^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Current contributions. See Jun 99 contributions. See May 99 contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Jul 31 11:59:00 1999 F32 in Born-Oneonta live-Wattens, New York/Austria =USA/Austria= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Housewife - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 27 years ago. Cause of Death: liver cancer; Aged: 52. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: sad. Death causes sorrow because we feel the loss of someone we love very much and we realize that we will never see them again. I think that the sorrow is caused by feeling alone and when you truly love someone you miss the contact and interaction of their love and yours. Death is an ending of sorts.... --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried but I was too young to really experience the pain it causes in later years. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...when I was 5 years old my mother and Uncle came to pick me up at school and they told me that Grandpa had died. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Although the death I first experienced was at a young age, my father died when I was 18 and I remember it well.The death of my father caused a lot of emotional changes in me. I never cried or showed my feelings before, and after my father's death I wear my feelings on my sleeve. It made me a stronger person and a lover of life. I have also learned to accept what comes my way and to relize that there is a higher meaning in life than just to exist. --What I think my (USA/Austria) culture needs to better learn about death is: It is not an ending but a new beginning for the person who has passed on. Memories live on... --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I realized how deep my love really was for the people who I lost, and I learned to value life more. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My family and believe it or not music. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Watching the person suffer until the end and knowing that they were young and did't see their children grow. I guess what I mean is realizing that the person who passed on did'nt lead a full life. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Regardless if you think it doesn't matter it does. They always know you are there. Support and love mean everything. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Dealt with the feeling that I was'nt a great daughter but until the end my father knew that I loved him. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: The end finally came. What do I do? What do I say? Etc.... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be a better daughter and spend more quality time with my dad. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be the last one with my father when he died. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I finally told my father with words that I loved him and death would never take him out of heart and mind. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: to grieve. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I look at my life and realize that my father is'nt here to share it with me. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... The only difference would be that we would be together in the flesh. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... he is so young and doesn't deserve this! --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could bring him back! --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt sad. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: disappointment,and regret. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: The Hospice was the only organization that treated him with respect and dignity. They were very helpful and generous. My father was a man with a family and that's how they treated him. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: that we were never alone. --Religious Affiliation: Baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like everyone knows sadness. --Regarding MONEY: the medical and funeral bills were overwhelming and it seemed that the money was the main ojective other than the family and their feelings. --Regarding the FUNERAL: that we celebrated the life of my father and we didn't focus on the death. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: realizing that it can happen to anyone. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : an inner sadness, and non desire to live on. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: it is better to accept the impending death and live each day to it's fullest rather than wallowing in sadness and pity and wasting the precious time you have left with that person. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have already resolved this problem but as I've said I wasn't a very emotional person and I did'nt say I love you very often out loud. I told my father that I really loved him on his death bed and I will always love him. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I just want to hear my father say I am proud of you. He wrote me a letter before he died that I received after he died that said it but I would like to hear it from him. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I am an organ donor and I fobid my family to bury me. I want to be creamated and my ashes thrown on a specific place. My mother does not agree with me but this is my decision and I have thought about it and this is what's right for me. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would feel very sad and disapponited. I really don't know what I would do. I know myself and I would cry for a long time and feel sorry for my loved ones. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I talk to my father at night before bed when something has happened that I would like to share. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Acceptance. Accept what life has dealt you, deal with it, and make the best of it. This is the only life you have and what you decide to do with it is your decision! --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? My sister and I are closer than we have ever been! - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Just making me think about how I dealt with it and making me think of my father. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? What do you feel is the most inappropriate thing to say to someone when a loved one has died? My answer: I know how you feel(when they really don't) We don't want to hear anything we just want a hand on the shoulder or a hug. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Jul 30 15:32:32 1999 F16 in Bartlesville, OK == - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I went to Yahoo. I put in a web search for "psychological experiments" and got a link to this page along with links to other pages. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 14 ago. Cause of Death: Skin Cancer; Aged: late 30s. --Details: already wrote about it up earlier... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when the human body stops working for some reason or another and movement is no longer possible. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was told by my father that she had gone up to heaven. When I was 2 and a half, I tried to climb up to the roof to see if I could see heaven from there. My dad, thinking I was outside playing, heard my screaming and came to realize I had fallen off the roof and had broken one of my legs. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... my mother died of skin Cancer when I was two. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Most recently, my grandfather died. I wasn't very close to him but I cried anyway only because my young cousins were very close to him. I cried for them because they no longer had their grandfather as a companion; not really because I would miss him. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: not the answer. Killing yourself is one of the worst things you can do. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My mother was suffering when she had cancer. Her death brought an end to suffering. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Youth. As I said, I was so young the unfathomable power of death hadn't really sunken in. By the time I got old enough to understand how huge of a thing death was, time had alleviated some of the grief and suffering. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I have been raised by a single father without a mother. I have not been taught to behave "like a girl." Going through puberty was also hard because my mother was not around to tell me about my period or the other changes I was going through. Puberty is very frightening without a mother. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I was not there when it occurred. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: listened to music to deal with it for most of my childhood. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: That wasn't really during the death experience. Recently, I was listening to music and I realized that my mother was gone. Until then I had hoped my mother would appear and tell me she had wanted to run away from motherhood. I did finally realize there was a death. This was sort of a release for me. So I laughed out loud. I did that why? It's inexplicable. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: have my mother watch me grow up... --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: give my mother pleasur as a daughter as long as she knew me. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: ? --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the fact that she was cremated as opposed to being buried. Everyone in her family had been buried and she was cremated. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear tapes of her talking. My dad and her used to make tapes like that a lot. It was her form of journalling. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Wow. I could go on and on about houw different my life would be if my mother had not died. The death of my mother has so much to do with everything else in my life: even how people treat me. If I tell people my mother died suddenly they feel as though they want to nurture me and care for me. Also, my father felt lonely in Albuquerque. We moved from Albuquerque, then, ten years after her death because the loneliness had gotten too intense for him, we moved to Oklahoma. In Oklahoma, I have undergone a great deal of change. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... It's just not fair that a mother has birthed a daughter she will not live long enough to nurture. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could resurrect my mother. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I finally cried about it. I was nine when I cried for the first time. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: She was one of the first people to undergo chemotherapy. If her cancer had been detected earlier, she could have lived... that wasn't really the fault of the medical profession, though. We weren't really on the lookout for any disease within her body. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: I was two. Nothing interesting happened. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: It just meant a nice funeral. --Religious Affiliation: I was a Presbyterian most of my childhood but I am an atheist now. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Death takes a person away from their loved ones. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Other: It happened so long ago that as I grew old enough to know what had happened I had already somehow accepted it. This is not to say it isn't painful for me but all the brute force of losing a parent was absorbed by my youthful sort of ignorance. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I'm sorry; I didn't have time to finish all of the questions on the questionnaire. F16 []; located in Bartlesville, OK. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Jul 30 11:42:14 1999 F30 in Atlanta, Georgia =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Road Less Traveled Recommended Reading-- Writers: M. Scott Peck - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 5 years ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 23. --Details: My best friend's brother shot himself in the head with his grandfather's shotgun. My best friend found him. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: THE END. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I could hardly believe they were really GONE FOREVER. --That first time, how it happened was The first death I remember actually *registering* to me as a DEATH, where I understood what the word really meant, was when I heard Elvis was dead and I saw the reaction by the older folks in my family. That's when I knew death was permanent, and no one would ever see, hear, or speak to Elvis again. The first person in my family to die was my grandmother. Everyone else is still alive. My grandmother died of cancer about 4 years ago. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How much pain it caused. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: ? --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it ends a person's misery if they are in great pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Drinking beer. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not knowing why they died. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: ? - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body Talking and being with other people. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife I don't like to think about death b/c I don't know what happens afterward and that scares me. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Jul 28 18:10:11 1999 F in traverese city, mi =usa= Name: michelle - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 15. --Details: he died in his sleep - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when human people bodies die the body is hard and still and doesn't move it and ot starts to rot. But the human sole goes to heaven or hell (depending on the life they lead) --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was in shcok and i refused to believe that he was dead. I cryed and cryed. Then i started to become a "rebel" i disobeyed my parents and such --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I was taking a test in 4th grade and i got called down to the office and my mother told me that my grandpa had died.I refused to believe it till i saw his body. I actullay had to touch it to make sure --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Nothing --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: that you cant live in teh past the person died and you have to move on with your life --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it brough my family closer together and made me realize that my family will not be with me forever and i should enjoy there compamy while i have it --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: school and wok being able to take my mind off it --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not being able to say goodbye - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 27 22:59:40 1999 F21 in Chicago, Il =United States= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Sales - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Lover, a few months ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 25. --Details: millitary incompetence for starters, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: ceaseing to be here --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was young and afraid --That first time, how it happened was grat grandmother died --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: rage --What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is: how to teach the youngeer ones to deal with it so it is not so hard --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the feeling he is near --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: love for him --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: i felt as tho i had missed my chance --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: go out of your way to do anything to Be There --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i saw what it was doing to his body --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: stay with him longer, spend more time with him --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see him before it happened --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... he should not be gone --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could SCREAM --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I blew up --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: anger --Religious Affiliation: catholic(*past) none now --Regarding MONEY: it almost stoped me from being able t say good-bye --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: no unresolved, we spent our last few days together loveing and talking to eacch other --If we were to visit one last conversation... i would tell him i love him and that i am ok, finally, and safe --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i sometimes can feel his "awareness" or something, around me...i expect to see him online..or hear him on the phone..or i feel him watching over me, protective,loving... --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: my love wanted to die alone, i had to fight to see him, for the first and only time, we had been trying to see each other for awhile..but the sicker he got the more reasons he came up with..and finally he told me he did not want me to see him that way...and i told him that i would see him now, before it was to late or in a casket, after it was to late..and asked im to please spend the days with me that i would have spent at his funeral,...and in return, i did not go when he passed, to respect his wishes, tho i felt i needed to --Any thoughts about your own death?: i would be trying to help my sons... --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i send messages to his ICQ when ever things are particularly bad..it is like sending him a note, since most of our three years together was online or by phoe --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? i feel better able to cope now..but still when things are really bad... - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Zoning Out What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness lack of information ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 27 13:28:52 1999 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ] Linked from Ice Princess Web Page to Death Web Page to here. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Bible - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A kind of deep sleep that we go through until the time of the resurection of the body at the end of the world. At that time Jesus Christ will come and raise all those who are dead back to life and there will be a divine jugdment. All those with faith in Christ will live forever. Those without will suffer eternal fire. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 26 19:16:46 1999 M30 in Slave Lake, Alberta =Canada= Email: <Lockyer04-at-hotmail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] found you on Yahoo's listing under surveys. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: sales clerk - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: King James Bible Recommended Reading-- Writers: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, et. al. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 2 months ago. Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 49. --Details: He didn't want to go to the Doctor, thought he had a Flu and died in his sleep, my Aunt found him hours later. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the time when the body is no longer fit for human habitation and the essence or software is transferred to another place for eternal storage or is given a new body, new hardware. The friends and loved ones express thier intense loss by crying or other ways called, "Grieving" It is a veried length of grieving and some respond better to it than others sometimes resulting in a psychotic episode or "System Crash" --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very shocked; I couldn't believe it actually happened. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My Grandfather had a heart attack, I was going to visit him that day after school but had a massive heart attack before hand. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: shaking my head and saying, "Oh Great!" --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: support those who are there, ie. family members who may have been disowned. Also we should celebrate the persons life instead of fighting or getting depressed. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my aunt Joan came from Newfoundland to Alberta for the funeral, we got to be quite close. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: The fact that he knew God and we'd see him again in Heaven --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Seeing my Father cry as he gave the eulogy. --[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: found out how many friends you truly have and how many lives that you touch. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: They were talking about insurance claims and the like. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I wouldn't be here on this world today if I didn't have the ability to laugh. I have a plan to leave this existence. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: let him teach me how to fight when he offered to. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: meet family and cheer some of them up. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: they asked me to take the video of the memorial service. I hadn't done anything like that before. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: whether he was to be buried or cremated. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I wonder how my Aunt is doing, or I fantasize about having to spend my life alone. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would be the bearer on the Phoenix Matrix, being a Super Hero like Green Lantern. Everyone I help, every opponent I defeat; my parameters would increase including accumulated Lifeforce. I would also have a Goddess named Shanna watching over me who wants to marry me but can't until I achieve Immortality. I would occasionally get to embrace her when I went to a secret Greek temple which housed a rift in the space-time continuum where she could temporarily move to this world. Whenever I die I would either be physically reborn or do a "Quantum Leap" intoa body that has been dead for less than a half-hour. Of course everything earlier than 16 would be a complete wash except name, bitrhdate and what I learned in school. I would also have the memories of what I learned in previous parallel earths and would be mindlinked with the main computer of the immortals that granted me the Matrix-the Guardians of the Multiverse. I have been daydreaming this for years! --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... He was a very young person and he was always up-beat. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go to another Earth! --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Realized that it eventually happens to us all. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: frustration. Things aren't progressing a fast as they should. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: A certain order and reassurance. --Religious Affiliation: Pentecostal Assemblies of Canada --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like we aren't as different as we'd like to think. --Regarding MONEY: they had to do a lot to convince the insurance company that my uncle was really dead. --Regarding the FUNERAL: there was not much crying there as if it was a secular funeral. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: It was so sudden. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Becoming more philisophical. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: as you will eventually be comforted, either physically or spititually --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': there were none that I know of --RE: Near Death Experiences: No near death experiences that I can recall but I DO have cases of Deja Vu! --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I don't know; my parents just seem to laugh things off or turn them into lectures when I tell them about my problems. They are good people mind you, but now I tend to keep things to myself. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell him that I wish we could have spent more time together. There's not much I can do about it but wish and say, "What If?" --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: regretably no. Sorry. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Tell people how you feel about them because the may not come back after they walk out the door. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I want to die fast with no pain. Not many people would grieve for me. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Eating! --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I'm a bit more melencholy about things, I wonder how my Aunt is doing. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? No, I just feel glad to know my Aunt Joan a bit more. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy My family and I felt he was in a better place and my dad said, "It wouldn't be fair to wish him back to this world" What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other: I was alone a lot, didn't have much opportunity to talk. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: That people would reach out to me. They basically stuck to their own groups. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - This site was/is a godsend. I feel there is someone out there that cares about me and I feel grateful that I could think and be creative. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? I don't think you need to know my religious affiliation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 26 17:38:12 1999 F48 in Steens, Ms =USA= Email: <yukon-at-tilc.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: illness; Aged: 72. --Details: He suffer long with emphazema. I hated to lose him but I knew he would be much better off. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of suffering and the beginning of joy. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I thought it scary and was unsure what happened to people who died. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was I was staying with my grandmother and a friend of hers died. I went to the funeral with her. I remember I kinda got scared because it was thundering and lightening. I thought she must not have been a good person because of that. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the sense of something lost that I would never regain --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: people need time to mourn in their own way. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my dad went so easy. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being able to say good-bye. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: dealing with funeral arrangements. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I believe the dying can hear even in the throes of death. It is important to let your loved one know you loved them and it is okay to let go of the world. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was not confused about it --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: my dad wouldn't have had it any other way. We were remembering the good times when we all laughed together --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to spend more time with my dad. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would definately spend more time with my dad. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just talk to him. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried at my loss. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: lack of compassion. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: very little. It was much more personal. --Religious Affiliation: Episcopalian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: true --Regarding MONEY: there was no issue. I gave my portion to my step-mother. She needed it. --Regarding the FUNERAL: my dad was loved by many people. So many of them I had no idea of how they knew him. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: watching the life leave his body. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the short rasping breathing and the utter stillness of the body. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: that I had to let go of him in the physical sense but his memories would always be with me. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I have no knowledge of this happening with my dad. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: My dad and I had resolved all of our issues. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: A will should be made and adhered to --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am not afraid of dying but I don't feel ready to go yet. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? Nope - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 26 10:45:44 1999 F27 in Houson, TX =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Via Yahoo.Com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago. Aged: - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: an ending to one's life on Earth. A transition to a better place. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was only 5 or 6 years old. Elvis Prestley died. I was devistated, I cried and cried. I listened to his records over and over. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my uncle died of cancer. It had spread throughout his body -- he had several different "types." --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how much I regret not showing him (my uncle) how special I thought he was. He was a cross between Forrest Gump and the Rainman -- a very unique individual. No one gave him the time of day -- just thought he was stupid or something. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Everyone deals with death in their own way. No one can say how it "should" be dealt with, unless someone is being self-destructive, no one should interfere. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I'm just glad he's not hurting anymore -- I feel like he's in heaven living a real life for the first time. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: God. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Waiting and watching the death happen. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System I was glad to know he wasn't hurting anymore. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt I felt like he didn't know how special I thought he was. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Jul 25 13:21:14 1999 F33 in Petal, MS =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Teacher ] Social Science Tests - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: psy major - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Bible Recommended Reading-- Writers: God - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of dog, 4yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 10. --Details: I was divorced and Konan(the dog) was with ex-husband. Had to be put to sleep because of tumor and I wasn't there to be with him or see him before he was gone. I was very close to Konan. He was like a son to me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: in my belief, the beginning of another type of life. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I could not understand it. With age I think I can handle things better now --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I don't remember details much. I was 4yrs old and it was my grandmother. She died in the hospital from a brain tumor. I have a sketchy memory of her and most of my memory is from stories told of her. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that I was not with Konan in his last moments. He must have wondered where his mom was and why I wasn't there for him. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: we had better be prepared for what is after death! --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it ended Konans suffering and pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my daughter and us clinging to each other and always being open and talking about our feelings concerning Konan. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not being there --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: for support --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I was told he was gone --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: never happened --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to be there and hold him til he drew his last breath --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: know he didn't suffer any more --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: n/a --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: bills --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see his picture or another breed of dog like him(Siberian Huskey) --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... running and playing with him, loving him --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... my ex should have told me or let me have some decision in the matter --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could not feel --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried for days. Konan is always in my heart --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: thanks --Regarding HOSPICE etc: n/a --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: n/a --Religious Affiliation: baptist --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: n/a --Regarding MONEY: ex payed for all --Regarding the FUNERAL: n/a --The weirdest part of it all to me was: n/a --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : n/a --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: staying drunk - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc. Family talked a lot of it. I am youngest of four children and they helped What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body don't think at that age I should have been allowed to view the body ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Jul 24 19:50:15 1999 F18 in Belfast, =United Kingdom= Email: <schnapps_2000-at-yahoo.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Followed links on Yahoo. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 weeks ago. Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 69. --Details: I always knew he would die, as he was so much older than me . . . but I was completely unprepared for the event. The last words I ever said to him were "you are not going to die", and when he fell unconscious, surrounded by paramedics, he looked so afraid . . . I couldn't really believe it; on TV the paramedics save the victim, if he dies, it happens in hospital, or the ambulance . . . not on the floor of the toilet. Since then, I can only cope by trying to ignore it all, otherwise, i just cry and scream silently. I miss him. And he's never coming back. I can barely remember what he looks like, and his voice is gone completely. I can't believe he's gone. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending of things. An event in which an individual is removed completely from existence, and all his memories and thoughts are lost forver, "like tears in rain". --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Went to pieces, but took great pains not to "collapse" in front of my friends or family . . . they thought I was okay after a day or two. It was three weeks ago + . . . I'm still not remotely okay. Completing this questionaire hurts like hell, I can only do it by distancing myself from what happened. --That first time, how it happened was My father died fo a heart attack . . . myself and one of my brothers were there, no-one else was. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Not eating, not sleeping, and staying on the internet for 12 hour + bursts. --What I think my (United Kingdom) culture needs to better learn about death is: Nothing. I don't consider myself to be living in one "culture", and I certainly live by my own rules, rather than what my "culture" tells me to live by. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: How close it bbrought me to the friend online who got me though it. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Music, which caused me great pain but helped "get it out", and that oft-mentioend friend. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The sheer pain of it all. The emotional pain was like a physical force. it still is, when I allow it in, or am too weak to fight it away. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Look them in the eye. Don't say goodbye. They will soon be gone forever; let them know you love them and that you are strong, but don't let them give up. If they're going to go, try to help them go out fighting. --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I don't think I learned a lot. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot, I lost a lot of weight - learned a lot? No, I don't think so. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Screaming, silently, at night, while on the internet. Still happens, it's an ongoing process. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Never happened to me. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: He never saw me play hockey. I should have let him come watch me, and take photographs, but I was embarrassed of letting him down (by losing the game) and embarraswsed of him standing with a tripod and camera. And I should have let him photograph my newly dyed bright red hair. And gone kite flying with him. Little things I should have done but didn't. That I have run out of time to do now. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be with him when I died. And no, things did *not* go better than I imagined. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: While the paramedics decided not to go on (he was already dead by then, IMO), I was walking round the block reciting poetry to myself. I like that he went out to Tennyson's Ulysses - it's a fitting exit march for my father. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: replace "us" with "me" . . . Religion. My family is religious, I'm not. I don't know if "matter" is right, my family seemed to take comfort from the idea that they would see him again, but my lack of religion didn't seem to be a gap for me. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: When I think I hav it convered, and try to analyse it. Then I realise I don't; that he is dead; that nothing can compare to the enormity of that. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I can't allow myself to think like that, I'd lose my sanity all together. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... The worst part is that it *is* fair . . . and if I had to choose between my mother and father dying, it would be my father every time. That hurts a lot, the fact that if I had to pick, iwould pick him. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Sleep. Sleep, and not ever need to wake up. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried. I don't think anything else conveys that meaning. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: No opinion - they did their best, no more, no less. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Not applicable to me. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: A lot to my father and the rest of my family, but nothing to me. They believed they would meet again - I don't. But when my father was dying, I could see such fear in his eyes, and I thought he wasn't sure . . . although I hope so much my family is right, and that they will meet again. --Religious Affiliation: Agnostic. Family are Christian. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Death is universal. All things must die; it's the dricing force that keeps u alive, even though it, quite frankly, hurts like fuck. Nothing's the same after experianceing it for the first time; a little piece of me (large piece) is now dead, and can never come back. Death is a common denominator. Nothing is more sure than the fact that all will end. --Regarding MONEY: Heh, now my dad is dead, I think I'm officially destitute. That's my new catchphrase ~smile~ --Regarding the FUNERAL: So many people knew him and respected him . . . he was a real *somebody*. That made me incredibly proud, yet very sad that I didn't know them before he died. I also got myself smiling when I realised that the few people I knew I'd met at a wedding, and my life was turning into Hugh Grant's. The most touching moment was when I realised one fo my teachers had come. It was totally unexpected (I'd asked my friends not to come), and it meant a great deal to me. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I sat a "vigil" with the body for a while, Klingon style (no, really). I recited his body some poetry, Tennyson mainly. It helped me a lot - cleansing through pain, as it were. At one point I forgot what colour his eyes were. I thought green, but when I opened them, they were dark brown, just like mine. That hurt. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : He was tired the day before and the day he died. And he looked very small - very short, and very old. However, I heard that people who died from his specific type of eart attack can't usually be helped even in hospital, so I don't feel llike I let him down by not getting him medical help. I never expected him to die - he was meant to live for years more . . . --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: The hardest time was after I came back from my week away. He died, one or two weeks at home, then a week away. When I got back, it almost felt like it never happened - like he had never even lived. It was very hard to cry on people's shoulders after that - I felt like I was a burden, like I was expected to to all right again, back to my old self. That old self is gone now. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': It didn't happen - although my mother believes there was an angel on the plane to and from England (where she was when he died). She spoke to him a lot. I could believe we were being watched - even though I don't "believe", per se. --RE: Near Death Experiences: Bah, not at all. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: In order to answer that, I'd need to think in depth about my father - I can't do that, it hurts too much. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I don't know if it would. Of course, part of me would feel like a traitor if I recover. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Hasn't happened. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I'm with the dying, always. Its they who die; it should be up to them. I could talk about organ donation (all for it), and euthanasia (very complicated) but I have done so for a long, long time, and it bores me now. Sorry ~smile~. --Any thoughts about your own death?: It doesn't concern me. If when I die I am "over", nothing will be of importance to me . . . if I "continue", then I will miss everyone . . . --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Heh, closure? I don't have it; I'm not even sure if I want it. I don't want to forget, you see. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I'm still in the immediate stages of grief - I can't really answer that yet. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? Yes - I've become closer to one specific person. However, I am very far apart from the people I used to be close to (family inculded). They don't understand that I am not the "old me" any more. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities One particular friend from the internet kept me sane, without him, I do not know how I would have coped. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget heh, I'm not done dealing with it yet, though I always thought I understood about it . . . forgetting scares me, and upsets me *a lot*. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I didn't reach out - and one of the most helpful things owuld have been if RL friends hadn't told me ot was "okay". Them trying to avoid the issue did *not* help at all. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was very useful, but painful. Got me crying again - I think that's good, in a way. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Nothing I can think of. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Jul 23 01:55:38 1999 F59 in scottsdale, arizona =usa= Email: <shenahn-at-aol.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Email Message ] Prof/Studies: psychology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 21yrs ago. Cause of Death: aircraft wreck; Aged: 14. --Details: he died with his father. they left against my wishes. i had a premonition that they would not return alive - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the passing over and the rebirth into another life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a young child. my grandmother passed over in the apartment that i was living in at the time. after she was removed, that evening as i gazed out the window in to the night sky, a cloud appeared and slowly thinned out. her face appeared to me and she smiled reassuringly at me. this was very comforting. i believe i was 7 at the time. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...grandmother passed over in apartment that i was residing in. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: lack of closure and kept waiting for the doorbell to ring. and husband and son would appear back from trip --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: reincarnation --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the marriage to my husband and the beautiful son we produced. the joy of having my son in my life for 14 years. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: a grief counselor from a church. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: lack of closure as they were incinerated --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: constantly stroke them emotionally and physically and most importantly, tell them how much you love them and how happy that they were in your life. --[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: son and husband. take one at a time and live for the moment, as it passes very quickly --The most confusing point of death for me was when: accepting reality as i was unable to see their final remains --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: i laughed at some of the antics that when on in the house from my son and husband to show me that they were doing fine in their new surroundings --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: how much i loved them and to see their faces light up with happiness at the sound of my words --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: not act on my thoughts of suicide and stick around to raise my other 2 children --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i amwriting my thesis on when a child dies. just reading the material has put me over the edge several times --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... when i do soul travel, i like to believe that i hook up with their engergies and we communicate. we are a multi dimensional society --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that a healthy child should have to die --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I i realized the reality that i had outlived my dear son, and it is supposed to be the other way around. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing i got absolutely nothing out of going to services. --Religious Affiliation: jewish --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: it is a return to energy form. --Regarding the FUNERAL: i wanted to be alone . they came in droves to the house to wish me well. i wanted to be with my thoughts and i was feeling as if i was being suffocated alive --The weirdest part of it all to me was: feeling their presence around me --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': i am involved in hospice and noticed the glassy expressions on those on the brink of passing over. they will glaze to the side of the room and a smile will plastered on their faces. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: yes there are issues. i never had an opportunity to say i love you or to say goodbye. i have tried the letter writing, but it never worked. i have guilt that i could not change their minds regarding the trip. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i would have loved to tell them how much i love them and how grateful i am to have had them in my life. i need the reassurance of knowing that they were aware of how intense my love was for them. i did not say it enough when they were alive and i feel guilty --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i was in recovering room in hosp. was waiting to hear if tumor removed was cancerous. saw husband and son walking to me holding hands. they appeared to be the same age that i last saw them. husband said that there was no need to worry, that there was no cancer and i would fully recover. they turned around and walked away. i started screaming, "don't go, don't leave me again." husband turned and said "they needed to go." i said, "please i want to go with you, " his response was that it was not time and they disappeared. --Any thoughts about your own death?: death is not an ending, it is a beginning. i would feel sad leaving my 2 children on this plane. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: honestly, there is still a lack of closure as i nver viewed any remains. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? i have changed drastically. i do not expend energy on things that are not in my power to change. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? as i evolve, some of the people in my life fall by the wayside. i prefer to keep up with those who are on my wave length, as the compatiabilty level is higher. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Other: What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i am a hospice worker and presently working on completely my degree. i will be a grief counselor - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - this came at a delicate time, as i mentioned before the subject of my thesis is the death of a child. i am a little raw inside, so it was quite easy to answer several of your questions. my feelings are being worn on my sleeve at this time. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 22 22:57:16 1999 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: siesure and drowned in pool.; Aged: 9. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: becoming something we don't see anymore --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather had a heart attact and died a week before my 5th birthday --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I cried my eyes out and we got back to school and had a ceromny at school and putting flowers in a vase for his family. I remember going to the wake and sitting with my mother and I remember one of his friends got up and said some words - she was the only one that did --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that the person who has died is finally in peace because of his illness. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: writing helped me in dealing with death --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: just listen to them --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to forgive him for doing something --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: people just sat around and talked about the person. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that I didn't get to say goodbye --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I balled my eyes out - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities being too young and not totally understanding ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Jul 21 13:01:03 1999 F26 in houston, tx =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: psychology - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: conversations with God , bhagavad gita, egyptian bookof the dead - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 4 yrs ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: ~ 47. --Details: blew his brains out - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of physical existence as others know you to be, where your body moves no longer, and your personality ceases to be expressed physically. The body decays into its most basic components and becomes part of the earth. We don't know exactly what happens to the person that expressed itself through that body but there are many beliefs of where that person may go. Many cultures deals with death differently, some feel much pain as if when you have lost something you terribly enjoyed and are not able to enjoy any longer, others see it as just the passing away into another formand another plane of existence as when you sleep and dream and other's see it a sthe time when you are judged by an entity greater than everone else on your actions while you lived in that body, others believe you just cease to exist and go nowhere, others believe you become part of everything as when mist dissipates into the air. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I felt a loss. I felt that I didn't want their existaence around me to cease. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... a friend of the family comitted suicide after several years of dealing with emotional issues that perhaps were psychologycal and /or chemically dependent by way of nature. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: pity. For he ended his life since he was in so much pain and wasn't able to cope with it, but I also felt relief because now it perhaps could have some time off his bodily influences where perhaps he could relfect upon what he wasn't able to deal with onthis plane of existence. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's not a bad thing, it's a natural process, and that dying with dignity or anytime is a choice. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that I was able to speak to that soul in my dreams and say see you later --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: thinking about it and not being selfish about how it hurt me but how it just happened --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: no one was able to help him and that he gave up on himself. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: don't make them feel as if they cannot go, be happy and accepting and make your peace --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: decided not to get lost in my grief --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i didn't get to say bye --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: thank him for all the pleasant things he did wand what he meant to me --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there for others because I didn't grieve the eway they did --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the religious ritual of deathf or the dead --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I try to just let it go - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 20 00:34:55 1999 F16 in Ocean County, New JOi!sey =US of A= Name: Mel Email: <XxAntiSocX-at-Aol.com> Web: http://Members.aol.com/XxAntiSocX/main.html - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Imaging Technician at Alternative Micrographics and soon to be a highschool drop-in - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: Traditional skinhead (non racist), big punk/Oi! music fan, guitar player, drunk, wierdo. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Faces of Death and Traces of Death ((It makes you immune to the blood and gore part of dealing with everything but I wouldn't condone going out and buying or renting it unless you're over 18 and don't mind seeing stuff that might rouse up a lot more inside you than you're stomache. Recommended Reading-- Writers: various - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 months ago. Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 16. --Details: Derrick LeCompte came into the thrift shop they owned and stabbed her while she tried to leave, he left in her car with stuff he stole and came back and stabbed her more. This went on for almost 2 hours while she was still alive. By the grace of god, the video-tape of it was found by a homeless man and turned into the police along with the knife. The police made a definate on who he was and caught him at the mall the next day. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is when all major organs in you're body cease to function and you're body begins to decompose. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I called my best friend and cried for the first and only time since. He slept over and I took a 2 week leave from work and listened to music, drank, hit things, and smoked up. I smoked about 2 and a half packs of cigarettes a day and didn't sleep at all. The funeral came and went, but I still am violent and I'm probably ruining my hearing listening to music and playing it so loud. --That first time, how it happened was My mother got stabbed 30 times in the heart and lungs while some jackass robbed the store she owned. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: everyone going around and hugging me and telling me how sorry they were. That got me really pissed. and it was even worse at the veiwing so I hibrenated with a few friends donwstairs in the smoking lounge on the couches and talked about everything we could think of. --What I think my (US of A) culture needs to better learn about death is: Well, if you consider being a skinhead a culture (Not RACIST!) or if you mean my German/Italian bloodline? Well, either way, we're still both way to full of violence and anger. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Being able to see my family and some old friends of ours that I haven't seen in between 4 and 16 years. It really brought us back together for once, and it's gone now, but it was nice. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Definately Oi! and Punk music. The bands I listen to give the message of hold up your head and having pride in yourself and what you do. The music, to me at least, can calm me down big-time. Most people consider it to be loud and obnoxious, but it's more than that to people, it's therapy to me. And the feeling of being able to go into a pit at a concert and just release all your energy and your stress and just let loose, punch kick elbow and dance.. it's so nice. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Dealing with the empty space thats left after someone that close dies. A lot of it was feeling uninformed on the murder's case, and murder itself, and everything surrounding it. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I felt so good. At the viewing my close friend Jess asked if it would be out of place to tell me mom a joke that she thought she would have loved if she was around to hear it. I told her to go ahead, so she went up to the casket and said, "Hey mom, whats a lesbian with a hard on?" and stuck out her tongue. That was pretty funny right there, but then everyone came back down into the smoking lounge where we were and jumped on her back. They thought she was mocking her death and sticking out her tongue as if saying, "Nyah Nyah, you're dead and I'm not". But she was just trying to tell a joke about lesbians. I was cracking up about that one. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: keep myself functioning and able to still do everything I used to, plus everything I do now that my mom is gone. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I took a look around and went outside to listen to music away from everyone except my best friends. My friends are family to me, and I'm glad they were so enduring and put up with me (without earplugs). Not many people would consider thanking there friends before everything else, but I love my crew. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: hugging, kissing, and crying. I didn't want to be near anyone at all, and everyone asking me 'if I need anything to call' and telling me they're 'sorry' didn't help at all. I just wanted to drink a few brewski's, listen to loud music and beat on things/people. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think I've got some mental block about being upset over death or suicides. All that happenens is that I get angry and black-out. That happens most often when I'm alone walking the streets in my city. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Well, for one, I wouldn't be going back to highschool that I dropped out of a year ago. I didn't want to be a failure because thats what Mom died seeing me do. I'd probably still be a smart-ass and be mooching off them for money and cigs and bitching when she wouldn't let me get myself into a lot of dangerous situations. It certainly wouldn't be a paradise, but I'd rather have her with me. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I remember thinking that it's not fair that my mom died and I was angry and everyone and angry at god for it. Then I realized that she had a great and full life and that it's not god's fault and that I was angry at all the wrong people. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could either crawl up and sleep for weeks or wish I could make it the weekend so I could go to a punk show and release my anger in a pit and to other people --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: hatred. The medical community won't even terminate her hospital bill from when the coroner pronouced her dead after they found her face-down in blood at the store she worked at --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: nothing at all, I was completely agnostic before everything.. but I find myself looking to god a lot more. I think I just don't want to turn into one of those people that do nothing but hand you pamphlets at the mall and preach about 'Him' being a 'savior'. --Religious Affiliation: Right now, I don't consider myself as being religious.. I turn to god sometimes, but for the most part some loud violent music and actions and a few beers is all I turn to. Before Mom's death I was the same, only I never thought of god at all and I was a bit less aggressive (aggro) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: It sounds right to me.. I'm no psychic or anything, but I think a lot of you're thoughts about life and death are influenced by organized religion. If you're christian or whatever, then go to heavan and be happy, if you're satanist, then go be in the devils army, whatever floats you're boat. I'm not a very spiritual person, but I do believe in ghosts and the like. --Regarding MONEY: we'd better find some fast or we'd be homeless and starving. --Regarding the FUNERAL: it was wierd seeing people that hadn't cared about us for years crying. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: zoning out at times.. kind of like when you doze off, only you're not sleeping.. then when you realize you zoned out it's like being startled awake. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Be careful at the viewing! Sometimes bodies move, burp, twitch or can even sit up! Don't let it scare you! --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': Friends of my mom, and my living father said she came to them, but I haven't seen anyhting wierd --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have to prove to myself that I'm not as big as a failure as I was when my mom died, so i'm going back to highschool. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I'd like to have the oppurtunity to tell her goodbye.. I never had that chance because no one expects their mother to be murdered I suppose. That would probably let me sleep a little easier at night --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I saw my mother in a dream I had after a night I didn't even think about her murder that much. It was her standing on a street by a bridge by my house, then I saw a reflector, a fence and a dead dog and some water which had no bearing on anything and woke up. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I want people not to cry, hug or kiss at my funeral. I don't want people to talk about god and play loving music. I don't want pink or bright flowers either. All I ask for is a whole in the ground, good music, my guitar with me, and for people to remember me for what I am and not make me out to be perfect or an angel. --Any thoughts about your own death?: One thing I'd like to say is that I'm not afraid of dying, I invite it at times. I'm afraid of the pain associated with it, not actually dying. I don't expect to live past my 20's. I drink, act reckless, drive bad and do drugs now, so there's not much else to do in life except bills and love if you're lucky. Live fast and die young is my strategy --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: MUSIC! Music and being able to release stress and let loose in a pit and just go wild and not care. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I got to concerts and hop in pits every oppurtunity I get, and I drink too much beer. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? me and my friends that I was close to before my mothers death have become much closer. I consider them to be my family. I love them more than life itself. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? A bit rough What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities Music, alchohol, blacking out, punk music and being able to release a lot in the pits. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Illicit Drugs I smoked up a few times and had real bad experiences. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I think that my being so strong (numb) with everything helped my father out a lot. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It's nice to talk about it without having to fear being critisized, preached at, or hugged. It's nice not to have to hear, "I'm sorry" - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? I think you aught to add something about how the reactions of other people towards you made you feel, and if you thought something at the veiwing of funeral was wrong. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 19 15:55:31 1999 M24 in Bucyrus, Kansas =USA= Name: Tony Kerr Email: <Kerrbop-at-Hotmail.com> Web: none - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] www.yahoo.com - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Sales - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 ago. Cause of Death: emphizema; Aged: 56. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: Death is a part of the cycle of life. We are born, live life, die and come back as something or someone else at another time and place. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Cried. --That first time, how it happened was My Grandmother died when I was in Colorado. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How relieved everyone seemed. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: It must happen. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: That that person died and is in no more pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My parents. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: That she was gone. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Just the sight of your face may be comfort enough. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Look forward to the day I die. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: When they buried her. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I did not laugh at all. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Have visite her more often. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: See her again. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Their ablity to persevere. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: That she has died and is moving on to something better. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I remember her. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... A little less depressed. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why couldn't I have been there when she died. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Die. So that I could join her. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Started crying. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Contentness. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Positive --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Not alot. --Religious Affiliation: current-none/ past-Catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: That the spirit moves from body to body through death. --Regarding MONEY: That it all worked out. --Regarding the FUNERAL: How many people came. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: When she was buried. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Age. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Death is a phase. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': That she was sick and ready to go. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: None. --If we were to visit one last conversation... My parents. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My Grandmother often appears to me in my dreams and comforts me during my troubled times. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: The final plan of action. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Finally! I'm dead. Time to move on. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Laying down with candles and incense and medatative music. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I have learned that death is only a phase to the next life we will live. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? None. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Viewing the Body --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: My sister. We went out and bonded shortly after the funeral. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It's too long. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Condence it a little. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 15 21:33:48 1999 F22 in South Pasadena, CA =USA= Name: Nicole Email: <sunflowernik-at-earthlink.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 65. --Details: Actually, he was my godfather and he was battling with cancer for a year and a half before he finally died last month. This is the closest I've come to experiencing death because not only was it so recent but also because I watched him deteriorate and lose everything that he had. My godfather and I weren't that close but when he got sick I suppose it brought us closer together. Sad but true. Then when he died last month, even though I was half way around the world, I felt intense sadness. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: something we all go through. Our lives end unexpectedly or with a sickness. It is an inevitable thing we cannot stop or avoid. we have no choice or say. Most humans try to believe that there is life after death (if they are religious). If not they just handle it on their own or try to compose an image of death they believe to be true. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't know what really happened as I was quite young. I knew that person would not come back anymore. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...a priest was sick with caner and my mother and I often visited him in the hospital. On one occasion we walked him on him dying and my Mom tried to shield me away from the sight of it since I was quite young. She didn't want me to see something so sad at a young age but I did see the priest dying and gasping for breath. There was another priest in the room whsipering prayers. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: when am I going to die? How am I going to die? Then I got scared of my parents and my boyfriend dying. In fact, I sometimes have dreams where my father dies. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it is something we should talk more about. Being Chinese, the topic of death is a bit taboo. We try not to mention it or think morbidly, However, I think it is healthier to address fears or topics of apprehension. One way to deal with a fear is always to talk about it and find support from others. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: comfort and support of those close to me such as my parents and boyfriend. I think my fear of death is unusual for someone this young but I am still in control of it. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: to see that person slowly slip away from me. Now all I have are memories and I can never see that person again. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to not avoid body contact or show your fear to them. I am sure they're scared enough. Don't make them feel as if they are dying. Be there for a dying person by talking to them when they need or just providing any support they need. Sometimes I just bring food or books for them to read or little things to cheer them up. I never mention anything about dying unless they want to talk. --[My relative's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: wrote a poem for him afterwards to be read at the funeral. That also helped me get my feelings out. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: someone is actually dying. The moment they are laving the world seems strange to me. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say more to my godfather. Tell him how much we all care for him and what a wonderful godfather he was to me. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: have more time with my Dad. He had a stroke during Thanksgiving of 1998 and that made me realize how important he was to me and how I couldn't live without him or my Mom. I am thankful for all they have done for me and provided me with. All the love and support and understanding they had. I am just thankful to have such wonderful parents. I never want to lose them. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I became very scared. I wanted to treasure everyone around me especially my parents. Even now I try to spend as much time with my parents as I can and to make them happy in any way possible. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Disbelief it could happen What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 15 14:26:31 1999 F27 in Kalamazoo, Mi =USA= Email: <Beffiet-at-AOL.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 2 months ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 63. --Details: This was definately the most painful experience of my life. My dad was my best friend, my touchstone. We were unusually close. My mom has alzheimers and he needed someone to talk to and I needed a parent - I'm only in my mid 20's. I took care of him untill he died. I was with him at the moment of his death. I miss him terribly. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A loss of a contact that helps us to further connect with ourselves --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I didn't deal with it well --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I had know distant relative that died. Even my gradparents who I didn't know very well. But when I was about 20 my horse died - he was probably my greatest companion --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The pain lasting for longer than I expected. The actual moment of death was peaceful. The week after that was a little chaotic. But now I'm so sad and nothing happens to change it. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: People who have lost someone don't tend to begin greiving for at least a month. The first year is the hardest. Grievers don't need your sympathies at the funeral when they are still numb - they need it later. And they don't want to hear how well they look or how proud you are of how they are doing- this just adds to the pressure --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I shared more with my dad because I knew he was dying than most people ever share with thier parents --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Solitude and prayer --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the feeling of the lack of unconditional love --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Ask them what they want and then believe them. It may seem hard to do what a dying person wants, for example funeral planning or ceasing in cheer up efforts. But they are still your loved one. do it for them - that's what it's all about --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: learned from his dying, grew closer to him than I dreamed possible and ignored the world when they thought I was making bad choices in giving up some of my live to be with my dad --The most confusing point of death for me was when: He was so sick that he could barely breath and had tears in his eyes. I couldn't bear to lose him, yet I couldn't bear for him to suffer anymore. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Strong emotions are strong emotions whether they are happy or sad. you will feel them both --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Ask my dad how he would want me to deal with his death - and also how to do that --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be with him until the final minute --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I spent about two weeks feeling like I was watching a movie about the death of my dad --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: People dropping off food and doing other nice gestures right after his death - we were just in shock - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? How well What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Jul 14 20:03:51 1999 F22 in Columbus, Nebraska =USA= Name: Ruth Breaker Email: <lady_katarina77-at-yahoo.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Just surfing the net - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: homemaker - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: Heart Attack; Aged: 46. --Details: She was an alcoholic and she had a bad heart. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When someone leaves and never comes back. Thier body quits we bury them in the ground and never get to see them, talk to them, or hold them ever again. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Was in the middle of my 4th birthday party. The phone rang and my grandma came in the room and told everyone that my Aunt died. We went to Kansas to bury her. I couldn't understand why I would never see her again. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My aunt who I was very close to died on my 4th birthday from complications of Diabetes --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The fact that everyone thought that I was the strong the one of the family but this time it is everyone else who has had to be strong for me. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: The fact that it hurts and it isn't something that I can just get over. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: That my grandma didn't have to suffer anymore. She had bone cancer and was in a lot of pain. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Being able to talk to my family and friends and having them be a shoulder for me to cry on. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The fact that I would never see them again and in most cases the fact that I never got to say good bye or tell them that I love them. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Make things right between me and my mother before she died. The last time I saw her I was angry at her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: See my mom one more time before she died. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Carrying my mother's ashes to the place where we were going to spread them. I felt like it was my turn to carry her after she had carried me all those years as a child. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Meking sure the funeral is perfect. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I first heard of her death. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would be a better daughter and I would tell her how much I love her everyday. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Because I still need my mother here! --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go to where she is if a place exsists so that I don't have to be without her anymore. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I I never really have found a point when I acknowledge a loved one's death. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: I don't think they did enough! --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: There was no religion involved. --Religious Affiliation: Current - athiest Past - Nazarene --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Almost all religions and cultures feel that the spirit goes to a place to wait for thier loved ones to join them. --Regarding MONEY: We weren't financially prepared and had to do things the cheap way. --Regarding the FUNERAL: There was no funeral. Me, my sister, my brother, and my uncle spread her ashes. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Thinking it weird for my mother's ashes to be able to fit in such a small box. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Loss of weight, sickness, and saying good bye. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: I cry a lot and look at pictures. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I feel that my mother's spirit has been in my home and even touched me once. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I have many unresolved issues with my mother and talking to her eventhough she isn't here seems to help a little. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell my mother how much I love her and that she was wrong in saying that I don't need her anymore cause I do. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: When I felt my mother touch me at first it freaked me out then it calmed me cause it was like she was trying to tell me that she is watching over me. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I get upset when people fight over what should be done. When I die I don't want anything fancy. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Sometimes death scares me cause I don't want to leave those who love me but other times I wish I would die just so I can be with those loved ones who have already died. If I knew that I was dying soon I would make sure that all my loved ones knew how much I love them and I would write out a will. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I talk to my mother as if she was still here. I have even gotten into fights with her. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? -none- I still don't deal with death well What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories It hurts to remember someone who died cause I know I won't be able to make anymore memories with them --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I wish my husband would have been there for me more but I am greatful that my sister, brother, and father were there for me. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I am not quite sure it helped me. But it did make me realise that I need to find better ways to deal with death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Jul 14 18:51:20 1999 F23 in Spokane, WA =USA= Email: <arodgers-at-sisna.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: student/child care - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 7 yrs ago. Cause of Death: drug and alcohol abuse; Aged: 46. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a transition --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was about 16 --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...First it was my Father, from heavy drug and alcohol abuse-hepatitus C.Then my Grandma, his Mother about 3 months later. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that i didn't get to say good-bye --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: what happens? --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it taught me the value of living every moment to the fullest --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that i could never see him or talk to him again, and where did he go? --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: to let them go --[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: didn't handle it well and how it could be done better --The most confusing point of death for me was when: was he in "Heaven", "hell", here sitting next to me,nowhere, somewhere???? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: a person can handle only so much --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: be there with him in the hospital --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: see him 2 months before he passed --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I had a dream a short time later that felt as if something, darkness, i am not sure but it was pulling me in and it was so strong that I knew if I went with it I wouldn't return --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: who get's the material possesions of the one who has passed --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that we should endure such pain --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see him, feel him, smell him --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I shut down --Regarding MONEY: everything he told me he wanted me to have his "common-law" wife took and gave me his bath robe and a necklace --Regarding the FUNERAL: on hand it was nice to be with my whole family and my mother at the same time and on the other I was numb, it was all a fog --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : someone who has given up --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: i haven't yet grieved fully --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': the dreams of him seem to be dark, which scares me. My Mother has the same experiences. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Some unresolved issues are abandonment issues, why did he do the things he did. I am the only one that can help myself --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would like to tell him how much I have always admired him and saw past his weaknesses to his incredible strengths. I would like to hear him tell me that I am doing ok and that he is proud of me. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I have never seen him, but sometimes I really feel him, i get like prickly and my sense of him is so strong, but I could be imagining it --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: PEOPLE NEED A WILL AND THINGS IN WRITING --Any thoughts about your own death?: i wouldn't be so scared if it wasn't for my daughter, i can't stand the thought of being separated from her --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I have written him letters - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 13 23:34:09 1999 M21 in , =Canada= Email: <auenege-at-home.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Portrait of Dorian Gray, A Farewell to Arms, Anna Karenina, Dear Dead Person Recommended Reading-- Writers: Oscar Wilde, Hemmingway, Tolstoy, Benjamin Weissman - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 5 months ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 70. --Details: She died on Valentine's Day. 9:41 am. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The body dies and energy disperses --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Listened to Gorecki. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... a friend of mine was hit by a truck. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: How demeaning it seemed that a whole lifetime can be grieved with tears in minutes. --What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is: It doesn't need answers. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Seeing my grandmother two days before she died. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Listening and writing music. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I had the chance to see her before she died, and I didn't, but I did hear her breath on the phone. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Whether I was glad her suffering was finished, or even more sad regarding her death. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: See her when I had the chance to. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: The bag her personal belongings were put in - it didn't seem right. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I doubt she'd have enjoyed it - she lived a fairly boring, sad life; in and out of the hospital constantly, always in discomfort. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Cried for a couple minutes. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Nothing to me personally. --Religious Affiliation: Reincarnation. --Regarding the FUNERAL: Our family had a private memorial - sprinkling her ashes into the ocean. I was shocked at how "common" ashes looked in the water. Nothing magical, nothing surreal. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: I think I saw her spirit floating above me at night a couple weeks later. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I woke up to see a blue form floating above me. At first I thought I was dreaming so I shook myself awake and realized I was fully awake. The spirit started to recede slowly, but was holding a hand out to me. Of course, the fact that it could have been my grandmother didn't occur to me, and I tried to yell out, but I was so scared I couldn't even open my mouth. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I've thought about death for a long time, long before this happened. I've come to my terms with death, and honestly think (as far as pre-thought can go) I am not frightened. I have an affinity with the calm. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? The opposite actually. My mom's friend, a superficial friend, saw my grandmother die. She'd always "back-stabbed" my grandmother and then there she was mourning her like she thought she was a nun. Ever since then I'll have nothing to do with her. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It frightened me actually. I have to sleep soon and I don't want to see any more spirits. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 13 09:41:47 1999 F14 in minneapolis, mn =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] looking up death and dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 1/2months ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 80. --Details: she was one of mybest friends and got cancer for the second time, she went to the hosp. and started radiation but it was hard on her so they put her on morphine and she moved in w/my mom and i there was a family member with her all the time sometimes me im only 14 but it helped my to know i was helping. she got really bad and i said goodbye then i stayed with a cousin because my mom didnt want me to see the worst - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when someone is GONE never returning and all you have left is memories and faith that they are with you on some other level --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I had no idea how to react so that made me even more upset --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... it was an uncle that i had just grown close to. he died at home and was found by his best friend i was 5 and my mom answered the phone and started sobbing --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling very close to my family --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: dont hide anything! dont hide your feelings and tell kids the TRUTH completely it may seem harde but in the end its best to know --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my gramma kept saying she was in gods hands know which makes my faith stronger --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: family, books and other people that told me that the weird feelings like numbness guilt and anger were normal --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: seeing my family especially men so upset which is another reason guys shouldnt feel like crying is weak because it just makes death harderle --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: let them know their feelings have been expressed and you know how they feel about you --The most confusing point of death for me was when: i didnt feel aaaanything for the first few days i would sob and sob but i didnt really feeel anything till after the funeral --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: it was healthy not to shut out my other emotions and just feel sadness all through the proccess my family was laughing because gramma had the best sense of humor and would always make a joke at the most serious times --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: talk more to my gramma about her past and get to know her as a woman more than just my grammma --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: the closed the casket i fell apart it was the end --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could have one more hug --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: hospice is one of the greatest things ever --Regarding HOSPICE etc: they were absolutley wonderful and helped us understand all the weird things and they still write and send books and offer to listen and talk --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: gramma wasnt completley gone forever --Religious Affiliation: disciples of christ first christian --Regarding MONEY: we couldnt decide how to spend her memorial --The weirdest part of it all to me was: b --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : burst of energy loss of appetite disorientation --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: first numbness then complete depression then alitte anger or guilt --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': she kept repeating that she was in gods hand now --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: i had a LOT of dreams and she was there once it was at the funeral home and she got out and hugged me --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i took out all her pictures with me and remembered something she had said to me at that time - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time it was explained completely by my mom she told me everything i wanted to know What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it helped alot to put things in perspective ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Jul 11 13:16:52 1999 F26 in , NC =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 42. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the separating of our spirits from our bodies. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was a little sad, but knew I would see them again one day in Heaven. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...Grandfather had heart attck. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: being angry that she died. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is only temporary if you have faith in Jesus Christ. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: her suffering was finished. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: the Bible and prayer. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: I thought she would be healed, but she wasn't. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Visit some, but also send cards or other stuff in the mail to let them know you're thinking of them. Visits can be awkward and tiresome sometimes...be sensitive. --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: had to learn to trust God even when His decisions did not agree with mine. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I found out that she had really died. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: N/A --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: visit her sooner instead of being afraid to face her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: pray with her and read Scripture with her, even though it was awkward. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: N/A --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: N/A --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I try to figure out why I thought she would be healed instead of accepting her condition. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... never thought about that --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... N/A --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could understand why I misunderstood what I thought God was saying --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I read my Bible and asked God lots of questions. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: whatever --Regarding HOSPICE etc: not involved with this --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: loving support. However, our relationship with Jesus gave us hope and a future. --Religious Affiliation: I belong to Jesus Christ. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: we all miss our loved ones. --Regarding MONEY: N/A --Regarding the FUNERAL: I was there only for the second half because someone told me it was going to be at the funeral home, but it was actually at the church. (I think God did this on purpose because I really was thinking about walking up to the casket and telling her to "get up in the name of Jesus.") --The weirdest part of it all to me was: not about the death at all, but about my communication with God and trusting what He sasys to me. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : depends on th illness. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: ? --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': there were none that I know of. --RE: Near Death Experiences: When I was almost two years old, I fell out of an upstairs window. I don't remember it, but my parents tell me I said I saw angels. They were surprised, because they didn't know that I knew what an angel was. By the way, I only needed a few stitches; I was picking myself up off the ground when my mother reached me. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: All my unresolved issues are with God. I will keep reading the Bible and praying until I get some insight. --If we were to visit one last conversation... Was there any kind of healing at all? Spiritual, Emotional whatever? --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I had a dream about my grandfather. I was sitting in a church and he came up beside me and told me a story. I never could remember the story after I woke up, but I did remember the point he was trying to make: Did I love Jesus more than anything else? More than myself and what I wanted? More than I loved what other people thought about me? --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I should make sure my wishes regarding living wills, power of attorney, guardians of children, etc are clearly known and legally binding. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I think about it often. I sometimes think it would be much easier to die than to get up and face living another day. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Just sharing good memories about the deceased, and knowing that if they knew Jesus then they are in a better place. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Look for the positive in everthing. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? nope. I tend to avoid my friend's family members. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness close family What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none- --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: N/A - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - This was interesting, but not much I haven't thought of before. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? What do you think will happen after you die? ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Jul 10 16:59:16 1999 M17 in healesville, victoria =australia= Name: Nick Email: <wuadruped-at-xoommail.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: High school - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 15 yrs ago. Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 2. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: When the body ceases to function. It is completely unknown whether or not there is some higher 'consciousness' that goes on being aware after death, although many believe so. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was much too young to really understand the circumstance. Children, in their innocence, are not afraid of, or frightened by death. A lesson?.... --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...one of my young friends drowned in a swimming pool --What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is a natural part of life --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I think it may have brought some of our parents closer together --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My youth --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: losing a friend --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: get them out of the bloody pool --[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: was too damn young to remember it --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my friend was no longer there --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I was a baby for god's sake --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: ... --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: ... --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: ... --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: ... --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: ......... --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... good question. Would I still be friends with this girl 15 yrs down the track? Would we be living near each other? Would it matter? --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That I never got to know my friend as a more grown-up person --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could ... --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I can't remember --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: ... --Regarding HOSPICE etc: .. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: ... --Religious Affiliation: I am at a stand-off with religion. I don't annoy it, and it doesn't annoy me --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: quite true. Of course everyone dies. --Regarding MONEY: ... --Regarding the FUNERAL: ... --The weirdest part of it all to me was: ... --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : The flailing arms and legs and the look of panic on the face. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: It helped to have no idea what was going on --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I think her mother had some visions of her at one point --RE: Near Death Experiences: ... --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: ... --If we were to visit one last conversation... remember me? --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: ... --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: ... --Any thoughts about your own death?: Yeah, it sucks. Oh well, at least i'm secure in the knowledge that I can swim --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: ... --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? ... --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? ... - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness I was so oyung that I didn't fully understand what had happened What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness as I said...... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Jul 10 11:37:18 1999 F18 in Caswell Beach, NC =US= Name: Jenne Email: <AngelDust-at-starplace.com> Web: http://zap.to/nomoreshame - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Engineering - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 3 months ago. Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 20ish. --Details: He had been depressed for a very long time and finally went through with suicide. I've always felt it was my fault for not being there when he needed me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when life ceases to exist and a person sleeps forever. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried because i couldn't understand --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandfather died from a heartattack. I was too young to go to the funeral but I remember him well. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: feeling it was my fault and others saying it wasnt --What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's inevitable and brings an end to pain --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: nothing :/ --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my psychologist, explaining how it wasn't my fault --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the guilt and knowing we could never talk again --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: tell him i was there to listen at any time...and just maybe, maybe give him some hope to live --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: get a chance to know him --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: someone else i know is on the verge of committing suicide. i feel a strong urge to prevent it since i couldnt the last time. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I might not have the realization that someone close to me could possibly commit suicide. I wouldnt be able to value friends as i do now. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... it should have been me, not him --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried uncontrollably and searched for all the old letters i had gotten from him to read --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: The medical community is so underdeveloped in areas of psychology, they are useless! If the doctors were more observant, rather than caring only when they get paid, they could have noticed he was suicidal! --Religious Affiliation: Christian (methodist)...none now --Regarding MONEY: it was no issue --The weirdest part of it all to me was: people who didn't know him saying the hoped he was in a better place and that they'll miss him. --RE: Near Death Experiences: I came close to getting killed in a car accident where my car flipped. I don't know if it really changed my point of view...i've never valued life much. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: there are no way to resolve the issues --If we were to visit one last conversation... That his death was the only option he had and he felt no more pain from life. --Any thoughts about your own death?: finally --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Self-injury. It would punish me for not preventing his death. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 8 08:34:03 1999 F32 in Mission, KS =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Writer/Graphic Designer - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1.5 yrs ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 55. --Details: My mother smoked from the age of sixteen until she discovered she had advanced lung cancer. She had been a very active, strong-willed person, and our family watched her decline through radiation and chemotherapy for several years until she was just a shell of her former self, with no ability to communicate. My sister and I recognized the mercy of her eventual death, but my mother's boyfriend could not handle what was happening. We were lucky to have my mother's minister from church to help us handle that situation. Even today, the older members of the family (my mother's parents and siblings) seem to have a much more difficult time getting over their grief. My sister and I, although we loved our mother, recognized that her death stemmed partly from choices our mother consciously made, and was eventually kinder than her continued suffering. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the end of the animation of the body. It is when the force that gives us awareness and our "self" leaves the body. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was sad, because I knew I would miss her. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great aunt, with whom I was close (despite living a distance away) died of a heart attack. She clearly knew she was going to die, because she sorted all her personal belongings into categories, and marked them with the names of the relatives she wanted to have them. However, she did not TELL anyone of her suspicions about her health. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the clinical and dehumanizing way the hospital hangs on to people who will never get better. It caused me to re-think many of my feelings on medical treatment for any terminal illness I may develop. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it's going to happen to everyone sooner or later, and resisting won't change that. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the way some people - and not necessarily the people you might expect - offer their aid and comfort. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my mother's church pastor. She came to the hospital to counsel the family on numerous occasions, without a word of complaint. She even came in the middle of the night when my mother died. Although I am not the most outwardly religious person in the world, my set of beliefs related to death were quite close to hers, and it made me feel better in expressing my views to others. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the loss of the person's company. Even today, I will see something on television or read something that I know my mother would have enjoyed, and for a split I consider calling her, until I remember that isn't possible. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: make sure you get a chance to tell the person how you feel about them. But don't make the vigil the focus of YOUR life until the person dies. It's important to remember that YOUR life will go on. --[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: came to terms with my own mortality and my feelings about terminal illness. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my mother was still alive, but could no longer communicate and did not appear to recognize anyone. It was incredibly painful to see her wired up to machines, completely stripped of her humanity and dignity, yet still alive. Shortly before that point, she had made repeated requests to be allowed to return home to die, but her doctors and the hospital would not let her. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: my sister and I both tried very hard to maintain our usual personalities throughout the ordeal. Just because we were grieving, did not mean we couldn't laugh at the things that we would always laugh at. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: try to be a little more understanding of the people around me who had difficulty accepting the death. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be strong enough to handle the day-to-day arrangements that followed my mother's death. I realize now that I was repressing a lot of feelings, but at the time it helped me to cope. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... If I hadn't had to deal with my mother's death, I would probably have changed careers before now - and probably with a great deal of help and support from her. She would also be helpful in giving me advice about family and relationship issues. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: unhappiness. Doctors are so involved in trying to "beat death" that I think they often prolong life at the expense of quality of life. I think that doctors need to be more realistic and give families less false hope when a terminal illness is involved. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: My sister and I did not understand hospice care, and were not able to arrange it for my mother. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: emotional support for my entire family and help in making important decisions about my mother's care. --Religious Affiliation: non-denominational Christian --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: reasonable. There is such a huge difference between the spark of life and it's absence in the body. It does not seem inconceivable that whatever energy comprises the Spirit, it may continue to exist outside the body. --Regarding MONEY: we were lucky that our mother had pre-paid for her funeral arrangements. My sister and I got just enough life insurance money to pay off the two mortgages on our mother's house. It took us another year to sell the property (for less than it was worth), which was costly as well. We were lucky to come out ahead in the long run, but it could have been worse. --Regarding the FUNERAL: n/a --The weirdest part of it all to me was: being asked if I wanted to see my mother after her death (in the hospital). Neither I nor my sister chose to do so. From the months of medical treatments, my mother's appearance had already changed radically and I could hardly remember what she looked like before. I didn't want my last image of her to be the image of her in death. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : No appetite; latching on to purely physical needs (my mother talked about nothing but coffee and cigarettes eventually); a "slowing down" of any remaining voluntary movement. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: much of the grieving took place before the actual death, so that there was almost a feeling of relief at the end. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: My relationship with my mother was not always a smooth one, but time is helping me let go of many of the unresolved issues. I no longer feel anger and other mixed feelings toward my mother and I understand that I have outgrown the "need" for a mother figure in her specific capacity. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I have had dreams since my mother's death in which she appears, but I do not see it as a "visitation". In most of the dreams I remember, I was very angry at her - which I see as a part of my subconscious coping with my relationship to her and my handling of her death. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: My mother had a living will and other health care instructions, but although my sister took over the decision-making, we both perceived that other mother could still make some of her own decisions throughout much of the time. I think I would want to make a specific list of determinations for my own decision-making ability to make it easier for someone to know whether to go ahead with what I set forth in advance, or listen to what I was saying later. --Any thoughts about your own death?: Since my mother's death, I have been through the (very similar) death process of my mother-in-law. I have very strong feelings about minimizing the influence of hospitals and doctors in the last stages of life. I truly do not fear death, but I fear the "living death" of life support. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: When we finally cleaned out my mother's house and I gathered up all the family photographs, I felt better after seeing old photos of my mother. It reminded me of the closeness of the family ties, and it gave me other images of her besides those I remembered from the hospital. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System To me, the inevitability of death makes it something that would be foolish to fear or resist. Everyone dies eventually. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope Because many people have a hard time letting go when someone is dying, they may feel that a reasoned and realistic approach to an imminent death is "cold" and "uncaring." - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think this questionnaire was very therapeutic for me. I have had all of these thoughts before, but I have never sat and written them all down. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 8 07:23:33 1999 Anonymous Guest - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] yahoo search engine - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: left behind Recommended Reading-- Writers: I dont remember - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 1 ago. Cause of Death: accident on a motorbike; Aged: 17. --Details: I cant think of any more - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the ending of life on earth, and the begginning of eternal life in heaven or hell --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I couldnt deal with it at all. Icried and cried for weeks, and I still miss him and have flashbacks now. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... I was on the back of my boyfriend's motorbike, and we skidded into some mud and he lost control o fht ebike. He yelled at me to jump off, which I refused to do. He pushed me to sefety, but he carried on down the hill with the bike. The bike drove over the cliff with my boyfriend still on it, nd he died on impact with the rocks. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: his cry as he died. --What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is: the fact that death isn't the end. Its merely the end of life on earth. If we repent, we stillhave eternal life inheaven to look forward to. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the fact that Iknow I will see him again in heaven. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: the church and friends --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: dealing with not being able to see him or speak to him any more. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: my experience doesnt include this really --[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: you need to understand that death doesn't have to be the end, as long as you live your life with God. By th time you die its too late, so get yourself and your friends etc. sorted out NOW --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I tried to understand why it had happened in my life --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: laughing is just such an emotional release, at the end of the day, you've just got to let go of all the hurt you feel, and get on eith the rest of your life. Laugh and get it out of your system. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say goodbye - but I know I'll see him again one day. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: pray and talk to God --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: he was buried. It seems so final, somehow. The 'ashes to ashes' ceremony really hit me hard. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: seeing him dead --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I see other couples together --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I actusally think that his death has brought us closer toghether. Ifd he was still here I know we'd get married when I'm 17 --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I loved him so much and it took me so long to find him. I couldn't believe I'd lost him. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could talk to him and give hima hug. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I knew I couldn't live life alone without my boyfriend, so I looked to God for help --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they were very sensitive and caring --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I could get to grips with his death, and find peace thropugh /God --Religious Affiliation: Chrisitan --Regarding MONEY: he gave me everything - I just wanted him so I sold most of the stuff --Regarding the FUNERAL: the burial --The weirdest part of it all to me was: how his skin felt - it wasnt warm as I remembered it --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I know that he went to heaven - we always talked about God together - he is home now. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy prayer What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories remembering the cry he gave as he fell ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wed Jul 7 23:31:42 1999 F29 in , NY =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I searched under death and dying on yahoo - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 2 days ago. Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 90. --Details: She was in a nursing home, for about 5 weeks before she had a heart attack and died a week later. She was able to take care of herself quite well before this. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The most painful non-physical pain there is. In fact, losing someone you love IS physically painful. My head and my eyes hurt from crying, my stomach hurts from not being able to eat, My body aches from poor sleep. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very upset and cried very hard. I felt many regrets because I had not seen this person for a substantial amount of time before her death. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... a neighbor whom I was very close to died. She was like a grandmother to me. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: the feeling of loss and regret. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: You need to be able to express your grief freely and however you choose( as long as you don't hurt yourself or others) --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I was able to see my grandmother and spend quality time with her before she died. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Lighting white candles and displaying pictures of my grandmother in the house. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The pain of knowing that I would not ever see my grandmother again in this life. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: see my grandmother more often. She lived 3000 miles away in England, and I only saw her twice in the last ten years before her death. I also wish that I had saved her letters, cards, even a tape I made of her telling family stories. I threw out so many things after my last move, I now only have her pictures and a few possessions of hers. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... In that dimension, I would live much closer to my grandmother, and I would have been able to take care of her in her last years of life. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... I didn't have enough time to spend with her! I am angry for at my family for moving to the USA, I could have had more of a relationship with her! --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could turn back time, be able to have gone to England every year for the last ten years. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I felt I would nver stop crying. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Gratitude. After her heart attack, they did not torture her with many tests, they just let her rest comfortably and realized that this 90 year old woman was ready to go. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: I don't have church ties, my spirituality is very personal. --Regarding MONEY: It was the lack of money that prevented me from being able to visit my grandmother more before her death. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I fell very resolved with her --If we were to visit one last conversation... I'd like to hear that she was ok, that she was happy and reunited with my grandad( if that is what she wanted) I would tell her that I wish that we could have had more time together in this life. I would also tell her that I loved her most of all my family members. I would ask her to be my spiritual guide. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I welcome this and wish that my grandmother will come and visit me in any way she can. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Buying her flowers that I kept in a vase next to a recent picture of her, with a white candle lit for her, and an offering left for her. In my case the offering was a piece of cake, because she loved sweets. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities Family members should be aware that you can have strong feelings for non-family members - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It is helpful to write these feelings down, because I am feeling so helpless right now. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Tue Jul 6 00:26:05 1999 F21 in Bryan, Texas =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Student - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 3yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 70. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a perminant cessation of all vital functions; the end of life --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I cried and prayed and tried to somehow believe that she could still hear me. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was... My great-grandmother lived with us for two years. One summer while I was visiting my father and his family in S.C. I receieved a call saying that she had passed away. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: trying to put into reality the fact that Grandmother ceases to exist. I tried to cope with the possibilty that I may never see her again and tried to imagine a way I could survive without her. The family pretty much lost it's closeness and alot of hidden secrets came out of people's personalities (due to the will). --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: it is far too easy to put death on the back shelf by believing in a myth that by all accounts of logic is ridiculous. Then again, what is the point of worrying about death every moment of your life. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: there is nothing I know that makes death beneficial. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Decartes' theory of "I think therefore I am"... giving me hope that those I love and myself will not simply disapear into nothingness once our bodies give out. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: The fear that haunts me in the middle of the night, when it is just quiet enough that I can hear my heartbeat and know that if one night it just stops... that's the end. And then I too will know what's on 'the other side'. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: I have no idea. I couldn't offer hope, since I have every fear in the world of death and cannot offer any solace for myself. I couldn't lie. The only thing I could say is that reguardless of what happens they would be embarking on a great new adventure. And they are not alone... because everybody goes through this. --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: realize not to take people for granted and not to waste life on the ridiculous things that society deams important. This is our one shot at it all. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: why... where then... how... what does it feel like... Hell, I don't know. It's all confusing. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: never happened... --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Talk to my father as an adult. Consult with him on all aspects of life. Really get to know him. Show my Grandmother how wonderful we all know she was. Show her how greatful I am for all she taught and did for me. Hug her and never let go so that she would've left me knowing how much I adore her. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: pull out all of grandmother's pictures and talk about her youth and her friends and family. Talk about how things were back in the day and actually come to the realization that my Grandmother, too, was a person... and independent of our family once upon a time. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: ... --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: a whole bunch of people getting together to express their sympothy to me for my Dad and Grandmother when I barely know them.. have no idea what their relationship to Grandmother or Dad was, and really don't give a shit at the moment. It's not like it could make me feel better or bring them back or let me know that they're ok. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about the good times... I begin thinking that there will be no more good times and that just kills me. Or when I think of something interesting that I would ask or say to only my Dad or Grandmother. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would've stayed in Colorado and in college there, driving the porche that my step-mother took away, helping Dad with the camera stores, getting to know him better... And still relying on Grandmother for my main source of love. I would be alot more inoscent to the world knowing that I still had her to take care of me. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... Why do we have to lose people we love? Why do these terrible things happen to good people? (The usual.) --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could know all the answers. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried. I cried until I couldn't see or feel or breath. I cried until I could deny and forget. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: they, like Socrates and myself, "know nothing". --Regarding HOSPICE etc: The people from hospice were wonderful (with my Grandmother). On the whole they were all very caring, compationate ladies. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: To me: jack shit... but to my family it is their hope and answer that helps them sleep a little better at night. --Religious Affiliation: current: I'm of the 'I don't know anything for sure and won't delude myself into fantsies' religion. past: Christian, any denomination (Methodist, Baptist, Episcopalian, Assembly of God... whatever) --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: like an interesting theory. --Regarding MONEY: Turned out my Aunt was a money grubber... thankfully Grandmother's will left everything to Grandad. My Step-Mother remains just plain weird... Dad left no will, but she gave me his cameras and then took them back. And left me no pictures. All I have are memories and I think that's all I need. --Regarding the FUNERAL: With Dad's, his family is loaded with insensitive redneck assholes who actually video taped the open casket funeral and later, at a reunion I was forced to attend, played the tape while I was watching the home movies. Sick. I wasn't there for Grandmother's funeral. I was on a plane at the time (coming home). --The weirdest part of it all to me was: ... --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Dad died of a heart attack... he had had one 2 years before. I wasn't instate when he passed on but my step-mother said he was wheezing quite a bit and was having problems with fluid in his lungs the few weeks prior. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: denial.... deal with it later, alone --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': none that I know of --RE: Near Death Experiences: nothing --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: God... too many to deal with. I feel guilty about the little things that you think about when you go through a list of unresolved issues in your head... I just hope that they know what my deeper intensions towards them were. --If we were to visit one last conversation... ... --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I wish... but no. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Mom gets all my things... or my kids (if I ever have any)... I want to be cremated and scattered all over the world... but I also want a tombstone that stands up and is beautiful. And I want everyone in my life to know exactly how i felt about them (on the whole). --Any thoughts about your own death?: I am scared to death!!! My way of dealing is treating each day as my last and trying to accomplish goals that I have always dreamed of... never settling for second best and always after a new adventure. All I hope is to die quickly, painlessly, and not in some strange embarassing situation. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: there is no closure for me... just acceptance of what has happened and the grief that follows --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? none --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? no - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness These days it is more of a conscious denial until I can later deal with it alone... and for the rest of my life. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I reached out to my Mom... but I wished that Grandad reached out to me... or that I could've reached out to him. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It was terribly long, but very therough(sp?). I would be lying if I said i didn't cry during the questionnaire. It helped me verbaly understand my thoughts on the subject. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 5 21:56:36 1999 F40 in Lisa, Illinois =USA= Email: <ljb_owling> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I did a web search on death and dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 1/2 weeks ago. Cause of Death: an automobie accident. ; Aged: 21. --Details: Jeremy was on his way home from work when he crossed the center line. He hit another vehicle head on and was not wearing his seat belt. He died from internal injuries. Before this, he always wore the seatbelt. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when our soul leaves our body. Death is so final....the word I associate most with death is "never". I'll never speak to him again,never hold his hand, never see him smile. He'll never experience the things that life has to offer, because his life is over. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was more curious about it than anything else because I was so young, and I didn't know her very well. The death that had the most impact on my life was my fathers in 1988. I felt like finding an empty field and just screaming until I lost my voice. The Biblical term "gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair" came to mind. I just thought if I did that, I would get it all out. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my grandmother was very ill and passed away. I didn't know her well, and went to the funeral. My parents let me decide. I was in the 4th grade. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: that I didn't get to say goodbye. Since I lived in a different town, and had an unlisted number, his family couldn't have contacted me if they had tried. I don't know if they did, because I haven't talked with them. There was a huge age difference so I never met them. We hadn't been seeing each other that long and I wasn't ready to meet them. I found out about his death when I called his house to talk to him, and his sister answered the phone. This was a few days after his funeral. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: I don't know. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: the impact these two people had on my life. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not being able to tell him (both father and boyfriend) exactly how I felt about him. My father knew this...I always told him that I loved him, but I hadn't been dating Jeremy for very long. I never got to tell him how much I enjoyed being with him. How I loved his smile and the twinkle in his eye. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: kiss him one last time...look at him and tell him exactly how I felt. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I visit the cemetary. I'm depressed for 3 or 4 days afterward. That is when I remember my father passing away. The other times I remember his life and how he lived. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I have no idea because it was a fairly new relationship. That's why I think I'm so upset, because of all the "what might have beens." --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... there are so many other people around who this should have happened to instead. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could scream and cry until I can't any longer. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I couldn't eat...sleep was difficult, when my father died, I lost my voice and I hadn't even made it to the empty field to scream and cry like I wanted to. It was kind of like stress laryngitis. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: we never discussed it. There was plenty of time for that later...or so I thought. --Religious Affiliation: Pentecostal --Regarding MONEY: we were fortunate when my father died. Insurance took care of more than everything. My boyfriend didn't have much insurance, so it has become a burden on his family, I think. I wish I could pay for everything, but I'm not in a position to do that. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: Since I wasn't aware of the funeral, I didn't get to say goodbye. I plan on going to the cemetary to say my goodbyes. But..I can't bring myself to do it yet. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would tell him that I cared for him, that I wanted to be with him for a very long time. That I enjoyed his company, I loved his smile and mannerisms...that he made me feel very happy inside knowing him. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: Now I feel like every time I get into a car, Jeremy is there telling me to buckle my seatbelt. I never wore mine just to run a couple of blocks, but it as tho he is nagging me to do it. Also, I received a phone call, within an hour of finding out about his death. Nobody ever spoke, but I could hear sounds from the background, and it sounded like his family. I even heard a woman talking to a man named Tom. His father's name was Tom. At first I thought it was a prank call, and then I felt real strange...like I knew it was him on the other end. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't think I'd want to know. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body Viewing the body helped with my grandmothers death, I think, but as I said, I didn't really know her that well. It's the deaths that have occured in my adult life that have had more of an emotional impact on me. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I think I'll be thinking about this questionaire for quite awhile. It's still too soon after his death, and I'm still getting through it. It's tough, but I know he'd want me to keep on living. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 5 20:15:45 1999 F20 in west point, ga =usa= Email: <prellie-at-yahoo.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] i was looking to participate in surveys. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 21. --Details: It was very unexpected, he was a wonderful guy who wouldn't hurt anyone. He had alot of friends. Mostly he had his future full of love left. He and I had even talked about marriage. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: a loss of the future. It's as if someone has redirected your future because it would not include that person anymore. More than the memories are lossed, you lose future memories with that person. You lose something you will never find again. That relationship is irreplacable. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was very young but i understood that i would never see my great grandfather again. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great grandfather died of heart failure. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I never wanted to meet anyone like him again, though he was terrific, I didn't want to face the fact that someone may try to replace him or ever compare to him. No one he knew was unhappy about his death, they were in fact proud that he was home, they were just unhappy about their loss. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: as much as it hurts to remember a loved one who has passed, they will live on in your memories. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: it really touches people and makes them realize when they do bad things, though they plan on repenting they may not have the time, and for a while you live as today is your last day on earth and do good by people. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my best friend, however i missed timmy so much i became a burden and very depressing to be around and eventually lost all my friends. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: knowing i would never touch him or even just pick up the phone and hear his voice on the other end. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: remind them of the wonderful memories they will carry with them and what a wonderful life they've led and this would make them feel a little more at ease, just knowing that their time here will never go unrecognized. --[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: learned that love is the greatest gift and just knowing that he loved me here on earth and was happy until his death I knew I had made a difference in his life. If GOD gave me the chance to go back knowing what i know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the funeral was over and i had no one's shoulder to cry on and wanted to call him more than anything. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: everyone would sit outside and tell there memories of timmy and just laugh and cry and sometimes no one would say a thing but someone would think of something and start laughing and everyone else just seemed to catch it and laugh along. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: see him once last time, our last goodbye kiss was 2 days before he died and i was laying in bed and he just pecked my lips, if i had known i would never see him again i would have let him know how much i loved him before he left. i wrote him a letter that night and mailed it the next morning, it got there the day after he died. i probably would have mailed it a day earlier so he would know exactly how i felt. it was six pages describing my happiness with him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: be there for his brothers and have them there for me, also being there in his bed from the night after he died all the way up to 2 days after his funeral. i was glad i didn't have to go home, i almost felt that he was lying next to me everynight when i slept there, i would've hated to be alone in my bed. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: i stood at the stove telling timmy's brother that i loved timmy more than anything and he looked at me and said " i know you did". --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: crying, we would just talk about our memories with timmy. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: i start dating someone new, i almost feel guilty. i just lie in bed some nights and think about what my life would be like with him here and cry at the loss of a life lived full of love with him. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... completely happy, we had a way of always agreeing, never arguing and i know that i would be ecstatically happy if he were here today. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that he missed out on a great future. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see his face and touch him and tell him i love him one more time. i just want to hear him telling me we will love again someday. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I somehow, i already knew, i jumped out of bed at 7:45 am which was the time the wreck happened and began to look for him. when i finally talked with his mom and she wouldn't tell me why she wanted me there i just began to cry and beg her not to tell me timmy was dead, she just said "timmy is dead" and it hit me full force. i had known all day but hearing it was a wakeup call. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: he was pronounced d.o.a. so i wouldn't know any one thing, except that they had passed a fireman friend earlier and when he came over the hill he saw it happen and stopped without a second thought and went over to help him. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: praying alone, having time to cope without people cramming a bunch of cliches down our throats. --Religious Affiliation: i meet with GOD alone every night. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: that we will see our loved ones again someday. --Regarding MONEY: the families sued the truck driver and the company he drove for and got a settlement they could live off of for the rest of their lives. --Regarding the FUNERAL: the loss that everyone felt, loss of someone who did make a difference in our lives but could have made a huge difference in others' lives. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: the night he died i stayed at my best friend's house and couldn't get to sleep because i was crying so much, when i finally shut my eyes i felt him wrap his arms around me and looked up and expected to see him but saw no one there. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the friday night before he died his mom and brother took him out and he felt the need to tell his mom something terrible his cousin had said to him which was something he would never have worried about if he hadn't known someone that it was his last chance. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: it was grief and happiness in a mix, i was happy he was finally home, but i grieved the loss of our future together. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': i wasn't aware because it was so sudden however i had a dream ten days before he died that his mom said meant a death was about to occur. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: i feel that we understood each other very much and have nothing i might have resolved with him. --If we were to visit one last conversation... i would like for him to tell me that no matter what happens in my life we would be rejoined one day. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: One night i had a dream, in this dream i got out of bed and went into the bathroom of my new apartment he had never seen and he was standing there, nude, i just went to him and hugged him and he looked at me and said "i love you", to this day i don't know how i feel about this dream. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: i would like a simple funeral, just me and my friends and family sitting in a room, them talking about their memories and laughing. --Any thoughts about your own death?: i want to find someone who makes me happy before i die, someone to live my life with. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: i still think i haven't achieved closure because it was a closed coffin. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? i still talk to him at night sometimes. --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? Timmy's best friend and i spent the entire time before, during, and after the funeral together talking about him. We somehow still feel that air of reassurance when we are together because each of us know how much timmy loved the other and could tell each other in no certain terms that timmy loved us. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? People's Stories, etc. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Passage of Time --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: i reached out to his brothers as much as i could when their girlfriends were helping other people.that was therapy in itself. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - it made me realize that i should've listened to myself more and taken my own advice. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 5 14:43:33 1999 F40 in Missoula, Montana =USA= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - just checked on death and dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Counselor - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: Death and Dying - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8yrs ago. Cause of Death: asthma; Aged: 68. --Details: she got sick from asthma - body couldn't fight any more - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: spirit leaving the body --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was afraid --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...I heard some bad news about myself --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: fear of my grandmother going somewhere where I would never see her --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: we go into the next world --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: my grandmother was relieved of the pain --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the fact about life --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Be there with everything you've got --[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: cried and rejoiced for the life I shared with her --The most confusing point of death for me was when: were getting ready to bury her --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: the laugh was of good memories with her --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Talk to her before she died - to tell her how much i loved her --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: See her before she was buried --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I looked at her still face - so beautiful --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: Where she rested --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Iam in deep thoughts about my own life --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I would ask her a whole lot about her childhood --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... That my grandmother should be locked up in a box with no windows --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Go back in time, those times we used to chat..I should have asked her so many questions --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I Thanked God for letting me be a part of her life --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: gratitude --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: A great deal --Religious Affiliation: catholic --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: just right --Regarding MONEY: family members were willing to help in any way possible --Regarding the FUNERAL: Seeing my grandfather held by my dad and uncle, looking very lost and solemn --The weirdest part of it all to me was: thinking how my grandfather was going to make it --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : the eyes --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Acceptance was a little hard to come by, but eventually it did --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I have had visitations from both my grandparents, my father and my uncle from the beyond --RE: Near Death Experiences: Seeing my relatives who have passed on in my dreams makes death an easier process, I know they will welcome me someday --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: No issues with my grandmother....I just wish i had more time to talk with her about her childhood --If we were to visit one last conversation... grandmother, i love you...You were the perfect human being i ever came across on this planet..I wish I knew you some more --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: My grandmother came back with a young face, shiny, with very white hair My father and uncle came back all dressed up in shiny outfits, and looking very young My grandfather came with a sad face, but could be read --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Always to tell the people i care about that i love them, especially my daughter --Any thoughts about your own death?: I was brought up in a culture where death and life are inseparable.....It is the feeling of rest whic comes with a lot of peace, that's what i believe --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Praying Candle lighting Quiet moments of reflection on the shared moments --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Look at life as a cycle and remember to be the best i can be by reflection...and living in the moment --Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death? My family ties became stronger - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body talked about it with other people What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death denial --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: Just being there when I wanted to talk or needed to be held - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It made me go back to a great moment in my life...a moment that I believe I should go back to a whole lot...it was the most special moment of my life - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Questions were good ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Mon Jul 5 02:02:58 1999 F16 in La Marque, Texas =USA= Name: Chantel Bottoms Email: <jdsher-at-airmail.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] interested in pyschological experiments - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago. Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 56. --Details: He had actually beaten the cancer but his treatments caused his throat to swell up so much that he couldn't breath. An ambulance was called but they got lost on the way to our house. When they arrived, they provided virtually no help. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when somebody goes to sleep and is NEVER able to wake up. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was ignorant to the whole experience. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My great grandma who was 96 passed away when I was 5. I wasn't too upset. I never knew her very well because she only spoke spanish and I only speak english. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how he was the only person in my family who liked me the best. My grandma has been lonely and protective of his old possessions ever since. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: that it's not something to be taken lightly. Our culture has gotten to where it portrays death in a comedic fashion or uses it for other entertainment purposes. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that now my grandpa won't have to suffer. I'm also grateful that he didn't have to see some of the terrible things that have happened since his death. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: being alone. I found the most comfort being alone in my room mourning privately. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: When that person died I didn't have a very good attitude towards anything, but now I'm different. It kills me that my grandpa didn't get to see me as I am now, a better person. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: hug them. A hug never hurt anybody and it usually has a positive effect. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: my grandpa actually died. I refused to believe it. I thought people were just telling me that as a sick joke. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: to hug my grandpa the last time I saw him. Less realistically I wish that he could see how I've now changed for the better. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: keep myself from becoming excessively depressed. I usually become depressed when a traumatic situation occurs. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: everyone that came to the funeral, no matter how poor, bought us food, plants, and flowers. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I look at my grandpa's picture. I remember how much I miss him. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... I wish those things were true. My grandpa was the only person that really appreciated me and I would have wanted him to see how I've really worked to become a better person. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could bring him back. Just so he could see how things are now. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I locked myself in my room, lit candles, and cried. I didn't want to be near anybody. --Regarding MONEY: by chance we happened to find a veterans graveyard that would provide a suitable service for a reasonable price. --Regarding the FUNERAL: The family members closest to my grandpa failed to show up while the people who knew him less were present. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: how you know the person died but no matter what you just can't get it through your head that that person is really gone. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : loss of appetite, irritable, exhausted, weight loss --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I always had a good relationship with him but if he was around now, it would have been an even better relationship. Only I can get myself at peace with that. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would want to tell him I loved him and though I didn't do anything wrong I would want to apologize for not being as thoughtful or as thankful as I should have been. Even if I could talk to him, it wouldn't fix anything. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I don't want to die. Even though I feel depressed and miserable everyday, I feel like I would be leaving too much behind. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I light my candles and tlk to the picture of my grandpa like I would if I was actually having a conversation with him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - It brought up a lot of painful memories that I'm not sure I should deal with right now. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Jul 4 18:30:29 1999 F55 in marion, north carolina =usa= Email: <tonyy-at-wnclink.com> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Looked interesting - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Educator - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Recommended Reading-- Titles: The Way We Die - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 4 ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 63. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: like going to sleep forever. Every one dies. I suppose to make room for others. I have no idea what happens after death. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I I can't recall how I felt --That first time, how it happened was Grandmother. She was old and sick --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: I felt closer to relatives more than usual --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: That no one knowes what death "really" means. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: I think my aunt was at peace. She wasn't afraid. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: Memories of my aunt as a wild young girl, who broke free of from a judgemental family --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: She was my favoriate aunt, but I was still not so close to her, so that the experience I felt was one of sadness. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Does one feel sad at the death of someone who has suffered great pain,...Does one feel glad that it is over for her??? --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: Laughter is a form of release. It is healing. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Visited more. Talked about things I wanted to know about her, her family, her sister(my mother). --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: A time for family to laugh together about things that had happened while they were young. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: The ceremony, the flowers, where to have the services since my aunt didn't attend church. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: At family gratherings, I still miss her --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Now, are we talking "heaven" or what? --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Oh yes, I have had " death thoughts" how peaceful that might be. Death by my own hand is always an option for me. In fact,it is a comforting thought. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Distrust --Regarding HOSPICE etc: Hospice was a help --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: Organized religion is not a part of my life. --Religious Affiliation: I believe in a Higher Power of some kind. I am still looking...... --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: Good --Regarding MONEY: Money was no problem --Regarding the FUNERAL: Too much. Get it over with --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : I was not around during the most part of her dying, so I don't know --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Since the death I am refering to was still not some one very close to me, I did not go through a normal grieving process. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': As far as I know, it didn't happen --RE: Near Death Experiences: Sorry, no experiences this. --If we were to visit one last conversation... You were my hero. I wanted to be like you---wild, bleach blonde hair, smoking , going out with "the guys from the wrong side of the tracks",having all the family talking about you real low so us young ones wouldn't hear. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: No visits from the other side. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Hey guys, I'm ready. Please play " For A Dancer" by Jackson Browne. No funeral, no flowers. And for God sakes, don't keep me alive. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'm pretty much ready - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life How'd I do? Very Well What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness I felt relieved that she was no longer sick. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - Yes it was a useful experience. Made me think about my own death. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Jul 4 12:33:52 1999 F18 in Wichita, Ks =usa= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ] Prof/Studies: Aerospace Propulsion Apprentice - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), 7 years ago. Cause of Death: an accident; Aged: 41. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when someones life has to come to end for no reason. It may be a horrible death or what the person wanted. When all the pain and suffering goes away and you go to heaven or hell. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I was about 15 years old. I had just got back from a family trip. I over heard my mother talking on the phone and she said something. I kinda figured it out. Then she came to my room and told me. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my aunt died in a car accident. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: The reaction that all my family had. And how was unable to go to the funeral to say my last good-byes. --What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is: I really don't have any culture or thought on how death should really be. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: I didn't anyone. I needed time to myself to think and be alone. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: that I never got to say good-bye. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: spend more time with her and tell her that I loved her. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I hear a song that we would listen to or I see the teddy bear. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... We would be on the beach or riding in the car. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that someone so special could be gone from this earth. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could see her and ask her how shes doing what see thinks of my life and show her how my life is. To make her proud of her little neice --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I cried and held the teddy bear close to me. The teddy bear she bought me when I was really little. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: to me it ment nothing --Religious Affiliation: I don't really beleive in heaven nor hell. I do beleive there is something out there but I don't know what - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Well What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying Just stayed bt myself for a few days. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sun Jul 4 04:07:38 1999 M24 in Indianapolis, IN =USA= Name: Robert Morgan - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Yahoo's on-line psychological experiments site - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: salesperson, wanna-be student Recommended Reading-- Writers: Henry Rollins - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Step-Father, 1 month ago. Cause of Death: stroke and/or diabetes; Aged: 55. --Details: (Step-father) Diabetic since his teens, and a poor history of maintaining his health; multiple strokes and heart attacks in last 3 years; circulation problems elsewhere leading to open sores and amputated limbs; complete mental and physical degeneration. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: the termination of our body's ability to sustain its standard biological processes. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I realized how capricious death could be, and how everyone had different, but extreme, reactions and emotions. --That first time, how it happened was A class-mate of mine from Sunday school was accidentally shot and killed by his cousin in a mock fight over a Twinkie; the victim's father had a rifle in the house, unbeknownst to either person. The victim was only an acquaintance (and I don't even remember his name, now), and the funeral was almost a class project; most of the Sunday school class attended together. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: how it threw into high contrast the differences and similarities between myself and my relatives. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: (black) humor is not inappropriate, and in fact is a great stress reliever and coping mechanism. Also, that money spent or not spent on funeral expenses is not a gauge of how much someone is loved. Funerals aren't parties, but attendees seem to rate them as if they were. ("...she chose the rose-wood; I never would have chosen wood for my husband- and can you believe the spray on the casket?! That's the budget one!...") --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: that death never comes without reason. There is ALWAYS something underlying death. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: my religious beliefs. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: the heightened emotional instability of my mother. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: dying people feel as though they are a pariah; they're not lepers. Hug them, etc. --[My StepFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: Didn't let emotions cloud my judgement. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: the legal/financial paperwork needed to be done. --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: I don't think it was stress. I've always found humor in what many others see as being dark or foreboding; it's a coping method, and it works wonderfully. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Had a rational talk with my step-father before his strokes cut down his mental abilities; fences needed mending, bad. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: relate as an adult to my family, instead of being the child in everyone's way. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: I felt like mementos should have been placed in the casket. If the whole object of an open-casket funeral is to see someone who's been made-up to look "life like", then one should place personal effects in the casket; I also thought the person should be dressed in their natural clothing. My stepfather should have been buried in Chicago Cubs gear, clutching a pennant- not wearing a suit. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: the grave-side service. Closure was made when the casket was closed, and we watched the actual burial- but the grave-side service was unnecessary and repetitive. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I realize that people are one step away from being alone. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... It really wouldn't be that much different. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that so many financial and legal decisions have to be made spur-of-the-moment, probably at the one time rational thought is hardest of all... --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Divest myself and my loved ones of any need to do funeral planning. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I worried for my mother's financial and emotional support. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: apathy. Considering my step-father's medical history, there was pretty much nothing they could do, and compassionate euthanasia is illegal. They could medicate the pain, but not the suffering. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: They must have access to greeat psychiatric help, because the hospice workers were perpetually nice, and never stressed out- and I can't imagine what it must be like to work in a situation where your guests -will die- on you. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: (unorganized- just personally religious); no fear, and a great calm. I just wished my wife believed the same. --Religious Affiliation: Protestant Christian, former Baptist. --Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc: (to the living) finality. (to the dying) release. --Regarding MONEY: It infiltrated every part of the process. We aren't comfortable by any means; "...if you want to transport the body to the cemetary, it's $150 one-way." If?! One-way?! There's not much choice there... --Regarding the FUNERAL: Everyone wants to stake their personal claim on the rights to the memories of the deceased. There was almost competition as to who had known him the longest, most personal, etc. It reminded me of elementary schoolchildren squabbling over who had the best-best friend. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: happiness that it coincided with a 3-day holiday off of work. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Surrender; as if one's ailments were accepted and subsumed. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: I swing from one extreme to the other; I'm either coldly logical, or broken down and crying heavily. I felt like, though, that I had to perform some emotions for the "audience" of funeral attendees. I didn't, and felt guilty, but shouldn't have. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': My mother "sees" him and other dead people in dreams; I doubt this is paranormal, however. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I still feel bitterness at my step-father for causing my life to go through upheaval when he went thru a "Prozac-moment" years ago, and threatened to kill me. I ended up living in my car, and used up my college savings to re-establish myself. Despite my mother's constant assertations at the funeral about how he was a great man, and despite my own sorrow at his passing, I still feel incredible anger at how his emotional problems didn't affect him adversely, but I lost almost everything. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I'd still like an apology from him, not from him through my mother, for hurting my chances to go to school. I'd like to apologize to him for ostracizing him for years. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: Have a signed notarized will, living will, organ donation papers, etc. It isn't hard, doesn't take much time, and makes everyone's lives so much easier- people can't complain about a funeral if the dead person is the one who asked for it to be a certain way! (And if they do complain, they don't need to be there.) --Any thoughts about your own death?: I'd just like to make sure that all funeral preparations are taken care of before hand, and I'd like to make sure my wife was financially secure afterwards. Basically, I'd like people to be able to open an envelope after my death and find everything they need to do is already done, and they can kick back and have a fun wake or something. As far as knowing about my death; I could stop planning for the future and have fun in the present, if I knew I were to die. I would like to say about my own death; "Goodbye... and thanks!" --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: I am always compelled to touch the body in the casket; it seems more final that way. --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? Working in a pharmacy, I am more aware of people with advanced signs of diabetes, and try to talk to them about it. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films Books, and a lot of philosophy, helped me accept death, and not accept suicide. What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos It's hard for people, even friends and family, to talk to someone who is attempting to grieve; they just need to listen. --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I wish my close friends had come to the service; funerals are really more for the living, not the dead. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I like being able to, so soon after having gone through this, explain why I did things the way I did things, to an impartial and unbiased audience- even if it is just a computer. - - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here? Religion- not everyone is in an organized religion. Multiple-choices on who has died recently; (Step) should be put in front of all choices. I feel weird referring to my stepfather as father. [ Ed Note: Added "Step-parent" into the choices... ] ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Sat Jul 3 23:08:09 1999 F23 in Colfax, IA =USA= Name: Juliet Lee - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] Prof/Studies: Clerical - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - More personal info: I was my grandfathers favorite grandchild and I beleive that was why I had so much problem dealing with the loss. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 3 yrs ago. Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75. --Details: My grandfather was fine and then on Thanksgiving Day in 1995, he went to the hospital cause he was ill and the doctors found out he had cancer. They told him he had about six months to live. He died in June of 1996 after being very sick. He was at home for the last 4 months of his life and my family and I took care of him. We also received help from Hospice which helped tremendously. I still feel a little guilty for not being there by his side when he passed. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: when your body is too old or ill to keep on functionong. You just cant keep on living in that state so you pass on. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Cried a lot and was very scared that everyone I knew would die and leave me alone because I did not understand it at that time. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...my great aunt got cancer and was ill for quite a while and then died. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Knowing grandpa ws better off because he was no longer in the pain but I really felt if I had just a little more time I would have been a little better at accepting it. --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: Im not real sure. --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Before my grandpa died he expressed how much he loved me and he told me to live my life to the fullest and he let me know things I had never even gave thought of before. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My inlaws, they didnt even really know my grandfather and they came to the funeral to support me and to help me cope with the death. It helped a whole lot because all the people who were really close to me like my mother were doing their own greiving and didnt have the time to help me in the ways I needed. --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Letting him go. I had a hard time beleiveing he was really gone. I drove myself crazy thinking of all the things I should have done differently while he was still alive and the things I should have said. --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Just being there with them reinforces no matter how much they know it, how much you really do care about them and love them. --[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I learned that its ok to let them go. Life goes on and it gets easier as time goes by. Now the thoughts of grandpa are good ones and I am glad for the time I did get to share with him. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: Not sure --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: It was my way of dealing with the loss. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: Tell him how much I really loved him and been their for him more while he was ill. I felt bad that I was busy with my family and job which took away from my time with him. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Laugh at the memories that were funny. I think allowing myself to be happy even in the sad time helped me a lot. --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: They put my grandfather in his favorite clothes and made sure he had his glasses on. I felt better to learn later that he was buried in his favorite house slippers. --And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was: He wasnt all dressed up but in a casual outfit which when he was alive he was very comfortable in. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I visit his grave. When I go there its like it just happened and it brings back all the emotions of the day I learned of his death. --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... Not sure --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... why couldnt he had lived just 3 months longer so he could have been there for my wedding day. None of my grandparents were alive to see my wedding day. The best thing of all was when I introduced my now husband to him and he was very happy with my choice and he gave me his blessing. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could just talk to him cause he always knew the right thing to say to make me feel better about whatever "life crisis" I was having at the time. --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I was in his house with my aunt and mom and we were discussing what to do now. I cried really hard and then I began talking about all the good memories I had from him. I knew he was better cause he wasnt in the pain he had been in for the last few months and just knowing that made me feel a lot better. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: Gratitude. They were very helpful and they kept him as comfortable as possible which I am thankful for. --Regarding HOSPICE etc: They are really good people and they are there for not only the ill person but the family as well. they helped me really understand what was going on. --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: N/A --Religious Affiliation: As a child I was Christian but now I have no Affiliation. --Regarding MONEY: there was enough money to take care of him during his illness and death and I beleive that not having that as a burden helped tremendously. --Regarding the FUNERAL: All the people who were there really cared about my grandfather and my family. They were there to help us and really showed a lot of support at that time. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: In a way I was releived that it was over. there was no more sleepness nights wondering how much worse it could possibly get. No more feeling bad that I couldnt help take away his pain. --SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH : Not wanting to eat at all. He quit eating about 5 days before he died. His breathing patterns, he was breathing really hard one minute and then he would just stop for a minute and then it would be barely there. --SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF: Just remembering the good times with him and knowing he wasnt in pain anymore helped me get through it a little easier. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I was not there for that part of the process and to this day am unaware of any of that type of thing happening. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: I feel we had a good relationship and were in good standing when he passed. --If we were to visit one last conversation... I would expect to tell him how much I love him and am sorry that I wasnt able to be there for him as much as I would have liked. I would hope he would tell me it was alright. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: aT TIMES i CAN SMELL HIM IN A ROOM AS i WALK THROUGH IT AND i AM NEVER REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT TIL i SMELL IT. --Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying: I want the people around me to all get along and do for me whatever makes them feel good because at that point I beleive the living are the most important because I had lived my life the way I wanted to and its only a thing to help them cope with it. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I would be a little afraid for my family and how they would cope when I was gone. I would be certain to tell everyone in my life how much they really mean to me and give them the oppurtunity to express their feelings to me so they wouldnt have to have any regrets. --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: My granfather really loved jets and we used to watch them together a lot. Now whenever me or my mother see a jet we say "hi" to him. - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Adequate What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness --As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process: I wish my dad had been there for me instead of just there. I wish he had let me discuss my difficulties about the death with him and he would have held me. (My father and I have never been close until last year. - - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - - I really am glad I did this because it let me rethink some of the things I regret and some of the things that at the time I thought were important but now are minute. I think it really helped me forgive myself for the things I was bottling up inside and hadnt realized I was keeping before. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Fri Jul 2 06:24:18 1999 F29 in Louisville, Kentucky =USA= Name: Dana Email: <Candilyn-at-bellsouth.net> - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Prof/Studies: Master Scheduler - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 1.5 ago. Cause of Death: Drunk Driver; Aged: 28. --Details: A drunk driver his her and sent her into a spinn and shen she stopped spinning a truck his her head on going 70 mph. The impact broke her neck in 2 places and crushed her arms. She was not just my cousin she was my sister/my parents had raised her - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: A very sad time, but also a time to rejoice. I feel that when you die you get to go and meet your maker. --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I Cried alot --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was my great-grandmother died, I was very close to her and my parents let me go and kiss her goodbye. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Waking up and my husband saying Candy is dead --What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is: There is an afterlife --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: My dad has finally learned to express his love for me more. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: My husband --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: Not being able to pick up the phone and call and talk to her --[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I: I will see her again. --Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to: say I am sorry --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: celebrate a bachelorette party with her --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: Certain holidays come around I still find myself looking for her to walk in the door --In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened... We would talk everyday and I would tell her I love her more often. --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... she was so young and had so much to live for. --It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could Close my eyes and make it all disappear --When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I got angry --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: They did all they could --Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc: At the time nothing because I was angry at GOD, now it means everything. --Religious Affiliation: Baptist --Regarding the FUNERAL: The man that hit her(it wasnt' his fault) came to pay his respects, while his wife laid in the hospital in critical condition. We really appreciated that because he felt remorse for something he had no control over. --The weirdest part of it all to me was: Seeing her laying the casket and begging them not to close the casket because she could not breath. --RE: Visions from the 'Other Side': I dream about her all the time. --How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?: There is no one that can resolve my issues with her. I feel that she knew I loved her. --RE: After-death visits from our loved ones: I dream about when Candy and I were young, and getting ready to go out. The dream always ends the same way, she is walking away from me and I am crying because I can't go with her. --Any thoughts about your own death?: I hope I go in my sleep, I don't want to die a painful death --Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope: Still hasn't happened --Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life? I go to her grave and take her coral roses(they were her favorite) - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People Believing that one day I will see them again What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Thu Jul 1 11:49:16 1999 F53 in Bridgend, Wales =UK= - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Found us by: [ Web Search: ] I searched for "Aortic aneurism" as my mum has just died from one. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 7 days ago. Cause of Death: Aortic aneurism; Aged: 82. --Details: My mum had been suffering from bad osteoporosis for about 8 months and couldnt cope at home any more. I live 200 miles away. She moved to live near me in a residential care home. After about five weeks of excellent care and good food Mum felt much more like her old self and really didn't require that degree of care. We were fortunate to find that there was a vacancy in a small home with a maximum of eight residents who all have their own flat but dinner and high tea are cooked for them by the housekeeper and they eat together in the dining room. Mum had been in there just one week and she loved it, she could not speak too highly of the Housekeeper, the other residents and the wonderful food. She had bought a new bed and had ordered some wardrobes, (the flats are unfurnished) and on Monday 21st June we took Mum back to her house so that she could choose what she wanted to keep and also to put the house on the market. She was extremely optimistic and happy, the decision had been made and she was looking forward to seeing her own furniture, pictures and ornaments in her new home. We spent Tuesday packing and on Wednesday I took Mum to the hairdressers, she walked in without her stick and I collected her later; we had lunch in the garden and in the afternoon Mum entertained visitors in the lounge, there was lots of laughter. As my daughter and her husband were coming for dinner Mum offered to help by preparing the vegetables. At about five o'clock my cousin, called in and we were sitting chatting and Mum was telling my cousin how much she liked living near me and how much she liked the new home, my cousin said how well Mum looked and Mum said that she felt better than she had done for months. Suddenly Mum slumped forward in her chair, she was very pale and I dialled 999. Her only words before she lost total consciousness were, "I feel really dopey." She was taken to the hospital intensive care unit but there was nothing that they could do as she had had a massive internal haemorrhage, they did give her blood but could not stop the bleeding as Mum was too weak for an operation. They kept her "alive" over night, heavily sedated and with adrenaline to keep her heart beating and a machine to take over her breathing. The following morning we talked with the Consultant and together we agreed that the adrenaline would be stopped. My husband and I and our daughter, sat at the bedside, talking and reminiscing about happy and memorable things in Mum's life, the strange thing was, that although the nurse told us that the sedation was as heavy as a general anaesthetic, each time we spoke of a particularly important event, Mum's pulse rate increased momentarily. We were able to watch as she slowly slipped away, a peaceful end with the hope of a new beginning. Of course we were all devastated, We will miss her so much, it had been so lovely to have her near to us and to see that her last weeks were so happy and that her last day was such that we couldn't have chosen better. Her last memory was of her home that she had lived in so happily for over 50 years and she was looking forward to a new home and we are sure that the home that she has gone to will exceed all her expectations. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --Death Is: The severing of a relationship, a terrible wrenching apart... --The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I couldn't believe that my grandma had really gone...I talked to her a lot. --That first time, how it happened was How it happened was...My Grandmother who I was very close to was staying at our house, i had to share a roomm so that she could have my room....she died in the night in my bed. --The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is: Mum and I had talked a lot and I had told her that I loved her...I had no regrets --One gift for which I shall always be grateful is: Seeing mum go so peacfully, just like going to sleep. I know that she is completely free from pain and the frustrations of a failing weak body. --What was of most support to me in my experience with death was: remembering all the happy times --And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was: not being anyones child anymore (my father died in 1976) --Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be: Even if they are unconcious...talk to them. --The most confusing point of death for me was when: I knew that she couldn't recover but she was hooked up to a machine...I thought that the Doctors were going to insist on keeping her "alive" --Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that: When we were sitting with mum as she slipped away, we reminisedd about all sorts of things, some funny ones made us laugh, but not in an unatural way...it was good, we were remembering a good life and mum had a fine sense of homour. --But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to: Be with my mum from the moment that she collapsed until she died --One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when: Mums pulse rste increased when we mentioned important things in her life, even though she was deeply unconcious. --I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when: I think about how much she was looking forward to her life and to the birth of her first 2 great grandchildren, (both my children and their partners are expecting babies this year --Sometimes I think: It's just not fair... that she didn't have a bit more time to enjoy living near me and seeing me every day. --Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc: gratitude - - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - - 1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen How'd I do? Very Difficult What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death Not being allowed to go to the funeral...my parents thought thatI was too young. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ See Jun 99 contributions. See May 99 contributions. See Current contributions. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^