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See Current contributions.
See Jun 99 contributions.
See May 99 contributions.
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Sat Jul 31 11:59:00 1999
F32 in Born-Oneonta live-Wattens, New York/Austria =USA/Austria=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Housewife
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 27 years ago.
Cause of Death: liver cancer; Aged: 52.
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--Death Is:
sad. Death causes sorrow because we feel the loss of someone we
love very much and we realize that we will never see them again. I
think that the sorrow is caused by feeling alone and when you truly
love someone you miss the contact and interaction of their love
and yours. Death is an ending of sorts....
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried but I was too young to really experience the pain it causes
in later years.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...when I was 5 years old my mother and Uncle
came to pick me up at school and they told me that Grandpa had died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Although the death I first experienced was at a young age, my father
died when I was 18 and I remember it well.The death of my father
caused a lot of emotional changes in me. I never cried or showed
my feelings before, and after my father's death I wear my feelings
on my sleeve. It made me a stronger person and a lover of life. I
have also learned to accept what comes my way and to relize that
there is a higher meaning in life than just to exist.
--What I think my (USA/Austria) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is not an ending but a new beginning for the person who has
passed on. Memories live on...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I realized how deep my love really was for the people who I lost,
and I learned to value life more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My family and believe it or not music.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Watching the person suffer until the end and knowing that they
were young and did't see their children grow. I guess what I mean
is realizing that the person who passed on did'nt lead a full life.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Regardless if you think it doesn't matter it does. They always know
you are there. Support and love mean everything.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Dealt with the feeling that I was'nt a great daughter but until
the end my father knew that I loved him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The end finally came. What do I do? What do I say? Etc....
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be a better daughter and spend more quality time with my dad.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be the last one with my father when he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I finally told my father with words that I loved him and death
would never take him out of heart and mind.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
to grieve.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at my life and realize that my father is'nt here to share
it with me.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The only difference would be that we would be together in the flesh.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he is so young and doesn't deserve this!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt sad.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment,and regret.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The Hospice was the only organization that treated him with respect
and dignity. They were very helpful and generous. My father was a
man with a family and that's how they treated him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
that we were never alone.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like everyone knows sadness.
--Regarding MONEY:
the medical and funeral bills were overwhelming and it seemed
that the money was the main ojective other than the family and
their feelings.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that we celebrated the life of my father and we didn't focus on
the death.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
realizing that it can happen to anyone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
an inner sadness, and non desire to live on.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is better to accept the impending death and live each day to
it's fullest rather than wallowing in sadness and pity and wasting
the precious time you have left with that person.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have already resolved this problem but as I've said I wasn't a
very emotional person and I did'nt say I love you very often out
loud. I told my father that I really loved him on his death bed
and I will always love him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I just want to hear my father say I am proud of you. He wrote me
a letter before he died that I received after he died that said it
but I would like to hear it from him.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I am an organ donor and I fobid my family to bury me. I want to be
creamated and my ashes thrown on a specific place. My mother does
not agree with me but this is my decision and I have thought about
it and this is what's right for me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would feel very sad and disapponited. I really don't know what
I would do. I know myself and I would cry for a long time and feel
sorry for my loved ones.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to my father at night before bed when something has happened
that I would like to share.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Acceptance. Accept what life has dealt you, deal with it, and make
the best of it. This is the only life you have and what you decide
to do with it is your decision!
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My sister and I are closer than we have ever been!
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Just making me think about how I dealt with it and making me think
of my father.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What do you feel is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone
when a loved one has died? My answer: I know how you feel(when they
really don't) We don't want to hear anything we just want a hand
on the shoulder or a hug.
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Fri Jul 30 15:32:32 1999
F16 in Bartlesville, OK ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I went to Yahoo. I put in a web search for "psychological
experiments" and got a link to this page along with links to
other pages.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 ago.
Cause of Death: Skin Cancer; Aged: late 30s.
--Details:
already wrote about it up earlier...
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--Death Is:
when the human body stops working for some reason or another and
movement is no longer possible.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was told by my father that she had gone up to heaven. When I was
2 and a half, I tried to climb up to the roof to see if I could
see heaven from there. My dad, thinking I was outside playing,
heard my screaming and came to realize I had fallen off the roof
and had broken one of my legs.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my mother died of skin Cancer when I was two.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Most recently, my grandfather died. I wasn't very close to him but
I cried anyway only because my young cousins were very close to
him. I cried for them because they no longer had their grandfather
as a companion; not really because I would miss him.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not the answer. Killing yourself is one of the worst things you
can do.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother was suffering when she had cancer. Her death brought an
end to suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Youth. As I said, I was so young the unfathomable power of death
hadn't really sunken in. By the time I got old enough to understand
how huge of a thing death was, time had alleviated some of the
grief and suffering.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I have been raised by a single father without a mother. I have not
been taught to behave "like a girl." Going through puberty was also
hard because my mother was not around to tell me about my period or
the other changes I was going through. Puberty is very frightening
without a mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I was not there when it occurred.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
listened to music to deal with it for most of my childhood.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
That wasn't really during the death experience. Recently, I was
listening to music and I realized that my mother was gone. Until
then I had hoped my mother would appear and tell me she had wanted
to run away from motherhood. I did finally realize there was a
death. This was sort of a release for me. So I laughed out loud. I
did that why? It's inexplicable.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have my mother watch me grow up...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
give my mother pleasur as a daughter as long as she knew me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
?
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the fact that she was cremated as opposed to being buried. Everyone
in her family had been buried and she was cremated.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear tapes of her talking. My dad and her used to make tapes like
that a lot. It was her form of journalling.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Wow. I could go on and on about houw different my life would be
if my mother had not died. The death of my mother has so much to
do with everything else in my life: even how people treat me. If
I tell people my mother died suddenly they feel as though they
want to nurture me and care for me. Also, my father felt lonely in
Albuquerque. We moved from Albuquerque, then, ten years after her
death because the loneliness had gotten too intense for him, we moved
to Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, I have undergone a great deal of change.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair that a mother has birthed a daughter she will
not live long enough to nurture.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
resurrect my mother.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
finally cried about it. I was nine when I cried for the first time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
She was one of the first people to undergo chemotherapy. If her
cancer had been detected earlier, she could have lived... that
wasn't really the fault of the medical profession, though. We
weren't really on the lookout for any disease within her body.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I was two. Nothing interesting happened.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
It just meant a nice funeral.
--Religious Affiliation:
I was a Presbyterian most of my childhood but I am an atheist now.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death takes a person away from their loved ones.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
It happened so long ago that as I grew old enough to know what had
happened I had already somehow accepted it. This is not to say it
isn't painful for me but all the brute force of losing a parent
was absorbed by my youthful sort of ignorance.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I'm sorry; I didn't have time to finish all of the questions on
the questionnaire.
F16 []; located in Bartlesville, OK.
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Fri Jul 30 11:42:14 1999
F30 in Atlanta, Georgia =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Road Less Traveled
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
M. Scott Peck
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 5 years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 23.
--Details:
My best friend's brother shot himself in the head with his
grandfather's shotgun. My best friend found him.
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--Death Is:
THE END.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could hardly believe they were really GONE FOREVER.
--That first time, how it happened was
The first death I remember actually *registering* to me as a DEATH,
where I understood what the word really meant, was when I heard
Elvis was dead and I saw the reaction by the older folks in my
family. That's when I knew death was permanent, and no one would
ever see, hear, or speak to Elvis again.
The first person in my
family to die was my grandmother. Everyone else is still alive. My
grandmother died of cancer about 4 years ago.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How much pain it caused.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it ends a person's misery if they are in great pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Drinking beer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not knowing why they died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
?
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
Talking and being with other people.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
I don't like to think about death b/c I don't know what happens
afterward and that scares me.
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Wed Jul 28 18:10:11 1999
F in traverese city, mi =usa=
Name: michelle
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 15.
--Details:
he died in his sleep
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--Death Is:
when human people bodies die
the body is hard and still and doesn't
move it and ot starts to rot. But the human sole goes to heaven or
hell (depending on the life they lead)
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in shcok and i refused to believe that he was dead. I cryed and
cryed. Then i started to become a "rebel" i disobeyed my parents
and such
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was taking a test in 4th grade and i got
called down to the office and my mother told me that my grandpa
had died.I refused to believe it till i saw his body. I actullay
had to touch it to make sure
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Nothing
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that you cant live in teh past the person died and you have to move
on with your life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brough my family closer together and made me realize that my
family will not be with me forever and i should enjoy there compamy
while i have it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
school and wok being able to take my mind off it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to say goodbye
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Tue Jul 27 22:59:40 1999
F21 in Chicago, Il =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: Sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, a few months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 25.
--Details:
millitary incompetence for starters,
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--Death Is:
ceaseing to be here
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young and afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
grat grandmother died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
rage
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to teach the youngeer ones to deal with it so it is not so hard
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the feeling he is near
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
love for him
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i felt as tho i had missed my chance
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
go out of your way to do anything to Be There
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i saw what it was doing to his body
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stay with him longer, spend more time with him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him before it happened
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he should not be gone
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
SCREAM
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
blew up
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
anger
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic(*past) none now
--Regarding MONEY:
it almost stoped me from being able t say good-bye
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no unresolved, we spent our last few days together loveing and
talking to eacch other
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would tell him i love him and that i am ok, finally, and safe
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i sometimes can feel his "awareness" or something, around me...i
expect to see him online..or hear him on the phone..or i feel him
watching over me, protective,loving...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
my love wanted to die alone, i had to fight to see him, for the first
and only time, we had been trying to see each other for awhile..but
the sicker he got the more reasons he came up with..and finally he
told me he did not want me to see him that way...and i told him
that i would see him now, before it was to late or in a casket,
after it was to late..and asked im to please spend the days with
me that i would have spent at his funeral,...and in return, i did
not go when he passed, to respect his wishes, tho i felt i needed to
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be trying to help my sons...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i send messages to his ICQ when ever things are particularly bad..it
is like sending him a note, since most of our three years together
was online or by phoe
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i feel better able to cope now..but still when things are really
bad...
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
lack of information
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Tue Jul 27 13:28:52 1999
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Linked from Ice Princess Web Page to Death Web Page to here.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
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--Death Is:
A kind of deep sleep that we go through until the time of the
resurection of the body at the end of the world. At that time Jesus
Christ will come and raise all those who are dead back to life and
there will be a divine jugdment. All those with faith in Christ
will live forever. Those without will suffer eternal fire.
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Mon Jul 26 19:16:46 1999
M30 in Slave Lake, Alberta =Canada=
Email: <Lockyer04-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
found you on Yahoo's listing under surveys.
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Prof/Studies: sales clerk
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
King James Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, et. al.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 49.
--Details:
He didn't want to go to the Doctor, thought he had a Flu and
died
in his sleep, my Aunt found him hours later.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the time when the body is no longer fit for human habitation
and
the essence or software is transferred to another place
for eternal
storage or is given a new body, new hardware. The friends and loved
ones express thier intense loss by crying or other ways called,
"Grieving" It is a veried length of grieving and some respond better
to it than others
sometimes resulting in a psychotic episode or
"System Crash"
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very shocked; I couldn't believe it actually happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My Grandfather had a heart attack, I was
going to visit him that day after school but had a massive heart
attack before hand.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
shaking my head and saying, "Oh Great!"
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
support those who are there, ie. family members who may have
been disowned. Also we should celebrate the persons life instead
of fighting or getting depressed.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my aunt Joan came from Newfoundland to Alberta for the funeral,
we got to be quite close.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The fact that he knew God and we'd see him again in Heaven
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing my Father cry as he gave the eulogy.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
found out how many friends you truly have and how many lives
that
you touch.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
They were talking about insurance claims and the like.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I wouldn't be here on this world today if I didn't have the ability
to laugh. I have a plan to leave this existence.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let him teach me how to fight when he offered to.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
meet family and cheer some of them up.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
they asked me to take the video of the memorial service. I hadn't
done anything like that before.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
whether he was to be buried or cremated.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wonder how my Aunt is doing, or I fantasize about having to spend
my life alone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be the bearer on the Phoenix Matrix, being a Super Hero
like Green Lantern. Everyone I help, every opponent I defeat; my
parameters would increase including accumulated Lifeforce. I would
also have a Goddess named Shanna watching over me who wants to marry
me but can't until I achieve Immortality. I would occasionally get
to embrace her when I went to a secret Greek temple which housed
a rift in the space-time continuum where she could temporarily
move to this world. Whenever I die I would either be physically
reborn or do a "Quantum Leap" intoa body that has been dead for less
than a half-hour. Of course everything earlier than 16 would be a
complete wash except name, bitrhdate and what I learned in school.
I would also have the memories of
what I learned in previous
parallel earths and would be mindlinked with the main computer
of the immortals that granted me the Matrix-the Guardians of the
Multiverse.
I have been daydreaming this for years!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He was a very young person and he was always up-beat.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go to another Earth!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Realized that it eventually happens to us all.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration. Things aren't progressing a fast as they should.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A certain order and reassurance.
--Religious Affiliation:
Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like we aren't as different as we'd like to think.
--Regarding MONEY:
they had to do a lot to convince the insurance company that my
uncle was really dead.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was not much crying there as if it was a secular funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
It was so sudden.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Becoming more philisophical.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
as you will eventually be comforted, either physically or spititually
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none that I know of
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No near death experiences that I can recall but I DO have cases of
Deja Vu!
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't know; my parents just seem to laugh things off or turn them
into lectures when I tell them about my problems.
