell whether
he was ok or not. Just when we thought that he might be ok he didn't
take his medication. He must have been feeling horrible with his
life because he took his own life. I was very close with him, he was
like my dad in many ways. That was literally my first heartbreaking
experience and I know now most other things I will go through in my
life will never compare to the heartache I still feel over my loss.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing a stretcher going to get his body. At that moment I knew
he was really gone. I sobbed loudly and fell into the person I was
standing next to. It was a surreal moment. I felt two-dimentional,
one part of me rational but in disbelief hearing and seeing the
other part of me falling apart.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can happen to anyone at anytime.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my family is now closer then it has ever been before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Taking the time to get over it. Taking a few weeks to confide in
others about it and keeping busy after that.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that he could still be alive, if he only wanted to be.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To treat them like you always did. Letting them know that you
don't know how they feel, but that you do care about them and will
be there for them whenever they need you.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am living each day to the fullest. Knowing that life is hard,
but must be embraced. Knowing that I have friends and loved ones
who are there for me even when I am having a very difficult time
in my life. I also have faith that God will get me through every
trial in my life, just like He has before.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I am still confused to this day, but I know that depression is a
disease that eats away at some people. It consumes them and if
they aren't helped soon enough they may not be able to be saved.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him as a great person and not the person he became after he
got sick.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sometimes I do dream about those things. Things would have been
alot different. Its sad to say but I may have been exposed to
more heartache if he was still alive, but then again there is hope
that I could have been in a place in my life where i could have
participated in getting him the help he needed.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have had the understanding of how sick he really was, so i could
have helped. Or I wish I had tried to be around more often.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Felt an extemely huge loss and my heart began to ache. Many of
the feelings with security I had in my childhood had suddenly
disappeared. I grew up in many ways in an instant.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I have the same view of the medical community as i always have.
They can help you greatly in the quality of your life, but you have
to reach out to them in order for them to help you efficiently.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that i would keep attending church, but with a new understanding that
God draws us near to Him in times of sorrow and has a reason for it.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Many other people felt the same exact way I felt. We all made a
strong foundation and helped each other through our mutual loss.
I also have a strong belief in God and He is the one who kept me
strong then and now.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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Sun Feb 16 06:52:46 2003
F40 in Dallas, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 24 Years ago.
Aged: 19
--Details:
He drove his car into a bridge abutment at 120 mph. The police
and ME recorded this as an automobile accident.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Mostly a yearning, an ache that varies in intensity depending on
daily circumstances; sometimes almost unbearable, but lessened by
crying and by recalling funny and warm memories.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
would not accept it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Physical pain in my chest and a sense of not being fully present
in my world.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Don't ever deny the importance of the one who died.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I've had several dreams in which I ask him, "aren't you supposed to
be dead?" And he always answers, "Yes" in an extremely confident
and relaxed way.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Nothing for the first 14 years. Then I met a therapist who realized I
had never grieved about my brother's death. With this psychiatrist's
help, I was able to experience the bone-crushing pain of my loss
(which lessened enormously).
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Really not believing it. I had fantasies that my brother wasn't in
the car, it was someone else who had stolen his car. I wanted to
dig up the grave and prove it wasn't him. It was a closed-casket
funeral and I never saw the body.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Treating them normally; giving them all the love you have in
your heart.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You can keep your loved one with you in your heart and you can
honor them by doing things they wanted (it these things are what
you want, too).
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My family refused to talk about him. I knew him all my life,
and why can't we talk about him?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Sorry, I never laughed about this.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say something to him that night before he drove off.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep his spirit alive in me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I began losing important items at school such as the shoes I was
wearing and coming home in just my socks.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The expensive casket, the floral expenses; all the flowers that
cost so much and were already dying as they filled the funeral home.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
at the anniversary of his death or his birthday.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Sometimes I do think there are many alternate dimensions, one where
my brother doesn't know that he died in this dimension.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that our culture expects us to "get over it." What does that mean??
Not talking about him? My dead brother is my most important family
member and I'm not giving up his memories just because he's not
alive anymore.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
join him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went numb physically and mentally.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
n/a
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that maybe my brother went "somewhere."
--Religious Affiliation:
monotheistic/atheist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real.
