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See Current contributions.
See Oct 01 contributions.
See Sep 01 contributions.
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Fri Nov 30 18:28:30 2001
M21 in Lexington, VA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
on yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Student - Computer Science
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Love is Stronger Than Death
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kreeft
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
Drunk driving.
I don't really drink that much anymore.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Cessation of bodily functions.
The end of life.
The end of being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandfather, the only grandparent I really knew that well.
I wasn't really sure what it meant, but I knew Pop wouldn't be
around anymore.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It touched everyone at school, but didn't hit them like it should
have.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is natural.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
religion.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
I think was too young to need to deal with it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Thu Nov 29 17:39:11 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Assignment for psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 40.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end to an individuals existence on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, and did not understand how to deal with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandmother passed away when I was
very young. I was too know her very well, but it really affected
my mother's side of the family who is very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness. The most significant death in my family happened to
my uncle who was very young, and it was a shock. I suppose it was
because he seemed too young to die.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death means it is time for somebody to pass away. There is
a reason for everything.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death makes you realize that you cannot take life for granted.
you must live everyday to its fullest.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
Not thinking about it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Thu Nov 29 11:44:40 2001
F25 in Duluth, GA =USA=
Name: Jessie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Biology, Wildlife Rehabilitation
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: gunshot; Aged: 22.
--Details:
He was not the target. He happened to be in the wrong place at
the wrong time. I was supposed to marry him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
unavoidable. The body will loose all life and will no longer be
able to be with loved ones. Death means no more physical contact,
or emotions. Only nothing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried, for what seemed forever.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Great Grandfather died when I was in
fourth grade. He died in the hospital. I was close to him so I
had a hard time dealing with it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How loved he was. The funeral was the largest I had been to.
He was one of those people that touched everyone's lives the minute
he entered it. He was impossible to hate. No one could help but
to love him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It happens to everyone. People are careless and seem tot hink they
are invincible. People need to be more careful to help extend
their lives. Being alive is something that almost everyone take
for granted.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The opportunity to have had this person in my life. I was with him
for 5 years. I would go through the agony of loosing him again to
just have known him for one day. So, I am lucky he was a part of
my life as long as he was.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My mother!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I could never hug or kiss or just feel this person
again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you are not alone.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
There are careless and cruel people in the world that think guns
are toys. Crime prevention and gun control are a must.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't understand why God let that happen to him.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to hug, kiss or tell him how much I loved him one last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realized that it will happen to me and everyone else.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where he went afterward. It may sound selfish, but I wanted him
back with me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
It even hits me a certain song comes on the radio or a man may have
on the same sologn he wore.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would be married by now!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I repeated that thought in my head for a long time. It wasn't fair.
How could someone who touched so many lives be taken from this earth.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide from painful emotions. It has been five years and I think
about him everyday and cry at least a couple tiems a month.
It still hurts so bad.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Once I know it was real, my whole world shattered.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did what they could. He was shot in the back of the head and
nothing could be done.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I prayed for him.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I agree. There is no geological, religious or any other boundary.
--Regarding MONEY:
I was not concered about money. His mother received a huge
settlement, which ment nothing to her.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The bond and closeness. It is easier to grieve with others.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are no unresolved issues. Everything was peacful between us
when he died and Thank God for that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just to let him know how much I love (and will always love) him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
He comes to me in my dreams all of the time. The most detailed one
I remember was about 4 months after he died. In my dream he was
dead and I was mourning. There was a teacher present and I asked
her when I would be with him again. She then wrote on a small
chalkboard 7-28-?. The year was actually written, but it was
smudged just to the point that I couldn't read it. The teacher
would not tell me what the year was at the end of the date. So,
when I woke up I wasn't sure how to take that. Needless to say,
I am very careful on July 28th. I do still have dreams about him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I try very hard to be free of a mundane life. I want people to do
the same. I am working for wildlife rehabilitation. Animals are
my passion and a huge part of what made being alive so wonderful.
I would be honored for my friends and family to help carry out my
work once I am gone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It is something that I think about everyday. It terrifies me.
I can imagine not being here. Yet I know it will happen. I do
not want to when or how.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just being with people I was the closest with.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
His best friend and I became very close. In fact, when I was
finally ready to enter a new relationship, his best friend was
very supportive.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
I don't deal with death very well, so the best thing for me is to
keep my mind occupied with other things.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Nothing scares me more.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I did not really want help from others. I just wanted comfort.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I will admit that I cried while answering some of these questions.
I realy don't deal with death very well and I don't think there is
muchthat can be done for that.
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Thu Nov 29 11:03:01 2001
F20 in College Place, Washington =USA=
Name: Melissa Vanraden
Email: <melisma8=at=icqmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
searched for contests
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Prof/Studies: Biology student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 2 years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 84.
--Details:
He died in a car accident. He was always falling asleep behind the
wheel, so we knew he'd go in a car. But a drunk driver hit him,
instead, severely injuring my great-grandma and killing him. She
hasn't been the same, since. It's strange to see her walking around
in a daze.
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--Death Is:
For most people, death is mourning, sadness, the loss of someone
very close. But for me, death is a vacation from all the constant
trials I've been enduring, and a release from debt. Too bad my
family doesn't see it this way.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I watched other people: I watched them cry and mourn. I recognize
their responses as typical behavior, but I couldn't elicit the same
depth of emotion from myself. It's not anything you can change and
it's best just to go on with your life. It's kind of like they've
moved away and don't call; you miss them but you know that they're
okay.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was My mom's cousin died in a motorcycle accident.I
went to the funeral. It was sort of surreal. I don't remember much,
but I know he had a 21 gun salute and I thought it was loud. It
was disturbing to see so many of my relatives sad. I didn't cry,
though. I wondered why everyone was crying.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My great-grandma's eyes. They changed from looking like cheery
wrinkled blue walnuts to something else. They were more empty,
inside. I think I'd mourn if I lost my husband of fifty years,
too. I don't know. I'm not really afraid of death, just of pain
before death. I've been married and lost my love (divorce) and the
thing that hurt the most was knowing that he wanted someone else
and not me. With death, you don't have that emotion.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death isn't that big of a deal. We have birth and death and we're
not all that significant. We have an impact on the world as a
collective force, and even as an individual force, but we don't
impact society that much with our individual input. We step on ants
every day walking down the sidewalk, even by accident. We're those
ants, too. We don't think much about killing an ant, we don't have
remorse or a burial service. For humans, hygenically, something
must be done, but death isn't that important.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My outlook on death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Having my family sad.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wouldn't want to be there at death. I'd rather just deny it
happened. I know that the person wouldn't want to be alone. I
wouldn't like to die alone. If I were present for someone's death,
I'd just have to lay down beside them before they died and sleep
through it. I wouldn't want to remember the last breath or the death
rattle as the life passes from the body. It's not a graceful thing.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
I kind of see death as an end to pain. Life is filled with a lot
of pain and death is just a much-deserved rest.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Tue Nov 27 17:19:53 2001
F24 in Sacramento, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: diabetes; Aged: 73.
