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See Current contributions.
See Dec 99 contributions.
See Nov 99 contributions.
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Mon Jan 31 23:10:34 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
something about angels about a near death experience
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 1yr 2 months ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
My best friend Amy was kille dina car accident because she didn't
wear her seatbelt. She was thrown form her car and it rolled over
her and killed her instantly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Something that happens to everyone. Nobody is getting out of here
alive and we look to religion to comfort us but still experience
great loss at the same time
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
fell to my knees and sobbed for weeks...still cry a lot about it,
miss my friend dearly want her to experience things with me and
share things with her and tell her that I love her
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my cat...family pet it was a big deal
to me then...but not so big now
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being able to function not believing that it was true seeing
her family not eating or sleeping and feeling an unbelievable loss
and anger and sadness
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I saw ym best friend in a dream or possibly I was awake and
saw her and she told me that she was ok and she looked out for my
son and that it was ok
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
time, her family and my friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I would never get see her or hear her talk to me or get her letters
or share things with her. She would never experience marriage or
motherhood or her 21st birthday
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Just be there
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about what I learned from her death. I never get in a car
with out buckeling up my seat belt...ever
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye and I love you
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Mon Jan 31 20:00:14 2000
F37 in Phoenix, az =maricopa=
Name: Reneeann Standifer
Email: <raps=at=uswest.net>
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
YAHOO
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Prof/Studies: disabled
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 1 yr ago ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 39.
--Details:
also six weeks later my other brother billy age 32 died.accidental
heroine overdose.
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--Death Is:
very painfull and sad. The pain never goes away .time eases the
blow .you ll never be the same. your family will never again be
complete.you will always feel a void!!!!!!!I hope you never have
to live thru anyone you love dying.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terrified. Ifeltt very alone.I wanted the world to stop.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my brother christopher died .he was 17 he
choked to death .he also died in my arms.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much it hurts
--What I think my (maricopa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the person who suffered the loss needs you after everyone at the
funeral goes away. Dont be afraid to talk about the dead person.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing in my head it is real.
--[My --specify--'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
{brothers} Isurvived.Even though I didnt want to I survived!
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I know if this does happen to someone its their nerves.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
this is a hard one!
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I wake up every morning and remember my 3 brothers are dead.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We would all be together.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
yea. its just not fair.Thats all.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
raisr the dead.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. but jesus means everything &Im happy he died for our sins
to me this means my brothers will be with jesus!
--Religious Affiliation:
Ijust love Jesus .And believe every word of the bible.
--Regarding MONEY:
we didnt have enough .we had to borrow
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
ok
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
id rather not
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
i dont
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Mon Jan 31 17:19:36 2000
F39 in Gentry, Arkansas =United States=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for subjects on death and dying
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Prof/Studies: Nursing
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, 9yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 18.
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--Death Is:
the ceasing of all body functions
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was very distraught and upset. At first I couldn't believe it and
then shock and saddness.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... a very close friend of mine was killed in
a car accident
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The lack of understanding from my family. Their view was it has
happened get over it.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is nothing to be afraid of and needs to be discussed more and
not shunned as a taboo topic.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Even though he had died I was finally able to tell him how much he
had meant to me and I know in my heart he heard and knew how I felt.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My understanding tat I felt he was in a better place.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The thought that he would no longer be with me on this earth
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
To let the person talk. Touching and reassuring the dying person
is very important. Letting them know yu love and care.
--[My Best Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Death can be handled, it may seem the world will stop and your
heart is breaking but life does go on.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When it first happened, the shock.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
There was nothing wrong with it. Remembering the good times and
fun we had shared was what made me happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Tell him how much he had really meant to me. The times we had
together and the moments that I could never bring back.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Go on with my life and become a nurse so that I could help when
other people were in the same situation.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
Was when I went to see his mother she brought me out a small pillow
that he had always kept on his bed, and she wanted me to have it.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The arrangements, evryone believes that everything must go just so
and they won't allow for any mistakes.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I remember something he said or done that made me laugh.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
It would be a happy life with us still friends and enjoying each
other no matter what we chose in life.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it shouldn't have happened, he was too young.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Shut the world out and not have to deal with any hurt.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Come to accept it and know that I could not do anything about it. I
had to go on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Dissappointment, the medical community views death as an every day
experience and needs to deal with grieving families more personally.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
very much to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
Methodist
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
There is someone who watches over us and at our time of death they
help us cross over and cope with the process, we are never alone.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was never an issue.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was so dark and gloomy, like death is a sad thing. I believe it
should be celebrated , they have went on to a better place and are
no longer suffering.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Helping pick out clothes for him to wear.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Coloring, breathing..being a nurse this question is hard for me
to answer. I can tell a family when the end is near but they want
specifics and that is hard.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Just being there and talking to the dying person is very important,
they need to know you are there.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I truely believe this occurs. I have seen many people talking to
long dead family friends just before they have passed on.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are none.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It believe it is very important to communicate anyway we can with
the dying person.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My husband often dreams of his mother who passed on when he was 10
years old. She speaks to him and offers him advise. The first time
this happened after we were married was frightening for me until I
came to understand what was happening. He will talk in his sleep
and I have seen him cry and call out her name. At these times I
hold him and reassure him that everything is ok.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I want my husband to respect all my wishes and do as I want. I will
do the same for him. I have talked over what I expect and want at
my time of death and dying and I know he will not let me down.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I used to fear death and the mystery surrounding it but I have
come to realize that it is a natural part of life and nothing to
be feared. I know that I was loved in this life and will be in
the next. The only thing I fear is dying alone with no one there
beside me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I stood by his casket and talked to him like I never had before.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I find myself talkinfg to him to this day. Asking him questions
and wondering if he is doing well.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Not really in my own experience. But I have seen them from emerge
from my dealing with the dying.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
In my nursing duties I have dealt with many deaths and I always am
there for the family as long as they have needed me. I have even
given my phone number and went back to the hospital because they
have called and said they wanted me there. To be able to help someone
through this process is very important to me and I will move heaven
and earth to do anything I can for the family of a dying person.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is very thought provoking and makes you really stop and think
about how you might handle death and dying.
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Mon Jan 31 09:18:33 2000
F18 in Wheat Ridge, Colorado =United States=
Name: Trinity
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Prof/Studies: Photographer/student
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More personal info:
Death is such a trivial thing...You live and then you die...how
you die is not your choice but how you live is.--Trinity '00
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Tara was hit by a car and it dislocated her
spine from her skull.
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Ability to Forget
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Sun Jan 30 12:11:38 2000
M52 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: chaplain
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Daughter, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: drowning; Aged: 8.
--Details:
walked out on a frozen farm pond, ice broke, she drown
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--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
7 yr old
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being professional during thesearch and recovery attempt, then
being dad at the hospital
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Biblical scriptures and a couple of tapes
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
my guilt for not watching our for my daughter
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
community involvement; several minsiters and friends; strong
evangelisitic message
--Religious Affiliation:
Southern Baptist
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
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Sat Jan 29 18:26:40 2000
M17 in Darlington, Wisconsin =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 10yrs ago.
Cause of Death: age; Aged: 92.
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- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Rage
Just Deal With It!
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Wed Jan 26 03:52:40 2000
F23 in Tucson, AZ ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, one 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car wreck; Aged: 25.
--Details:
I didn't know he died until four months after it
happened. Supposedly, he fell asleep at the wheel and hit a parked
tractor. I didn't really get the details of his death. My family
and boyfriend kept out information, and I never really knew all
the details.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a completion process. All humans know that at some point, their life
will end. It's part of nature and the human process of life, living,
and dying. We don't know when it will happen, or how we will pass,
but it happens to us all no matter age, race, or sex.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went berzerk. It was my first funeral (my grandfather's). I couldn't
handle seeing his body lying in his coffin motionless and so unreal
looking. It completely petrified me. At his funeral, I screamed
and cried. I had to be dragged away from his wake. Months after
his death, I would wear one of his old hats and carry around an
old stuffed animal of his.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was about fifteen when it happened. It
was a guy I knew from elementary shcool. He had a heart condition
that progressively got worse with age. He eventually passed away,
and all those who knew him were a little shocked by it. We were too
young to really comprehend the extent of what had happened. Plus,
he was only fourteen when he died. Most of us didn't attend the
funeral. It was too wierd.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
screaming Why? My mother couldn't console me. I think I hated her
for waiting so long to tell me that he had passed. I wouldn't even
let my boyfriend comfort me when I found out that night. I just
screamed and cried until I finally fell asleep exhausted.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I couldn't say. Most people either live too fast to enjoy their
lives, and then they're gone. People end up asking themselves why
their loved ones died. Then there are those who actually want to
die (such as the elderly or suicides). The American culture has
completely misconstrued the ideas of death and dying. The idea
of the afterlife is blown out of perception by those who actually
"experienced" death. Then there are those who are completely afraid
of death. I guess people need to take into account how death touches
them before they can understand it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Honestly, I can't be grateful for anything other than what memories
I have left of the person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dealing on my own.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing they were never, ever coming back. That I would never
have one more conversation. That I would not be able to laugh or
smile with them anymore. That hurts the most.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they had actually passed, and trying to come to terms with their
death. It's a difficult process.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was hysteria. I had gotten to the point where I had cried so much,
that all I could do was laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my best friend one more time and tell him how much he meant
to me, that I loved him, and that I now know just how beautiful I
have become.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I wrote to the parents of my best friend to find out what happened
and to get a recent picture of him. They didn't do it, but at least
I got piece of mind.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
every now and then mentioning the person every now and then to
remind myself of the good times.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something remind me of that person, or I hear a song that reminds
me. Even a sad movie about death can get me depressed.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We'd still be hanging out. My friends (deceased) would still be
telling me how to deal with my boyfriend, and I'd just laugh.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young hasn't had the chance to live yet. I can
understand an old person dying, but my friend? This is bullshit.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take all the money I had, and buy a plane ticket somewhere else.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried until I could no longer cry. Sometimes I would distance myself
from those closest to me. And at worse times, I would hurt those
I cared most about.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distaste. Doctors nowadays aren't capable of saving lives. They're
all about the "almighty" dollar.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
distaste. There's nothing like watching someone you love suffer with
pain because the hospital is under-staffed of nurses, or they're
just to damned lazy to see what's wrong withe person.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. What's religion doing when people are dying all over the
place, other than saying one needs to repent for their sins.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian, now agnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
empty.
--Regarding MONEY:
in the case of my granfather, my grandmother became greedy. She
tried to prevent my grandfather from being recessitated.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everything was fake, from how my granfather looked to how everyone
was crying.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going through their belongings.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial and anger is not affective in order to grive properly. It
only makes matters worse and more painful.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I couldn't say...
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd tell that person that I love them. At least then I'd know they
heard it before thay passed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would never want my loved ones to so much as touch my death
(i.e. pulling the plug).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I guess I'd cry, then tell everyone I loved them, spend whatever
time I had left with them, and acknowledge that I'm dying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talk about the person at least once a month, just so thay keep
living on with you.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None, I've become more isolated from those I love.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
I don't really acknowledge that the person is dead. I mostly ignore
the fact, become angered by the fact that the person is gone,
and then I basically distance myself from others.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I don't deal with death period.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It mad me reflect on the past, and my relationships with the people
who passed.
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Tue Jan 25 21:10:18 2000
F21 in Iowa City, IA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
yahoo directory
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Prof/Studies: pre-med/biology major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 88.
--Details:
I did not get to visit her before she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ultimate end for our physical being. Our bodies cease to
function, and our souls go "to a better place".
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial, even though everything supported the fact that they
had died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died due to brain cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wishing I had the chance to say goodbye, and how much I loved her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the reason that people are so upset at another's passing is missing
them in their lives; the souls of the dead are in a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having dreams about my mother for a few months after her death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends. They supported me. They got me through the motions of
life and helped me sort out my feelings while the world was still
going on around me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that I would never get to see them again in this
lifetime.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure all things that need to be said are said. Air old
grievances, tell them how much they mean to you. Also, remind them
of the good times with movies, food and music that they love.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that dead is not necessarily final; it is how you look at
it, and what your beliefs are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the casket was lowered into the ground, and the utter realization
came over me that my grandmother would never hug me again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was overemotional, and didn't know what I was feeling.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandmother that I love her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have caring family and friends to support me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it was me, instead of others, who made myself stop crying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be different, but probably not better. Every situation
has its ups and downs
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they didn't have a chance to live their lives
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk with her one last time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kind of got hardened in my heart against its pain
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
more caring physicians need to help patients and families understand
what is actually happening in the patient's case
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
NA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing that she went to a better place
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
we didnt' have any, so we couldn't pay for the funeral costs.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that all of the people she loved were there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
finding joy in buying a dress when my loved one was dead.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a loss of life in their eyes, and a significant change in their
communications with people
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like for my mom and grandma to say that they are proud
of who I have become, and that they love me and are looking out
for me. I would tell them that I love and miss them, and that
they have become so much a part of who I am; their lessons have
not gone unheeded.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was sitting in a white room talking with my mother, and she
hugged me. I don't remember the conversation, but the hug stood out,
and I woke up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was going to die soon, I would write up a will
immediately, and spend every moment with people that I love, making
sure that they know what a blessing they are to me, and that I will
always be looking out for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Alright.
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Tue Jan 25 17:06:49 2000
F22 in LA, California =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing through
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Prof/Studies: student-undergrad psych
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
How it happened was...I went to a party with my friend. He decided
to go home early...i didn't go. My friend crashed his car on the
center divider of the freeway and he got of his car to get help
and got hit by another car as he got out.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your heart and brain stops.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young so i don't think i remember much about the way i felt
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandpa died of old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when i heard that he died i felt so guilty.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How death doesn't have to be a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that life is precious...find yourself before you die
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I felt his presence every time i felt sad and guilty and i could
feel him telling me that he was ok
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt...since i was with him that night, i feel somewhat
responsible even though there is no logical reason to be.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i feel that it was meant to be. I was in a chaotic life and i was
confused about the self. I realized that discovering yourself is
an endless journey. Just live life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have listened to him when he tried to talked to me(when i last
saw him)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my friend and learn about this supernatural phenomenon (that
i can feel his presence sometimes) that i never knew about
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get nightmares about him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We might be even closer friends and i would still be partying every
weekend and i would always think...it can never happen to me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it was him...I would have died for him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
honestly felt my friend's presence and i can feel his energy
reassuring me.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good... i know they exist because i can feel my friend around.
The 2 weeks after his death, he was around every day but now once
in a while(especially when i feel sad)
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My friend is Asian and all his family and friends are Asian. At the
funeral, there was one caucasin lady and i knew that she was probably
the one that hit my friend...how guilt and sad she must feel!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
like i mentioned before, his spirit lives on
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had a nightmare once that i killed my friend with a knife. I know
this from a guilty concsious but if i think about it, i feel that
i couldn't have stopped it from happening anyways.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It will be the same...i still communicate with him( i know that
sounds freaky)
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
See above for details
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be happy...i would love to see the other side of life...but
i would feel bad if i saw my mom crying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I started school...concentrated very hard in school
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
i was young so i didn't realize it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel like i thoroughly went through my feelings about my friend
who died and now everything seems clearer for me
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Tue Jan 25 13:50:06 2000
F26 in baltimore, maryland =usa=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Prof/Studies: sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 29.
--Details:
my brother-in-law died of melinoma cancer which sread like wild
fire and took his life in 9 months
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of life on this planet. No one knows for sure if there is
life on another realm but we are hopeful that there is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused. I was 6 and my grandmother died. At her funeral was
when it realy sank in and I had nightmares about it for weeks.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my paternal grandmother died of pancreatic
cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of helplessness
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is a strong spiritual belief on what happens to people when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for a short time, it brought my in laws together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
self exploration.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i'll never see them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
say what's on your mind. tell them you are going to miss them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard about it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend some extra time with him to get to know him a little
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my brother in law was a prison guard and the guards took turns
standing guard at the head of the casket
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i talk with his wife
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
well, me and his wife probably wouldn't be close and me and my
husband would be distant from them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was taken so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried my eyes out
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they need to do more to study cancer
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i had none. Me and my husband were in germany where my husband was
stationed when he died
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
he was given last rights by a priest he had gotten to know
--Religious Affiliation:
united methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
because of insurance money, his 2 grls can now have the things they
always wanted
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was tense because my mother in law acted up and even though her
son was in a casket, she wanted to be the center of attention
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking out during the last viewing knowing that I would never set
eyes on him again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not being conscience of what is going on around you
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it helped me come to terms with the death adn I know that wherever
they are they are in a better place
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
when my aunt died suddenly in 1996 I had a very hard time copping. It
was unexpected and she was the glue that held our family together. I
flew in from missouri and the second day I was there I walked
through her apartment. I vivited every room and felt her join me. I
feel that for the rest of the week she was with me. Not just the
feeling of a presence but I could actually feel her talk to me. In
fact when I was walking in the tube to get on the plane to take me
back to missouri, I heard her tell me goodbye. In my mind I begged
her not ot leave me, that I needed her in my life. She told me I
didn't need some old lady around and that she would be there for
me if I ever needed her again. Then I felt her leave me. It was
like a warm air leaving my body.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
all of the dying persons requests within reason. One of the hardest
things when my aunt was dying was she wanted no viewing. I didn't
think I would ever have closure without it but I have managed
because I respected her wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would need to know about it but I would have a much harder time
if i found out that my spouse was dying
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became very close to my sister in law since my brother in laws
illness and remain very close
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
guilt that they are gone and that I have survived
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
of all the deaths you had to experience whose was the hardest and
why? of all your experiences with death ,which has been hardest
to cope with a slow death or an unexpected death and why?
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Sat Jan 29 14:33:00 2000
F48 in Galveston, TX =USA=
Name: Patsy North
Email: <PatsyNorth=at=webtv.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Housewife
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 6 yrs. ago.
Cause of Death: complications of diabetes; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Death is an ending to life as we know it and the beginning of
something or someone else. It is unknown what all the tiny micro
organisms of our bodies will become. This is the circle of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had trouble with losing some one I loved amd appreciated very much
and didn't realize it until he was gone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my ex-father-in-law had a heart attack
one month after I gave birth to my first child on his birthday.
He died after only seeing her a few times. Knowing him for 6 years
before he died and him being the first funeral I had ever attended
at the age of 20 years old was not easy.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My brother had died exactly 1 week before and everyone in the family
was arguing over who was going to pay what and who was going to
get what. Of course, they also argued about who was going to be
in charge of what. I made a major decision affecting my death at
that time.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death in humans and animals are the same. They both are continuing
the circle of life and science. You are not going to be conscience
of whatever is going on around or to you.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My father knew that I was there and cared about him.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My exhusband and my children.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I would never again see or hear him.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
decided that no one was going to have to be responsible for my burial
or what happens to me after death. Maybe, because of the decisions
I made I have saved someone the pain of dealing with everything.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I realized that it could happen when you least expect it but life
goes on.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
let him know how much he meant to my family and myself.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
Someone brings up the subject and wants to get sentimental.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that people have no control of death.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
remembered all the good times and all the bad became almost
comforting.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Thankfullness for all their support.
--Religious Affiliation:
At the time there is none. In the past I was Mormon, Baptist,
Pentecostal, and studied a few more.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I have none.
--Regarding MONEY:
People are very selfcentered and basically greedy.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a farce. Funerals are for the living not the dead.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Seeing life leave.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
If someone is at death's door most of the time they seem to get
better right before the end. Of course, this is not 100% true.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Trying not to think about it any more than possible. And when you
do think about it make it brief and something memorable.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
As I was taking a nap one day I had a dream that resembled some of
the stories told about near death experiences. I believe that we
all have such experiences at some time.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
There are always some unsolved affairs. However, I believe you
let sleeping dogs lie. Why would you cause strife in your own life.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother still carries on conversations to her mother although
she knows she is not there. It is kind of like praying. She never
gets answers, though. It is simply her way of keeping the memory of
her mother near. It also makes her believe her mother is happy now.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Take as much stress out of death and dying as possible for loved
ones. Make all plans clear to everyone that would be involved.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have had a massive heart attack and cancers and surgeries that were
all life threatening and I still don't really think about death.
It will come by and by. When it does my body will be donated to
medical research and no one will have to deal with it in any other
way than to make themselves feel better.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
Not knowing what you believe-in for sure.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I simply kept myself busy with all that has to be done.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
You are only studying one or two deaths that occur in peoples lives.
I think it is all of them combined that make us believe and think
the way we do.
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Sat Jan 29 01:44:41 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Hospice ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: injuries from a car accident; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the destruction of our physical body.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my father shot our family dog. We were only
told our dog had been bad.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how beautiful my son's life was. Part of me died with him. I continue
to feel numb and still not able to concentrate well.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not something to hide or deny. This culture treats death like
something that never happens to them, so if you are grieving they
don't want to deal with you, either.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having my son return to live with me the last two months of his life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
support groups, and a co-worker.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss of his physical presence.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know if it helped my son, since he was in a coma, but I
touched him, held his hand, and talked to him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
others were telling me that a mother's prayers could keep my son
alive. It insinuated that if I was "good" enough that God would
answer my prayers. What was best for my son?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
my son is a beautiful soul who brought great joy and laughter to
others. Everyone remembers his laughter most of all. I can't think
of him without thinking of that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
hold my son's body after death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
ever
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
well it's not! He was so young and had so much to live for.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be with him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt unreal, too.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
heroic efforts. However, I wish I could have been alone with my
son's body.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
more real than any religion.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people came to show their last respects. The funeral
director is a friend of the family. I felt he would treat my son
with respect.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I had a vision of my Master standing beside my son. I also sensed
someone we both knew was with my son, who I didn't know had died
ten months earlier.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've felt my son's presence, usually during intense feelings
of grief.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Last wishes need to be communicated to the next of kin. Organ
donation cannot take place without their consent, regardless of my
last wishes. However, if that is not a consideration, I'd want to
be at home, not in a hospital, when I die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'd want to put my affairs in order to ease my older son's grief. I'd
want to say goodbye to everyone important to me. And I'd want to
have spiritual guidance.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Releasing balloons on what would have been his birthday, six weeks
after his death. Lighting candles.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I still light candles for him on special days.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I'll only say that predators prey on vulnerable people, too.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I went to Compassionate Friends when I was able. It would have
been nice if friends hadn't deserted me. It would have been nice
if relatives had shown interest in the grief process.
