By: Stacey M. Calhoun <>
Mon Oct 16 22:02:11 2000
My mother "Wanda Lou Rosenthal" who held on long enough
I Still Remember...
By Stacey M. Calhoun
Location: Jacksonville Florida US

Age:[ 34 ] Gender:[ F ]

	My mother died at the young age of 47 years old on November 30, 1988.
She was a kind, loving, giving and big hearted person and would open
her home to anyone.  She lived a very hard and rough life raising
two bi-racial children on her - she was disowned by her familiy and
had no where to go - but she did the best she could for us.  She had
many things wrong with her (hepatitis C which cause liver damage,
blood clots in her esphasgus, diabetes, etc.) - when I was only 13
years old, I remember she had to go to New York to get an operation
(it was actually an experimentation) - she nearly bleed to death -
thank goodness the doctor believed in God - he prayed for God to put
his hands in his to help her.  I remember that night in my mother's bed
away from her just crying and wanting the only thing I had "my mother"
- I prayed for God not to take her away from me. I remember I felt this
sense of peace come over me and all of a sudden I got very sleepy -
like I was being held and told everything would be alright - and sure
enough it was - my mother made it.  However, she was still struggling
every year in and out of hospitals - doctors telling us that our mother
wouldn't live but just another year.  We would hear this constantly -
but she was strong enough to keep pulling through year after year.
I also believe that God let her live long enough to raise us (Rocky
and Stacey)since we had no family that accepted us until we were old
enough to take care of ourselves.  My mother struggled for 10 years.
When it came to that time, Wanda new that her time was near - she
basically gave up - tired of hurting and in pain, not having anyone
to love or be by her side - she was hurting so deeply and it was time
to go home to no pain.  Just before she died, I was given a vision
that I could see my mother in my dream but she wasn't where I was -
I mean, I could see her but she was in another place and she was
so young and beautiful wearing a beautiful robe with golden blonde
hair.  I remember looking at her in shock and haplpy that she was
standing (because she was paralyzed from the waist down)and I said,
"mom! you can walk!" - she just looked at me with such peace in her
eyes and looked so free and not in any pain anymore - she looked very
happy where she was.  I remember waking up screaming "I had the most
beautiful beautiful dream!  I had the most beautiful beautiful dream!"
Approximately 1 or 2 weeks later she died after that dream.  I really
felt Jesus gave that dream to me to let me know that she would be
alright.  I got a phone call from her doctor that she was dying - she
"knew" she was dying and was wanting the doctor to call her children.
I immediately went to see her - I was in shock and only 22 years old.
I had no one to talk to - so I went down to the chapel to pray -
I asked God not to take her from me, but it seemed like the more I
prayed God already had his mind made up.  I didn't get that feeling
that I had when I was 13 years old with a sigh of relief - it was
different this time.  I guess that is the reason he gave me the
dream in the first place.  The only words I can remember my mother
telling me was, "Stacey, don't cry" - her last words.  After her
death, me and a friend sat in his car outside my grandmothers house.
We sat in complete silence while I stared up at the sky and a thought
occured to me as I was staring at the only star I saw in my view.
I asked, "If there really is a God and you have my mother, show me
a sign" - then I hesitated, trying to figure out what sign could
He show me that He had my mother - I looked back up at the sky at
the star and said, "I know, I want to see a falling star" -- then
I remembered what the Bible said,"Be patient and all things will
come" - so I waited, but not long - it wasn't even 5 minutes when
the star I was looking upon went flying through the sky!  It scared
and shocked me that I literally jumped from the passenger seat into
the driver's seat and told my friend what I prayed and what I just
saw - My friend got chills all over.  He spoke to me.  I have had so
many other instances where Jesus was involved in my life (and I was
not religious at the time - I believed but didn't walk the talk).
Then I started this job for an Insurance company in Jacksonville,
Florida - I know this is going to sound a bit strange but I didn't
realize it until years later because it never really dawned on me.
I was given a beautiful cocker spaniel dog that kept running away
from home - it was a female and she already had a name and her name
was "Star" - remember the falling "star" I talked about earlier -
I am not saying this is re-incarnation, but I believe she was given
to me as a reminder and she is still part of my life until this day -
she has been my faithful friend and companion and my mother knew how
much I loved dogs. It's like Star and I can read eachother sometimes.
I could be lying in bed thinking of her and I will open my eyes and
there she is sitting at my bedside starring at me (for I don't know how
long) waiting for me to notice her.  Or she can be at my bedside at 4
am in the morning and I can feel her there and I will wake up in the
middle of the night seeing her in need to go outside.  It is amazing
to me.  Soon after my mother died, I had to go back to Columbus, Ohio
to pack our things up.  The hardest thing to do for a 22 year old
with no help from my brother because he couldn't handle being there.
He would take off and be gone for hours with his friends.  I would
get so afraid at night that I would drive through downtown Columbus
until the sun came up because I was too afraid to stay in the house by
myself - but I was getting so tired - I could barely hold my eyes open
and I needed some rest.  I prayed and prayed to God to please let my
brother come home tonight that I was tired and afraid.  When I drove
back to the house I couldn't believe it when I saw my brother's car
