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See Current contributions.
See Aug 01 contributions.
See Jul 01 contributions.
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Sun Sep 30 21:49:11 2001
F19 in Denton, Texas =U.S.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology Major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 7-8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications with diabetes; Aged: 75-80.
--Details:
He went for poor circulation due to vercose vains, but the health
care system in Mexico is not the best and eventually he had
complications dealing with his diabetes. The hospital never really
did anything for him. We believe that they purposely did nothing
because he was old and didn't have much money. Basiclly we say they
killed him and later my grandmother who also died of complication
with diabetes.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
extention of life within that person. When they cease to breath,
when their heart stops beating, when there brain can no longer
create thought or contol our functions.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had a state of "this can't be ture." But then I knew that death
happens to everyone and that God has a plan for all of us and if
you have faith in him then things will work out.
--That first time, how it happened was
My first experience with was when my grandfather pasted away. I
was never with him the days before his death.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
was how hurt my family was. How my mother and her many siblings
were shaken so terribly. But how they came together to remember
and honor my grandfather and later my grandmother.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing. My culture has a good understanding of death as well as a
good support system. Family is all that is needed during such a time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the reunions of family. Of coming together when there has been a
great time of seperation and remiencing the past.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and friends (who are my family), and my faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that they (my grandparents) would no longer be here and i
never really knew them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i haven't had experience being near some one is dying. My grandmother
was the only one that I saw a few days before her death. I would
say not to talk to much about the fact that they are dying.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they passed away because even though you know that everyone will
pass away you don't when and that is the most frighting and confusing
part. The person may have seemed so healthly and then they are gone.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
to my recollection I never laughed
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with both my grandparents. To have understood them
and learn from them before they passed.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i don't know
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't know
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i talk about it with my mother. If i ask her a question about either
one of them and she responds, I relize once more how much I took
them for granted.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The sad thing is that I don't think it would be any different for
the fact that they lived in Mexico and that it was hard for us to
go visit and it would still be hard for us to go visit them. Mybe
the one thing that would change would be if I did visit I would be
more attentive to what they have to say.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't believe I ever had that thought.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew that I had to move on and be there for my loved ones.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Utter disgust. The medical community in Mexico is not very good. If
taken to a private hospital there is a better chance for survival
than that of the public one, but not everyone can afford that. When
my grandfather was in the hospital, we were ignorant to their
abilities but when my grandmother got ill we took her to a private
hospital. When she broke her leg one of my aunts decided to call
the public hospital and eventually my grandmother died. I know a
lot about medicine and I can't believe the things they did to both
of my grandparents.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
NA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
having mass and prayer. Faith is totally different though and I
follow my faith more than I do my religion. Religion means the
rituals (baptizings and taking of the commuion) that are done and
yes the belief (like believeing in God or the teachings of Buddha,
or believing in Jesus or not). Faith is your belief but not the
ritual, it is knowing what you believe is right in you heart.
--Religious Affiliation:
the Christian religion
--Regarding MONEY:
Because of one of my relatives greed we could have taken both my
grandparents to better hospitals. At least my grandparents would
have had greater comfort before their deaths.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How much family had come together.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the surrealness of the funeral home. The pink wall the, small room,
the sounds that it created. The one thing that was weird for me was
the fact at viewing the body. It took me to the last minute to see
the body, but i did it because i wanted to say goodbye.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I went through a sort of denial and then I told my self that I had
to be there for my family. I had to talk about life and not death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
no such situtation occurred from my memory.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to hear about there life experiences. It would get
rid of the quilt I have for not being there the days before their
deaths and taking them for granted.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
na
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I have expressed my wishes to several family members as to what
I want if I should die. Such as I am a donor and any organs that
can be donated should be donated. I wish to be cremated not buried
and what will happen to my ashes will be decided by my family. If
I am in a common I don't wish to stay in that state longer than a
year. I do wish to be recitated. I have told this all to my family,
because I do not wish to have them argue about what should be done.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
The questions I have about my death is where am I going once I do
pass away. Will I go to Heaven or will I go to hell. That is my
fear, not knowing where I'm going. I know at any time I can go and
this not knowing where I will end up is the part that makes death
frightening. I believe that is why everyone fears death, because
they do not know where they will end up. No matter what faith and
belifs everyone has the fear of death and not knowing what will
happen after wards.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote an essay on my grandfather. I described him to the best of
my ability.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
It was a combination of a lot of things. My faith, famliy, knowledge
that everyone will pass eventually, and lifes distractions helped
me get through it.
Nothing except the fact that I was not there the days before he
passed. The fact that I never really knew him didn't really let me
deal with the fact that he passed away.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped express feelings about how I feel about death. I have
worked through most of my feelings regarding the death of those I
loved and knew but this questionnaire opened me up to feelings I
have not resolved yet.
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Sun Sep 30 12:28:00 2001
F19 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: pancreatic cancer; Aged: 48.
--Details:
The hardest thing about her death was that I was only 17 and she was
my bestfriend. She died a month before I graduated from college.
She was diagnosed in January with pancreatic cancer and by early May
she was dead. In a short 4 or 5 months, I had to digest the news of
my mothers illness and then cope with her death. I felt bombarded.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is the result of some cause causing you to leave your physical
body and enter the heavens in a spiritual sense.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I thought i handled myself well so my mother wouldn't be upset.
She had more things to focus on so I held myself together for her,
but at night I was a mess and many months after her death I hit
rock bottom.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was in third grade and my grandpa died from
a heartattack. Because I was so young, I didn't quite understand
and I always thought he would come back. The worst experience was
when I was scared that he would come back and visit me in his "ghost"
form so I spent a lot of nights sleeping on my parents bedroom floor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was quite angry with my friends when they forced me to talk about
my feelings. I was trying to be so strong for myself, my mom and
my family that I wasn't feeling the emotions that I needed to let
myself feel in order to cope with her death. They tried to reassure
me that it was ok to be weak. Also, they stopped coming to me when
something was wrong with them because they knew I had so much on
my plate already, but they didn't realize that that hurt me as well.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Honestly I never thought about my culture and how it deals with
death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The fact that I got to say goodbye to my mother because I knew she
was passing away and that I now know my mother is watching over me
wherever I go. Also, best friend at the time and I got closer and
we have now been together for over a year.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Mostly my friends and my family. My teachers in high school also
were great and supportive and when I went to college I joined a
sorority for which I now have a network of 60 girls to lean on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I was loosing my best friend and that she wasn't going to be
there when I get married or have children.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Take advantage of the time you have remaining with that person
because those last times are what counts the most. One thing that
helped me was, as I was "being there" for my mother, it was also
helping me because I was feeling so helpless.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned that life is precious and don't take people for granted.
Also, death is one of the toughest things that someone has to go
through, but time does heal wounds. It won't ever heal it totally
but it does help.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was angry and asking why it had to happen to her. I also felt
the guilt that i did something wrong in my life and my mother was
being punished. I also doubted God and why he would do such a thing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughing with my friends was a good stress reliever and I honestly
thought that it kept me from going insane.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I have no regrets with the death of my mother. The only thing is
I worked in a hospital this summer and learned a lot about patient
care and i wished i knew just simply how to make my mother's bed
when she wasn't able to get out.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say goodbye to my mother and she was able to do the same
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my friends would casually get into fights with their mothers and say
that they hated her and I was sitting there thinking that i would
kill to even have my mother around to fight with. Fighting would
mean that she was still with me.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all my friends get so upset over such petty stuff which they think
is so important but with my life experiences i know that it is
just petty.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I call them my waves, when one little thing can set me off and i'm
crying for like 2 hours
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I try not to do that because i feel that isn't dealing with reality
and that would hurt more in the end and when i woke up
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
all of the time and sometimes still do
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
at times i wished that i could have died along with my mother
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
screamed, cried, threw things, dropped to my knees and became
physically ill.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i wasn't fond of my mother's oncologist but the nurses were angels
and that is why i am majoring in the medical profession in college.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
ANGELS!!!!!!!!!!! they were so great with my mother and with
my family
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
well my parents weren't too religious but when my mother was
diagnosed we turned to church for support, they found relief and
beliefs while I was still doubting and angry so i couldn't except
it into my life at the time.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
not too sure because i'm still investigating that part of my life
--Regarding MONEY:
my mother and father played their cards right so money hasn't seemed
to affect my family
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many showed up and that my friends were there with my every
step of the way
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the parties i had with my friends the week my mother passed away.
it was just something to get my mind off of things
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I pretty much knew what the signs of death were.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i am still going through the steps of mourning and going through
them slowly but i now know that it is ok that after only a year
that i am still mourning
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i can't remember specific incidences but she definately knew when
her time was up
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I still talk to my mother all the time and she knows everything that
i'm going through because she is with me always. When something
is really bothering me i go to the grave to talk to her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Right now i'm still afraid to die and because of my mother's death
any little cold that i catch i have a tendency to think that it
is cancer. i am deathly afraid of cancer, and excused the pun.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
as i mentioned above, my best guy friend at the time and I got
really close during my mother's battle with cancer and now we have
been dating for a year and a couple of months.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
I also kept myself so busy that I didn't let myself deal with my
mother's death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i love helping people in general so i'm planning on becoming a
nurse so i can reach out to a lot of people and give back to the
people that reached out to me
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this was a nice survey
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
maybe create a survey which focuses more on adolescents as well
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Fri Sep 28 21:52:27 2001
F46 in Portland, OR =USA=
Name: Karen Roberts
Email: <karewren=at=lycos.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
using "search" to know what to expect during grieving process
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident.; Aged: 71 yrs.
