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See Current contributions.
See Jan 02 contributions.
See Dec 01 contributions.
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Thu Feb 28 22:03:07 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Years ago.
Aged: 74
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
like a goodbye to earth and the living and kind of a hello to the
world above in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
completely lost it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that to this day sometimes we still cant beleive that she
is gone.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
its okay and sometimes that is they way life is.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i was able to spend time with my grandmother and grandfather until
i was a teen so it allowed me to know them some people dont get
that luxury
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my family
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that we were so close, i mean they lived directly behind
our house
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do what you can to make them happy in there last days.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Thu Feb 28 07:24:44 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
through yahoo
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumour; Aged: .
--Details:
Very sudden death.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A physical end. Loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
started to question what happens after you die.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how people reacted to the death.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is necessary.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
-
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own ability to accept and work through what had happened.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Too many questions about what happens. My own fears.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Tell them if you care about them. Don't regret not saying something.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
accept it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My family started acting differently.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
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--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
-
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
-
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Was at my grandad's funeral when they dropped one end of the
coffin. He would have thought that sort of thing funny.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where and how he was buried. He wasn't bothered.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
-
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
-
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
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--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
-
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Kept thinking about it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
useless
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
-
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
don't have anything to say about religion.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I believe in this.
--Regarding MONEY:
my family had money troubles.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the church. Very colourful yet fake looking. The female vicar was
very good but I felt out of place.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The church service.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
-
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
-
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Many of my family experience visitations.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
My great cousin claimed to see my dead grandma. Afterwards she no
longer feared dying.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Didn't get on with my aunt. Her husnand gone into alcoholism even
worse, children into drug-abuse.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
-
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Chilling, invasive. Frightening yet sometimes it feels as though
you have learned something or you know they are fine.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
-
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Sometimes keep busy.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Nothing changed.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
-
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Didn't really know how to react.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Also confused about death.
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Wed Feb 27 15:30:27 2002
F60 in Fort Dodge, Iowa =USA=
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Prof/Studies: counselor
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 42 Years ago.
Cause of Death: birth defect; Aged: 1 year.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Moving from this world to the perfect world, where there is no pain,
hunger or saddness. A world that is loving, caring, and serene.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was afraid of the gunshots at my uncle's military funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The profound loss.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To have a strong belief that this is just the beginning. The sooner
we make it through this life, the better off we are surely to be.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My mother, who was deeply religious and a faithful follower of our
Lord Jesus, died very quietly with a hint of a tear in her eye and
a smile on her lips.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief in a hereafter.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The sense of loss of a loved one's presence.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
To stay with my mother and keep her in her home until the time of
her death. This was her dearest wish.
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What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
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Wed Feb 27 13:46:32 2002
F39 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Don't go gentally into the night
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 31 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 10.
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--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was 8
--That first time, how it happened was
My brother was kill in a car accident he was 10 years old I was 8.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness of a child dying
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
everyone must die
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the sadness goes away with time
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
knowing the dead was in a better place
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing the dead person
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You are not alone I am here for you
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
death can end some people's suffering
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
My oldest brother died. He was very young 21 and had been
murdered. How would I help his daughter who is 4 yr
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
didn't laugh
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
save my 10 yr brother from being hit by the car
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my grand mother when she died
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
with each death there is a new life
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
funeral arrangements
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think of my 10 yr brother not even beginning to live life
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
some things I just try not to think about
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do the good ones have to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go on vacation and never come back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized I would never see that person again. Not touch them or
hear them talk.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
admiration
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
It helped ease the pain
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
heaven bound
--Religious Affiliation:
holiness
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
freedom from worry and stress
--Regarding MONEY:
people would mfight over who got what
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
for the morners to get one last look at their loved one
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going to the funeral. I hate funerals
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
lost of interest in live. Tired of living
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
It is best to think of them in heaven with all the other dead
relatives having a family reunion
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had an experiance when I was in the hospital after back sugery. I
was vimiting eery where an realy thought I was going to die.
As I watched the blood creep from my arm back into the iv bottle I
deaspertly want to go home. I close my eyes and feel like I'n floting
o a cloud. I open my eyes to find myself at home. I walk through the
door look in the frig like I usually do and walk down the hall and
get in my old bed where my baby sister just happen to be sleeping in.
I nudge he rto move over so I could get in bed . I lie down and go
to sleep. I wake to find myself still in the hospital with people
standing over me mumbling. The next day my mom calls my house
to find me not home. A month later I get out of the hospital call
my mother she asks why did I come home and leave the next morning
without saying goodbye. My sister even said she saw me nudge her
to move and i got in bed. I told them I had been in the hospital
the whole time. They still believe I was playing a joke on them.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
first you must forgive your self
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'm okay
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
not
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make sure they creamate the body
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
no funeral please
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
none
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
none
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
none
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
no
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Tue Feb 26 18:05:12 2002
F22 in north carolinia =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of In-Law, Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 80.
--Details:
this person who died was my husband grandmother
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a way of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a young child.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
death can be sad, but we as the living have to go on living to keep
their(the deads) memory alive.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
respect for the family member who are living.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
God is waiting for the one's who believe in Him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the person not being there anymore.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
let them know you love them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I can't say there was one.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to say I love you
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for the family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my father in law held himself together so well when his sister was
being a witch.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
all the flowers.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that this person died and some jerk is walking the streets
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great respect
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
very good.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
means everything
--Religious Affiliation:
baptist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a blanket
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
nothing really seems weird to me
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
withdrawl.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't care. I would like to spend as much time with my son as
possible and let him know I love him very much. But I know that
I would be in a better place and that his father would take care
of him.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
everybody I have known to pass away has been a christian, death is
going to happen if you know that you are going to meet God there
is nothing to fear about death it is natural a funral is for the
living not the dead
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Nothing at all
people die this is life and I am not saying that the living doesn't
need a time to morn, but time heals all wonds
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Tue Feb 26 15:34:33 2002
F19 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
psychology of deadth and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
tom bruce
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, Months ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 90-103?.
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandfather died of leukemia
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Friends' Sensitivities
his ex wife told me i wasnt supposed to be upset
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Tue Feb 26 13:25:03 2002
F32 in Grand Forks, ND =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
I am taking a developmental psychology class and it is one of the
surveys the teacher wanted us to participate in.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 12 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ovarian cancer; Aged: 49.
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--Death Is:
When your body is laid to rest but your soul (which nobody can see)
goes to Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The family support that was around.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
We need to find a way so we are not as scared of death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
That I had the time with the person who died. I would not change
that for anything. Time is precious I learned that the hard way. You
think it could never happen to you then you find out your mother
has cancer and she dies 3 years later. I will always cherish the
memories I have of her, she was a wonderful person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Family and friends. If it weren't for them I probably would not have
made it through my mom dying. I would have mentally shut down. Since
I am scared to die I would never harm myself but I would have shut
myself down.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that my mom would have to live on through memories and I
would never see her again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know that they are loved and that they meant something. I
think a lot of people wonder what good in the world they are. I
think that somebody dying needs to know that their loved ones are
going to be OK once they pass. Let them know that you will be OK,
even though you are going to miss them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I can survive in this world without her, even though I would rather
have her here I am a very strong person. I got through this and
they will too.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I don't understand why good people have to get such a horrible
disease and suffer so long. My mom was a really good person and
she suffered for 3 years before she finally died. That was not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was a way to release the stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Give my mom one more hug and kiss and tell her I loved her more than
anything. I was the person I am because of the person she was. She
was more important to me than she ever knew.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend the time with her that I did. I wouldn't trade a moment of
that for anything.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The nurses in the hospital were absolutely wonderful. Everybody
knew she was not going home and the nurses had a wonderful sence
of humor and treated her really well. They were there for her when
she needed them.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
People never know what to say to somebody when a loved one dies. It
is just comforting to know that they are thinking of you. They
don't have to have great words of wisdom or promise to help our
just that they said a prayer and they thought of us.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I do something significant in life or when I was getting married
and now that I am trying to have a baby the first person i want to
tell is my mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I might never have moved out of town and I might not have gotten
together with the man I married. I wouldn't be the person I am
today. Although I would do almost anything to have her back I like
where I am in life today. Other than missing her everyday I am a
happy person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That such a kind loving person had to suffer and die when there
are murderers and rapists roming the streats free.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to her or see her again other than in my dreams.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
collapsed, that was the first thing I did, then I cried. I didn't
want to go to the funeral, I remember driving up to the cemetary
getting out of the car starting to walk forward then turning around
and trying to walk away, I wasn't going. It made it too real. My
uncle stopped me and talked to me and made me realize if I didn't
go I would regret it for the rest of my life.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
I wish they could find a cure for cancer. Nobody should have to
suffer like that.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fairly good, they were really nice caring people.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
We never really went to church but we had our beliefs. I think it
helped my mom a great deal to talk to the pastor It probably put
her at peace. Knowing that God was waiting for her and her soul
would live on in Heavan.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I suppose I never really thought about it. When anybody dies they go
to Heaven I never though there would be a language barrior everybody
no matter what language they spoke or religion for that matter they
went to the one Heaven there is.