They are good
people mind you, but now I tend to keep things to myself.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that I wish we could have spent more time together.
There's not much I can do about it but wish and say, "What If?"
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
regretably no. Sorry.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Tell people how you feel about them because the may not come back
after they walk out the door.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I want to die fast with no pain. Not many people would grieve
for me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Eating!
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I'm a bit more melencholy about things, I wonder how my Aunt
is doing.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No, I just feel glad to know my Aunt Joan a bit more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
My family and I felt he was in a better place and my dad said,
"It wouldn't be fair to wish him back to this world"
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I was alone a lot, didn't have much opportunity to talk.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
That people would reach out to me. They basically stuck to their
own groups.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This site was/is a godsend. I feel there is someone out there
that cares about me and I feel grateful that I could think and
be creative. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I don't think you need to know my religious affiliation.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jul 26 17:38:12 1999
F48 in Steens, Ms =USA=
Email: <yukon-at-tilc.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 72.
--Details:
He suffer long with emphazema. I hated to lose him but I knew he
would be much better off.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of suffering and the beginning of joy.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
thought it scary and was unsure what happened to people who died.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was I was staying with my grandmother and a friend
of hers died. I went to the funeral with her. I remember I kinda
got scared because it was thundering and lightening. I thought she
must not have been a good person because of that.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sense of something lost that I would never regain
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
people need time to mourn in their own way.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my dad went so easy.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being able to say good-bye.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with funeral arrangements.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I believe the dying can hear even in the throes of death. It is
important to let your loved one know you loved them and it is okay
to let go of the world.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was not confused about it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my dad wouldn't have had it any other way. We were remembering the
good times when we all laughed together
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to spend more time with my dad.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would definately spend more time with my dad.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just talk to him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried at my loss.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
lack of compassion.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very little. It was much more personal.
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopalian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
there was no issue. I gave my portion to my step-mother. She
needed it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my dad was loved by many people. So many of them I had no idea of
how they knew him.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching the life leave his body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the short rasping breathing and the utter stillness of the body.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
that I had to let go of him in the physical sense but his memories
would always be with me.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have no knowledge of this happening with my dad.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My dad and I had resolved all of our issues.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
A will should be made and adhered to
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am not afraid of dying but I don't feel ready to go yet.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Mon Jul 26 10:45:44 1999
F27 in Houson, TX =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Via Yahoo.Com
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an ending to one's life on Earth. A transition to a better place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was only 5 or 6 years old. Elvis Prestley died. I was devistated,
I cried and cried. I listened to his records over and over.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my uncle died of cancer. It had spread
throughout his body -- he had several different "types."
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I regret not showing him (my uncle) how special I thought
he was. He was a cross between Forrest Gump and the Rainman --
a very unique individual. No one gave him the time of day --
just thought he was stupid or something.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Everyone deals with death in their own way. No one can say how it
"should" be dealt with, unless someone is being self-destructive,
no one should interfere.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I'm just glad he's not hurting anymore -- I feel like he's in heaven
living a real life for the first time.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Waiting and watching the death happen.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I was glad to know he wasn't hurting anymore.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
I felt like he didn't know how special I thought he was.
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Sun Jul 25 13:21:14 1999
F33 in Petal, MS =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Social Science Tests
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Prof/Studies: psy major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
God
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 4yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 10.
--Details:
I was divorced and Konan(the dog) was with ex-husband. Had to
be put to sleep because of tumor and I wasn't there to be with
him or see him before he was gone. I was very close to Konan.
He was like a son to me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
in my belief, the beginning of another type of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
could not understand it. With age I think I can handle things
better now
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I don't remember details much. I was 4yrs
old and it was my grandmother. She died in the hospital from a
brain tumor. I have a sketchy memory of her and most of my memory
is from stories told of her.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I was not with Konan in his last moments. He must have wondered
where his mom was and why I wasn't there for him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we had better be prepared for what is after death!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it ended Konans suffering and pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my daughter and us clinging to each other and always being open
and talking about our feelings concerning Konan.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being there
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
for support
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was told he was gone
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to be there and hold him til he drew his last breath
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know he didn't suffer any more
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
bills
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see his picture or another breed of dog like him(Siberian Huskey)
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
running and playing with him, loving him
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
my ex should have told me or let me have some decision in the matter
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not feel
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried for days. Konan is always in my heart
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thanks
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
n/a
--Regarding MONEY:
ex payed for all
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
n/a
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
n/a
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
staying drunk
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
Family talked a lot of it. I am youngest of four children and
they helped
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
don't think at that age I should have been allowed to view the body
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Sat Jul 24 19:50:15 1999
F18 in Belfast, =United Kingdom=
Email: <schnapps_2000-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Followed links on Yahoo.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 69.
--Details:
I always knew he would die, as he was so much older than me . . . but
I was completely unprepared for the event. The last words I ever said
to him were "you are not going to die", and when he fell unconscious,
surrounded by paramedics, he looked so afraid . . . I couldn't
really believe it; on TV the paramedics save the victim, if he dies,
it happens in hospital, or the ambulance . . . not on the floor of
the toilet. Since then, I can only cope by trying to ignore it
all, otherwise, i just cry and scream silently. I miss him. And
he's never coming back. I can barely remember what he looks like,
and his voice is gone completely. I can't believe he's gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of things. An event in which an individual is removed
completely from existence, and all his memories and thoughts are
lost forver, "like tears in rain".
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Went to pieces, but took great pains not to "collapse" in front
of my friends or family . . . they thought I was okay after a day
or two. It was three weeks ago + . . . I'm still not remotely
okay. Completing this questionaire hurts like hell, I can only do
it by distancing myself from what happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
My father died fo a heart attack . . . myself and one of my brothers
were there, no-one else was.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not eating, not sleeping, and staying on the internet for 12 hour
+ bursts.
--What I think my (United Kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Nothing. I don't consider myself to be living in one "culture",
and I certainly live by my own rules, rather than what my "culture"
tells me to live by.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
How close it bbrought me to the friend online who got me though it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Music, which caused me great pain but helped "get it out", and that
oft-mentioend friend.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The sheer pain of it all. The emotional pain was like a physical
force. it still is, when I allow it in, or am too weak to fight
it away.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Look them in the eye. Don't say goodbye. They will soon be gone
forever; let them know you love them and that you are strong, but
don't let them give up. If they're going to go, try to help them
go out fighting.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I don't think I learned a lot. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot,
I lost a lot of weight - learned a lot? No, I don't think so.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Screaming, silently, at night, while on the internet. Still happens,
it's an ongoing process.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
He never saw me play hockey. I should have let him come watch me,
and take photographs, but I was embarrassed of letting him down
(by losing the game) and embarraswsed of him standing with a tripod
and camera. And I should have let him photograph my newly dyed
bright red hair. And gone kite flying with him. Little things
I should have done but didn't. That I have run out of time to do now.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with him when I died. And no, things did *not* go better than
I imagined.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
While the paramedics decided not to go on (he was already dead
by then, IMO), I was walking round the block reciting poetry to
myself. I like that he went out to Tennyson's Ulysses - it's a
fitting exit march for my father.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
replace "us" with "me" . . . Religion. My family is religious,
I'm not. I don't know if "matter" is right, my family seemed to
take comfort from the idea that they would see him again, but my
lack of religion didn't seem to be a gap for me.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
When I think I hav it convered, and try to analyse it. Then I realise
I don't; that he is dead; that nothing can compare to the enormity
of that.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I can't allow myself to think like that, I'd lose my sanity all
together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
The worst part is that it *is* fair . . . and if I had to choose
between my mother and father dying, it would be my father every
time. That hurts a lot, the fact that if I had to pick, iwould
pick him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Sleep. Sleep, and not ever need to wake up.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I don't think anything else conveys that meaning.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
No opinion - they did their best, no more, no less.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Not applicable to me.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A lot to my father and the rest of my family, but nothing to
me. They believed they would meet again - I don't. But when my
father was dying, I could see such fear in his eyes, and I thought
he wasn't sure . . . although I hope so much my family is right,
and that they will meet again.
--Religious Affiliation:
Agnostic. Family are Christian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Death is universal. All things must die; it's the dricing force
that keeps u alive, even though it, quite frankly, hurts like
fuck. Nothing's the same after experianceing it for the first time;
a little piece of me (large piece) is now dead, and can never come
back. Death is a common denominator. Nothing is more sure than
the fact that all will end.
--Regarding MONEY:
Heh, now my dad is dead, I think I'm officially destitute. That's
my new catchphrase ~smile~
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
So many people knew him and respected him . . . he was a real
*somebody*. That made me incredibly proud, yet very sad that I
didn't know them before he died. I also got myself smiling when I
realised that the few people I knew I'd met at a wedding, and my life
was turning into Hugh Grant's. The most touching moment was when
I realised one fo my teachers had come. It was totally unexpected
(I'd asked my friends not to come), and it meant a great deal to me.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I sat a "vigil" with the body for a while, Klingon style (no,
really). I recited his body some poetry, Tennyson mainly. It helped
me a lot - cleansing through pain, as it were. At one point
I forgot what colour his eyes were. I thought green, but when I
opened them, they were dark brown, just like mine. That hurt.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
He was tired the day before and the day he died. And he looked very
small - very short, and very old. However, I heard that people
who died from his specific type of eart attack can't usually be
helped even in hospital, so I don't feel llike I let him down by
not getting him medical help. I never expected him to die -
he was meant to live for years more . . .
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
The hardest time was after I came back from my week away. He died,
one or two weeks at home, then a week away. When I got back,
it almost felt like it never happened - like he had never even
lived. It was very hard to cry on people's shoulders after that -
I felt like I was a burden, like I was expected to to all right
again, back to my old self. That old self is gone now.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
It didn't happen - although my mother believes there was an angel
on the plane to and from England (where she was when he died). She
spoke to him a lot. I could believe we were being watched -
even though I don't "believe", per se.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Bah, not at all.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
In order to answer that, I'd need to think in depth about my father -
I can't do that, it hurts too much.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I don't know if it would. Of course, part of me would feel like
a traitor if I recover.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Hasn't happened.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I'm with the dying, always. Its they who die; it should be up
to them. I could talk about organ donation (all for it), and
euthanasia (very complicated) but I have done so for a long, long
time, and it bores me now. Sorry ~smile~.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It doesn't concern me. If when I die I am "over", nothing will be
of importance to me . . . if I "continue", then I will miss everyone
. . .
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Heh, closure? I don't have it; I'm not even sure if I want it. I
don't want to forget, you see.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I'm still in the immediate stages of grief - I can't really answer
that yet.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes - I've become closer to one specific person. However, I
am very far apart from the people I used to be close to (family
inculded). They don't understand that I am not the "old me" any more.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
One particular friend from the internet kept me sane, without him,
I do not know how I would have coped.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
heh, I'm not done dealing with it yet, though I always thought
I understood about it . . . forgetting scares me, and upsets me
*a lot*.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I didn't reach out - and one of the most helpful things owuld have
been if RL friends hadn't told me ot was "okay". Them trying to
avoid the issue did *not* help at all.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was very useful, but painful. Got me crying again - I think
that's good, in a way.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nothing I can think of.
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Fri Jul 23 01:55:38 1999
F59 in scottsdale, arizona =usa=
Email: <shenahn-at-aol.com>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Email Message ]
Prof/Studies: psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 21yrs ago.
Cause of Death: aircraft wreck; Aged: 14.
--Details:
he died with his father. they left against my wishes. i had a
premonition that they would not return alive
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing over and the rebirth into another life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child. my grandmother passed over in the apartment that i
was living in at the time. after she was removed, that evening as i
gazed out the window in to the night sky, a cloud appeared and slowly
thinned out. her face appeared to me and she smiled reassuringly
at me. this was very comforting. i believe i was 7 at the time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother passed over in apartment that i
was residing in.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
lack of closure and kept waiting for the doorbell to ring. and
husband and son would appear back from trip
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
reincarnation
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the marriage to my husband and the beautiful son we produced. the
joy of having my son in my life for 14 years.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
a grief counselor from a church.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
lack of closure as they were incinerated
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
constantly stroke them emotionally and physically and most
importantly, tell them how much you love them and how happy that
they were in your life.
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
son and husband. take one at a time and live for the moment,
as it passes very quickly
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
accepting reality as i was unable to see their final remains
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i laughed at some of the antics that when on in the house from
my son and husband to show me that they were doing fine in their
new surroundings
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
how much i loved them and to see their faces light up with happiness
at the sound of my words
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not act on my thoughts of suicide and stick around to raise my
other 2 children
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i amwriting my thesis on when a child dies. just reading the
material has put me over the edge several times
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
when i do soul travel, i like to believe that i hook up with their
engergies and we communicate. we are a multi dimensional society
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that a healthy child should have to die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i realized the reality that i had outlived my dear son, and it is
supposed to be the other way around.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing i got absolutely nothing out of going to services.
