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See Current contributions.
See Sep 03 contributions.
See Aug 03 contributions.
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Fri Oct 31 12:17:33 2003
F20 in Hesperia, CA =USA=
Name: Venessa Hernandez
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
teacher assigned a survey
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Prof/Studies: Medical Assistant
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, seven Years ago.
Cause of Death: hardening of artery; Aged: 33.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone ends there life in celebration of a new person born
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
i did not really concept the fact that they were died. I know that
they were not around, but physically I did not know.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I was very angry. I hated life and everyone that said they did not
hide my father'sdeath from me. I started to disobey my mom and
relatives and I would show that i was mad.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
a nature process of learning and living to believe and they should
be okay.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I can change the mistakes that my father made.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I went to my peers that had been in the same situation or at least
dealt with grieve and guilt just like i have.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
IS acceptance that person is gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
stay calm your advice will stay with me as i have a job still to
do go live in peace now.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am not the person he was in his life. I know that alcohol and
drugs along with stress and divorce had made him depress and he
turn to other things for happiness. I learn from his mistakes or
choices in life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye and show y condelence at my father's viewing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to realize and talk about how things have happen the way they did.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about when i graduated high school that my dad was not
there and when i go to get married who will walk me down the aisle.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think that I would fairly be upset with my dad. I think that we
would hard get along but i will have unconditional love no matter
what happen. I would still have contact with my family on my
dad side.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he died without seeing his only daughter suceed after everything
that happen between her parents. I wish god could of took someone
else.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget the fact that he is gone but i cannot when it comes to
thinking about my future. All I see is kids or adolescences going
places or talking about there dad in their life and i cannot comment
nothing on the subject.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
angry. I broke my mirror and I started to get into trouble at
school more than often.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they just have smypathy the hospice does not really have empathy
for you. Maybe they do but they seem to fake it out.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
to stay faithful. And it is mandatory for confessions and services
on Wed and sun.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
no one could of afford a tombstone head so i was like 15 and out
of my allowance money I bought one.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I found about the death five months after everything was over.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was hard stay away from bad things in the body. Harmful
substances.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i am sorry that i am out of ur life and i still are there in spirits.
Knowing that I know that my dad is still around makes me feel loved
and accepted.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
i dont want my organs donated only to my immediate family. I wish
to be cremated and pass my ashes to my niece and nephew after my
sister and mom die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am okay with dying. I have lived out all my fantasies and I know
that I left my will for my sister and her kids.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Well when I have an issue or am lost or upset i usually write to
my dad. Place all the letters in this tim he gave me. When it
is full i take it to like a river lake ocean and read each letter
after reading it i burn it place it in the can. Until the can is
full of ashes and i say a prayer to him the last thing is i pour
the ashes to the water.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Another Death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
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Thu Oct 30 10:02:54 2003
F32 in sd =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 72.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a great loss of a loved one
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
dont remember
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the pain and loss
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
most people cannot just get over it and go on like normal
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sense of loss and being unable to do anything about it
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
knowing you were there to the end
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never experienced
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
nothing
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i feel all alone
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
our family would feel complete and whole
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why did this happen to such a good and caring person
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to die too
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disappointment and anger
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
those who didnt come and show their respect
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dont know
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Nothing at all
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
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Wed Oct 29 18:08:16 2003
M52 in Dallas, TX = ?? =
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Psyc undergraduate
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Embraced by the light ... The birth we call death
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 9 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 42.
--Details:
THe accident was the result of his focussed efforts to do his
job well.
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--Death Is:
moving on to a different form or level of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
saw a friend and coworker die, uttering his last words, and I was
the one charged with assuring the job site safety.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
he had come so far, clearlly the over achiever in his family,
andn was raising his children well.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that God doesn't kill people, but he does give us the gift of free
agency ... the greatest gift possible.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it increased my understanding and wisdom and capacity to be
a better person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
reading books on the subject and reading scriptures.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the tragedy of a family being interrupted.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that it seems to be important to be willing to stay in the background
and listen and help only as a need is clearly discerned.