--Regarding MONEY:
Funerals are expensive. I don't really think that is fair. You have
just lost somebody and now you have to pay an arm and a leg to give
them a proper buriel.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There were so many people that genuinally cared about my mother
there. I didn't realize she had touched so many peoples lives.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I had to come to terms with it on my own. I needed to find a way
to deal with it on my own. I knew I had people who cared about me
but they couldn't tell me how to feel, or tell me I will get over
it. You never get over it you get through it.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't know. I know she spoke with the pastor several times though.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't feel there are any unresolved issues. I am certain that my
mom knew I loved her. I still tell her that and I hope she can hear
me somehow.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Even though I know my mom loves me and she knows that I love her I
wish I could give her one more hug and tell her I loved her one more
time. I don't know that it would help me deal but it would be nice.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dream about my mom often. In the dreams she is always alive. Also
on the day before my wedding I was walking my dog in the park and
I kind of looked up and with tears in my eyes said "Mom this is not
the same without you here" Then as God is my witness I heard her say
"I am here baby" And I know that even though she wasn't physically
there she was watching over me that day.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would like to make sure my husband and kids are well taken care
of. I know they can survive without me but I want them to be happy. I
would also make sure each and every person in my life knows how I
fealt about them.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be very scared. I have a life with my husband and step-kids
and am not ready to leave it.I feel like I am very lucky to have the
life I have and to have had such a wonderful mother and a wonderful
father and sisters but I am not ready to leave it all yet, even
though I know I will be with my mom.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I often talk to my mom. I am half way across the country so I don't
go to her grave that often but I do talk to her.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Not to pretend they know how you feel. If there is anything I can't
stand is when they compare one death to another. I know how you
feel about your mom dying because I had a cat I was really close
to that died. Not a good comparison.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a tough questionnaire to fill out I had to walk away a couple
of times but I tend to bottle things up now and then and it is good
to bring them out which this did so I could deal with them.
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Tue Feb 26 11:31:07 2002
F19 in Fredericton, New Brunswick =Canada=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
typed in death and dying and found this site
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Prof/Studies: student of arts
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: operation on an anurysm; Aged: 72.
--Details:
he went into surgery for the anurysm. First he was paralysed
from the legs down then he went into cardiac arrest the day after
christmas and then he was taken off life support o New Years Day
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the body dies
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad but strangely detatched
--That first time, how it happened was
My neighbor who I had known for years killed himself.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
lonliness
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't neccessarily the end and that the human life is so
fragile and we shouldn't take it
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mom
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that my grandfather was gone
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
everyone serves a purpose no matter how insignificant a life may seem
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't realize just how serious everything was
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see him before he went
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep it together when I was all alone
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
ANYTHING happens
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that I didn't get to see him
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
still couldn't grasp it
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
writing and talking to other people nd dealing in my own ways
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Distractions
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Sun Feb 24 17:04:50 2002
F18 in denton, tx =usa=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
It is for a paper in psychology.
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Prof/Studies: major nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
She did not have to suffer very long and I am greatfull for that,
however I wish so much that I could just she her at least one
more time.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the freeing of your soul to god. You watch over and wait for your
loved ones to join you.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really did not understand that I would never see this person again
on earth.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not understanding why god took someone who was loved by all and
never did anything wrong. I remember seeing my grandmother lying
in the coffin, looking as if though she was sleeping.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is okay to die and eventually we will all die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandmother did not have to suffer for to long and she
lived every day to the fullest until the day she passed away.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My boyfriends mother and older brother attended the funeral and
just let me cry on their shoulder and ask them why.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Knowing that I will miss that person with all my heart.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Remind them of all the happy times that they had and just stay
positive and be strong for them. Try to keep them laughing and not
thinking about death.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
plan to live life a lot happier and more appreciative. I also will
not regret our wish I had done differently.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she had to suffer for the little time that she did. Its not fair
for someone to go through pain like that
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughter is one of the best ways to releave stress and also another
way to express all the emotions.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend a little more time with her to get to know her better and to
just make some great memories
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
she her one last time and tell her that I will miss her and love her.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
after she knew that all of her finances and she had said her goodbyes
she then knew that it was okay to let go and pass on.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The cost of making her comfortable for her last couple of days
of life.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
she would of loved being at the place that I'm at or that I have
been there with her.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think we would continue on the way we did before she passed away
and not realize that one day she could be here and the next gone.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my grandmother, a loving lady with no enemies had to die.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
sit in my own little place and cry.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cherished the time I get with loved ones a little more.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Hospice are the nicest people and most caring. They took so good
care of my grandmother and I would love to work for hospoce after
that experience.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
like I said before Wonderful and very greatful
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying together for her safety and a painless death.
--Regarding MONEY:
it did not matter until she had passed on because she was our
main priority.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that everyone there knew her and loved her very much
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
actually letting her go and realizing that she was dead
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
The people finalizing things and making sure all of there stuff is
taking care of.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying on someones shoulder who understood what I was going
through. Talking about it also helped.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i did not have any unresolved issues, however I would of loved to
spend more time with her.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like to say that I love you and wish that I would of spent
more time with her. It might help me let go.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't really like to think about that
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Yes and when my time comes I will be ready.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
talking to family and friends.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was not able to do so.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me think of more what death is like and that its not bad.
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Sat Feb 23 21:47:22 2002
M52 in Winnipeg, Manitoba =Canada=
Name: John Butler
Email: <butlerja=at=ms.umanitoba.ca>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: University Professor
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Edith Kubler-Ross, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca the Elder
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: congestive heart failure; Aged: 83.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Complete annihilation.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very upset, and did not quite know how to react.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
When my mother died and I was told (by my father), I simply put the
telephone down and went on with my work. I did not cry or really
grieve much until later on.
--What I think my (Canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is natural, inevitable, and morally neutral.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that it did release my mother from a painful existence.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
understanding from my wife.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
wondering how my father would manage.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that any action leading to an unknown conclusion is better entered
into with some empathetic company.
--[My 's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
n/a
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
This did not happen to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have a conversation with my mother a few days before she died,
and she seemed positive.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
n/a
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
n/a
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something (an object, a piece of music etc.) reminds me of my mother.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I do not think circumstances would be very different.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I did not have this thought with my mother's death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to think that (as the only child) I would inevitably be the
next one to go after my father! On the other hand, the reminding
of my own mortality did not trouble me as much as I thought it would.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
people doing the best they can. As a doctor's son myself (but
completely uninterested in medicine), I understand that a doctor
is human, and can only do so much.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
None.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have no belief (nor did my mother) in such a "common link of
spirit." I think, however, that the memory or conscience may at
times allow one to "summon" a loved one as if present to the mind's
eye, but at the same time one knows that this is simply a mental or
psychological process, not something connected with a "spirit world."
--Regarding MONEY:
Money was not an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
There was no funeral. Cremation followed a few days later by a
non-religious memorial gathering.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Not crying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
My mother did say at one point that one more time in hospital would,
she hoped, be the last. "I'll either pull the bloody plug myself
or come out in a box," she declared.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Grief is countered by remembering my mother not as a dying or ill
person, but a vibrant, strong lady with a good robust sense of humour
and no-nonsense world view. To see her this way helped me see that
the body is a shell, a house, from which at some point one must move.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
This all seems like specious nonsense to me.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Never.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Nothing unresolved.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
If this could happen (which I don't believe it could), I would mak
sure that my mother really was released from pain at her own desire.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
Never.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I don't want undue medical measures taken, and I certainly don't
want any priests or ministers. I want to be left alone as much
as reasonably possible, or at least not be treated as if I were
dying. No long faces, snivelling, or sympathetic claptrap. Life as
normal, please.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I am certainly, at least sometimes, afraid of death or of dying,
but I know it will happen, and I think that as I get older I am
more resigned and accepting. Not having a faith to persuade me
that death is anything other than annihilation is sometimes hard,
but on the other hand, how can one fear nothingness? I hope it
happens when I am not paying attention.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
None.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Yes, it has been quite useful.
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Sat Feb 23 17:37:58 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
teacher told us
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart problems; Aged: .