--Regarding MONEY:
My family was upset that my brother's life insurance policy was
2 days shy of being in effect. My family has plenty of financial
resources, they were just angry they had to use them to put on a
"respectable" funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My family treating it as if it was a social occasion, introducing
me to their co-workers, bosses, etc.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Finding out that they don't put shoes on the body when the
funeral home dresses them. My mother brought all his clothing
(underwear,pants, shirt, socks, boots) and they gave the boots back
to my mother.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
don't know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
let me talk about our times together and how much I miss him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no awareness.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel good, I feel I can call upon him whenever I need advice or
feel afraid.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Dream-like state was bothersome, and I disliked seeing anyone
on the street (or anywhere) that looked like him. I don't see
look-alikes anymore.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
See previous answers in beginning of questionnaire.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Living will for myself.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd feel okay about knowing death would be soon. I see it as a
chance to be with my brother. And we cannot avoid death, eventually
it will happen to all of us.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
She loved deeply and her enthusiastic spirit shined on everyone
around her. Her gentle compassion was an inborn trait. She will
be greatly missed.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
It's not closure; it's a way of keeping his presense close; I place a
lighted candle at a place setting at holiday meals to represent him.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I keep a collage of childhood photos in a drawer which I look
at frequently.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
My family chose to not speak about him after 2-3 months. It was
like he never existed.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Only people who have experienced the death of a person as close as
the other person's could offer any kind of solace. People telling
me about their great-grandfather or their neighbor's ex-wife's son
made me feel even more alone.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I hadn't ever put together my losing my shoes at school with my
brother's being buried w/o his shoes. I think this is connected...my
unconscious way to try to deal with my brother not having any shoes
in the afterlife.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Totally caught up in answering, I didn't pay attenion to the
wording - obviously very clear questions if I didn't have to think
about them.
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Fri Feb 14 15:29:00 2003
F14 in Oregon, Ohio =U.S.A.=
Name: Ashley
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: student(hopefully Psychologist)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a heat attack; Aged: around 80(83).
--Details:
nope
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a blink of an eye in a chain of events. It's the end of one's
human life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know anything really and I was very nieve. I just thought
there was more to life...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people crying,everyone emotinally quiet and my grandma asked me
if I wanted some lotion.I said no and my dad snapped at me to say
yes.I did.Later I remember going out of my then dead grandpas room
then looking up at the emergency sign and my eyes started to water
4 the first time.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's insignificant compared to other things
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The time I shared with my grandpa and the time I got to spend with
the rest of my griving family.some of which I had never met.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being my myself and reflecting and thinking without every one
else around
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing they cant come back and you'll never really get to
say goodbye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
show them you love them
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found a little bit of myself through this experience
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he was lovered in to the ground.....Personally I'm not sure i
believe in it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
what the f
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
give him one last kiss on the cheek when he died
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
accept death
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
why put a person in the ground????
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
walking by the cofin
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cant believe i'll never see him again
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Superstition
I just dont think it's a big deal and also I dont think we humans
are that important in this world.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Superstition
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Fri Feb 14 14:25:25 2003
F36 in Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Teacher
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 Days ago.
Cause of Death: heartattack?; Aged: 60.
--Details:
My father had not been a close part of my life for 10 years. He died
by himself. He was dead for several days before anyone found him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
leaving this world behind.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset. I couldn't believe it happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The fact that I felt so helpless. I felt like I should have
done something. I feel like maybe I could have prevented it.
But I felt pushed away by him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I am not sure that we can. It is scary. We lose ones that we love.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
was their pain. Did he know he was dying? Did he turn to the lord.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed when I remembered something that my father always did
with me. It made me happy to think of it while being so sad.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my father I loved him one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
am never going to see him again.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I'll never know why he left us. He was married to my mother for
28 years when he became a stranger. He became involved in drugs.
I don't understand that. I always reguarded him as very intelligent,
successfull, the perfect father. But he left me. And now I feel
that he has left me again. I don't know where to go for help.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I want to tell my dad that I love him. I want him to know that I
felt abandoned. I want him to know that I would have helped him
if he would have asked. I want him to tell me that he loved me.
I want to know why he left. Why he bacame involved with drugs.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am worried about those I leave behind. I don't think death hurts
the dying, only those left behind.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionaire helped me put down my thougths.
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Wed Feb 12 20:22:09 2003
F20 in California =USA=
Name: Heather
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Writer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquaintance, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: a long term illness; Aged: 16? 17?.