--[My Colleague's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can accept those things that happen in life and to live as though
everyday is extraordinary.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I tried to envision the future for his children.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it is good to remember and enjoy the common past events.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to share with his family my beliefs and testimony.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to handle from a psoition of faith.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I became aware of the importannce he had placed on what he would
wear in death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
anything happens like seeing someone fall or have an accident that
brings the old vision screaming back.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not be as good as a genuine man.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
but life has very little to do with fair.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape the burdens of this life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
could not believe it was real.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
na
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
na
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort in understanding.
--Religious Affiliation:
LDS
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
na
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
trying to not get over it too fast or to be dismissive of it would
be bad.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Ongoing visualizations - PTSD?
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Tue Oct 28 21:08:38 2003
F Guest in oregon =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 35 Years ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 49.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
finite
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
strangely aware of how adults don't know what young children are
thinking about at this time yet they really think they know.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember that it was the things that happen everyday are the things
that are reflected back on the simple things are truly what matters.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is like sex it needs to be talked about more openly so it is
better understood so not so much mystery.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I saw a Polish funeral they celebrate the persons life with a party.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am now close to my fathers age when he died and I feel I am just
now beginning to grieve for him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
growing up without a father
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
remember that this time is not about you
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Important that fathers are to their daughters
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Later in life the story about the death changed over time. Everybody
has their version of how the man lived his life. Sometimes you
wonder if it was the same person!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
its ok laughter is an honest emotion
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
disbelief
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If you plan to give any of you personel things to anyone in
particular when you die. Be so kind as to give it to them before
you go that way you'll know that they recieved it.It is one less
anxiety to deal with.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? A bit rough
I pretty much just went on automatic pilot through out the rest of
my up bringing in my teen years I used various drugs to numb the
pain I was feeling . I believe it was abandonment that I felt most.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Abandonment
nobody is supposed to lose your parent at that young age. It makes
it very hard to ever trust love again.
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Mon Oct 27 19:34:27 2003
F Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
Health Studies class at Eastern Illinois University
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , Years ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
cessation of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
there is an afterlife, there is hope.
--Religious Affiliation:
Free Methodist
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How'd I do? Well
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Wed Oct 22 13:59:46 2003
F21 in california =us=
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Found us by: [ Class Project of: ]
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Prof/Studies: psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
When God doesn't make Sense
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Dr. James Dobson
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, Years ago.
Cause of Death: a car accident; Aged: 16.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like falling off of your planet and not knowing what to do next,
you are disoriented and afraid.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in eighth grade.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the impact that she had on those around her.
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that there is a heaven and hell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my reflection on my life, and how I needed to better myself.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayer. God is my rock through the storms of life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that she was so young.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen and not worry so much about what to say.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
stayed strong through it all.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was doing well and then unexpectedly died. Later, I found out
she was bleeding internally and the doctor didn't know.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
share with her how special she was and the God loved her so much.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at her viewing someone left a Bible in her coffin.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i look at her picture
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
her life was just beginning.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
forget
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
angry.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disapointment
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
not everyone wore the "traditional" black.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the fact that her body would be in the ground.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
helped, reading books and writing out my thoughts.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
A friend of the family was sharing his story just the other day.
When he was younger, he died in the emergency and said he went
to hell, he remembers the demons were calling him. He remembered
what his aunt said- that if ever he was in trouble all he needed
to do was call on Jesus. He did at that moment and woke up to find
himself in the emergency room.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would want her to tell my what heaven is like.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
wills, goodbye letters, making amends with those you love.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of dying. I'll be in a better place.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
MY NAME HERE
0000-0000
IS NOW HOLDING THE HAND OF HER FIRST LOVE~
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
attending church and quiet time with God.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
God!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
just embrace. 'A time to embrace and a time to refrain from
embracing'-
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoy writing very much, it is therapy. Yes, this survey has
been heplful, I believe that every time you express your feelings
whether that be in writing or talking about them, you continue to
heal from the wounds that you have endured.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Perhaps in other words, ask surveyors if they remember where they
were or what they were doing at the exact time they found out about
their loved ones death. It may surprising how many do remember.
You may consider shortening some of the questions- some too lenghthy,
I lost my train of thought.
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Sun Oct 19 18:41:38 2003
F22 in Victoria, BC =Canada=
Email: <jhansen70-at-hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Interior Designer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 69.