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is when you leave this earth and go on to the promised land;
the eternal life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt very sad and cried for a very long time
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandma died of heart problems
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how close my whole family had become and how supportine well
all became
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it isn't the end. Their loved ones are in a better place now
and we will see them agian.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
all the great memories i had with my grandma and how close our
family became because of the death. we were there for each other.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
definitely my family and friends. They were amazing.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing that i will never be able to continue my visits with
her every sunday and spending quality time with her laughing and
creating memories.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that every minuete counts and make the most of it because life is
meant to be lived to the fullest.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
never doubted my faith because that is one of the things that kept
me going.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my grandmother had to die at a young age.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with her. She lived farther away from me so i could
only see her about once a week.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that she is in a better place now.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
our rock.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the amount of people in my family that i have never met before.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
reminiscing about our memories with my grandma
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i dont know.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would just want to tell my grandma how much i love her and how
much she means to me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i would be scared because i have so much more life to live.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
praying
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i tried harder to pray each and every day.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my family has never been that close until after my grandmas death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
my fiaith pulled me through
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i reached out by just being there for my dad because he was very
close to his mom.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been very useful
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Thu Feb 21 18:08:38 2002
F Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 10 Years ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 65.
--Details:
unexpectedly
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Guilt
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
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Thu Feb 21 08:02:10 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2001 Months ago.
Cause of Death: Cardiac problems/ fluid in the lungs; Aged: ?
--Details:
My grandfather was the most important person in my life. When ever
i needed him he was always there. When he went into hospice care
before he died i was there everyday. I knew he was in pain so i
wanted him to let go and to go to a better place, but at the same
time i didn't know how i was going to deal with everything without
him. MY family was fortunate enough to watch him take his last
breath as he left this world. It means more to us than anything
to have held his hand in his passing. That's the way he would have
wanted it, all of the family together right there with him. I still
cry about it all the time and i miss him tremendously. I still have
a long way to recover even though i knew he was going to die. It's
not the actually deatht that's so tramatic, but the realization
that he is never coming back. That he is gone.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A process in which your body can no longer sustain the life. You
can't perform the daily tasks that are necessary to make it in the
world. Your body becomes weak and your will to live diminishes. It
is basically giving up your will to live b/c your body can not
sustain normal functions any longer.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
it was when my great grandma died but i was too young to remember
how that truely affected me. The second time and the one i rember
clearly was when a close friend of the family died. He was like a
father to me. I took it very hard. They thought he was going to
make it, he had a heart attack, was doing fine, so the hospital
sent him home. The next day he went about his normal chores and then
collapsed never regaining conciousness. It was a shock to all of us.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Every one was both sadened, but relieved. No one wanted to see my
grandfather suffer any longer. After the reality set in though,
of what really happened, things became harder to deal with.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it shouldn't always be a sad thing. It should make us remember
the good tiem we had with that person, and to set aside petty
differences with others b/c you never know when they might pass away
as well. You wouldn't need to fell gulity b/c of something you said,
or should have said.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The wonderful memories it makes me remember about that
person. Memeories that i was sure had been long forgotten.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The reality of the permanence.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Comfort them, tell them that you love them, and say the things that
you always wanted to say. Let them know how important they are to
you, but that it is ok to let go as well. You wounldn't at least
i wouldn't want to make them feel guilty for leaving me when they
really have no control.
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
am so thankful for everything he ever did for me. No matter how
small it was. Being there for him in his last few days of life is
an experience that i will always treasure. Be there for those you
love, make the most of every moment and never say good-bye. Say
see ya later. In another time and another place know that you will.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I couldn't figure out why someone so precious had to be taken away
from me. I didn't want him to go, but there was nothing i could do
to stop it. Helplessness is the worst feeling.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
i know i did everything i could
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there and hold him in his passing
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see his favorite shirt or something that belonged to him or a
place where we went together
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and the relief that he wouldn't have to suffer in pain any longer
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Hug him one last time
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They did all they could to make his process an easier one
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
the constant prayer would help the grieving process
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my grandfather said that he saw his sister in the room with him
who had been dead since he was a little boy. He also saw his son
who passed away before him and many other people that he didn't know
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
When i feel asleep in my car at school i woke up right before i
had to be at practice. The car i used to drive was my mom's old car
and it's the car that we always used to take my grandpa in when we
would go out as a family on trips and shopping and such. I know it
sounds silly but as i woke up, you know when you wake up and your
eyes are sensitve to light and your squinting, well in that short
instance i kind of half pulled myself up from slouching and looked
in the rearview mirror for a reason that i don't even know. As
i did so i saw a ..i don't know how to explain it..a kind of out
line of different portions of my grandfathers face. It started at
the head and then that part would fade away and the middle part was
visable and in detail and then that would fade away. It all happened
so fast and it wasn't a very strong wash over of the face. It was
still clear, just outlines. The thing i recognized the most was the
eyes and nose outline. I knew those were his. Sometimes i wonder
if i really saw what i did or if it was just the sleep wearing
off. But i did see an outline a clear, transparent, outline of
his face. The thing is..the place that i looked at in the rearview
mirror was the place that he always used to sit. Right behind the
driver's seat. And when we used to go i would sit in the front and
able to see his face in the rearview mirror.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Memories to hold
i use a lot of things. I cry, i listen to stories about how that
person lived there life and i feel privilaged to have gotten to know
them. It's hard though even if you know it's coming, to comprehend
why someone died.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
i feel like sometimes i keep watitng for that person to come back,
as if it's a dream and whern i wake up they'll be here.
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Thu Feb 21 07:30:59 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lou gerics disease; Aged: 75.
--Details:
it was very hard watching him die. But he chose to die at home, which
in a way helped because you knew that he was were he wanted to be.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the mind and body no longer function. The life as we knew it
has ended.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very young, but i remember being hurt and thought it was my
fault. I thought that because it was my cousins death and he was
killed on the way to my house.
--That first time, how it happened was
My friend commited suicide. he was a very close friend and it was
very unexpected, i had just seen him 2 days before it happened. I
was involved because we were very close.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fact that i was surprised that my friend killed him self. it
made me think, about everything, ways i could have prevented it,
or all the other what if's that could happen with the rest of the
people still in my life
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it can happen to any one for any reason at any time. Death is
not selective.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know that all the people have left this world are now waiting
peacefully and happily in a better place. And also that, esp, in
my grandfathers cause is that he doesn't have to witness all of
the growing evil in the world.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
walks in parks, talking to a lot of people, yet at the same time
spending time by my self so i could deal with it the way that
i wanted.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing the person is gone, and trying to continue on like
nothing happened
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk to them, don't be afraid to say anything. If that person is
dying, they know it and shouldn't be afraid. so just act normal
around them
--[My GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
You realize that you sometimes are a "bigger-person" than you tend
to think you are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my friend killed him-self and the day i say him before he seemed
to be just fine
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
n/a
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my friend more and see if i could of got him to tell me
what was wrong
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
tell my grandfather i joined the national guard right berfore
he died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every funeral i have been too, it has been a beautiful day outside
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see something or hear something that reminds me of him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i just picture my grandpa at my army training graduation and him
seeing all of the awards that i have one. and just having him there
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
n/a
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
n/a
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
i have a good feeling about it
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Hospice was great, i couldn't say anything bad about it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
praying for my grandfather through-out his whole dying experience
and thanking God that he is not in pain any longer
--Religious Affiliation:
Bible Baptist
--Regarding MONEY:
i was in training when they took care of my grandpa's estate
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
my grandpa knew a lot more people than i thought, and he touch
everyone of there lives
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
inability to talk, eat, ect
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is good to talk to people, and know when to be alone
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I felt good, i had just talked to him before he died
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i have had dreams about my grandpa, and from them i know that he
is still watching over me and my family
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
my will
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i am not sure if i would want to know. i have excepted that one day
i will no longer be in existance, but until it actually happens i
am not sure how i will react.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i talked my friends brother, and to all the members of my family
at the funeral, i also played my flute at my granfaters funeral
and at a memorial service for my friend
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has made me think about all the deaths and what i have learned
from each one
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Wed Feb 20 19:29:06 2002
F21 in burlington, nc =usa=
Name: amanda furbee
Email: <funkyfurbee=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: full time student, design and psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
th bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 Years ago.
Cause of Death: accidental drug over dose; Aged: 45.
--Details:
my stepmother ruined everything and i think she had something to
do with his death but i dont have any proof.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that sucks the life out of you and everyone around you. all
though if you are religious it takes you to another place that is
far better than any place on earth.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was right in front of them and it was pretty tradgic i wasnt even
a senior in highschool. it was my best friend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
why? why her. she was so young. when my father died i alway knew
from the time i was young he would die.not my bestfriend in the
prime of her life. so dumb idiot that was drunk took the life of
my bestfriend and sucked the life out of my highschool. life is
precious dont ever take it forgranted.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how to deal with it. dont run for 4 years like i did.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
angels, there was two angels there that night, the comforted me
and my other friend and let us know that our friend whose life had
been sucked away was somewhere better and that she would always
be there in spirit.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends ad family and my belief.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
she isnt there when i wanted to talk or for my fathers case he is
gone but since he lived so far away its hard to realize that he is
really gone. for instance i still cant visit his grave site.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
jsut being there, make thm feel important and not lik they are
dying...