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Fri Jan 28 22:46:53 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
seeking info on grief and found using a search engine, dogpile.com
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew, 2\yrs ago.
Aged:
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--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...neighbor, playmate whose mother died and then
approx three weeks later the father died.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Fri Jan 28 22:42:27 2000
F52 in Mission Viejo, CA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Teacher ]
link from class on web research;
http://psych.fullerton.edu/mbirnbaum/psych305/
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Prof/Studies: college instructor
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More personal info:
"Marvelous" struck me as a strange choice of words after thinking
about death for an hour or so.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: complications from surgery following a fall which broke his femur;
Aged: 90.
--Details:
Dad was healthy until the stay in the hospital which killed him.
He was strong and had a fierce will to live. Unfortunately, a blood
clot broke loose and he ended up on a ventilator with penumonia.
I stayed at the hospital 24-7 for the last two weeks of his life.
I'm glad I was able to do that for him and to relieve my mother.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the inevitable end of our physical presence on earth. Permanent and
irrevocable.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
more curious than sad. I was six and don't remember feeling
very close to my father's parents. The loss would have been very
painful, I think, if it had been my mother's parents--I knew and
loved them well.
--That first time, how it happened was
When I was 6, my father's father had a heart attack while driving
and drove into a pharmacy building. My grandmother and her sister
were in the car and died as well his grandfather. My father was
a dentist in the army and we lived in New York. My grandparents
lived in Illinois, so I did not see them often. I remember more
the reaction of my father and mother than any feelings of my own.
I liked the new dress I got--or maybe I only like it now when I look
at the pictures! Most memorable was my father stopping to take me
to ride on a ferris wheel at a carnival we passed one evening when
he and I were driving to his parent's home during the time were
were in Illinois for the funeral. I knew it was very nice of him
to care about me at such a time!
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how in awe I was to be there alone when Dad stopped breathing.
To wonder how it is possible that he was there sleeping one minute
and the next he was gone. Where? How? Where does the sum of 90
years of experience go? How could I sit there holding his hand as
it got colder and colder and not realize that he was minutes from
his last breath? How strong is denial (or ignorance)!
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Talk to the dying individual. Be sure and share your thoughts
and feelings.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
When my best friend died about 12 years ago, caring for my children
and helping clean out her house kept me involved outside of myself.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking about not having her there to talk to on the phone and
to visit. She was such an encouragement to me. The finality
was awful. I was angry that she didn't get to finish living her
life. I was sad that we hadn't spent more time together in the year
before her car accident.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
do not assume you know what they think, feel or want. Encourage
them to tell you. When they can no longer communicate verbally,
touch is important.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her what a huge influence she (still) is in my life, how often
my kids say "Ellie would like that, or do that . . ." I wish I had
taken lots and lots and lots of pictures. I thought we had forever.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be there for Dad's funeral. I was on semester break and my
department chair took my class the first week so I could help my
mother and brothers with arrangements.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
my cousin took a picture of Dad in his casket which made my younger
brother so angry he still won't speak to her. The casket was
only open for about five minutes so that Mom could say good-bye
and I could put some of his Masonic stuff in the casket with him (I
didn't know what else to do with it). The cousin sent the picture to
Dad's sisters who couldn't make the trip for the service, I think.
What does it matter? Dad was vain, yes, but would he really care?
His silver hair and navy blue dress uniform looked beautiful anyway.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I visit the gravesite in Arlington National and think about my
mother being there with him. I will really, really miss my mother.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had to go see the car and read all the reports and talk to people
who knew about the wreck. I needed to make it concrete to get
it to feel real. As it got more real I felt so empty and lost.
I would drive past her house and to the grave every month or so when
I passed her town en route to LA. It took years to stop being sad
and angry that she wasn't there anymore.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
mixed emotions. Some excellent MD's tried to figure out how to keep
my father alive, but they were pretty clueless. We were SO annoyed
by the rules that young children could not visit. Why were the
granddaughters forced to sit in a cafeteria for hours and never
see their grandfather alive again? (He was not contagious, and
they were 5, 6 and 9 years old, not infants).
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Comfort for my mother. A knowledgeable and caring pastor to
perform the service and help with details. Especially helpful
organist (who has since been brutally murdered, come to think
of it!). These individuals were a great help in a time of stress
and potential confusion.
--Religious Affiliation:
Inactive Episcopalian.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
More comforting than nothingness after death!
--Regarding MONEY:
We had the priviledge of a military funeral with honor guard
provided by the Army. We bought the casked from affordable funerals"
or "affordable caskets," I forget the exact name, which seemed
more rational than the other alternative we checked. Mom is OK
financially, so our family was truly lucky in this area.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How much Dad would have loved the beauty and dignity of the military
burial with horseless rider and 21 gun salute. What a marvellous
site overlooking Washington, DC he has for eternity. It's weird,
how could it matter? But if you're going to be under a monument,
it doesn't get much prettier than were his body is. Mom is still
talking about how amazing the site is (and it is)!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
How competent I felt to handle the arrangements and the relatives.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Cognitive decline. Change in breathing. Skin color and temperature.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it's helpful to have learned that life is never the same without
someone you loved, but as time goes on the acute distress diminishes.
Having some of my friend's clothes and some of my father's
clothes (both of which I wear) makes them feel closer. I still
like physically holding something that was soft that they wore--a
sweater and cotton shirt are most satisfying. Visiting the grave
site does not offer me the comfort that hugging the clothing does.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I don't have that.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
My younger brother did not agree with my other brother, my mother
and me about life-support measures for my father. I tell other's
now that it's not enought to have an advanced directive, you need
to make sure all the interested parties know about it, and if
possible, agree. It's hard to follow a line of treatment if one
sibling thinks the others aren't doing enough to preserve life!
I think my Dad suffered unnecessarily because of the treatment my
brother demanded.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid. I don't think I'd be so upset for my own loss of
opportunity as disappointed in myself for not getting going on doing
more for others earlier in my life. Since Ellie died I've valued
day to day existence more than I've made long-term plans and I think
that has cut what I've acomplished in some ways and made life better
in others. I need more time to get my kids firmly planted on their
own feet! I bet they'd be fine, but I want to see it!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
The sweater and the shirt holding I mentioned above.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I met a woman in graduate school the week after Ellie's funeral who
has since become my best friend. She heard so much about Ellie
she think's she knew her too! I will always be grateful to her
for her willingness to listen to my anger and sadness.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Age
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I teach life-span development and try to get my students to think
about these issues. The questionnaire raised many important issues.
Thanks.
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Fri Jan 28 21:56:34 2000
F25 in frederick, md =usa=
Name: rebecca vaughan
Email: <rebecca2funny=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo
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Prof/Studies: sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 14yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 36.
--Details:
she was a manic depressive who was frequently suffering from strokes,
her death brought her peace, at least thats what i hope for her
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our meaning comes to an end as an individual
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died and my aunt dies all
with in a 6 months, i was more shook up after my aunt dies, i was
not allowed to go to hte funeral cause my family thought i was too
morbid, it took me a long time to actually realize that they were
really dead....
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how i didnt want to people to know that i was upset
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it is not something to be feared
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
was dreaming about how happy my aunt is now, i still do it
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
thinking that they will be there, just like by chance it was a joke
or soemthing...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i see candle snuffers, i remember my aunt had one on her coffee table
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it hink i would understand myself better because we are so much alike
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
when i wish i had her hear for guidance
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be dead for a week, then come back to appreciate everything better
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
still looking
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
not seeing a body
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i haev dreams about my aunt almost monthly still, she sits with me
and gives me weird advice, like to put peony flowers in teapots,
she was always a bit odd, but other times she tells me to break up
with a guy, or eat more veggies, i dont know if its really her or
not, but she still makesme smile....
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
im hoping that my family wont suffer
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
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Fri Jan 28 21:13:37 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: a car crash; Aged: 12.
--Details:
I can't
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
loss
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was about 4 or 5
--That first time, how it happened was
my great gandma died and I couldn't go to the funeral
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
her when she was alive
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
you'll be back
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it brings people together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the death part duh
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
don't think of it as they're gonna die pretend they're fine
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
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Fri Jan 28 17:42:14 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of friend, 4 months ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 51.
--Details:
It was fairly quick, we found out and then with in a year he was
in the hospital dying.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when our physical body no longer has the ability to function
properly, and shuts down to release our soul or inner-being into
heaven.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not cry. I was not aware of what i meant.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my great uncle that died of cerosos
of the liver. i had to go with my family to the funeral.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
is the look on all our faces of this DEEP, incredibly painful,
suffering.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it can happen to any one, anywhere, anytime... that girl sitting
next to you could be gone by the end of the day... or that man
walking towards you could die in a second. OR it could be me...
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When Cristina's father died, we were all very sad and worried for
her, but in the end she got to keep his home and now has a fully
furnished home to raise her baby.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having a friend (out side of the grieving group) that i could ramble
to and just talk my head off. A person to let my mind wander.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fear of being with out that person ever again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
Time to accept the reality.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
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Fri Jan 28 16:50:11 2000
F26 in Olympia, WA =USA=
Name: Shelly
Email: <theleonardfamily=at=home.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: housewife/writer/slacker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: osteoarthritis; Aged: 85.
--Details:
He welcomed death. Toward the end his eyes looked just like the eyes
of a newborn baby, and I superstitiously thought, "He's coming back
soon." All the things he loved involved going outside, and being
bedridden for two years was a torturous life for him. I think we
were all relieved when he died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when all the electric and chemical processes in the body stop.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
got scared
--That first time, how it happened was
I'm not sure if this counts but I saw a baby bird die when I was
four. He was badly injured with an infected parasitized wound when
I found him. He was in a home-made nest box, and suddenly he gaped
three times (like baby birds do when they see Mama) and died. It kind
of freaked me out because I kept wondering: what did he see? Who,
or what, was he gaping toward? Still stirs my hair to remember it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the dreams I had afterward, where Grandpa came back as a ghost and
told me not to remember him being old, because it made him think
about how his joints ached.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to include death in the process of life--instead of embalming the
body and sealing it in a safe in the ground, why not use it? Or
burn it and compost the ashes? Or at least bury people in the bare
ground, so their bodies become earth more quickly.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
he was not in pain anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
two things: one is a sort of belief in reincarnation that I developed
in early childhood; the other, the knowledge that everything dead
decays and is re-absorbed into life.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
being an educated person and not being able to *know* about death,
so I have to assume the simplest hypothesis: that at death, the
"self" ends, just like the charge runs out of a battery (without
ever becoming coherently a battery again!). Thinking that he just
was no more.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing--my grandpa was (as far as I know) not a Christian, and the
religion I think he followed was observed alone, amid tall trees,
and during thunderstorms. And I'm not religious. I didn't go to
the funeral because it wouldn't look like *him* dressed in a suit
and lying in satin.
--Religious Affiliation:
raised Lutheran, never quite believed it, developed some beliefs
of my own (reincarnation, spirits in the woods, life as a sort
of game we play from Over There and we just forget we're playing,
etc). Now a rationalist/materialist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like there's something just out of sight that would make it
comprehensible if we could just remember what it was.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Well, though I didn't see the actual death, I knew he was close
when his eyes looked unfocused and pre-occupied like those of a
newborn baby, and he became silent and withdrawn, doing something
important inside himself.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had dreams of Grandpa telling me only to think of him young, so
my thoughts wouldn't remind him of sickness and age. And later that
month I discovered I was pregnant. Everyone says the baby looks
*just* like Grandpa (they do not believe in reincarnation, and I
never talked about it with anyone). The expression in his eyes when
he was born was *exactly* the expression Grandpa had while he was
dying. It freaked me out! Now, I know this is just a superstition
on my part, but if there *were* reincarnation this would be a case
of it. As it is it must be some remarkable combination of DNA!
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
1. If my mind is gone, I'm no longer "alive" in my opinion. 2. After
all usable organs are harvested and my body put to any good use
someone might have (anatomy class?) I want to be cremated and my
ashes put in the woods.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm scared. If I found out I would die soon I'd be so hurt and sad
that I had to leave my kids and that they'd lose their mom, and
sad that I'd never see my husband's face again, and scared of being
out of control, and scared of how it must feel as selfhood dissolves.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Curling up in bed under a red patchwork quilt so the light that
comes through is all red, and trying to clear my mind of everything
and imagining being perfectly safe and perfectly loved.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
When I was small it was just part of the Mystery, but now I'm so
scared of dying.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Materialism: the belief that the "self" simply stops existing at
death. It's scary because it's most likely to be true!
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Fri Jan 28 15:41:15 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
yahoo surfing
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life. A sleep which you do not return. The light bulb
goes out and there is no more energy left in the body and there is
no more spark.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather died when I was four.
I didn't really have the concept of death down. I remember my
sister telling me that he was in the box (cascet) and that he was
going to be eaten by worms. I knew that I wouldn't be able to see
him anymore, but I really didn't understand
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
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Fri Jan 28 13:04:46 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Other: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Husband, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: Suicide; Aged: 28.
--Details:
he had a head injusry 3 days before he stated he was not right. We
had a fight and he left. I found him outside he had hung himself
in my tree in the backyard
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life as we know it
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandmother died I was sad but it didnt
really affect me to much i wasnt that close to her
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everything The week seems as though it was yesterday. I remeber
seeing his eyes still open
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to push people so hard to heal and to tell them to cry and let
them grieve If they are giving the time they will come around when
they are ready and not make them feel guilty for still grieving
or crying
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i had him for a short while
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I was pregnant and i used the baby to hold on to
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
letting go. And knowing he wouldnt be their for our child
--[My Husband's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
did survive
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
about 2 weeks later when everyone stopped caling or visiting i felt
so alone and everyone else was moving on with their life and mine
was still stopped
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I lauged to make it not so real and to not scream i think it is
a defense
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
stop him
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
move on with my life and find a new love
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I look at our daugter who is now 3 and am so sad he will never know
her nor her him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldnt know at this point
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why him and not me instead
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
change everything
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to join him
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they were cruel. They tried to resusitate him at the hospital
and it didnt work. They talked down to me and were not very
understading. and quick to brush me away from his side. I didnt
even get to say goodbye
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
God helped me though it
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding MONEY:
we had none I could barley afford anything for him we drained all
relatives for resources and insurance makes you wait entirly to long
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
His mother played the marter
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I think he has visited me since at least once for sure
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
we fought the night he dieed I never got to say I am sorry and I
love you nothing will take that away
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Tell him i love him and i am sorry and ask if he has ever seen
his daughter. I would know he did get to see his only child
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
the day of the layout we had just cleaned th whole house. I took a
shower to get ready and in the steam on the the mirror was writtn
Kim i love you TLA (true love always)
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I put some candels by the tree he died and lit them I didnt burn
them all the way and they are still their as a reminder his light
has not died
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
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Wed Jan 26 03:52:40 2000
F23 in Tucson, AZ ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Best Friend, one 1/2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car wreck; Aged: 25.
--Details:
I didn't know he died until four months after it
happened. Supposedly, he fell asleep at the wheel and hit a parked
tractor. I didn't really get the details of his death. My family
and boyfriend kept out information, and I never really knew all
the details.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a completion process. All humans know that at some point, their life
will end. It's part of nature and the human process of life, living,
and dying. We don't know when it will happen, or how we will pass,
but it happens to us all no matter age, race, or sex.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
went berzerk. It was my first funeral (my grandfather's). I couldn't
handle seeing his body lying in his coffin motionless and so unreal
looking. It completely petrified me. At his funeral, I screamed
and cried. I had to be dragged away from his wake. Months after
his death, I would wear one of his old hats and carry around an
old stuffed animal of his.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... I was about fifteen when it happened. It
was a guy I knew from elementary shcool. He had a heart condition
that progressively got worse with age. He eventually passed away,
and all those who knew him were a little shocked by it. We were too
young to really comprehend the extent of what had happened. Plus,
he was only fourteen when he died. Most of us didn't attend the
funeral. It was too wierd.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
screaming Why? My mother couldn't console me. I think I hated her
for waiting so long to tell me that he had passed. I wouldn't even
let my boyfriend comfort me when I found out that night. I just
screamed and cried until I finally fell asleep exhausted.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
I couldn't say. Most people either live too fast to enjoy their
lives, and then they're gone. People end up asking themselves why
their loved ones died. Then there are those who actually want to
die (such as the elderly or suicides). The American culture has
completely misconstrued the ideas of death and dying. The idea
of the afterlife is blown out of perception by those who actually
"experienced" death. Then there are those who are completely afraid
of death. I guess people need to take into account how death touches
them before they can understand it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Honestly, I can't be grateful for anything other than what memories
I have left of the person.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
dealing on my own.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
realizing they were never, ever coming back. That I would never
have one more conversation. That I would not be able to laugh or
smile with them anymore. That hurts the most.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
they had actually passed, and trying to come to terms with their
death. It's a difficult process.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was hysteria. I had gotten to the point where I had cried so much,
that all I could do was laugh.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
see my best friend one more time and tell him how much he meant
to me, that I loved him, and that I now know just how beautiful I
have become.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I wrote to the parents of my best friend to find out what happened
and to get a recent picture of him. They didn't do it, but at least
I got piece of mind.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
every now and then mentioning the person every now and then to
remind myself of the good times.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
something remind me of that person, or I hear a song that reminds
me. Even a sad movie about death can get me depressed.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We'd still be hanging out. My friends (deceased) would still be
telling me how to deal with my boyfriend, and I'd just laugh.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that someone so young hasn't had the chance to live yet. I can
understand an old person dying, but my friend? This is bullshit.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
take all the money I had, and buy a plane ticket somewhere else.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried until I could no longer cry. Sometimes I would distance myself
from those closest to me. And at worse times, I would hurt those
I cared most about.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
distaste. Doctors nowadays aren't capable of saving lives. They're
all about the "almighty" dollar.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
distaste. There's nothing like watching someone you love suffer with
pain because the hospital is under-staffed of nurses, or they're
just to damned lazy to see what's wrong withe person.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing. What's religion doing when people are dying all over the
place, other than saying one needs to repent for their sins.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian, now agnostic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
empty.
--Regarding MONEY:
in the case of my granfather, my grandmother became greedy. She
tried to prevent my grandfather from being recessitated.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
everything was fake, from how my granfather looked to how everyone
was crying.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
going through their belongings.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial and anger is not affective in order to grive properly. It
only makes matters worse and more painful.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I couldn't say...
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I'd tell that person that I love them. At least then I'd know they
heard it before thay passed.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I would never want my loved ones to so much as touch my death
(i.e. pulling the plug).
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I guess I'd cry, then tell everyone I loved them, spend whatever
time I had left with them, and acknowledge that I'm dying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talk about the person at least once a month, just so thay keep
living on with you.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None, I've become more isolated from those I love.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
I don't really acknowledge that the person is dead. I mostly ignore
the fact, become angered by the fact that the person is gone,
and then I basically distance myself from others.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
I don't deal with death period.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It mad me reflect on the past, and my relationships with the people
who passed.
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Tue Jan 25 21:10:18 2000
F21 in Iowa City, IA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
yahoo directory
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Prof/Studies: pre-med/biology major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 88.
--Details:
I did not get to visit her before she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ultimate end for our physical being. Our bodies cease to
function, and our souls go "to a better place".
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was in denial, even though everything supported the fact that they
had died.
--That first time, how it happened was
My mother died due to brain cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wishing I had the chance to say goodbye, and how much I loved her.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the reason that people are so upset at another's passing is missing
them in their lives; the souls of the dead are in a better place
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having dreams about my mother for a few months after her death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my friends. They supported me. They got me through the motions of
life and helped me sort out my feelings while the world was still
going on around me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that I would never get to see them again in this
lifetime.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
make sure all things that need to be said are said. Air old
grievances, tell them how much they mean to you. Also, remind them
of the good times with movies, food and music that they love.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realized that dead is not necessarily final; it is how you look at
it, and what your beliefs are.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the casket was lowered into the ground, and the utter realization
came over me that my grandmother would never hug me again
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I was overemotional, and didn't know what I was feeling.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my grandmother that I love her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have caring family and friends to support me.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
it was me, instead of others, who made myself stop crying.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
it would be different, but probably not better. Every situation
has its ups and downs
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
they didn't have a chance to live their lives
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
talk with her one last time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
kind of got hardened in my heart against its pain
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
more caring physicians need to help patients and families understand
what is actually happening in the patient's case
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
NA
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
believing that she went to a better place
--Religious Affiliation:
Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right
--Regarding MONEY:
we didnt' have any, so we couldn't pay for the funeral costs.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
that all of the people she loved were there.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
finding joy in buying a dress when my loved one was dead.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
a loss of life in their eyes, and a significant change in their
communications with people
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would like for my mom and grandma to say that they are proud
of who I have become, and that they love me and are looking out
for me. I would tell them that I love and miss them, and that
they have become so much a part of who I am; their lessons have
not gone unheeded.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I was sitting in a white room talking with my mother, and she
hugged me. I don't remember the conversation, but the hug stood out,
and I woke up.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
If I knew I was going to die soon, I would write up a will
immediately, and spend every moment with people that I love, making
sure that they know what a blessing they are to me, and that I will
always be looking out for them.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Friends' Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Alright.
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Tue Jan 25 17:06:49 2000
F22 in LA, California =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
browsing through
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Prof/Studies: student-undergrad psych
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 8 months ago.
Cause of Death: accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
How it happened was...I went to a party with my friend. He decided
to go home early...i didn't go. My friend crashed his car on the
center divider of the freeway and he got of his car to get help
and got hit by another car as he got out.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when your heart and brain stops.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was young so i don't think i remember much about the way i felt
--That first time, how it happened was
my grandpa died of old age
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
when i heard that he died i felt so guilty.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How death doesn't have to be a bad thing
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that life is precious...find yourself before you die
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I felt his presence every time i felt sad and guilty and i could
feel him telling me that he was ok
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the guilt...since i was with him that night, i feel somewhat
responsible even though there is no logical reason to be.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
i feel that it was meant to be. I was in a chaotic life and i was
confused about the self. I realized that discovering yourself is
an endless journey. Just live life.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have listened to him when he tried to talked to me(when i last
saw him)
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know my friend and learn about this supernatural phenomenon (that
i can feel his presence sometimes) that i never knew about
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i get nightmares about him
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
We might be even closer friends and i would still be partying every
weekend and i would always think...it can never happen to me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it was him...I would have died for him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
die
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
honestly felt my friend's presence and i can feel his energy
reassuring me.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good... i know they exist because i can feel my friend around.