--Religious Affiliation:
jewish
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
it is a return to energy form.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
i wanted to be alone . they came in droves to the house to wish
me well. i wanted to be with my thoughts and i was feeling as if
i was being suffocated alive
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
feeling their presence around me
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i am involved in hospice and noticed the glassy expressions on
those on the brink of passing over. they will glaze to the side of
the room and a smile will plastered on their faces.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
yes there are issues. i never had an opportunity to say i love
you or to say goodbye. i have tried the letter writing, but it
never worked. i have guilt that i could not change their minds
regarding the trip.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would have loved to tell them how much i love them and how
grateful i am to have had them in my life. i need the reassurance
of knowing that they were aware of how intense my love was for them.
i did not say it enough when they were alive and i feel guilty
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i was in recovering room in hosp. was waiting to hear if tumor
removed was cancerous. saw husband and son walking to me holding
hands. they appeared to be the same age that i last saw them.
husband said that there was no need to worry, that there was no
cancer and i would fully recover. they turned around and walked
away. i started screaming, "don't go, don't leave me again." husband
turned and said "they needed to go." i said, "please i want to
go with you, " his response was that it was not time and they
disappeared.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
death is not an ending, it is a beginning. i would feel sad leaving
my 2 children on this plane.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
honestly, there is still a lack of closure as i nver viewed any
remains.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i have changed drastically. i do not expend energy on things that
are not in my power to change.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
as i evolve, some of the people in my life fall by the wayside.
i prefer to keep up with those who are on my wave length, as the
compatiabilty level is higher.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i am a hospice worker and presently working on completely my degree.
i will be a grief counselor
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
this came at a delicate time, as i mentioned before the subject of
my thesis is the death of a child. i am a little raw inside, so
it was quite easy to answer several of your questions. my feelings
are being worn on my sleeve at this time.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Thu Jul 22 22:57:16 1999
Anonymous Guest
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: siesure and drowned in pool.; Aged: 9.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
becoming something we don't see anymore
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather had a heart attact and died
a week before my 5th birthday
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I cried my eyes out and we got back to school and had a ceromny at
school and putting flowers in a vase for his family. I remember
going to the wake and sitting with my mother and I remember one
of his friends got up and said some words - she was the only one
that did
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that the person who has died is finally in peace because of his
illness.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
writing helped me in dealing with death
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just listen to them
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to forgive him for doing something
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
people just sat around and talked about the person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to say goodbye
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I balled my eyes out
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
being too young and not totally understanding
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Wed Jul 21 13:01:03 1999
F26 in houston, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
conversations with God , bhagavad gita, egyptian bookof the dead
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: ~ 47.
--Details:
blew his brains out
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physical existence as others know you to be, where your
body moves no longer, and your personality ceases to be expressed
physically. The body decays into its most basic components and
becomes part of the earth. We don't know exactly what happens to
the person that expressed itself through that body but there are
many beliefs of where that person may go. Many cultures deals with
death differently, some feel much pain as if when you have lost
something you terribly enjoyed and are not able to enjoy any longer,
others see it as just the passing away into another formand another
plane of existence as when you sleep and dream and other's see it
a sthe time when you are judged by an entity greater than everone
else on your actions while you lived in that body, others believe
you just cease to exist and go nowhere, others believe you become
part of everything as when mist dissipates into the air.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt a loss. I felt that I didn't want their existaence around me
to cease.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a friend of the family comitted suicide
after several years of dealing with emotional issues that perhaps
were psychologycal and /or chemically dependent by way of nature.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pity. For he ended his life since he was in so much pain and wasn't
able to cope with it, but I also felt relief because now it perhaps
could have some time off his bodily influences where perhaps he
could relfect upon what he wasn't able to deal with onthis plane
of existence.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's not a bad thing, it's a natural process, and that dying with
dignity or anytime is a choice.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I was able to speak to that soul in my dreams and say see
you later
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
thinking about it and not being selfish about how it hurt me but
how it just happened
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
no one was able to help him and that he gave up on himself.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't make them feel as if they cannot go, be happy and accepting
and make your peace
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
decided not to get lost in my grief
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didn't get to say bye
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
thank him for all the pleasant things he did wand what he meant to me
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for others because I didn't grieve the eway they did
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the religious ritual of deathf or the dead
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
try to just let it go
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jul 20 00:34:55 1999
F16 in Ocean County, New JOi!sey =US of A=
Name: Mel
Email: <XxAntiSocX-at-Aol.com>
Web: http://Members.aol.com/XxAntiSocX/main.html
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: Imaging Technician at Alternative Micrographics and soon to be a
highschool drop-in
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More personal info:
Traditional skinhead (non racist), big punk/Oi! music fan, guitar
player, drunk, wierdo.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Faces of Death and Traces of Death ((It makes you immune to
the blood and gore part of dealing with everything but I wouldn't
condone going out and buying or renting it unless you're over 18
and don't mind seeing stuff that might rouse up a lot more inside
you than you're stomache.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
various
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 16.
--Details:
Derrick LeCompte came into the thrift shop they owned and stabbed
her while she tried to leave, he left in her car with stuff he stole
and came back and stabbed her more. This went on for almost 2 hours
while she was still alive. By the grace of god, the video-tape of it
was found by a homeless man and turned into the police along with
the knife. The police made a definate on who he was and caught him
at the mall the next day.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is when all major organs in you're body cease to function
and you're body begins to decompose.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
called my best friend and cried for the first and only time since. He
slept over and I took a 2 week leave from work and listened to music,
drank, hit things, and smoked up. I smoked about 2 and a half packs
of cigarettes a day and didn't sleep at all. The funeral came and
went, but I still am violent and I'm probably ruining my hearing
listening to music and playing it so loud.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother got stabbed 30 times in the heart and lungs while some
jackass robbed the store she owned.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone going around and hugging me and telling me how sorry they
were. That got me really pissed. and it was even worse at the veiwing
so I hibrenated with a few friends donwstairs in the smoking lounge
on the couches and talked about everything we could think of.
--What I think my (US of A) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Well, if you consider being a skinhead a culture (Not RACIST!) or
if you mean my German/Italian bloodline? Well, either way, we're
still both way to full of violence and anger.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Being able to see my family and some old friends of ours that I
haven't seen in between 4 and 16 years. It really brought us back
together for once, and it's gone now, but it was nice.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Definately Oi! and Punk music. The bands I listen to give the message
of hold up your head and having pride in yourself and what you do.
The music, to me at least, can calm me down big-time. Most people
consider it to be loud and obnoxious, but it's more than that to
people, it's therapy to me. And the feeling of being able to go
into a pit at a concert and just release all your energy and your
stress and just let loose, punch kick elbow and dance.. it's so nice.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Dealing with the empty space thats left after someone that close
dies. A lot of it was feeling uninformed on the murder's case,
and murder itself, and everything surrounding it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I felt so good. At the viewing my close friend Jess asked if it
would be out of place to tell me mom a joke that she thought she
would have loved if she was around to hear it. I told her to go
ahead, so she went up to the casket and said, "Hey mom, whats
a lesbian with a hard on?" and stuck out her tongue. That was
pretty funny right there, but then everyone came back down into the
smoking lounge where we were and jumped on her back. They thought
she was mocking her death and sticking out her tongue as if saying,
"Nyah Nyah, you're dead and I'm not". But she was just trying to
tell a joke about lesbians. I was cracking up about that one.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself functioning and able to still do everything I used to,
plus everything I do now that my mom is gone.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I took a look around and went outside to listen to music away from
everyone except my best friends. My friends are family to me,
and I'm glad they were so enduring and put up with me (without
earplugs). Not many people would consider thanking there friends
before everything else, but I love my crew.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
hugging, kissing, and crying. I didn't want to be near anyone at all,
and everyone asking me 'if I need anything to call' and telling me
they're 'sorry' didn't help at all. I just wanted to drink a few
brewski's, listen to loud music and beat on things/people.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think I've got some mental block about being upset over death or
suicides. All that happenens is that I get angry and black-out.
That happens most often when I'm alone walking the streets in
my city.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Well, for one, I wouldn't be going back to highschool that I dropped
out of a year ago. I didn't want to be a failure because thats what
Mom died seeing me do. I'd probably still be a smart-ass and be
mooching off them for money and cigs and bitching when she wouldn't
let me get myself into a lot of dangerous situations. It certainly
wouldn't be a paradise, but I'd rather have her with me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I remember thinking that it's not fair that my mom died and I was
angry and everyone and angry at god for it. Then I realized that
she had a great and full life and that it's not god's fault and
that I was angry at all the wrong people.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
either crawl up and sleep for weeks or wish I could make it the
weekend so I could go to a punk show and release my anger in a pit
and to other people
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hatred. The medical community won't even terminate her hospital
bill from when the coroner pronouced her dead after they found her
face-down in blood at the store she worked at
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing at all, I was completely agnostic before everything.. but I
find myself looking to god a lot more. I think I just don't want to
turn into one of those people that do nothing but hand you pamphlets
at the mall and preach about 'Him' being a 'savior'.
--Religious Affiliation:
Right now, I don't consider myself as being religious.. I turn to
god sometimes, but for the most part some loud violent music and
actions and a few beers is all I turn to. Before Mom's death I
was the same, only I never thought of god at all and I was a bit
less aggressive (aggro)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
It sounds right to me.. I'm no psychic or anything, but I think
a lot of you're thoughts about life and death are influenced by
organized religion. If you're christian or whatever, then go to
heavan and be happy, if you're satanist, then go be in the devils
army, whatever floats you're boat. I'm not a very spiritual person,
but I do believe in ghosts and the like.
--Regarding MONEY:
we'd better find some fast or we'd be homeless and starving.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was wierd seeing people that hadn't cared about us for years
crying.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
zoning out at times.. kind of like when you doze off, only you're
not sleeping.. then when you realize you zoned out it's like being
startled awake.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Be careful at the viewing! Sometimes bodies move, burp, twitch or
can even sit up! Don't let it scare you!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Friends of my mom, and my living father said she came to them,
but I haven't seen anyhting wierd
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have to prove to myself that I'm not as big as a failure as I
was when my mom died, so i'm going back to highschool.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd like to have the oppurtunity to tell her goodbye.. I never had
that chance because no one expects their mother to be murdered I
suppose. That would probably let me sleep a little easier at night
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I saw my mother in a dream I had after a night I didn't even think
about her murder that much. It was her standing on a street by a
bridge by my house, then I saw a reflector, a fence and a dead dog
and some water which had no bearing on anything and woke up.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want people not to cry, hug or kiss at my funeral. I don't want
people to talk about god and play loving music. I don't want pink
or bright flowers either. All I ask for is a whole in the ground,
good music, my guitar with me, and for people to remember me for
what I am and not make me out to be perfect or an angel.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
One thing I'd like to say is that I'm not afraid of dying, I invite
it at times. I'm afraid of the pain associated with it, not actually
dying. I don't expect to live past my 20's. I drink, act reckless,
drive bad and do drugs now, so there's not much else to do in life
except bills and love if you're lucky. Live fast and die young is
my strategy
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
MUSIC! Music and being able to release stress and let loose in a
pit and just go wild and not care.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I got to concerts and hop in pits every oppurtunity I get, and I
drink too much beer.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
me and my friends that I was close to before my mothers death have
become much closer. I consider them to be my family. I love them
more than life itself.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
Music, alchohol, blacking out, punk music and being able to release
a lot in the pits.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs
I smoked up a few times and had real bad experiences.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I think that my being so strong (numb) with everything helped my
father out a lot.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's nice to talk about it without having to fear being critisized,
preached at, or hugged. It's nice not to have to hear, "I'm sorry"
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you aught to add something about how the reactions of other
people towards you made you feel, and if you thought something at
the veiwing of funeral was wrong.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mon Jul 19 15:55:31 1999
M24 in Bucyrus, Kansas =USA=
Name: Tony Kerr
Email: <Kerrbop-at-Hotmail.com>
Web: none
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
www.yahoo.com
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Prof/Studies: Sales
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: emphizema; Aged: 56.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is a part of the cycle of life. We are born, live life, die
and come back as something or someone else at another time and place.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
My Grandmother died when I was in Colorado.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How relieved everyone seemed.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It must happen.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That that person died and is in no more pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My parents.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That she was gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just the sight of your face may be comfort enough.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Look forward to the day I die.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When they buried her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not laugh at all.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Have visite her more often.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See her again.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Their ablity to persevere.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
That she has died and is moving on to something better.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
A little less depressed.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why couldn't I have been there when she died.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die. So that I could join her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Started crying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Contentness.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Positive
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Not alot.
--Religious Affiliation:
current-none/ past-Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
That the spirit moves from body to body through death.
--Regarding MONEY:
That it all worked out.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people came.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
When she was buried.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Age.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Death is a phase.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
That she was sick and ready to go.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
None.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
My parents.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Grandmother often appears to me in my dreams and comforts me
during my troubled times.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The final plan of action.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Finally! I'm dead. Time to move on.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Laying down with candles and incense and medatative music.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have learned that death is only a phase to the next life we
will live.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
My sister. We went out and bonded shortly after the funeral.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's too long.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Condence it a little.
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Thu Jul 15 21:33:48 1999
F22 in South Pasadena, CA =USA=
Name: Nicole
Email: <sunflowernik-at-earthlink.net>
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65.
--Details:
Actually, he was my godfather and he was battling with cancer for
a year and a half before he finally died last month. This is the
closest I've come to experiencing death because not only was it so
recent but also because I watched him deteriorate and lose everything
that he had. My godfather and I weren't that close but when he
got sick I suppose it brought us closer together. Sad but true.