--Details:
I had just talked to Mom in San Jose, she was driving to my sister's
3 miles way, she was almost there & "fell asleep" swirved to the
left & hit a parked van--this was on Father's Day. (My step-dad
commited suicide almost 2 yrs to the day.) Her c2 vertibrae was
broken by the airbag. I flew down from Portland, OR a couple days
later to be with her. She was expected to recover for a month. But,
she was moved the wrong way by a nurse & then experienced difficulty
breathing--had to be put on a respirator, she could not be weaned-off
successfully & became totally dependant & unable to breathe on her
own. She also had diabetes & had to start dialysis. During the whole
month this was happening, we were told she was doing real good &
we were encouraged. Mom lost the ability to speak or move her upper
body. She could smile & try to mouth words and use hand signals. We
never imagined that a person so fully aware and conscious could be
considered by doctors to be on "total life support". It was only in
the final couple days, we were told we should make a decision. My
sister and I felt so helpless..we felt like we were being asked
to take responsibility for ending our Mom's life who was till the
end, full of life (mentally). Never have I made such a difficult
decision. The hospital who's name starts with a "K" could not find
Mom's Prime Care Directive. We later found a copy at Mom's home in
a pile of papers--we cried as we read her wishes. It was a blessing
to know that after all, we DID follow though with our Mom's wishes,
after all. Quite honestly, I still can't come to terms with "how
this death happened", I think of many reasons why it did.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Inevitable and unescapable. Death is life's biggest mystery. Death
leaves others (who knew the decedent) with a feeling of profound
sadness and loss, unlike any other human emotion. It's about losing
a vital connection and no longer being able to receive or respond
to the familiar feelings we humans have. It's also about having to
indulge in deep feelings that are new and uncomfortable in order
to keep living and growing as a human being.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I could only see the sadness it caused family members but, did not
actually comprehend it for myself.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...There were a few deaths in our family. The
first was when I was 3 yrs, my 21yr old uncle who was a Marine. His
death seemed mysterious always--years later, I found out that
he was either killed or commited suicide & was found sitting on
a curb. I remember he was enclosed in a "glass box" when I viewed
him at the funeral. Then my great aunt whom I spent much time as
a child, fell from her balcony, she broke her hip and died in the
hospital. I kept praying that the Lord would bring her back to life
before she was buried.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was like watching your hero die in front of your eyes and every
second wanting so bad to stop the process and wondering if it's
too late...until it was. And then, not being able to believe this
could happen to someone so strong and vital.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death can happen at any moment when it's least expected. Our culture
needs to learn to show appreciation to our loved ones while they
can still know the happiness they bring others. Do NOT wait till
they are gone to let them know how much they mean. Buy them flowers
and new clothing while they are alive and can enjoy them!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother was quite aware that her loved ones were by her side and I
know with all my heart, she knew how loved and beautiful she was to
me--(I told her all the time). I'm so in awe that knowing what she
was facing, she had to courage to smile so big at me as if to say,
"it's okay, I'm ready to go and you, my daughter will be okay"--I
was crying a river at the time. I don't know how she did it and
never will but, I will never forget that last beautiful smile she
gave me. I also think sometime, I will be able to help another
person experiencing this same kind of pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My sister and my Aunt even though they were hurting, too. My son
came to be by my side in my sorrow--that meant alot to me. Others
that have gone through this same experience have been so kind to
me. It's something you cannot possibly help someone else with unless
you've experienced the loss yourself--very true!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Prayers
I went to many funerals as a child, it seemed a part of life that
only adults had to deal with. It seemed to help others to tell me
their stories about the loved one lost.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
Didn't have any real problems dealing w/death as a child, seemed
a natural process.
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Thu Sep 27 13:29:49 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Psychology professor urges us to participate in a research study
over the internet. This survey was one of the choices.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, almost 16 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: liver failure; Aged: 35.
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--Death Is:
like an exit ramp. The person gets off the highway and takes
his/her appropirate exit. That person will be waiting at the end
of the ramp for you when it is your time to leave the highway.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really did not know what to make of it. I was only 3 1/2 and it
was pretty hard to me to realize that my dad was never coming back.
Luckily, my mother and older brother were very supportive and very
good at explaining things to me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was three years old and my family went to
California because my father was in the air force. One morning at
the hotel, I woke up and went to go wake my father up and he had
passed away in his sleep.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the support of family and friends. After the death, we moved back
to Rhode Island and moved in the my aunt and uncle until we were
able to get on our feet again.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is devestating. People say that the best way to overcome
is to return to normal life. But life is never 'normal' again
after someone close to you dies. You have to create a 'new' life
and hope to maintain it's normalcy.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
moving back to Rhode Island. All my family is here and I've made
some terrific friends.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the support and comfort from family.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
waking up and having no daddy anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
reassure them that you love them and that someday, you will be
reunited.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't understand why he wanted to leave me and my family.
It was hard for me to understand (because I was so young) that he
did not choose to leave, he HAD to leave
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see young children playing with their fathers.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did my daddy have to go? Why couldn't someone else's daddy
die?(even though i feel guilty saying it)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
let it all out and cry for days.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was able to start to get over the incident. Once you can understand
it and acknowledge it, you can begin to heal.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust. they had no idea my father's liver was in danger of
failing. he was a heavy drinker (not a mean drunk), but otherwise
he was very healthy.
--Regarding MONEY:
my father's social security and life insurace money was able to
allow my mother to stay home with me and my brother until I was
old enough to attend public school, which I believe really helped
me in the grieving process. Spending all that time with my mother
was very beneficial.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the grieving process is never over, but you can not let it affect
your everyday life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I believe my father is my guardian angel and he keeps the whole
family safe.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my dad that I loved him and I know he would say the
same. I was always a daddy's girl growing up and I would love to
play ball with him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My father sometimes visits me in my dream, but he has the face of
my brother. My brother really resembles my dad and had sort of
played the role of father (he's very protective).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be sad if my life were to end because I love the people in my
life and I know they love me and would be very upset if I left them.
Although, I would be glad to see my father again.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
looking at pictures and crying over them helps me in a wierd sort
of way. It makes me feel happy and sad all at the same time
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
well, if my father never died, we never would have moved back to
Rhode Island, and I never would have me my fiancee
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
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Thu Sep 27 09:29:23 2001
F51 in nyc, ny =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
freelance writer--looking for sites on death and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
body wide system degeneration to the point where cell growth ceases
and damage to the body is irreparable
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
found it hard to understand because I was not allowed to go to the
wake or funearal although I was almost eleven years old
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a per and it bothered me more than
any other death--animals were more important to me thatn people at
the time
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
silence(as usual in my family structure
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
everything
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I learned that my family had almost no ability to wsithstand
challenges or life experiences. i changed this with my own child
and we view life and death with the same awe, believing death to
be as important a journey and passage as birth.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's books, and my own work experiences as a
paramedic dealing with death
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the person not being physically around
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to and respect what their wishes are--including allowing
that person to die on their own terms
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I have no regrets
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
one lady that was dying on the way to the hospital called me her
angel--of course that is probably the last thing I am but I was to
her and that is the way it was for her--that's what she needed and
that's what I was--I am not afraid of death
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
many medics will tell you no to be close to the folks we treat and
to not think of them as people we know and all because it will make
you burn out--I let patients hold my hand and I look in their eyes
and I really connect with them--especially if they ar dying--maybe
they have something they really want to say and I don't lie to them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
nature is nature--all things cycle
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
nature and sciencecorrect
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
correct
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
candles and vitgil in the city for the World Trade Center attack--I
live in NYC
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
sometimes I light candles and incense--an older tyoe of ritual
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Tue Sep 25 18:46:21 2001
F19 in youngstown, oh ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: didn't recover from surgery, body was old and tired; Aged:
not sure.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when somebody goes into eternal rest and they never wakeup
again. Their living another life in another world. wether it be
good or bad,its eternal!
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother who died. Although I understood death,
I didn't expect it. She had a stroke and it was very unexpecting
to everyone. I remember being sad, but I didn't cry till a few
months later when I missed her. Also, I remember at the funeral
I didn't walk up to see her in the casket,I was kind of afraid,
but I regret it deeply now.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing my daddy cry, which was the first time i saw a man cry.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that death doesn't tell you when and how its coming so appreciate
every moment of your life. Also for others to appreciate everyone
everyday cause you never know when they are going to be taking away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that my grandma was happier. I expected her death unlike
my other granma's. She told me before she went into surgery that
she wasn't coming back and she assured me everything would be fine.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that although she was happy, I was never gonna see her
again in this lifetime at least
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Pray!!
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I had enough courage to go see my grandma in her casket, which is
something that I couldn't do at the death of my first grandma's
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show my grandma how much I really do love her although i know
she knew
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend her last night before surgery with her playing games and just
spending time with each other
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i just wish they were their to talk to, to laugh with me, and share
important events of my life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i won't have not one grandma their when i graduate
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the medical community my grandma was in i felt was good they did
all they could do for my grandma
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
im not sure
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everyone understood my grandma was so much happier
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking about how i would feel if i was in my mom's shoes who just
lost her mother
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
swelling of the body
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i've had a couple of dreams about my grandmothers that seemed
very real but not actual visitations although i know they are with
me everyday
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
nothing besides showing the deepness and quality of my love for them
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I love you so much and if you were still hear i would show you in
so many ways. I would say Thank You for everything! I would give
them a hug and a kiss. I would say I LOVE YOU Grandma!!!!!!!!!!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no not really, just hope that i get all out of life that i possibly
can.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
by lending my ear to listen, my words to comfort, and my shoulder
to cry on
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
if was useful for me cause it made me take time out and realize
the importance of my life and the life of others
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Tue Sep 25 17:12:13 2001
F24 in Fullerton, CA =Orange=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 62.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a departure from existence on this planet.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried & felt strange knowing that I'd never speak to the person or
see that person ever again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...
it was my grandmother who lived in Central
America. She had been very ill for some time but was in a coma
when my father and I flew out to see her a last time.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how well we all took it because we were there for one another and
said to one another that she was now in peace versus suffering
any longer.
--What I think my (Orange) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Coping with it. My immediate family and I handled it very well but
at the funeral, other family members and friends threw themselves
to their knees, yelled and cried out loud asking her to come back.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having seen everyone who was at her funeral to show their respect
for her and listening to everyone's stories and memories.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the presence of my father.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
coming back home and telling everyone about it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
making sure they get one last laugh or smile :)
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
overcame selfishness and began caring about others.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
one of my closest friends lost his grandmother & he couldn't see
it the way I saw it. He was in denial.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't regret having laughed with her.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
introduce her to my daughter.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there with her and read her favorite psalm to her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I lay in bed next to her and touched her hair and her face.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
being at the funeral instead of visiting her at home during her
last days.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried but was happy to have been with her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I listened to her friends and our family members who spoke very
fondly of her and who gave me a clear depiction of how much of a
good & humane person she had been. I felt proud of who she was
after it occurred & I felt she had gone up where she deserved to
be instead of remaining here suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories to hold
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Tue Sep 25 11:18:40 2001
F20 in , MA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
little women
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
louisa may alcott
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 13 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
scary, but unavoidable, a natural cause an ending to life on
earth. no longer breathing or being able to perform daily functions.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was quite young and just understood that i didn't see him around
anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my family friends' son died in a car accident
when he was 19. i knew him and saw him a lot but, i was pretty
young i didn't really understand it too well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his mother crying so much and my mom holding her and everyone
holding her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
maybe that's it's not a complete ending and that it isn't scary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i only have very very fond memories of my grandfather and i think
about him a lot like he is watching me or knows when i want him
to be proud. because my family talks about a lot of not so great
things about him even though he was a good person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, mom and dad
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
now, because i never really got a chance to know him or know what
he was really like. what he believed and that i don't get to hug
him when i go see my relatives.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to tell them how special they are and how important their lives is
and that people will always remember them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
much i still think about him even though he is gone
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why did they leave
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
you always have to be able to laugh or else you will never come out
of grieving and you will never move on. and you won't really enjoy
the memories of that person if you can't think about it and smile.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say goodbye and how proud i would make him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a grandfather in my life and to have good memories of him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
how much everyone came together
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i might take him for granted, and i wouldn't feel like someone is
watching over me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did this person have to leave my life. why can't i see them
anymore?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream and cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i had no contact with them, my grandfather was a stubborn man and
refused to see a doctor and when he finally did it was too late
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much, i am not religious
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
they are still here ,or at least i feel the presence of them
sometimes
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i wasn't allowed to go to the funeral
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
very sad, that i love everyone and life and that i know that i have
made mistakes that i am sorry for but they have taught me so much
and i am sorry i didn't get a chance to learn more. i love you mom
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
to know that they are still in your memories
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my dad and understand each other a lot, i feel like we both have
a lot of my grandfather's personality traits and it brings us closer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
definitely, it was about time to remember my grandfather and i
haven't done it in month or so. also, we should reflect on death
everyonce in awhile so that we aren't so overwhelmed when it
does come.