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--Death Is:
our body dying and our soul going to heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died of diabetes when I was 18.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
praying that God would help him into His arms soon to stop the
suffering.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Coping skills
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
He passed away before I left for the Army so I could be there for
the funeral and be by his side before he went to Heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I would never see him again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
it is ok to let them see you cry.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I finally had to let go and pray for his passing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it helped and my entire family told funny stories about my
grandfather the entire time...even in the hospital.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the funeral.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandpa seemed ok with dying.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
innanimate objects...flowers, etc.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of just how funny he was...or his birthday.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
how could this happen to someone so good?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have him back.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried very hard.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
a good experience.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were very good and very friendly.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the Catholic Faith
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholicism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
helpful
--Regarding MONEY:
it did not affect me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the people who spoke and how my brother helped my grandmother.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Being at the hospital and seeing him hurting.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
hospitalization.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I went through every type of emotion.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none existed.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No unresolved issues.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just conversations of love and happiness.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The patient has the right to refuse services...it should not be up
to the family. After a while pain becomes even more of an issue
than wanting the person to be with the family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I can't die yet...I havent't become a nurse yet!!!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
speak to him.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was lucky and had a very good support group in my family. I would
say that this is very important for everyone.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Thinking about my grandfather and the specifics of his death has
made me cry and laugh again, but it is healthy and ok.
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Sun Nov 25 21:24:13 2001
F27 in Melbourne, Victoria =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
General search
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Prof/Studies: Temping
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: Car accident; Aged: 1.
--Details:
My first cat, only 1 yr old, but my best friend
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--Death Is:
The completion of one's existence on earth, in this current form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried alot, I reacted to my mum who was distraught over losing her
father that she was very close to. I was only 11, didn't really
understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Mother's father.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The saddness - the loss.
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to let go, how to see death as more of a celebration of someone's
life, rather than the mourning for them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my grandmother turned it into something magical, she used to
tell me how my Grandad was up in the sky pollishing the stars for me!
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The love of my boyfriend/family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The loss, understanding that they were longer close by to share
time/experience with.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To remind them of the love you have for them, and the assurance
that you will be strong and love them for ever.
--[My cat's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
That time does heal, that acceptance will come (in time), you need
to be very gentle on yourself and allow what ever emotion that
crops up to be expressed. Holding it in is not healthy.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why, why did this happen to me - what did he or I do to deserve
such a loss - is this kharma?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I disagree.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say certain things to him, to hold him one last time, to take his
fear away.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Learn to accept, I have not and will not forget, but each day I
become more accepting.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I agree.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why me, or why him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
allowed this to happen one small peice at a time. It was a gradual
process, one minute accepting, the next angry or sad or confused.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Seeing my mum get stronger
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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Sun Nov 25 20:26:41 2001
F23 in denton, tx =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: rare disease/malpractice; Aged: 37.
--Details:
her death was sudden and mostly unexplained
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
passing on from the life we know to be reality
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 7, my mother died suddenly, it was very tramatic and
don't have very many memories of exactly what happened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how unknowing i was and how that even though my family and i didn't
talk of it very often, it was always present and affected almost
everything we did, thought, said and how we acted and reacted to
our lives
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you don't get over it, alot of people think you need to just
move on and get over it, but it is not possible
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the wisdom it gave me,
experiencing something so real at such a
young age has had a profound affect on how i look at the world
i
feel older, more grateful, more grounded and more spiritual than
most people my age
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family and friends mostly
and alot of time with my self and
nature
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everything
the finality and your own mortality
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to just smile and be by their side as if they are not facing it
alone
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
go on living like everyone does
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you feel betrayed by the person dying or by "god"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was good for us
we laughed alot
actually a few people close
to me have died, and we have always had a good laugh during the
worst of times
it is the only way to survive
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
know her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
still have the rest of my family
my sister and brother, my aunt
and uncle who took us in
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
some people or person has to be the one to pick up the pieces,
to call the funeral home, pay the bills and make dinner it just
has to be done
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see the hurt still in my sister or brother or any other person
in the family
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i try not to think to much about that
and honestly even when i try,
it's impossible
i can't imagine my life any differently
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
everything!!!!!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with the people i love all the time, so i would not waste any time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was 10 years older
sometimes it takes a long time
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distrust and frustration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
in the other deaths of loved ones, hospice has been a lifesaver
our family donates every year!
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
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Fri Nov 23 18:03:47 2001
M20 in , NY =United States=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 9 yrs ago.
Aged: 88
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was my great grandmother when i was in
7th grade and I was a pallbearer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Fri Nov 23 10:59:17 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8 years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your physical body can no longer function
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and did not know what it meant.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother, whom i was close to died when
i was six.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Wed Nov 21 13:46:22 2001
F19 in Santo Domingo, =Dominican Republic=
Name: Melisa
Email: <verdelle69=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
i wrote psych tests in the search box
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Prof/Studies: architect student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
it s not a book, but a movie, the title is WHAT DREAMS MAY COME
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1 YEAR ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 20.
--Details:
we found out aobut her illness too late and all of a sudden doctors
told us her situation was critical, then they gave her quimo for a
year, she suffered really big amounts of pain, she didn t want to
die, she transformed because of the medication, then she died
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we become a different kind of element of nature, our way of
existing changes, we can t breath or see, or talk or touch anymore
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was kinda confused, and of course really sad
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died of a heart attack in his bed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the way everything changed, the things we used to do before we didn
t do them anymore
--What I think my (Dominican Republic) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is a very personal thing, that it is not a social event
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my cousin stopped suffering all that pain after she died
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking to friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the way things change when someone dies, it is hard to just be happy,
when the family gathered it was not the same, it was weird
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you don t need to talk about anything important or related to the
situation, just doing company and talking about trivial things can
be more that enough
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned to let go and not get so attached to things or people,
that once they are gone i wouldn t be able to go on with my life
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
other people live for even more that a hundred years, and my cousin
died so young
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend time with her, share good moments before her illness, and
during it
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what she looked like
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
other people live for even more that a hundred years, and my cousin
died so young
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i couldn t stand seeing her suffering so much
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the way the body changes, they don t even look like themselves
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
understanding it s a part of living
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
seeing my other family members not knowing how to get over it
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Tue Nov 20 21:14:03 2001
F30 in , new york =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GirlFriend, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 57.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Is suffering , not only for family members but mainly for the
patient, is an agony .At the moment of death the dying person seems
to feel alone, lonley ,just he or she with their creator , and
little by little everything starts to get dark, and every breath
they take ,separates them more from this world until their is no
morestrengh to go on , our body shuts down like if we have never
been . All our hopes , dreams, ambitions and hard work , end up in a
heavy breathing , like if trying to hold on for a little bit longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt impotent to be able to help them , hold on longer.The first
question that came to my mind was "what if" , doubts came to mind
,that maybe if we had done things different ,if we had ask other
doctors , try different type of treatment.But the main question
remains What if i would of not agree to the hospice care, maybe
she woul of lasted longer.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... i took care of my mother in law for 4 years
until the day she died of cervical cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Seeing her hook up to the morphine machine,and each day that went
buy, the dosage was increase leaving her incapacitated to comunicate
,to be able to express her wishes.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not an easy experience and no matter how prepare we think we migth
be , we would never be completly ready for it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Seeing her end the suffering that last it for 4 years, it help me
to let go and accept her death .
