By: Mando <>
Mon Mar 6 14:17:28 2006
My Dad
The loneliness is over
By Mando
Location: Montebello CA US

Age:[ 55 ] Gender:[ M ]

My mom rested in enternal peace on Oct. 20, 2001. Not a day went by after that day, that my dad did 
not lament her loss. It became an obsession with him, as he built a little shrine to hold her urn 
with ashes. There were momentos of her throughout the house. He also kept a diary of every day he 
missed her, he reminded himself on the calendar by indicating another year without her. In his van 
he kept her hairbrush and hairspray on the side of the counsole as she had left it. In the rear view 
mirror you could see a decal he had placed in the back window, of Betty Boop, she was his Betty 

The weekend of the 28th of January 2006 my dad became ill was treated and went home. The following 
Tuesday he had flu like symptoms and was again admitted. My brother called me on the 2nd of Feb. and 
told me to come home, dad was not looking good. I had already felt in my heart that his time was 
near, he was 77 years old.

My son-in-law and I drove from West Texas to Los Angeles, when I closed my eyes I could see him 
lying in a hospital bed, sick. When we arrived at the hospital I saw him as I had seen him in my 
mind, he was under distress, pain, and disoriented, he recognized me briefly. When we asked the 
doctors how sick he was, they told us he was beyound critical, he was terminal with respiratory 
failure and heart failure. They said they could operate on his lung to get the ball of mucus out but 
it was less than a 50/50 chance of recovery.

My brother and discussed his last wishes which were no operations, DNR. We thought it over for a day 
and decided to place him in hospice at the hospital on Feb. 3. I stayed with him during the days, my 
aunts would stay with him at night. Dad was comfortable, although he would only come to every once 
in awhile and only for short times. He recognized his brother and sisters that came to see him. My 
brother was taking it very hard, he was the one that had taken care of him since mom passed.

Dad gave my brother many hints that he was getting ready to leave this earth, but my brother either 
did not listen or could not cope with this reality.

My thoughts and feelings during the twelve days he was in hospice were many. One was "Did we do 
every thing possible? Should we have operated? Did we do the right thing?" These were also my 
brother's thoughts. I told my brother, this was his wish. Dad also had severe spinal arthritis, with 
daily pain. I know he did not want to be in a wheel chair the last years of his life, this would've 
been more torture for him, I am at peace with this decision.

On the weekend of the 12th of Feb. he started to show the last stages of life. We brought a CD 
player and played his favorite music. On Sunday the 12th my borther and I stayed with him thorugh 
the day and night, at 1:00AM my brother slept until 3:00AM, then I slept until he woke me at 5:00AM. 
My brohter said, "Dad's barely breathing..." I went to his side, cleaned his face from the mucus and 
told him, " Dad you can go now and be with mom, don't worry about anything..." At about 5:30AM he 
stopped breathing, I called the nurse. The nurse said, " I can't pronounce him yet, feel right 
here..." I placed my hand over his diaphram and felt his heart still beating weakly. It was almost 
6:00AM when I felt his last three heart beats and he finally rested in peace.

No one can prepare for all of this. It is the hardest and saddest thing I have ever done. I wasn't 
there when my mom passed, my brother was not at her side when she passed. For dad we were both 

My aunt explain this experienced in this manner, there is so much anticipation prior to a birth, 
while we know the day is coming we do not know the exact date or time. As with death there is also 
so much anticipation, we know it is coming, but do not know the exact day or time. 

-- Mando <>

Mon Mar 6 14:17:28 2006
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