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Tue Sep 25 01:13:22 2001
F27 in , new jersey =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: paramedic/medicine
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Clients, recently
Aged: 18-20
--Details:
the most memorable of my calls has been an accident involving three
young men all 18-20 returning from the shore. after the fact we
found out they had been doing 120 mph. the reason death strikes
me is often not for the individual involved in a traumatic death,
but instead the victims families and friends. they are the ones
who truly suffer the loss and must bear the burden of coping with
that loss.
but they aren't the only ones affected. those of
us trying desperately to save them are also involved emotionally
(much as many of us try to deny it, or make sick humoured jokes to
cover up the rawer emotions that might cause us to show weakness).
it's difficult to see the reality of death sometimes, when all that
surrounds is life. and when it is your own family or even just a
patient with whom you have built a simply short connection, it hurts
to let go. i sometimes wonder if it is selfishness that causes
us to cling so tightly to each other's memories, or loneliness,
or something intrinsic in our psyches that we need to build these
interactions with others.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the cessation of biological functioning and a transfer of energy
into another form in its most scientific terms. some people believe
that there is an afterlife of beautiful things as a reward for
living according to a certain moral precpt, or one of torture for
having lived poorly. other cultures believe that lives happen in
stages of moral/spiritual development, and that as one's spiritual
life improves, so does the physical representation on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i can't remember my response.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I began working with the local ambulance squad
when i was 16 years old and a brand new EMT. while i can't really
remember my first experience with death, i do remember responding
to a call for a cardiac arrest later in my career when i became
a paramedic and it was the first time i really gave a lot of
consideration to death in general. i looked into the man's eyes,
and just knew he wasn't coming back.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
seeing the physical forms in death after life has been stripped
out of them.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to stop ignoring that it exists, and especially stop treating it
as something abstract.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
without life having the definitive end, we would probably not
appreciate living quite as much (at least those of us who love
living as much as i do).
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
talking with like emotioned people in my profession who understood
my responses. i actually also found that there was a scene in city
of angels that made me feel better about my responses when the main
character cries because she lost her first patient.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
family reactions, thought of the people left behind.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remember that death is very personal, and to be invited or allowed to
share the experience is an honour. usually gut instinct is right,
and listening, being gentle and supportive, physical contact
especially, are important. sometimes you don't even need to
utter words.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't know how to respond to the death of those three kids, and
what bothered me most was going back to see the bodies of the two
that were dead at the scene. i still can't say what happened to
me emotionally. it doesn't hurt as badly. the hard thing was that
there was no easy question like "why do bad things happen to good
people" or "what could i have done to save them?" it was simply a
change in how i saw the world for a year. the transience of life.
an agnostic turned atheist. and it wasn't because i believe i
was slighted by god or that i thought god couldn't exist in this
world where people could die so young. it was simply looking at
those faces made me realize that they were gone, and that there was
nothing more. they were biological life, with synapsis and cells
that needed ATP that they weren't being provided.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
ironically this happens to me very frequently, especially when
i have to tell families that their loved one has died. it comes
from the attempt to suppress the super heightened emotions involved
in the whole expereince, and we are inclined to laugh as another
intense reaction when tears aren't appropriate, or we just can't
cry at that moment.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
held a hand, let a family memeber come in and watch the process of
rescucitating their loved one, looked into their eyes and caught
the last of them as they left.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for one woman as her father died. we talked about his
accomplishments and how good a person he was, his love of painting
and his special tomato sauce.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there's a smell or a sound, or a song, or any reminder of the person,
sayings they used to use.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's never been a question of "fair" to me. i suppose i am very
resolved about death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i am the medical community, it would be unfair of me to answer
this question. but i believe that many of the medical community
find it difficult to deal with death themselves, let alone help
someone else through it, even over the short term. we all try in
our own way, though.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
atheism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
people talk of transfer of energy. this is something that can be
biological or even spiritual. einstein even spoke of this energy
transfer. scientifically, energy from our cells is transfered
to others through decomposition, but who knows where the thoughts
our synapsis retained for so long go. perhaps something of them
remains in the air. it might also be mumbo jumbo i'm talking too.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it's a show more so than a grieving process.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the way emotions play in our heads. they vary from moment to moment,
let alone day to day.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
many people near death either have extreme fear, or if it is
a long illness are calm and resolved about their own deaths.
they are peaceful. as death approaches, often people can sense
it to the point that they will make arrangements. one man i tried
to rescucitate had made ammends with his brother that day after 25
years of estrangement, and told his wife how important she was to him
for the first time in months. he didn't have a long term illness,
it was sudden to the naked eye. but his behaviour was atypical
that night and the next morning she came to find him peaceful in
his loungechair.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
coping equals resolving your own feelings about death. especially to
undersatnd that you can't know a why or attribute morality to death.
as far as we know, it is entirely biological. but there are many
things we don't know, and belief that we might all see each other
again may not be entirely unfounded.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
as a health care provider, it is intrinsic to our job to respct
these rights. just as it is often difficult for families to carry
out the true wishes of their dying relatives, sometimes our own
morality makes it difficult to understand the desires of someone
who is dying. for us, it is harder to imagine why someone with
terminal cancer would want to be rescucitated, but often families
can't let go of their loved ones. people stop eating for a reason,
and because families struggle to hold on, they force their loved ones
to eat. people stop breathing for a reason, and while often they
can be rescuctiated, many times they cannot, and will be victims
of constant venitlator support. as an individual responsible for
the decisions made for a dying loved one, you *must* put your own
morality aside for that moment and truly consider what your loved
one would want. it is truly an act of selflessness to make the
right decision and though difficult will make life easier for you.
to make things even easier, a living will with a do not rescucitate
order should be discussed with the whole family, not just the doctor.
that way, the family understands the wishes of the patient.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i've had several dreams of death myself. most recently i dreamed
about committing suicide (not a conscious thought day to day,
i actually love life, the dream itself involved my own guilty
conscience after having killed others b/c i watched a violent movie
and ate bad foods for dreams =o) and i felt (what i imagine)
to be the physical process of dying. it was rather strange,
not frightening. another dream i had was dying in a plane crash.
after the initial fear, i felt ok. there was a friend there, and i
held his hand as the plane hit, smiling and ok with the fact that
it would be quick. the last was long term: i was diagnosed with
breast cancer and given less than a year to live and i was really
pissed off. i felt as though i hadn't lived half as much as i wanted
to and having so much time to consider my death and knowing that i
would be living in sucha weakened state and unable to pull together
all the ties that needed to be taken care of was frustrating.
i felt isolated and angry. i suppose one of the dangers of having
such intense emotions is being able to be empathetic and truly
experience feelings that i have never had reason to feel.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
initially, it was lack of awareness, now it is simply a centeredness
and acceptance of death as a natural course and inevitable end
to life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
i find that i personally need to stew over things rather than find
ways to avoid thinking about the true problem
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
ask questions, lots of questions....ask "what does this mean if i
answer no that i don't want CPR," etc.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was interesting, but i think i needed one geared towards my
profession as i have not lost anyone that was a present part of
my life.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
see above
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Mon Sep 24 13:22:38 2001
F18 in Modesto, California =United States=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Yahoo psychology category
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: pancreatic cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
He died very shortly after he retired, so he never really got a
chance to have any time for himself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a cessation of awareness and body processes that is permanent
and inevitable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was so shocked at how different, yet the same, the world was without
that person. It was difficult to understand that someone who I've
had in my life since I was born wouldn't be in my life anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died of pancreatic cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How it affected everyone differently. I was fine, then when I
saw the couch where he used to watch football on SUnday, I cried
uncontrollably. I didn't want to cry in front of anyone, even
though I had no need to be embarassed. My grandma stuffed her
emotions because she had so much to do - with guests, hospitals,
funerals, selling houses, and moving out of state.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everyone has to do it, so we better stop thinking that we are
invincible and live every day.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That we had a little notice, so that my grandma could make legal
arrangements, we could know his wishes, and we could say that we
loved him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Crying at night, when I didn't have to explain how I felt to anyone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing people around that remind me of him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
N/A
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
...?
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why can't the doctors do anything...how can this happen to our
family?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I never laughed.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there when he died - even though it might have upset him to know
how much I hurt - and that I would have that horrible memory. But,
I do wish that I could have gone to one of his funerals.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go up and say hi and be cheery when he looked horrible and was
hooked up to all of those machines.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see someone who reminds me of him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be living with my mom and grandma and grandpa would visit and
take us on vacations. My grandpa could tease me about my boyfriend
and my music. My grandma would be happy. My mom wouldn't be so
angry and messed up.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
There are so many horrible people that have had long lives of
hurting people, and they don't die like this - so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be dead too.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
hospice didn't have room for him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't believe in an organized religion. I wish I did, I want to
, but don't. A lot of my family who were not especially religious
started talking about God and heaven like they believed it all along.
I guess they just need that. My grandma used to believe the same
as me, but since then, she gives me and my brother crap if we say
that there is no Christian God.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
hopeful. It would be a nice thought, but I don't know if it's true.
--Regarding MONEY:
There was usually plenty, even though it was tight for a while when
he was in the hospital, mostly, my grandma was dealing with big
things like selling houses. She wasn't getting any insurance money,
pension, or social security for a while. She wanted to make sure
that she could keep as much as she could of what they had saves to
put my brother's and I through college.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't get to go to the funeral - my parents decided that it
would have been too rough for my brothers and I - we were so young.
I heard that so many people showed up. MOre than was expected
because everyone in my grandpa's company showed up.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
- this survey is too long-
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it never ends.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
Other people in my family are still working it out, but a lot of
good things would be different if he were still around - like I
wouldn't live with my Grandma
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Rage
Not really rage, but anger. He was such an amazing person that
I felt that I was gyped by not being able to have a relationship
with him.
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Mon Sep 24 06:55:36 2001
M17 in Delavan, Wi =53115=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cryed for a very long time
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my best friend had a weight lifting accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the families support
--What I think my (53115) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to prevent it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Thu Sep 20 20:36:47 2001
F24 in Kerrville, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
www.yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Child Protective Services
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Everett Anderson's Goodbye
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Terrorism Victims, 1 week ago.