The 2 weeks after his death, he was around every day but now once
in a while(especially when i feel sad)
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
My friend is Asian and all his family and friends are Asian. At the
funeral, there was one caucasin lady and i knew that she was probably
the one that hit my friend...how guilt and sad she must feel!
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
like i mentioned before, his spirit lives on
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I had a nightmare once that i killed my friend with a knife. I know
this from a guilty concsious but if i think about it, i feel that
i couldn't have stopped it from happening anyways.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
It will be the same...i still communicate with him( i know that
sounds freaky)
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
See above for details
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would be happy...i would love to see the other side of life...but
i would feel bad if i saw my mom crying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I started school...concentrated very hard in school
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
i was young so i didn't realize it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Denial
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I feel like i thoroughly went through my feelings about my friend
who died and now everything seems clearer for me
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Tue Jan 25 13:50:06 2000
F26 in baltimore, maryland =usa=
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
Prof/Studies: sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 29.
--Details:
my brother-in-law died of melinoma cancer which sread like wild
fire and took his life in 9 months
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an end of life on this planet. No one knows for sure if there is
life on another realm but we are hopeful that there is.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused. I was 6 and my grandmother died. At her funeral was
when it realy sank in and I had nightmares about it for weeks.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my paternal grandmother died of pancreatic
cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the feeling of helplessness
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
is a strong spiritual belief on what happens to people when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
for a short time, it brought my in laws together
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
self exploration.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
knowing i'll never see them again
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
say what's on your mind. tell them you are going to miss them
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first heard about it
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
get to know him better
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend some extra time with him to get to know him a little
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my brother in law was a prison guard and the guards took turns
standing guard at the head of the casket
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i talk with his wife
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
well, me and his wife probably wouldn't be close and me and my
husband would be distant from them
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that he was taken so young
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
turn back time
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried my eyes out
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they need to do more to study cancer
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
i had none. Me and my husband were in germany where my husband was
stationed when he died
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
he was given last rights by a priest he had gotten to know
--Religious Affiliation:
united methodist
--Regarding MONEY:
because of insurance money, his 2 grls can now have the things they
always wanted
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was tense because my mother in law acted up and even though her
son was in a casket, she wanted to be the center of attention
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
walking out during the last viewing knowing that I would never set
eyes on him again
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
not being conscience of what is going on around you
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it helped me come to terms with the death adn I know that wherever
they are they are in a better place
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
when my aunt died suddenly in 1996 I had a very hard time copping. It
was unexpected and she was the glue that held our family together. I
flew in from missouri and the second day I was there I walked
through her apartment. I vivited every room and felt her join me. I
feel that for the rest of the week she was with me. Not just the
feeling of a presence but I could actually feel her talk to me. In
fact when I was walking in the tube to get on the plane to take me
back to missouri, I heard her tell me goodbye. In my mind I begged
her not ot leave me, that I needed her in my life. She told me I
didn't need some old lady around and that she would be there for
me if I ever needed her again. Then I felt her leave me. It was
like a warm air leaving my body.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
all of the dying persons requests within reason. One of the hardest
things when my aunt was dying was she wanted no viewing. I didn't
think I would ever have closure without it but I have managed
because I respected her wishes
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would need to know about it but I would have a much harder time
if i found out that my spouse was dying
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became very close to my sister in law since my brother in laws
illness and remain very close
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
guilt that they are gone and that I have survived
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
of all the deaths you had to experience whose was the hardest and
why? of all your experiences with death ,which has been hardest
to cope with a slow death or an unexpected death and why?
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Mon Jan 24 09:22:59 2000
F25 in Belton, Missouri =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Psychology
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
On death and dying
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 8 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: lung cancer; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a very sad process. the process begins with the death of a body. we
grieve for the body that is lost to us but rejoice that we knew the
person, body and soul. speaking of the person and our memories of
them, helps us to keep them alive in our hearts and minds.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was thirteen and was very confused. I had lost my mother to
cancer. I spent four years avoiding any conversation about my
mother and her death. it was not until i met my husband that i
began to speak of her again.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My mother passed away from colon cancer when
I was thirteen. She had been dealing with the cancer for quite a
few years and it had spread from the colon to the rest of her body.
She lapsed into a waking coma the morning before she died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how i was now expected to be an adult. My father died when i was
seventeen and i was the only one who took the responsibility to
plan the funeral and take care of the financial dealings.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
it should not be a taboo. we should be allowed to speak of death
freely without feeling as though others should feel sorry for us.
we sould rejoice in the knowledge that we were blessed by their
presence, no matter how short of a time they were with us.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that while my parents were not physically with me,
they will always be with me in my heart.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that i would not physically see them.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
just talk to them about things you have done together and about the
things you will remember about them and how they touched your life.
--[My Parents's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to stand up for their wishes after their deaths and how
i fulfilled their dream of continuing my education.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i first found out that they had died.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with them before they died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
plan the funeral and go on to get my masters degree even though i
was only seventeen when my father died.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
i seemed to know my father had died before i received the phone call.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i believe my life would be very much the same. the only difference
would be that i would have much more love in my life and that i
would be able to see my parents every day.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that God had taken both of my parents away from me when i was still
so young.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
decided that no one is really gone if you keep them alive through
your memories of them.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
we were not even aware that hospice existed. no one at the hospital
told us about that resource.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing.
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
right. i know that there is spirit. my father's spirit visited
me the night of his death to let me know he had died before the
hospital called.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
the night my father died, i was wakened from sleep to see him
standing at the foot of my bed. it was as if he wanted to be the
one to let me know of his death before the hospital could. a few
moments later i received the call from the hospital.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i write letters to my parents. after they are written i place them
in a drawer. just know that i have, in a way, talked to them makes
me feel better.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Talking to People
I was not able to speak of my mother or her death until I met
my husband. Talking with him about my life and my mother helped.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
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Sun Jan 23 17:08:31 2000
F22 in Roseburg, OR =USA=
Name: Jaime
Email: <jbrink=at=rosenet.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: just graduated with a BA in Psychology
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More personal info:
you may post it and respond to it.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 3 years ago.
Cause of Death: breast cancer; Aged: 49.
--Details:
she informed her doctor of the lump and he told her to just watch it
for 6 months and then come back-by then it was really progressing
fast. in other words, she might have lived had the doctor looked
at it earlier.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
horrible. it screws up your head and makes you feel utterly
horrible. You must realize that someone you knew all your life is
no longer there. it is very strange and awkward to realize that.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was fine, but i did feel bad and confused about it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was my dog
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i didn't have any emotion. then i felt guilty for it. i only
remember feeling bad for everyone else and thinking i shouldn't
feel bad since it was only my aunt. unfortunately(or fortunately)
i started to go through the grief a long while after the funeral.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
i don't know
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that i will from now on always feel grateful for my family and not
take them for granted.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
actually ignoring it. i didn't want to talk about it, and so nobody
else would. i believe i just couldn't handle it at the time.
but time passing helped a good deal and others acknowledgements
and verifications that i had the right to feel bad if i did.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
that i took her for granted. i never said any of the things i
should have.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
to not bring up your own problems, and to not emphasize theirs
either. just listen to them.
--[My Aunt's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
learned the value of life and that your life can be turned upside
down in two seconds, so be grateful for every minute that your life
stays the same.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i just couldn't understand that the world could keep going on when
someone is not there anymore. i thought that since something was
different in the world that everything should be different and
why is everything and everyone still the same. it didn't make any
sense to me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
it was also nervousness. not knowing how to act, not knowing what
to do or feel. and not knowing what in the world was going on.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
express my feelings toward the other and realize how important the
other was to me while she was still around. also to help her out
more when she was sick-but i was afraid of it.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see her before she died. and write my feelings on a letter and
put it in her casket. also i am glad i was there for the rest of
my family then.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
clothes and caskets had to be decided on. nobody ever seems to talk
about this part, but i found it to be a horrible part of the process.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
.......
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i remember the last time i saw the person alive. or when i see
something i know the person would have loved.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would spend much more time with her and realize how important she
is to my life. one person can affect one person's life so much,
without even knowing it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she had to die and not me. she had everything and a family who
needed her. the world would have been better off losing me than her.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide in some place where no one would bother me. i also often want
to bargain. such as "i would give everything i own, my house and
all if i could have her back".
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt horribly guilty and horribly desperate to have another chance
with that person.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
total disgust! the doctors and nurses seemed so inefficient and
uncaring.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
:(:(:(
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything for most of my family, but nothing for me, as i was angry.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
........
--Regarding MONEY:
we had plenty enough.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was packed. tons of people were there. that made me feel good,
and also reinforced my feelings of "why her?"
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
looking and touching the dead body. she felt like a clay person.
i kept expecting her to get up, like it was all a misunderstanding.
i was soooooo sure she would get up.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
......
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
denial is the biggest and longest stage...anger and guilt are also
rather big. one thing i did not know is that you can revert back
to an earlier stage. just because you are at stage 4, does not
mean that you can't go back to stage two. also i realized that
the avg. time span of six months for grieving is totally bogus.
i felt bad about being so slow, but i realized that everyone is
different and has their own time span, so people shouldn't compare
themselves to others.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
.......
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
........
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i still feel guilty about not revealing my feelings and other
things......
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
..........
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
i had some dreams. i remember one in particular where i was trying
to get to her, however i just couldn't. it reminded me alot of
the pot at the end of the rainbow-no matter how close it seems you
are getting to it, you are still a long way off and can never get
there no matter what. it was a horrible dream.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
first off, with my aunt, there was a great deal of worry about what
the person should wear and look like-i don't want any one to worry
about that for me. also, with my aunt people worried about having
something personal of hers for themselves. this got to be a huge
mess, and i want to specifically write out the stuff i want people
to have so that there is no arguing or being selfish.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
actually i hope to not know in advance. but at least i know people
would notice and care-i was always afraid no one would come to
my funeral.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
......
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
......
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
no
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
i think i was too young to understand it, so i got over it in a
few days
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
i know that i had to be there alot for my mother. i just let her
cry and tell me what she was feeling alot. also i was there for
my cousin to help him know that none of it was his fault and to
not feel guilty.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
well, i think i had already thought of all these things, but it
was helpful to get it written down.
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Fri Jan 21 20:11:47 2000
M32 in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The atibetan book of living and dieing
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
sogyal rinpoche
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
the disolution or disipation of the form or vehical also called
flesh. It is the time beyond time when the inate clear creator
light radiant within the vehicl of flesh is liberated in union with
His or all light. A transitory time
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Watched my mother in deep greif and shared in that greif and the
longing tosee my grrandfther again
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my grandfather died sudenly
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Being at my pepere's funeral in a roman catholic church after
bearing him up the isle in deep meditation clearly seeing white
geometrically perfect oulined bhotisatvas/ goddeses guidiing pepere
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
observeit. face it . stop hiding from it . contemplate it's
meaning in our daily lives and prepare for it. celebate it.
free the expression of body disolvment or disposal from the hand
of mortitions
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
THe impending death of my mother in law has fueled the fire of
focused contemplation of death and the related passages from this
state to others. I feel blessed with compassion descending like
snow upon mymind field with death
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Looking towards the transitory nature of form and formless world and
seeing without excessive attatchment or aversion, death and life
are as inseperable as the wave and the shore. breathing deeply
and looking inward towards interconection or inter-being
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The pain and sufering of those around the loved one. How am I to
help others benefit from the death of a loved one ? How am i to
minimize their pain?
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Projecting a relaxed atmospher in which the person finishing the
life stage and entering death seems important to me . I clmed
myself to impart a sense of peace and offered words of peace in the
form of suggestiond=s to relax realizing that your life has been
beautiful and complete and you have created much love in the world.
Your time is here and there is nothing to fear. Just being present
and listening nearing the time of death with an open heart seems
most important.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I entered a state of infinitude after the joyous merging of light
color and sound.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Death is high comedy. th grim reaper or the king of the dead is
relly in all his wrathful and fear instilling facade a jokester
attempting to push our fear to the limits in order to extinguish it.
In the end its just a cosmic joke and we all sit laughigh with
yamata in bliss
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to my mother in law about the bardos, particularly to eliveate
the fear that an arise and the ensuing confusion
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be helpful
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I relize that despite focused efforts, the people I find suffering
remain suffering. Sometimes I feel over whelmedwith the suffering
of othe rs and my inability toeliviate that suffering.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Curiosity at the causation of the void of training surrounding the
emotional relationships between the dying, their loved ones and
the medical practiononaire.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Support. Food and community
--Religious Affiliation:
Engaged
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like the clear creator light as meantioned in roman Catholic
funerals, Bhudiism, Native american religions (nipmuck ..osco
we qwesan)....
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the juxtapositioning of so many differnt vantage points... the
money makers, the hearrt felt attendants and their varios needs
and perspectives, the obligatories
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Remenbering my own merging
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
disolution of teh body accompaneid by the transformation into the
being of light you are as if the clouds obscuring the sky had been
whisped away by the brsik breeze of karmic cessation
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I look foward to the time of death but hope for more tim in hwich
to prepare
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
recalling the experience of death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Fri Jan 21 11:19:41 2000
M52 in Orlando, Fl ==
Name: John
Email: <Saba1446=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
The word (or name) BASWA popped into my head. Decided to track it.
Put it in search the web. Got you.
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Prof/Studies: Cabinet Maker
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
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--Death Is:
Going home. Going home to a place which most of us do not remember
until we get there. Of returning to- from whence we came.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
still felt sad at their loss.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... more than twenty years ago. Lying on floor of
living room. felt pain in my chest. Growing stronger to unbearable.
Knew that I was about to die. Thought of my children in their beds.
Sighed, "oh, no." Then felt total release of physical. No longer
bound by anything. Was somewhere, yet everywhere at same time.
Was myself, yet everyone at same time. A feeling of boundless love,
understanding, of being home. A wave of pure and absolute love swept
through me. Felt myself smiling with tear running down my cheek.
I had returned.
Was the experience that of death, or simply the result of
a sudden release of euphoria producing drugs from my brain's
pharmacy? With certainty, I was home for a moment of eternity.
For these past twenty years I have been trying to understand
what it was that I so freely understood during the experience.
Clarity has not come easily, yet it has come. It is something
that is to be given freely.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Mid-Life
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Fri Jan 21 00:43:05 2000
F51 in lockport, ill =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: writer
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, yrs3 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 78.
--Details:
He was diagnosed with prostate cancer several years prior, but the
primary dr. did not use any monitoring, and by the time my father
complained of not feeling well, the cancer had moved to his spine,
and he was at stage 4. (Terminal) He lived only 6 months longer.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a passage for those leaving us, a reflection on our current
relationships with those still among us and a re-visiting with
those we have lost in the past
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was too young to have strong feelings about the loss
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my 94 year old grandmother
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the last day my father was alive, I was with him. He had stopped
eating. I gave him coffee from a straw. Later we were alone, and I
asked him if he would like for me to read to him from the Bible. He
could no longer speak, but Daddy raised his hand to the sky and
opened his eys and looked at me very pleadingly. What followed was
something amazing to me.. I am no scholar with locating passages in
the Bible, but I found passage after passage, very quickly which
related to going to heaven, dying, and what Christ says about the
hereafter. There was great peace between us as I read. He passed
away four hours later when my mother and he were alone.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
The need for reconcilliation and closure with a loved one, especially
if there is time before they are gone.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the days I spent with my father before he died, and the care I was
able to give him. The meals I brought him, the last meall he ate
fully was pprime rib, his favorite.. I cut up small bites for him
and he ate all of it. He stopped eating the next day, and died 10
days later.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
from the people in the Hospice Program for my father, and my Priest
and church.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My mother fretted constantly that she could not take care of
Daddy. I finally intervened and told them both that he would not
go to a nursing home, but would stay in the house he had buildt
until he died, even if I had to be there round the clock to help.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Kiss them. Hold their hands. Stroke their hair. Talk about good
memories. Tell them every day you are with them that you love
them. This applies to healthy, living people you love, as well.
--[My Father's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Gained a strength of understanding his needs. The days I spent
with him were precious and oness I will never regret. It taught me
to slow done and understand my own life better, and it made me a
better person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The pastor from my father's church showed such a lack of
understanding when my mother needed counciling. She was in denial,
and I felt he could have offered more direction with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Be there for my father when he really needed me. I lost my job of
10 years due to downsizing 3 months before he died. Daddy told me
it was God's gift that we could be together like we were.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see something Daddy would have found amusing or interesting,
and I want to have him there to share the moment again.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Daddy would be able to meet the man I am going to marry. I feel he
would be pleased and happy that I have found the man I have looked
for so long.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was angry because of the poor medical treatment he had received.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
disgust with the doctors and thier incompetence. Also enormous
gratitude for the people in Hospice Programs everywhere.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
awe annd gratitude
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
everything. It was my constant reference, source of strength and
comfort for myself and my father.
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopalian
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many people loved my father. Hundreds attended the wake and
so many people recounted his kindness. He had taught Sunday School
for over 30 years, and had done so much to help at the churches he
attended. I thought because our family was small, there would be
few in attendance, but his larger family in Christ rallied around
us with love.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Taking charge.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Loss of appetite, loss of speach. Change in meds. Asking questions
of the doctors. Many doctors will not tell you what stage a cancer
patient is at unless you specifically ask. And then, How one is
progressing and what it means.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I rarely sense my father's presence, but I feel my grandfather is
with me frequently. He is with me when I am in a jovial state,
with friends, drinking in a bar. I am now a bartender, and his
presence evokes the best stories about his life and things which
he told me or said to others.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
There were 3 times in my life when I could have died or been
seriously injured, and each time I felt an Angel literally lifted me
out of the situation and moved me to a safe place, and saved me. I
had a floating sensation, as if my body could not have possibly
done what it did to save me.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
A very wise woman told me this many years ago: If you love others,
tell them every day you are with them. As a result of this, I don't
recall having many regrets with the loved ones who haved passed on.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I regularly hear the words of caution for those who have passed over,
giving me good advice, and keeping me out of harm's way.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Having a will, a living will, and what kind of funeral I want to
have when I pass on.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't think I am afraid to die. I know I have work to do here
still, and that when my time comes, it will be a passage to something
greater than this place we call earth. I look forward to seeing
my loved ones on the other side again. I have dreamt of meeting
the others in the light, and I am confident they will be there to
welcome me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Prayer
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
Good. I have been missing my father lately and this was a way of
sharing my thoughts.
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Thu Jan 20 18:44:23 2000
F51 in Mt. Bethel, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: librarian
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Ex-, 7 months ago.
Cause of Death: injuries from an airplane crash; Aged: 52.
--Details:
He was the pilot of a small plane. It crashed, he was severely
burned and lived for 2 months in a drug induced coma..slowly dying.
We were married for 20 years and he was the father of my 2 sons
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone who means alot to you is suddenly gone and you never
see them again...and it causes a great deal of pain inside of you.
More inside pain than anything else can.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was almost too young to understand the concept of her being gone.
I just remember being scared because my father, who I thought was
incapable of crying, cryng.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died at age 93..I hardly knew
her other than an old woman who sat in a bed..but seeing my father
cry was difficult for me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Understanding how I will die too. Remembering how we started our
lives together, and never knowing how it would end. Imagining the
terror he felt as the fire burned. Wanting so despartely to talk
to him again and share things with him....angry that I cant ever do
that...and sometimes imagining that this really didnt happen...and
that he will appear again.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
understanding that the pain goes on for a very long time...that it
goes on for life sometimes.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
right now, I can think of nothing..it hasnt made me more grateful,
it has only made me more aware that it all ends, and what is the
use of any of it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Girlfriends who understood that even though we were divorced, he
was one of the most important people in my life..and they understood
that I could grieve intensely without taking away from the marriage
and life I have now.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
never seeing them again....wanting so badly for them to show me a
"sign" that they still lived elsewhere...and those signs never
being cut and dried..never definate
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
He was in a morphine induced coma for pain, but I talked to him...and
told him I loved him...always would...told him I would care for
the boys and that I would always make sure the grandchildren knew
who he was.. talk to them...assure them...maybe they hear
--[My Ex-'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I am still struggling with it all. I miss him so much...I want
to talk to him. If I knew this was going to happen, I would have
driven to where he was and shared all my thoughts and feelings.
We were friends, but so much more needed to be said...and we thought
we had years and years to say it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
it first happened. The accident was swift and we were uncertain
for a very long time whether he would live or die.Since it was a
burn accident, we worried about what life would be like for him if
he did live
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
laughter and jokes have been a part of my life forever. It is ok
to make light of any situation. I brightened up my husbands life
with my light-hearted look at life...and he would have been OK with
my jokes, even in time of sorrow.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk with him about why we split up..tell him my feelings..laugh with
him again... come to terms with the events that life gave to us.
Oh...if you care about someone, let them know.....NOW
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
No..I am not thankful for anything..well, maybe now my sons realize
how fragile life is...and they show me how much they love me...since
they lost their father..I am the sole remaining parent..and they
want me to know their love
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
He was cremated...which I thought bizzare after burning to
death...but my sons wanted that, and as an ex I relented to them.
He is not buried anywhere...and I so deeply miss not being able to
go to his grave and sit and talk with him. I want that so so much
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I miss him...I hear songs that remind me of him...our grandchild
was born and he never saw him. I think of him every single day as
I drive to work alone in the car. I remember when it happened.
I remember driving to work and my thoughts and hopes that he would
live. I still want to scream at the unfairness of it all
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Oh...we would have been best friends..we would have even thought
that as we aged, and maybe our respective spouses pass, we would
have spent our declining years together..we never stopped loving
each other..we just couldnt live together
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that we didnt grow old together...that he didnt see our
grandson...that my sons didnt have their father longer...that death
has to take us all
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time....
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and cried...and wanted him back so much. I still do
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did all they possibly could...the best hospital.the best care
available today.. In years to come, we will know of better ways
to help..but for today ...this was top-notch care
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I want God to show me he (my ex husband) still exists somewhere.
I want some signs...and I have seen some..but then I question if I
am just reading into something I want to see...or if it really is
something. Maybe life just ends. Maybe there is nothing. Maybe we
just WANT to believe there is. I dont know.
--Religious Affiliation:
Catholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
all humans feel the same pain when someone they love dies..that is
a universal truth
--Regarding MONEY:
His wife of 2 years was too damn cheap to pay for a burial, so
she had him cremated..which as I said was bizarre. I resent that.