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized how pecious life is, there is to much hatred in th world
why make more. just be friends and remember we are put here for
one reason and hatred isnt it. love is.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i didnt get all the answers i wanted.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter is the key to happiness
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with my father.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say i love you
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
angels
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money!!!! who cares
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get angry and life dosent seem to go my way it brings up all
thos emotions.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
more happiness
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
its ist fair, but the lives of everyone is in gods hands and i have
had to trust that and live each day to the fullest.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
wash it out of my brain forever or change the way it happened.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
about hd a nervous breakdown. for years i put behind my fathers
death and my bestfriends death by staying busy, then i moved away
and realized i didnt always have something to do. i had to stop and
think about everyhting that has happened to me for the last years
of my life. not just death but my whole life.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
really looking at it and its not just an act its a lifestyle.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
this is so true. look atthe world trade disaster. it brought all
ofus together no matter what religion, race or sex.
--Regarding MONEY:
it wa fought over. my step mom is evil. she took anything and
everything my father had. which was rightfully my brothers and mine.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how mny people came and how loved my father was. same for my
bestfriend. it seemed like everyone who cared was there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
letting go
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
yes, i have dreams of my father and my friend and as i mentioned
earlier the angels. also if i only would listen to my instincts i
would have know both times he night before. i had strong feelings
and a vision when my friend past away the night before as i was
awaken in my sleep. why didint i listen? i guess only time will
tell and hopefully next time i will listen harder.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i seem to have some sort of connection that i dont know exactly
how to grasp. you know the feeling you get in your stomach after
something bad happens, well i get i before it happens. the thing
is i dont know what is going to happen or to who i just know that
something is going to happen. although like my vision i have had
dreams of things before they happen and thenthey come true. i
sometimes wonder how i tap into these insights. i believe god only
allows us to see as mucha as we can handle. that is why some people
have special gifts that others dont. jsut as he only puts as much
stress and pressure on us as w can handle. some people more others
less, but he pushed us for a reason.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i dont think that there is anyone but god who can help me with my
problems,i have to want to change.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
im sorry and i love you and what really happened. i need to knw
for closure of my own.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
read the above
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
again, life is precious
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i know that i am going to a better place and that i have touched
lives for the better i hope that everyone has touched someones life
in a positive way.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
prayer and friends and family,look on the bright side they are
watching over us each and evryday of our lives in spirit.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
life is so precious dont ever forget it. cherish each moment you
have on earth. there is a purpose for it.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
my husband.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
friends and family
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Keeping Busy
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i hope that if i could help in anyway i would be there to comfort
them. they ned to let it al out. its not the ones who are crying
hysterically that need the most help, its the ones who arent
showing emotion. they are in a state of shock and need to relase.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i think that the more you talk about an issue ike death the better
off you are. bottled up emotions are reason to explode. like my
mother says my emotions are like a pressure cooker and the bult up
nd build up until the pressure burst. this isnt healthy and everyoen
needs some release.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of them seem repetitive.
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Wed Feb 20 15:47:42 2002
F19 in Toledo, Ohio =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Student in Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 11 Days ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 61.
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--Death Is:
not being in the physical body anymore. It is sheeding your human
body and taking a spiritual body into Heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
pretended that it never happened and hid my feelings from the world.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i was sad and sulking for quite a few days.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
One needs to celebrate the life and not the death of a person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
they have no more suffering and are in a much better place.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
taking time to myself ti think about everything.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Seeing everyone else mourn the death.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to talk to them and tell them that in the end, we will all be in
a much better place than we are now.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Let her go to a better place and wasnt selfish because she was
leaving me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
thats how i deal with things, i laugh. It doesnt mean im not sad,
laughing is my form of crying.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her how much she really meant to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
help her out whenever i had the opportunity.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
what she wore to be buried in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go into her old room and remeber how she used to sit in there in
bed as i sat beside her and just talked.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why do people have to suffer through cancer, while others who
deserve it live so long.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to someone about how i feel instead of keeping it all inside.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just rode my horse on the trail ride and cried for a great while.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
caring and understanding.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were great. They helped out grandma and they talked to us.
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
We had to do what we had to do and found the money to do it.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
That everyone was sad about the loss and was worried about how the
fmaily was doing.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Learning to accept that she is gone now and i still have great
memories.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
If they see their dead relatives every night when they sleep for
a few days. When they cannot remeber who you are anymore too.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she had that stage a few months before she dies. My mom slept with
her during these few days so she would not be as scared.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I feel that everything is much better now that she isnt suffering
anymore.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would have wanted to know what her dreams were as a young girl.
Knowing these, i might try to make some of them come true for her,
even if she passes away before i get them done.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Before one dies, they really need to make a will so that the entire
family doesnt end up fighting over everything.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If i died tomorrow, everything would be ok. I tell my friends,
sister, nieces, and mom how much that i love them every time that
i talk to them.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I rode my favorite horse ona long trail ride. It also helped that
my friends said that i could talk to them anytime.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yeah, my step-brother and i became a whole lot closer during
this death.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Zoning Out
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I helped with handicapped children riding horses. This volunteer
work always makes me feel better when you see children laughing
and smiling.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This made me think of how i really feel about death and how much
i keep things that hurt me inside of me. It has made me think a
lot about my own death and how people will react to it.
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Tue Feb 19 11:40:27 2002
F18 in =Unknown Locale=
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 1,4 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 75.
--Details:
in hospital
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cant remember what i did
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i stoped studing,had arguments with family and friends
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books and reading articls about death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
everything
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
living knowing you are going to die.not knowing when not knowing
what will happen then and not knowing when you will lose a loved one.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
couldnt control myself
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Sun Feb 17 17:50:56 2002
F18 in Coppell, Tx =USA=
Name: Ashley Clemett
Email: <Fairyklove=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
I attend Texas Women's University in Denton, Tx. I am doing a
class project for my Developmental Psyschology class.
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Prof/Studies: College Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of cat, 1.5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: He was hit by a car; Aged: almost 2.
--Details:
My cat Lucky was a wild boy. He'd always be running around all
crazy like. This one night, he darted out infront of a car and the
lady saw him too late. She was nice enough to call us and let us
know what happened. My grandfather whom also recently passed loved
that cat too. I like to think that my grandfather was lonely and
called my Lucky to be with him.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when you leave the planet earth. When you are never able to come
back and be alive on earth again. But you go to heaven and are
rejoined with loved ones whom also have passed.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was actually a young teenager. My boyfriend's bestfriend died of
a herion overdose. It was very sad. He was so young and had so
much going for him.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That there is so many different mediums out there now, Such as
John Edwards who speaks with people who have passed. I truly
believe that when you pass you are reunited with every loved one
who preceeded you in death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time I blessed to have with them. I wouldn't take one second
back for anything.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing you'll never see, touch, or talk to them in this world again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
knowing that they are loved and that his/her family knows that they
love them.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
provide a wonderful 2 years for my kitty Lucky. He was 1.6 ounces
when I found him. We had to bottle feed him and make him use
the bathroom. I am so thankful I got to take him in my arms and
love him. He had the most personality i'd ever seen in a cat.
I miss him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my grandfather first passed away. He was kept at my house so he
didn't have to die in a nursing home or hospital. When he died and
was still in my house, I could feel his spirit over him. Like in the
movies, you see the spirit rising out of the body and looking down.
I swear that is what I felt. My cat Lucky, who also recently passed,
kept jumping up on my grandfathers chest. I think he sensed it too.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
you see something that reminds you of that special person or animal.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that you never get to say good-bye.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thankfulness to have kept my grandfather alive as long as they did.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
a never helpful one. They came over almost everyday to bath and
change his sheets. Extremely helpful.
--Religious Affiliation:
I believe in God. I do not attend church reguarly, but I do say
my prayers at night.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very real. If you are present when death first occurs, you may
beable to feel it too. Although, I don't think the spirit lingers
for very long. Once my grandfather's body was taken to the funeral
home and I was able to view him, I could tell immediatly that
his spirit had already left. That it was only his body there not
him anymore.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
if the dying person sees or talks to someone who has already passed.
A dazed look in their eye. Maybe they'll want to get up and talk
with family when the day before they didn't want to do anything.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i truly believe it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Knew it was coming
Although I knew it was coming, it was very sad to know that I won't
see him again until it is my time to go.
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Sun Feb 17 10:49:24 2002
F42 in oh =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
YAHOO
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1.5 Years ago.
Cause of Death: probably a clot or stroke following surgery and long illness;
Aged: 82.
--Details:
She died in the NH. I had just been there and left and knew she was
a little unwell but did not expect her to die. I received a call
around midnight that they had found her dead. It was clear when I
got there that she hadn't been gone long.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of physiological functioning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't get it (I don't mean that I was there and watched them die).