Then when he died last month, even though I was half way around
the world, I felt intense sadness.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something we all go through. Our lives end unexpectedly or with
a sickness. It is an inevitable thing we cannot stop or avoid.
we have no choice or say. Most humans try to believe that there is
life after death (if they are religious). If not they just handle
it on their own or try to compose an image of death they believe
to be true.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know what really happened as I was quite young. I knew that
person would not come back anymore.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a priest was sick with caner and my mother and
I often visited him in the hospital. On one occasion we walked him
on him dying and my Mom tried to shield me away from the sight of
it since I was quite young. She didn't want me to see something
so sad at a young age but I did see the priest dying and gasping
for breath. There was another priest in the room whsipering prayers.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when am I going to die? How am I going to die? Then I got scared
of my parents and my boyfriend dying. In fact, I sometimes have
dreams where my father dies.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is something we should talk more about. Being Chinese,
the topic of death is a bit taboo. We try not to mention it or
think morbidly, However, I think it is healthier to address fears
or topics of apprehension. One way to deal with a fear is always
to talk about it and find support from others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
comfort and support of those close to me such as my parents and
boyfriend. I think my fear of death is unusual for someone this
young but I am still in control of it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
to see that person slowly slip away from me. Now all I have are
memories and I can never see that person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to not avoid body contact or show your fear to them. I am sure
they're scared enough. Don't make them feel as if they are dying.
Be there for a dying person by talking to them when they need
or just providing any support they need. Sometimes I just bring
food or books for them to read or little things to cheer them up.
I never mention anything about dying unless they want to talk.
--[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
wrote a poem for him afterwards to be read at the funeral. That also
helped me get my feelings out.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
someone is actually dying. The moment they are laving the world
seems strange to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say more to my godfather. Tell him how much we all care for him
and what a wonderful godfather he was to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have more time with my Dad. He had a stroke during Thanksgiving
of 1998 and that made me realize how important he was to me and
how I couldn't live without him or my Mom. I am thankful for
all they have done for me and provided me with. All the love and
support and understanding they had. I am just thankful to have
such wonderful parents. I never want to lose them.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
became very scared. I wanted to treasure everyone around me
especially my parents. Even now I try to spend as much time with
my parents as I can and to make them happy in any way possible.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Thu Jul 15 14:26:31 1999
F27 in Kalamazoo, Mi =USA=
Email: <Beffiet-at-AOL.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 63.
--Details:
This was definately the most painful experience of my life. My
dad was my best friend, my touchstone. We were unusually close. My
mom has alzheimers and he needed someone to talk to and I needed
a parent - I'm only in my mid 20's. I took care of him untill he
died. I was with him at the moment of his death. I miss him terribly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A loss of a contact that helps us to further connect with ourselves
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't deal with it well
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I had know distant relative that died. Even
my gradparents who I didn't know very well. But when I was about
20 my horse died - he was probably my greatest companion
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The pain lasting for longer than I expected. The actual moment of
death was peaceful. The week after that was a little chaotic. But
now I'm so sad and nothing happens to change it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People who have lost someone don't tend to begin greiving for at
least a month. The first year is the hardest. Grievers don't need
your sympathies at the funeral when they are still numb - they need
it later. And they don't want to hear how well they look or how
proud you are of how they are doing- this just adds to the pressure
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I shared more with my dad because I knew he was dying than most
people ever share with thier parents
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Solitude and prayer
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the feeling of the lack of unconditional love
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Ask them what they want and then believe them. It may seem hard
to do what a dying person wants, for example funeral planning or
ceasing in cheer up efforts. But they are still your loved one. do
it for them - that's what it's all about
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned from his dying, grew closer to him than I dreamed possible
and ignored the world when they thought I was making bad choices
in giving up some of my live to be with my dad
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
He was so sick that he could barely breath and had tears in his
eyes. I couldn't bear to lose him, yet I couldn't bear for him to
suffer anymore.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Strong emotions are strong emotions whether they are happy or
sad. you will feel them both
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Ask my dad how he would want me to deal with his death - and also
how to do that
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with him until the final minute
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I spent about two weeks feeling like I was watching a movie about
the death of my dad
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People dropping off food and doing other nice gestures right after
his death - we were just in shock
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Wed Jul 14 20:03:51 1999
F22 in Columbus, Nebraska =USA=
Name: Ruth Breaker
Email: <lady_katarina77-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Just surfing the net
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 46.
--Details:
She was an alcoholic and she had a bad heart.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When someone leaves and never comes back. Thier body quits we
bury them in the ground and never get to see them, talk to them,
or hold them ever again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was in the middle of my 4th birthday party. The phone rang and
my grandma came in the room and told everyone that my Aunt died.
We went to Kansas to bury her. I couldn't understand why I would
never see her again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My aunt who I was very close to died on my
4th birthday from complications of Diabetes
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The fact that everyone thought that I was the strong the one of the
family but this time it is everyone else who has had to be strong
for me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The fact that it hurts and it isn't something that I can just
get over.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That my grandma didn't have to suffer anymore. She had bone cancer
and was in a lot of pain.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to talk to my family and friends and having them be a
shoulder for me to cry on.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fact that I would never see them again and in most cases the
fact that I never got to say good bye or tell them that I love them.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make things right between me and my mother before she died.
The last time I saw her I was angry at her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See my mom one more time before she died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Carrying my mother's ashes to the place where we were going to
spread them. I felt like it was my turn to carry her after she
had carried me all those years as a child.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Meking sure the funeral is perfect.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I first heard of her death.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be a better daughter and I would tell her how much I love
her everyday.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Because I still need my mother here!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go to where she is if a place exsists so that I don't have to be
without her anymore.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I never really have found a point when I acknowledge a loved
one's death.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I don't think they did enough!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
There was no religion involved.
--Religious Affiliation:
Current - athiest Past - Nazarene
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Almost all religions and cultures feel that the spirit goes to a
place to wait for thier loved ones to join them.
--Regarding MONEY:
We weren't financially prepared and had to do things the cheap way.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral. Me, my sister, my brother, and my uncle
spread her ashes.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Thinking it weird for my mother's ashes to be able to fit in such
a small box.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of weight, sickness, and saying good bye.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I cry a lot and look at pictures.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I feel that my mother's spirit has been in my home and even touched
me once.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have many unresolved issues with my mother and talking to her
eventhough she isn't here seems to help a little.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell my mother how much I love her and that she was wrong
in saying that I don't need her anymore cause I do.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When I felt my mother touch me at first it freaked me out then it
calmed me cause it was like she was trying to tell me that she is
watching over me.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I get upset when people fight over what should be done. When I
die I don't want anything fancy.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Sometimes death scares me cause I don't want to leave those who
love me but other times I wish I would die just so I can be with
those loved ones who have already died. If I knew that I was dying
soon I would make sure that all my loved ones knew how much I love
them and I would write out a will.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I talk to my mother as if she was still here. I have even gotten
into fights with her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
I still don't deal with death well
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
It hurts to remember someone who died cause I know I won't be able
to make anymore memories with them
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my husband would have been there for me more but I am greatful
that my sister, brother, and father were there for me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I am not quite sure it helped me. But it did make me realise that
I need to find better ways to deal with death.
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Wed Jul 14 18:51:20 1999
F23 in Spokane, WA =USA=
Email: <arodgers-at-sisna.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student/child care
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drug and alcohol abuse; Aged: 46.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a transition
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 16
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...First it was my Father, from heavy drug
and alcohol abuse-hepatitus C.Then my Grandma, his Mother about 3
months later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i didn't get to say good-bye
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
what happens?
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it taught me the value of living every moment to the fullest
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i could never see him or talk to him again, and where did he go?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to let them go
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
didn't handle it well and how it could be done better
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
was he in "Heaven", "hell", here sitting next to me,nowhere,
somewhere????
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
a person can handle only so much
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be there with him in the hospital
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see him 2 months before he passed
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had a dream a short time later that felt as if something, darkness,
i am not sure but it was pulling me in and it was so strong that
I knew if I went with it I wouldn't return
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who get's the material possesions of the one who has passed
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we should endure such pain
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see him, feel him, smell him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
shut down
--Regarding MONEY:
everything he told me he wanted me to have his "common-law" wife
took and gave me his bath robe and a necklace
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
on hand it was nice to be with my whole family and my mother at
the same time and on the other I was numb, it was all a fog
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
someone who has given up
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
i haven't yet grieved fully
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
the dreams of him seem to be dark, which scares me. My Mother has
the same experiences.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Some unresolved issues are abandonment issues, why did he do the
things he did. I am the only one that can help myself
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to tell him how much I have always admired him and
saw past his weaknesses to his incredible strengths. I would like
to hear him tell me that I am doing ok and that he is proud of me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have never seen him, but sometimes I really feel him, i get like
prickly and my sense of him is so strong, but I could be imagining it
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
PEOPLE NEED A WILL AND THINGS IN WRITING
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i wouldn't be so scared if it wasn't for my daughter, i can't stand
the thought of being separated from her
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have written him letters
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
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Tue Jul 13 23:34:09 1999
M21 in , =Canada=
Email: <auenege-at-home.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Portrait of Dorian Gray, A Farewell to Arms, Anna Karenina, Dear
Dead Person
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Oscar Wilde, Hemmingway, Tolstoy, Benjamin Weissman
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 70.
--Details:
She died on Valentine's Day. 9:41 am.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The body dies and energy disperses
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Listened to Gorecki.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a friend of mine was hit by a truck.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How demeaning it seemed that a whole lifetime can be grieved with
tears in minutes.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It doesn't need answers.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Seeing my grandmother two days before she died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Listening and writing music.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I had the chance to see her before she died, and I didn't, but I
did hear her breath on the phone.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Whether I was glad her suffering was finished, or even more sad
regarding her death.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
See her when I had the chance to.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The bag her personal belongings were put in - it didn't seem right.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I doubt she'd have enjoyed it - she lived a fairly boring, sad life;
in and out of the hospital constantly, always in discomfort.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried for a couple minutes.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing to me personally.
--Religious Affiliation:
Reincarnation.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Our family had a private memorial - sprinkling her ashes into
the ocean. I was shocked at how "common" ashes looked in the
water. Nothing magical, nothing surreal.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I think I saw her spirit floating above me at night a couple
weeks later.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I woke up to see a blue form floating above me. At first I thought
I was dreaming so I shook myself awake and realized I was fully
awake. The spirit started to recede slowly, but was holding a
hand out to me. Of course, the fact that it could have been my
grandmother didn't occur to me, and I tried to yell out, but I was
so scared I couldn't even open my mouth.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've thought about death for a long time, long before this
happened. I've come to my terms with death, and honestly think (as
far as pre-thought can go) I am not frightened. I have an affinity
with the calm.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
The opposite actually. My mom's friend, a superficial friend, saw
my grandmother die. She'd always "back-stabbed" my grandmother and
then there she was mourning her like she thought she was a nun. Ever
since then I'll have nothing to do with her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It frightened me actually. I have to sleep soon and I don't want
to see any more spirits.
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Tue Jul 13 09:41:47 1999
F14 in minneapolis, mn =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking up death and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 1/2months ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80.
--Details:
she was one of mybest friends and got cancer for the second time,
she went to the hosp. and started radiation but it was hard on her
so they put her on morphine and she moved in w/my mom and i there
was a family member with her all the time sometimes me im only 14
but it helped my to know i was helping. she got really bad and i
said goodbye then i stayed with a cousin because my mom didnt want
me to see the worst
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone is GONE never returning and all you have left is
memories and faith that they are with you on some other level
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had no idea how to react so that made me even more upset
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... it was an uncle that i had just grown close
to. he died at home and was found by his best friend i was 5 and
my mom answered the phone and started sobbing
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling very close to my family
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
dont hide anything! dont hide your feelings and tell kids the TRUTH
completely it may seem harde but in the end its best to know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my gramma kept saying she was in gods hands know which makes my
faith stronger
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family, books and other people that told me that the weird feelings
like numbness guilt and anger were normal
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
seeing my family especially men so upset which is another reason
guys shouldnt feel like crying is weak because it just makes death
harderle
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know their feelings have been expressed and you know how
they feel about you
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt feel aaaanything for the first few days i would sob and
sob but i didnt really feeel anything till after the funeral
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was healthy not to shut out my other emotions and just feel
sadness all through the proccess my family was laughing because
gramma had the best sense of humor and would always make a joke at
the most serious times
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk more to my gramma about her past and get to know her as a
woman more than just my grammma
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the closed the casket i fell apart it was the end
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
have one more hug
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hospice is one of the greatest things ever
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were absolutley wonderful and helped us understand all the
weird things and they still write and send books and offer to listen
and talk
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
gramma wasnt completley gone forever
--Religious Affiliation:
disciples of christ first christian
--Regarding MONEY:
we couldnt decide how to spend her memorial
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
b
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
burst of energy loss of appetite disorientation
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
first numbness then complete depression then alitte anger or guilt
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she kept repeating that she was in gods hand now
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i had a LOT of dreams and she was there once it was at the funeral
home and she got out and hugged me
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i took out all her pictures with me and remembered something she
had said to me at that time
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
it was explained completely by my mom she told me everything i
wanted to know
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it helped alot to put things in perspective
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Sun Jul 11 13:16:52 1999
F26 in , NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 42.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the separating of our spirits from our bodies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little sad, but knew I would see them again one day in Heaven.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandfather had heart attck.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being angry that she died.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is only temporary if you have faith in Jesus Christ.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
her suffering was finished.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the Bible and prayer.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I thought she would be healed, but she wasn't.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Visit some, but also send cards or other stuff in the mail to
let them know you're thinking of them. Visits can be awkward and
tiresome sometimes...be sensitive.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
had to learn to trust God even when His decisions did not agree
with mine.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I found out that she had really died.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
N/A
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
visit her sooner instead of being afraid to face her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pray with her and read Scripture with her, even though it was
awkward.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
N/A
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
N/A
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I try to figure out why I thought she would be healed instead of
accepting her condition.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
never thought about that
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
N/A
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
understand why I misunderstood what I thought God was saying
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
read my Bible and asked God lots of questions.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
whatever
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
not involved with this
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
loving support. However, our relationship with Jesus gave us hope
and a future.