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that finally she would we resting in peace , no more doctors
,no more needles, chemotherapy, no more hospital, at last she was
free of pain.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing if hospice really help her or just make her death
be sooner.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Telling them that is ok to let go, and that we would not suffer,
that we respect their wishes no matter what they would be
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
see life in a very different way, tha time that we are here in this
earth we should make the best out of it , not being afraid of what
would happen tomorrow, we woul all die someday, but the only who
decide when is God ,no doctor no men or women, only God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The suffering was prolong for so long , why she suffer so much.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong for my husband and kids.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Understood that it was her time to meet with her creator , and that
she would be going to a better place.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Sun Nov 18 13:34:17 2001
F17 in Price, UT =USA=
Name: Elisha Montoya
Email: <luvbug_112=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: high school senior.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
One last Time
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
JOhn Edward
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 1yr ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor/car accident; Aged: 60.
--Details:
In may of 2000 he was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, and
given 1 year to live. In July he was involved in a car accident
and the hospital didn't take care of him and sent him home. We took
him to another hospital 3 days later and he was put in for internal
injuries and paralysis. He died a week later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When it is our time to go. Our time is up on Earth. It is a cruel
act of nature. Our bodies are dead and our memories are carried
on forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was 16, a soon to be Junior in high school and my father passed. I
felt like it wasn't fair, or real. It has been a year, and it is
barely hitting me now. I didn't understand how things could change
so quickly.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... On my 16th birthday my father was diagnosed
with brain cancer, he had a tumor and was given a year to live. 3
months later he passed, he was in a car accident a week before his
death and that is the main cause of his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Crying more than anything, and my family and friends being by my
side at all times wondering what I was going to do to myself.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The body may die and the person may be physically gone, but instead
of thinking that way, think of all the good memories and times
together. Don't dwell on death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
really I can't recall anything that I am gratefull for since my
father died. I thought it would bring my family closer together,
but it didn't.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I had my best friends around me when I needed them. They were willing
to do whatever to make me happy. They would come see me not knowing
what to say and just sitting there in silence, I know it was akward
for them, but it ment a lot for them to just sit there with me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I hate not having my father around. I hate knowing that he is
never going to walk me down the aisle. He never saw me with a
boyfriend. He never saw me in my Prom dress. The things he was most
excited for he didn't get to see, and he wasn't there. I hate only
having the memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Although it is hard to go visit a person when they lose a loved one,
it really means a lot. It is hard to visit, but just knowing that
the person cares enought to aknowledge you in this time of mourning,
shows that they are a true friend. I learned who my real friends
were, by them calling, visiting and sending cards. So be there for
the person, no matter how hard it is for you, it is ten times worse
for them to not have anyone around.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Once you have experienced such tragedy, it actually makes you
stronger. My father was the most strict man I knew, when he died,
people thought I was going to rebel and become a problem child. Well
I have done some stupid things since the death, but I have actually
done some quite extraordinary things to, to help people. I am
stronger now. I went through the hardest obstacle of my life with
my father's death, so now i can take on anything.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let my father know more often how much I loved him. At times he
would tell me that he knew i was ashamed of him. But I never was
and I did act that way sometimes, and I wish i could take that
all back. Also I wish I could've seen hime one more time before he
died. i wish I would've got to the hospital an hour earlier.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
bond with my father the way i did. I was/am a daddy's girl for
life. He was my best friend, and we were so close and i am so
thankful for that.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i think of the funeral day. the last time i got to see my dad in
person, before they closed the casket.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't be doing a lot of the things i am doing now. i have
rebeled, and I am not a bad kid, but i am not as good as i once was.
I would have better grades. I would be a lot happier.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just die and be with my father again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
it has barely start to hit me now, a year later. I am having a
hard time dealing, and i am starting to go down hill, but I know
my father wouldn't want me to go this way, so now I realize that
things happen for a reason.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
my hospital in my town is the worst place anyone could go to. They
don't know what they were doing, they killed my father.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The hospital that we went to up-state was the best thing ever. They
did whatever it took to make my fathers last months the best they
could be.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. we were/are not religious. But my dad would always tell
my religious cousins to pray for him and put a good word in for him
"just in case."
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I hope that there is an after life, and I hope that one day I will
get to see my dad again.
--Regarding MONEY:
we lost our only source of income, and our medical bills were
outrageous. I received Social Security from my dads fund.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
at the funeral we realized how many friends my dad had, and how
many my family has. It showed us that there were many people that
cared about us.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I want some hard core proof that my dad is living in an after life
and he is watching me..I need to know he is out there, without that
I feel lost.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had very emotional and vivid dreams of him. Like he came to
visit me and i gave him the last hug and i cried and cried because
it was the last time I would see him, I had that dream two nights
after he died. WE always have different things happening in our
house. The lights turn on, the TV turns on and flips channels.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would hope that i would see my dad again. and before i died, i
would let everyone know how much i cared for them. I'd be scared,
but I would cherish every last minute here on earth.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I still haven't figured out a way to cope. I won't talk about it,
and I can't even think about it. One day my time to let it out will
come, but it is going to take awhile.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was a good time for reflections.
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Wed Nov 14 23:36:19 2001
F58 in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Aftr working in the Health field and having recieved part of the
course on Elizabeth Kuhbler-Ross book and teachings I did a search
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Prof/Studies: Geriatric Care
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying, When bad things happen to good people
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elixabeth Kuhblar-Ross and a Rabbi that I can't remember right now
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 and 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Lung and Heart Failure after a fall which broke her hip; Aged: 88.
--Details:
I was with my Mom when she fell. She broke her hip and was
medivacced 3 days later with me along in the plane, of course.
Once again, I never left her side and was with her constantly never
leaving her side for almost a month. I could not deal with this
the same way I had tried to deal with my dad's death as I tried to
help my family cope. It is 2 and 1/2 years and not one of us can
even throw away a hairbrush with a few strands of hair left in it.
This may sound very strange but is fact. Her clothes are still in
my closet as I don't want to throw them away and none of us want
anyone else to wear them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
basically when a human body stops breathing but also part of living.
As we are born we face death each day of our lives and should live
this way. We should always learn to forgive and not to let the
sunset without asking for forgiveness and telling those that you
love, that you love them before going to sleep or leaving them to
go on a trip or to work.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was unable to believe how peaceful the actual death was.
The suffering was over but when it is sudden and accidental there
is not time to share prayers or words together.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My father was diagnosed with Cancer. I was
extremely close to my dad and didn't really pay attention to many
things while he was sick and dying. I stayed by his side almost all
the time in an 18 month period, watching him suffer extreme pain,
feeling helpless to relieve him of this pain and not believing this
was happening to him. He could not die as he was the best human
being, along with my mother, that ever lived. I love my husband,
who is a caring person, but at the time was an alcoholic. I loved
my mom who was the sweetest, most caring mother a person could
ask for but still there was no one on earth like my father to me.
It is over 21 years now since he died and I was the only one with him
when he died. That was not planned. At the time of his death the
hospital room became warm but a warmth that was difficult to explain
and there was a smile on his face. We had prayed together all night
and he would raise his hands up in prayer after each prayer I said.