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that she is probably the only person close to me who died that I
did not want to let go of. This is because she was special to me
and I felt more unconditional love from her than anyone else in my
life. I did not experience this with my sister or my father.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
accepting that it happens to everyone and that there are expected
stages of gried.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I am a nurse, and usually in the clinical settings my loved ones
have been in, the other nurses and helpful to me so that I can be
strong. I think knowledge is helpful
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the personal loss.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have a minister see my aunt.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
speak at the funeral
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
All patients need their own advocate because the system just does
not provide it.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
We did not have hospice but I am supportive of the concept and
local organizations.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to have the closure ceremony-funeral.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
my family put me in charge of the funeral and I didn't have to
worry about the money but I blew too much on it because she was
such a big deal to me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I probably made way too much of it and it was harder for others as
a result.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my uncle reported that my aunt came to speak to him a day or so after
she died and told him not to start drinking. He felt it really was
her. This would have been an important message. I have never had
this type of experience.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If you feel strongly, put it in writing. Both my mother and
mother-in-law did things my father and father-in-law expressly said
they did not want.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't know. I know what kind of funeral I want.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I've come to understand and accept death better over time. I am
a health care professional and remain clinical in my approach as
much as possible.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think this is helpful just to share.
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Sat Feb 16 07:18:27 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Nil
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Nil
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (near death), 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 15.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
similar to falling asleep for eternalty.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was petrified, the pain and grief only came hours after the person
has passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the number on the car's lisense plate after it knockedme down.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
We must think of it as a natural course, not let death fill us with
fear until the day we die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it knocked some sense into me. It reminded me that life is short,
and I should live life to the fullest.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Jesus Christ waiting for me at the end of my life in this world.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The fear that my loved ones would not be able to deal with the fact
that I am dead.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Pray.
--[My Self (near death)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
deal with it calmly.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I fell to the ground, I could not understand why I was not as
terrified as most people would be.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Mon Feb 11 19:31:11 2002
Anon Guest in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father-in-Law, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 63.
--Details:
Our family used hospice services. This made it possible for him
to die at home surrounded by his loved ones. He waited for all
four of his children to be at his side (from around the country).
His passing was beautiful, loving and peaceful. It was the catylst
for my finding my faith in God. It was a significant event in
my life. Very positive experience.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is just the vehicle in which we return to the place in which
we came. There is no ending of life. Life continues on in the
place where we came from; the place where we rejoin Our Creator and
are reunited with our loved ones. It is the process by which our
energy/spirit/soul exits this physical plane and returns to that
of spirit/light/All Love.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was moved beyond words.
--That first time, how it happened was
My great grandmother died. I think I was 7 or 8. My mother didn't
tell me the truth...she thought I wouldn't understand death, I guess.
I didn't find out she had died for a few months later.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
love. peace. power and control. Spirituality. Hand holding around
my father in law. Releasing him into the herafter, encouraging
him to go to the light.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
to conquer our fears. There is nothing to fear. It is a
transisiton. We do not die.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Fire in the Soul, Joan Borensyko
We Do Not Die and all books by
medium George Anderson
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Saying goodbye. Unfinished business. Letting go. Trying to ease
the heartache of those left behind.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Honor their wishes. Talk about dying and death with them. They want
to talk about it! They often protect their loved ones or worry
about burdening their loved ones.
--[My Father-in-Law's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
changed my faith because of it. Found God.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
grappling with why bad things happen to good people. Why there is
pain and suffering in the world.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
My mother keeping the truth from me made it impossible for me to
"deal" with death
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Mon Feb 11 09:36:31 2002
F18 in Dallas, TX =USA=
Name: Leslie
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 6 Days ago.
Cause of Death: Parkinson's Disease; Aged: 80.
--Details:
She was my favorite person. I've respected her more than anyone
else in my life. We were very close as I saw her at least once a
week for my entire life.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a release from all pain, but perhaps not a release from this world.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
couldn't stop dwelling on the fact that I would never see that
person again.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was my grandfather, I was about eight years old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the connection we all felt with our family afterwards. Every death
within our family has made the surviving members closer.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not the end of a person's life. If you look around, you
can see that person in the face's and actions of the rest of
their family. They can live on through others.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family because they were the only ones who truly knew what I was
feeling, for they were all feeling the same things.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that I could never talk to that person again.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I didn't cry.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it's good to laugh. It's good to talk about old times with the
person. It helps to recall funny experiences that you had with
that person. It reminds you that they actually were once a part of
your life and that they did have a positive influence on your life,
even though they left you.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see her more in her last days instead of just avoiding the situation.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have family around to talk to.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
You can still be living in the same reality both ways. Imagining
they are still with you is good. It helps to remember that
person. It's better to imagine that they are still here instead
of forgetting.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and help in understanding
--Religious Affiliation:
Unitarian Universalist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
that everyone is connected. There is a force that connects every
human being. This is how she is still alive. When I look at
members of my family, I can see my grandmother and continue to feel
her presence.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the fact that my friends (ones who I hadn't even told of the death
to) showed up to support me
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a dream that my grandmother was alive. She was lying in bed
and looked exactly how she had after she died, but suddenly she stood
up and picked something up off the floor. We ended up spending the
day together. I continually told my parents (in the dream) that she
was alive, but they kept saying, "No, Leslie, that's not her, it's
just her body." I had the dream continuously for about six weeks.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Sun Feb 10 20:02:48 2002
F20 in =Unknown Locale=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
Lifespan Psychology class
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Prof/Studies: Psychology student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Uncle, 1 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 60.
--Details:
Died after a long battle with cancer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when the physical life ends.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was the most emotionally stable in my household.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
missing Uncle Frank at family gatherings.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is only a passage in the big picture.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my family's realistic approach with death, and how they have never
lied and said someone "went away", when in reality they died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my faith.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
sad songs on the radio.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen to them and respect their wishes and opinions even if you
don't agree.
--[My Uncle's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did not expect his death to affect me as much as it has, even now
a year later.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I looked at him in the coffin, and he didn't even look like the
same person--dead people look very different.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
this never happened to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for my family.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
every one really made an effort to be there for each other, even
before he died.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the actual services.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
a song plays on the radio that reminds me of him.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
bizarre question.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone that is so thoughtful and wonderful could die such a
horrible death.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk to him again.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
respected it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respect.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
he stayed at home--no hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
strength and support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Roman Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
comforting in times of need.
--Regarding MONEY:
no issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
peaceful.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
how i found out he had died.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
expect the worst.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
never has happened.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I wish I would've got to know him better.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
one's children.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking to Jesus before I go to sleep.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
talking to Jesus before I go to sleep.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Music
Songs frequently upset me
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I tried to be there for my family as best I can by being there if
they needed to talk.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Interesting questions.
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Sat Feb 9 11:39:59 2002
F36 in Graham, NC =USA=
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 7 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 47.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a major loss. It can remind us how little control we have in life.
It's permanent.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't know how to react. I was hurt, but I couldn't cry.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the sadness, but some happiness because my brother became a better
person the last two years of his life.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
we are all facing it, and they should be more thoughtful to the
ones dying and their family.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother didn't have to suffer with cancer for many years like
some, yet he had time to get his affairs in order.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
gardening and talking to my sister.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loneliness.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just to be there for them.
--[My Brother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
really got to know him without pretentions.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
he faught so hard to live.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed at some jokes with my brother because it kept us from
crying.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
share one more Christmas with him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be strong for him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my brother took enjoyment from simple things in life, like children
playing outside.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
money
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I watch my children sleep and hope that I don't outlive them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would certainly cherish life more and worry less about cleaning.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I just really became close with him and now he is leaving.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to sleep and wake up as though it was just a bad dream.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
a few days after the funeral. Up until then, I was so busy with
funeral arrangements and visitors.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they have their limits.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
they were very caring.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
My brother was saved, but for me, I questioned things.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like it exists to some degree.
--Regarding MONEY:
it didn't matter.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
many people showed that they cared.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
dreams that I had about him still living.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
trouble swallowing; trouble urinating; sudden loss of weight
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I wasn't satisfied to be away from him. It was tiring, but when
I left I wasn't comfortable.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it didn't happen.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I don't have any unresolved issues.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I dreamed that my brother was still alive but he wouldn't talk to me.
I had this same dream about my father.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think dealing with death makes you question your own mortality.
I just hope that I live long enough to see my children grow up and
have enough time to get my affairs in order.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
working in my garden and planting a tree because my brother also
loved this.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still garden.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yes with my brother. We had never exactly been friends, but we
became friends when he was diagnosed.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Distractions
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
most of the family helped one another.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes it has been helpful because my brother's birthday is coming up
in March and sometimes I feel a little depressed around that time.