--Religious Affiliation:
I belong to Jesus Christ.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
we all miss our loved ones.
--Regarding MONEY:
N/A
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I was there only for the second half because someone told me it
was going to be at the funeral home, but it was actually at the
church. (I think God did this on purpose because I really was
thinking about walking up to the casket and telling her to "get up
in the name of Jesus.")
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not about the death at all, but about my communication with God
and trusting what He sasys to me.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depends on th illness.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
there were none that I know of.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
When I was almost two years old, I fell out of an upstairs window. I
don't remember it, but my parents tell me I said I saw angels. They
were surprised, because they didn't know that I knew what an angel
was. By the way, I only needed a few stitches; I was picking myself
up off the ground when my mother reached me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
All my unresolved issues are with God. I will keep reading the
Bible and praying until I get some insight.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Was there any kind of healing at all? Spiritual, Emotional whatever?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream about my grandfather. I was sitting in a church and
he came up beside me and told me a story. I never could remember the
story after I woke up, but I did remember the point he was trying to
make: Did I love Jesus more than anything else? More than myself and
what I wanted? More than I loved what other people thought about me?
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I should make sure my wishes regarding living wills, power of
attorney, guardians of children, etc are clearly known and legally
binding.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think about it often. I sometimes think it would be much easier
to die than to get up and face living another day.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just sharing good memories about the deceased, and knowing that if
they knew Jesus then they are in a better place.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Look for the positive in everthing.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
nope. I tend to avoid my friend's family members.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
close family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
N/A
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This was interesting, but not much I haven't thought of before.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
What do you think will happen after you die?
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Sat Jul 10 16:59:16 1999
M17 in healesville, victoria =australia=
Name: Nick
Email: <wuadruped-at-xoommail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: High school
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 15 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 2.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When the body ceases to function. It is completely unknown whether
or not there is some higher 'consciousness' that goes on being
aware after death, although many believe so.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was much too young to really understand the circumstance. Children,
in their innocence, are not afraid of, or frightened by death.
A lesson?....
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...one of my young friends drowned in a swimming
pool
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a natural part of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I think it may have brought some of our parents closer together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My youth
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing a friend
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
get them out of the bloody pool
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was too damn young to remember it
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my friend was no longer there
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was a baby for god's sake
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
...
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
...
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
.........
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
good question. Would I still be friends with this girl 15 yrs down
the track? Would we be living near each other? Would it matter?
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That I never got to know my friend as a more grown-up person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
...
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
can't remember
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
...
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
..
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
...
--Religious Affiliation:
I am at a stand-off with religion. I don't annoy it, and it doesn't
annoy me
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
quite true. Of course everyone dies.
--Regarding MONEY:
...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
...
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The flailing arms and legs and the look of panic on the face.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It helped to have no idea what was going on
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I think her mother had some visions of her at one point
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
...
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
...
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
remember me?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
...
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
...
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yeah, it sucks. Oh well, at least i'm secure in the knowledge that
I can swim
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
...
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
...
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I was so oyung that I didn't fully understand what had happened
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
as I said......
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Sat Jul 10 11:37:18 1999
F18 in Caswell Beach, NC =US=
Name: Jenne
Email: <AngelDust-at-starplace.com>
Web: http://zap.to/nomoreshame
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Engineering
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 months ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 20ish.
--Details:
He had been depressed for a very long time and finally went through
with suicide. I've always felt it was my fault for not being there
when he needed me.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when life ceases to exist and a person sleeps forever.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried because i couldn't understand
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died from a heartattack. I
was too young to go to the funeral but I remember him well.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
feeling it was my fault and others saying it wasnt
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's inevitable and brings an end to pain
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing :/
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my psychologist, explaining how it wasn't my fault
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt and knowing we could never talk again
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him i was there to listen at any time...and just maybe, maybe
give him some hope to live
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get a chance to know him
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
someone else i know is on the verge of committing suicide. i feel
a strong urge to prevent it since i couldnt the last time.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might not have the realization that someone close to me could
possibly commit suicide. I wouldnt be able to value friends as i
do now.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it should have been me, not him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried uncontrollably and searched for all the old letters i had
gotten from him to read
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The medical community is so underdeveloped in areas of psychology,
they are useless! If the doctors were more observant, rather
than caring only when they get paid, they could have noticed he
was suicidal!
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian (methodist)...none now
--Regarding MONEY:
it was no issue
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
people who didn't know him saying the hoped he was in a better
place and that they'll miss him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I came close to getting killed in a car accident where my car
flipped. I don't know if it really changed my point of view...i've
never valued life much.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
there are no way to resolve the issues
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That his death was the only option he had and he felt no more pain
from life.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
finally
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Self-injury. It would punish me for not preventing his death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
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Thu Jul 8 08:34:03 1999
F32 in Mission, KS =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Writer/Graphic Designer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1.5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 55.
--Details:
My mother smoked from the age of sixteen until she discovered
she had advanced lung cancer. She had been a very active,
strong-willed person, and our family watched her decline through
radiation and chemotherapy for several years until she was just a
shell of her former self, with no ability to communicate. My sister
and I recognized the mercy of her eventual death, but my mother's
boyfriend could not handle what was happening. We were lucky to have
my mother's minister from church to help us handle that situation.
Even today, the older members of the family (my mother's parents and
siblings) seem to have a much more difficult time getting over their
grief. My sister and I, although we loved our mother, recognized
that her death stemmed partly from choices our mother consciously
made, and was eventually kinder than her continued suffering.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of the animation of the body. It is when the force that
gives us awareness and our "self" leaves the body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad, because I knew I would miss her.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great aunt, with whom I was close (despite
living a distance away) died of a heart attack. She clearly knew
she was going to die, because she sorted all her personal belongings
into categories, and marked them with the names of the relatives
she wanted to have them. However, she did not TELL anyone of her
suspicions about her health.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the clinical and dehumanizing way the hospital hangs on to people
who will never get better. It caused me to re-think many of my
feelings on medical treatment for any terminal illness I may develop.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it's going to happen to everyone sooner or later, and resisting
won't change that.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the way some people - and not necessarily the people you might
expect - offer their aid and comfort.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother's church pastor. She came to the hospital to counsel
the family on numerous occasions, without a word of complaint.
She even came in the middle of the night when my mother died.
Although I am not the most outwardly religious person in the world,
my set of beliefs related to death were quite close to hers, and
it made me feel better in expressing my views to others.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of the person's company. Even today, I will see something
on television or read something that I know my mother would have
enjoyed, and for a split I consider calling her, until I remember
that isn't possible.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure you get a chance to tell the person how you feel about
them. But don't make the vigil the focus of YOUR life until the
person dies. It's important to remember that YOUR life will go on.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
came to terms with my own mortality and my feelings about terminal
illness.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was still alive, but could no longer communicate and did
not appear to recognize anyone. It was incredibly painful to see
her wired up to machines, completely stripped of her humanity and
dignity, yet still alive. Shortly before that point, she had made
repeated requests to be allowed to return home to die, but her
doctors and the hospital would not let her.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my sister and I both tried very hard to maintain our usual
personalities throughout the ordeal. Just because we were grieving,
did not mean we couldn't laugh at the things that we would always
laugh at.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
try to be a little more understanding of the people around me who
had difficulty accepting the death.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong enough to handle the day-to-day arrangements that followed
my mother's death. I realize now that I was repressing a lot of
feelings, but at the time it helped me to cope.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If I hadn't had to deal with my mother's death, I would probably
have changed careers before now - and probably with a great deal
of help and support from her. She would also be helpful in giving
me advice about family and relationship issues.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
unhappiness. Doctors are so involved in trying to "beat death" that
I think they often prolong life at the expense of quality of life.
I think that doctors need to be more realistic and give families
less false hope when a terminal illness is involved.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
My sister and I did not understand hospice care, and were not able
to arrange it for my mother.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
emotional support for my entire family and help in making important
decisions about my mother's care.
--Religious Affiliation:
non-denominational Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
reasonable. There is such a huge difference between the spark of
life and it's absence in the body. It does not seem inconceivable
that whatever energy comprises the Spirit, it may continue to exist
outside the body.
--Regarding MONEY:
we were lucky that our mother had pre-paid for her funeral
arrangements. My sister and I got just enough life insurance money
to pay off the two mortgages on our mother's house. It took us
another year to sell the property (for less than it was worth),
which was costly as well. We were lucky to come out ahead in the
long run, but it could have been worse.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
n/a
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
being asked if I wanted to see my mother after her death (in the
hospital). Neither I nor my sister chose to do so. From the months
of medical treatments, my mother's appearance had already changed
radically and I could hardly remember what she looked like before.
I didn't want my last image of her to be the image of her in death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
No appetite; latching on to purely physical needs (my mother
talked about nothing but coffee and cigarettes eventually); a
"slowing down" of any remaining voluntary movement.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
much of the grieving took place before the actual death, so that
there was almost a feeling of relief at the end.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
My relationship with my mother was not always a smooth one, but
time is helping me let go of many of the unresolved issues. I no
longer feel anger and other mixed feelings toward my mother and I
understand that I have outgrown the "need" for a mother figure in
her specific capacity.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had dreams since my mother's death in which she appears, but I
do not see it as a "visitation". In most of the dreams I remember,
I was very angry at her - which I see as a part of my subconscious
coping with my relationship to her and my handling of her death.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My mother had a living will and other health care instructions,
but although my sister took over the decision-making, we both
perceived that other mother could still make some of her own
decisions throughout much of the time. I think I would want to make
a specific list of determinations for my own decision-making ability
to make it easier for someone to know whether to go ahead with what
I set forth in advance, or listen to what I was saying later.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Since my mother's death, I have been through the (very similar)
death process of my mother-in-law. I have very strong feelings
about minimizing the influence of hospitals and doctors in the
last stages of life. I truly do not fear death, but I fear the
"living death" of life support.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
When we finally cleaned out my mother's house and I gathered up
all the family photographs, I felt better after seeing old photos
of my mother. It reminded me of the closeness of the family ties,
and it gave me other images of her besides those I remembered from
the hospital.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
To me, the inevitability of death makes it something that would be
foolish to fear or resist. Everyone dies eventually.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
Because many people have a hard time letting go when someone is
dying, they may feel that a reasoned and realistic approach to an
imminent death is "cold" and "uncaring."
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this questionnaire was very therapeutic for me. I have had
all of these thoughts before, but I have never sat and written them
all down.
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Thu Jul 8 07:23:33 1999
Anonymous Guest
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo search engine
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
left behind
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
I dont remember
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: accident on a motorbike; Aged: 17.
--Details:
I cant think of any more
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of life on earth, and the begginning of eternal life in
heaven or hell
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldnt deal with it at all. Icried and cried for weeks, and I
still miss him and have flashbacks now.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was on the back of my boyfriend's
motorbike, and we skidded into some mud and he lost control o fht
ebike. He yelled at me to jump off, which I refused to do. He pushed
me to sefety, but he carried on down the hill with the bike. The
bike drove over the cliff with my boyfriend still on it, nd he died
on impact with the rocks.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
his cry as he died.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
the fact that death isn't the end. Its merely the end of life on
earth. If we repent, we stillhave eternal life inheaven to look
forward to.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the fact that Iknow I will see him again in heaven.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the church and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with not being able to see him or speak to him any more.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
my experience doesnt include this really
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
you need to understand that death doesn't have to be the end,
as long as you live your life with God. By th time you die its too
late, so get yourself and your friends etc. sorted out NOW
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to understand why it had happened in my life
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughing is just such an emotional release, at the end of the day,
you've just got to let go of all the hurt you feel, and get on eith
the rest of your life. Laugh and get it out of your system.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye - but I know I'll see him again one day.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pray and talk to God
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he was buried. It seems so final, somehow. The 'ashes to ashes'
ceremony really hit me hard.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
seeing him dead
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see other couples together
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I actusally think that his death has brought us closer toghether. Ifd
he was still here I know we'd get married when I'm 17
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I loved him so much and it took me so long to find him. I couldn't
believe I'd lost him.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him and give hima hug.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
knew I couldn't live life alone without my boyfriend, so I looked
to God for help
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were very sensitive and caring
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I could get to grips with his death, and find peace thropugh /God
--Religious Affiliation:
Chrisitan
--Regarding MONEY:
he gave me everything - I just wanted him so I sold most of the stuff
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the burial
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how his skin felt - it wasnt warm as I remembered it
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I know that he went to heaven - we always talked about God together -
he is home now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
prayer
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
remembering the cry he gave as he fell
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Wed Jul 7 23:31:42 1999
F29 in , NY =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I searched under death and dying on yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 days ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 90.
--Details:
She was in a nursing home, for about 5 weeks before she had a heart
attack and died a week later. She was able to take care of herself
quite well before this.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The most painful non-physical pain there is. In fact, losing
someone you love IS physically painful. My head and my eyes hurt
from crying, my stomach hurts from not being able to eat, My body
aches from poor sleep.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset and cried very hard. I felt many regrets because
I had not seen this person for a substantial amount of time before
her death.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a neighbor whom I was very close to died.
She was like a grandmother to me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of loss and regret.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
You need to be able to express your grief freely and however you
choose( as long as you don't hurt yourself or others)
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I was able to see my grandmother and spend quality time with her
before she died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Lighting white candles and displaying pictures of my grandmother
in the house.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The pain of knowing that I would not ever see my grandmother again
in this life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my grandmother more often. She lived 3000 miles away in England,
and I only saw her twice in the last ten years before her death.