My mother was in a cot in the same room as she had been admitted to
the hospital with a pneumonia. Mom had just left the room to recieve
meds from the nurse. I was devastated but had to remain calm for
my family. He was not only a grandpa to my two daughters but also
like a father to them. His death was the first of many to come but
losing him was like yesterday and I am still in mourning for him and
feel grief everyday. I pray to God and to my Dad and now my Mom to
help me through my daily life. I need them and the other ones I
love to help me through life. I have had an especially hard life
and many other losses besides death of loved ones. I continue to
carry on but I cannot seem to priorize things in my life or seem
to care if they are or not cluttered in my mind, home or work.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My thoughts were selfish. I only thought that I was losing my
loved one not that they were losing all that they loved. I have
learned from this.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Talking to God, talking to family that would listen or want to talk
is where I dound my help. A peaceful walk in the autumn, with all
the colors of the leaves and them crunching under my feet is the
most peaceful way I can speak with my deceased loved ones or to God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting go. How? I still cannot let go of any family that has died.
My dear,darling niece and godchild, Donna, who was named after
me and died tragically at the age of 19, I cannot accept that she
is not alive. I feel that she is just away on a trip as she was
traveling lots.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Yes, be there if possible. You will feel better in someway if you
share their last moments on earth with them. I lost all my close
friends and family on both sides and now face the fact that both my
siblings, an older sister and a younger brother, have just goine
through cancer surgery, chemotherapy and radiation and pray they
will be well and not leave me also.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was with them all the time. Don't allow yourself to have any guilt
when someone you love dies. Don't hold any grudges and make peace
with them and God. I did that even though we had never really
had disaggreements that were big, I don't think I would be able
to stand the feeling if my loved ones had died and we had not made
peace with each other and God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
you are able to go on as though nothing has happened and carry on
your lives going through the motions.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter heals the same way that tears heal our hearts.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have the opportunity to spend more time with some of the loved ones
I have lost.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help other members of my family cope and be there for the families
of my friends whn the have lost loved ones also.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had always heard when growing up that there was a terrible sound
from the dead person's body until I was with my Mother and Father
and loved ones and realized it was just the last breath leaving
the body and was not a terrible sound.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what you wore to a funeral and I felt whoever knew my loved ones ,
including myself, was to be ourselves the way the deceased loved
one knew us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a special picture, a special song, something significant inmy
memores of them is enough to bring a tear to my eye. A season
brings thoughts to me, especially autumn, brings memories flooding
back to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
How coould it not be the most womderful picture or dream. We were
all so happy for all those years and believe we still would be.
The deats of loved ones have actually brought my husband and myself
as close as you can get to another person, He is now my friend
and companion of 32 years and we support each other emotionally.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It was just not fair that all the ones that I have lsot where
wonderful caring prople. They had not hurt anyone or indulged
in alcohol or drugs that made their lives and someone elses life
miserable but have come to learn their life is just as important
as I grow spiritually.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have my prayers answered or receive advice from God, my parents
and my loved ones.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I think I understand death but to acknowledge the actual loss, yes,
it seems like I am looking in on this a nightmare and tend to block
it in my mind and unfortunately it starts to fester after time.
I guess you could say, I do feel sorry for myself again.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
In my Father's illness he received all the posible help from the
medical profession, at that time but with my mother she was too
heavily drugged and because of my experience with a care home we lost
quality time at the last of her life and I gave her all the care,
which I do not regret, although I wish they had not taken away her
mind for hours at a time with heavy doses of morphine which I have
seen overused many times.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
everyone was efficient in this field athough 21 years ago
chemotherapy and other cancer treatments were not explained and
choices were not given to the patient or family.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My relationship and my belief in God not necesarily my affilitation
with a particular church but a member of the clergy I respected.
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We are all the same in the eyes of God. We are born the same way
and die the same way.
--Regarding MONEY:
as long as there was enough to cover the funeral they would want. No
family arguing should take place after a person's death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The whole procedure between loved ones and the funeral director
goes by in a matter of a few days and then the quiet sets in.
I wish that the ones that attended the funeral would still call to
see how the family is doing or just to say hello. I try to make
sure I do that as often as I am able to.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying not to think of what becomes of the loved ones body after
they leave the hospital room or home, wherever they died. Are their
bodies treated with dignity behind closed doors?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I have learned from besides my loved ones dying, I have sat with
52 elderly people that were dying in the care home,to watch for
breathing patterns, sleep apnea, skin mottling and always noticed
a glassy film over the dying persons pupils. I had become very
attached to all of the 52 people I looked after and it was a great
loss to me also
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
To keep the surroundings in the room very clean , to make the dying
very comfortable and not to talk about them when you think they
cannot here you. Always remember the dignity of the dying person.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I believe you mean dreams about a loved one that is gone. That has
to be the one most satisfying experience after you have lost someone.
Although many people believe this is not possible I know I have
dreamt and it was though they were alive and if I close my eyes
can still see how they looked in my dreams. I have not dreamt of
all loved ones and wonder why at times
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have not heard that from an actual person, only on a TV show, but
I am sure they are telling an accurate feeling the have experieneced.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel I have unresolved issues with any loved ones that
are deceased.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I have been through this part with clergy and counsellors and I
do not feel it has helped me as much as prayer with God and the
deceased loved ones.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had my mom and my favorite brother-in-law come back in a dream
(separate ones) and open a door and smile at me. Their smiles are
ones that cannot leave my mind and help me to go on.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My wishes are quite different I feel and I know that one od my
daughters will make sure they are carried out. A will is one of the
most important things you can do for your loved ones. I have written
most of my obituary as I want it to be palin and not embellish on
"what a wonderful " person I was. Basically I want just the facts
and if family want to say anything I have left that part open.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My family will not talk about my death. Either I have "spoiled"
them or they feel they cannot go on without me. They tell me all
the time that they don't feel they will be able to. They wory about
it all the time. I worry about losing them but hopefully would
be able to cope at least in the way that makes me feel better.
I have prepared for my death through writing my own will,funeral
arrangements, scriptures, hymns and special things I would like
to happen but they still don't want to discuss the possibility of
my death. I don't believe I am afraid to die I just want everything
to be in order for them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just prayer to the deceased loved ones and God.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
At times I feel that I have become hardened and very tired of
attending funerals but still do. I know I am not hardened but
don't seem to cry as much when I hear someone has been suffering
a lot and are older and have had a good life. The ones that are
younger bring confusion to my mind each time, whether it be tragic
or a terrible illness.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Mainly my immediate family which have always been close seem to
almost cling to each other and I tend to not form any other strong
bonds as it seems as everyone I have loved I have lost , even my
two little dogs that had to be put to sleep which even now can
bring tears to my eyes. One was 15 and the other 12.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
My belief in God, my different belief that life on earth is "hell"
literally and there has to be something better than life on earth.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
Selfishness and not wanting to let go.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
One thing that really helped us me was the offerings of food when
there are so many around to feed so I have offered my sympathy
in that way. I like flowers but don't like to watch them die.
The only one that benefits from flowers is the florist not the
mourners, at least not myself.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it felt very good, as it always does, to write out my feelings,
as strange as they may be, I have written things to myself many
times with some in the form of poems/ or speak of them to ones that
will listen.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I sometimes felt I was answering the wrong question in the wrong
place, but felt your questionaire helped me express my feelings
openly.
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Tue Nov 13 22:20:23 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Talking to heaven, All on Silvia Browns books
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
She was diagnosed in June and passed away October 7th. It took her
very quickly
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a horrible experience. People that I love more than anything
just get taken away from you & there is nothing that you can do to
stop it. I feel helpless & confused about why bad things happen to
good people.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Im not sure if you are talking about actually seeing someone
pass? Well im going to answer it that way.