I wanted him buried in a traditional type of ceramony...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Oh.it was difficult with me...the first wife...the one married to
him for 20 years and the mother of his children..and her...married
for 2 years... lots of tension..
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have seen clouds that spell out "Hi" on the day of our grandsons
christening. I have talked to him at our sons house and seen just
one tree moving in the breeze..but am I reading into things I want
to see.....I dont know
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Just live with the fact that I cant change what happened. End of
story. and hope/pray/wish that maybe there is an after life
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Oh..I dont want to leave my young child. I think that death will
be difficult to deal with, but if my children are grown and OK I
may deal with it better. P.S> I really dont want to go....but
hope thaat the people I love are really there...
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I will never again assume that anyone has not experienced this pain.
That each person carries with them their own individual pain.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Lack of Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Thu Jan 20 17:48:21 2000
F19 in Grosse Pointe Woods, MI =USA=
Name: Ellen
Email: <esafran=at=gwu.edu>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: First-Year College Student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Sister, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 12.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
often a very tragic, disturbing event that can have lasting impact,
epsecially on children
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was nine years old. It has come to affect how I view myself and
others
--That first time, how it happened was
My sister died of childhood leukemia when I was nine
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
wondering if I would ever feel normal again
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how much it affects children and how differently they grieve, and
how seriously they can be affected if not treated with sensititivity.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it made me realize how fragile life is, how important family is.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My writing, in journals and other forms, and almost ten years later,
talking to a counselor
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The incredible fear and abandonment i felt
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I wondered why this happened to me
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell her I loved her, tried to develop more of a relationship.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
have what I did with her
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see pictures, videos, or other reminders, or I have to explain
my family situation to others.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about that so much; what my life would have been like if
I would have had her to grow up with.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
It's just not fair that this happened, and changed my family forever,
and made me feel so much pain for so long
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time and change things so she would still be alive
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt very alone and very scared for a long time
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they tried to do everything they could to help
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort, strength, i never got angry at God or anything
--Religious Affiliation:
Presbyterian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
pretty good, I believe that we all have a spirit that continues
after we die
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how uncomfortable i felt because i had never been to one before
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my parents cry, and how scary that was for me
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I couldn't really recognize myself going through any of those stages,
but I guess I have moved through some of them by now.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I was so young; I feel like we never had a relationship to even
miss now that she is gone. My counselor is helping me get over the
guilt I still feel over this.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i would say that i loved her very much, I missed her, and i was so
angry that she couldn't be here with me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I had a very vivid dream after she died. All of my family was
choosing to also "die": they were all going to heavan, and wanted
me to go as well, but I didn't want to. I refused because I was
scared to go.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I never really knew that people got cancer and died before this,
so it was a very terrifying experience--I was very afraid that I
would also die.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I constantly wrote about it, in journals and for assignments
at school.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Still continue with the writing.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
Writing, Talking about feelings even years after event
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
Friend's Insensitivities, Guilt, Fear, Young age
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was useful, it was a time to reflect and realize what kind of
feelings I am still carrying around about this.
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Thu Jan 20 14:40:48 2000
F48 in Burt, IA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: HOMEMAKER
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, yrs 7 ago.
Cause of Death: illness kidney failure; Aged: 70.
--Details:
I really didn't think she was going to die doctor told me to go
home 12 hours away she was getting to dependent on me she died the
next day alone I was furious and thought they killed her
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is part o f life i want to believe to a better place part
of journey
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was tramatized the first death with my mother I was upset but I
let her go to a better place and felt a lot of peace.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...grandmother murdered
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
not being there when she died bothered me the most that she was
alone when she had ALWAYS been there for me.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
without hope I don't see how a person could handle the hope of
being reunited some day.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
no more suffering.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
God and my belief
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
not being there and with the first one no hope that's when I searched
for answers
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I love you!!!
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
hope of salvation and I knew she went to heaven and I'd see her
again someday
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had no hope
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never had that urge
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
been there when my mom died and hadn't listened to the doctors
and family
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
say good bye with peace
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I felt hte deceased persons presence,VERY REAL AND STRONG
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
NOTHEING i CAN THINK OF
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i'M PRETTY MUCH OVER THAT
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
NO ANSWER
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
ONLY WHEN I WASN'T THER BUT I DO BELIEVE I WASN'T SUPPOSE TO BE AND
THAT IT WAS NO REFLECTION ON MY MOM'S AND MY RELATIONSHIP SHE KNEW
I LOVED HER
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
NA
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried and prayed and said goodbye for now
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
THEY SCREWED UP
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
DAD HAD CANCER I FELT THEY SHOULD HAVE FILLED ME IN AS MUCH AS MY
MOTHER BECAUSE SHE WAS TO OUT OF IT AND I HAD TO MAKE DECISIONS
AND ALSO SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH DAD IN HIS LAST 6 WEEKS
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
A STRUCTURE MY FAITH WAS THE GREATEST HEALER
--Religious Affiliation:
LUTHERAN
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I AGREE I DON'T THINK THERE ARE SEPERATE HEAVENS OR ANYTHING
LIKE THAT
--Regarding MONEY:
BROKE UP FAMILY
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
MANY PEOPLE PAYING RESPECTS AND ESPECIALLY MY FRIENDS FROM HIGH
SCHOOL THAT WAS VERY NICE AND COMFORTING
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
VISITS FROM THE SPIRIT WORLD
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
CON'T KNOW EXCEPT I THOUGHT AFTER MY MOM'S DEATHE I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
BY MEDICATIONS TREATMENT ETC I WAS TRYING GET HER OUT TO THAT STATE
AND BRING HER HOME IF I WOULD HAVE BEEN FACING THE FACT THAT SHE
WAS NEAR DEATH I WOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING MORE ABOUT THE SITUATION
OF COURSE MY BROTHERS WERE NOT BEING COOPERATIVE OR SUPPORTIVE BUT
I WAS IN DENIAL I THINK MOM EVEN KNEW SHE KEPT TELLING ME ABOUT
FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
IT'S PART OF LIFE
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
MOM SAW DAD AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING THERE
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
YES AND I WAS READY TO GO LOOKED PRETTY PEACEFUL
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
NO UNRESOLVED ISSUES
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING LEFT UNSAID.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
THAT HAPPENED 3 TIMES FIRST WITH MY DAD WHEN I WAS NEAR DEATH AND I
SAW HIS HAND REACHING THROUGH THE WINDOW FOR ME TO TAKE AHOLD OF AND
COME WITH HIM THAT'S WHEN I SEEMED TO SNAP OUT OF IT, 2. MOM DIED
ON FRIDAY I WAS IN CHURCH SUNDAY AND KNEW I FELT HER ARMS AROUND ME
HUGGING ME TIGHT. IT WAS HER HUG. 3. FELT BOTHE OF MY PARENT HANDS
ON MY SHOULDERS SEEMINGLY PULLING ME BACK I FELT AFRAID AND FLED I
DON'T THINK IT WAS REALLY THEM MORE LIKE WOLVES IN SHEEPS CL0THING
I WAS VERY AFRAID THAT TIME. 4 WHEN I LIVED WITH CURRENT SIGNIFICANT
OTHER IN HIS AND HIS DECEASED WIVES HOME I FELT HER PRESCENCE OFTEN
SHE WASN'T UPSET WITH ME OR ANYTHING I JUST DIDN'T LIKE LIVING WITH
HER HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE WE'VE MOVED INTO OUR OWN PLACE.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I WOULD JUST WANT IT MY WAY, MOSTLY JUST IMEDIATE FAMILY FOR MOST
OF IT CASKET OPEN FOR MY LOVED ONES ONLY NOT TO PUBLIC A SEPERATE
CEREMONY OR 2 FOR THEM THE CHURCH STUFF FOR ALL THE REST I THINK
IT'S VERY PRIVATE AND PERSONAL.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i'M NOT REALLY AFRAID BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO I HAVE KIDS AND
GRANDKIDS AND MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER BUT I DO KNOW I WOULD TAKE THE
BURDEN AND MAKE IT AS MUCH OF A JOYOUS OCCASION AS POSSIBLE I WOULD
TRY TO THINK POSITIVE AND LEAVE NO GUILT TRIPS BEHIND LIKE SO MANY
I'VE SEEN AND SOME RELIGIONS SURE DON'T HELP WITH THAT.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
TALKED TO THEM THATN LET THEM GO FAITH
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
HAVEN'T CONTINUED ANYTHING BUT KNOW HOW SHORT LIFE IS
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
NO
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Religion/Clergy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
NA
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I WAS PRETTY WELL SET IN THE WAY I BELIEVE
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
NO
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Thu Jan 20 13:51:12 2000
F18 in dallas/fortworth area, texas =United States=
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through yahoo links
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Prof/Studies: student of law
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
no i can't most of the books i read have death scenes but are all
fiction novels...i know what death is and i accept it, books help
those who cannot or have a hard time dealing with it
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
n/a
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of relative, 1 year ago ago.
Cause of Death: natural aging process; Aged: 6 yeras old.
--Details:
the pet i refer to was a rabbit who lived 6 years and died of
natural causes or of old age. the average life expectancy of a
rabbit is 3 years to 4 years...the rabbit lived a long and happy
life. this goes to show that when a human dies we may exceed our
life expectancy rate or life may be cut short. the society we live
in today is so chaotic that it is amazing to me that we live so
long at all, it seems that as we create things to better our lives
we end up destroying ourselves; so i think that the fact that we
live so long is a blessing in disguise. so when you ask me about
death and my response towards it, i'll tell you that yes i miss the
person but i also know that they would have died someday anyways
so i let their death go and hold on to the memories of them.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
death is a natural process that comes with age, the day we were born
we started to age thus we started to die; though some lives are cut
short and are not natural deaths, the society we live in today is
so chaotic that death has become something that does not only greet
the older people but also the younger people and this is why so
many people cannot accept death or have a hard time dealing with it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was a child and my grandfather died and i realized that he was gone
and let him go but held onto all my fond memories of him...he died
as an old man who lived his life with pride and died with pride
from natural causes.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died and i just never was
affected in a negative or positive way...i had a sense of death
being a part of life and it is.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
i didn't cry, i remember thinking that he was gone and i would
never see him again but i also remember all the memories i had of
him and i cherish those but i do not dwell on his death.
--What I think my (United States) culture needs to better learn about death is:
death is a natural process it keeps our society from destroying
ourselves and that all things happen for a reason either good or
bad it will always help someone else in the long run and in that
good comes out of good/bad things that we happen upon.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
death is a gift if the people who helped found our society were
still alive they would despise our leaders for the mess time has
created, people would over populate the world and we would end up
destroying ourselves and humans would become extinct.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
i dealt with death by remembering the memories and letting the
person go...death is a part of nature all around us things die and
we may not see it because some may not be visible to the naked eye
but death happens in us all around us at all times, when we wash
our hands the bacteria we pick up is killed, when we use mouth wash
we are killing bacteria that is harmful and bacteria that helps us
to resist disease and infections, so you see death happens without
notice and will continue to happen.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
death is hard no matter who it is or how it happens, it is all in
the way we deal with it and knowing that death is a natural part
of life has helped me through it, i never lose control, i accept
it and i cherish the memories and think to myself that there was
a reason for this death and good will come out of it even if it
happens 100 years from now when i am dead too.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
my advice is to remember the person and the times you shared and to
hold them in your heart and know that their death was a part of life.
--[My pet's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
we see an animal die and we put it to rest it is the same with
humans. we hunt animals and take their lives and it was not nesscary,
for humans it is the same only we have a hunter who has no season
and needs no license to take it's pray...that hunter is life/nature,
it created us and it can take us away.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was never confused i knew what happened and accepted it
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
if you are trying to accept death some times a person will laugh
and it is usually a form of denial or a way to push it away but
eventually it needs to be dealt with. i personally never have this
problem because of the way i deal with death and how i veiw it.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
regret happens when death was not expected i've seen it happen,
(two familty members have a conflict they stop talking to one
another and never have the chance to say good bye) the surviving
friend or family member regrets it and that is natural that is why
you should never let a conflict or problem affect your relationship
to the point that you will regret death when it happens.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
i belive death is a part of life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
---
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
funerals are only a means of seeing the reality of the death, it
helps some to deal with it because when they see them dead it can
start to sink in.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i don't cry about death i laugh when i remeber the memories of all
the fun times i had with the person
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
------------
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
------
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
---------
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
the day i found out i accepted it i let the person go and held the
memories close and still do.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
life has a target if it's you, you can not evade it. some people pull
through take it as a reminder that you could die any day. (carpie
diem: sieze the day / live life to the fullest)
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
--------
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
soem may deal with death trough religion and some may deal with
death through the scientific aspect in the end we still die
--Religious Affiliation:
i am a baptist but i also know about science and that it has a
great deal to do with death also
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
i belive we have a soul and once we die our soul leaves but that
it is still alive just not in the body
--Regarding MONEY:
do what you can the best coffin will turn to dirt in time
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
funerals are never fun but they are a part of our culture.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
-------
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
death comes with age or can come to the young and lively any time
it has no set groups
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
-------
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
----------
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
i don't belive in phsycics and never will as they say in the fine
print(for entertainment purposes only)
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
if you have unresolved issues or regrets try writing them down
on paper and burying them or burning them to represnt the act of
letting the issues go and that they are dead as the person which
you had the conflict.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
--------
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
dreams are memories or illusions that we have in our sub-consiense
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
--------
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
---------
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
----------
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
yeah i live my life as if each day were the last.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
-------
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
death is a natural process in life the day you were born you were
destined to die...that is my belife system
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
death is enevitable so it doesn't hinder me at all...i miss the
person but i know that one day i too will come face to face with
death and i can accept that.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
------------
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
i am glad i could share the ways i deal with death and that i might
be able to help another person cope with death as well
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
death is not a bad thing and most people will deal with it in one
way or another, but these questions are focused more on how or what
did you do or still feel, some questions you might consider should
be a little more general and some need to be more specific.
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Thu Jan 20 10:32:59 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for fear of death topics
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: a blood clot; Aged: 96.
--Details:
she was found by my 6 yr old cousin in the bed i normally sleep in
at my grandparents house(i was on a 2 week vacation) she fell and hit
her head on the tv causing a hemmorriging in her head and she died
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the ending of the organic and possibly sentient life of a human. the
ceasing of all movement and feeling and the beginning of decay of the
body. when you get cold and truly alone and fade out of existance
to leave everything you worked fo rand everyone you care about to
their pain at your loss.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
said "cool" (i was little)
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...a neighbor had a car fall on him in his
driveway next door, the girl i used to play with alll the time
found him bleeding down the driveway.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how very very "dead" she was. how she was painted to pretend she was
still alive. and the absolute finality of the dirt on her box. it
was the scariest sound i have ever heard. i half expected her to sit
up and laugh(she had a twisted sense of humor) but the burying the
box was the final bit i had to come to terms with death.(however i
haven't been able to go to sleep normally since she died realizing
that i too have a terminal disease--life as they say no one ever
died and lived to tell about it)
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
it happens everyone i have talked to says "don't worry about
it." "i just don't think about it" or "why would you ever consider
that?" death is a very real part of life we should become more open
understanding and compassionate.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
from death? nothing, but that wonderful hamburger.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
pot pot,and my good buddy jack and his friend jim
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that i am mortal
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
nothing my great grandfather was almost crying for someone to take
his hand and saying how alone he felt when we were there holding
his hand and trying to comfort him. he was terrified
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
i was never confused i knew wat was going to and did happen every
step of the way.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
nope no laughing no crying either, kind of like a movie one of
the crappy ones you walk out of but i swear it wasn't real he just
never went back to his house(i should probly tell people he's on
vacation in maui)
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
shoot him when he wasn't looking--inthe back of the head-very
quick-no fear.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep breathing
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
he gave the final exhalation(almost like he let go of his whole
existance in that gesture
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
no crying only stark raving insane terror of seeing death come for
me or another i care for but mostly it is a selfish personal fear
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i don't think i would change it because even though hes or shes
dead they helped me to even cherich chickin mcnuggets(the dead
don't even get them)
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
of course it is fair i just don't like it
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
ceace existance not die simply never born.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
grew restless, then lost sleep, got to where i can only sleep with
others in the room or outside in the sun around 5 o'clock.i was up
for days before i fugured that out.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
when death comes for you it is overthe greatest equipment ort
technology in the world will not save you from the cold touch of
the hand of death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a place for the cerimony and for my grandfather a peace that wells
up from some unknown fount in his soul. for me a fear of eternal
damnation.
--Religious Affiliation:
zen/mysical/judao-christian
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
uncertan and hollow.
--Regarding MONEY:
it was a waste, we should have stuffed him in a cardboard box and
had the trash collecter take him to the landfill. hes dead he told
us to do that with him anyway.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
grim depressing the whole thing seemed barbaric to me everyone
gathering around to see a corpse.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the shift from urgency to slow grief.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
when they can't feel you, say goodbye really fast.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
a strong spiritual belief
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
if he was visited it was from a darker element because the death
terrified him
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
nope
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? -none-
i never fully considered it
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Wed Jan 19 10:02:10 2000
M48 in Madrid, Spain =Spain/Europe=
Name: Juan Luis Llácer
Email: <juanllacer=at=yahoo.es>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: writer
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
all the books writen by the "Tibetan Master" with the help of
Alice A.Bailey
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
during the summer hollidays
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--Death Is:
la liberación de un/unos cuerpo/s que ya han cumplido su ciclo de
existencia. La posibilidad de proseguir nuestra evolución
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
realised the fleeting nature of all compounds things, and the
permanence of the Self
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...he was my elder brother. When he died I was
only 4 months...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
...que la vida seguía su curso
--What I think my (Spain/Europe) culture needs to better learn about death is:
la muerte pertenece a la vida, y es la puerta que conduce a la Vida
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
tomar la perspectiva adecuada frente a los acontecimientos diarios.
Adoptar un criterio de valoración más equilibrado
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just to remain in silence
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
la relación con sus padres
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be quiet and fearless. Life is your everlasting friend
--[My Nephew's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
kept my mind under the light
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the pain and suffering of the others
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I diden´t passed through such an experience
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
deep in the seeing of the "clear and cold Light"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself focused in the Reality through the reality
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
in my case there wasn´t "a death process", it simply arrived
suddenly. I had no doubt that my nephew was always alive though
transforming himself at the same time, and approaching to his Self
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
lamentations about "the unlucky fate" of him...
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I´m not able to keep myself under the Light coming from the Self,
and the Self of everything
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
that would be to succumb to the mischevious games of fantasy and
self-escape from the day-to-day evidence and opportunities to go
always beyond the surface of things
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
to lament about the inevitable
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
not to detach myself from the "I" that I am
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
continued to live...
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratirude for the silent service many people do
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I haden´t such a contact, but that does not change the core of
things...
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a very old form that we need to get rid of as soon as posible as
far as we do help in the coming and birth of the new one.
--Religious Affiliation:
I recognize myself as being a follower of the Religion of Light. I
was brought up in the Christianity. Now I think I´m in the path of
the Christ. That´s enough. That´s allI
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like an all-pervading field of luminous and radiant energy in which
we all breathe as spiritual beings
--Regarding MONEY:
it never was any active element or role in the play...
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
a social convention mixed with sinceres feelings of sorrow and
solidarity. Nothing to do -or almost- with the real values
implied: the entrance in the Light and the renewed possibility of
increasing the sensitivity towards it as a treasure to keep in the
next excursion to the "shadows"
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
the generalised blind condition oh humans about the friendship of
death, or the continuity of life
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
the exteriorization of calm and warm joy instead of desperate pain
and suffering
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
we never loose the real person we´ve loved
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
when we pass away there is always someone expecting us. "You´ll
never walk alone"
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
my previous answer is appliable here
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I am in peace.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
"I know we have still so many things to do together..."
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I haven´t any evidence in that sense.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
to face with the death in a natural way. To maintain a calm and
friendly ambiance around the dying-bed. To erradicate the social
habit of burial and to replace it for cremation
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
My own death has always been a permanent source of exhilariting
emotions and thoughts. And a permanent call to enhance my
self-awareness about everything
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
just to share the silence and let the light of inner certitude
about the continuity of life to manifest itself
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
always to hear the inner voice that reveals you the shared light
that pervades everything
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
may be a rediscovering in a new way and under a new light of
long-dated links
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
it has always been very exciting to me the expectation of my
own death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
the loss of self-control and self-consciousness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
to give evidence of your own light. Very often that means simply
to stay there doing... nothing special
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
maybe to put in words in a different manner, using another language,
what I have experienced. An opening to our common nature and
commons necessities
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I woulden´t know how to add anything of real value to your
questionaire
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jan 19 08:41:34 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
all the books writen by the "Tibetan Master" with the help of
Alice A.Bailey
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Nephew, 1yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 20.
--Details:
during the summer hollidays
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
la liberación de un/unos cuerpo/s que ya han cumplido su ciclo de
existencia. La posibilidad de proseguir nuestra evolución
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
realised the fleeting nature of all compounds things, and the
permanence of the Self
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...he was my elder brother. When he died I was
only 4 months...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
...que la vida seguía su curso
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
la muerte pertenece a la vida, y es la puerta que conduce a la Vida
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
tomar la perspectiva adecuada frente a los acontecimientos diarios.
Adoptar un criterio de valoración más equilibrado
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
just to remain in silence
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
la relación con sus padres
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be quiet and fearless. Life is your everlasting friend
--[My Nephew's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
kept my mind under the light
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
the pain and suffering of the others
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
deep in the seeing of the "clear and cold Light"
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
keep myself focused in the Reality through the reality
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
continued to live...
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
it has always been very exciting to me the expectation of my
own death
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
the loss of self-control and self-consciousness
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Wed Jan 19 05:43:01 2000
F51 in Cincinnati, Ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
sometimes my work involves people who are close to death and I read
everything I can, so I went surfing and found you.
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Prof/Studies: alternative medicine
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More personal info:
no, out of time. wish i could have finished
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
all but i don't have my book list with me and i'm blank now
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, a few months ago ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 72.
--Details:
it was long and lingering and she was more than ready to go. the
only reason she kept going through all the allopathic process,
was because of my dad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I can't speak for all humans, but, death is for me a
transgression. not the end of who i am, just the shedding of a body
i borrowed for this life while i was here learning a few lessons.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
and i
think
it's
the
loss.
no more
phone
calls
to see
how
many
cups of
flour
in a
family
recipie,
or time
now to
fill in
instead
of
saturday
shopping
and
lunch.....