I also wish that I had saved her letters, cards, even a tape I made
of her telling family stories. I threw out so many things after
my last move, I now only have her pictures and a few possessions
of hers.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
In that dimension, I would live much closer to my grandmother, and
I would have been able to take care of her in her last years of life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I didn't have enough time to spend with her! I am angry for at my
family for moving to the USA, I could have had more of a relationship
with her!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time, be able to have gone to England every year for the
last ten years.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt I would nver stop crying.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude. After her heart attack, they did not torture her with
many tests, they just let her rest comfortably and realized that
this 90 year old woman was ready to go.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I don't have church ties, my spirituality is very personal.
--Regarding MONEY:
It was the lack of money that prevented me from being able to visit
my grandmother more before her death.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I fell very resolved with her
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd like to hear that she was ok, that she was happy and reunited
with my grandad( if that is what she wanted) I would tell her
that I wish that we could have had more time together in this life.
I would also tell her that I loved her most of all my family members.
I would ask her to be my spiritual guide.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I welcome this and wish that my grandmother will come and visit me
in any way she can.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Buying her flowers that I kept in a vase next to a recent picture
of her, with a white candle lit for her, and an offering left
for her. In my case the offering was a piece of cake, because she
loved sweets.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
Family members should be aware that you can have strong feelings
for non-family members
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is helpful to write these feelings down, because I am feeling
so helpless right now.
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Tue Jul 6 00:26:05 1999
F21 in Bryan, Texas =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a perminant cessation of all vital functions; the end of life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and prayed and tried to somehow believe that she could still
hear me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My great-grandmother lived with us for two
years. One summer while I was visiting my father and his family
in S.C. I receieved a call saying that she had passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
trying to put into reality the fact that Grandmother ceases to exist.
I tried to cope with the possibilty that I may never see her again
and tried to imagine a way I could survive without her. The family
pretty much lost it's closeness and alot of hidden secrets came
out of people's personalities (due to the will).
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is far too easy to put death on the back shelf by believing in
a myth that by all accounts of logic is ridiculous. Then again,
what is the point of worrying about death every moment of your life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
there is nothing I know that makes death beneficial.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Decartes' theory of "I think therefore I am"... giving me hope that
those I love and myself will not simply disapear into nothingness
once our bodies give out.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fear that haunts me in the middle of the night, when it is just
quiet enough that I can hear my heartbeat and know that if one night
it just stops... that's the end. And then I too will know what's on
'the other side'.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I have no idea. I couldn't offer hope, since I have every fear
in the world of death and cannot offer any solace for myself.
I couldn't lie. The only thing I could say is that reguardless
of what happens they would be embarking on a great new adventure.
And they are not alone... because everybody goes through this.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realize not to take people for granted and not to waste life on
the ridiculous things that society deams important. This is our
one shot at it all.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
why... where then... how... what does it feel like... Hell,
I don't know. It's all confusing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened...
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to my father as an adult. Consult with him on all aspects
of life. Really get to know him. Show my Grandmother how wonderful
we all know she was. Show her how greatful I am for all she taught
and did for me. Hug her and never let go so that she would've left
me knowing how much I adore her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
pull out all of grandmother's pictures and talk about her youth
and her friends and family. Talk about how things were back in the
day and actually come to the realization that my Grandmother, too,
was a person... and independent of our family once upon a time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
...
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
a whole bunch of people getting together to express their sympothy
to me for my Dad and Grandmother when I barely know them.. have no
idea what their relationship to Grandmother or Dad was, and really
don't give a shit at the moment. It's not like it could make me
feel better or bring them back or let me know that they're ok.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about the good times... I begin thinking that there will
be no more good times and that just kills me. Or when I think
of something interesting that I would ask or say to only my Dad
or Grandmother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would've stayed in Colorado and in college there, driving
the porche that my step-mother took away, helping Dad with the
camera stores, getting to know him better... And still relying
on Grandmother for my main source of love. I would be alot more
inoscent to the world knowing that I still had her to take care
of me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Why do we have to lose people we love? Why do these terrible things
happen to good people? (The usual.)
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know all the answers.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried. I cried until I couldn't see or feel or breath. I cried
until I could deny and forget.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they, like Socrates and myself, "know nothing".
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
The people from hospice were wonderful (with my Grandmother).
On the whole they were all very caring, compationate ladies.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
To me: jack shit... but to my family it is their hope and answer that
helps them sleep a little better at night.
--Religious Affiliation:
current: I'm of the 'I don't know anything for sure and won't delude
myself into fantsies' religion. past: Christian, any denomination
(Methodist, Baptist, Episcopalian, Assembly of God... whatever)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like an interesting theory.
--Regarding MONEY:
Turned out my Aunt was a money grubber... thankfully Grandmother's
will left everything to Grandad. My Step-Mother remains just plain
weird... Dad left no will, but she gave me his cameras and then
took them back. And left me no pictures. All I have are memories
and I think that's all I need.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
With Dad's, his family is loaded with insensitive redneck assholes
who actually video taped the open casket funeral and later, at a
reunion I was forced to attend, played the tape while I was watching
the home movies. Sick. I wasn't there for Grandmother's funeral.
I was on a plane at the time (coming home).
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
...
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Dad died of a heart attack... he had had one 2 years before.
I wasn't instate when he passed on but my step-mother said he was
wheezing quite a bit and was having problems with fluid in his
lungs the few weeks prior.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial.... deal with it later, alone
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none that I know of
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nothing
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
God... too many to deal with. I feel guilty about the little
things that you think about when you go through a list of unresolved
issues in your head... I just hope that they know what my deeper
intensions towards them were.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
...
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I wish... but no.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Mom gets all my things... or my kids (if I ever have any)... I want
to be cremated and scattered all over the world... but I also want
a tombstone that stands up and is beautiful. And I want everyone
in my life to know exactly how i felt about them (on the whole).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am scared to death!!! My way of dealing is treating each day as my
last and trying to accomplish goals that I have always dreamed of...
never settling for second best and always after a new adventure.
All I hope is to die quickly, painlessly, and not in some strange
embarassing situation.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
there is no closure for me... just acceptance of what has happened
and the grief that follows
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
none
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
These days it is more of a conscious denial until I can later deal
with it alone... and for the rest of my life.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I reached out to my Mom... but I wished that Grandad reached out
to me... or that I could've reached out to him.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was terribly long, but very therough(sp?). I would be lying if
I said i didn't cry during the questionnaire. It helped me verbaly
understand my thoughts on the subject.
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Mon Jul 5 21:56:36 1999
F40 in Lisa, Illinois =USA=
Email: <ljb_owling>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I did a web search on death and dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 1/2 weeks ago.
Cause of Death: an automobie accident. ; Aged: 21.
--Details:
Jeremy was on his way home from work when he crossed the center
line. He hit another vehicle head on and was not wearing his seat
belt. He died from internal injuries. Before this, he always wore
the seatbelt.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our soul leaves our body. Death is so final....the word I
associate most with death is "never". I'll never speak to him
again,never hold his hand, never see him smile. He'll never
experience the things that life has to offer, because his life
is over.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was more curious about it than anything else because I was so young,
and I didn't know her very well. The death that had the most impact
on my life was my fathers in 1988. I felt like finding an empty
field and just screaming until I lost my voice. The Biblical term
"gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair" came to mind. I just thought
if I did that, I would get it all out.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother was very ill and passed away. I
didn't know her well, and went to the funeral. My parents let me
decide. I was in the 4th grade.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that I didn't get to say goodbye. Since I lived in a different town,
and had an unlisted number, his family couldn't have contacted me if
they had tried. I don't know if they did, because I haven't talked
with them. There was a huge age difference so I never met them. We
hadn't been seeing each other that long and I wasn't ready to meet
them. I found out about his death when I called his house to talk
to him, and his sister answered the phone. This was a few days
after his funeral.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the impact these two people had on my life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to tell him (both father and boyfriend) exactly how
I felt about him. My father knew this...I always told him that I
loved him, but I hadn't been dating Jeremy for very long. I never
got to tell him how much I enjoyed being with him. How I loved his
smile and the twinkle in his eye.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
kiss him one last time...look at him and tell him exactly how I felt.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I visit the cemetary. I'm depressed for 3 or 4 days afterward. That
is when I remember my father passing away. The other times I remember
his life and how he lived.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I have no idea because it was a fairly new relationship. That's
why I think I'm so upset, because of all the "what might have beens."
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
there are so many other people around who this should have happened
to instead.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
scream and cry until I can't any longer.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldn't eat...sleep was difficult, when my father died, I lost my
voice and I hadn't even made it to the empty field to scream and
cry like I wanted to. It was kind of like stress laryngitis.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
we never discussed it. There was plenty of time for that later...or
so I thought.
--Religious Affiliation:
Pentecostal
--Regarding MONEY:
we were fortunate when my father died. Insurance took care of
more than everything. My boyfriend didn't have much insurance,
so it has become a burden on his family, I think. I wish I could
pay for everything, but I'm not in a position to do that.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Since I wasn't aware of the funeral, I didn't get to say goodbye. I
plan on going to the cemetary to say my goodbyes. But..I can't
bring myself to do it yet.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell him that I cared for him, that I wanted to be with him
for a very long time. That I enjoyed his company, I loved his smile
and mannerisms...that he made me feel very happy inside knowing him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Now I feel like every time I get into a car, Jeremy is there telling
me to buckle my seatbelt. I never wore mine just to run a couple of
blocks, but it as tho he is nagging me to do it. Also, I received
a phone call, within an hour of finding out about his death. Nobody
ever spoke, but I could hear sounds from the background, and it
sounded like his family. I even heard a woman talking to a man
named Tom. His father's name was Tom. At first I thought it was a
prank call, and then I felt real strange...like I knew it was him
on the other end.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think I'd want to know.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
Viewing the body helped with my grandmothers death, I think, but as
I said, I didn't really know her that well. It's the deaths that
have occured in my adult life that have had more of an emotional
impact on me.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think I'll be thinking about this questionaire for quite
awhile. It's still too soon after his death, and I'm still getting
through it. It's tough, but I know he'd want me to keep on living.
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Mon Jul 5 20:15:45 1999
F20 in west point, ga =usa=
Email: <prellie-at-yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
i was looking to participate in surveys.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 21.
--Details:
It was very unexpected, he was a wonderful guy who wouldn't hurt
anyone. He had alot of friends. Mostly he had his future full of
love left. He and I had even talked about marriage.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a loss of the future. It's as if someone has redirected your future
because it would not include that person anymore. More than the
memories are lossed, you lose future memories with that person. You
lose something you will never find again. That relationship is
irreplacable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young but i understood that i would never see my great
grandfather again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great grandfather died of heart failure.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I never wanted to meet anyone like him again, though he was terrific,
I didn't want to face the fact that someone may try to replace him
or ever compare to him. No one he knew was unhappy about his death,
they were in fact proud that he was home, they were just unhappy
about their loss.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
as much as it hurts to remember a loved one who has passed, they
will live on in your memories.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it really touches people and makes them realize when they do bad
things, though they plan on repenting they may not have the time,
and for a while you live as today is your last day on earth and do
good by people.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my best friend, however i missed timmy so much i became a burden
and very depressing to be around and eventually lost all my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i would never touch him or even just pick up the phone and
hear his voice on the other end.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remind them of the wonderful memories they will carry with them and
what a wonderful life they've led and this would make them feel a
little more at ease, just knowing that their time here will never
go unrecognized.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned that love is the greatest gift and just knowing that he
loved me here on earth and was happy until his death I knew I had
made a difference in his life. If GOD gave me the chance to go back
knowing what i know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the funeral was over and i had no one's shoulder to cry on and
wanted to call him more than anything.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
everyone would sit outside and tell there memories of timmy and just
laugh and cry and sometimes no one would say a thing but someone
would think of something and start laughing and everyone else just
seemed to catch it and laugh along.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him once last time, our last goodbye kiss was 2 days before
he died and i was laying in bed and he just pecked my lips, if i
had known i would never see him again i would have let him know how
much i loved him before he left. i wrote him a letter that night and
mailed it the next morning, it got there the day after he died. i
probably would have mailed it a day earlier so he would know exactly
how i felt. it was six pages describing my happiness with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for his brothers and have them there for me, also being
there in his bed from the night after he died all the way up to
2 days after his funeral. i was glad i didn't have to go home,
i almost felt that he was lying next to me everynight when i slept
there, i would've hated to be alone in my bed.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i stood at the stove telling timmy's brother that i loved timmy
more than anything and he looked at me and said " i know you did".
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
crying, we would just talk about our memories with timmy.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i start dating someone new, i almost feel guilty. i just lie in
bed some nights and think about what my life would be like with
him here and cry at the loss of a life lived full of love with him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
completely happy, we had a way of always agreeing, never arguing
and i know that i would be ecstatically happy if he were here today.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he missed out on a great future.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see his face and touch him and tell him i love him one more time. i
just want to hear him telling me we will love again someday.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
somehow, i already knew, i jumped out of bed at 7:45 am which
was the time the wreck happened and began to look for him. when i
finally talked with his mom and she wouldn't tell me why she wanted
me there i just began to cry and beg her not to tell me timmy was
dead, she just said "timmy is dead" and it hit me full force. i
had known all day but hearing it was a wakeup call.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
he was pronounced d.o.a. so i wouldn't know any one thing, except
that they had passed a fireman friend earlier and when he came over
the hill he saw it happen and stopped without a second thought and
went over to help him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying alone, having time to cope without people cramming a bunch
of cliches down our throats.