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Fri Feb 8 14:22:28 2002
F45 in Opelika, AL =USA=
Name: Cheryl
Email: <matheny=at=physics.auburn.edu>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo search
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Prof/Studies: Office Adm., Supv
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More personal info:
can't think of anything right now - hey - it's Friday afternoon!
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
n/a
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 19 Years ago.
Cause of Death: unknown; Aged: 26.
--Details:
found dead in his car on the side of a road...unfortunately no
autopsy was ever performed.
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--Death Is:
the end as we know it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried & anxiety attacks........
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
couldn't believe it.......did not seem real.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen at any time.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
we were very close - my brother/sister than cousins.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
missing them & the good/bad memories of childhood through adulthood.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
that's a hard one.....tell them that I love them and that everything
will be ok...?
--[My Cousin's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
coped.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the unexplained & untimely death
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he must have been talking to me.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
made him ride home with me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have seen him 3-4 hours before his mysterious death.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
talking to him as he lay in his casket.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the way he lived his life
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i go to visit his grave - which is where my father is buried also.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it really doesn't...I dream about him all the time & they are at
the age we were when he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
and are angry with the world.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back or at least see & talk to him one more time.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt numb & cried somemore
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they didn' have a chance.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
n/a
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
n/a
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
real
--Regarding MONEY:
money didn't have a play
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many firends he had that I didn't know about
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
so final
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
dementia & watching my mother slowly dweendle away.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
it happened to my mother in 1969 after brain surgery. She swore
her father (who was deceased) came in her hospital room, sat on
her bed & told her everything was going to be alright.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
things are pretty much on the up & up now. Except for the loss of
my Mother who died 3 years ago & a very close friend who died almost
2 years ago (another sudden & unexplained death - those, I hate).
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would make me feel good although I know it wouldn't bring them
back. I suppose just talk about whatever came up or what's been
going on since they passed over.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My visitors come in my dreams quite frequently & they are
always different, my Mother, Father, Cousin, & several friends
that have died in the last few years. It's like they never
left.........strange.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
The Right to Die is very important to me. I do not wish to be
hooked up to tubes, machines, etc. to prolong life - that is in NO
way living. My Mother had to go through some of that & I wouldn't
wish it on a dying dog.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
It would probably scare me to death (no pun intended) but I would
like to know if I were going to die so I could get all my faculties
in order, etc.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
visiting their graves or looking back at old pictures
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
still do the above occasionally
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
now that you mention it - there is one.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Ability to Forget
talking to my Mother
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I continued reaching out to others. Since I had taken care of my
Mother for 10 years before her death - it was hard to stop want to
help others - I continue to today.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
some of the questions could be re-worded since I got off of my
cousins death and onto my Mothers - which both affected me very much!
Overall, good survey.
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Sat Feb 2 16:49:26 2002
F48 in =UK St Albans, Herts.=
Name: marion
Email: <mazg10=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: clerical
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 16 Years ago.
Cause of Death: ischaemic heart disease; Aged: 68.
--Details:
he survived his first heart attack, but three weeks later,at home,
experienced chest pains. Was admitted to hospital, where he died
same day
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing from one state of conciousness to another
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had the peculiar sensation of standing outside of myself while i
was being told the details. i remember my responses felt like they
were coming from someone else, like i was on 'auto pilot'
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a feeling also of awe and wonder, and later on, when my mother
passed, a feeling of joy for her. I felt awkward though, at having
to deal withn other members of the family's grief
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i'm glad I was able to be of practical help to my mother - helpng
her plan dad's funeral, doing all the running around etc; -its
these things which gave me the most comfort
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I really don't know. it was just a general, strong, feeling of being
able to cope 'all on my own' as it were. i also had the sense that
my father was with me
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being able to say what was in my heart to my mother &
sister. also, the sight of all those coffins in the undertaker's
catalogue filled me with utter dis-belief ' this cant be for dad,
surely' he can't go into one of those things!!!'
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just that! Being there, for them, giving them this one, final
service. Being able to listen to them say, and perhaps pass on,
their final words, holding their hand so they are not alone.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
finally started to grow up - to deal with my own issues that i had
left on the back-burner, so to speak, and which i couldn't work
through while they were both still alive
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I kept on thinking, that i was coping far too easily - that anytime
now, or in the near future, this death would 'hit me like a ton of
bricks' I waited for this to happen, and it never did. Same with mum,
too. Puzzling.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
whatever emotion comes to the surface, and, if it does no harm to
others, Honour it!! My father found humour in funerals - i laughed,
aloud,at his funeral,at the thought of what he would be saying
at his!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
be with both my parents more, before they 'moved on' Its a shame that
i didn't have a more honest and open relationship with them before,
and i'm sure that they feel the same about their feelings towards me!
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Cope.And draw strength from a higher source.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I hear a certain song, or birdsong, or the sea,
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would not be the person i have evolved into today. I would not want
that. there's no way i want to go back to my 'old ways, old days'
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I thought about this when my father died and left my mum, who was
wheelchair-bound, and at the mercy of my emotionally unstable sister
(they lived together) A year after his death, my mother booked
herself into a nursing home to get away from her.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
began to reach out to other people, in a way i never had done
before, and strangely trusted them more. They would tell me of
their experiences, and i would be comforted
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They did their (adequate) best i suppose. i dont think they try
too hard with older people on our NHS
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing much, I certainly didn't need dogma at a time like that. My
mother had a visit from the local clergy - she may have found
comfort, but he had the air of wearyness about him - as though she
was just another of his visits
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I couldn't have said it better. It matters not a jot of WHAT we are
in this world, or what mask/affiliation we wear to satisfy society
- we are all one. We come from one source -we ultimately go home
to that source. I SO WISH that other cultures- the warring ones
especially - would see this and stop their bloody bickering
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a heartfelt feeling that it was them (undertakers) that 'sorted'
it all out, and not us, the family
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
it was the beginning of a spiritual road for me, the beginning of
'growng up'
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
i would have liked to have known whether they experienced this.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i have talked to my deceased parents about certain issues, and i
like to think that they have listened
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would say sorry.They would say sorry
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
ask me another!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i concsiously set out to be closer to those that i knew - i became
more 'aware'
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
an increasing fascination with all things spiritual - a searching
for my own meaning in this life
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
i first realised how kind people could be. I also compared my
experience with other's
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
see above answers to becoming 'closer to people'
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it has been useful, yes, tho i have felt some discomfort with one
or two questions. i like questionaires generally though!
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Sat Feb 2 15:52:23 2002
F17 in nb =canada=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I jusk ask to do a questionnaire for fun, and I found this one.
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Prof/Studies: school
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More personal info:
I do not want anyone to see this, eccept the general comments if
it can help someone else. I don,t want people to know it's me.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Chicken Soup for the Soul
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
????????
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 11 Years ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 27.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The endind of a human life. People who loved that person will
find any belief to help them take the death easier. Human beings
have found many ways to think that the deceased will be better,
so they could let go, which is completly normal, perhaps real.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
only realised the affect it had on me years afterward
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My grandfather died when I was around 12, and that death was really
hard on me, `cause he had been like a father to me. His death forced
me to accept my father's death, that had occured years ago. I was
really hard dealing with 2 deaths in the same time. I remember
crying for my grandpa and remembering what had happened 6 years
before that, that I almost forgot about.
--What I think my (canada) culture needs to better learn about death is:
People have the right to believe everything they want to in order
for them to heal, as long as they don"t hurt anyone. No one knows
what happens afterwards, so they should not force people to share
the same believes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When I leave, the people that love me will be grateful of certain
things, and regret some. They will be hurt, but after a while,
it will be a wake-up call, remindind them to accomplish what they
want to because life is short.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Keeping hope for the future and stop asking myself why it happened
to me and feeling sorry for myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I did not get to spend time with my dad before he died because he
wasn't around much. My grandma told me that I was my grandpa's
favorite `cause I lived with them for a while and that it was sad
that he was beggining to get sick when I was born. She knew he was
sick, because he changed and drank a lot to make the pain go away.
He died of cancer caused by smoking. They didn't have to die.
Also, at father's day was hard, especially when the same catholic
none teached me for two years and made the children whom didn't have
a father raise their hands to know who would not have to decorate
a card.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
You might go soon, but you can say something, just touch a person a
certain way, or have courage, and it will affect somebody else for a
long time. Death is nothing when you still live in somebody's heart.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am strong and I accomplished a lot by not wanting to be a victim.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I was asking my mom how he died and and she didn't want to tell
me that he killed himself, so she invented stories, which were not
always the same.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I did not know how to tell people how hurt I was.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
understand my dad. I use to pray for him to die! I didn't really
mean it, at 6, I did not know how to help my mom otherwise. I wish
I would have appreciated more the moments I had with him. He was not
often drunk around me, and he was a good dad, I was still mad at him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
luv him!
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i met some people in my father's family for the first time, and
they knew me and felt bad for me!