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dog was very sick and my dad took him out
in the back yard and shot him. I heard the shot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I need to reach out and help people with they're dying process.so
many people are so afraid to die, thanks to our great hush-hush
process in the U>S> gorify the world of youth and forget what
we're afraid of most. getting old and with that comes DEATH. our
children should have education on this early, so there's no fear,
preparation and acceptence of change. to each his own belief. even
christian forum lacks so much on this. no how to -just do it and
once you're there, then it will be o.k.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not only are you going to, but the steps involved. the stages what
happens during what about right after? I know it's important to tell
the deceased they are dead. all the drugs most people are on at the
last put them in a zone where they don't know reality from dreams or
illusions. can they think then of being dead or alive? how could you
be certain? are you dreaming of death? someone should just let them
know they have passed. ease the transition, tell them everything will
be O>K> and to gather all their energy from wherever they take the
body and go on to the light. and i would and did say i'll see you
"at home" or in another life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to spend one night alone with my mom right before she died and
we healed alot of things and she gave me permission to do healing
touch on her and I told her alot of what I believe and about her
angels and guides. i believe it had a calming effect on her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my inner feelings that iv'e always seemed to have on spiritual
matters, which is the reason i studied many things; healing touch,
hypnotherapy and now i've almost completed my N.D. many seminars. i
have all this insde of me, but what about others who are floundering,
maybe having lost a life partner, like my dad?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
LOSS and REGRET. Loss of the physical presence and the ripping away
or in this case, tearing, since we knew it was comingand the regret
of not being closer to my mom.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
LISTEN! listen, dear god , for anything they may need to resolve
yet. one word. one nod of understanding about a situation, even
from long ago. to do the most important thing in your life with
others looking on. their feeling- how am i going to act when the
last moment comes? will i yell, scream, fight, everything i believe,
will i toss it at the last moment and blow it with everybody looking
on. maybe that's why some wait till they are alone, send everybody
home or to get coffee, so they can leave.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about learning about all aspects of death, physical and
spiritual and talking to others about their feelings about death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was soo ready to die and she didn't, she even beat
pneumonia at the end and said her heart was so strong that it
probably would keep beating way after she died. i told her maybe it
wasn't all about her, maybe one of us had one more thing to learn
or one more thing to say, and it hadn't been done yet. at least
she thought about that and got some mental relief for a few.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
even in death, sometimes the JOY ANGELS are so present because of
the gladness in rejoicing of one coming home and finally getting off
this plane into a realm of joy, that sometimes people can absorb it,
or you can say it's a release of stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
fix things that i could and let go of those things that could't be
fixed becuse of extreme beliefs.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend that one night alone with her to talk, to understand to heal
some things.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother thought she was not doing it right or going to blow it
and she was told she was doingt just fine. things were going the
way they were supposed to go that things were in process to come
get her and take her home.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
talking, making noise. whats going on in the world the weather. sure
its different to each.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I cant call and ask a question about my childhood. its true, our
family and friends hold our past and part of who we are.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would make more of an effort to communicate and fix misconceptions
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i wasnt told sooner.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
doesnt matter. i talk to her at my alter. she knows.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went to India right after my mother's death and didn't get a chance
to really have time to deal with it. I stayed at a monestary with
a group to help raise the vibration of the world. amoung other
things. one of the meditations was to deal with you mom. I did a
lot of work releasing stuff and working on energies geeared toward
her in the astral plane. very healing and educational. i can use
it for others if they are open.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there has to be a better way to treat sick people. there is but
not the mainstream and more education equals more openmindedness
toward the treating of diseases.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
most excellent expience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
her friends were there
--Religious Affiliation:
past- fundalmentalistic christian now spiritual.everything's the
same in the long run anyway,
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
see all of above
--Regarding MONEY:
my father is an amazing man and had everything together.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
she would have liked it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying to be objective for many reasons
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
even as a small child, i understood that my dog was better in heaven
than suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
of course we're talking about a very young child and the feeling of
"maybe i could have done something more to help"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wed Jan 19 02:07:47 2000
M19 in santa rosa, california =united states=
Email: <DJSpaceG=at=hotmail.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
i was bored and typed "death" in yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: retail/customer service
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: diabetic shock; Aged: 17.
--Details:
she had ulcers, and in her sleep one of them ruptured and caused
her insulin to spike. it was most likely painful for her, but very
very brief, for which i am thankful.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
simply the end of life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
started down a very self-destructive path on which i learned a
lot about the nature of death and its effects on the friends and
loved-ones of the dead, and a lot about myself. from each death of a
friend that i have experienced i have taken away a new understanding
of myself and of the people i am surrounded by.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my friend was killed in a car
wreck. . . nasty mess, it was. i was 13 and he was 17. i really
looked up to him. i guess he was the closest thing i ever had to a
brother. the thing that got me most about the whole thing was that
i was supposed to be in the car with him that night, on my way to
a party, but at the last minute i decided not to go.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
this girl, who was less than a year younger than me, was killed
by something that i have (an ulcer). her death really caused me
to look at myself and my lifestyle (which, at that point, was very
destructive for someone with ulcers, i.e., heavy drinking, etc.). it
reminded me of how close i had come so many times to killing myself,
not realizing it, or, worse, realizing it, and not caring enough
to quit what i was doing.
--What I think my (united states) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not the monster everyone thinks it is. there are worse
things that can happen to you than dying.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the recent death of my friend (the one with the ulcers) got me off
the self-destructive kick i had been on, and i am now much healthier
because of it.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the time i spent with myself, reflecting on what the person meant
to me in life, my relationship with them, and what their death
meant to me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
every single person around me wanted to "talk about it." school
counsellors, teachers, my parents, many of my friends, though most
of my friends seemed to understand that all i really wanted was to
be left alone.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
there is absolutely NOTHING you can do for a person when they are
bent on suicide, no matter how close you are to them, physically
or emotionally.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
how someone so young (17) could die of something that horrible
("complications due to ruptured ulcers"). or, for that matter,
how someone so young could be taken away in the first place.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
i never laughed when anyone died. i never cried, either. outwardly
i was totally emotionless. that's how i am when anything
happens. outwardly apathetic, but tearing myself up inside.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
dwelling on the past is unhealthy. and drags up bad memories instead
of good ones.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
be friends with all my friends who have died (ten in the last five
years), no matter how briefly.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
i don't get teary-eyed, but i sometimes feel sad or lonely when i
think about the times i had with my friends, and the times i could
be having now, were they alive today.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i dunno. maybe if sabrina hadn't died, i would have kept drinking
until my stomach bled so much that it killed me.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
it's never fair. it's not fair that a seventeen-year-old girl
dies in her sleep of a medical condition that she was gentically
predisposed to. it's not fair that a fifteen-year-old girl, because
of a chemical imbalance in her brain, decided to slash her wrists
wide open. it's not fair that a 17-year-old boy, who was completely
sober, got smashed all to hell in his tiny little volkswagen by a
drunk driver in a giant suburban.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
for so long it never seemed real to me. the week between the death
and the funeral was totally surreal, like it all happened in a
completely different universe. it was the eulogy that made the
whole thing real for me.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
contempt. not so much for the medical community, as for the funeral
industry. they hose you because they know they can. they can get
away with bilking a very not-rich family out of three thousand
dollars for even the simplest of funerals. it makes me mad just to
think about it.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
going to a church for the service. that's all. i'm not a church-going
person.
--Religious Affiliation:
i used to be one of jehovah's witnesses. i was never really into it,
though. organized religion is just not my thing.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a whole lotta bullshit. the only thing that dead people have
in common is that they're all dead.
--Regarding MONEY:
my grandmother's only source of income was through my grandfather,
and she got totally hosed by the funeral home, so we all ended up
kicking down some money for the expenses.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
at any funeral, evn though it is a solemn and sad occasion, you can
literally feel the love in the room. these people are there out of
love and respect for the person, and you really get a sense of that,
and it helps you get through when you're at a funeral for someone
close to you.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
watching my friend die. she had been silent for quite some time,
up in her room, and i went upstairs to bring her down for dinner,
and i found her in a pool of blood, a straight razor in her hand,
blood gushing from her arms and thighs.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
i never had a grudge with anyone in my life.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
all i really care about is if they play "the great gig in the sky"
at my funeral. other than that, they can do what they want with me.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
i want to die quickly and suddenly, and preferably very
violently. i'd hate to die while i was just sitting on my ass
waiting for something to happen.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
i would drink heavily for extended periods of time. alone, with
friends, whenever. it didn't really help me in any meaningful
way. just made me feel more sorry for myself.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
i quit drinking and started eating more healthy since sabrina
died. she died of something that could very well kill me if i'm
not careful now, and that really hit me hard.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
when you get burned, it hurts for a good long while. after a time
the pain goes away, but the scar remains forever, a reminder of what
once happened to you. not a day goes by that i don't think about
my friend, but i no longer feel depressed or angry like i used to.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Avoiding Everything
after he died i sort of shut down. i didn't eat or sleep for nearly a
month. i didn't talk to anyone. i got to be a real danger to myself.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jan 18 21:20:23 2000
F18 in Tellico Plains, Tn =U.S.=
Name: Christin L. Parrott
Email: <polly=at=tellico.net>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Undecided major
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, appro. 3yrs ago.
Cause of Death: killed by a drunk driver; Aged: mid-50's.
--Details:
he was killed by a car full of teenage boys high on drugs and
alcohol.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing on to another realm of reality. where physical presence
is no longer required. only mind, spirit and soul.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was devastated
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was about 6-7 yrs. old and a close friend of
my mother's stepped on a rusty nail. due to his eligious beliefs, he
would not visit a doctor. This was when i had my first expierience of
praying on my own. I prayed "Dear god, please let Mr. Odum live. he
is a good man, and wont see a doctor because he doesn't want you
to be mad at him." This was the most sincere and heartfelt prayer
I have prayed even to this day. Despite my sincerity, God chose to
take him. My mom informed me, 20 min. after I was finished, praying
that Mr. Odum had passed away. That was devastating for me! I didn't
understand why God hated me so much that he did exactly the opposite
of what I had sincerely asked him to do. Sounds crazy, I know,
but then it was a very real feeling of hurt and confusion for me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
He was such a wonderful man! If he had lived he probably would have
spoken with the boys who hit him, and told them that they had his
forgiveness and his aspiration for them to create a good life for
themselves.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
Death doesn't stop life!! Only physical existence is affected
by death.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
When my alcoholic grandfather(who molested all but one of his
children) was on his death bed, my whole family came together and
worked through their bitterness and anger for him. Which, in return,
brought them alot closer to themselves, each other, and their own
families.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Self-realization! I dicovered that I' must live every day as though
it were my last!
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Realizing that physically i would never be able to be with that
person again.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Show UNCONDITIONAL love and support through it all!!!!!!
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
became a happier, more dependalble, and well-rouned person.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Well, it was all pretty confusing at first in each experience.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I believe that the laughter comes from a supernatural presence. One
that is sent as the first sign that everything is going to be ok
and that peace of mind wil come.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
really expess how important he was to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
know him at all.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
can't imagine.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that all the good people die from selfish people's mistakes.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
it's not difficult for me anymore
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I mourned the loss of their physical presence for a while. Then
I rejoiced for the chance to still be able to feel their presence
with me
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a preconcieved sense of security
--Religious Affiliation:
non-denominational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
very comforting
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people who had only met him casually, or informally,
had showed up at his funeral
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
mental distance accompanied by physical closeness
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it was a fairly short "grieving" period.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I don't think that anyone is really afraid of death itself, but
rather the thought of how they're going to die. I believe that after
a people have experienced a good/bad near death experience, they
base their views on being comforted by the thought of a peaceful
death, or comforted by the thought of another chance at life so
that they could experience a more peaceful death. That's just my
owm crazy opinion, though.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
this is the part where my diaries come in handy!!! :}
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
If at all possible, ALWAYS leave a will.Sadly, selfishness is a
part of human nature, and if given a chance to show it's ugly face,
rest assured, it will!!!
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't really have much to say about my own death(except that
i'm not afraid), but mabey MY DEATH WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY
ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I have created 5 diaries. One specifically for eah loved one I have
lost. Each diary contains descriptions of different milestones,
thoughts, special events, etc. that i would have shared with that
person were they still living. This helps me to have that experience
of feeling them there with me. I think about how they would respond
and it makes me smile, and sometimes even cry (tears of joy).
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Crying and Crying
I was very young, so crying was pretty much all i knew to do!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Zoning Out
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Reaching out to someone is as simple as being there for them; to
talk, to listen, to accompany,etc. Showing a sincere effort to be
there for someone usually does the trick.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
This is a very good tool for people to use to better understand
themselves, and their feelings about death and dying.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you could tell alot about a person by their answer to this
question: If given the option, how would you prefer to die? Is
there any specific reason for your answer? Explain.
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Tue Jan 18 13:50:42 2000
F51 in Cincinnati, Ohio =usa=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
sometimes my work involves people who are close to death and I read
everything I can, so I went surfing and found you.
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Prof/Studies: alternative medicine
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More personal info:
no, out of time. wish i could have finished
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
all but i don't have my book list with me and i'm blank now
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, a few months ago ago.
Cause of Death: leukemia; Aged: 72.
--Details:
it was long and lingering and she was more than ready to go. the
only reason she kept going through all the allopathic process,
was because of my dad.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
I can't speak for all humans, but, death is for me a
transgression. not the end of who i am, just the shedding of a body
i borrowed for this life while i was here learning a few lessons.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was sad
and i
think
it's
the
loss.
no more
phone
calls
to see
how
many
cups of
flour
in a
family
recipie,
or time
now to
fill in
instead
of
saturday
shopping
and
lunch.....
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my dog was very sick and my dad took him out
in the back yard and shot him. I heard the shot.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I need to reach out and help people with they're dying process.so
many people are so afraid to die, thanks to our great hush-hush
process in the U>S> gorify the world of youth and forget what
we're afraid of most. getting old and with that comes DEATH. our
children should have education on this early, so there's no fear,
preparation and acceptence of change. to each his own belief. even
christian forum lacks so much on this. no how to -just do it and
once you're there, then it will be o.k.
--What I think my (usa) culture needs to better learn about death is:
not only are you going to, but the steps involved. the stages what
happens during what about right after? I know it's important to tell
the deceased they are dead. all the drugs most people are on at the
last put them in a zone where they don't know reality from dreams or
illusions. can they think then of being dead or alive? how could you
be certain? are you dreaming of death? someone should just let them
know they have passed. ease the transition, tell them everything will
be O>K> and to gather all their energy from wherever they take the
body and go on to the light. and i would and did say i'll see you
"at home" or in another life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I got to spend one night alone with my mom right before she died and
we healed alot of things and she gave me permission to do healing
touch on her and I told her alot of what I believe and about her
angels and guides. i believe it had a calming effect on her.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my inner feelings that iv'e always seemed to have on spiritual
matters, which is the reason i studied many things; healing touch,
hypnotherapy and now i've almost completed my N.D. many seminars. i
have all this insde of me, but what about others who are floundering,
maybe having lost a life partner, like my dad?
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
LOSS and REGRET. Loss of the physical presence and the ripping away
or in this case, tearing, since we knew it was comingand the regret
of not being closer to my mom.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
LISTEN! listen, dear god , for anything they may need to resolve
yet. one word. one nod of understanding about a situation, even
from long ago. to do the most important thing in your life with
others looking on. their feeling- how am i going to act when the
last moment comes? will i yell, scream, fight, everything i believe,
will i toss it at the last moment and blow it with everybody looking
on. maybe that's why some wait till they are alone, send everybody
home or to get coffee, so they can leave.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel about learning about all aspects of death, physical and
spiritual and talking to others about their feelings about death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my mother was soo ready to die and she didn't, she even beat
pneumonia at the end and said her heart was so strong that it
probably would keep beating way after she died. i told her maybe it
wasn't all about her, maybe one of us had one more thing to learn
or one more thing to say, and it hadn't been done yet. at least
she thought about that and got some mental relief for a few.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
even in death, sometimes the JOY ANGELS are so present because of
the gladness in rejoicing of one coming home and finally getting off
this plane into a realm of joy, that sometimes people can absorb it,
or you can say it's a release of stress.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
fix things that i could and let go of those things that could't be
fixed becuse of extreme beliefs.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
spend that one night alone with her to talk, to understand to heal
some things.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
my mother thought she was not doing it right or going to blow it
and she was told she was doingt just fine. things were going the
way they were supposed to go that things were in process to come
get her and take her home.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
talking, making noise. whats going on in the world the weather. sure
its different to each.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I cant call and ask a question about my childhood. its true, our
family and friends hold our past and part of who we are.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
i would make more of an effort to communicate and fix misconceptions
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
i wasnt told sooner.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
doesnt matter. i talk to her at my alter. she knows.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
went to India right after my mother's death and didn't get a chance
to really have time to deal with it. I stayed at a monestary with
a group to help raise the vibration of the world. amoung other
things. one of the meditations was to deal with you mom. I did a
lot of work releasing stuff and working on energies geeared toward
her in the astral plane. very healing and educational. i can use
it for others if they are open.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
there has to be a better way to treat sick people. there is but
not the mainstream and more education equals more openmindedness
toward the treating of diseases.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
most excellent expience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
her friends were there
--Religious Affiliation:
past- fundalmentalistic christian now spiritual.everything's the
same in the long run anyway,
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
see all of above
--Regarding MONEY:
my father is an amazing man and had everything together.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
she would have liked it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
trying to be objective for many reasons
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
even as a small child, i understood that my dog was better in heaven
than suffering.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
of course we're talking about a very young child and the feeling of
"maybe i could have done something more to help"
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Mon Jan 17 02:10:15 2000
F48 in Wickenburg, AZ =USA=
Name: Jan
Email: <javajan=at=futureone.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Special Ed. Teacher (primary)
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
C. S. Lewis
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 5 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: chronic lung disease; Aged: 13.
--Details:
My son, Tee, had cerebral palsy and was medically fragile. He died
at home in my arms.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
A time when someone you love very much leaves this life and moves
on to another plane of existance.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was surprised to see my mother cry (it was my grandpa, her dad,
who died). I had never seen her cry before.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandfather died of lung cancer when I
was 14. During high school, 3 friends died in Viet Nam.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how completely bewildered and lost I felt without my son.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that grief has no timetable. It takes a long time to move through
the process of bereavement....the time is unique for each person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that I didn't put my son in the hospital during his final illness.
I'm very grateful that I was able to hold him and comfort him at
home in those last days of his life.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My belief in a God who loves me. Even during the worst times,
I knew that God would carry me though.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
just going through the motions of life while my heart was crushed.
I really wanted to just shut out the world and escape. There was
such a deep emptiness in my life after my son died.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Hold that person close....touch them...tell them how much you
love them. I read to my son for hours in those last few days,
and it seemed to comfort him, as well as me.
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
have been able to allow my heart to heal, gradually. It has helped
to reach out to others whose children have died, and try to support
them in their grief.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Tee was truly suffering, and I begged God to either let him get
well or let him die. I didn't understand why this sweet little
boy had to endure so much pain.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
take more videos of Tee. I didn't have a camcorder, so I only have
one small section of video with Tee at a family reunion.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Spend so much quality time with my son.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I was reading to Tee from one of C.S. Lewis' Narnia books. Tee was
almost in a coma...very unresponsive. It was the day before he died.
As I read a part of the book where a young prince has to leave his
home for another realm, Tee's eyes opened wide, and he lifted up his
arms just a little (he was quadriplegic). He seemed to be looking
at something in the distance...something that only he could see.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see another child with disabilities similar to Tee's. Seeing a
child in a wheelchair almost always brings tears.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
If I could choose an alternate reality, I would choose one in which
Tee could walk and talk and run and sing and play and dance...all
the things he was unable to do in this life. I would be very content
just to watch him and laugh with him.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that such an innocent little boy had to suffer so much illness
and disability.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hold him in my arms again and feel the softness of his hair.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt angry and confused. It was very hard to concentrate on
anything as the reality hit. I wanted to die, too, for awhile.
I just wanted to see Tee again, and hold him.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
gratitude. We had wonderful doctors who supported our decision to
allow Tee to die at home.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I didn't have contact with hospice.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Supportive, caring friends. A faith that assures me that Tee is
in heaven and no longer suffering.
--Religious Affiliation:
Protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
like a common bond that I share with all of humanity. Through losing
Tee, I have been able to offer love and support to other bereaved
parents of many different belief systems. Our pain is a common
denominator.
--Regarding MONEY:
we basically lived on credit cards during the last year of Tee's
life. He was too ill for me to be able to work full-time. After his
death, it took a long time to recover financially, and I eventually
had no choice but to file bankruptcy. I could not afford a funeral,
so Tee was cremated and we had a memorial service for him at church.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
How many lives Tee had touched in his short lifetime. At the
memorial service there were his teenage friends, doctors and nurses,
church friends, family members, and even the people who I rented
our apartment from. I was very touched when I saw the 300+ people
who had come to the service.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Holding Tee after he died. I remember being amazed at how limp his
body was. Because he had cerebral palsy, his muscles were always
tight and his limbs were usually quite rigid. After his death,
his body felt completely relaxed for the first time. I also had
a sensation that he was no longer in this frail little body, but
that he was definitely in the room with us.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I was bewildered at the rapid rate at which Tee lost weight in
the last two weeks. The doctor has told us what to expect to a
certain degree, but I didn't realize what it would really be like.
The most Tee ever weighed was 45 pounds. When he died, he weighed
less than 30.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
the stages don't come in any order, nor do they happen in any
prescribed time frame. You can bounce back to one of those stages
very unexpectedly, long after you think you've gone through one.
For example, awhile back I had just gotten out of the shower and
my first impulse was to check on Tee. Suddenly, it didn't seem
possible that he could really be gone....and it had been almost 5
years since his death.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
Tee was unable to speak or move very much because of the extent of
his disabilities. As I mentioned before, there was one incidence
just before he died, in which he seemed to see something in the
distance that I could not see.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I think Tee always knew how much I treasured and loved him. I have
often felt guilty about not putting him in the hospital during his
last bout with pneumonia. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right
decision. His doctors had told me that his condition was growing
steadily worse, and they supported the decision to keep Tee at home.