--Details:
When I was in high school, over the course of two years, five people
died. I knew two of them, I had friends who knew all of them, and it
was hard to deal with the fact that they were all so young. The one
that hit me the hardest was a boy who was in Band. I was in choir,
so we all knew him. I had only had one experience with him. I
was sitting on a bench in the middle of the quad, crying because
I had had an argument with someone. He saw me, a total stranger,
and just sat with me. I always remembered that, because it made
me feel that not everyone in this world is self-obsessed....that
people still care about each other. It hit me hard to find out that
he had been suffering from an illness for a long time. When he died,
we sang at a memorial for him, and I couldn't help but cry. I didn't
go to class that day. We all just sat around in silence.....
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the next step.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandmother passed away. It was hard on me in the sense that all
death is hard on me. I've always had an irrational fear of death. I
didn't know her well (she was my Step-Grandmother and my parents had
only recently married). Plus, she had been suffering from Alzheimer's
Disease for a long time. It wasn't difficult to make peace with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how everyone who knew him, whether they knew each other or not,
joined together. Everyone just came together, supporting one
another....listening to the stories and sharing the memories that
made him so important to them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my Grandmother died, we all felt that her suffering was
over. There was a sense that now she is somewhere better, somewhere
comfortable, watching over us.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen. Just listen. Just be physically there. You don't need to
try and fill the space with words and distractions. Just be there.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish I had gotten to know that boy, beyond that great thing he
had done for me.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I'm not big on Organized Religion. I'm a Christian, but I'm about
the faith, not the church.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Feb 12 15:23:26 2003
F25 in Los Angeles, California =America=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Occupational Therapist
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 7 Months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 32.
--Details:
He shot himself in front of me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a state of ablsolute absence of mind, body, and soul. It is the
end of all perception of life including one's own.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Wanted to die too.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the shock that everybody felt. It was as though we all knew he was
dead in our minds but we all just sort of blocked it from our hearts.
--What I think my (America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that we do NOT know what happens and telling someone to have
faith in a higher power really does not help a lot of people.
Keep religion out of grief.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
his death was quick. And that is all I feel grateful for in that
situation.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the thought that I would die one day too, and not have to suffer
the pain of loss forever.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the intense feeling of lonliness and fear of him not knowing how
much I loved him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them as often as you can how much you love them and how
important they are to you, yet keep them comforted by the fact
that you will be okay. You wouldn't want them to die worried about
you. Smile, a smile brings peace.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized death is always a shock even if you knew it was comming.
Never be ungrateful for a single moment you share with someone.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that he kept such sadness to himself and I couldn't
understand how I didn't see it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was something I know he would have found funny and I imagined
how he would have laughed at it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hug,kiss, and tell him I love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with him. I am glad he didn't die alone.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
all the things he carried in his pockets when he was alive were
put in his pockets at his funeral.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
whose suvivor names appeared in the obituary. I mean in the whole
scope of things does that really matter?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something he loved or hated, hear a song that he liked,
or have a question I would like to ask his opinion about.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
our daughter would have her daddy back, I would be happy not
depressed, he would be here not in a cemetary. I would really like
to live in that alternate reality.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he should have had a second chance to change his mind.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
curl up in a ball and die.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Well, my situation is different I saw him do it. But having said
that, I reailzed the truth when weeks had gone by and I still didn't
hear his voice or see him around the house.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they couldn't help. He knew what he was doing. If he had shot
himself in the ER they still couldn't have saved him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
because he commited suicide he was going to burn in hell, that
pissed me off. I think if he was suffering so bad in this life,
what kind of 'GOD' would punish him furher?
--Religious Affiliation:
I never had any religious affiliations, but I used to believe in
'Something', I don't anymore.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Like shit. We all grieve, that is the only link all people share
in death.
