By: Adriana B. <>
Tue Feb 16 23:13:50 1999
Jekyll and Hyde in the same casket.
Love versus Miss Rage
By Adriana B.
Age:[ 34 ] Gender:[ F ]

Comments: Despite everything that my father did to me, I am okay now, and not only surviving, but thriving!!! My father would be proud if he valued persistence, determination, honesty, and integrity. I am very loved in this world.

I appreciate the forum to be able to remember my father as he was, instead of the obituaries in the paper that are all lovey-doveyand not real.

This was no Hallmark card of a remembrance, was it?

     In memory of my father, Steve Voynick, of Reno, Nevada.  This is
     the real obituary, and not the kind that avoid the truth.  Dad got
     away with a long list of crimes, for which he never paid until

Dad died on Monday, February 8th, at the age of 79.  For 15 years,
Dad raped me.  The first time, I was in diapers.  I have had to live
the rest of my life with the scars in my soul, because of that.
I have had to live with the flashbacks.  I was the one who had to
duck when large hands came flying out to smack me into next week for
the crime of spilling my milk.   That was my Dad.  I had to live with
knowing and seeing that he did it to my younger sister too.  I had
to live with Dad watching my breasts develop at the tender age of 12,
because I had no power to make him stop devouring me with his eyes.
was the one who had to bear the brunt of all his whippings with belts,
and a 1X4 with my name engraved on it; and he whipped me every time
until he was spent.  I was the one who had to live with my memories
waking me up at night, taking my thoughts away from my academics,
and an endless list of other symptoms, including physical reactions
of an intense variety, to being around men who reminded me 
 of Dad.
I was the one who had to live with Dad driving drunk with me in the
car, scaring my young life right out of me, and leaving me in the
car for hours while he drank on a regular basis at the local tavern.
      I am sure the will won't include me, because I told on him,
      but at least a decade too late for me to get the help I needed
      when I needed it.  He left without an apology.  That will hurt
      me forever.

 The worst of it all though, is that I am left to worry over whether
God decided to have mercy on Him, due to my fervent intercessions.
I hate what my father did to me, but I loved the man anyway. He was
still my daddy. I was able to block everything he did to me out, until
I was an adult.  I remembered when I had my own children, as is common.
I forgave Dad years ago for his violence toward me. He never forgave
me for telling on him, and he never apologized to me for brutalizing
my life, my whole life.  How do I love him? I believe God gives me
help here.  I might have trouble doing it on my own from time to time,
so I just ask Him for help. I hate what my dad did to me, but I don't
hate the man.  He taught me how to bowl, and fish, and play baseball.
He fashioned a gymnastic bar and balance beam for my sister in the
back yard.  He got on his hands and knees when he was 50 and played
"horsie," with me and my sister.  He taught us Turkish dances and
the Pennsylvania polkas.  He knew how to play an accordion by ear,
and an organ too.  He could fix any television if it was revivable. He
fixed any bike on the block. 
     I needed Dad to be accountable for his actions in life, but he
     managed to evade that until after his death.  I will continue
     to pray for his salvation and for God's mercy.  I am not even
     sure why I care, but God gave me an incredibly compassionate
     heart, and that is how I can, and it is probably the "why" also.
     I wrote this account, because no one here on earth held that
     man accountable for anything, and I have to.  I have to bear
     witness to who he was, to the truth.
My whole family, with the exception of my older sister, lives in
Denialville USA, so that compells me further to say in public,
that this is who Steve Voynick was.  He was a chronic alcoholic,
and he was a sex offender, and he was a father who played "horsie,"
and made the best apple strudel and pierogis that I ever tasted.
He was not a monster in general, but he could be when he wanted to.
I have learned from my father's life that no one is 100% bad or good.

 I also learned from this, what my own capacity was to be the person
I most want to be--a woman just like Jesus.  
              With my whole heart, and with no reservations, I beg
              you God, for the afterlife of my father, Steve Voynick,
              to be in Paradise with you.  I ask that my relationship
              with my father be restored in Heaven to me.  It was once
              good, or so I thought.  Maybe there is some semblance
              there, that can be restored.  Even if Dad can't or
              won't apologize to me, I still want him to live forever
              without torture.  Amen.

                 Steve Voynick 1912-99.

	Father of 3; Grandfather of 5; GreatGrandfather of 1.
	Preceded in death by a sister; Survived by 3 sisters.

	He also had other sisters and brothers that he had a difficult 
	time talking about because they were deceased.  

           Steve Voynick will be remembered by this daughter, as a man
           who played horsie, made apple strudel and pierogis, and one
           who had some problems.  I will remember him as my daddy.  

-- Adriana B. . . . [ ]

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