Still, I often wonder if he would still be alive today if I had
tried harder to keep him alive. On the other hand, I know he would
have really hated being put on life suppport machines and dying in
the hospital.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would really love to hear Tee say, "Mom, you did the very best
thing for me, and I love you." I would love to tell him that I took
care of him the best that I could and that I would have gladly bore
his pain for him, if I had been given that choice.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I've not had an experience like that, although I dream about Tee
often. For awhile, I would have nightmares that I could hear him
having a seizure or crying, but I couldn't find him. Other times,
I dream that I am simply holding him and marvelling at how beautiful
and sweet and innocent he is.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I hope that if I ever become critically ill, my loved ones will
not do me the disservice of keeping me alive on machines when it's
obvious that I'm going to die.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think I would be glad to know that I was dying soon. I do have
a good life here on earth...a rewarding job where I teach special
education and work with children with disabilities. But I would
be willing to leave it all behind in a heartbeat to see my boy again.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Right now I am making a quilt from Tee's clothes. I think it is
helping me deal with his death, as well as providing a memorial to
him. Allowing myself to cry and even yell or rage, when I need to.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I doubt that a day has gone by that I haven't shed some tears
because I miss Tee so much. The crying seems to help relieve some
of the pain in my heart and release the many emotions resulting
from his death.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I've found several other parents who are recovering from the death
of their children. Some of these have become close friends.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Lack of Awareness
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have found many opportunities to reach out to other bereaved
parents, and in doing so I have experienced some healing from my
own grief. I remember feeling very alone a few weeks after Tee died.
It seemed like no one wanted to allow me to grieve. People were
uncomfortable if I talked about Tee and got teary-eyed. That was
probably when I needed support the most, yet I had very little.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It always helps heal me just a little bit more when I talk about
Tee's death and his life. This has helped me to see that I truly
did the very best thing for Tee most of the time.
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Mon Jan 17 02:01:26 2000
F23 in College Station, Texas =USA=
Name: Dana
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: Animal tech
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Goodbye, Friend - about losing a pet
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, 7yrs ago.
Cause of Death: car accident; Aged: 17.
--Details:
My friend was drinking at a party. He test drove a friend's new
car (drunk). He lost control of the car on a dirt road and the
car fliped. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt and flew through the
windsheild. The car landed on him, killing him instantly. I was at
camp at the time and my parents didn't tell me till after I got
back. He was 1 year away from graduation, with so much ahead of
him. I never got to go to the funeral.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When God decides we no longer belong on Earth. Our physical bodies
expire and our souls are judged on how we delt with what life
"threw" at us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
blocked out the funeral, maybe I didn't want to say a final goodbye.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my aunt died very roughly from cancer when I
was 9 years old. I had totally blocked the funeral until 5 years
ago when I asked why I never attended it, and was told I had been
there. The part of it that I remember is the trip to say bye at
the hospital. It was an awful thing to see her emancipated and bald
lying in the hospital bed.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my thought that everyone in my family is dying of cancer
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
nothing is forever, you have to let go at sometime
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
with every death it seams that you gain something. It could be
a feeling/memory, or a life lesson. When my friend died in the
car accident it taught us a lesson. I will NEVER drink and drive,
drive without a seatbelt, or let anyone I know do the same.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
family and friends
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the realization that they aren't there anymore, they are not coming
back EVER
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
be the friend that you always have been
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I still have a problem rationalizing why "premature" death happens
to the "good people"
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
maybe laughter is the mind's way of not going too deep into death
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
remind them that they were very much loved
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
dreams such as this are ways of not dealing with the truth
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
we will allways have that thought with some deaths, it's not fair,
but neither is life
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
hide
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
very depressed
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
a way to show your love and grief with other people. most of my
conversations with God are at home.
--Religious Affiliation:
christian-Lutheran
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good, why can't this life be a long school session that we all get
together to talk about afterwards?
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
displaying the body
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
crying is very important, holding grief in is very harmful for the
soul. Talk about your feelings, the past, the funeral, anything
just talk, talk, talk!!
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
who's to say anyone is wrong? anything could happen
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
cost of funeral, giving of belongings, dealing with the body
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
to know that you were dying is scarier than a sudden death I would
think. but maybe that's the time needed to tie up loose ends in
life. my body is just that - a body
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
talking with family and friends
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
anytime you share something special, like a death, with someone a
bond is formed that you can't have with anyone else
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Disbelief it could happen
when my Granpa died of cancer they gave me a stupid book about dying,
it did not help!
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
at this point in my life I feel that I've got things about death
figured out to my satisfaction. this was an opportunity to some
thoughts into words.
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Sun Jan 16 11:52:22 2000
F25 in Terre HAute, IN =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
when I am searching some psychological tests on Yahoo! website
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Prof/Studies: Graduate student
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Tuesdays with Murray
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Brother, 4 ago.
Cause of Death: drug-abuse; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
something that must happen one day, but you have to deal with other
things with too much regrets before you die
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt guilty and sad. That takes a long time to go through.
--That first time, how it happened was
my younger brother died without any alarm and I was told that he
died from heart attack. But actually I knew that he was drug-abused
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
many relatives feel regretful, but it is too late.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
to share feelings more and try to deal with something unresolved
when you are still alive
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my brother's death ended his bad behaviors and he is with God now. I
believe that he has a new life and he must be much happier that he
could ever be.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
I had learned something about hospice care and bereavement/brief
therapy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
my parents gave credit to my sister and I
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Sat Jan 15 19:25:09 2000
F34 in , New York ==
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Found us by: [ CrossLink from: ]
was searching entertainment on yahoo
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Prof/Studies: market research
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Colleague, 6 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 45?.
--Details:
I remember he confided that if he knew how hard it was to raise
kids, he probably wouldn't have had any. He meant it even though
he clearly loved his kids, but he understood why I chose not to
have any children. Most people don't.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
an emotional, frightening, experience that is dealt with in very
different ways depending on which part of the planet you're from.
Most people try to avoid thinking/planning about it
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was maybe 12 years old. My grandmother died and they wouldn't let
me go to her funeral.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...searching entertainment on yahoo
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how much I liked him and how young he was, and how much his
family would miss him. He was just a nice guy and a real family
man although he confided it was difficult raising kids. I was
flattered he felt he could talk to me . He was in the military and
they played taps. I found that hard to take
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
people need to plan more for their death and their wishes. I have
my will made out but my parents haven't even told me their wishes
and I'm afraid to ask for fear of upsetting them.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
my husbband's stepfather was suffering and it was best that he
passed away fairly quickly.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
people letting me reminisce
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
trying not t break down while at work
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the burial
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I can't believe I stil cry over this guy. I mean, we never even
went out to lunch together, but he was just such a fatherly figure,
and just a plain nice guy.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
These people weren't particularyly close to me, It just upsets me
because I feel they got gyped.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I always think that when they're young. I'm 34 and have had 3
coworkers under the age of 45 die suddenly, one had a stroke and
survived. You wonder why I made out my will already?
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was very sad. I remember the phone call, and my poor co-worker
had to tel me 3 times because I didn't believe her.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
well, it's nothing to them because they see it every day, and I
understand that
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
I have strong christian values but I don't go to church. My faith
has helped me.
--Religious Affiliation:
protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
bologna. We're affected by our culture.
--Regarding MONEY:
I remember trying to scrape up money for my husband's step father's
funeral. That's a shame.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
I always thought how surprised the family must be when they see
100 co-workers of their loved one they never met.. Do they want
privacy or are they grateful?
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I remember when my huband's stepfather stood up for few seconds and
started talking to my mother in law while he was in a coma,then he
went back to sleep and died the next night. I'lllnever forget that
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
my father had an aunt that I met as a small child. They say she was
psychic. When my parents divorced, my mom still lived in the house
with me and her friend and it seemed as if the house became haunted.
One night my then boyfriend who slept over awoke facing the window(we
slept together) and started screaming"she's a witch, she's a witch,
she's a witch!!" I'll never forget that. He said he saw the
face of a woman when he awoke looking at him through the window.
The woman he described, my mom said, was my aunt, whom she met.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
make your wishes known re: burial/cremation and have a will made
out if you're over 30.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I have a mild hart condition but have had some scary symptoms
lately, so believe me it's been on my mind. My will is made out,
I've sought medical advice, what else can I do? When it's your time,
it's your time. I don't think it's mine yet , for a while though.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: at what age
How'd I do? How well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
life is short, do the most with the time you have
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I remember just hugging my mother in law for about 2 d-3 days
non stop
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I can't believe I can still cry over my old co worker
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Good luck with your study
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Fri Jan 14 22:19:39 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking for something about life, how ironic isn't it....death..in
a kind manner
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
From the experiences of a myself in the now..to be written with
your help of your ears...
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Anthony Cochrane
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Father, 27yrs ago.
Cause of Death: minor heart failure plus; Aged: 48.
--Details:
It was a Friday, June 15, 1971. It wasn't raining. I went to
the hospital with my older sister and younger brother.My older
brother and two other older sisters were far away in Universities
or working. I can't remember if our dad was already in the hospital
or went in the morning but I think he was already there. I remember
when I got in the room where he was, I could see his throat pulsating
rapidly. I think I said,"hi dad",. He strained to look up to let me
know that he acknowledged me there. I remember that. It is what I
remember the most. I said that I better go to schoool and finish
my exams because he would want me to do that. I lied. I didn't
want to stay and watch him die. I went to school and he died. (
I can go on but I do not want to at this point)
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--Death Is:
a time to go somewhere else. Time to move on and it's got nothing
to do with the people left behind except for the fact that they
do not understand while they are alive. Death is hope that time is
more than something that will eventually run out. HOPE.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
wondered what was going on that made people so sad that they cry
out loud.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I was in bed with my mother...I was no more
than less than four..my my aunt, my mom's sister came screaming that
something was wrong with Marie and so a routine day turned different
for the rest of my life...the beginning of othe other side...
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How different this 18 year old friend looked like laying there with
no hair in the coffin. It did not look like him and that made it
easier to take. I could see the pain in the family's life. It was
horrible to experience. I knew i could not make it beter by my usual
joking or kidding around. I had video footage of this beautiful boy
when he was alive and living at 14 years old. He was an angel kind
of kid. Even when he was alive
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
Understand that death means different things at different ages of
the departure. Children leaving is the hardest even when they are
full of pain because death and innocense do not rub anyone the right
way. Someone very old especially in pain is a blessing. It still is
so damn hard to not see a loved one anymore. Lonliness is created by
death. Death is a pig most of the time.( i have experieced so much
death in a moderation society that I do not fear death but I will
never be prepared if it should take a loved one of mine..family or
friend..I can talk more later
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
a broke the silence of a routine day...something different was
happening..small town..
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
probably wondering what the big deal was..if something was happening
and noisy then it should be good...only holiday happenings were
knew before.events with feelings..I thought that this could have
been a good thing because there was things happening...noise..so on..
Email me at NOLARD9999=at=aol.com I have much to offer..I have other
stories..I am 42...a 4 year old boy died next door.. on my son's
4 year's old's birthday..the next day was mother's day..we could
hear the screams through the wall...I also have a beautiful poem
to share...someone e-mail me..I can help other's...
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Thu Jan 13 20:40:10 2000
F13 in Scottsbluff, NE =USA=
Name: Astrid
Email: <astrid_magenta=at=yahoo.com>
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
I'd like to be enlightened on death and dying.
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Prof/Studies: Actress
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More personal info:
I'm an actress. I'm good.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
A Tree Grows In Brooklyn
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Betty Smith
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Friend, four weeks ago.
Cause of Death: emphysyma; Aged: 68.
--Details:
I've experienced other deaths also, but this is the one I remember
most vividly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of using our bodies, and the beginning of becoming spirits.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was six years old, and it had so little impact on me (my Grandmama's
death) that I've practically erased it from my mind, yet I still
remember who she was after her death quite well.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... my former neighbor had been taken off life
support, after she had suffered brain damage from emphysyma, or
whatever you call that chain-smoking disease.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how seriously everyone seemed. When I die, I want a giant wake
and have people dancing and laughing and remembering me with happy
memories.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It's the end of the person's physical life, and the dawning of
their spiritual.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
being visited by my grandmother and Sammy Davis Jr. He still visits,
and still talks to me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
singing that song by Jimi's Chicken Shack and cleaning my room.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
My mother's strange beliefs. I don't believe in purgatory or hell. I
believe that after we die, we roam the planet and universe and
influence the living with what we did.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
believe in what you believe concerning death, and hope for the best
for that person.
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
react to death.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I had to go with my parents to view the corpse. Man, Darlene didn't
looke very DARLing.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I wouldn't regret it one bit.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Go out to a field and scream out in crying red rage in mourning of
the person, and laugh out loud in hopes that the spirit shall be
happy in the next life.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
see Darlene's body before the funeral director closed the casket,
and see Darlene for the VERY last time.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I had watched the funeral directors close the casket for the last
time, and I was the last person to see her body.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the food. What's with funerals and ham? Why not salami and cheese?
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I think about the main reason why all living things reproduce.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I'd still be seeing Darlene as a compulsive chain smoker that cursed
every five minutes and decorated her house all nice.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
I don't have to follow the Catholic belief of purgatory, do I?
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
be free of what the Catholic Church says about death and purgatory,
and hell.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
had an encounter with the deceased one's spirit.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Taking Darlene off life support was what she would have wanted.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
rules that I don't enjoy following when it concerns the subject
of death.
--Religious Affiliation:
I'm being raised by my parents as a Roman Catholic, yet I'm in that
"discovery" stage right now.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
happy and free of obligations or rules.
--Regarding MONEY:
Why should anyone pay $1000 for a vanadium casket that people
will only see for a few hours? I think we should go back to wooden
boxes. It'd be a lot better for the environment.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
Everyone smoked at one time or another at that funeral.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing my mother touch the corpse, and making me sit next to the
corpse and "reflecting" at the memorial service.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
phrases of the soon-to-be-a-gonner's include the words "dead",
"body", "will", "over", etc. You can also see that person in deep
moments of reflection. Also, the person will not breathe much,
not blink, and look pretty lifeless.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
works well. 1. realize the person is dead. 2. remember who the
person was, and what s/he did 3. cry in bloody rage 4. write
poetry concerning the incident 5. get on with your own short life.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she wasn't to open about it.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
nope.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I DID have a talk with the deceased. So there. HA HA.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmama actually VISITED me, and Sammy Davis still TALKS to
me. so there. ha ha.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Personally and to myself, I try to put some FUN into FUNeral.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'll be more than happy to roam the earth after I'm dead and talk
to people, just like Sammy. So there. HA Ha.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I went into a field and cried and screamed and laughed in bloody
rage for the deceased one.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I take death more lightly now.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
I just thought that Darlene (the dead one) was up in the heavens,
smoking cigarettes and watching soap operas.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
My mother could be so stupid when it came to Darlene's death. She
just kept telling me all these things that I didn't agree with.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
No, I didn't reach out. I didn't need to. Everyone was sane.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I like it! I wish I really COULD have gone into a field and cried
and screamed in bloody rage, but I live in the city. So there. Ha Ha.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Did you touch the corpse? Explain how you felt about it.
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Thu Jan 13 20:10:14 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
looking for topics in my psychology class
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandFather, 14 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 62.
--Details:
they were not sure if it was a fall and hitting his head that gave
him a heart attack or if he had a heart attack and fell and hit
his head
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--Death Is:
their soul leaving their body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
became confused and got into trouble. I let my education go. I was
unhappy for a long time.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I came home from school. My sister told me
to get in the house. My parents left and went to New Mexico before
I got home. My grandfather had died
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
my little cousing singing the worms crawl in the worms crawl out
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not to ignore someone when they need help dealing with death
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I realise how precious and short life is
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
having closure. I went to see my grandfathers grave at Ft.Bliss
and finally said my good bye.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
That I would never hear their voice again or see their smile. And
with my grandfather touch the bristle hair of his head. and laugh.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
not sure.
--[My Great GrandFather's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
need to take care of myself. So I can help prevent heart disease
in my own body.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my sister told me and my mother was not there to help me.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
never happened
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
to talk to him one more time and tell him I love him.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
live through the months of my grandmothers lies and trouble she
tried to cause between my father and I. And my mother and Father. (
she kept telling lies about my mother too)
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I went back several years later to say good bye
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
don't remember
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
rebeled and made myself unattached to my family because my
grandmother tried to cause so many problems.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Very Difficult
What Helped me most deal with death? Avoiding Everything
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
my grandmother who is mean came to live with us and picked on
me. And I never got to see the funeral
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Wed Jan 12 00:06:46 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Searching....
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Cousin, 8yrs ago.
Cause of Death: suicide; Aged: 19.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
When a living thing is take'in away from everything you are used
to and care about.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Tried to forget it happend
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my cousin killed himself and his girlfriend.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I wondered if I felt the same way as my cousin
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Denial
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Tue Jan 11 18:46:14 2000
F33 in Manhattan, NY =USA=
Name: Norma
Email: <star50=at=netzero.net>
Web: http://home.beseen.com/hobbies/norma66
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I was searching for some cemetaries and i came across your web site
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Prof/Studies: Fitness and Nutrition specialist
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Any verse.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (impending), back in
1992
Cause of Death: Asthma; Aged: 26.
--Details:
I was having difficulties breathing for about a week when I had to
go to the emergency room. There I went into respiratory arrest.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Very scary, until you experience it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was very afraid but with many questions, about why I survived.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was me I went into respiratory arrest.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
I remember how sick I felt and how good it felt afterwards. It was
like a relief somehow.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That death is a peaceful experience and not what some religions
speak of like the burning in hell.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I have realized that I am very special when GOD let me live
again. And that he or she does exists. Whether no one wants to
believe there is a wonderful force that keeps me alive today.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My main support is waking every morning and seeing the sunshine
and knowing that I have lived another day.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The hardest thing for me to deal with today is that I still have
asthma, but I hope that I can help other people to deal with their
health problems.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I would tell them that they should be spiritual about it and I
would speak to them about anything that would give them hope for
when they face that final moment.
--[My Self (impending)'s] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Have gotten enough courage to live day by day.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
When I couldn't stop from it happening, it just took over my body.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
I wish that I could have think differently.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Survive this ordeal.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Became more aware that life is very short and that I have to live
it as it is.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
That it was a very peaceful experience where i felt no fear
afterwards.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
I was always afraid to die because most religions tell you that
you will go to hell if you don't repent.
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Tue Jan 11 05:06:29 2000
F21 in , GA ==
Name: Mary
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
looking up ideas for psych experiments
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Prof/Studies: Junior in college-Psychology major
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 17 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 65.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
To cease breathing.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didnt really understand it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...It was a relative, my grandfather. He died
young and unexpectedly.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
being in shock for a while before it hit me, then bursting into
uncontrollable tears.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
you never know when it's going to happen, so you should live everyday
to its fullest
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I started appreciating people around me more
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The support of friends, and inspirational readings.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Thinking there was something I could have done to prevent it.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Always offer them hope, no matter how bleak the outlook
--[My Friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
know that I never, intentionally at least, hurt his feelings,
I made him laugh and smile, I was a positive influence on him.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
my friend's little brother died of leukemia, it was long and
torturous.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I havent experienced that.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell him what a great person I thought he was, and how much his
smile means to me.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get to know him.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I looked at the words of encouragement people had been writing to
his mother, and I saw some of the most inappropriate comments.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Exactly how he did, cause of death.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I see a picture of him, or remember a conversation we had.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I cant conceive of it.`
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
he was so young and so sweet.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
bring him back
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I burst into tears, fell to my knees, and sobbed.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
respects
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
words of encouragement and understanding
--Religious Affiliation:
Church of Christ
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I dont know
--Regarding MONEY:
I dont know
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
So many people were there, it was "standing room only"..
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I dont know
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
Risk factors: High bp, cholesterol, fatigue
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Dont keep your grief inside..it festers and eventually will come out.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I dont know
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
n/a
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
If I do, I would seek the advice of my minister.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I didnt.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My grandmother said that she had been talking to her late
husband..she seemed oblivious to the fact that he was dead.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I dont know..
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would hope that people remember me for good things...like my smile,
my laugh, my compassion...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I dont know
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I dont know.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
None that I recognize.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
n/a
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I dont think it was helpful...it depressed me, actually.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I dont know..I would make changes, but i dont have time to be
more specific.
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Mon Jan 10 18:23:30 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
was bored so "randomly" typed experiment +mood
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of (Relation to You), yrs ago.
Aged:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My granfather whom I barely knew died and
I went to his funeral with my family.I only vaguely remember it.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Alcohol
It doesn't much bother me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
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Mon Jan 10 13:24:41 2000
F31 in Pittsburgh, PA =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Yahoo! Contests and Questionnaires
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Prof/Studies: BA in philosophy
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 7 ago.
Cause of Death: lung disease; Aged: 67.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
The end of a person's life processes. No longer breathing, sensing,
or thinking. Like sleep, but forever, with no dreams.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried and cried. I was a child and I was confused, scared, and sad.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...our neighbor died. I was intrigued. I pleaded
to attend the funeral. Once I got there, I started sobbing and
couldn't stop and refused to look at his body. I hadn't expected
to feel that way and didn't understand it.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How it pulled my family together, opened up channels of feeling
and communication- though only temporarily.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
My grandmother suffered from lung disease for many years, struggling
for every breath. Despite my tremendous sorrow and grief over my
loss, I was relieved and glad that her suffering was over.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Having someone to hold me when the grief seemed unbearable.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Facing the finality of death. I do not believe in heaven, and knowing
that no matter how desperately I want her to be floating around up
in heaven, watching my children grow, sharing in our successes,
knowing how dearly she is missed... It is extremely painful and
leaves me no doubt as to why so many do believe.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Your physical presence is important to them, even if they are not
able to express it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Though this did not happen to me, I know that laughter can be a
bodies desperate attempt to relieve extreme stress or tension. People
should know that they should not feel guilty or ashamed because of
it, or hold it against someone else.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I spent time with her body, holding her hand and 'talking' to her,
giving myself time to accept her death.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Having flowers at the memorial.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I or my kids do something I would love for her to see or know about.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
That human's have the mental capacity to ponder death, but not the
intelligence to understand it.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
believe in heaven.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried. A lot.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
She believed that she was going to an afterlife of peace and
tranquility, and I am gratefull she had that comfort to comfort her.
--Religious Affiliation:
Raised as Methodist, became an atheist at 15.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
satisfaction in knowing it was exactly the way she had wanted it.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
comprehending the difference between 'the person' and 'the body'.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
?
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
?