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Taht my father was not on drugs when he died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something in my llife goes wrong, I remind myself all those loved
ones and hard times. When something hurts me, it makes so much
worst.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd problably be closer to my feelings. I got hurt so bad too often,
I don't want to love anyone. If they were still here and I'd trust
people, I'd be surrounded by love.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
All the people around me are dying, or moving, or I'm moving,
or I'm not allowed to see them. I feel like the people who mean
something in my life are far from me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
feel mydad's arms around me or just remember how it felt. I don't
remember.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
always hoped that someday my father would take his responsabilities,
and that I'd have a dad. When he died, things pretty much stayed
the same, eccept, that the hope went away.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
They cure the people who are already sick and I'm very grateful for
that, but they don't provide it. They see suicide has a weekness
instead of a sickness.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
They were great with grandpa. I wasn't there too often, I was too
week to go, but I heard they were really good to him. THANK YOU!
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A lot to my family. Ai believe more in angels, and the fact
that they will never really leave me and that tehy are good where
they are.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic, but I don't belienve in it. I believe in some of it and
not in some parts.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
true
--Regarding MONEY:
I was too young to realise.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I only remeber that I had made a drawing ant that they were nice
enough to let my uncle out it in the coffin.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
To realise that he was dead and to still have the same fellings for
him and that I was allowed to. He was not the best father and the
best friend thet everybody say he was, and I do not have to feel
bad feeling this way.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
depression, drinking
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I neede a lot of love and help not to be mad at them because I used
to say if they really loved me, they would have took better care
of their leath and would still be alive.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I saw my father tice after he died. My grandmother dreamed that she
was climbing this beautifu mountin and my grandfather was ahead of
her, climbimg sooooo much easily and kept on saying that he could
see all the people that have passed before him. Shr could not
climb even if he really wanted her to, she kept falling. He died
soon after that. I know a lot of stories like this, but it takes
tool long to write, sorry.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
I did not really understand, so also just not thinking about it ,
and crying years after.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
Fear that I couldn't love in fear of loosing that person,
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Fri Feb 1 10:58:11 2002
F19 in Denton, TX =US=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 9 Months ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 18.
--Details:
His death accured the afternoon of graduation practice. The boys
went to the lake to chill and have a good time. They ended
up flipping the raft and neither of them had life jackets.
Once everybody was at the surface of the water except one, they
went crazy. They couldn't find my friend. So they called the cops
and there was a 3 to 4 day search for his body. The morning after
graduation, they found his body floating up to the deck. They said
his foot had gotten caught under water and didn't let him get loose.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
usually a natural thing. God makes the decisions based on ones
life span. Yet, there are also accident that accure. Life is setup
to have problems and they get so bad that they get out of control.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a little girl. My great grandmother had passed away at the
age of 85 or so. I was to young to understand.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
at my grandpa's funeral. My brother, being in the marines, wore
his uniform. From a distance a man started playing the trumpet,
being that my grandpa was a veteran. My brother turned around and
soluted my grandpa as they lowered him into the ground. I began
to cry, it was so sad.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
knowing that it could have been me. And that way I better appreciate
my own life and live it the best way I can.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
being with my friends.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
having to face everybody.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just having the person be with there loved ones. Next to his side
and making the last moments memerable.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became aware of the bad things I do that would possible have me
end up in the same position as they did.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
a person could never be so perfect and have God take his life away
at such a young age.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with them. Telling them how much they mean to me
and much of a chance they've had because of there excistance.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
to see the real person, like there heart and soul.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would just change the way I act towards the person.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
get what I want and everybody would appreciate me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
just knew that they went to a better place. For those who suffered,
they now rest in peace with the lord above.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
would pray for the souls that have just past and/or to get well
and to continue living.
--Religious Affiliation:
catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
alive with in me.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that we got the biggest chapel and yet it was so crowded. The was a
line that practically went around and out the doors. People would be
in line for about an hour to just pay there respects to the family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
that I always find someone special, like I make a kind of connection
with somebody.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Well, I know that I never had the chance to tell them when they
were alive, but I know that there could hear me and see me.
They understand what I'm going through and yet they still love me.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It would probably make things better, but until then.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I once had a dream of my grandpa. He looked so young and handsome
I hardly recognized him. I was like trying to tell me to tell my
aunt that he was ok. He finally was in peace and for her not to
worry, that everything would be okay. He would be watching over her.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would want people to not be sad and to be happy that I'm going
to a better place. To just think of me and I'll listen.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I pray every night, and sometime during the day. I pray to god to
bless all the people in the world and then I add in a couple of my
own special thoughts.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Helping Other People cope
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Sensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
yes.
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Fri Feb 1 10:45:07 2002
F49 in Madison, WI =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Prof/Studies: RN
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Death and Dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 Weeks ago.
Cause of Death: Alzheimers Disease; Aged: 72.
--Details:
Died as a result of this illness and possibly aspiration pneumonia.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of our life on this earth, the earthly shell we live in
dies and our spirit flys away to a new life in a new body in heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
struggled with nightmares afterwards.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the fatigue and confusion of the grieving process.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is a part of life and will effect every person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
a death of one of my patients when I was in nursing school. Her
death brought me to my knee's spiritually and I became a born again
Christian. I had promised to come and see her at the nursing home
and got there a little while after she died.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My Christian faith, talking with others and reading about grief.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The incapacity of the grieving process.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
read the bible to them, do mouth care, give a back rub, run errands
for the family members, make phone calls, etc.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
it's too soon.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was a coping tool to deal with the pain.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be with my Dad when he died.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that my dad had to die so young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Have a long time off of work or work less.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
frustration and anger.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Very good, they made a big difference.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort, support.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding MONEY:
the cost of the autopsy, the cost of every thing.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it helped to have the support of others.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
everyone in the room like at a family reunion but with my dad in
the dying process.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
restlessness, dec. oral intake, moaning.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I am coming out of numbness into anger.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
my Dad smiling off into space.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Talking to People
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Send cards with money, call, take food over.
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Fri Feb 1 10:00:49 2002
F52 in Amarillo, Texas =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Law Enforcement
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anything by C.G. Jung
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 44.
--Details:
He had been very sick and in the hospital with pneumonia a couple
of times. His lung cancer was diagnosed three weeks before his
death. He called me on a Thursday and died the following Tuesday
. . . February 29, 2000. My grief is deep. I feel as though I've
lost part of myself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical body, but our spirit . . . our very essence
. . . lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
behaved like I thought I was expected to behave. I grieved like
everyone else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was like some cosmic force had literally kicked the breath out
of me. I cried so hard that I choked.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
hey . . . it's gonna happen! Accept it and deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave us a chance to say goodbye. . . and express how much we meant
to each other. My last words to him were, "Always stay near me."
He replied, "Always." I believe that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing about him. We used to go up to a lookout mesa and look down
on his town. Sometimes I picture him standing up there with the
wind blowing through his hair. I remember the good times we had,
but even the bad times were good with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I will never hold him again . . . or hear his voice . . . or
his laugh. I felt (feel) as though someone pulled the rug out from
under me . . . and I'm falling without him. I'm not sure I know
who I am without him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk about it! We should not grieve alone.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cry . . . cry . . . cry. And then, hold your head up and go on.
Tears don't wash away the pain, but they relieve some of the hurt .
. . as if to bring that person nearer.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why? He was young, he lived a healthy lifestyle, he was in shape;
never smoked a cigarette in his whole life . . . and lung cancer?
Not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's been almost two years now and I sometimes wonder if I will ever
laugh again. If I do, it will be different. He was my twin flame,
my soulmate. Part of my essence is gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make him see just how deep my love was for him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold on to my memories of him . . . like photos in an album.
At will, I can see him, smell him, taste him . . . and hear his
laugh.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A woman walked into my office one day and was talking to me, when,
in mid-sentence, she stopped and proclaimed that she saw a tall
man standing behind me to my right. I forgot about it until a
week later, my right earring literally FLEW across the room. As I
bent to pick it up, a warm feeling came over me and I whispered,
"Welcome back."
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the rituals surrounding death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, I NEVER think I'm over it. The tears form at the mention of his
name. I have to force myself to move on away from painful moments.
I could cry a river if I let myself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The road not taken? I regret that I always thought there was all
the time in the world.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair at all!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream his name and make him come back to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed . . . sobbed . . . sobbed. Felt so helpless and . . . mortal.
How could "our story" end like this?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
we're guinea pigs and they don't really care.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fuck 'em! They couldn't save him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
He was Catholic and I am Wiccan. We called in all the Forces,
tried to cover all bases.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wicca (Blessed Be!)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
warm and comforting. I believe we were meshed and he will always
be part of me.
--Regarding MONEY:
doesn't apply
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't attend the funeral. I am "the other woman".