in the parking lot.  I knew God answered my prayer because my brother
always stayed at his friends house.  They say or the Bible says, "God
is close to you when you lose someone you love" - I really believe it
because he was all around me - in dreams and visions.  This doesn't
stop - it keeps going until God helped me through this difficult time.
My friends were concerned for me and asked me to go to church with
them and I thought maybe it would help me.  They had a Pastor from
out of town that had gifted abilities.  The whole church was packed -
he stepped out in the audience and walked through the aisle to me and
placed his arms on me that God was speaking to him (I have this on
tape) that I just went through a terrible ordeal in my life (losing my
mother) and that God told him that he would be my mother and father.
It was just amazing that I never been to that church in my whole life
and didn't know a soul and this guy was from out of town and knew
nothing about me for him to pick me out from hundreds of people there.
The vision that I can remember the most that sticks in my mind is when
I was dreaming that I was on my balcony in these apartments I lived in
here in Florida and the wind was blowing on my face and going through
my hair and I just loved the feeling of that and the warmth it brought
me then all of a sudden abruptly it stopped and then all of a sudden
I was held in Jesus arms.  I couldn't see Him but I knew it was Him -
he held me close to Him and had his arms folded around me even though
I couldn't see Him - I knew! He spoke to me telepathically and told me
everything would be alright.  I will never forget that.  It was soooo
real.  Then I remember one night I was going through some hard times
and my mother came to me in a dream - I was lying on my back in bed
and she sat next to me and placed both of her hands on my face to let
me know she understood. I actually woke up in the position on my back
that I dreamed of. At that time I never heard of NDE's until almost
9 years later - I was so intrigued that I read 9 books in 2 months!
I am her daughter, 34 years old and I think about all of these things
quite ofen.  I want to believe just as well as anyone else that there
is life after death and I truly believe that now with no doubt in
my mind.  We are all here for a purpose and the most important is
"To love oneanother" - if you think about hard is it if
that is the most important thing to do "to love oneanother" - God
is love - love feels good - everyone wants to be loved.  I am only
sad because with me being so young, I never really gave anything to
my mother to remember her by - I didn't know what to do.  Her ashes
still sit inside a yearn in my bedroom.  I never put her obituary in
the newspaper with a poem or anything - didn't know I had to do that -
everything was a shock for me.  I want to recognize my mother for who
she truly was - she cared for people, she wanted love and to be loved,
she always supported Jerry Lewis Telethon with his kids even if it was
sitting up all night without any sleep to watch his telethon - she had
a big heart.  She always tried to please everyone else besides herself.
She did a good job raising her two children in poverty and we ended
up being good hard-working citizens.  She would be so proud of us.
My brother still hurts and I think it takes men longer to get over
the loss of their mother.  Sometimes I am even numb to her death.
We learned alot from her death - especially after we lose someone
we love - if only we could bring them back the things we would do
differently.  That is why you have the opportunity now to do something
for the people you love - don't wait until it is too late.  There is
always a reason for everything...I believe because me and my brother
faught as youngsters and we despised eachother just couldn't get along
- that it took the death of my mother to open our eyes (maybe God said
"stop" fighting and love oneanother) because we are the closest we
have ever been and every time we see eachother (maybe once a year)it
brings reality back of our mother and what she left behind and all
we have now is eachother.  So my words that I would like to leave
with each one of you....take care of your loved ones no matter what -
because it begins with you and your family - don't wait until it's too
late - do whatever you can for them now because you never know when
they can't be with you any longer.  Don't have any regrets.
 I hope
my story has touched some of you in a small or big way and "Mom" I
love you and miss you and I am now taking care of your mother like you
would want me to and keeping a smile on her face.  You did a good job
raising your two children.  Keep me in your prayers to God that when
he returns that I am ready and not left behind!  Pray for my soul.

 And to the "NDEs" - I envy all of you for having such a beautiful
experience - you are the chosen ones.  I pray that I want one too,
but I don't want to go through any of the pain (maybe that is asking
too much ha ha).  It gives people hope and I truly hope more people
come forward to share their NDE's with others because it is such an
inspiration and gives other hope as it did me.  I absolutely loved
Robert Moody's books.  I wish I could get more involved in helping and
doing research.  I am a Marketing Analyst and very creative and this
is a field I would love to get into if only I knew the steps to get
involved with helping in anything - typing, researching, analyzing,
organizing the information into meaningful data, desktop publishing,
I can do it all.  I would love to talk to the people who had NDE's it
is something surely special and God-giving - it is such a gift!!!!!
What a wonderful gift to be able to see another side and to share it
with others.  Very lucky and blessed you have no idea!
 God Bless
all who come here and just keep an open mind and discover new things
in life - it is such a big world out there.
 I hope to see you
soon Mommy!  I sure could use your guidance right now stuck between
a dead-beat job and wanting to explore other opportunities!

-- Stacey M. Calhoun . . . [ ]

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