--Details:
Encountered stroke first then found tumors, later identified to
be malignent
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
confusion, disbelief and loss
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and wondered when I would see them again
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
pain in my heart/denial
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The afterlife
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I had time to share with my mother how I felt and my apologies
towards her so there would be no regrets
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
prayers
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being so involved in the funeral preperations
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to listen to them and to help maintain their dignity
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
always let people know I love them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The hospice society had given up on her feedings
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
?
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hug her more.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
lay with her in bed and read her the scrapbook I made for her
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was told by the nurse that most people that are terminally ill
will wait for their loved ones to surround them before they pass
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the importance of a guest book for the church
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I realized I haven't even greived yet
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that this had to happen to the one person that did everything for
everyone else
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have a sign that she is still with me and that I will see her again
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
No she didn't. I was the only one not at the hospital at the time
and she had waited for almost everyone to arrive before she passed
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Anger
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Negative. I was upset on the way that do not want to prolong life
and just sustain it
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We will all meet again
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Neccessary
--Regarding MONEY:
It was too expensive for our family and we were frustarated because
we wanted to give her the best
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How much my mother was loved and respected
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Making sure my mother had her hair and makeup done in her last
hours of her life. I did it as I know she would've wanted that
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite/eyesight/memory
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I will always be greiving
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
She kept reffering to her dead brother who was there with her. I
witnessed her eyes opened and speaking to him.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I want to hear that She is with loved ones and that when it is my
time to go I will meet her again. I want also, for her to tell me
that she is watching over me,
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream that my mother showed up at a resteraunt and told
me that she only left because she was tired and not that she wanted
to leave me. I believe that even thouugh that showed up as a dream
that that was actually her way of communicating with me,
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would stress the importance of my will and that it would respectful
to follow that
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would let my friends and family know that it is for a reason and
that I have others to join at the other side
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I made a scapbook of all of her children and her parents and
grandparents. Most were able to write their feeling about her on
their pages. I keep little things that are relevent and special
in there as well.( Locks of her hair from the last haircut she had
during radiation)
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I find I am more observent as to what is aroung me and I tend to
make decisions that I think she would want me to.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Guidence from my aunts
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
listening
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This has been helpful and healing
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Sun Oct 19 13:02:50 2003
F19 in columbus, ohio =usa=
Name: karly
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: psychology student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 16.
--Details:
he was misdiagnosed for a couple months. The doctors did not know
what was wrong with him because kids that are 16 years old do not
normally get the kind of tumor he had.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the heart stops beating and the brain stops working.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
barely remember because i was very young, but I remember crying on
my dad's lap the night it happened, then laughing a lot for weeks
after that.
--That first time, how it happened was
some one died when i was very young but i don't remember that as
much as when my boyfriend died of a brain tumor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my friends and i were in high school at the time. we drank every
chance we had and no one ever would say his name or refer to him.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
ignoring the fact that your loved one ever lived, or died, is not
dealing with it and will not help. that time doesn't heal. and
telling people "he's no longer in pain" does not help.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Finding who my true friends are.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Finding my best friend, whom did not even know him but was there
with me every step of the way.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing over and over that he was not coming back.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
being there doesn't mean you have to talk about it, maybe it's just
getting their mind off it.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
drinking to forget is easy but makes things worse.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
was why he had to die when he was so young. the need for
understanding is blinding and it's something no one will ever
understand.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's important to laugh, to not be so dragged down that you
forget how.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have more time with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
meet him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i realized i couldn't outrun the pain.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i hear certain songs, reach out for him and he's not there.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
we'd still be together, we'd be at the same college or close by.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my soulmate just died.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
escape it, forget about him and forget that he left me here alone.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
threw up then zoned out, i didn't cry for days.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
hate. they misdiagnosed him, they treated him wrongly, they never
had any hope for his beating it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
his family was more ivolved in that than i was.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there were a lot of people i didn't know, it made me feel like i
didn't know many of his friends which wasn't true
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
losing appetite, bruising,headaches, loss of function in arms,
legs, etc.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have dreams and nightmares that he comes back in, usually they
are not good.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Alcohol
avoiding everything, denial, guilt, rage, zoning out
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Fri Oct 17 20:48:23 2003
F42 in texas =us=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: doctor mis diagnosed him, died 2 days later; Aged: 54.