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sort of a relief; knowing he was not in pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I never knew someone could die so fast from cancer. I thought
it lingered and there would be time to say all the things that
needed saying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know . . . just offer them support and don't bid them stay.
Death is better than seeing that person ravaged by pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He didn't want to leave, but he did it with grace. I believe my
name was the last word he spoke, my eyes were the eyes he "saw".
I believe, with all my heart, he died loving me and knowing that
I loved him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a car accident when I was sixteen and was not expected to live.
Even though I was not conscious, I know I had the will to live.
I did experience a NDE and it changed the rest of my life, made
me more spiritual and I just simply was no longer "religious".
I felt I had answers that no one else could understand unless they
had had the same kind of experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am married. When I met "him", I still had children at home and the
plan was to leave when the kids were gone. Things kept happening
and I kept putting "that day" off. The only person who could help
was a mutual friend of ours', whom I have not seen since his death.
Someday I will . . . when the time is right.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I resolve it in my mind. If one last conversation was possible,
I would not be hesitant in revealing just how much I adored him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As mentioned above: the earring incident(s). It has occured several
times since and has even been witnessed by others in my presence.
It only happens when I wear once certain pair of earrings and ONLY
my right earring. He had a good sense of humor . . . maybe he
still does; he would do something like that to me. (Oh, please,
come near me now, mi amigo!)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
"I don't want you to go, but go ye must . . . if ye must.
Sweet peace be your's. Always stay near me."
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die . . . I like it here on earth, but when I do
(and I probably will . . . ha!), I know my spirit will find his
spirit and we will start over. Hopefully, the lessons have been
learned and the next time we will get it right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I burn a candle every day for him and wish him sweet peace.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I took him so for granted that now I consciously try to hold on to
every memory. I won't let him leave me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, indeed! The bond with these people is instant and strong.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let them cry! I wish I had had a shoulder to cry on, but due to
the situation, I grieved all alone. And it's been hard.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire asked all the questions that I had answers for!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nope. You did good. In fact, it was a sweet release.
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Fri Feb 1 10:00:15 2002
F52 in Amarillo, Texas =usa=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Prof/Studies: Law Enforcement
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anything by C.G. Jung
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 2 Years ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 44.
--Details:
He had been very sick and in the hospital with pneumonia a couple
of times. His lung cancer was diagnosed three weeks before his
death. He called me on a Thursday and died the following Tuesday
. . . February 29, 2000. My grief is deep. I feel as though I've
lost part of myself.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of the physical body, but our spirit . . . our very essence
. . . lives on.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
behaved like I thought I was expected to behave. I grieved like
everyone else.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It was like some cosmic force had literally kicked the breath out
of me. I cried so hard that I choked.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
hey . . . it's gonna happen! Accept it and deal with it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it gave us a chance to say goodbye. . . and express how much we meant
to each other. My last words to him were, "Always stay near me."
He replied, "Always." I believe that.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Writing about him. We used to go up to a lookout mesa and look down
on his town. Sometimes I picture him standing up there with the
wind blowing through his hair. I remember the good times we had,
but even the bad times were good with him.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I will never hold him again . . . or hear his voice . . . or
his laugh. I felt (feel) as though someone pulled the rug out from
under me . . . and I'm falling without him. I'm not sure I know
who I am without him.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Talk about it! We should not grieve alone.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Cry . . . cry . . . cry. And then, hold your head up and go on.
Tears don't wash away the pain, but they relieve some of the hurt .
. . as if to bring that person nearer.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Why? He was young, he lived a healthy lifestyle, he was in shape;
never smoked a cigarette in his whole life . . . and lung cancer?
Not fair.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It's been almost two years now and I sometimes wonder if I will ever
laugh again. If I do, it will be different. He was my twin flame,
my soulmate. Part of my essence is gone.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Make him see just how deep my love was for him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
hold on to my memories of him . . . like photos in an album.
At will, I can see him, smell him, taste him . . . and hear his
laugh.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
A woman walked into my office one day and was talking to me, when,
in mid-sentence, she stopped and proclaimed that she saw a tall
man standing behind me to my right. I forgot about it until a
week later, my right earring literally FLEW across the room. As I
bent to pick it up, a warm feeling came over me and I whispered,
"Welcome back."
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the rituals surrounding death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
No, I NEVER think I'm over it. The tears form at the mention of his
name. I have to force myself to move on away from painful moments.
I could cry a river if I let myself.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
The road not taken? I regret that I always thought there was all
the time in the world.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's not fair at all!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Scream his name and make him come back to me.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
sobbed . . . sobbed . . . sobbed. Felt so helpless and . . . mortal.
How could "our story" end like this?
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
we're guinea pigs and they don't really care.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
Fuck 'em! They couldn't save him.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
He was Catholic and I am Wiccan. We called in all the Forces,
tried to cover all bases.
--Religious Affiliation:
Wicca (Blessed Be!)
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
warm and comforting. I believe we were meshed and he will always
be part of me.
--Regarding MONEY:
doesn't apply
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I didn't attend the funeral. I am "the other woman".
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
sort of a relief; knowing he was not in pain.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I never knew someone could die so fast from cancer. I thought
it lingered and there would be time to say all the things that
needed saying.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know . . . just offer them support and don't bid them stay.
Death is better than seeing that person ravaged by pain.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
He didn't want to leave, but he did it with grace. I believe my
name was the last word he spoke, my eyes were the eyes he "saw".
I believe, with all my heart, he died loving me and knowing that
I loved him.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I had a car accident when I was sixteen and was not expected to live.
Even though I was not conscious, I know I had the will to live.
I did experience a NDE and it changed the rest of my life, made
me more spiritual and I just simply was no longer "religious".
I felt I had answers that no one else could understand unless they
had had the same kind of experience.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am married. When I met "him", I still had children at home and the
plan was to leave when the kids were gone. Things kept happening
and I kept putting "that day" off. The only person who could help
was a mutual friend of ours', whom I have not seen since his death.
Someday I will . . . when the time is right.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I resolve it in my mind. If one last conversation was possible,
I would not be hesitant in revealing just how much I adored him.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
As mentioned above: the earring incident(s). It has occured several
times since and has even been witnessed by others in my presence.
It only happens when I wear once certain pair of earrings and ONLY
my right earring. He had a good sense of humor . . . maybe he
still does; he would do something like that to me. (Oh, please,
come near me now, mi amigo!)
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
"I don't want you to go, but go ye must . . . if ye must.
Sweet peace be your's. Always stay near me."
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't want to die . . . I like it here on earth, but when I do
(and I probably will . . . ha!), I know my spirit will find his
spirit and we will start over. Hopefully, the lessons have been
learned and the next time we will get it right.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I burn a candle every day for him and wish him sweet peace.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I took him so for granted that now I consciously try to hold on to
every memory. I won't let him leave me.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes, indeed! The bond with these people is instant and strong.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Let them cry! I wish I had had a shoulder to cry on, but due to
the situation, I grieved all alone. And it's been hard.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
The questionnaire asked all the questions that I had answers for!
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Nope. You did good. In fact, it was a sweet release.
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Fri Feb 1 09:28:27 2002
F62 in Lucille Meisenhelder, Dale WI =usa=
Name: Lucille Meisenhelder
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Prof/Studies: homemaker
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More personal info:
I lost a son to aids I would like other mothers contact or any one
that would like my supprt
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Fri Feb 1 03:38:06 2002
M18 in jersey, =channel islands=
Name: Jonny gough
Email: <jonnyg=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Class Project ]
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Prof/Studies: male jigalo
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More personal info:
i love sheep and they keep me warm at night
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of , 5 Months ago.
Cause of Death: a car bomb; Aged: .
--Details:
we were driving through Belfast and our car was fixed with a car
bomb. my family wre about to start the car and drive off but i needed
the toilet. i went back into the resteraunt to use the bathroom,
and when i came back the car was in flames and my wohle family were
dead. they had obviously started the car. i feel guilty because it
was my best friend that planted the bomb for a pratical joke.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the next best step. my idea of heaven is bieng sexually malestrerd
by a group of cheerleaders with huge boobies.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cut my wrists and took hardcore drugs like cocaine
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the smell of their burining flesh in the car
--What I think my (channel islands) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death comes to us all
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
i went to the bathroom and was not killed by the bomb
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
heroin
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i couldnt get any more pocket money cas mummy was gone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
follow the light and be prepared for whatever is at the end of
the light
--[My Terrorism Victims's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
can roll the perfect joint
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they told me my mum was actually my sister
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry and cry i cry and cry
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and cry and cry and cry and cry.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
meet my real mum as she turned out to be my sister
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
make love to my sister
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the female policewomen offered to shag me to make me feel better
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
i did shg her
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i never have understood terorism
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Illicit Drugs
my friends
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
my teachers used to take the piss out of me about being the only
one left in my family
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See Jan 02 contributions.
See Dec 01 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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