Date: Sun, 18 Aug 1996 06:45:55 -0700
From: Sharon Andrus []
To: Contrib=at=Bardo.ORG
Subject: Bardo CONTRIB: Suffering Doesn't Make You a Hero...
Suffering Doesn't Make You a Hero...
It just robs you of your dignity.
By Sharon Andrus

My name is Sherri and I lost my father a week ago today. He was 84 years old,
had been married 55 years, had four successful grown children, had spent the
last six years in a nursing home in the same room with his wife, was well
loved and attended by his children, and is greatly missed. What I have not
said is that Dad died an agonizing death because of the ignorance of his
doctor. I spent the last two weeks of his life beside his bed almost
constantly, fighting for whatever relief I could get from this barbarian that
calls himself a physician.Dad had emphazema and pneumonia and drowned in his
own fluid. He had told me he wanted to go into a comma before death and I
told him I would get him as close to that as I could. I could not even get
his doctor to order anything for pain because it might stop his breathing.
Finally, at 3:30 on Friday we were able to get a morphine drip. He died
Saturday evening. I can't grieve because I am so relieved he isn't suffering
anymore. When you are going through something so devastating and all you can
do is hold him in your arms and rock him, death is as much a gift as life. My
dad told me he wasn't very brave, well, he was the bravest person I know and
what makes this so sad is that he was given no choice. I have always
questioned the common concept of hell because I can't imagine the God I serve
sending anyone to a burning lake of fire to be consumed. As I sat beside my
father, I saw him pay for anything he had ever done wrong. I saw him pay for
anything any of us had ever done wrong. I know he rests now. I donot question
God, I question the ethics of a physician who took an oath to "first do no
harm" allowing my father to suffer such agony and fear because medication
might cause him to stop breathing. What kind of reasoning is this? Like I
finally told his doctor "set your skinny little butt down in that chair and
watch this man and tell me you are not doing him harm by denying him the
medication he needs to ease his pain." You must hear stories like mine all
the time but my story is special because this was my dad and he was special.
Thanks for listening. SA

-- PART TWO --

Date: Fri, 23 Aug 1996 06:38:17 -0500 (CDT)
From: SA 
To: Bardo
Subject: Re: Your Contribution to the Bardo

Thank you for including my comments. Losing my dad has been a very
difficult experience for me as I am sure it is for most people. Because
Dad was a body doner there was no funeral and the memorial service isn't
until the 7th of Sept. Dad did not want any service but his family is big
on ritual and need some way to express their grief. We are having to have
the service at the nursing home so that our mother can attend. The admin.
is being wonderful in providing us with a room,etc. We will be planting a
tree there on the grounds of the nursing home. I have handled my grief
well except for those times when normal moments of stress suddenly turn
into tears for no reason. My work mates and my husband are very
understanding and are helping me to understand what is happening to me. I
allow myself no regrets because I feel Dad and I made our peace with any
misunderstandings we ever had and he was as sure of my love for him as I
am of his for me. I do wish we had known about Hospice and that they
might have had the authority to give Dad the pain medication he needed
sooner. My sister and brother said not to worry about that because he
wouldn't have got what he did if i hadn't thrown the fit I did with his
doctor. I am having to really struggle againt ill feelings towards that
doctor but I believe "what goes around, comes around" and he hasn't come
to his end yet. Thanks again for allowing me to express my feelings.SA

-- Sharon Andrus . . .
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