--Details:
we are both buried in his grave, i just have not finished yet
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
absent from body present with god
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had nightmares for years, that everyone had lied to me and mothe
rjust didn't want to see me and they were hiding her, i would see
her in crowded places and lose her
--That first time, how it happened was
my step father killed my brother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i have buried everyone that loved me
--What I think my (us) culture needs to better learn about death is:
more than not, it doesn't stop after the funeral, someone is burying
them every day or night
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he dreamed about his death for a week before he died (my husband)
and he ask them on the other side what about me? they told him it
would be ok, so i trust them to take care of him until i get there
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i was allowed to come home and deal with it alone in peace with
him here in our home
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
opening my eyes and not seeing him, watching them cover him with
dirt coming home and knowing he was not ever coming home again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
hearing is the last sense to go, keep telling them you love them
and do not let the doctors take that from you
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can't think of anything good sorry
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
people expected me to just start acting like it was ok
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was because i could hear him in my head making his little comments
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my husband how much i truely love him and how sorry i am that
i was not good enough at so many things how sorry i am that i was
so unforgiving
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not let the people he did not like take his stuff, he was so afraid
of that
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i put his wedding ring back on my finger after having it cut down
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
who got to do what at the funeral!!!!!!!!!!! leave us alone for
gods sake.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i forget for a moment and expect him to walk in or say something
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would be more than pain and empty
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
everyone that loved me is dead
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
lay down and never wake up
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went into shock
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
it is a joke, they have a oath but it should be a oath to make more
moeny period thats all they care about
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not having to take care of the people after the funeral, the church
did all i had to do was make a donation
--Religious Affiliation:
child of god, no organization
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
stupid
--Regarding MONEY:
one friend stepped up and took care of all the funeral expenses,
while so called family tore each other to shreds
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
leaving him alone the first night at the funeral home, he hated
being alone
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
he had 2 dreams in the week befor ehe died, he woke up on a white
light that was a hard surface but lighted, and he felt no pain no
where in his body at all he heard voices and saw shadows they spoke
to him and told him it would be ok.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i can't and i do not know
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
it would help me know he knew i love him
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
he sat in his favorite chair one night while i was crying and
watching our show, AFV, and laughed with me
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
pay for the plot and funeral while alive, make sure you have a will
and a living will, clean up all the messes you can befor eyou go
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
bury me in my jeans in the same grave with johnny, pine box no facy
stuff, and don't forget to take care of my dogs
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
she survived until xx-xx-xxxx, now the pain and fear is gone
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i cired drank and slept for a week, then took lots of pills and slept
for a few more weeks and then started drinking again for months
i slept for a few minutes at a time in the begining, then up to a
hour or two, not with just a few pills i sleep for a few hours
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Dissociation
mother moved us back into the bedroom he died in. was easier to
make believe it didn't happen
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Another Death
every one left me with mother after a while she died after cancer
ate her
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it was helpful in express if only to myself some feelins
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
you did not ask if anyone made physical contact for the person left
alive; holding them when they cry or just holding thier hand when
they sat alone reliving
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Fri Oct 17 17:18:15 2003
F49 in =Ireland=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
book of the dead (in buddhism)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother-in-Law, 8 Years ago.
Cause of Death: war; Aged: mid 30's.
--Details:
He was serving with the U N peace troops in sarajovo and was shot.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A moving on on conciousness to another form. A transition from
the mortal to the ethereal.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
gave consolation
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
That our sorrow is all for ourselves and those still here, not for
the person who is gone.
--What I think my (Ireland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is never an ending, just a moving on.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Learning the reality of death so young.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my beliefs.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
watching others who could not deal with it so well.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To be truthful at all times and offer reassurance. Never deny
to them or yourself their state of dying. Tell no lies.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Each person's learning experience is for them, not for me to tell
mine, for we learn most by our own experiences.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
There is no confusion for me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I have no regrets. ( If we treat each day as our last, and do
our best for each person we encounter, then we have no regrets).