--Regarding MONEY:
part of the reason he killed himself was financial problems, as
for myself I didn't care about money or the lack of it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I wasn't allowed to go.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how well I can hide the pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a gun in hand.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it all takes more time than we have in our short life times.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Sorry, I don't think anyone on the 'other side' wanted to greet
him so soon.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
After he died, I had an accident.I was bleeding to death, it
felt like a nice way to go. And if anyone is wondering, no it was
not a suicide attempt. If it had been I assure you I would have
succeeded. Don't get me wrong I wanted to die, it would have been
so easy to just let go. When I was so close to death that the ER
doctors suggest I see a priest, I was happy. I blacked out after
refusing, and have weird fragmented memories of what I saw. It was
nice, but no waiting loved ones, no tunnel, and no encompassing
love being. I think it was just lack of blood to the brain.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have many unresolved issues with him that I don't think will
ever be resolved. I think in the case of suicide, this is harder
for the surviving loved ones.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would ask him if he knew I loved him, if he was okay, if he
loved me, if he could change the past, would he, and if there
was anything he would want our baby to know. As for the answers,
I could only hope they would all be positive.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have many dreams about him, in some he is alive, others he is
dead. The one I remember most clearly happened on a night I asked
him if he had the choice would he choose the same path. This is
what I dreamt... I was walking in a magical forest where all things
were beautiful. He was standing on the bank of a silver river,
I approached him and told him I was so glad he had come back. I
can't recall what we talked about as we strolled down a path, but
I know it was happy things. I noticed he had changed somehow,
he seemed a little confused and sad, but I was happy. I told
him to wait where he was so I could tell a friend (who apperently
lived in the forest) that he was back and we could all be happy
again. While I was talking to this person I heard a shot. I knew he
had chosen not stay, that he had wanted to just visit for a while.
I had one dream I will never forget, it was just a week or so after
he died. In it I was sitting on the couch crying, and he kneeled
next to me and asked if I wanted to take a walk with him. I said,
'But we can't, you're dead'. He thought about it for a second,
bowed his head, started to cry, looked at me again and said, 'I know,
and I'm so sorry'. I have had many more in which he describes the
differences between life and death. There are too many to get into.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have let my family know I don't want to live as a vegetable,
suffer through cancer treatments, or live with a degenerative yet
not fatal disease. If any of my loved ones know me at all, they will
respect my wishes. People should remember, ones death is their own
and that should be honored above our own desires.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yipee, for me, but sorry for those I love and love me.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
I think I would make things up about myself, like how I saved that
family of five from the burning house, took in 12 homeless families
and helped them change their lives, and that time I donated a kidney
to that poor little girl. I have always liked making people laugh,
and for those who know me that would be a great reminder of the
TYPE of person I was not just that I was.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I decided to start a journal addressed to him. In it I tell him how
my day went or things about our daughter. I ask him questions, tell
him jokes, write him poems, and more than anything tell him how much
I love and miss him. To me it's like being able to talk to him again.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I tell our baby stories about her daddy, what things he said about
her, funny things he said or did.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have not wanted to be around many people, let alone a perspective
boyfriend, I'm still at the stage that all I want is him. I felt
that way before he died, why would it change now?
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Nothing would have helped me. I needed to do it myself. I would
like to talk to people considering suicide though. Let them know
what it really does to the people left behind.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I don't think anything is more hurtful than losing someone you love,
not even talking about it. It hasn't helped either.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think most of your questions are aimed when death is going to
happen. Suicide is something like the second or third cause of death,
it should be included.
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Mon Feb 10 01:14:43 2003
F24 in =Singapore=
Name: Elisabeth
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology student
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More personal info:
I do not mind people reading it.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chiristian Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: old age / stroke; Aged: 98.
--Details:
She was very healthy for her age. However, she had a fall, and this
deteriorated her health causing stroke.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
letting go of a temporal life to experience eternal life elsewhere
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very sad. Because of the closeness I have with that person. Also
it brings about reflection on my own life and the lives of
others. Reflections on the fear of death, and where we go from there.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I'll never see her again. My great-grandmother brought me up and
being a child (at that time) and growing up, I took her love for
granted. The most important consolation is that she's a Christian
and very devoted.
--What I think my (Singapore) culture needs to better learn about death is:
when the person is gone, there's no use thinking that thre are ways
in communicating with him or her.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
when your life is right with the world and you've done nothing wrong,
you're at peace with yourself and you'll accpet death when the time
is right and you'll tell people not to worry when you're gone.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents (at that time), being in church, reading the
bible... Sometimes not thinking about it at all ...
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing the grief on people's faces, their weeping and crying.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to what the person has to say, understand that when it's
time, it's time. Just take it, if there's a need to cry, do it
softly and gently. Dont panic or scream, specially when the person
is peaceful.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't cry at all during the funeral. I was the closest to her. Many
of us know grief, but one thing I learnt is one can be too grievious
to cry. And yet be happy, knowing that she was at peace with herself.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that I'd never see her again. We shared the same room. I
realized that I'll be sleeping alone in that room forever ...