It was my mother and
she passed peacfully and the way she would have wanted it to happen,
with all her family there.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was when I was eleven years old. My grandfather passed away from
heart failure
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
numbness, complete numbness.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I dont think there is anything within my relgion that could be
better. but society needs to not be afraid of lending a hand to
someone who has lost a loved one, and try to help them any way they
can. just to offer to talk or to take them out.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my mother waited for me to fly from NJ to Fl that morning. She
came out of her coma for a minute to look at me and reach out
for my hand.
She waited for me, I was holding her hand when she
passed. She went peacfully and with complete dignity, For all that
I consider myself EXTREMLY gratefull.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my mom not being here, and not having a mother anymore
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to be understanding, and let the dying person have complete say (if
they can) in what will be the most comfortable place for them, and
what will make them happy.
To make the right choices and remember
that this is your loved one.
Do anything you can that will be
enjoyable for them, and to say anything and everything you ever
needed to say to them.
finally, just to love them & care for them
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
to let them go, when they need you to.
im not sure this question
even applies to me
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why it even had to happen
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
that is fine to do!!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to my brother
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my mother when she passed, and say goodbye
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still could not believe it
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i didnt think that they helped my mother at all
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
bruising of the legs
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I was very young, but I also knew he was old, so i was more accepting
of it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
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Tue Nov 13 21:59:34 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Friend ]
friend had to do survey for a class project
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, one year ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather passed away suddenly from a
massive heart attack
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Mon Nov 12 14:33:18 2001
F18 in oxford, ms =usa=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 45.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we all have to go through
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was little and don't remember
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle was in a car accident and and died
a year after it happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing my grandparents crying
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing he's in a better place
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing things would never be the same
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't take anytime for granted
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Mon Nov 12 12:16:46 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching 'Psychological Misperceptions of the eye' and found this
in the matches.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
'1. Dread', '2. Rage'
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
1. Clive Barker 2. Stephen King
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 years ago.
Cause of Death: Natural decay; Aged: 91.
--Details:
A strong willed woman. The entire family was suprised, if not
happily moreso, that she survived as long as she did.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The fading and ceasing of electrical impulse; of that which we know
to be the consciouness.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was suprised at how easy it was to feel no sorrow, save lingering
memories I will always cherish; towards a loved one so close. Death
is a finality yes, but also an end to any pain and/or anguish.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
Family member (Grandmother) died =at= age 91,
my age at the time, 16. She was the closest family member to *me*,
that I have had to deal with dying. In whole, there's nothing you
can do but except and live on; with the fact that a love one's
consciousness has faded.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how quick everything was put behind themselves. In a matter of
days, she was gone as if she never existed. Is this what passes as
a remberance for the deceased?
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the science behind the loss.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family upbringing. I'm grateful I was not raised in a religious
family, for I'm sure if I were forced to believe in any God that
says "Love me, & only me, or sufer eternal damnation", a dramatic
meaning of loss would have been found.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
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Sat Nov 10 17:50:33 2001
F48 in Littleton, NH =USA=
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Prof/Studies: Mental Health
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 56.
--Details:
I have known him for 30 years. I still can't believe he is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
cease of our existance
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
denied it happened
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was at my godmother's nursing home, one of
the residents I liked died. I was 5, I whispered in his ear to say
Hi to my parakeet when he got to heaven.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It happened two days before xmas
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
caring about the persons wishes and not be out for what they can get
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
someone once died that was very sick and suffering. The pain
was over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My inner strength
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
nothing
--Regarding MONEY:
it is all people care about and if there is no money they seem
to diappear
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The decendant wanted his ashes scattered and his family didnt want
it. But the had done it for a brother who had predeacsed him
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
saying good bye
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he believed in the myth of seeing loved ones when he died
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No, but at the funeral, I saw a image of the deaceased and his
Father standing beside the grave stone with my grandson watching
a baloon float up to the heavens
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no one..He knew I loved him and he died knowing that
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Oh I would give him hell for leaving me and dying before me. ANd
then I would hold him and make love with him one more time
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother returned in a dream lately, it was horrible as I felt in
her control again. I was glad to wake and relize it was a dream
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
all things should be dealt with before you die, if it is
possible. Leave nothing in questions for others to change
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am thinking more lately of my own death, I fear it, I welcome
it. I want to stay to see my grandson grown. I want more time. But
then Im tired and want to die. I wonder if it is true that I will
see the people who have passed on, some of them I dont want to
see. Some I do. Can I look down on the living and protect them? I
dont know Im scared.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
throwing my Mothers urn in the ocean
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
none
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
His family to understand his feelings and not thier own
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It helped to express my anger I carry inside for the loved one
Im missing. ANd some how relize that he will never be out of my
memories and heart. The family cant take that
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Thu Nov 8 19:36:29 2001
F24 in romeoville, illinois =usa=
Name: maggi
Email: <pfrommma=at=lewisu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: secretary, computer student, university employee
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lupus; Aged: 50.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you are no longer living and breathing, but your body is buried
in the ground
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a cousin commit suicide when i was 14. that was rough, because i
couldn't understand how he could do that and it made me very angry.
my mother died when i was 19, which emotionally crippled me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my mother died slowly
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my sisters didn't want to talk about my mother. i talked to people
that didn't know my mom.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that perhaps people die without a reason. i was incredibly irritated
when i heard that it was her time, or god took her for a reason.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that the human mind has the ability to recover, slowly
and painfully. i silently work through my grief day by day and
realize that i need to be happy. being happy and moving on does
not mean that i am bad or not honoring her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
when people left me alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
other people wanting me to talk about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to give them space when they need to and not to minimize their pain.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
at first made my mother perfect when talking to others. i realized
that i was glorifying her to make myself feel better. that doesn't
make any sense to me, but i needed to tell her story like she was
a person, not a spirit or entity that has been made perfect.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i couldn't believe she was gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never felt the urge to laugh uncontrollably. i rented movie
after movie. anything and everything to watch so that i didn't have
to feel anything. preferably, i rented sad movies. they provided
a perfect outlet for me to weep uncontrollably and blame it on
something else. i never lived by myself, so there was always someone
"checking" on me. if i were engaged in a movie, they left me alone.
most of the time, i couldn't even tell you what the movie was about.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her more. i was away at college and no-one really thought
my mom was terminally ill. we knew that she was sick and had a
terrible disease, but she always exaggerated everything. we thought
we would have more time with her. at least i did anyway.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell her that i loved her. i know she knew that.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i learned i was pregnant.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
that she was "in a better place". i just don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i rent a sad movie.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i know that i wouldn't be married and have a husband and child.
i moved in with my sister after my mother died because my school
pulled all of my financial aid. i couldn't aford college and my
father is a loser and didn't help. My older sister was all that
i had. i met my future husband working at the movie store that i
rented tons of movies from every day.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i remember being very angry at mom because she didn't quit smoking.
i was sure that she would have lived years longer if she had. now,
i'm not sure that's best. she was incredibly sad and depressed
all the time.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be numb on demand.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for what felt like an eternity. i used to hurt myself when i
couldn't cry on command. it reminded me how to hurt. whenever i
started to get happy, i would do this and put myself back into a
nasty spiral.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i'm not sure. the jury is out on that. i wasn't there enough
to see how she interacted with her physicians. i think she was
given too many drugs to help numb her. she was addicted to pain
medication which made her very depressed. she also physically
changed drastically toward the end. she was on incredibly high
doses of prednisone, which made her look kind of like a blow frog.
you could tell it wasn't weight on her. it was like she was inflated
with water or air or something. her physical appearance began to
terrify me, and i couldn't bring myself to say anything because i
knew it terrified mom too.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
no contact. i know that my mother was in pain management counseling,
and that seemed to work for her a little.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
religion doesn't play a huge part for me. i'm agnostic and although
i'm terrified that there is no heaven and hate to admit it, i truly
don'tknow if it exists.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i don't know.