We regret only our own mistakes, not the mistakes of others, for
we are ultimately only responsible for ourselves.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I realised that acceptance of what IS , is the key to peace.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
How much people comfort themselves by talking aobut what the
person who is dead " might have wanted" regarding arrangements
for a funeral etc.... ( The only people deriving comfort from
arrangements are the living).
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I just accept.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
private
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
there are those who are avaristic even around death.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The living will aways please themselves.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Acceptance always brought peace.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have seen it happen repeatedly.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have had many experiences of what happens after.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
no issues, nothing unresolved.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have had many experiences of this kind.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I dont buy into that form of thinking.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have no fear of my own death.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
Did her level best, Give her ears a rest.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Just acceptance.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Viewing the Body
personal experience of what comes after and my personal belief
system
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
not really
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
the kind of questions asked here only reflect the forms of thinking
that cause a lot of people grief when where should be none.
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Wed Oct 15 20:12:54 2003
M60 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, about 25 years ago Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: early 40's.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it and believe it to be for others.
One stops breathing, the heart stops, the brain no longer functions
and the body gets stiff and deteriorates. The end of a life
means that we now have to go through the grief period as we bury
the remains of an individual and alter our lives to accept the
absence of the individual that is no longer a part of our life.
We should begin the grief period as soon as possible in order
to get ourself involved with our loved ones absence and to start
getting used to living without that person. There is no shame in
putting that person to rest (I use the term dearly)while trying
to get on with our everyday living. This does not mean that we
have to forget about this person, it just means that we have to
enable ourselves to move on in our own life. I feel that death
is a very normal process in our life and that we need to care
more about what that person meant to us while they were living,
not what they mean to us dead. I feel that we share more of our
feelings about death than we do about life. Death has its own
way of separating us from life and we need to accept it more than
we do.
If an event takes a person away from us abruptly, we
will have a much more difficult time with the separation, simply
because there was no time to prepare for that individuals demise.
Death in this case will take more time to adjust to. We will have
to first get over the shock of the event that led to the death and
then we will have to make all of the normal adjustments of grieving
and moving on.
We are back to the inevidable--we must dispose
of a body, experience our grief, make the adjustments of the void
this person left in our life and move on.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Oct 15 12:06:56 2003
F39 in Milton, Ontario =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: Student social service worker-gerontology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 14 Months ago.
Cause of Death: colorectal cancer; Aged: 39.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life of my physical body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 10 years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness and grief
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
part of life
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having had her at all
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
she was my only sibling
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen
--[My Sister's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
quit my job of 12 years to go back to school at the age of 38
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to her about her dying (she was in denial)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with her in her illness and death
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
bastards
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
poor
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
agnostic
--Regarding MONEY:
her death cost about $20,000
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
positive
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Some of her belongings have broken when no one was near them and
3 of the stove elements came on by themselves
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Mon Oct 13 22:48:39 2003
M25 in san jose, california =usa=
Name: cripsin price
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: sales
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I dont remember his name but he wrote alot on the bardo and
seven stages of death. art of healing, art of love, happiness,
kamasutra, etc. Tibetan monks stayed with my family for weeks ad
they were amazing and really transformed my belief on death.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
robert frost, mark twain, stephen king, tony hillerman, freud,
socrates, darrwin, etc.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, sep Months ago.
Cause of Death: Heart Failure/Drugs/Steriods/And an unkown supect?; Aged: 22.
--Details:
My younger Brother Corbin Price died the first of september a Legend
in the world of Body bUilding! He died to soon of a life of drugs
and a trusting good hearted nature. Not a good mix The Drugs and
good heart? It will get you killed i know i was in this illicit
life for many years. I miss him and feal responsible. I miss him
i am now crying!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is like that! one minute you are hanging out with your
brother the next he is dead. This is the way of death. No one
should have to experience the pain! He is definetly in a much
better place than the ones he left behind!!!!
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked, sadened, but nothing like loosing the closest thing in
the whole world to you, you see me and my brother Cory were close,
we never even argued, its as if we some how knew we did not have
time to fight?