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was just a very confused time for me. I didn't want to let grief
take over me. It wasn't a bad thing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much I really loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
seee her for the last time. That she waited till I arrived.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
she knew when it was time. She was so peaceful about it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the Chinese rituals everybody insisted she had. it doesn't matter,
she wouldn't have wanted it either.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look into the bedroom where she once slept. We moved house and
that's where i got my own room. But when I walk past the old house,
I remember when she'd look out the window just to wave goodbye when
I left for school. Even when she fell ill, she'd still do it.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
if she were still alive, I'd have the chance to introduce my
boyfriend to her. She told me once she couldn't wait for me to grow
up and start dating. I'd still be washing her false teeth for her,
she couldn't stand long enough at the sink.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
But that's the way life is. Life still has to go on..
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
look at it in another way...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
simply can't accept it. She was in the hospital, she had a relapse
and during that critical time, she only wanted to see me and my
mother. We got in, and she saw us. Jut a look, a smile, then she
was gone. It wasn't her closing her eyes which hit me, it was the
sound of the heart beat machine. The sound when a person stops
breathing ...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did their best. it's nobody's fault.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I hated the place. There's sadness everywhere. it means there's
something wrong with her. And she was so healthy. However, the
people were very nice. I never hated them, just the atmosphere...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having a heaven to go to after death.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christianity
--Regarding MONEY:
the manner of funeral to have.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was nothing fake about it. She was a good woman and everyone
knew that.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I sang hymns to her, hoping she could hear them and be happy for us,
knowing that we are as devoted as her.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Deterioration in the limbs.
Changing texture and tone of skin
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Acceptance is very important.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it may not have been true, but there were times when I heard her
call me.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was very sick once. it was dengue fever and i didn't want to
go for a blood transplant. Was in bed for weeks till i thought i
died. saw a tunnel before me with a light at the end. When i woke
up, i didn't know where i was.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't know.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't know. Maybe I'd ask her what heaven is like and whether
there's a place there for me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Since i was very close to her, I wasn't afraid. her calling was
loud and clear and i knew it was her. i wasn't afraid because it
was so familiar.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I must have a Christian burial. Other then that, I would have been
dead, so nothing else would have mattered.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I really do hope to go to heaven. And to die with no regrets.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Can't think about that now.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to my mother about it, talking about her ... And abut God
an heaven.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Prayed more ...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have a cousin several years younger than I. Whole family went to
clean her grave once. when they were done, i felt i wanted to sit
there alone with her for a while. My cousin stayed on. he'd always
been the tough type. But he cried too. It was something we both
shared secretly.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
Unfulfilment in life according to religious beliefs
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My boyfriend (or ex). He didn't come early enough then he did but
with my best friend. He dating her at that time, secretly behind
my back.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Have been thinking about all these things, but never actually wrote
them down or typed. i do feel better now ..
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
None.
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Sun Feb 9 22:03:44 2003
M18 in Steubenville, OHIO =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
psychology lab
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Prof/Studies: musical theatre
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 64.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the act of losing life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to remember.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandpa passed away but i was too young to remember.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the person who died's past
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
smarter people
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being with the person before they died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
talking to peers
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
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Sun Feb 9 12:39:13 2003
F Guest in ny, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
charles stanleys guides are excellent for dealing with lifes troubles
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: anurism; Aged: 94.
--Details:
he died at my sisters and I was not able to see him, he called me
on the phone because he knew he was dying and my sister grabbed the
phone so I was unable to say goodbye or I love you or anything.he
died an hour or two later
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body no longer functions and your soul moves on to
another existence
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was frightened because I had never seen a dead body before
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
people act wierd and think that they can say whatever they want as
a justification of the situation
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
they should think of a funeral as a party for the persons life not
a black dark dreary end of one
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It made me closer to people I didnt expect
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God, psychology, time
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to talk to the person...correction listen to the
person..we can still talk to them they just cant answer.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dont fight with them or panic
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the flowers and junk the expense of stuff the dead cant see anyway.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear or see something about anyones death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort but not on the day of the funeral
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
ok but I dont obsess over it
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it sucked, it was boring , people went just to show up, people
acted wierd
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
my grandfather was a chef so I have perfected alot of my cooking
skills and am writing a cook book or my families recipies in
his honor!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
if I have trouble with a recipe or something comes out extreemly
well I talk to my grandfather
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Im alot closer woth my baby sister than before
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
the fact that they are in a better place with no pain or suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Funeral and Rituals
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See Jan 03 contributions.
See Dec 02 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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