--Regarding MONEY:
my oldest sister was very good at arranging the funeral expenses,
and my mother didn't have enough money to distribute as any kind
of will. it wasn't difficult.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i don't remember it. i remember when we arrived in omaha from
minnesota (where we were from), we saw the body for the first time.
she was so cold and hard. they had drained her of all blood.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching her and looking at the ends of her fingers. they had
started to wrinkle and decay. i will be horrified by that image.
it was bizarre finding an outfit to bury her in.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
see above.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i can't offer tips. i drank and hurt myself and smoked pot and
watched movies in order not to feel. it was other people that made
me come out of grief that got me through it. i met my future husband
at the video store, went ona date with him, and realized that i
was young and i didn't die. i decided to move on in baby steps.
my husband would stay up with me in all hours of the night and
listen to everything i had to say, even though i'm sure he didn't pay
attention to all of it. he was a physical pillar of support for me.
i instantly loved him.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i don't know if sometimes i feel her or if i am just remembering
her so deeply that it feels as if there is an outside force doing it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i have to let go of the bad and remember the good. i used to
beat myself up a lot and it's stupid. i need to love me too.
having my son really woke me up. i undersgtand the bond a mother
feels with their child. even if my son didn't speak to me for
years and was a horrible demon child, i couldn't love him less.
i know that regardless of the little spats my mother and i had,
she always felt the same way i feel about my son.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i did take sleeping pills for a while. my mother was an alcoholic
and addicted to pain killers when she died. i realized after she
died that i was falling into the same trap. she was depressed and
turned to products for comfort instead of friends. when i recognized
myself turning into that kind of person, i stopped right away.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
just be close to someone, even if they need their space.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i don't want to die. i want to see my son grow up. i want to stick
around and grow old with my husband. at this point, i'm not ready
to accept an alternate scenario.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
private. i was in a hole and someone else grabbed me. i lived
with my sister who had a very small baby girl at the time. it was
nice to be able to play with her and not have to think about mom.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
my mom would shit if she knew what i have become. when i lost
my mom, i was a blue haired freak with piercings and tattoos.
although my mom didn't mind, and sometimes thought it fun, she would
not believe who i am today. i changed my major from psychology to
computers and got a full time ob at a university so that i could
finish my degree. i got married and have a son now that is the
light of my life. it would blow her mind. i own a car and have
a mortgage and a full time job. when did that happen?
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no, not really. i got a real job which meant that there were other
normally functioning adults there. i learned to grow up by following
the lead of others.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
my sister and husband helped me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i'm not sure. i have been comfortable with my feelings knowing
they are my feelings. there is no rule book with grief.
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Wed Nov 7 11:12:58 2001
F17 in , Vorarlberg =Austria=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
very scary for most people and something they try to ignore until
this isn't possible anymore.
--What I think my (Austria) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To cope with it and to learn, that it belongs to everyone's life
and is everyone's future.
(that's somehow logical, but many people
don't think about it)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I had so bad depressions that I am not afraid of death anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
It is necessary. There wasn't an evolution, a real life without
death. Everything would be static.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
A live after death seems to me like a nice illusion, I cannot
really believe in god and these things. Getting along with my own
non-existence was (and is) not easy.
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned, what ist important and what not.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why I have to be like this.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I saw life, a saw the people and I saw how ridiculous everything
is they do and worry about.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I once went out at night when I couldn't sleep. There was new moon,
ist was a clear, dark night and I watched the stars. I imagined
how far away they are that such bright, hot suns could appear so
small and cold.
I got an vague impression how big the Universe
is. These stars, so far away, only belong to our galaxie, and there
are so many others and so much emptiness between them.
And here on
this little planet mankind lives and everyone regards himself as
the center of the universe.
And I also do. And I can't get along
with my death, how stupid.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I never got panic about all the things I won't be able to do
and which seem so important:
getting married, getting a child,
watching it grow up and so on
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I imagine my mother seing my dead body.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be like the other 17-year-old-girls. I would like to go to
cinema, to parties, flirting with boys and so on.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my mother just cannot understand my thoughts and the situation
is harder for her then for me, although it's me who dies.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
always stay so strong that this weak moments never happen.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They try but cannot.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't believe in any religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was catholic.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
The dream of mankind that it goes on after death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
just aren't real. A nice reaction of the brain before it's finaly
over.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I only talk about my own death here.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Watching the stars, readin scientifical books about quantum physics
for example, to get a view of everything away from myself and the
people around me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I could order my thoughts.
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Mon Nov 5 11:36:38 2001
F26 in Lawrence, Kansas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
A Link on the Social Psychology Network
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
She went slowly downhill until she finally died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body loses life sustaining functions like breathing,
heartbeat, etc.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt like I had been waiting for it to come and wasn't surprised
but I was still sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My great aunt died from breast cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The thing that affected me most was that I had gotten a chance to
say goodbye and that comforted me. Later, however, I started to
feel guilty because I wished I had spent more time with her when she
was alive. I also wish I could have helped my mother more. It must
have been an awful experience for her. I also realized that someday
I will lose my mother and that thought seems unbearable, even now.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I feel like virtually everyone is scared of death, but no one talks
about it. It feels very taboo to bring up the fear of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was grateful my grandmother didn't have to suffer any more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
THinking about it. Also, I think that at first it is OK to dwell on
it a bit. I also don't try to NOT feel sad at first. Feeling sad
is an appropriate response.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Feeling guilty about not having spent more time with my grandmother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Don't feel like you have to say something--you don't. Also,
having tissues handy is a good idea. :)
--[My dog's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I played a song that I like that is a love song written to someone's
dog and let myself cry while I listened. I know it sounds silly,
but it helped me say goodbye.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Realizing that I have doubts about the existence of an afterlife.
It seems like the way most people cope with death is their belief
that everyone goes to heaven and you meet up again eventually.
I have a suspicion that death might be final and I think can be
harder for people like me to cope.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
The preacher cracked a joke at the funeral. It was funny,
everyone laughed. It seemed so APPROPRIATE. I wish funerals
involved more joy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to visit my grandmother for dinner more often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye. We had such a wonderful last chat the last time my
grandmother was coherent. THere were so many "emergencies" when
we thought she might die and she didn't. I almost didn't go to
say good bye that last time. I am so grateful that I did I want
to cry when I think about it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The ritual of the funeral is good in some ways. It gives people
something to focus on. I just wish it weren't so oppressive and
had more joy.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
It seems weird that we embalm and preserve people's bodies.