--That first time, how it happened was
My 22 year old younger brother, hero, and freind passed away on
september 1 2003. I am crushed and feel as though life without him
is of no worth? If you only knew my Brother Corbin Price, Legend
in the world of muscles. He could bench press 550bs and bet every
bar in the gym one year. He had a whole life ahead of him and was
a shinning star on its path to heaven" I am not dealing with his
passing very well any body help with an ycoments or thoughts to my
personal emailcrispin420-at-msn.com. Thanks
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My Brother Corys Beautiful face and body, Shy, but just a resting
gentle giant. Because with all his tough ness he could not really
hurt you!! I also see my self and family meespecially and my
younger brother just torn apart, my father is lost and dpressed
like i have never seen before, I am angry at the whole family and
world for letting this happen. Oops i am sorry , going on and on.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To show you the spiritual side of were you go when you die.
The path of reincarnation!. I was born on a farm in the foothills
of california, first born of five children we were all homescholled
on the farm. I broke away and went to high school, most of it I
also attended junioorcollege an culinary school off and on for 4
years +. My brothers have the education of 4 graders. I believe
thisto be an injustice and there is no one to blame but my parents.
But were will that get you, just hurt more. I miss my brother.
The moral of my story is every one should have an education.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I dont know i am still looking for that one?
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Heather Merritt my girlfreind!!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
IS: not was I will be dealing with this for ever. Simple Answer,
Not being able to kickback and drink a cold beer with my brother,
not being able to pretend we were invincible, and nothing could
touch us. Not being able to hug him and tell him I love him anymore,
No more Stories, fights, or funny shit that my brother would do.
He said to one of his freinds about two days before he died, that he
would never stop helping people. Well he had the right idea just
the wrong life. You cant help people that cant help themselves
and those are the people in the underworld"
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Dont ever miss that goodbye chance to hug and love the persons you
cherish most.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
not sure yet
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I heard my dad on the phone i was at work in th petermax gallery
in san jose and my cell phone raing. My dad was frantic that
one of his sons were dead, and he had talked to me and bevaN but
not cory. thats all i can do on this survey please email any help
to crispin420-at-msn.com
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is the only touch we have with our sole.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be there every minute with him and give up my life to save his.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not ver thankful.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Deppresed me . How the services and burial was handled
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Vemgence, for a moment it did not matter it set in that no matter
what i or any one did my brother would never come back
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
every minute of the day i think about hima nd crying for him,
i break out into hysteria less as time goes on.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be hanging out eating opium flowers with my brother the
angel and god he has become. I just hope he would let my weak ass
in to enjoy the fruits of the afterworlds safari!!
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Non stop why not me? why him? There is nothing fair about the loss
of ones younger brother, son, or freind.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Die!
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
instant uncontrollabel crying!!!!!
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
budhism
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Yes that is true i think spirits reborn are born to spirits of past
still alive.
--Regarding MONEY:
unkown at this time, couold be the reason could mean nothing????????
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My uncontrolabel crying, hate, fear, love, and the kids that my
brother had changed into men.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
living after!
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
greiving is hell. living breathing hell. There is no worse feeling"
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
dont know but i will feel him like a race horse hitting me in the
back of the head.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I just last week thirty days after my brother corys death was
working on the computer and, had had two beers and it was like he
was sitting next to me trying to say hi? or drink one with me,
no body just cory, but he seemed mad, because i got really mad
and if he was happy than i think i would have been happy.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
psycologists, and family
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
that he is resting and wants the same of us?
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Overwhelming sensations of hot and cold. crying and feeling your
loved one insid you. The night i found out I drove three hour at
over a hundred miles an hour in hysteria the whole way. When i
got there they had already taken his body away and left was my dad
and brother. Talk about the heaviest shit you havee ever gone
through in your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. I went into the house and
went into his bedroom and the smell was of death, I felt him as
close to me as i ever have and ran outside to choke on my own bile,
no puke i had not eaten in 20 hours and did not for almost 50.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be excited, i would be leaving to be with my brother, and it
might sound selfish but i would not have to watch any one else die.
--What might you like your obit to say of you:
if you write i will post my tribute to my brother just like his.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
No
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing helpful yet
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my love heather my girl freind and companion
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
Some Drugs prescript, and drinking two much!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
I have never been worried or scared of death, but losing ones
brother is of the most horrific nature, younger at that. I cant
wait for the day I may leave this blank land and be with him again!
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See Sep 03 contributions.
See Aug 03 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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