--Religious Affiliation:
i meet with GOD alone every night.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that we will see our loved ones again someday.
--Regarding MONEY:
the families sued the truck driver and the company he drove for and
got a settlement they could live off of for the rest of their lives.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the loss that everyone felt, loss of someone who did make a
difference in our lives but could have made a huge difference in
others' lives.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the night he died i stayed at my best friend's house and couldn't
get to sleep because i was crying so much, when i finally shut my
eyes i felt him wrap his arms around me and looked up and expected
to see him but saw no one there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the friday night before he died his mom and brother took him out
and he felt the need to tell his mom something terrible his cousin
had said to him which was something he would never have worried
about if he hadn't known someone that it was his last chance.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was grief and happiness in a mix, i was happy he was finally home,
but i grieved the loss of our future together.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i wasn't aware because it was so sudden however i had a dream
ten days before he died that his mom said meant a death was about
to occur.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i feel that we understood each other very much and have nothing i
might have resolved with him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would like for him to tell me that no matter what happens in my
life we would be rejoined one day.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
One night i had a dream, in this dream i got out of bed and went
into the bathroom of my new apartment he had never seen and he
was standing there, nude, i just went to him and hugged him and he
looked at me and said "i love you", to this day i don't know how
i feel about this dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i would like a simple funeral, just me and my friends and family
sitting in a room, them talking about their memories and laughing.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i want to find someone who makes me happy before i die, someone to
live my life with.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i still think i haven't achieved closure because it was a closed
coffin.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i still talk to him at night sometimes.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Timmy's best friend and i spent the entire time before, during, and
after the funeral together talking about him. We somehow still
feel that air of reassurance when we are together because each of
us know how much timmy loved the other and could tell each other
in no certain terms that timmy loved us.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out to his brothers as much as i could when their
girlfriends were helping other people.that was therapy in itself.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it made me realize that i should've listened to myself more and
taken my own advice.
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Mon Jul 5 14:43:33 1999
F40 in Missoula, Montana =USA=
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just checked on death and dying
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Prof/Studies: Counselor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: asthma; Aged: 68.
--Details:
she got sick from asthma - body couldn't fight any more
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
spirit leaving the body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was afraid
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I heard some bad news about myself
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
fear of my grandmother going somewhere where I would never see her
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we go into the next world
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my grandmother was relieved of the pain
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact about life
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Be there with everything you've got
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
cried and rejoiced for the life I shared with her
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
were getting ready to bury her
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
the laugh was of good memories with her
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Talk to her before she died - to tell her how much i loved her
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
See her before she was buried
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked at her still face - so beautiful
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where she rested
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Iam in deep thoughts about my own life
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would ask her a whole lot about her childhood
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That my grandmother should be locked up in a box with no windows
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Go back in time, those times we used to chat..I should have asked
her so many questions
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Thanked God for letting me be a part of her life
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A great deal
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
just right
--Regarding MONEY:
family members were willing to help in any way possible
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Seeing my grandfather held by my dad and uncle, looking very lost
and solemn
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
thinking how my grandfather was going to make it
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the eyes
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Acceptance was a little hard to come by, but eventually it did
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have had visitations from both my grandparents, my father and my
uncle from the beyond
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Seeing my relatives who have passed on in my dreams makes death an
easier process, I know they will welcome me someday
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
No issues with my grandmother....I just wish i had more time to
talk with her about her childhood
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
grandmother, i love you...You were the perfect human being i ever
came across on this planet..I wish I knew you some more
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother came back with a young face, shiny, with very white
hair My father and uncle came back all dressed up in shiny outfits,
and looking very young My grandfather came with a sad face, but
could be read
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Always to tell the people i care about that i love them, especially
my daughter
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I was brought up in a culture where death and life are
inseparable.....It is the feeling of rest whic comes with a lot of
peace, that's what i believe
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Praying Candle lighting Quiet moments of reflection on the
shared moments
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Look at life as a cycle and remember to be the best i can be by
reflection...and living in the moment
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My family ties became stronger
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
talked about it with other people
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Just being there when I wanted to talk or needed to be held
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me go back to a great moment in my life...a moment that I
believe I should go back to a whole lot...it was the most special
moment of my life
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Questions were good
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Mon Jul 5 02:02:58 1999
F16 in La Marque, Texas =USA=
Name: Chantel Bottoms
Email: <jdsher-at-airmail.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
interested in pyschological experiments
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 56.
--Details:
He had actually beaten the cancer but his treatments caused his
throat to swell up so much that he couldn't breath. An ambulance was
called but they got lost on the way to our house. When they arrived,
they provided virtually no help.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when somebody goes to sleep and is NEVER able to wake up.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was ignorant to the whole experience.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My great grandma who was 96 passed away when
I was 5. I wasn't too upset. I never knew her very well because
she only spoke spanish and I only speak english.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how he was the only person in my family who liked me the best. My
grandma has been lonely and protective of his old possessions
ever since.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it's not something to be taken lightly. Our culture has gotten
to where it portrays death in a comedic fashion or uses it for
other entertainment purposes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that now my grandpa won't have to suffer. I'm also grateful that he
didn't have to see some of the terrible things that have happened
since his death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being alone. I found the most comfort being alone in my room
mourning privately.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
When that person died I didn't have a very good attitude towards
anything, but now I'm different. It kills me that my grandpa didn't
get to see me as I am now, a better person.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hug them. A hug never hurt anybody and it usually has a positive
effect.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandpa actually died. I refused to believe it. I thought people
were just telling me that as a sick joke.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to hug my grandpa the last time I saw him. Less realistically I
wish that he could see how I've now changed for the better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself from becoming excessively depressed. I usually become
depressed when a traumatic situation occurs.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
everyone that came to the funeral, no matter how poor, bought us
food, plants, and flowers.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at my grandpa's picture. I remember how much I miss him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wish those things were true. My grandpa was the only person that
really appreciated me and I would have wanted him to see how I've
really worked to become a better person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back. Just so he could see how things are now.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
locked myself in my room, lit candles, and cried. I didn't want to
be near anybody.
--Regarding MONEY:
by chance we happened to find a veterans graveyard that would
provide a suitable service for a reasonable price.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The family members closest to my grandpa failed to show up while
the people who knew him less were present.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how you know the person died but no matter what you just can't get
it through your head that that person is really gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of appetite, irritable, exhausted, weight loss
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I always had a good relationship with him but if he was around now,
it would have been an even better relationship. Only I can get
myself at peace with that.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would want to tell him I loved him and though I didn't do anything
wrong I would want to apologize for not being as thoughtful or
as thankful as I should have been. Even if I could talk to him,
it wouldn't fix anything.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die. Even though I feel depressed and miserable
everyday, I feel like I would be leaving too much behind.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I light my candles and tlk to the picture of my grandpa like I
would if I was actually having a conversation with him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It brought up a lot of painful memories that I'm not sure I should
deal with right now.
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Sun Jul 4 18:30:29 1999
F55 in marion, north carolina =usa=
Email: <tonyy-at-wnclink.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Looked interesting
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Prof/Studies: Educator
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Way We Die
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 63.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like going to sleep forever. Every one dies. I suppose to make
room for others. I have no idea what happens after death.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I can't recall how I felt
--That first time, how it happened was
Grandmother. She was old and sick
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I felt closer to relatives more than usual
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That no one knowes what death "really" means.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I think my aunt was at peace. She wasn't afraid.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Memories of my aunt as a wild young girl, who broke free of from
a judgemental family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
She was my favoriate aunt, but I was still not so close to her,
so that the experience I felt was one of sadness.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Does one feel sad at the death of someone who has suffered great
pain,...Does one feel glad that it is over for her???
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is a form of release. It is healing.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Visited more. Talked about things I wanted to know about her,
her family, her sister(my mother).
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A time for family to laugh together about things that had happened
while they were young.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The ceremony, the flowers, where to have the services since my aunt
didn't attend church.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
At family gratherings, I still miss her
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Now, are we talking "heaven" or what?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Oh yes, I have had " death thoughts" how peaceful that might be.
Death by my own hand is always an option for me. In fact,it is a
comforting thought.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Distrust
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice was a help
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Organized religion is not a part of my life.
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe in a Higher Power of some kind. I am still looking......
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Good
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was no problem
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Too much. Get it over with
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I was not around during the most part of her dying, so I don't know
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Since the death I am refering to was still not some one very close
to me, I did not go through a normal grieving process.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
As far as I know, it didn't happen
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Sorry, no experiences this.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
You were my hero. I wanted to be like you---wild, bleach blonde
hair, smoking , going out with "the guys from the wrong side of
the tracks",having all the family talking about you real low so us
young ones wouldn't hear.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
No visits from the other side.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Hey guys, I'm ready. Please play " For A Dancer" by Jackson Browne.
No funeral, no flowers. And for God sakes, don't keep me alive.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm pretty much ready
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
I felt relieved that she was no longer sick.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes it was a useful experience. Made me think about my own death.
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Sun Jul 4 12:33:52 1999
F18 in Wichita, Ks =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Aerospace Propulsion Apprentice
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 7 years ago.
Cause of Death: an accident; Aged: 41.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someones life has to come to end for no reason. It may be a
horrible death or what the person wanted. When all the pain and
suffering goes away and you go to heaven or hell.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 15 years old. I had just got back from a family trip.
I over heard my mother talking on the phone and she said something.
I kinda figured it out. Then she came to my room and told me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my aunt died in a car accident.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The reaction that all my family had. And how was unable to go to
the funeral to say my last good-byes.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I really don't have any culture or thought on how death should
really be.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I didn't anyone. I needed time to myself to think and be alone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that I never got to say good-bye.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her and tell her that I loved her.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a song that we would listen to or I see the teddy bear.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would be on the beach or riding in the car.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so special could be gone from this earth.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see her and ask her how shes doing what see thinks of my life and
show her how my life is. To make her proud of her little neice
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and held the teddy bear close to me. The teddy bear she
bought me when I was really little.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
to me it ment nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
I don't really beleive in heaven nor hell. I do beleive there is
something out there but I don't know what
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
Just stayed bt myself for a few days.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
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Sun Jul 4 04:07:38 1999
M24 in Indianapolis, IN =USA=
Name: Robert Morgan
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Yahoo's on-line psychological experiments site
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Prof/Studies: salesperson, wanna-be student
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Henry Rollins
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Step-Father, 1 month ago.
Cause of Death: stroke and/or diabetes; Aged: 55.
--Details:
(Step-father) Diabetic since his teens, and a poor history of
maintaining his health; multiple strokes and heart attacks in last
3 years; circulation problems elsewhere leading to open sores and
amputated limbs; complete mental and physical degeneration.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the termination of our body's ability to sustain its standard
biological processes.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
realized how capricious death could be, and how everyone had
different, but extreme, reactions and emotions.
--That first time, how it happened was
A class-mate of mine from Sunday school was accidentally shot and
killed by his cousin in a mock fight over a Twinkie; the victim's
father had a rifle in the house, unbeknownst to either person.
The victim was only an acquaintance (and I don't even remember his
name, now), and the funeral was almost a class project; most of
the Sunday school class attended together.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how it threw into high contrast the differences and similarities
between myself and my relatives.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
(black) humor is not inappropriate, and in fact is a great stress
reliever and coping mechanism. Also, that money spent or not spent
on funeral expenses is not a gauge of how much someone is loved.
Funerals aren't parties, but attendees seem to rate them as if
they were. ("...she chose the rose-wood; I never would have chosen
wood for my husband- and can you believe the spray on the casket?!
That's the budget one!...")
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that death never comes without reason. There is ALWAYS something
underlying death.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my religious beliefs.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the heightened emotional instability of my mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
dying people feel as though they are a pariah; they're not lepers.
Hug them, etc.
--[My StepFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Didn't let emotions cloud my judgement.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the legal/financial paperwork needed to be done.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't think it was stress. I've always found humor in what
many others see as being dark or foreboding; it's a coping method,
and it works wonderfully.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Had a rational talk with my step-father before his strokes cut down
his mental abilities; fences needed mending, bad.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
relate as an adult to my family, instead of being the child in
everyone's way.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt like mementos should have been placed in the casket. If the
whole object of an open-casket funeral is to see someone who's
been made-up to look "life like", then one should place personal
effects in the casket; I also thought the person should be dressed
in their natural clothing. My stepfather should have been buried
in Chicago Cubs gear, clutching a pennant- not wearing a suit.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the grave-side service. Closure was made when the casket was closed,
and we watched the actual burial- but the grave-side service was
unnecessary and repetitive.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realize that people are one step away from being alone.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It really wouldn't be that much different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that so many financial and legal decisions have to be made
spur-of-the-moment, probably at the one time rational thought is
hardest of all...
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Divest myself and my loved ones of any need to do funeral planning.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
worried for my mother's financial and emotional support.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
apathy. Considering my step-father's medical history, there was
pretty much nothing they could do, and compassionate euthanasia
is illegal. They could medicate the pain, but not the suffering.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They must have access to greeat psychiatric help, because the
hospice workers were perpetually nice, and never stressed out-
and I can't imagine what it must be like to work in a situation
where your guests -will die- on you.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
(unorganized- just personally religious); no fear, and a great calm.
I just wished my wife believed the same.
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant Christian, former Baptist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
(to the living) finality. (to the dying) release.