It seems like it would be much more natural to just let them rot
and let the bugs eat them.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how proud my grandmother would be if she knew what
I do now. I just wish she could know.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think it would be much different. Grandma would drive
us crazy with her eccentricities and we wouldn't have enough
appreciation for her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Children sometimes die before parents. It just shouldn't happen
that way. Parents shouldn't have to see their children die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know what happens after death. If death is the end, it would be
nice to know so we could all just cope with that.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt empty, sad, guilty, relieved. All at the same time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they try their most to preserve life. They have the best intentions,
but sometimes it just prolongs the suffering.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I can't remember much about it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
People saying things to try to make the survivors feel better.
It seemed transparent at times.
--Religious Affiliation:
grew up Lutheran--not sure what my beliefs are now. Somedays I
feel agnostic, other days Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I'm not sure what this question means.
--Regarding MONEY:
deciding on hospice care, etc. Also, dividing up the estate went
smoothly. Glad all of my grandmother's children had each other's
interests at heart.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Gloomyness.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
That it wasn't a shock. That it felt normal. That rather than
feeling intense grief all at once, it seemed more spread out than
I thought it would be. This is the weirdest part. SOmetimes,
when people die slow deaths, it seems easier (in some ways) on the
family because they have time to prepare.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
changes in weight, care about physical appearance, changes in
voice tone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't feel like I have much to offer. I haven't had that many
experiences. However, I've heard that most people eventually face
their death with peace. I hope that is true.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know if this happened or not. I do know that my
grandmother's last talk with her sister was bitter. She seemed angry
at my great aunt and told her to leave the room. It almost seems as
if she were angry she were dying first. My poor aunt was so upset
she thought of contacting psychics afterwards to try to reach my
grandmother's spirit and ask her why she had treated her so mean.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel OK--for a while I was angry that I hadn't spent more time
with my grandmother, but I think she was grateful for the time we
had together and didn't hold it against me. She knew I loved her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I would NOT say my grandmother has come back to visit me. I have
however dreamt of her since her death. She seemed wise and loving
when I dreamt of her. Her presence in my dreams was reassuring.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think people should have a Living Will about what they want to
happen to them if they were in a coma. I think that people should
respect the wishes of the dead. I also think that people have a
right to take their own life. Is this what you are asking?
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Lately, I've been given my death more thought, even though I am
relatively quite young. I have had to deal with it a bit because I
am afraid to fly, and I feel like I am "facing death" every time I
get on a plane. I would feal a bit cheated if I were to die soon.
However, I could die knowing that I lived a good life and made some
positive contributions to the world around me. I think I could
make peace with it. I would like to say that I would like it if
they served beer at my funeral and people told nice stories about me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
not really
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
knowing that she had lived a long life
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My sister is the one I can always go to in times like this.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I filled out this questionnaire because I recently decided I
wanted to confront my own death and feel more comfortable about it.
It has helped a bit in that sense.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Sometimes I wasn't sure what you were asking, especially in the
questions about the Spirit of Death and the Rights of the Dying.
It would be better if these questions had defined their terms better.
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Sun Nov 4 19:52:04 2001
M22 in greensboro, nc =US=
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, this year ago.
Cause of Death: an attack; Aged: 11.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is moving from the physical world into an afterlife where
your soul goes on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Knowing that those who died are still with me, just in a different
way.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it happened so suddenly
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Mine has come back to me in a dream.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would not be scared. I know that after you die you go to a
wonderful place. I would be concerned about how my loved ones
would feel about it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I would reassure others that the person who died's spirit is still
here and that they are happy in heaven.
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Sun Nov 4 17:40:58 2001
F19 in Richmond, RI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your life is taken.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not know why this happend
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My nana died from cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
just looking at her parents and boyfriend wondering what they were
going through
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
everyone is going to go at some point
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i got to know that person
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends and family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that you will never see them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just remember them and dont forget them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
young people die so early
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you cant be upset all the time
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to get to know them a lot better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know them
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see pictures or people talk about them
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
thats normal for people to do that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its not fair at all
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
never think about death
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
have never realized death its just something that you have to deal
with
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
that they try their best to help people
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that you believe what your religion believes
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
god takes everyone
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many peolpe actually know and care for that person
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that they are actually gone
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i cry as much as i need
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i just deal with it my own way
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i def think loved ones come back through dreams or they just give
us little signs that they are there
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i dont like thinking about when im going to die
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i just talk about the person a lot
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
how much everyone loved that person
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
you just need to realize that it is going to happen to everyone at
some point
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just having my family there
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
ahh not really
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Sun Nov 4 12:44:39 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart disease; Aged: 34.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father died of a sudden heart condition
when i was 12.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Thu Nov 1 15:16:02 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Acquiantance, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 17.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss of life. They are no longer with us in this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, my grandma died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Thu Nov 1 13:59:59 2001
M21 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Student - Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 6 mos. ago.
Cause of Death: Old age; Aged: 91.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the absence of a continued living physical presence on Earth.
The cessation of all physical processes in a body. No one really
knows if another form of existence continues after death, but many
believe that in one form or another, some manner of existence
occurs, be it through a soul, through some energy, or something
yet undefined.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to really understand what the full ramifications were.
I understood that I wouldn't see my great grandmother anymore,
but I couldn't understand the feelings that her daughter and other
children were going through at the time.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first funeral I can remember going to was my Great Grandmother's.
She simply died of old age. I was about 5 years old at the time,
and I didn't really yet understand the concept of death just yet.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling my own mortality. I felt that I stood in a hallway; behind
me one door, my birth, but in front of me, I couldn't see anything,
only knowing that the other door, death, was somewhere in front
of me. Looking around the room at the rest of my relatives, I felt
a profound sadness, knowing that the funeral was a reminder that
I would lose their presence, too, someday in the future. I also
worried, too, that I would not be able to complete all the things
in my life that I wanted to do, even if I lived 1000 years.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Our culture needs to learn to fear death less, and how better
to prepare for it. We need to learn that death will occur, and
though it isn't always welcome, it's best to be prepared, so that
as little as possible will be unfinished when we do die, or when
people we care about die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Death can be welcomed by some individuals, especially those in great
pain, and those who have lived a long, healthy, and productive life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the passage of time. Getting used to life and the changes in
tradition and thoughts without someone takes time, but is the way
that I best adjust to life after someone's death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my family members (especially my great grandmother's children)
hurt and grieving. Also, serving as a pallbearer. There is a
certain amount of finality in carrying someone to the place they
will be interred.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't understand this question.
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
No answer
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
No answer
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is important in dealing with death. There is something
renewing about being able to be together with friends and relatives
and share laughter, even in a time of grief. It is a sign that life
does go on, and we are still capable of being happy. Death does
not condemn us to permenant sadness.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my great-grandmother. Living 3 1/2 hours away
didn't afford me the opportunity to visit often. I would usually see
her at Christmas and one or two other family gatherings every year.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
No answer
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I noticed how few flower arrangements were present.
It rather saddended me to think about this, as I considered my
great-grandmother to be a wonderful person. I thought about how
she was very old, and likely that most everyone she knew as she
grew and matured had probably died before her, not leaving many
to grieve her passing. I felt that no one should be unmourned.
Everyone should have a funeral fit for a king; every life important.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
No answer
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I extend the loss of my other relatives to people closer to me.