Cause of Death: the attack on America; Aged: many ages.
--Details:
Two planes from my man's home of Boston crashed into the World
Trade Center's twin towers last week killing thousands of men,
women, and some children.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An end of a person living in their body and being able to interact
with us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad and surprised and didn't know how to deal with it.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died when I was a month old. I didn't have to deal
with it then I don't think. It's been a fact of my life. I don't
fear death. I did mourn him alot as a grew up and especially in
my early 20's.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
no one would talk about it and i felt bad bringing it up
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
get over it!! Death comes for us all, don't fear it and avoid it
and shush it. Death is part of the cycle of living and should be
embraced as a transistion that makes the survivors sad sometimes but
may be a time of joy for the one dying since they will be reunited
with God
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have faith that God meets us all at death so long as we want
Him to.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my boyfriend confessed his grief too
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the tragic loss of so many last week
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just remind them that you love them or whatever you feel for them
and let them say or not say whatever they need. Be there for them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Dying is part of living and it is the only guarentee in life.
And when someone you love dies, you can't just give up. You have
to go on until your work here is finished.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I feel so sad and ripped by the loss even though I have such strong
faith about it being in God's good hands.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
don't feel like laughing right now
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
nothing I could have done in regard to last week
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Have Mike with me (boyfriend)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I still haven't acknowledged it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I believe in an afterlife and that my daddy will be taken care of.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
I was just a newborn, so I couldn't resolve it on my own and now
people think I should not care.
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Thu Sep 20 15:13:23 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
I was the last one to see him
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The passing of someone that you will never see again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
played basketball for hours
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather got cancer and died less than
a year after that
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was the last one to see him.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
there is no way of stopping it and enjoy the time you have now.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I spent with him. The laughs and love for all of us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
playing basketball, and talking to my girlfriend
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I never really got to say goodbye
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
never show you are afraid
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
treat my other grandparents with love and respect
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had no idea what cancer was and how long I had. Time was not on
my side.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is the best medicine
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye and hug/kiss him one more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him and learn from him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
his love of life and his friends
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
any fights, arguements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember the night before and the next morning how my parents
told me. I will never forget
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't feel a pain in my heart everytime I think about it
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
just one more hug/kiss/conversation
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
open up more to my parents and just cry
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
learned not to forget him and keep things to myself
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
some hope
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
how I could smell death and how I knew he wasn't going to make it
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing anymore. There was no hope and nothing could be done for him
--Religious Affiliation:
NOTHING
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that you are living with what you have up until the death. (pic's
memories)
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how much love we had for him and each other
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing my dad lose his father
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not seeking attention when needed
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the most painful thing I have done
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I would love to see him again to tell him I love him
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was infected with a virus but the doc's had no idea what it was
and they still don't. I lost about 35 lbs and couldn't eat, swallow,
talk. It was about 2 months long and I realized after how lucky I
am to still be here.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I miss him
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Just that I love him. It will help me feel closure.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
There was a picture that my uncle took of my grandfather, and behind
him was a window. the way the light hit it, it was a cross above
my grandfathers head.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
to think of a time where they were pissed off at the dying persona
nd realize how pointless it is now
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid to die. I will just feel like I am leaving everyone
behind
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I wrote a poem about him. I wore his chain, and kept some pictures
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Just respect others and never forget
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I have realized that my girlfriend is there for me and she is the
only one I have cried to.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
I know it has to happen just not always ready
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I deal with things in my own way. I hold alot in
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It has helped me realize how much I love him and rethink the things
that scared me
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Tue Sep 18 14:10:43 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dr. Kobler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, yrs10 ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother who had taken care of me off and
on since birth, died when she was in the hospital for hip surgery.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
I wrote an essay about my final hours with my grandmother and how
I helped her release herself from our world.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
Death needs to be addressed individually as well as in a family or
social grouping.
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Tue Sep 18 12:19:12 2001
F16 in St Sampsons, Guernsey =Channel Islands=
Name: Rosie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: A-Level student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, almost two years ago.
Cause of Death: meningitis; Aged: 16.
--Details:
My friend died in his sleep from meningitis, it was a great shock
and a tragic time
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the heart stops beating and you stop breathing, oxygen cannot
get to vital organs which require it, so the body fails and you no
longer live
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i was seven and i didnt really understand but i did cry alot because
i knew id lost her
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died after a long battle
with illness
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how shocked everybody was, and how much everyone panicked about
vaccinations, but also how much everyone comforted each other and
how close everyone became
--What I think my (Channel Islands) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it really isnt such a tragedy, if god exists, then you will be
reunited, if not the person will live on in everyones hearts,
although it does hurt
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how everyone grew close
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time talking to friends about memories of the person and how great
they where
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never seeing them again, and thinking how this person could have
so much things in his life to achieve
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
going through with them how much they achieved in their life
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
life is short
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the doctor couldnt tell that it was a fatal illness and not the flu
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was overcome with emotions
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
told him how amazing he was and how popular he was
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
go to the funeral and say goodbye
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
certain music is played
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
H e would be carrying on with his education because he was very
intlligent, and probably have a very nice girlfriend
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to happen to such a young person, when his life was only just
starting
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
tell him how great he was
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried so hard
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
absolute disbelief that they couldnt recognise meningitis
--Religious Affiliation:
unitarium
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i really dont know what my view on religion is
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how packed it was, there where literally hundreds and hundreds of
people there, and he was only 16
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
total disbelief
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
remember how amazing that person was, and just think that they
would not want you hurting
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i believe but its never happened to me
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that hes ok and ask him if theres such thing as heaven
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think if i knew when i was going to die i would do everything
ive ever wanted to do, and make sure ive achieved my dreams
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i used a ouji board
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
ive become interested in witchcraft
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
i was very young and didnt really understand
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
i wasnt allowed to go to the funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it was a very thought invoking questionnaire
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Tue Sep 18 11:17:29 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: sickness; Aged: 90.
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--Death Is:
life being peacefully in heaven
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
let time heal me
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandma was sick
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was here once
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and freinds
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing them
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
youll be happy
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt know why they had to leave
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i idnt know
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
not be fighting with that person
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be his friend
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
let time ehal
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at pictures
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
its okay to do that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did they have to go
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be there sometimes or them be here
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
learned it may be hard but they are in a better place
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the best communitys
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
bad
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
angels
--Regarding MONEY:
money doesnt buy love
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
sadness but celebrating there life as well
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
celebrating there life and knowqing there in heaven as an angel
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
illness or fate
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
its all time
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my freind jimmy was in a car accident. he was hit by a drunk
driver. I swear that one day i was on that raod were he was killed
and i see him smile at me than went away
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
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Sun Sep 16 21:16:48 2001
F22 in Columbus Grove, OH =Putnam=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Recreational Therapy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17yrs.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the time of calling to the eternal world. no more suffering, hurting,
nor pain occurs. this world is where you enjoy your life and wait
for all your true and forever love(ed) come back. Death is not OUT
OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND but it way to reach someone thru your heart
and soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terrified. how was i going to live with out not only sister
but my best friend.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a car accident and my 17 yr. sister was killed
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my family pulling together and experiencing and showing the love
we thought we all lost
--What I think my (Putnam) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be afraid. everyone goes at some time in their lives, some
earlier than others.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
seeing my sister in my dreams
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
journal. written in when i needed to talk to her and i felt like
writing was the best way to express it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
friends and family cannot deal with it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you will always be together. may not be able touch or see them but
talk to them with your heart
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
love them and want them to continue life until we are physically
together again
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral actually took place. i will never see her body again
and actually be able to touch her
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is ok to laugh. one quote is my favorite "you come into the
world crying while others are smiling and you leave the world
smiling while others are crying"
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I LOVE YOU on more time
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have the memories we shared together
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i realized that i will never taste her macroni and cheese again
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how to continue to live, work, or study
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i find or look at pictures
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
our relationships would more likely not be as strong (family and
friends)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
"why her, not me" " how can i go on without her"
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
touch her once again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to notice the different road or stepping stone in my own life
that came about
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
life savors
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not too much
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we are all together as one
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many flowers, people, blankets, etc. we recieved
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing her in my room the day after she was killed
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
being there and doing the things you have wanted to before the
day comes
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
not sure
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
tell her i love her
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
scary but astonishing
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am not afraid any more
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking, journal, quotes
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
It is a mixture of alot of things put together and you learn from
them all.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
letting others talk about it and share situations and feelings and
or thoughts, fears
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Sun Sep 16 18:40:29 2001
F24 in North Branch, MI =USA=
Name: Marjorie
Email: <cobizatch=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: retail
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
To the other side and back, Blessings from the other side
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Sylvia Browne
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 17.
--Details:
already told about it above
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Coming into the world to experience and do what god and ourselves
wrote for us to learn, and when god and our spirit feels that we
have completed our journey, we travel back to a safe place that is
more peaceful and positive than anyone could ever imagine.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I was too young to understand, that my grandmother would never
be back, but I remeber seeing her in her casket, and I was age
three. I remember playing in a room with glass figurines, while
everyone went to see her in the showing.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was the last day of school for tenth
grade I believe, all I know is it was June seventeenth. She was
seventeen. Jessica died of a heart attack while running around in
a friends yard chasing a friend and all of the sudden she fell to
the ground. Some of us that were there tried cpr on her but it was
too late. When she was younger she had a lot of heart surgeries, so
her parents were told that she would not live very long. They were
surprised she lived as long as she did. I wasn't great friends with
her, but I had and still have a hard time getting the picture out
of my mind of her laying on the ground dead, looking so grey. And
the worst thing I think I feel the worst about is that not long
before she died we were all sitting in the back of a truck, and she
had sunglasses on, she was so so skinny and with the way she looked
that day I told her she looked like a skelliton. I wish so much I
had not said that, I know I had no idea she was going to die that
day, but its just the fact that I said it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
She knew she was going to die, and because of that she made sure to
tell her friends years, months ahead of time that she wanted everyone
to carry a single yellow rose, and to wear white not black. And she
did not want to be buried in a dress, so her family dressed her in
pearl jam shirt jeans and her black boots. It was very respectful
for her family to do as she wished.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
NOT EVERYONE LIKES TO HEAR OLD WOMEN SINGING AT THEIR FUNERALS!!!!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
It makes you appreciate the people you have around you and lets
you make memories with them you dont want to forget
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Not really thinking about it as much as I could although no matter
what I think that I still to this day think about what happend
every day as if it could have been prevented.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that she would never get married, never have children,
and never do what she may have been able to accomplish had she
still been alive
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen, dont push the subject let the person who is grieving come
to you.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You never know when your last day will be, so live everyday as if
it were you last. Tell everyone how you feel and expecially how
you feel about them, so you have no regrets.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't sleep without a light on until the night she was buried,
then I was able to sleep with the light off.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
It would have been nice to have gotten to have been better friends
with her, she was so unique, she would dress is cow printed pants
and didn't care what people thought of it, it was her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have so many dreams of her being still alive, or her being dug
back up from her grave, it is so errie its as if she is really
still alive. I know she is just letting me know she is okay, but
that can be so creapy that I wake up thinking sometimes that she
is still around all of her friends all the time like she wished it
had not happened with so many of us there.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget the whole thing happend even wishing I had never been there
that day, I wouldn't think about it as much I dont think.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and went weak as if I had been watching a movie and all of
the sudden I put myself in the main scene.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They are pretty rude, and if they know the person is dead they are
not going to rush and get a person.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone who knew her well followed her wishes and wore white and
everyone had a yellow rose for her, it was beautiful. And they made
sure to play her favorite music in the funeral home.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She comes into my dream and these people have to dig her up out
of the ground. For some reason. So she walks through the door and
says she is able to be alive again for a few short hours, but then
when the workers are done with her grave, she has to climb back in
her casket. Although in her time out she said good bye to everyone
she knew.