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
none that I know of.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
no known experiences.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I believe that nearness to death brings a wisdom that transcends
the emotions that plague our lives, regardless of their sources,
be they bitterness, jealousy, insecurity, etc.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would just want to tell them about all the things that have
happened since they passed; I would tell her about my children,
share the memories of her that meant the most to me. I would also
ask her to tell me more about her life before I was born.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I have dreamed of her, but never with a sense of 'visitation.'
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I think it is tempting for loved ones to do anything possible
to prevent the death of a loved one, even against that person's
greatest wishes. I cannot blame someone who disobeys a DNR. I don't
think I would ever begrudge someone whose actions prolonged my life,
even if I had previously filed a DNR order.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I've been plagued by thoughts of mortality since I was a
teen-ager. They are difficult to deal with. I try to figure out
what is triggering them, and if there is something I need to do
that would ease them. Sometimes, they are just one of the hazards
of being human...
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
When I am feeling particularly sad, I think of some way to
commemorate her; doing something she would have appreciated or liked
to have done herself, something that would carry on my memories of
her, and extend who she was into the lives of those around me. For
example, if it's Spring, and I'm remembering how she loved growing
flowers, I might donate a book in her name of plant her favorite
flowers in a public place.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
?
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Death forged some temporary bonds in my family, but nothing
long-term.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
As a child, sharing sorrow with loved ones is probably the best
coping mechanism.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Current cultural norms- taking body away to morgue/funeral home,
etc.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
?
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I appreciate that it helped me focus my thoughts and ...ify my
opinions. Sometimes we don't REALLY know what we think until we
are encouraged to gather our thoughts and examine them carefully.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I think you should include a section concerning fellings about
funeral/memorial services and burial services. Different cultures
have different ways of conducting them, and norms have changed
drastically over time. I think this would be an interesting and
informative addition to the survey.
[ Ed Note: Thanks for your contribution. Probably that would be
a good research / exploration topic for some survey / site, but
but would be a bit out of the scope of what we're doing with
this one. But thanks for the reflection. ]
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Mon Jan 10 09:02:12 2000
M26 in LA, California =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Software Tester
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 3 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: RSV (cold virus); Aged: 17 mo.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
anavoidable, and some dwell on this, but others ignore it.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
had to work out what death meant in my mind and accept it.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... My grandfather had cancer and when we
visited him in the hospital, he did not recognize me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
the choas of the moment, and what I wouldn't do to stop it from
happening.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it should given more importance, if you become de-densitized
by it, you lose some of your humanity.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The way it brought my wife and I together, and the greater
appreciation I have for my second son.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Counseling groups of other people like me.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Perpetual feelings of loss.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
N/A
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Wish others would shut up when they have no idea what to say.
The best thing anyone has said was, "I'm sorry." To say that it
was God's plan or for the best in some way is the most offensive
bullshit.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
It was happening.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Don't worry about how others think of your actions. Do what you
feel is right.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
spend more time with him before he died.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
take care of my wife. It helped me get through it.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
My brother did something that made me laugh. It showed me that
I wasn't dead inside, and that things would someday be brighter.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
The funeral.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I compare my second son to my first.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I wouldn't appreciate it, if I didn't go through it.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
He should not have died before me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
I don't know.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
suppressed it.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
Everyone makes mistakes, don't hate them because their mistakes
affect us so much.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
N/A
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing to me.
--Religious Affiliation:
None/None
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Unknowable.
--Regarding MONEY:
Everyone sheilded us from that, and it was worth so much to us,
more than we could ever repay.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was for everyone else, not us.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Finding out how deeply I can feel emotions.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
He died suddenly, but my advice is to trust your gut instinct,
and take whatever steps you think best.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Time and talking to others that have gone through the same type
of thing helped the most.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
N/A
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
N/A
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Spending more time with my son helps.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
N/A
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
N/A
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Discuss final wishes with spouse/family.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Enjoy the now without sacrificing the future.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Holding my son after we donated his heart and having him grow cold
in our hands.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Appreciate life.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No, but the possibility was there with group members.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Upbringing
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
Groups are the best way for me to express and help others.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I enjoyed the chance to bring my son back into my mind. In the
beginning it was mostly painfull, but now it is mostly fondness
with only a little pain.
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Sun Jan 9 14:35:13 2000
F19 in Aberdeen, Aberdeenshre =Scotland=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 8 ago.
Cause of Death: heart attack; Aged: 75.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the passing of a life. It brings a chapter to close and noone knows,
understands or even wants to understand what happens next.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked. It didnt hit me until the funeral.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandfather on day he was meant to leave the
hospital had a heart attack an died.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
My other grandparent telling me that I looked fat (at the funeral).
--What I think my (Scotland) culture needs to better learn about death is:
How to talk about it and accept it.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I feel like my grandfather is with me now.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my diary
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with the emptyness it left.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Know my grandfather better.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Pre-Teen
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? The Funeral
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
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Sat Jan 8 20:05:13 2000
F18 in London, =England=
Name: Casey Mitchell
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Student, BA Archaeology
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: sixties..
--Details:
She died unexpectedly, it came on quick towards the end.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
a physical death only. What makes us what we are, the soul, lets
us continue in another form.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
cried and was terrified of dying and of being alone.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother died from cancer.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
how scared I was and how I couldn't sleep for thinking about death.
--What I think my (England) culture needs to better learn about death is:
how death should never be chosen as an alternative to life.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
how I was able to deal with mu feelings and gain a new belief in
the afterlife, which assuaged my fears.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
myself. I never discussed it with anyone.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
how much my father was hurting.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I don't know, I wasn't there.
--[My GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was frightened, but that there was no need to be.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I never was confused.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed, sure, in my darkest hour when I thought I was going crazy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
tell my Nana that I loved her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
not cry too much at the funeral, at least in front of other people.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I don't know.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
the coffin.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
the song that was played at her funeral comes on, Tina Turner's
'The Best'.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
not much different, except she would have held the family together
still.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that she should go and cause my family so much pain.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
know what really happens in the next life.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
felt better for it. I could move on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
satisfaction, they did their best.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
I never went to the hospital as it conflicted with my exams. I
regret that now.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
not much. My Nana was a Catholic, non-practising, but she still
had a religous ceremony.
--Religious Affiliation:
Christian, Protestant.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
there is one higher power or force that transcends denomination
and joins us all together.
--Regarding MONEY:
my uncles and aunts squabbled over the headstone, the cost, and
who should pay.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
how many people unrelated to her showed up. She had many friends
from work and leisure as well as a large family.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't know.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
I couldn't say.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I don't know.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I have never experienced this.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
No experiences.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I can think of none.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I would tell her I loved her and that I and everyone missed her. I
would ask her to say hi to God for me.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
No.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
It's their last wishes, so they should be carried out for their sake.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I don't fear death so much anymore. Other people's tales have helped
me to believe in an afterlife, especially Near Death experiences. I
believe I will come back and check on my loved ones. I am more
afraid of how I shall die than of actually dying.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I don't know.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have not changed, except to take a turn for the worse.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Thoughts of the Afterlife
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
No.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was interesting re-affirming my convictions about death and
the afterlife.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
No.
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Sat Jan 8 12:12:21 2000
F53 in Orange City, FL =USA=
Name: June Sherman
Email: <ShermDog21=at=webtv.net>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Retired law enforcement
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, yrs7 ago.
Cause of Death: murder; Aged: 22.
--Details:
Mark was cut, beat , set on fire alive The killers were never
arrested.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
going home
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
understood it
--That first time, how it happened was
Attened a veiwing when I was very young. The man was my pastor.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Entering LALA LAND and never really coming back to the REAL world
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
the real living
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I know the is an OTHERSIDE
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
books
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
What the useless police did .... starting with the mishandled
notification.....
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I have a GALLOS laugh
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
You NEVER get over the loss of a child. The violence of murder
magnifys all the bad......
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Make the police arrest the kllers
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
put on a MASK and started pretending to live
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
NOT THE MEDICAL COMM.(the medical examiner DID resign)THE POLICE
...I still have nightmare that I murder SGT. FRANKEL.......
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
NIGHTMARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--Religious Affiliation:
I am a SPIRITILIST now. I was protestant
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
I know my son is fine and we will be together again.I've had many
beatiful visits from him !!!!!
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
The sea of Gray (I was in law enforcement) All the gray (and
green-army the white navy).....
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I died when I was 6 I remember a tunnel, A very bright light
(very warm), three beings AND NOT wanting to come back.......
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Not with my son ..... with the police!!!!That just me ' my son could
not care less if they get arrested. I'm the one thats bothered so
deeply byit
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
It was Christmas Eve and pouring rain. Dark, cold and wet. I was an
emotional mess. I was driving and arguing with my daughter. We had
the worse day imaginable! Now it was night and when I pulled off
the interstate I hit a curb and my front tire blew .I pulled into
the first driveway I came to to get off the road and it was the
cemetary where I buried my sons remains! I looked at the spare and
having a recent back injury knew I was helpless. I just stood there
sobbing(I who shed not one tear at my sons service) A man his wife
and twe children drove by turned around and in the pouring rain,
at night on Christmas eve this man (angel) changed my tire . I
attempted to give him money, during that attempt a GOLDEN FIGURE
APPEARED ///SORT OF 3/4 OF A FIGURE----like a golden light ---it
leaned forward kissed me on the check---I blinked a couple of times
and it was gone......
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I was robbed at GUNPOINT last year and when I realized I might DIE
I FELT COMPLETE PEACE.....
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Used pyschic detective trying to get the killers arrested and used
the best pyschic in the world . It was like visit after visit with
my son
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
My friend Pat ,she was my only emotional support (every one else
let me down)
then she died ---then there was Sonya then she died......
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Crying and Crying
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I joined POMC (PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN) ( the local chapter
kind of fell apart because our pres. is dying ( I feel like the
angel of death)
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It made me relize I have withdrawn ........
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
Maybe bring up the subject of SUDDEN DEATHS
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Fri Jan 7 21:21:52 2000
M52 in San Marcos, Texas =USA=
Name: Garland Brown
Email: <gbuckb=at=yahoo.com>
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Prof/Studies: Retired
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Self (impending), 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: brain tumor; Aged: 40.
--Details:
It was beautiful, warm,the one thing thing I remember most about
death was I could not lie,nor did I even want to, next there was
no sex or time. I was given a choice of staying or coming back so
I chose returning to see my eight year old daughter grow up that
was my request.There was a large wall, this wall was very tall,
I could not see the top. I started looking around and I found
a huge door with a type of fog looking stuff coming out. There
again I could not get too close to the fog. I was back in my body
before I knew what was going on. I was given the ability to remember
everything in great detail. There is much more information and help
if needed. Just for the asking.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the greatest experiance that I have ever been through, I loved
it then and will love it when my time comes again. It is the not
knowing that hurts soo bad.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...I play the piano at church and have for the
last 35 years. Needles to say I have played for my share of funerals
in the past. I have had a problem, as does everyone, with why do
people die. I have seen only one one person that was declaired dead,
come back to life, he lived another 10 years and his family found him
out in the pasture, I may have some information that you would want.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Awareness
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Religion/Clergy
I have been told that I am a quack, but it is like going somewhere,
if you haven't been then you you don't have the right to say
anything.
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Fri Jan 7 13:09:34 2000
F17 in Sterling, Colorado =US=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: student
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 11 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 72.
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--Death Is:
an end to the physical world. When the body becomes too sick,
too old, or too damaged to function the spiritual aspect,or soul
leaves the damaged body
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
felt sad but not overly emotion. There was an emptiness but did
not last long.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandpa had a stroke and died a few
months later
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How shocking it was. It was a surprise and not at all anticipated.
--What I think my (US) culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is not an end.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
it helped me to build a stronger relationship to god.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
personal thoughts and feelings
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the fact that they were not there and never again would be. I guess
just that death is so final.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye, or even try to rebuild the friendship.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
also realized how fleeting life is and that there are no certainties.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
support and reassurance
--Religious Affiliation:
Episcopal
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
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Fri Jan 7 10:35:01 2000
F47 in jacksonville, FL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Admin Assistant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Aunt, 1 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: stroke/coma/; Aged: 80 ish.
--Details:
My AUnt was retarded. (Mentality of a 2 year old.) I was her
guardain. She suffered a massive stroke and had very little chance
of survival. My family decided not to feed her. I went up to sit
with her while she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end and the beginning.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
did not understand. I was not prepared for what I saw and less
prepared for what I felt. I do not recall being albe to sort out
my feelings about the experince until I was an adult.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Our grade school principle died. I was 8
- 9. We were all walked to the funeral home where he was being
laid out. We were paraded in front of the coffin. He looked just
like my Dad - I could not separate the two and I started to cry -
uncontrollably.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Trying to make a decision about whether or not to feed her.
Her chances for recovery were very slim and no telling about the
quality of her life. Still - when she woke up for a few moments
when I had the last rights performed for her - I was not too sure
about our decision. What life lessons did we rob from her by making
this decision. Did we interfer in her Karmic path?
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I don't know.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The bonding that can occur when you sit with a dying person. The
personal emotional growth that occurs when you confront your own
mortality through someone else's.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
The Tibetan Book of the Living and Dying. Hospice workers.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Guilt of not feeding my Aunt when she was comatose.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Listen Listen Listen then Listen some more. Touch - Hug - Massage
Answer all questions honestly. Do not be afraid to true emotion.
Laughter
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
I wrote a journal for the six months that I sat with her while
she died.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
The breathing gets "agonal". Maybe not confused - sort of very
helpless.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
Laughing is great medicine.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
no regrets except with a diferent Aunt than the one I referenced
before - I would have spent more time with her.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
sit there and not freak out. Help alleviate pain with medications.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
The person is out in the ground and you finally have to let tehm go.
When there is nothing to do - when you no longer have to take care
of the dying person - that is the worst time.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Don't know.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
on their death anniversary when I am tired when I get a whiff of
a smell that reminds me of them too many to list.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I think about this. But death is inevitable.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
why all this pain
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
don't feel that way
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was fine.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
great gratitude
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
WONDERFUL They are the most considerate/compassionate/inteligent
people I have ever met.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Meant nothing to me. A lot to the people who were dying - so in
that I felt good - anything that will help a persons process is
welcome even if it holds nothing for me
--Religious Affiliation:
Past - Catholic Now - I believe in recarination
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
no feelings
--Regarding MONEY:
we were concerned about the IRS
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was private and no concerns here
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
an expeience I had at the moment of my mothers death. I was
sleeping on the floor next to her. SHe was suffering what is called
agonal breathing. I must have dozed off. I heard a tremedous
thundering noise and I was whooshing in a great wind and I
woke up. I listened very carefully and could no longer hear my
mother breathing. She had died and to this day I believe the sound
I heard was her last breath and that I traveled with her for the
first few seconds of her death.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
weight loss unusual breating blackened skin
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
it is different with each death
feel what you are feeling without judgement
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
other than dreams - none
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I have had out of the body experiences - but no near death ones
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
Mostly I am a peace with the dead. I still need to know if I
screwed up my karma and hers by not feeding my Aunt.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I do not find this to be a particularly helpful exercise.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
no dreams or visitations
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
cremation
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I welcome the experience and only hope that I can die with the
grace and dignity with which my mother died.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
breathing
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I became a Hospice volunteer. I remember the dead and celebrate
their lives - frequently. I am a much kinder and more compassionate
person.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
friendship with other hospice workers
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Books & Films
Being a caretaker for my mother for the six months before she died.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Fear of Death
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
To have listened (without interruption) until I was talked out.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It is a great questionnaire. I am going to write about it (in out
Hospice newletter) and suggest it for others.
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Fri Jan 7 09:45:44 2000
F38 in Rule,, TX =U.S.=
Name: Jeanean Bell
Email: <PJHW8893=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
I went to www.ask.com - for info. on Grief & Loss.
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Prof/Studies: Housewife, Self-Employed
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More personal info:
I want to TOUCH as many Lives as I possibly can in any way that is
beneficial and loving. I owe this to God, Myself and mainly to THEM!
They left us a Legacy, that it is our Honour to Carry On. - Yes,
you may POST This.
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
I have several books given to me, I can't bring myself to read more
than a few pages.
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
Can't find the books, that I have opened right now.
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: House Fire; Aged: 60.
--Details:
I also LOST my Grandmother, Grandfater and 16 yr. old Niece at the
same time! In this House Fire. I loved them ALL so very MUCH!!!!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
total pain and a sense of emptiness and loss so vast, that it is
inconceivable and petrifying.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was confused and wanted to touch, kiss and talk to her. I didn't
understand Why she wouldn't or couldn't do this with me.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my grandmother (my father's mother). I
was around 2. All I really remember about it, is my Mom, Dad & I
travelling to a place where a sweet-looking, little, white-haired
woman was laying in a box with alot of flowers, and everyone was sad.
I always have the feeling when I bring this to mind, that I wanted
to know her better.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
a pain so deep that a Black Hole could not consume it.
--What I think my (U.S.) culture needs to better learn about death is:
To not make the People that the Death really affects FEEL like they
have to comfort others.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The LIVES these 4 Loved Ones had touched was Miraculous. The LOVE
that they generated was an incredible FORCE.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to feel the pain, and talk about it with my loved ones
that were going through it too; and with others that could truly
listen and let me talk, grieve, scream, cry! Whatever I need to do,
whenever I need to do it.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
I need them!!!! I don't like living without them! Raising my
sons keeps me here. Life is a chore I get through; with no real way
of ever seeing my feelings or outlook on this change. That makes
me feel like I have died in many ways with them. I hate that I am
denying my sons a vibrant, loving, giving mother.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
I wasn't there! I was 1,000 of miles away! My sister, her son,
were right in town and no one was able to save them.
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
feel is: YOU NEVER get OVER this!! I know there is no end to this. It
may ease or change a little with many, many years, when my mind is
no longer sharp and my Heart and Soul have learned to settle...I
don't think so, though. Only Death can achieve those feelings of
no longer needing, wanting and loving them.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
Everyday of it, I can't make any SENSE of it!! NOT ANY AT ALL!
We loved them and needed them all so much! Why, did they have to
be taken like that?
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
It was their love coming through us, and a way of trying to deal
with the Enormity of IT ALL!
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Hold THEM and LOOK DEEP INTO Their EYES and KNOW they could SEE
ALL MY LOVE ~ and KNOW they knew it was ME!!! They were seeing.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get HOME to be here, where I had to be at the time of their Funerals.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the weather at the time....clouds, wind, the sun etc.
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Where, when and How the Funerals were held.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I cry deeply, softly, in any number of ways and forms when I think
of them and how much I miss them.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
There would be LOVE and Togetherness and Forgiveness for the Past
Hurts. We would cherish every moment we had with one another and
our LOVE would be a Warm Blanket Touching everyone that came into
contact with us.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
WHY!!! Did they all have to DIE!!! Like that, give them back to US!
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
STOP! Stop Thinking, Stop Feeling, Stop Needing Them or Anyone else.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
wanted to curl UP into the fetal position and stay there. Never
moving, nor speaking again until death claimed me too, and took me
to them. My sons - were all that pulled me out of this...they are
so young and have so many needs and I owe them - me, as long as I
can hold on.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
The Autopsies gave us one bit of relief, they all died of Smoke
Inhalation. So, Thank God, they didn't suffer long, they didn't
even really know what was happening from what we have been told.
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
No, this wasn't my experience.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
They tried to bring comfort to us. I appreciate that.
--Religious Affiliation:
Baptist, mainly. I have VERY Personal Beliefs about GOD.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
Completely RIGHT and APPROPRIATE. Religion is by and large a
Panacea. LIFE and DEATH transcend anything that religion is or will
ever be.
--Regarding MONEY:
It helped us, both financially and in other ways. We ALL came
together as a FAMILY and dealt with all the issues that this
created. I am Incredibly PROUD of HOW my Family handles this aspect
of it. LOVE for them and one another was never lost during any of
that painful time, and it still isn't an issue that causes any pain.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It should have been handled differently. There was one SERVICE for
all 4 of THEM and this HURT...due to so many FACTORS. We should
have had Memorial Services for Each of them and then a main service
for all 4 of them, possibly.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I still don't want to or can't really accept that they are gone.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
We didn't have the opportunity to have any time to deal with the
thought of death beforehand.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
be with them and show your love to them and let them say or do
anything they need to.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I believe in it Firmly and Completely! I know my Loved Ones were
Welcomed with TOTAL LOVE, Acceptance and JOY where they have
travelled to.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
Not anyone close to me. I believe in this completely as well.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I see a Counselor. It helps. I am healing a little, tiny bit at
a time.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
Yes! I would love to speak to them and hear from them. I would want
to hear from my Mother that she is still with me and the boys and
that she will never leave us. I want to know that their is LOVE,
Peace and Joy where they are and that they are waiting for us to
be their with them too, when the time is right.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My Sister has felt them and felt them communicating with her.
I want to feel this so very much. I think my Pain and DENIAL stand
in the way of this happening, though.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I feel that people should know WELL in Advance of anyones Dying
WHAT Their Wishes are; and they should be Respected and Adhered to,
as completely as possible.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
Panic!!! At this point in time! They only reason for that, is
My SONS! I have to know they will be alright and loved and grow
to be the happiest, most peaceful men that they can. I worry so
about this.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I want something like this...nothing feels right though. Maybe it
is because I do not want to accept that they are gone.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
I have tried to not take anyone for granted, I show them and tell
them I love them. Everyone, that I have feelings for. I don't deny
them or myself this any longer.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
Yes,certain people, animals and places have come to mean something
to me that have brought me comfort and support, when I need it most.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
That Death, in particular. I handled well because of my Mother,
her explanations to me, and my love for her.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
Being to young to understand Death or the concept of it.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I have reached out to many and I still do. I am very open about
telling people what happened and my feelings regarding this. I
think that has helped and touched many people.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It's helped me FOCUS on it...the pain is so great surrounding it,
that it is hard to be logical or rational about any of it.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
I can't think of one at this time.
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Fri Jan 7 08:07:52 2000
M25 in Swampscott, Massachusetts =America=
Name: Ralph Clarke
Email: <DmajFsharp=at=aol.com>
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Found us by: [ Other: ]
entered death test on Yahoo.Was intrigued.Visited Site
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Prof/Studies: Musical Instrument Sales
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 1/2yrs ago.
Cause of Death: old age; Aged: 106.
--Details:
She was in a hospital for about a week then she died.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Something that is sacred. I personally disagree, but we Humans see
death as a passage from one form of life to a better one.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
shrugged and said: "Oh well."
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...the family pet had to be put to sleep
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
It brought the whole family together, though it was only for that
one day.(the funeral.)