--Regarding MONEY:
It infiltrated every part of the process. We aren't comfortable by
any means; "...if you want to transport the body to the cemetary,
it's $150 one-way." If?! One-way?! There's not much choice
there...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone wants to stake their personal claim on the rights to the
memories of the deceased. There was almost competition as to who
had known him the longest, most personal, etc. It reminded me of
elementary schoolchildren squabbling over who had the best-best
friend.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
happiness that it coincided with a 3-day holiday off of work.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Surrender; as if one's ailments were accepted and subsumed.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I swing from one extreme to the other; I'm either coldly logical,
or broken down and crying heavily. I felt like, though, that I had
to perform some emotions for the "audience" of funeral attendees.
I didn't, and felt guilty, but shouldn't have.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother "sees" him and other dead people in dreams; I doubt this
is paranormal, however.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I still feel bitterness at my step-father for causing my life to
go through upheaval when he went thru a "Prozac-moment" years ago,
and threatened to kill me. I ended up living in my car, and used up
my college savings to re-establish myself. Despite my mother's
constant assertations at the funeral about how he was a great man,
and despite my own sorrow at his passing, I still feel incredible
anger at how his emotional problems didn't affect him adversely,
but I lost almost everything.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd still like an apology from him, not from him through my mother,
for hurting my chances to go to school. I'd like to apologize to
him for ostracizing him for years.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Have a signed notarized will, living will, organ donation papers,
etc. It isn't hard, doesn't take much time, and makes everyone's
lives so much easier- people can't complain about a funeral if
the dead person is the one who asked for it to be a certain way!
(And if they do complain, they don't need to be there.)
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd just like to make sure that all funeral preparations are
taken care of before hand, and I'd like to make sure my wife was
financially secure afterwards. Basically, I'd like people to be
able to open an envelope after my death and find everything they
need to do is already done, and they can kick back and have a fun
wake or something. As far as knowing about my death; I could
stop planning for the future and have fun in the present, if I
knew I were to die. I would like to say about my own death;
"Goodbye... and thanks!"
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I am always compelled to touch the body in the casket; it seems
more final that way.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Working in a pharmacy, I am more aware of people with advanced
signs of diabetes, and try to talk to them about it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
Books, and a lot of philosophy, helped me accept death, and not
accept suicide.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
It's hard for people, even friends and family, to talk to someone
who is attempting to grieve; they just need to listen.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my close friends had come to the service; funerals are really
more for the living, not the dead.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I like being able to, so soon after having gone through this,
explain why I did things the way I did things, to an impartial and
unbiased audience- even if it is just a computer.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Religion- not everyone is in an organized religion. Multiple-choices
on who has died recently; (Step) should be put in front of all
choices. I feel weird referring to my stepfather as father.
[ Ed Note: Added "Step-parent" into the choices... ]
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Sat Jul 3 23:08:09 1999
F23 in Colfax, IA =USA=
Name: Juliet Lee
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Clerical
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More personal info:
I was my grandfathers favorite grandchild and I beleive that was
why I had so much problem dealing with the loss.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
My grandfather was fine and then on Thanksgiving Day in 1995, he
went to the hospital cause he was ill and the doctors found out he
had cancer. They told him he had about six months to live. He died
in June of 1996 after being very sick. He was at home for the last
4 months of his life and my family and I took care of him. We also
received help from Hospice which helped tremendously. I still feel
a little guilty for not being there by his side when he passed.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your body is too old or ill to keep on functionong. You just
cant keep on living in that state so you pass on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried a lot and was very scared that everyone I knew would die and
leave me alone because I did not understand it at that time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my great aunt got cancer and was ill for
quite a while and then died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Knowing grandpa ws better off because he was no longer in the pain
but I really felt if I had just a little more time I would have
been a little better at accepting it.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Im not real sure.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Before my grandpa died he expressed how much he loved me and he
told me to live my life to the fullest and he let me know things
I had never even gave thought of before.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My inlaws, they didnt even really know my grandfather and they came
to the funeral to support me and to help me cope with the death. It
helped a whole lot because all the people who were really close to
me like my mother were doing their own greiving and didnt have the
time to help me in the ways I needed.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Letting him go. I had a hard time beleiveing he was really gone. I
drove myself crazy thinking of all the things I should have done
differently while he was still alive and the things I should
have said.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just being there with them reinforces no matter how much they know
it, how much you really do care about them and love them.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I learned that its ok to let them go. Life goes on and it gets
easier as time goes by. Now the thoughts of grandpa are good ones
and I am glad for the time I did get to share with him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Not sure
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was my way of dealing with the loss.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him how much I really loved him and been their for him more
while he was ill. I felt bad that I was busy with my family and
job which took away from my time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Laugh at the memories that were funny. I think allowing myself to
be happy even in the sad time helped me a lot.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
They put my grandfather in his favorite clothes and made sure he
had his glasses on. I felt better to learn later that he was buried
in his favorite house slippers.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
He wasnt all dressed up but in a casual outfit which when he was
alive he was very comfortable in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I visit his grave. When I go there its like it just happened and
it brings back all the emotions of the day I learned of his death.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Not sure
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why couldnt he had lived just 3 months longer so he could have been
there for my wedding day. None of my grandparents were alive to see
my wedding day. The best thing of all was when I introduced my now
husband to him and he was very happy with my choice and he gave me
his blessing.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
just talk to him cause he always knew the right thing to say to make
me feel better about whatever "life crisis" I was having at the time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was in his house with my aunt and mom and we were discussing what
to do now. I cried really hard and then I began talking about all
the good memories I had from him. I knew he was better cause he
wasnt in the pain he had been in for the last few months and just
knowing that made me feel a lot better.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Gratitude. They were very helpful and they kept him as comfortable
as possible which I am thankful for.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They are really good people and they are there for not only the
ill person but the family as well. they helped me really understand
what was going on.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
N/A
--Religious Affiliation:
As a child I was Christian but now I have no Affiliation.
--Regarding MONEY:
there was enough money to take care of him during his illness
and death and I beleive that not having that as a burden helped
tremendously.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
All the people who were there really cared about my grandfather
and my family. They were there to help us and really showed a lot
of support at that time.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
In a way I was releived that it was over. there was no more sleepness
nights wondering how much worse it could possibly get. No more
feeling bad that I couldnt help take away his pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Not wanting to eat at all. He quit eating about 5 days before he
died. His breathing patterns, he was breathing really hard one
minute and then he would just stop for a minute and then it would
be barely there.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Just remembering the good times with him and knowing he
wasnt in pain anymore helped me get through it a little easier.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I was not there for that part of the process and to this day am
unaware of any of that type of thing happening.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel we had a good relationship and were in good standing when
he passed.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would expect to tell him how much I love him and am sorry that
I wasnt able to be there for him as much as I would have liked. I
would hope he would tell me it was alright.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
aT TIMES i CAN SMELL HIM IN A ROOM AS i WALK THROUGH IT AND i AM
NEVER REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT TIL i SMELL IT.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want the people around me to all get along and do for me whatever
makes them feel good because at that point I beleive the living are
the most important because I had lived my life the way I wanted to
and its only a thing to help them cope with it.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be a little afraid for my family and how they would cope
when I was gone. I would be certain to tell everyone in my life how
much they really mean to me and give them the oppurtunity to express
their feelings to me so they wouldnt have to have any regrets.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My granfather really loved jets and we used to watch them together
a lot. Now whenever me or my mother see a jet we say "hi" to him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish my dad had been there for me instead of just there. I wish
he had let me discuss my difficulties about the death with him and
he would have held me. (My father and I have never been close until
last year.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I really am glad I did this because it let me rethink some of the
things I regret and some of the things that at the time I thought
were important but now are minute. I think it really helped me
forgive myself for the things I was bottling up inside and hadnt
realized I was keeping before.
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Fri Jul 2 06:24:18 1999
F29 in Louisville, Kentucky =USA=
Name: Dana
Email: <Candilyn-at-bellsouth.net>
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Prof/Studies: Master Scheduler
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1.5 ago.
Cause of Death: Drunk Driver; Aged: 28.
--Details:
A drunk driver his her and sent her into a spinn and shen she
stopped spinning a truck his her head on going 70 mph. The impact
broke her neck in 2 places and crushed her arms. She was not just
my cousin she was my sister/my parents had raised her
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A very sad time, but also a time to rejoice. I feel that when you
die you get to go and meet your maker.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried alot
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was my great-grandmother died, I was very close
to her and my parents let me go and kiss her goodbye.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Waking up and my husband saying Candy is dead
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is an afterlife
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My dad has finally learned to express his love for me more.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My husband
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Not being able to pick up the phone and call and talk to her
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I will see her again.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say I am sorry
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
celebrate a bachelorette party with her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Certain holidays come around I still find myself looking for her
to walk in the door
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would talk everyday and I would tell her I love her more often.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
she was so young and had so much to live for.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Close my eyes and make it all disappear
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
got angry
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did all they could
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
At the time nothing because I was angry at GOD, now it means
everything.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The man that hit her(it wasnt' his fault) came to pay his respects,
while his wife laid in the hospital in critical condition. We really
appreciated that because he felt remorse for something he had no
control over.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing her laying the casket and begging them not to close the
casket because she could not breath.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dream about her all the time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There is no one that can resolve my issues with her. I feel that
she knew I loved her.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream about when Candy and I were young, and getting ready to
go out. The dream always ends the same way, she is walking away
from me and I am crying because I can't go with her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I hope I go in my sleep, I don't want to die a painful death
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Still hasn't happened
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I go to her grave and take her coral roses(they were her favorite)
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
Believing that one day I will see them again
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Thu Jul 1 11:49:16 1999
F53 in Bridgend, Wales =UK=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I searched for "Aortic aneurism" as my mum has just died from one.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 days ago.
Cause of Death: Aortic aneurism; Aged: 82.
--Details:
My mum had been suffering from bad osteoporosis for about 8 months
and couldnt cope at home any more. I live 200 miles away. She
moved to live near me in a residential care home. After about five
weeks of excellent care and good food Mum felt much more like her
old self and really didn't require that degree of care. We were
fortunate to find that there was a vacancy in a small home with a
maximum of eight residents who all have their own flat but dinner
and high tea are cooked for them by the housekeeper and they eat
together in the dining room. Mum had been in there just one week
and she loved it, she could not speak too highly of the Housekeeper,
the other residents and the wonderful food. She had bought a new
bed and had ordered some wardrobes, (the flats are unfurnished)
and on Monday 21st June we took Mum back to her house so that
she could choose what she wanted to keep and also to put the
house on the market. She was extremely optimistic and happy, the
decision had been made and she was looking forward to seeing her
own furniture, pictures and ornaments in her new home. We spent
Tuesday packing and on Wednesday I took Mum to the hairdressers,
she walked in without her stick and I collected her later; we had
lunch in the garden and in the afternoon Mum entertained visitors
in the lounge, there was lots of laughter. As my daughter and her
husband were coming for dinner Mum offered to help by preparing
the vegetables. At about five o'clock my cousin, called in and
we were sitting chatting and Mum was telling my cousin how much
she liked living near me and how much she liked the new home, my
cousin said how well Mum looked and Mum said that she felt better
than she had done for months. Suddenly Mum slumped forward in her
chair, she was very pale and I dialled 999. Her only words before
she lost total consciousness were, "I feel really dopey." She was
taken to the hospital intensive care unit but there was nothing
that they could do as she had had a massive internal haemorrhage,
they did give her blood but could not stop the bleeding as Mum
was too weak for an operation. They kept her "alive" over night,
heavily sedated and with adrenaline to keep her heart beating and a
machine to take over her breathing. The following morning we talked
with the Consultant and together we agreed that the adrenaline would
be stopped. My husband and I and our daughter, sat at the bedside,
talking and reminiscing about happy and memorable things in Mum's
life, the strange thing was, that although the nurse told us that
the sedation was as heavy as a general anaesthetic, each time we
spoke of a particularly important event, Mum's pulse rate increased
momentarily. We were able to watch as she slowly slipped away, a
peaceful end with the hope of a new beginning. Of course we were
all devastated, We will miss her so much, it had been so lovely to
have her near to us and to see that her last weeks were so happy and
that her last day was such that we couldn't have chosen better. Her
last memory was of her home that she had lived in so happily for over
50 years and she was looking forward to a new home and we are sure
that the home that she has gone to will exceed all her expectations.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The severing of a relationship, a terrible wrenching apart...
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't believe that my grandma had really gone...I talked to her
a lot.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My Grandmother who I was very close to was
staying at our house, i had to share a roomm so that she could have
my room....she died in the night in my bed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Mum and I had talked a lot and I had told her that I loved her...I
had no regrets
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Seeing mum go so peacfully, just like going to sleep. I know that
she is completely free from pain and the frustrations of a failing
weak body.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
remembering all the happy times
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being anyones child anymore (my father died in 1976)
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Even if they are unconcious...talk to them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I knew that she couldn't recover but she was hooked up to
a machine...I thought that the Doctors were going to insist on
keeping her "alive"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
When we were sitting with mum as she slipped away, we reminisedd
about all sorts of things, some funny ones made us laugh, but not
in an unatural way...it was good, we were remembering a good life
and mum had a fine sense of homour.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be with my mum from the moment that she collapsed until she died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Mums pulse rste increased when we mentioned important things in
her life, even though she was deeply unconcious.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about how much she was looking forward to her life and to
the birth of her first 2 great grandchildren, (both my children
and their partners are expecting babies this year
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she didn't have a bit more time to enjoy living near me and
seeing me every day.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Not being allowed to go to the funeral...my parents thought thatI
was too young.
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See Jun 99 contributions.
See May 99 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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