Another dream I had was a little boy heard screaming
from a gravesite, I happend to be in the graveyard and he took me
to the grave it was jessicas, we got some people and they dug her
up and after eight years of screaming, she was still alive and was
able to go on living again.
Had a dream about my grandfather. I
was at a place where people hipnotize you. a man hypnotized me and
my grandfather was then able to chanel through me to this guy and
told him to tell me that there was money somewhere for my mother and
aunt, and that my cousin who is still alive missed me. I just really
wish in real life I knew what he was talking about with the money.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel bad that I did not call my grandfather grandpa when I saw
him at the hospital. It was as if I had never known him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell Jessica that I enjoyed having her as a friend and that
she taught me to look to the future and try and not worry about the
past.
My grandfather, I would have given him a million kisses for
all the ones as a child I wouldn't give him and I would have told
Him that I loved him and gave him a long hug that would have lasted
till the end of time.
My grandmother I would just like to know
that she is proud of me and that If I ever have a daughter she will
be named in part by her, even though I knew her for a short time,
I remeber her scent like peppermint.
I think this would help me
now in the way that I would know I had said what I needed to say.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A will and testiment should always be done and anything you truely
want someone to have give to them before you die. To me after sixty
I will start giving my things to the people I love.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to die peacefully with no pain and I want to be able to say
goodbye to all my loved ones before I go. I am scared at times about
it, but other times I think wouldn't it be great to see family and
friends when ever you wanted with no time bearier :)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I know it sounds silly, but truely reading up on Sylvia Browne,
has helped me a lot, I know that all she has to say may or may not
be true about death and the reason for us living, but it lets me
not be afraid for those who die
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
The fact that I felt she was too young to die, and had so much more
she could have given to the world
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes I didn't realize how much my grandfathers death affected me
and how much I miss him.
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Sun Sep 16 15:52:16 2001
F34 in Sheffield, S.Yorkshire =England=
Name: May
Email: <lushuk1999=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 9 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 58.
--Details:
he had a heart attack at home and died in my arms
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--Death Is:
leaving our human bodies,our souls going home.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt disbelief and numbness.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my nan was visiting us one day when she
colapsed and was taken to hospital.She died of a stroke a few
hours later
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How the sun still rose the next day
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to be afraid,to live life fully,to make each day count.Death
is the one sure thing that comes to us all,there is nothing we can
do to alter that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Learning about myself,learning to see my new independance as a gift
instead of something forced upon me by circumstance
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing that there is no such thing as death,that we all live on
even though our corporeal body has gone
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the lonliness
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
never lie to them,always tell them that you love them.Never have
any regrets about not saying what you need to say.Always let them
know that you are there to talk about dying if they wish,don't make
them feel it is a taboo subject
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Even though you may think that your life has ended too,life really
does go on.Grieve,don't be ashamed or afraid,remeber them with
dignity and humour.Life has a lot to offer you,and it will if you
just give it a chance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell my husband how much I loved him,it was the last thing we told
each other just before he had his heart attack
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
my children achieve things and he isn't there to share it with me.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
We all live,we all die,the souls of all join to become one.There
are no religious divides in death,we go from being an individual
to one drop of water added to an ocean.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It was when my nan died,I was 13 and totally inconsolable.I was the
last person she spoke to before she died and she told me "always
remember that I love you".It was maybe 6 weeks later that I had
a dream,it was vivid almost tangible.We were sat in her living
room,there was nothing outside the window but a beautful white
light.I asked her if she was happy,we used no words we talked with
thoughts,and she said yes and that I wasn't to be so sad any more.I
wanted to ask her if God was real,but wasn't allowed to ask,and
she wasn't allowed to tell me,it was as though I had to find my own
belief,my own faith.I woke up the following morning,and I felt as
though I was on a high,happiness was bursting out of me,the joy I
felt was indescribeable.I didn't feel sad any more,I knew she was
safe and not in pain any more.To this day I recall the dream with
the same intense clarity as the night it happened.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was about to die,I would not be worried or upset.I am
not scared of death,I would be happy to know that I would be able
to see my loved one who passed before me.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Sat Sep 15 16:39:38 2001
F19 in Houston, Texas =USA=
Name: Paige
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: Sudent at TWU in Denton
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 84.
--Details:
He had cancer for over a year before his doctor discovered it,
by that point it was untreatable.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone can no longer breathe or think. They can not interact
with the world and never will.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wasn't close enough to them for it to cause problems.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mothers mother had been sick with
alzhimers(spelling?) for a while, she finally caught phneumonia and
died. I had only met her twice, even though i was 17 at the time
of her death. I was a little upset that my mother never bothered
to introduce my brother and I to that side of the family. I was
more upset when I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral and my other
grandmother, who i do not like, had to take care of my brother and I.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My mother leaving and flying to Boston for the funeral, and again not
taking my brother or I. It was during the summer and paying for it
was not an option, I still am not sure why she acted like that twice.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people who are in a vegitative state (life support with no chance
of recovery) need to be allowed to die on their own. Keeping them
alive with machines does not make them come back to life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I will now get any moles examined very closely so that they will
not develop into cancer.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that I would never get to really know the person
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them know how happy they make you, that they won't be
forgotten, they will always be loved, and the impact they made on
your life
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
unemotional and unsupportive i can be, this was not a good thing
to find out.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
his doctor, the one who missed his cancer, called our house 6 months
later asking to speak to my now dead grandfather. This was very
upsetting to my mother
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This didn't happen to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
GEt to know my grandfather.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
meet him once when i was 10.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I wrote a little letter to my grandfather and stuck it in my
bookshelf, it closed up any loose ends that I had and made me
feel better.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
IT wasn't a sudden death, so most of us had dealt with our emotions
before his death. His death was a relief, he wasn't in pain anymore
and we were almost happy because of that.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I think of how important my fiance is to me and the thought
of losing him makes me teary eyed, but I take comfort in the fact
that he knows how important he is to me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't think about this.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I never got to know him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I don't have this problem
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt badly for my mother, but I was not losing anyone that i was
particularly close to.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust. The gross negligence exhibited by his doctor was amazing.
I am a N.P. student and this experience will make a much much better
care giver.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
he had 24 hour home care.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I am an atheist, it played no role, and in many aspects was pushed
on me which made me resent organized religion.
--Religious Affiliation:
atheist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
with drawn out deaths the moment of death is a relief.
--Regarding MONEY:
having it allowed us to keep my grandfather in his house with
24-hour care, this made the process much easier for him and
his family
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I did not attend the funeral
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
meeting and hearing about the home care workers
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
This dose not apply to me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
THis does not apply to me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I do not think he had this happen.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
This has not happened.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
This does not apply
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
does not apply
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
This has not happened.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
They should be listened to, espescially in the case of wanting to
die early with an overdose of drugs. This is one time when being
selfish will not help anyone.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I keep all of my business in order, my family knows of all the
investments that I have and other vital information. I would
not want my death to cause even more problems and questions for
loved ones.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Writing a letter to my grandfather.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
This has not happened.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
This has not happened.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I didn't really need anything to help me cope with that death,
I didn't know her very well.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Nothing got in my way
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
does not apply
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This posed some very interesting questions, but it was entirely too
long, by the end of the survey I found myself skimming the questions.
Also, since my experience with death was not earth-shattering it
made me almost feel weird or bad for not having problems or ways
of grieving.
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Fri Sep 14 20:59:22 2001
F28 in Meridian, Ms Dallas, Tx now, =USA=
Email: <LaylaZ73=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Registered Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, yrs13 ago.
Cause of Death: kidney failure (diabetes); Aged: 73.
--Details:
She went to the hospital - all I remember is she "felt sick." The
last time I visited her in the hospital before she went into icu
(coma) she and I laughed and laughed. We always loved each other.
She had a strong faith and I just felt at ease when she was dying
and when she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when our spirit leaves our body. Our spirit is always
young and alive. Our bodies grow old and die. It is like a butterfly
leaving its cocoon.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Great-Grandmother died. She was my favorite
person in the world. I still miss her and think of her. Everyone at
the hospital was praying and telling me to pray for her not to die.
I couldn't do that. I felt she was gone before she died. I just
knew it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Knowing the person was dying and not praying for God to keep her
alive. I knew she was leaving and I didn't want to bargain with God.
I felt calm.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
believing in God and afterlife.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the memories of our good times. This made me miss her and want
her back.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a normal reaction. The situation is so new and unreal and
laughter is a defense. All emotions are escalated when we feel
crisis. Even humor.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
sit in the hospital bed with her (the closest thing to being in
her lap) and laugh and laugh and laugh.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
I don't remember what anyone said to me at the funeral home nor at
the funeral - so don't worry about what to say to someone. Just
let them know you are there. I read the guest registry later and
felt comforted by the signatures of people who knew and loved her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I have trouble in my life I always want to see and talk to
my great-grandmother. I ran away from home as a teenager. One of
the places I went was to her grave. I always went to her grave to
think. I still would if I lived back home.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I am a RN so this is too broad a subject for me to answer.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
realizing it is a natural process. . . denial, anger, bargaining,
depression, acceptance . . . they are natural and healthy (as long
as one does not get stuck on one step too long.) Know when you
need help with one of these steps.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She said "do you see him? He's right here. What a friend we have
in Jesus."
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want to be an organ donor.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
This has to be the hardest thing. To know you are dying. I pray
for everyone and myself included that there is a peaceful feeling
when this happens.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I had a dream about her. She was ok in the dream.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very helpful
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Thu Sep 13 05:29:38 2001
Anon F in , =ENGLAND=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70.