Imagining a world without my parents and sister is something that
makes me very upset and emotional, but it is something that I know
I will likely have to deal with one day, and that day is always
approaching.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Never thought about it... I'm a pragmatist and a realist, and I
don't dream about things like this.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair that we don't have the chance to live long enough
to do all the jobs, have all the hobbies, go all the places, and
meet all the people we would like to. We die way before all of
that can happen.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
No answer
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was able to deal with it better. It took acutally attending the
funeral and going through the motions for it to hit home.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
This is difficult to answer, as I will soon be a member of the
medical community. I feel that they are overworked and understaffed,
and I don't feel that there was anything else that could have
been done.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
little. It was part of the funeral process, but seemed mere words.
--Religious Affiliation:
Prebytarian (I do not often attend church)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
probably very accurate. Though we all have different methods
of dealing with death, differences in the grieving process,
and differing beliefs in life after death, it is still the same
experience, more or less, for everyone.
--Regarding MONEY:
Not involved.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was too small a crowd. The older you are, it seems the less
people come to your funeral. You seem to be forgotten.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
None?
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Acceptance of death. Most older people, or terminally ill patients
who are preparing to die are usually ready for it. It's the
unexpected deaths that are harder to deal with. And death is always
more difficult for those left behind.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I try not to let death affect me too much. The problem with that
is my internalization of the feelings, and the lack of emotion in
such situations. I haven't really grieved.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none, but then again, I was not present for the months
leading up to her death.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Nothing to discusss..
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues. I wish I had been able to spend
more time with her, and better understand her, but I don't regret
anything.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
No such experience
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
No visitations.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Unfortunately, times of death are when peoples' selfish natures
tend to manifest themselves. Because the ones to be left behind
are never really ready for the death to occur, often they try to
do everything the can do to hold on to the dying one. Sometimes,
this causes unneeded pain and hurt for the one dying. In their
preparations to die, they begin to accept the fact of their own
mortality, but all to often their loved ones do not take this step
with them. The rights and wishes of the dying should always be
taken and considered ahead of everything. They are about to undergo
the ultimate finality, and this is significantly more momentous for
them than those not dying. While it is usually harder on the ones
remaining behind, they will get through it...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death is something that I try to avoid thinking about.
Occasionally, late at night, when I can't sleep, or wake up from a
particularly disturbing dream, I tend to confront my own mortality.
The thing that bothers me most about my own death is not knowing what
will occur afterwards. I wonder if my actions in life now will have
an affect on my continued existence after death (if there is one).
I often put this down to a lack of great faith in a particular
organized religion. I would like to believe in life after death,
hopefully as one reads about in "Embracing the Light."
I also think about all the opportunities that I will be missing
out on. There is so much that I want to do, and so much that I
want to see, that I feel I have to rush, rush, rush, in order
to get everything done. And this rushing causes me to not
fully experience all that I do. I feel upset that I want to do
everything incredibly quickly, so that I can do more, and also to
do it very slowly, so I can appreciate it.
I have also attempted
to leave as little of my personal life unfinished as possible.
Until recently, one of my biggest fears was that I would die an
early death, and I would do so without having my parents know
the true me. I have since had the needed discussions with them,
and I am much more secure in the knowledge that when I die,
(if I die before them), nothing will come as a suprise to them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Nothing
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
No Answer
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
I was too young to understand death the first time I came in contact
with it.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was nice to be able to put my feelings into words, rather than
abstract thoughts in my head.
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Thu Nov 1 10:32:56 2001
F20 in ottawa lake, michigan =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: waitress
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More personal info:
be there for your loved ones and don't hold grugges against anyone,
you never know when they can be taken from your life
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no not reallly
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: depression, pnomonia; Aged: 68.
--Details:
she had been very depressed for about 6 years. She couldn't be
left alone because she would panic. She didn't know who most of
her family and friends were. She could barely walk. Finally after
being in and out of the hospital, she had died with pnomonia in
her nursing home.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a way for us to be with God up in heaven. It is a very sad thing to
endure because you are losing a loved on, but when you die you will
see them again up in heaven. They are not suffering any more and
they are up in heaven looking down upon us, and guiding us through
our lives. Death may be one of the hardest things to endure,
but it is a part of reality.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in the sixth grade when my grandfather died of cancer. I did
a lot of crying but I just kept telling myself that he was not
suffering anymore and that i would soon see him again.
--That first time, how it happened was
My grandfather died when i was in the sixth grade. He had been very
sick with cancer and after several operations, when they thought
it was all gone, they found out that it had spred to other places
and he died on easter sunday.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my mom walking in the door to my grandmothers house and i knew
that he had died. I never got a chance to say goodbye to him.
When my grandmother died, i had the chance to say goodbye, but it
was still very hard.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death can be a good thing. The person is not suffering on
earth anymore, they are happy with god up in heaven and they are
watching over us.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family being there for one another.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the fact that my family was there to comfort me as well as my
friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing witht he fact that a loved one is gone from the earth.
They are not here anymore to talk to or to visit or see.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make them feel loved
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize what a great person she was and what she really did
throughout her life. Growing up for her was very hard. She had a
very tough life, but the amount that she had accomplished through
her life made her die happy
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
god let her suffer so much before she died
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my grandmother and grandfather would be happy to see us laughing
instead of crying so much. They would want us to look back on all
the fun times that we had together and all the pleasent memories
and remember those. they would want us to smile about there life
on earth and not their death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye to my grandfather before he died and to tell him that
i loved him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have my family there with me helping each other get through the
hard time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i realized how many people really cared about my family by all the
flowers and by all the people who had attended the funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
we begin to talk about some memory that we had or i see something
that i know belonged to my grandparent or that they would have loved.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i do wish that my grandparents were still alive, but i know know
that they are so much happier. THey are not suffering any more
and they are happy with god.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do so many of my family members have to die when my best friend
has never had to attend a funeral.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
disappear
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just began to cry until i couldn't cry no more. My whole body
was numb.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
do everything you can to help the person so they don't suffer,
but if they are going to die, it is gods will and we can do nothing
about it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
why couldn't they do more so she didn't suffer so much
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
gods will is gods way
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
i really didn't. Everyone helped out
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people who were there or sent flowers. IT was the
biggest funeral the funeral place has ever seen
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how much it can bring a family together. All the fighting stops,
even if it is just for a few moments or a few days.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
losing weight, paleness, lifelessnes
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i believe that when i talk to them through prayer that they can here
me and i believe that they will forgive me for anything unresolved.
when i die and go into heaven, they will tell me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
just that they are happy with me and that they are happy themselves.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it would definitly scare me knowing that i was dieing. I don't
know how i would react. I would definitly resolve everything
and tell everyone what i am really feeling, then i would spend as
much time with my loved ones as i could. I believe that God has
intentions for everyone. When it is my turn to die, my time is up.
Everyone has a turn.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i visit the graves every once in a while or i pray to them for help
and guidence and think about them often
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
just praying as often as i can
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my cousin and i are know a lot closer then we ever were
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
it just takes time to get over and to get used to it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
i always tried to forget about it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i just wish that my friends had been there more than they were.
My best freind has never had a death in her family so she doesn't
know how much it really hurts.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
filling out this was hard because it brought up bad memories.
but it was helpfull talking about them again and reallizing againg
that they are happy and it was for the best.
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See Oct 01 contributions.
See Sep 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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