By: brenda J McDonald Thu Jun 24 14:34:00 1999
By brenda J McDonald
Location: Tulsa OK US

Age:[ 46 ] Gender:[ F ]

	Why?Why?Why? God Only Knows!

On April 22, 1996 Joe called me to see if I had a key to our brothers house. 
I said Aleta does, our baby sister.  Joe said I am over to Aleta's house now,
she is at work Tony and I are getting ready to go to her job and get the key . 
What's wrong ?  Joe replies, I was at Neal's house tinkering around with my
second car and Neal's neighbor came out and said the police had been by Monday
saying they had a call from this address and everything seemed to be in order
and they left.  The neighbor also replied, that he had not seen the TV light
on since Sunday.  My brother see my brothers pickup is parked in the yard and
he knows if the pickup is at home Neal is also at home.

     Joe and I hang up the phone while he goes to Aleta's job to get
     Neal's house key.  Joe said he would call me when he got the
     key and went over to Neal's.  Mean while I call my other brother
     Benjamin and relate the story to him and he says yes Joe called
     him.  Benjamin and I decide to go to Neal's house and break in.  

When Benjamin and I get to Neal's house, the police are already there.

We get out of the car and they come toward us and wants to know who we are?

We identify ourselves and ask if our brother is in the house?  One officer's
face was kind and readble and I asked, "IS HE IN THERE, IS HE DEAD?" AND

NEAL is a single, african american male, 30 years of age, no children, and a
college student within 3 hrs of having an accounting major, was gainfully
employed for eleven years until three months prior to his death.  

Neal wrote letters to our mother which was mailed on Sunday and was not
received until after his death , his bestfriend, and the girl he loved.

To this day I can not believe this , My family has never been the same and
life has never been the same.  My mother was a diabetic and since this
incident became worst and I believe gave up her will to live.  Mama died April
15, 1997 seven days short of a year of our brothers death.

I lost all will to live, I hated God because I knew he could have stopped it
because he is all powerful.  And I blamed God .  Plus I had been taught if you
commit sucide you would definitely "GO TO HELL" .  

Today is June 24, 1999 it has been over three years since my brothers death
and over two years since my mothers death.  

And today I can stand in faith knowing it was not God that did this to my
brother and God is all powerful and any life or anything good we receive in
life is through the grace of God and we are not owed anything.

God, also let me know my brother is saved and in heaven he gave me the parable
of the men working in the vineyard starting early in the morning for a penny a
day.  And when others were hired near the end of the day for the same price
the others were angry. The others received the blessing for more time and
receive their pay also.

"Let the will of God be done in your life and know no matter what God Is In

-- brenda J McDonald . . . [ ]

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