--Details:
nana got cancer in lymphatic system,lungs, and eventually brain.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of a memory.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to understand
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandad died of cancer when i was 8. My mam had to look after him
during my school holidays and i was there with him a lot of the time,
watching him deterirate
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling helpless, watching her die and not being able to do anything
to prevent it
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not something to joke about
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it put her out of her pain and relieved a lot of people from the
stress of looking after her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching them die and being unable to do anything about it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
you may share memories they may come round when theres only you in
the room, long enough just to smile, that means everything to you
when they've gone.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
walked away from her on the night of her death, i didn't want to
sit around and wait to see her draw her last breath, i wanted to
remember her in a different way. I felt ashamed at first but i
realised that its stonger to walk away.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she fell out of bed in the home she was in, i think the trauma
speeded up her death, i was confused because no one saw that as a
big deal
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was hysteria
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
walk away and have the support of my family for doing that
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to be there when she died
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get a memory of her.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she did nothing to deserve this.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her to be comforted
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still haven't got that far yet
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contentment they did all they could to make her comfortable
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
slightly guilty so many sick people who could do nothing to
prevent it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a small bit, my nana was an avid church goer
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding MONEY:
it was there to remind me of her
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people that turned up
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking past her house and thinking she was still there, my neice
predicting how many days till her death (my neice being 4)
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
SLEEP
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
you just have to get on with it
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
love life its short
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Was too young to really understand
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Sep 12 23:14:26 2001
F22 in BANGALORE, KARNATAKA =INDIA=
Name: GOWRI KIKKERI
Email: <ggnn_2000=at=yahoo.com>
Web: NONE
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
i have a college project to do. this is my topic. i needed more
information.
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Prof/Studies: 1 yr Masters in Psychology
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More personal info:
Thanks for this questionnaire. I'm sure it'll help me overcome my
fear. Mum is a psychiatrist & dad is a dentist. I have no sibs.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 83.
--Details:
he did suffer a bit. he was scared of death too. since he didn't live
long after the diagnosis, i guess he was spared of the suffering.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand anything about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a distant relative. i wasn't affected
too much.(guess, i didn't understand much about it).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
unbelievable. it was quite sudden.
--What I think my (INDIA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
my upbringing is very good. i'm very happy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my classmates and time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that i'll never see him again.as a matter of fact, i didn't
see the body also. i'm sure this is what makes it hard to believe
for me.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
i wasn't there at the time of death.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
sorry! i did not understand the question
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
same as above
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to accept it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my grandfather being carried away in the van.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Mon Sep 10 18:55:44 2001
F20 in Pawtucket, Rhode Island =USA=
Name: Abbie
Email: <awol3663=at=postoffice.uri.edu>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Teacher is requiring us to do an "Experiment participation" in an
online research study.
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Prof/Studies: College Undergrad Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 11 days ago.
Cause of Death: Cancer; Aged: 52.
--Details:
She had matasticized breast cancer into bone cancer.
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--Death Is:
when your spiritual body leaves your physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very awkward about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I believe I was around five years old and
my parents had a child that died. I was too young to understand or
even realize what had happened and I wasn't even aware of it until
many years later when I was old enough to know.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling very sad and scared.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to teach it to others so that they are not scared.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
death becomes a very real experience for me, whereas i always try
to avoid ever thinking about it in everyday life unless it is put
infront of me and i have to deal with it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they are a strong person and they are loved.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mom was pregnant one day and then wasn't the next and there was
no baby at home.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I've never laughed about death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say a final goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
When my great-grandmother died, I felt the same remorse and
awkwardness that I always seem to feel around someone's death.
I am grateful however, that I was able to have a relationship with
my great-grandmother until I was about 15, when she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I am confronted with questionnaires like this...
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be peaceful and everyone would be happy
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they never did anything wrong...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt like crying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
good yet poor...i openly await the day when there is a cure for
cancer.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Two years ago, my mom was treated for breast cancer and I became
very involved in her care and working with the hospital staff where
she received her care. Since she has been out of treatment, I have
had little to no contact with any kind of hospice or medical staff.
--Religious Affiliation:
Jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was very sad but then it was obvious that at the same time, life
goes on...people grieving were soon chatting away, about themselves
and resuming to normal everyday life.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
having to internalize it.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
sustained weakness, paleness in color, hazy eyes.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it takes time and if you need to cry then cry. otherwise you will
never get over it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
don't know.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Just as I want those that I know who are dying to have their rights
and wishes respected, I would also like to have mine respected.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared and don't like to think about it.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
My mom told me something that I've kept close since she said it:
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
I try not to think about it. It's too distressing to me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This questionnaire made me feel very uneasy and sad, but I know
that it is only because I have a fear of death. I do know though
that no fear is rational, except for fear of the unknown, of which
death is a part of.
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Mon Sep 10 15:48:07 2001
M43 in SAN ANTONIO, TX =BEXAR=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
referened from "the book of the recently deceased"
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Prof/Studies: COMPUTER-SCI & BUSINESS
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
the bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
inspired by god
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (impending), 11yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 37.
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--Death Is:
being cut free from this world and all if its stress
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was an observer, of others grief but not my own.
--That first time, how it happened was
my own death
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wondering why everyone was crying. because if death is a beautiful
thing it should be embraced and loved as much as life.
--What I think my (BEXAR) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we are loved and it is a gift.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was cleansed and freed from things that hindered me in life.
I was on a new path of positivity and unending strength, as well
as a new understanding of people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
A promise that I blonged to God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i felt unusual because do not cry for death. In my heart i feel
it is improper.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
they would be alright and i love them.
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
will live forever.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i thought i would not have my promise kept, that was made to me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i am always happy and most of the time i pretend i dont know why
but i really know that is is because the promise is real and i am
one of Gods children.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
show love to others the way i really can, but didnt.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have children.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i now try things, they work like i know how to do them when i really
am guessing, And take for granted it will work and it does.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the little things we do for each other like listen to a sad heart
or give someone a hug or enlightening word.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i wonder why people cry out of selfishness.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i might have a nice home with children leaving the nest etc...but
now am considering building 400 unit apt complex to help the
underprivilidged on the southside of san antonio.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that i feel glad of the death but want to be alive to help others.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
make others understand that persistence is cure for fear and
slotheness.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
experienced.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
beleif that we are limited and death is not controlled by us but
only God.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
my salvation becuase of what i learned.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic,baptist,protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
feels like water running from you r feet to your head.
--Regarding MONEY:
only people matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how it all seems so unreal. As if the show was for the people
paying attention.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
hearing the words and seeing them formed in front of my eyses
floating as i was instructed to carry amessage back with me in my
futuer living days.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
carlessness for the life you have is a grave sign that you will
not be alive long.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
we must take a step forwards in order to leave a step behind...
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
be myself, i know the impending peace and fullfillment of death.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i died, i was accepted by God under the condition that any task
put before me for the rest of my life ,if he let me live , i would
accomplish no matter what the cost , in any way.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
people need others to care for them. But mostly they need care
in large groups. If you think of an answer the answer will come
to pass.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
there are at least two manifestations my existence my spirit form
and my life body form.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no one has ever visited me after thier death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
wishes for things done after death should be carried out if possible
by the family of the deceased.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
it doesnt hurt to die naturally and people should not fear death,
but be obediant to it when the time is right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
coping rituals are persistence and dedication the task at hand be
it temporary or seeminly long term.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
all paths are filled with obstacles that can be overcome.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i seem to step into peoples lives make them a little better by
showing the way to help themselves and step out of their lives,
at their own path walking separation.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
a promise was made
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
life not complete
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
most helpful would have been counseling for functioning in society,
when i was young.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
what a trip this q-air was to answer.
i did not go into to much
detail because it was so long.
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Sun Sep 9 21:56:15 2001
F44 in Charlotte, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
UNCC class Death and Dying; link in textbook, Understanding Death,
Dying and Bereavement
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 78.
--Details:
He died suddenly. He was living his life fully until a few days
before he died. He had ordered seed to plant a garden. My mother
and I talked about it and we recognized that we would have had to
go through the grief process whether he died that day or if he had
lived longer with restrictions on his activities. We are content
in knowing that he didn't have to suffer.
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--Death Is:
the end of our physical life on Earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
can't remember the details.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a neighbor died of cancer when I was 5.
She had babysat with me since I was born and treated me like I was
her own child.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
he just looked like he was sleeping.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People need to talk about their desires for their own life. I don't
want to be hooked up to machines with no quality of life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my father didn't suffer and have to restrict his activities.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time away from everybody.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing I couldn't confide in him anymore.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Make every day count. Show the people you love that you LOVE them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to make the choice of whether my invalid mother could come
live with me, which is what my father would have wanted me to do
because he had cared for her for 27 years.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughing is good for your soul. My father liked to tell jokes and
he would have wanted us to laugh and enjoy being together.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
write down more of the family, war, etc. stories that he told.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make it through.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people I had known for years came to the funeral home or the house.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Religious Affiliation:
Southern Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
My mother remains in fear of not having enough.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I feel my mother must have done a good job preparing me because I
can't remember being traumatized by it.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
If anything, I feel it would have been because of my young age
perhaps I didn't recognize the finality of her death.
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Sat Sep 8 17:35:58 2001
F47 in Lakewood, Colorado =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 72.
--Details:
I didn't know as much about heart attacks as I thought I did.
I didn't realize particularly women can have slow heart attacks
that build over say a week or longer. When my mom had been sick
with a "bad tooth" and jaw pain for a week, I didn't realize she
was actually having a week long heart attack. I wished I would
have made her go to the Dr.
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--Death Is:
the departure of the spirit from the physical body given to us
at birth. It is the end of the physical person as we have known
them, and the release of the inner spirit.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very lonely, sad, angry they would not be around to see their
grandchildren grow
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandmother - she died of colon cancer
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how quick your entire life can change and what is really important
in life. I also realized how amazing the mind is. When something
like that happens suddenly, I was not able to think or concentrate
on things and still am not sure how I seemed to go on "automatic" and
complete the tasks and functions that needed to be continued without
my conscience thoughts being involved. I'm still not sure, how I
drove places, went to work, continued with the day to day activities
with my kids, in the weeks that followed my mothers death. I don't
remember doing them - but I did. I guess I'm lucky there were no
accidents or anything happened. I couldn't remember driving to work
but somehow I got there. That was amazing when I look back on it.
I also was quit surprised how long it took to stop concentrating on
the days leading to the death (the days in the hospital). I didn't
realize that would take so much time to replay before I could let
it go.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is a natural order of nature. All things in life die and
as a culture we must accept that belief and help people die with
dignity and painless. We are a culture that wants to believe all
things can be cured. Everyone has to die eventually of something.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When a good friend of mine was dying with cancer his final night
here on earth I was with him as he took his last breath. While it
was not a pretty death to watch, he said he was in no pain and
no longer feared anything. What a feeling that must be. He had
accepted his impeding death and his face showed the freedom his
spirit must have been feeling.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Time... It is never easy to let go of a loved one. Talking with
others who felt the same toward the person who died helped me
tremendously. Neither one of us would tire of talking about it.