--What I think my (America) culture needs to better learn about death is:
There is nothing afterwards! You die, you rot, or you become
ash. There is no Heaven, there is no Hell. You just cease to be. It
is the one thing you cannot avoid. No matter how much surgery you
have, how many organs you have replaced, no matter how much you
pray You WILL Die!
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
I cannot finish this sentence.I have nothing to say on this
topic. Sorry
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my ability to detacth myself emotionally and physically from
the situation.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
dealing with everyone elses grief.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
does not apply
--[My Great GrandMother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
realise that I have to pretend to show grief to comfort
everyone. Even though I experienced grief, I wasn't capable of
showing it.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
does not apply
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I laughed heartily.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
say goodbye.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
for some odd reason, The writers of this questionnaire assumes
the one who fills it out automatically goes through the five or so
steps to acceptance.This bothers me.Anyways, to answer; get through
the day.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
the medical examiners get to the body after rigor mortis sets in
and they have to break the corpse's bones to straighten it out
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
how nice the funeral was
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
sorry, does not apply. I got over it very quickly.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
does not apply.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
sorry, it does not apply. I feel she lived a full life.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
does not apply.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
None of the death's I have experienced in my life has seemed
unreal. I accepted it the first time.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
they did all that they could.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing to me
--Religious Affiliation:
I do not believe. I wish I could believe, but it just defies my
concept of possibility
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good that we as a human race share near universal reverence for
the dead.
--Regarding MONEY:
does not apply
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
it was very upbeat.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
I don't show any visible signs of grief.I do grieve in my own
way though.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
loss of motor skills.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I accept death readily, though the time will come when there is
a death I cannot accept. Don't feel any guilt. I personally don't
want anyone to grieve my passing. G on with your life without guilt.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
it was a chemically induced hallucination caused by the brain's
release of endorphines into their system to ease the shock of death.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
does not apply
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have resolved all issues before death.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
I do not think it would do any good
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I think they are crazy.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Noone has a right to force a dying person to live when they don't
wish to. It is important to respect that person's wish to die,
or live.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I know I will die, I can accept it. I just can't accept the fact
that life will go on without me, that I will not be around to see the
world change, to see the steps forward or leaps backwards that we as
a people will make. I will regret not being there to see any of it.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
don't have any
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
nothing really changed. You can't change or fight the inevitable.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I'm closer to my mother than before.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Emotional detatchment
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? -none-
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
everything worked out fine
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
it wasn't.
- - - Any other questions you feel we should have asked here?
My problems with most questionnaires is that they speak for me
emotionally. I personally prefer questions that are emotionally vague
to allow the subject to give their answer a more "gut" honest answer.
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Thu Jan 6 08:45:49 2000
F20 in adelaide, south australia =australia=
Name: ruth
Email: <kilpatrick=at=eisa.net.au>
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Found us by: [ Friend ]
Prof/Studies: student (economics)
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 1 month ago ago.
Cause of Death: stroke; Aged: 82.
--Details:
it was both the most heartbreaking moment o my life and the most
honourable. I spent alot of time sitting with gran in hospital and
i had gone home for a rest when my dad called me and said that i
should come asap. when i got there i went straight to gran and held
her hand as she passed away. in a way i feel as though she waited for
me to be there. We were always very close. She was my true kindred
spirit and i feel very pivledged to have spent this time with her.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
final. A cliche i know, but this is the one thing that never leaves
you. every moment you are accutely aware that this person is gone
and they can no longer share your life.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was terribly upset, but it was surreal. i knew what death meant but
this persons death didn't impact on my life in such a way that made
it terribly real.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...it was a close friend of the family i had
known all my life. He died suddenly from a heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
laughter and family. There must have being twenty of us standing in
the corridor outside of her room laughing at a shared memory that
had come out of the blue. It just felt right. Gran had a great sense
of humour and she would have been pleased to see her family so close.
--What I think my (australia) culture needs to better learn about death is:
expression. At the funeral hardly any members of my family
cried. Everybody was trying to be strong but it made me angry. I
felt as though somebody had torn my insides from out of my body
and i wanted to know the others felt this. She deserved that much.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
the time i was able to spend with gran in the days leading up
to her death. We talked, or rather i did as she was unconscious,
about everything. I got to tell her that i loved her and though i
know that she knew it was my way of repaying her enduring kindness
and llove toward me.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
the knowledge that gran was with her God in heaven. I know that
she is happy and the suffering is over.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the little things. A good exam mark or a funny story i immediately
wanted to share with her. The realisation i can't leaves a void
and dulls even the greatest excitement.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
listen. talk. laugh. cry. share everything important. tell each
other how much you love the other person.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
have one last conversation.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
at the hospital after gran had died, the nursing staff put some
flowers in her hands and played a tape of nature music. It was
increadibly touching.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
run away. the urge to shed my life and change everything is huge. i'm
currently considering moving overseas.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
i coudld hardly breathe. i felt as though i was drowing. my lungs
hurt and i thought i would never stop crying. it was completly
overwhelming and i had to learn to stop thinking about the entirety
of the situation. i just couldn't cope with its enormity.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
compassion and honesty. The nurses and doctors were truly amazing
and every member of my family is thankful for the way in which they
allowed my gran a dignified and peaceful death.
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
comfort.
--Religious Affiliation:
presbyterian
--Regarding MONEY:
it allowed my gran to have things done her own way and again astound
us with her generosity and selflessness.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the lack of tears.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
seeing gran lowered into the ground. i kept wanting to ask somebody
to make sure that she was really gone.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
when gran died and it came time to go through her possessions the
only thing i wanted was this particular had that we both loved. I'm
going home to londong next month, this was grans favourite place
and so i'm going to take the hat with me and leave it at a place
of significance. That way i'll feel that she is happily at rest
and i can say goodbye.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Adequate
What Helped me most deal with death? Keeping Busy
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? People's Stories, etc.
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Thu Jan 6 00:12:08 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandFather, 5yrs ago.
Cause of Death: we still do not know; Aged: ??.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when we are no longer living and walking on this earth. they go to
another place that is unknown to us.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
really did not know what was going on no one took time to explain
to me what had happened.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
everyone was crying except for a few people who looked like they
really did not care about him.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
not everyone believes in god and heaven there are other beliefes
in other religons about what happens to a person when they die.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
there is nothing
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my music
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
i missed him very very much and no matter what i say or do i will
never she him again.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Music
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Memories
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Wed Jan 5 13:23:34 2000
F16 in cincinnati, ohio =hamilton=
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: Film
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
Why Charlie brown Why?
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Great GrandMother, 1 yr ago.
Cause of Death: natural causes; Aged: 93.
--Details:
I didn't cry. I feel guilty for that I loved her
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
when someone you love is taken away.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
didn't understand how God was suppose to be so great but could be
so mean.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was... It was my cousin and my best friend, she
died of cancer to the brain when she was 12 and I was 7.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
How everyone around my cried and i just stared.
--What I think my (hamilton) culture needs to better learn about death is:
It is nothing to fear.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Having a better sense of what I still had, even though she was gone.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
I convinced myself it would be okay.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
losing a best frien and a cousin.
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Let them know your love before it is to late.
--[My friend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
still keep her in my life by celebrating her birthday her death
and keeping many pictures.
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
she was first in the hospital and she didn't look like herself.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I not ashamed it was her letting me know it's okay.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Be with her more she lived in ohio and i in california
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
get on with my life.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
I threw a cupcake because I was so glad to se her before she died.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I don't.
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I would be a better person.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
Everybody has a better life than me.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
move away to mexico.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
was mad
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
thankfulness
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
good
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing then i was mad at God for letting her die.
--Religious Affiliation:
CAtholic
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
good.
--Regarding MONEY:
we payed much for treatment
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
she was loved
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
Having to see her in the hospital I didn't want to she scared me
I was seven
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
two other deaths, they happen in threes
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
I dont know
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
she was always in pain
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
it hasn't
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
god
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
i'd feel at ease
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
I find lone dimes everywhere I found one under her casket, so when
there is a lone dime she is with me but no she never floated in to
my room or anything.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
honestly i don't know
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
"i'm not afraid to die everyone dies i just wasnt to die happy
knowing my life wasn't a waste of time."
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
Talk to friends
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
yep
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Child
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
Knowing she is still there, I found a dime on the floor by her
casket, so now when i see a lone dime I know she's with me.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Guilt
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
no
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
It was a bit to long i was bored at the end but it was thought
provoking.
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Tue Jan 4 08:36:34 2000
F29 in Cape Coral, FL =USA=
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Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
Prof/Studies: mental health
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of GrandMother, 10 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 67.
--Details:
Since then, I've lost my grandfather to heart disease (in his
70's). also lost both paternal grandparents (stroke and leukemia)
and a good friend (AIDS)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
...when disease or injury cause the physical body to stop permanently
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was scared and very sad
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...lost my grandmother to cancer when I was
19. Visited in the hopsital and I knew it was the last time I would
see her - it was very heart wrenching. I was very close to her. My
mom called early in the morning to tell me.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
sadness, crying. Disappointment that the person wouldn't be around
to share life with
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
I have no cultural beliefs or upbringing in that area
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
having the opportunity to say goodbye to my maternal grandparents
and my friend at the times just prior to their deaths.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
my mother's support
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
feeling like their loss created an empty spot in my life - missing
them so much
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
tell them you love them and that they are safe
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
I visited for the last time. I was glad to have the opportunity,
but I didn't know what to do or say and I felt very uncomfortable
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
visit one last time
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
important event happen like the birth of my daughter, and I wish
the people I loved could be there to see her
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
see or feel their spirits and know that they have been with me from
time to time in spirit
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried, felt sad
--Religious Affiliation:
none
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
never went
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I awoke from a deep sleep, looked at the clock and went back to
sleep - only to learn in the morning that that was the moment my
grndmother had died. My mother has seen and felt my grandfather,
and has seen him watch my sleeping daughter
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
My mother has had many contacts with those who have passed on -
both family and friends as well as strangers. I wish that I had that
ability. She saw my grandfather watch my daughter sleep. I was in
the room as well. I would have given anything to have been able to
see that.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Young Adult
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
still very uncomfortable about it. hate going to hospitals when
people are getting ready to die. Have never and will never go to
a funeral!
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Other:
missing her and thinking of everything she would not get to see me
do in my life
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Mon Jan 3 05:36:25 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Stumbled on it ]
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Son, 2 yrs ago.
Cause of Death: gun shot; Aged: 22yo.
--Details:
attempted suicide, but in the end it was accidental
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
the end of life on this planet and in this form. its a transition
to something else.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
was shocked and did not believe it had happened.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...my younger brother took his life
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
that i wanted to believe it was an awful dream, but i knew it
was real. loneliness and regret that i coundnt save him or bring
him back.
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
that it is normal.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that he will not suffer anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
people listening to me, and not giving me any advise, just listening.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
the loss
--[My Son's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
was able to carry on and not give up myself.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
he was such a happy person and he gave me many funny moments
to remember
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
talk to him somemore, and to have taken the gun of him
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
so any people came to the service.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
bying presents at xmas etc. or seeing other people not appreciate
their loved ones.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
for someone so young to die
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go to him.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
cried
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
some meaning to it
--Religious Affiliation:
christian
--Regarding MONEY:
every thing was a cost
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? A bit rough
What Helped me most deal with death? Passage of Time
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? The Funeral
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Sun Jan 2 17:28:09 2000
Anonymous Guest in , ==
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Recommended Reading-- Titles:
The Bible
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
John,Luke,Matthew and Mark
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of Mother, 2 wks ago.
Cause of Death: cancer; Aged: 76.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
Either going to Heaven or Hell
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
I would miss him,helpped my mother by holding her hand.
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...Grandfather passed away.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
The good things everybody remembered about her
--What I think my () culture needs to better learn about death is:
how Christ our LORD Jesus gave his life so we can spend eternity
with HIM in heaven.Also HIS teachings on how to deal with the loss
of a loved one
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
Everybody reach out to Christ our LORD for the support and strength
He has for us at this time of need
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
OUR LORD AND SAVOIR JESUS CHRIST
--Regarding just Being There for someone dying, my advice would be:
Not to force yourself on the one your your trying to help let him
know you are ther for him and let come to you when he/she is ready
--[My Mother's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Let Christ give me the strength I needed to help others
--The most confusing point of death for me was when:
none
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
While I did not the urge to laugh I used humor to help others to
relax and get rid of alot of stress
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
turn to GOD
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
I went GOD
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
graditude
--Regarding HOSPICE etc:
graditude
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
closure
--Religious Affiliation:
Nondenomanational
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
to me as a christian this common link only occurs when you are
saved and are going to heaven to be with our LORD
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
the love and support we got from everybody
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
doing one of the readings for the service
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
none given
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
was how everybody stayed together for support
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
My mother-in-law had none of these.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
none
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
a will,medical power of attorney to make sure my wishes are met.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I would thank GOD for giving HIS only son for our salvation
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
My LORD GOD helped me
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Family's Sensitivities
sense of humor,family.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Family's Insensitivities
cousins thinking we were keeping something from them.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
humor
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I realized from this questionnaire that CHRIST is not considered
worthy of thought
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Sun Jan 2 14:27:52 2000
F20 in Madison, WI =USA=
Name: Jennifer Bunner
Email: <oniongirl=at=teenagewildlife.com>
Web: http://www.wannabegoth.com/vixens/oniongirl
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
http://www.yahoo.com
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Prof/Studies: student/computer consultant
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Recommended Reading-- Titles:
none
Recommended Reading-- Writers:
none
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of pet, .3 ago.
Cause of Death: escape and drying up; Aged: 1 year, about.
--Details:
I left the lid off of the tank accidentally and she must have
jumped out. (She was a bullfrog.) A week or two later, someone
found her in the downstairs bathroom all dried up.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - T O P I C A L S - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
--Death Is:
An ending of function. The body and mind no longer function and
begin to decay. They will never function again.
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Was shocked more than anything. But I knew that getting upset
about it wouldn't help anything and there was no real pain involved.
--That first time, how it happened was
It was a few cats of mine that died at various times throughout my
childhood, as well as other pets, such as a dog, a cockroach, etc.
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Guilt over leaving the lid open and not searching hard enough for
her afterwards.
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
They need to make death a more open part of life. There shouldn't
be so much euphamistic treatment of death. It should be accepted
as a natural part of life and not hidden or prettied up to make it
less shocking.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
The person or animal who has died is in no pain anymore.
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
My own beliefs about death.
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
Guilt over what I could have done to prevent it.
--Regarding Humor in the death process, I'd just say that:
I don't remember any such experiences.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Put a proper lid on the frog's tank.
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Get a newt to fill the empty tank.
--One seemingly minor thing (yet important) which impressed me was when:
doesn't apply
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Pondering what was happening to the dead organism in the afterlife.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
doesn't apply
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
Um... what? This is a stupid question.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that the frog had to die because of my actions.
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
go back in time and put a proper lid on the cage.
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
realized that getting all upset about it wouldn't help things.
--Regarding MEDICINE, DOCTORS, etc:
What medical community?
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
nothing
--Religious Affiliation:
I used to be Mormon, but now I'm atheist.
--Regarding ONENESS of SPIRIT, etc:
stupid.
--Regarding MONEY:
I wasted money on buying her a big aquarium and lots of big crickets
and when I came back, she had escaped.
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
there was no funeral. i assume that they just threw her away when
they found her.
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
My neighbor feeling worse about it than I did.
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
holes in the top of the aquarium lid.
--SOME OF THE COMMON STAGES OF GRIEF:
Death isn't that big of a deal. Be rational, people.
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
I really don't think my frog came back and visited anyone. i think
she just stayed in the garbage.
--RE: Near Death Experiences:
I tried to slit my throat once. That's as close to death as I
ever came. I didn't see a white light or anything. I saw myself
in the mirror failing to cut at the right angle.
--How might you deal with yet unresolved issues from a death?:
I have no unresolved issues with my frog.
--If we were to visit one last conversation...
That's just silly delusions.
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
people are delusional.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
Money to pay for these stupid services.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I'm not afraid of death. The only thing I worry about is people
not knowing how much I care about them. So I try to be very open
with my feelings towards people and tell them the important things.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
no.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
no.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
I became closer to my neighbor.
- - - - - P e r s o n a l H i s t o r y - - - - -
1st Death event occurred in my life at: Very Young Child
How'd I do? Very Well
What Helped me most deal with death? Other:
Death has never bothered me because I know that it's a natural part
of life. I've always accepted this.
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Helping Other People cope
My parents and sisters were much more affected by some of the deaths
than I was and that disturbed me more than the death itself.
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I was annoyed and disturbed by people who were all weepy about it.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I think a lot of questions were silly and catered to delusional
people.
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Sat Jan 1 19:50:22 2000
F29 in Edgewater, Maryland =USA=
Name: Carole Wilkins
Email: <brindall=at=erols.com>
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Found us by: [ Web Search: ]
Prof/Studies: ER Nurse
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Most Significant Recent Death Exp was death of BoyFriend, 6 years ago.
Cause of Death: plane crash; Aged: 23.
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--Death Is:
Leaving the physical body and moving on to a new spiritual life
--The first time I ever experienced someone's death, I
Cried for awhile but then became relieved that he was finally at
peace and was able to continue on with a new life
--That first time, how it happened was
How it happened was...My grandfather died from a heart attack
--The Most Vivid memory I have of this most recent death is:
Not being able to discuss how I felt with others because most people
do not like to discuss death
--What I think my (USA) culture needs to better learn about death is:
That it is not the end of that person's existance, just the beginning
of a new one. That death is a part of life. That it is okay to
discuss death and to realize that the person who has died is not
in any pain or turmoil, that the reason we grieve is because we
miss that person.
--One gift for which I shall always be grateful is:
that my grandmother died peacefully in her sleep which was a gift
to her and our family
--What was of most support to me in my experience with death was:
Being able to reflect on the meaning of life to me which helped me
come to terms with the meaning of death as well. This in turn led
me to be able to be at peace with myself during times of loss
--And the most difficult for me in my experience with death was:
The void that was left when the person that died was gone.
--[My BoyFriend's] death taught me so much. I'd have others know how I:
Learned that the grief does get better, the hurt does lessen,
and that you will once again be happy.
--Not that it's a regret, but I would like to have better had time to:
Say goodbye
--But some things worked out so well... I'm SO GLAD I was able to:
Tell him how much I loved him
--And exactly backwards: what we didn't make a big deal of, was:
Others continuously telling me that they understood what I was
feeling, because they didn't, everyone feels differently when
someone close to you dies.
--I can get all teary-eyed just thinking about it all again when:
I pass by a place that was especially meaningful for us
--In another dimension of Life where this all had never happened...
I couldn't even imagine. There is nothing the same about my
life now as it was before he died. I changed careers, friends,
lifestyles, everything.
--Sometimes I think: It's just not fair...
that it was him and not me or someone else because he had worked
so hard to get his life together and was just at a point where
everything was going right for him
--It's sometimes so very difficult. I just wish I could
Talk to him one more time just to know for sure that he is okay
--When it really hit me... when I realized & acknowledged the death, I
Cried and allowed myself to feel the grief instead of pushing it away
--Regarding CHURCHES, RELIGION, etc:
Nothing, I did not participate in organized religion at the time
but reflected upon my own spiritual beliefs privately
--Religious Affiliation:
Currently I am Lutheran
--Regarding MONEY:
It never did
--Regarding the FUNERAL:
It was too much of a blur for me to remember
--The weirdest part of it all to me was:
The feeling of aliveness or new appreciation for life that I had,
the feeling that I had to carry on for him and make sure that I
made something of myself became even more important than ever
--SOME OF THE COMMON SIGNS OF DEATH :
All the deaths I have experienced have been sudden
--RE: Visions from the 'Other Side':
All my experiences with death have been sudden with no preparation
--RE: After-death visits from our loved ones:
At one point in the heighth of my grief, the turning point where I
was either going to move on with my life or continue to wallow in
grief I had a "dream" that I don't really think was a true dream
in which my boyfriend came to me. I was so excited and confused,
I thought he hadn't really died and was trying to explain to him that
we would just have to make sure he didn't get on that plane that day
and things would be back to normal. He just sat with me, smiling the
whole time. I was talking so fast to him (but it was more like with
my mind, not verbally). Finally he told me (again with the mind not
verbally) that he was happy where he was and that he did not want
to come back. I felt sad but also somewhat relieved to know that
he was happy. When I "woke up" I could smell him on my clothes.
>From that point on I was okay and a certain sense of peace came
over me. I was able to continue on with my life at that point.
I believe he came to me because he knew that I needed a little
extra help in continuing on with my help.
--Regarding Rights & Wishes of the Dying:
I believe that the person who is dying should have their wishes
upheld regardless of what others believe. Death is very personal and
everyone has the right to die in the manner that they want to go.
I think people should remember that this is the last gift they
will be able to give their loved one before they die - the gift of
helping them see through their last wishes.
--Any thoughts about your own death?:
I think I would be okay with it, perhaps a little apprehensive about
the method of how I was going to die. But with the actual passing,
I am okay with it. I truly believe we move on, and I will look
forward to seeing all the loved ones that have moved on before me.
--Any Coping Ritual or Event you invented / devised to help you cope:
I would speak to him when I was alone, tell him I still loved and
missed him.
--Any Coping Rituals or Events which have carried over into your life?
Every once in awhile when something specifically important happens
in my life, I will mentally tell Brian that I thank him for helping
me to become the strong person that I am.
--Any New Friends emerge in the shared grieving process of Death?
No
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1st Death event occurred in my life at: Teen Ager
How'd I do? Well
What Helped me most deal with death? My Belief System
What Hindered me most in my dealing with death? Silence & Taboos
Family did not want to discuss it
--As for reaching out helping others now as part of my healing process:
I wish someone had reached out more to ask me how I felt and actually
truly wanted to listen. Just because someone is not outwardly
showing grief does not mean they are not experiencing it. I was able
to reach out to my boyfriend's mother and be there for her whenever
she needed it and truly listened to her, whether I wanted to or not,
whether it was uncomfortable or not, because it was what she needed.
- - - Comments on this Questionnaire & collection GuestBook - - -
I have experienced enough death of close friends and families that
my thoughts and feelings are very strong. I think that this is
always a good exercise for people to either reaffirm their beliefs
or to begin to explore their beliefs.
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See Dec 99 contributions.
See Nov 99 contributions.
See Current contributions.
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