Age:[ 48 ] Gender:[ F ]

	   I had been married to my loving husband Melvin for 25yrs.We had
   nine children,6 boys and 3 girls. Not only was Melvin my husband,
   but my best friend and soulmate.  Melvin was hardly sick a day
   in our lifes, maybe a cold or two. A week before his death he
   started having breathing problems, We both though it was from
   weight gain and melvin getting older. He was 60 yrs. old. We never
   saw the signs.. 

	On June 17,2005,(friday),that night about 11pm. My
   wonderful husband went with our daughter to get some burgers. I
   remember complaing that it was late and he said honey we'll be
   right back. (mind you he was fine all day). 20 minutes after they
   had left, I recieved a call that daddys not breathing that perhaps
   he had a stroke. 

		I jumped into the car to get to where they were
   at and could not find the place, I was praying to God and Jesus
   to not take him, If he had a stroke ,Okay but let him come home. I
   prayed that if I had to wipe his slobber and or change his diaper,
   what ever it took Please do not take him. 

	"I never found them". I recieved another call that he was at the
hospital, I rushed there, But it was too late. My darling, loving
husband Melvin was gone.Melvin had died of a massive heart attack.
It felt like the whole bottom fell out from under me. such an
empty hollow feeling. ripping at my heart, my soul and spirit. 

It was as if I was in a floating dream. Everyone talking sound faded,
As our children gathered at the hospital, For once as their mother I
felt helpless and could not help them. I vagely remember who all was
there. I still hear the girls screaming and crying, I see my oldest son
trying to pull our second oldest son, his brother off his dead daddy,
as he threw everything around the hospital room from anger hurt and
pain. One daughbter holding on to her daddys leg as she threw up on
the floor. Its been 4 months now and still I feel hollow, A part of
me is gone. I went through panic attacks, no sleep and not wanting
to eat.  

	This is the most awful thing to go through. Because believe
me theres no getting around it. They wanted to put me on pills and
see a shrink. No way did I feel the it would help and still don't.
A few days after loosing Melvin I was alone in my room and something
(Jesus) had me pick up my bible. I hadn't read it for years, even
though we would occassionally go to church. I started looking to
see if my husband made it to heaven and came across the verse in
matthew that says that "A man leaves his father and mother and takes
a wife,and that they become one in the flesh and the spirit and for
that let no man seperate", Upon reading this I came to realize why
I am feeling so lost and empty. When my husband went to the Lord a
part of my spirit went with him. It hasn't given me rest but it help
me to understand what I'm feeling, I still feel like I've walked to
the end of the block and now that I'm at the cornor I do not know
what direction to turn in. The only comfort I get is my prayers and
reading the bible and knowing what the Lord wants and his promise
to us who follow is words. At least I can say its toilerable. 

All of this has changed my life for ever. Our youngest child graduated
from high school 4 days before his dad passed on and then 
 2 months
after melvins death this same youngest son went into the Marines,
(His dad signed the papers for our son to go before he had died.) I'm
48yrs. old and feel like all has been riped from me. But I thank
God yhat we have loving memories and knowing that melvin loved his
children and me so very much. He was such a happy guy and there was
not a person who met melvin that did not like him, Melvin did not care
what walk of life a person came from or who they were if they needed
help he always offered and always had a smile on his face. 

One thing I'm certain of is that My Melvin did make it and is in heaven 
in the arms of Jesus and our Lord God. He's happy and fine. It is us who is
suffering down here. If you ever have stayed the night away from home,
hotel ,friend ect.. You sleep but you do not feel really comfortable,
like if you were in your own bed. The same applies with us here on
earth, in this world we are not settled and at peace because we are not
from here we are not home. We came from heaven, that is our home with
the Father and our loved ones. and to get there, we need to love God
and Jesus with all our heart and all our might and follow his words
and examples.   I Love you my loving husband for all eternity. 

I am certain that you are waiting for me with open arms as well as Jesus
and Thy Father.. Honey we all are trying to do the best we can its
so hard without you..So its just one day at a time.. theres nothing
else I can do. Oh I've though of killing myself, But because our
bodies do not belong to use but to God it is a sin to kill yourself,
and I would certainly go to hell and never get to Heaven to be with
Jesus and the Lord, or ever see you again.

There is nothing or no one that is going to stop me from getting 
home to heaven.  Just the hope of seeing you one day again keeps 
me going. Baby I know the Lord left me here and did not take me 
with you that he has  some purpose for me, I wish he would show me 
what it is. I pray on it, But see no purpose yet. 

Babe can you ask in Jesus name for him to come to me and let me
know? Also do you think Jesus and God would let you visit me in some
of my dreams? as you know I've only had the one I could remember, The
one where you came and told me how heaven looked and you were okay.

 I've learned through this that tomorrow is not promised and it all can
 be taken away in a wink of an eye.. All my eternal Love forever Melvin