Seems I needed to talk it out until the pain subsided. Then I could
move on. While the person is never forgotten, the need to relive
the death and talk about how much you miss them does get better
with time. Also keep a journal and writting in it on a regular
basis of my inner feelings helped me also.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The physical ache in my heart. I felt there was an actual hole
in my heart because I missed calling her on the phone and hearing
her voice. I wanted so bad to just hear her voice one more time.
The overwhelming sadness that would engulf me at times was very
hard to endure. But that too passes with time.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold their hand and talk to them. If it's a terminal illness they
have, let them know its OK to let go and move on to the next level.
Tell them you love them and what they meant to you. Let them know
they did their job here on earth and their job here is complete.
They made a difference and will be missed.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
While I would probably never have been ready to say goodby to
my mom, I realized she received a wonderful gift from God by her
sudden death. Until the day she died, she was physically able to
live life and do whatever she wanted to do. She was 72 when she
died and I don't know how she might have suffered or had to endure
had she lived to a ripe old age of 85 or 90. While her death was
sudden, she was able to enjoy life until the day she died. I can
only hope that I get that same gift when it is my turn. I also
never had any idea how much my mom helped others through the years
until her funeral when people shared stories with me about things
my mom had done for them. She just helped people in silence, never
telling any of us. It made me wonder if people would have stories
to tell my kids when I pass on. I have changed some things in my
life since then.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My friend was dying of cancer. The various stages that a
physical body goes through shutting down. I felt very confused
and uncomfortable watching these stages until a wonderful woman
from Hospice explained the steps to me and explained these were
normal transitional steps to death. It was almost like the spirit
was separating from the physical body. It did make sense to me.
When he lapsed into a coma for the last hour of his life, his body
appeared totally at rest and peace. I at first confused this
calmness with sleep until after he passed. I didn't realize it
was the final step to transition.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
At my mom's funeral I feel like I acted like it was visitors to
my home. I greeted everyone at the door, smiling, welcoming them,
thanking them for coming. I'm not sure where I was coming from.
Joking with some...it just wasn't real to me. My sister never did
understand how I could do that, while she sat in a quiet corner
and mourned my mom's passing. I kissed my mom in the casket
before they closed it, I held onto her hand and stroked her face,
adjusted her jewelry. It was just comforting to touch her. Now,
I look back and think it was kind of odd behavior, but it felt so
natural at the time.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend the last night in the hospital with my mom (she died 6 hours
later in the middle of the night alone. It was just my Dad and the 5
siblings (no grandkids, great grand kids, spouses, etc.) We thoughts
she'd be coming home soon. We spend the entire night reminissing
about past events, laughing about things that had happened in
the past, talking about the future, having a wonderful evening.
We all got to tell her goodnight and we loved her before we left.
None of us realized that would be the last time. I'm so grateful
for that night.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Overcoming my uncomfortableness with discussing death. When my
fried was diagnosed with terminal cancer, no one wanted to talk
to him about death - but he needed to talk to someone. I had to
fight myself not to encourage treatment and hope but let him talk
and discuss with him what was after life on earth and listen to
him decide who he needed to make peace with.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think that will go on for as long as I live. I will always miss my
mom at special occassions and that will make me sad. My daugher's
wedding is coming up and I don't know how many times I've wanted
to call and ask her advice. But I know on that special day, she'll
be watching from somewhere.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I don't know
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt overwhelmed with sadness. This was sometime after the funeral.
Through the funeral and activities surrounding my mom's death it all
seemed unreal and I really didn't even feel anything at that time.
It wasn't until after that it really sunk in what happened and what
it meant.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Absolutely wonderful. As a matter of fact, because of this
experience and others, when I retire I plan to volunteer for a
hospice organization. I believe so strongly in what they represent
and how they deal with death and dying I would love to be part of
that organization and help in any way I can.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic (past)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting and peaceful
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the finality.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
continually figiting, restlessness, the death rattle in the chest
as the lungs fill with fluid then calmness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
shock or numbness at what has happened, sadness, emptiness, anger,
and finally acceptance
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
When my grandmother died, she spent the last couple of days talking
to someone in the ceiling corner of her room. It was my grandfather
(her husband who had died many years earlier) she was talking to.
She also spoke to her father who had passed many years earlier.
I do believe she saw them. By this time, she wasn't really in this
world but in a limbo state, somewhere between the two worlds.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
You need to be very specific and clear on your wishes. You also
need to be sure the proper legal paperwork is in order to carry out
your wishes. I think the important this is to stress to those who
love you they might not be willing to let you go when the time comes,
but your wishes need to be carried out (whether its no life savings
devices, etc.) I think especially the younger the individual you
give this power to must understand that this is your desire, even
if it is harder on them at the time.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've thought about that alot. I believe I have changed my life
because of those thoughts. I do not fear death anymore but look
forward to the new adventure. I don't know how much time I have
on this earth; but I do believe the day we're born we're issued
the number of days we'll spend here. So, I guess the leason is
to make the most of your time, be good to other people and make a
difference while you're here.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would go a nearby river and sit by the bank. I could feel my
mom there, back in the stream of life. It felt comforting to me.
Much more so than going to the cemetry. I never felt her spirit
there; just her remains.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very useful
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Sat Sep 8 13:53:40 2001
F37 in New, ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
home work for psych class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 4 years ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
unknown, a little scary but we hope we will be renited with our
loved ones we have lost.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My mom and two brothers were hit by a train
and my oldest brother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pain, mouring, the feeling of loss
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
everyone has there own oppinion about Death it depends on what
you beleave
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
is my grandfather did not have to go to a nursing home. he feared
them.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family, but they had there own sorrow so it was hard.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the miss of what you will never have again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
give the dignity in dying and just be there to hear what they want
to say.
--[My acquaintance's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
not to fear it any more. It is a natural event and do not be afaird
of the body because it can't hurt you and it is not your love one
there anymore
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a release for me.. people sometimes act in stange ways
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to show them how much I cared and that they had made my life better
for knowing them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for others. I was strong for those who could not be.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
if the body looked good or not. It is not them. and they are
dead. how good can you look
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
there birthday comes around or when the date of there death comes
around.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
that is something I think everyone thinks about.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
what did I do that god did this to me
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was sad for my loss, but tried to remember that they are in a
better place. we are just feeling sorry for ourselves because we
feel the emptiness of no longer have them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they help the young more then the older.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
something to be mad at. why god a good god would do this. and the
church would say it is gods will it is for the better.
--Religious Affiliation:
cathlic
--Regarding MONEY:
we could give him better things because of the money that the
funeral palor uses how you care about the person to rob you.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how love he was
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the body still looks like it is breathing
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the last breath.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it took a long time to go thew and get though all the steps
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I was kidnapped 6 months ago by gun I was sure I was going to die
I asked my brother Scott which had been dead for years to help me
and a comness came over me, and I knew he was with me and no mater
what happen good or bad he would be there and it was ok.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I miss them and they have been gone for years. I also am ubsessed
with something happining to my family.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my brother visit my mom in the hospital and told her not to worry
that he was ok.. that was the day of his funeral and she did not
know he was dead.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Sep 5 22:26:40 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a part of life.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Wed Sep 5 19:46:22 2001
F18 in Medina, Ohio =U.S.A.=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
Prof/Studies: psychology student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 6 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: steam engine explosion; Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is an event that ends a persons life. THe body no longer
sustains life, however some people beleive that death is really
the begining of another life. To some death is a good and spiritual
experience.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very strange. I understood what it ment, but I felt guilty
because I didn't feel really sad or cry like my mom and dad. THen
I felt guilty because I wasn't greiving like they were.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was..... WHen I was about nine my grandfather died.
He was 89 years old and had Alzheimers disease. I wasn't very
close to him I didn't really know him before he started to get sick.
It didn't effect me that much. I just felt bad for my parents.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The complete stillness and disbeleif. THen the crys of my family.
--What I think my (U.S.A.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is not one specific way to deal with death regaurding funerals
and greiving processes. Everyone is different and we should respect
that and not passs judgment on how other people handle it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The Blessing of having known a man who could not have ben more kind
or sincere. He never hesitated to tell you his thought or share
his feelings. I can learn from this and follow his example.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being with my family. THere was no need for words just sitting
with them and being around them and being at my uncle's house was
a great comfort.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wanting to know the reason for his death. He was killed in an
accident and you just try to find some sense in what happened.
It is very hard because you feel like it happened for no reason.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Spend more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See him before he died and hear him say that I had a pretty smile.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about my cousins who lost their father or my aunt who lost
the man she loved most in the world.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
My life wouldn't be changed greatly, except that I would not feel
so much empathy for my counsins and my aunt.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Not think about it for one day.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
finally cried. When we first found out everyone started weeping
and crying. I hardly cried at all until a couple of weeks after
the funeral. There was finally a release and an aknowledgement of
my greif.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
THey were not very helpful. It took the family forever to find out
what had happened to him that night.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A place of comfort and peace. I felt there was some sense in
his death.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
This feels true. Death is something that connects us all.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people came to comfort and support us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it took a long time for my uncle's death to take affect on me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have none.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't think that is something i would need.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I beleive inspite of what any family members think or anyone else,
that thie wishes of the dying should be repected. If there is no
will or record of thier wished than the family should do their best
to consider what they would have wanted.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have recently thought much about ny own death. Death is something
I am afraid of , not death in general, just my own. It makes me very
scared to think just how fragile life really is. THere is nothing
that can stop it. Once someone close to you dies so suddenly in a
way you never thought could happen suddenly the world seems totally
different. And you think for once, well maybe that can happen to me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I feel much closer to my cousins, and my aunt.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wished that i could have been more of a confort to my family.
I think it would have helped me to know that I had helped someone
else.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was good to write some of my thoughts down. It is sort of
therapeutic.
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Wed Sep 5 16:02:56 2001
F17 in Nelson, =New Zealand=
Name: Anita Drake
Email: <beerme_girl=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
english assisgement
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Prof/Studies: School student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 3 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 36.
--Details:
h
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
where you never come back friends and family are only left with
memories and photos
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and didn't believe it till the funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
crying and talking to anyone about it
--What I think my (New Zealand) culture needs to better learn about death is:
important to younger people as they don't no what it is
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way lyn treated me
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
not taling to anyone about it and getting away from the family and
freinds for a while but also being with them
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching her get taking away in the hurst to get creamated
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that they know how much they mean to you
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel towards death and some things it makes yu do
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral directors come and take the body i have always wanted
to know what they do with the bodys
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is a fact of life yu ahve to die of something
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to say goodbye even though she was dead and i go to see her every
weekend
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the furneral directors turn up with a body in the car
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the memories what every one has
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone says to me about how much they didn't like her but they
just never got to know her like i did
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
don't know
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why couln't it had to someone else she had so much going for her a
great life two beautiful kids a awsome husband great firends taht
would do anything for her
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die and let other people go through the pain
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt really stupid cos i knew that he was gone nd was not comming
back yet i told people that i would be seeing him in the near future
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
the best although some doctors don't care
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
intriging i found out alot about death
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
anglican
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like she always watching i feel that she is my garudian angel
everytime i go through a bad patch in my life thier is a part of
me that says never mind yu'll do better next time. and it was
never there until Lyn died
--Regarding MONEY:
it costs so much for a plot at he cemetary
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people taht were there for us
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
carrying the casket
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
haven't a clue
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was best not to talk to anyone
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when the sun shines through the clouds and it looks like rays is
when lyn comes comes back to check on everything
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
a physic person
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i think that it would help a lot as no one said good bye and say
that lots of people love you
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i was walking past Geordie boat and there was lyn standing on the
boat waving to me saying that i have done i good job looking after
the girls
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i think that i will die in a car accident that i have in about 10
years time
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
doodle about my feelings
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
i ahve become freinds with many of lyns friends
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Still has not
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? I knew it was coming
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
not being at home with my family being wiht lyn's family to show
how much i cared
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was very good got alot of feelings out in the open sort of thing
what i had bottle up inside for many years
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Tue Sep 4 21:01:19 2001
F21 in Brisbane, Queensland =Australia=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
just found it
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Prof/Studies: i dont have a job
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, yrs 16 ago.
Cause of Death: heart probs; Aged: 50ish.
--Details:
was givin the wrong medison died the next day and all that happend
at the hospial
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
it didnt upset me s much as ya would think but did miss him
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... grand dad died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when my nanna died i was happy for her cuz she was free but most
people didnt like how i acted but i think my uncle had something
to do with her dieing but now one will stand up with me about this
so he still walks free when he should be locked up
--What I think my (Australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
its not just an ending for some its just starting
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
to see them at peace and i know that they are happer now then in life
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing they are happy
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i didnt have them to talk to anymore or to show my kids
there rel's
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
that im happy she is now happy most dont think that but i know she is
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
when people wanted her jems not her things that she used and loved
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i was always happy for her and death aint any diff i loved her and
was happy now that she dont have to put up with her son hitting
her and taking her money and other things
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
that i took more time out to see her but i lived in another town
at that time and it takes me almost a day to get to her and i dont
have a car so it was hard
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
i dint have a go at others as much as i was thinking but im still
shitty with a few people cuz before she died she was saying things
about all of us to each other but no of it was true anyway allmost
everyone belived her about me and my mum but we didnt well atlest
i didnt think they were the way she siad and was thinbk they would
think the same but no , i dont really care that much as they dont
like and i havent ever really liked them so i wont be bothering
with them again
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
someone who hadnt seen her for over a year and didnt bring his
girlfriend almost wife at that time to she but still gave her a
kiss before they put the cofin lid on that was so sweet i coundnt
even look at her cuz i had only seen her 2 days before she died
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what her son did to her noone belives me when i tell them what she
told me and what ive seen him do to her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i think if the people were still alive i would be bad off cuz how
they tred to control my life and stuff
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i think itis fair even if we dont see it at the time
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just have a talk with them
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they are 1 big fuckup and i know with my diabetes i dont goto a doc
to ask what to do i find what is best for my self andf not for the
ave diabetic
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
i dont belive in god or anything like that i feel for people needing
a higher being that they have no self werth so i feel upset at
religion at giving people false hope
--Religious Affiliation:
i did goto church but all ive seen is people telling me things that
i didnt feel or seen i see as brain washing i belive in me and i
dont want another other then me partner
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
ive seen thing to say there is after life but i dont belive there
is once your dead you are dead and its just the liveng that make
the dead live on
--Regarding MONEY:
i didnt think about all i wanted was what i gave her like rings and
toys and i got them back but what im shitty at her for is burning
the wills her and grand dad made so she gets all the money and
when she died there was no money left if we had gotton the money
we all would be set up but no she spent ove $250.000.00 all on her
self with nothing to show when she died dad wanted us to have so
we could make something of our self but no
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
was her so called boyfriend and his deuther how he took alot of
her money and never got anything for her coffin no flower nothing
but still wanted some over her jems and money there was no money
but he didnt belive us
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how everyone turned on me and mum saying we never did anything for
her when we buy her food and clothes and give her money and while
her money was goin to her son wether she gave it to him or took it
i dont know for every payday
but she was a pensioner she paid all
the rent and her son gave her nothing but took everything
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
one of her oher sons and his wife could smell her they did everything
for her when she died but i didnt smell her but at times i coould
feel her wanting me to do things for her but it was for some one i
hate so i said no and if thats all she came to see me for was for
them not to come back again
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
ive been in 2 coma's and i did feel things and see things but i
dont want to go in to that
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont want to turn out like my lot they went nuts before they died
and my mum is even going nuts now and she is in her 40es
i want
to be a very loving mother and wife not like my mum and nanna i
want my kids to love me for what ill do for them not that im just
there mother like my mum and nanna was
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
try not to think about them as it makes me upset to think i loved
them cared for them and all they could say about me is that im a
slut a no good this and that and all i wanted from her was money
when i was the one giving her money
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
ive had dreams where she didnt die but i knew she was gone even in
my dreams but last night i had a dream of a friend being killed
after a car crash we were in and i was more hurt by that crash then
him but he died in hospital from a heart atc i was sad in the dream
and when i woke
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i did as much as i could to do everything just as she wanted but
i couldnt get everything but for me i will be doing a will and i
would hope that my kids hubby and friends will do the same for me
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i just hope that i dont lleave little chilren behind i hope for
them to be older
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i hoped to have dreams of them and i did
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i dont see my own lfe as i once did i now know i can die from
diabetes and opther thing that could happen within 1 year i had 3
women die 1 was nanna 2 were my boyfriend at the times nanna and
sister i didnt like how it didnt bother him yet i only knew them
for about 3 months and i still cryed for them
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no most people who knew her dont like me or mum cuz of what she
said about us like im the slut and mum is just as bad
unlike many
girls around here ive done great i dont have any kids yet and im
21 where as with a lot of girls here have had a kid at 14 ive had
long term b/f unlike most girls here
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
i didnt goto the funeral
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it was great if i had done this when she died i think things would
be diff but yeah im heppy with everything ya asked
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you should have a thing where you can add more then 1 person at the
top as ive had a few people die and yeah but other then that is great
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Mon Sep 3 23:44:44 2001
M20 in Brisbane, Queensland =Australia=
Name: Annie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for questionnaires
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 5 ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 18.
--Details:
was schizophrenic
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a feeling of loss
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad, that it was unfair
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my brother committed suicide
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not talking about it enough
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
an understanding of people, through my misunderstanding of my brother
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time alone to think about it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not feeling guilty
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel that it's important to let people know how you feel
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i couldn't see the person anymore - it took awhile to dawn on me
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's important to not let others judge you on how you handle the
situation, do what you need to do to get around it - within reason.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep many memories and be able to look back on them
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
other bad things happen to me then i tend to think about the death
of my brother as well, creating a snowballing effect
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
probably not too well. He was schizophrenic and he had difficulty
managing so his outlook looked pretty grim, i'm not sure that it
would be possible to have made a better life for him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
definitely. Although again with older people I feel having those
thoughts is quite strange because everyone must die, and there is
an expectation of it by old age.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
curl up in a ball and talk to no one
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
thought about the fact that it happens to everyone. In most cases
it's expected. The difference between death of old age and death of
a young person is that it is not expected and therefore more sudden,
alarming and harder to understand. Also more feelings of unfairness,
it seems unnecessary.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
comfort, as research is progressing in the area of schizophrenia
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not a lot, didn't seem to help
--Religious Affiliation:
non-practising catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting, i like to think that there is a broader view which
encompasses everyone
--Regarding MONEY:
well, the funeral is a costly experience which i find ludicrous.
People who experience such emotional loss hardly need the added
difficulty in trying to sort out their finances to pay for a funeral.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the number of people not only mourning for the deceassed but as
companions to me and my family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling as though it hadn't happened and my brother was merely on
holidays or something. Him just not being there
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weel, a sa schizophrenic he heard voices, and may have been
depressed, so depression signs. Overall though i believe that when
people just stop being active and enjoying all aspects of life,
they are missing an important part of their emotional growth.
They just don't care anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
keep busy, but TALK to someone. I still have never fully explored
my feelings about his death, and i know i should take my own advice
and talk to someone in full about it - about what i was feeling
and am feeling now.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i think it's important to talk about these things early on -
although you may believe something entirely different.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm curious. I'm not sure what to think, since we are animals,
it seems to me to be purely scientific, that our body dies along
with our mind and feelings, however it is just so difficult to
think of myself as not being.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
the friends of mine then , have always continued to be close
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
move on
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
very nice, thanks
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Sat Sep 1 15:27:16 2001
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo.com
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: (Brain) Cancer; Aged: 61.
--Details:
The same I've been talking about in the above questions.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my paternal grandfather who died from cancer when I was 9
years old.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
I didn't really grieve after the initial shock of it. My cousin and
I held on to each other and didn't talk about it and tried to keep
ourselves busy.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
*shudder* I'll never do that again!
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Sat Sep 1 13:30:52 2001
F38 in karachi, sind =pakistan=
Name: rubina
Email: <fdossani=at=breeze.net.pk>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: teaching
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Parents, one year ago.
Cause of Death: natural; Aged: expected.
--Details:
it was my mother in law's death which has left agreat impact although
at her age it was expected but it was too sudden she had the normal
illnesses of a seventy plus but on the day of her death she went
just like that
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
inevitable
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was surprised could not understand and was scared
--That first time, how it happened was
a second cousin died he was just achild may be three or four i was
a little close to his sister who was about my age mayde six years
old it was very early in the morning and my family woke me up so
that i could give her company as she was brought to my place
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
its suddeness the void it left behind and the feeling of impermanence
--What I think my (pakistan) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to get close to its religious values through which death becomes
a transition
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
relief to the person in pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mind my religion and my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling the void they left behind
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to do whatever u can to provide them with comfort tell them that
u love them u never know when they might leave
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cope now ilive life t\o the fullest and also am ready or so i
think for any thing
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was taken to the hospital and doctors pushed us aside
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it happens
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
sit with her more
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
give her time and take her to the doctor
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
of the people coming together
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
things remind me of her
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for it to have happened so suddenly
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in shock and trembled
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
helplessness
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
helplessness
--Religious Affiliation:
islam
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
free
--Regarding MONEY:
in dividing her jwellery and her money it left a bad taste im
my mouth
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it helped
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
at my first encounter i had no belief system i was too young but as
i have grown older it is my belief system which has helped during
my teenage years i remember having a belief that it is oly the old
who die
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
denial too that it could happen to me or anyone close to me
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See Aug 01 contributions.
See Jul 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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